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♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,926
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,471
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:19,228
- Son, when you're young
and dating in New York,
5
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,855
friend groups can become
pretty incestuous.
6
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,066
Now, this is kind of a spoiler,
7
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,735
but by the time I turned 40,
8
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,947
I had kissed literally all of my friends.
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00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,490
SOPHIE'S SON [phone]:
Oh, Mom.
10
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,993
- Please. Your theater camp pals
were just as horny
11
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,162
and way less hot.
12
00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,540
And when things get weird enough,
sometimes,
13
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,417
you have to hit the reset button.
14
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,212
SOPHIE'S SON:
Wait. You even kissed Aunt Ellen?
15
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,841
Did... I... stutter?
16
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,219
- I still can't believe
someone bought my photo.
17
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,554
Pinch me, Naomi!
18
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,305
No.
19
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,725
The couple that bought it wants
to have you over
20
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,061
to their penthouse for dinner tonight
to hear about the piece.
21
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,689
Oh, my God. Do I just, like, sell art
22
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,316
and go to penthouses now? What is my life?
23
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,111
This is how careers start, Sophie.
24
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,738
The buyers brag to their rich friends
about meeting you.
25
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,032
Those rich friends want to buy your work,
and boom.
26
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,410
You're at the Met Gala
wearing a bird's nest as a hat.
27
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,287
Okay, are there actual birds in the hat?
28
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Of course.
29
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,665
They'll parody it on SNL.
30
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:22,666
[happy sigh]
31
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,502
That's gonna be so embarrassing.
32
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,881
- Oh, and they want you
to bring your model to dinner.
33
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,675
Cool. We're in.
34
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,551
I'm out!
35
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,847
Rich strangers summoning two unsuspecting
fools to their towers?
36
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,433
The start of no less than,
like, five horror movies.
37
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,603
- Please. Th-they just wanna
ask us some questions.
38
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,147
- Oh, you mean exactly like
the plot of The Questioning?
39
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:48,734
- It's gonna be super fun.
They have a really nice penthouse...
40
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:52,446
- Hm, like Vera Farmiga and
Pablo Schreiber in The Penthouse.
41
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,780
You ever heard of a book, bro?
42
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,157
Oh, yeah! Like you've read a book.
43
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,992
Oh, I own several.
44
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:57,993
- Uh-huh.
45
00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,329
- The point is...
- Mm-hmm?
46
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,040
This could be big for my career.
47
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,626
And friends help each other out.
48
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,295
And that's what we are.
Friends. We're totally friends.
49
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,922
- The fact you keep
repeating we're friends
50
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,507
makes me think
we're actually mortal enemies.
51
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,842
- I know that things are weird
between us right now,
52
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,178
but if I have any points left with you,
53
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,473
I'd like to cash them in.
54
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:22,726
[sighs]
55
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,978
Fine. Fine. I'll go.
56
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,316
- For safety.
- You're not bringing that.
57
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,193
- You're right. It would totally
just get used against me.
58
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:32,694
[drops knife]
59
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,447
And I'm pretty sure that's everything.
60
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,367
- I didn't realize I kept
so much stuff here. What's in this?
61
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:41,161
Uh, your air fryer and the cat toys
62
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,247
that you play with when you're on shrooms.
[giggles]
63
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,958
- Ooh, it's fun when
I'm not on shrooms, too.
64
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,125
[door opens]
65
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,920
- Rachel and I have
a reservation for four at Bar Pacifica,
66
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,672
but her friends just bailed
because they got
67
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,007
last-minute tickets to
Flubber: The Musical.
68
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:57,052
♪ Just when things couldn't be bleaker ♪
69
00:02:57,052 --> 00:03:00,639
♪ I made my best friend in a beaker ♪
70
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,725
♪ Flubber, I love... ♪
71
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,395
- Lin-Manuel Miranda
really needs to learn how to say no.
72
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,314
Wait, you got into Bar Pacifica?
73
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,941
If I find a date, can I come?
74
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,861
- Oh. You're ready
to get back out there, are you?
75
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,363
Very cool? Fun.
76
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,991
- Do you really think
you can get a date by tonight?
77
00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:19,908
- [beep]
- Got one!
78
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,495
- Wonderful. You know,
I actually also have that app.
79
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,622
[scoffs] No.
80
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,666
Yeah. As if.
81
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,959
Eh, she'll do.
82
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:29,960
Sweetie, that's my phone.
83
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,338
♪
84
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:37,217
- Okay. So, in two weeks,
you come see me,
85
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,927
which will cost us...
86
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,639
- Everything we have to our name.
- Let's just try miles.
87
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,434
We have enough miles for...
88
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:48,854
a subscription to
Delta's in-flight magazine.
89
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,064
- Ooh, wait. Is that my boy Josh Groban?
Good for him.
90
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,276
Landing the cover of Sky Magazine.
Nice.
91
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,612
- I knew we shouldn't have
spent money on that banner.
92
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,906
SID:
Hm...
93
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,783
Hey, lovebirds!
94
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,452
Good news.
95
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,747
I have found a lovely woman on an app
96
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,081
to go out with tonight.
97
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,041
- Okay!
- Wow!
98
00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:11,043
- Care to come with me
and make it a double?
99
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,128
- Oh.
- Thanks, man, but we're, like,
100
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:15,631
deep in long-distance
relationship logistics.
101
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:18,383
I'm not just casually asking, am I?
I am begging.
102
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:23,055
Please. I am hanging on
by an emotional thread right now,
103
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,807
and a one-on-one dinner
with a complete stranger might break me.
104
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,227
What if she doesn't ask me any questions?
105
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,978
What if she asks me too many questions?
106
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,898
What if her answers to my questions
aren't in the form of a question?
107
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,193
- Okay, fine. We'll come.
- Brilliant! Thank you so much.
108
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:38,111
Oh, my God. Is that Josh Groban?
He looks fantastic.
109
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,365
♪
110
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Hello!
111
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,953
You must be Sophie, the artiste.
112
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,497
- Hm.
- That is me, isn't it? [giggles]
113
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:51,250
That would make you Jesse, the model.
114
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,293
And that would make you...
115
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,504
Warren, the rich guy.
116
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:58,006
[laughing]
117
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I am so rich.
118
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,760
Please, come in.
[Jesse clears throat]
119
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:07,182
And this lovely woman
carrying the tray of bison carpaccio
120
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:09,476
- is my wife, Megan.
- Welcome.
121
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,728
Let me know
if you need a bib for the blood.
122
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:16,024
- I'm sorry,
is-is that a-a platter of raw meat?
123
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:19,361
- Yes. The mouth-feel is so...
124
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,489
Mm. Wet and sensual.
125
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:25,617
- Yeah, um, th-that's, uh--
- So interesting!
126
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,369
- We'd love to try some.
- I'm good.
127
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,329
Yeah, at trying new things. [laughs]
128
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,873
[quietly]:
Eat the bison, man.
129
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,962
WARREN: Hm?
MEGAN: Hm.
130
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,381
- Oh!
- Wow!
131
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,383
- [mouth full]:
It's... just like sushi.
132
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,845
But with more veins.
133
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,723
- Way more veins.
- Mm-hmm.
134
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:51,101
The chunky bits are actually cartilage.
135
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:54,980
You know what?
Why don't I whip up
136
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,232
you menfolk some Manhattans?
137
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:58,525
Oh!
138
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,110
I better go supervise,
139
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,778
make sure she doesn't screw anything up.
140
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:03,947
Women. [laughing]
141
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,866
[forced laughter]
142
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,705
[spitting, gasping]
143
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,707
Ah! Ah!
144
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:17,961
Ah! This is so much worse
than The Penthouse.
145
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,380
This is The Penthouse Chapter 2:
The Penthousening.
146
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,590
Is that even a real movie?
147
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:24,259
Nikki Hilton was in it, so... no.
148
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:27,679
Okay. I know this is a little odd.
149
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:30,015
Okay? But, w-we have to be nice
to these people, alright?
150
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:33,060
Because after tonight,
I am gonna be one step closer
151
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,478
to owning a bird hat.
152
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:37,105
- Okay, first of all, there's no way
a hat would stay on a bird.
153
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,192
Secondly, we need
to get out of here, okay?
154
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:43,612
Because Warren and Megan
are clearly cannibals.
155
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,489
No, they're not.
156
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:46,990
They're eccentric.
157
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,825
Yeah, that's probably what this guy said
158
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,286
right before we got turned
into an amuse-bouche.
159
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:54,206
♪
160
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,875
- Hi.
Here for a reservation under Charlie.
161
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,547
Hi. I'm Hannah. This is my husband, Sid.
162
00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:04,842
- You must be Alice?
- Yes. Pleasure.
163
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,593
Do you know if they give you
free bread here?
164
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,054
Probably...
165
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,098
- [quietly]:
Famous last words.
166
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,893
- [laughs] Hey, so t-tell us
about yourself, Alice.
167
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,270
Like, what do you-- what do you do?
168
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,939
- Oh. Uh, so I run
an airline rewards program.
169
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,525
Hand out miles, change blackout dates.
170
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:25,445
I'm basically Wizard of Oz of the sky.
Who's behind the curtain? Me.
171
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,824
I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking
about this bread thing.
172
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:34,037
- Oh, my God.
She's the answer to all our problems.
173
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:37,374
She and Charlie start dating.
She becomes part of the crew.
174
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,793
She gives us all those sweet, sweet miles.
175
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,421
- Mm. Bam. Love that.
[clink]
176
00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:43,964
- One problem.
- Hm?
177
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,342
She is... really weird.
178
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,429
No, she isn't. She's amazing.
179
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,598
You hear me? She's amazing.
180
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:53,599
Oh.
181
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,642
Okay.
182
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,769
Hey, guys.
183
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,731
What?
184
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,482
Oh, is this too much?
185
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,276
Oh, what am I talking about?
Of course, it's too much.
186
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,862
No one in this godforsaken country
wears suits.
187
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,906
Look, I think tonight was a mistake.
188
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,158
I'm not ready, so if you can
just tell her that I'm sorry--
189
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,577
- I am not telling her sorry.
I am telling you
190
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,037
congratulations, Charlie.
191
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,955
'Cause we just met Alice,
192
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,208
and she is... wow.
193
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,126
- Really?
- Wow!
194
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,171
Yeah. She is a triumph of a woman.
195
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,589
Ooh!
196
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:26,590
Oh.
197
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,801
I'm not sharing. Finders keepers.
198
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:36,558
- Your photograph spoke to us
on a very deep level.
199
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,601
Oh! [scoffs]
200
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,729
What can I say? That's what I do.
201
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,731
Because it featured Jesse.
202
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,817
- What?
- Rolling up your sleeves,
203
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,027
fixing that car.
204
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,779
The way the light
205
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,198
hit your forearms, it was just so...
206
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,409
- [meows, giggles]
- Hi! [nervous laugh] Hi.
207
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,453
We just had to see you in person,
208
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,497
and you do not disappoint.
209
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,040
[nervous laughter]
210
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,376
- You are the perfect example
of the American male.
211
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,087
- [clears throat] To Jesse.
- To Jesse.
212
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,797
And Sophie!
213
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:07,798
Yay!
214
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:12,427
- Sure. Congratulations on capturing
what it means to be...
215
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,639
a real man. [clicks tongue]
216
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,016
[nervous laughter]
217
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,936
JESSE:
Hm... Hm... Hm...
218
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,896
- [quietly]: So I don't think
they want to eat us.
219
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,147
They wanna bang us.
220
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,148
Us?
221
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,442
You.
222
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,278
♪
223
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:35,909
♪
224
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,369
ALL:
Table for Ellen.
225
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,579
RACHEL/VALENTINA:
Jinx.
226
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:40,747
Jinx again.
227
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,584
Triple jinx!
[all laugh]
228
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,961
- This is going better
than I could have ever imagined!
229
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:49,214
Look at us! Three gals, out on the town.
230
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,049
Just jinxing like no one's watching.
231
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,509
Oh look! There's my date!
232
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,304
- Val's date that night
was completely forgettable.
233
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:59,099
I don't remember what he looked like
or what his name was.
234
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,601
So, we'll just call him Rando.
235
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,270
Everyone, this is Rando.
236
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,605
How long have you guys been together?
237
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,733
- Ten seconds. I just got
out of a serious relationship,
238
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,860
but I move on fast 'cause I'm an Aries.
239
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,112
[giggles] Yeah, right.
240
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,573
- W-what's funny about that?
241
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,743
- Oh. I-I thought you were kidding.
242
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:19,620
You don't really believe
in that nonsense, right?
243
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,624
- If by "that nonsense,"
you mean my birth chart,
244
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:26,668
beautifully drawn
by my psychic Madame Deborah?
245
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:29,129
Yeah, I do.
246
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,631
[nervous laugh] Uh,
247
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,133
I guess because I'm studying
to be a psychologist,
248
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,219
I just believe in real science.
249
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,388
New topic!
250
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:42,142
Let's all say our favorite
Arnold Schwarzenegger films.
251
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,393
I'll start.
252
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,729
I haven't seen any. Val?
253
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,065
A psychologist, huh?
254
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:51,443
So, you're what Madame Deborah would call
"a head-shrinking wackjob."
255
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:55,239
- Hey... Remember
when you guys triple-jinxed?
256
00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:58,200
That was such a great memory. Huh?
257
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,744
Back at the host stand?
258
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,788
Okay, so I'm gonna sprint home.
259
00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:04,206
No, no, no! You can't leave now.
260
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,999
They're just putting out dinner.
[sighs]
261
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,292
Just give me one more hour.
262
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:10,045
- Thirty minutes. And afterwards,
you're buying me a slice of pizza.
263
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:13,048
- Fine.
- And a... small Coke?
264
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,217
- Sure.
- Still got it.
265
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,677
- Jesse!
- Uh-huh?
266
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:17,678
Before we eat,
267
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:20,305
Megan and I would love to give you
a tour of the house.
268
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,307
- Great. I'd love to see
where you hung my photo,
269
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,268
and maybe point out some spots
where others could go.
270
00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,979
- Oh, no talking on this tour.
Except for you, Jesse.
271
00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,438
You can speak.
272
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,775
You can say anything. Anything.
273
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,947
Short Line, Chance, Park Place,
274
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:40,701
Luxury Tax, Boardwalk,
and that brings us back to Go.
275
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:41,952
Wow.
276
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,663
You really memorized
the entire Monopoly board!
277
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,373
[laughs]
Isn't that cool, Charlie?
278
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,875
Yeah, I suppose so.
279
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,626
You're like a genius.
280
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,211
Do you have a photographic memory?
281
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,629
Oh, no.
282
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,340
I just, uh, really made it a priority.
283
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,011
Uh-oh. Anybody see
where the ladies' room is?
284
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,138
These banana daiquiris
are going straight through me.
285
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,017
- You and me both, girlfriend.
I'll go with you.
286
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,394
Boys, order us two more 'nana daqs.
287
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,105
- I hope we get stalls
right next to each other.
288
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,067
I have to be honest,
289
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,862
I'm not quite seeing what you
and Hannah is seeing in Alice.
290
00:12:16,862 --> 00:12:19,406
Yeah, well, that's just ridiculous
291
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,159
because you guys got so much in common.
You're both...
292
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,327
right-handed.
293
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,829
- Actually, I'm left-handed.
294
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:28,874
Mother forced me to be right-handed
because she said the devil was in me.
295
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:31,418
Still counts. Garçon!
296
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,753
Four banana daiquiris.
297
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:36,173
And here it is, Jesse. Your photo.
298
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,259
I record all of my content in here,
299
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,512
and it makes the perfect backdrop.
300
00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:43,847
Ooh. What's your content about?
301
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,683
- If I had to boil it down,
I'd say it's about
302
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,145
how men in this country are under attack.
303
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:55,776
- A-a-and by under attack, you mean...
304
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,028
There's a war against men.
305
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:00,072
A men-ocide, if you will.
306
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,698
I subscribe.
307
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,618
I-I mean, I would subscribe if
I was allowed to have a phone. [laughs]
308
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,912
♪
309
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,043
- Have you ever considered
that maybe you hate therapy
310
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,295
because you're scared
what you'd learn about yourself?
311
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,006
- Have you ever considered
that you're becoming a therapist
312
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,842
because you wanna get paid
for lying on a couch?
313
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,051
The patients lie on the couch.
314
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,303
- Oh, like you're never gonna
lie on the couch.
315
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,221
BOTH:
Ellen!
316
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:25,889
Jinx?
317
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,601
Whose team are you on?
318
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,812
Are you Team Science with your girlfriend,
319
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:34,940
or are you Team Star Magic with Valentina
320
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,942
and her street psychic Deborah?
321
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,362
- It's Madame Deborah,
and she has a tent!
322
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,948
Whose side are you on?
323
00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:45,909
Um... Side...
324
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,453
[Ellen mumbling]
325
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,206
- Who are we kidding?
She's never gonna be able to decide.
326
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,834
Look at this table!
She ordered one of everything.
327
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,920
- Oh, I know.
I made her choose a movie last night,
328
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,424
and we ended up watching a YouTube video
on how to decide what to watch.
329
00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:03,552
[laughs] Classic Ellen.
330
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:06,597
Yeah! I did do that!
331
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:07,848
I can't pick for shit!
332
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,810
[laughter]
Quick! What else don't we like about me?
333
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,439
Alright. Who's hungry?
334
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,691
- Uh, we will be right in.
I'm just gonna take
335
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,484
a quick photo of Jesse
336
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,612
with his picture to...
337
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:23,030
celebrate his manhood.
338
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,032
- Right. If she can figure out
how to use the flash,
339
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:26,867
this... woman.
[laughter]
340
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,786
- [laughing]
- That's a good one...
341
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,831
BOTH:
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
342
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,333
Google him, google him, google him.
343
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:39,588
- [high-pitched]:
Ow! Outer space is hurting my period!
344
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,257
[normal]:
After the break,
345
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:45,135
is wiping your butt gay?
346
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,514
- That explains the smell.
- Oh.
347
00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:51,350
We really should have
put this together sooner.
348
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,269
- You are the perfect example
of the American male.
349
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,563
Women! [laughs]
350
00:14:57,064 --> 00:15:00,234
I am a prominent leader
in the Men's Rights movement.
351
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:01,235
Really?
352
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:03,904
Okay, the last one was on me.
353
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,697
All I could think about
was how loud my crunching was.
354
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:08,075
[scoffs]
I can't believe that my photo
355
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,410
is the face of the Men's Rights movement.
356
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,247
Okay, well, my face is the actual face.
357
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:14,248
So what are we gonna do?
358
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:16,625
- Okay, the way I see it,
we have two options.
359
00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:19,253
- Okay.
- Option one, we start a podcast
360
00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:21,046
combating Warren's disinformation,
361
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,966
while also giving our hot takes
on celebrity hairstyles.
362
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,592
Here are mine. Shawn Mendes, wig.
363
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,593
Tom Holland, wig.
364
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,596
Jason Statham.
[scoffs] Bald cap!
365
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,098
What's option two?
366
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,058
- I'm gonna distract them.
You grab my photo.
367
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,935
Okay, I pick that one. Alright?
368
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,019
Do you think I'm wearing a wig?
369
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,064
- I don't know. I've never seen it wet.
- Unbelievable.
370
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,858
♪
371
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,693
She brings her own toilet seat cover.
372
00:15:42,693 --> 00:15:44,319
Yeah. It's reusable.
373
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,738
How cool is that?
374
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,700
- So, Alice...
[soft music playing]
375
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,202
What do you like to do for fun?
376
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,997
Uh, well, um...
377
00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:57,291
I really like dancing.
378
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,754
Oh!
379
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:06,341
- Okay!
- [laughs] Oh yeah! Oh, get it, girl!
380
00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:09,928
[Alice and Hannah muttering, laughing]
381
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,221
No, I cannot do this anymore.
382
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:14,349
I'm sorry. Alice, I'm not ready
to date anyone right now.
383
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,145
And, to be honest with you,
even if I was...
384
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,523
I'm not sure that you
and I are a good fit.
385
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,483
- Charlie...
- And I just don't understand
386
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,736
why you want me and Alice
to work so badly.
387
00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:29,198
- Oh. [scoffs]
Yeah, uh, he's after my miles.
388
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:32,367
Yeah, I-I could sense it
the second that we met.
389
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,578
Is that true?
390
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,123
Wow.
391
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:40,375
Pimping me out for miles.
392
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,085
How do you sleep at night?
393
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,296
Yeah. How do you?
394
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,675
- Look, it's fine.
It happens to me all the time. [laughs]
395
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,261
Yeah, anyway, at least tonight
wasn't a total waste.
396
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:53,972
'Cause I met my new best friend.
397
00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:56,725
Yeah, you did.
398
00:16:57,893 --> 00:16:59,561
Bathroom sisters for life.
399
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,605
- Yeah!
- Alice? Let's roll.
400
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,358
Yeah, we will. [laughs]
401
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,484
You wanna play Yahtzee at mine?
402
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:07,236
- Yes!
- Thank God, I hope I get a Yahtzee.
403
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,489
♪
404
00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:12,407
Hey, Warren.
405
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,952
You have inspired me.
406
00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:16,161
I have decided
407
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,289
to set aside my silly career
408
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:22,459
and focus all of my energy
on finding a husband
409
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:23,752
who can tell me what to do.
410
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:27,840
- That is the smartest thing
I've ever heard a woman say.
411
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:31,176
You have got to be
the next guest on my podcast.
412
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:34,972
Now, of course, all female guests
are required to wear bikinis, but...
413
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:37,015
you're cool with that, right?
414
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:40,018
- Absolutely! I would love
to put on a swimsuit
415
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,979
and tell other women
to quit their jobs!
416
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:44,022
See? You just get it.
417
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,067
And I love that you're
figuring it out this young.
418
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,653
Before I met Warren, I wasted years
419
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,405
as the mayor of Baltimore.
420
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:53,782
What?
421
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,451
You were mayor?
422
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,871
And now, you just...
423
00:17:58,871 --> 00:18:01,582
plate raw meat
for this little bitch?
424
00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:02,583
What?
425
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,501
Sorry, Warren, but you're a joke.
426
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:05,502
[laughs]
427
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:09,047
I mean, men are up to their
thick, hairy necks in rights,
428
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:12,551
and Jesse is not
the perfect masculine man.
429
00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:16,555
He can't even figure out how to
get that picture off your wall. Look.
430
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:22,102
- This is so disappointing.
Get that photo out of my house!
431
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,478
I'm trying!
432
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,899
And to think we almost had sex with you.
433
00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:27,900
Both of us?
434
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,860
- No!
- No! Just him!
435
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,278
That's what I thought...
436
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,237
♪
437
00:18:35,908 --> 00:18:38,577
- Come on.
What else do I do that's silly?
438
00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:40,329
Ellen, we've been doing this forever.
439
00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:43,207
- Can we talk about something else?
- No.
440
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:44,875
This is a thing
that we all enjoy talking about,
441
00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:46,502
and we will do it
until it's time to go home.
442
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:50,047
Okay, I-I'll do one. Uh...
443
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,382
before, when we were fighting,
444
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,926
my heart was beating so fast,
445
00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:56,136
I thought I was gonna pass out.
446
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,639
[laughing]
447
00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:01,725
Ellen, is that really how you felt?
448
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:04,686
- I mean, k-kind of.
449
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,899
- It sounds like you have
some really big feelings
450
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:11,235
around conflict that you need to unpack.
451
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:13,362
Yeah. Seriously, El.
452
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:16,240
Have you ever considered talking
to a psycholog...
453
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,908
[stretches out word]
454
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,453
- Ha!
- Okay, fine.
455
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:24,289
Some people have stuff that
can't be fixed by Madame Deborah.
456
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,582
Thank you.
457
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,501
This is so fun!
458
00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:28,502
Who?
459
00:19:30,546 --> 00:19:32,756
Rachel, Ellen, and Valentina
460
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:35,425
never hung out as a trio again.
461
00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:38,011
But, on the upside, that night,
462
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,139
Ellen went online
and found herself a therapist.
463
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:45,686
I'll tell you how I screwed
that up for her another time.
464
00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:50,190
[quiet bar chatter]
465
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,359
♪ soft music ♪
466
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,861
Hey. Uh...
467
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,029
Sorry about before.
468
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,866
We acted like selfish jerks.
469
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:02,035
And to make up for it,
we want you to have this.
470
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,539
It's the perfect first-date outfit
471
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,833
for when you're actually ready
to get back out there.
472
00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:09,960
- Mm-hmm.
Dressy shirts show that you care,
473
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,629
a pair of jeans so you don't look
like you're trying too hard,
474
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:15,674
and a pair of tighty-whities because,
brother, I know you can pull it off.
475
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,676
[laughs] Well, thank you.
476
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:20,721
Wait, what happened
after you left with Alice?
477
00:20:22,306 --> 00:20:24,850
- I got enough miles
for the next few months.
478
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:26,977
Don't ask me how.
479
00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:28,520
No, go on. How?
480
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,397
She said don't ask her how!
481
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,525
Did we just eat raw bison
482
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:36,528
to appease the leader
of the Men's Rights movement?
483
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,906
I'm not ready to talk about the bison.
484
00:20:38,906 --> 00:20:41,200
Hey, to be fair, we don't know
that he's their leader.
485
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,452
You know, there might be
somebody above him, and then...
486
00:20:43,452 --> 00:20:45,245
maybe you can
sell your photo to that guy.
487
00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:48,957
[laughs] Okay.
488
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,376
I'm definitely not getting
a bird hat off of tonight.
489
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,669
No.
490
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:56,215
- But we work well together.
As friends.
491
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,011
- [clears throat]
Yeah, I-I couldn't agree more.
492
00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:02,971
[giggles]
493
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,599
- [clears throat]
Hey, so if-if I had known,
494
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,809
uh, you were
gonna come back that night,
495
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,394
I wouldn't have called Meredith.
496
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:11,897
The thing is--
497
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:13,315
Jesse, just stop. It's...
498
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,817
I get it.
499
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:19,112
She's the love of your life, and...
500
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:22,282
you've gotta give it a shot.
501
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:25,244
And that's how we hit the reset button.
502
00:21:25,953 --> 00:21:28,247
[both laugh softly]
503
00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:29,790
Sort of.
504
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:32,459
[phone buzzing]
505
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,336
- [clears throat]
Uh, this is Meredith.
506
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:36,046
You mind if I take this
before we get on the subway?
507
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,006
No problem. Yeah, I'll wait.
508
00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:39,716
♪ Virginia by The Head and the Heart ♪
509
00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,553
♪ December won't be so forgiving ♪
510
00:21:43,846 --> 00:21:45,097
[clears throat]
511
00:21:45,097 --> 00:21:46,974
♪ I'm haunted by a ghost ♪
512
00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:49,935
♪ Of you and my past colliding ♪
513
00:21:49,935 --> 00:21:51,937
No! No! Wait!
514
00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:55,691
SOPHIE'S SON:
But if you lost the photo, how did it end up back here?
515
00:21:55,691 --> 00:21:58,694
Ah. A story for another time, kid.
516
00:21:58,694 --> 00:22:00,863
But trust me, I will get to it.
517
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,158
- Hey.
- Hey. How was your night?
518
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,243
Eh.
519
00:22:06,243 --> 00:22:08,829
I found out I sold my photo
to a hatemonger,
520
00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:10,581
and then a taxi drove away with it.
521
00:22:10,581 --> 00:22:13,208
So, the usual. How about you?
522
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:15,335
Same. The usual.
523
00:22:17,838 --> 00:22:19,673
Rando!
524
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:24,511
Damn!
525
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:25,762
What is your secret?
526
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:29,391
How are you able to move on
from Charlie so fast?
527
00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:32,019
I always bounce back quickly with guys.
528
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:35,397
- Charlie isn't just a guy.
You were in love with him.
529
00:22:36,857 --> 00:22:39,443
- [sighs]
Okay, fine.
530
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:41,236
The truth is I realized something.
531
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,197
Charlie and I are gonna end up together.
532
00:22:43,197 --> 00:22:44,781
- Really?
- Yeah.
533
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,783
I mean, sure, we want
different things right now,
534
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:48,285
but life is long,
535
00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:51,079
and eventually, somehow, it'll work out.
536
00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:53,749
- So, you're not worried
about him meeting someone else?
537
00:22:53,749 --> 00:22:55,042
No.
538
00:22:55,042 --> 00:22:57,169
Besides, if I know Charlie,
539
00:22:57,169 --> 00:22:59,588
it's gonna be a long time
before he gets back out there.
540
00:23:01,882 --> 00:23:03,342
FUTURE SOPHIE:
But little did Val know,
541
00:23:03,342 --> 00:23:07,137
someone else was hitting
his own reset button.
542
00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,891
♪ But I can feel her heart
beating for me, baby ♪
543
00:23:12,643 --> 00:23:14,645
Hi. I'm Charlie.
544
00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,857
♪ Virginia don't sound like she used to ♪
545
00:23:18,857 --> 00:23:21,735
♪ Virginia don't feel like she used to ♪
546
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:25,280
♪ But I can feel her heart
beating for me, baby ♪
547
00:23:26,365 --> 00:23:28,784
♪ I know her heart's
beating for me, yeah ♪
548
00:23:28,784 --> 00:23:30,786
♪
549
00:23:36,542 --> 00:23:39,419
♪ I can feel her heart beating
for me, baby ♪
550
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,840
♪ I know her heart's beating
for me, yeah ♪
551
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,593
♪ Virginia don't sound
like she used to... ♪
552
00:23:46,643 --> 00:23:51,193
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