Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,588
Scientific rivalries are a fact of life.
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,508
When two competing scientists
work on a project,
3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:10,302
it can devolve
into an intellectual boxing match.
4
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,514
Over the years, there's been
a few classic heavyweight bouts.
5
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,140
Newton and leibniz...
6
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,808
Tesla and Edison,
7
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,853
and, in a lesser known
but equally brutal bout...
8
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,731
Link/etter versus sturgis!
9
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,067
The tussle with no muscle.
10
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,737
Let's see how they stack up
in the tale of the tape.
11
00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:33,283
In the wire-framed glasses,
the Eureka from Topeka,
12
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,661
Grant linkletter.
13
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,331
IQ.“ 159.
14
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,833
Papers published: 272.
15
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,336
Bedtime: 8:30.
16
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:48,882
And his opponent,
in his favorite sensible shoes,
17
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:55,097
the brain from Maine,
John burgess sturgis.
18
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,141
IQ.“ 162.
19
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,936
Papers published: 221.
20
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:06,066
Bedtime: 7:45 on weekdays,
9:00 on Saturday nights.
21
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:10,571
Fasten your thinking caps
and let's get it on!
22
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,907
The free-streaming length of the axion
istoolong.
23
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,701
It will erase the fluctuations.
24
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:19,121
You're completely forgetting
that it is non-relativistic dark matter.
25
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:22,541
You'll never have the resolution
to see microkelvin features.
26
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,460
I think your brain is as smooth
as the top of your head.
27
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,170
Low blow, Grant!
28
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,634
He's right, gentlemen,
let's keep it to science.
29
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,553
You'll never have the resolution
to see microkelvin features.
30
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:59,328
I cannot work with that creepy
little know-it-all one more day.
31
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,789
I'm sorry, but are we talking
about Sheldon or sturgis?
32
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,959
Sturgis. Well, both, but mostly sturgis.
33
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,296
He's not interested
in anyone else's input.
34
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,590
Uh, I'm sorry, Sheldon or linkletter?
35
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,885
- Linkletter.
- Ah. Got it. Continue.
36
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,218
Well...
37
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:19,181
But I thought you wanted Dr. Sturgis
on this project.
38
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:23,185
I'll admit John has been useful,
but now he's just slowing us down.
39
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,437
Well, he keeps Sheldon happy,
40
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,023
and when Sheldon's happy,
he's not in this office.
41
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,609
Well, when he's not in your office,
he's in my office.
42
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,694
Them's the breaks.
43
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:37,240
I was brought in to help, but
Dr. Linkletter doesn't value my input.
44
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,160
I hear you. That must be tough.
45
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,789
Ever since he was brought back,
he contradicts everything I say.
46
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,667
I hear you. That must be tough.
47
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,145
There was a time when their arguing
brought out the best in them
48
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,754
but now it's just hindering our work.
49
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,964
I hear you. That must be tough.
50
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,550
- Thank you for understanding.
- And between us...
51
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,596
I am counting on you being in charge.
52
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,097
Excellent.
53
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,433
You're the Alpha dog on this project.
54
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:04,558
Very good.
55
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,312
But shouldn't we tell everyone?
56
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,482
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I can't be seen as playing favorites.
57
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:14,403
But what's important is that
I know and you know.
58
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:15,486
Smart.
59
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,031
Not as smart as you.
60
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,826
Which is why, uh, just between us,
61
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:25,080
I am counting on you
to keep the train on the tracks.
62
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:28,542
I appreciate the vote of confidence
and the sweet train metaphor.
63
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,877
Oh, good. I just want you to be happy.
64
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,492
I guess, in a way, I'm kind of like
the son you never had.
65
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,006
Sure.
66
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:37,634
Which is nice because you're far too old
to have children now.
67
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:41,054
And you make me feel okay about that.
68
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:42,514
Wait.
69
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,893
Twenty on pump four, please.
70
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,018
You got it.
71
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,230
Here you go.
72
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,026
- What's this?
- Promotion for the new lottery.
73
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,945
Every ten gallons,
you get a free scratcher.
74
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,947
Oh, I don't believe in gambling.
75
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,073
Great, I'll take it.
76
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,451
Oh, I don't believe you should
be gambling either.
77
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,202
- So you don't want it?
- No.
78
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,371
- Then I'm scratching it.
- Sorry.
79
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,789
Not on my watch.
80
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,751
You can thank me in heaven.
81
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,340
What's this formula?
82
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,884
This wasn't here yesterday.
83
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:21,094
Dr. Linkletter added it after you left.
84
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,054
Was he trying to be funny?
85
00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:26,641
He was giggling at your
"feeble-minded math," his words.
86
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:30,395
He's trying to approximate
the cosmic background radiation
87
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:34,024
by setting it at one rydberg over z
88
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:38,570
and my math is feeble-minded?
89
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:40,989
What do you think you're doing?
90
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:46,661
I'm changing the estimate
to Robert dicke's value of 45 kerin.
91
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,539
I wasn't here
the last time he went off his rocker.
92
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,832
Is this what it looked like?
93
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,334
I'm perfectly sane,
94
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,545
and I'm telling you,
dicke's estimate is the way to go.
95
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,673
And I'm telling you,
we need to use one rydberg over z,
96
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,426
- and that is final.
- Oh, is it?
97
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:04,513
- You albino bean pole.
- Dr. Sturgis.
98
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:07,599
He impugned my mental stability!
99
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,601
Fair enough. Your insult stands.
100
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,228
Thank you.
101
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,479
Bean pole.
102
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,036
Ooh.
103
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:31,331
Oh, man.
104
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,792
God, I swear I'll never
ask for anything again.
105
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,544
Just one more 500.
106
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:36,627
Thank you.
107
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,506
Melissa Cooper,
what are you doing with that?
108
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:40,714
I found it.
109
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,593
Well, it is mine,
and I threw it away for a reason.
110
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,263
It's mine now,
and I might win 500 bucks.
111
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,181
Oh, no, you won't.
112
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,016
- I'll split it with you.
- No.
113
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,643
Why are you being so lame?
114
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,687
Because money does not buy happiness.
115
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,648
Fresh prince seems pretty happy.
116
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,025
It is not his money.
It's his uncle Phil's.
117
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,300
{935951
-half of that's mine. I prayed for it.
118
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,176
Go to your room.
119
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,556
You're wasting valuable time.
120
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,016
I'm not. You are.
121
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,709
Gentlemen, if we could
please keep this train on the tracks.
122
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,538
It will be on track
if we follow my plan.
123
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,272
So I'm afraid
I'm going to have to insist.
124
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:40,150
Insist? You're not
the Alpha dog around here.
125
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,233
I agree.
126
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,820
This may be hard
for both of you to hear,
127
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,947
but president hagemeyer
put me in charge.
128
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:50,619
I know for a fact that isn't true
because she put me in charge.
129
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,204
We may have a problem.
130
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,540
What can I say?
131
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:56,666
I tried something.
132
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,983
So you really thought you could tell us
we were all in charge
133
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,207
and we wouldn't figure it out?
134
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:10,305
Well, in my defense, I said to each
of you, "let's keep this between us."
135
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,100
I'm a little disappointed
that you broke my trust.
136
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,269
That is true. We're sorry.
137
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,813
Don't apologize for that.
We're being manipulated.
138
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,899
You were the one who blabbed first.
139
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:23,610
That's because you kept slowing us down
with your outmoded ideas.
140
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,373
Gentlemen, if we can just
follow my plan...
141
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,490
Well, I hope that you're starting to see
142
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,576
the challenge I face
putting any of you in charge.
143
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,426
- You're right. We're sorry.
- Stop that!
144
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,453
Sorry.
145
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:38,166
Well, we can't move forward
until the project leader is chosen.
146
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:39,584
He's right. I'll do it.
147
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:41,586
- You're a child.
- You're a child.
148
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,879
Oh, you're all children.
149
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:43,880
Sorry.
150
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:44,964
Sorry.
151
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,425
Well, who's it going to be?
152
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,053
Gentlemen, I'm Dr. Carol Lee,
153
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,098
director of the new
experimental cosmology center.
154
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,475
What makes you qualified
to lead our project?
155
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,060
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
156
00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,522
Well, I have a phd
in physics from Berkeley.
157
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:05,276
I worked at IBM's Watson research center
as lead of the materials research group,
158
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,445
and I raised three little boys,
159
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,781
which I understand
you've been acting like.
160
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:13,994
Sounds like she can handle it.
161
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,263
Dear lord, please forgive me.
162
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,707
I shouldn't have finished
that scratcher. That was wrong.
163
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,753
But now that I have the money,
my family could really use it.
164
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,340
I know, gambling is a sin.
165
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:32,804
Although, I didn't buy the scratcher.
So is that even gambling?
166
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,848
Why's missy saying we're rich?
167
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,228
I suggest we mount
a radio telescope on the roof
168
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,857
so that we could get a good read
on the fluctuations in radiation.
169
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:45,399
Excellent.
170
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,069
We'll pick a small region
of the sky and drill down.
171
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,280
Whoa, whoa. Pump your brakes.
172
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:54,034
We need at least a 45 square
degree sector of the sky
173
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,286
in order to take
any meaningful readings.
174
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,996
That's ridiculous. What we need to do
175
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,248
is cut a single linear section
across the horizon.
176
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,500
No, if we don't focus,
we won't get any useful data.
177
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,878
I suggest 20 arc minutes Max.
178
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,713
The trick is to pick a good spot.
179
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:07,881
You want a trick?
180
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,549
Go see David Copperfield.
181
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,051
How about I make you disappear?
182
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,095
Do I need to separate you,
183
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:20,060
or can we try to put our minds together
for the advancement of science?
184
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,854
The second one.
185
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,648
I know you're new here, ma'am,
but this is our process.
186
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,484
They argue, I swoop in and save the day.
187
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,403
It may seem unorthodox to you, however...
188
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:32,864
The... the second one.
189
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,825
And I'll tell you right now,
we can't keep it.
190
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:38,495
It's not a puppy, Mary.
191
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,913
It's 500 bucks.
192
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,556
It is gambling.
193
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,017
Then why'd you buy the ticket?
194
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:43,958
I didn't buy it.
195
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,419
They gave it to me at the gas station.
196
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:47,921
Okay, well,
197
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,757
that sounds like a gift from god,
and we don't wanna make him mad.
198
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,051
That is not how god works, George.
199
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,637
What if he wanted you to have it
to give to the church?
200
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,848
- Well...
- Based on that,
201
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,184
what if he wanted you to have it
so we could buy stuff?
202
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,895
- George.
- All I'm saying is we work hard.
203
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:04,978
We're good people.
204
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,356
Maybe we deserve this.
205
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,861
I guess a dishwasher might be nice.
206
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:12,821
There you go.
207
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:14,030
Get a dishwasher.
208
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,241
I don't know. I'll think about it.
209
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,617
What's to think about?
210
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,536
Have some fun for once.
211
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,263
Ooh. We getting something fun
with the money?
212
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,705
We're talking about a dishwasher.
213
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,541
When did your dreams die?
214
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,043
- When we had kids.
- George.
215
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,256
I was carrying pulsers, 75 feet up
216
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:34,843
a wet metal ladder
when there was an earthquake.
217
00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,388
So, I am hanging on for dear life...
218
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:41,099
Ooh, we should set up
several radio telescopes
219
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,059
on different rooftops in an array.
220
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,148
You speak mandarin?
221
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,576
I heard my name. What are they saying?
222
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:00,618
I don't speak mandarin.
223
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:01,828
Just a little French.
224
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,454
Oh? Really?
225
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:15,049
Well, does anyone here speak klingon?
226
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:26,435
Dr. Lee?
227
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,980
- Sheldon.
- May I have a moment of your time?
228
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,023
Of course.
229
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,024
Come in.
230
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:34,235
Sit. How can I help you?
231
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,364
I feel like my contributions
aren't being taken seriously.
232
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,743
Oh. Well, I'm sorry you feel that way,
233
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,579
but I'm listening
to everyone's contributions.
234
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,206
But you're not taking any of mine.
235
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:50,001
No. But doctors linkletter and sturgis
seem happy
236
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,544
with the direction we're headed.
237
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:56,716
Well, I think it's because
you're using your feminine wiles.
238
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,719
And what exactly
do you think that means?
239
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:03,181
I'm not sure. But you are wearing
lip gloss and seem to have good hygiene.
240
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,934
If you're trying to use them on me,
it's not going to work.
241
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,187
Sheldon, I assure you
242
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,522
that I'm just trying
to do what's best for the project.
243
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:12,607
Excellent.
244
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,026
Then you'll want to set up
several telescopes in an array.
245
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,071
I hear you, but...
246
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,366
Wait, that's "no" in klingon.
Do you speak klingon?
247
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,135
I looked up that one word.
248
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,786
I had a feeling it would come in handy.
249
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:35,129
Ooh, look at the ultra-clean two.
It's got five washin' cycles.
250
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,506
I don't know, George.
251
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,966
These are really expensive.
252
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,717
You won the money.
253
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,302
Spend it.
254
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,639
Maybe we should just get
a more affordable one.
255
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,891
Everything we do is affordable.
256
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,978
- Splurge for once.
- It's so extravagant.
257
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,790
You'd think we were talking
about buying a party boat.
258
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,899
It's a dishwasher, for crying out loud.
259
00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:58,569
But the way we got the money,
it just doesn't feel right.
260
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,782
So you're telling me you're never okay
with bending the rules once in a while?
261
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:05,201
That's not how being a Christian works.
262
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,161
Good to know.
263
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,123
What are you doing?
264
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,001
Just helping you be a good Christian.
265
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,757
Dr. Lee had commandeered the project
266
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,343
and doctors linkletter and sturgis
were okay with it.
267
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,555
Everyone was being mean,
and I was out of my depth.
268
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,141
I needed advice on how to proceed.
269
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:32,270
Thankfully, I was mere feet away
from the person who had been mean to me
270
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,605
since she tried strangling me
with her umbilical cord.
271
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:35,814
What?
272
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,901
So this Dr. Lee is turning
your friends against you?
273
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,612
- Essentially.
- Classic move.
274
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,407
Most girls you find crying
in the school bathroom, that was it.
275
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:45,824
What do I do?
276
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:49,370
Well, you're in a tough spot
because your personality is... ugh.
277
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:51,307
There's enough people
being mean to me right now.
278
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,416
- Sorry.
- Can you help me or not?
279
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,835
It's you against a bunch
of college professors.
280
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,527
I don't think you can win this one.
281
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,467
Oh, do any of them have pimples?
282
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,596
Too bad. I've done a lot of damage
with pizza face.
283
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:11,476
He just took the ticket and stormed off.
284
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,145
I don't know why he cares
so much about a dishwasher.
285
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,230
Maybe it ain't about the dishwasher.
286
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,899
Well, what is it then?
287
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:18,900
Mary, I love you,
288
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,612
but sometimes it's kind of like
you're waging a war on fun.
289
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,823
Why? Because I have values?
290
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,326
Well, too bad, because they're not
going away.
291
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,703
Oh, and fun is down for the count.
292
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,747
Five hundred bucks?
293
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:34,999
I guess drinks are on you.
294
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,877
Fine, but is that all
you got from my story?
295
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,296
It's called lightening the mood, George.
296
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,672
Sorry.
297
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,634
But I do think you're overreacting.
298
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:50,181
Come on. Would it kill her
to loosen up once in a while?
299
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,266
Maybe that's just not who she is.
300
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,977
What if it is, just not with me?
301
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:56,979
Well, what does that mean?
302
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:02,527
The other night I drove by the church
and saw Mary and that new youth pastor
303
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:05,488
just hangin' out on the curb,
laughing and smokin' cigarettes.
304
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,450
Yeah? And?
305
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,701
Well, that's not enough?
306
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,745
Is smoking even a sin?
307
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,873
'Cause I still light up
after a roll in the hay.
308
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:21,838
The point is she's capable of bein' fun,
just not with me.
309
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,507
It's not like I don't want to be fun,
310
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:28,344
but I feel like I am the only one
holding the family together.
311
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,971
Mary, can I point out
312
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,182
that you weren't exactly like this
when y'all got married?
313
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,602
- So I'm not allowed to grow?
- Apart?
314
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:37,894
Okay.
315
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,315
What made you
and your wife call it quits?
316
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:42,926
George, let me tell you something.
317
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,111
Getting divorced sucks.
318
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,696
- I know.
- You don't.
319
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:50,158
If you think you're upset
about a $500 scratcher,
320
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:53,161
try sittin' home alone
with half your money gone.
321
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,890
Thought you were going to say something
about love and vows.
322
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,499
Half, George.
323
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,418
And it wasn't a lot when it was a whole.
324
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,086
I said I'd buy your drinks.
325
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:03,253
Well, thank you.
326
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:05,965
Wings wouldn't hurt either.
327
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,843
My sister thought I was
in an unwinnable situation,
328
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,638
but I knew someone else who faced
a no-win scenario and prevailed.
329
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,599
One James tiberius kirk.
330
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:18,311
The kobayashi maru was a simulation
designed to be unbeatable,
331
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,606
but kirk snuck in and reprogrammed it
so he could win.
332
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,609
All I needed to do
was put my scanning coordinates
333
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:27,570
into Dr. Lee's radio telescope
to prove I was correct.
334
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,490
It was time for my sneaky face.
335
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,080
-Hey.
336
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:41,625
This is yours.
337
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,684
And if you don't feel right spending it,
338
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,880
then you should do
whatever you want with it.
339
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:47,882
Thank you.
340
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:57,558
You know, I've been thinking that maybe
it isn't the end of the world
341
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,894
if we spend it on something fun.
342
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,021
- Really?
- Yeah.
343
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,981
Something the family could enjoy.
344
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,986
We haven't been on a vacation
in a long time.
345
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,405
Oh!
346
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,991
We could go to Houston,
see the ice capades.
347
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:16,244
Let's keep thinking.
348
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,748
The next evening,
I put my plan into action.
349
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,667
I was just like captain kirk...
350
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,753
If captain kirk had to bum a ride
from his meemaw.
351
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:28,506
All I needed to do
was get into Dr. Lee's office
352
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,007
and swap the coordinates.
353
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,092
Nothing could stop me.
354
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:34,469
Dang it.
355
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:39,141
Here's to male egos and all the fun
that comes with them.
356
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,688
You've had to deal with that a lot, huh?
357
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:44,981
First month I was here,
358
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,900
people kept assuming
I was the president's secretary.
359
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:49,860
Did you correct them?
360
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,507
No, I just told them that the president
was too busy to see them.
361
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,074
And then I cut their funding.
362
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,535
That must have felt good.
363
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:01,080
It was like taking off my bra
at the end of a long day.
364
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,207
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't have to tell you.
365
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,003
Can you believe there were only
three women in my major?
366
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,981
Well, at least you had each other.
367
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:12,550
- Those bitches? Pass.
- And what about the guys?
368
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,387
Either too scared to talk to me or
trying to talk me into being horizontal.
369
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,639
- Oh, yeah, I hear that.
- Mm.
370
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:21,851
I've even had projects sabotaged
just to make me look bad.
371
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,686
- You're kidding.
- Nope.
372
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:39,910
Well, what did you do?
373
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:44,332
Eventually I realized
I'm an experimental physicist.
374
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:47,084
I can build anything
I want to protect my work.
375
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,635
And thanks to my kids,
376
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,721
I am very familiar
with the movie home alone.
377
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,744
After a lot of apologizing,
378
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,270
a little begging,
and a note from my mother,
379
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:08,356
I was allowed to keep
my role on the team.
380
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,150
When captain kirk faced
the no-win scenario,
381
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,402
he didn't have blue
and yellow snot for a week.
382
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,321
Ew.
383
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,580
- Sounds like the ocean.
- Very relaxing.
384
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,458
Kind of makes the rest of the kitchen
look trashy.
385
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,419
Ooh, it has a temperature boost sensor.
386
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,503
What's that?
387
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:32,939
It makes sure the water is heated
388
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,758
to the correct temperature
for ideal cleaning and drying results.
389
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,843
Ooh.
390
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,721
Where you going?
You're going to miss the rinse cycle.
391
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,166
I'm not missing anything.
392
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,434
Ooh, it beeped. Look up "beep."
28520
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.