All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S07E10.720p.Bluray - Surprise Surprise

I think we have a really big
shoplifting problem.

I just did inventory, and
there are 30 records missing.

Oh, Angie, I forgot to tell you,
I moved those to the annex,

otherwise known
as my house.

Excuse me,
Mr. Record store big shot,

I need some help.

Where can I find something
by Bette Midler?

Well, we don't have
any Bette midler,

but may I suggest
something even better?

Perhaps a little
Sex Pistols.

Sex pistols?
Well, that's terrible.

Guns don't belong
in the bedroom.

They agree,

and a lot of their songs
are about just that,

and they deliver their message
with a smooth, mellow sound.

So it's like
easy listening.

Well, they're
not hard to hear.

Steven,

the store is great.

- I'm proud of you.
- Thank you.

Whoa, Hyde,

I want you to really
savor this moment.

Red's only nice
every 75 years.

Yeah. He's kind of like the
Halley's comet of compliments.

I got one the first time
I used the potty and...

Yeah, since
then, nothing.

What am I supposed to do, compliment
you every time you go to the can?

See?

All these kids

wasting their
money on records.

You think they could be down
at my muffler shop buying mufflers.

You're all stupid.

If you want, I could plug your
store on my next radio show.

That would be great, and tell
them I'm giving away calendars.

Okay. Well, the only problem is I
don't know how many people will hear it.

I used to think I had a lot of listeners
because I had a lot of call-ins,

but it turns out it was just one
crazy guy doing different voices.

You may know
him as fez.

Fez, just tell me
your secret.

Just kiss me.

I'm not doing that.

Then I'm not telling
you my secret.

- Just tell me.
- Just kiss me.

Big news from the salon--
I just shampooed Marie,

who waits tables
at the coffee shop.

Well, that
is big news.

She served pie at
1 A.M. To kelso

and Hyde's
sister Angie,

and Kelso took the pie and fed
it to Angie, and she liked it.

Oh, my god.

Oh, this isn't good. Steven
is gonna lose his mind.

I can't believe Angie
went out with Kelso.

What?

Angie went out
with Kelso?

What?

Don't you what me.
You know what you did.

It was $10. I'll put
it back in the register.

No,

Not that. You went
out with Kelso.

Look, in my town,
there are two rules.

One--don't date kelso.
Two--don't date kelso.

Yeah, it even says that on the
sign when you drive into town.

"Welcome to point place

Don't date kelso."

The high school band spells
that out during halftime.

Look, I'm not
dating michael.

We went out one time, but
it's not gonna happen again.

I need a guy who can eat a breadstick
without pretending it's a cigar first.

Okay, the thing
is, Angie,

Michael's like
chocolate cake,

Okay? It looks
good in the bakery,

but when you
take it home,

it sleeps with all
your friends.

Yeah.

Hey, Donna, what
kind of food am I?

Um...

I don't know.
I guess a Twizzler.

What?

No, it's a good thing.

You can have a lot of
them and not even notice.

You're gonna sit
there and take that?

Of course you are.
You're a Twizzler.

Are you closed yet or what? I've been
waiting in the parking lot forever.

I didn't see
you out there.

That's because I was hiding
in the bushes by your car.

I figuRed when I jumped out, you'd be so relieved
it was me that you'd go out with me again.

Why didn't you
just ask me out?

I don't know.

I was... ye...

I was gonna,
but you're so

pretty and
successful and...

plus I kind of like
hiding in the bushes.

Michael,

I appreciate the offer,

but I'm not sure
you're my type.

Not your type?

I'm like ketchup. I go
good on everything.

Yeah, well,
thanks, anyways.

Okay, all
right, look,

Angie,

I really wanna go
out with you again,

Okay? And I got about 50 lines that
I could throw at you right now, but..

I don't wanna do that because I don't want
you to go out with me because of some line.

I want you to go
out with me 'cause

you like me as
much as I like you.

Are you telling me
that's not a line?

Well, it's not now, but if it
works, I can add it to the list.

Okay, you
know what?

Let's go get a drink,
but just one drink.

Ready for
that drink now?

you know, I'm not sure
these sex pistols are for me.

Look,

this fella's name
is Johnny Rotten.

You'd think he'd change
that for show business.

Oh, Mrs. Foreman,

okay, Steven just found out
Michael went out with his sister,

So I need to think of something
to do to cheer him up.

Well, I do know Steven loves peanut
butter chocolate chip cookies.

So I go
buy those?

No, Jackie,
you make them.

So I hire someone
to make them?

No. You have to make them
with your own two hands.

I'll pay you $20
to make them.

Only you can put in the love
that is the real secret ingRedient.

$30.

Will you two hens
stop clucking?

Donna's back
on the radio.

Okay, that was the
thursday rock block,

and you're listening to the
new and improved Hot Donna,

now with
hair like

like strands
of gold.

And if you're driving home
and things are a little loud,

stop by the Forman and son muffler shop,
where they're also giving away calendars.

She said Forman
on the radio.

We're gonna have to
change our phone number.

You know, that
Donna is a great girl.

I can't believe that Eric
wouldn't marry her.

When I get
back home,

I'm gonna kick
him in the ass.

And now "love you inside out" by the Bee Gees
going out to Jackie Burkhart from Steven Hyde...

Oh, see now? Steven loves me and
wants everyone to know it.

Requested by
jackie burkhart.

Okay, Fez, I'll play
you one more game,

but just so you know,
this honk-honk is a foul.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Angie.

I need to talk to you
guys about something.

Oh, god, you didn't go out
with Kelso again, did you?

No.

I was on my way to going out with him, but
then we got interrupted by me sleeping with him.

What?

Well, at least they didn't
go out. Wait a minute.

I need some advice.

My advice is go back in time
and don't sleep with Kelso.

Yeah, but you need
a time machine.

The only person
working on that is kelso.

you have to
sleep with him,

so you're kind of back
where you started.

Here's the thing.

I don't know if you guys
have noticed, but I'm kind of,

- you know...
- bitchy?

I was gonna say
uptight, but fine.

I never relax
and laugh,

and with Michael,
that's all we do,

except for
the sex,

although I did laugh,
you know, during.

Actually, it was more
of a giggle of appreciation.

Okay,

I'm not sure you know what
you're getting yourself into--

Kelso has a baby
with another woman.

Yeah, he told me.

Damn.

I thought that would
run you off for sure.

Let me try. I'm the master
of running girls off.

You think he's
good in bed, huh?

How do you think
he got that good?

Practice, practice,

practice...

cheerleader,

cheerleader...

cheerleaders, mother.

Hey, fez, check out
this nudie calendar.

Uh-oh.

Is this the calendar
Red's giving away?

It's just pictures of half-naked
girls posing by cars.

That's a disgrace.

I'll dispose of that.

No, I'll take it.

We'll never
get it back now.

It's going in the box with my
naked lady pen and my

"I got crabs in louisiana" t-shirt.

Thank you for helping me, Mrs. Forman.
Steven is gonna love these cookies.

Okay, now start by cracking
a couple of eggs into the bowl.

I can't touch an egg.

Why not?

'Cause it came out
of a chicken butt.

Honey, they wash it.

Well, wash it all you want,
it still came out of a butt.

All right, so I've been thinking
about Donna's Twizzler remark.

Maybe it's
not so bad.

I mean, yes, it
is candy, but,

you know,you bite both
ends off, you got a straw.

That's a metaphor
for versatility.

No, I think it's a metaphor for you
being long, skinny, bendy and floppy.

Hey, Hyde.

Why are you smiling?

I don't know.

Talk to Angie today?

No.

Oh, yeah!

I have officially nailed everyone
in this room's sister.

Ow!

That's...

Ow...

Hey, Hyde,
Kelso and Angie--

oh, you already know.

Hyde,

Allow me to be the first to welcome you
to the "Kelso had sex with my sister" club.

There's no handshake
or password.

There's really
just shame.

Damn it, Kelso.

My sister's been in town for a month.
You're already slept with her?

This is why
I keep my sister

10,000 miles away
in a jungle.

Believe me, if things don't work out
with Angie, I'm on the next flight out.

Hey,

Hyde, remember how you kept bringing
it up when Kelso nailed my sister?

I never understood
why, but now I get it.

It's fun.

So guess what?

Kelso nailed
your sister.

Oh, and another thing,

Kelso nailed your sister.

Shut up, you
little Twizzler.

Stick and stones may break my
bones, but Kelso nailed your sister.

Okay,

I know you
can do this.

An egg is not just something
that comes out of a butt.

It's...

it's a life source, it's
beautiful, so pick it up.

Why don't you do it?
You're a nurse.

You mess around with
butts all the time.

Just pick up the friggin'
egg, you spoiled brat!

Shh.

Donna's back on the radio. Maybe
she'll mention my shop again.

Okay,

now it's time for a new
segment on my show...

"what's on your
mind, Hot Donna?"

When I agreed to promote the Forman and
Son calendar, I had no idea it was just pages

of half-naked women
straddling drive shafts,

Which

is wrong, wrong, because
cars get very hot.

So if they were to do these things,
they would easily burn their thighs.

That's right,

Forman and son mufflers is
promoting the burning of women.

What is she talking about?

Now I would
call for a boycott,

but girls never go
down to these places.

So I call for a
going-down-there-and-yelling-at-them...

cott.

Oh, great.

Not I've gotta go back down to the shop before
those hairy-ass feminists tear the place down.

Okay,now I would like to hear
from some pissed off feminists.

You're on the air
with Hot Donna,

or should I say
"hot under the collar" Donna?

Donna Pinciotti, you should
be ashamed of yourself.

Suddenly you think women
shouldn't be looked at?

Well, I've seen your
outfits, miss lady tank top.

Um,

Mrs. Forman, this isn't
about me. It's about society.

No, it's about Red, who's been like
a second father to you, and

now finally he has something to be
proud of, and you're forcing your...

weirdo hippie
politics on it.

It's just a couple of greased-up
broads on a chevy. Get over it.

Steven, I can't believe you
thought I'd like these Sex Pistols.

I don't want anything this loud and crabby
in my house if I'm not married to it.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Forman.
I'll make it up to you.

Have you ever heard of a
band called Judas Priest?

Well, that's what judas
needed, a priest.

Are they spiritual?

I listen to them
every sunday.

Hey, uh,

Fez, you're the candy
expert in these parts.

Okay, do you think
I'm a Twizzler?

Well, you're no hershey's special
dark like your friend Fez.

Okay, well,

then how do I
untwizzle myself?

Well,you need to become
richer, more chocolate.

I don't know, just show Donna
who's boss. Take her like a man.

No, I tried that
once in bed, but...

all I got was a
sprained wrist.

F.Y.I.--Advice
in "playboy"

not always practical if you
can't overpower your woman.

Oh, hey, Hyde, how's it going with the
store and Kelso nailing your sister?

Steven,

stop turning the Pat Boone
albums into Pat Boner albums.

Okay, you need to stop sleeping with
kelso, okay? It's embarrassing,

and if you catch something,
we don't have medical.

It's not embarrassing.

He really likes me
and I really like him.

You don't even know him.

You do realize he has a really bad
track record with women, right?

Look, I just don't
wanna see you get hurt.

Oh, my god,
that's so sweet.

I finally feel like
I have a brother.

Oh, Hyde
has a sister...

who got nailed
by Kelso.

Mr. Forman,

Mrs. Forman
really yelled at me,

and

I feel bad about what I said on
the radio and I'd like to apologize.

Don't worry about it.

People have been coming in nonstop
since you talked about the calendar.

I cannot believe all the disgusting
perverts in this town...

who listen
to my show.

Hey, pervs,
I'm Hot Donna.

Dad?

You're with
the pervs?

I'm just here
to support Red.

I see that calendar.

Put it down.

No, I won't put it down.
You're the kid and I'm the dad,

and I will have
my fantasy ladies.

Fine, dad,

but you won't
have my respect.

One more woman
who doesn't respect me--

that camel's back
broke long ago.

Okay, this is
Hot Donna back...

I'm a Twizzler?!

I'm a Twizzler?!

Unh-unh,

I'm a man.

Now you put
on "free bird"

'cause we're gonna
do it for 13 minutes.

Hey, Eric,

what do you do when you have two pieces
of wood and want them to stick together?

Oh, you
nail it.

It's easy.

It's kind of like how Kelso
nailed Hyde's sister.

But I know if I can
find a piece of wood

that's as slutty
as Hyde's sister.

You guys have been
working on this a while?

About as long as Kelso's
been working on your sister.

Stop it, stop it. Everybody, stop it.
Steven, don't listen to them.

Okay, I knew you were
having a hard time,

so I baked you
these cookies.

Oh.

Ow.

Are they no good?

No, no, they're good.

I'll just suck on them.

Mmm...

oh, forget it. I ruined them. They
didn't make you feel better at all.

Oh, hey, Jackie,

you know who
did feel better?

Hyde's sister
after kelso nailed her.

Give me those.

Ow...

Ow!

Hey, Angie!

After you close up, do you
wanna watch me eat a pizza?

Look, Michael,

I'm not sure we should
see each other again.

A lot of people have told me you're not
very serious about the women you date,

a lot of people...

a lot, a lot...

everybody.

Okay,

here's the thing
about those stories...

they're all true.

I've made a lot of
mistakes in my past,

okay?

And I could tell you
that I've changed, but

I would rather
just show you.

So

why don't we
start off slow

as friends?

My other friends
do not let me do that.

Just do me one favor.

Anything.

Just don't tell Hyde.

Oh, I gotta
tell Hyde.

Okay, I've got
my candles,

I've got my bubbles...

and I've got my
soothing, spiritual

Judas Priest music.