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1
00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:06,800
Eric.
2
00:00:06,842 --> 00:00:10,553
I found this in the garage
and I want an explanation.
3
00:00:10,595 --> 00:00:13,264
Okay, when people write stories
and glue the pages together,
4
00:00:13,306 --> 00:00:14,466
it forms what we call a book.
5
00:00:16,518 --> 00:00:20,104
I don't want The Joy of Sex
polluting my house.
6
00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:25,944
The Joy of Sex.
What a load of crap.
7
00:00:28,822 --> 00:00:30,031
That book's for perverts, Red.
8
00:00:31,825 --> 00:00:33,745
You should give it to me
so I can sell it to Fez.
9
00:00:35,662 --> 00:00:37,664
Red, the book is mine.
10
00:00:37,706 --> 00:00:39,426
I put it in the garage
so you would find it.
11
00:00:42,794 --> 00:00:44,044
Uh-oh. I'm late for work.
12
00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:47,340
No, no, no.
I am serious.
13
00:00:47,382 --> 00:00:49,718
It's high time you and I put
some zip back in the bedroom.
14
00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:50,844
Eww!
15
00:00:52,971 --> 00:00:55,223
I got a great idea.
16
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:57,183
We'll put a TV in the bedroom,
there's your zip.
17
00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:05,483
Okay, I want
the full Fez treatment.
18
00:01:05,525 --> 00:01:08,565
A wash, cream rinse, and a lot of
that wiggly stuff you do with your fingers.
19
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:10,445
It's magical.
20
00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,240
Abracadabra, baby.
21
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,803
So, Danielle,
what's on your schedule today?
22
00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:17,746
I mean,
besides looking beautiful.
23
00:01:19,748 --> 00:01:23,167
Well, looking beautiful is from
10:00 to 12:00, then I have a date.
24
00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:24,836
Ooh, hot date alert.
25
00:01:25,378 --> 00:01:26,378
Tsss!
26
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,174
It's not that hot.
27
00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:31,801
The guy's kind of a knucklehead.
28
00:01:31,843 --> 00:01:33,428
I mean, he's really cute,
29
00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:35,071
but it's like when I talk, he's
not paying attention to me.
30
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,096
Ugh!
31
00:01:38,725 --> 00:01:40,393
I hear this complaint
20 times a day.
32
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:43,396
You're a treasure.
33
00:01:43,438 --> 00:01:45,158
He should worship you
like a big stone head.
34
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,611
You're so great. You
know, you really get women.
35
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:52,321
Well, if you mean "get" as in
"understand," then yes, I get them.
36
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:53,865
But if you mean
"get" as in "get,"
37
00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:56,534
then, no, never.
38
00:01:58,536 --> 00:01:59,788
If I had a woman like you,
39
00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:01,549
I would give her anything
her heart desired.
40
00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:07,879
Maybe I should blow off my
date and go out with a guy like you.
41
00:02:07,921 --> 00:02:10,882
And when I say "a guy like
you," I mean you, specifically.
42
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:16,471
Wow.
43
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,299
But just to be clear, I still
have a tip coming, right?
44
00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,148
♪ Hanging out
45
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,610
♪ Down the street
46
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:34,155
♪ The same old thing
47
00:02:35,991 --> 00:02:38,159
♪ We did last week
48
00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:43,456
♪ Not a thing to do
49
00:02:43,498 --> 00:02:47,167
♪ But talk to you
50
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,004
♪ We're all all right
51
00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,546
♪ We're all all right ♪
52
00:02:51,464 --> 00:02:53,716
Hello, Wisconsin!
53
00:03:04,853 --> 00:03:06,186
Steven.
54
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:07,539
Steven, would you
please stop doing that?
55
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:08,815
You're gonna get all Eric-y.
56
00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:11,651
Give.
57
00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:14,296
Jackie, boys have to play fight
58
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,196
because they secretly
wanna touch each other.
59
00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:22,453
Yeah, you guys wish
you could play fight.
60
00:03:22,495 --> 00:03:24,873
But girls can't, 'cause it
always turns into a real fight.
61
00:03:25,832 --> 00:03:27,125
Are you seriously telling me
62
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:29,185
that if Jackie and I wanted
to play fight, we couldn't?
63
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,754
Um, let me listen for the echo
of what I just said.
64
00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:33,876
"Girls can't play fight..."
Yep, that's what I think.
65
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,219
I agree. Girls are bitches.
66
00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:41,513
Really?
67
00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:45,226
- Come on,
Jackie, put your dukes up.
- Okay.
68
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,644
Watch and learn, boys.
69
00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:53,401
See? It's all fun and games.
70
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,111
- Ow, you scratched me!
- Aah!
71
00:03:56,863 --> 00:03:58,531
Get off of me, Bigfoot!
72
00:03:58,573 --> 00:04:00,909
Let go of my hair
or I'll pound your tiny ass!
73
00:04:06,664 --> 00:04:08,041
Spoilsport.
74
00:04:08,083 --> 00:04:10,668
Hey, yours was gonna kill mine.
75
00:04:16,049 --> 00:04:18,593
Ladies, that was pathetic.
76
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:22,013
- What? That wasn't
even real. We're fine.
- Yeah.
77
00:04:22,055 --> 00:04:24,015
I don't know what you're
talking about. I had fun.
78
00:04:24,891 --> 00:04:26,267
Oh, you're so immature!
79
00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:33,670
You guys aren't
going to believe this!
80
00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:38,154
Wait. Were two hot
girls just fighting in here?
81
00:04:40,073 --> 00:04:41,157
No.
82
00:04:41,866 --> 00:04:42,951
Someone is lying.
83
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,246
Anyway.
84
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:49,249
I was just shampooing this foxy girl,
Danielle, and the next thing I know,
85
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:50,917
we're making out in
the shampoo closet.
86
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,253
Wait a second.
87
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,813
You're trying to tell me that
you were shampooing a girl
88
00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:55,922
and she got so horny,
89
00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:57,964
she had to make out with you
in the shampoo closet?
90
00:04:58,925 --> 00:05:01,165
That doesn't sound real, man.
That sounds like a Mad Lib.
91
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:07,225
Yeah, are you sure you
weren't just kissing a mop?
92
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:12,755
'Cause, man, I've
seen you do that.
93
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:15,858
No, no.
94
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,235
Danielle kept going on and on
95
00:05:17,277 --> 00:05:19,361
about this adorable
knucklehead she was dating,
96
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,003
and I just sympathized
with her problems.
97
00:05:22,282 --> 00:05:23,950
Well, that makes sense.
98
00:05:23,992 --> 00:05:26,112
I mean, all a woman really
wants is a man who listens.
99
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,288
I listen.
100
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:29,747
And doesn't pat
himself on the back.
101
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:33,835
I never pat myself on the back.
102
00:05:34,794 --> 00:05:36,114
So, yeah,
I got that going for me.
103
00:05:38,173 --> 00:05:40,300
You guys,
something happened today
104
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,051
that has never
happened to me before.
105
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:43,178
Oh, you did long division?
106
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:47,556
No, I got stood up.
107
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,034
I was supposed to
meet this girl, Danielle,
108
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:51,186
after her haircut
and she never showed.
109
00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:55,231
- Danielle.
- Danielle?
110
00:05:55,273 --> 00:05:57,357
Okay, wait a second. First
a girl fight and now this?
111
00:05:57,984 --> 00:05:59,359
I vote, "Best Day Ever."
112
00:06:03,781 --> 00:06:05,950
Kelso was
the adorable knucklehead.
113
00:06:07,952 --> 00:06:10,072
Hey, thanks, Fez, but I'm
trying to tell a story here.
114
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,416
Okay, so I've been trying to
figure out why she didn't show,
115
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:16,794
and I've come to the
only logical conclusion,
116
00:06:16,836 --> 00:06:18,046
she's dead.
117
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,944
Kelso, maybe Danielle met a
guy that she likes better than you.
118
00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,469
Don't be crazy, Fez.
119
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:27,431
Danielle is dead and
we can never bring her back.
120
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:34,896
Kitty, we don't need
The Joy of Sex.
121
00:06:35,813 --> 00:06:37,773
Well, why not?
It's not dirty.
122
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,775
This book, it doesn't even
have photographs,
123
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:42,652
just sketches.
124
00:06:44,197 --> 00:06:45,781
But they're so detailed.
125
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:47,992
They draw in every single part,
126
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:49,244
and it's not to scale.
127
00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:52,997
Oh, here's a fun idea.
128
00:06:53,039 --> 00:06:54,665
Okay.
129
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,962
Instead of throwing away
our old dish towels,
130
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:02,340
we can use them as blindfolds
131
00:07:02,382 --> 00:07:05,676
and play a sexy bedroom
version of Marco Polo.
132
00:07:08,346 --> 00:07:12,308
Oh, come on. Don't you want to
be one of those fun, older couples?
133
00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:16,104
Kitty, I want us to grow old
and withdraw into ourselves.
134
00:07:19,065 --> 00:07:20,191
Hey, what's for lunch?
135
00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:23,027
Well, I was thinking
of making something,
136
00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:25,280
but that would mean I would
have to look at a cookbook,
137
00:07:25,321 --> 00:07:27,448
and I don't like to learn
new things from books.
138
00:07:31,077 --> 00:07:32,412
Yeah, so is lunch off, or...
139
00:07:34,289 --> 00:07:36,999
I mean, what's the lay
of the lunch land, here?
140
00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:40,628
I don't see why I have to
read a book on bodily functions.
141
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,173
I've never read
a book on eating,
142
00:07:44,215 --> 00:07:45,549
yet I'm extremely well fed.
143
00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,261
But I'm not.
Could I get, like...
144
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:51,973
Seriously, like a sandwich or...
145
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,643
Well, you know what?
146
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,562
Nobody is eating unless
you give this book a try.
147
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,481
Until then, I quit cooking.
148
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:06,237
Wow, I can't believe
I'm asking you this,
149
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,365
but please have
kinky sex with my mother.
150
00:08:17,457 --> 00:08:19,000
No, Danielle,
I love your outfit,
151
00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:20,721
but I just think you
can always go tighter.
152
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,505
Oh, my God,
Danielle, you're alive!
153
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:26,548
Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
154
00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:30,261
Well, then if you're not dead,
155
00:08:30,303 --> 00:08:31,663
then why did you
blow off our date?
156
00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:34,372
Look at him try
and put it together.
157
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:37,977
Oh, he's got it now.
158
00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:40,521
No, wait, he doesn't.
159
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,649
Yeah, now...
Wow, not yet. Wow.
160
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:48,404
This is, like,
the slowest burn ever.
161
00:08:48,446 --> 00:08:51,115
This is like how burns were in
the 1800s before we had electricity.
162
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,303
Danielle stood you up
so she could make out
163
00:08:54,327 --> 00:08:55,807
with the adorable
new man in her life.
164
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:57,578
Ah, me.
165
00:08:58,331 --> 00:09:00,208
That's right. Ah, him.
166
00:09:16,015 --> 00:09:17,015
Don't bump me.
167
00:09:18,142 --> 00:09:19,185
Don't get in my way.
168
00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:21,663
Well, maybe I wouldn't
be in your way
169
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:22,956
if you could sit still
like a normal person
170
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:24,565
instead of a vibrating spazoid.
171
00:09:27,318 --> 00:09:29,404
Really. Well, guess what?
172
00:09:29,445 --> 00:09:30,821
You fight like a poor girl.
173
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,535
Get off of me!
174
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,286
Let go of my hair
or I'll pound you.
175
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:38,579
This ain't over, squatty!
176
00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,582
Get off. I'm going.
177
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,146
Hey, if they're going
to keep this up,
178
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,547
we should invest
in a video camera.
179
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,801
All right, Fez. Stand up
so I can kick your ass.
180
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:55,179
How dare you steal a girl
out from under me?
181
00:09:55,221 --> 00:09:56,741
First of all,
I can do whatever I want.
182
00:09:58,558 --> 00:10:00,536
Second of all, when I saw her,
she was not under you.
183
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:01,602
She was under moi.
184
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:07,149
- That's it.
- Whoa, whoa! Guys, listen!
185
00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:09,461
I just realized I am not strong
enough to hold you two apart.
186
00:10:09,485 --> 00:10:10,611
Hyde, come on!
187
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:16,951
Kelso.
188
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:18,387
Maybe you shouldn't be
asking what he did,
189
00:10:18,411 --> 00:10:20,222
you should be asking
what you did to let it happen.
190
00:10:20,246 --> 00:10:22,373
Or what you didn't do.
191
00:10:22,415 --> 00:10:24,500
You know, maybe you
just lost your mojo.
192
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:27,545
Look, a guy can't
just lose his mojo, okay?
193
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:30,922
Can he?
194
00:10:32,592 --> 00:10:35,028
Well, when was the last time you
made out with two girls at once?
195
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,137
Well, that was...
196
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:38,639
Oh, no.
197
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:42,560
I can't remember.
198
00:10:42,602 --> 00:10:44,395
Kissed four different
girls in the same day?
199
00:10:45,104 --> 00:10:46,104
I don't know!
200
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,173
You guys,
I might have lost my mojo.
201
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,653
And I got it.
I got your mojo.
202
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,074
Which reminds me,
I also have your yo-yo, so...
203
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,496
You know what?
I want them both back.
204
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:02,556
Now, how can I
lose a girl to you?
205
00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:03,831
You don't even speak English.
206
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,793
Well, Kelso,
look at the bright side.
207
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,116
Danielle is a wonderful girl
who likes me better than you.
208
00:11:11,422 --> 00:11:12,923
Why is that the bright side?
209
00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:16,676
Because...
♪ Burn! ♪
210
00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:30,023
These are stale.
211
00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:33,544
Well, eat slow.
We gotta make them last.
212
00:11:35,196 --> 00:11:37,114
Hey, Red.
213
00:11:37,156 --> 00:11:38,883
Eric told me you and Kitty
are having a little trouble
214
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,326
in the old hee-hoo department.
215
00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:44,288
You told Bob?
216
00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:46,374
Are you out of your puny mind?
217
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:49,793
Look, you have to work
this stuff out with Mom.
218
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:51,337
She hasn't fed us in three days.
219
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,713
Dad, I can't afford not to eat.
220
00:11:55,633 --> 00:11:57,468
Yesterday, I ate
a raisin off the floor.
221
00:11:59,387 --> 00:12:01,107
I'm not even sure if
it was really a raisin.
222
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,475
Look, Red.
223
00:12:04,517 --> 00:12:07,853
You should take Kitty's request
for a love life spice up seriously.
224
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,105
When Midge wanted to
turbo-charge our love life,
225
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:13,484
it was really a symptom of a
much deeper marital problem.
226
00:12:13,526 --> 00:12:14,734
Yeah, that you were deviants.
227
00:12:15,695 --> 00:12:17,405
Deviants?
228
00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:19,846
Well, the couple we were
dating sure didn't seem to think so.
229
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,202
I'm telling you, this
problem is not just about sex.
230
00:12:23,703 --> 00:12:25,287
It isn't?
231
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:26,682
Well, maybe she's just
unhappy emotionally.
232
00:12:26,706 --> 00:12:28,748
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
233
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,376
No, Red. It means
you have a problem,
234
00:12:30,418 --> 00:12:31,578
and you have to deal with it.
235
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:34,087
Yeah, okay.
236
00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:37,568
Yeah, I guess it's important
that Kitty get listened to.
237
00:12:37,592 --> 00:12:38,926
Eric, go listen to your mother.
238
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,053
Why me?
239
00:12:41,095 --> 00:12:42,680
Because without food,
you'll die first.
240
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,144
So, Danielle, tell me again
241
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:50,770
how much more you
like me than Kelso.
242
00:12:51,564 --> 00:12:54,275
Well, you're sensitive
243
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:56,318
and thoughtful and understanding
244
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,362
and very, very sexy.
245
00:12:58,404 --> 00:12:59,739
Lady, don't ever stop talking.
246
00:13:01,282 --> 00:13:03,242
And you're funny and sweet.
247
00:13:03,284 --> 00:13:05,494
And did I mention?
Very, very sexy.
248
00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:06,786
Lady, you gotta shut up.
249
00:13:13,711 --> 00:13:16,505
So, Mom, in the interest
of returning
250
00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:19,300
regular meal service
to my now shattered life,
251
00:13:21,427 --> 00:13:23,095
I'm here to help.
252
00:13:23,137 --> 00:13:25,931
So just tell me the problem
beneath the dirty, gross problem.
253
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,727
Honey, there is none.
254
00:13:29,769 --> 00:13:31,395
I just want your father
and me to have
255
00:13:31,437 --> 00:13:33,773
more adventurous
sexual intercourse.
256
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:36,834
Well, this is one of those times
257
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,402
I'm kind of happy
my stomach's empty.
258
00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:41,363
Um, look, instead of calling it,
259
00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:42,698
uh, sexual inter...
260
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:48,036
Instead of calling it that,
261
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,918
why don't we call it, like,
a walk in the park?
262
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,251
Fine. I want your father and I
263
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:57,254
to have more adventurous
walks in the park.
264
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,478
I want to walk in
the park in the kitchen.
265
00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:03,843
Walk in the park on a Tuesday.
266
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,015
I even want to walk in
the park in the park.
267
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,476
Okay, okay, okay. Okay.
268
00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:16,190
Okay, Mom. I think you're
playing this all wrong.
269
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:18,609
Dad wants you to have
a deeper emotional issue.
270
00:14:18,651 --> 00:14:19,735
Invent one.
271
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,046
He'll give you anything you want
272
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:26,074
to avoid talking
about walks in the park.
273
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,386
So think big. You know, I might
be able to get you diamonds here.
274
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,410
Maybe even a new car.
275
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,474
This is like emotional
Price is Right, baby.
276
00:14:32,498 --> 00:14:34,750
You're in the Showcase.
277
00:14:34,792 --> 00:14:39,004
Oh, I also want to walk in the
park during The Price is Right.
278
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,046
Oh, God.
279
00:14:51,392 --> 00:14:52,560
Well, what's the news?
280
00:14:54,687 --> 00:14:55,896
You better start studying.
281
00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,148
Ugh!
282
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,159
All right.
283
00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:12,162
So I spent the whole day thinking
about what happened with Danielle.
284
00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:14,707
And I realized that I
shouldn't be mad at you.
285
00:15:15,833 --> 00:15:18,502
I should be asking you for help.
286
00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:22,047
Holy crap, man. Now you're
asking Fez for girl advice?
287
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,929
Next thing you know, Donna's gonna
be asking Forman how to throw a ball.
288
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,887
Look, he's the one
with the girl.
289
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,055
All right, Fez.
So where did I go wrong?
290
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,807
Well, Danielle said
you were a bad listener
291
00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:34,017
and I'm a good listener.
I heard her.
292
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:37,271
But so what?
I hurt girls all the time.
293
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,690
No, not "hurt."
"Heard." I heard.
294
00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:41,776
You heard what?
295
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:42,984
Danielle!
I heard Danielle!
296
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:44,403
Well, why'd she
choose you over me?
297
00:15:44,445 --> 00:15:46,325
Jeez, it's like talking
to a two-year-old, here.
298
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:51,076
She chose Fez because he
listens when a woman talks
299
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,745
instead of staring at her chest.
300
00:15:56,707 --> 00:15:59,084
Stop staring at my chest!
301
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,462
I'm sorry, look, I've been
screwed by Darwinism.
302
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,006
I never needed to
evolve listening skills,
303
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,759
'cause my looks are
so highly developed.
304
00:16:08,928 --> 00:16:10,638
Oh, that's not
how evolution works.
305
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:12,723
Yeah, sure it is.
306
00:16:12,765 --> 00:16:14,600
Look, say I had to catch
my own food, right,
307
00:16:14,642 --> 00:16:16,644
but I only ate
really fast animals?
308
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:18,729
My feet would eventually
evolve into rockets.
309
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:26,069
Man, it's amazing your brain
doesn't evolve into pudding.
310
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:30,449
All right, Fez.
Come on, I need your help.
311
00:16:30,491 --> 00:16:31,491
Why should I help you?
312
00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,119
Because you owe me.
313
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,597
Think about all
the times that I set you up
314
00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:36,997
with my dates'
less-pretty friends.
315
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,887
That's true. You have
thrown me some uggos.
316
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,880
All right, so show
a little appreciation.
317
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:47,842
Fine.
318
00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:49,736
But you have to promise not to
use what I teach you on Danielle
319
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:50,719
to get her back.
320
00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:52,012
- She's mine.
- Done.
321
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,390
Okay, Donna.
I need your help.
322
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,392
Now sit here and
pretend to be a girl.
323
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,688
Now tell a girly story.
324
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,440
Kelso, you listen and repeat
back whatever she says.
325
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,986
- Okay, ready?
- Yeah.
326
00:17:08,779 --> 00:17:10,739
Kelso, I had the worst day.
327
00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:13,826
I didn't know what shoes to
wear. With a heel, without a heel...
328
00:17:13,868 --> 00:17:15,428
I'm running
out of firecrackers.
329
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,659
I bet I could have been
best friends with Spider-Man.
330
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,293
Is that a new muscle?
331
00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:27,506
Well, hello, new muscle.
Welcome to Kelso-town.
332
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:29,633
Kelso.
333
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,011
Kelso!
334
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,846
- What?
- You weren't even listening.
335
00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:36,640
How do you know?
336
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:39,643
'Cause you were staring at the
ceiling with your tongue hanging out.
337
00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:42,771
Kelso, when a woman talks,
you have to look her in the eyes
338
00:17:42,813 --> 00:17:44,165
and pretend her
words are like oxygen
339
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,900
and without them,
you can't breathe.
340
00:17:49,028 --> 00:17:50,320
But I don't care what she says.
341
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:55,492
How the heck did
you ever get a girl?
342
00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:56,994
I don't know.
I just stare at her
343
00:17:57,036 --> 00:17:58,756
until she stops talking
and then I kiss her.
344
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:01,455
Unbelievable.
345
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,220
All right, Kitty.
346
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,973
I want you to be happy.
I really do.
347
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:21,351
And to make that beautiful,
elusive dream come true,
348
00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:25,689
I'm willing to try page 46.
349
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,109
Really?
350
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:32,112
Oh, Red, thank you.
351
00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:35,074
Oh.
352
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:40,495
Page 46.
That is so fancy.
353
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:43,247
What?
354
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,835
Oh, dear God, no. Not...
355
00:18:46,877 --> 00:18:49,379
Not page 46.
I meant page 47.
356
00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:50,422
Page 47.
357
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,258
And no funny stuff
after I fall asleep.
358
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,825
And I didn't know what to do
because I had just polished my nails
359
00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:04,227
and I didn't want to
mess up my manicure.
360
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,934
You're such a good listener.
I can't take it anymore.
361
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,318
What are you doing?
Get off my lady!
362
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,945
- Fez!
- You shut your
hot little mouth.
363
00:19:14,822 --> 00:19:16,925
You promised you wouldn't use
anything I taught you on Danielle.
364
00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:18,175
Come on, you can't give me a gun
365
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,868
and expect me not to
shoot people with it.
366
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,913
Danielle, you have to choose.
Him or me?
367
00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:24,275
- But I...
- I said choose, woman.
368
00:19:25,791 --> 00:19:27,685
Well, Fez, if I have to choose
between the two of you,
369
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:28,909
I mean, the choice is obvious.
370
00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:32,089
I choose you, Fez.
371
00:19:32,798 --> 00:19:33,924
What, are you stupid?
372
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:37,552
I mean, of course,
yes, good choice, yeah.
373
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:41,056
What, him?
How can you choose him?
374
00:19:41,098 --> 00:19:45,435
I don't know. I guess I have this
thing for guys who boss me around.
375
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:47,938
I'll meet you in the car, or
wherever you tell me to meet you.
376
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:52,025
Oh, you'll meet me in the car,
and you'll like it.
377
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:53,986
I will.
378
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:01,118
Okay, here's the thing, Fez.
379
00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:04,287
She's clearly a lunatic.
380
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:08,625
Which means that she's going
to be super hot in bed,
381
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:11,503
so congratulations on that one.
382
00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:14,715
But you did snake her from me,
so I get a free punch.
383
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,219
But you did
snake her back, so...
384
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,221
Oh!
385
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,652
How do guys play fight
without getting into a real fight?
386
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:38,947
Well, maybe 'cause
when they fight,
387
00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:41,241
Michael doesn't elbow
everything like a blonde tard-o.
388
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,121
See, now that is gonna get
your ass kicked.
389
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,084
Oh, I'm gonna punch you
in your fat melon head.
390
00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:53,253
Good luck reaching it,
tiny loser.
391
00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:09,770
Thanks, Tommy!
392
00:21:14,149 --> 00:21:15,358
Is that bacon I smell?
393
00:21:16,902 --> 00:21:18,319
Oh, what a perfect morning.
394
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:21,990
- Marco!
- Polo!
395
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,075
Oh, my God!
29457
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