All language subtitles for 37 - The Girl With the Golden Nose

Morning, sweetheart.

Hi.

Still in love with that coat?

What coat?

It's been open to that same
page for the last three days.

Oh, that's the center page.

It opens there naturally.

Mm-hmm.

How long for the pancakes?

Oh, just a few minutes.

Well... I'll finish
getting dressed.

Oh...

Mother?

Mother, I can't wear this coat.

Yes, you're right, Samantha.

The color isn't very
becoming to you.

Oh, that's perfect.

Tsk, Mother.

I know, I know.

I don't understand, but I know.

I will have a mink coat
when Darrin can afford it,

and not before.

Well, by the time
Darwin can afford a mink,

mink will be extinct.

Now, be honest with
yourself, Samantha.

Wouldn't you adore
to have that coat?

Well... Wear it in good health.

Mother!

You take back this coat!

Hi.

Hi.

You know, it's crazy,
but I've been looking

at that picture of that
mink coat for so long,

I could've sworn you
were just wearing one.

Darrin?

Would you like to tell
me what's bothering you?

I don't know, honey. I...

I don't seem to be
getting anywhere.

I mean, I've been doing
pretty much the same job

for the last three years, and
what have I accomplished?

Sweetheart, I think you've
accomplished a great deal.

Like what?

Well, look around you.

We're not exactly
starving, you know.

Well, honey, I know we have
most of the things we need,

but just having the things
you need isn't everything.

I mean...

I'd like to buy you some of
the things that you haven't got.

I've got you.

That's the only
thing I really want.

What about that fur coat?

Oh, Darrin, I haven't heard
you talk this way before.

Do you remember the new
account I was telling you about?

Waterhouse and Company?

The one the agency's
been trying to get for years?

Yes.

Oh, don't tell me you lost it.

No, we got it all right.

The trouble is, I will
not be handling it.

Well, did you talk to Larry?

Larry is the one
who told me about it.

Well, I know how you feel.

But maybe...

Well, maybe you're just
in too much of a hurry

to get to the top.

Remember, you're still young.

I'm young all right, but I
won't always be young.

If that's Larry, tell
him I'm on my way.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Louise.

Yeah, sure I'd like to
hear some good news.

Larry told you wh...?

Darrin's got the
Waterhouse account?

Oh, I can't wait to tell him.

Oh, well, all right.

If Larry wants to tell
him himself, I understand.

I won't say a word.

It won't be easy, but I promise.

Oh... Oh, I'd love to.

Yes, I'll do some shopping,

and then I'll meet
you for lunch.

Okay. Bye.

Who was it, honey?

Louise.

What are you so happy about?

She wants me to
meet her for lunch.

Oh, boy.

Some life I've given you.

What do you mean?

A little thing like
going out to lunch,

and you're ecstatic.

I'm easy to please.

Now, I'll just go change,

and then I'll drive
you to the office.

Well, honey, I'm a little late.

Mm! Only take a minute.

Darrin.

Larry, I want to speak to you
about the Waterhouse account.

Ah. That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

Well, I'm talking
to you about it first.

Do you remember the
Hoffsteddler-Douglas account?

Yes, but... Before I took over,

Hoffsteddler hadn't spoken
to Douglas in over 30 years.

You did a fine job
there, Darrin. Yes, I did!

And let's not overlook the
Michael Sales Company account.

Before I took charge, they
couldn't give away ice water

in the middle of
the Mojave Desert.

A memorable job.

Yes, it was.

And don't change the subject.

Then there was the
Pender Drug account,

and Sheridan Cement.

All first class.

And all the others.

I haven't thought
about hours or days off.

I've proved my loyalty,

and it's about time you gave me

an unqualified
vote of confidence.

Now, Larry, either I get
that Waterhouse account,

or you get yourself a new boy.

You got it.

I mean it, Larry!

I've got the Waterhouse account?

That's what I wanted to
tell you when you came in.

Yesterday y-you said I
couldn't have the account

because I was too immature.

What did I do, age overnight?

I just thought it over,

and this morning I
changed my mind.

And, Darrin, I know
you'll do a great job.

Good luck.

Well, thanks, Larry.
You won't be sorry.

I still don't get it.

What made you change your mind?

Oh, it's the boss' prerogative.

I'll buy that.

Boy, I can't wait to tell Sam.

Oh, I was tempted
to tell her myself,

but I knew that you
wanted that pleasure.

Oh, yeah.

When...? When did
you see Samantha?

Oh, just now. Down
in the parking lot.

There's a great little wife
you've got there, Darrin.

Has your every
interest at heart.

She sure has.

She's got more confidence
in me than I have in my...

Uh, Larry, you, uh,
stopped and spoke to her?

We chatted awhile.

You chatted awhile.

Yes.

Larry, I resign from the
Waterhouse account.

You... You resign?

What are you talking about?

I will not accept any job
that my wife got for me.

Darrin, you got this job
because you're the best man for it.

That's not the point.

Any success I make
in this business,

I'm going to make on
my own, or not at all.

Samantha!

Now, you listen to me.

I have had it with
your magic and spells.

Now be quiet. I'm
not finished yet!

I've had it up to here
with all your witchcraft,

turning me into a werewolf,
into a chimpanzee...

I'm not through yet, Sam.

And just to prove
that I have had it,

I am going to blow this account!

Do you hear me?

I'm going to blow the account!

What do you think of that?

Is this 555-7328?

Look, I'll have
to make this fast.

Mr. Waterhouse is outside.

But before you meet him,
I want to brief you on...

I don't need any
briefing, Larry.

Darrin, Waterhouse is
a very conservative man.

He's been making
thumbtacks since 1888,

and he doesn't go
for this modern hoopla.

I don't know why he
decided to change agencies

and come with us,

but take a tip from me and play
it sincere and conservative, hm?

Uh-huh.

Betty, would you please ask
Mr. Waterhouse to come in here?

Larry, you just leave
everything to me.

Ha, ha.

Well, if it isn't ol'
J.P. Waterhouse,

Thumbtack King of America.

Stephens is my name,
and advertising is my game.

Lay it on me, baby!

Stephens?

Is that the name of the man
who's handling my account?

Uh, yes, Mr. Waterhouse.

This is Darrin...

You bet your bottom
dollar I'm your boy.

But time's a-wasting.

Let's get down to brass tacks!

Brass tacks! Ha, ha!

I got a million of 'em.

All levity aside, Porterhouse.

Now, I've been looking at your
advertising, and believe me,

some of your ideas
went out with hoop skirts.

I mean, it's "Hey you, kid
with a wow-wow brush!"

Uh, what Darrin means,
Mr. Waterhouse, is that, uh,

some of your ideas could
be brought into better focus...

Oh, no, no, Larry.

Larry, that isn't
what I mean at all.

What I mean is, Waterhose, baby,

you gotta get with it.

I mean, that TV
commercial of yours

where the executive comes in,

and he puts the
poster up on the wall,

and hm, hm, hm, hm...

Oh, that has got to go!

But, say,

what if you should take
a, mm, cute little secretary,

and she comes
into the boss' office,

and she's putting thumbtacks
in the boss' drawer,

and one of those thumbtacks,
it drops on the boss' chair.

The boss comes
in, and he sits down.

Ah-hoo-hee!

That'll bring the TV
viewer right out of his chair.

Bring the boss
out of his chair too.

That's enough, Darrin!

Hold it, Tate. I'll
talk to this boy.

Young man, you might
as well know it now.

I don't like you.

I don't like your manner,
I don't like your style

I don't like your attitude.

But I do like your ideas.

Stephens, I'm putting
next year's entire campaign

in your hands.

You are.

Yes.

We've been advertising
the same way for 30 years.

It's not working anymore.

That's why I changed agencies,

decided we have to
keep things up to date.

Get to work on that
campaign right away.

And, uh, remember
one thing, gentlemen,

Waterhouse is my name,
and thumbtacks is my game.

He wants me.

Darrin...

you must have somebody
watching over you.

Larry, I just learned something.

When a man can't
lose, he can't win.

Where are you going?

To a bar, to drown my sorrows.

Drown your sorrows?

You just landed a big account.

Well, let's just say
I'm a sore winner!

Yeah, you came to the
right guy for advice, Darrin.

I'm an expert.

I know everything
about marriage.

That's why I'm still single.

I don't get it.

I'm married to a girl

who can have anything in the
whole world, yet she chose me.

Now, you take my brother.

He's had four years
of happy marriage.

The trouble is, he's
been married for 16.

Hm.

She must love me.

Gave up everything for me.

But obviously she
misses all those luxuries.

Who can blame her?

It all boils down
to the old question.

Is there a life after marriage?

She just didn't want
to hurt my pride.

Wants me to think that
I'm the breadwinner.

Pretty soon romance goes.

And as the song says,

women get weary wearing
the same shabby dress.

Well, then, that's the time

to go out and buy her
another shabby dress.

That's why she's
doing it this way,

instead of just wapping
up a million dollars.

I guess I have been selfish,

forcing her to give
up her witchhood,

live on my salary.

Poor little witch.

You see, the thing to do

is to try to keep the
magic in your marriage.

Guess I'll just have
to go along with her.

She's been a great wife.

Be my way of saying thanks.

Oh, listen, you're welcome.

Anytime, Darrin, old boy.

Anytime.

Oh, Darrin!

Oh, it's... It's beautiful!

Well, you shouldn't have.

Oh, but I'm glad you did.

Well, I can afford it.

Because you got the
Waterhouse account?

You guessed I would, huh?

Well, you deserve it!

Mmm!

It's beautiful.

You like my gift, huh?

Well, Darrin, you
know what they say.

It isn't the gift, it's the
thought that counts.

Oh, yes, of course I like it.

Sam, you could've wapped up
a mink coat anytime you wanted.

Oh, darling, the important
thing is that you gave it to me.

I guess I shouldn't have worried
about getting that account.

After all, you said you
had a strong feeling about it.

I have a strong
feeling about you too.

Sam, what if I hadn't
gotten the account?

Oh, Darrin, I'd feel the same
way if you were a total failure.

But you're not,
you're a success.

And you're going to be
an even bigger success.

That's love.

That's confidence.

Well, how about a drink?

Honey, did you ever
hear that old saying,

"Behind every successful
man, there's a woman"?

Mm? Does seem to ring a bell.

Well, they ain't
seen nothing yet.

Huh?

Suddenly I have a
tremendous feeling of power.

Why?

Because nobody ever had a
woman like you behind them.

Oh.

Thank you.

Wow! Sweetheart, you
better take your umbrella.

I'm sure it'll stop
raining in a few minutes.

Well, it's raining awfully hard!

What makes you think so?

Because I want it to.

What?

I mean, I feel it will.

Oh. Ha. Have a good day.

I know I will.

My, you are
Mr. Confidence this morning.

I'm on a winning streak.

Darrin, it stopped.

Maybe you are on
a winning streak.

Honey, there's an old
gambler's expression.

When you're on a
winning streak, ride it.

I'll see you tonight.

Oh.

"I hope the above suggestions
meet with your approval,

"and I anxiously
await your reply.

Yours very truly,
et cetera, et cetera."

Larry, it's a great day.

I bet if we left right now,

we could be on the
old golf course by noon.

Golf? You out of your mind?

You better start thinking
about that Waterhouse account.

I don't need to. I'm
on a lucky streak.

Everything I do seems
to turn out all right.

Yeah? Well, I've yet to
see luck replace hard work.

Well, this is a very
special lucky streak.

Oh, come off it, Darrin. There's
no such thing as a lucky streak.

You want me to prove it?

Let's see.

Betty...

would you mind telling
me where you were born?

Why, Minneapolis.

I bet you weren't.

I beg your pardon?

I said, I bet you weren't
born in Minneapolis.

Mr. Stephens, it's right
on my birth certificate.

Why don't you call up your
mother now and find out?

Darrin, you're being ridiculous.

Would you like to bet me $10?

Make it $25.

Good.

Betty, call your mother.

I know I was born
in... Come on, Betty.

Sit down. Use my phone.

There is no such
thing as a lucky streak.

Go on, Betty.

Hello, Mom. How are you?

Fine.

Mother, I have to
ask you something

that you might
find a little strange.

I was born in
Minneapolis, wasn't I?

What?

Where?

Why?

A-are you sure?

Mom, I know you were there too.

No, I... I'm not distrusting
your word, Mother, I...

Bye.

Well?

I was born in Saint Paul.

Well, what about
your birth certificate?

It's wrong.

I was born while Mother
was visiting in Saint Paul,

but the family doctor
was from Minneapolis,

and that's where he
registered my birth.

Twenty-five dollars, Larry.

Mm.

Mr. Tate, if it's
all right with you,

I think I need my
lunch break now.

You go right ahead, Betty.

Betty, better take
your umbrella.

It's going to rain.

Rain! Come off it, Darrin.

There isn't a cloud in the sky.

Mr. Tate, if it's all
the same to you,

I'll take the umbrella.

Good girl.

Now, if you can get your mind

off your lucky
streak for a moment,

I want to tell you
that the first layout

for the Waterhouse account
has to be ready by the 15th.

And if I were you...

I'd get started
on it right away,

and not trust to luck.

I'll tell you, Sam. I'm
worried about him.

I thought I better tell
you before he got home.

Tell me what?

Well, he's suddenly
convinced himself

that he's infallible.

He's been going around
making the craziest bets.

He thinks he has some
sort of strange power.

Well, that doesn't
sound like Darrin.

Larry, are you sure
you're not exaggerating?

Sam, he just wanted to bet me

that he could make the
sun come out at midnight.

You're not exaggerating.

Uh, when did all this start?

Well, I first noticed
him behaving strangely

when I told him he had
the Waterhouse account.

He shouted something about
not having his life run by his wife.

Sam, you don't think
he's on the verge

of a nervous breakdown, do you?

No. No, no, Larry.

I don't think that's what
he's on the verge of.

Then why is he acting as
if he had a charmed life?

Well, I wouldn't worry
about it if I were you.

I'm sure by tomorrow
he'll be back to normal.

Bye.

He didn't even ask
me if I'd used witchcraft.

He tried me, judged
me and sentenced me

without even giving me a
chance to defend myself.

Oh, it reminds me of
the old days in Salem.

As a matter of fact, he
even looks like the judge

who sentenced your poor
old Aunt Agnes to the stake.

Oh, Mother. How
could he doubt me?

How could he think he'd gotten
that job through witchcraft?

Well, please give him credit
for having the sense to realize

that he didn't get it
because of his brains.

There's only one thing to do.

Teach him a lesson.

Excellent.

Now, that is excellent.

Why not turn him
into a dinosaur?

Or a salamander?

Or perhaps you...
No. No, mother.

I'm going to do it my way.

Well, all right, dear.

But don't overlook the dinosaur.

The neighbors might
get quite a kick out of it.

Oh, I have a better idea.

Honey, I'm ho...
Good evening, sir.

Madam will be down presently.

Samantha!

Saman... Hi, darling.

What have you done?

You noticed, huh?

Noticed?

How can you miss the Taj Mahal?

Well, Darrin, I'll
be honest with you.

I found out that you found
out about my little plan.

Well, you know.

My giving you a charmed life.

You did, huh?

Yes.

And it was sweet of
you to go along with it.

Anyway, since you
decided to go along with it,

I thought we might as well

be completely honest
with each other. I...

Oh.

Two very dry martinis, Charles.

Right away, madam.

You'll simply adore Charles.

He's in charge of
the rest of the staff.

What staff?

The upstairs maid,
the chef and your valet.

Now, where was I?

We were just being completely
honest with each other.

Oh, yes, of course.

Now, since you found
out about my little scheme,

and you didn't seem
to have any objections,

I thought it was silly to
be devious any longer.

Now, that makes
sense, doesn't it?

I suppose so.

Good.

Now, in the future if we need
anything, I'll just zap it up.

Oh, Darrin, it'll
be so marvelous.

I'll be able to give
you anything you want.

Ah, thank you, Charles.

Your dinner clothes are
all laid out for you, sir.

"Sir"?

All right, sweetheart,
here's to your success.

What's the matter?

I can't swallow this.

But Charles makes the best
martinis in the whole world.

No, I mean this.

It's no good, Sam.

I can't live this way.

Look, I sympathize with
you wanting all these things,

but, well, you're going
to have to make a choice.

It's either me or this.

Darrin, don't you think you're
being a little unreasonable?

I will not be helped
by witchcraft.

You didn't seem to mind

when it got you the
Waterhouse account.

That was different.
I did that for you.

What about the Pender
Drug account six months ago?

You got me that too?

And the Cushman
Furniture account?

And the carpet account.

Hold it, hold it!

There's only one
thing in the world

that got me that
account, and that was me.

I showed them how to
increase their business

by 39.2 percent in
the first fiscal year.

And the Sheridan Cement account.

Sheridan Cement?

There was no witchcraft there.

I knew more about Sheridan
Cement than Sheridan did.

Sam, it's about
time you found out

that there are some
things in this world,

like talent, ability
and good hard work

that will not be
replaced by witchcraft.

You forgot one thing.

What?

Faith.

Faith?

Faith in the person
closest to you.

Faith enough to know that
when a promise is made,

it's going to be kept.

You didn't get me the
Waterhouse account?

Mm-mmm.

You didn't stop the rain?

And you didn't change
Betty's birthplace?

Well, I'm not sure, but I
don't even think that's legal.

I thought...

Darrin, all you had
to do was ask me.

One more question.

Could you possibly
spend the rest of your life

with a big dumb-head

who promises never to
jump to conclusions again?

You just talked me into it.

You know,

it's amazing how many things
I guessed right yesterday.

You don't suppose I do have
some special power, do you?

Oh, now, Darrin,

don't let a few lucky
coincidences go to your head.

You better take your umbrella.

No, I won't need my
umbrella or my coat.

But it's pouring.

It'll stop in a few seconds.

I'm running a little test.

Bye, honey. Mm.

Convinced?

Convinced.