All language subtitles for 34 - Mans Best Friend

Careful, my husband
hasn't left yet.

I'm not gonna fall for that.

I happen to know
you're crazy about me.

It shows, huh?

The feeling's mutual.

And that is one reason why we're

going to have a
celebration tomorrow night.

What's the other reason?

Well, I was going to
save this as a little surprise

for you tomorrow night, but I
may as well show it to you now.

A calendar.

Just what I've always wanted.

You haven't seen
the best part yet.

A calendar with
the days crossed off.

Well, that's even better.

Honey, it's what those
crosses represent that counts.

Sam, you haven't done
any witchcraft for 29 days.

You finally noticed.

Yeah. I'm very proud of you.

We have a double
reason for a celebration.

Not only have you not
twitched for 29 days,

but we haven't seen
any of your witchy friends

in that time, either.

No offense.

None taken.

I got a little head start
on that when mother said

she was gonna go
skin-diving for a month.

Good.

Now, all you have to
do is protect your record

for good behavior
for two more days.

Ooh. I'll try and
keep my nose clean.

I'll see you tonight.

Oh.

Samantha, you're still
a vision of loveliness.

I don't know you.

What are you
doing in my kitchen?

Don't fret, my dear.

I have a feeling we're
gonna make a lovely couple.

I have a feeling I'm
gonna blow my record.

Just who are you?

Ah, my favorite
food. Chocolate cake.

You haven't
answered my question.

Well, actually,
there's no reason

why you should recognize me.

When you used to sit with
me, I was just a callow youth.

Brilliant, but callow.

Baby-sit with you.

Wait a minute.

You're not Rodney.

The same. I lost my callow.

You mean you're that
pushy, spoiled, neurotic brat

my mother used to
force me to look after?

Knew you hadn't forgotten me.

Fortunately, I'm matured
with my neurosis intact.

That's what makes
me so fascinating.

Now, look, Rodney... I
happen to be very busy.

So would you mind
telling me why you're here?

Well, even as an adolescent,
I loved you, Samantha.

Oh, really.

In a repressed sort
of a way, of course.

Uh, could I have a little
more chocolate cake?

Make it yourself.

Well that's mean and
cruel of you, Samantha.

You're only trying to hurt me.

Take your chocolate
cake and get out!

Good.

Why don't you come away with me?

If I tell you, will you leave?

Perhaps.

I think you're obnoxious.

Oh, one of those
love/hate things, huh?

That's okay. That's okay.

I'm crazy about
complex relationships.

Rodney, don't you understand?

I'm married.

I'm above convention.

And I have a baby.

No, that's out of the question.

We'll put her up for adoption.

Rodney, if you don't go away,

I'll tell your mother on you.

You don't know where she is.

Do you?

I'll tell her you've been
misbehaving, Rodney.

Oh. Phew!

Okay, uh, have it your way.

We'll take the kid with us.

Rodney, I've had just
about all I can take.

Samantha, I love you.

Uh, I worship
the air you fly in.

I'll do anything for you.

Anything?

Then leave.

Good.

Honey, we have a visitor.

Who?

Come and see.

Oh!

I found him outside.
He just wouldn't leave.

Oh, Darrin, he's marvelous.

Oh, he's so cute. I
wonder who he belongs to.

Well, I don't know.

He doesn't have any
tag or... Look at that.

Looks like a case of love at
first sight between you two.

I guess we'll have
to take out an ad

in the lost-and-found column.

Yeah, I guess so.

You sound reluctant.

Well, honey, if
nobody claims him,

would you mind if we kept him?

Darrin, I thought
you wanted to wait

until we got a bigger
place before we got a dog.

Well, I did, but I'm crazy
about his personality.

Aren't you?

Oh.

Well, he does have a great face.

And who can resist
those big brown eyes?

Let's keep our fingers
crossed that nobody claims him.

How would you
like to fix me a drink

while I go upstairs and...
fiddle with my papers?

Oh, what are wives for?

Thank you.

Now, you stay right here
and get to know my wife.

You'll be crazy about her.

Oh, I just fixed that
cake for tomorrow night!

Rodney!

That's you, isn't it?

You get out of that fur
coat right this minute.

Now, just what
are you doing here?

Oh, Samantha, my love for
you is not warped and selfish.

I wanted to get to
know your husband.

And if I think he's
worthy of you,

I'll leave by tomorrow morning.

Believe me.

If you don't leave right now,

I'm going to tell
Darrin who you are.

No, you won't.

You don't want him to know
there are any non-mortals here.

That would spoil your
record, and his celebration.

Hey... he's really crazy
about me, isn't he? Right?

What are you doing?

I'm gonna hit you
with this saucepan.

You come one step
further, I'll turn into a dog.

You wouldn't hit a dumb animal.

Oh, Rodney... Sam,
what are you doing?

Um...

Well, you weren't
gonna hit him, were you?

He ate my chocolate cake.

Well, honey, don't
be too hard on him.

He's probably hungry.

Look, I'll pick you up
another cake tomorrow

at Perkin's Pastry Shop.

I'll bring it home from work.

I better clean this up.

Hi.

Hey, he sure is
affectionate, isn't he?

Mm-hm. He fawns
a little too much.

Fawns?

Yes, you know, all that
licking and groveling.

Well, honey, he's very friendly,

but I wouldn't call that...
groveling, would you?

He tries a little bit too
hard to please, that's all.

Oh, I brought your
drink in, sweetheart.

Thanks, I'll have it later.

You don't like him.

Darrin, I hardly know him.

I just don't want you to get
too fond of him, that's all.

Why not?

Well, I just don't want you
to get too attached to him.

I wouldn't want you
to be disappointed.

Disappointed?

In case his owner
claims him, I mean.

Aw, honey.

You're the greatest.

Um... What is the
matter with you?

Darrin, I don't think we should
be doing this in front of him.

The dog?

Well, he's looking
at us kind of funny.

What shall we drink to?

Oh, well, that's easy.

To one month of normalcy.

That sure means a
lot to you, doesn't it?

Yes, it does.

And the first month
is the hardest.

Oh, boy.

Just remember, it's all
kind of psychological.

If you get past this one
day, it'll be a breeze.

Well, I'll try not
to disappoint you.

You take good
care of him, honey.

Well, you can rely on it.

I phoned the ad in last night
and left my office number.

I hope nobody
calls to claim him.

Hmm.

Mmm.

Mm-hm.

Well, thank you.

What did I do to
deserve such a big kiss?

Nothing.

Harriet Kravitz is spying
on us from across the street,

and I thought we might as
well give her her money's worth.

I'll see you
tonight, sweetheart.

Goodbye, dog.

Rodney.

Rodney!

Rodney!

I'm not leaving. I've decided
he's not worthy of you.

Rodney... when are
you going to get it through

that pointed little head
that we love each other?

Is that the only reason you
have for not leaving him for me?

Isn't that enough?

Coming, Tabatha!

But if you had a
fight, and you split up,

then you'd come with me.

For the last time, we
are not going to split up!

What makes you so sure?

I'm interested.

We have a marriage that's
based on mutual trust and respect.

If I proved that wasn't true,
then you'd come with me?

Rodney... I am going
upstairs to get Tabatha,

and if you're not gone
when I come back down here,

I'm going to do
something terrible to you.

And ruin your record?

Oh, I don't need witchcraft.

I'll punch you in the nose.

Just what I need.

Phase one of Operation
Split-Up, coming up.

Oh.

Oh, I'm Harriet Kravitz
from across the street.

Hi, honey.

Uh, I found this in the kitchen.

I guess Gladys borrowed
it from Mrs. Stephens.

I'll take it. Sam's slipping into
something more comfortable.

We're gonna have a
little snore together.

Are you a friend
of Mr. Stephens?

Well, more a friend of Sam's.

Listen, honey, I'd
love to gab with you,

but I'm kind of busy right now.

Know what I mean?

Bye.

Bye.

Mutual trust, indeed.

Phase two of Operation
Split-Up coming up.

Rodney... Rodney?

Ha-ha-ha.

Well, Tabatha... looks like
our home-wrecking friend

finally got the message
and gave up, huh?

Are you sure it's the
same dog, Mr. Entwhistle?

The description in the
ad sounded just like him.

He's very friendly, and, uh...

oh yes, he loves chocolate cake.

That's him all right.

You sound disappointed.

Well, I've grown
very fond of that dog.

To tell you the truth, I was
hoping nobody would claim him

so that we could keep him.

Well, perhaps that
might be arranged.

Oh?

Yes, my sister and I are
moving to London soon.

I'd hate to lose him,
but it would be difficult

to take him with us.

Would you be
willing to sell him?

Well, look, I'm meeting
my sister at 7 for dinner.

Let me talk it over with her,
and I'll drop by your house

later tonight, and
tell you our decision.

Good. I hope you convince her.

That dog is really something
special, Mr. Entwhistle.

Yes. You're very
perceptive, Mr. Stephens.

It was the strangest thing.

I suddenly had this terrific
craving for chocolate éclairs.

I mean, I just had to
have a chocolate éclair.

Isn't that odd?

Oh, I think that
happens to all of us

at some time or
another, Miss Kravitz.

Well, I suppose Mrs.
Stephens asked you to stop by

and pick up something
for your company?

Company?

Of course, I met
him quite by accident.

Unfortunately, I called
at a very bad time.

He was still in his
robe and pajamas

when he answered the door.

He said they were just
having "a snort" together.

Is he a friend of
yours, Mr. Stephens?

I don't know.

I suppose someone dropped
in, and Sam just hasn't had time

to tell me about him yet.

Well, I must say,
your faith in your wife

is very touching, Mr. Stephens.

Uh, Miss Kravitz.

Aren't you going to
buy some éclairs?

Éclairs?

I hate éclairs!

In fact, I don't even
know why I came in here.

Hi, there!

Oh, no!

Now, listen, Rodney.

No more Mrs. Nice Guy.

When Darrin comes home,
I'm gonna tell him who you are.

And I'm warning you,
he can be very violent.

Nah, you don't want
to spoil your record

when you're so close
to your celebration.

Besides, you have my solemn oath

that if you two are still
together by 9:00 tonight,

I'll fly out of your
lives forever.

Still together?

Did you put a spell on Darrin?

Oh, Samantha... you know
my powers are too meager

to cause a rift between
you two, by witchcraft.

I just wanna be around
you for another 45 minutes.

That's all, Samantha.

Is that too much to ask?

Honey, open the door.

I've got my hands full.

Ah, my master's voice.

Just a minute, sweetheart.

Thank you.

Hey, it's nice to have
someone like you

welcome me when I get home.

Nice to have someone
like you welcome me.

Not necessarily in
that order, I hope.

No, I just think you
look sensational.

I brought dessert.

Thank you.

Dinner should be
ready in a little while.

Good.

Uh, just the two of us?

Well, this was our celebration.

Didn't you want to be alone?

Oh, sure. It's just
that sometimes

friends drop in
unexpectedly, that's all.

No. No! No friends.

Oh, uh, you want a snort?

Uh, drink?

Love one.

So you've just been, uh...

puttering around the
house on your own, huh?

Darrin... I think there's
something I should tell you.

I thought so.

You've just mixed
four ounces of Scotch

with two ounces of gin.

Oh.

Is that all?

No.

When you want to find out
something from me, just ask.

Not very subtle, huh?

Uh-uh.

Okay, I bumped into
Harriet Kravitz today.

And she said that you and
a man in a dressing gown

were having a snort together.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Then it's not true.

No.

Then why would she say it?

I don't know.

Honey, don't misunderstand
me, I trust you implicitly.

It's just that I do
get a bit confused.

Now, are you sure that
there wasn't a man here today

in his pajamas and robe?

Darrin, that isn't
exactly the kind of thing

that would slip my mind.

Did she say she actually saw us?

She said the man
answered the door, and he...

Uh-oh.

What is it?

Well, Darrin, I wasn't
gonna tell you this.

And, uh, I don't think
you're going to like it, but...

Honey, I'm sure there's a
perfectly logical explanation.

Now, who was he?

Him.

The dog?

In pajamas and robe?

Okay, very funny.

Now, who was he?

No, uh, Darrin...
it was the dog.

I didn't want to tell you,

because I didn't want
to spoil our celebration.

Actually, he's a warlock
I used to baby-sit with.

The dog.

He came to see me
yesterday morning.

I know it sounds
ridiculous, but, uh...

he thinks he's in love with me.

The dog.

Darrin, I'm trying to tell you,

that that is not a dog.

He just posed as a lost dog.

That's why I didn't want
you to send that ad in,

because I knew
nobody would claim him.

Because he's a warlock?

Darrin, I'm telling the truth.

Look... I-I'll prove it.

All right, Rodney, he knows.

Change back.

Oh, he's just being stubborn.

Stop playing games, Rodney.

Turn back!

He knows I won't use
any witchcraft on him.

Rodney...

if you don't turn
back right this minute,

I'll hit you with my shoe.

Sam, you'll scare him!

Right out of his hide, I hope.

Sam, don't you think
it would be easier

just to tell the truth?

Darrin, don't you believe me?

No, I don't!

I happen to know that
dog is not a warlock.

How?

Because his owner came
to my office this afternoon.

What?

And he's a very nice young man.

He may even sell me this dog.

Oh, Darrin, don't you
see? That's Rodney, too.

Yes, I do see!

You want me to believe
that this poor, helpless animal

is your friend, a dog and his
owner all at the same time.

Well, Darrin, Rodney
is very devious.

Sam, aren't you being unfair?

Unfair?!

You're trying to put
the blame on this dog

because you don't like him!

Now, don't deny it!
You never did like him!

You even said that he fawned!

You don't trust me.

Yes, I do trust you.

I just resent you're trying to
blame this innocent animal.

Now, will you please
tell me the truth?

I'm not going to
tell you anything.

I don't even want
to speak to you.

In that case, I'm going to bed.

I don't care what you do.

In the den.

Come on, fella.

Bed?

It's only 8:30.

Imagine her trying
to put the blame

on a poor dog like you.

Well... looks like I
need an extra blanket.

I'll uh, go get it.

You just make
yourself comfortable.

Boy, am I beat.

I'm gonna fall asleep
just as soon as my head

hits that pillow.

Good night, dog.

I got you!

No, don't hit me!

Samantha! Don't do it!

Samantha!

Well, well.

What do you think of
man's best friend now?

No, never mind
what he thinks of me.

What does he think of you?

You stay out of this.

You said your marriage was
based on mutual trust and respect.

Well, I proved you were wrong.

He didn't believe you
were telling the truth.

Yes, I did.

You did?

Yes.

Just once I wanted to
win out over witchcraft

without any help from you.

Besides, I didn't want
you to spoil your record.

He's lying.

That's why I went
to bed at 8:30!

You don't know how happy
I am to hear you say that.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Uh, pardon me.

Does this mean you're
not coming away with me?

Sam, will you excuse
me for just a minute?

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna punch
you right in the nose.

How long is he
going to stay this way?

Oh, it's just one
of his old tricks.

He knows you won't
hit a dumb animal.

I'm going to call the pound.

That won't work.

Mr. Stephens... I saw your ad.

I've come to claim my dog.

I think there must
be some mistake.

Oh... no mistake.

I recognized the description.

There he is.

Now, Rodney, you
come out of there!

Rodney?

Uh, this is Rodney's
mother, darling.

You may not remember
me. I'm Samantha.

Samantha? My,
how you've changed.

Oh, he's lonely, you know.

He's always looking
for a playmate.

So I gather.

He's not really bad.
He's just mischievous.

How are you gonna
get him to change back?

Oh, that's easy.

Rodney... if you
don't change back,

I'll give you a
flea and tick bath.

Come on, Rodney.

It's way past your bedtime.

Goodbye, my love.

I shall return.

Oh, no, you won't.

Don't bother to show us out.

Goodbye, now.

I would have loved to have
seen that tick and flea bath.

Well, you still think I'm
entitled to a celebration?

You didn't use witchcraft.

Well, with him gone, we really
have something to celebrate.

I'll drink to that.

Sam, water!

Oh, Sam!

What?

You broke your record.

Well... there's
always next month.