All language subtitles for American Auto s02e02 Most Hated CEO.enng

- Ukraine pleaded for more
military aid and vehicles,

saying, "We are desperate,"

but when
Katherine Hastings offered

to ship them
a thousand Payne Hydras,

Zelenskyy replied,
"Not that desperate."

- [laughs]

I'm not laughing at the joke.

It's just Zelenskyy's
a funny-sounding name.

- I didn't even do that.
- Yeah, it's like

they just say stuff
to be funny.

- Can you guys
set this straight?

- You want me to release
a statement saying

we aren't trying
to aid Ukraine?

- The fire is out,
no one got hurt by the pawls,

but Preppy McChipmunk won't
get his hand out of my skirt.

- It's not just Seth.

It's Fallon, it's Kimmel,
"The View," "The Talk."

- John Oliver did a full

20-minute segment on you
on Sunday.

- Let me guess,
it was smug and reductive.

- It was, actually.

- You know what, I should
have just taken the payout.

I could be on a beach right now

with my husband, but no.

Instead, we're fighting
all the time,

and everyone hates me,
and all because

I had to risk everything just

to save your jobs.
- "Save your jobs"

- We remember.
- So selfless.

- Katherine,
this just came for you.

- For me?
- Mm-hmm.

- It looks like
someone doesn't hate you.

- Uh, we--we scan
for mail bombs, right?

- Mm-hmm.
They got two dogs now.

- You want Sadie and me to work
on some image rehab ideas or...

- Uh, yeah, I guess so.

I mean, look, I'm not some,
like, insecure little girl

who needs everybody to like me.

It's just, I can't
be an effective leader

if I'm a national joke.

Ew, what is this
packing material?

Oh! Oh! Oh!

That's a pube! That's a pube!

[all yelling]
That's a box of pubes!

That's a box of pubes!

- The AC's sucking 'em up.
They're airborne.

[overlapping yelling]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

[chorus vocalizing]

- Whatever happened
to just sending anthrax

when you hated someone?

When did that go out of style?

- Isn't a box full
of pubes better

than a box full of anthrax?

- I honestly don't know.

- They're sweeping up
all the evidence.

We should be
sending these pubes

to the lab
and catching this guy.

- Or girl.

- Jack, come on.

Girls don't even
have pubes anymore,

and if they did,
not these kind of pubes.

- Just from looking at it,

seemed like it came
from multiple people.

- They say
those little hairs really got

hooked into your carpet fiber,

so they gotta dig 'em out.

- Listen, Ian says that I have
to use social media more

so people see my human side.

What--what do you think
of this tweet?

- "Today's a great day
to buy a car

from your local
Payne Motor dealership."

both: "Hashtag car."

- You don't spell the hashtag.

- God, I hate this stuff.

I spent an hour trying
to write a funny tweet

about why the Flintstones
carried their cars

when they were just running.

But when you break down
that show,

that's just one of the things
that doesn't make sense.

- But you know,
you don't have to be funny.

You just have to be real
and authentic

and true to who you are.

- I love that.
- Mm-hmm.

- Great. Um, great.

So why don't you be authentic
and real and all that for me?

- You want me to pretend
to be you?

- Yeah, well, I mean,
just to tweet.

[laughing] You don't have
to wear a skin suit

and [bleep] my husband.

All right, username is

"Katherine Hastings."
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, what if we make her
the victim...

- Right.
- Rough her up a little bit,

make it seem like
an angry customer attacked her?

- So you want
to Tonya Harding her?

- Yes. That's a good way
of putting it, yes.

- What if we put out a video
of her apologizing,

like, in her house
with her family?

People see her as, like,
a wife and a mother

who's truly sorry
for what happened.

- Mm, so it would
be like, um...

[fake crying]
"I'm so sorry.

"Please love me

and stop sending me
your pubic hairs."

- Yeah, s--so no video.
Mm-kay.

- She has you tweeting for her?

- Yeah, she was having trouble
coming up

with something personal
and authentic.

- Yeah, robots do have a tough
time simulating human emotion,

but the technology's
improving every day, so--

- Okay,
so which one should I post?

- Mm, God, I'd love
to keep figuring this out,

but sadly we've arrived
at my office,

and I'm sure you have work--
- It's okay, I got time.

Would you think she would
post Taylor Swift,

or you think she'd wanna
quote that "Lean In" lady?

Is that more her jam?

Taylor Swift.

- Ooh, another idea would
be having you do

a tree-planting campaign.

- Mm.
Nature stuff's so played out.

What else?
- Okay. Uh, ooh.

We think we could get you
on "Dancing with the Stars."

- Guys, I am not
Jake from State Farm, okay?

I'm looking for ideas that are
simple and timeless and real.

- What about an apology video?

- Apology video?
- Yeah, hear me out.

You at home being sincere
with your family

talking about how bad you feel,

leaning into the image
of you as a mother.

- What do you think, Sadie?

- [clears throat]

What do I think
of an apology video?

- Yeah.
- That's a great question.

Um--maybe I said--

it doesn't matter
who thought of that,

'cause we were brainstorming.

Yeah, maybe
that's a good--maybe.

- Maybe we should just
switch you to a simple

thumbs-up
or thumbs-down system.

Nice work, Ian.
- Thank you.

- Okay, well, what about this?

What about if I write,

"Why do we stop chewing
grape gum when we get older?

Grape gum is fire."

And then I put the fire emoji.

- Not sure you want
to reference fire

after the literal fire
we caused.

- See, that's good. See?

See, that's why you here,
'cause you smart.

Okay, how about "@TacoBell,
bring back those waffle tacos,

you cowards.
livemás"?

- It all sounds good.

I appreciate--
I appreciate it.

All right, yeah.
- Sorry, what are--

- Come on in. Come on in.
No. Thank you.

I'm sorry.
There's so much stuff going on,

and I don't have an office.

I hope this is okay.

- Uh--yeah, sure.

Mm-kay. Yeah.

I actually--I wanted
to talk to you about something.

- Go for it.
- It's not a big deal,

but, um, when I suggested
that we do that video,

you were--I thought
that you were against it.

But then, like,
you pitched it to Katherine

kind of like it was your idea,
and I'm sure that was just,

like, a misunderstanding.

- No, it wasn't.

- What?
- Taking your idea.

I'm trying to take your job.

Do you want an M&M?

- No, thank you.
No, they're--they're my M&Ms.

What do you mean,
you're trying to take my job?

- Okay, listen, don't judge,

but I realized for the price
of my L.A. condo,

here I could be
like a land baron.

So I figure, get you fired,
take your job,

start looking at,
uh, open houses.

- What the [bleep]?

- Hey, I said don't judge,
and you're judging.

- Well, of course I'm,
uh, judging you.

You're a psychopath.

- Technically diagnosed
as a cluster B,

Axis II narcissist
with psychopathic tendencies.

Usually I'm so good
at mimicking human emotion,

no one has any idea.

- Wait, what?

- Wait, what?

Anyway, hey,
I gotta return a call.

Could you close the door
on your way out?

- On my w--

- Hey.
- This is my o--

- Andrew. Ian Osofsky.

Buddy, making a video
for a client.

I could use your help.
What do you got?

.

- I mean,
he just seems so normal.

- I read that, like, 10%
of executives are psychopaths.

It's what makes them
such effective leaders.

- Well, you can't just
sit back like some simp

and let him take
your job, okay?

To beat a psycho,

you need to think
like a psycho.

[clears throat]
Blood.

"Helter Skelter."

Uh, Jack the Ripper.

- How does this help me?
- Shh.

Uh, Jeffrey Dahmer.

Mark Cuban.

Daymond John.

Lori Greiner.

- These are just people
from "Shark Tank."

Right?
- Yeah.

- The Payne fire is a tragedy

that never should
have happened.

- Okay, can we do something
about the girl?

She looks like someone disabled
her Instagram account.

- Well, it's your video, bro.

- Why are you being weird?

- I'm being weird?

You're trying to get me fired.

- I told you
that is not personal.

It's a medical condition.

Would you be mad
at a blind man who can't see?

No, you would not.

I might be a psychopath,

but you're a not-nice person.

- Damn it!

- What are you doing?
- [sighs]

We're trying
to make Twitter accounts,

but I keep failing
the CAPTCHA tests,

and I'm starting
to question, like,

am I a robot?

- It doesn't matter
what I tweet, Cyrus.

Katherine's got no followers.

And no one's gonna follow her

unless other people
retweet her.

But there's no one
to retweet her--why?

'Cause she ain't got
no followers.

- Ah, so the fake accounts
follow Katherine

so it looks like she has buzz.

- Aha.
- Congrats.

You've launched
a Russian troll farm.

- I found all
the traffic lights.

There are no more
traffic lights.

- Won't it look
a little suspicious

that all of Katherine's
followers signed up for Twitter

on the same day,
followed no one but her,

and have no other interests?

- You think a detective's
on this or something?

We're just trying to trick
a few idiots.

- If you want this to look
like they're real people,

you need to give them depth.

Okay?
Slide over. Slide over.

Let a maestro do
his maestro thing.

- Okay.

- Is a motorcycle a bike?

- [whispers] Do you see
what I'm dealing with?

- There is nothing
more important

than the safety of your family.

And I say that not just
as a CEO,

but as a mother--

- Stepmother.
- A stepmother--

- Maddie, honey.
- [sighs]

Can we--can we take ten?
- On a ten!

- Maddie--
- Thank God.

- I swear to God.
- Richard, would you talk

to your daughter?
- I can--I can talk to her.

- I'll talk to her.

- I'm closer to her age.

- Well, I'm better
at this stuff.

- Dude, why are you trying
to be alone

with a teenage girl?

It's creepy.

- I'll handle it.

Gosh, this is so basic.
[laughs]

Like, I knew
it was gonna be lit,

but it's almost, like...cheugy.

- Thank you for speaking to me
in a lingo I can identify with.

I feel truly seen.

- Sarcasm, yep.

Can you just be cool
for five minutes

so that we can get out of here?

Like, that's all we want.

We just want to get this done

and leave.

- Okay.

Let's just get this over with.

- Right?

Same page. Up high.

- Nope.
I'm not gonna high-five you.

- Hey. [chuckles]

Listen, do not listen to her.

I do not agree.

I think she's the one acting

like a spoiled [bleep].

- She said that about me?

- Yeah, in a group chat
just a second ago.

But look, I tried
to defend you and said,

Sadie, it's not cool to call
a young girl a spoiled [bleep].

It's not right.

- Hey, I worked it out
with Maddie.

- Oh, Sadie, you're amazing.
- Good, thank you.

- All right, everyone,
let's roll.

- We're back, everyone.
Back in five.

- Now.
- Now! Ready now!

- [bleep] everyone.
I'm leaving.

Who's the [bleep] now, [bleep]?

- Hey, Maddie.

Maddie, wait.

- What did you say to her?

- I present
Matthew Rollins, Jr.

Matthew is
a libertarian atheist

doing his engineering post-grad
at San Diego State.

Go Aztecs.

And he's a volunteer
mountain rescuer.

He's also the guy
that just asked,

"If you were an animated car
in that Pixar movie,

what car would you be?"

And got a reply
from Payne Motors CEO,

Katherine Hastings.

[computer chimes]
And thus,

a conversation has begun.

- Oh, and you know who loves to
comment on all things Disney?

- Who? Give me a good name.

- Uh, Sasha.
- Who is she?

- A single mother of two,

colorblindness survivor,

and Minnie Mouse fanatic.
- I love it.

- And there could be
a guy named, like, Boomer.

- [quietly] Yeah.

- What were you saying?
Sasha...

- Sasha, yeah.
- Okay.

- Single mother of two.

- Nope.
She's not at her mom's either.

- She's 17, Richard.

She's probably at
an arcade or something.

- You know,
there's no arcades anymore.

- Yeah, it's all
oxycodone-fueled

sex parties, like "Euphoria."

- Hey, look, I can have another
girl here in 30 minutes.

- You wanna recast
her daughter?

- We never say
it's her daughter.

If people assume
the girl sitting next to her

is her daughter,
then isn't that on them?

- I mean, that's true.
- Wait,

you're actually considering
replacing Maddie?

- Well, as an option.

- How fake can you be?

- [stammers]
- I mean, come on.

This is the most time

that you and I have
spent together...

- Okay, we don't need to--
- In, like, maybe all year.

And it's in this house
that isn't our house.

- Richard--
- And we're making some stupid

video about how real you are.

- I never said this would--
- You--you know what?

You like the fake house
so much,

why don't you just live here,

'cause I'm done, and I'm
going back to our house--

our actual house.

- Hey, look, I hope you don't
blame Sadie for this.

She did the best she could.

[playful music]

.

- The safety of your family
means everything to me.

- Does it?
[audience laughter]

Does it really?

I can't help thinking
something feels

a little inauthentic
about that apology.

Why is that? Oh, right.

It's because
that's not her house.

It's a set where they shot
a T-Mobile commercial.

- T-Mobile, not gonna lie,

that one kind of stings.

- Okay, you know what,
I wanted to shoot it

in a different location--
- Actually, I think that

you wanted to shoot there.
- I don't think it's really

important who said what, Sadie.
- I'm gonna go vape

until I'm numb,
and when I get back,

I need a new list of ideas,

ideally ones that don't make me
into a national embarrassment.

Okay?

- Gavin Marvin Pendergrass.

- Ooh.
- He's erudite...

- Ah.
- Sophisticated, super likable.

You know, he's an intellectual,

but he also owns a jet ski.

[whispers]
I should buy a jet ski.

- Okay, I see your Gavin,

and I raise you Kiana George.
- Who?

- You see,
she's a fierce Black woman

who loves sushi
and cozy mysteries.

And she got IBS, but she don't
let that define her.

- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.

- What are you guys doing?
- Ooh,

working on your
Twitter account.

- It's not just
an account anymore.

It's a whole Katherine Hastings
Cinematic Universe.

- You wanna read some of these?

- Uh, no. I get it.

Emojicons, eggplants.
We're good.

- Okay.
- Carry on.

- If I'm being honest,
the Katherine character

is becoming my least favorite.

- Central characters
are always boring.

She's just a giant piece
of flavorless meat

with no seasoning.

- You're not pitching anything?

- Nope,
'cause I know Katherine.

She'll wanna take a beat
and reassess.

She doesn't wanna jump
into another bad decision.

- Hm.
- So what have we come up with?

- You know what, I think it's
important at a time like this

to take a beat,
you know, reassess.

We don't want to rush
into another bad decision

where it could blow up
in our faces.

- No. I hate just waiting.

This isn't the time
to sit around doing nothing,

like a condom
in Nick Cannon's wallet.

- I totally agree, and I've
been trying to tell him that.

We need to be proactive.

I thought maybe we could
get you on "Seth Meyers"

and just, like, show
that you're in on the joke.

- Sit down
with my biggest critic?

That's, uh...
- Stupid.

- Ballsy.
If people see us joking around

like old pals, I mean,
then it's okay to like me.

- You know, I'm just--I'm just
worried about, you know,

not seeming like
a serious person.

And plus, it'd take months
to get booked on that show.

- Well, I actually, uh--
I got a slot on Thursday,

if you want.

- Really? Book it.

Nice work, Sadie.

Oh, and book me really good
hair and makeup.

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

[playful music]

- So I hear we're both
from New Hampshire.

- Uh, well,
we moved when I was six,

but I still got
some Hampsha' in me.

- All right, pop quiz:
the thing in the wall

you drink water from,
what's that called?

- Oh, that's a--
that's a "bubblah," yeah.

[New Hampshire accent]
That's a bubbler, yeah,

we got some wicked good
water in those.

- We got wicked good watah.

- It's going really well, huh?

[chuckles]
- It's fine.

- We gotta head up
to the, uh--

to the White Mountains--

- The light's
catching her great,

hitting all the curves.
- Mm.

- So Benny and Natasha,

they're tweeting snarky
comments at each other

about Trump, right,
going back and forth.

But if you put
the politics aside,

they're not so different.

- Ooh, what about
if later on down the line

we have them realize that,
and then they start a romance?

- We should do that.
Let's workshop it,

'cause it's important.
- Political, sexy--

- Y'all are wild.

- What?
- As of this morning,

Katherine has
over ten thousand followers.

- Right! Go us!
- It's catching on.

All right. But who is
your favorite character, Jack?

See, I bet it was TJ, right,
'cause TJ comes to play.

Right, TJ's an amalgam
of characters

that I've experienced
in my own life--

- TJ is cool, but I got to go
with Anita, man.

- Ooh! She's one of mine.

I love Anita. That's me.

- Well, actually,
we came up with her together

I said nurse--
- The stuff Anita says

is so specific.
- Aww.

- Girl, you need to be
a writer.

- [gasps]
- Yeah, I honestly

couldn't even tell
Anita was fake.

- You couldn't tell
a motorcycle from a bike, Jack.

- [New Hampshire accent]
Next time we're back,

we're gonna take the beater,

we're gonna go
for a packie run,

you know, I'll--
I'll bang a U-ie,

and then, uh, we'll go fishing
for some hornpout.

- All right,
that sounds like a plan.

We'll be right back with more

from Katherine Hastings
after this.

[audience applause]

- [chuckling]

[clears throat]

[indistinct chatter]

[normal voice]
I'm such a big fan, by the way.

- Thank you.

- All the jokes you've
been doing about me,

they're so funny.

You know, they sting,

but you know,
it's in a good way.

It's in a good way.
I appreciate it.

I just think it's nice that
we can show people that we're--

- Um, look, uh,
I don't like you.

I mean,
you endangered people's lives.

And, uh, I didn't wanna
have you on the show tonight.

It's just that the network
thought

you would be good ratings.

But don't pretend this is
some sort of showbiz rivalry,

because I hope you go
to prison.

- Huh.

.

- So you've been having
a tough month.

- "Fortune" magazine named you

the "Most Hated CEO
in America."

I mean, that's gotta sting.
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm just glad that
they named me at all, you know?

"The Journal" just calls me
"She Who Must Not Be Named."

[laughs]

You know, like, um, Voldemort.

- Yeah, yeah, "Harry Potter."
Yeah, we get it.

- Yike-sters.
Why is she being so thirsty?

- I don't know.
Something's off.

- [English accent] Set fire
to the Quidditch pitch.

- Cringe city.
I am so glad

I'm not the one
that suggested she do this.

- Dori, what is Eliza gonna do
about that snake in her toilet?

- Only Eliza knows
the answer to that.

I let my characters tell me
what they wanna do.

I just write it down.

- So Eliza wanted you

to tweet about her favorite
mixology bar,

even though she's a devout
Mormon that doesn't drink?

Seems inconsistent.

- People are inconsistent,
Cyrus.

Inconsistencies are what
give my characters depth.

- Personally,
I thought it added

a whole new dimension to her--

- I just think
that you're so focused

on being funny
and controversial

that you're sacrificing
rich character development--

- Cyrus, I have taken up
too much of your time.

Really, I have. And I know
you've got work to do.

- Well, I'm taking
my accounts with me.

- Oh, no, what'll I ever do
without all the characters

you clearly stole
from "Our Town"?

Yeah, you think
I didn't notice?

- That got intense fast.

- Some people don't handle
other people's success well.

- Well, Seth, um,
you've been going after me

pretty hard, um, lately.

So in fact, I snuck
into your writer's room,

um, and I, uh,
grabbed some of the jokes

that you were going to be doing
about me tomorrow on the show.

- Gosh, you know, I think it's
going really, really badly.

- Hey, Hannibal Lector,
no one asked for your opinion.

- Okay, you know,
Hannibal's a problematic

character in our community.

They should have had one
of us play the role, but--

[chuckles]
Hollywood.

- "According to a poll,

92% of Americans dislike
Katherine Hastings."

Oh. [laughs]

"While the other
8% were run over

by their Hydras and couldn't
respond to the survey."

- [laughing] Oh.

That one was harsh.
- Yeah.

- You're gonna find
another job.

I--I can recommend you
to an escort service,

and I think you'd do great
while you're young and still,

you know, kind of pretty.

- Lay off her, man.

- Wesley, it's fine.

- No, I--I'm sick
of him coming after you.

This woman, this beautiful,
kind, classy woman,

she would crush as an escort.

- Okay, that's not--
- No, it's--it's true.

You would, I swear to God.
- Wesley, don't help.

Don't help.

- You'd be very good.

- Thanks.

- [laughing]

I'm cracking myself up.

[computer chimes]

[exhales]

Y'all, I made Katherine
a conspiracy nut.

- What?
- I have this character, Kyle,

who's a crazy QAnon guy,
and I was doing this whole run

about UFOs and, like,
Tom Hank's butthole and stuff.

And I realized I was
on Katherine's account.

- No.
- Wait, can't you just

delete the tweets?
- Yeah, 'cause that's

how the Internet works.
You just delete stuff,

and no one ever
digs it up again.

- Well, what if we say
she was hacked?

Right, that happens
all the time.

Like, we could
start posting a bunch

of racist, homophobic stuff.

Quick, Jack,
get me some [bleep] pics.

- You talking about
from the Internet,

or you--you talking about
from me?

- It's your call, baby.

- There's some crazy stuff
on here though, yo, really.

[audience laughter]

- "Payne reportedly considered
firing Hastings,

"but Ford offered her a job
as a crash test dummy.

[audience laughter]

"I'm not saying she's dumb,
just that she's fake

and a lot of people want
to see her drive into a wall."

[audience laughter]

A lot here about how much
everyone hates me.

Don't feel like
there's a lot of variety.

- [laughing] Hey, I don't
come to your workplace

and tell you how to cover up
defective cars.

[audience laughter]
- Well, yeah,

a lot of, um--
a lot of these are--

are pretty real actually, yeah.

I mean, people hate me.

Try to pretend
it doesn't bother me,

but it does.

- Well, look, you know,
thanks for being a good sport.

Thank you for being here.
Kath--

- Do you know
that someone literally

sent me a box of pubes?

It was--
it was a big box,

like what a toaster
would come in.

I mean, more--
more pubes than really one--

one person could make, unless
they were storing them up.

But you know what,
I don't blame 'em.

I'd probably send me
a box of pubes, too.

I messed up, you know?

No apology video or--or talk
show appearance can make up

for what I did, and you know,
I can't fix it.

But what I can do is promise

that it will never
happen again.

[audience applause]

- Amen to that.
Katherine Hastings, everybody.

We'll be right back.

[band playing]

I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but that was actually
pretty great.

- You know what,
go [bleep] yourself, Seth.

Next time,
I'm going on "Kimmel."

- Can't blame you.

[all cheering]

- Did you see Seth's face?

I mean, I think
he actually felt bad.

- Mm-hmm.
- And maybe

a little in love with me.
- Mm.

I think anyone who sees that
is gonna love you.

- And red America loves
the QAnon tweets,

so you're hitting
all the demos.

- Wait, what QAnon tweets?

- It's a long story.

- You know,
I knew you'd pull it off.

I kept saying,
believe in Katherine--

- He's a liar.

- I don't lie.
- Yes, you do.

Yes, you do.
You lie all the time.

He lies all the time.
And he's trying

to steal Sadie's job
and take credit for her ideas.

And he's a psychopath.
And he's a bully.

And he's mean. And I hate him.

- Hey.

- Okay.
Well, I'm, um--

I'm sorry
that he was mean to you.

But, um, his job here is done,

so you really won't
have to see him anymore.

- Oh.

Okay, oh, yeah.
Yeah, of course.

You know, now that I've
resolved this issue,

I guess
Mary Poppins just moves on

to some more children
that need me to help them.

- Okay? You feel better now?

- Uh-huh.
- Bye, Mary.

It's been a pleasure.

- [sucks teeth]

- How gross was that?
- Yeah.

- "Katherine, Ian's
being mean to Sadie."

- I can handle
my own problems, Wesley.

- I hate a tattletale.

It's, like, just so hard
to respect a person

when they're being
a whiny little bitch, you know?

- Totally.
It's not a good look.

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