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1
00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:03,742
Previously
on "Resident Alien"...
2
00:00:03,785 --> 00:00:05,700
You are the Greys.
What are you going to do?
3
00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:08,399
We will destroy you
and everyone you care about.
4
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,009
There's alien activity here.
5
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,619
I know it.
- What are you gonna do?
6
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,057
Call the Alien Tracker and
tell him to come to Patience
7
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:15,449
and find himself an alien.
8
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:17,930
I need a refill
on these pain meds.
9
00:00:17,973 --> 00:00:19,758
These can be
very addictive.
10
00:00:19,801 --> 00:00:22,500
- Who's Mary Ellen Taylor?
- My mom.
11
00:00:22,543 --> 00:00:24,284
I liked my life
the way it was, still do.
12
00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:25,677
I don't think
this guy's an alien.
13
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:27,113
Did you notice
anything different
14
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,810
about that new lunch lady?
She might be MIB.
15
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:31,291
MIB stole the baby
last night.
16
00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,511
What assholes,
exclamation mark!
17
00:00:36,035 --> 00:00:37,210
Our first battery of exams
18
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:39,343
haven't detected
any extraterrestrial DNA,
19
00:00:39,386 --> 00:00:41,214
but our next round
of experimental tests--
20
00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:43,608
Forget it.
I'm going in.
21
00:00:43,651 --> 00:00:45,000
Yes, ma'am.
22
00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:46,741
I'll inform the guards
to prepare the restraints.
23
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:47,916
Restraints?
24
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,831
Don't bother.
25
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:51,703
He's not an alien.
26
00:00:51,746 --> 00:00:53,313
None of them are.
27
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:57,926
(door closes)
28
00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:00,842
(sighs)
29
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:05,673
I remember being a kid,
the pranks we'd play.
30
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:10,287
You'd do anything
to fit in, so I get it.
31
00:01:10,330 --> 00:01:13,855
It's clear you look
like this dead boy.
32
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:18,947
But whose idea was it for you
to pretend to be an alien?
33
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,079
You can tell me.
34
00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:22,386
You won't get in trouble.
35
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:28,783
If you had any idea
the hundreds of subjects,
36
00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:30,611
the thousands of tests,
37
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:34,267
then you would cut
the fake-alien shit!
38
00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:37,357
(sighs)
39
00:01:42,101 --> 00:01:44,495
(sighs)
40
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:48,281
They're real, you know.
41
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:51,980
I saw them with my father...
42
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:54,722
when I was about your age.
43
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:57,682
(dramatic music)
44
00:01:57,725 --> 00:02:01,338
♫ ♫
45
00:02:01,381 --> 00:02:03,383
Your eyes were
playing tricks on you.
46
00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:06,691
I know what I saw.
Look at the damn photos.
47
00:02:06,734 --> 00:02:08,649
Oh, we have.
48
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:11,174
Could have been
a weather balloon.
49
00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:12,740
Who the hell are you?
50
00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:14,786
It's just
and your daughter, right?
51
00:02:16,657 --> 00:02:20,183
♫ Leave it alone ♫
52
00:02:20,226 --> 00:02:23,229
♫ Give it a rest ♫
53
00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:27,755
Dad, no!
54
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:30,497
♫ Say what you needed
to say ♫
55
00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:34,284
♫ I got no happy ♫
56
00:02:34,327 --> 00:02:37,504
♫ In my head ♫
57
00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:41,465
♫ I miss that feeling ♫
58
00:02:41,508 --> 00:02:45,382
♫ I had ♫
59
00:02:45,425 --> 00:02:48,167
♫ That we're all alone ♫
60
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,995
(squawks softly)
61
00:02:50,038 --> 00:02:52,519
(shudders)
62
00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:57,522
{\an7}{Brown Bird's "Bilgewater"}
63
00:02:55,566 --> 00:02:58,699
(laid-back acoustic strumming)
64
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:02,877
♫ ♫
65
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,000
{\an8}Improved by Sailor420
Hope you enjoy the show
66
00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:05,880
My people began
as aquatic creatures.
67
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:09,275
I am glad we grew legs
and started walking on land.
68
00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:11,103
I would not want to be a fish,
69
00:03:11,146 --> 00:03:13,540
in the same way
I do not want to be a human.
70
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:17,109
So much of their lives
is out of their control.
71
00:03:17,152 --> 00:03:19,416
The fish swims forward
looking for food,
72
00:03:19,459 --> 00:03:23,115
and when they find it, they
get yanked out of their homes
73
00:03:23,158 --> 00:03:25,857
by a weird being,
measured and probed,
74
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:29,077
and then thrown back
into their home.
75
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,818
It is not the fish's fault.
76
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:34,648
If I was hungry and I saw
a pizza on a hook,
77
00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:37,651
I might not be able to control
myself either.
78
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:42,395
- (breathes deeply)
- It's my fault.
79
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,571
I spent my whole life
trying to protect you.
80
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,704
I should have told you
what I knew about your mother
81
00:03:46,747 --> 00:03:49,272
a long time ago.
82
00:03:49,315 --> 00:03:51,404
Now I understand
why you didn't.
83
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:55,103
You know, I met her
when she joined our band.
84
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,976
She was pregnant already.
85
00:03:58,019 --> 00:03:59,586
So you were, like...
86
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,371
(chuckles)
The fifth member.
87
00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:04,417
Did you know my father?
88
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:07,638
Mary-Ellen kept that
to herself.
89
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:10,597
I ended up watching
you most of the time.
90
00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:13,339
Then one day
she was just gone.
91
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,863
How do you just leave
a kid like that on a doorstep
92
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:18,605
and not care at all?
- I don't know.
93
00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:22,609
My bandmates told me
to call CPS, but...
94
00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:26,309
I called
an adoption lawyer instead.
95
00:04:26,352 --> 00:04:28,311
You're too kind
for your own good.
96
00:04:28,354 --> 00:04:30,748
It wasn't kindness;
97
00:04:30,791 --> 00:04:32,053
it was love.
98
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,969
You were yourself, Asta,
the day you were born.
99
00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:37,581
I can't make people see
how special you are,
100
00:04:37,624 --> 00:04:39,800
but I always have.
101
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:43,195
I lost a drummer,
but I gained a daughter.
102
00:04:43,238 --> 00:04:45,415
More than a fair trade,
I'd say.
103
00:04:45,458 --> 00:04:49,157
(sentimental music)
104
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:52,160
- Thanks, Dad.
- Yeah.
105
00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:54,511
♫ ♫
106
00:04:54,554 --> 00:04:57,688
(indistinct chatter)
107
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,779
Oh, I thought I heard voices.
108
00:05:01,822 --> 00:05:04,303
Morning, Kayla.
- Ben, hi
109
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,044
Kayla asked me
to help her with a case.
110
00:05:06,087 --> 00:05:07,872
Honey, that's amazing.
111
00:05:07,915 --> 00:05:10,048
See, I knew you'd back into law
when the timing was right.
112
00:05:10,091 --> 00:05:11,179
What's the case?
113
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:12,920
I am helping Kayla's law firm
114
00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:14,922
get a temporary
restraining order
115
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:18,361
to stop the resort
from moving forward.
116
00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:19,927
Huh.
117
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,235
Great.
118
00:05:23,278 --> 00:05:24,802
Can I get you some more coffee?
119
00:05:24,845 --> 00:05:27,413
- Oh, that'd be nice, honey.
- Mm-hmm.
120
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:31,286
So, um, the judge is gonna
decide whether we've proven...
121
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:34,681
(coffee grinder
whirring loudly)
122
00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,291
Um, whether we've proven...
123
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:39,164
(coffee grinder
whirring loudly)
124
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,736
Sorry, Kayla.
125
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,260
(chuckles) Look, listen,
the key to all of this
126
00:05:48,303 --> 00:05:50,828
is just that we're gonna prove
that the environmental impact--
127
00:05:50,871 --> 00:05:54,222
(coffee grinder
whirring loudly)
128
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:55,441
If we've proven--
129
00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:57,008
(coffee grinder
whirring intermittently)
130
00:05:57,051 --> 00:05:58,226
Irreparable...
131
00:05:58,270 --> 00:05:59,532
environmental--
132
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,492
(coffee grinder
whirring loudly)
133
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,847
Ben!
134
00:06:09,890 --> 00:06:11,370
(whirring stops)
135
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:12,719
Did you say my name?
136
00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,460
I know what you're doing.
137
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,462
Barista-ing?
138
00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:18,072
You know what?
I'm just going to head out.
139
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,944
I'll let you know
what the judge says,
140
00:06:19,987 --> 00:06:22,207
and, um, I'll take a rain check
on that coffee.
141
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:23,643
Oh.
142
00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:25,906
And the vacuuming you
were probably about to do.
143
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,386
Yeah.
144
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:30,781
(door opens, closes)
145
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,000
Was that the most mature
thing you've ever done?
146
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,915
Mm, top three.
147
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,701
Look, I know we're
on different sides
148
00:06:37,744 --> 00:06:39,485
of this resort thing.
- Mm-hmm.
149
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:42,488
Maybe it wasn't fair of me to
have a meeting like that here.
150
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,272
Thank you.
151
00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:46,405
So we make a pact.
152
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,276
The second we walk
in that door,
153
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,191
we don't talk about the resort.
154
00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:52,411
(dramatic music)
155
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,979
(sighs)
Deal.
156
00:06:55,022 --> 00:06:56,502
Okay.
157
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:59,200
(growling)
158
00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:00,593
So stupid.
159
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,769
Hey, you wanted to see me?
160
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:06,120
(clears throat)
Yes, uh...
161
00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:09,428
I have, uh, something
that I wanted to tell you,
162
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:12,300
but I don't know how,
so I wrote it in a letter.
163
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:14,215
Okay, just tell me.
164
00:07:20,221 --> 00:07:21,527
Okay.
165
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:25,183
"Dear, Asta, the Greys
are here to kill us all"?
166
00:07:25,226 --> 00:07:26,445
That's your opening?
167
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,229
I wanted to get
your attention.
168
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:29,970
Good job.
It worked.
169
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:32,451
- Mm.
- (sighs) Are we all gonna die?
170
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,453
Again?
- Mm.
171
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,411
- Why are they here?
- I do not know.
172
00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:40,590
It all happened very fast.
He threatened me and then left.
173
00:07:40,633 --> 00:07:42,592
You are a Grey.
174
00:07:42,635 --> 00:07:44,637
Yes, and you are...
175
00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:47,771
(speaking in native language)
176
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:56,823
It's funny to hear it
in your accent.
177
00:07:56,867 --> 00:08:00,479
I will find these Greys.
Do not worry.
178
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,742
You drew the Earth exploding.
179
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:05,745
But, yeah, sure,
nothing to worry about.
180
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:08,661
♫ ♫
181
00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:11,490
But the artistry is...
182
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,579
pretty undeniable.
183
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,015
You've reached
Detective Lena Torres,
184
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,756
Jessup PD--
please leave a message.
185
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,671
(line beeps)
- Uh, hello, Detective.
186
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:20,673
It's, uh,
Mike Thompson calling.
187
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:22,457
Uh, actually,
I heard on the scanner
188
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:25,286
that you guys were dealing
with a gang of turkey thieves.
189
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,027
I just wanted
to make sure you know
190
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:29,856
that we can offer help or
reinforcements if you need it.
191
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,858
Um, actually, to me,
it's kind of crazy
192
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:33,947
somebody would want
to steal something
193
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:36,689
that looks like a peacock
had sex with a loose red sock.
194
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:39,779
But, um, anyway, um,
I was calling
195
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,520
because I was just wondering
what you was up to, and--
196
00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:42,608
Oh, good morning, sir.
197
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:44,044
I didn't know
you were here yet.
198
00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:45,698
Here's your bear claw.
- Just one second, please.
199
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:47,134
Uh, sorry about that, Detective.
200
00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:49,093
Anyway, like I said, you
can give me a call sometime.
201
00:08:49,136 --> 00:08:50,485
All right, thank you.
Bye-bye.
202
00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:51,791
I knew it.
203
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:53,271
You two are gonna have
ten babies together.
204
00:08:53,314 --> 00:08:54,881
(stammers)
Deputy, what are you doing?
205
00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:56,927
I hadn't hung up yet.
- No, I'm--
206
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,842
I was right on the brink
of leaving the perfect message,
207
00:08:58,885 --> 00:09:00,887
and then as I'm about
to nail my triple axel,
208
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,672
you come up behind me
with a lead pipe
209
00:09:02,715 --> 00:09:03,977
and take out both my knees?
210
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:06,850
But I only accidentally
smashed your knees,
211
00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:08,591
and it really
wasn't a lead pipe.
212
00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:09,983
Like, it was more
of a soft wooden bat,
213
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:11,637
because women like babies.
214
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:13,726
I'm just--I'm gonna--
215
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:17,251
I'm gonna leave this here.
216
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,253
(mumbles)
217
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:22,082
♫ ♫
218
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:24,563
(sighs)
219
00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:28,175
(sighs, groans)
220
00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:30,917
(winces)
221
00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:33,659
(soft music playing)
222
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,748
D'arcy.
223
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:40,753
♫ ♫
224
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:42,668
Good morning, champ.
225
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:45,453
Hi.
226
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:46,629
Is it morning?
227
00:09:46,672 --> 00:09:49,109
It's, like, 11:30.
228
00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:51,285
(sighs)
Have you seen my blender lid?
229
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:52,896
No.
230
00:09:52,939 --> 00:09:55,246
It's always in this drawer.
You sure you didn't move it?
231
00:09:55,289 --> 00:09:56,464
I have a whole system.
232
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,771
I never pegged you
for a system person.
233
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:01,469
I also said "good morning."
234
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:04,081
(sighs) You did.
235
00:10:04,124 --> 00:10:06,083
(chuckles)
236
00:10:06,126 --> 00:10:07,432
Mmm.
237
00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:09,782
♫ ♫
238
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,523
Wait, do you think I'm messy?
239
00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:13,307
No, not at all.
240
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,701
I like you being a neat freak
about your blender.
241
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,224
(chuckles) Neat freak?
242
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:18,965
I'm a neat freak
because I put things
243
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,837
in the drawer
where they belong?
244
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,143
(chuckles)
I mean, come on, you know...
245
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,364
Is the carpenter
who puts separate containers
246
00:10:26,407 --> 00:10:28,845
for the forks and knives
also a neat freak?
247
00:10:28,888 --> 00:10:30,324
You know who was
a real neat freak?
248
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:31,761
Whoever invented numbers.
249
00:10:31,804 --> 00:10:33,284
You know, each one
is its own separate thing.
250
00:10:33,327 --> 00:10:34,720
What a neat freak.
251
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,983
You really gonna rant
at me about a blender lid?
252
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:38,681
I just need you
to help me find it.
253
00:10:38,724 --> 00:10:44,687
♫ ♫
254
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,689
- Here.
- Oh.
255
00:10:46,732 --> 00:10:48,995
Huh.
Thank you.
256
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,606
You are like my little
appliances truffle pig.
257
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:54,914
♫ ♫
258
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:57,743
(blender whirring)
259
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,136
Mm.
260
00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:02,008
♫ ♫
261
00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:04,707
Mmm, so good.
262
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:06,883
You want one?
- Are you okay?
263
00:11:06,926 --> 00:11:09,189
You seem a little
all over the place lately.
264
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:13,803
Um, just in my head
about the hardpack tournament.
265
00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:16,327
Competition mode--
it's an intense mode.
266
00:11:16,370 --> 00:11:18,285
Ah, if you're stressed,
we'll skip tonight.
267
00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:19,983
No, no way.
268
00:11:20,026 --> 00:11:23,029
Sir, dinner is on.
269
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:25,379
Mwah!
Gonna see you tonight.
270
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,338
Gonna make me something
with protein in it.
271
00:11:27,381 --> 00:11:29,557
(laughs)
272
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:32,735
Hey, Deputy.
273
00:11:32,778 --> 00:11:34,388
Any word
from Detective Torres?
274
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:37,478
- No, Deputy.
- Maybe she's busy.
275
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,263
Maybe she don't want to have
ten babies.
276
00:11:39,306 --> 00:11:41,526
Anyway, uh, weren't you
trying to get in touch
277
00:11:41,569 --> 00:11:43,180
with that Alien Tracker guy?
278
00:11:43,223 --> 00:11:45,269
Oh, I gave up.
279
00:11:45,312 --> 00:11:46,792
I sent 60 emails.
280
00:11:46,836 --> 00:11:49,316
He didn't respond to even one.
281
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,492
You know, I spent all this time
putting him on a pedestal.
282
00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:53,190
He's probably just a jerk.
283
00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:55,801
Okay, well, he's also here.
284
00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:01,154
It was 62 emails, actually.
285
00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,245
Would you care to have lunch
with a jerk?
286
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:06,986
(gasps softly)
287
00:12:15,255 --> 00:12:17,127
We've got a problem.
288
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,607
Uh, apparently, a couple
of power-hungry lawyers
289
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:21,827
are filing
a restraining order
290
00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:24,090
to temporarily stop
the resort project.
291
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:25,613
Really?
How you know that?
292
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:27,659
Well, let's just say
you don't become mayor
293
00:12:27,702 --> 00:12:29,617
without having a few ears out
in the community.
294
00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:31,402
- Kate's one of the lawyers.
- She sure is.
295
00:12:31,445 --> 00:12:32,751
- Okay.
- Yes.
296
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,448
And I would blame that
for my stress headache,
297
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:35,754
but I've had that
since I was six.
298
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:36,842
Okay, you know what?
299
00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:38,278
You done come
to the right place,
300
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:39,932
'cause you happen
to be in the presence
301
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,586
of a professional masseur.
302
00:12:41,629 --> 00:12:43,153
Here, go ahead.
303
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,285
Take a seat.
Go ahead.
304
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:47,113
- You went to massage school?
- I sure did.
305
00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:49,289
I graduated top of my class.
- Hmm.
306
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,074
Taught myself
in my own kitchen.
307
00:12:51,117 --> 00:12:52,466
Is it too late
to stand back up?
308
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:53,990
No, no, you're fine.
Don't worry.
309
00:12:54,033 --> 00:12:55,252
I learned
the old-fashioned way.
310
00:12:55,295 --> 00:12:56,644
See, I practiced on cats.
311
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,690
If you can massage
a cat at 3:00 a.m.
312
00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:01,345
without being scratched to
death or waking your neighbor,
313
00:13:01,388 --> 00:13:02,825
you graduate.
314
00:13:02,868 --> 00:13:04,391
You know, the more feral,
the better.
315
00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:06,002
I remember for my masters,
316
00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:07,917
I found this cat
in an alleyway.
317
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,311
I still can't grow hair on my
left forearm, but I graduated.
318
00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:14,271
Ow, well, uh,
the back pain has drowned out
319
00:13:14,314 --> 00:13:15,707
the head pain, so thank you.
320
00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:17,187
- Oh, you're welcome.
- Very much.
321
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,492
Now that you've
got a clear head,
322
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:19,972
you can start
thinking about how
323
00:13:20,016 --> 00:13:21,974
to get Kate off of this resort
thing when you get home.
324
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:23,541
Uh, well, see, that's--
that's the problem.
325
00:13:23,584 --> 00:13:25,151
I can't.
326
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,414
We agreed not to talk about
the resort when we're at home.
327
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,242
That's a good idea.
That's best for your marriage.
328
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,418
I, on the other hand, am not
married to either one of you.
329
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:34,073
Look, invite me over to dinner.
330
00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:35,988
I accept.
I'll see you tonight.
331
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:40,427
Uh, I'm having a hard time
turning my head to the left?
332
00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:42,255
Yes, you know what?
The cats had the same problem.
333
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:43,735
Try this.
334
00:13:43,778 --> 00:13:45,998
Try hunching your back
over like this and hissing.
335
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,696
I'll see you later.
336
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:50,394
W-what?
337
00:13:50,437 --> 00:13:53,397
(indistinct chatter)
338
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,400
(soft music playing)
339
00:13:56,443 --> 00:13:59,142
I have figured out
how to stop the Greys.
340
00:13:59,185 --> 00:14:00,447
What?
341
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:03,189
That's great.
What are you gonna do?
342
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:04,930
There is
another alien convention
343
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,062
in New Mexico next week.
344
00:14:06,105 --> 00:14:07,715
It will be filled with humans
345
00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:10,066
that have been probed
and implanted
346
00:14:10,109 --> 00:14:12,416
by those horrible
Grey creatures.
347
00:14:12,459 --> 00:14:13,896
That's true.
348
00:14:13,939 --> 00:14:17,203
You could use those people
to, what, track the Greys?
349
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:20,772
No, I will kidnap the humans
and rip out their implants
350
00:14:20,815 --> 00:14:24,123
and then re-implant them
in professional show dogs.
351
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,255
(laughs)
352
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,734
- What?
- Mm-hmm.
353
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:28,911
The Greys will be so confused.
354
00:14:28,954 --> 00:14:32,740
"Why is that human
that I abducted
355
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:35,743
running around in circles
and jumping over gates?"
356
00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:39,573
That will stop them
for three to five minutes.
357
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,271
We need to start
thinking about a plan B.
358
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,055
Mm, what?
359
00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:44,143
Yeah.
360
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:45,231
Hey.
361
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:46,972
That guy
looks an awful lot like--
362
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:49,714
(gasps) Oh, my God,
that's the Alien Tracker.
363
00:14:49,757 --> 00:14:51,455
He's sitting in a booth
with Liv.
364
00:14:51,498 --> 00:14:53,544
Why is he with Liv?
- Is he ordering pie?
365
00:14:53,587 --> 00:14:54,849
I don't know.
Let's go.
366
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:57,983
I was here earlier.
There's only one left.
367
00:14:59,985 --> 00:15:02,031
He has a dessert menu,
the son of a bitch!
368
00:15:02,074 --> 00:15:03,684
Oh, God.
369
00:15:03,728 --> 00:15:06,774
The ship was gone by the time
the other kids came back,
370
00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:11,170
but, somehow, in that moment,
I felt like--
371
00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:13,999
You felt your world expand
372
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,828
beyond anything
you ever imagined possible.
373
00:15:16,871 --> 00:15:19,700
Wow. Exactly.
374
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:23,313
But the thing that I remember
most was feeling alone.
375
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:26,620
I knew no one would believe me,
except my Aunt Cathy.
376
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:28,796
But her favorite shirt
was a straitjacket.
377
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,017
Well, that's why
so few come forward.
378
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,411
You know, I'm producing
a documentary
379
00:15:34,454 --> 00:15:36,935
where experiencers
share their stories.
380
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:39,155
People need to know
they're not alone.
381
00:15:39,198 --> 00:15:40,460
You're so noble.
382
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:42,332
You're like a lion.
383
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,116
Would you be interested
in participating?
384
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,813
Oh, I couldn't.
385
00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:48,338
I would be so worried
about what everyone might think
386
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,296
that my elbows
would start to sweat.
387
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:52,472
They're--
they're sweating now.
388
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:55,998
(groans)
(door opens)
389
00:15:56,041 --> 00:15:59,088
Hey, you can't just come
back here--it's unsanitary.
390
00:15:59,131 --> 00:16:00,524
Okay, Dad,
391
00:16:00,567 --> 00:16:01,960
we need to stay here
until this guy leaves, okay?
392
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,657
He knows that Harry's an alien,
393
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,920
and he might recognize me
from the convention.
394
00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:08,662
Dan, do not sell
that bad man any pie.
395
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:10,795
- Hmm.
- (sighs, gasps)
396
00:16:10,838 --> 00:16:12,101
Excuse me.
397
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:14,581
Ah!
398
00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:16,757
- What's going on?
- He saw me. Give me a fork.
399
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:19,369
I need to stab him in
the neck--and anyone who saw.
400
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,502
I have a lot of necks to stab.
- You're not stabbing anyone!
401
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:23,851
- No.
- She's right.
402
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:25,027
Go out the back.
403
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,898
What's going on?
Is everything okay?
404
00:16:26,941 --> 00:16:29,683
(dramatic music)
405
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,685
I have to check
something out--I'll be back.
406
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,165
Is checking tracking?
407
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,906
Are you alien checking?
408
00:16:34,949 --> 00:16:36,212
I'll be here.
409
00:16:36,255 --> 00:16:43,393
♫ ♫
410
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:50,052
(pop rock music playing)
411
00:16:50,095 --> 00:16:51,531
Hey, Liv.
412
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:54,186
Were you just here with friend?
- Oh, no.
413
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:57,407
It might be early
for the F word,
414
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,539
but he did share
some childhood-trauma stuff.
415
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:02,542
- Mm.
- Plus, I do know his birthday,
416
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,414
favorite color, and moon sign.
417
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:07,286
Holy crap, I'm friends
with the Alien Tracker.
418
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:08,548
The Alien Tracker--
419
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,724
isn't that that podcast
you listen to?
420
00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:12,944
Like, he chases Martians
or something?
421
00:17:12,987 --> 00:17:15,381
Yeah, but Peter is
so much more than that.
422
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:16,730
He literally wrote the book
423
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:18,645
on government
alien conspiracies.
424
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:21,474
Mm, so is he here
visiting his number-one fan
425
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:24,129
or here on business?
426
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,349
He thinks that there
might be alien activity
427
00:17:26,392 --> 00:17:27,611
right here in Patience.
428
00:17:27,654 --> 00:17:29,917
He's checking out a lead now.
429
00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,441
How exciting is that?
430
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,921
Wow, that is really exciting.
431
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:36,446
Man, he means business.
432
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,274
I wouldn't want
to be that alien.
433
00:17:38,317 --> 00:17:42,407
{\an7}{Belle and Sebastian's
"Sukie in the Graveyard"}
434
00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:43,670
Hi, Dr. Vanderspeigle.
435
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:47,152
Can I ask you about making
an appointment for--
436
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,023
♫ Sukie was the kid ♫
437
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:51,113
♫ She liked to hang out
in the graveyard ♫
438
00:17:51,156 --> 00:17:52,244
Excuse me.
439
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,767
♫ She did brass rubbings ♫
440
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:56,770
♫ She learned
she never had to press hard ♫
441
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,598
♫ When she was finished
hanging out ♫
442
00:17:58,642 --> 00:18:00,165
♫ She was all alone ♫
443
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,385
♫ She decided that she better
check in at home ♫
444
00:18:02,428 --> 00:18:04,561
♫ There was an awful row
between her mum and dad ♫
445
00:18:04,604 --> 00:18:07,085
♫ They said she hadn't done
this, she hadn't done that ♫
446
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,392
♫ If she wanted to remain
inside the family home ♫
447
00:18:09,435 --> 00:18:11,916
♫ She'd have to toe the line,
she'd have to give it a go ♫
448
00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:14,875
♫ It didn't suit Sukie,
she took her things and left ♫
449
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:19,184
♫ ♫
450
00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:20,881
(chuckles)
451
00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,840
♫ She liked to hang out
in the graveyard ♫
452
00:18:22,883 --> 00:18:24,798
♫ ♫
453
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:27,323
(objects clatter)
454
00:18:27,366 --> 00:18:29,281
Ah.
455
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:30,804
I should have killed you
456
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:33,155
when you were begging me
not to rip your neck open
457
00:18:33,198 --> 00:18:34,721
like a stupid baby.
458
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,419
Sometimes I wish you had.
459
00:18:36,462 --> 00:18:38,247
The only thing
that kept me going
460
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:42,338
was the incontrovertible fact
that the next time I saw you,
461
00:18:42,381 --> 00:18:46,951
you would be the one
cowering in fear.
462
00:18:46,994 --> 00:18:48,387
(electricity buzzing)
463
00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:50,302
I did not want
to murder this man
464
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:52,174
in the middle of town.
465
00:18:52,217 --> 00:18:54,176
It is going to be messy
for the people
466
00:18:54,219 --> 00:18:55,655
who clean up dead bodies.
467
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:58,310
I'll write "sorry"
on the wall in his blood.
468
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,269
(electricity buzzing)
469
00:19:00,312 --> 00:19:02,445
(growls)
470
00:19:04,142 --> 00:19:07,319
Witness, he--he was texting
while walking.
471
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,234
Sustained, Your Honor.
472
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,236
Exhibit, bailiff.
473
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,412
It's okay, ma'am.
474
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,632
It'll take more than that
to take me out.
475
00:19:15,675 --> 00:19:17,503
(sighs in relief)
476
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:20,376
Oh, there you are.
477
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:26,686
Your underwear
is arousing me sexually.
478
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,819
Let me buy you a beer,
479
00:19:28,862 --> 00:19:32,170
uh, woman that I just met.
480
00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:35,217
(chuckles)
481
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,697
(indistinct chatter)
482
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:41,353
So... this is finally
happening, huh?
483
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:43,050
- Mm.
- I remember that pap smear.
484
00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:45,227
You were down there
for quite a while.
485
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:46,358
(chuckles awkwardly)
486
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,404
I think you saw
something you liked.
487
00:19:48,447 --> 00:19:49,579
I get it.
- Oh, no!
488
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,537
We have changed.
489
00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:53,322
We have grown apart.
490
00:19:53,365 --> 00:19:56,890
The mature thing for us to do
is to go our way separately.
491
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,936
It is not me.
It is you.
492
00:19:58,979 --> 00:19:59,937
It is me.
493
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:05,464
(door opens)
- Well, crap.
494
00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:08,380
Can you spot me a tequila?
- Sure.
495
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:11,644
Yeah, just got diz-numped.
496
00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:15,213
Hello.
497
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,520
(soft music playing)
498
00:20:17,563 --> 00:20:21,219
I saved your breakfast.
499
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:24,178
The busboy tried to take it.
I had to show him my gun.
500
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:25,484
Yeah, I'm not hungry.
501
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:27,486
I grabbed a sandwich
at the deli.
502
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:28,879
Oh.
503
00:20:28,922 --> 00:20:31,403
Anyway, you ran off so fast.
504
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:32,883
Did you find something?
505
00:20:32,926 --> 00:20:35,015
(whispering)
Uh, was it the alien?
506
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:36,539
(sighs)
507
00:20:36,582 --> 00:20:38,584
You know, people think you have
to be alone somewhere
508
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,325
for them to get to you.
509
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:43,110
My wife and I were on
a crowded bus in New York City,
510
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:47,289
and they ripped my child out
of my wife's pregnant belly.
511
00:20:47,332 --> 00:20:50,466
I'm not gonna let anyone else
suffer like we did.
512
00:20:50,509 --> 00:20:53,120
So, even if there was an alien
standing right next to us,
513
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,774
I would not tell you.
514
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:56,950
And I wouldn't take
any action...
515
00:20:56,994 --> 00:21:00,302
not with any innocent
people around.
516
00:21:00,345 --> 00:21:02,739
That is so admirable.
517
00:21:02,782 --> 00:21:04,175
Did I say that already?
518
00:21:04,218 --> 00:21:06,133
I feel like
I'm repeating myself.
519
00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:07,744
My elbows are hot again.
520
00:21:07,787 --> 00:21:09,920
So what did you
want to show me?
521
00:21:09,963 --> 00:21:11,965
Oh.
522
00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:17,536
♫ ♫
523
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:21,845
I've been documenting possible
alien activity in Patience,
524
00:21:21,888 --> 00:21:23,673
possible UFO sightings,
525
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:26,937
you know,
the stuff people call in about.
526
00:21:26,980 --> 00:21:30,593
♫ ♫
527
00:21:30,636 --> 00:21:33,726
(dramatic music)
528
00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:35,337
What is this?
529
00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:37,600
Oh, that was a hoax
started by the mayor's son.
530
00:21:37,643 --> 00:21:39,819
I already questioned him.
It was nothing.
531
00:21:39,863 --> 00:21:42,431
Unless it means something
to you.
532
00:21:42,474 --> 00:21:44,563
No.
533
00:21:44,607 --> 00:21:47,349
May I hang on to this
for a bit?
534
00:21:47,392 --> 00:21:49,133
You like my book?
535
00:21:49,176 --> 00:21:51,614
Of course, yes,
you can hang on to it.
536
00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:54,747
Sweaty.
537
00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:57,489
Let's catch up tonight,
2100 hours.
538
00:21:57,533 --> 00:21:59,012
Is there a tavern around here?
539
00:21:59,056 --> 00:22:01,406
Yeah, we have a pub.
It's called The 59.
540
00:22:01,450 --> 00:22:02,842
I prefer a tavern.
541
00:22:02,886 --> 00:22:05,323
- Is there a difference?
- There is a big difference.
542
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:07,238
Oh, we just have a pub.
543
00:22:08,544 --> 00:22:09,806
I suppose I can go with that.
544
00:22:09,849 --> 00:22:11,721
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
545
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:14,288
I'll see you there.
You stay safe, now.
546
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:21,513
Okay.
547
00:22:21,557 --> 00:22:25,561
Okay, these are for heartburn.
548
00:22:25,604 --> 00:22:28,259
These are
for my cat's heartburn.
549
00:22:28,302 --> 00:22:31,436
Ooh, I don't know
what this one is.
550
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,786
(coughs) Oh.
551
00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:35,788
I think that one was a bead.
552
00:22:35,832 --> 00:22:37,660
Judes, my knee is on fire.
553
00:22:37,703 --> 00:22:39,401
I need the pain meds
that you took
554
00:22:39,444 --> 00:22:40,837
after you fell off the roof.
555
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,623
Yeah, roofing looks like
it'd be so easy, yeah?
556
00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:46,146
(scoffs) It's not.
557
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:48,932
(sighs)
Ooh, maybe these ones.
558
00:22:48,975 --> 00:22:51,587
Do you have dry mouth...
- Yes.
559
00:22:51,630 --> 00:22:53,327
- Constipation...
- So much.
560
00:22:53,371 --> 00:22:55,765
- And mood swings?
- Oh, my God, give me those.
561
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:57,810
That's it.
562
00:22:57,854 --> 00:22:59,943
Can--can I keep
just, like, one,
563
00:22:59,986 --> 00:23:01,988
just in case
I swallow any more beads?
564
00:23:02,032 --> 00:23:05,078
No, just don't eat beads.
565
00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:06,602
Wow.
566
00:23:06,645 --> 00:23:08,734
Are you, like, a doctor?
567
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,478
(door closes)
568
00:23:13,522 --> 00:23:16,046
(scarfing)
569
00:23:16,089 --> 00:23:19,441
What are you doing here?
570
00:23:19,484 --> 00:23:21,268
Oh, you should be hiding.
571
00:23:23,357 --> 00:23:24,837
I'm an alien.
572
00:23:24,881 --> 00:23:26,796
Aliens do not hide from humans.
573
00:23:26,839 --> 00:23:28,493
Well, you should.
574
00:23:28,537 --> 00:23:30,016
I talked to Liv.
575
00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:32,497
This whole Alien Tracker thing
is not just for show.
576
00:23:32,541 --> 00:23:34,499
He's an expert on aliens.
577
00:23:34,543 --> 00:23:35,892
He even wrote a book
578
00:23:35,935 --> 00:23:38,808
about some secret alien
government program.
579
00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:41,593
Harry, he could hurt you.
580
00:23:41,637 --> 00:23:43,377
Could you tell
the angry nurse
581
00:23:43,421 --> 00:23:47,512
to make a ham sandwich
next time?
582
00:23:47,556 --> 00:23:50,341
I feel like maybe you're not
taking this very seriously.
583
00:23:50,384 --> 00:23:52,169
What could
the Alien Tracker know
584
00:23:52,212 --> 00:23:53,953
about aliens that I do not?
585
00:23:53,997 --> 00:23:58,218
He knows about a secret
government alien program,
586
00:23:58,262 --> 00:24:00,220
which means
he could know anything,
587
00:24:00,264 --> 00:24:02,571
about your people, the Greys.
588
00:24:02,614 --> 00:24:03,963
Who knows?
589
00:24:04,007 --> 00:24:05,574
It's not safe for you
to wander around here.
590
00:24:05,617 --> 00:24:07,053
You really should
go home and hide.
591
00:24:07,097 --> 00:24:09,839
Humans hide.
Aliens hunt.
592
00:24:09,882 --> 00:24:11,231
If the Alien Tracker
593
00:24:11,275 --> 00:24:13,233
has gained insider knowledge
on the Greys,
594
00:24:13,277 --> 00:24:15,453
perhaps I can use him
to get to them.
595
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:17,194
Okay, I will go.
596
00:24:17,237 --> 00:24:18,717
Thank you.
597
00:24:18,761 --> 00:24:20,589
Do you want my pickle?
598
00:24:20,632 --> 00:24:22,242
It's floppy.
599
00:24:22,286 --> 00:24:23,548
No.
600
00:24:23,592 --> 00:24:24,723
All right.
601
00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:27,726
(mysterious music)
602
00:24:27,770 --> 00:24:34,907
♫ ♫
603
00:24:36,866 --> 00:24:39,825
(crunches)
604
00:24:39,869 --> 00:24:44,569
♫ ♫
605
00:24:44,613 --> 00:24:46,789
Max.
606
00:24:46,832 --> 00:24:49,182
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to startle you.
607
00:24:49,226 --> 00:24:52,272
My name is Peter Bach.
- You're the Alien Tracker!
608
00:24:52,316 --> 00:24:54,753
I need your help
finding someone...
609
00:24:54,797 --> 00:24:57,669
or maybe I should say
"something."
610
00:24:57,713 --> 00:25:00,280
Uh, that's just
a joke I made up.
611
00:25:00,324 --> 00:25:03,240
I'm really funny for my size.
(chuckles awkwardly)
612
00:25:03,283 --> 00:25:05,416
Well, I-I don't think
it's a joke.
613
00:25:05,459 --> 00:25:08,114
This looks exactly
like an extraterrestrial
614
00:25:08,158 --> 00:25:11,291
that I saw here today.
615
00:25:11,335 --> 00:25:14,468
- You can really see them?
- Just like you.
616
00:25:14,512 --> 00:25:18,777
♫ ♫
617
00:25:18,821 --> 00:25:22,302
No, I told you--
I just made it up.
618
00:25:22,346 --> 00:25:25,088
I remember when I saw
my first alien
619
00:25:25,131 --> 00:25:26,611
that had a humanoid form.
620
00:25:26,655 --> 00:25:30,136
But when I saw his face...
like a snake.
621
00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:32,661
Whoa.
An Alpha Draconian.
622
00:25:32,704 --> 00:25:36,229
His gaze bore
right into mine,
623
00:25:36,273 --> 00:25:38,971
but no one else could see
what I saw.
624
00:25:39,015 --> 00:25:40,843
To them, he looked
just like a regular person.
625
00:25:40,886 --> 00:25:43,367
I thought I was going crazy.
626
00:25:43,410 --> 00:25:45,935
Now, you've probably been
called crazy before. too.
627
00:25:45,978 --> 00:25:47,414
Yeah.
628
00:25:47,458 --> 00:25:49,634
Why don't you
tell me who he is?
629
00:25:49,678 --> 00:25:52,898
♫ ♫
630
00:25:52,942 --> 00:25:55,379
I can't.
- Max, listen to me.
631
00:25:55,422 --> 00:25:57,816
I understand.
You're trying to protect him.
632
00:25:57,860 --> 00:25:59,209
H-he's probably
got you convinced
633
00:25:59,252 --> 00:26:00,819
that he's your friend.
634
00:26:00,863 --> 00:26:03,779
But aliens don't come
all this way to be our friends.
635
00:26:03,822 --> 00:26:05,824
They come here to do us harm.
636
00:26:05,868 --> 00:26:09,088
This one won't.
He's a good alien.
637
00:26:09,132 --> 00:26:11,830
You see this?
638
00:26:11,874 --> 00:26:14,224
He did that.
639
00:26:14,267 --> 00:26:16,705
He would kill me
if he had half a chance.
640
00:26:16,748 --> 00:26:20,796
And if it suits him,
that alien will kill you, too.
641
00:26:20,839 --> 00:26:23,581
(dramatic music)
642
00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:27,454
Here, call me when you're ready
to tell me who he is.
643
00:26:27,498 --> 00:26:30,675
All of humanity
might be at stake.
644
00:26:30,719 --> 00:26:35,767
♫ ♫
645
00:26:35,811 --> 00:26:39,118
There is a word
for little boys like Max--
646
00:26:39,162 --> 00:26:40,685
"traitor."
647
00:26:40,729 --> 00:26:42,469
(engine turning over)
648
00:26:42,513 --> 00:26:45,342
And also "shit weasel"
and "dink."
649
00:26:45,385 --> 00:26:46,996
There are many words.
650
00:26:49,868 --> 00:26:52,479
- Here you go, honey.
- Mmm, thank you, hon.
651
00:26:52,523 --> 00:26:54,438
- Excellent soup.
- Mm-hmm.
652
00:26:54,481 --> 00:26:55,831
Oh, thank you.
653
00:26:55,874 --> 00:26:58,834
You know how a taste
can take you back?
654
00:26:58,877 --> 00:27:00,792
This soup here--
this reminds me this one time.
655
00:27:00,836 --> 00:27:02,838
Five years ago...
- Mm-hmm.
656
00:27:02,881 --> 00:27:06,798
I had a bowl of soup--
taste just like this.
657
00:27:06,842 --> 00:27:08,974
Speaking of work, I heard
658
00:27:09,018 --> 00:27:12,412
uh, there was quite a commotion
on Main Street the other day.
659
00:27:12,456 --> 00:27:13,892
- Hmm.
- Apparently Mike
660
00:27:13,936 --> 00:27:16,460
had to round up a pack
of rowdy teenagers.
661
00:27:16,503 --> 00:27:18,070
Yes, I did.
662
00:27:18,114 --> 00:27:21,552
They were throwing Dan's stale
dumpster doughnuts at traffic.
663
00:27:21,595 --> 00:27:23,728
They were frozen solid
like hockey pucks,
664
00:27:23,772 --> 00:27:25,034
could have killed somebody.
665
00:27:25,077 --> 00:27:27,558
You know, why would they do
such a thing?
666
00:27:27,601 --> 00:27:30,648
I'll tell you why--
boredom.
667
00:27:30,692 --> 00:27:33,999
Yes, it is a big,
big problem in quiet towns.
668
00:27:34,043 --> 00:27:35,479
Oh, is that so?
669
00:27:35,522 --> 00:27:36,872
It is so.
670
00:27:36,915 --> 00:27:38,743
You know, teenagers,
they need something
671
00:27:38,787 --> 00:27:41,137
to keep their naturally
criminal mind occupied,
672
00:27:41,180 --> 00:27:44,575
you know, something like skiing
or riding gondolas
673
00:27:44,618 --> 00:27:46,359
or shopping at hip stores.
674
00:27:46,403 --> 00:27:48,144
Oh, I see what this is.
675
00:27:48,187 --> 00:27:49,493
What? This is nothing.
676
00:27:49,536 --> 00:27:52,017
I just invited Mike over
for a good meal.
677
00:27:52,061 --> 00:27:53,758
Although
technically food isn't a meal
678
00:27:53,802 --> 00:27:55,151
unless it's solid, but...
679
00:27:55,194 --> 00:27:57,893
I do understand where
you're coming from Mike.
680
00:27:57,936 --> 00:28:00,504
Obviously, there's a lot
to gain from a resort,
681
00:28:00,547 --> 00:28:03,768
but I now realize that there
may be a lot more to lose.
682
00:28:03,812 --> 00:28:06,162
You see, you and I--
we're a lot alike.
683
00:28:06,205 --> 00:28:08,599
We're both city people.
We miss the same things--
684
00:28:08,642 --> 00:28:10,253
you know, the action,
the culture,
685
00:28:10,296 --> 00:28:12,255
having a museum
that's got something in it
686
00:28:12,298 --> 00:28:15,954
other than pickaxes
and whorehouse furniture.
687
00:28:15,998 --> 00:28:18,304
Sorry about that. You probably
don't know what that is.
688
00:28:18,348 --> 00:28:20,306
- No, he doesn't.
- Okay.
689
00:28:20,350 --> 00:28:22,613
You see, a whore is somebody
who gets paid for sex,
690
00:28:22,656 --> 00:28:24,093
like a prostitute or--
- Okay.
691
00:28:24,136 --> 00:28:26,486
Okay, I think that's enough
of a vocabulary lesson.
692
00:28:26,530 --> 00:28:29,272
I love cities and museums,
693
00:28:29,315 --> 00:28:30,926
but Patience is a quaint town,
694
00:28:30,969 --> 00:28:33,624
and I'm really beginning
to appreciate that.
695
00:28:33,667 --> 00:28:35,191
A resort would take away
its charm.
696
00:28:35,234 --> 00:28:37,715
Patience don't need charm.
It needs rats.
697
00:28:37,759 --> 00:28:39,021
Uh, W-what's that?
698
00:28:39,064 --> 00:28:40,849
- I like rats.
- You should.
699
00:28:40,892 --> 00:28:43,808
Nothing says successful town
like a good rat infestation.
700
00:28:43,852 --> 00:28:44,940
See, every healthy town
701
00:28:44,983 --> 00:28:46,985
has restaurants
that's full of people,
702
00:28:47,029 --> 00:28:48,639
and that means they throwing
away half their food,
703
00:28:48,682 --> 00:28:49,901
and that brings in the rats.
704
00:28:49,945 --> 00:28:51,947
This one time,
I was on a stakeout in D.C.,
705
00:28:51,990 --> 00:28:54,514
and I fell asleep, and a rat
ran right across my face.
706
00:28:54,558 --> 00:28:56,908
I knew at that moment,
I had made it.
707
00:28:56,952 --> 00:28:58,910
I think you're losing
the argument.
708
00:29:00,259 --> 00:29:01,739
Why did I even go?
709
00:29:01,783 --> 00:29:03,523
What did I expect?
710
00:29:03,567 --> 00:29:05,743
She's your mom.
You had to try.
711
00:29:05,787 --> 00:29:07,832
(sighs) I know.
712
00:29:07,876 --> 00:29:09,181
I just thought
that she would tell me
713
00:29:09,225 --> 00:29:12,532
that what happened to her
was like with me and Jay,
714
00:29:12,576 --> 00:29:14,099
you know?
715
00:29:14,143 --> 00:29:17,233
She gave me up
to give me a better life,
716
00:29:17,276 --> 00:29:19,496
but she still loved me...
717
00:29:19,539 --> 00:29:21,672
or at least thought of me.
718
00:29:21,715 --> 00:29:23,630
Except it's not true.
719
00:29:23,674 --> 00:29:25,545
You know what every child
needs most?
720
00:29:25,589 --> 00:29:27,112
- Hmm?
- For their mother to tell them
721
00:29:27,156 --> 00:29:29,332
they love them and that they'll
always be there for them.
722
00:29:29,375 --> 00:29:30,855
It's, like, the bare minimum.
723
00:29:30,899 --> 00:29:32,683
I could have used that.
724
00:29:32,726 --> 00:29:35,164
Yeah, but she couldn't give
that to you.
725
00:29:35,207 --> 00:29:37,514
And that's on her.
You can't control that.
726
00:29:37,557 --> 00:29:40,343
And, yeah, it left a big hole,
727
00:29:40,386 --> 00:29:44,477
but you filled that
with family, with your dad,
728
00:29:44,521 --> 00:29:47,611
Graham, me, all of us.
729
00:29:47,654 --> 00:29:49,352
And we love you unconditionally,
730
00:29:49,395 --> 00:29:51,876
and that's never gonna change.
731
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,706
Thank you.
I love you guys, too.
732
00:29:55,749 --> 00:29:58,709
(soft music playing)
733
00:29:58,752 --> 00:30:01,538
What's this?
This my tip?
734
00:30:01,581 --> 00:30:02,844
Sorry, it's all I got.
735
00:30:02,887 --> 00:30:05,368
Well, maybe then don't come
into a bar.
736
00:30:05,411 --> 00:30:06,760
How about that?
Yeah?
737
00:30:06,804 --> 00:30:08,937
- Okay. Wow. Okay.
- No, it's not okay, actually.
738
00:30:08,980 --> 00:30:11,026
What the hell's wrong with you?
It's ruining the Earth.
739
00:30:11,069 --> 00:30:13,811
These are precious metals,
all right?
740
00:30:13,855 --> 00:30:16,509
(coin clatters)
741
00:30:16,553 --> 00:30:17,902
Can I get
you two hotties anything?
742
00:30:17,946 --> 00:30:19,904
- Uh, no.
- No.
743
00:30:19,948 --> 00:30:20,949
We're--we're good.
744
00:30:20,992 --> 00:30:23,255
Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
745
00:30:23,299 --> 00:30:25,605
You let me know.
746
00:30:25,649 --> 00:30:29,087
- What the hell was that?
- (inhales deeply)
747
00:30:29,131 --> 00:30:31,176
And, yes, a new soccer field
would be nice,
748
00:30:31,220 --> 00:30:32,830
but at what cost?
749
00:30:32,874 --> 00:30:34,745
You know, the added revenue
the resort brings in
750
00:30:34,788 --> 00:30:35,920
would be so good for the town.
751
00:30:35,964 --> 00:30:37,530
I mean, think--think
of the tourism.
752
00:30:37,574 --> 00:30:38,923
Honey, I am talking to Mike.
753
00:30:38,967 --> 00:30:40,229
You know the pact.
- Mm-hmm.
754
00:30:40,272 --> 00:30:41,491
You and I shouldn't
get into it.
755
00:30:41,534 --> 00:30:43,101
Right.
756
00:30:43,145 --> 00:30:44,929
Tell the mayor that tourists
bring a lot more than money.
757
00:30:44,973 --> 00:30:46,583
They bring traffic and noise.
758
00:30:46,626 --> 00:30:48,759
I mean, and can we even talk
about the environmental impact?
759
00:30:48,802 --> 00:30:49,934
(scoffs)
- I mean, you--
760
00:30:49,978 --> 00:30:51,153
you just heard that, right?
761
00:30:51,196 --> 00:30:53,068
It don't make no sense
for me to repeat it
762
00:30:53,111 --> 00:30:55,070
if you just heard it.
- Well, see, what impact?
763
00:30:55,113 --> 00:30:56,201
The developer has
764
00:30:56,245 --> 00:30:58,073
a near-perfect
environmental record.
765
00:30:58,116 --> 00:31:00,031
Okay, is there
another way of saying that?
766
00:31:00,075 --> 00:31:01,815
'Cause that makes it sound
like it ain't perfect.
767
00:31:01,859 --> 00:31:03,861
It's not perfect--
if they get a resort,
768
00:31:03,905 --> 00:31:05,950
we'd lose 2% of the state's
natural geese habitat.
769
00:31:05,994 --> 00:31:07,473
If we have a resort,
770
00:31:07,517 --> 00:31:09,867
the state
gets 200% more snowplows.
771
00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:11,390
Max, you like snowplows, right?
772
00:31:11,434 --> 00:31:13,262
Max, how do you like
to see your geese--
773
00:31:13,305 --> 00:31:15,960
up in the air
or in a mass grave?
774
00:31:16,004 --> 00:31:19,616
I'm gonna go eat upstairs.
775
00:31:19,659 --> 00:31:21,096
(clears throat)
776
00:31:21,139 --> 00:31:22,924
I mean, personally,
I think the geese can move.
777
00:31:22,967 --> 00:31:24,447
I mean, they can fly.
778
00:31:24,490 --> 00:31:27,232
Okay.
You want to talk?
779
00:31:27,276 --> 00:31:29,191
Let's talk it out.
780
00:31:29,234 --> 00:31:31,149
So you get a resort.
781
00:31:31,193 --> 00:31:33,543
Maybe some rich businessman
runs it.
782
00:31:33,586 --> 00:31:35,719
He comes to town.
He likes it here.
783
00:31:35,762 --> 00:31:38,504
Maybe he even runs
for mayor and wins.
784
00:31:38,548 --> 00:31:40,028
Everybody likes him.
785
00:31:40,071 --> 00:31:42,508
Now let's say that
that businessman
786
00:31:42,552 --> 00:31:44,162
starts throwing
his money around,
787
00:31:44,206 --> 00:31:47,557
and suddenly all the buildings
are ugly and modern
788
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,298
and have his name on them.
789
00:31:49,341 --> 00:31:50,734
He gets cocky.
790
00:31:50,777 --> 00:31:52,692
He offers you a million dollars
to bang your wife.
791
00:31:52,736 --> 00:31:53,998
- (chokes)
- Uh, what's that?
792
00:31:54,042 --> 00:31:55,478
And I say, "No,
I'm not some cheap whore.
793
00:31:55,521 --> 00:31:56,653
"A million dollars
794
00:31:56,696 --> 00:31:58,089
is practically nothing
these days."
795
00:31:58,133 --> 00:31:59,699
So he offers me $5 million.
796
00:31:59,743 --> 00:32:01,658
And I say, "For that amount,
you can have me all weekend,"
797
00:32:01,701 --> 00:32:03,399
'cause he's not just rich.
798
00:32:03,442 --> 00:32:05,183
He's also really hot.
799
00:32:07,925 --> 00:32:11,015
Okay, you guys changed gears
way too fast.
800
00:32:11,059 --> 00:32:13,844
There was a child down here
not two minutes ago.
801
00:32:13,887 --> 00:32:16,847
(mysterious music)
802
00:32:16,890 --> 00:32:22,505
♫ ♫
803
00:32:22,548 --> 00:32:25,116
- What are you doing here?
- I'm eating your candy.
804
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:26,161
It's stale.
805
00:32:26,204 --> 00:32:27,510
You should have
another Halloween
806
00:32:27,553 --> 00:32:28,902
so you can get fresh ones.
807
00:32:28,946 --> 00:32:31,470
You know,
the police are downstairs.
808
00:32:31,514 --> 00:32:32,994
I could just scream.
809
00:32:33,037 --> 00:32:34,517
Why scream for the police?
810
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:38,956
Why not scream for your new
friend, the Alien Tracker?
811
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,089
♫ ♫
812
00:32:41,132 --> 00:32:42,438
How do you know about that?
813
00:32:44,570 --> 00:32:46,616
Tell me where I can find him.
814
00:32:46,659 --> 00:32:48,792
I...
815
00:32:48,835 --> 00:32:50,054
can't.
816
00:32:50,098 --> 00:32:51,925
Because you are his friend.
817
00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:53,884
You were my friend first.
818
00:32:53,927 --> 00:32:55,146
You said I wasn't
your friend.
819
00:32:55,190 --> 00:32:57,279
You said I was like your dad.
820
00:32:57,322 --> 00:32:58,758
You spanked me.
821
00:32:58,802 --> 00:33:03,024
Softly, like a father
who wants to be your friend.
822
00:33:03,067 --> 00:33:06,070
Yeah, I was going to buy
a motorcycle with a sidecar
823
00:33:06,114 --> 00:33:10,509
so we could ride around town
together, like friends do.
824
00:33:10,553 --> 00:33:13,338
I don't believe you, because
when I asked if you wanted
825
00:33:13,382 --> 00:33:15,514
to ride in my bicycle basket
like ET,
826
00:33:15,558 --> 00:33:17,908
you told me to fill
my basket with rocks
827
00:33:17,951 --> 00:33:19,736
and ride into the lake.
828
00:33:19,779 --> 00:33:21,912
Because I am
not the same size.
829
00:33:21,955 --> 00:33:26,221
ET was shaped like
a sexy potato.
830
00:33:26,264 --> 00:33:29,224
He's perfect for basket rides.
831
00:33:29,267 --> 00:33:31,574
I need salty to follow sweet.
832
00:33:31,617 --> 00:33:32,923
Yeah.
833
00:33:32,966 --> 00:33:35,491
And then I'm going
to need sweet again.
834
00:33:35,534 --> 00:33:37,493
(chuckles)
835
00:33:37,536 --> 00:33:39,756
Mmm, could be warmer.
836
00:33:39,799 --> 00:33:42,106
So...
837
00:33:42,150 --> 00:33:45,066
did you tell
your Alien Tracker friend
838
00:33:45,109 --> 00:33:46,893
where I live so he could come
to my house
839
00:33:46,937 --> 00:33:48,112
and put me in a cage?
840
00:33:48,156 --> 00:33:49,983
I didn't tell him, I swear.
841
00:33:50,027 --> 00:33:51,985
I don't believe you.
842
00:33:52,029 --> 00:33:53,813
That's because
you're always lying,
843
00:33:53,857 --> 00:33:55,337
so you think everyone
else is, too.
844
00:33:55,380 --> 00:33:58,427
You lie, too,
just like me, and steal,
845
00:33:58,470 --> 00:34:02,474
just like I am going to steal
all of your candy.
846
00:34:04,998 --> 00:34:09,133
See, we are so alike.
- (sighs)
847
00:34:09,177 --> 00:34:11,701
You should help me get
this hairless asshole.
848
00:34:11,744 --> 00:34:12,789
(sniffles)
849
00:34:12,832 --> 00:34:15,792
(somber music)
850
00:34:15,835 --> 00:34:17,402
But I like him.
851
00:34:17,446 --> 00:34:19,012
He's the first grown-up
I ever met
852
00:34:19,056 --> 00:34:20,753
who makes me
feel like I'm not a freak.
853
00:34:20,797 --> 00:34:22,146
He understands me.
854
00:34:22,190 --> 00:34:24,148
He doesn't understand you.
855
00:34:24,192 --> 00:34:25,802
No one knows you
like I know you.
856
00:34:25,845 --> 00:34:27,630
Think of a number
between one and ten.
857
00:34:27,673 --> 00:34:31,460
If we think of the same number,
then we are the same,
858
00:34:31,503 --> 00:34:32,809
and you will help me.
859
00:34:32,852 --> 00:34:34,332
What number
are you thinking of?
860
00:34:34,376 --> 00:34:35,812
Six.
861
00:34:35,855 --> 00:34:39,076
I was thinking of 6.5--
so close.
862
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,383
We need to work
on our friendship.
863
00:34:41,426 --> 00:34:44,647
Let's kill this guy together.
- No!
864
00:34:44,690 --> 00:34:45,996
Whose side are you on?
865
00:34:46,039 --> 00:34:49,652
Look, if you will not pick
a side,
866
00:34:49,695 --> 00:34:52,394
then I will call
867
00:34:52,437 --> 00:34:55,353
my real friends.
868
00:34:55,397 --> 00:34:57,964
Hey.
869
00:34:58,008 --> 00:35:01,664
Lloyd, it's your homey,
870
00:35:01,707 --> 00:35:03,622
uh, Harry Vanderspeigle.
871
00:35:03,666 --> 00:35:06,016
Yes, uh, come to the cabin.
872
00:35:06,059 --> 00:35:08,018
Yeah, let's, uh, have
a dance party.
873
00:35:08,061 --> 00:35:09,280
Oh, no, no.
874
00:35:09,324 --> 00:35:11,195
Don't, uh, worry about it.
875
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:14,242
I'm bringing the snacks.
(laughing)
876
00:35:14,285 --> 00:35:16,157
(sighs)
877
00:35:17,723 --> 00:35:20,378
(dramatic music)
878
00:35:20,422 --> 00:35:26,341
♫ ♫
879
00:35:29,344 --> 00:35:31,389
Thanks for meeting
for a drink.
880
00:35:31,433 --> 00:35:32,564
You don't have to thank me.
881
00:35:32,608 --> 00:35:34,087
I could drink
this whole bar dry
882
00:35:34,131 --> 00:35:35,654
after dinner with the mayor.
883
00:35:35,698 --> 00:35:38,483
That whole house is a giant
powder keg of sexual tension.
884
00:35:38,527 --> 00:35:40,833
(laughs)
Yeah, I've seen that.
885
00:35:40,877 --> 00:35:42,226
So where's
your Alien Tracker friend?
886
00:35:42,270 --> 00:35:44,141
You're supposed to meet him
here tonight, right?
887
00:35:44,185 --> 00:35:46,491
We were supposed to meet,
but he didn't show.
888
00:35:46,535 --> 00:35:48,319
- Sorry about that, Deputy.
- Don't be.
889
00:35:48,363 --> 00:35:49,668
He didn't show up
890
00:35:49,712 --> 00:35:52,584
because I think he's hot
on the trail of an alien.
891
00:35:52,628 --> 00:35:54,934
- (laughs)
- Okay, tease me if you want.
892
00:35:54,978 --> 00:35:56,284
I don't mind.
893
00:35:56,327 --> 00:35:59,330
You know, my whole life
I've been a bystander.
894
00:35:59,374 --> 00:36:01,027
I never call the shots.
895
00:36:01,071 --> 00:36:03,247
But this time I decided
to trust my instincts.
896
00:36:03,291 --> 00:36:04,640
I took control,
897
00:36:04,683 --> 00:36:07,817
and I got the Alien Tracker
himself to Patience.
898
00:36:07,860 --> 00:36:09,601
He came
because I made it happen.
899
00:36:09,645 --> 00:36:11,299
Well, good.
I'm proud of you, Deputy.
900
00:36:11,342 --> 00:36:12,474
Thank you.
901
00:36:12,517 --> 00:36:14,127
I'm proud of me, too.
- Mm-hmm.
902
00:36:14,171 --> 00:36:15,999
You know, I've been sitting
back my whole life,
903
00:36:16,042 --> 00:36:18,262
and maybe I'm getting
tired of sitting.
904
00:36:18,306 --> 00:36:21,570
And don't be mad.
- Mad about what?
905
00:36:22,962 --> 00:36:25,574
Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
I'm not date-ready.
906
00:36:25,617 --> 00:36:27,184
This ain't even
my second best pair of pants.
907
00:36:27,228 --> 00:36:28,925
She looks nice,
and you do, too.
908
00:36:28,968 --> 00:36:30,927
Okay, all right, I got this.
Come on, go on.
909
00:36:30,970 --> 00:36:32,668
Go on. Get out. Go ahead.
I got it. I got it.
910
00:36:32,711 --> 00:36:34,409
You're dismissed, uh, Deputy.
(clears throat)
911
00:36:34,452 --> 00:36:35,627
- Hi.
- Hi.
912
00:36:35,671 --> 00:36:36,628
- Hey, there.
- I was just leaving.
913
00:36:36,672 --> 00:36:37,760
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
914
00:36:37,803 --> 00:36:40,284
- Thanks, Deputy.
- Yep.
915
00:36:40,328 --> 00:36:42,112
- Sheriff.
- Detective.
916
00:36:42,155 --> 00:36:45,724
Do...
(laughter)
917
00:36:45,768 --> 00:36:48,597
I, um--I never figured you
for a patterned-shirt guy.
918
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,251
I kind of like it.
919
00:36:50,294 --> 00:36:54,820
Yeah, well, the pattern helps
hide what's underneath here.
920
00:36:54,864 --> 00:36:56,648
Gerber StrongArm--
this right here
921
00:36:56,692 --> 00:36:58,520
is the best blade
money can buy.
922
00:37:00,348 --> 00:37:01,958
Couldn't agree more.
(laughs)
923
00:37:02,001 --> 00:37:03,089
I'll be damned.
924
00:37:03,133 --> 00:37:05,004
You know what?
Let me get you a beer.
925
00:37:05,048 --> 00:37:07,050
Uh, let me get you one.
926
00:37:07,093 --> 00:37:09,313
- Oh, gonna get me a beer?
- I am.
927
00:37:09,357 --> 00:37:11,184
- Okay.
- (laughs)
928
00:37:11,228 --> 00:37:14,187
(pop rock music)
929
00:37:14,231 --> 00:37:21,194
♫ ♫
930
00:37:21,238 --> 00:37:24,110
(cell phone ringing)
931
00:37:27,331 --> 00:37:29,855
Hey.
932
00:37:29,899 --> 00:37:32,336
Oh, my gosh, are you serious?
933
00:37:32,380 --> 00:37:33,816
That's great news.
934
00:37:33,859 --> 00:37:35,557
Ooh! Okay.
935
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,123
Okay, good night.
936
00:37:44,392 --> 00:37:46,350
(both chuckle)
937
00:37:46,394 --> 00:37:47,656
Good news?
938
00:37:47,699 --> 00:37:49,614
It's not something
I can talk about here.
939
00:37:49,658 --> 00:37:51,790
It's just--it's no big deal.
940
00:37:51,834 --> 00:37:53,618
- Mm, honoring the pact.
- Mm-hmm.
941
00:37:53,662 --> 00:37:56,317
Okay, then.
942
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,275
Yeah.
943
00:37:58,319 --> 00:37:59,581
Restraining order?
- Granted.
944
00:37:59,624 --> 00:38:01,234
Damn it.
945
00:38:01,278 --> 00:38:03,541
Look, honey, I don't want
to talk about the resort, okay?
946
00:38:03,585 --> 00:38:05,543
Let's just leave it.
947
00:38:05,587 --> 00:38:08,285
The part of me
that's your husband...
948
00:38:08,329 --> 00:38:10,548
is glad to see you smiling.
949
00:38:10,592 --> 00:38:12,202
I like it when you're happy.
950
00:38:12,245 --> 00:38:14,552
Thank you.
951
00:38:14,596 --> 00:38:15,901
I am.
- (chuckles)
952
00:38:15,945 --> 00:38:18,817
I'm really happy.
(both) Mmm.
953
00:38:21,690 --> 00:38:24,562
But the part of me
that's fighting for this resort
954
00:38:24,606 --> 00:38:27,173
cannot wait to crush you
in court.
955
00:38:27,217 --> 00:38:29,567
I will stomp you like a grape
956
00:38:29,611 --> 00:38:31,569
until you realize
you have wasted your time
957
00:38:31,613 --> 00:38:33,919
and you feel
absolutely worthless.
958
00:38:33,963 --> 00:38:36,705
- Okay, pact's back on.
- Mm-hmm.
959
00:38:36,748 --> 00:38:40,404
- Good night, honey.
- Night.
960
00:38:40,448 --> 00:38:44,408
(indistinct chatter)
961
00:38:44,452 --> 00:38:46,279
- Hey, Jay.
- (sighs)
962
00:38:46,323 --> 00:38:48,238
You got a minute?
963
00:38:48,281 --> 00:38:49,761
I just worked all night,
964
00:38:49,805 --> 00:38:52,373
and I have barbecue sauce
in my hair.
965
00:38:52,416 --> 00:38:53,678
I totally get that.
966
00:38:53,722 --> 00:38:55,593
I-I just need to tell you
this one thing.
967
00:38:55,637 --> 00:38:57,987
- (scoffs)
- Okay, um...
968
00:38:58,030 --> 00:39:02,165
you probably had a lot
of questions growing up,
969
00:39:02,208 --> 00:39:06,256
and maybe meeting me has helped
you answer some of them.
970
00:39:06,299 --> 00:39:09,607
But the most important thing
I need to tell you is...
971
00:39:09,651 --> 00:39:12,393
(sighs)
I love you.
972
00:39:12,436 --> 00:39:14,917
I've thought about you
every day of your life.
973
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,529
And if you ever need me,
I'm here for you.
974
00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:22,751
And if you never need me,
that's okay, too.
975
00:39:22,794 --> 00:39:25,710
It's not your job
to worry about me.
976
00:39:25,754 --> 00:39:28,147
I'll be fine.
977
00:39:28,191 --> 00:39:29,584
And I'll still love you.
978
00:39:29,627 --> 00:39:31,586
(breathes shakily)
979
00:39:31,629 --> 00:39:33,544
So...
980
00:39:33,588 --> 00:39:35,154
that's it.
981
00:39:35,198 --> 00:39:37,548
(sentimental music)
982
00:39:37,592 --> 00:39:41,117
All right.
983
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,468
♫ ♫
984
00:39:44,512 --> 00:39:47,863
(sighs happily)
985
00:39:47,906 --> 00:39:49,952
Hello?
986
00:39:49,995 --> 00:39:51,257
D'arcy?
987
00:39:55,784 --> 00:39:59,135
(door closes)
988
00:39:59,178 --> 00:40:01,833
Hey. D'arcy?
989
00:40:01,877 --> 00:40:05,315
(gasps, chuckles)
Oh, hey.
990
00:40:05,358 --> 00:40:07,665
Hey.
991
00:40:07,709 --> 00:40:10,407
What's going on?
- I don't know. You tell me.
992
00:40:10,451 --> 00:40:12,061
It's 1:00 in the morning.
993
00:40:12,104 --> 00:40:14,324
Were you really gonna sleep
in here with the door unlocked?
994
00:40:14,367 --> 00:40:17,022
Um, I was just cleaning up.
I lost track of time.
995
00:40:17,066 --> 00:40:18,633
Really?
996
00:40:18,676 --> 00:40:20,548
'Cause it looked like you were
sleeping on the pool table.
997
00:40:20,591 --> 00:40:22,027
You gonna tell me
where to sleep now?
998
00:40:22,071 --> 00:40:23,376
- Okay.
- Wait, wait.
999
00:40:23,420 --> 00:40:25,509
We had plans.
1000
00:40:25,553 --> 00:40:28,425
I waited for two hours.
1001
00:40:28,469 --> 00:40:29,948
Maybe I should just take
a hint.
1002
00:40:29,992 --> 00:40:31,559
No.
1003
00:40:31,602 --> 00:40:33,256
Obviously you're not taking
me or any of this seriously.
1004
00:40:33,299 --> 00:40:35,171
I feel like you're
being a little dramatic.
1005
00:40:35,214 --> 00:40:37,303
If you care even just
a little bit about me,
1006
00:40:37,347 --> 00:40:39,741
you need to tell me
what's really going on.
1007
00:40:42,570 --> 00:40:44,049
Please?
1008
00:40:44,093 --> 00:40:45,834
It's okay.
- (stammers)
1009
00:40:45,877 --> 00:40:47,662
It's fine, all right?
1010
00:40:47,705 --> 00:40:50,099
Just--let me just grab
my stuff, and we can go.
1011
00:40:50,142 --> 00:40:51,361
No.
1012
00:40:52,754 --> 00:40:55,931
What do you mean--
what do you mean "no"?
1013
00:40:55,974 --> 00:40:59,238
I think it's best
if we just leave it at this.
1014
00:40:59,282 --> 00:41:01,371
Elliot, like...
1015
00:41:01,414 --> 00:41:02,677
no.
1016
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,636
(somber music)
1017
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,986
♫ ♫
1018
00:41:08,030 --> 00:41:10,641
Don't...
1019
00:41:10,685 --> 00:41:12,425
Please don't go.
1020
00:41:12,469 --> 00:41:16,386
♫ ♫
1021
00:41:16,429 --> 00:41:19,389
(sighs)
1022
00:41:19,432 --> 00:41:21,434
(sobs)
1023
00:41:21,478 --> 00:41:23,567
♫ ♫
1024
00:41:23,611 --> 00:41:25,221
Bye, D'arcy.
1025
00:41:25,264 --> 00:41:32,097
♫ ♫
1026
00:41:32,141 --> 00:41:35,448
It's probably best
if you lock up behind me.
1027
00:41:35,492 --> 00:41:39,061
♫ ♫
1028
00:41:39,104 --> 00:41:41,454
(sobs)
1029
00:41:41,498 --> 00:41:43,195
(grunts)
1030
00:41:46,547 --> 00:41:51,575
{\an7}{Brian Eno and David Byrne's
"One Fine Day"}
1031
00:41:49,419 --> 00:41:51,595
It is natural for aliens
to take control
1032
00:41:51,639 --> 00:41:53,118
of their lives.
1033
00:41:53,162 --> 00:41:55,860
It is not so natural
for humans.
1034
00:41:55,904 --> 00:42:02,998
♫ ♫
1035
00:42:09,439 --> 00:42:11,615
(crying)
1036
00:42:11,659 --> 00:42:13,182
(sighs)
1037
00:42:13,225 --> 00:42:17,142
♫ Saw the wanderin' eye ♫
1038
00:42:17,186 --> 00:42:19,797
♫ Inside my heart ♫
1039
00:42:19,841 --> 00:42:23,496
♫ Shouts and battle cries ♫
1040
00:42:23,540 --> 00:42:26,151
♫ From every part ♫
1041
00:42:26,195 --> 00:42:29,851
♫ I can see those tears ♫
1042
00:42:29,894 --> 00:42:32,636
♫ Every one is true ♫
1043
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:36,118
♫ When the door appears ♫
1044
00:42:36,161 --> 00:42:38,337
♫ I'll go right ♫
1045
00:42:38,381 --> 00:42:44,082
♫ Through ♫
1046
00:42:44,126 --> 00:42:46,476
Part of being human
is finding the strength
1047
00:42:46,519 --> 00:42:49,305
to fight through the obstacles
in your life.
1048
00:42:49,348 --> 00:42:51,350
♫ ♫
1049
00:42:51,394 --> 00:42:55,137
♫ I stand in liquid light ♫
1050
00:42:55,180 --> 00:42:57,879
♫ Like everyone ♫
1051
00:42:57,922 --> 00:43:01,796
♫ I built my life
with rhymes ♫
1052
00:43:01,839 --> 00:43:03,362
♫ To carry on... ♫
1053
00:43:03,406 --> 00:43:06,975
While there are some
obstacles you cannot control,
1054
00:43:07,018 --> 00:43:09,760
there are some you can.
1055
00:43:09,804 --> 00:43:13,938
(electricity buzzing)
1056
00:43:13,982 --> 00:43:17,072
♫ That one fine ♫
1057
00:43:17,115 --> 00:43:21,990
♫ One fine day ♫
1058
00:43:22,033 --> 00:43:23,382
Like a little boy
1059
00:43:23,426 --> 00:43:25,602
who wants to be friends
with an alien so badly,
1060
00:43:25,646 --> 00:43:28,344
he is willing to trick
that alien's enemy.
1061
00:43:28,387 --> 00:43:30,520
♫ ♫
1062
00:43:30,563 --> 00:43:33,479
(warbling)
1063
00:43:35,917 --> 00:43:38,484
Max picked the right side.
1064
00:43:40,182 --> 00:43:41,705
No!
1065
00:43:41,749 --> 00:43:59,549
♫ One fine day ♫
82653
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