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1
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:44,187
What is it?
2
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,229
Sorry to have to report...
3
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:47,273
there are four stowaways
in the forward hatch.
4
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,692
Stowaways? How do you know
there are four of them?
5
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,277
They were
singing Sweet Adeline.
6
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:52,820
Get them out of there,
you hear?
7
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:53,988
But we can't find them.
8
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,866
And besides,
they've been
writing insulting notes.
9
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:02,205
So, I'm an old goat, am I?
Listen to me.
10
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,707
Find them if you have
to clear out that whole hatch!
11
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:05,875
Yes, sir.
12
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,212
Captain, when do we get in?
13
00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,588
Wednesday!
14
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,798
I beg your pardon. Wednesday.
15
00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,049
Thank you.
16
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,510
In all my dreams
17
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:18,012
In all my dreams
18
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:21,015
Your fair face beams
19
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,559
Your fair face beams
20
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,103
You're the idol
21
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:30,191
of my heart
22
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:34,987
Sweet Adeline
23
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:40,034
My Adeline
24
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,667
This is the only
way to travel, boys.
The only way.
25
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,669
I was gonna bring
the wife and kiddies...
26
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,796
but the grocer
couldn't spare another barrel.
27
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,422
I was gonna
bring my grandfather,
28
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,132
but there's no
room for his beard.
29
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,927
Why not send
for the old swine,
let his beard come later?
30
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,679
I sent for his beard.
You did?
31
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,347
It's coming by "hair" mail.
32
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,057
Fellas,
I think I hear someone.
33
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:05,768
If it's the captain,
I'm gonna have
a few words with him.
34
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,728
My hot water's been
cold for three days
35
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,689
and I haven't got
room to swing a cat.
36
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:11,482
In fact,
I haven't even got a cat.
37
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,609
My grandfather
can swing a cat.
He can?
38
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,653
That'd make
a good job for him.
39
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:16,821
Come on, men.
40
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,406
Someone's coming.
41
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,246
Come on, men. Snap it up.
42
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,248
Listen, fellas.
43
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,083
We've got to find
those stowaways.
44
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,960
And when we do,
we'll put them in irons.
45
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,169
Aye, aye, sir.
46
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,422
Take a look in
behind those cases.
47
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:37,258
You fellows,
look behind those boxes.
48
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,598
Never mind the barrels.
49
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,349
Aye, aye, sir.
50
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:46,434
What's that?
51
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:47,518
I just said "aye, aye, sir."
52
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,020
Never mind that.
Find those men.
53
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,563
Aye, aye, sir.
54
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,631
They're not here, sir.
55
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:18,215
Oh, yes, they are.
56
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,176
Hoist all this
stuff up on deck.
57
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,761
And get these
barrels out of the way.
58
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,429
Very well, sir.
59
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,641
Lower away up there.
60
00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,436
Hurry up with that sling.
61
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,565
You'll never find
them standing around.
Yes, sir.
62
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,817
You look in back
of those bales.
You look in those boxes.
63
00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:37,985
Yes, sir.
64
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,321
All right, boys.
65
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,575
Make it snappy up there!
66
00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,507
Hey!
67
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:00,967
There they are!
68
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:05,680
Hurry.
69
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:22,923
You fellas, go aft.
You fellas, take a look
in behind those lifeboats.
70
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,951
Captain,
tell us about the stowaways.
71
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,788
I'll have them in
the brig before long.
72
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:57,958
That's terribly romantic.
I'd love to meet a stowaway.
73
00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,293
Hey, you.
74
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,545
Are these your gloves?
I found them in your trunk.
75
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:04,215
Go to your rooms.
I'll be down shortly.
Who are you?
76
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:07,134
Are you the floorwalker?
I want to
register a complaint.
77
00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,719
What's the matter?
Matter enough.
78
00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:11,013
You know who
sneaked into my stateroom
at 3:00 a. m.?
79
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,224
Who did that?
Nobody,
and that's my complaint.
80
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,935
I'm young.
I want gaiety,
laughter, ha-cha-cha.
81
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,103
I wanna dance.
82
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,271
I wanna dance
till the cows come home
83
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,648
Just what
do you mean by this?
84
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,775
I don't like the way
you're running this boat.
85
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,152
Get in the backseat
and let your wife drive.
86
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:28,405
I've been captain
of this ship for 22 years.
87
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,615
Twenty-two years?
88
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,076
If you were a man,
you'd go in
business for yourself.
89
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,578
I know a fellow,
started last
year with a canoe.
90
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:37,873
He has more women than
you can shake a stick at,
if you enjoy that.
91
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,042
One more word,
and I'll throw you in irons.
92
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,378
You can't do it with irons.
It's a mashie shot.
93
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,965
It's a mashie shot if
the wind is against you.
If the wind isn't, I am.
94
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,134
How about those
barrels down below?
95
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,552
I wouldn't
put a pig in there.
96
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,053
See here, you--
97
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,888
Not even if you got
down on your knees.
98
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,850
And here's your gloves.
You would take them,
wouldn't you?
99
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,518
And keep away from my office.
100
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,478
Now, see here, you!
101
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:13,951
How dare you invade
the sanctity of
the captain's quarters?
102
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,870
I thought you
was the captain.
I'm hungry.
103
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,329
I'm gonna find
something to eat.
104
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,623
I'll take care of that.
Hello.
105
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:20,708
Send up the captain's lunch.
106
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:21,876
Two.
107
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,837
Send up his dinner, too.
Who am I?
108
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,091
I'm the captain.
You want to choose up sides?
109
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,680
Engineer, will you tell them
to stop the boat from rocking?
110
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,348
I'm gonna have lunch.
111
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,561
What's the matter with you?
112
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,229
What's the matter with me?
I'm hungry.
113
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,314
I didn't eat in three days.
114
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,356
Three days?
115
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,900
We've only been on
the boat two days.
116
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,401
I didn't eat yesterday...
117
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:51,071
I didn't eat today,
and I won't eat tomorrow.
That makes three days.
118
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,200
State your business.
I've got to
shiver my timbers.
119
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,494
I got no business.
I come up to see
the captain's bridge.
120
00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,122
Captain's bridge? I'm sorry.
He always keeps
it in a glass...
121
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,207
while he's eating.
122
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,459
Would you like to
see where he sleeps?
123
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,502
I saw that. That's the bunk.
124
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,172
You're wasting your breath,
and that's no great loss.
125
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,340
A fine sailor you are.
126
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:13,010
You bet I'm a fine sailor.
You know,
my whole family was sailors?
127
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:16,513
My father was
partners with Columbus.
What do you think of that?
128
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,016
Your father and
Columbus were partners?
You bet.
129
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,643
Columbus has
been dead 400 years.
130
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,353
They told me
it was my father.
131
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,563
Hop up there,
and I'll show you
132
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,815
a few things you
don't know about history.
133
00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:29,151
Now look. There's Columbus.
134
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,111
That's Columbus Circle.
135
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:35,699
Would you mind
getting up off that flypaper
and giving the flies a chance?
136
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:38,661
You're crazy.
Flies can't read papers.
137
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,873
Now, Columbus sailed
from Spain to India
looking for a shortcut.
138
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,125
You mean strawberry shortcut.
139
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,752
I don't know.
140
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,588
When I woke up,
there was the nurse
taking care of me.
141
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:52,216
What's the matter?
Couldn't the nurse
take care of herself?
142
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:55,344
You bet she could,
but I found it out too late.
Enough of this.
143
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:56,762
Let's get back to Columbus.
144
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:58,138
I'd rather get
back to the nurse.
145
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,431
So would I.
146
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,850
But Columbus was
sailing along on his vessel.
147
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,018
On his what?
148
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,478
Not on his what.
On his vessel.
149
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:07,147
Don't you know
what "vessel" is?
Sure. I can vessel.
150
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,738
Do you suppose
I could buy back
my introduction to you?
151
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,449
Now,
one night Columbus' sailors
started a mutiny.
152
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,452
No mutinies at night.
They're in the afternoon.
153
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,038
You know, mutinies Wednesdays
and Saturdays.
154
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,666
There's my argument.
Restrict immigration.
155
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,614
All right.
156
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,244
Of all the colossal impudence!
157
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,164
Why don't you stand up?
Can't you see he has no chair?
158
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,207
Why, you--
You better keep quiet.
159
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,793
We're a couple of
big stockholders
in this company.
160
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,128
Stockholders?
161
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,797
You look like
a couple of stowaways to me.
162
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,008
Don't forget
that the stockholder
163
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,053
of yesteryear is
the stowaway of today.
164
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,888
Well,
you look exactly like them.
165
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,556
What do they look like?
166
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,517
One of them goes around
with a black moustache.
167
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:29,229
So do I. If I had my choice,
I'd go around
with a little blonde.
168
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,816
I said one goes around
with a black moustache.
169
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,819
You couldn't
expect a moustache
to go around by itself.
170
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,489
Don't you think a moustache
ever gets lonely, Captain?
171
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:39,823
Sure, it gets lonely.
172
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,575
When my grandfather's beard
gets here,
173
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,118
I'd like it to
meet your moustache.
174
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,829
I'll think it over.
I'll talk it over
with my moustache.
175
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,873
Has your grandfather's beard
got any money?
176
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,084
Money? Why,
it fell hair to a fortune.
177
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,585
Now, listen!
178
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,296
Stockholders or
no stockholders,
you clear out of here!
179
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,965
There's someone
in that room.
180
00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,761
There's
somebody in that closet,
and I think it's you, Captain.
181
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,515
Now, we can eat in peace.
182
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,058
All right.
Here's a piece for you.
183
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,226
That a baby.
184
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,397
Beg pardon, Captain.
185
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,023
How dare you enter
the captain's quarters...
186
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,108
while I'm eating.
187
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,275
Sorry, sir.
188
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,991
Now I've got you!
189
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,455
Don't forget the butter.
190
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,587
You know, there's some
mighty pretty
country around here.
191
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:17,671
I've--
192
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:18,839
I beg your pardon.
193
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,263
Pardon me.
Is this yours?
194
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,806
Why, no.
195
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,436
You sure?
196
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,520
I'm positive.
197
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,365
Is this yours?
198
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:46,825
Yes, it is.
199
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,662
As I was saying, there's some
mighty beautiful
country around here.
200
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:51,997
The trees are lovely.
201
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,373
You bet they are.
I love them.
202
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,897
Get out of my way!
203
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,883
Gibson. Come out of there.
204
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:28,844
Yes, sir.
205
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,473
I want to report I found a--
206
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,225
Gibson,
you've been drinking again...
207
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,768
and you know
what my orders were.
208
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,605
But those stowaways,
I just caught one
of them in there.
209
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:40,856
Stowaway, huh?
210
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,190
Yes. There he is.
211
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,985
Help!
Look out!
You're choking me!
212
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,488
I thought so.
Go to your quarters.
213
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,493
That's one now.
214
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,831
That's a dummy. Come with me.
215
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,754
First officer.
216
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,006
I'm telling you, that's him.
217
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:09,009
This has gone far enough.
Get up to your quarters.
218
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,347
Yes, sir.
219
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,516
Quiet.
220
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,272
I think you're right.
221
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,399
I know you're right.
222
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:07,150
Would you like
anything before lunch?
223
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,568
Yes, breakfast.
224
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,864
Nobody eats in here.
225
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,116
I do.
226
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,996
Mustard's no good
without roast beef.
227
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,998
Do you want your
nails trimmed long?
228
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,918
About an hour and a half.
I got nothing to do.
229
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,754
You're
a nice-looking gal, all right.
230
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,172
You got it.
231
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,382
Thank you.
232
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,008
And you can keep it.
233
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,442
That's a nice gal?
234
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,361
Somebody's coming.
235
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,738
Come on, boys.
236
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,704
You're next, Cap.
237
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,956
I'm looking for
a couple of mugs.
238
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,543
No, you boys look on B Deck.
Aye, aye, sir.
239
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,336
How about a shave?
240
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,172
Sure. Give me a once-over.
241
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,631
Once-over, partner.
242
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,092
No, a shave.
243
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,343
On the face.
All right.
244
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,220
Wake me up when
you get through.
245
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,181
We'll take care
of you, all right.
246
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,646
We take the tonsils last.
I think we work on
the moustache first.
247
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,524
Give him a little snoop.
248
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,741
This side's too long.
Give him a little
snoop this side.
249
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,829
Now this side
is too short.
250
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:47,626
It's too short.
The other side is
too long. Snoop him up.
251
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,755
That's better, but the side
that was too short
now is too long...
252
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,799
and the side that was
too long is too short.
253
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,426
I think you got to
give him one more snoop.
254
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,347
I think we better measure.
255
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,729
It's about a foot too much.
256
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,483
No, the measure's
a foot too much.
257
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,904
Now it looks much better.
258
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,949
It can stand one more
snoop in
the middle, I think.
259
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:20,784
In the middle, one snoop.
260
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:26,748
That's fine.
That's very good.
261
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:31,086
I think it's a little
bit rough right here.
I fix that.
262
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,549
You know, I'm never going
on this boat again.
The food is no good.
263
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,634
Of course,
I no eat yet, but even
264
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,803
if I don't eat,
I like the food good.
265
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,138
One more snoop.
266
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:53,275
That's beautiful?
That's what you
call a work of art.
267
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,112
Hey, you know,
I think you give him
one snoop too much.
268
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:57,779
Hey, you know,
I think you give him
one snoop too much.
269
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,536
And I want you to know,
I'm fed up on your alibis.
270
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,079
Take it easy.
271
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,665
You're getting all excited.
272
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,959
Now where do you
think you're going?
273
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,004
Never mind.
I'm running this racket.
274
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:17,632
Just stay here and
keep out of sight
like I told you.
275
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:22,929
No you don't.
Now, listen to me,
Mr. Alky Briggs.
276
00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,181
You can't keep me
cooped up like this.
277
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,018
I've played second fiddle
on this ship long enough.
278
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:32,230
Now you listen.
I'm not after any dames.
279
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,566
I'm after Joe Helton,
I tell you, and
280
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,735
he can't get away
from me on this boat.
281
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:41,281
He's got to put
his okay on my gang,
or he's gonna get this.
282
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,051
Hey, who are you?
283
00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,469
I'm the tailor.
284
00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:06,306
That reminds me.
Where are my pants?
285
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:07,891
You've got them on.
286
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:13,146
Pardon me while I
step into the closet.
287
00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:17,609
And get a load of this,
if you come in
again at 3:00 a. m.--
288
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:20,236
Stop bothering me.
Tell it to the tailor.
289
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,030
Alky!
290
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,657
Alky!
291
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,627
What are you
doing in there?
292
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,545
Nothing. Come on in.
293
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,841
You can't
stay in that closet.
294
00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:42,926
can't, can I?
295
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:45,345
That's what they said
to Thomas Edison,
mighty inventor...
296
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,097
Thomas Lindbergh,
mighty flier,
297
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:48,848
and Thomas Shefsky,
mighty like a rose.
298
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:51,768
Just remember
that if there weren't
299
00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:53,478
any closets, there
wouldn't be any hooks...
300
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:55,480
and if there weren't
any hooks,
there'd be no fish,
301
00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:57,691
and that would suit me fine.
302
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:03,530
Don't try to hide.
I know you're
in that closet.
303
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,115
Did you see me
go in the closet?
304
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:06,533
No.
305
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,076
Am I in the closet now?
306
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,536
No.
307
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:13,832
Then how do you know
I was in the closet?
Your Honor, I rest my case.
308
00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:18,003
Come here, brown eyes.
309
00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:20,547
You're not gonna
get me off this bed.
310
00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,549
I didn't know
you were a lawyer.
311
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,300
You're awfully
shy for a lawyer.
312
00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:26,720
You bet I'm shy.
I'm a shyster lawyer.
313
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,431
Then what do you
think of an egg
that would give me--
314
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,516
You've been getting nothing
but dirty breaks.
315
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,351
We can clean and
tighten your brakes...
316
00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:36,187
but you'll have to stay
in the garage all night.
317
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,691
I want excitement.
I want to ha-cha-cha-cha.
318
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,490
You don't realize it.
319
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:50,994
From the time he got
the marriage license,
I've led a dog's life.
320
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:52,996
Are you sure he
didn't get a dog's license?
321
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,789
Alky can't make a fool of me.
322
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:57,167
I want to go places.
I want to do things.
323
00:22:57,251 --> 00:22:59,961
I want freedom, I want
liberty, I want justice!
324
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:04,007
Madam, you're making history.
In fact, you're making me.
325
00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:06,134
And I wish you'd keep
my hands to yourself.
326
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,637
You know what I want.
I want life, I want laughter,
I want gaiety.
327
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:11,431
I want to ha-cha-cha-cha.
328
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:18,730
Madam, before I
get through with you,
329
00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,690
you will have
a clear case for divorce...
330
00:23:20,775 --> 00:23:21,858
and so will my wife.
331
00:23:21,942 --> 00:23:24,652
The first thing to do is
to arrange for a settlement.
332
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:27,072
You take the children,
your husband takes the house.
333
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:30,575
Junior burns the house,
you take
the insurance and I take you.
334
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:32,160
But I haven't
any children.
335
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,789
That's the trouble
with this country.
You haven't any children.
336
00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:40,585
And as for me,
I'm going back in the closet
where men are empty overcoats.
337
00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:42,337
Brown eyes.
338
00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:39,394
Sir, this is an outrage,
breaking into a man's home.
339
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:43,648
There'll be
a letter about this in
the Times tomorrow morning.
340
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:44,858
Yeah?
341
00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:50,196
But you won't read it,
'cause I'm gonna
lay you out pretty.
342
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,240
You're gonna
lay me out pretty?
343
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,909
That's the thanks I get
for freeing
an innocent girl...
344
00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,995
who, although she is hiding
at the moment...
345
00:24:57,079 --> 00:24:59,455
has promised to become
the mother of her children.
346
00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:03,042
And with that, sir,
I bid you a fond farewell.
Good day, sir.
347
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:05,712
Good day.
348
00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:11,092
Come out of there.
I want to talk to you.
349
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:13,803
I'm sorry, but we're using
the old-fashioned iceman...
350
00:25:13,888 --> 00:25:17,223
and we find him
very satisfactory
for keeping the house warm.
351
00:25:21,437 --> 00:25:24,981
Just as I thought,
you're yellow,
grabbing at a woman's skirts.
352
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:27,817
I'm wise.
You're wise?
353
00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,277
What's
the capital of Nebraska?
354
00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:31,988
What's the capital
of the Chase National Bank?
Give up?
355
00:25:32,072 --> 00:25:33,615
Now,
I'll try you on an easy one.
356
00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:35,325
How many
Frenchmen can't be wrong?
357
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:36,534
I know--
358
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:37,785
You were warm
and so was she.
359
00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:40,538
Don't be discouraged.
With a little study
you'll go a long way.
360
00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:42,081
And I'd wish you'd start now.
361
00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:43,708
Do you see this gat?
362
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:46,002
Cute, isn't it?
Santa Claus bring it
363
00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:47,837
for Christmas?
I got a fire engine.
364
00:25:47,922 --> 00:25:50,548
Listen, mug.
Do you know who I am?
365
00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:54,427
Don't tell me.
Are you animal or vegetable?
Animal.
366
00:25:55,221 --> 00:25:57,472
Get this. I'm Alky Briggs.
367
00:25:57,598 --> 00:25:59,891
And I'm the fellow
who talks so much.
368
00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:02,769
Fancy meeting you here
after all these drinks.
369
00:26:07,316 --> 00:26:09,192
Wait a minute.
Sorry, I can't stay.
370
00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:10,860
The captain's
waiting to chase me.
371
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:14,322
You can stay, all right,
until I finish with you.
372
00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:16,157
Alky, darling, please!
373
00:26:16,283 --> 00:26:19,577
Don't "darling" me.
Get in that next
room and stay there!
374
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,622
Get in that next room.
375
00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:27,627
I'm not good
enough for her, am I?
376
00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:32,799
Is there anything
you've got to say
before I drill you?
377
00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:35,176
Yes, I'd like to
ask you one question.
378
00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:36,386
Go ahead.
379
00:26:36,470 --> 00:26:40,056
Do you think that
girls think less of a boy
if he lets himself be kissed?
380
00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:43,226
Don't you think that although
girls go out
with boys like me...
381
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:45,395
they always
marry the other kind?
382
00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:47,730
If you're gonna
kill me, hurry up.
383
00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:49,524
I have to take
my tonic at 2:00.
384
00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:52,568
I can use a guy
with your nerve.
385
00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:56,030
I think we could get
along well together.
386
00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:59,075
Of course,
the first year we might have
our little squabbles.
387
00:26:59,159 --> 00:27:01,869
But, then, that's inevitable,
don't you think?
388
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,376
And what do you want here?
389
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:11,963
I was just looking for him.
390
00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:13,923
Do you know this guy?
391
00:27:14,008 --> 00:27:17,427
I've known him for years.
He used to live in
the next barrel to me.
392
00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:20,805
I see. The stowaways.
393
00:27:21,807 --> 00:27:23,891
I can help you bozos.
394
00:27:24,018 --> 00:27:25,101
Mr. Bozos to you.
395
00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:28,271
All right, Mr. Bozo.
And you can help me.
396
00:27:29,356 --> 00:27:32,692
I'm shorthanded,
and I want to get
a guy on this boat.
397
00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:34,068
It's too late to
get him on now.
398
00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:35,945
Should've said so
before we sailed.
399
00:27:36,697 --> 00:27:38,865
Listen.
This is a map of B Deck.
400
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,159
There's Joe
Helton's stateroom.
401
00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:46,372
And he's a tough egg.
And you're coming with me...
402
00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:49,375
while I have it out with Joe.
403
00:27:50,544 --> 00:27:52,003
Do you know who Joe Helton is?
404
00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:54,589
I think I'll get off this boat
until this blows over.
405
00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:57,759
If you know
what's good for you,
you'll stick with me.
406
00:28:00,220 --> 00:28:03,848
You keep the windows covered
while I go in. Now, move!
407
00:29:58,297 --> 00:29:59,922
What is the idea of this?
408
00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:02,341
It's all right.
I make a move for you.
409
00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:03,843
This is an outrage!
410
00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:05,344
I'll call the captain!
411
00:30:05,471 --> 00:30:06,471
The captain don't play chess.
412
00:30:06,597 --> 00:30:07,597
Purser!
413
00:30:07,681 --> 00:30:09,265
Steward! Come here.
414
00:30:09,391 --> 00:30:10,933
Too much noise here for us.
415
00:30:11,018 --> 00:30:13,561
We better go
someplace where it's quiet.
416
00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:17,690
Come in.
417
00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:24,906
Your cigars, sir.
Thanks.
418
00:30:28,035 --> 00:30:29,452
Wait a minute.
419
00:30:34,208 --> 00:30:35,541
Thank you, sir.
420
00:30:59,650 --> 00:31:03,611
Dad, now look at you.
You aren't even dressed yet.
421
00:31:04,196 --> 00:31:07,156
You can do all the dressing
for the family, Mary.
422
00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:10,910
Old Joe Helton is
taking things easy
for the rest of his life.
423
00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:13,746
We're big shots now, baby.
424
00:31:19,503 --> 00:31:20,545
Come in.
425
00:31:23,757 --> 00:31:25,675
Hello, Joe.
426
00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:27,760
Hello, Briggs.
What do you want?
427
00:31:28,053 --> 00:31:30,596
I just wanted to
have a friendly talk.
428
00:31:31,139 --> 00:31:33,724
I'm sort of
worried about business.
429
00:31:33,809 --> 00:31:35,184
Step in the
other room, baby.
430
00:31:35,269 --> 00:31:37,228
But, Dad--
Run along, honey.
431
00:31:40,524 --> 00:31:41,566
Your kid?
432
00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:46,279
She's cute, isn't she?
433
00:31:47,281 --> 00:31:50,449
I don't think
we've got anything
to talk about. Get out.
434
00:31:50,993 --> 00:31:53,536
Not before I get
your okay on my gang.
435
00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,288
I'm not doing you
any favors.
436
00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:57,081
Yes, you are.
437
00:31:58,667 --> 00:32:00,418
You're gonna sign this.
438
00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:14,181
I'm taking over
your territory,
or there's gonna be trouble.
439
00:32:14,308 --> 00:32:16,309
I'm taking no sides.
440
00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:19,437
You'll have to fight it out
with Butch and the gang.
441
00:32:19,521 --> 00:32:22,273
I'm stepping into
your shoes as boss.
442
00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:25,401
I'm not backing up any
small-time chiseller.
443
00:32:25,485 --> 00:32:27,778
Don't put on
the Ritz with me.
444
00:32:27,863 --> 00:32:29,780
Don't get
cocky with me, Briggs.
445
00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:31,115
I'm talking turkey.
446
00:32:31,199 --> 00:32:34,452
You can't make all the dough
and then run out on your pals.
447
00:32:34,536 --> 00:32:37,288
I'm not taking orders
from a mug like you!
448
00:32:38,999 --> 00:32:40,082
Scram!
449
00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:42,418
So that's your answer?
Here's mine!
450
00:32:51,345 --> 00:32:54,847
So you got your gang with you?
I'll get you later.
451
00:32:58,352 --> 00:32:59,810
Who are you guys?
452
00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:03,272
What are you doing
in my room?
453
00:33:03,357 --> 00:33:06,525
That's my partner,
but he no speak.
He's dumb and deaf.
454
00:33:11,657 --> 00:33:13,658
You guys don't know it,
but you just scared
455
00:33:13,784 --> 00:33:15,785
a pretty tough egg
out of this room.
456
00:33:15,869 --> 00:33:17,620
Sure,
we're a couple of tough guys.
457
00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:18,788
Do you want to
make some money?
458
00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:20,039
Money?
459
00:33:21,541 --> 00:33:25,211
Money? Feel this muscle.
Feel his muscle.
460
00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:29,965
All right.
How much you pay?
461
00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:32,259
Just how tough are you?
462
00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:34,303
You pay little bit,
we're little bit tough.
463
00:33:34,388 --> 00:33:35,930
You pay very much,
very much tough.
464
00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:37,765
You pay too much,
we're too much tough.
465
00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:39,475
How much you pay?
I pay plenty.
466
00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:42,687
Then we're plenty tough.
And we show you, too.
467
00:33:43,063 --> 00:33:45,648
Partner,
show him how tough we are.
468
00:33:49,236 --> 00:33:51,404
See?
That's nothing. That's free.
469
00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,739
Now we give you
the real stuff this time.
470
00:33:53,824 --> 00:33:56,158
Come on.
Put some pep in it.
471
00:33:56,243 --> 00:33:58,911
The one-two uppercut.
You know, on the button.
472
00:33:59,871 --> 00:34:03,416
No downstairs button.
Upstairs button.
473
00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:14,093
That's fine.
That's good, all right.
474
00:34:14,177 --> 00:34:17,513
I tell him you're tough,
and you punch
like a lily. What's a matter?
475
00:34:17,597 --> 00:34:20,766
You wanna lose this job?
Give him the stuff this time.
476
00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:23,477
Excuse me, boss.
He can do much better...
477
00:34:23,562 --> 00:34:24,645
but he no work good today.
478
00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:27,022
He no get paid.
When he get paid,
you watch him.
479
00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:30,025
Come on. This time
we give him the works.
Come on. Hurry up.
480
00:34:30,110 --> 00:34:33,195
On the button this time.
Come on, I tell you.
On the button.
481
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,614
Hurry up.
Give me the punch.
Come on.
482
00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:36,782
All right.
483
00:34:36,867 --> 00:34:38,784
Come on! Punch!
484
00:34:51,548 --> 00:34:53,299
That's enough. Wait.
485
00:34:54,134 --> 00:34:55,217
What do you think of us?
486
00:34:55,343 --> 00:34:56,469
You're great.
487
00:34:56,970 --> 00:34:59,138
Not so loud.
You want him to
get a swell head?
488
00:34:59,222 --> 00:35:01,974
You guys are
plenty tough, all right.
489
00:35:03,477 --> 00:35:05,144
I'm spying on you.
490
00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:09,315
You're just the fellows
I need. You're hired.
491
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:13,736
We're great, huh?
You're great.
492
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:15,279
My partner?
He's great.
493
00:35:15,363 --> 00:35:17,573
My grandfather's great.
He's a great-grandfather.
494
00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:22,536
When Helton comes out
of his room, plug him.
495
00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:24,079
What'll we plug him with?
496
00:35:24,206 --> 00:35:25,664
Didn't I give you two gats?
497
00:35:25,791 --> 00:35:29,001
We had to drown the gat,
but we saved you
a little black gitten.
498
00:35:29,085 --> 00:35:31,629
Here, take these,
and hang onto them now.
499
00:35:33,924 --> 00:35:35,257
Don't leave me for a minute.
500
00:35:35,342 --> 00:35:38,594
And keep your eye on that guy
that just went out of here.
501
00:35:38,678 --> 00:35:39,720
You understand.
502
00:35:39,805 --> 00:35:42,848
Anybody come near the boss,
let him have it.
503
00:35:43,350 --> 00:35:45,017
You're all right
now, boss.
504
00:35:45,101 --> 00:35:48,270
Anybody comes near you... .
What's a matter with you?
Look out.
505
00:35:48,355 --> 00:35:50,731
That's all right.
He was just practicing.
506
00:35:50,816 --> 00:35:51,857
Get out.
507
00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:53,818
Now I can take
a walk out on deck
508
00:35:53,944 --> 00:35:55,778
and feel safe.
Come on. Let's go.
509
00:36:05,038 --> 00:36:06,956
There he comes now. Get him.
510
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,626
Don't worry. We'll get him.
I've got my
finger on the trigger.
511
00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:24,473
Hey, don't forget.
512
00:36:24,558 --> 00:36:27,309
Anybody comes near the boss,
let him have it.
513
00:37:02,888 --> 00:37:05,222
It's the boss.
He's got a disguise.
514
00:37:05,599 --> 00:37:07,766
Take off the whiskers.
We know you.
515
00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:10,311
What do you mean?
516
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:12,938
Officer!
517
00:37:20,947 --> 00:37:23,616
Why didn't you get him?
Not afraid, are you?
518
00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:25,784
Afraid? Me?
A man who's
licked his weight...
519
00:37:25,869 --> 00:37:28,704
in wild caterpillars? Afraid?
You bet I'm afraid.
520
00:37:29,623 --> 00:37:31,206
So--
521
00:37:31,333 --> 00:37:32,917
Hello.
How are things in the closet?
522
00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,044
You know,
I still smell of mothballs.
523
00:37:35,128 --> 00:37:37,296
I don't want to talk to you.
524
00:37:50,310 --> 00:37:53,020
So here you are,
loafing around
with these tramps.
525
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:54,730
I came down to see Joe Helton.
526
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:56,523
Don't you think
we'd better go?
What?
527
00:37:56,608 --> 00:37:58,567
And leave this woman alone
with her husband?
528
00:37:58,652 --> 00:38:00,194
Suppose her
sweetheart came in.
529
00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:03,656
Alky Briggs,
don't think you can keep me
cooped up in that stateroom.
530
00:38:03,740 --> 00:38:04,865
Because you're crazy!
531
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:07,660
You'll stay down there
and keep out of my business.
532
00:38:07,744 --> 00:38:08,744
Do you understand?
533
00:38:08,828 --> 00:38:10,746
Keep out of my business.
Your turn.
534
00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:14,249
You were going to
show me a good time.
A good time!
535
00:38:14,334 --> 00:38:16,877
I might as well
have stayed home
and played solitaire!
536
00:38:16,962 --> 00:38:18,003
Your turn.
537
00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:21,173
Pipe down.
I've more important things
than you to worry about.
538
00:38:21,257 --> 00:38:22,257
Your turn.
539
00:38:22,342 --> 00:38:24,760
You say that
again and I'll scratch
your eyes out!
540
00:38:24,844 --> 00:38:27,721
You take this gun.
You're gonna need
it more than I will.
541
00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:29,139
Oh, you!
542
00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:50,619
Just the man I wanna see.
If I show you
how to save 20%...
543
00:38:50,704 --> 00:38:52,788
would you be interested?
Of course you would.
544
00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:55,624
First,
your overhead is too high
and your brow is too low.
545
00:38:55,709 --> 00:38:58,544
Interested already,
aren't you?
Wait till I get through.
546
00:38:58,628 --> 00:39:00,004
I haven't got time.
547
00:39:00,130 --> 00:39:01,463
Two fellows are
trying to attack you...
548
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:04,758
and two fellows are
trying to defend you.
Now, that's 50% waste.
549
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,969
Why can't you be attacked
by your bodyguards?
550
00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:10,639
Your life will be saved,
and that's 100% waste.
Now what have you got?
551
00:39:10,724 --> 00:39:12,307
Me, and I'll
attack you for nothing.
552
00:39:12,392 --> 00:39:13,475
What are you getting at?
553
00:39:13,601 --> 00:39:14,643
I anticipated that.
554
00:39:14,728 --> 00:39:17,813
How does an army travel?
On its stomach.
And you? On a ship.
555
00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:19,648
Of course,
you're saving your stomach.
556
00:39:19,733 --> 00:39:20,899
The same common sense--
557
00:39:21,026 --> 00:39:22,151
I don't think you realize--
558
00:39:22,235 --> 00:39:24,862
I realize it's
a penny here and there,
but look at me.
559
00:39:24,946 --> 00:39:26,613
I've worked
myself up from nothing
560
00:39:26,740 --> 00:39:28,490
to extreme poverty.
What do you say?
561
00:39:28,575 --> 00:39:29,783
I'll tell you what I say--
562
00:39:29,909 --> 00:39:31,160
Then it's all settled.
563
00:39:31,244 --> 00:39:33,787
I'm to be your new bodyguard.
In case I attack you...
564
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:35,414
I'll be there to
defend you, too.
565
00:39:35,498 --> 00:39:38,709
When you want to be attacked,
I'll defend you
10 minutes later.
566
00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:42,463
I've already got
two bodyguards,
but I'll think it over.
567
00:39:59,022 --> 00:40:00,814
Thank you.
You're welcome.
568
00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:02,816
What's the matter with you?
569
00:40:02,942 --> 00:40:04,443
I've got a frog in my throat.
570
00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:05,778
What?
571
00:40:05,904 --> 00:40:07,154
A frog in my throat.
572
00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,739
You've got
a frog in your throat.
573
00:40:08,865 --> 00:40:10,240
Yes.
574
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:15,454
You can't do that
to my customers!
Cut it out!
575
00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:19,291
Say,
what's the matter with you?
Are you crazy or something?
576
00:40:45,026 --> 00:40:48,362
Have your landing cards
and passports ready, please.
577
00:40:51,991 --> 00:40:53,408
How do you do,
Madame Swempski?
578
00:40:53,535 --> 00:40:54,952
Hello, boys.
579
00:40:55,036 --> 00:40:56,286
Any statement for the press?
580
00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:57,621
No, I'm afraid not.
581
00:40:57,705 --> 00:40:59,414
Nothing of
interest on this tour.
582
00:40:59,499 --> 00:41:02,417
Is it true
the opera is on the decline
in Central Europe?
583
00:41:02,502 --> 00:41:03,627
Absurd.
584
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:07,297
I predict they're going to
have the greatest year
they've ever had.
585
00:41:07,382 --> 00:41:09,049
Is it true that
you're gonna get
586
00:41:09,175 --> 00:41:10,801
married again
while on this tour?
587
00:41:10,927 --> 00:41:15,389
Gentlemen,
I don't know what to say.
Gentlemen, I'd say just this.
588
00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,349
The bicycle will
never replace the horse.
589
00:41:17,433 --> 00:41:19,768
But,
the horse will never replace
the bicycle...
590
00:41:19,853 --> 00:41:23,522
which is quite a horse on
the bicycle if I ever saw one,
and I never did.
591
00:41:23,606 --> 00:41:25,983
I dare you to print that,
you muckrakers.
592
00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:27,151
Have a cigar, babe.
593
00:41:27,277 --> 00:41:28,318
Okay for the picture, Joe.
594
00:41:28,403 --> 00:41:31,613
Pictures?
Here's a little sex stuff
for your front page.
595
00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,825
Now, hold it steady, please.
596
00:41:41,666 --> 00:41:44,585
You can say it was
a real love match.
We married for money.
597
00:41:44,669 --> 00:41:48,422
Eh, my shrinking violet?
It won't hurt you to
shrink 30 or 40 pounds.
598
00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:49,798
You impudent cad!
599
00:41:49,883 --> 00:41:51,300
I'll report you to your paper.
600
00:41:51,426 --> 00:41:52,801
Let me do the reporting.
601
00:41:52,886 --> 00:41:54,595
Is it true you'll
get a divorce as soon
602
00:41:54,721 --> 00:41:56,471
as your husband
recovers his sight?
603
00:41:56,556 --> 00:41:58,682
Is it true you wash
your hair in clam broth?
604
00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:00,350
Is it true you
danced in a flea circus?
605
00:42:00,476 --> 00:42:02,019
This is outrageous!
606
00:42:02,103 --> 00:42:03,896
If you don't stop,
I'll call the captain.
607
00:42:03,980 --> 00:42:04,980
So that's it.
608
00:42:05,064 --> 00:42:07,316
Infatuated with
a pretty uniform.
We don't count.
609
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,319
We gave you our best years,
now you want an officer.
610
00:42:10,403 --> 00:42:12,154
I don't like this innuendo.
611
00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:14,031
That's what I always say,
love flies out the door
612
00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:15,949
when
money comes innuendo.
613
00:42:16,034 --> 00:42:18,035
Good-bye.
It's nice to have seen you,
614
00:42:18,161 --> 00:42:20,162
but I've got nobody
to blame but myself.
615
00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:21,371
Could you tell me--
616
00:42:21,497 --> 00:42:22,581
Please... .
617
00:42:23,416 --> 00:42:25,083
You're awfully glum.
618
00:42:26,127 --> 00:42:30,047
I was just thinking,
after the boat lands,
I may never see you again.
619
00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:34,176
Does it matter to you
whether you ever see me again?
620
00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:38,347
I can't think of
anything in the world
that matters more.
621
00:42:38,431 --> 00:42:40,515
Mary, I'll never leave you.
622
00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:49,024
Tag.
623
00:42:49,192 --> 00:42:51,526
Tag.
624
00:42:57,367 --> 00:42:59,117
Wait a minute!
625
00:42:59,202 --> 00:43:01,703
I'm just trying to
sneak off the boat,
that's all.
626
00:43:01,788 --> 00:43:03,455
I'm looking for
the man who owns... .
627
00:43:03,539 --> 00:43:05,457
Where's your passport?
628
00:43:08,419 --> 00:43:10,754
Wait a minute.
Let me handle this.
629
00:43:11,297 --> 00:43:14,424
I don't like to
speak about it,
Officer, but I happen to be...
630
00:43:14,509 --> 00:43:16,927
a good friend of
the meat supplier
to this boat.
631
00:43:17,011 --> 00:43:18,053
Well?
632
00:43:18,137 --> 00:43:19,096
Well, do you like lamb chops?
633
00:43:19,180 --> 00:43:20,555
Yes, what of it?
634
00:43:20,682 --> 00:43:22,057
This man doesn't
handle lamb chops.
635
00:43:22,141 --> 00:43:23,976
But the roast beef
is very good today.
636
00:43:24,060 --> 00:43:27,104
You fellows can't
get off the boat
without showing passports.
637
00:43:27,188 --> 00:43:31,191
Get on back there at
the end of the line and
get your passports open.
638
00:43:31,276 --> 00:43:33,026
Go on.
Get back there.
639
00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:37,864
Stuffed shirt.
When he said that to me...
640
00:43:37,949 --> 00:43:40,492
you could've knocked me over
with a feather.
641
00:43:41,327 --> 00:43:42,995
He gives you service.
642
00:43:46,207 --> 00:43:47,749
It looks like
we're up against it.
643
00:43:47,834 --> 00:43:49,876
It's up to you to
get us a passport.
644
00:43:53,381 --> 00:43:54,881
I got you, didn't I?
645
00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:58,593
Well, you'll have to get up
pretty early in the morning
to steal from me.
646
00:43:58,678 --> 00:44:02,764
He did get up early this
morning, but you weren't
here. Perhaps tomorrow?
647
00:44:03,725 --> 00:44:05,976
Well, come on.
Let's try another one.
648
00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:10,647
What's the idea,
putting your
hand in my pocket?
649
00:44:10,732 --> 00:44:12,107
Just a little mistake.
650
00:44:12,191 --> 00:44:14,026
I had a suit that
looked just like that
651
00:44:14,152 --> 00:44:15,944
and I thought
those were my pants.
652
00:44:16,029 --> 00:44:17,821
How could they be yours,
when I've got them on?
653
00:44:17,905 --> 00:44:19,865
This suit had
two pairs of pants.
654
00:44:20,283 --> 00:44:22,075
Better keep your
hands to yourself.
655
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:23,952
Do you know
who's on this boat?
656
00:44:24,078 --> 00:44:25,871
Maurice Chevalier,
the movie actor.
657
00:44:25,955 --> 00:44:26,997
I just ran into him.
658
00:44:27,123 --> 00:44:28,165
Did you hurt him?
659
00:44:28,249 --> 00:44:29,708
How do you know
it was Chevalier?
660
00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:31,543
I got his
passport right there.
661
00:44:31,878 --> 00:44:33,920
Now he can't get off the boat.
662
00:44:34,756 --> 00:44:37,883
Hey, he looks like Chevalier.
And I can look like Chevalier.
663
00:44:37,967 --> 00:44:39,301
I certainly look
like Chevalier.
664
00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:42,971
But that's not enough.
You have to sing his song
to get off this boat.
665
00:44:43,056 --> 00:44:46,266
If a nightingale
could sing like you
666
00:44:46,351 --> 00:44:49,478
They'd sing much
better than you do
667
00:44:49,562 --> 00:44:51,980
Dandy. Sing like that,
they'll throw us
all off the boat.
668
00:44:52,065 --> 00:44:54,691
Well, let's try it.
All right. Come on.
669
00:44:54,776 --> 00:44:56,651
Have your passports ready.
Straight out...
670
00:44:56,736 --> 00:44:58,987
you'll find
the baggage on the deck.
671
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:02,115
Have your passports ready.
672
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,035
Keep in line, everybody. 945.
673
00:45:06,162 --> 00:45:09,164
Keep in line, everybody.
Have your passports ready.
674
00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:12,000
1092.
675
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:18,882
Never mind.
Hey, if you want to
get off the boat...
676
00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:20,092
get in the back.
677
00:45:20,259 --> 00:45:22,219
Oh, I didn't get on
in the back.
I got on in the front.
678
00:45:22,303 --> 00:45:23,303
Never mind that.
679
00:45:23,638 --> 00:45:24,846
Leave them alone.
680
00:45:24,972 --> 00:45:27,391
You're right...
I told them to stay in line.
681
00:45:27,475 --> 00:45:28,809
Yeah? Show me your passport.
682
00:45:28,893 --> 00:45:30,936
Yeah, right here.
That's my name.
683
00:45:31,437 --> 00:45:33,480
Maurice Chevalier?
684
00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:34,648
Yeah.
685
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,274
This picture
doesn't look like you.
686
00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:38,026
Sure, I'm Maurice Chevalier.
687
00:45:38,111 --> 00:45:39,194
I'll sing for you.
688
00:45:39,278 --> 00:45:42,447
If a nightingale
could sing like you
689
00:45:42,532 --> 00:45:46,034
They'd sing much
better than they do
690
00:45:46,119 --> 00:45:48,078
Here, never mind that.
691
00:45:48,162 --> 00:45:50,330
Get back in line
where you belong.
692
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:56,253
I was ahead of you!
693
00:45:57,755 --> 00:45:59,005
Your passport.
694
00:45:59,841 --> 00:46:03,510
Let me have your passport.
This picture
doesn't look like you.
695
00:46:03,678 --> 00:46:05,262
It don't look like
me from the front,
696
00:46:05,346 --> 00:46:07,389
but go in the back of
the boat, just like me.
697
00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:09,975
You're not
Maurice Chevalier.
698
00:46:10,059 --> 00:46:11,726
No.
Are you Maurice Chevalier?
699
00:46:11,811 --> 00:46:14,271
Well, there you are.
Wait. I prove it.
700
00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:17,774
If a nightingale
could sing like you
701
00:46:17,859 --> 00:46:20,986
He sing much
better than you do and
702
00:46:21,070 --> 00:46:22,112
Out!
703
00:46:22,321 --> 00:46:23,321
No push me!
704
00:46:23,406 --> 00:46:24,406
Get out of here!
705
00:46:24,490 --> 00:46:27,117
Get back in line
where you belong.
Passport!
706
00:46:29,579 --> 00:46:31,455
This picture
doesn't look like you.
707
00:46:31,581 --> 00:46:33,457
It doesn't look
like you either.
708
00:46:33,541 --> 00:46:35,083
This man has no moustache.
709
00:46:35,209 --> 00:46:36,751
The barbershop wasn't open.
710
00:46:36,878 --> 00:46:38,378
Why, look at that face.
711
00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:40,005
Well, look at that face.
712
00:46:40,089 --> 00:46:42,674
Hey, are you going to identify
yourself, or else--
713
00:46:42,758 --> 00:46:46,219
If a nightingale
could sing like you
714
00:46:46,304 --> 00:46:48,972
They'd sing much
sweeter than they do
715
00:46:49,348 --> 00:46:52,976
For you brought
a new kind of love to me
716
00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:56,480
Out! Back in line
where you belong!
717
00:47:01,611 --> 00:47:02,652
Get off there!
718
00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:04,738
Get off the table!
719
00:47:04,864 --> 00:47:06,907
What do
you think this is here?
720
00:47:06,991 --> 00:47:08,700
Put that down!
721
00:47:08,868 --> 00:47:10,619
Lunatic!
722
00:47:13,247 --> 00:47:14,331
Stop that!
723
00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:15,540
You want to break that?
724
00:47:15,625 --> 00:47:17,959
Here, let it alone!
725
00:47:19,378 --> 00:47:23,798
Passport. I said passport,
not pasteboard.
726
00:47:25,218 --> 00:47:30,013
Come on with that passport!
Not washboard!
727
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:31,932
Passport!
728
00:47:34,435 --> 00:47:36,478
Chevalier?
729
00:47:38,397 --> 00:47:42,692
If a nightingale
could sing like you
730
00:47:42,777 --> 00:47:46,279
They'd sing much
sweeter than they do
731
00:47:46,405 --> 00:47:51,243
For you brought
a new kind of love to me
732
00:47:52,995 --> 00:47:57,123
And if the sandman brought me
dreams of you
733
00:47:57,416 --> 00:48:01,920
I'd want to dream
my whole life through
734
00:48:02,004 --> 00:48:06,591
For you brought
a new kind of love to me
735
00:48:16,269 --> 00:48:17,769
Get him out of here!
736
00:48:18,312 --> 00:48:19,771
Put him back there
where he belongs!
737
00:48:19,939 --> 00:48:21,356
Take it easy, folks.
738
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:26,319
The gangplank is
to the left, please.
Don't crowd. Don't crowd.
739
00:48:26,862 --> 00:48:28,863
Take your time. Ladies first.
740
00:48:28,990 --> 00:48:31,032
Let me off the boat.
I'm a sick man.
741
00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:32,158
I feel faint.
742
00:48:32,243 --> 00:48:33,201
I don't care, take your time.
743
00:48:33,286 --> 00:48:36,246
I tell you, I feel faint.
I'm going to faint.
744
00:48:37,039 --> 00:48:38,373
Someone get a doctor!
745
00:48:38,499 --> 00:48:39,874
Somebody fainted.
746
00:48:40,501 --> 00:48:43,128
Where's a doctor?
A doctor! I want a doctor!
747
00:48:43,212 --> 00:48:45,338
She's sick.
We'll take care of you.
748
00:48:45,464 --> 00:48:47,632
Look, she's got a chill,
cover her up.
749
00:48:48,926 --> 00:48:51,219
No, get off. Take her pulse.
750
00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:56,016
No purse, put it back. Pulse.
I think you best
take her temperature.
751
00:48:56,392 --> 00:48:58,977
That's good,
we'll take care of you, lady.
752
00:48:59,061 --> 00:49:00,312
All right.
753
00:49:01,564 --> 00:49:04,858
You fools,
I'm not the patient.
754
00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:07,777
We're not the doctor.
Come on.
755
00:49:08,112 --> 00:49:10,447
Doctor! Is there
a doctor on the boat?
756
00:49:10,740 --> 00:49:11,781
Doctor!
757
00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:14,159
Are you a doctor?
758
00:49:14,327 --> 00:49:15,702
Sure, I'm a doctor.
Where's the horse?
759
00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:17,203
A man fainted over here.
760
00:49:17,330 --> 00:49:18,747
Man fainted?
I'll soon fix him.
761
00:49:18,831 --> 00:49:21,374
Just my hard luck it
couldn't be a woman.
762
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,298
Here's the doctor.
763
00:49:29,675 --> 00:49:31,926
Just as I thought,
smoking too much.
764
00:49:32,011 --> 00:49:33,887
Here he is here, Doctor.
765
00:49:33,971 --> 00:49:36,139
Don't tell me.
I'll find him myself.
766
00:49:42,897 --> 00:49:45,649
I can't do
anything for that man.
He's fainted.
767
00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:48,151
What he needs is
an ocean voyage.
768
00:49:48,235 --> 00:49:51,613
In the meantime,
get him off the boat
and have his baggage examined.
769
00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:52,739
Gangway!
770
00:49:52,823 --> 00:49:54,449
You all get close
so he won't recover.
771
00:49:54,533 --> 00:49:57,994
Right this way, please.
Step right around here.
772
00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:05,168
Step lively down there.
773
00:50:20,101 --> 00:50:22,352
Back that ambulance in here!
774
00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:28,983
Hey!
775
00:50:35,157 --> 00:50:37,325
Helton's throwing
his party tonight,
776
00:50:37,451 --> 00:50:39,661
and this time we
blow the works.
777
00:50:40,121 --> 00:50:42,622
Now, you guys are
going in as musicians.
778
00:50:43,249 --> 00:50:45,625
And stay that way until
I give you the office.
779
00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:47,752
Say,
what about those four guys
in the house?
780
00:50:47,837 --> 00:50:49,421
The ones you said
were on the boat.
781
00:50:49,505 --> 00:50:52,590
Don't worry about them.
They eat out of my hand.
782
00:50:52,675 --> 00:50:57,053
The thing for you to
worry about is that girl.
Keep your eye on her. Get me?
783
00:50:57,138 --> 00:50:59,055
That ought be easy to take.
784
00:50:59,140 --> 00:51:00,181
Okay.
785
00:51:00,266 --> 00:51:02,475
Sit tight and
I'll give you a call.
786
00:51:40,806 --> 00:51:43,558
Have you guys
got an invitation?
787
00:51:43,642 --> 00:51:45,643
We give you
invitation of Chevalier.
788
00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:49,647
When the nightingale
sings like you
789
00:51:49,732 --> 00:51:54,110
Cut it out! And stay away
from this door, see?
790
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:10,043
Mary?
791
00:52:15,925 --> 00:52:19,636
You certainly had me worried.
I thought you'd
forgotten your own party.
792
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:21,679
You haven't been
doing all the worrying.
793
00:52:21,806 --> 00:52:23,765
I was afraid
you wouldn't come.
794
00:52:34,527 --> 00:52:37,695
My, but, there are
a lot of
strange-looking people here.
795
00:52:54,547 --> 00:52:57,173
Ladies and gentlemen!
Quiet, everybody.
796
00:52:57,758 --> 00:53:01,553
A lady's diamond
earring has been lost.
It looks exactly like this.
797
00:53:01,637 --> 00:53:03,304
In fact, this is it.
798
00:53:05,266 --> 00:53:06,474
I beg your pardon!
799
00:53:06,559 --> 00:53:08,852
How about you
and I passing out
on the veranda?
800
00:53:08,936 --> 00:53:10,436
Or would you
rather pass out here?
801
00:53:10,521 --> 00:53:12,522
Sir, you have
the advantage of me.
802
00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:15,608
Not yet, but wait
till I get you outside.
803
00:53:15,693 --> 00:53:17,944
You're pretty fresh,
aren't you?
804
00:53:18,028 --> 00:53:20,822
That's my wife and
I don't like the way
you're acting here.
805
00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:23,867
If you don't like our country,
go back where you came from.
806
00:53:23,951 --> 00:53:25,910
I should sink that
right in your scalp.
807
00:53:25,995 --> 00:53:28,288
Run for your life!
The Indians are coming!
What?
808
00:53:28,372 --> 00:53:31,124
Put your scalp in
your pocket. Here.
The Indians.
809
00:53:32,626 --> 00:53:34,544
Come here.
I'll get him.
810
00:53:38,299 --> 00:53:41,175
Have a good time, kid.
This is going to
be a real party.
811
00:53:41,260 --> 00:53:44,095
Is this a party?
The beer is warm,
the women are cold...
812
00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:45,430
and I'm hot under the collar.
813
00:53:45,514 --> 00:53:48,641
In fact, a more
poisonous little barbecue
I've never attended.
814
00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:51,477
You're a funny kind of
a duck, but I like you.
815
00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:54,063
You stuck by me,
and I'll stick by you.
816
00:53:54,148 --> 00:53:56,858
Sheriff, I ain't much
on flowery sentiments...
817
00:53:56,942 --> 00:53:59,110
but there's something
I just got to tell you.
818
00:53:59,194 --> 00:54:01,779
Shucks, man, I'd be nothing
but a poisonous varmint...
819
00:54:01,864 --> 00:54:03,948
and not fit to touch
the hem of your pants...
820
00:54:04,033 --> 00:54:07,452
if I didn't tell you
you've treated me square,
mighty square...
821
00:54:07,536 --> 00:54:09,287
and I ain't forgetting.
822
00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:16,294
Sheriff, I ain't forgetting.
823
00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,592
Whoa, there, Bossie.
Whoa, there!
824
00:54:34,355 --> 00:54:37,774
My friends,
this is indeed a surprise.
825
00:54:39,193 --> 00:54:41,444
You couldn't have
pleased me better.
826
00:54:41,612 --> 00:54:47,367
I want you to meet
the sweetest little thing
in the whole wide world.
827
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:57,585
Hey.
Yes, sir?
828
00:54:58,003 --> 00:55:01,547
No, it's special for
Mr. Helton, sir.
829
00:55:01,632 --> 00:55:03,341
You see this?
830
00:55:11,100 --> 00:55:14,560
Come back in a half hour,
and I'll give you
another look at it.
831
00:55:25,114 --> 00:55:27,281
Listen.
Keep your eye on Helton.
832
00:55:27,366 --> 00:55:30,118
We're gonna grab his daughter
and take her to the old barn.
833
00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:32,578
Old barn?
A fine tinhorn sport you are.
834
00:55:32,663 --> 00:55:36,040
With all
the good shows in town,
taking a girl to an old barn!
835
00:55:36,125 --> 00:55:39,127
Once we get
a hold of that girl,
he'll take orders from me.
836
00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:41,045
I'll show him--
Enough small talk.
837
00:55:41,130 --> 00:55:42,338
Where's your wife, Lucille?
838
00:55:42,464 --> 00:55:43,673
Would you... .
839
00:55:43,757 --> 00:55:45,591
Someone's coming.
I'll be back.
840
00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:48,636
Be back next Thursday,
and bring a specimen
of your handwriting.
841
00:55:48,721 --> 00:55:50,555
And, above all, don't worry.
842
00:56:15,247 --> 00:56:16,748
What brought you here?
843
00:56:16,832 --> 00:56:20,251
It's midsummer madness.
The music is in my temples...
844
00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:24,255
the hot blood of youth.
Come, Kapellmeister.
Let the violas throb.
845
00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,257
My regiment leaves at dawn.
846
00:57:01,627 --> 00:57:03,961
I guess my regiment
can go without me.
847
00:57:07,216 --> 00:57:10,134
No, don't,
my husband might be inside.
848
00:57:10,219 --> 00:57:12,220
If he finds me out here,
he'll wallop me.
849
00:57:12,304 --> 00:57:14,180
Always thinking
of your husband.
850
00:57:14,306 --> 00:57:16,265
Couldn't I wallop
you just as well?
851
00:57:16,642 --> 00:57:19,310
I heard Alky
talking about this party.
852
00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:21,979
I've dreamed of a night
like this, I tell you.
853
00:57:22,064 --> 00:57:23,981
You tell me about
some of your dreams.
854
00:57:24,066 --> 00:57:26,317
Dreams?
I can't even sleep anymore,
855
00:57:26,485 --> 00:57:28,736
wondering who he's
chasing around with.
856
00:57:28,821 --> 00:57:31,864
Why can't we break
away from all this,
just you and I...
857
00:57:31,949 --> 00:57:34,158
and lodge with my
fleas in the hills?
858
00:57:34,326 --> 00:57:36,577
I mean, flee to my
lodge in the hills.
859
00:57:36,662 --> 00:57:38,162
No, I couldn't think of it.
860
00:57:38,247 --> 00:57:41,082
Don't be afraid.
You can join this
lodge for a few pennies.
861
00:57:41,166 --> 00:57:43,668
You won't even have to take
a physical examination...
862
00:57:43,752 --> 00:57:45,503
unless you insist on one.
863
00:57:46,839 --> 00:57:48,965
What a swell
home life I've got.
864
00:57:50,509 --> 00:57:52,760
Why, I think I'd
almost marry you
865
00:57:52,886 --> 00:57:55,179
to spite that
double-crossing crook.
866
00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:58,558
Mrs. Briggs...
867
00:57:59,184 --> 00:58:02,436
I've known and respected your
husband Alky for many years...
868
00:58:02,521 --> 00:58:05,648
and what's good enough for him
is good enough for me.
869
00:58:14,783 --> 00:58:16,450
Emily!
870
00:58:17,536 --> 00:58:19,787
Henry, carefully,
somebody may see us.
871
00:58:19,872 --> 00:58:21,622
I've been careful too long.
872
00:58:21,707 --> 00:58:24,458
Now that you've brought it up,
how long have
you been careful?
873
00:58:24,543 --> 00:58:27,420
They saw us!
Be calm, Emily.
I'll talk to them.
874
00:58:27,504 --> 00:58:29,213
You won't say
anything about this?
875
00:58:29,298 --> 00:58:31,966
Sir,
are you trying to offer me
a bribe? How much?
876
00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:35,970
But you don't understand.
You see, I'm not
happy with my husband.
877
00:58:36,054 --> 00:58:38,139
He should've married
some little housewife.
878
00:58:38,223 --> 00:58:41,601
Madam, I resent that.
Some of my best
friends are housewives.
879
00:58:43,854 --> 00:58:45,479
Now, see here,
if you're going to--
880
00:58:45,564 --> 00:58:47,481
You're living in
a fool's paradise.
881
00:58:47,566 --> 00:58:50,902
You intend to spend $10 to buy
this woman a ring?
Look at this.
882
00:58:50,986 --> 00:58:53,571
It's solid brass and
$1.50 takes it away.
883
00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:56,782
I know it'll fit her.
I got it from
the nose of a savage.
884
00:58:56,867 --> 00:58:59,994
Well? $1.50.
You can have it for $1.
885
00:59:00,746 --> 00:59:03,122
Fifty cents and
not a nickel under.
886
00:59:03,207 --> 00:59:05,082
Now, my friends,
what am I offered for
887
00:59:05,209 --> 00:59:07,043
this fine French
piece of bric-a-brac?
888
00:59:07,127 --> 00:59:09,003
I know what it
is to be unhappy.
889
00:59:09,087 --> 00:59:11,464
How do you think I feel?
I'm stuck with this ring.
890
00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:14,258
I've been
married for four years,
four years of neglect...
891
00:59:14,343 --> 00:59:16,844
four years of battling,
four years of heartbreaks.
892
00:59:16,929 --> 00:59:19,805
That makes 12 years.
You must've been
married in rompers.
893
00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:21,641
Mighty pretty
country around there.
894
00:59:21,767 --> 00:59:23,517
Do you think
you'll ever go back?
895
00:59:23,602 --> 00:59:25,436
Come here, babe. I like you.
896
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,939
I shouldn't.
What about my husband?
897
00:59:28,023 --> 00:59:30,942
That's all right.
Maybe we can get
a girl for him.
898
00:59:38,909 --> 00:59:40,368
Who was that? My wife?
899
00:59:40,452 --> 00:59:42,495
Married to her 12
years and you ask me?
900
00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,872
What're you doing here?
I told you to spy on Helton.
901
00:59:44,957 --> 00:59:46,666
I did spy on him.
What was he doing?
902
00:59:46,750 --> 00:59:48,709
He was spying on me.
Did he see you?
903
00:59:48,794 --> 00:59:51,712
No. I was too foxy for him.
All he could do was spy on me.
904
00:59:51,797 --> 00:59:54,507
Well, get back in there.
We're all set to cop his girl.
905
00:59:54,591 --> 00:59:55,967
Okay, chief.
906
01:00:18,407 --> 01:00:21,409
They got some
good stuff outside.
You want a drink?
907
01:00:25,914 --> 01:00:28,165
Ready, boys? Let's go.
908
01:01:17,549 --> 01:01:19,050
Beat you that time.
909
01:02:18,693 --> 01:02:21,153
Very swell.
Let me get you some punch.
910
01:02:21,238 --> 01:02:22,947
I'd love it.
911
01:02:32,999 --> 01:02:34,834
Just what I needed.
912
01:02:48,807 --> 01:02:51,183
Well, how's it coming, kid?
913
01:02:51,268 --> 01:02:52,560
Got everything you want?
914
01:02:52,644 --> 01:02:54,437
Sure, how about
a job for my grandfather?
915
01:02:54,521 --> 01:02:56,147
Your grandfather,
what does he do?
916
01:02:56,314 --> 01:02:58,065
He puts cheese
in the mousetraps.
917
01:02:58,150 --> 01:03:00,401
Why, we haven't got
any mice here.
918
01:03:00,485 --> 01:03:02,611
He brings his
own mice with him.
919
01:03:17,461 --> 01:03:19,462
You know,
Mary, everyone seems to be
920
01:03:19,588 --> 01:03:21,630
having nearly as
much fun as I am.
921
01:03:22,007 --> 01:03:25,634
I beg your pardon,
but there's someone
to see you, Miss Helton.
922
01:03:26,219 --> 01:03:27,636
Pardon me,
and I'll hurry right back.
923
01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:29,180
Surely.
924
01:03:49,493 --> 01:03:51,494
No, you're wrong,
girls, you're wrong.
925
01:03:51,578 --> 01:03:54,872
In the first place,
Gary Cooper is
much taller than I am.
926
01:03:55,582 --> 01:03:58,959
I wish you'd
announce this singer.
I can't make out the name.
927
01:03:59,044 --> 01:04:01,128
Ladies and gentlemen,
I wish to announce...
928
01:04:01,213 --> 01:04:04,340
that the buffet will be served
in the next room
in five minutes.
929
01:04:04,424 --> 01:04:06,133
To get you in
that room quickly...
930
01:04:06,218 --> 01:04:09,345
Mrs. Schmalhausen
will sing a soprano solo
in this room.
931
01:06:41,748 --> 01:06:44,124
That's no good.
You wanna get
thrown out again?
932
01:06:44,209 --> 01:06:46,460
Play something nice.
I tell you what you play.
933
01:06:46,544 --> 01:06:48,337
Play... .
934
01:06:54,469 --> 01:06:55,552
That's it.
935
01:06:55,637 --> 01:06:58,972
That's beautiful.
That's magnifico. I like that.
936
01:09:03,223 --> 01:09:06,058
Mary! They've kidnapped her!
937
01:09:06,184 --> 01:09:07,476
Who's been kidnapped?
938
01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:10,270
Mary, my daughter!
Do something!
939
01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:11,688
But who could've done it?
940
01:09:11,773 --> 01:09:15,567
It's that Alky Briggs!
You saw them drag
her into the car.
941
01:09:15,652 --> 01:09:17,945
Where did they take her?
942
01:09:18,029 --> 01:09:20,280
First, they
blindfolded me and then they--
943
01:09:20,365 --> 01:09:22,366
Of course,
they took her to the barn.
944
01:09:22,450 --> 01:09:25,619
Fellows,
let's all pack up a lunch
and go down to the old barn.
945
01:09:25,703 --> 01:09:28,080
Fred, you go down
to the North Road.
946
01:09:28,206 --> 01:09:30,624
Jack, you head
down by Front Street.
947
01:09:31,251 --> 01:09:33,001
I'll go pick up
a couple of the boys.
948
01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:35,504
And I'll take
care of picking up
a couple of dames.
949
01:09:35,588 --> 01:09:37,631
Women?
This is no time for women.
950
01:09:37,715 --> 01:09:39,216
On to the barn!
951
01:09:41,970 --> 01:09:43,762
Gee, I wish I had a horse.
952
01:09:48,059 --> 01:09:49,935
Hurry it up, boys.
953
01:09:50,395 --> 01:09:51,645
Come on.
954
01:09:57,068 --> 01:09:59,903
Let me go!
955
01:10:00,071 --> 01:10:03,282
No use yelling, kid.
Nobody will hear you in here.
956
01:10:03,408 --> 01:10:05,492
You wait till my
father hears about this!
957
01:10:05,577 --> 01:10:08,662
He's gonna hear about it
because I'm gonna
tell him myself.
958
01:10:08,746 --> 01:10:10,289
Take it easy!
959
01:10:10,373 --> 01:10:13,208
You're not going anyplace.
Don't get all excited.
Come on.
960
01:10:13,293 --> 01:10:15,627
You take your hands off of me!
961
01:10:15,712 --> 01:10:17,671
Listen, kid.
Nobody's gonna hurt you.
962
01:10:17,755 --> 01:10:20,132
You'll be out in an hour
if your dad comes through.
963
01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:22,217
Butch, you take
care of the girl while
I telephone Joe.
964
01:10:22,343 --> 01:10:24,386
Come on, you guys.
965
01:10:36,441 --> 01:10:38,442
You take your hands off of me!
966
01:10:39,652 --> 01:10:42,487
Now, make yourself
at home, but shut up!
967
01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:52,956
$1.10.
968
01:10:53,082 --> 01:10:54,583
Here's $1.
Keep the change.
969
01:10:54,667 --> 01:10:56,251
But I said $1.10.
970
01:10:56,377 --> 01:10:57,961
Give me $1.
I'll keep the change.
971
01:10:58,046 --> 01:11:00,130
That's a half
a dollar I owe you.
972
01:11:08,222 --> 01:11:10,724
You call this a barn?
This looks like a stable.
973
01:11:10,808 --> 01:11:13,435
It looks like a barn
but smells like a stable.
974
01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:15,771
Well, let's just look at it.
975
01:11:15,939 --> 01:11:18,106
Get out of here!
976
01:11:18,274 --> 01:11:20,150
Have you got
a girl in that hayloft?
977
01:11:20,234 --> 01:11:21,318
No!
978
01:11:21,402 --> 01:11:23,028
You're a bigger
fool than I thought.
979
01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:24,696
Beat it, I tell you!
980
01:11:24,822 --> 01:11:26,156
What'd you say?
981
01:11:26,324 --> 01:11:27,658
I said beat it!
982
01:11:30,703 --> 01:11:32,079
Pardon me.
What did you say?
983
01:11:32,205 --> 01:11:33,622
I said beat it!
984
01:11:33,706 --> 01:11:34,873
He said beat it.
985
01:11:34,958 --> 01:11:38,043
Gee, I wish I'd said that.
Everybody's repeating it.
986
01:11:38,127 --> 01:11:40,796
I'm coming down
there and get you!
987
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:42,631
Don't bother.
We'll come right up.
988
01:11:42,715 --> 01:11:44,383
Come on.
I'm going in to get him.
989
01:11:57,480 --> 01:12:01,358
Here we are at the old barn,
all set for
a nice picnic lunch.
990
01:12:01,442 --> 01:12:04,653
Gosh, the picnic is off,
we haven't got any red ants.
991
01:12:04,737 --> 01:12:07,531
I know an Indian who's got
a couple of Red aunts.
992
01:12:07,615 --> 01:12:09,908
Don't you think we'd better
go look for the girl?
993
01:12:09,993 --> 01:12:12,786
Let's wait till we eat,
there's hardly
enough lunch for two.
994
01:12:12,870 --> 01:12:16,373
I don't see why
she couldn't get
kidnapped near a restaurant.
995
01:12:16,874 --> 01:12:18,333
Some dark night,
I think I'll come
996
01:12:18,418 --> 01:12:20,544
and lay for you if
the hens don't get sore.
997
01:12:22,714 --> 01:12:23,797
Here.
998
01:12:23,923 --> 01:12:27,217
Go over to that
filling station
and get some milk. Grade-A.
999
01:12:30,638 --> 01:12:32,723
Well, come on.
Where's the milk?
1000
01:12:32,807 --> 01:12:35,183
There's
a customer ahead of me.
1001
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:38,562
Hey!
1002
01:12:39,564 --> 01:12:41,231
What are you doing here?
1003
01:12:41,315 --> 01:12:43,775
What are we doing?
What about you,
kidnapping a girl?
1004
01:12:43,901 --> 01:12:45,569
Old-fashioned
piece of melodrama...
1005
01:12:45,653 --> 01:12:48,947
kidnapping a girl!
You've been reading
too many dime novels.
1006
01:12:49,073 --> 01:12:51,742
Go on. You get him.
I'll wait for you outside.
1007
01:12:52,410 --> 01:12:54,036
Keep out of this loft!
1008
01:12:54,162 --> 01:12:55,871
It's better to
have loft and lost
1009
01:12:55,997 --> 01:12:57,456
than never to
have loft at all.
1010
01:12:57,540 --> 01:12:58,540
Nice work.
1011
01:12:58,666 --> 01:13:00,292
Beat it,
or I'll throw you out!
1012
01:13:31,240 --> 01:13:32,616
Take your
face out of my foot!
1013
01:13:32,784 --> 01:13:34,201
I gotcha!
1014
01:13:42,919 --> 01:13:47,047
So, thought we were afraid?
Thought we were afraid,
did you?
1015
01:13:52,512 --> 01:13:55,222
Now I'm gonna give
it to you guys right!
1016
01:14:11,114 --> 01:14:13,115
Butch! What happened?
1017
01:14:13,783 --> 01:14:14,825
Hey!
1018
01:14:15,660 --> 01:14:17,577
You, get out of that loft!
1019
01:14:22,083 --> 01:14:23,667
Butch, what happened?
1020
01:14:24,585 --> 01:14:26,128
Come up here, Butch.
1021
01:14:33,553 --> 01:14:35,011
Where's all those
farmers' daughters
1022
01:14:35,096 --> 01:14:37,013
I've been hearing
about for years?
1023
01:14:43,354 --> 01:14:46,940
Why don't you boys
fight over there?
You want to break my glasses?
1024
01:14:48,568 --> 01:14:50,026
Come on, folks.
Step right up.
1025
01:14:50,111 --> 01:14:52,696
Only 10 cents a chance.
Attaboy!
Here you are.
1026
01:14:52,780 --> 01:14:55,574
Ten cents gets you in
the only game in the stable.
1027
01:14:55,658 --> 01:14:58,201
Let's see. Number 16 wins.
And the lucky number.
1028
01:14:58,286 --> 01:15:01,997
There you are, young man.
Sorry you didn't
get a better one.
1029
01:15:03,583 --> 01:15:04,958
Here we go!
1030
01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:09,462
Let's see what comes up.
Well, if he isn't
the lucky guy. Double 0.
1031
01:15:09,547 --> 01:15:11,423
Two shots for
the price of one.
1032
01:15:11,549 --> 01:15:13,466
Folks, this is
the best game in all--
1033
01:15:15,845 --> 01:15:18,096
You're a mother,
you understand.
1034
01:15:18,181 --> 01:15:19,556
How would you like
to have somebody...
1035
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:22,475
steal one of your heifers?
I know, heifer cow
is better than none...
1036
01:15:22,560 --> 01:15:25,854
but this is no time for puns.
Get in that battle over there.
1037
01:15:28,649 --> 01:15:30,233
Here we are again
at the ringside,
1038
01:15:30,359 --> 01:15:31,902
and it looks
like a great battle.
1039
01:15:31,986 --> 01:15:34,404
Now the boys are locked
in the center of the ring.
1040
01:15:34,488 --> 01:15:37,991
What a grudge fight.
Zowie! Zowie! Zowie!
1041
01:15:38,075 --> 01:15:41,077
That makes three zowies,
and a man gets
a base on balls.
1042
01:15:41,162 --> 01:15:45,123
Ending of the first inning.
No runs, no errors,
but plenty of hits.
1043
01:15:48,961 --> 01:15:51,087
This program comes
to you courtesy of
1044
01:15:51,172 --> 01:15:52,672
the Golden Goose
Furniture Company...
1045
01:15:52,757 --> 01:15:57,052
with three stores:
125th Street, 125th Street
and 125th Street.
1046
01:15:57,136 --> 01:15:59,804
You furnish the girl,
we tar and feather your nest.
1047
01:15:59,889 --> 01:16:02,182
Look for our advertisement
in today's ash can.
1048
01:16:02,266 --> 01:16:05,644
Now the boys are at it
in the center of the ring!
Oh! That one hurt!
1049
01:16:05,728 --> 01:16:08,104
Come on, you palookas!
Stop stalling!
1050
01:16:08,272 --> 01:16:10,649
Oh, mama,
if I only had my youth again.
1051
01:16:23,204 --> 01:16:24,579
Round two.
1052
01:16:27,208 --> 01:16:28,875
Both boys are
fiddling in the ring,
1053
01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:30,710
and I don't think
much of the tune.
1054
01:16:30,795 --> 01:16:32,295
Briggs is bobbing and weaving.
1055
01:16:32,380 --> 01:16:34,130
It's nice work
if you can get it.
1056
01:16:34,257 --> 01:16:36,007
Now they're trying.
Very trying.
1057
01:16:36,092 --> 01:16:37,592
I copped that one
from an almanac.
1058
01:16:37,677 --> 01:16:41,221
Now they're in
the center of the ring,
and the crowd hurrahs.
1059
01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:57,988
Oh, Dad!
1060
01:16:59,240 --> 01:17:01,116
Are you all right, honey?
1061
01:17:02,660 --> 01:17:06,579
Good boy.
Remember, old Joe Helton
never forgot a friend.
1062
01:17:06,664 --> 01:17:09,374
This is one job that
certainly was a pleasure.
1063
01:17:11,127 --> 01:17:12,836
What are you doing?
1064
01:17:12,962 --> 01:17:14,671
I'm looking for
a needle in a hay stack.
76909
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