All language subtitles for Pivoting.S01E08.Doompa-Dee.Doo.1080p.HULU.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NPMS

She won an Oscar.
She built a wellness empire,

and her next move
is to create a candle

that smells like her--
Her front bottom.

I don't know why, I just had to
smell it for myself.

This is underwhelming.
I thought it would be bigger.

I mean, even for someone like me

who likes that area
more than others,

I mean, I don't want my
whole house to smell like it.

Yeah.
So many variables.

A woman's pH, her diet,

whether she's gone
on a long walk or not,

you know,
whether she's just a woman

who produces more of that--
Alrighty, let's light it up.

I got places to be.

[♪♪♪]

[ALL SNIFFING]

I'm getting essence
of rosewater and...

lavender.

This is what I imagine

like a cartoon hoo-ha
to smell like.

I don't smell anything.

Oh, okay, something's coming.

It's like a--

Oh! Oh, God,
it just hits you!
Oh, my gosh!

My eyes are burning
a little bit.

That candle ran a marathon.
Oh.

Yeah, well, stars,
they're just like us.

Mm, smells good in here.

Smells like
my grandma Betty's house.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Hey! ♪

[♪♪♪]

Have fun.

Oh.

I thought I heard tires
screeching to a stop.

Always a pleasure to see you,
Mrs. Lakier.

Okay, I hope the kids

are better actors than you are.
They're not.

I need two tickets
to the Willy Wonka show,

unless it's sold out.

Is it sold out?

Never for you.

Two tickets will be $14.

$14?
Luke's an Oompa Loompa.

He has one line--
"dippity-da."

It's "dippity-doo."

Oh, my God, doesn't matter.

Actually, it's a very
famous line--

Oh, wow.

It's like the evidence locker

at a police station in there.

Okay, Higgins.

Here's that.

Ooh, a loosie.

Huh, oblong yellow.

I'm gonna have to Google that.

The tickets.
Ah.

Is this gonna be good?

Not a chance.

Okay, great.

[SIGHS]
Hey, guys.

What are you drinking?

Explain yourself,
and also give me a sip.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, my blood
is easily 50% chemicals,

and that's too much for me.

It's a mocha-lotta-latte.

It's basically frozen diabetes.

Something I would never
drink before.

But I gave her a book
about how saying yes

can enhance your life
and make you happier.

I basically said no
to new experiences my whole life

because I was so busy
being a doctor,

and now I'm gonna
say yes because, you know,

what else am I gonna do?

Okay, so this'll be
about a week of yeses

followed by two full years
of hard nos.

[LAUGHS, SNORTS]

I'm sorry, not you.

Don't be this person, Jodie.
Huh,
what person?

The person who likes someone

and then makes their entire life
about that one person.

You're supposed to go through
this phase in high school

because then you can get new
friends, but, I mean, we're it.

I mean, after us,
it's what, like PTA

or, I don't know, AA.

Or AAA.

I'm not making Matt
my whole world.

In fact, I'm starting
a new organizing business.

Been doing it for free
ever since I had kids, so...

That's awesome, Jodie.
This is great!

I've already started
transforming my home

with The Jodie Method.

Still workshopping the name.
Uh-huh.

Yeah.
But do you guys want to come over after here

and see my shelving vision?

Jodie, you know that
things in their proper place

give me severe anxiety.

And I assume that's a no
for you, Sarah, so... yes?

Is that why you gave me the yes book?

How long have you been planning this?

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

Uh...
Oh, God.

What?
W-What happened?

What did he do?
It's Luke's school.

MR. HIGGINS: Hi, Mrs. Lakier.

It's Mr. Higgins.

No emergencies.
I just wa--

Uh, you know what,
I'm going through a tunnel,

so I'm pro--
I'm-- my-- losin--

Oh.
[BEEP]

Oh, damn it.

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

[GROANS]

Still in a--unnel.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I just wanted to say
that we really love

having you around the school
more often,

and your love of your children,

it really shines
through your scowl.

Tunnel.

I have a drug question.

Just out of the tunnel.

What's-- What--
How can I help you?

Well, you see, my pharmacy
ran out of my focus medication,

and I couldn't help
but notice this morning

that you had quite a lot
of pharmaceuticals,

and one of them appeared
to be focus-related.

Mm-hmm, methamphetamines.

Go on.
I'll cut to the chase.

You gots what I needs.

Well, [CHUCKLING]
I mean, any--

anything to help the school,

and something finally
in my skillset.

Look, I'm headed to work now,

so, I mean,
where do you want to meet?

I could-- I could swing by
the school.

No, no, no, no, no,
that would be unprofessional.

Uh, how about your house?

Uh, here's the thing, I don't
want to be that kind of mom,

but, you know, I mean,
a drug deal at the house

is a little sketch.

It's not a drug deal.
I'm not paying you.

Oh, okay, perfect.

Perf it is.

And now the pièce de résistance.

Jodie, do I really
have to see the bathroom?

Are you kidding me?
This is my specialty.

Plus, Mackenzi Cox
has already cornered

the garage, kitchen,
and closet market.

Then why did I have to see
the garage, kitchen, and closet?

To build suspense.

Over the course of their lives,

women spend 2 years and 40 days
in the bathroom.

Men actually spend 85 more days,

'cause, you know...

Shaving.
Yeah, that's it.

[CELLPHONE VIBRATING]

School mom.
Nightmare.

I was trying to create
a home sanctuary.

I really think I nailed it.

Jodie, where did you learn
how to do all this?

Oh, it's intuitive.
Plus YouTube.

In the basket over the bathtub,

you'll find your towels...
[CELLPHONE VIBRATING]

...and over here, you'll find
your different soaps.

Go ahead, check 'em out.
Go look, look at 'em.

I'm looking.

Sarah, you have to say yes
to self-care.

I mean, look at those soaps.

[♪♪♪]

[CELLPHONE VIBRATING]

Feel the towels.

You know, normally,
I really wouldn't feel towels.

Okay.
I'm gonna feel the towels.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]
Oh, God.

Jodie, are you on your phone?

[♪♪♪]

I'm texting Dan!

[♪♪♪]

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

Hey.

Sarah's in the bathroom
so I'm whispering,

but I messed up bad.

I messed up real bad!

Oh, my God, this is my favorite
kind of conversation.

Go.

I accidentally sent Dan
an R-rated text meant for Matt!

[LAUGHING] I am just getting
the best phone calls today.

Amy!

I need a lie, like right now!

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Uh, you're with a bunch
of moms at the park.

One of them thought it would be
a good idea to text your husband.

You couldn't get
your phone back because, well,

I mean, the-- the mother was in
a wheelchair and you felt bad.

Why is she in a wheelchair?
Because she broke her hip.

How did she break her hip?
She tripped on a toy, so she's gonna be

out of commission
for four to six more weeks.

Aww, poor thing.

Oh, wait.
Wow, you're good.

It's all about the backstory.

[CELLPHONE VIBRATING]
Wait.

[GASPS]
Dan texted me!

A thumbs-up emoji?

I put myself out there sexually

and all he can muster
is a thumbs up emoji?

He's such a jerk.

You got to be careful.
You are not good at this.

You're doing
some major-league lying

with some little-league skills.

From now on, I'm gonna be...

really careful.
Great, I got to go

'cause I got to go do a--
I got to go do a drug deal.

Okay. What?

[♪♪♪]

Matt.

[SIGHS]

Well, you have been
a real trouper.

Let's go--
What are you doing?

Hi.

I figured I'd say yes to a bath.

Oh, you're still doing that!

[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]

Oh.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Mm.

[♪♪♪]

Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.

Nice jumping that fence.

Alright, let's just get you...
Whoa, Mrs. Lakier, it's not that kind of visit.

Alright, I just need to make
sure you're not wearing a wire.

[SIGHS]

Oh, come on, let me have
a little fun with this.

Alright.
Yeah, thank you.

Alright, now we're good,
we're good, we're good.

Now...

Okay, let's see here.

Hmm.

Here we go, here we go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

These should be good.

These'll definitely
put a little pep in your step.

Oh, great.

Now, a friend brought these back
from Cancun,

so you're gonna want to
keep some electrolytes on hand

and maybe a number
for poison control.

Anything else?

Mm, no, that's it.

Now, since you just have to
get 'til Thursday,

I can give you 10 fives,
or if you prefer, five 10s,

and you can just break the bars.

I'll take five 10s,
and you know what,

just throw in
a couple of fives, too,

'cause I have back-to-back
parent-teacher conferences

on Wednesday
and those can be a lot.

Well, this counts as ours.

[CHUCKLES]
Thank you for this.

I am gonna hit you back.

[SCOTTISH ACCENT]
Someday, and that day may never come.

I may call upon you
to do me a favor.

I think
your "Godfather" impersonation

is slightly off.

Get out of here.
Unbelievable.

You really suck the joy
out of being a drug lord.

Here's your tea!

I'm guessing that bath
is getting pretty cold by now.

No, no, it's perfect.
I just filled it.

Well, maybe you can
drink your tea

while you get dressed to leave.

Oh, no, I'm not going anywhere.

I'm catching up
on a lifetime of baths.

I'm gonna stay put.

[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]

[SQUEALS]

Aren't you getting
really pruny in there?

Oh, I don't get pruny.
Just lucky that way.

Well, I've got to go

take Evan his soccer stuff
to school, so...

Okay.

Just, um, turn on some music
for me, like, something bathy.

Yeah.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

Oh. Oh!
[LAUGHS]

This is my jam.

Saying yes.

Saying yes to this.

[DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE]

Dude, this is so cool.

Hey, guys.
You look great.

Oh, wow, Luke,

are you officiating
the Cirque du Soleil later?

I got the lead part in the play.

[CHUCKLING]
He's Wonka!

What?! Wow! How about that?
Yeah.

Congrats!
This is major.

That's the problem!

I wanted to be in the background
with my friends.

Okay, oh, come on.

He has friends?

I mean, this is just
all good news today.

Well, he's upset

'cause he already memorized
"doompa-dee doo."

Maybe this is a little
out of his league.

I don't know, maybe the kid's
breaking out of his shell.

I don't think Mr. Higgins
would've given him Wonka

if he didn't think
he could do it.

Well...

"Well," what?

I might've had
something to do with that.

Oh, boy.

I, um--
I gave Mr. Higgins, uh...

...two free tickets
to my cooking show,

so he's probably just repaying
us by giving Luke the lead.

Don't they give those away
at the gas station?

Okay, only when
we can't fill the audience

with people
from the halfway house.

Not big clappers.

Well, either way,

it's commendable
that you'd do that for your son.

And I'm not gonna lie,

that makes more sense than
Luke getting Mr. W on his own.

Alright, I'll call Higgins
and get him his old part back.

No, don't you even think about that.

I've got my phone,
and I got him into this,

and I'm gonna--

I'm gonna get him
right out of this, so...

MR. HIGGINS: Hi, Mrs. Lakier.

Oh, hey, Mr. Higgins.
Didn't even-- Didn't even ring.

Um, look, here--
here's the thing.

We are--
We're so--

I mean, so nice of you to give
Luke the lead in the play,

but as it turns out,
he doesn't want it,

so if we could just get
the "doompa-dee doo" back,

that'd be great.
No can doompa-dee doo.

If I keep jerking
these kids around,

it'll send a red flag
to the parents.

What's he saying?

Okay, can I just get
a little privacy?

Why would you need privacy right now?
Ugh!

Okay, why don't I give you
another little care package?

Some, uh...

...focus medicine,
if you will?

Oh, I'm in a--unnel.

I can't--

[GROANS]

Well, it's--
it's too late.

Playbills, they're printed,

so, you know,
I think this is for the best.

'Cause do we want
to send the message to our kids

that any time they don't want
to rise to the occasion,

we're just gonna bail them out?

He's 7.
Exactly.

It is time for him
to learn those hard truths.

Alright, well, you better go
start rehearsing with him,

'cause the kid stinks.

Mm-hmm, okay.

Alright, Luke, let's put
this top hat back on.

It's gonna be
a long night, buddy.

Wait, why did you put this
back on? You're slowing me down.

Oh, I took
that picture yesterday.

My muscles were poppin'.
Okay, well, take it back off.

Wow, really energetic today.

Is this that new pea powder
protein shake I recommended?

Say that three times fast.

Pea powder protein, pea powder protein,
pea powder protein.

Shh!
[DOOR SLAMS]

Oh, no.

My mom's home early.

[FOOTSTEPS]
Oh.

Okay, she probably just
forgot her sudoku.

You know, I mean, she does them
when they're slow at the office.

Okay, but she won't
come down here, right?

Like, she respects your privacy?
Totally.

Um, well, unless she's got to

get something out of the dryer.
WOMAN: Matt?

That's your mom?

She sounds so young.
How old is she?

She's mom age.
46. And a half.

But don't call her 47,
'cause she'll get really mad.

Okay, I'm just gonna go say hi

and I'm gonna get her
right out the door, okay?

Yeah, don't forget about me.

Hey.

I could never forget about you.

Aww.

Go!
Right.

[FOOTSTEPS DEPART]

"Mom age"?

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT]

[GASPS]

Oh, come on, little blue line,
you can do it.

You can do it, you can do it,
you can do it.

[♪♪♪]

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
Damn.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[♪♪♪]

Best soak ever.

AMY: Don't scratch your butt like that.

LUKE: It's what I do when I'm nervous.

Okay, well,
don't do that onstage.

[CELLPHONE RINGS]
Hey, Mr. Higgins.

MR. HIGGINS: Hi.
Thanks for calling me back.

Look, I wanted to talk to you
about this Wonka deal.

I, uh-- I know you told Amy
that it's too late,

but is there anything at all we can do

to get Luke back
in this Oompa Loompa role?

You know, at drop-off,
I couldn't help but notice

that your hair looks naturally thick.

Oh.
[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I guess
it is pretty thick.

Do you know anything
about hair pills?

Um... wait, why?

[♪♪♪]

Just take one a day,

and then the hair
will start growing back

in like three weeks.

[CHUCKLES]

You'll downgrade him
to Oompa Loompa?

Done.

[♪♪♪]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]

How long have I been asleep?

Jodie?

[♪♪♪]

Honey, I'm home.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[GROANS]

There's a flaw
in The Jodie Method.

[♪♪♪]

Where are you?

Skipped the meeting.

Came home early for sex stuff.

Might only have time for me.

[♪♪♪]

Mm...

Okay, uh...

[♪♪♪]

Oh, no!

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

Oh, no, no, no.

[SIGHS]

I mean, zero charisma.

I mean, I'm talking
Johnny Depp-level Wonka there.

Well, you don't have to
worry about it.

I got him his Oompa Loompa back.

You talked to Higgins?
What did he say?

Did he--
Did he mention me?

I did a terrible thing.

Huh, but did he mention me?

I feel so dirty.

You feel dirty?

Hmm.

Yeah.

You know how he thought your
cooking-show tickets were a bribe?

Mm-hmm, mm. My-- yeah,
my cooking-show tickets.

Well, I did way worse.

He asked me
why my hair is so thick,

and the next thing I knew,
I was slipping him

the last of my hair pills
through the back door.

Apparently,
his insurance company

stopped covering the good stuff.

What?!
The last of it?

You have got to
get that refilled, Henry.

I told you, you do not have
the face for a bald man.

That's your takeaway?

I'm a scalp stimulants
trafficker.

Well, yeah. I mean,
I'm not happy about that.

It's extremely poor judgment
and it's hideous,

and I did think
that you were above all of that,

and we can never tell our son

because he'll lose
all respect for you,

but you know what?

Do not beat yourself up
about it.

Okay, I'll try.
I don't know that I can.

I know.

Look, I know it's sixes,

but would it help you to know
that I, um--

I didn't give him tickets
to the cooking show?

I gave him, uh,
prescription drugs.

You gave a teacher drugs?

For our son, remember?

Look, I finally found a way
to contribute to Luke's school

instead of standing at some,
I don't know, car wash.

I'm helping
the teachers of America, okay?

I'm a good mother.

You're a drug lord.

Luke could get
kicked out of school.

You'd have to home school him.

You could get arrested.

Home school?
In this house?

I don't know
how you live with you.

I- I feel like scum.

Well, the pills help,
but, I mean, I'd offer you one.

But as you know,
I'm running low now.

I think the real--
the real thing here

is that we are good parents

who want the worst for our son.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, you make a good point.

You want to go upstairs and tell him?

No, there's no way
I'm going back up there.

I'm definitely not going.

There's not enough of this in the world.

WOMAN: Did you eat the turkey I left?

Why do you look so flushed?

Gonna have to switch providers.

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[♪♪♪]

I don't know where Jodie is,

but she was supposed to be
my ride home.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, come on, core strength.

[SIGHS]

What am I doing?

What are you doing?

[SIGHS]
Okay.

[DOOR OPENS]
MATT: Hey, babe.

Oh!
Hey, what's going on?

Hey.
Hi.

Um, is your mom leaving?

Oh, no, she whipped out the sweatpants.
She's not going anywhere for a while.

Okay, I have to go.
This is the only way out, so...

Man, I really want
to feel bad about this,

but look at you.

I'm so glad we blasted
your glutes the other day.

Your butt looks amazing.

Really?! Really?

Yes.
Okay, do you mind giving me a hand?

Alright, fine, but only because
I want to touch you.

Whoa!
Go, go, go!

Clench the buttocks!

[THUD]

Hey, you did it.
I did it!

I have a confession.
Yeah.

I didn't do anything.
What?

Yeah, I knew you could do it.

Oh, okay. I got to go.
Alright.

Bye.
Alright.

Wait, tell me
about my butt again.

Oh, my God, it looks amazing.

Bye.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Ugh.

Saw his peanuts?

[GASPS]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Make a left here.

Mm.

[♪♪♪]

AMY: I just never got sudoku.

Amy, it was terrifying.

I could've been caught
by his mother.

Can you imagine?

Oh, I've been caught by
a lot of moms back in the day.

And some girlfriends, too.

That-- That was actually
kind of fun.

You must've been
freaking out, though.

I mean, what would you have done
if she had come down?

I don't know.

I've become reckless.

I'm unhinged.

I tossed everything
just to see him.

Like, it didn't even occur to me

that I could blow up
my entire life if I got caught.

It was the most
exhilarating moment of my life.

It was so exciting,
and I could tell you

I'm going to stop,
and I should, but I'm not.

Of course not.

[♪♪♪]

You can have your yes book back.

How was I supposed to know

you were going to take
the world's longest bath?

I was taking an interest
in your work. Where were you?

I was at Evan's soccer game,
and I felt bad

and had to help
a woman in a wheelchair.

Mm-hmm.

Dan and I, we smushed parts.

Oh, I know.

He's not nearly
as upset about it as you are.

[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]

Oh, okay, well, I have got to go

get Luke kicked out of band.

I'll tell you what,

drugs really do
solve everything.

Do you have anything in there that can
help me forget about Dan's parts?

No.

May-- no.

[♪♪♪]

This helps me
forget about Dan's parts.

[♪♪♪]

It makes everything better.

♪ Yeah ♪

[♪♪♪]