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1
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Well, hello you.
2
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# Just the two of us... #
3
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If you're watching with other family members, ignore them. It's me and you. Saucy!
4
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So, previously in my life,
5
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I met Tilly's fiance Rupert Farley-Pointless or something.
6
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- And this is Rupert.
- Oh, please, call me the Bear.
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HE GROWLS
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Ooh!
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SHE MOUTHS
10
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He's on army leave so their wedding plans are a go-go
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which means Mum is even more desperate to find me a man
12
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and has taken to literally trawling the countryside.
13
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Hello, young man, do get in.
14
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- Where are you off to?
- I'm going to see my girlfriend...
15
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What else? Oh, yes, Stevie took our karaoke night to a new level.
16
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# BOTH: Try to look as if you don't care less
17
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# But if you want to see some more... #
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- Stevie! I didn't know that was going to happen.
- Carry on!
19
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But I haven't got the little skirt!
20
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# And then you can show that you think you know... #
21
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Let's speak no more of, and crack on with the show.
22
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Ooh, new breakfast menu.
23
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I think I'll have the antioxidant mixed berry compote.
24
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Yes, me too...
25
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and bacon, egg, sausage, beans, French toast, hash browns...
26
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muffin, tea and two sugars.
27
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Lovely. I love that you're now doing breakfast.
28
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- I prefer to call it "brunch".
- I couldn't be more sorry.
29
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But, I mean, combining two meals, really, it's insanity personified.
30
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- What next, linner?
- Or lupper.
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- Funnier, lupper.
- Do you think they know they're in love?
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No.
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- Is it time?
- It's time.
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THEY LAUGH
35
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MOCKING LAUGHTER
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- Right, listen up.
- We're staging an intervention.
- And sending you on a date.
37
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- BOTH: What?!
- Tonight. As they say,
38
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"Strike while the iron's hot". And, as I say, "Iron while the iron's hot" too.
39
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I have vouchers for a romantic restaurant.
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Just go and work out if something's going to happen.
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- We're just friends.
- Right.
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Sorry, guys. Nice try.
43
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What are you doing?!
44
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It's been going great with him, just mates.
45
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Denial. You're not that good an actress.
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I think you'll find I'm an excellent actress.
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SHE MOUTHS
48
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- You're besotted.
- Shh.
- She is totally in love...
49
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Did I mention the restaurant was Wilson's?
50
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Wilson's? Clive, you know I'm desperate to try the food there.
51
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We could give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen?
52
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Humiliation, embarrassment, fire, explosions, collisions, tears, nudity and death.
53
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But that was just bad luck involving a rogue creme brulee torch.
54
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It's VERY unlikely to happen twice.
55
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- Let's go for it.
- OK, you're on.
56
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I'll go give them a call.
57
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I knew you wouldn't be able to resist.
58
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When Gary walks in in chef's gear, you practically fall off the stool.
59
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Oh, I do not.
60
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I'll book a table for eight, is that OK?
61
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Yeah, although I thought it would just be the two of us.
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SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
63
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So tomorrow night, Miranda and Stevie's okey-dokey no space for blokeys karaoke.
64
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Still happy to have it at yours?
65
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- Of course. Now, have you chosen your song?
- The theme...
66
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- Songs to reflect your personality. My theme.
- Good theme.
67
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- Thank you, caller.
- Pleasure, sir.
68
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But tricky theme for me because there are so many key aspects of my personality.
69
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So I think I'll just sum them all up and do Simply The Best. I love Tina.
70
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- Next week I might do Nutbush City Limits.
- SHE LAUGHS
71
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There is nothing funny about Nutbush.
72
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That's where you're wrong, my shrunken elf of a friend.
73
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Excuse me, Nutbush.
74
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HE LAUGHS
75
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You see?
76
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- What's your song?
- Easy...
77
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# I may not be a lady... #
78
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But from a distance, I can pass as one.
79
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Get out! I think you'll find I am all woman.
80
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Monday to Sunday - inclusive.
81
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Oi! And weekends are doubly good.
82
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That's not in the song, that's a little bit of information about me.
83
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What are you doing throwing out men?
84
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Beggars can't be choosers.
85
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Actually you could consider a beggar.
86
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Obviously there's the smell, but THEY'LL get used to it.
87
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Such fun!
88
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Sorry, darling. I don't want to be one of those HELLISH mothers...
89
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..but if you don't find a date for Tilly's wedding, consider emigration.
90
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Belinda is being a nightmare mother of the bride. So smug.
91
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I thought Belinda was your best friend.
92
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She is, but I dislike her intensely.
93
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- Is it too early for a drink?
- It's 10.30.
94
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12.00, did you say?
95
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:07,760
- Hello, whisky. And I'm playing, what I call, tennis...
- It is tennis,
96
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I don't know what else you'd call it.
97
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..with Belinda tomorrow and she's bound to give me some ghastly wedding task to make me feel better.
98
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Hi-de-ho, peeps.
99
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Fake smiles, fake smiles.
100
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Tilly, Rupert.
101
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Oh, please, call me the Bear.
102
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- I do love that.
- Queen Kong. You know two months today, Poopert and I shall become uno.
103
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- Right, well, I'm dashing.
- Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny.
104
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Mummy and I have sensed un petit peu de jealous-bags,
105
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but we would love you to do the flowers for the wedding.
106
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Bouquet-dokey?
107
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Isn't that lovely?
108
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Skinny thank you-cino to your ma, eh?
109
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He stands too close.
110
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Muchisimus gracias, Pen-Pen.
111
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- You would not believe the wedmin.
- Wedmin?
112
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Wedding administration. Keep up. You're actually really lucky
113
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you're probably never going to have to organise a wedding for Miranda.
114
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SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
115
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Well, this has all been delightful.
116
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SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
117
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So Queen KONGO-leeza Rice...
118
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That's very... Did you see what she...?
119
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Merci, merci, c'est fini!
120
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Wedmin-planning lunch-eonie on tomorrow at one.
121
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Ah, fabulosomos omisamos.
122
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We'll have some serious fun bags.
123
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It's not the best breath.
124
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Poopert, Poopert, it's not fun bags, it's wedmin focus, OK?
125
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I'll see you tomozza-pam.
126
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Bye, girls. Up and at 'em.
127
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Up and at 'em... Bang, bang. Do you see? They're guns?
128
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I was shooting you.
129
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Please, tell me you noticed it then. Rupert was coming on to me.
130
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He wasn't. He's just tactile.
131
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And if he was coming on to anyone he would be coming on to me, because I have the allure.
132
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I have allure.
133
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You're not allure-abundant.
134
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Well, maybe my allure began abounding.
135
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No, because my high level of the allure means I'd be attuned to any shifts in the allurosphere.
136
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- The allurosphere?
- Not my word - science's.
137
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Now, if you want the allure for your hot date tonight, I'd get ready.
138
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- It's 10.30.
- It could take that long.
139
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Rude! I am feeling shifts in the allurosphere already. Oh, yes.
140
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SHE LAUGHS FORCEDLY
141
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You look lovely, by the way.
142
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Oh, thank you. You too.
143
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Velour menus.
144
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You know somewhere's smart when the menu is wearing a smoking jacket.
145
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Yeah.
146
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BOTH: So do you...
147
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- Oh, sorry.
- Oh, sorry. You go.
148
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No, you first.
149
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Oh, my gosh, look at us. This is ridiculous.
150
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Put us in a romantic setting and we can barely speak to each other.
151
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I know.
152
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- I know what we should do.
- OK, let's just go.
153
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We should sleep together.
154
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- Sorry?
- We should sleep together.
155
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Shall I explain?
156
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Yes, please, thank you, please, thank you so to you.
157
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,760
Well, I think maybe Stevie and Clive are right.
158
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There could be an "us", that we've never...
159
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- Do you?
- Yes. I've always thought...
160
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- Something...
- Yes.
- And you know what they say,
161
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if you have a friend you've fancied in the past, but never kissed,
162
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after a while you're too good friends, it's kind of awkward
163
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and embarrassing. That's us.
164
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We need to break that awkwardness.
165
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Anyway, that's my theory.
166
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It is an EXCELLENT theory.
167
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He could have given me any theory, to be honest.
168
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I should say obviously, I don't usually leap in to bed...
169
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Me too. I mean, I've had some fun in the past. As I'm sure you have...
170
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Loads. Well, some, I mean, the odd spot of...
171
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Predominantly other kinds of fun, to be honest.
172
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'There's no easy way to tell you this.
173
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'Kelly's pregnant and it's mine.'
174
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SHE PLAYS EASTENDERS CLOSING THEME
175
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Get in!
176
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Let's not dwell.
177
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Sure. If this is our moment,
178
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I don't want to regret not doing anything about it.
179
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- Really?
- Really.
180
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Well, me neither.
181
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,040
Gary, are we finally...
182
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I know.
183
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How long has it taken us?
184
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Oh, my God, there's woman on fire!
185
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I think it was a flambe.
186
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I'm so sorry, I thought you were on fire.
187
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,440
- Shall we leave?
- Yes, can we? Quick.
188
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,560
Sorry.
189
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:16,400
Well, it wasn't Wilson's, but, you know what, sometimes you can't go wrong with a burger.
190
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,760
You can NEVER go wrong with a burger.
191
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:22,840
I mean, those are the best burgers... apart from yours.
192
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- Good save.
- Thank you.
193
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,800
- So...
- So...
194
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,240
- Shall we put some music on?
- Good idea.
195
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,240
I'll do a shuffle.
196
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Shuffle to the shuffle.
197
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,880
Bit nervous.
198
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,520
FLAMENCO MUSIC STARTS
199
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Ooh.
200
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,480
MUSIC: "My Humps" by The Black Eyed Peas
201
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,440
Of all songs...
202
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,200
- Hello.
- Hi.
203
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,480
I might just turn the lighting down...better lighting.
204
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,000
Sure, sure.
205
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:19,120
- Is that OK?
- It's a BIT dark.
206
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,040
Shame.
207
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,240
OK.
208
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,640
Sorry.
209
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,120
Sorry.
210
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,080
HE BURPS
211
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,640
Gary, did you just burp?
212
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,040
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
213
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,040
Oh, I've got indigestion.
214
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:44,800
Don't worry. I've got some Gaviscon if you want.
215
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,520
HE BURPS
216
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,800
Gary! Do you want some Wind-eze as well?
217
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,600
I swear by Wind-eze.
218
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,080
If in doubt, pop a Wind-eze.
219
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:58,280
- It's fun to say as well, Wind-eze. Wind-eze!
- Can you stop saying Wind-eze?
220
00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,800
Sorry.
221
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,240
I think I've got aniseedy breath now.
222
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,280
No, you're fine.
223
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:14,880
Sorry, just thought of the word Wind-eze. Sorry.
224
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- I can taste aniseed.
- I can smell it now.
225
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:27,440
- OK, OK, this is now a little bit over-planned.
- A bit sort of clinical.
226
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:32,040
- Can we do this again when I'm a little bit less...
- Burpy.
227
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:35,480
Yes. I think it might be a bit more romantic when we're spontaneous.
228
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:36,880
Sure. Yes.
229
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,520
- Night.
- Night.
230
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:44,040
- Sorry.
- No, no. It's fine.
231
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,200
- Night.
- Night.
232
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,640
# I feel pretty, oh, so pretty
233
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,720
# I feel pretty and witty and gay... #
234
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:05,440
Although not gay, because I'm going to get it on with Gary, who's a man.
235
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,640
# And I'm all woman Monday to Sunday... #
236
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,760
Ooh, it's a mash up.
237
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I'm so excited. I don't know what to do.
238
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,720
Oh, hi. So, tell all, tell all. What happened?
239
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,480
Nothing. Just a nice meal with a friend. That's all.
240
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That's SO disappointing.
241
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You SEEM different.
242
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Do I?!
243
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I won't tell her.
244
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Are you sure nothing happened?
245
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,680
My lips are sealed, my face is a mask.
246
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:44,240
Nothing happened at the restaurant, but then we went back to my flat to have sex. Well...
247
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,160
We didn't last night, but we're going to.
248
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,080
BOTH: Oh-h-h!
249
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,960
And are you OK with this?
250
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,800
Yeah. I'm feeling...sexual. And spontaneous.
251
00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:02,080
- Oh, you. Spontaneous!
- I know. Look at me.
- Oh, you've gone a little bit camp.
252
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:07,080
Oh, yes. Thank you. Now, we're not telling anyone so mum's the word.
253
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,880
Cooee!
254
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,280
BOTH: Mum's the word, funny.
255
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:15,000
I have just whipped Belinda's big fat arse off the tennis court.
256
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,960
Whoompf! So satisfying.
257
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,280
Now, darling, your plus one for the wedding, I saw Benjy at the club.
258
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,440
- He is still available.
- And still my cousin.
259
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,240
And still, what I call, mental.
260
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:30,240
I'm the most beautiful squirrel of them all!
261
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:38,520
- I'm not dating Benjy so Belinda gets off your back.
- Well, she is insufferable.
262
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:44,120
And now I've got to go and look at flower samples. Such fun(!)
263
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,080
Right, I'm off to the restaurant.
264
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,080
- Aah.
- Febreze me up.
- Yes, certainly.
265
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,600
See you later.
266
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,240
- Camp!
- Thank you.
267
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,800
Hi.
268
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,920
- Hi, you OK?
- Yeah.
269
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:08,200
Good, because I was going to take this afternoon off if you still want to be...spontaneous.
270
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,960
- I do.
- Great.
271
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,760
Ooh, no, Tilly wedding lunch. Wish me luck.
272
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,720
OK, well, I'll see you after, OK?
273
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,760
- Hola.
- Buon giorno.
274
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:25,920
So Queen Kong, I've been a little bit naughty and I've done some matchmaking behind your back.
275
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:30,040
So tell me, who would you best like to sit next to at our wedding?
276
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:35,480
- Well, as long it's not...
- Dreamboat Charlie.
- Dreamboat Charlie!
277
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:39,400
Although now it's Ping Pong Charlie.
278
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:45,240
Funny story. Bangkok, a pole dancer, a ping pong ball, I had one too many sherbets...
279
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,000
OK, I'm fine not to know this.
280
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,680
- I have only two words for you.
- Could be two words too many.
281
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,200
Live rutting.
282
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,240
- Charmed to see you again. What?
- What?
- What?
283
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:02,840
Still tall. I like that in a woman - consistency.
284
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,920
Right, wedmin. Asseyez-vous, tout le monde, asseyez-vous. Sit down.
285
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,160
Muchos to discussionae.
286
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,520
Ooh, yes, please. Crisps.
287
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,840
I bloody love crisps.
288
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,880
Shall I give you one, Miranda?
289
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,440
I'm fine thank you, no, I'm...
290
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,600
MOBILE RINGS
291
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:27,680
Oh, bear with. It's Stinky about the pony. Hello, Stinky...
292
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:31,040
Excuse me for one minutos.
293
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,640
Clive, help me... No, just kill me, kill me now.
294
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,000
So...you all right?
295
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,720
Charlie not too in your face, is he?
296
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,360
I can totally see why he's into you.
297
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,720
- Rupert, I'm getting the feeling that...
- Kongers...
298
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,680
You OK?
299
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:51,440
Yes, this is my excited wedmin face.
300
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,640
Looked like you were having a mo-mo avec mon fiance.
301
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,960
Well, he is Cheddar Gorge.
302
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,760
He is King Gorge VI.
303
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:09,080
- Come hither.
- Not in public.
304
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,760
OK, come on. Next up, mail out.
305
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:14,400
Kongers, I need you to go to the printers this afternoon to pick up the invites
306
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,760
- and do the mail out tonight from your house.
- MOBILE BEEPS
307
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:21,680
Now what?! Bear with...
308
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,200
Bear with...
309
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,080
Bear with...
310
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,320
NO!
311
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,720
Mummy says Daddy says we can't have the ice sculpture of the Taj Mahal.
312
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,840
- I better go talk to mater. Come on, Rupert, quick.
- I'm going to the little boys' room.
313
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,880
Never has that saying been more apt.
314
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,160
So...till tonight.
315
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,600
- TILLY:
- Rupert!
316
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:51,640
Did you see that?! I told you he was totally coming on to me.
317
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,320
This is awful. Should I tell Tilly?
318
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,720
You can't break them up without serious proof.
319
00:17:55,720 --> 00:18:00,840
Yes. Set a honey trap. Get him alone and if he makes a pass at you then maybe you just have to tell her.
320
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:05,160
Oh, gosh, the pitfalls of being abundant au allure.
321
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,920
I can't believe he bypassed MY allure.
322
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,920
Well, deal with it, girlfriend. Oh, yeah.
323
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,080
AUDIENCE APPLAUD
324
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,200
Right, now, I've got to go to the printers to pick up the invites.
325
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:25,360
Do you mind... Actually, don't worry. Gary, will you give me a hand?
326
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:29,080
No probs. Let's do it. Shall we go through the park?
327
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,560
I'm being attacked by bog roll.
328
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,160
Help, somebody.
329
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:39,120
- Big fat soz.
- It's fine. Oh, it's on me now.
330
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:41,120
I hate this.
331
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,240
Can I kiss you?
332
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,400
Ooh!
333
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,080
What?
334
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,960
So...we can manage at the print shop.
335
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,800
Then we might do something spontaneous.
336
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,320
Great idea. What shall we do?
337
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,280
- Where's Stevie?
- Had to go.
338
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,920
So nice to be out of the kitchen.
339
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,160
- Shall we sit down for a bit?
- Sure.
340
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,440
So this would be spontaneous. We could...
341
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,480
What al dente?
342
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,920
No, that's pasta.
343
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,920
Al fresco.
344
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,640
Yeah, al fresco.
345
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:31,840
Come on.
346
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,040
BUZZING
347
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,200
Oh, sorry.
348
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:45,400
- You all right?
- Yeah. No, actually there's a bee in my hair. Gary, there's a bee in my hair!
349
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,760
Get it off.
350
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,280
- Where is it?
- You'll make it angry.
351
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,560
Worked out rather well.
352
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:02,040
Oh, now, Tilly, this is the colour I was talking about.
353
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:08,000
I might just ring Miranda and check there's not a clash with the invitational ribbon.
354
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,160
MOBILE RINGS
355
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,280
BOTH: Hello.
356
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:25,520
- What are you doing?
- We're just looking for...
357
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,000
Animals.
358
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:31,760
Yup, we're just looking for some animals.
359
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:38,280
Because apparently some animals have escaped from the local circus.
360
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,840
- What animals?
- Tigers.
- Dragons.
361
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,560
Apparently there's some tigers crouching in the shrubbery.
362
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:52,880
And the dragons tend to be hidden.
363
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,600
So you're looking for a crouching tiger
364
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,680
and a hidden dragon.
365
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,440
- Good, so that's explained that then.
- Yeah.
366
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,440
So you haven't been to the printers yet?!
367
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:10,680
Oh, my actual and literal golly goodness. Do you want to ruin my nuptials? Allez-vous en! Go!
368
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:11,800
Penelope, come.
369
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,520
- I knew we shouldn't have done spontaneous.
- I know, listen...
370
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:22,240
I'll go to the print shop, you go back to your flat and we'll be spontaneous around, say, 5pm.
371
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,200
- Precisely 5pm.
- Thank you.
372
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,760
See you later.
373
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:36,080
OK, right. Time for a quick bath because, I won't lie,
374
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,600
but I perspired a little during the bee debacle.
375
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,720
I've gone camp with excitement.
376
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,720
# I've fallen in love... #
377
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,480
I love a bath, don't you? I'm just gearing up
378
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:54,040
to causing the searing pain of wax removal.
379
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:56,320
Right...
380
00:21:57,360 --> 00:22:00,120
Oh, no, I'm stuck.
381
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:03,680
I've left the wax on too long. It's stuck to the bath.
382
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,320
# I want to break free... #
383
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,080
That's not funny, Freddie!
384
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,880
Stevie! Stevie!
385
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,400
- Miranda? What is it?
- The wax stuck my leg to the bath.
386
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:13,760
SHE LAUGHS
387
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:18,040
It is not funny. Pull me off, as it very much were.
388
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,320
- GARY:
- Hello?
389
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,360
Oh, no. He's early.
390
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:25,040
- We're in the bathroom!
- Don't say you're in here.
- Everything OK?
391
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,360
She's had a bit of an accident!
392
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:28,520
That sounds wrong.
393
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,160
I think it's loosening a bit!
394
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,160
Everything you say makes this sound terrible!
395
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,680
I'm going to leave Tilly's invitations on the table.
396
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,840
Ooh!
397
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,920
- Get out! Get out!
- Ooh, I felt a breast.
398
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,520
THEY SCREAM
399
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,200
Hello.
400
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,240
Listen, this isn't working.
401
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:55,160
It's too much pressure and things keep going wrong. I wish you hadn't suggested it.
402
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,040
I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to put pressure on you.
403
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,000
No, you didn't.
404
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,920
Can we just leave it?
405
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,800
Miranda, your bath water is really dirty.
406
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,680
OK, I'm sorry, but...
407
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:14,160
I bet I missed my moment for good with Gary and now and I've got to stuff 400 envelopes.
408
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,200
LAUGHTER AND CHATTING
409
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,880
- They're here. Oh, the trap!
- OK, so get him alone.
410
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:23,800
And if he really tries it on, make sure Tilly catches him in a compromising position.
411
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,560
- How?
- He may not, but...
412
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,040
- Well, with my allure...
- Get a grip.
413
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,320
- Tell me how.
- Just let me think.
414
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,200
- How?
- Just let me think.
- How?
415
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,840
- Just let me think.
- How?
- Just let me think.
- How?
416
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,560
BOTH: How!
417
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,800
Goody gum drops! The invites.
418
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,480
I'm starving, shall we get a pizza?
419
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,160
Tremendulent idea. I'll have pepperoni with extra chilli-chilli bang-bang.
420
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:49,120
Why don't WE go and Miranda and Rupert stay here?
421
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,640
- Come on, Tilly.
- No.
422
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,680
We'll be exactly ten minutes, Miranda.
423
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,360
Alone at last.
424
00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,680
OK, so shall we watch some telly?
425
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,240
No. There's something else I'd much rather do.
426
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,320
Ooh! Would you like to, um...
427
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:11,040
play cards...or...charades
428
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,320
or make some...placards.
429
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,040
You've been driving me crazy.
430
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:24,200
Sometimes a man needs a meat feast rather than a lean chicken salad, if you catch my drift.
431
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,280
OK, um, what about in nine and a half minutes?
432
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:31,160
Don't begrudge a man a final surge over the enemy lines.
433
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,280
Help.
434
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,160
I've got to put him off till they get back.
435
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:37,680
Boggle!
436
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:42,600
Let's play Boggle. Boggle always gets me in the mood.
437
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,720
It's a good word, Boggle, isn't it?
438
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,520
Wind-eze!
439
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:50,120
No, Miranda, I'd much rather...
440
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,160
Forget the Boggle!
441
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,120
OK, let me just freshen up then, OK?
442
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:55,640
Bear with... Bear with...
443
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,520
SHE SCREAMS
444
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,520
OK, stay there. I'll just be one minute.
445
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,880
This is awful. Poor Tilly.
446
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,880
Where are they? They only left...
447
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,240
Evening, top totty.
448
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:18,840
Lt Charles Wynford Vyvyan St Wedges reporting for bedroom duty, what?
449
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,160
- What?!
- What? Is it too much?
450
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,280
A bucketful of soz.
451
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:28,640
Your mum told me where you lived and lent me the ladder.
452
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,040
Now, if I remember rightly, that is your bedroom...
453
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:33,680
for la pumpy de rumpy.
454
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,560
No, not there, why don't you wait in the bathroom?
455
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,880
Okey-dokey. And then some pokey.
456
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:43,920
Ugh, what is going on?!
457
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,840
Ta-da!
458
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,320
I'll be one minute.
459
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,640
Oh, my goodness. Right.
460
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,840
Gather. Tell Charlie to go.
461
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,280
SHE SCREAMS
462
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,720
Oh, my goodness. OK.
463
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,960
This is turning into a French farce.
464
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:08,120
Eight and a half minutes, it's only been...
465
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:10,080
Surprise. I know you said
466
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,800
we should chill, but I've been getting more
467
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,280
and more desperate to kiss you,
468
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,640
so this is a no-pressure surprise visit, I'll go with whatever you want.
469
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:18,880
That's so sweet.
470
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,440
Are you wearing a dressing gown?
471
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,240
Surprised myself too. I walked here like this.
472
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,400
Sexy?!
473
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,560
Gary, look, I can't do this now, not because I don't want to...
474
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,640
Oh, well...
475
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,720
- STEVIE:
- You don't need to come in, Penny. I can pass the message on.
476
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,520
PENNY: Well, I'm here now.
477
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:39,080
- I'll go in the bedroom.
- No.
- That's ten minutes, Miranda!
- Bathroom.
478
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,440
- No, not in the bathroom. Fridge?
- I can't fit in there.
479
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,040
BOTH: How!
480
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:50,320
Mirandy... Hello.
481
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,680
I must have you. Ooh!
482
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,040
Go, Miranda!
483
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,560
Scramble!
484
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:03,120
Waitress in Greece, army nurse in Kent,
485
00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:07,360
chef on the Isle of Wight ferry, and now Queen Farticus?!
486
00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:08,880
Oh, yeah!
487
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,840
BOTH: Get out!
488
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,720
Listen, I can explain, but I'd better talk to Tilly.
489
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:18,720
Yeah, sure, no worries.
490
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,280
And don't worry about us.
491
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,080
If it's meant to happen, it'll happen.
492
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,680
It better!
493
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:29,560
Don't worry, Tilly, it's fun being single.
494
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:35,600
Tonight is Miranda and Stevie's okey-dokey no place for blokeys karaoke.
495
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,360
SHE WAILS
496
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,400
Well, that's quite rude.
497
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:50,680
# So take a look at me now
498
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,720
# There's just an empty space
499
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:59,240
# And there's nothing left here to remind me
500
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,920
# Just the memory of your face... #
501
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:07,880
# Now, there was a time
502
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,120
# When they used to say
503
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:15,320
# That behind every great man
504
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:19,360
# There had to be a great woman
505
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:26,040
# Sisters are doing it for themselves
506
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:29,680
# Standing on their own two feet
507
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,960
# And ringing on their own bells
508
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:39,400
# Sisters are doing it for themselves
509
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:43,320
# Standing on their own two feet
510
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:53,040
# Sisters are doing it for themselves... #
511
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,440
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
512
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,480
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
37343
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