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1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,050
The pain medication
might make Mr. Furley
2
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:12,429
a little woozy, so don't let
him text any ex-girlfriends.
3
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,852
When are you going to
retire that corny-ass joke?
4
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,397
When it stops making
everyone's frickin' day.
5
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,315
I saw on the security camera,
6
00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:27,527
we got another compliment.
7
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,238
I love feeling like I'm part of the team
8
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,616
without actually having
to interact with anyone.
9
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:37,537
Dr. Pocha, it's creepy that
you watch us on the cameras.
10
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,622
I usually charge people for that.
11
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,626
Another one for Mayan.
12
00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:47,672
They love that cat texting
joke. Never retire it.
13
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:50,967
That means so much
14
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,761
coming from such a
great friend and mentor.
15
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:55,513
It's like I'm Oprah, and you're Gayle.
16
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:58,767
I mean, you're Oprah, and I'm Gayle.
17
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,732
- What do you want?
- A 5% raise, my photo on the website,
18
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:08,026
and Brookie's parking spot?
19
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,694
- I'll give you the raise.
- Yes.
20
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,780
But that's actually my parking spot.
21
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,782
I gave it to Brookie
because I want customers
22
00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:16,826
to think my license
plate says "Bad Bitch."
23
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:23,708
Congratulations on the raise,
24
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,585
and nice try stealing my parking spot,
25
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,796
but a bad bitch doesn't
walk three blocks.
26
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:48,274
- Mayan.
- Hey, how'd the T-ball game go?
27
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:49,609
Amazing.
28
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,611
Two parents thought I was Chance's mom,
29
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,822
and they were reading
books during the game,
30
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,657
so you know they're smart.
31
00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,245
I meant how did the game go for Chance?
32
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,372
Oh, it was a bloodbath.
33
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:07,335
I need a beer and a tequila chaser,
34
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,171
and maybe if I black out,
I can forget that game.
35
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,300
Same. I'll take a milk in my room.
36
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,219
Actually, let's do chocolate milk,
37
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,638
and make it a double.
38
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,306
Where does he get this stuff?
39
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,351
Was the game that bad?
40
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:25,437
It's not about the scoreboard.
41
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:28,273
Okay, as their coach,
I am teaching these kids
42
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,942
about courage in the face of defeat.
43
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,112
All you're teaching them is how to lose,
44
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,823
and after losing 14 games in a row,
45
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,576
I think they got it.
46
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,828
You know, it doesn't
matter what you say, George,
47
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,039
'cause as long as I got this hat on,
48
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,665
- I'm the boss.
- Milk!
49
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:48,001
Yep.
50
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:51,379
Ay, it's a shame you keep
missing Chance's games.
51
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,174
You need to ask your boss
to let you off work early.
52
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:57,469
I just asked for a raise. I
can't ask to leave early, too.
53
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,847
- Just do what I do.
- Use one of the three Ds...
54
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:04,434
death, discrimination, or diarrhea.
55
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,772
As a mom, your kid looks up to you.
56
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,273
You don't want to let them down.
57
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:13,234
So you have to do whatever
it takes to be there for them.
58
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,111
I know, Mom. You were perfect.
59
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,530
Oh, your words, not mine.
60
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,741
I always had a full-time job,
61
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,160
and I still managed to
be at your T-ball games,
62
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,413
your dance recitals, and
your OB-GYN appointments.
63
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:31,294
That was last week, and
I told you to stop coming.
64
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,712
I'm telling you, Mayan,
65
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,631
you don't want to regret
not being there for Chance
66
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,051
the way someone wasn't
there for your T-ball games.
67
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,427
I was at those T-ball games.
68
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,305
You were passed out in your car.
69
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,183
If a tree falls in the woods
70
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,519
and nobody's there to hear it...
71
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,354
it's still in the woods.
72
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:56,319
It's just laying
there... sleeping it off.
73
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,490
You ready for your game, gordo?
74
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,742
Dad, we need to talk.
75
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,996
An open dialogue? That's so mature.
76
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,833
My little man's growing up!
77
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,084
The team voted,
78
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,253
and we don't want you
to be our coach anymore.
79
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:16,006
You're a baby, and you don't
know what you're talking about.
80
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,800
I'm sorry.
81
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:22,095
Nobody gets into T-ball
to fire their dad.
82
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,931
I... I have the coach's hat.
83
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:28,560
Yeah, and I'm gonna need
that back for the new guy.
84
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,103
Aw, man! Did we miss it?
85
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:33,148
- Shoot!
- Wait, wait, wait.
86
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,733
Your... your grandpa is taking my place?
87
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:38,028
And me. I'm the third-base coach.
88
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,865
My first rule is no more
overly positive cheers like,
89
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:46,327
"Losing isn't hard to do when
we lose to friends like you."
90
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:50,331
It's catchy, and it
makes everyone feel good.
91
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,667
We've been faking it!
92
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:59,591
Grandpa and t�o Oscar
promised to make us champs!
93
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,510
I want a trophy, dog!
94
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,475
Are you sure, Chance?
95
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:11,353
As in maybe give your
old man a second one.
96
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:15,357
Sorry, just like me, you only get one.
97
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,992
Hi, Mom. Why are you mopping?
98
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,660
I just cleaned the floors this morning.
99
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,746
I see you think that's true.
100
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,041
At least it's the
kitchen, not the bedroom.
101
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,878
I feel really weird about
you organizing my sex toys.
102
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,964
- Oh, no, don't worry.
- I disinfected them first.
103
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,842
They're cooling off on the stove.
104
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,511
What are you doing here anyway?
105
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:45,845
Shouldn't you be at Chance's game?
106
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,847
Did you ask your boss for the time off?
107
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,975
No, because like I told you,
she just gave me a raise.
108
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,894
I'm not gonna leave
her to close by herself.
109
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,480
That's sweet, how you're
bending over backwards
110
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,815
for a total stranger.
111
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,651
If only you had the
same level of dedication
112
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:04,906
- to your own child.
- Mommy, we won! I hit a home run!
113
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,658
Yeah, it was a great night for everyone.
114
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,034
They won their game,
115
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,663
and I was nominated
to run the snack booth.
116
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,707
You don't miss being the coach?
117
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:16,584
No, I am loving the
opportunity to show Chance
118
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,253
how to bounce back from rejection
119
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:22,090
with grace and a mandatory hairnet.
120
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,218
Get ready to bounce again, bro...
121
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,596
'cause the kids hated
your figs in a blanket,
122
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,391
Okay, let's get you upstairs, papa.
123
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,018
Damn, I'm exhausted, man.
124
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,436
Those kids don't listen.
125
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,897
They complain, and when you
need 'em, they disappear.
126
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,941
It makes sense they
made you their leader.
127
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:45,071
You know, Mayan knows the
game, and she's great with kids.
128
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,906
If she was there, she could help you,
129
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:50,201
and Chance could have
a parent at the games.
130
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,453
I'm there.
131
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,124
Stick to the figs there, Snack Efron.
132
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,503
I'd love Mayan to help,
but she can't get off work.
133
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:04,341
She only thinks she can't
get off work. Come here.
134
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:09,012
Just like she thinks that
these floors are clean.
135
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,098
It takes a village to
raise a perfect mom,
136
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,351
and I am that village.
137
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,852
She just took the dog.
138
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:19,064
You think that's something
we need to worry about?
139
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,691
I think we should be worrying
about what's for dinner.
140
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:31,785
Now, who can tell me what's
wrong with this sentence?
141
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:37,207
"Always play fair unless you're losing,"
142
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,917
which is why I want to introduce you
143
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,419
to your newest teammate, Robbie,
144
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,339
AKA the Mexicutioner!
145
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,384
Yo.
146
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,429
We work out at the same gym.
147
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,223
Robbie mostly plays football.
148
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,641
How does that help us?
149
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,643
Okay, imagine Coach Oscar
150
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,603
is the first baseman on the other team.
151
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,273
Robbie comes up at bat. He gets a hit,
152
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,276
and I yell, "Send 'em home, Robbie!"
153
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,779
And boom!
154
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,740
Out for the rest of the season!
155
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,579
- Look who it is.
- I know, I know.
156
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,373
I'm Betty Cracker.
157
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,503
You can say that, not me.
158
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,296
I just wanted to show the team
159
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,675
that when life gives you
lemons, you make lemon bars.
160
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,803
You know what? I know you're upset.
161
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,138
You can drop the act, okay?
162
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,182
There aren't any kids
around to hear you.
163
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,601
One of these days, when
you least expect it,
164
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:42,814
I will find something you
love and ruin it for you.
165
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,575
Who do we have here?
166
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:57,412
Hey, Churro. What brings you in today?
167
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,331
That's your cue.
168
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,752
Oh, I thought you read
their minds or something.
169
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:07,255
- I'm worried about her bad breath.
- Oh.
170
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:12,344
Well, given that they lick
their butts throughout the day,
171
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,181
you got to cut 'em a little slack.
172
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,390
Hmm, looks good.
173
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,017
I'll give you some dental treats.
174
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,727
Anything else I can do for you?
175
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,687
Yes, you can start treating my daughter
176
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,982
- with a little respect.
- I'm sorry.
177
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:31,988
- I respect you, Churro.
- No. My daughter is Mayan.
178
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,032
- Your Mayan's mom?
- Oh, I know.
179
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,160
We look like we could be sisters.
180
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,454
And I need you to let her off work early
181
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,123
so she can attend her son's
T-ball games on Thursdays.
182
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,751
Hey, Dr. Pocha, I...
183
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,337
Mom? Oh, my God, what's
wrong with Churro?
184
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,381
Nothing. Your mom just came down
185
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,176
to ask if you can leave early
for your son's T-ball games.
186
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,803
She what?
187
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,722
I'm so sorry, Dr. Pocha.
188
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,976
Her brain's been pickled by
huffing Jean Nate and Fabuloso.
189
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,730
- I'll take care of this.
- Okay.
190
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,315
I'll let you two talk.
191
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,026
This mother-daughter dynamic
is why I came in one weekend
192
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,112
and spayed myself.
193
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,823
I didn't.
194
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,491
Or did I?
195
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,371
I can't believe you showed up at my work
196
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,915
and confronted my boss...
I'm so embarrassed.
197
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,376
What? You weren't going
to do it, so I did.
198
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,754
- I'm a doer.
- This isn't double-mopping my floors
199
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:33,425
or asking my gyno to
look a little deeper.
200
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,802
This is my place of work.
201
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,013
How is my boss supposed to respect me
202
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:41,433
- when my own mother doesn't?
- Okay.
203
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,059
It's not even my fault.
204
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,270
If you want to blame
someone, blame your father.
205
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,938
Ho-ho, I will.
206
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,982
- Wait, for what?
- Yeah.
207
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,317
He was complaining like always, saying,
208
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,486
"Oh, coaching these
kids... it's too hard.
209
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,779
I'm overwhelmed.
210
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,156
I don't know how to be a husband,
211
00:10:56,197 --> 00:11:00,201
a father, a lover, a coach. Orale."
212
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,958
And then he asked me to come
speak to your boss, so I did.
213
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,836
It could've been so much worse, Mayan.
214
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:13,131
Okay, so you were trying to respect me,
215
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,342
but Dad put you in a bad situation.
216
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,635
I'm sorry, Mom.
217
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:22,640
All is forgiven... not
forgotten but forgiven.
218
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,104
Coach Grandpa, I'm so uncomfortable.
219
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,398
Why do I have to sleep on my glove?
220
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,817
Quickest way to break
it in is to sleep on it
221
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,153
- with a baseball inside.
- You should do it.
222
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,490
You weigh, like, five
times more than me.
223
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,409
All right, first, no body-shaming,
224
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:45,038
and, second, you're higher up,
so gravity makes you heavier.
225
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,000
Dad, I need to talk to you.
226
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,837
If this is about his
weight, don't go there.
227
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,215
Someone's delicate tonight.
228
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,218
Chance, put on your headphones.
229
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:01,179
Ooh, you're in trouble.
230
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,516
Mom, said you sent her to tell
my boss to let me leave early.
231
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,601
What? I didn't tell her to do anything.
232
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,144
And even if I had,
233
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:10,438
name one time that that
woman's ever listened to me...
234
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,692
even when we used our
safe word, "chorizo."
235
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,194
Gross, and don't gaslight me.
236
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:20,198
- I would never gaslight you.
- Gas is way too expensive.
237
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,658
You know what? I can
prove that she's lying.
238
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,910
Quinten, get in here.
239
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,414
Presenting my star
witness... Gringo Starr.
240
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,291
What's going on?
241
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,960
Uh, hey, you were there
when I was talking to Rosie.
242
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,462
Did I tell her to go to Mayan's
work and talk to her boss?
243
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:38,216
No, Rosie made some ominous
comments and kidnapped the dog.
244
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,427
I was gonna stop her, but
I did not want to offend
245
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,721
the only person who can
get our floors clean.
246
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,224
Yeah, you see? Innocent.
247
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,684
I don't know what's more shocking...
248
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:50,437
that you told the truth
or that Mom lied to me.
249
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,397
Well, she probably gaslit you, too.
250
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:56,067
I mean, she's got a good job.
She can afford many gallons.
251
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,652
The good thing is that I'm here now,
252
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,822
you know, to defend
myself against those lies.
253
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:03,324
Wow, you think she's done this before...
254
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:07,245
- blamed you for things that she's done?
- Uh, yeah.
255
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,247
She wanted me to seem worse than I am.
256
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,166
I'm bad enough. I don't need her help.
257
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:14,169
Ooh, Grandma's in trouble.
258
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,171
You're not supposed
to hear with those on.
259
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,465
Ooh, now I'm in trouble.
260
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,431
I'm here. Where did Churro vomit?
261
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,808
I brought my special blend
of Fabuloso and lighter fluid.
262
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,772
The only thing we'll be cleaning
up today are your lies...
263
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,108
Menti-Rosie.
264
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,029
What's the viejo talking about?
265
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,530
Mom, there's no Churro vomit.
266
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:44,616
I lied to get you over here
267
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,535
because I know Dad didn't
ask you to show up at my work,
268
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,828
and we need to talk about it.
269
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,206
- Did he tell you this?
- And you believed him?
270
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,249
He's a liar. He fakes his diarrhea.
271
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:56,211
There, we talked about it.
272
00:13:56,252 --> 00:14:01,424
Quinten confirmed it.
273
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:04,135
You're never gonna clean
our floors again, are you?
274
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,765
I got out my diaries
because now I need to know
275
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,934
what childhood traumas you blamed on Dad
276
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:15,397
- and which ones were you.
- So buckle up, bruja!
277
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,611
Because all your gas
is coming to the light!
278
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,657
When we're done here,
279
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:29,285
we really need to explain
gaslighting to you.
280
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,371
Just keep score, Vanna Whiteboy.
281
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:38,420
Here's my top-ten traumas
from the early aughts.
282
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,296
Trauma number one...
283
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:42,841
the time nobody showed
up to drive me home,
284
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,219
and I was left at Ross for five hours.
285
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:49,639
- Mom or Dad?
- Surprise, your dad.
286
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,684
I thought Ross was the babysitter.
287
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,814
- Okay, that's one for George.
- Number two...
288
00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:02,152
the Easter egg hunt with no eggs.
289
00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:05,739
Mom said you used all of
them to make an Easter eggnog.
290
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:10,827
- Not possible...
- I spent every Easter in Vegas with Bunny Perez.
291
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:14,247
And she assured me that
she didn't have any eggs.
292
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:18,626
- I forgot to put them out.
- Okay, that's a Rosie one.
293
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,755
Dead hamster?
294
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:26,092
Let legally blind grandma cut my hair?
295
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,928
Deported uncle?
296
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:34,476
Decapitated Barbie?
297
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:37,354
Dead hamster number two?
298
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,439
Girl Scout scam?
299
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,819
I think we could use
a little snack break.
300
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,572
Two dead hamsters?
301
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,241
We got to keep your
parents away from Churro.
302
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:56,247
I'm gonna post this on my Instagram.
303
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:59,459
Rosie la reinais to blame-a.
304
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,046
Yeah, you're really
having fun with this, huh?
305
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,382
I always knew you were
poisoning Mayan against me.
306
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:06,800
Congratulations.
307
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,678
You finally have proof that
I am not the perfect mom.
308
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,931
But guess what. I've
known that for years.
309
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:17,644
- Why are you agreeing with me?
- Is this what gaslighting is?
310
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,649
Ay.
311
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,694
You remember that summer that
Mayan stayed at my sister's,
312
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,530
and I told you that it was
because I needed bunion surgery?
313
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,281
Yeah, yeah, you went to Mexico.
314
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,741
I never went to Mexico.
315
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:34,285
I dropped Mayan off, went back home,
316
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,121
pulled down the shades, got in bed,
317
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,914
and cried for three weeks straight.
318
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:42,002
Later, I found out I
had a nervous breakdown.
319
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,546
Wow, I'm... I mean, is
that what the doctor said?
320
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,339
- Ay, doctor?
- I couldn't afford a doctor.
321
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,967
I saw that on "Grey's Anatomy."
322
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:53,596
I mean, uh, how come you never told me?
323
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,558
Because you being gone was part of it.
324
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,603
I was working three jobs,
325
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,605
trying to start a new business,
326
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:05,817
raising a kid who was
heartbroken after we split up.
327
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:11,906
I was just trying to hold it
together... until I couldn't.
328
00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:16,369
Wow, I mean, you never said anything.
329
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:20,081
- Every time I saw you, you looked hot.
- Thank you.
330
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,541
I know.
331
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:27,422
- Mayan never said anything.
- Oh, Mayan didn't know.
332
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,507
I wanted to be perfect for her
333
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,594
because everything in her life wasn't.
334
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:36,806
But I just couldn't
keep it up. So, yeah...
335
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:40,935
sometimes I threw you under the bus...
336
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,687
when I screwed up.
337
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:48,943
- That's how I survived.
- Wow.
338
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,654
Let's move to the middle-school years.
339
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,995
Yeah, we don't have to go through this.
340
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:00,413
I recognize this.
341
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:03,333
These were all the mescal years.
342
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:06,878
Yeah, you know what? Those are all me.
343
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,591
Winner, winner! Pollo Loco dinner!
344
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:16,680
This is not a game you want to win.
345
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:18,598
I'm okay with that.
346
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,602
What do you know about winning anyways?
347
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,866
- You want a drink?
- Sure, what do you got?
348
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:39,577
Oh, remembering all the mescal years
349
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,122
made me thirsty for...
350
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:45,625
mescal.
351
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:50,505
You know, a lot of that stuff
on that last list was my fault.
352
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,590
Why'd you take the blame?
353
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,634
You did a great job raising Mayan,
354
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,970
despite everything that I threw at you.
355
00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:59,139
And maybe you weren't the perfect mom,
356
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:02,517
but... you were the
perfect mom for Mayan.
357
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:05,103
- You really think so?
- Yeah.
358
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:07,480
And the proof is in that
firecracker out there
359
00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:10,275
in the living room.
360
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,318
And I understand why
you did what you did.
361
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,820
I mean, let's face it.
362
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,905
If we played that game
listing all the wrongdoings
363
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:19,743
I did to you, we'd run out of ink.
364
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,703
Is that an apology?
365
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:23,747
I'm starting to learn
366
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:27,083
that a little "lo
siento" goes a long way.
367
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,753
Okay, so we don't have to
break out my old diaries
368
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,505
- and read through them?
- No.
369
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,341
Only the dirty parts.
370
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,346
Those were some good parts.
371
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,808
Chorizo.
372
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,687
Chorizo.
373
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,108
Ay, Dios m�o.
374
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,866
Okay, gordo, ready to
go kick some T-balls?
375
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,870
Grandpa, we need to talk.
376
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,332
Oh, my God, he's firing us.
377
00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:10,627
Not my call.
378
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:12,837
All the cheating was filmed
379
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:17,133
and made into a TikTok
by a mystery parent.
380
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,844
Send him home, Robbie! Whoo!
381
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,681
And he didn't even tag
me... what a monster.
382
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,976
It was someone named "@VannaWhiteboy."
383
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,731
Well, guess I'll take my hat back.
384
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:35,402
Actually, I hired the perfect coach.
385
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:38,196
Coach Mom in the house.
386
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,284
How can you be coach?
387
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,370
I thought you weren't
going to ask to leave early.
388
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,705
I didn't have to.
389
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,498
I told the league it was discrimination
390
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:51,042
against working moms to
have games before 5:00 p.m.
391
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,377
You used one of the three Ds?
392
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,462
That's the one people are afraid of.
393
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,758
Well, look who's coming
through for Chance... me.
394
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,554
Oh, because I inspired you.
395
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,223
You crossed a line and
really embarrassed me.
396
00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:09,144
Oh, I know. It was a bit much.
397
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:14,524
- Lo siento.
- I forgive you.
398
00:21:14,566 --> 00:21:18,028
Aw, I forgive you, too.
399
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:21,573
- For what?
- Lots of things.
400
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:25,744
Oh, but I don't keep a
list like a little bitch.
401
00:21:28,873 --> 00:21:33,873
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
30589
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