All language subtitles for Doom.Patrol.S02E07.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

Previously on doom patrol...

There's the painting downstairs.

With those two knob-heads
squatting in it,

you might as well have
wiped your cock across the Mona Lisa.

Found your blueprints.

- Does that say "s.T.A.R. Labs"?
- And "caulder robotics."

- What part are you playing?
- The blob lady.

Her resentment of her mother

is the one thing keeping her
from what she was always meant to do.

My name is Moscow.

You have a negative spirit.

If you ever need
a new perspective on earth,

I highly recommend space.

Who's Miranda?

She was a primary, like Jane.

Baby doll!

A funeral procession seems appropriate.

But there's no evidence
we can even be killed.

Not unless you pull a Miranda
and throw yourself into the well.

- Miranda.
- The one and only.

If you'll kindly step aside
as primary...

I'll show you what the girl wants.

I'm sorry. I'm leaving.

She could unleash a being so powerful

it would cleave the earth in two.

The kid, she's all right.

- Let's go home.
- But we're not going home.

What are you...

You have reached
the award-winning eismann gallery.

We will be closed due to an acute
and unexpected infestation

from the 13th of the month
until further notice.

Thank you.

I'm going to kill that motherfucker.

My bees.

My bees!

My bees.

My bees?

- Rita! Thank god you're home.
- Mickey.

You look a fright. What's the matter?

The long and short of it is,

Isabel got run over
by a tractor trailer.

How awful!

I was gonna cancel the show,
but then I'd have to

eat the deposit on the theatre and...

What do you say? Can you
take over the role of the blob lady?

Mickey, a cast is a team.

When one of our ranks falls,
it's up to the others

- to carry...
- It's a yes or no question, doll.

Yes! I'd be honored,
for the good of the team.

Thanks, kid.

You're welcome.

Mother.

- What are you doing here?
- Saving your career.

- What else?
- I beg your pardon.

"I beg your pardon."

Don't you dare put on those airs
with me, gertrude cramp.

I hope you know

you weren't Mickey's first choice
to replace that little harpy.

But I changed her mind.

Changed her mind how?

I think we both know the answer to that.

Bullshit!

What's up?

Nothing.

It's just...

When you said you lived with a mummy,
I thought you were exaggerating.

Oh, hell, no.

If anything, I downplayed most
of what I told you about this place.

Come on.

Yo, Larry!

You okay?

Not since the early '603, no.

- Uh, this is roni.
- Hey.

Hello.

We'll just...

Let you keep doing...

Whatever.

We're looking for niles.
Know where he is?

Space.

As in "outer"?

Mmm-hmm.

Any idea when he'll be back?

Come on.

Bye.

My bees.

My bees!

My bees.

- My bees?
- Hey, Rita!

You have got to try this frittata.

- They will change your life.
- This is roni, by the way.

-Hel.i.o

and which one are you?

Oh, my god, you're Rita farr.

I'm sorry. I'm Miranda.

- Hmm.
- Apparently she's an amazing cook.

Where's Jane?

She's taking some time for herself.

Really?

I just can't believe
I'm actually talking to you right now.

I'm such a big fan.

Don't be nervous, dear.

Celebrities are just
like regular people.

Well, not really.

What's with the getup?

I'm preparing for a role
in a local production.

The cloverton beekeeper

has graciously agreed
to let me shadow her today.

Mmm. I also had to subscribe
to her honey of the month club.

Are those pancakes I see?

I made them special for Dorothy...

As a peace offering.

I want her to know
that everyone in the underground

wants to find a way
to work through this, together.

- What's the underground?
- It's a place, uh...

Inside Jane's mind.

Anyone know where Dorothy is?

Yeah, space.

Chief's on it.

I best be off.

Okay.

Okay, I've seen a lot of shit.

But this?

Y'all ain't right.

I wish I could say you get used to it,
but...

What is it?

It's a crate, Larry.

Did anyone else just feel
something weird go up their nose?

Or is that some status quo shit
around here, too?

- I felt it.
- Yeah.

Okay.

Let's open this bad boy up
and see what's what.

Wait.

It says "do not open" on the front

and on the side...

And on the back.

Maybe we should wait for niles. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm with Vic.

I can't explain it, but it...

It feels like a really good idea
to open that crate.

Yeah. Me, too.

Well, let's get this party started.

Wait.

Is that the painting that ate Danny?

Hold up.

Where's Mr. Nobody and the beard hunter?

That's too bad.

I was really looking forward
to catching up with those guys.

Yeah, that would have been nice.

Slept all the way
through our landing, didn't you?

Dream well, dear girl.

I'll be back.

Fine!

I'll fucking walk.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Goddamn, mother... piece ofshit.

I'm going to kill him.

I'm gonna kill him.

I am going to kill...

What the fuck?

Stupid! Fuck!

I'm going to kill him.

I'm gonna kill that bird,
then I'm gonna fucking kill him.

Good morning.

Morning.

You must be the actress.

Actress, storyteller,

student of character.
Pleasure to meet you.

- Are they gonna have real bees on stage?
- No, I don't think so.

Don't need the outfit, then.

A ballerina doesn't wear a tutu
to a bowling alley.

Terrific point.

- What you writing?
- I like to take notes.

Every bit helps me prepare
for my monologue.

Monologue?

The script you sent me
only had one line. "My bees."

Why say it in one line
when you can say it in seven?

There is so much more to your story,
I know it.

Not really.

The only reason I'm in this...

Rhiannon, where you think you're going?

Don't forget that honey jar.

Got to give Mr. Fusco something sweet
so that you don't flunk biology again!

You really shouldn't do that.

- Do what?
- That. The honey.

Using bribery to open doors
for your daughter.

Trust me, that girl's as dumb as shit.

Ain't no jar of honey
gonna get her into Yale.

She's your daughter!

How dare you say that about her?

She's more than just a honeyjar.

She is a person...

With hopes and dreams...

And potential.

Not bad, Ms. Monologue.

That coffee tastes like piss.

I'm gonna get a beer. You want a beer?

- Mmm.
- Yeah.

Everything all right, Larry?

Well, not really.

Look, I don't like to burden people
with my problems.

But you seem like someone
I can really open up to.

You know?

My grandson is in the hospital and
my family doesn't want me to see him,

mostly because
I'm the reason he's in the hospital.

Mmm.

Your family will understand... in time.

You just have to give them
a little space.

Yup.

I should go visit them.

You could.

But that would be the opposite
of giving them space.

Jane once told me

never to ask her other personas
for favors...

But you just seem so sweet

and I really need to talk to flit,
right now.

Of course.

Hi, I'm here to visit Dex trainor.

Sorry.

The family isn't taking
any visitors right now.

- No, it's okay. I'm his grandfather...
- Freeze!

- Oh, shit.
- Hands behind your heads!

- Get down on your knees!
- One sec. I got an idea.

Maybe this was a mistake.

Now my family hates me.
The bureau of normalcy is hunting me.

I could neverjust walk in
to a hospital.

Unless...

Hello, I'm Dr. Larry trainor

and I'm here to check on my grand...
Um...

- I mean, patient.
- Pafient

Dex trainor.

Could you remind me
where he's being treated?

Um... stat.

Don't worry.

They're never going to
see through our disguise.

Um...

- Are you kidding me?
- Fuck.

Hold up, wait.

- We can't do this right now.
- Why not?

Because we came here to try and fix you.

Well, yeah, but your grandpa...

Dad...

Friend, he's not here. Remember?

- He's in space.
- It doesn't matter. We don't need him.

He's actually a pretty bad scientist.

And I'm carrying around the most
advanced a! System on the planet.

I can fix you myself.

What's up?

Well, Vic's just offered
to perform surgery on me.

Like, himself?

- Anything we can do to help?
- Hell, yeah.

- You're already dressed like doctors.
- {933931

You ready?

Booyah.

Booyah.

Should probably get you something
to bite down on first.

- Good idea.
- Hey, again.

Sorry, I know I'm new.

But are you guys absolutely sure
this is a good idea?

Yes.

I've never been more certain
of anything in my whole life.

It just seems...

That everyone, including flit,

has been acting strangely
since this morning.

You're right, nicer-Jane.

I have been acting strangely.

But I think I know why.

Roni,

I know we haven't been dating very long,

and we've only slept together
two and a half times...

But I just can't pretend anymore.

I love you.

Cut me open, you big softy.

Oh, you fucking twats.

You did it, didn't you?
You opened the box.

The one that's marked "do not open"
on the front,

the back and the sides.

All-caps. Underlined.

I thought it was more of a suggestion
as opposed to a hard rule.

- Anyone else infected?
- Infected?

With what?

- The love bug.
- The love bug.

Scants.

The painting was crawling with them
when we traded it to Horst eismann,

only we didn't know it.

Now, that old Swiss bastard's
entire collection

is crawling with the buggers.

Only way to clear 'em out
is to kill the queen.

If I don't,

eismann's gonna feed my ass
to a zombified alicorn. What?

First of all, nice butthole?

Really makes your eyes pop.

And second, what exactly are scants?

Niles has an old templar slideshow
in the study.

It'll tell you everything
you need to know.

Now, just sit tight
and watch telly until mommy gets back.

All right, loves?

God help you morons.

Scants and you.

Have you ever seen a scant?

Well, I have
and I'd like to tell you all about them.

Scants are pink humanoid pests.

Odd-looking fellows, aren't they?

Scants adhere to a social hierarchy
similar to bees.

There's a queen
and the faithful drones that serve her.

Just how do they serve her?
I'm so glad you asked.

Scants place bad ideas in your head.

When your brain
accepts the bad ideas as good ideas,

a pink viscous substance
called ldyat secretes from your ears.

Idyat, however,
is only visible to scants.

The scants harvest the ldyat
and refine it into its most potent form,

known as uma jelly.

The queen then feeds upon the uma jelly,

which gives her a variety
of extraordinary powers.

The only way to clear
a scant infestation

is to kill the queen.

If you discover a scant infestation,

under no circumstances
should you approach it

unless you have the proper equipment.

Becoming infected by scants
is extremely dangerous,

as the bad ideas will compound
and lead to death...

Dismemberment...

And more death.

Thank you for your kind attention.

We here at the knights templar hope
you have a wonderful, scant-free day.

This makes so much sense.

You guys are infected.

I don't think so.

What?

You were about to operate on roni.

- He had a lab coat on.
- Good thing we did.

Now we can help Willoughby
kill the scant queen.

Yes! Great idea.

Vic. Larry.

I applaud your heroic spirit.

But I think it's best
if we sit this one out.

Miranda.

You're great.

Like, really, really great.

You are so great.

But we're gonna need
more of a can-do attitude from you.

Okay.

- We'll do it.
- Yes!

But before we go into that painting,

we should come up with a plan, first.

Yeah.

Okay.

Guys?

Fuck, fuck!

Fucker ejects me into space?

What kind of person does that?

An asshole person, that's who!

He has no business looking after a kid.
None!

I ought to do Dorothy
and the entire planet a favor

by killing the shit out of him.

Yeah, first I'll eject him into space,

then I'll find his stupid body,
rip off his stupid head

and take a mother of all craps
down his neck-hole.

Except I can't shit any more.

Shit! Okay. New plan!

Eject him into space, find his body
and a great Dane with giardia,

and have it take a shit
down his neck-hole! Yes!

Revenge by marmaduke.

It's happening!

The fuck?

The fucking fuck?

Okay, okay, it's stuck.

First time something like this
has happened.

Okay.

Here we go.

Come on.

Move, you stupid asshole legs.

Motherfucker!

Seeing one's mother as a sexual being
is traumatic enough.

Seeing her get rigorously boffed
by one's producer

- is a whole other basket of cheese.
- I'll bet.

Look, I'm no big city headshrinker,

but the way I see it,

you're suffering from a whopping case
of imposter syndrome.

Believe me, I'm aware.

What I can't figure out
is how to just move past it.

It might help if you saw things
through your mom's eyes, for a minute.

I highly doubt it.

Humor me. See, what people don't realize

is that their moms
are just as stupid as they are.

But because they squeezed a human being
through their pee-hole

they expect them to be super-human.

My, what a way with words you have.

A mom can love a kid
to the moon and back,

but it doesn't mean
that she knows how to express it

in healthy and constructive ways.

So when your mom boffed that producer,

she didn't realize
that she was shackling you

with chronic self-doubt.

I believe she did it
because she loved you.

So that's it?

We're just supposed to endure
the toxic stupidity of our mothers?

Well, you could... give her a call
and tell her how you feel.

She's been dead for ages.

- Oh.
- She went peacefully in her sleep.

Unfortunately.

Well, in that case,
you need a surrogate.

For what, precisely?

To yell at, dummy.

To say all the crap
that you want to dump on your mother.

You want me to yell at you?

No, not me.

"My bees."

You want me to scream at your bees?

It ain't gonna hurt their feelings none.

You can't believe how cathartic it is.

Sometimes I think that's the only thing
that's keeping me

from killing
that dumb-as-shit kid of mine.

Hey.

I know I'm new to the group,

and I don't know how you handle
things like this.

Well, typically we just kind of wing it
and everything works out.

And, under typical circumstances,
I'm sure that's a fine way to go.

And... I'm sorry to keep
harping on this,

but you guys are infected
with bad ideas.

So any strong urges you might be having
are probably not good.

Shh!

Beard hunter?

Cyborg!

- How the heck can you see me?
- Hey, what's up, man?

How you doing?

- How am I?
- Yeah.

Well, you know,

I've been stuck in
this frigging painting,

being hunted by tiny pink eunuchs, so...

How are you?

Amazing. I'm in love.

With her.

If we can just keep it down,
for cripes' sake,

it's a little sketch in here.

Hey, where's Mr. Nobody?

Oh, yeah, I would love to meet him.

Yeah, well, you know, he got a gig
on some animated bullcrap,

so haven't seen him since.

Are you infected, too?

With scants?

No way, Jose.

So, you thought it was a good idea
to just paint the front of your body?

Pardon me, gentlemen.

Listen, little lady.

I'm a self-trained shinobi warrior

and a semi semi-professional
fortnite streamer.

Okay?

So if anyone knows how to stay hidden...

Oh, shit. Scants.

Get behind me, quickly.
Quickly, quickly.

Quicker than that. Help her, she's slow.

Don't move.
If they see us, we're all dead.

- Excuse me.
- What are you doing?

Excuse me. Hi.

I'm Dr. Larry trainor.

No. No, that's not right.

Don't worry, guys, I got this.

Name's Vic, aka cyborg.

We're a rag-tag group
of misfit superheroes

hoping to kill your queen.

Can we follow you to your hive?

Guys, we should start running.

Nah, it's cool.

They're totally gonna
let us follow them.

Because they're taking us hostage.

Come on, you guys.

Keep up.

Okay.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Can't fucking move!

Can't fucking kill the chief
if I can't fucking move.

Can't get my fucking movement fixed
if I fucking kill the chief.

Fuck!

Whoa!

No way!

A talking statue?

I'm not a fucking statue.
I'm a fucking robot.

Whoa. Robot?

Can you move?

Not at the moment.

I don't know, dawg.

Sounds like something
a statue would say.

What the...

- Lit.
- Hey... my dude. Could I use your phone?

Maybe so, my friend. Yeah, maybe so.

But first, could I get you
doing a quick shout-out

to my boy double grapes?
He's gonna trip.

What? No!

Dude, just let me use
your fucking phone. Please?

What up, double grapes?
It's me, robotman.

Congratulations on making bail again.
One love.

Pick up, pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up, pick up.

Shit. Let's try another number.

Whoa.

One shout-out, one call.

Are you fucking...

What up, thunder nuts?

Sorry to hear that your new stepmom
is allergic to cats.

Tell her robotman said,
"go fuck yourself!" One love.

Clara? Clara, don't hang up, it's...

Hi, you've reached

salty bump's bar and restaurant
and tackle shop.

- Bump?
- Our operating hours

- are 8:00 am. To 2:00 am.
- You gotta be kidding me.

Closed on sundays, for Jesus.

Hey, Clara, it's cliff.

Your dad. Your real dad.

Not that folksy asshole
on your answering machine.

You know what?

You had a chance to have me in your life
and you fucking threw it away.

I'll probably die here
on the side of the road,

just like you wanted.

Maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm not cut out to be a father.

I'm just a robot,
a statue, a piece of trash.

So don't bother throwing a wake
at your shitty bar for me.

Wait, that came out wrong.

Ah!

Oh, man.

Bro.

That's some rough shit.

Give the phone back! I need a do-over!

Look, man, sometimes you need to know
when to take the I.

You know what I'm saying?

One love.

Hey, come back here!

Give me that goddamn phone!

Holy shit.

Holy shit! Whoo-hoo!

One more chance. One more chance!

One more chance!

One more chance!

Well, this is a bit melodramatic,
even for me.

Oh, mother.

If you could see me now.

How the mighty have fallen.

Who was once on the cover of vogue?

Fine. Who was on the inside cover?

Inside back cover.

And you know what?

That should have been good enough,
shouldn't it?

I did that.

And I did so much more.

Without any help from you.

I'm sure you thought
you deserved credit. You don't!

I gave you enough.

I solved all of your problems.

And who's going to solve mine?

I wouldn't even know where to start.

How am I supposed

to fix something inside of me
that you broke?

This was supposed to be cathartic.

What is this?

You're here, aren't you?

My love, you here?

I can sense you.

I came all this way.

I need to speak with you
about our daughter.

Our daughter.

She's...

She's extraordinary.

She's amazing every moment.

Her kindness...

Her purity of spirit.

I thought I needed
to protect her from the world.

But now I fear I must protect
the world from her.

She is dangerous beyond measure.

Please.

I've tried everything.

I need you to understand that.

Now I fear I must do something awful.

If you know of a better way,
please tell me.

Show me.

She's your daughter, too.

The mother cannot hear you.

The child belongs with me.

No. No, she does not!

Not whilst my blood runs in her veins.

Not whilst her mother's blood...

The mother is gone.

Soon the father will join her.

I endure.

You are just...

A passing nightmare to her!

I was here before you, father,

and I will be here
long after you are gone.

You speak of the mother
as if you know her.

You are a fool.

Just as the mother
gave birth to the child,

the mother gave birth to me.

You speak of her ancestor's father.

Who do you think created me?

It can't be, it's not possible.

What did that monster mean when
he said your people created him?

Why would they curse her like this?

How could you do this?

How could you do this
to our little girl?

Lovely tent, lads.

Yo, kipling, you made it.

- Hey, where's your butt mask?
- Don't need it.

Got 'em exactly where I want them.

Once they kill me,
I'll initiate my plan.

Damn! They'll never suspect that.

Hmm.

There you guys are.

Welcome.

Are you all settled in?

All right.

Let me explain what's about to happen.

It's all very simple.

As we speak,
the machine you're hooked up to

is draining a substance called ldyat
from your quaint little brains

and converting it into a resource
that we call uma jelly.

Uma jelly.

Uma jelly is pure, uncut enlightenment.

Bottled evolutionary potential.
Not from concentrate.

Mmm.

- Whoa.
- Whoa.

Oh, wow.

Thank you, thank you.
No, seriously, thank you.

Once we drain all the ldyat
from your brains,

each of you
will shit your pants and die.

So thank you.

Hey, don't make
any sudden moves, man.

- Hey, hey, please.
- Give me your backpack.

- I don't have much.
- Take it off right now.

- I'm taking off the backpack!
- I will shoot you.

- I will shoot you right now!
- Please, don't.

I'm sorry. Did that sting?

Holy cow.

I feel amazing.

Seriously, I've never had uma jelly
this potent before. I'm tingling.

You chickadees must have
some truly, deeply terrible ideas.

How ever so tragic.
You're each other's worst idea.

Like...

A duck being friends with a lobster.

Damn straight.

She was right.

You don't belong here.

Your biggest mistake
is thinking that you can stay.

Wow. That's amazing, you nailed me.

Oh, darling, iwasn't talking to you.

I was talking to that poor little stray
living inside you.

Doesn't matter how many times
you summon her, Willoughby.

She'll never love you.

She's a talking horse
and she has no torso.

You don't know that.

You don't need a torso to have a heart.

Interesting.

I've never met someone...

Who displayed an immunity
to our scantification.

- What's your name?
- Miranda.

Miranda.

What's your secret?

I mean, I know there's a bad idea
in there, I can smell it.

Perhaps one of the worst ideas
of all time.

But, somehow, you're keeping it from me.

We just need to squeeze it out.

Eat shit.

My water bed throne!

Somebody, get the patch kit!

Shall we go home now?

Yeah.

- I think...
- You know what?

- I should probably just...
- No, screw that nasty-ass

earwax-eating freak.

Look, who is she to say
it's a bad idea for us to be together?

Well, she's the queen of bad ideas,

so I'm guessing she kind of
has an authority on that subject.

Look, if we want to do this,
then we should just do it.

I like you.

A lot.

So, what do you say?

I thought you said you loved me.

- But that was when I was...
- So you didn't really mean it?

I'm just fucking with you, dude.

Oh, thank you for trying
to let me down gently.

Okay.

"That was before, when I..."

Well, so you think
you're a comedian now, huh?

- I've been a comedian.
- Is that right?

Let me give you something to laugh at.

I gotta go.

You coming?

I'm going to wait for niles.

Call me later?

We'll see.

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah, the patient who was in this room,

- Dex trainor...
- Checked out this afternoon.

Was he...

How was he?

I can't tell you anything specific,

but we don't tend to release people
who are still sick.

Thanks.

Cliff?

Clara?

Your friend Vic let me in.

What are you doing here?

I got this in the mail.

That man, niles caulder...

He really do all those things to you?

I don't see what the big deal is. I've
saved our asses a hundred times before.

You know what Miranda doesn't do?

Pout, like a little bitch.

Holly.

What's wrong?

- Have you seen Scarlet harlot?
- Not lately...

But she's a bit of a night owl.

She didn't show up for book club...

And we read that new dinosaur memoir
and she was ever so keen to discuss it.

I'm starting to get worried.

Scarlet? Are you here?

The fuck?

Why is your station closed?

Talk soon, my love.

Mrs. Brown
you've got a lovely daughter

girls as sharp as her are something rare

oh, fuck me.

Hello, kipling.

So, this is that call, then?

It is.

When?

I need one more day.

Then...

What will you do with her?

You don't have to worry about that.

I just need to know where and when.

I'll make sure it's done.