Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:54,792 --> 00:00:57,000
Okay, let's get started.
2
00:01:04,292 --> 00:01:09,292
No! No! No!!!
3
00:01:56,042 --> 00:01:58,500
Your mother is delish.
4
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:45,625
Might as well do the smallest one first.
5
00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:20,833
CHRISTMAS CRUELTY!
6
00:04:47,083 --> 00:04:52,208
Can I take your picture? So I may
show Santa what I want for Christmas.
7
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:56,417
I think you should put
something else on your list.
8
00:04:56,708 --> 00:05:02,708
- Perhaps something a bit more realistic.
- It's not exactly unrealistic!
9
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:07,542
So if a big fat man comes
through your bedroom window
10
00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:13,667
and puts you in a bag,
don't be alarmed.
11
00:05:13,958 --> 00:05:17,000
It's just Santa picking up my present.
12
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,375
You're so incredibly sweet!
13
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:36,000
I get cavities
just from looking at you.
14
00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:40,167
Nobody wants a toothache.
15
00:06:40,458 --> 00:06:43,667
So I suggest you go look at something else.
16
00:06:43,958 --> 00:06:47,708
No need to play hard to get.
17
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,667
I know you want me.
18
00:06:50,958 --> 00:06:56,375
Why don't you come home with me?
And I'll suck on your ears.
19
00:06:56,667 --> 00:07:01,208
Hey! Get the fuck out of here.
And go find something else to suck on.
20
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:05,625
Stay out of this, Magne!
This is between me and...
21
00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:10,625
Miss Lovely. Fuck off!
22
00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:14,750
She's obviously not interested.
Stop pestering her.
23
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,458
And if I don't?
24
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:42,125
Here's to chimpanzees
and girls in white cotton panties.
25
00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:54,417
Christmas workshop
26
00:08:55,917 --> 00:08:58,667
really sucks.
27
00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:01,083
I'm serious!
28
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:05,250
Your head must be completely messed up
29
00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:10,750
since you can enjoy this shit.
It's not fucking normal!
30
00:09:11,042 --> 00:09:16,667
- Per-Ingvar is enjoying it too.
- You can't use him as an example of what's normal.
31
00:09:16,958 --> 00:09:20,458
- He's brain-damaged.
- No, he's not.
32
00:09:20,750 --> 00:09:22,792
Yes.
33
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:25,958
Tell Eline how it happened.
34
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:31,792
- It indicates you weren't that bright to begin with either.
- I got my head crunched in a car door.
35
00:09:32,708 --> 00:09:36,875
You make it sound like
you picked a fight with Vinnie Jones!
36
00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:40,583
Tell her how you got
your stupid head caught in the car door.
37
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:45,076
I had a handicap car with an electric door. I had
pushed the button to close it, then I dropped something.
38
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:51,083
And as I bent down to pick it up,
the door came and squeezed my head.
39
00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:54,542
- That door was this slow.
- Yeah, it was really slow.
40
00:09:54,833 --> 00:10:00,625
And noisy as hell.
How could you not see it coming?
41
00:10:00,917 --> 00:10:04,042
- Were you all right?
- I got swelling in my brain.
42
00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:09,875
- What did the doctor tell you to do?
- Take it easy for a couple of weeks, and stay away from TV screens.
43
00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:14,042
- And what did you do?
- I went home and continued working.
44
00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:17,042
- On a computer.
- Yes.
45
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:20,750
And after you turned off
your computer at night?
46
00:10:21,042 --> 00:10:23,375
- I watched a movie.
- One movie?
47
00:10:23,667 --> 00:10:27,083
- Maybe two or three.
- Or four or five.
48
00:10:27,375 --> 00:10:29,125
Sometimes.
49
00:10:29,625 --> 00:10:37,625
So you sat there, in front of one
screen or another, the entire time.
50
00:10:38,292 --> 00:10:43,833
From when you woke up until you fell
asleep. Contrary to your doctor's orders.
51
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:48,375
- Doctors say the weirdest things.
- But in this case he was right.
52
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:53,875
- Yes, I suppose.
- Now you're not only a cripple, you're a retard too.
53
00:10:55,917 --> 00:11:00,083
So I can understand why
Per-Ingvar likes this.
54
00:11:00,375 --> 00:11:06,417
He's a retarded, fat, small
Asbjørn Brekke on wheels.
55
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:10,292
You, on the other hand,
seem quite intelligent.
56
00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:15,625
I can't fathom why you
take joy in this fucking shit!
57
00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:20,708
Each to his own.
I guess tomorrow is more your style.
58
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,167
- What's tomorrow?
- Krampus day.
59
00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:27,750
- What the fuck is that?
- A day in hon our of Krampus.
60
00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:33,125
A creature traveling with Santa Claus
who dealt with the naughty kids.
61
00:11:33,417 --> 00:11:35,583
December 5th is Krampus day.
62
00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:40,542
People wear scary masks and try
to scare the living shit out of others.
63
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:43,583
We've got to do that!
64
00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:47,750
Stop with this fucking nonsense.
Lets make Krampus masks instead!
65
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,208
All right.
66
00:11:53,375 --> 00:11:55,417
Die, you fucking hedgehog gnome!
67
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:03,542
- Do you know what you're doing?
- Take it easy. They do this in kindergarten.
68
00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:06,667
You should make the masks really scary.
69
00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:10,000
Krampus was an ugly bastard
with horns and sharp teeth.
70
00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:18,833
...from the German word "Krampen"
which means "claw". And he had...
71
00:12:19,708 --> 00:12:23,042
Magne, you seem to be getting hard.
Are you ready for it to come off?
72
00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:26,167
- Mphmff.
- I know what you are saying.
73
00:12:32,292 --> 00:12:36,167
- Strange how hard it was to get this off.
- Did you use enough Vaseline?
74
00:12:36,458 --> 00:12:39,083
Oh no.
75
00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:42,042
Fucking dirty Laplander!
76
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:47,375
We just have to tear it off. Ready?
77
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,333
One, two, three!
78
00:12:51,375 --> 00:12:57,500
- What was that?
- My beard! Fuck, that hurts.
79
00:12:57,792 --> 00:13:01,333
I'm really sorry about that.
But one more pull and it's over.
80
00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:06,583
- I hate you.
- Alright. One, two, three.
81
00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:09,667
- Your eyebrows?
- Yes.
82
00:13:09,958 --> 00:13:15,208
With your beard and eyebrows
gone, I'm sure the worst is over.
83
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,792
- Ready?
- No.
84
00:13:18,083 --> 00:13:20,333
Great. One, two, three!
85
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:29,583
- What is that?
- My eyelashes.
86
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,875
Fuck! Now I got a piece of
plaster in my eye too.
87
00:13:35,167 --> 00:13:39,250
- Are you all right?
- Yes, this is nothing.
88
00:13:39,542 --> 00:13:43,500
Nothing? You have tortured me
89
00:13:43,792 --> 00:13:49,833
disfigured me and made me blind in one
eye... and permanently mummified my head!
90
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:53,083
- Get this fucking shit off of me now!
- Okay. One...
91
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,042
No fucking counting!
92
00:14:09,375 --> 00:14:14,417
- Have I lost all my fucking facial hair?
- No, there's still some left,
93
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:17,167
and the rest of it is
right here in your mask.
94
00:14:17,458 --> 00:14:21,458
- Remember to use plenty of Vaseline.
- No fucking way.
95
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,250
I just want to ask...
96
00:14:50,625 --> 00:14:52,500
Are you comfortable?
97
00:14:57,333 --> 00:15:00,292
I can assure you it
gets a lot fucking worse.
98
00:15:06,375 --> 00:15:11,417
So, Elinepedia.org,
Do you have more Krampus facts
99
00:15:11,708 --> 00:15:15,917
while we wait for this
fucking ass clown to dry?
100
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:22,000
A lot of things have been forgotten
because they were considered bad
101
00:15:22,292 --> 00:15:25,375
or not politically correct anymore.
Which is quite ironic.
102
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:31,292
Because most of these creatures were made
in order to be more politically correct.
103
00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:36,292
Krampus and several of
Santa's evil helpers came about
104
00:15:36,583 --> 00:15:41,750
because it was inappropriate
for St Nicholas to be so brutal
105
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,458
when punishing naughty kids.
106
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:50,750
As a Bishop they wanted to portray
him as a gentle and kind man.
107
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,042
Don't you think
Per-Ingvar has dried by now?
108
00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:59,208
Oh, right. I almost forgot.
109
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:02,708
One, two, three.
110
00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:07,750
Four.
111
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:11,958
Five, six, seven.
112
00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:16,708
Eight!
113
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:43,125
- Krampus must be the coolest Christmas icon ever!
- My favorite is actually the barn gnome.
114
00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:47,750
The barn gnome?
He's got nothing on Krampus!
115
00:16:48,042 --> 00:16:53,792
Then you probably don't know about the real
barn gnome. He's not one to be messed with.
116
00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:59,208
He was small, but wicked strong.
And his bite was venomous.
117
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:05,042
If you didn't get otherworldly
medicine, you would die.
118
00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:10,167
He had four fingers, pointy ears,
hair all over his body.
119
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:14,917
- And eyes that glowed in the dark.
- That's not the way he looks on my Christmas cards.
120
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:18,625
Those are his descendants,
and they were much cuter.
121
00:17:18,917 --> 00:17:24,917
The barn gnome was easily offended,
and he could cause a lot of havoc.
122
00:17:26,083 --> 00:17:28,792
As you know, he loved porridge.
123
00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:32,500
At Christmas
people gave him porridge.
124
00:17:32,792 --> 00:17:36,583
But once a maid ate the porridge herself.
125
00:17:36,875 --> 00:17:42,250
The gnome got so angry
that he knocked the stuffing out of her.
126
00:17:42,542 --> 00:17:46,333
- The farmer found her the next day.
- Finished!
127
00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:48,542
In a pool of blood.
128
00:17:48,958 --> 00:17:54,958
Wow! That's...
129
00:17:55,583 --> 00:18:01,750
Once the barn gnome
actually killed an innocent cow.
130
00:18:09,583 --> 00:18:14,208
- Oops!
- What the fuck did you think would happen, you fucking cuntface?
131
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,750
On my other chair
the tires are made of solid rubber.
132
00:18:18,042 --> 00:18:21,375
- So why didn't you use that one?
- I took this one as part of my disguise.
133
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,083
You don't think people
will realise it's you?
134
00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:29,792
There are loads of retarded cripples
looking like a bean bag with hands, right?
135
00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:32,083
It could have been Sverre Johan.
136
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:38,917
You're so fucking stupid you could have
been a short bus all by yourself.
137
00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:44,000
Knock it off. Let's scare the crap out of
somebody. She might be a good candidate.
138
00:19:55,708 --> 00:19:58,292
- Hello!
- There you are.
139
00:19:58,583 --> 00:20:02,042
Whenever you call, I come running.
140
00:20:02,333 --> 00:20:07,833
- My kids made some gingerbread men for you.
- Thanks a bunch!
141
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:13,333
I called you here today
because I've got good news for you.
142
00:20:13,625 --> 00:20:17,333
I had a visit from a friend
who runs an advertising company.
143
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:22,833
- Do you know where my dad is?
- He's probably over at MaRitz.
144
00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:28,292
Today is ball day. Very popular.
And Torgeir is completely...
145
00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:34,583
- Where was I?
- Your friend in advertising.
146
00:20:34,875 --> 00:20:38,750
Right, right.
He wants to offer you a job.
147
00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:44,708
- Oh my god!
- And You'll make lots of money. Surely more than me.
148
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,458
Oh my god!
I mean... Oh my god!
149
00:21:06,250 --> 00:21:10,292
I'll call it a night.
Will you lock up?
150
00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:17,500
When they came to Iceland,
a guy was waiting with a sign.
151
00:21:17,792 --> 00:21:19,875
It read "Tussa Kraft".
152
00:21:20,167 --> 00:21:22,083
But you see...
153
00:21:23,542 --> 00:21:27,292
They didn't think much about it.
154
00:21:27,583 --> 00:21:32,500
They got on the bus and went to
the hotel where they wanted to have a beer.
155
00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:37,125
When they got into the pub,
156
00:21:37,417 --> 00:21:42,667
one of the bar maids rushed out... Phhssj!
157
00:21:43,917 --> 00:21:48,875
The other one just giggled. You know.
158
00:21:49,167 --> 00:21:54,083
She served the beers
and gave them what they wanted.
159
00:21:54,375 --> 00:22:00,167
Then it was time to get something to eat.
They had a reserved table.
160
00:22:00,458 --> 00:22:05,125
When they got to the table,
there was a sign there.
161
00:22:05,417 --> 00:22:10,750
"Reserved for the company
whose name we cannot write."
162
00:22:11,042 --> 00:22:13,708
They had to ask what was going on.
163
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,458
"Tussa" means
164
00:22:18,292 --> 00:22:19,292
"pussy"...
165
00:22:19,583 --> 00:22:22,375
And "kraft" means "juice".
166
00:22:22,667 --> 00:22:27,292
Imagine how awkward!
167
00:22:29,375 --> 00:22:32,292
All right.
Have a good night.
168
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:36,458
Good night...
169
00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:31,542
He takes out a beige
bathroom molding, about this long.
170
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:36,833
"One ticket then".
We didn't know how to react.
171
00:26:37,167 --> 00:26:40,292
Good evening!
Can I help you?
172
00:26:42,042 --> 00:26:45,708
- Maybe.
- What's he saying?
173
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:52,042
- He's wondering what he can help us with.
- Ah, okay! I want a Christmas tree.
174
00:26:52,333 --> 00:26:56,167
Christmas tree. I have spruce.
175
00:26:56,458 --> 00:26:59,958
I also have silver fir.
176
00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:02,708
And I even have a pine tree.
177
00:27:09,458 --> 00:27:13,417
- He's wondering what type of three we want?
- A nice one, maybe.
178
00:27:13,708 --> 00:27:18,792
This is the best
Christmas tree in the world.
179
00:27:19,083 --> 00:27:21,292
675 kroner.
180
00:27:21,583 --> 00:27:25,333
Holy shit.
Don't you have anything cheaper?
181
00:27:25,625 --> 00:27:29,792
Yes, this one. 225 kroner.
182
00:27:30,083 --> 00:27:32,333
A Christmas tree is a Christmas tree.
183
00:27:32,625 --> 00:27:37,208
No, it is not.
There are differences between them.
184
00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:40,083
I know.
I've got all the wood in here.
185
00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:46,042
- What's he saying?
- That he's a blockhead, so I should pick the tree.
186
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:49,708
- We'll take that one.
- How much is it?
187
00:27:51,167 --> 00:27:53,875
225 kroner.
188
00:27:56,542 --> 00:27:58,750
Yeah, that's a fair price.
189
00:28:16,708 --> 00:28:20,667
Would you like to try
some real Dutch cheese?
190
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:31,083
- Did you like the cheese?
- Peculiar taste.
191
00:28:32,667 --> 00:28:35,542
Ass crack mush and sour gym socks.
192
00:28:42,042 --> 00:28:44,250
Let's get rambling.
193
00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:51,458
Thanks for your business!
Merry Christmas to you.
194
00:28:52,042 --> 00:28:58,208
Let's hope this oversized wonderbaum
covers our Dutch dick cheese breath.
195
00:29:35,125 --> 00:29:40,208
Ew... This weak cunt brew tastes
like seagull cum.
196
00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:45,542
- I put in the entire bottle of wine.
- You only got one bottle of wine, you cripple burrito?
197
00:29:45,833 --> 00:29:47,333
Mongo!
198
00:29:49,542 --> 00:29:54,625
We'll have to spice it up.
We can't serve this piss.
199
00:29:54,917 --> 00:29:58,083
- Whiskey?
- McCleary can be used for anything.
200
00:30:12,875 --> 00:30:18,750
Still too fucking weak.
We'll put in all the liquor you have.
201
00:30:19,667 --> 00:30:21,750
- Is that a good idea?
- Oh yes.
202
00:31:16,208 --> 00:31:20,083
I was thinking of
saving that for New Year's.
203
00:31:20,375 --> 00:31:25,542
Leave the thinking
to those of us who are not
204
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,583
retarded.
205
00:31:50,500 --> 00:31:52,667
- Got any more alcohol?
- Nope.
206
00:31:52,958 --> 00:31:56,458
- Then this brew is finished.
- We'll just add raisins and almonds.
207
00:31:56,750 --> 00:31:59,875
Fuck the raisins! It's fucking Christmas!
208
00:32:22,250 --> 00:32:26,083
Holy farting pussy!
Aren't you finished yet?
209
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:38,375
There. It's meaningless spending
hours decorating a fucking faggot tree.
210
00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:42,167
I was going to make it look nice.
211
00:32:48,542 --> 00:32:50,708
You're hopeless.
212
00:33:01,542 --> 00:33:04,833
- Christmas Ho? Must be you.
- Thanks for that.
213
00:33:24,708 --> 00:33:27,167
- Cheers, people nuggets!
- Cheers!
214
00:33:31,042 --> 00:33:37,042
Motherfucker! Now, that's what
I call a good fucking brew!
215
00:33:37,333 --> 00:33:41,083
- What the hell is this?
- Mulled wine.
216
00:33:41,375 --> 00:33:46,167
- You can't call that acid for mulled wine.
- It's über mulled wine.
217
00:33:46,458 --> 00:33:49,833
- I quite liked it.
- You were about to vomit.
218
00:33:50,125 --> 00:33:52,833
That doesn't mean I didn't like it.
219
00:33:57,583 --> 00:34:02,250
- Why don't you play us a song, Magne.
- How about the one you wrote for Veronica.
220
00:36:04,458 --> 00:36:09,875
- Did she like it?
- I got to fuck her eventually, so I guess so.
221
00:36:10,167 --> 00:36:14,625
- You've got no respect for women.
- Why the fuck should I?
222
00:36:14,917 --> 00:36:19,083
Every single cunt I've been with
has been a complete fucking airhead.
223
00:36:19,375 --> 00:36:22,875
Naturally.
But you can't judge all women
224
00:36:23,167 --> 00:36:27,208
- on those nitwits you've fucked.
- Sure I fucking can!
225
00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:31,125
- You're all the same.
- Get a grip. Do you agree with this, Per-Ingvar?
226
00:36:31,417 --> 00:36:33,083
- Yes.
- Who do you agree with?
227
00:36:33,375 --> 00:36:38,583
- Ehhh... You?
- Wow, you made Per-Ingvar agree with you.
228
00:36:38,875 --> 00:36:45,667
That's quite an accomplishment! It would take Hitler
two seconds to convince that retarded jellyfish
229
00:36:45,958 --> 00:36:47,958
that wiping out cripples
is a fabulous idea.
230
00:36:48,250 --> 00:36:51,250
- Fuck you!
- Don't get upset.
231
00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:55,792
No matter what we say,
you women turn it into something negative.
232
00:36:56,083 --> 00:37:02,125
Like one of my sloppy she-meat exes that
constantly complained that she was bored.
233
00:37:02,750 --> 00:37:08,083
I made her some fucking great suggestions.
To clean the house or cook.
234
00:37:08,375 --> 00:37:10,875
Is that what you think we should do?
235
00:37:11,167 --> 00:37:16,167
Absolutely, that's what you're supposed to
do. But women are good for nothing.
236
00:37:16,458 --> 00:37:21,708
Men are best at everything.
Even cooking, which is your area.
237
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,958
- Probably knitting too!
- So we can't be used for anything?
238
00:37:26,250 --> 00:37:31,083
- Sure, there is one thing.
- And that's all you appreciate about women?
239
00:37:31,375 --> 00:37:34,833
Other than that there's just PMS,
whining, freeloading...
240
00:37:35,125 --> 00:37:37,917
Without that guitar
you wouldn't be able to get girls at all.
241
00:37:38,208 --> 00:37:40,125
Enough of this. Let's party!
242
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:34,500
Magne, you're a pirate!
243
00:41:34,792 --> 00:41:37,042
That would explain everything...
244
00:42:24,292 --> 00:42:32,000
Close that goddamn fucking door!
It's cunt freezing cold outside!
245
00:42:32,292 --> 00:42:35,833
Bloody... fucking... tumbleweed mook...
246
00:42:41,667 --> 00:42:43,250
What... the... fuck!
247
00:42:47,458 --> 00:42:49,042
Jeezeez.
248
00:43:00,125 --> 00:43:07,500
Holy shit!
What the fuck did we drink last night?
249
00:43:07,792 --> 00:43:09,625
Home made napalm.
250
00:43:13,167 --> 00:43:16,625
It shouldn't be possible
to be as fucking hung over as I am now.
251
00:43:18,208 --> 00:43:22,833
- Even Emilio is hung over.
- Shouldn't there be a girl here too?
252
00:43:23,125 --> 00:43:27,375
- Yes, Eline. Where is she?
- How the fuck would I know?
253
00:43:27,667 --> 00:43:29,750
Let's look for her.
254
00:43:34,792 --> 00:43:36,792
Holy fucking shit.
255
00:43:58,917 --> 00:44:03,917
She won't be in a closet,
you little maggot stick.
256
00:44:25,250 --> 00:44:30,333
- I have looked for her there.
- I need to pu...
257
00:44:34,708 --> 00:44:39,958
Fucking rectum gerbil.
By the way, I've found her.
258
00:44:50,167 --> 00:44:52,083
She was in a closet.
259
00:45:00,417 --> 00:45:02,750
Oh my god, I feel so trashed.
260
00:45:12,583 --> 00:45:15,667
I think I've got to go home
261
00:45:15,958 --> 00:45:19,917
and swallow a few boxes of painkillers.
262
00:45:22,167 --> 00:45:23,833
And go to bed.
263
00:45:25,208 --> 00:45:28,792
I would take you home, but...
264
00:45:30,250 --> 00:45:34,000
I don't think
I'll be sober enough to drive.
265
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,333
Until Wednesday.
266
00:45:41,792 --> 00:45:43,625
I can drive you.
267
00:45:45,375 --> 00:45:47,250
With that?
268
00:45:49,167 --> 00:45:50,750
Yep.
269
00:45:56,917 --> 00:46:02,583
But... That's going to take for ever.
270
00:46:03,750 --> 00:46:06,583
We can go full bunny.
271
00:46:06,875 --> 00:46:10,583
Then it's very...
272
00:46:10,875 --> 00:46:12,583
Quite fast.
273
00:49:49,625 --> 00:49:54,667
"This stable is the answer to my prayer.
This is where my son will be born."
274
00:49:55,958 --> 00:49:59,083
"He shall not feel the cold bite."
275
00:49:59,375 --> 00:50:05,208
"Because his heavenly father
will shine his light."
276
00:50:05,500 --> 00:50:07,833
- Do you know the nativity play?
- Sure.
277
00:50:08,125 --> 00:50:11,333
Christmas is really a Viking tradition.
278
00:50:11,625 --> 00:50:16,167
It was a 13 day long celebration
with mead and sacrificing animals.
279
00:50:16,458 --> 00:50:19,833
So if you want to celebrate Christmas
you should do it the Viking way.
280
00:50:20,125 --> 00:50:25,625
Says you, who didn't even
let me go to Emma's party!
281
00:50:25,917 --> 00:50:27,957
We were only going to
watch Twilight and drink soda.
282
00:50:28,042 --> 00:50:34,000
- Thanks!
- Should I help you?
283
00:50:34,375 --> 00:50:38,875
- Can I pass you something?
- How about some blood red sauce?
284
00:50:46,083 --> 00:50:49,542
Are you thinking about Christmas?
285
00:50:49,833 --> 00:50:52,917
A lot of secrets.
286
00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:55,875
But that's Christmas.
287
00:50:58,708 --> 00:51:04,042
- Perhaps you've got some secrets too?
- That may be. How about you?
288
00:51:08,292 --> 00:51:13,542
- Yeah.
- Go and put your pajamas on.
289
00:51:13,833 --> 00:51:18,458
- It's getting late.
- Can't I stay up a little longer?
290
00:51:18,750 --> 00:51:24,542
- It's getting late, you see.
- Sure, you can stay up a little longer.
291
00:51:24,833 --> 00:51:29,417
But go to your room.
You can stay up for a while there.
292
00:51:29,708 --> 00:51:32,917
- I'll be up in a while.
- Good night, baby.
293
00:51:33,208 --> 00:51:36,833
- Good night.
- Love you.
294
00:51:37,125 --> 00:51:41,167
I'll come up and tell you a story.
295
00:51:41,750 --> 00:51:44,208
Do you want a story too?
296
00:51:45,458 --> 00:51:50,208
"He chopped their heads off,
and many men fell to the ground."
297
00:51:50,500 --> 00:51:56,417
"He chopped both men and horses,
and had blood up to his shoulders."
298
00:51:57,500 --> 00:52:02,792
"Sigurd charged at the king
and split his helmet and head."
299
00:52:03,083 --> 00:52:05,667
"And his armored abdomen."
300
00:52:05,958 --> 00:52:11,083
"Then he chopped
his brother, Jordvard, in two pieces."
301
00:52:11,375 --> 00:52:17,292
"Take good care of dead men,
be they diseased or lost at sea,
302
00:52:17,583 --> 00:52:20,417
or murdered with a weapon."
303
00:52:20,708 --> 00:52:23,417
"Take good care of their bodies."
304
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:40,917
- So it won't be a late night?
- Not for me, no.
305
00:52:41,208 --> 00:52:45,125
- I think I'll turn in now.
- Really?
306
00:52:45,417 --> 00:52:49,833
- Yes. Are you coming?
- I have to take care of something first.
307
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:54,542
I can't stop thinking about this poor
girl and a guy in a wheelchair.
308
00:52:54,833 --> 00:52:58,042
They are going to have
a horrible Christmas.
309
00:52:58,333 --> 00:53:00,792
I have to contribute in my own way,
310
00:53:01,083 --> 00:53:05,000
so they don't have to worry
about the New Year at least.
311
00:53:05,292 --> 00:53:09,125
- You're so sweet.
- I'm not that sweet.
312
00:56:38,958 --> 00:56:43,042
He's not exactly
the sharpest spoon in the drawer.
313
00:56:43,333 --> 00:56:46,708
Christine speaks about her struggle
314
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:51,250
with anorexia and eating disorders.
315
00:56:51,542 --> 00:56:54,583
Then this fucking birdbrain says:
316
00:56:54,875 --> 00:56:58,375
"Luckily there is
no disorder when I eat!"
317
00:56:58,667 --> 00:57:01,083
Tell us about the...
318
00:57:01,375 --> 00:57:06,875
Did you know that over 47,000 people
under 18 have eating disorders?
319
00:57:07,167 --> 00:57:12,333
- With bulimia only 6%...
- Who was that?
320
00:57:13,542 --> 00:57:17,958
- The Boy band Shrimp.
- Why the hell did you let him in?
321
00:57:18,250 --> 00:57:22,417
- He wanted to come in.
- The Boy band Shrimp, for fuck's sake!
322
00:57:22,708 --> 00:57:28,125
That's why you have that fucking opener, so you don't
have to let every piece of shit in your apartment.
323
00:57:28,417 --> 00:57:33,500
You don't need a lock.
Just a fucking curtain!
324
00:57:35,500 --> 00:57:40,500
Hello, babe!
Did you miss me?
325
00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:43,333
Not really.
326
00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:48,500
You're an intolerable, annoying,
no good shit horse.
327
00:57:48,792 --> 00:57:50,500
Yeah right!
328
00:57:50,792 --> 00:57:54,833
Do you know what that cocksucker
and his cheese dick friends
329
00:57:55,125 --> 00:57:58,750
- did to Per-Ingvar at school?
- No.
330
00:57:59,042 --> 00:58:04,708
- They used to break his bones.
- Come on, everybody bullied him!
331
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:09,583
But only you put him in the hospital...
on purpose.
332
00:58:09,875 --> 00:58:14,708
Do you remember when we
buried him and his wheelchair
333
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:20,292
- in the snow behind the bike shed?
- Of course. I had to dig him out, like always.
334
00:58:20,583 --> 00:58:26,125
It was hilarious! The wheelchair
didn't surface until the snow melted.
335
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:32,583
I'm a real bad boy.
I'm sure that's something you like.
336
00:58:32,875 --> 00:58:36,083
- You know what, I think you're a...
- Cocksucker.
337
00:58:36,375 --> 00:58:41,250
- Yeah, a cocksucker.
- I couldn't have said it better.
338
00:58:41,542 --> 00:58:43,875
This calls for a celebration!
339
00:58:55,292 --> 00:59:00,375
- Open this. I'll get the glasses.
- Don't I get to save this for New Year's? -Fuck no!
340
00:59:13,292 --> 00:59:17,292
- What the hell did you do?
- It wasn't on purpose.
341
00:59:19,250 --> 00:59:23,167
You should have aimed
at the fucking Boy band Shrimp instead.
342
00:59:27,792 --> 00:59:30,708
You broke his fucking nose,
you monkey loaf!
343
00:59:32,958 --> 00:59:35,833
Now I have to get him to the ER.
344
00:59:39,208 --> 00:59:42,458
Jerk!
345
00:59:42,750 --> 00:59:44,875
That was way cool!
346
00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:51,542
My god, what an idiot you are.
There's something seriously...
347
00:59:51,833 --> 00:59:55,417
Ho-ho-ho!
Who's been good this year?
348
00:59:55,708 --> 01:00:01,667
- I have been good!
- Let's see if we can find you a hard present?
349
01:05:32,167 --> 01:05:36,708
Damn it! Just when we
were having such a good time!
350
01:06:13,708 --> 01:06:17,000
Are you partying tonight!
Don't you have work tomorrow?
351
01:06:17,292 --> 01:06:20,417
- It's not much of a party.
- It will pick up now that we are here.
352
01:06:20,708 --> 01:06:22,833
Ho-ho-ho!
353
01:09:51,875 --> 01:09:56,750
A kiss?
354
01:10:24,833 --> 01:10:27,542
I want to ride the fire truck.
355
01:11:30,417 --> 01:11:32,625
I can't take anymore.
356
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:07,750
This is too much!
357
01:13:11,125 --> 01:13:15,875
That ugly, fat, disgusting,
358
01:13:16,167 --> 01:13:20,625
bum crack sweaty,
pussy discharge eating
359
01:13:20,917 --> 01:13:26,250
cross-eyed wheelchair abuser!
That wank cloth freak!
360
01:13:26,542 --> 01:13:30,458
That mongoloid, retarded, bukkake gnome!
361
01:13:34,125 --> 01:13:37,667
That abortion ape!
362
01:13:37,958 --> 01:13:43,333
That failed medical experiment!
363
01:13:43,625 --> 01:13:49,333
That bloody fucking pathetic loser!
364
01:13:50,125 --> 01:13:54,333
That... arrgh
365
01:13:54,625 --> 01:13:56,417
snickerdoodle!
366
01:13:56,708 --> 01:13:58,500
Are you angry, Magne?
367
01:14:01,750 --> 01:14:09,167
- Man, that fucking cripple is going to suffer.
- Yes...
368
01:14:10,167 --> 01:14:12,625
- Enough of this.
- Sure...
369
01:14:25,250 --> 01:14:27,083
I'm taking a shower.
370
01:17:11,583 --> 01:17:13,750
Do you want a sandwich?
371
01:17:15,042 --> 01:17:17,375
Don't worry, I'm not gonna force you.
372
01:18:17,667 --> 01:18:22,375
You got brittle bone disease, right?
I have to try something.
373
01:18:40,792 --> 01:18:43,000
Does Jan Thomas live here?
374
01:18:43,292 --> 01:18:48,458
There are no fucking tools
in this fucking faggot apartment!
375
01:19:26,250 --> 01:19:28,708
This won't be any good for either of us!
376
01:20:19,292 --> 01:20:21,792
Yes! Finally!
377
01:20:24,500 --> 01:20:29,875
Give me the code,
or I'll skin the remaining girl alive!
378
01:20:31,750 --> 01:20:34,500
- Fshmmfsh.
- Speak up!
379
01:20:34,792 --> 01:20:39,208
Four, seven, four, seven.
380
01:20:39,500 --> 01:20:42,542
4747?
Yes.
381
01:21:48,625 --> 01:21:50,833
- Hi there!
- Merry Christmas!
382
01:21:51,125 --> 01:21:53,875
How can I help you?
383
01:21:54,167 --> 01:21:58,125
I need something
for a guy in a wheelchair.
384
01:21:58,417 --> 01:22:01,375
Do you have anything special in mind?
385
01:22:01,667 --> 01:22:05,750
Well, I was thinking maybe
386
01:22:06,042 --> 01:22:11,958
- a chainsaw.
- Right. Come with me.
387
01:22:17,833 --> 01:22:21,417
Here are the two models we stock.
388
01:22:21,708 --> 01:22:28,833
We've got this piece of crap.
A hobby model if you want to trim bushes.
389
01:22:29,125 --> 01:22:31,917
And if you actually get it to start,
you're really lucky.
390
01:22:32,208 --> 01:22:35,542
But this one...
This is the bestseller.
391
01:22:35,833 --> 01:22:40,000
Hooper 7400.
A spectacular saw.
392
01:22:40,292 --> 01:22:42,958
This was our bestseller this autumn.
393
01:22:43,250 --> 01:22:48,625
You can fell and delimb with it.
This is a great all-rounder.
394
01:22:48,917 --> 01:22:52,708
- Is it ready for use?
- All you need is petrol.
395
01:22:53,000 --> 01:22:57,042
It's a two-stroke-engine,
so you need petrol with oil.
396
01:22:57,333 --> 01:23:01,708
- I'll take it!
- It's 4999.
397
01:23:02,000 --> 01:23:06,833
Does he have the necessary protective gear?
Protective pants and boots?
398
01:23:07,125 --> 01:23:12,917
- He doesn't use his legs anyway.
- I understand, but I have to ask.
399
01:23:16,958 --> 01:23:20,500
Chainsaw and petrol.
400
01:23:20,792 --> 01:23:26,167
4999 for the saw
and 169 for the petrol.
401
01:23:26,458 --> 01:23:30,125
But since it's Christmas,
let's say 5000.
402
01:23:31,708 --> 01:23:33,417
- Card?
- Yes.
403
01:23:33,708 --> 01:23:35,708
Pin code and enter.
404
01:23:49,083 --> 01:23:51,417
Receipt?
405
01:23:51,708 --> 01:23:53,208
No.
406
01:23:55,833 --> 01:23:57,750
- Anything else?
- No.
407
01:23:58,042 --> 01:24:00,250
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas yourself.
408
01:24:00,542 --> 01:24:02,667
What do you give me?
409
01:25:18,833 --> 01:25:21,583
Hi, princess! Yes...
410
01:25:23,208 --> 01:25:28,125
Daddy's coming home soon.
I just have to finish this guy off.
411
01:26:43,333 --> 01:26:44,917
MERRY CHRISTMAS
32820
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.