Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,483 --> 00:00:09,003
Hello, Mrs Larkin.
2
00:00:10,283 --> 00:00:11,323
What do you want?
3
00:00:12,683 --> 00:00:15,803
There are things going on...
4
00:00:16,763 --> 00:00:18,043
..which you should know about.
5
00:00:22,763 --> 00:00:24,722
How many sherries did you have?
6
00:00:24,723 --> 00:00:27,042
You never ask a lady that.
7
00:00:27,043 --> 00:00:28,163
Ten.
8
00:00:30,723 --> 00:00:34,402
This is very sensitive information,
off the record,
9
00:00:34,403 --> 00:00:36,283
and for your ears only.
10
00:00:41,683 --> 00:00:46,643
Obviously, my husband Alec...
Yeah.
11
00:00:47,643 --> 00:00:48,763
..is an idiot.
12
00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:55,243
He has some sterling qualities,
can't remember what they are...
13
00:00:57,123 --> 00:01:01,243
..but he's fallen under the spell
of the Jerebohms...
14
00:01:02,203 --> 00:01:05,003
..especially the pink one.
15
00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:08,443
So, what's happened?
16
00:01:10,883 --> 00:01:14,682
The Jerebohms bribed,
17
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:17,043
then blackmailed about the bribe...
18
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:22,403
..the magistrate Sprague,
whom Alec knows from the Masons.
19
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:24,923
Lovely wife.
20
00:01:26,683 --> 00:01:28,683
Your husband never stood a chance.
21
00:01:36,083 --> 00:01:40,202
So, how are we gonna prove it
and get Pop out of jail?
22
00:01:40,203 --> 00:01:41,363
No idea...
23
00:01:43,643 --> 00:01:46,843
..but this is off the record
and for your ears only.
24
00:01:49,603 --> 00:01:51,643
You jump into bed with a man...
25
00:01:53,603 --> 00:01:56,242
..and 30 years later,
26
00:01:56,243 --> 00:01:58,483
you realise
it was probably the wrong man.
27
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,402
Primrose, Your Grace.
28
00:02:12,403 --> 00:02:16,242
That's actually more
for archbishops, but thank you.
29
00:02:16,243 --> 00:02:17,322
Hello, Pauline.
30
00:02:17,323 --> 00:02:19,922
I'll have a cider
and a pint of Browns, please.
31
00:02:19,923 --> 00:02:22,442
No, I'll pay.
I'm a fiercely modern woman.
32
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:24,962
Rotten news about your dad.
Yes.
33
00:02:24,963 --> 00:02:27,442
Though, there are new developments
that I can't talk about.
34
00:02:27,443 --> 00:02:30,162
Oh, yeah?
Well, my copper will be pleased.
35
00:02:30,163 --> 00:02:32,363
Told him he's not getting any
till he helps spring Pop.
36
00:02:34,203 --> 00:02:37,562
So this is cosy, you two.
37
00:02:37,563 --> 00:02:40,043
Yes, I'm a lucky man.
So there is a God.
38
00:02:41,523 --> 00:02:43,722
I mean, I know there is...
Mm-hm.
39
00:02:43,723 --> 00:02:45,683
..but He has manifested His...
40
00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:50,083
You know what I'm saying.
Thank you
41
00:03:03,603 --> 00:03:05,043
Miss Larkin.
42
00:03:18,523 --> 00:03:21,922
So, what do you think
of Primrose's new fella, then?
43
00:03:21,923 --> 00:03:23,602
Yeah, he's nice.
44
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:25,762
He's very nice.
Yeah, he is very nice.
45
00:03:25,763 --> 00:03:28,362
Actually, Reverend Candy'd
be a lovely friend for you, Charley.
46
00:03:28,363 --> 00:03:31,642
Hm? Come to think of it,
you're not great at making friends.
47
00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:33,162
You haven't got any apart from us.
48
00:03:33,163 --> 00:03:34,802
Yeah, well, Pauline was my friend,
49
00:03:34,803 --> 00:03:36,402
but you stamped on that
pretty quickly.
50
00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:38,802
Male friends.
You could fish together...
51
00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:40,882
What?
..or whatever men do. Compare beers.
52
00:03:40,883 --> 00:03:43,962
I'll be too busy
setting up our future. Aw.
53
00:03:43,963 --> 00:03:46,922
I need a job, and we need a home
before the baby comes.
54
00:03:46,923 --> 00:03:48,762
And what's wrong
with staying in the house?
55
00:03:48,763 --> 00:03:50,882
There are 11 people in there.
56
00:03:50,883 --> 00:03:53,842
There was a queue for the lavatory
at three in the morning.
57
00:03:53,843 --> 00:03:56,363
Without Dad,
the house feels positively empty.
58
00:03:58,283 --> 00:04:02,242
I know. I miss it being
just you and me together.
59
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,643
Well, what would you think
about us moving into the barn?
60
00:04:06,683 --> 00:04:07,763
Are you mad?
61
00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:12,882
There were three magistrates.
How is it Sprague has all the power?
62
00:04:12,883 --> 00:04:15,242
A pack leader always emerges.
63
00:04:15,243 --> 00:04:18,602
We're no more sophisticated
than dogs, really.
64
00:04:18,603 --> 00:04:20,722
So, how can we expose him?
65
00:04:20,723 --> 00:04:25,323
Er, pressure could be applied
via Alec Norman...
66
00:04:26,323 --> 00:04:28,522
..but I suspect Sprague
has his number.
67
00:04:28,523 --> 00:04:31,562
But the magistrate
must be terrified of being exposed.
68
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,122
Wouldn't that force his hand?
69
00:04:33,123 --> 00:04:36,842
Some people are very good
at brazening out difficulties.
70
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:37,882
In fact, I am.
71
00:04:37,883 --> 00:04:42,482
He... He's invested
in the lie he helped to create,
72
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:46,722
so he must be presented
with incontrovertible evidence
73
00:04:46,723 --> 00:04:48,443
that he won't get away with this.
74
00:04:49,603 --> 00:04:50,922
But be warned...
75
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:55,083
an animal is never as dangerous
as when it's being hunted.
76
00:04:57,403 --> 00:05:01,363
So, I'm off for a swim.
77
00:05:14,643 --> 00:05:16,642
Morning, Constable.
I need your help.
78
00:05:16,643 --> 00:05:17,722
Is this to do with Pop?
79
00:05:17,723 --> 00:05:20,242
No, it's to do with road safety
in the village.
80
00:05:20,243 --> 00:05:22,682
Ah, well, I share your concern,
and I think...
81
00:05:22,683 --> 00:05:24,523
Yes, it's to do with Pop!
82
00:05:26,003 --> 00:05:28,642
Have you got
any covert recording equipment
83
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:31,122
here at the station
and experience of using it?
84
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:32,482
Yes and no.
85
00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:35,482
That'll have to do.
We need to use it to get Pop off.
86
00:05:35,483 --> 00:05:37,202
I am desperate to get Pop off.
87
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:40,282
Oh, Pauline's still withdrawing
sexual favours till you do?
88
00:05:40,283 --> 00:05:42,082
That is correct, yeah.
89
00:05:42,083 --> 00:05:43,722
That's both of us going without,
then.
90
00:05:43,723 --> 00:05:45,203
FLY BUZZES
91
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,562
She is a very alluring woman,
Mrs Larkin,
92
00:05:51,563 --> 00:05:53,522
and quite frankly, it is killing me.
93
00:05:53,523 --> 00:05:55,802
Then dig out
your miniature microphone
94
00:05:55,803 --> 00:05:58,563
or whatever you've got,
and let's sort this out.
95
00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:04,003
B-B-B-Baby,
baby, baby. B-B-B-Baby, baby, baby.
96
00:06:08,443 --> 00:06:12,563
Did you find an egg, Oscar?
Well done.
97
00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:21,482
Come on, girls.
You can do it.
98
00:06:21,483 --> 00:06:23,403
Come on, Phil, we're winning.
99
00:06:37,643 --> 00:06:39,043
Aww!
Wait!
100
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:44,362
Oh,
our first proper home of our own!
101
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,723
Mm.
HE EXHALES
102
00:06:48,403 --> 00:06:50,202
Do you know what?
103
00:06:50,203 --> 00:06:51,842
I don't ever wanna live
anywhere else.
104
00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:55,162
Nor do I.
Are you all right?
105
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:57,562
You're not too tired
or nauseous or... No.
106
00:06:57,563 --> 00:06:59,482
..or craving pickles?
No!
107
00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:01,682
Why do people treat us like...?
108
00:07:01,683 --> 00:07:04,043
Oh, actually, I'd love some.
Do you mind?
109
00:07:06,163 --> 00:07:08,443
And something rubber to suck.
110
00:07:10,683 --> 00:07:12,283
PHONE RINGS
111
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,882
Littlechurch 251.
112
00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:24,922
Hello, Norma.
Oh... hello.
113
00:07:24,923 --> 00:07:27,202
Thank you
for coming round last night.
114
00:07:27,203 --> 00:07:30,922
Just... don't exploit my honesty.
115
00:07:30,923 --> 00:07:32,162
Well, I'm not gonna ask you
116
00:07:32,163 --> 00:07:34,522
to incriminate yourself or Alec,
but I do need...
117
00:07:34,523 --> 00:07:37,922
I told you...
I can't help you any more.
118
00:07:37,923 --> 00:07:39,643
'I'm afraid you're gonna have to.'
119
00:07:40,603 --> 00:07:42,922
The Jerebohms are on their guard,
120
00:07:42,923 --> 00:07:45,562
and they're not gonna
incriminate that vile magistrate
121
00:07:45,563 --> 00:07:47,683
unless it's to someone
who's in on it.
122
00:07:50,563 --> 00:07:54,002
Do you really want Pinkie
to get away with this?
123
00:07:54,003 --> 00:07:55,083
I don't.
124
00:08:01,203 --> 00:08:02,922
It's like living with Goebbels.
125
00:08:02,923 --> 00:08:05,402
I just don't see why
on top of doing your pastoral work,
126
00:08:05,403 --> 00:08:07,042
I should do
all the tidying and cleaning.
127
00:08:07,043 --> 00:08:08,522
So, don't do any!
128
00:08:08,523 --> 00:08:11,483
I'll die of dysentery
if one of us doesn't.
129
00:08:12,803 --> 00:08:15,962
But I wouldn't mind that
if you were... pleasant.
130
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:19,162
It's typical of your generation
to be holier than thou.
131
00:08:19,163 --> 00:08:22,243
Oh! Oh, well, at least one of us
is being holy!
132
00:08:30,883 --> 00:08:35,042
I thought that as we now share
some big secrets,
133
00:08:35,043 --> 00:08:37,283
it would be super if we were pals.
134
00:08:39,843 --> 00:08:42,922
Anyway, thanks for helping us
put Pop Larkin away.
135
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:46,683
Mm, well,
I naively assumed he was guilty.
136
00:08:48,163 --> 00:08:53,082
Are you still on a diet, or could
you tackle a slice of mille feuille?
137
00:08:53,083 --> 00:08:56,602
Oh, I'm fine, thank you.
Or some punschkrapfen?
138
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:59,362
It's from the continental patisserie
in Dymchurch.
139
00:08:59,363 --> 00:09:00,723
Oh, no.
140
00:09:02,683 --> 00:09:04,603
MICROPHONE SCREECHES
141
00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:13,282
'Was it your idea
or Mr Jerebohm's,
142
00:09:13,283 --> 00:09:15,202
'how to catch Larkin out?
143
00:09:15,203 --> 00:09:18,362
'Mine.
Mr Jerebohm's really quite dozy.'
144
00:09:18,363 --> 00:09:20,082
THEY LAUGH
145
00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:24,962
But, er, are you sure nobody knows
you've bought off Major Sprague?
146
00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:28,923
Yes, and as long as everyone
keeps quiet, it'll fade away.
147
00:09:30,843 --> 00:09:32,762
And you and your husband are both...
148
00:09:32,763 --> 00:09:35,082
used to this sort of ruse,
obviously. Mm.
149
00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:38,123
STATIC CRACKLES
What's that crackling noise?
150
00:09:42,563 --> 00:09:44,323
Static electricity.
151
00:09:45,643 --> 00:09:49,122
I'm breaking in
some new Bri-Nylon underwear.
152
00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:53,602
So, Major Sprague
is all taken care of?
153
00:09:53,603 --> 00:09:54,842
Oh, can we not talk about him?
154
00:09:54,843 --> 00:09:57,642
He's just a greedy, old buffer
with as much interest in justice
155
00:09:57,643 --> 00:09:59,602
as I have in making jam, thankfully.
156
00:09:59,603 --> 00:10:01,083
THEY LAUGH
157
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:06,122
But did you have to pay
Major Sprague a lot, Mrs Jerebohm?
158
00:10:06,123 --> 00:10:08,402
Cheap at the price, dear.
159
00:10:08,403 --> 00:10:09,883
OBJECT THUMPS
160
00:10:11,883 --> 00:10:12,963
What was that?
161
00:10:14,803 --> 00:10:15,883
What's going on?
162
00:10:17,163 --> 00:10:19,443
Hot water boiler.
163
00:10:20,683 --> 00:10:23,363
Are you sure I can't tempt you
with some punschkrapfen...
164
00:10:24,483 --> 00:10:25,763
..or a bomboloni?
165
00:10:37,923 --> 00:10:39,123
Oh!
166
00:10:40,243 --> 00:10:41,762
Ah, Dean.
167
00:10:41,763 --> 00:10:43,602
Afternoon, Vicar. Busy?
168
00:10:43,603 --> 00:10:48,002
Frantically, hence my need for...
an emergency nap.
169
00:10:48,003 --> 00:10:51,962
Hm, and how is your co-tenancy
with Reverend Candy going?
170
00:10:51,963 --> 00:10:54,162
He's a nightmare.
171
00:10:54,163 --> 00:10:56,402
He has to go. It's either him or me.
172
00:10:56,403 --> 00:11:00,042
Now, I heard he was hard-working
and popular,
173
00:11:00,043 --> 00:11:03,962
whereas you remain lazy,
drink too much, live in squalor
174
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:06,962
and recently conducted a mass
christening in a swimming pool...
175
00:11:06,963 --> 00:11:08,762
Exactly. Does that sound lazy?
176
00:11:08,763 --> 00:11:11,522
..which descended into farce
when geese attacked.
177
00:11:11,523 --> 00:11:13,963
You left out half the service,
and someone nearly drowned.
178
00:11:15,603 --> 00:11:17,923
You could learn a lot
from Reverend Candy.
179
00:11:18,883 --> 00:11:23,042
All right, please yourself.
I withdraw my him-or-me ultimatum.
180
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:24,562
It's too late for that.
181
00:11:24,563 --> 00:11:26,442
We're moving you on to a parish
182
00:11:26,443 --> 00:11:28,922
where you'll rediscover
your sense of purpose.
183
00:11:28,923 --> 00:11:30,962
What? No! Where?
184
00:11:30,963 --> 00:11:35,602
Either St Grimbald's in Millwall
or St Jimmy's in Chatham Docks.
185
00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:39,763
You must be bloody joking.
You'll need to move out in a week.
186
00:12:01,083 --> 00:12:02,842
So, this is the bed.
187
00:12:02,843 --> 00:12:07,202
And then over here, we've got
a really, really cosy sofa.
188
00:12:07,203 --> 00:12:10,962
Oh, and this makes a stylish sink.
It's a bucket.
189
00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:13,922
Straw has been scientifically proven
to be one of the best
190
00:12:13,923 --> 00:12:16,082
bedding and insulation materials,
interestingly.
191
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:20,282
Interestingly?
But we like having you in the house.
192
00:12:20,283 --> 00:12:23,482
There'll be more room when Angela
and... old Mr Pastry leave.
193
00:12:23,483 --> 00:12:25,642
Oh, I know, but we wanted
a place of our own anyway.
194
00:12:25,643 --> 00:12:27,962
Mariette needs her sleep
now the baby's coming,
195
00:12:27,963 --> 00:12:30,522
and she is snoring more now,
which will wake the house.
196
00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:33,322
Apparently it's caused by
the extra fat of the soft tissue
197
00:12:33,323 --> 00:12:35,002
around her neck.
198
00:12:35,003 --> 00:12:37,282
It's in the pregnancy book.
199
00:12:37,283 --> 00:12:40,002
Dad wouldn't want you to leave.
200
00:12:40,003 --> 00:12:42,842
Oh, come on. That's not fair.
201
00:12:42,843 --> 00:12:44,602
We are 50 feet away
from the house!
202
00:12:44,603 --> 00:12:46,802
HORSE WHINNIES
Easy, Biscuit.
203
00:12:46,803 --> 00:12:49,562
Lodger?
No, no. She is not staying.
204
00:12:49,563 --> 00:12:52,082
She used to live here,
so we had to invite her.
205
00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:55,042
Primrose'll be next,
off to shack up with her bloke.
206
00:12:55,043 --> 00:12:56,882
We've only been together
for a few weeks.
207
00:12:56,883 --> 00:12:58,442
You don't "shack up" with a Rev.
208
00:12:58,443 --> 00:13:01,402
That's true.
You have to get married.
209
00:13:01,403 --> 00:13:04,482
You would, though, wouldn't you?
God, yes, I love him so much.
210
00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:06,682
What does "shack up" mean?
I don't know.
211
00:13:06,683 --> 00:13:09,002
We will be sorting
all Larkin couples out
212
00:13:09,003 --> 00:13:11,722
with a proper house
when things get back to normal,
213
00:13:11,723 --> 00:13:12,882
assuming they will.
214
00:13:12,883 --> 00:13:14,723
CAR DOOR CLOSES
215
00:13:16,483 --> 00:13:18,883
Did it work?
The Jerebohms...
216
00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:23,762
..dead in the water!
217
00:13:23,763 --> 00:13:25,202
- Oh!
- Ah, brilliant.
218
00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:27,442
It worked!
He's taped it.
219
00:13:27,443 --> 00:13:29,882
We've been here before,
and it got us nowhere,
220
00:13:29,883 --> 00:13:31,203
so let's just, erm...
221
00:13:32,363 --> 00:13:34,003
Let's just see what happens,
shall we?
222
00:13:35,123 --> 00:13:36,963
HE WHISTLES
223
00:13:44,243 --> 00:13:47,083
# All things bright and beaut... #
224
00:13:48,323 --> 00:13:49,843
..ifully tidy.
225
00:13:56,563 --> 00:13:59,123
Hello, what's going on?
226
00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:01,362
The Dean stopped by.
227
00:14:01,363 --> 00:14:03,523
He says it's you or me.
228
00:14:06,203 --> 00:14:08,603
He wants me to move out
and leave you the parish.
229
00:14:11,043 --> 00:14:12,643
I had no idea.
230
00:14:17,003 --> 00:14:20,162
Castrated and shipped out
like a sacrificial stag.
231
00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:22,522
I promise
I didn't ask the Dean to do this.
232
00:14:22,523 --> 00:14:24,323
But I still have to go.
233
00:14:26,883 --> 00:14:29,283
Unless you do the decent thing
and leave first.
234
00:14:32,323 --> 00:14:34,122
But...
235
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,043
I have reasons to stay here, too.
236
00:14:48,323 --> 00:14:49,883
CHICKENS SQUAWKS
237
00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:53,563
MARIETTE SNORES
238
00:15:22,523 --> 00:15:24,962
Eurgh! Ah! Ah!
239
00:15:24,963 --> 00:15:26,802
Ah! Oh, no!
240
00:15:26,803 --> 00:15:29,803
Ahhh! Ah, what...
Oh, no.
241
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,202
Oh! Ah!
242
00:15:33,203 --> 00:15:35,442
What's going on?
Huh!
243
00:15:35,443 --> 00:15:38,243
Look, there are a few drawbacks
to our new future home.
244
00:15:39,243 --> 00:15:40,322
Well, at least for me.
245
00:15:40,323 --> 00:15:43,162
Yeah,
the bugs are used to us Larkins.
246
00:15:43,163 --> 00:15:45,042
Give them a while.
They'll get bored with you.
247
00:15:45,043 --> 00:15:47,082
Oh, no, I can't wait that long.
248
00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:50,042
I am going to find something
to kill them.
249
00:15:50,043 --> 00:15:51,523
Ah, eurgh!
250
00:15:57,843 --> 00:15:59,003
Ow!
251
00:16:01,523 --> 00:16:02,642
What the devil is this?
252
00:16:02,643 --> 00:16:05,202
You'll remember me
from previous visits
253
00:16:05,203 --> 00:16:07,323
regarding Mr Sidney Larkin and...
254
00:16:08,603 --> 00:16:10,202
Are you all right, Sir John?
255
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,883
Yes, fine. Thank you.
256
00:16:13,123 --> 00:16:14,682
Can I have a policeman in here,
please?
257
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,402
Good idea. He can listen in
to this as evidence.
258
00:16:17,403 --> 00:16:20,402
You'll remember the story so far.
259
00:16:20,403 --> 00:16:22,482
You turned down our request
260
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,282
to overturn
Mr Larkin's outrageous sentence.
261
00:16:25,283 --> 00:16:30,442
And dismissed as inadmissible
a good quantity of solid argument.
262
00:16:30,443 --> 00:16:34,602
You will not do the same today
with our new ad hominem evidence.
263
00:16:34,603 --> 00:16:36,002
SIR JOHN CHUCKLES
264
00:16:36,003 --> 00:16:41,402
This is Sir John Snow QC, so
he deals personally with the Queen.
265
00:16:41,403 --> 00:16:42,443
Hm?
266
00:16:45,843 --> 00:16:48,322
'He's just a greedy,
old buffer with as much interest
267
00:16:48,323 --> 00:16:50,963
'in justice as I have in making jam,
thankfully.'
268
00:16:52,643 --> 00:16:53,842
'But did you have
269
00:16:53,843 --> 00:16:57,002
'to pay Major Sprague a lot,
Mrs Jerebohm?
270
00:16:57,003 --> 00:16:58,482
'Cheap at the price, dear.'
271
00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,002
You can go.
272
00:17:00,003 --> 00:17:01,123
GO!
273
00:17:02,283 --> 00:17:05,402
All right. Stop the tape.
274
00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:10,122
So, the only question now is do we
drag you through the courts?
275
00:17:10,123 --> 00:17:12,122
Or do you resign immediately
276
00:17:12,123 --> 00:17:15,163
and release Mr Larkin
with a full pardon?
277
00:17:18,403 --> 00:17:20,522
Ha-ha-ha.
SIR JOHN LAUGHS
278
00:17:20,523 --> 00:17:24,123
Do you really think we'd bring
the only tape without making a copy?
279
00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:38,043
I need you to telephone whoever will
get my husband out of prison NOW!
280
00:17:39,203 --> 00:17:41,722
Did we have a copy?
What do you think, Daddy?
281
00:17:41,723 --> 00:17:43,083
Oh, we had one!
282
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:58,723
Oh!
283
00:18:01,643 --> 00:18:02,762
Thanks, Charley.
284
00:18:02,763 --> 00:18:04,842
Yes, well,
I think we are winning the battle
285
00:18:04,843 --> 00:18:07,283
to create an environment
safe for a pregnant woman and me.
286
00:18:10,083 --> 00:18:11,403
Mainly me.
287
00:18:12,483 --> 00:18:17,362
Has it lost a bit of its charm?
Um... Yes, it has.
288
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:19,363
Sorry.
289
00:18:21,083 --> 00:18:23,162
CHICKEN SQUAWKS
290
00:18:23,163 --> 00:18:25,682
HE LAUGHS
291
00:18:25,683 --> 00:18:27,922
There.
It's not that. It's Dad.
292
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:30,042
Yeah, I know.
293
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:33,402
I'm worried. If he doesn't get out,
this'll change him.
294
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,723
Destroy his happy essence.
295
00:18:37,923 --> 00:18:39,803
It's Ma.
She wanted to talk to you first.
296
00:18:41,243 --> 00:18:42,603
Ma?
297
00:18:46,163 --> 00:18:47,243
Thank you.
298
00:18:48,203 --> 00:18:49,722
Pop's coming home.
299
00:18:49,723 --> 00:18:51,722
What?
He's coming home!
300
00:18:51,723 --> 00:18:54,642
What?
Oh, my God! Oh, my...
301
00:18:54,643 --> 00:18:58,162
Guys, three cheers for
the British justice system!
302
00:18:58,163 --> 00:18:59,523
Come on.
SHE CHUCKLES
303
00:19:02,363 --> 00:19:03,762
He's free? He's free!
304
00:19:03,763 --> 00:19:06,362
Yes!
Aww.
305
00:19:06,363 --> 00:19:08,482
I told you
we were close to the house.
306
00:19:08,483 --> 00:19:11,362
The telephone wire even
reaches out here!
307
00:19:11,363 --> 00:19:13,082
What?
308
00:19:13,083 --> 00:19:16,442
I'm going to celebrate with pickles.
Great news, Monty
309
00:19:16,443 --> 00:19:18,642
DOOR CLANGS
310
00:19:18,643 --> 00:19:19,682
Here he is!
311
00:19:19,683 --> 00:19:21,802
THEY CHEER
AND APPLAUD
312
00:19:21,803 --> 00:19:24,042
Well, I love you, too.
313
00:19:24,043 --> 00:19:26,762
I've learnt so much in here.
It's been magical.
314
00:19:26,763 --> 00:19:28,802
THEY LAUGH
315
00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:30,922
See you soon, Pop.
Not in 'ere you won't.
316
00:19:30,923 --> 00:19:32,602
Bless you. I feel like the Pope.
317
00:19:32,603 --> 00:19:34,842
Mike, I've sealed up your tunnel.
Hope you don't mind.
318
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:37,082
Dave, good lad,
make sure this your last stretch.
319
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:38,402
Promise me, yeah?
320
00:19:38,403 --> 00:19:40,722
Keith,
if you're ever in Littlechurch,
321
00:19:40,723 --> 00:19:42,322
don't nick my car, all right?
322
00:19:42,323 --> 00:19:44,842
THEY LAUGH
Good lad. See you, boys.
323
00:19:44,843 --> 00:19:45,922
THEY CHEER
AND APPLAUD
324
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,323
All the best, Pop.
325
00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:54,082
Thank you, Billy.
Be good, Pop.
326
00:19:54,083 --> 00:19:55,203
Hello, Ma.
327
00:20:00,603 --> 00:20:02,763
THEY SIGH
328
00:20:07,043 --> 00:20:10,683
So, that's over.
Yeah. Come on.
329
00:20:14,043 --> 00:20:16,203
You know what, Pop?
What's that, gorgeous?
330
00:20:17,443 --> 00:20:19,282
I don't think
I've ever been happier.
331
00:20:19,283 --> 00:20:21,802
Ah, me neither.
332
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:24,203
You got me out, though, Ma.
Nobody else could've.
333
00:20:35,803 --> 00:20:37,282
So, what do you wanna do first,
love?
334
00:20:37,283 --> 00:20:39,443
We could go round the Jerebohms,
give them what for.
335
00:20:40,563 --> 00:20:44,082
No, let's save them
for tomorrow.
336
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:45,402
HE CHUCKLES
337
00:20:45,403 --> 00:20:48,242
Or we could go up to the Downs.
338
00:20:48,243 --> 00:20:51,242
Have a quiet moment before
you get home and the party starts.
339
00:20:51,243 --> 00:20:53,163
Yeah, let's do that.
340
00:20:55,243 --> 00:20:56,483
So...
341
00:20:58,643 --> 00:21:01,363
What was it like in there, really?
342
00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:05,923
The nights were very long
without you, Ma. Endless.
343
00:21:08,603 --> 00:21:10,162
You're so special.
344
00:21:10,163 --> 00:21:11,723
We all are.
345
00:21:13,003 --> 00:21:14,283
It's a beautiful world.
346
00:21:21,843 --> 00:21:23,082
BELL CHIMES
347
00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:26,883
Ah, I love that sound. Read it out.
348
00:21:30,283 --> 00:21:33,002
"Report by our special legal
correspondent Tulip McFarbley."
349
00:21:33,003 --> 00:21:34,362
Ah, like it.
350
00:21:34,363 --> 00:21:36,082
"Mr Sidney Larkin of Littlechurch
351
00:21:36,083 --> 00:21:38,362
"was released from Fordington Prison
today on appeal
352
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:39,842
"and cleared of all wrongdoing."
353
00:21:39,843 --> 00:21:41,123
Er, "any wrongdoing".
354
00:21:42,043 --> 00:21:43,643
Shut up, it's fine.
355
00:21:47,123 --> 00:21:49,122
"Chief Magistrate
Major Bertram Sprague..."
356
00:21:49,123 --> 00:21:51,082
Satan!
String him up!
357
00:21:51,083 --> 00:21:52,802
"..said new evidence
has come to light
358
00:21:52,803 --> 00:21:54,602
"revealing a grave miscarriage
of justice,
359
00:21:54,603 --> 00:21:56,162
"so we are pleased
to release Mr Larkin
360
00:21:56,163 --> 00:21:57,843
"with our sincere apologies."
361
00:21:59,363 --> 00:22:01,242
There's more.
No, I trust you.
362
00:22:01,243 --> 00:22:03,442
I've started a long piece
about abuses and weaknesses
363
00:22:03,443 --> 00:22:05,642
in the magistrature
with particular reference to...
364
00:22:05,643 --> 00:22:09,922
One day, just relax now, Primrose,
all right?
365
00:22:09,923 --> 00:22:10,962
Have some silly time.
366
00:22:10,963 --> 00:22:14,003
Review some terrible am-dram.
Write about hedgerows.
367
00:22:15,363 --> 00:22:16,723
Who's this who keeps appearing?
368
00:22:19,443 --> 00:22:21,323
That's such good news!
369
00:22:23,123 --> 00:22:24,642
Outside!
370
00:22:24,643 --> 00:22:26,323
Revolting display.
371
00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:31,963
Look, I'm sorry to be so dismal
on your happy day, but...
372
00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:37,082
I feel I need to do
the decent thing, as the Vicar says,
373
00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:40,562
and leave him to his church.
Right.
374
00:22:40,563 --> 00:22:42,803
Except I can't bear
to leave the village...
375
00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:45,162
..and leave you.
376
00:22:45,163 --> 00:22:47,562
I can't bear it either.
377
00:22:47,563 --> 00:22:50,242
But, I-I mean...
I mean, I understand if...
378
00:22:50,243 --> 00:22:51,642
if you feel you must move on
379
00:22:51,643 --> 00:22:53,683
and bring joy to another community.
380
00:22:55,003 --> 00:22:56,443
Good. Then, erm...
381
00:22:57,763 --> 00:22:59,243
I'll draft my resignation letter.
382
00:23:03,443 --> 00:23:05,762
Well, obviously, I don't mean it!
Of course you must stay.
383
00:23:05,763 --> 00:23:07,642
Thank God you said that.
He's a terrible vicar.
384
00:23:07,643 --> 00:23:09,642
He is, isn't he?
And you're really good.
385
00:23:09,643 --> 00:23:10,722
I am really, aren't I?
386
00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:11,763
THEY LAUGH
387
00:23:17,883 --> 00:23:21,482
I hate villages!
They're just underachieving towns.
388
00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:23,282
GLASS SMASHES
389
00:23:23,283 --> 00:23:24,723
HE LAUGHS
390
00:23:26,043 --> 00:23:28,402
But you had to have the big house
in the country, didn't you?
391
00:23:28,403 --> 00:23:31,002
And now you've blown our secrets
all over the place.
392
00:23:31,003 --> 00:23:33,162
All right.
I may have talked to Norma Norman,
393
00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:34,642
and the evil witch recorded it.
394
00:23:34,643 --> 00:23:36,642
What's wrong
with the people down here?
395
00:23:36,643 --> 00:23:38,163
Can't they see we're special?!
396
00:23:39,643 --> 00:23:41,842
Stop looking at me like that,
you eerie children!
397
00:23:41,843 --> 00:23:44,122
Well, those Larkins
are gonna come after us,
398
00:23:44,123 --> 00:23:45,483
and they'll want our blood.
399
00:23:46,523 --> 00:23:48,882
Then I suggest you have a plan ready
for dealing with them.
400
00:23:48,883 --> 00:23:50,162
HE SCOFFS
401
00:23:50,163 --> 00:23:52,203
Not your usual "let's hide".
402
00:24:03,523 --> 00:24:05,282
Do you know anything
about this calamity?
403
00:24:05,283 --> 00:24:06,602
Because it sounds like you do.
404
00:24:06,603 --> 00:24:08,282
I'll answer that, Alec,
405
00:24:08,283 --> 00:24:11,762
when you take that peevish tone
out of your voice.
406
00:24:11,763 --> 00:24:15,162
Well, maybe it's peevish, perhaps
with a touch of incandescence
407
00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:17,962
because we're up to our necks
in ordure, Norma.
408
00:24:17,963 --> 00:24:22,242
Don't say ordure so close
to my face, please, Alec.
409
00:24:22,243 --> 00:24:25,002
Poor Pinkie rang me in the office
in a right state.
410
00:24:25,003 --> 00:24:27,042
Poor Pinkie?
411
00:24:27,043 --> 00:24:30,722
She's a saint, frankly,
to put up with that husband of hers.
412
00:24:30,723 --> 00:24:32,803
She's worth ten times him
on the open market.
413
00:24:35,923 --> 00:24:36,963
Yes?
414
00:24:41,683 --> 00:24:42,722
Oh, here they are.
415
00:24:42,723 --> 00:24:45,442
Kent's finest and his moll.
All right, trouble?
416
00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:47,322
You can talk. Welcome back, Pop!
417
00:24:47,323 --> 00:24:51,162
Thank you. And I hear you had
your privileges withdrawn, son?
418
00:24:51,163 --> 00:24:53,762
Yes, but they've recently
been restored.
419
00:24:53,763 --> 00:24:54,882
I can see that.
420
00:24:54,883 --> 00:24:57,802
Yeah, you've got grass stains
on your elbows there, Casanova.
421
00:24:57,803 --> 00:25:01,163
THEY LAUGH
422
00:25:03,483 --> 00:25:07,602
Mister Larkin, I apologise
for doubting you.
423
00:25:07,603 --> 00:25:11,202
My, er, sister doggedly assumes
the worst in people.
424
00:25:11,203 --> 00:25:13,843
And I'm rarely disappointed.
Take the Jerebohms.
425
00:25:14,883 --> 00:25:17,722
I assume there'll be
some retribution.
426
00:25:17,723 --> 00:25:20,402
We're all desperate to see them
thrown into chokey,
427
00:25:20,403 --> 00:25:23,202
or maybe dragged along
behind a plough?
428
00:25:23,203 --> 00:25:25,723
Oh, I'm sure
we'll think of something.
429
00:25:28,723 --> 00:25:30,962
Primrose,
where's your dreamy Reverend?
430
00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:33,322
The whole village is talking
about your liaison,
431
00:25:33,323 --> 00:25:34,842
but not in a bitchy way.
432
00:25:34,843 --> 00:25:36,922
He has urgent business
with the Vicar, I'm afraid.
433
00:25:36,923 --> 00:25:39,562
Ah, yes, that's been fermenting.
434
00:25:39,563 --> 00:25:42,242
One doesn't want to kick a work-shy
old parson when he's down.
435
00:25:42,243 --> 00:25:44,322
No. Glass of wine?
436
00:25:44,323 --> 00:25:47,683
No, thank you, it'll only end
with me in a wheelbarrow.
437
00:25:51,123 --> 00:25:52,762
Mariette.
438
00:25:52,763 --> 00:25:53,882
Pauline.
439
00:25:53,883 --> 00:25:56,642
Oh, did you hear, Pauline?
Mariette's having a baby!
440
00:25:56,643 --> 00:25:59,602
I did hear. Any idea who's it is?
441
00:25:59,603 --> 00:26:01,482
Yeah, it's your boyfriend's.
442
00:26:01,483 --> 00:26:03,322
I'm just going to...
443
00:26:03,323 --> 00:26:04,722
Er, look, geese!
444
00:26:04,723 --> 00:26:08,042
I was the man of the house
while you were away, Pop. He was.
445
00:26:08,043 --> 00:26:09,082
That's my boy.
446
00:26:09,083 --> 00:26:11,482
It was quite tiring.
You can be it again now.
447
00:26:11,483 --> 00:26:13,282
Cheers.
448
00:26:13,283 --> 00:26:17,282
Look at you all,
I don't deserve you.
449
00:26:17,283 --> 00:26:20,442
But I've been away
for a few weeks now,
450
00:26:20,443 --> 00:26:22,803
it's time for me and Ma
to go to bed.
451
00:26:32,683 --> 00:26:35,922
I'm not trying to replace you!
It's the Dean's decision.
452
00:26:35,923 --> 00:26:37,802
Well, I'm tired of arguing the toss,
453
00:26:37,803 --> 00:26:40,362
so I'm just gonna
throw you out of the house
454
00:26:40,363 --> 00:26:42,522
I've happily occupied since 1928!
455
00:26:42,523 --> 00:26:45,362
Don't!
I was reaching for my jacket.
456
00:26:45,363 --> 00:26:47,163
Go on, get out.
457
00:26:48,603 --> 00:26:51,282
Where am I supposed to sleep?
I'm sure you'll have offers.
458
00:26:51,283 --> 00:26:54,362
What are you planning to do?
Barricade yourself in?
459
00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:58,002
That's exactly what I'm planning
to draw attention to my plight.
460
00:26:58,003 --> 00:27:01,482
Vicar, this is brainless. And how
long are you gonna keep this up?
461
00:27:01,483 --> 00:27:06,162
Until I've shown the Dean I won't be
shunted off like some evacuee.
462
00:27:06,163 --> 00:27:07,563
I do have my dignity.
463
00:27:10,123 --> 00:27:13,602
Could you ask one of my faithful
to bring me food? Nothing fancy.
464
00:27:13,603 --> 00:27:16,162
But hot, you know, no rubbish.
465
00:27:16,163 --> 00:27:18,522
You're not serious.
I am, Alec.
466
00:27:18,523 --> 00:27:19,922
Pfft!
467
00:27:19,923 --> 00:27:22,603
Give me one good reason
why I should stay in this marriage.
468
00:27:24,803 --> 00:27:26,322
Have you forgotten the question?
469
00:27:26,323 --> 00:27:29,682
I'm thinking!
I don't know, it's habit-forming.
470
00:27:29,683 --> 00:27:32,002
We didn't have to pay
the single supplement on our cruise.
471
00:27:32,003 --> 00:27:34,602
Where am I supposed to sleep?
472
00:27:34,603 --> 00:27:36,442
The spare room!
473
00:27:36,443 --> 00:27:39,682
It's full of your hobbies.
Needles, hallucinogenic glue.
474
00:27:39,683 --> 00:27:41,163
It's a death trap, Norma!
475
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:45,802
Is this all because
I helped convict an innocent man
476
00:27:45,803 --> 00:27:47,483
whom we don't even like?
477
00:27:50,963 --> 00:27:52,042
SNIFFS
478
00:27:52,043 --> 00:27:53,642
Oh, dear.
479
00:27:53,643 --> 00:27:57,123
I find this room very upsetting.
It's full of raffia!
480
00:27:59,603 --> 00:28:00,923
Oh!
Oh!
481
00:28:03,043 --> 00:28:05,562
That cleared away some fluff.
482
00:28:05,563 --> 00:28:07,203
We truly banged the gong there,
girl.
483
00:28:11,163 --> 00:28:15,123
The only revenge I want, Ma,
is to get that lot out of next door.
484
00:28:17,403 --> 00:28:20,122
And as far away as possible.
Yeah.
485
00:28:20,123 --> 00:28:21,482
KNOCK ON DOOR
486
00:28:21,483 --> 00:28:24,202
Oh, was that the front door?
Yeah.
487
00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:26,042
We probably better go
and check on the kids.
488
00:28:26,043 --> 00:28:29,042
Don't you dare get out of this bed!
489
00:28:29,043 --> 00:28:30,362
Huh?
490
00:28:30,363 --> 00:28:31,882
Bet you never heard that in prison.
491
00:28:31,883 --> 00:28:33,642
You'd be surprised, Ma.
492
00:28:33,643 --> 00:28:35,323
THEY LAUGH
493
00:28:41,523 --> 00:28:46,402
And he's barricaded all the doors
and windows. It's ridiculous.
494
00:28:46,403 --> 00:28:47,762
Poor you.
Thanks.
495
00:28:47,763 --> 00:28:50,482
I tried the inn but it's full,
and if I'm honest,
496
00:28:50,483 --> 00:28:52,802
I didn't feel safe with Mrs Babcock,
who offered herself,
497
00:28:52,803 --> 00:28:56,442
so I wondered if you had a spare
barn or something I could sleep in?
498
00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:58,802
We do. But you'd be in
with Mariette and Charley.
499
00:28:58,803 --> 00:29:00,802
Ah. Well, they're very nice, but...
500
00:29:00,803 --> 00:29:03,162
Yes! We think you and Charley
would make great mates.
501
00:29:03,163 --> 00:29:05,562
You could maybe
go for a beer together.
502
00:29:05,563 --> 00:29:07,042
Stay in the house.
Pick a room!
503
00:29:07,043 --> 00:29:08,842
OK. Go! Go to bed.
Come in for prayers!
504
00:29:08,843 --> 00:29:09,923
Shut it!
505
00:29:14,403 --> 00:29:16,282
In fact, the house
is comparatively empty.
506
00:29:16,283 --> 00:29:18,362
Monty's been released from
being man of the house
507
00:29:18,363 --> 00:29:19,882
so he's at his mate Shortie's,
508
00:29:19,883 --> 00:29:22,322
and Mariette and Charley
are in the barn, so, you know...
509
00:29:22,323 --> 00:29:25,203
My room's got my name on the door.
Obviously, I'll sleep alone!
510
00:29:28,243 --> 00:29:30,642
Mug of cocoa and we sit
and put the world to rights
511
00:29:30,643 --> 00:29:33,362
in between staring
into each other's eyes?
512
00:29:33,363 --> 00:29:34,963
Just what I was gonna suggest.
513
00:29:49,163 --> 00:29:51,323
Vicar?
514
00:29:54,403 --> 00:29:56,243
Erm, Vicar?
515
00:30:01,403 --> 00:30:04,042
I've brought you some breakfast!
Have you come alone?
516
00:30:04,043 --> 00:30:06,602
Yes. I'm afraid I couldn't find
any other, um,
517
00:30:06,603 --> 00:30:08,323
faithful who wanted to cook for you.
518
00:30:17,603 --> 00:30:21,282
Hello. I feel rather sad.
Oh.
519
00:30:21,283 --> 00:30:24,242
It's not like you to be sad.
Angry, yes.
520
00:30:24,243 --> 00:30:27,242
Bitter, abusive even,
but rarely sad.
521
00:30:27,243 --> 00:30:29,482
If this is you trying
to cheer me up, try harder.
522
00:30:29,483 --> 00:30:32,722
Don't be sad. Pop Larkin is out!
523
00:30:32,723 --> 00:30:35,042
Why are you telling me
about happy people?
524
00:30:35,043 --> 00:30:37,442
Anyway, here's breakfast.
525
00:30:37,443 --> 00:30:39,922
I'm sorry you seem
to be losing the vicarage,
526
00:30:39,923 --> 00:30:42,403
but everything looks better
after bacon.
527
00:30:43,483 --> 00:30:46,322
I honestly don't think anybody's
gonna storm the building.
528
00:30:46,323 --> 00:30:48,443
I'm not risking it.
529
00:30:56,563 --> 00:30:58,642
ALEC CLEARS THROAT
530
00:30:58,643 --> 00:31:01,722
I had time to think about our union
last night in the spare bedroom,
531
00:31:01,723 --> 00:31:04,402
slightly delirious
from the glue fumes.
532
00:31:04,403 --> 00:31:09,162
And I want to fight for
our marriage, Norma, like a...
533
00:31:09,163 --> 00:31:11,282
terrier.
534
00:31:11,283 --> 00:31:13,442
Pop and Ma Larkin are aggravating,
535
00:31:13,443 --> 00:31:16,002
and not even married
now I think about it,
536
00:31:16,003 --> 00:31:20,243
but I can see that they appear
loving and generous to each other.
537
00:31:21,403 --> 00:31:23,722
So I slipped out
of the house early,
538
00:31:23,723 --> 00:31:26,522
still fighting the effects of
heavy-duty solvent but that's fine.
539
00:31:26,523 --> 00:31:27,803
And I bought you this.
540
00:31:31,043 --> 00:31:33,283
At no little expense.
541
00:31:42,163 --> 00:31:44,282
A vacu-um cleaner.
542
00:31:44,283 --> 00:31:46,642
You're under-selling it, Norma.
543
00:31:46,643 --> 00:31:49,963
I'm assured
it will transform your life.
544
00:31:55,123 --> 00:31:59,602
I'm going to give you three minutes
to collect a bag of possessions
545
00:31:59,603 --> 00:32:01,563
and leave.
546
00:32:19,883 --> 00:32:23,042
All right there, Berndt?
Guten tag, wienerschnitzel.
547
00:32:23,043 --> 00:32:25,882
Feel free to yodel,
and thanks for all your help.
548
00:32:25,883 --> 00:32:28,002
No, thank you, Mister Larkin.
549
00:32:28,003 --> 00:32:30,242
Your employers off
on their holibobs?
550
00:32:30,243 --> 00:32:32,002
Somewhere they can't
be found in a hurry?
551
00:32:32,003 --> 00:32:33,163
That is the plan.
552
00:32:36,363 --> 00:32:38,083
That was the plan.
553
00:32:42,083 --> 00:32:43,122
Oh.
554
00:32:43,123 --> 00:32:44,483
Anything to add to that, Pinkie?
555
00:32:46,883 --> 00:32:48,522
Um...
556
00:32:48,523 --> 00:32:52,442
Oh, usually so fluent, words come
tumbling out. Lie built on lie.
557
00:32:52,443 --> 00:32:54,762
Can I just say...
558
00:32:54,763 --> 00:32:57,082
No, you'll need more than words.
559
00:32:57,083 --> 00:32:58,642
But kick off with them
560
00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:00,802
and just give me and Berndt here
a big empty laugh.
561
00:33:00,803 --> 00:33:02,802
My husband and I were...
562
00:33:02,803 --> 00:33:05,762
annoyed to feel you overcharged us
for the house,
563
00:33:05,763 --> 00:33:10,162
and our attempt to teach you
a lesson got wildly out of hand.
564
00:33:10,163 --> 00:33:11,323
So, a huge sorry.
565
00:33:12,603 --> 00:33:14,723
I swear on my children's lives,
I'm a kind person.
566
00:33:20,523 --> 00:33:24,402
Well, onto me. I made the best
of my few weeks in jail.
567
00:33:24,403 --> 00:33:25,842
Oh, that's nice.
568
00:33:25,843 --> 00:33:29,602
I met some decent blokes and, guilty
though they were of various crimes,
569
00:33:29,603 --> 00:33:33,203
you and your husband are not worthy
to lick their prison boots.
570
00:33:34,603 --> 00:33:36,682
Cuthbert! Cuthbert!
571
00:33:36,683 --> 00:33:41,362
You see, it brought shame and worry
on to my family.
572
00:33:41,363 --> 00:33:43,122
So you can tell
your husband from me,
573
00:33:43,123 --> 00:33:44,962
when he's finished
hiding behind the settee,
574
00:33:44,963 --> 00:33:48,923
that me and Ma haven't decided how
we are going to right this wrong.
575
00:33:50,043 --> 00:33:52,002
But you can forget about
going on holiday.
576
00:33:52,003 --> 00:33:53,482
Berndt, would you open up
577
00:33:53,483 --> 00:33:55,322
that big case of Pinkie's
for a moment, for me.
578
00:33:55,323 --> 00:33:56,403
Yeah.
579
00:34:00,323 --> 00:34:04,242
Thank you. Funny you should be
called Berndt.
580
00:34:04,243 --> 00:34:07,523
Also, folks round 'ere wanted us
to get the law involved.
581
00:34:08,603 --> 00:34:12,922
Have you done for fraud, perjury
and bribing a magistrate,
582
00:34:12,923 --> 00:34:15,122
which could... Oh, hello.
583
00:34:15,123 --> 00:34:16,683
CUTHBERT GROANS
584
00:34:18,083 --> 00:34:21,323
..which could get you both locked up
for a year or two.
585
00:34:24,603 --> 00:34:26,602
Don't you dare, you scumbag.
586
00:34:26,603 --> 00:34:29,243
Also, I don't judge
but I know that you do.
587
00:34:30,843 --> 00:34:32,682
I can tell the whole world
588
00:34:32,683 --> 00:34:37,842
about your time in the exotic Essex
dance troupe Folies They're Bare.
589
00:34:37,843 --> 00:34:40,642
Actually, it was very beautiful
and you had to be in the front rows
590
00:34:40,643 --> 00:34:42,202
to see anything
through the feathers.
591
00:34:42,203 --> 00:34:45,043
So, Ma and me will have a think
about how to proceed.
592
00:34:46,643 --> 00:34:47,842
PINKIE GASPS
593
00:34:47,843 --> 00:34:49,363
Bid you a good day.
594
00:34:51,123 --> 00:34:53,722
My pink things! My pink things!
595
00:34:53,723 --> 00:34:55,642
I'll pee on it!
Look out!
596
00:34:55,643 --> 00:34:56,922
Throw your body on it!
597
00:34:56,923 --> 00:34:58,002
SHE SCREAMS
598
00:34:58,003 --> 00:35:00,603
And there goes the Chanel.
599
00:35:16,563 --> 00:35:17,843
Vicar?
600
00:35:22,243 --> 00:35:24,043
Vicar, we need to talk about this!
601
00:35:25,763 --> 00:35:27,883
I don't trust you.
602
00:35:30,523 --> 00:35:33,963
I can't do this.
It's not fair or Christian.
603
00:35:35,083 --> 00:35:36,642
I'll have to tell the Dean
I'll move on.
604
00:35:36,643 --> 00:35:39,123
No. I can't bear to lose you.
605
00:35:40,363 --> 00:35:41,883
Vicar!
606
00:35:44,283 --> 00:35:46,082
If Reverend Candy tells the Dean
607
00:35:46,083 --> 00:35:48,682
that you're not as useless
as everyone thinks
608
00:35:48,683 --> 00:35:51,562
and he'd love to work with you,
and the Dean agrees,
609
00:35:51,563 --> 00:35:52,963
might that be acceptable?
610
00:36:00,443 --> 00:36:03,563
Oh! Bloody chain.
611
00:36:12,763 --> 00:36:14,243
Thank you.
612
00:36:18,443 --> 00:36:20,682
Good.
Yes, good.
613
00:36:20,683 --> 00:36:23,882
Thank you, Miss Larkin.
614
00:36:23,883 --> 00:36:26,082
Onward.
615
00:36:26,083 --> 00:36:28,683
Excellent.
Well done.
616
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:33,362
I'll make some tea.
617
00:36:33,363 --> 00:36:34,442
Lovely.
618
00:36:34,443 --> 00:36:37,163
Actually, would you?
I need a pee and a shave.
619
00:36:41,363 --> 00:36:44,642
They're happier now you're back,
look.
620
00:36:44,643 --> 00:36:47,882
I know, very family-minded,
the geese, aren't they?
621
00:36:47,883 --> 00:36:49,922
'Ey-up, here comes Bonnie and Clyde.
622
00:36:49,923 --> 00:36:52,362
Good morning, Mr and Mrs Larkin.
623
00:36:52,363 --> 00:36:53,842
Uh-huh.
624
00:36:53,843 --> 00:36:58,082
Erm, we won't try to excuse
our recent behaviour,
625
00:36:58,083 --> 00:37:03,642
but I would love you to think of us
as wayward neighbours, who, er...
626
00:37:03,643 --> 00:37:05,202
who are desperate to make amends!
627
00:37:05,203 --> 00:37:07,682
We'd rather not think of you
as neighbours at all.
628
00:37:07,683 --> 00:37:09,082
THEY LAUGH
629
00:37:09,083 --> 00:37:12,042
That's very good.
Yes, super, very wry.
630
00:37:12,043 --> 00:37:13,202
We mean it.
631
00:37:13,203 --> 00:37:14,962
Oh...
632
00:37:14,963 --> 00:37:16,362
And not just for ourselves.
633
00:37:16,363 --> 00:37:18,362
You don't bring much to the village,
do you?
634
00:37:18,363 --> 00:37:20,962
Do we bring anything
to the village?
635
00:37:20,963 --> 00:37:23,402
A certain style and confidence?
636
00:37:23,403 --> 00:37:26,522
But in terms of your comment
with regard to us
637
00:37:26,523 --> 00:37:28,842
and a potential legal route...
638
00:37:28,843 --> 00:37:32,962
We've had a think and instead,
we'd like to get you a present!
639
00:37:32,963 --> 00:37:36,482
And as you like pigs,
we thought we'd buy you a pig?
640
00:37:36,483 --> 00:37:39,602
The very best kind of pig there is?
641
00:37:39,603 --> 00:37:44,762
No. What you're gonna do,
is in exchange for us keeping quiet
642
00:37:44,763 --> 00:37:48,362
about your wrongdoings, you're gonna
sell us back your house.
643
00:37:48,363 --> 00:37:51,842
For what we paid for it.
Seven grand.
644
00:37:51,843 --> 00:37:54,522
But we paid you £17,000.
645
00:37:54,523 --> 00:37:56,442
You did, well remembered.
646
00:37:56,443 --> 00:37:58,602
And several thousand more
to make it swanky.
647
00:37:58,603 --> 00:38:00,962
Well, if it makes it
any easier for you,
648
00:38:00,963 --> 00:38:05,162
we'll be using up our profit,
your money, on the village,
649
00:38:05,163 --> 00:38:07,642
cos you just came and sneered
at life down here
650
00:38:07,643 --> 00:38:09,242
and didn't contribute nothing.
651
00:38:09,243 --> 00:38:12,562
So, we've got the cash,
and you've got 24 hours
652
00:38:12,563 --> 00:38:13,762
to sort out your legals,
653
00:38:13,763 --> 00:38:16,043
pack up the house
and never ever come back.
654
00:38:17,883 --> 00:38:20,363
Or we could get you bundled off
in to a police van.
655
00:38:24,643 --> 00:38:25,883
GROANS
656
00:38:26,923 --> 00:38:28,323
Thank you.
657
00:38:32,723 --> 00:38:34,243
KNOCK ON DOOR
658
00:38:35,443 --> 00:38:36,843
CAT PURRS
659
00:38:38,723 --> 00:38:41,082
All right! You've got a key.
660
00:38:41,083 --> 00:38:42,203
DOOR OPENS
661
00:38:48,563 --> 00:38:50,283
I've been walking around for...
662
00:38:51,563 --> 00:38:53,163
Well, since you threw me out.
663
00:38:54,523 --> 00:38:57,002
Where did you spend the night?
On a bench.
664
00:38:57,003 --> 00:38:58,363
Why didn't you stay in a hotel?
665
00:38:59,443 --> 00:39:03,602
Partly meanness.
That's just never going to go away.
666
00:39:03,603 --> 00:39:05,762
And I felt I needed to show
contrition somehow.
667
00:39:05,763 --> 00:39:07,443
You've bought a kitten!
668
00:39:08,763 --> 00:39:10,163
Yes.
669
00:39:14,803 --> 00:39:17,923
Good. It's nice.
670
00:39:21,683 --> 00:39:23,763
Let's start again, Norma.
671
00:39:25,723 --> 00:39:31,242
It's the cheese we shared on our
magical first date, Saint Nectaire.
672
00:39:31,243 --> 00:39:33,722
I hoped it might mean
more than a ring,
673
00:39:33,723 --> 00:39:36,203
as well as being cheaper.
I've got the rest in my pocket.
674
00:39:38,523 --> 00:39:41,243
All right, let's try again.
675
00:39:42,763 --> 00:39:44,123
But there'll need to be changes.
676
00:39:45,843 --> 00:39:48,043
I need to wear the trousers
more now.
677
00:39:50,803 --> 00:39:54,722
There's a wind of change blowing
through modern marriage, Alec,
678
00:39:54,723 --> 00:39:59,323
and I'm contributing to that wind
through these trousers.
679
00:40:01,283 --> 00:40:04,082
I've never seen you
in slacks before.
680
00:40:04,083 --> 00:40:06,602
No, and that's rather my point.
681
00:40:06,603 --> 00:40:07,842
It's quite an eye-opener.
682
00:40:07,843 --> 00:40:13,563
Also my point.
Right, well, it's late...
683
00:40:14,763 --> 00:40:16,602
..and I'm prepared to take you back.
684
00:40:16,603 --> 00:40:18,403
Thank you.
685
00:40:28,763 --> 00:40:30,442
Drive! Drive!
686
00:40:30,443 --> 00:40:32,723
I'm driving!
Well, drive faster!
687
00:40:37,923 --> 00:40:41,202
Not a bad gaff, it has to be said.
It's not, is it, now it's done up?
688
00:40:41,203 --> 00:40:45,322
One forgets how socially mobile
one can be these days.
689
00:40:45,323 --> 00:40:48,242
Especially as a couple days ago,
I was in an eight by ten cell.
690
00:40:48,243 --> 00:40:49,962
Don't let it go to your head.
691
00:40:49,963 --> 00:40:51,803
Far from it, Ma. Common and proud!
692
00:40:53,003 --> 00:40:56,682
I'll admit proud, might even accept
vulgar, but we're not common.
693
00:40:56,683 --> 00:40:58,042
I think we know what we're gonna do
694
00:40:58,043 --> 00:40:59,762
with at least part of this place,
don't we?
695
00:40:59,763 --> 00:41:01,402
Yeah.
Golf course and a wine bar!
696
00:41:01,403 --> 00:41:03,003
Croquet lawn!
697
00:41:04,043 --> 00:41:05,323
POP CHUCKLES
698
00:41:06,523 --> 00:41:10,283
Nah, it's nice and all
but it's not really us, is it? No.
699
00:41:11,883 --> 00:41:14,642
Swim in the lake?
Yeah, little dip, why not?
700
00:41:14,643 --> 00:41:15,962
I'll race you!
Starkers!
701
00:41:15,963 --> 00:41:18,043
Come on, Ma!
702
00:41:21,803 --> 00:41:24,682
So, we've bought back Bluff Court
and we insist on giving you
703
00:41:24,683 --> 00:41:26,562
some land off of it
to do whatever you fancy.
704
00:41:26,563 --> 00:41:28,842
You might wanna build a bungalow
before your baby comes.
705
00:41:28,843 --> 00:41:31,922
That is a good notion, Ma.
I tell you, stairs, who needs 'em?
706
00:41:31,923 --> 00:41:34,802
People who've got a house
on two floors? So true.
707
00:41:34,803 --> 00:41:37,802
He's never less than on the ball,
is he, Charley boy?
708
00:41:37,803 --> 00:41:40,602
Oh, go on, then,
or we'll never hear the end of it.
709
00:41:40,603 --> 00:41:41,722
Thanks, Ma.
710
00:41:41,723 --> 00:41:42,922
Thank you, Pop.
711
00:41:42,923 --> 00:41:44,722
Hey, don't, no,
it's just our way of stopping
712
00:41:44,723 --> 00:41:45,762
you two wandering off!
713
00:41:45,763 --> 00:41:47,282
You'll be the other side
of the hedge
714
00:41:47,283 --> 00:41:48,762
where we can see you and the nipper.
715
00:41:48,763 --> 00:41:52,042
Not to tempt fate, of course,
touch wood, where's the wood?
716
00:41:52,043 --> 00:41:53,442
There you go. Sorry, Madame.
717
00:41:53,443 --> 00:41:55,482
Cos it shapes us all, don't it?
Where we live.
718
00:41:55,483 --> 00:41:59,322
A mansion can be a soulless prison,
a tiny cell can be a cherished home,
719
00:41:59,323 --> 00:42:01,322
and who knows what goes on
behind a closed door.
720
00:42:01,323 --> 00:42:04,882
Hmm. We're going into the village,
Larkininoes!
721
00:42:04,883 --> 00:42:06,963
Quick! Before the summer ends!
722
00:42:24,483 --> 00:42:28,882
Apparently, the arrangement is the
old Vicar will have less to do.
723
00:42:28,883 --> 00:42:30,482
That'll take some doing.
724
00:42:30,483 --> 00:42:33,042
Mind you, if the dishy one's going
out with a Larkin,
725
00:42:33,043 --> 00:42:34,242
that'll keep him busy.
726
00:42:34,243 --> 00:42:38,282
The thing about the Larkins is...
Oh, I love the Larkins.
727
00:42:38,283 --> 00:42:39,642
Thank you, Libby.
728
00:42:39,643 --> 00:42:42,162
You weren't supposed
to hear that.
729
00:42:42,163 --> 00:42:43,483
I think they're overrated.
730
00:42:44,563 --> 00:42:47,322
Voice of an angel, Miss Chand.
Voice of an angel.
731
00:42:47,323 --> 00:42:49,882
I could persuade my editor
to do a weekly religion corner.
732
00:42:49,883 --> 00:42:51,642
Yes, that sounds like
a really good idea...
733
00:42:51,643 --> 00:42:53,602
Or I could be
a roving restaurant critic,
734
00:42:53,603 --> 00:42:55,522
eating and drinking my way
around Kent.
735
00:42:55,523 --> 00:42:59,402
And in the summer, the vacationing
vicar reviews luxury holidays!
736
00:42:59,403 --> 00:43:01,002
Somewhere warm.
737
00:43:01,003 --> 00:43:03,002
Oh, the holy table.
738
00:43:03,003 --> 00:43:04,162
Or cars!
739
00:43:04,163 --> 00:43:08,083
Every week the Vicar gets given
a new car to test and keep.
740
00:43:10,083 --> 00:43:11,603
LAUGHTER
741
00:43:12,683 --> 00:43:14,162
Come on, Brigadier.
742
00:43:14,163 --> 00:43:16,122
Oh look, no, no.
Pop'll get you one.
743
00:43:16,123 --> 00:43:18,363
No, I have one...
Tell me what I've said?
744
00:43:20,483 --> 00:43:22,482
Alec, Norma. Come and join us.
745
00:43:22,483 --> 00:43:25,482
So, how are you planning
to humiliate me this time?
746
00:43:25,483 --> 00:43:29,963
Well, we could go mad
and just have a nice chat.
747
00:43:32,243 --> 00:43:34,682
Look at you two, all affectionate.
748
00:43:34,683 --> 00:43:39,883
Yes, we had some tiny differences
of opinion which we've ironed out.
749
00:43:41,523 --> 00:43:44,763
New look, Norma?
Um, yes.
750
00:43:45,963 --> 00:43:47,802
They're going to say
something cutting now.
751
00:43:47,803 --> 00:43:51,042
No! We like it.
752
00:43:51,043 --> 00:43:52,203
You look really nice.
753
00:44:07,163 --> 00:44:09,163
Did you manage to get away
this summer at all?
754
00:44:13,323 --> 00:44:15,803
Actually, no, that...
that's not helpful.
755
00:44:19,603 --> 00:44:22,682
Maybe it's easier if
we don't pretend we like each other.
756
00:44:22,683 --> 00:44:25,163
Yes, I agree.
I can see that, yes.
757
00:44:37,803 --> 00:44:38,923
Oh.
758
00:44:40,043 --> 00:44:42,642
You're not actually allowed to sit
on a uniformed policeman.
759
00:44:42,643 --> 00:44:44,762
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
760
00:44:44,763 --> 00:44:46,763
Try this for size.
761
00:44:48,563 --> 00:44:50,283
I'll authorise it on this occasion.
762
00:44:51,443 --> 00:44:53,042
Where's your Mariette and Charley?
763
00:44:53,043 --> 00:44:55,443
Um, they're off planning
their new home.
764
00:44:56,803 --> 00:45:00,843
Ah, that's nice,
starting out together.
765
00:45:08,083 --> 00:45:09,962
Charley?
Where are you?
766
00:45:09,963 --> 00:45:13,162
Up here. I can see Larkin's Farm!
767
00:45:13,163 --> 00:45:15,563
I think I'm near you. Hang on!
768
00:45:17,363 --> 00:45:18,403
Oh.
769
00:45:20,003 --> 00:45:22,002
Oh, well, never mind.
770
00:45:22,003 --> 00:45:26,202
Stay there, I'll head for you.
No, you stay, I'll come to you.
771
00:45:26,203 --> 00:45:28,203
Maybe we'll meet in the middle.
772
00:45:44,763 --> 00:45:46,803
Out you jump. Hello, girls.
773
00:45:47,843 --> 00:45:50,082
Come on.
774
00:45:50,083 --> 00:45:51,483
Ooh!
775
00:45:54,443 --> 00:45:56,762
Home! Who's hungry?
776
00:45:56,763 --> 00:45:58,482
Me! Me!
And me!
777
00:45:58,483 --> 00:45:59,803
We are, too!
778
00:46:09,043 --> 00:46:11,883
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com
58667
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.