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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,883 --> 00:00:37,400 THE SUPER 8 YEARS 2 00:00:56,467 --> 00:00:59,342 At the end of the winter of 1972, 3 00:00:59,508 --> 00:01:02,775 we bought a Bell & Howell Super 8 camera 4 00:01:02,799 --> 00:01:06,249 with all the projection equipment. 5 00:01:06,623 --> 00:01:11,775 My husband Philippe Ernaux and I were in our very early thirties 6 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,443 and had two sons of seven and three, 7 00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:16,480 Eric and David. 8 00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,859 For 7 years we'd lived in Annecy, 9 00:01:19,883 --> 00:01:23,151 where Philippe Ernaux, after studying at Sciences Po, 10 00:01:23,175 --> 00:01:25,026 had landed the post 11 00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:27,109 of Deputy Secretary-General at city hall. 12 00:01:27,133 --> 00:01:30,008 I taught literature at high school. 13 00:01:30,342 --> 00:01:32,943 Arriving from Bordeaux, 14 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:36,234 we didn't like the mountains all around us, 15 00:01:36,258 --> 00:01:38,234 the endless winters, 16 00:01:38,258 --> 00:01:41,109 sudden fleeting springs 17 00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:43,481 and touristy summers. 18 00:01:44,175 --> 00:01:46,151 We got used to it 19 00:01:46,175 --> 00:01:48,092 and loved the city. 20 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,451 Amid the flood of goods one could acquire in the 70s, 21 00:01:57,475 --> 00:02:01,405 for us the camera was the ultimate desired object, 22 00:02:01,430 --> 00:02:04,448 much more than a dishwasher or a colour TV. 23 00:02:05,767 --> 00:02:09,909 Film truly captured life and people, 24 00:02:09,933 --> 00:02:12,425 even if the films were silent. 25 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:26,784 What strikes me about the very first images shot 26 00:02:26,808 --> 00:02:29,243 is the theatrical ''happening'' feel 27 00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:33,034 which the camera brought to family life, 28 00:02:33,058 --> 00:02:35,701 a ''happening'' conceived by my husband, 29 00:02:35,725 --> 00:02:38,600 who filmed the moment I arrived with the kids 30 00:02:38,642 --> 00:02:41,852 from school and the supermarket. 31 00:02:44,975 --> 00:02:47,368 It is an extraordinary moment, 32 00:02:47,392 --> 00:02:51,080 happy but tinged with a kind of violence. 33 00:02:53,975 --> 00:02:59,055 We don't know what to do with this new sort of time torn from our life. 34 00:03:07,933 --> 00:03:12,368 At the end, the camera pans across the decor, 35 00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:16,909 the objects we'd chosen one by one from antique stores, 36 00:03:16,933 --> 00:03:19,576 the ornate and trendy wallpaper, 37 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,961 all the things that marked us as newcomers to the bourgeoisie. 38 00:03:26,808 --> 00:03:30,909 It's basically the homeowners' tour but we didn't own the house, 39 00:03:30,933 --> 00:03:34,288 since it came with my husband's job. 40 00:03:42,725 --> 00:03:44,545 Head film-maker - 41 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:47,868 Philippe Ernaux retained with few exceptions 42 00:03:47,892 --> 00:03:50,951 this role I left to him without protest 43 00:03:50,975 --> 00:03:55,493 because I feared mishandling the equipment, very costly at the time, 44 00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:59,686 and maybe too because of a gender-based division of labour 45 00:04:00,142 --> 00:04:03,305 established at the start of our life together. 46 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,743 My mother had lived with us since my father's death 47 00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:18,618 and the sale of her café-grocery in Yvetot, Normandy. 48 00:04:18,642 --> 00:04:23,145 She was happy we'd asked her but aware, as she said one day in anger, 49 00:04:23,475 --> 00:04:26,686 of ''clashing with the decor''. 50 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:30,451 At home she almost always wore a flowered blouse 51 00:04:30,475 --> 00:04:35,368 with pockets in which to put a handkerchief and lumps of sugar, 52 00:04:35,392 --> 00:04:38,243 perhaps a reflex from her early days of poverty, 53 00:04:38,267 --> 00:04:41,286 and memories of war restrictions. 54 00:04:43,975 --> 00:04:47,409 My mother, physically robust from a life of work, 55 00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:50,368 was anxious to ''keep up her position'' 56 00:04:50,392 --> 00:04:53,698 so always wore a skirt suit outside the house. 57 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,534 My mother, whom I snap at and berate too often, 58 00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:01,951 while her tireless loving devotion to the children 59 00:05:01,975 --> 00:05:03,364 gives me freedom. 60 00:05:09,558 --> 00:05:13,034 Behind the image of the nondescript young mother, 61 00:05:13,058 --> 00:05:16,534 I can't help but remember a woman secretly tormented 62 00:05:16,558 --> 00:05:18,034 by the need to write 63 00:05:18,058 --> 00:05:21,034 and, as I noted in my journal, 64 00:05:21,058 --> 00:05:26,089 ''assemble all the events of my life in a novel, violent 65 00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:28,281 and red.'' 66 00:05:44,599 --> 00:05:47,909 In the scenes of Christmas 1972, 67 00:05:47,933 --> 00:05:52,533 beneath the feverish, wonder-struck opening of toys, 68 00:05:52,808 --> 00:05:56,826 the festivity of a meal also celebrating 69 00:05:56,850 --> 00:06:00,300 the eighth birthday of Eric, born on December 25, 70 00:06:00,892 --> 00:06:02,826 beneath all this, 71 00:06:02,850 --> 00:06:05,342 I now perceive a different reality, 72 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:10,493 one of afternoons when I don't teach and I secretly write 73 00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:13,243 a novel that describes how education, 74 00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:17,659 culture, separated me from the working-class world of my birth. 75 00:06:17,683 --> 00:06:18,826 ''Secretly'', 76 00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:21,743 because I can't tell my husband, 77 00:06:21,767 --> 00:06:23,827 my mother even less. 78 00:06:24,433 --> 00:06:28,284 Both are transparently present in my novel, 79 00:06:28,308 --> 00:06:32,813 they who personify the two milestones of my social journey, 80 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:36,617 its point of origin and its point of arrival. 81 00:06:51,599 --> 00:06:54,326 To leave home and travel far away 82 00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:57,451 was a growing desire in the '70s 83 00:06:57,475 --> 00:07:01,692 when the Guide du Routard was born, a desire that we shared. 84 00:07:02,017 --> 00:07:06,186 We didn't just want to lie on the beach like idiots. 85 00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:13,201 Le Nouvel Observateur, the weekly magazine 86 00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:16,868 of the cultural avant-garde of the non-communist left 87 00:07:16,892 --> 00:07:19,159 suggested a Chilean socialist experience, 88 00:07:19,183 --> 00:07:22,743 via an organised trip over Easter of 1972. 89 00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:27,201 Like everyone in left-wing France, we were watching Chile 90 00:07:27,225 --> 00:07:31,250 and Salvador Allende's Popular Unity. 91 00:07:31,308 --> 00:07:33,868 And for us, filming represented 92 00:07:33,892 --> 00:07:39,019 not a way of taking action in the world, but of being its reporter. 93 00:07:43,599 --> 00:07:45,826 I was dazzled to be there, 94 00:07:45,850 --> 00:07:48,773 up above the Andes mountain range. 95 00:07:56,308 --> 00:08:00,326 In Santiago, between two pisco sours at the Sheraton, 96 00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:03,618 we saw pupils receive smocks for the new school year 97 00:08:03,642 --> 00:08:07,159 in the presence of the cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova, 98 00:08:07,183 --> 00:08:09,867 the first woman to have gone into space. 99 00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:13,701 We visited nationalised factories 100 00:08:13,725 --> 00:08:18,038 and mingled with the inhabitants of a self-managed población. 101 00:08:20,558 --> 00:08:25,206 We wanted to believe in Venceremos, ''we shall overcome''. 102 00:08:28,017 --> 00:08:32,368 We set off for the Atacama Desert and the Antofagasta salt mines 103 00:08:32,392 --> 00:08:33,680 near Chuquicamata, 104 00:08:33,975 --> 00:08:37,534 the world's largest open-pit copper mine. 105 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:40,493 We patiently listened to production figures 106 00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:43,536 and the land reform mechanism. 107 00:08:48,433 --> 00:08:51,118 The moment of the trip which made us feel 108 00:08:51,142 --> 00:08:54,368 we'd seen history in the making 109 00:08:54,392 --> 00:08:59,118 was during an authorised visit to the presidential palace, La Moneda, 110 00:08:59,142 --> 00:09:02,493 when we saw Allende come out of his office. 111 00:09:02,517 --> 00:09:05,326 With two ministers, for an hour he enlarged 112 00:09:05,350 --> 00:09:07,618 upon his revolutionary measures, 113 00:09:07,642 --> 00:09:12,575 the return of land to the peasants, the nationalisation of copper and coal, 114 00:09:12,599 --> 00:09:16,625 the distribution of milk to malnourished children. 115 00:09:32,142 --> 00:09:35,201 We didn't feel we were filming misery 116 00:09:35,225 --> 00:09:37,409 because it had become the struggle 117 00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:39,924 of a president and his government. 118 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:59,558 In Valparaiso, in the mist, 119 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,433 I couldn't believe I was there, at the end of the earth. 120 00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:05,670 I felt 121 00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:10,118 the Chilean trip was changing something in my life, 122 00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:14,909 forcing me to recall the promise I made myself at twenty, 123 00:10:14,933 --> 00:10:17,473 ''I will write to avenge my people.'' 124 00:10:29,392 --> 00:10:34,368 A year and a half later, hope had died, La Moneda was bombed, 125 00:10:34,392 --> 00:10:35,826 Allende assassinated, 126 00:10:35,850 --> 00:10:41,408 Pinochet and a military junta seized power, backed by Washington. 127 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:46,667 Le Figaro and other right-wing papers gloated. 128 00:10:49,183 --> 00:10:51,575 The images we'd brought back 129 00:10:51,599 --> 00:10:54,380 were of a country that no longer existed. 130 00:11:42,725 --> 00:11:44,118 To keep a record 131 00:11:44,142 --> 00:11:48,118 of happy moments and beautiful things is the natural desire 132 00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:52,837 that runs through the images of spring and summer '72. 133 00:11:59,558 --> 00:12:02,913 To film what you will never see twice, 134 00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:08,786 a boat ride on Lake Annecy, 135 00:12:09,475 --> 00:12:11,326 a walk in the Gorges du Fier, 136 00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:14,034 on top of Semnoz with my in-laws, 137 00:12:14,058 --> 00:12:17,243 whose words and the meaning of whose gestures 138 00:12:17,267 --> 00:12:21,244 vanished in the air of the summer's day. 139 00:12:58,725 --> 00:13:00,618 In those years, 140 00:13:00,642 --> 00:13:04,236 we were drawn to the Ardèche, a short trip away, 141 00:13:04,892 --> 00:13:07,368 symbol of a lost life in nature, 142 00:13:07,392 --> 00:13:09,618 as in Jean Ferrat's song La Montagne, 143 00:13:09,642 --> 00:13:12,661 with no pollution or hormone-fed chickens. 144 00:13:13,558 --> 00:13:17,493 A life we felt nostalgia for, without having lived it, 145 00:13:17,517 --> 00:13:20,409 and which we never planned to adopt, 146 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,589 except for the holidays. 147 00:13:23,975 --> 00:13:26,326 My sister-in-law Dominique Ernaux, 148 00:13:26,350 --> 00:13:29,909 in revolt against society since her teens, 149 00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:32,473 had settled near Viviers, 150 00:13:32,933 --> 00:13:36,623 in Ardèche, long before '68. 151 00:13:39,017 --> 00:13:42,201 She shared her life with a young woman, painted, 152 00:13:42,225 --> 00:13:44,326 raised hunting dogs, goats, 153 00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:45,261 chickens, 154 00:13:45,308 --> 00:13:48,855 and helped local people in a system of fair trade. 155 00:13:49,267 --> 00:13:54,076 Next, they moved to an isolated house with no electricity or running water 156 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:59,274 and an endless view of the valley between Viviers and Saint-Montan. 157 00:14:05,517 --> 00:14:07,243 It pleased us that the kids, 158 00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:11,243 raised with the rules of hygiene and advice of parenting experts, 159 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,784 had a chance to live with animals, 160 00:14:13,808 --> 00:14:15,326 drink raw goat's milk, 161 00:14:15,350 --> 00:14:17,159 get dirty without fear, 162 00:14:17,183 --> 00:14:20,451 look out for scorpions hidden in shoes, 163 00:14:20,475 --> 00:14:24,575 make use of what was not yet called a ''composting toilet'' 164 00:14:24,599 --> 00:14:27,618 and discover the sticky twist of flypaper 165 00:14:27,642 --> 00:14:30,995 hanging from the ceiling, as when we were children. 166 00:14:34,142 --> 00:14:39,575 We felt we'd returned to an ancestral pre-industrial France, 167 00:14:39,599 --> 00:14:41,659 a slowness we'd forgotten, 168 00:14:41,683 --> 00:14:44,942 far from the agitation of urban life. 169 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:56,784 Tirelessly we filmed the shady streets of Alba-la-Romaine, 170 00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:59,618 Labeaume, Mirabel, Balazuc, 171 00:14:59,642 --> 00:15:04,909 the basalt villages which today I no longer recognise in images, 172 00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:06,755 places without humans, 173 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:09,868 as if to capture a timeless purity, 174 00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:14,970 while it's the people we are touched by in films of later years. 175 00:15:30,183 --> 00:15:33,159 We believed these landscapes immutable, 176 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:36,534 never imagining they'd be threatened one day 177 00:15:36,558 --> 00:15:39,826 by pollution, a concept just emerging then, 178 00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:42,869 not to speak of global warming. 179 00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:46,534 Only the imminent commissioning of a nuclear plant 180 00:15:46,558 --> 00:15:50,439 along the Rhône aroused fear and anger. 181 00:15:50,975 --> 00:15:55,201 We didn't really believe the ecologists' predictions. 182 00:15:55,225 --> 00:15:56,909 René Dumont will obtain 183 00:15:56,933 --> 00:16:00,701 less than 2% of the vote in the presidential election of 1974 184 00:16:00,725 --> 00:16:03,361 and we'll vote for François Mitterrand. 185 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,858 We wanted to expand the children's horizons, 186 00:16:20,767 --> 00:16:24,326 have them take a plane and travel abroad, 187 00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:29,525 things that hadn't been possible for us until our thirties. 188 00:16:31,267 --> 00:16:34,764 The adventure this time was to travel with them. 189 00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:48,409 It started at Orly with the Caravelle that took us 190 00:16:48,433 --> 00:16:53,800 to Tangier, and from there to the resort on the heights of M'Diq, 191 00:16:54,142 --> 00:16:58,201 a luxurious white replica of a traditional Moroccan village, 192 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:02,298 with its terraced apartments and sea view. 193 00:17:03,392 --> 00:17:07,326 We had a western lifestyle, away from the local people, 194 00:17:07,350 --> 00:17:11,039 represented only by the silent staff, 195 00:17:11,308 --> 00:17:16,292 gardeners and cleaning women who rubbed salt on the copper trays. 196 00:17:36,308 --> 00:17:38,943 Everything inside was imitation, 197 00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:44,451 from the souk where we bought embroidered shirts, 198 00:17:44,475 --> 00:17:46,118 djellabas and gandouras 199 00:17:46,142 --> 00:17:48,076 that we hastened to put on, 200 00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,618 to the meshwi night, 201 00:17:49,642 --> 00:17:51,743 with Boulaouane and cries of 202 00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:54,881 ''He's one of us! He drank like everyone else'', 203 00:17:55,058 --> 00:17:58,659 not to speak of the welcome committee of musicians 204 00:17:58,683 --> 00:18:00,888 and a snake charmer. 205 00:18:08,725 --> 00:18:10,951 We didn't swim with the Moroccans 206 00:18:10,975 --> 00:18:12,700 in the neighbouring sea 207 00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:16,284 but stayed with other tourists by the Club pool. 208 00:18:16,308 --> 00:18:19,368 The public beach was only used to exercise the horses 209 00:18:19,392 --> 00:18:21,883 after their day at the riding school. 210 00:18:25,767 --> 00:18:28,784 Three weeks of profound dis-occupation, 211 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,575 broken up by visits to royal palaces, 212 00:18:31,599 --> 00:18:35,769 a market and the old blue city of Chefchaouen, 213 00:18:36,142 --> 00:18:37,743 with a 15-year-old guide 214 00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:39,951 whose services we bargained down, 215 00:18:39,975 --> 00:18:45,820 for a tourist's duty, we understood, was never to pay the asking price. 216 00:18:53,558 --> 00:18:57,439 Politically there had to be better choices than Morocco, 217 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:03,255 whose King Hassan II violently suppressed all opposition 218 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,951 and was suspected of having masterminded 219 00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:10,239 Ben Barka's abduction and Oufkir's assassination. 220 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:14,586 Three weeks, 221 00:19:15,017 --> 00:19:18,618 enough for us parents to get a dream tan, 222 00:19:18,642 --> 00:19:20,743 for Eric to learn to swim 223 00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:26,469 and David to enrich his repertoire of children's songs at the Club's daycare. 224 00:19:38,683 --> 00:19:43,076 Poolside, I thought of the finished manuscript 225 00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,575 in my desk drawer, 226 00:19:45,599 --> 00:19:49,289 which I'd have to type before school started. 227 00:19:49,475 --> 00:19:54,314 I hoped that it would save me, but I didn't know how, or from what. 228 00:20:03,308 --> 00:20:06,951 I attribute the same thoughts, at the end of the same summer, 229 00:20:06,975 --> 00:20:10,909 to the young woman with her husband at the Wagner Festival, 230 00:20:10,933 --> 00:20:13,999 smiling amidst the officials of Annecy, 231 00:20:14,683 --> 00:20:16,744 twin city of Bayreuth, 232 00:20:21,183 --> 00:20:23,618 strolling around a beer festival, 233 00:20:23,642 --> 00:20:25,702 visiting a brewery. 234 00:20:28,892 --> 00:20:32,294 Doing so, she ponders the vague image of a Germany 235 00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:35,784 the West one, obviously, for the other you say GDR - 236 00:20:35,808 --> 00:20:37,868 a fairly quiet Germany, 237 00:20:37,892 --> 00:20:40,826 last year's attacks are forgotten, 238 00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:45,450 Andreas Baader and Ulrike Meinhof behind bars. 239 00:20:49,267 --> 00:20:53,575 She is 33 and doesn't yet know that the manuscript sent by mail 240 00:20:53,599 --> 00:20:56,868 will be accepted by Gallimard 241 00:20:56,892 --> 00:21:00,243 and published as Cleaned Out 242 00:21:00,267 --> 00:21:03,237 in the spring of 1974. 243 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:18,534 That year, Pompidou dies, Giscard d'Estaing is elected 244 00:21:18,558 --> 00:21:20,659 and Simone Veil defends abortion, 245 00:21:20,683 --> 00:21:23,576 braving the boos of right-wing delegates. 246 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,159 My husband resigned from his post, 247 00:21:26,183 --> 00:21:28,409 we left the big house and garden 248 00:21:28,433 --> 00:21:33,608 for a small apartment on a noisy ring road in Annecy. 249 00:21:33,975 --> 00:21:35,534 I went to Paris once 250 00:21:35,558 --> 00:21:39,871 to talk about my book on the TV show Aujourd'hui Madame. 251 00:21:47,892 --> 00:21:51,284 Filming is poorly suited to times of upheaval. 252 00:21:51,308 --> 00:21:53,201 We had to wait over a year, 253 00:21:53,225 --> 00:21:55,451 until Christmas 1974, 254 00:21:55,475 --> 00:21:59,576 to again feel moved to seize that fragile moment, 255 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,076 only big enough to hold the pure joy of children 256 00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:05,544 and our joy at seeing theirs, 257 00:22:05,599 --> 00:22:07,284 more precious 258 00:22:07,308 --> 00:22:09,701 than this fur-lined lambskin coat, 259 00:22:09,725 --> 00:22:15,044 an upmarket version of hippie chic, which I wore for many winters. 260 00:22:23,517 --> 00:22:28,451 Watching Eric blow out his candles with dreamy excitement, 261 00:22:28,475 --> 00:22:31,284 we are probably thinking, my mother and I, 262 00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:34,243 we the women on the front lines of time: 263 00:22:34,267 --> 00:22:36,280 he's already ten years old. 264 00:22:51,850 --> 00:22:53,243 Once again 265 00:22:53,267 --> 00:22:57,701 it was to the Ardèche we went, in the holidays of February 1975, 266 00:22:57,725 --> 00:23:00,743 for a time-out in nature and silence, 267 00:23:00,767 --> 00:23:04,695 away from our hectic crowded life. 268 00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:18,263 The release of my first novel seems distant, almost unreal. 269 00:23:19,142 --> 00:23:24,268 A book doesn't change your life, as you hope or believe it will. 270 00:23:35,776 --> 00:23:39,419 The summer of Nino Ferrer's Sud, 271 00:23:39,443 --> 00:23:42,086 Joe Dassin's L'été indien, 272 00:23:42,110 --> 00:23:43,586 Annie Cordy's La bonne du curé, 273 00:23:43,610 --> 00:23:46,794 which the kids listened to on a slot-in turntable, 274 00:23:46,818 --> 00:23:50,124 we joined the Ernaux family in Charente. 275 00:23:50,610 --> 00:23:53,502 My parents-in-law had finally settled there 276 00:23:53,526 --> 00:23:57,502 after many tribulations, which took these ruined bourgeois 277 00:23:57,526 --> 00:24:00,086 to Africa, where my father-in-law 278 00:24:00,110 --> 00:24:02,218 had changed profession at over 55, 279 00:24:02,693 --> 00:24:06,128 and taught physics at the girls' lycée in Bamako, 280 00:24:06,152 --> 00:24:10,919 and then to Haute-Savoie, where they'd stayed just one year. 281 00:24:10,943 --> 00:24:14,794 In Charente, they inhabited a small farmhouse in a hamlet 282 00:24:14,818 --> 00:24:16,752 near La Rochefoucauld, 283 00:24:16,776 --> 00:24:19,211 lived from breeding rabbits 284 00:24:19,235 --> 00:24:21,170 and grew their own produce 285 00:24:21,194 --> 00:24:24,794 in a garden of which my father-in-law was rightly proud, 286 00:24:24,818 --> 00:24:28,748 as was my mother-in-law of her petunias. 287 00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:46,502 My brother-in-law Maurice, his wife and their three kids lived close by, 288 00:24:46,526 --> 00:24:48,108 near Angoulême. 289 00:24:51,276 --> 00:24:54,878 That summer Sunday, 3/4 of the way through the 20th century, 290 00:24:54,902 --> 00:24:57,377 in the shade of an amusement park 291 00:24:57,401 --> 00:24:59,463 on a miniature golf course, 292 00:25:00,068 --> 00:25:02,836 time stands still before a rolling ball 293 00:25:02,860 --> 00:25:05,637 that you needed to position just-so. 294 00:25:06,401 --> 00:25:10,523 In these silent images, bodies speak for themselves. 295 00:25:22,235 --> 00:25:24,044 The young woman with long hair, 296 00:25:24,068 --> 00:25:28,188 sandals, a seventies dress and abrupt gestures, 297 00:25:28,735 --> 00:25:30,294 may, at this moment, forget 298 00:25:30,318 --> 00:25:34,461 to feel out of place in a family of in-laws 299 00:25:34,485 --> 00:25:38,270 where all the wives are homemakers. 300 00:25:46,776 --> 00:25:48,502 We left the boys 301 00:25:48,526 --> 00:25:53,079 with their grandparents and set off for an unusual destination. 302 00:26:24,027 --> 00:26:25,961 Who knew anything about Albania, 303 00:26:25,985 --> 00:26:30,919 its 500 years of Ottoman Empire engulfed by communism? 304 00:26:30,943 --> 00:26:35,128 Who had heard of its leader, Enver Hoxha? 305 00:26:35,152 --> 00:26:36,752 Of all the Eastern European countries 306 00:26:36,776 --> 00:26:41,137 to which we were driven by a tropism of mingled awe and repulsion, 307 00:26:41,985 --> 00:26:48,069 this one offered the highest coefficient of strangeness and mystery. 308 00:26:54,152 --> 00:26:56,170 At the airport, we had to shed 309 00:26:56,194 --> 00:26:59,878 every sign of decadent bourgeois civilisation, 310 00:26:59,902 --> 00:27:05,377 the men to exchange tight-fitting flares for Chinese worker's trousers 311 00:27:05,401 --> 00:27:07,544 and get bowl haircuts, 312 00:27:07,568 --> 00:27:12,504 the women to repack their trousers and put on dresses. 313 00:27:12,943 --> 00:27:15,586 We soon understood nothing could be filmed 314 00:27:15,610 --> 00:27:18,294 without permission from the interpreter, 315 00:27:18,318 --> 00:27:20,461 a young woman who, in her words, 316 00:27:20,485 --> 00:27:24,627 ''thought she'd die'' on a trip to Paris in 1970 317 00:27:24,651 --> 00:27:28,101 on seeing long-haired men and hippies. 318 00:27:30,068 --> 00:27:32,502 We couldn't circulate freely, 319 00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:36,073 let alone mingle with the Albanians. 320 00:27:39,275 --> 00:27:41,669 On the magnificent beach of Durrës, 321 00:27:41,693 --> 00:27:44,836 our little group of eight was ordered 322 00:27:44,860 --> 00:27:49,294 to stay within a well-defined zone in front of the Hotel Adriatik, 323 00:27:49,318 --> 00:27:51,570 reserved for foreigners. 324 00:27:55,526 --> 00:28:00,894 The Sigurimi, equivalent to the KGB and the Stasi, was watching. 325 00:28:08,568 --> 00:28:11,752 We were considered vectors of Western corruption 326 00:28:11,776 --> 00:28:14,173 and would stay in our bubble. 327 00:28:14,485 --> 00:28:19,324 The real country was on another stage to which we had no access. 328 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:36,878 Some images show me standing silent and apart from the group. 329 00:28:36,902 --> 00:28:41,252 I didn't go on all the excursions but stayed at the hotel, 330 00:28:41,276 --> 00:28:44,752 half-heartedly writing, reading the only Albanian book 331 00:28:44,776 --> 00:28:47,251 I could find in French, 332 00:28:47,275 --> 00:28:50,104 The White Southern Wind, by Jakov Xoxa. 333 00:28:53,693 --> 00:28:57,627 What was most moving and paradoxical about the trip 334 00:28:57,651 --> 00:29:01,502 were the things that took us furthest from the ''New Man'' 335 00:29:01,526 --> 00:29:04,258 and back to the days of our childhoods, 336 00:29:04,735 --> 00:29:08,586 the silence of cities without cars, people on foot or bicycle 337 00:29:08,610 --> 00:29:10,574 Chinese bicycles, of course - 338 00:29:10,693 --> 00:29:14,431 fields manually worked by men and women, 339 00:29:14,735 --> 00:29:19,382 landscapes not yet disfigured by cement. 340 00:29:25,693 --> 00:29:28,088 We could question nothing, 341 00:29:28,276 --> 00:29:32,044 constantly subjected to speeches 342 00:29:32,068 --> 00:29:34,799 castigating Tito's revisionism, 343 00:29:35,275 --> 00:29:38,199 the Moscow regime and Western decadence, 344 00:29:39,610 --> 00:29:43,878 praising the benefits of Mao-inspired cultural revolution, 345 00:29:43,902 --> 00:29:47,781 called ''revolutionarisation''. 346 00:30:01,276 --> 00:30:02,919 Between the remnants 347 00:30:02,943 --> 00:30:06,729 of ancient civilisations and crude propaganda, 348 00:30:07,068 --> 00:30:10,461 there was a contrast, a troubling disconnect, 349 00:30:10,485 --> 00:30:12,794 an incompatibility of values 350 00:30:12,818 --> 00:30:14,419 which was, perhaps, 351 00:30:14,443 --> 00:30:18,421 the basis of Albania's identity at that time. 352 00:30:19,943 --> 00:30:23,627 We could not have imagined that 20 years later, 353 00:30:23,651 --> 00:30:27,461 of all the monuments to the glory of the Stalinist-Maoist regime, 354 00:30:27,485 --> 00:30:29,354 nothing would remain. 355 00:30:29,568 --> 00:30:31,752 All that was left to see 356 00:30:31,776 --> 00:30:34,711 were ancient ruins from over 2000 years before, 357 00:30:34,735 --> 00:30:36,413 which do not age. 358 00:30:52,318 --> 00:30:55,335 We saw nothing of the Albania of 1975 359 00:30:55,359 --> 00:30:59,003 but perhaps no more or less than summer visitors today, 360 00:30:59,027 --> 00:31:02,188 thousands who flock to the beaches on the Adriatic. 361 00:31:02,275 --> 00:31:06,044 The country is now a top holiday spot in the Balkans, 362 00:31:06,068 --> 00:31:10,878 while since 1989 its inhabitants have fled in droves, 363 00:31:10,902 --> 00:31:13,919 migrants shunted from one end of Europe to another, 364 00:31:13,943 --> 00:31:18,586 drawn by the image of a happiness that we, at some past time, 365 00:31:18,610 --> 00:31:22,502 despite our distance from the people, 366 00:31:22,526 --> 00:31:26,648 or maybe because of it, made them want. 367 00:31:56,275 --> 00:32:02,003 Winter sports were a growing craze amongst the middle and upper classes. 368 00:32:02,027 --> 00:32:05,752 Resorts were being built from scratch, as in Flaine. 369 00:32:05,776 --> 00:32:07,961 The new concept 370 00:32:07,985 --> 00:32:10,836 of buying timeshare weeks caught on quickly, 371 00:32:10,860 --> 00:32:15,627 a phenomenon only slightly parodied in the film French Fried Vacation. 372 00:32:15,651 --> 00:32:19,170 With a loan made advantageous by two-digit inflation, 373 00:32:19,194 --> 00:32:22,020 we bought a studio 374 00:32:22,235 --> 00:32:27,313 in a new building in the upper part of the old village of La Clusaz. 375 00:32:33,985 --> 00:32:36,961 By capturing and making a record of beginnings, 376 00:32:36,985 --> 00:32:40,669 the camera recovered its original justification. 377 00:32:40,693 --> 00:32:44,627 We filmed David's first times skiing downhill at La Clusaz, 378 00:32:44,651 --> 00:32:47,718 as we had Eric's at Le Grand-Bornand. 379 00:33:14,902 --> 00:33:17,461 And as usual, to take possession of the place, 380 00:33:17,485 --> 00:33:20,251 we filmed elements of the decor, 381 00:33:20,275 --> 00:33:21,335 an act of magic 382 00:33:21,359 --> 00:33:24,878 or the premonition of a day when they'd be moved or gone 383 00:33:24,902 --> 00:33:28,304 and we could no longer say where or why. 384 00:33:30,275 --> 00:33:33,294 In this living space reduced to one room, 385 00:33:33,318 --> 00:33:37,823 family ties were reasserted more than strengthened. 386 00:33:38,152 --> 00:33:41,586 It's a time of fatherly pranks and mises-en-scene, 387 00:33:41,610 --> 00:33:43,794 Mille Bornes and Monopoly, 388 00:33:43,818 --> 00:33:47,170 and the nickname ''fish mama'' which my husband gave me, 389 00:33:47,194 --> 00:33:50,260 based on the song by Boby Lapointe. 390 00:33:53,110 --> 00:33:56,657 It was no place to stir up old conflicts. 391 00:34:08,818 --> 00:34:13,211 The woman in the image always seems to wonder why she's there. 392 00:34:13,235 --> 00:34:20,135 I write in my journal that winter sports and Savoyard fondue are no joking matter. 393 00:34:20,276 --> 00:34:24,752 I felt a spectator to what would be for years to come 394 00:34:24,776 --> 00:34:26,549 a winter ritual 395 00:34:26,776 --> 00:34:29,412 and for me a duty to enjoy myself. 396 00:34:34,735 --> 00:34:36,961 I was the only one who didn't ski. 397 00:34:36,985 --> 00:34:39,141 I read, marked essays, 398 00:34:39,526 --> 00:34:42,881 wrote a little, looking out on the Aravis, 399 00:34:42,985 --> 00:34:45,086 where the sun rose in the morning 400 00:34:45,110 --> 00:34:49,135 and in the evening lit the mountain face with rays of pink. 401 00:34:49,276 --> 00:34:53,541 I understood why the sun had once been worshipped like a god. 402 00:35:34,194 --> 00:35:37,170 Towns were built in the country near Paris, 403 00:35:37,194 --> 00:35:39,541 called ''new towns''. 404 00:35:39,776 --> 00:35:44,281 We landed in one of these, Cergy-Pontoise. 405 00:36:07,985 --> 00:36:11,170 When I wonder about Philippe Ernaux's odd desire 406 00:36:11,194 --> 00:36:15,252 to film objects transplanted from one house to another, 407 00:36:15,276 --> 00:36:18,294 it seems to me a sign of hidden insecurity, 408 00:36:18,318 --> 00:36:21,752 that of a child sent to Jesuit boarding school at eight, 409 00:36:21,776 --> 00:36:24,939 a child whose parents constantly moved. 410 00:36:25,027 --> 00:36:27,128 These paintings and furniture 411 00:36:27,152 --> 00:36:30,985 reveal today their futility as lifeless objects. 412 00:36:38,902 --> 00:36:43,502 We unconsciously sought to give the present a future and create, 413 00:36:43,526 --> 00:36:46,335 image by image, scene by scene, 414 00:36:46,359 --> 00:36:48,919 something like a family fiction 415 00:36:48,943 --> 00:36:52,106 to which each would later add a subtext. 416 00:37:05,693 --> 00:37:09,878 There is nothing in the smiles around this festive table 417 00:37:09,902 --> 00:37:12,252 to suggest that the family order 418 00:37:12,276 --> 00:37:17,170 will be overturned two days later when my mother decides 419 00:37:17,194 --> 00:37:21,419 to return to Yvetot, leaving me at a loss. 420 00:37:21,443 --> 00:37:26,086 My mother, whose keen, attentive gaze makes me ill-at-ease. 421 00:37:26,110 --> 00:37:29,669 There may be no greater humiliation for a daughter 422 00:37:29,693 --> 00:37:35,128 than to be unable to hide the signs of marital discord from her mother, 423 00:37:35,152 --> 00:37:39,608 a silent, disapproving witness. 424 00:37:40,651 --> 00:37:42,664 I wrote in my diary, 425 00:37:42,860 --> 00:37:46,836 ''You mustn't think about these things, old age and death, 426 00:37:46,860 --> 00:37:49,063 or you'll lose all hope.'' 427 00:38:10,235 --> 00:38:15,128 In the summer of 1976, more remembered for the great drought 428 00:38:15,152 --> 00:38:19,251 than for the death sentence of Christian Ranucci, 429 00:38:19,275 --> 00:38:21,919 refused pardon by Giscard d'Estaing, 430 00:38:21,943 --> 00:38:26,752 the four of us, en route for London, boarded the hovercraft 431 00:38:26,776 --> 00:38:30,179 that crossed the Channel in 25 minutes. 432 00:38:30,275 --> 00:38:33,419 We were drawn by hopes for cooler weather 433 00:38:33,443 --> 00:38:36,941 but it was as hot as in France, the grass burnt - 434 00:38:37,735 --> 00:38:39,752 and the educational desire 435 00:38:39,776 --> 00:38:43,502 to immerse the kids in English, which Eric had studied for a year 436 00:38:43,526 --> 00:38:47,024 with a purely audiovisual method 437 00:38:47,068 --> 00:38:48,410 that baffled us. 438 00:38:51,610 --> 00:38:54,377 Also a desire to introduce them to breakfast 439 00:38:54,401 --> 00:38:57,335 with bacon and eggs, double-decker buses 440 00:38:57,359 --> 00:39:00,294 and everything that made England at the time, 441 00:39:00,318 --> 00:39:02,043 as it is today, 442 00:39:02,275 --> 00:39:04,817 the most exotic of nearby countries. 443 00:39:08,526 --> 00:39:12,312 We preferred the freedom of the parks to museums, 444 00:39:12,359 --> 00:39:15,252 the coolness of boating on the Serpentine, 445 00:39:15,276 --> 00:39:18,296 the surprise of an old-time merry-go-round, 446 00:39:19,194 --> 00:39:23,251 the slow boat trip along the banks of the Thames 447 00:39:23,275 --> 00:39:24,425 past the docks 448 00:39:25,110 --> 00:39:28,251 not yet transformed into Silicon Valley, 449 00:39:28,275 --> 00:39:30,529 as they'd be under Thatcher. 450 00:39:52,902 --> 00:39:54,836 We'd chosen a hotel 451 00:39:54,860 --> 00:39:58,251 with a central location, Soho, 452 00:39:58,275 --> 00:40:02,252 which had become a bustling district with a fevered nightlife, 453 00:40:02,276 --> 00:40:03,794 a mixture of pubs, 454 00:40:03,818 --> 00:40:06,598 sex shops and porn cinemas, 455 00:40:06,693 --> 00:40:08,335 and only went back there 456 00:40:08,359 --> 00:40:11,809 to sleep in rooms luckily facing the courtyard. 457 00:40:18,359 --> 00:40:20,544 Those days left me with memories 458 00:40:20,568 --> 00:40:23,348 of a long and peaceful flânerie. 459 00:40:23,943 --> 00:40:26,669 I'd just finished my second book 460 00:40:26,693 --> 00:40:30,957 and not yet started to worry about the publisher's verdict. 461 00:40:36,401 --> 00:40:40,211 There was a certain sweetness to revisiting London, 462 00:40:40,235 --> 00:40:41,432 where at 19 463 00:40:42,027 --> 00:40:44,294 I'd worked as an au pair, 464 00:40:44,318 --> 00:40:46,187 been very unhappy, 465 00:40:47,068 --> 00:40:51,141 become bulimic and shoplifted. 466 00:40:51,818 --> 00:40:54,377 The idea of returning to Finchley, 467 00:40:54,401 --> 00:40:59,577 the chic suburb where I'd spent six months in 1960, didn't occur to me, 468 00:40:59,943 --> 00:41:01,752 or I rejected it 469 00:41:01,776 --> 00:41:05,945 as inappropriate to the family situation now mine. 470 00:41:06,276 --> 00:41:10,461 Nor did I insist on a stroll through Whitechapel, 471 00:41:10,485 --> 00:41:12,785 which I'd wanted to see at 19 472 00:41:13,275 --> 00:41:15,624 because of Dickens and Oliver Twist 473 00:41:15,985 --> 00:41:18,128 and Piaf's song that goes 474 00:41:18,152 --> 00:41:23,566 ''C'est à Hambourg, à Santiago à Whitechapel, ou Borneo''. 475 00:41:52,975 --> 00:41:54,993 In the summer of 1977, 476 00:41:55,017 --> 00:41:59,410 we moved to a house on the heights of Cergy, 477 00:41:59,434 --> 00:42:02,285 bordering fields where very quickly, 478 00:42:02,309 --> 00:42:05,950 new housing estates would spring up. 479 00:42:08,309 --> 00:42:09,827 A curious house, 480 00:42:09,851 --> 00:42:13,828 massive and convoluted, dating from the fifties. 481 00:42:16,851 --> 00:42:17,809 From the windows 482 00:42:17,851 --> 00:42:22,410 we could see the voluptuous curves of the river Oise 483 00:42:22,434 --> 00:42:24,243 and on the far horizon, 484 00:42:24,267 --> 00:42:28,160 the Eiffel Tower and the hulk of La Défense. 485 00:42:28,184 --> 00:42:30,785 We will not think of filming a landscape 486 00:42:30,809 --> 00:42:33,869 no less ephemeral than childhood, 487 00:42:33,893 --> 00:42:38,034 one of cranes, trenches, disparate constructions 488 00:42:38,058 --> 00:42:41,743 offered to the eye by the new town of Cergy-Pontoise, 489 00:42:41,767 --> 00:42:44,160 a muddy no man's land 490 00:42:44,184 --> 00:42:45,950 which ten years later 491 00:42:45,974 --> 00:42:47,535 will have been erased, 492 00:42:47,559 --> 00:42:52,111 undetectable in Rohmer's film Boyfriends and Girlfriends. 493 00:42:56,559 --> 00:43:00,535 It was an abstract, imaginary city, 494 00:43:00,559 --> 00:43:02,428 still in the making. 495 00:43:08,392 --> 00:43:12,368 We never tired of filming this landscape over the months and seasons, 496 00:43:12,392 --> 00:43:16,511 this overgrown garden where wild rabbits prospered. 497 00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:26,381 There will, however, be very few interiors, 498 00:43:27,392 --> 00:43:31,075 no more birthday meals at all, 499 00:43:31,100 --> 00:43:33,162 no more family moments filmed. 500 00:43:33,974 --> 00:43:38,951 Today I see in that absence a sign unnoticed then, 501 00:43:38,975 --> 00:43:42,520 as we watched the latest reel together, 502 00:43:42,601 --> 00:43:45,954 a sign of bonds unravelling. 503 00:43:50,559 --> 00:43:52,577 Our reluctance to film ourselves 504 00:43:52,601 --> 00:43:56,326 expressed the general lassitude of a couple near forty 505 00:43:56,350 --> 00:43:59,897 whose way of life weighed equally on both. 506 00:44:10,559 --> 00:44:12,702 In the fall of 1978, 507 00:44:12,726 --> 00:44:16,654 I accompanied Philippe Ernaux to a conference in Ajaccio. 508 00:44:19,517 --> 00:44:24,069 I was often alone while Philippe Ernaux was in meetings. 509 00:44:24,934 --> 00:44:26,951 I walked around, looked in windows 510 00:44:26,975 --> 00:44:28,910 along rue du Cardinal Fesch, 511 00:44:28,934 --> 00:44:32,240 I felt like a Frenchwoman from the mainland. 512 00:44:33,225 --> 00:44:36,285 It was our first time in Corsica 513 00:44:36,309 --> 00:44:38,451 and inadmissibly 514 00:44:38,475 --> 00:44:41,951 we expected to feel uprooted, as much as, or even more 515 00:44:41,975 --> 00:44:44,370 than if we were in a foreign country. 516 00:44:52,974 --> 00:44:56,993 Sometimes I stayed at the hotel, far from the city centre 517 00:44:57,017 --> 00:45:00,228 and close to the beach, deserted in October. 518 00:45:01,642 --> 00:45:04,951 I read Paul Nizan, I wrote in my journal, 519 00:45:04,975 --> 00:45:09,951 ''The water falls on the terrace, forming fleeting moons on the puddles. 520 00:45:09,975 --> 00:45:15,820 From here I see palm trees, an ochre statue, the bougainvillea.'' 521 00:45:17,729 --> 00:45:24,081 I recall the mornings when I walked up a sandy little path to the bus stop, 522 00:45:24,434 --> 00:45:27,979 past the closed beach bars, 523 00:45:28,225 --> 00:45:30,243 a moment of pure pleasure 524 00:45:30,267 --> 00:45:36,353 which counterbalanced the boredom and loneliness of the formal meals. 525 00:45:36,975 --> 00:45:38,285 On the beach, 526 00:45:38,309 --> 00:45:41,660 I was buoyed by the certainty of finishing the book 527 00:45:41,684 --> 00:45:43,827 I'd only just begun to write 528 00:45:43,851 --> 00:45:46,034 my story of a woman 529 00:45:46,058 --> 00:45:49,368 assigned since marriage to the role of nurturer, 530 00:45:49,392 --> 00:45:52,937 silent manager and steward, 531 00:45:53,559 --> 00:45:59,357 whereas I'd been raised to believe in freedom and equality with men. 532 00:46:26,225 --> 00:46:28,669 That book, A Frozen Woman, 533 00:46:28,851 --> 00:46:31,910 had just been finished and sent to my editor 534 00:46:31,934 --> 00:46:34,904 when we left for Spain the summer of '80 535 00:46:35,809 --> 00:46:40,618 with the boys in their early teens, in Iron Maiden t-shirts, 536 00:46:40,642 --> 00:46:42,993 asking for their heavy metal 537 00:46:43,017 --> 00:46:45,797 and Queen tapes to be played in the car. 538 00:46:46,934 --> 00:46:51,822 Giscard's haughty presidency was ending in a slow, heavy climate, 539 00:46:51,934 --> 00:46:54,451 scarcely brightened by farcical tales 540 00:46:54,475 --> 00:46:59,315 of diamonds from Bokassa and sniffer planes. 541 00:46:59,975 --> 00:47:02,618 We doubted François Mitterrand had a chance, 542 00:47:02,642 --> 00:47:04,606 allied with Georges Marchais. 543 00:47:05,142 --> 00:47:06,798 We'd have preferred Rocard. 544 00:47:07,559 --> 00:47:12,254 One could go to Spain without bad conscience since Franco's death 545 00:47:12,601 --> 00:47:15,993 but paradoxically, not without a shiver of fear 546 00:47:16,017 --> 00:47:18,827 due to the attacks of the ETA, 547 00:47:18,851 --> 00:47:22,204 who were said to puncture tourists' tires, 548 00:47:23,142 --> 00:47:27,359 a fear forgotten as of Pamplona and the San Fermin festival. 549 00:47:27,392 --> 00:47:31,160 We were immersed in dizzying jubilation, 550 00:47:31,184 --> 00:47:33,579 bullfights, non-stop music, 551 00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:37,243 the Bigheads swaying between narrow walls, 552 00:47:37,267 --> 00:47:42,155 everything I'd just read in The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway. 553 00:48:10,309 --> 00:48:11,743 In Pamplona, 554 00:48:11,767 --> 00:48:17,255 I'd no idea that in my memory, this trip would signify a rite of initiation 555 00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:19,450 into another life, 556 00:48:19,475 --> 00:48:24,649 its stages marked by the cities travelled through in the Peugeot 504. 557 00:48:24,674 --> 00:48:29,034 Valladolid, where David came down with food poisoning, 558 00:48:29,851 --> 00:48:30,993 Toledo, 559 00:48:31,017 --> 00:48:34,324 the Tagus and the sinister Alcázar. 560 00:48:34,349 --> 00:48:38,622 Soria, Alba de Tormes, Almazán. 561 00:48:40,601 --> 00:48:41,942 Salamanca, 562 00:48:42,309 --> 00:48:45,827 especially Salamanca, and the Plaza Mayor, 563 00:48:45,851 --> 00:48:50,950 where after a heated argument, I remained one evening alone with my sons 564 00:48:50,974 --> 00:48:53,368 until the sun went down, 565 00:48:53,392 --> 00:48:55,500 a perfect moment. 566 00:49:11,184 --> 00:49:14,285 In the permanent familial and conjugal one-on-one 567 00:49:14,309 --> 00:49:15,951 of a family trip, 568 00:49:15,975 --> 00:49:20,285 things that stay hidden on ordinary days suddenly explode, 569 00:49:20,309 --> 00:49:27,017 conflicts are aggravated, usually dissolved in people's daily occupations. 570 00:49:27,684 --> 00:49:30,285 With a lucidity made more painful 571 00:49:30,309 --> 00:49:34,076 by the memory of another summer, the one when we met 572 00:49:34,100 --> 00:49:36,209 seventeen years earlier, 573 00:49:37,225 --> 00:49:39,368 I wrote in my journal, 574 00:49:39,392 --> 00:49:41,787 ''I'm superfluous in his life.'' 575 00:51:43,017 --> 00:51:46,910 A year later, in the summer of '81, in Portugal, 576 00:51:46,934 --> 00:51:49,329 our personal history had taken 577 00:51:49,974 --> 00:51:53,493 a turn for the worse with the publication of my book 578 00:51:53,517 --> 00:51:54,910 A Frozen Woman, 579 00:51:54,934 --> 00:51:59,951 while political history billowed with great expectations 580 00:51:59,975 --> 00:52:03,425 since François Mitterrand's May 10th victory. 581 00:52:06,017 --> 00:52:09,850 The camera that summer no longer sought happy moments. 582 00:52:10,684 --> 00:52:14,451 The scarcity of faces and bodies in the images, 583 00:52:14,475 --> 00:52:17,869 which struck me when we watched the reels, 584 00:52:17,893 --> 00:52:20,336 signified growing distance in a couple. 585 00:52:23,434 --> 00:52:26,785 Of the towns we travelled through, I remember 586 00:52:26,809 --> 00:52:30,834 only the unfinished chapels of Batalha, with sky for roofs, 587 00:52:31,017 --> 00:52:34,611 a monster traffic jam on our way out of Setúbal, 588 00:52:34,642 --> 00:52:38,667 the alleys of Obidos, where I bought an embroidered dress, 589 00:52:38,934 --> 00:52:42,815 trams in the steep and narrow streets of old Lisbon, 590 00:52:43,267 --> 00:52:47,326 which today for me have merged with Alain Tanner's 591 00:52:47,350 --> 00:52:48,836 In the White City, 592 00:52:49,017 --> 00:52:51,950 streets destroyed by the great fire 593 00:52:51,974 --> 00:52:53,413 of 1988. 594 00:53:19,559 --> 00:53:22,577 On that trip, Philippe Ernaux was miles away 595 00:53:22,601 --> 00:53:24,996 and I was dramatically absent. 596 00:53:26,017 --> 00:53:27,167 In a sense, 597 00:53:27,350 --> 00:53:32,190 the wind of freedom from the spring had caught us up. 598 00:53:48,601 --> 00:53:50,618 In the fall of '81, 599 00:53:50,642 --> 00:53:52,451 silencing our grievances, 600 00:53:52,475 --> 00:53:55,827 we seized the chance to go to Moscow, 601 00:53:55,851 --> 00:53:59,410 courtesy of Philippe Ernaux's work council, 602 00:53:59,434 --> 00:54:01,350 a four-day trip. 603 00:54:01,934 --> 00:54:03,410 It was too short 604 00:54:03,434 --> 00:54:06,076 and we didn't expect much from a visit 605 00:54:06,100 --> 00:54:09,493 organised by the Soviet agency Intourist. 606 00:54:09,517 --> 00:54:14,076 However, when we landed at Sheremetyevo airport, 607 00:54:14,100 --> 00:54:19,660 greeted by Red Army soldiers with oddly childlike faces, 608 00:54:19,684 --> 00:54:22,224 I was gripped by a sudden emotion, 609 00:54:22,601 --> 00:54:26,702 as if the weight of 20th century History had converged 610 00:54:26,726 --> 00:54:29,660 and unfurled in the space of a second 611 00:54:29,684 --> 00:54:33,229 all images of Russia accumulated since childhood. 612 00:54:42,684 --> 00:54:47,702 The USSR was the Beyond, immense, unrepresentable, 613 00:54:47,726 --> 00:54:51,660 containing both Siberia and the beaches of the Black Sea, 614 00:54:51,684 --> 00:54:52,869 Tolstoy, 615 00:54:52,893 --> 00:54:55,336 Dostoevsky, Tchaikovsky, Eisenstein, 616 00:54:56,184 --> 00:54:58,326 Lenin, Stalin, 617 00:54:58,350 --> 00:55:00,160 the muzhik Khrushchev 618 00:55:00,184 --> 00:55:01,951 to Leonid Brezhnev, 619 00:55:01,975 --> 00:55:04,410 in office from time immemorial, 620 00:55:04,434 --> 00:55:06,159 grim and massive, 621 00:55:06,601 --> 00:55:10,721 ''not quite sinister but almost'', to paraphrase Coluche. 622 00:55:15,726 --> 00:55:20,660 On the marked route that took us by Intourist coach from Red Square, 623 00:55:20,684 --> 00:55:23,160 with St. Basil's Cathedral 624 00:55:23,184 --> 00:55:25,368 and the endless queue 625 00:55:25,392 --> 00:55:27,243 at Lenin's mausoleum, 626 00:55:27,267 --> 00:55:29,910 to Lomonosov University, 627 00:55:29,934 --> 00:55:33,959 a symbol of glorious Stalinist architecture, 628 00:55:34,100 --> 00:55:36,368 we vaguely searched for signs 629 00:55:36,392 --> 00:55:39,747 of the joy or misery of being a Soviet. 630 00:55:42,225 --> 00:55:45,869 What did it mean to live in an order magnified by the grandeur 631 00:55:45,893 --> 00:55:48,243 of the Worker and the Kolkhoz Woman, 632 00:55:48,267 --> 00:55:54,689 with hieratic profiles of workers on the walls, extolling production? 633 00:56:07,100 --> 00:56:11,285 The trip to Moscow is the last we made together, 634 00:56:11,309 --> 00:56:13,285 and the last film shot. 635 00:56:13,309 --> 00:56:16,785 The family unit collapsed the following year. 636 00:56:16,809 --> 00:56:20,307 It was agreed the boys would stay with me. 637 00:56:20,434 --> 00:56:24,827 Their father took the camera, which he'd use in his new life, 638 00:56:24,851 --> 00:56:29,451 and left me the projector, the screen and all the reels of film. 639 00:56:29,475 --> 00:56:32,410 He resolutely entered another existence 640 00:56:32,434 --> 00:56:35,743 and abandoned the memory of the old one with us. 641 00:56:35,767 --> 00:56:39,456 In short, he made me its guardian. 642 00:56:42,642 --> 00:56:48,034 It was a new form of family life that developed with my teenaged sons 643 00:56:48,058 --> 00:56:50,647 and we let the films sleep a long time. 644 00:56:52,517 --> 00:56:55,118 To set up the screen in the dining room, 645 00:56:55,142 --> 00:56:59,410 raise the projector with books on the table, gather chairs, 646 00:56:59,434 --> 00:57:03,172 wait for everyone to be seated 647 00:57:03,392 --> 00:57:05,410 and then watch the images roll 648 00:57:05,434 --> 00:57:08,022 as each added his or her remark, 649 00:57:08,475 --> 00:57:12,076 all the ceremony once eagerly awaited 650 00:57:12,100 --> 00:57:14,497 was part of a bygone era. 651 00:57:22,601 --> 00:57:25,330 My sons had to become fathers themselves 652 00:57:25,434 --> 00:57:30,076 for us to rediscover together these traces of their childhood 653 00:57:30,100 --> 00:57:33,934 and the dead, alive again. 654 00:57:35,058 --> 00:57:36,353 My mother, 655 00:57:40,267 --> 00:57:42,327 the Ernaux grandparents, 656 00:57:46,350 --> 00:57:48,267 Dominique the rebel 657 00:57:50,017 --> 00:57:53,285 and the one who'd filmed it all, Philippe Ernaux, 658 00:57:53,309 --> 00:57:56,136 who died of a smoker's cancer. 659 00:58:02,809 --> 00:58:05,923 It was both joyful and melancholy. 660 00:58:06,726 --> 00:58:09,840 Each of us thought in disbelief 661 00:58:09,934 --> 00:58:12,761 ''that was me, that was us'', 662 00:58:13,434 --> 00:58:16,910 knowing nothing, then, of a mysterious future 663 00:58:16,934 --> 00:58:20,719 in which the year 2000 was a horizon too remote 664 00:58:20,893 --> 00:58:22,521 for us to care about. 665 00:58:28,241 --> 00:58:32,075 But what story was told in this parade of images 666 00:58:32,100 --> 00:58:35,647 with no sound but the crackle of the projector? 667 00:58:36,767 --> 00:58:39,869 Words were needed to give meaning to this silent time, 668 00:58:39,893 --> 00:58:41,411 snippets of family life 669 00:58:41,726 --> 00:58:44,984 invisibly recorded inside the history of the era. 670 00:58:57,225 --> 00:59:00,618 It would be a fragment of family autobiography, 671 00:59:00,642 --> 00:59:02,174 and a chance for me 672 00:59:03,267 --> 00:59:06,326 to recall decisive years of my life, 673 00:59:06,350 --> 00:59:11,535 and for all of us to revisit that light shone upon the past, 674 00:59:11,559 --> 00:59:14,076 the golden light of ''Indian summer'' 675 00:59:14,100 --> 00:59:18,173 which Joe Dassin sang about in those years. 676 01:00:16,309 --> 01:00:18,945 Subtitles: Alison Strayer 677 01:00:19,142 --> 01:00:21,011 Subtitling: HIVENTY 52140

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