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[music playing]
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NARRATOR: Ah, nature,
it's beautiful
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and what better place to
enjoy it than a summer camp.
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Welcome to Camp
Big Teepee, a place
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where children come
year after year
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to gain the experience that
only a summer camp can provide.
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[clears throat] Experiences
that will last a lifetime.
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Children will learn to
share-- to make friends--
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they'll learn to swim and
acquire valuable skills
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such as woodworking.
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[evil laughter]
[scream]
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Yes, Camp Big Teepee provides
the physical exercise that
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enables young bodies to grow.
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My chest grew a quarter
of an inch since last week.
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NARRATOR: And
everyone will learn
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the value of determination
and self-restraint.
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Could it be three days
without wetting my bed?
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Three d-- two-- two days.
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[laughter]
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NARRATOR: Yes,
campers will be guided
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by the very
responsible counselors
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who are always on the ball.
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Dick.
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And Jane.
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Oh, Dick.
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Why Jane.
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Ah!
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Oh, Dick.
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See Spot run.
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Oh, yes!
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NARRATOR: But most
important, children are
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taught to appreciate nature.
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Ah, the forest--
such a wondrous place.
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Come campers, let us explore.
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If we keep our
eyes and ears open,
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we might just be
able to see some
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of natures busy little creatures
in their natural habitat.
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Now, listen
carefully, this region
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abounds with many
of the furry animals
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such as raccoon and beaver.
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Watch your step.
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The brush is thick here.
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It's hard to see
where you're going.
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Ah!
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[screams]
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NARRATOR: Our story begins
on the last day of camp.
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WOMAN (ON SPEAKER):
Attention campers--
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like report for
totally grody mess hall
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because it's the super-mom end
of the summer speech thing, OK?
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Campers, it has been
a productive summer.
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I know we've all come a
long way in six weeks.
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We've had fun.
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But we've matured.
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Ah, phooey!
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Now, don't forget
to tell mom and dad
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what a terrific
time you've had so
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that you can all come back next
year to be further enriched.
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And we can all make more
money-- uh, friends.
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WOMAN (ON SPEAKER):
Attention campers,
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OK, like, go to your whoa, hey,
like assigned activities, OK?
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Now follow me girls
and do exactly as I do.
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One, two, stretch.
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One, two, stretch.
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One, two, stretch.
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Girls-- do exactly as I
do. [frog sound] Ooh.
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[scream]
[screams]
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The morning activity
is nature again?
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Oh, I hate nature!
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Nature hunt?
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I want to go shoot some hoops.
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It's a nature hike.
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And that means a lot of walking.
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And I hope we're back
in time for lunch.
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Oh, nature sucks and
so doe that nature
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counselor, Miss Farmer.
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Yeah.
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OK, campers, today the main
emphasis of our nature walk
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will deal with the
study of symbiosis.
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Does anybody know
what that means?
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Symbiosis?
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Mitchell?
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Huh?
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Symbiosis-- uh, yeah.
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My mother had that once.
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But then she got some mouthwash.
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Now it's all better, huh?
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00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:49,790
No.
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00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,659
No, Mitchell.
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Mitch.
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00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,796
Hey, where'd you get that?
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00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:56,830
You want to get high?
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Sure.
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00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:58,499
Hey, what are guys doing?
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00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,533
Hey, bug off, shithead.
95
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,501
Are you going to smoke that?
96
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,135
Yeah, bigshot, you want a hit?
97
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,837
Yeah, sure.
98
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:04,905
OK, great.
99
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:05,973
Let's go.
100
00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:07,841
Oh, I'm always starved
after I smoke pot.
101
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:08,809
I have no food.
102
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,277
Oh, come on, Annie.
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00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,278
Let's ask Henry.
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He's always got lots of food.
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00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:13,381
Hey, Henry, you want a hit?
106
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,348
Huh?
107
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,749
You want a hit?
108
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:16,750
No, don't hit me.
Don't hit me.
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00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,018
Please don't do that.
-No, no, no.
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Do you want to smoke some grass?
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00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:23,256
Oh, sure
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Let's continue our nature hike.
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Let's see if we can find
some specific examples
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of symbiotic relationships.
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Fuck this nature shit.
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Let's go smoke the grass.
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[music playing]
118
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Hey, guys!
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I've got the grass.
Come on.
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Let's smoke it.
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Follow me, guys.
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I know just the place.
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00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,785
Hey, Henry, where are we going?
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Come on.
125
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It's right here.
126
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I come here all the time.
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Oh!
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Yuck.
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00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,528
Watch out for the
rabbit shit, guys.
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Hey, uh, Dan, you
got that lantern?
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00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:04,665
It's dark in there.
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You go first.
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Who me?
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00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,168
Yeah, come on.
Go ahead.
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00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:08,969
Come on, Danny.
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Come on.
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00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,140
DANNY: Why do I have to
go in the hole first?
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MITCH: Because douche
bags go in the hole first.
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DANNY: Are sure
it's safe in here?
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00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:19,913
Come on.
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00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,215
ANNIE: Mitch, you behind me?
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MITCH: I'm right on your tail.
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Come on, you guys, my
place is just around here.
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Wow!
145
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,292
Oh, shit.
146
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,528
So do you guys want to
go by the onyx formation
147
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that looks like popcorn?
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00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:39,266
Or the one that
looks like donuts?
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00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:40,267
Donuts.
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00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:43,236
Yeah, donuts.
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00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,738
[fart]
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Henry, you farted
right in my face.
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00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:50,177
HENRY: Sorry, cheese
sandwiches do that to me.
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00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,045
Oh, the giant grape.
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00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:52,980
Where is it?
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00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,381
Right here.
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00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:56,884
And for your
post-joint enjoyment,
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I always keep a
little food here just
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for these kind of emergencies.
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Good going, Henry.
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00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:05,926
Mitchell, can you tell
me the name of that plant?
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Mitchell?
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00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,764
Where's Mitchell?
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Where's Annie?
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Miss Farmer, I saw them
leave with a funny cigarette.
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What?
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Yeah.
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00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:19,439
Now, now, now, don't panic.
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00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,774
Now you children
stay right here.
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I'll be right back.
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Now, don't move.
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Do you understand me?
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Dont' move.
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Yes, Miss Farmer.
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Screw here, let's go.
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[coughing]
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DANNY: Smooth stuff.
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Hey, Danny, come over here
and take a hit of this.
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DANNY: Ouch!
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The joint burned my tongue.
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MITCH: No, you idiot.
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Smoke the other end.
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00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:05,719
Those assholes, I knew
I couldn't trust them.
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[sniffing]
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Oh, sinsemilla.
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00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,794
Those kids have good taste.
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00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:17,965
Shit, if I can only
get my hands on them.
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Is it imported?
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You bet.
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00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,004
Well, I only smoke the best.
191
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:24,905
Well, it is the best.
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OK, you guys.
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00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,141
Don't try to get
rid of the smell.
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00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,611
That's how I found you
in the first place.
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00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:33,847
I could smell it a mile away.
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00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,816
Danny Anderson!
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00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,785
I'm ashamed of you.
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00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:41,789
And you were nominated for
Most Improved Camper Award.
199
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,356
Why did you guys
leave the group?
200
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,959
I could get in a lot of
trouble because of you.
201
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:49,129
Well, what do you have
to say for yourselves?
202
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:49,930
Want a hit?
203
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,000
Oh, gee, thanks.
204
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,670
No, I don't smoke pot.
205
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:57,738
My body is a temple.
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00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,106
I would never put any
chemicals into it.
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00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:02,475
Yeah, except for maybe
your birth control pills.
208
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,712
Why do you guys want
to do this anyway?
209
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:07,347
I mean, you should
get high on nature.
210
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:12,452
Just look at the beauty
and symmetry of this cave.
211
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,022
This cave is a perfect
example of the changing
212
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:18,091
state of nature.
213
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,094
Just look at the way
that still stalactite
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00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:25,733
delicately clings to the roof
of this cavernous orifice.
215
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:30,638
The slightest movement or
sound could offset that balance
216
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:33,741
and create an upheaval that
is probably how this cave
217
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,709
was created in the first place.
218
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,679
[screams] It's a spider!
219
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:39,847
It's a spider!
220
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:40,648
It's OK.
221
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,616
It's OK.
222
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:43,583
Huh?
223
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,552
[rumbling sound]
224
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,021
Ah!
225
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,489
See what your
screaming has done?
226
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,490
What?
227
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,959
Are you trying to kill us?
228
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:54,227
It's not Annie'sfault. It's just
229
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:58,365
a demonstration of nature in
an ever-changing state of flux.
230
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,336
Oh, fuck the flux.
231
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,473
Let's get the fuck out of here.
232
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,341
Don't panic.
233
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,211
The slightest sound
could cause a cave-in.
234
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:14,715
Now let's move very
slowly out of the cave.
235
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:15,883
Go ahead, Mitchell.
236
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:16,717
No, no, no.
237
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,085
Ladies first.
238
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,252
You go first.
239
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:22,155
OK, now remember
don't make a sound.
240
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:30,563
Shh!
241
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,971
[fart]
242
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:43,877
Oh, shit!
243
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:47,848
Ah!
244
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,317
[screams]
245
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:05,098
If I told you once, I told
you a thousand times, Butch.
246
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:07,134
You've got to water
down the milk.
247
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,336
This milk bill is killing me.
248
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,371
And another thing,
you've got to double dose
249
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,807
the salt
peter in the bug juice.
250
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,343
These kids are getting
a little bit too frisky.
251
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:17,144
Loose joints!
252
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,245
Loose joints!
253
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,646
Nickle bags-- come on,
loose, I got it all.
254
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,181
You don't got a date to
take to the boathouse?
255
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:24,517
My friend-- she'll
take good care of you.
256
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:25,953
There you go.
Come on, guys.
257
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:27,154
I got to go.
258
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,388
You got some petroleum
jelly for your girlfriend.
259
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:29,589
I got it.
I got a bong.
260
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,325
I got it all, guys.
261
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,260
Is everybody OK?
262
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,661
Danny?
263
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:37,898
The whole fucking thing
caved in on us, asshole.
264
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,266
I'm sorry guys.
265
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,402
I guess I shouldn't have had
that other cheese sandwich.
266
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:45,072
Yeah.
267
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,406
All right, listen, don't worry.
268
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:47,207
I'll get us out of here.
269
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,008
All right?
270
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,642
All right.
271
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,845
MISS FARMER: My head.
272
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,246
Holy shit!
273
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,048
MISS FARMER: I'll never be ready
for the end-of-season banquet.
274
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,049
HENRY: Oh, yeah, the banquet.
275
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,418
And they're having
chocolate pudding.
276
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,319
Come on, Mitch.
277
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:00,253
You can get us out of here.
278
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,189
I know you can.
279
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,690
Damn, these fucking rocks.
280
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,097
Ah!
281
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,664
There's no way.
282
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,600
There's no fucking way.
283
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,402
There's thousands
of rocks back there.
284
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,904
Now what are we going
to do Miss Know-it-All.
285
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:19,272
Well, don't panic.
286
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:22,675
Well, let's look on
the positive side.
287
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:26,079
We still have light
and half a joint.
288
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,047
Half a joint.
289
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:29,482
And let's see, who
knows we're here.
290
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,683
My campers!
291
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,486
They're still back on
the trail waiting for me.
292
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,455
They are bound to come
and get us in no time.
293
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,791
Ahh!
294
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,426
Oh, boy, what a relief.
295
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,830
Hey, Clem, what's that
guy doing by our fence?
296
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,898
So hard to find a good
piss pole these days.
297
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,233
And this one is a beauty.
298
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,468
Hey, it looks like he's
breaking into our chicken coop.
299
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:49,302
What a relief.
300
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:50,537
Oh, my back teeth were floating.
301
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,639
My teeth were just
going to fall right out.
302
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,007
They were just floating.
303
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,575
Oh, thank goodness
I found this pole.
304
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:56,910
I thought it--
305
00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:04,317
OK, buster, put up your hands
and turn around real slow.
306
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:05,752
Well, wait, wait, wait.
307
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,187
Shutup!
308
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:12,092
Put up your hands and
turn around real slow.
309
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,726
Well, OK.
310
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,132
Oh, don't hurt me.
311
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:23,403
Huh?
312
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,138
These water bills
are killing me.
313
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,274
Now, I told you I
wanted three campers
314
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,309
to pee before each flush.
315
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,110
Get it?
316
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:30,911
Got it.
317
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:31,845
Good.
318
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:32,880
Lebotomy, what
are you doing back
319
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,115
so soon from the nature hunt?
320
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,583
Danny Anderson.
321
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:40,854
Mitch, Annie, and
Henry-- funny cigarettes.
322
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:41,688
Frogs!
323
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:43,323
What are you trying to tell me?
324
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,958
Well, they're lost.
325
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,194
And they're not coming back.
326
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,728
Merriam, check on his story.
327
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,498
We've got to find those kids.
328
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:54,534
Some of them haven't
paid their bill yet.
329
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,403
What time is it, Miss Farmer?
330
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,204
Leave me alone.
331
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:58,771
Oh, excuse me.
332
00:13:58,872 --> 00:13:59,839
What's the matter with you?
333
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,441
You've never been
touched by a man before?
334
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,110
Scared I might turn you on?
335
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,878
Big shot.
336
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:08,348
I am sick of yours
notty comments.
337
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:11,885
I have been touched by more men
than you could even imagine.
338
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,386
I bet you wouldn't even
know what to do if I
339
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,956
really let you touch me anyway.
340
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,791
Yeah, I bet you never even
have gotten laid, Stub.
341
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,361
Hey, listen, I wouldn't want
to bore you with the details.
342
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,897
Besides, you wouldn't
understand half of it anyway.
343
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,065
And don't call me Stub.
344
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:25,865
My name is Stud.
345
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:32,839
OK Stub, why don't you tell
us about your sexual conquests?
346
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,107
Yeah.
347
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,208
I don't want to
talk about this.
348
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:42,782
The act of sexual intercourse--
the coupling of two organisms
349
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,253
is the most important
and obviously essential
350
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,422
when in the life
cycle of the species.
351
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,790
What the hell did she just say?
352
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:55,028
She's trying to tell us she
never bobbed on a man before.
353
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,230
How about it, nature counselor?
354
00:14:57,330 --> 00:15:00,533
I bet you're the world's
first 22-year-old virgin.
355
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,403
Yeah, when did Miss Nature
Teacher get her cherry
356
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,139
[popping sound] popped.
357
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,376
Aren't we all charming today?
358
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:12,345
OK, Stub, you're
going to enlighten us
359
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:15,448
on your vast sexual experience.
360
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:16,416
OK.
361
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:17,817
OK, all right.
362
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,187
I'll tell you all about
the first time I got laid.
363
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,521
Hmm?
364
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:22,622
Under one condition.
365
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:23,923
Yeah?
366
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,858
That you all tell me about
the first time you got laid.
367
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:29,429
What's the matter?
368
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,131
You've all done it haven't you?
369
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,499
Of course.
370
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,566
DANNY: What do you take us for?
371
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,903
Hey, Henry, we got a
virgin in the group?
372
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,638
Nah.
373
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,407
I always get fucked.
374
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:42,775
ANNIE: Come on,
Mitch, you start off.
375
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:48,515
The first time I got lad, hmm,
shit, there's been so many.
376
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,583
Ah, I remember.
377
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,520
It all started when I had a
fight with my chick, Kathy.
378
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,823
I took here to Inspiration
Point, a nice secluded place
379
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:59,159
where I knew we
could be all alone.
380
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:03,663
Then I started to put these
major league moves on her.
381
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:07,234
Oh, is that bubble
gum I taste?
382
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:10,337
No, I just have this
terrible sinus congestion.
383
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:11,138
Ah.
384
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,088
Kathy, if you could just--
385
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:30,223
Stud, we've only
been going out a week.
386
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,224
Oh, I know.
387
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,593
It's been a good week too.
388
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,727
Just like--
389
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,230
I really don't want to.
390
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:41,968
Yeah, yeah, just-- just-- yeah.
391
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,002
Just--
392
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,204
MITCH (VOICEOVER):
As usual, the chick
393
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,639
had her hands all over me.
394
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,108
I had to fight her away.
395
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,142
Oh, Jess!
396
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,110
Oh, Jess!
397
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,111
Oh, Jess!
398
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,079
Oh, Jess!
399
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,580
Oh, Jess!
400
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,248
Oh, Jess!
401
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,049
Ahhh!
402
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,688
Jesus Christ!
403
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,357
What is this sticky
shit all over my dress?
404
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,059
You pig!
405
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,061
I hope this doesn't
get me pregnant.
406
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,163
MITCH (VOICEOVER): But I knew
it couldn't last forever.
407
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,099
So I hit the road.
408
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:12,899
Oh!
409
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,367
JESS: Pig, get out of here.
410
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,335
Asshole!
411
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:16,136
You weenie.
412
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,240
Excuse me.
413
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,778
I decided to go while
the going was good.
414
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:29,849
I don't like chicks
who get stuck on me.
415
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,318
Oooh.
416
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,919
MITCH (VOICEOVER): So I
decided to thumb a ride.
417
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:38,858
People always took an
instant liking to me.
418
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,993
All I had to dow
as flex my biceps.
419
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:42,629
And it was easy as
fucking a tomato.
420
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,201
A real cute chick picked me up.
421
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:52,339
I could tell she was a
real nice clean cut girl.
422
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,807
She wasn't like Kathy at all.
423
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:55,608
She was mature.
424
00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,712
What's your name?
425
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,548
My name is Mitch.
426
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:04,651
But friends call
me Stub-- ah, Stud.
427
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,552
Stud?
428
00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:06,753
Why is that?
429
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,389
It's a long line of women
who can tell you why.
430
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:12,859
Are you always
so shy and modest?
431
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,328
Only with breasts--
uh, girls I like.
432
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,196
Ah.
433
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,698
Does that mean you like me?
434
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,901
Well, you sure
are kind of cute.
435
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:25,438
I really like the preppy look.
436
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,340
Gee, thanks a lot, you know?
437
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,543
I don't get too compliments
in my line of work.
438
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,411
What's your line of work?
439
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,684
I mean, you can't
tell what I do?
440
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,352
MITCH: Not really.
441
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:43,390
Hey, Stud-- into the road.
442
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,124
You never did tell
me what you did.
443
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,161
Uh, I'm a hooker, you know?
444
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,197
A real, live call girl.
445
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,799
Bullshit.
446
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,202
Would I lie about
something like that?
447
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:58,371
No, I guess not.
448
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,641
Why don't you come
over for a drink?
449
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:04,344
I'm sure you can find the time.
450
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,313
Well, yeah, I guess
I could do that.
451
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:07,113
Where do you live?
452
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,186
(VOICEOVER) I finally hit
the jackpot with this chick.
453
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,722
But I didn't want to
screw up this opportunity.
454
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,424
So I decided to
bring my friend Jeff
455
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,158
along because he
read all the books
456
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,428
and how to score with the women.
457
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,396
This is it.
458
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,266
Mitch, don't worry
about a thing, OK?
459
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,968
Just run the order past
me one more time now.
460
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:31,238
OK, OK.
461
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,305
First, body hygiene.
462
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:33,240
Oh, Mitch, no.
463
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:34,341
Oh, come on, Jeff.
464
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:36,976
Now, how many times
have I got to tell you?
465
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:38,845
One, you blow in her ear.
466
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,448
That drives them wild.
467
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,916
Two, body hygiene--
OK, some guys
468
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,018
like for a guy to spend
some time in the bathroom
469
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,422
before indulging
in such activities.
470
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:53,059
Three, moan and groan--
it drives them wild.
471
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,262
Four, get them nice and wet.
472
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:59,499
And five, zingo!
473
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:00,333
Zingo!
474
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,734
Zingo.
475
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:05,305
Now, if all else fails, take
my words of wisdom for advice.
476
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,105
OK.
477
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,074
When in doubt, whip it out.
478
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:08,875
OK.
479
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,042
That's it.
Come on.
480
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:10,843
Let's get going.
481
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,748
[popping sounds]
482
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,519
MITCH (VOICEOVER):
Jeff was a real pro.
483
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,988
He started the evening
off with rule number one.
484
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,323
He blew in her ear.
485
00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:29,696
Well, here I am, Babe,
all six inches of me.
486
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:30,763
Who is this?
487
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:31,631
Who me?
488
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:32,599
Hey, I'm Jeff.
489
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,166
I'm here to give
you some hot action.
490
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:36,469
Well, Mitch I'm first.
491
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:37,837
Make yourself
comfortable because this
492
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,005
is going to take a while.
493
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:39,806
As for you sweetheart.
494
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:40,840
Tell me, what do we got?
495
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:41,874
Around the world?
496
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:44,076
Half and half French-Greek?
497
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:46,346
I know Greek is
usually a little extra.
498
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:50,216
Hey, maybe we can get
the two for one price.
499
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,785
Oh, hey, I know you
professional type girls.
500
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,587
You like to see the
cash first, right?
501
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:55,822
Hey, OK, I don't blame you.
502
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:56,923
I come prepared.
503
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:57,990
Don't worry.
504
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,926
Let's see if we've
got a one dollar, two
505
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:02,562
dollars, a three, four dollars.
506
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,464
How does that sound, sweetheart?
507
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:05,898
There's more where
this came from.
508
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,033
You know what I mean?
509
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,234
Well?
510
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:09,502
What did you say your name was?
511
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:10,437
Jeff?
JEFF: Jeff.
512
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:11,538
You got it.-Come on in.
513
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:12,339
JEFF: OK.
514
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:13,139
[turnstile sound]
515
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:23,750
I don't believe what I've done.
516
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:25,518
Look at this place.
517
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,020
This isn't the living
room of a hooker.
518
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:32,459
This is the living
room of a nice girl.
519
00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:33,560
Excuse me for a moment please.
520
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:34,361
Yeah, really?
521
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:38,365
Holy shit!
522
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:39,766
What the hell was in that book?
523
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:43,235
Moans and groans-- a
body hygiene-- my notes.
524
00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:44,837
"Blow in her ear, body
hygiene, moans and groans,
525
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:46,272
get her nice and wet, zingo."
526
00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:47,407
OK, step number
two, body hygiene.
527
00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:55,181
Oh, my god.
528
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:55,982
Whoo!
529
00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:15,568
Oh, geez, champagne.
530
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:19,305
Oh, you brought me champagne.
531
00:22:19,406 --> 00:22:24,444
OK, body hygiene.
"Moans and groans."
532
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:28,681
Moans and groans--
uh-- no, no.
533
00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:29,549
Uh!
534
00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:30,550
No, geez.
535
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:35,221
Oh!
536
00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:40,126
Oh!
537
00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:42,061
Yeah.
538
00:22:42,161 --> 00:22:46,365
[moaning]
539
00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:47,366
I got it now.
540
00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:48,701
All I git to do is
take up my pants.
541
00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:50,302
And I don't need
a book for that.
542
00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:55,408
Oh, look at this --
horsd'oeuvres-- beautiful--
543
00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:57,343
beautiful hors d'oeuvres.
544
00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:59,211
And I brought that animal here.
545
00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:00,480
That animal!
546
00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:01,280
Oh!
547
00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:07,620
Oh!
548
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,089
Oh!
549
00:23:10,189 --> 00:23:11,057
Oh!
550
00:23:11,157 --> 00:23:14,494
Oh, if that animal.
551
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:16,328
If you touch her, I'll kill you!
552
00:23:16,429 --> 00:23:17,396
You better be good to her.
553
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:18,998
God, what did I do?
554
00:23:19,098 --> 00:23:21,000
What are you doing?
555
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:23,470
Oh!
556
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,872
I haven't even touched you yet.
557
00:23:25,972 --> 00:23:28,708
I'm a very, very excitable guy.
558
00:23:28,808 --> 00:23:29,809
Oh!
559
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,711
It doesn't look very excited.
560
00:23:31,811 --> 00:23:34,313
You know, you're right.
561
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,215
Wait one second.
562
00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:39,786
"Step Four, gether nice and wet."
563
00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:44,957
Ah, get her nice and wet.
564
00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:46,192
I understand.
565
00:23:46,292 --> 00:23:50,329
You girls can't do it
unless you're nice and wet.
566
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:53,199
Jeffy here is going to
get you nice and wet.
567
00:23:55,968 --> 00:23:59,171
[screams] God, you asshole!
568
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:00,106
[screams]
569
00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:01,307
Sweetheart, I can't help.
570
00:24:01,407 --> 00:24:02,341
I just followed the directions.
571
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:03,275
I'm coming.
572
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:04,076
I'm coming.
573
00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:05,077
I'm coming.
574
00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:06,445
[scream]
575
00:24:06,546 --> 00:24:08,080
Mitch?
576
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:09,816
What the hell are you doing?
577
00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:12,885
I did everything by the book.
578
00:24:12,985 --> 00:24:14,320
Asshole!
579
00:24:14,420 --> 00:24:15,354
[groaning]
580
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:19,692
This will show you
how to treat a lady.
581
00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:21,227
Oh, Mitch, I went
with the book.
582
00:24:21,327 --> 00:24:22,228
She's just frigid.That's all.
583
00:24:22,328 --> 00:24:23,029
She's just frigid.
584
00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:23,830
That broad is frigid.
585
00:24:29,669 --> 00:24:31,137
I'm sorry I hit you.
586
00:24:31,237 --> 00:24:32,772
I didn't know he
was going to duck.
587
00:24:32,872 --> 00:24:33,740
Who cut off the lights?
588
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:34,541
Where am I?
589
00:24:34,641 --> 00:24:35,842
I can't see.
590
00:24:35,942 --> 00:24:37,209
Excuse me.I know what it is.
591
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,578
She's frigid, Mitch.
That's what she is.
592
00:24:38,678 --> 00:24:39,579
She's frigid.
593
00:24:39,679 --> 00:24:42,048
Oh, my balls.
594
00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:44,050
[crash]
595
00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:44,984
You'll never believe this.
596
00:24:45,084 --> 00:24:49,856
But this is really
my first time.
597
00:24:49,956 --> 00:24:51,257
Oh, I'm sorry.
598
00:24:51,357 --> 00:24:52,959
It's OK.
599
00:24:53,059 --> 00:24:56,062
It's just that you must
have been with thousands
600
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:57,997
and thousands of men.
601
00:24:58,097 --> 00:25:00,900
Oh, I didn't mean that.
602
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,069
Oh, you know what I
meant, Lucy, I'm sorry.
603
00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:05,137
It's OK.
604
00:25:05,237 --> 00:25:06,906
You don't have to
worry because I'm
605
00:25:07,006 --> 00:25:08,207
going to teach you everything.
606
00:25:08,307 --> 00:25:10,309
Everything?
607
00:25:10,409 --> 00:25:11,110
Everything.
608
00:25:17,416 --> 00:25:19,051
MITCH (VOICEOVER): Even
though it was my first time,
609
00:25:19,151 --> 00:25:21,187
my instincts took over.
610
00:25:21,287 --> 00:25:23,756
What do I do first?
611
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:29,762
Well, first why don't you
put your hand on my breast?
612
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:30,863
Like that.
613
00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:33,566
[rubbery sound] Oh,
don't squeeze so hard.
614
00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:34,366
I'm sorry.
615
00:25:34,466 --> 00:25:35,367
It's OK.
616
00:25:35,467 --> 00:25:36,836
Just very nicely.
617
00:25:36,936 --> 00:25:39,806
[music playing]
618
00:25:51,317 --> 00:25:55,487
Mitch, you're so hard.
619
00:25:55,588 --> 00:25:58,324
And you're so big.
620
00:25:58,424 --> 00:26:01,127
And you're so warm.
621
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:05,331
But if you would move down
just a little further,
622
00:26:05,431 --> 00:26:06,733
it wouldn't be my belly button.
623
00:26:06,833 --> 00:26:08,067
Oh, sorry.
624
00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:08,935
OK, thank you.
625
00:26:09,035 --> 00:26:11,938
Um, much better.
626
00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:14,941
[music playing]
627
00:26:23,683 --> 00:26:24,383
That's nice.
628
00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:28,855
Oh, Lucy.
629
00:26:28,955 --> 00:26:29,656
Oh.
630
00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:33,359
Ahh.
631
00:26:43,402 --> 00:26:46,305
Was that good enough for you?
632
00:26:46,405 --> 00:26:47,306
Mitch, you were wonderful.
633
00:26:55,848 --> 00:26:56,749
Lucy?
634
00:26:56,849 --> 00:26:58,851
Yeah.
635
00:26:58,951 --> 00:27:03,956
Did you-- you know--
636
00:27:04,056 --> 00:27:07,626
Yeah, sometimes it takes
a little more for me to,
637
00:27:07,727 --> 00:27:08,427
you know.
638
00:27:11,497 --> 00:27:13,432
Well, what can I do?
639
00:27:13,532 --> 00:27:15,234
What can I do?
640
00:27:15,334 --> 00:27:18,204
[music playing]
641
00:27:46,866 --> 00:27:48,467
Mitch, you're the best.
642
00:27:48,567 --> 00:27:49,902
You're the best.
643
00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:52,772
Mitch, you're the best.
644
00:27:52,872 --> 00:27:53,706
Oh, god, you're the best.
645
00:27:57,176 --> 00:27:58,277
Mitch, you're the best.
646
00:27:58,377 --> 00:28:00,146
Mitch, you're the best.
647
00:28:00,246 --> 00:28:01,547
Mitch, you're the best.
648
00:28:01,647 --> 00:28:03,215
Mitch, you're the best.
649
00:28:03,315 --> 00:28:05,184
Mitch, you're the best.
650
00:28:05,284 --> 00:28:11,290
And that's the way-- And
that's the way it happened.
651
00:28:13,893 --> 00:28:14,693
Wow!
652
00:28:14,794 --> 00:28:17,363
What a crock of shit.
653
00:28:17,463 --> 00:28:21,067
WOMAN (ON SPEAKER): Like,
attention, is this thing on?
654
00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:25,805
Well, attention campers--
like, go to the mess hall
655
00:28:25,905 --> 00:28:28,707
for a truly cool assembly.
656
00:28:28,808 --> 00:28:30,342
OK, campers.
657
00:28:30,442 --> 00:28:34,480
It has been our tradition
here at Camp Big Teepee.
658
00:28:34,580 --> 00:28:37,383
As I've told your parents,
on the last day of camp
659
00:28:37,483 --> 00:28:41,087
to always bring in our
nature appreciation film.
660
00:28:41,187 --> 00:28:45,357
And you'd better like--
I'm sure you'll like it.
661
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:48,727
All right, Vinnie, come
on, come on, come on.
662
00:28:48,828 --> 00:28:49,896
Stop washing the dishes.
663
00:28:49,996 --> 00:28:52,098
Get out here and
start the damn movie.
664
00:28:52,198 --> 00:28:52,899
Oh, OK.
665
00:28:57,837 --> 00:28:58,537
Hit the lights.
666
00:29:03,876 --> 00:29:05,277
NARRATOR: The asbestos
and toxic waste
667
00:29:05,377 --> 00:29:07,814
manufacturers of
America proudly present
668
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:11,017
"Nature: Your Friend and Mine."
669
00:29:11,117 --> 00:29:13,119
All over America
people are getting
670
00:29:13,219 --> 00:29:17,456
into the good old outdoors in
appreciating their environment.
671
00:29:17,556 --> 00:29:20,226
Let's take a trip
with the Platt family.
672
00:29:20,326 --> 00:29:21,961
Mom and dad know
how important it
673
00:29:22,061 --> 00:29:24,463
is to have the appropriate
vehicle for their outing
674
00:29:24,563 --> 00:29:26,565
into the wilderness.
675
00:29:26,665 --> 00:29:29,501
Dad decided to get the
economy-sized vehicle with all
676
00:29:29,601 --> 00:29:33,339
the accessories-- a vehicle that
illustrates their understanding
677
00:29:33,439 --> 00:29:34,907
of nature's delicate harmony.
678
00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:38,911
Junior and sis have
been taught to respect
679
00:29:39,011 --> 00:29:42,114
all the little
animals in the forest.
680
00:29:42,214 --> 00:29:44,116
So remember, look, don't touch.
681
00:29:47,486 --> 00:29:50,689
Dad teaches his family that
the woods belonged to everyone
682
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:52,892
and that there are many
people who come to the forest
683
00:29:52,992 --> 00:29:54,660
to appreciate the bird life.
684
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:55,461
Daddy!
685
00:29:55,561 --> 00:29:56,262
Daddy!
686
00:29:56,362 --> 00:29:57,729
Look, a Kirtland warbler.
687
00:29:57,830 --> 00:30:00,466
There are only about a hundred
of those left in the world.
688
00:30:00,566 --> 00:30:02,134
They are almost instinct.
689
00:30:02,234 --> 00:30:03,469
Come on, son.
690
00:30:03,569 --> 00:30:05,071
Let's blow it out of the sky.
691
00:30:05,171 --> 00:30:07,073
[gunfire]
692
00:30:13,379 --> 00:30:14,680
NARRATOR: This film
has been brought
693
00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:17,917
to you by the Asbestos and Toxic
Waste Manufacturers of America.
694
00:30:20,719 --> 00:30:22,054
Isn't that great?
695
00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:23,255
Isn't that great?
696
00:30:23,355 --> 00:30:26,292
I told you we would have
some entertainment today.
697
00:30:26,392 --> 00:30:27,393
Let's hear it from you.
698
00:30:27,493 --> 00:30:29,929
I'm sure you got a
great story to tell.
699
00:30:30,029 --> 00:30:31,430
It's none of your business.
700
00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:33,966
Danny Anderson, you promised.
701
00:30:34,066 --> 00:30:38,304
Well-- let Henry go first.
702
00:30:38,404 --> 00:30:39,805
Yeah, come on, Henry.
703
00:30:39,906 --> 00:30:41,540
Oh, well, sure.
704
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,476
I mean, with me, it
was never any problem.
705
00:30:44,576 --> 00:30:48,247
If I wanted a date, all I
ever had to do was reach over,
706
00:30:48,347 --> 00:30:51,517
pick up the phone,
and no problem.
707
00:30:54,753 --> 00:30:55,521
Hi there.
708
00:30:55,621 --> 00:30:56,989
I'm here to tell
you about Lovers
709
00:30:57,089 --> 00:30:59,025
for Losers new Checkmate
dating service--
710
00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:01,093
northern New Jersey's first
scientifically-controlled
711
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:02,094
dating service.
712
00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:03,862
Sounds too good to be true?
713
00:31:03,963 --> 00:31:06,498
Just take a look at a few
of our satisfied customers
714
00:31:06,598 --> 00:31:09,068
and note how they're
all perfectly matched.
715
00:31:09,168 --> 00:31:11,637
I love my perfectly-matched
Checkmate date.
716
00:31:11,737 --> 00:31:12,972
And she's herpes free.
717
00:31:17,343 --> 00:31:20,646
I love my perfectly-matched
Checkmate date.
718
00:31:20,746 --> 00:31:23,749
And she's herpes-free.
719
00:31:23,849 --> 00:31:27,319
I love my perfectly-matched
Checkmate date.
720
00:31:27,419 --> 00:31:29,555
And he's herpes-free too.
721
00:31:29,655 --> 00:31:31,523
So call now for a
herpes-free date that's
722
00:31:31,623 --> 00:31:33,159
also perfectly matched to you.
723
00:31:33,259 --> 00:31:34,593
Yes, if you're at home
right now watching
724
00:31:34,693 --> 00:31:35,727
this television
commercial, you're
725
00:31:35,827 --> 00:31:37,496
probably alone without a date.
726
00:31:37,596 --> 00:31:39,698
So get that hand out from
underneath that blanket
727
00:31:39,798 --> 00:31:43,835
and dial 888-6969,
yes, 888-6969 where
728
00:31:43,936 --> 00:31:47,639
our operators are standing by
to answer your call personally.
729
00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:49,641
Void in Oklahoma, Wisconsin,
and wherever prohibited by law.
730
00:31:52,844 --> 00:31:56,882
Now those, of course, were just
some of my more casual dates.
731
00:31:56,983 --> 00:32:00,452
But the first time it never
really happened for me
732
00:32:00,552 --> 00:32:03,322
was on Halloween night.
733
00:32:03,422 --> 00:32:08,027
This year, I decided to be
different and go as a ghost.
734
00:32:08,127 --> 00:32:08,995
Boo!
735
00:32:09,095 --> 00:32:09,795
Oh!
736
00:32:09,895 --> 00:32:11,697
Oh!
737
00:32:11,797 --> 00:32:12,898
Oh, wow!
738
00:32:12,999 --> 00:32:16,268
Mom makes the best Halloween
costumes of anybody.
739
00:32:16,368 --> 00:32:19,038
Hey, if I'm going to be
eating all that candy tonight,
740
00:32:19,138 --> 00:32:22,408
I better get something
solid in my stomach.
741
00:32:22,508 --> 00:32:23,442
Yeah, I need a pizza.
742
00:32:23,542 --> 00:32:25,144
[scream]
743
00:32:25,244 --> 00:32:27,946
(VOICEOVER) There one slight
problem with my costume though.
744
00:32:28,047 --> 00:32:30,516
Mom forgot to cut a
hole for my mouth.
745
00:32:30,616 --> 00:32:34,653
When I tried to take off my
hood, the zipper got stuck.
746
00:32:34,753 --> 00:32:38,390
No matter how hard I struggled,
I couldn't get the hood off.
747
00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:39,758
I didn't panic.
748
00:32:39,858 --> 00:32:42,061
I just got a pizza to go.
749
00:32:42,161 --> 00:32:43,529
But my hood got turned around.
750
00:32:43,629 --> 00:32:45,697
And I could hardly
see where I was going.
751
00:32:49,435 --> 00:32:50,269
That's my man, bitch.
752
00:32:50,369 --> 00:32:51,303
HENRY (VOICEOVER):
I usually walked
753
00:32:51,403 --> 00:32:52,871
across the school parking lot.
754
00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:57,509
But there was a bunch of
real naughty kids there.
755
00:32:57,609 --> 00:33:01,447
So I decided to avoid the
mand cut across the field.
756
00:33:01,547 --> 00:33:04,883
It's lucky I did because
these kids were real bad.
757
00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:06,585
Give me some money, blondie.
758
00:33:06,685 --> 00:33:09,021
HENRY: I knew they'd
start trouble.
759
00:33:09,121 --> 00:33:10,622
I don't know what
you want from me.
760
00:33:10,722 --> 00:33:11,457
Money.
761
00:33:11,557 --> 00:33:12,258
Wait a minute.
762
00:33:12,358 --> 00:33:15,127
What's going on here?
763
00:33:15,227 --> 00:33:15,927
Hey!
764
00:33:16,028 --> 00:33:17,096
Get that bitch.
765
00:33:17,196 --> 00:33:17,896
Get that bitch, man.
766
00:33:21,633 --> 00:33:22,334
Ha!
767
00:33:25,871 --> 00:33:27,273
Ha!
768
00:33:27,373 --> 00:33:29,775
Ron, is that your
purse she's carrying.
769
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,877
Yeah, that is my pink purse.
770
00:33:31,977 --> 00:33:34,880
Hey, man, you can't let
her take your purse, man.
771
00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:36,082
It got your lipstick in it.
772
00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:37,616
She must have stole it from me.
773
00:33:37,716 --> 00:33:38,717
Oh, please don't hurt me.
Please.
774
00:33:38,817 --> 00:33:39,685
Come on.
775
00:33:39,785 --> 00:33:42,020
Let's kill the
bitch, man, come on.
776
00:33:42,121 --> 00:33:42,954
Arrgh!
777
00:33:43,055 --> 00:33:45,224
Eeeyah!
778
00:33:45,324 --> 00:33:46,024
Oh!
779
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:50,596
Ahhh!
780
00:33:50,696 --> 00:33:51,363
Eehyah!
781
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:55,934
Where is it?
782
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:56,735
Oh!
783
00:34:01,407 --> 00:34:02,941
Eeyah!
I'm done with the nice guy now.
784
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:03,742
That's right.
785
00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:05,177
Hit her.
786
00:34:05,277 --> 00:34:08,480
Who turned out the lights?
787
00:34:08,580 --> 00:34:12,084
Hey, man, check
this shit out, man.
788
00:34:12,184 --> 00:34:15,454
It must be a Ku Klux Klan
meeting somewhere , man.
789
00:34:15,554 --> 00:34:18,424
Hey, let's give them a real
Batman's welcome to the KKK.
790
00:34:18,524 --> 00:34:19,325
Hey, what's going on here?
791
00:34:19,425 --> 00:34:21,293
You in the wrong place, fool.
792
00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:22,294
You're going to die, man.
793
00:34:22,394 --> 00:34:23,295
Hey, what's going on here?
794
00:34:23,395 --> 00:34:24,263
Whoa!
795
00:34:24,363 --> 00:34:26,732
Eeyah!
796
00:34:26,832 --> 00:34:27,699
Hey, ouch!
797
00:34:27,799 --> 00:34:28,500
Ah!
798
00:34:31,270 --> 00:34:33,139
All right, man.
799
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,141
That's what you get, yeah.
800
00:34:35,241 --> 00:34:36,208
Yeah, man.
801
00:34:36,308 --> 00:34:38,677
Let's go, man.
802
00:34:38,777 --> 00:34:40,746
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
803
00:34:40,846 --> 00:34:41,547
Oh.
804
00:34:44,816 --> 00:34:46,418
Oh, my goodness.
805
00:34:46,518 --> 00:34:47,719
Don't hit me.
Don't hit me.
806
00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:48,587
No, no, that's all right.
807
00:34:48,687 --> 00:34:49,788
They're gone.
808
00:34:49,888 --> 00:34:52,624
Oh.
809
00:34:52,724 --> 00:34:56,428
Oh, you poor thing.
810
00:34:56,528 --> 00:34:57,696
Are you OK?
811
00:34:57,796 --> 00:34:58,897
No, you came
along just in time.
812
00:34:58,997 --> 00:34:59,765
Those guys had knives.
813
00:34:59,865 --> 00:35:00,866
Knives?
814
00:35:00,966 --> 00:35:02,134
It was smart of you
to put on that costume
815
00:35:02,234 --> 00:35:02,968
to scare them away, yeah.
816
00:35:03,068 --> 00:35:04,002
My costume?
817
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:07,673
Oh, this was just a coinc--
oh, yeah,
818
00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:10,776
I mean, I guess I was
pretty convincing, huh?
819
00:35:10,876 --> 00:35:13,979
Well, I guess I got to go.
820
00:35:14,079 --> 00:35:14,813
Wait a minute.
821
00:35:14,913 --> 00:35:15,781
I don't even know who you are.
822
00:35:15,881 --> 00:35:17,015
I don't even know your name.
823
00:35:17,115 --> 00:35:17,816
It doesn't matter.
824
00:35:17,916 --> 00:35:18,617
Yes, it does.
825
00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:20,819
You just saved my life.
826
00:35:20,919 --> 00:35:22,421
My name is Henry
Putz-- goodbye.
827
00:35:22,521 --> 00:35:26,358
Henry, I don't know if I
should be asking you this.
828
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:28,427
But do you think you
could walk me home.
829
00:35:28,527 --> 00:35:30,696
I'm still kind of shaken up.
830
00:35:30,796 --> 00:35:31,497
Sure.
831
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:38,036
Well, there goes my dinner.
832
00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:39,137
That's OK.
833
00:35:39,238 --> 00:35:41,072
I'll get you something
to eat at my house.
834
00:35:41,173 --> 00:35:43,074
HENRY (VOICEOVER): Little
did I know that I just saved
835
00:35:43,175 --> 00:35:46,178
the life of Barbara
Billington, the richest,
836
00:35:46,278 --> 00:35:48,447
most beautiful,
most sophisticated
837
00:35:48,547 --> 00:35:51,383
teenage nymphomaniac in town.
838
00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:52,818
Wow!
839
00:35:52,918 --> 00:35:54,186
Nice house.
840
00:35:54,286 --> 00:35:56,555
Oh, thanks.
841
00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:59,024
Personally I think
it's a bit too big.
842
00:35:59,124 --> 00:36:02,328
But you see, when daddy died, he
left mom and me a lot of money.
843
00:36:02,428 --> 00:36:04,830
So we moved from Akron
and bought this place.
844
00:36:04,930 --> 00:36:06,298
Yeah?
845
00:36:06,398 --> 00:36:08,033
HENRY: My uncle
comes from Akron.
846
00:36:08,133 --> 00:36:12,338
So, Henry, let me take
a look at wound for you.
847
00:36:12,438 --> 00:36:13,539
Oh, no, it's OK.
848
00:36:13,639 --> 00:36:16,308
Oh, Henry, it's a good
thing I'm looking at this.
849
00:36:16,408 --> 00:36:18,844
If you had gotten some of
that cheese into the cut,
850
00:36:18,944 --> 00:36:22,381
you could have gotten
mozzarella poisoning.
851
00:36:22,481 --> 00:36:25,050
Mozzarella poisoning?
852
00:36:25,150 --> 00:36:26,718
So, Henry, take
off the costume.
853
00:36:26,818 --> 00:36:28,119
Let me look at it for you.
854
00:36:28,220 --> 00:36:29,655
Oh, no, it'll be OK.
855
00:36:29,755 --> 00:36:30,822
Henry, just let me take a look.
856
00:36:30,922 --> 00:36:31,623
No, no, no.
857
00:36:31,723 --> 00:36:32,658
It'll be OK.
858
00:36:32,758 --> 00:36:33,925
What's the matter with you?
859
00:36:34,025 --> 00:36:36,962
Well, it's just that I'm
kind of uptight about by body.
860
00:36:37,062 --> 00:36:38,730
I mean, my tits are bigger
than any girls I ever met.
861
00:36:38,830 --> 00:36:40,165
Oh, Henry, don't
say things like that.
862
00:36:40,266 --> 00:36:41,867
Why are you being
so nice to me?
863
00:36:41,967 --> 00:36:43,669
Most girls usually
won't even talk to me.
864
00:36:43,769 --> 00:36:44,736
And when they do, it's
just to put me down.
865
00:36:44,836 --> 00:36:45,804
BARBARA: I think you're
a nice guy, Henry.
866
00:36:45,904 --> 00:36:47,072
There's nothing wrong with you.
867
00:36:47,172 --> 00:36:48,474
Most girls usually won't
even give me the time of day.
868
00:36:48,574 --> 00:36:49,775
And when they do,
that's always wrong.
869
00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:50,909
Oh, Henry.
870
00:36:51,009 --> 00:36:52,711
I mean, after all, it
is my own fault, I mean,
871
00:36:52,811 --> 00:36:53,845
because I am this big, fat oaf.
872
00:36:53,945 --> 00:36:56,214
Stop it, Henry.
873
00:36:56,315 --> 00:36:57,849
I mean, all the guys
that I go out with
874
00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:01,052
are just self-centere
degotistical maniacs.
875
00:37:01,152 --> 00:37:03,822
They just want to score so
they can brag to their friends.
876
00:37:03,922 --> 00:37:06,725
You're very different.
877
00:37:06,825 --> 00:37:07,526
Yeah?
878
00:37:07,626 --> 00:37:08,327
Hmm.
879
00:37:11,497 --> 00:37:14,466
Are those Dunkin' Donuts?
880
00:37:14,566 --> 00:37:17,936
I thought they might
be your favorite.
881
00:37:18,036 --> 00:37:19,638
HENRY (VOICEOVER): One
donut led to another.
882
00:37:19,738 --> 00:37:21,807
We just couldn't stop ourselves.
883
00:37:21,907 --> 00:37:25,611
And I guess weboth lost control.
884
00:37:25,711 --> 00:37:27,579
Oh, Henry.
885
00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:29,080
Oh, Henry, you are so good.
886
00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:32,884
You must be so experienced.
887
00:37:32,984 --> 00:37:34,920
Oh, Henry, am I
good enough for you?
888
00:37:35,020 --> 00:37:35,721
Oh!
889
00:37:39,190 --> 00:37:40,559
Oh!
890
00:37:40,659 --> 00:37:42,528
Oh!
891
00:37:42,628 --> 00:37:47,433
Oh, Henry.
892
00:37:47,533 --> 00:37:49,134
Really, Henry, tell me.
893
00:37:49,234 --> 00:37:50,602
Am I good enough?
894
00:37:50,702 --> 00:37:51,803
Oh!
895
00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:55,674
I don't think it could
get any better than this.
896
00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:56,475
Want to bet?
897
00:38:05,651 --> 00:38:06,352
Oh.
898
00:38:08,987 --> 00:38:10,789
Oh.
899
00:38:10,889 --> 00:38:11,590
Oh!
900
00:38:21,933 --> 00:38:22,968
Oh, ahh.
901
00:38:29,741 --> 00:38:30,609
Ahh!
902
00:38:30,709 --> 00:38:31,443
[scream]
903
00:38:31,543 --> 00:38:32,944
Oh, I don't care what you do.
904
00:38:33,044 --> 00:38:33,945
Just get that thing off of me.
905
00:38:34,045 --> 00:38:35,847
I've got enough hair down there.
906
00:38:35,947 --> 00:38:37,248
I don't need that
hairy thing there.
907
00:38:37,349 --> 00:38:38,717
Now get it off of me now!
908
00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:41,653
Now, she won't hurt you
if you don't hurt her.
909
00:38:41,753 --> 00:38:43,489
She's only trying to
protect her young.
910
00:38:43,589 --> 00:38:44,623
What about my young?
911
00:38:44,723 --> 00:38:46,358
Now, calm down, Henry,
don't excite yourself.
912
00:38:46,458 --> 00:38:47,158
I'll handle this.
913
00:38:47,258 --> 00:38:49,761
Yaaaah!
914
00:38:49,861 --> 00:38:50,996
[screaming]
915
00:38:51,096 --> 00:38:52,931
Yaaah!
916
00:38:53,031 --> 00:38:54,833
Oh!
917
00:38:54,933 --> 00:38:55,801
Oh!
918
00:38:55,901 --> 00:38:57,235
Ah!
919
00:38:57,335 --> 00:38:58,169
MITCH: Wow, nice forehand.
920
00:39:02,073 --> 00:39:04,443
Now campers, I hate to have
to punish you in this way.
921
00:39:04,543 --> 00:39:07,779
But no matter what I do, I can't
get you do arts and crafts.
922
00:39:07,879 --> 00:39:11,182
So I brought something that I
think will keep you interested.
923
00:39:11,282 --> 00:39:13,752
Now, this is going to
be a sculpture class.
924
00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:15,253
You each have your
own individual wads
925
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:16,855
of clay in front of you.
926
00:39:16,955 --> 00:39:18,356
And I would like you
all to get to work.
927
00:39:18,457 --> 00:39:20,592
Now, get to work.
928
00:39:20,692 --> 00:39:23,662
What are we supposed
to make a sculpture of?
929
00:39:23,762 --> 00:39:25,096
Yeah.
930
00:39:25,196 --> 00:39:26,565
Calm down.
931
00:39:26,665 --> 00:39:28,166
I'd like you all make
a sculpture of this.
932
00:39:31,236 --> 00:39:31,937
Doh!
933
00:39:45,417 --> 00:39:46,485
Get out of my way.
934
00:39:46,585 --> 00:39:47,619
Get out of my way.
935
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:48,554
No, cuts.
936
00:39:48,654 --> 00:39:50,221
I've been waiting
since yesterday.
937
00:39:50,321 --> 00:39:51,823
I gave up baseball for
this, for Christ's sake.
938
00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:52,658
It's my turn, broads.
939
00:39:52,758 --> 00:39:53,459
Get out of the way.
940
00:39:53,559 --> 00:39:55,661
It's my turn.
941
00:39:55,761 --> 00:39:57,228
I'm sure Mr. Zitzler
has the state police
942
00:39:57,328 --> 00:39:59,431
out looking for us by now.
943
00:40:04,836 --> 00:40:05,537
Mr. Zitzler.
944
00:40:05,637 --> 00:40:07,539
What do you want?
945
00:40:07,639 --> 00:40:09,274
Can't just see I'm busy, Stinky.
946
00:40:09,374 --> 00:40:10,676
Well, here are the
magazines you ordered.
947
00:40:13,879 --> 00:40:15,581
Thanks Mr. Zitzler.
948
00:40:15,681 --> 00:40:18,016
Oh, the kids that got
lost in the nature walk.
949
00:40:18,116 --> 00:40:20,018
They still can't find them.
950
00:40:20,118 --> 00:40:22,854
So keep looking.
951
00:40:22,954 --> 00:40:25,657
Full house.
952
00:40:25,757 --> 00:40:27,926
Mr. Zitzler, my frog is sick.
953
00:40:28,026 --> 00:40:29,628
You get away from
here, you creep.
954
00:40:29,728 --> 00:40:32,698
Mr. Zitzler is not
eating his cocoa crispies.
955
00:40:32,798 --> 00:40:34,900
Get!
956
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,101
You see what I havet
to put up with?
957
00:40:44,242 --> 00:40:48,514
Well, we're not
too low on food.
958
00:40:48,614 --> 00:40:51,583
But we just ran out of water.
959
00:40:51,683 --> 00:40:54,986
I'm sure the whole camp must
be looking for us by now.
960
00:40:55,086 --> 00:40:57,489
Listen up-- listen
up Big Teepeers,
961
00:40:57,589 --> 00:40:59,390
we've got a little problem.
962
00:40:59,491 --> 00:41:03,161
Four campers and Michelle
Farmer, your nature counselor,
963
00:41:03,261 --> 00:41:04,630
are lost.
964
00:41:04,730 --> 00:41:09,134
Now, you all know that
here at Camp Big Teepee,
965
00:41:09,234 --> 00:41:13,505
we all like to consider
ourselves a big, happy family
966
00:41:13,605 --> 00:41:15,106
that sticks together.
967
00:41:15,206 --> 00:41:16,374
Ah, phooey.
968
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:20,045
And now we've all got to
get together to help find
969
00:41:20,145 --> 00:41:21,747
Michelle shell and her campers.
970
00:41:21,847 --> 00:41:24,516
Because if we don't
find them, the camp
971
00:41:24,616 --> 00:41:26,217
will shut down next year.
972
00:41:26,317 --> 00:41:28,186
[cheers]
973
00:41:32,658 --> 00:41:33,792
Did anybody hear anything?
974
00:41:33,892 --> 00:41:34,593
No.
975
00:41:34,693 --> 00:41:35,994
No.
976
00:41:36,094 --> 00:41:37,763
I thought I heard something.
977
00:41:37,863 --> 00:41:39,264
We should be saved soon.
978
00:41:39,364 --> 00:41:41,833
My mom's coming to
pick me up today.
979
00:41:41,933 --> 00:41:45,136
She's going to go nuts
if she can't find me.
980
00:41:45,236 --> 00:41:47,272
Why, Mrs. Anderson, I
was just looking for you.
981
00:41:47,372 --> 00:41:49,274
You know very well, I
phoned you this morning
982
00:41:49,374 --> 00:41:52,243
and told you I'd be there
promptly this afternoon
983
00:41:52,343 --> 00:41:53,879
to pick up my Danny.
984
00:41:53,979 --> 00:41:55,714
Now, where is he?
985
00:41:55,814 --> 00:41:57,515
What's going on around here?
986
00:41:57,616 --> 00:41:58,817
Here?
987
00:41:58,917 --> 00:42:00,185
Well, here is the basketball
court where we teach them
988
00:42:00,285 --> 00:42:01,219
the rudiments of basketball.
989
00:42:01,319 --> 00:42:03,388
Basketball, my Danny
loves basketball.
990
00:42:03,488 --> 00:42:04,723
Is he playing?
991
00:42:04,823 --> 00:42:06,792
Well, playing is only
a figurative term, mam,
992
00:42:06,892 --> 00:42:08,226
you see it parallels the life--
993
00:42:08,326 --> 00:42:10,295
Can't you take me
to see my Danny?
994
00:42:10,395 --> 00:42:11,229
Can you?
995
00:42:11,329 --> 00:42:12,197
Can you?
996
00:42:12,297 --> 00:42:13,298
Can you?
997
00:42:13,398 --> 00:42:14,365
Canoe.
998
00:42:14,465 --> 00:42:15,801
Yes, we have a marvelous
canoeing program.
999
00:42:15,901 --> 00:42:18,269
And I'd love to show
you this, Mrs. Anderson.
1000
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:21,539
Anne, you can be
so quiet lately.
1001
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,975
It's getting cold in here.
1002
00:42:24,075 --> 00:42:26,144
Try not to think about the cold.
1003
00:42:26,244 --> 00:42:29,414
Think about something else.
1004
00:42:29,514 --> 00:42:32,483
Think about the first time
you got laid because I
1005
00:42:32,584 --> 00:42:35,320
want to hear all about it.
1006
00:42:35,420 --> 00:42:37,422
Yeah, me too.
1007
00:42:37,522 --> 00:42:39,490
Well, I'm sure my
stories isn't half
1008
00:42:39,591 --> 00:42:42,193
as exciting as any of yours.
1009
00:42:42,293 --> 00:42:44,129
I'm just a little farm girl.
1010
00:42:44,229 --> 00:42:47,265
(VOICEOVER) And didn't know any
little boys farm boys my age.
1011
00:42:47,365 --> 00:42:51,269
The work was so hard and the
hired hands were so lazy,
1012
00:42:51,369 --> 00:42:54,339
I had to make out
the best I could.
1013
00:42:54,439 --> 00:42:56,541
I don't know what
it was, whether it
1014
00:42:56,642 --> 00:43:00,411
was the heat, the sweat, the
frustration of the farm work
1015
00:43:00,511 --> 00:43:02,080
or what.
1016
00:43:02,180 --> 00:43:05,150
But something changed
for me that day.
1017
00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:08,086
And it first hit me later
that night when my girlfriends
1018
00:43:08,186 --> 00:43:11,122
came over for a slumber party.
1019
00:43:11,222 --> 00:43:13,892
Annie, I'm going to go on my
very first date Saturday night.
1020
00:43:13,992 --> 00:43:15,727
What should I do?
1021
00:43:15,827 --> 00:43:17,696
OK, this is what you do.
1022
00:43:17,796 --> 00:43:20,966
Now, put your hand on
his leg about up to here.
1023
00:43:21,066 --> 00:43:23,268
You don't want him to
think you're too easy.
1024
00:43:23,368 --> 00:43:27,138
Now, he's going to
pretend to yawn like this.
1025
00:43:27,238 --> 00:43:29,540
He's going to go to second base.
1026
00:43:29,641 --> 00:43:30,809
Don't worry.
1027
00:43:30,909 --> 00:43:34,312
He's just going to feel you up.
1028
00:43:34,412 --> 00:43:36,782
Well, but what if
he tries to kiss me?
1029
00:43:36,882 --> 00:43:39,250
There are two kinds of kisses.
1030
00:43:39,350 --> 00:43:41,052
The dry kiss and the wet kiss.
1031
00:43:41,152 --> 00:43:42,954
This is dry kiss.
1032
00:43:43,054 --> 00:43:44,923
Ooh.
1033
00:43:45,023 --> 00:43:46,157
Now, this is the wet kiss.
1034
00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:47,625
Stick out your tongue like me.
1035
00:43:51,062 --> 00:43:53,799
Mmm.
1036
00:43:53,899 --> 00:43:54,966
Did anybody hear anything?
1037
00:43:55,066 --> 00:43:55,934
-No
-Uh-uh.
1038
00:43:56,034 --> 00:43:56,735
No?
1039
00:43:59,971 --> 00:44:01,106
Maybe one of the
animals got loose.
1040
00:44:01,206 --> 00:44:01,907
I'm going to go check.
1041
00:44:02,007 --> 00:44:02,974
Great, get us some donuts.
1042
00:44:03,074 --> 00:44:03,775
Apple spice.
1043
00:44:03,875 --> 00:44:04,575
Apple spice.
1044
00:44:06,845 --> 00:44:08,113
ANNIE (VOICEOVER):
Little did know
1045
00:44:08,213 --> 00:44:12,217
that a starving, out-of-work
actor had broken into my house.
1046
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,288
That Annie, she
doesn't know anything.
1047
00:44:17,388 --> 00:44:18,757
Now, you see this .
1048
00:44:18,857 --> 00:44:19,925
Let me show you something.
1049
00:44:34,439 --> 00:44:36,341
Ah, don't make a sound.
1050
00:44:36,441 --> 00:44:38,676
Are you listening to me, huh?
1051
00:44:38,777 --> 00:44:39,745
Now, do as I say.
1052
00:44:39,845 --> 00:44:41,179
Or I'll slit your
throat and let the blood
1053
00:44:41,279 --> 00:44:43,248
drip all over your nice nighty.
1054
00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:46,718
Now, when I take my hand
off your mouth, ha, ha,
1055
00:44:46,818 --> 00:44:48,754
I don't want you to scream.
1056
00:44:48,854 --> 00:44:52,423
I don't want you
to make a sound.
1057
00:44:52,523 --> 00:44:56,461
Then what I want you
to do-- I want you
1058
00:44:56,561 --> 00:45:02,600
to get some milk and cookies.
1059
00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:06,972
Then I can take my hand
off and don't make a sound.
1060
00:45:07,072 --> 00:45:08,173
-Yah!
-Ow!
1061
00:45:08,273 --> 00:45:08,974
Oh!
1062
00:45:13,444 --> 00:45:17,115
OK, Butter or
Buster, who are you?
1063
00:45:17,215 --> 00:45:18,616
Johnny-- Johnny Robbins.
1064
00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:19,851
What are you doing here?
1065
00:45:19,951 --> 00:45:20,986
I just wanted something to eat.
1066
00:45:21,086 --> 00:45:22,921
I've been running all night.
1067
00:45:23,021 --> 00:45:24,655
You are scared.
1068
00:45:24,756 --> 00:45:25,991
Can I have something
to eat, please?
1069
00:45:26,091 --> 00:45:26,792
[purring sound].
1070
00:45:29,828 --> 00:45:32,597
(VOICEOVER) I had no choice but
to get him something to eat.
1071
00:45:32,697 --> 00:45:35,366
And I knew it had
to taste real good.
1072
00:45:35,466 --> 00:45:37,635
[music playing]
1073
00:45:42,841 --> 00:45:45,676
After I was nice enough
to meet his demands,
1074
00:45:45,777 --> 00:45:47,612
he dragged me into our stable.
1075
00:45:51,883 --> 00:45:53,885
First, he tried to seduce me.
1076
00:45:58,990 --> 00:46:01,059
Then he grabbed and kissed me.
1077
00:46:01,159 --> 00:46:05,396
He began tearing off my
clothes. [tearing sound]
1078
00:46:05,496 --> 00:46:09,667
He couldn't keep his rough
and calloused hands off me.
1079
00:46:09,767 --> 00:46:12,003
[tearing sounds]
1080
00:46:13,972 --> 00:46:17,475
Now that he had his cookies,
he decided he wanted the milk.
1081
00:46:17,575 --> 00:46:19,945
[music playing]
1082
00:46:28,419 --> 00:46:36,227
[sheep sound] Oh!
1083
00:46:36,327 --> 00:46:38,196
Ah!
1084
00:46:38,296 --> 00:46:40,665
You're in me.
1085
00:46:40,765 --> 00:46:41,666
Ah!
1086
00:46:41,766 --> 00:46:46,137
Oh, [sheep sounds] yes.
1087
00:46:46,237 --> 00:46:48,539
Oh.
1088
00:46:48,639 --> 00:46:49,540
Ah!
1089
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:50,541
Ah!
1090
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:51,542
Oh!
1091
00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:53,144
-Ah!
-Oh!
1092
00:46:53,244 --> 00:46:54,012
Ah!
1093
00:46:54,112 --> 00:46:55,013
Oh!
1094
00:46:55,113 --> 00:46:56,014
Ah!
1095
00:46:56,114 --> 00:46:57,615
[sheep sound]
-Oh!
1096
00:46:57,715 --> 00:46:58,516
Ah!
1097
00:46:58,616 --> 00:47:01,186
Oh, oh!
1098
00:47:01,286 --> 00:47:01,987
Ah!
1099
00:47:02,087 --> 00:47:03,421
Oh!
1100
00:47:03,521 --> 00:47:04,422
Oh!
1101
00:47:04,522 --> 00:47:05,423
Yes!
1102
00:47:05,523 --> 00:47:07,025
-Oh!
-Oh!
1103
00:47:07,125 --> 00:47:08,093
-Oh!
-Ah!
1104
00:47:08,193 --> 00:47:09,060
-Oh!
-Oh!
1105
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:10,061
-Ah!
-Oh!
1106
00:47:10,161 --> 00:47:11,362
-Ah!
-Oh!
1107
00:47:11,462 --> 00:47:12,330
Ah!
1108
00:47:12,430 --> 00:47:15,166
Yes!
1109
00:47:15,266 --> 00:47:16,101
Oh!
1110
00:47:16,201 --> 00:47:18,469
[snoring sounds] Yes!
1111
00:47:18,569 --> 00:47:19,670
Ah!
1112
00:47:19,770 --> 00:47:22,573
[snoring sounds] Johnny?
1113
00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:24,976
Johnny, I'm not finished yet.
1114
00:47:25,076 --> 00:47:26,878
I want more.
1115
00:47:26,978 --> 00:47:29,680
More.
1116
00:47:29,780 --> 00:47:30,681
More.
1117
00:47:30,781 --> 00:47:31,582
More.
1118
00:47:31,682 --> 00:47:33,418
He was a madman.
1119
00:47:33,518 --> 00:47:34,585
He was crazy.
1120
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:35,686
He made me do it.
1121
00:47:35,786 --> 00:47:37,222
I had no other choice.
1122
00:47:37,322 --> 00:47:38,556
You poor baby.
1123
00:47:38,656 --> 00:47:42,627
Aw, come on, Annie, you can't
expect us to believe that.
1124
00:47:42,727 --> 00:47:43,895
Oh, yeah?
1125
00:47:43,995 --> 00:47:45,230
He left this behind.
1126
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:49,000
Oh, you poor thing.
1127
00:47:49,100 --> 00:47:51,102
Oh, my god, I didn't realize.
1128
00:47:51,202 --> 00:47:53,538
What a horrifying experience.
1129
00:47:53,638 --> 00:47:54,339
That's terrible.
1130
00:47:54,439 --> 00:47:57,042
Come here.
1131
00:47:57,142 --> 00:47:59,844
That's really terrible.
1132
00:47:59,945 --> 00:48:03,181
I'm really glad to see
that you've got over that.
1133
00:48:03,281 --> 00:48:06,351
I've never heard
anything quite that bad.
1134
00:48:06,451 --> 00:48:08,453
How did you get over it?
1135
00:48:08,553 --> 00:48:09,454
Hey, my knife.
1136
00:48:13,558 --> 00:48:14,525
Ooh!
1137
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:17,095
That Mary Lou was
amazing Bozo, that bod.
1138
00:48:17,195 --> 00:48:18,529
Ooh, I want her so bad.
1139
00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:20,131
She's not interested
in nobody, man.
1140
00:48:20,231 --> 00:48:21,199
What am I going to do?
1141
00:48:21,299 --> 00:48:21,866
I have been thinking
about this all day.
1142
00:48:21,967 --> 00:48:23,268
I got a great idea.
1143
00:48:23,368 --> 00:48:25,436
OK, I read somewhere if you want
a girl to go crazy about you.
1144
00:48:25,536 --> 00:48:26,237
Yeah?
1145
00:48:26,337 --> 00:48:27,205
You do it in her food.
1146
00:48:27,305 --> 00:48:28,006
Yeah?
1147
00:48:28,106 --> 00:48:28,873
And she eats it.
1148
00:48:28,974 --> 00:48:29,674
Yeah?
1149
00:48:29,774 --> 00:48:31,509
She'll be all over you, man.
1150
00:48:31,609 --> 00:48:33,578
We're talking instant nature.
1151
00:48:33,678 --> 00:48:35,380
I'm telling you just make
sure you get it in her food.
1152
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:36,881
-All right.
-Make sure she eats it, man.
1153
00:48:36,982 --> 00:48:37,848
She'll be all over it.
1154
00:48:37,949 --> 00:48:39,117
All right, Melvin?
-All right, man.
1155
00:48:39,217 --> 00:48:40,018
Can you handle it, Melvin?
1156
00:48:40,118 --> 00:48:41,752
I know I can handle it, man.
1157
00:48:41,852 --> 00:48:43,955
Hey, there's Mary Lou.
1158
00:48:44,055 --> 00:48:45,456
And she's wearing that bikini.
1159
00:48:45,556 --> 00:48:48,559
Oh, those nipples.
1160
00:48:48,659 --> 00:48:50,228
She's going to eat it
just like I told you.
1161
00:48:50,328 --> 00:48:51,262
Just like I told you.
1162
00:48:51,362 --> 00:48:52,397
Any minute she'll
be heading our way.
1163
00:48:55,666 --> 00:48:58,169
Yep, Mary Lou is
thinking about eating it.
1164
00:48:58,269 --> 00:48:59,104
What the?
1165
00:48:59,204 --> 00:49:00,038
I don't know.
1166
00:49:00,138 --> 00:49:00,972
Hey?
1167
00:49:01,072 --> 00:49:03,274
What's that fat slob doing.
1168
00:49:03,374 --> 00:49:04,909
She's eating it.
1169
00:49:05,010 --> 00:49:09,480
Butch is eating it.
[boing] Oh, no.
1170
00:49:09,580 --> 00:49:10,281
Oh, no.
1171
00:49:10,381 --> 00:49:11,382
Can't be.
1172
00:49:11,482 --> 00:49:15,086
Oh, no, 300 pounds.
1173
00:49:15,186 --> 00:49:16,921
I love you.
1174
00:49:17,022 --> 00:49:18,456
I want your body.
1175
00:49:18,556 --> 00:49:21,192
Do you have something to
tell us there, Howdy Doody?
1176
00:49:21,292 --> 00:49:23,461
Well, I guess so if
you're still interested.
1177
00:49:23,561 --> 00:49:25,596
Sure, we can going
to use a good nap.
1178
00:49:25,696 --> 00:49:28,633
Nap on this, Stub.
1179
00:49:28,733 --> 00:49:31,869
Well, my story begins
when I was much younger.
1180
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:35,106
I had a very clear picture
of the girl of my dreams.
1181
00:49:35,206 --> 00:49:36,841
(VOICEOVER) Unfortunately,
she was only in the pages
1182
00:49:36,941 --> 00:49:38,209
of "Penthouse Magazine."
1183
00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:39,210
Oh!
1184
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:40,178
Oh!
1185
00:49:40,278 --> 00:49:41,179
Oh!
1186
00:49:41,279 --> 00:49:42,180
Oh!
1187
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:43,648
Oh!
1188
00:49:43,748 --> 00:49:46,117
Oh!
1189
00:49:46,217 --> 00:49:47,285
Oh!
1190
00:49:47,385 --> 00:49:48,086
Oh!
1191
00:49:51,156 --> 00:49:56,494
I guess my Danny must
be reading in bed again.
1192
00:49:56,594 --> 00:49:58,996
Ah!
1193
00:49:59,097 --> 00:50:01,166
(VOICEOVER) My big opportunity
came when my brother Ted and I
1194
00:50:01,266 --> 00:50:03,534
went on vacation
down to the Caribbean
1195
00:50:03,634 --> 00:50:06,604
where I got to see him in action
with all those gorgeous girls.
1196
00:50:06,704 --> 00:50:09,574
(SINGING) Last night
just wasn't long enough.
1197
00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:12,510
The cops had to break
us up on the beach.
1198
00:50:12,610 --> 00:50:14,479
Well, how about this one?
1199
00:50:14,579 --> 00:50:16,947
You can see sleepover.
1200
00:50:17,048 --> 00:50:19,417
[MUSIC PLAYING SHRAPNEL,
"SLEEPOVER"]
1201
00:50:37,102 --> 00:50:37,802
Eureka!
1202
00:50:37,902 --> 00:50:38,603
Ho, ho!
1203
00:50:41,072 --> 00:50:44,742
See you later
tonight, Iron Thighs.
1204
00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:46,844
I have to go do my nails.
1205
00:50:46,944 --> 00:50:51,216
I want to look good for
you all over my body.
1206
00:50:51,316 --> 00:50:52,650
You already do, baby.
1207
00:50:56,587 --> 00:50:57,955
Wow!
1208
00:50:58,055 --> 00:51:00,425
She practically tore
your bathing suit off.
1209
00:51:00,525 --> 00:51:01,392
You think she was hot.
1210
00:51:01,492 --> 00:51:03,328
You should see her friend.
1211
00:51:03,428 --> 00:51:05,663
By the way, fixed you
up with her tonight.
1212
00:51:05,763 --> 00:51:06,697
Wow!
1213
00:51:06,797 --> 00:51:08,333
A date for me?
1214
00:51:08,433 --> 00:51:09,200
Thanks, big brother.
1215
00:51:09,300 --> 00:51:10,000
Anything for you, pal.
1216
00:51:14,372 --> 00:51:17,275
Listen, tonight don't
embarrass me, OK?
1217
00:51:17,375 --> 00:51:19,377
So when you got this
chick in your room, right?
1218
00:51:19,477 --> 00:51:20,578
You start banging away at her.
1219
00:51:20,678 --> 00:51:23,314
Make sure she's really
screaming loud, all right?
1220
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:24,215
Screaming?
1221
00:51:24,315 --> 00:51:25,015
Sure.
1222
00:51:25,116 --> 00:51:25,816
Why?
1223
00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:26,717
Do I hurt her?
1224
00:51:26,817 --> 00:51:28,186
No, it's for the effect.
1225
00:51:28,286 --> 00:51:29,287
Just think about it.
1226
00:51:29,387 --> 00:51:30,655
You're in there banging away.
1227
00:51:30,755 --> 00:51:31,522
And she's screaming.
1228
00:51:31,622 --> 00:51:33,090
Your buddies are outside, OK?
1229
00:51:33,191 --> 00:51:34,091
You're screaming your name.
1230
00:51:34,192 --> 00:51:35,226
And you're going,
boy, that Danny.
1231
00:51:35,326 --> 00:51:36,727
He's hung like a horse.
1232
00:51:36,827 --> 00:51:37,528
Yeah.
1233
00:51:43,601 --> 00:51:44,702
Hey, you want another trick?
1234
00:51:44,802 --> 00:51:45,870
Always worked for me?
1235
00:51:45,970 --> 00:51:46,904
What?
1236
00:51:47,004 --> 00:51:47,972
Take a big was of
toilet paper, right?
1237
00:51:48,072 --> 00:51:48,939
Shove it down your pants.
1238
00:51:49,039 --> 00:51:50,275
Uh-huh.
1239
00:51:50,375 --> 00:51:52,810
That way she'll see you--
a nice, big bulge down there.
1240
00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:53,911
She's got something
to work with.
1241
00:51:54,011 --> 00:51:55,580
You know what I mean?
-Yeah.
1242
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:57,114
You're going to have a
good time tonight, buddy.
1243
00:51:57,215 --> 00:51:57,915
Yeah.
1244
00:51:58,015 --> 00:52:00,385
[music playing]
1245
00:52:14,199 --> 00:52:15,099
Eureka!
1246
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:15,900
Ho, ho, ho!
1247
00:52:20,605 --> 00:52:23,608
DANNY (VOICEOVER): Suddenly,
felt a strange heat on my back.
1248
00:52:23,708 --> 00:52:24,575
I turned around.
1249
00:52:24,675 --> 00:52:26,844
And there she was--
my dream girl.
1250
00:52:26,944 --> 00:52:29,214
She was even more
beautiful in person.
1251
00:52:29,314 --> 00:52:30,415
I thought I was dreaming.
1252
00:52:30,515 --> 00:52:32,149
But, no, it was true.
1253
00:52:32,250 --> 00:52:34,051
The girl from the
pages of "Penthouse"
1254
00:52:34,151 --> 00:52:36,187
was standing right
in front of me.
1255
00:52:39,790 --> 00:52:40,858
I was speechless.
1256
00:52:40,958 --> 00:52:43,861
I couldn't believe my eyes.
1257
00:52:43,961 --> 00:52:45,696
Before I could make
my move, she was gone.
1258
00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,965
[music playing]
1259
00:52:55,072 --> 00:52:56,574
DANNY (VOICEOVER): Just
when I thought I'd never
1260
00:52:56,674 --> 00:52:58,909
see her again, I turned around.
1261
00:52:59,009 --> 00:52:59,710
And there she was.
1262
00:53:15,826 --> 00:53:18,629
I didn't know if my eyes were
playing tricks on me or what.
1263
00:53:18,729 --> 00:53:20,665
So I had to tell my brother.
1264
00:53:20,765 --> 00:53:25,336
I said, Ted, Ted,
did you see that?
1265
00:53:25,436 --> 00:53:26,437
What?
1266
00:53:26,537 --> 00:53:28,005
It's the girl on the
cover of "Penthouse."
1267
00:53:28,105 --> 00:53:30,941
She smiled at me.
1268
00:53:31,041 --> 00:53:31,742
Huh?
1269
00:53:34,445 --> 00:53:35,646
He said--
1270
00:53:35,746 --> 00:53:37,715
Danny, I really think you've
been spending a little too
1271
00:53:37,815 --> 00:53:39,684
much time in the sun, pal.
1272
00:53:39,784 --> 00:53:41,986
DANNY (VOICEOVER): I figured
maybe I had been out in the sun
1273
00:53:42,086 --> 00:53:43,988
too long.
1274
00:53:44,088 --> 00:53:45,490
(GERMAN ACCENT)
Hey, boss, look!
1275
00:53:45,590 --> 00:53:46,457
The plane!
1276
00:53:46,557 --> 00:53:47,258
The plane!
1277
00:53:50,528 --> 00:53:53,631
[crash]
1278
00:53:53,731 --> 00:53:54,832
DANNY (VOICEOVER):
Ted and I planned
1279
00:53:54,932 --> 00:53:56,267
to stick together that night.
1280
00:53:56,367 --> 00:53:58,403
He said teamwork was
the name of the game.
1281
00:53:58,503 --> 00:53:59,704
Yeah, teamwork.
1282
00:53:59,804 --> 00:54:02,139
[music playing]
1283
00:54:06,076 --> 00:54:09,314
The last time-- did you
see her on the beach today?
1284
00:54:09,414 --> 00:54:12,350
Would you stop messing
around with this magazine?
1285
00:54:12,450 --> 00:54:13,984
Look, just turn the centerfold.
1286
00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:16,454
Maybe you'll recognize
her from there.
1287
00:54:16,554 --> 00:54:19,324
These pages are
all stuck together.
1288
00:54:19,424 --> 00:54:22,092
What have you been
doing with this?
1289
00:54:22,192 --> 00:54:26,163
Now, listen, why don't you just
forget about girls in magazines
1290
00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:28,833
and start to think about the
real poontang coming over here
1291
00:54:28,933 --> 00:54:29,634
tonight?
1292
00:54:29,734 --> 00:54:30,735
Huh?
1293
00:54:30,835 --> 00:54:31,869
Gladys.
1294
00:54:31,969 --> 00:54:33,270
Gladys, yeah.
1295
00:54:33,371 --> 00:54:36,441
Tonight, buddy, you're
going to be a man.
1296
00:54:36,541 --> 00:54:37,808
Yeah.
1297
00:54:37,908 --> 00:54:39,344
All right, now
these girls are hot.
1298
00:54:39,444 --> 00:54:40,478
So we've got to be on our toes.
1299
00:54:40,578 --> 00:54:42,046
OK, let's make sure we
have everything set up.
1300
00:54:42,146 --> 00:54:42,847
OK.
1301
00:54:42,947 --> 00:54:44,114
Got the liquor?
1302
00:54:44,214 --> 00:54:44,915
Check.
1303
00:54:45,015 --> 00:54:46,651
Reefer.
1304
00:54:46,751 --> 00:54:47,452
Check.
1305
00:54:47,552 --> 00:54:50,020
Rubbers.
1306
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:50,955
Check.
1307
00:54:51,055 --> 00:54:53,791
Petroleum jelly?
1308
00:54:53,891 --> 00:54:55,192
Check.
1309
00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:59,630
Hey, Danny, tonight, it's just
you and me-- team inseparable.
1310
00:54:59,730 --> 00:55:00,965
Yeah.
1311
00:55:01,065 --> 00:55:02,333
Teddy, boy.
1312
00:55:02,433 --> 00:55:04,168
[purring]
1313
00:55:06,136 --> 00:55:07,137
Mona.
1314
00:55:07,237 --> 00:55:10,875
Hey, baby, you look
like a million bucks.
1315
00:55:10,975 --> 00:55:15,446
You're looking pretty good
tonight yourself, Iron Thighs.
1316
00:55:15,546 --> 00:55:16,947
Hey, who is this kid?
1317
00:55:17,047 --> 00:55:18,248
It's my little brother, Danny.
1318
00:55:18,349 --> 00:55:19,984
You remember him from the beach.
1319
00:55:20,084 --> 00:55:21,586
He's supposed to be
with Gladys tonight.
1320
00:55:21,686 --> 00:55:22,587
Where is she anyway?
1321
00:55:22,687 --> 00:55:23,888
Oh, I forgot to tell her.
1322
00:55:23,988 --> 00:55:25,790
I had important things to do.
1323
00:55:25,890 --> 00:55:27,958
I had to do my nails.
1324
00:55:28,058 --> 00:55:30,928
Hey, are we going to end
up babysitting tonight?
1325
00:55:31,028 --> 00:55:32,530
What is this?
1326
00:55:32,630 --> 00:55:33,698
No, he was just leaving.
1327
00:55:33,798 --> 00:55:35,065
Weren't you, Danny?
1328
00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:36,100
Scram.
1329
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:36,934
Beat it.
1330
00:55:37,034 --> 00:55:38,002
Here's your hat and your whip.
1331
00:55:38,102 --> 00:55:39,837
And here is a dollar.
1332
00:55:39,937 --> 00:55:41,439
Why don't you go out
and maybe see a movie
1333
00:55:41,539 --> 00:55:42,707
and sleep on the
beach tonight, buddy.
1334
00:55:42,807 --> 00:55:43,508
Thanks a lot.
1335
00:55:43,608 --> 00:55:44,709
I'll see you in the morning.
1336
00:55:47,645 --> 00:55:51,115
OK, Teddy, baby, let's party.
1337
00:55:51,215 --> 00:55:52,182
All right!
1338
00:55:52,282 --> 00:55:55,653
[music playing]
1339
00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:13,070
Wuh?
1340
00:56:17,274 --> 00:56:18,709
Hello.
1341
00:56:18,809 --> 00:56:21,712
I've been waiting for you.
1342
00:56:21,812 --> 00:56:23,013
For me?
1343
00:56:23,113 --> 00:56:25,082
Your name is Danny isn't it?
1344
00:56:25,182 --> 00:56:26,617
How did you know?
1345
00:56:26,717 --> 00:56:30,020
Oh, just a lucky guess.
1346
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:30,921
Have some champagne.
1347
00:56:31,021 --> 00:56:32,222
It's wonderful.
1348
00:56:40,030 --> 00:56:45,503
Here is too long nights
and deep emotions.
1349
00:56:45,603 --> 00:56:47,505
I'll drink to that.
1350
00:56:47,605 --> 00:56:50,441
They say if you
wish hard enough,
1351
00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:53,077
your dream can come true.
1352
00:56:53,177 --> 00:56:54,111
They do?
1353
00:56:54,211 --> 00:56:57,414
They say if a
dream can come true,
1354
00:56:57,515 --> 00:57:00,585
it'll change your life forever.
1355
00:57:00,685 --> 00:57:01,819
They do?
1356
00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:05,923
They say that falling
in love is wonderful.
1357
00:57:06,023 --> 00:57:07,324
They do?
1358
00:57:07,424 --> 00:57:08,926
Yeah.
1359
00:57:09,026 --> 00:57:10,895
Wow!
1360
00:57:10,995 --> 00:57:12,897
Mona, you're kind of
special to me, you know?
1361
00:57:12,997 --> 00:57:15,600
Ah, oh.
1362
00:57:15,700 --> 00:57:18,102
I've never met anybody
like you before.
1363
00:57:18,202 --> 00:57:19,236
Whoa!
1364
00:57:19,336 --> 00:57:21,338
I really think I'm
falling in love with you.
1365
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:22,406
Ted!
1366
00:57:22,507 --> 00:57:24,575
Ted, we have the whole
night ahead of us.
1367
00:57:24,675 --> 00:57:26,977
I wouldn't want
you peak too soon.
1368
00:57:27,077 --> 00:57:29,379
How about another drink?
1369
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,281
But you've already had seven.
1370
00:57:31,381 --> 00:57:33,450
Oh, come one, Danny,
you've been dreaming
1371
00:57:33,551 --> 00:57:35,419
about this for a long time.
1372
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:37,922
But I don't understand.
1373
00:57:38,022 --> 00:57:39,456
I saw you on the beach today.
1374
00:57:39,557 --> 00:57:40,825
And then you disappeared.
1375
00:57:40,925 --> 00:57:42,927
And there's a fat
man in your chair.
1376
00:57:43,027 --> 00:57:46,096
And what are you
trying to do to me?
1377
00:57:46,196 --> 00:57:49,700
I'm going to do to you
exactly what you want me to.
1378
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,670
[music playing]
1379
00:58:11,756 --> 00:58:12,623
Oh, Mona.
1380
00:58:12,723 --> 00:58:13,524
Oh, stop!
1381
00:58:13,624 --> 00:58:15,225
Wait!
1382
00:58:15,325 --> 00:58:18,629
I don't even know any
important thing about you.
1383
00:58:18,729 --> 00:58:21,532
I mean, for example,
what's your sign?
1384
00:58:21,632 --> 00:58:23,568
I'm Taurus-- the bull.
1385
00:58:23,668 --> 00:58:24,468
Oh!
1386
00:58:24,569 --> 00:58:25,269
[punch sound]
1387
00:58:25,369 --> 00:58:26,704
Oh!
1388
00:58:26,804 --> 00:58:28,505
I mean, like where
do you go to school.
1389
00:58:28,606 --> 00:58:30,174
What does your father do?
1390
00:58:30,274 --> 00:58:31,676
He's a plumber or something.
1391
00:58:31,776 --> 00:58:33,410
Who cares?
1392
00:58:33,510 --> 00:58:34,812
Well, it's just
that I like to get
1393
00:58:34,912 --> 00:58:37,414
to know my man a little
bit better before I take
1394
00:58:37,514 --> 00:58:41,051
them to that special place.
1395
00:58:41,151 --> 00:58:42,720
What's your name again?
1396
00:58:42,820 --> 00:58:43,520
Huh?
1397
00:58:43,621 --> 00:58:45,723
[music playing]
1398
00:58:55,666 --> 00:58:57,067
Danny, your bulge.
1399
00:59:01,138 --> 00:59:01,839
Ah!
1400
00:59:05,475 --> 00:59:08,245
Danny, you don't
have to impress me.
1401
00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:09,113
[crash]
1402
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:11,348
DANNY (VOICEOVER):
Then it happened just
1403
00:59:11,448 --> 00:59:13,350
like my brother said it would.
1404
00:59:13,450 --> 00:59:15,786
I didn't know if I could live
up to my brother's standards.
1405
00:59:15,886 --> 00:59:17,454
[scream]
1406
00:59:17,554 --> 00:59:19,456
I'm going to porkyou, you bitch.
1407
00:59:19,556 --> 00:59:22,259
DANNY (VOICEOVER): When I heard
Ted's girl, Mona, screaming,
1408
00:59:22,359 --> 00:59:24,261
I knew Ted had
things under control.
1409
00:59:24,361 --> 00:59:25,195
[punch sound]
1410
00:59:25,295 --> 00:59:26,130
Oh!
1411
00:59:26,230 --> 00:59:28,966
God!
1412
00:59:29,066 --> 00:59:30,367
Oh!
1413
00:59:30,467 --> 00:59:31,368
Oh!
1414
00:59:31,468 --> 00:59:34,204
Oh, Teddy, I'm so sorry.
1415
00:59:34,304 --> 00:59:35,806
Let me rub it for you.
1416
00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:37,441
Maybe I can make it feel better.
1417
00:59:37,541 --> 00:59:38,843
No, no, get out of here.
1418
00:59:38,943 --> 00:59:39,644
Just leave me alone.
1419
00:59:42,647 --> 00:59:45,950
Well, thanks for
the lovely evening.
1420
00:59:46,050 --> 00:59:46,951
Oh!
1421
00:59:47,051 --> 00:59:49,453
[music playing]
1422
01:00:12,476 --> 01:00:15,312
DANNY (VOICEOVER): I knew
I had matters well in hand.
1423
01:00:15,412 --> 01:00:16,580
Ted would have been proud of me.
1424
01:00:23,587 --> 01:00:24,789
I was so excited.
1425
01:00:24,889 --> 01:00:27,157
I didn't even notice
that Mona walked in.
1426
01:00:36,533 --> 01:00:39,269
You'd think a lover like Ted
would be enough for any girl.
1427
01:00:39,369 --> 01:00:41,238
But Mona still wasn't satisfied.
1428
01:00:46,811 --> 01:00:51,615
OK, Danny boy, let's party.
1429
01:00:51,716 --> 01:00:52,416
Wow!
1430
01:00:55,285 --> 01:00:58,555
DANNY (VOICEOVER): So they
taught me how to have an orgy.
1431
01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:01,125
That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
1432
01:01:01,225 --> 01:01:03,593
I don't care what
you think, douche bag.
1433
01:01:03,694 --> 01:01:06,363
It happened just that way.
1434
01:01:06,463 --> 01:01:09,867
We have been stuck
in here all day.
1435
01:01:09,967 --> 01:01:13,103
What if they can't find us?
1436
01:01:13,203 --> 01:01:14,471
What if they are not
even looking for us?
1437
01:01:14,571 --> 01:01:16,306
We've just got to
trust them, Annie.
1438
01:01:16,406 --> 01:01:18,442
They'll find us.
1439
01:01:18,542 --> 01:01:20,277
I think there's something
terribly wrong here.
1440
01:01:20,377 --> 01:01:22,112
Has he had an allergy attack?
1441
01:01:22,212 --> 01:01:23,948
Gee, Mr. Zitzler,
have you heard anything
1442
01:01:24,048 --> 01:01:26,283
about Danny and the others yet?
1443
01:01:26,383 --> 01:01:27,684
No, as a matter off
act, we have not.
1444
01:01:27,785 --> 01:01:30,387
Now, it's time for
your dip, Dippy.
1445
01:01:30,487 --> 01:01:32,322
Danny and the others.
1446
01:01:32,422 --> 01:01:33,858
Danny and the others?
1447
01:01:33,958 --> 01:01:36,326
Danny and the others--
it's a rock group coming
1448
01:01:36,426 --> 01:01:37,561
into to entertain our campers.
1449
01:01:37,661 --> 01:01:38,362
Rock?
1450
01:01:38,462 --> 01:01:39,496
Rock?
1451
01:01:39,596 --> 01:01:40,898
Oh, you're interested
in rocks, Mrs. Anderson.
1452
01:01:40,998 --> 01:01:42,466
Why didn't you just tell
me in the first place?
1453
01:01:42,566 --> 01:01:44,234
I've got a rock collection
you'd love to see.
1454
01:01:44,334 --> 01:01:48,873
Well, I guess it's time
for the moment of truth.
1455
01:01:48,973 --> 01:01:50,440
When is the first
time Miss Nature
1456
01:01:50,540 --> 01:01:54,011
Teacher got her pubes parted?
1457
01:01:54,111 --> 01:01:56,013
What is the matter with you?
1458
01:01:56,113 --> 01:01:57,381
You have a one-track mind.
1459
01:01:57,481 --> 01:01:58,783
Why don't you just grow up?
1460
01:01:58,883 --> 01:02:01,752
Oh, Miss Maturity, what makes
you better than everyone else?
1461
01:02:01,852 --> 01:02:04,188
We all told about the
first time we got laid.
1462
01:02:04,288 --> 01:02:06,256
What are you so afraid of?
1463
01:02:06,356 --> 01:02:08,392
All right, I'll tell you.
1464
01:02:11,829 --> 01:02:14,999
I am proud of my
relationship with Dwayne.
1465
01:02:15,099 --> 01:02:16,533
It was perfect.
1466
01:02:16,633 --> 01:02:20,637
He was everything
a girl could want.
1467
01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:22,739
What a hunk.
1468
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:24,574
What a man.
1469
01:02:24,674 --> 01:02:27,077
Even as far back as
junior high school,
1470
01:02:27,177 --> 01:02:30,680
Dwayne and I innocently
explored the mysteries
1471
01:02:30,781 --> 01:02:32,649
of coming adulthood.
1472
01:02:32,749 --> 01:02:34,484
Oh, my, oh my,oh my, I think we
1473
01:02:34,584 --> 01:02:36,686
have a definite problem here.
1474
01:02:36,787 --> 01:02:38,288
Are you sure this was
your homework assignment?
1475
01:02:38,388 --> 01:02:39,089
Of course, I'm sure.
1476
01:02:39,189 --> 01:02:40,157
What do you think?
1477
01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:44,361
Oh, no, the nurse has a boo boo.
1478
01:02:44,461 --> 01:02:46,630
And you know what else, nurse?
1479
01:02:46,730 --> 01:02:48,732
The doctor has a boo boo too.
1480
01:02:48,833 --> 01:02:51,068
Where?
1481
01:02:51,168 --> 01:02:52,036
Here.
1482
01:02:52,136 --> 01:02:54,104
Kiss it and make
it better, please.
1483
01:02:54,204 --> 01:02:56,673
OK, the nurse will now
kiss the doctor's boo boo.
1484
01:02:56,773 --> 01:02:58,442
The nurse that kisses his
boo boo to make it better
1485
01:02:58,542 --> 01:02:59,676
is going to cost $25.
1486
01:02:59,776 --> 01:03:03,480
Do you have Blue
Cross or Blue Shield.
1487
01:03:03,580 --> 01:03:04,849
Hi mom and dad!
1488
01:03:04,949 --> 01:03:06,817
Is everything
all right, Dwayne?
1489
01:03:13,557 --> 01:03:15,592
MICHELLE FARMER
(VOICEOVER): Mom and dad
1490
01:03:15,692 --> 01:03:18,195
were crazy about
Dewayne and invited him
1491
01:03:18,295 --> 01:03:20,664
over once a week for dinner.
1492
01:03:20,764 --> 01:03:24,334
He and dad saw
eye-to-eye on everything.
1493
01:03:24,434 --> 01:03:27,304
Well, Dwayne, my boy, have you
registered for the draft yet?
1494
01:03:27,404 --> 01:03:29,006
No, have you?
1495
01:03:29,106 --> 01:03:31,575
Why son, years
ago I did my duty.
1496
01:03:31,675 --> 01:03:32,409
You did your duty?
1497
01:03:32,509 --> 01:03:35,779
Well, why don't you flush it?
1498
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:36,881
Right, Michelle?
1499
01:03:36,981 --> 01:03:38,015
Right.
1500
01:03:38,115 --> 01:03:39,984
Besides, I don't
think they should
1501
01:03:40,084 --> 01:03:44,154
waste the cream of American
youth such as myself.
1502
01:03:44,254 --> 01:03:45,622
Right, Michelle?
1503
01:03:45,722 --> 01:03:47,024
Right.
1504
01:03:47,124 --> 01:03:49,326
Ah, very sensible.
1505
01:03:49,426 --> 01:03:52,629
Do you like meat, Dwayne?
1506
01:03:52,729 --> 01:03:55,866
I love meat, Mrs. Richards.
1507
01:03:55,966 --> 01:03:57,034
Right, Michelle?
1508
01:04:04,308 --> 01:04:06,610
[gluttonous sounds]
1509
01:04:11,148 --> 01:04:11,848
Mmm.
1510
01:04:18,622 --> 01:04:22,159
Lucy, isn't it wonderful that
a fine, upstanding young man
1511
01:04:22,259 --> 01:04:24,061
like Dwayne has
taken an interest
1512
01:04:24,161 --> 01:04:25,595
in our little Michelle?
1513
01:04:25,695 --> 01:04:27,764
Oh, Desi, we're so lucky.
1514
01:04:37,174 --> 01:04:39,476
A special
announcement, everybody.
1515
01:04:39,576 --> 01:04:42,947
Dwayne is taking me to the prom!
1516
01:04:43,047 --> 01:04:45,249
Darling.
1517
01:04:45,349 --> 01:04:46,650
That's marvellous.
1518
01:04:46,750 --> 01:04:48,552
I couldn't be happier.
1519
01:04:48,652 --> 01:04:50,220
Thank you, daddy.
1520
01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:53,123
Dwayne, you better take
care of my little girl.
1521
01:04:53,223 --> 01:04:56,226
Oh, I'll take care of
her, Mr. Richards, sir.
1522
01:04:56,326 --> 01:04:57,027
Right, Michelle?
1523
01:05:01,031 --> 01:05:02,199
MICHELLE FARMER
(VOICEOVER): It was
1524
01:05:02,299 --> 01:05:05,869
right then and there that
I felt the first stirrings
1525
01:05:05,970 --> 01:05:07,371
of youthful passion.
1526
01:05:07,471 --> 01:05:14,444
And I knew it wouldn't be long
before the earth moved for me.
1527
01:05:14,544 --> 01:05:18,182
I decided that Dewayne
would be my first.
1528
01:05:18,282 --> 01:05:20,884
Then came the night
of the junior prom.
1529
01:05:20,985 --> 01:05:24,454
Dwayne was so romantic.
1530
01:05:24,554 --> 01:05:26,190
Afterwards, he
took me to a disco.
1531
01:05:31,428 --> 01:05:34,331
See that was a
great prom, Dwayne.
1532
01:05:34,431 --> 01:05:37,734
Don't eat that.
1533
01:05:37,834 --> 01:05:42,206
Yeah, I'm sorry I threw up
in your punch though Michelle.
1534
01:05:42,306 --> 01:05:43,007
You did?
1535
01:05:49,246 --> 01:05:50,447
I get it.
1536
01:05:50,547 --> 01:05:51,815
You want to dance.
1537
01:05:51,915 --> 01:05:54,651
[music playing]
1538
01:06:21,878 --> 01:06:23,013
Danny!
1539
01:06:23,113 --> 01:06:24,381
MICHELLE FARMER
(VOICEOVER): Just when
1540
01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:27,751
I thought Dwayne was about to
make the earth move for me,
1541
01:06:27,851 --> 01:06:28,718
she appeared.
1542
01:06:28,818 --> 01:06:31,021
[music playing]
1543
01:06:37,427 --> 01:06:39,263
I was crushed.
1544
01:06:39,363 --> 01:06:42,499
I couldn't imagine
what he saw in her.
1545
01:06:42,599 --> 01:06:43,300
Hey!
1546
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:45,869
Hey!
1547
01:06:45,969 --> 01:06:46,670
Dwayne!
1548
01:06:46,770 --> 01:06:47,871
What about me?
1549
01:06:52,376 --> 01:06:54,711
[crash]
1550
01:07:01,485 --> 01:07:02,586
MICHELLE FARMER
(VOICEOVER): I never
1551
01:07:02,686 --> 01:07:07,023
felt so lonely in all my life.
1552
01:07:07,124 --> 01:07:11,228
Then I saw him across
the crowded room.
1553
01:07:11,328 --> 01:07:13,730
And I knew there could
be life after Dwayne.
1554
01:07:13,830 --> 01:07:16,133
[music playing]
1555
01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:28,011
I felt like I was
floating on a cloud.
1556
01:07:36,353 --> 01:07:40,023
I knew in a flash that he
was twice the man Dwyane was.
1557
01:07:46,396 --> 01:07:47,931
He grabbed me and kissed me.
1558
01:07:50,700 --> 01:07:53,970
I felt like a bow of
quivering jello in his arms.
1559
01:07:57,040 --> 01:08:00,377
He came close to me and
whispered something in my ears.
1560
01:08:00,477 --> 01:08:01,178
Let's go.
1561
01:08:05,149 --> 01:08:06,516
Oh!
1562
01:08:06,616 --> 01:08:07,484
Whoa!
1563
01:08:07,584 --> 01:08:08,585
MICHELLE FARMER
(VOICEOVER): I guess
1564
01:08:08,685 --> 01:08:11,020
I must have misunderstood.
1565
01:08:11,121 --> 01:08:13,690
I thought he said balling.
1566
01:08:13,790 --> 01:08:19,095
What he really said
was, "Let's go bowling."
1567
01:08:19,196 --> 01:08:20,997
Oh!
1568
01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:22,065
So we went bowling.
1569
01:08:26,470 --> 01:08:29,373
He picked just the right spot.
1570
01:08:29,473 --> 01:08:34,411
Oh, it wasn't exactly
lover's lane, but for $0.75,
1571
01:08:34,511 --> 01:08:37,214
shoes included,
what do you expect?
1572
01:08:37,314 --> 01:08:39,849
Well how do you
like the date so far?
1573
01:08:39,949 --> 01:08:41,685
MICHELLE FARMER (VOICEOVER)
:By the end of the evening,
1574
01:08:41,785 --> 01:08:45,389
I could see that the only
thing he had on his mind
1575
01:08:45,489 --> 01:08:47,357
was scoring up my alley.
1576
01:08:47,457 --> 01:08:53,530
The date was a strength
for him got a call for me.
1577
01:08:58,335 --> 01:09:00,937
Well, the earth
didn't move for me,
1578
01:09:01,037 --> 01:09:03,039
but I suppose it
could've been worse.
1579
01:09:03,139 --> 01:09:06,476
Yeah, you could have got
your twat twizzled by Dwayne.
1580
01:09:10,914 --> 01:09:14,318
Stinky, you're now a member
of our traditional circle jerk.
1581
01:09:14,418 --> 01:09:15,519
Congratulations.
1582
01:09:15,619 --> 01:09:17,921
You know, guys,
I'm really touched
1583
01:09:18,021 --> 01:09:20,089
you let me take part in this.
1584
01:09:20,190 --> 01:09:22,826
It's really the
climax of my summer.
1585
01:09:22,926 --> 01:09:24,594
Ah, that's OK, Stink.
1586
01:09:24,694 --> 01:09:26,296
We feel you have
what it takes to take
1587
01:09:26,396 --> 01:09:28,965
part in our sacred event.
1588
01:09:29,065 --> 01:09:31,935
This is a very select group
you're entering, Stinky.
1589
01:09:32,035 --> 01:09:32,736
You're a member of that.
1590
01:09:32,836 --> 01:09:35,339
And here are the rules.
1591
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:38,942
All lights must be turned off.
1592
01:09:39,042 --> 01:09:42,246
The first person to
reach climatic finality
1593
01:09:42,346 --> 01:09:46,583
is the honorary chairman of
the Eagles for next summer.
1594
01:09:46,683 --> 01:09:49,619
Stop joking and start stroking.
1595
01:09:55,792 --> 01:09:56,760
How you doing Stinky?
1596
01:09:56,860 --> 01:09:58,228
STINKY: I'm doing OK.
1597
01:09:58,328 --> 01:10:08,638
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah, ah ah ah!
1598
01:10:08,738 --> 01:10:09,806
I'm first!
1599
01:10:09,906 --> 01:10:10,607
I'm first.
1600
01:10:10,707 --> 01:10:13,076
I'm champion.
1601
01:10:13,176 --> 01:10:14,444
It's so cute.
1602
01:10:14,544 --> 01:10:16,112
What wrist action.
1603
01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:20,216
I always knew you could
handle yourself in a crowd.
1604
01:10:20,317 --> 01:10:22,218
[jeers]
1605
01:10:32,262 --> 01:10:34,631
Look!
1606
01:10:34,731 --> 01:10:36,633
The lantern is flickering.
1607
01:10:36,733 --> 01:10:39,102
There must be a breeze.
1608
01:10:39,202 --> 01:10:40,103
It's a passage.
1609
01:10:40,203 --> 01:10:43,072
They must have
begun to dig us out!
1610
01:10:43,172 --> 01:10:44,574
Yes!
1611
01:10:44,674 --> 01:10:46,075
We're in here!
1612
01:10:46,175 --> 01:10:51,481
Oh, I believe I was incorrect
in my original analysis.
1613
01:10:51,581 --> 01:10:52,649
-What?
-What?
1614
01:10:52,749 --> 01:10:53,450
What?
1615
01:10:53,550 --> 01:10:54,784
What?
1616
01:10:54,884 --> 01:10:59,022
Well, the fact that the
lantern is burning at a clearly
1617
01:10:59,122 --> 01:11:01,358
diminished level
indicates that there
1618
01:11:01,458 --> 01:11:03,493
is no longer sufficient
oxygen to support burning.
1619
01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:04,561
-What?-What?
1620
01:11:04,661 --> 01:11:05,462
What?
1621
01:11:05,562 --> 01:11:06,396
I have a headache.
1622
01:11:06,496 --> 01:11:09,366
Yes, Annie, your
headache is clear
1623
01:11:09,466 --> 01:11:12,168
indication that the car
bondioxide level has reached
1624
01:11:12,268 --> 01:11:15,572
the point where breathing
becomes imperative
1625
01:11:15,672 --> 01:11:16,940
and asphyxiation sets in.
1626
01:11:17,040 --> 01:11:18,174
Asphyxiation?
1627
01:11:18,274 --> 01:11:19,275
You mean like suffocating?
1628
01:11:19,376 --> 01:11:20,644
You mean there's no
more oxygen to breath?
1629
01:11:20,744 --> 01:11:22,045
Calm down.
1630
01:11:22,145 --> 01:11:23,513
Calm down.
1631
01:11:23,613 --> 01:11:26,483
I'm sure that help
is on the way.
1632
01:11:26,583 --> 01:11:29,419
They are probably close
enough to hear us.
1633
01:11:29,519 --> 01:11:30,354
Help!
1634
01:11:30,454 --> 01:11:31,154
Help!
1635
01:11:31,254 --> 01:11:32,756
We're stuck in a cave.
1636
01:11:32,856 --> 01:11:33,857
Help!
1637
01:11:33,957 --> 01:11:34,658
Help!
1638
01:11:36,826 --> 01:11:38,562
WOMAN (ON SPEAKER): I do not
go down on French poodles.
1639
01:11:38,662 --> 01:11:39,463
I am sure.
1640
01:11:39,563 --> 01:11:40,730
Oh, are we on?
1641
01:11:40,830 --> 01:11:41,931
Oh.
1642
01:11:42,031 --> 01:11:45,569
Attention campers, meet
your parents like in front
1643
01:11:45,669 --> 01:11:47,337
of the grody mess hall, OK?
1644
01:11:53,309 --> 01:11:54,644
We drove all the way up here.
1645
01:11:54,744 --> 01:11:55,579
Hi!
1646
01:11:55,679 --> 01:11:57,514
Hi!
1647
01:11:57,614 --> 01:11:59,082
Mom, I won the circle jerk.
1648
01:11:59,182 --> 01:12:01,518
That's my boy, ho, ho, no!
1649
01:12:01,618 --> 01:12:02,986
Danny.
1650
01:12:03,086 --> 01:12:04,954
Where's my Danny?
1651
01:12:05,054 --> 01:12:05,822
Excuse me.
1652
01:12:05,922 --> 01:12:06,756
Have you seen my Danny?
1653
01:12:06,856 --> 01:12:08,958
Danny?
1654
01:12:09,058 --> 01:12:10,226
WOMAN (ON SPEAKER):
Attention parents,
1655
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:13,597
go to the totally
tubular arts and crafts
1656
01:12:13,697 --> 01:12:16,232
show where like
children's exhibits
1657
01:12:16,332 --> 01:12:18,702
are on display, ha, whoa.
1658
01:12:18,802 --> 01:12:19,903
Now parents, look
at the subtlety
1659
01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:21,905
of these curving lines.
1660
01:12:22,005 --> 01:12:24,774
The smooth yet rugged
texture of the pieces
1661
01:12:24,874 --> 01:12:27,711
speaks eloquently of the
thrusting and parrying
1662
01:12:27,811 --> 01:12:30,614
techniques that your very
talented children have utilized
1663
01:12:30,714 --> 01:12:32,649
in order to put together these
beautiful, marvelous works
1664
01:12:32,749 --> 01:12:33,450
of art.
1665
01:12:33,550 --> 01:12:35,351
[music playing]
1666
01:12:38,755 --> 01:12:40,524
WOMAN: Oh, my god, it's
bigger than yours, Harold.
1667
01:12:47,731 --> 01:12:49,232
Oh, no, the lantern went out.
1668
01:12:49,332 --> 01:12:50,534
Michelle is right.
1669
01:12:50,634 --> 01:12:52,335
We're running out of air.
1670
01:12:55,071 --> 01:12:56,139
Everybody down on the ground.
1671
01:12:56,239 --> 01:12:58,508
There's more air on the ground.
1672
01:12:58,608 --> 01:13:00,009
Down.
1673
01:13:00,109 --> 01:13:02,779
This is ridiculous.
1674
01:13:02,879 --> 01:13:04,881
Michelle, will you just
get down and breathe please?
1675
01:13:04,981 --> 01:13:05,682
Why?
1676
01:13:05,782 --> 01:13:07,350
Just get down and breathe!
1677
01:13:07,451 --> 01:13:08,151
All right.
1678
01:13:11,187 --> 01:13:12,556
I can't breathe.
1679
01:13:12,656 --> 01:13:14,691
I can't help it.
1680
01:13:14,791 --> 01:13:15,659
I can't help it.
1681
01:13:15,759 --> 01:13:17,627
We got to get out of here.
1682
01:13:17,727 --> 01:13:19,095
This can't happen.
1683
01:13:19,195 --> 01:13:21,164
We just got to get out of here.
1684
01:13:21,264 --> 01:13:22,466
I can't deal with this.
1685
01:13:22,566 --> 01:13:25,101
We got to get out of here!
1686
01:13:25,201 --> 01:13:28,805
Oh, shit, I'm 17.
1687
01:13:28,905 --> 01:13:30,339
I'm going to die.
1688
01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:32,408
And I've never been laid.
1689
01:13:32,509 --> 01:13:33,242
What?
1690
01:13:33,342 --> 01:13:35,044
Huh?
1691
01:13:35,144 --> 01:13:35,879
What?
1692
01:13:35,979 --> 01:13:38,014
What?
1693
01:13:38,114 --> 01:13:40,249
There was no hooker.
1694
01:13:40,349 --> 01:13:42,519
I made the whole thing up.
1695
01:13:42,619 --> 01:13:46,456
Shit, I don't even know
how to talk to a girl.
1696
01:13:46,556 --> 01:13:47,491
Me neither.
1697
01:13:47,591 --> 01:13:50,994
I mean, I've never
made it either.
1698
01:13:51,094 --> 01:13:52,896
There was no dream girl.
1699
01:13:52,996 --> 01:13:55,164
And there was no
man with a knife.
1700
01:13:55,264 --> 01:13:56,933
I made it up.
1701
01:13:57,033 --> 01:13:58,868
I'm going to die a virgin.
1702
01:13:58,968 --> 01:14:02,171
Well, I guess there was
no Barbara Billington.
1703
01:14:02,271 --> 01:14:06,743
Well, I mean there really
was a Barbara Billington.
1704
01:14:06,843 --> 01:14:08,912
But she was just a
waitress I had a crush
1705
01:14:09,012 --> 01:14:11,615
at the local Dunkin' Donuts.
1706
01:14:11,715 --> 01:14:13,717
I'm going to die a virgin.
1707
01:14:13,817 --> 01:14:16,085
Well, let's not
dwell on the past.
1708
01:14:16,185 --> 01:14:21,090
I mean, I've always believed
that if you live fully
1709
01:14:21,190 --> 01:14:24,127
in the moment and lived
by the laws of nature,
1710
01:14:24,227 --> 01:14:26,530
then if death comes to
take you before your time,
1711
01:14:26,630 --> 01:14:28,264
you'll be part of nature.
1712
01:14:28,364 --> 01:14:30,534
Oh, what the fuck are you
talking about, Michelle.
1713
01:14:30,634 --> 01:14:31,535
Goddammit!
1714
01:14:31,635 --> 01:14:33,670
You're always talking
this bullshit.
1715
01:14:33,770 --> 01:14:35,505
For once in yourlife, can't you just
1716
01:14:35,605 --> 01:14:38,407
talk like a normal human being?
1717
01:14:38,508 --> 01:14:39,843
HENRY: Come on, Mitch.
1718
01:14:39,943 --> 01:14:43,613
Hey, you want to hear this
shit she's always dealing out?
1719
01:14:43,713 --> 01:14:45,214
Well, I dont' know, Mitch.
1720
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:46,415
You got to think
about nature now.
1721
01:14:46,516 --> 01:14:49,385
I mean, it's one thing if
an eighty-year-old woman
1722
01:14:49,485 --> 01:14:52,421
gets killed by a bus.
1723
01:14:52,522 --> 01:14:54,724
It's another thing
if a kid dies before.
1724
01:14:58,227 --> 01:15:01,030
I just think that really sucks.
1725
01:15:01,130 --> 01:15:02,766
Fuck you, Henry.
1726
01:15:02,866 --> 01:15:04,267
You're just as bad as she is.
1727
01:15:04,367 --> 01:15:06,603
What is this
philosophy bullshit?
1728
01:15:06,703 --> 01:15:08,204
You all are just scared.
1729
01:15:08,304 --> 01:15:09,939
I'm not fucking scared.
1730
01:15:10,039 --> 01:15:12,008
God damn it.
1731
01:15:12,108 --> 01:15:14,010
I'm going to die a virgin.
1732
01:15:14,110 --> 01:15:17,213
Why don't you just cut
out the tough guy routine.
1733
01:15:17,313 --> 01:15:18,815
You're just as scared as we are.
1734
01:15:18,915 --> 01:15:21,851
Oh, Michelle, you've always
had it in for me-- always.
1735
01:15:21,951 --> 01:15:22,652
Yeah, come on.
1736
01:15:22,752 --> 01:15:23,920
Get it out now.
1737
01:15:24,020 --> 01:15:24,721
I always like you.
1738
01:15:24,821 --> 01:15:26,823
Bullshit!
1739
01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:30,159
I've always liked you.
1740
01:15:30,259 --> 01:15:32,061
I've always admired you.
1741
01:15:32,161 --> 01:15:34,698
You know the way the
little kids look up to you.
1742
01:15:34,798 --> 01:15:37,701
They see you as a role model.
1743
01:15:37,801 --> 01:15:39,603
I've always wished I
could be closer to you.
1744
01:15:55,819 --> 01:15:58,788
I think we should all be
spending these last few moments
1745
01:15:58,888 --> 01:16:00,657
being closest to the fighting.
1746
01:16:00,757 --> 01:16:02,558
I'm going to die a virgin.
1747
01:16:02,659 --> 01:16:05,829
[music playing]
1748
01:16:29,986 --> 01:16:31,855
MICHELLE FARMER (VOICEOVER):
We're are all part of nature's
1749
01:16:31,955 --> 01:16:33,623
constant state of flux.
1750
01:16:38,494 --> 01:16:40,563
HENRY (VOICEOVER): If
I ever get out of here.
1751
01:16:40,664 --> 01:16:42,031
I'll never eat junk food again.
1752
01:16:45,368 --> 01:16:46,770
DANNY (VOICEOVER): I
fever get out of here,
1753
01:16:46,870 --> 01:16:48,271
I'll change my subscription
from "Penthouse"
1754
01:16:48,371 --> 01:16:49,973
to "National Geographic."
1755
01:16:50,073 --> 01:16:52,809
I promise.
1756
01:16:52,909 --> 01:16:54,410
ANNIE (VOICEOVER): I don't
want to die a virgin.
1757
01:16:59,649 --> 01:17:01,250
MITCH (VOICEOVER):
This fucking cave sucks.
1758
01:17:01,350 --> 01:17:04,187
[music playing]
1759
01:19:49,953 --> 01:19:51,354
Oh!
1760
01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:52,822
Ah!
1761
01:19:52,922 --> 01:20:01,330
[screaming]
1762
01:20:08,905 --> 01:20:09,805
The earth is moving.
1763
01:20:09,906 --> 01:20:14,477
[screaming]
1764
01:20:14,577 --> 01:20:15,278
The earth is moving.
1765
01:20:27,056 --> 01:20:27,756
Oh, yeah!
1766
01:20:30,860 --> 01:20:33,762
Gee that was nice.
1767
01:20:33,863 --> 01:20:36,265
[music playing]
1768
01:20:50,914 --> 01:20:54,283
Mr. Zitzler, you're in such
a rush to sell this camp,
1769
01:20:54,383 --> 01:20:55,584
I got it think it over.
1770
01:20:55,684 --> 01:20:56,652
It's late.
1771
01:20:56,752 --> 01:20:58,821
I'll call you, Mr. Zitzler,
I'll call you.
1772
01:20:58,922 --> 01:21:02,125
Please, Mr. Costolo,
please, buy my camp.
1773
01:21:02,225 --> 01:21:04,827
You've got to buy my camp.
1774
01:21:04,928 --> 01:21:05,728
I've got to sell this camp.
1775
01:21:05,828 --> 01:21:08,631
That damned innocent kid.
1776
01:21:08,731 --> 01:21:10,499
I don't have any insurance.
1777
01:21:10,599 --> 01:21:11,300
What am I going to do?
1778
01:21:11,400 --> 01:21:12,101
I see you, Mr. Zitzler.
1779
01:21:15,771 --> 01:21:17,773
Where is my Danny?
1780
01:21:17,873 --> 01:21:21,544
I'm sick and tired of
all this double talk.
1781
01:21:21,644 --> 01:21:25,181
All the other parents
have found their children.
1782
01:21:25,281 --> 01:21:26,382
Where's my Danny?
1783
01:21:26,482 --> 01:21:29,018
Why, Mrs. Anderson, I
was just looking for you.
1784
01:21:29,118 --> 01:21:31,154
My Danny boy is lost.
1785
01:21:31,254 --> 01:21:31,988
He's gone.
1786
01:21:32,088 --> 01:21:33,189
I can't find him anywhere.
1787
01:21:33,289 --> 01:21:34,557
Mrs. Anderson, now, please
get a hold of yourself.
1788
01:21:34,657 --> 01:21:36,025
It becomes very
unsteady on this dock.
1789
01:21:36,125 --> 01:21:38,794
What kind of a dump is this?
1790
01:21:38,894 --> 01:21:40,029
Oh!
1791
01:21:40,129 --> 01:21:43,699
What in the world is that?
[scream]
1792
01:21:43,799 --> 01:21:48,404
Mr. Zitzler, I couldn't
find Danny's body
1793
01:21:48,504 --> 01:21:52,008
in this part of the lake.
1794
01:21:52,108 --> 01:21:52,808
Danny's body.
1795
01:21:52,908 --> 01:21:56,245
Danny's body?
1796
01:21:56,345 --> 01:21:57,713
Danny's body?
1797
01:21:57,813 --> 01:21:59,182
Oh!
1798
01:21:59,282 --> 01:22:00,683
Danny's body!
1799
01:22:00,783 --> 01:22:02,618
Ahhh!
1800
01:22:02,718 --> 01:22:03,619
[whistle]
1801
01:22:03,719 --> 01:22:07,323
Mrs. Anderson, don't move.
1802
01:22:07,423 --> 01:22:08,224
I'll get a lifeguard.
1803
01:22:08,324 --> 01:22:11,327
It'll take about 10 minutes.
1804
01:22:11,427 --> 01:22:15,364
These life guard
costs are killing me.
1805
01:22:15,464 --> 01:22:16,865
I'll do it myself.
1806
01:22:16,966 --> 01:22:19,835
Ah!
1807
01:22:19,935 --> 01:22:21,037
Ah!
1808
01:22:21,137 --> 01:22:23,406
Ah!
1809
01:22:23,506 --> 01:22:24,473
This way.
1810
01:22:24,573 --> 01:22:25,274
Go this way.
1811
01:22:34,984 --> 01:22:37,953
[music playing]
1812
01:22:38,988 --> 01:22:43,126
Mr. Zitlzler,
you saved my life.
1813
01:22:43,226 --> 01:22:45,528
Yeah, I do hope Danny
will be all right.
1814
01:22:45,628 --> 01:22:47,263
Oh, Danny is all right.
1815
01:22:47,363 --> 01:22:49,065
Danny is insured.
1816
01:22:49,165 --> 01:22:51,700
You have insurance?
1817
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:52,601
Oh, Mrs. Anderson.
1818
01:23:01,910 --> 01:23:03,112
What happened?
1819
01:23:03,212 --> 01:23:05,081
I don't know.
1820
01:23:05,181 --> 01:23:07,450
Hey do you guys smell anything?
1821
01:23:07,550 --> 01:23:08,884
I think it's fresh air.
1822
01:23:08,984 --> 01:23:11,387
Look, I see daylight.
1823
01:23:11,487 --> 01:23:12,355
There's light coming in.
1824
01:23:12,455 --> 01:23:13,356
Oh, my god.
1825
01:23:13,456 --> 01:23:14,357
You're not kidding, light.
1826
01:23:14,457 --> 01:23:15,358
Get out of here.
1827
01:23:15,458 --> 01:23:16,725
All right.
1828
01:23:16,825 --> 01:23:19,328
[MUSIC PLAYING RICHARD STRAUSS
"ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA"]
1829
01:23:42,285 --> 01:23:44,153
What a fucking day.
1830
01:23:44,253 --> 01:23:47,123
[music playing]
1831
01:24:12,981 --> 01:24:14,217
I feel different.
1832
01:24:14,317 --> 01:24:18,053
NARRATOR: Manny Anderson is no
wacting in pornographic films
1833
01:24:18,154 --> 01:24:20,456
under the name of Dicky Long.
1834
01:24:20,556 --> 01:24:22,825
He has delighted
millions of moviegoers
1835
01:24:22,925 --> 01:24:25,094
with his unique bulge.
1836
01:24:25,194 --> 01:24:27,863
Good, how you doing, huh?
1837
01:24:27,963 --> 01:24:29,732
Listen, listen,
don't call me Stud.
1838
01:24:29,832 --> 01:24:30,833
Call me Mitch, OK.
1839
01:24:30,933 --> 01:24:32,468
NARRATOR: Mitch became
a priest and opened
1840
01:24:32,568 --> 01:24:34,603
a parish in San Francisco.
1841
01:24:34,703 --> 01:24:39,208
He is now a spokesman for gay
rights for the celibate clergy.
1842
01:24:39,308 --> 01:24:41,076
Cheesedoodles.
1843
01:24:41,177 --> 01:24:43,246
NARRATOR: Henry Putz
works for the American
1844
01:24:43,346 --> 01:24:48,851
Cheese Manufacturers Association
as commissioner of natural gas.
1845
01:24:48,951 --> 01:24:49,685
They are all yours, kid.
1846
01:24:52,688 --> 01:24:54,923
NARRATOR: After eightun
successful marriages
1847
01:24:55,023 --> 01:24:57,993
and the cancellation of her
Bloomingdales credit card,
1848
01:24:58,093 --> 01:25:00,963
Annie Goldberg suffereda
nervous breakdown
1849
01:25:01,063 --> 01:25:02,698
and became a vegetable.
1850
01:25:02,798 --> 01:25:05,401
She is now living
quietly in Columbus, Ohio
1851
01:25:05,501 --> 01:25:08,070
as a Brussels sprout.
1852
01:25:08,171 --> 01:25:10,806
Michelle Farmer pursued
her interest in nature
1853
01:25:10,906 --> 01:25:13,008
and now heads up the
government's program
1854
01:25:13,108 --> 01:25:15,244
for wildlife preservation.
1855
01:25:15,344 --> 01:25:16,745
And fly.
1856
01:25:16,845 --> 01:25:18,247
Fly away!
1857
01:25:18,347 --> 01:25:20,216
Fly away little fish.
1858
01:25:20,316 --> 01:25:21,217
Weee!
1859
01:25:21,317 --> 01:25:25,954
[music playing]
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