All language subtitles for Boy.Did.I.Get.a.Wrong.Number.1966.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.2.0.H.264-GNOMiSSiON

"'The time has
come, ' the Walrus said

"'For I know I've had enough of
cabbages, kings and sealing wax

"'And all that silly stuff

"'I want to talk of Hollywood
and the excitement that it brings

"'With its gorgeous
girls in sunken baths

"'and those other crazy things'"

Temperature okay.
Bring on the body.

Hah.

I break my head to learn
English, and for what?

To take a bath?

No, no, no and no!

I know, Miss Didi, but we...

No more Miss Didi's bath!

Or anything else!

Is that clear?

It's impossible. Impossible baths.

No more bubble baths anywhere!

No!

No more bubble baths.
What's the matter now?

She won't get in the tub.

Nothing to get excited about.

The usual daily tantrum.

What's wrong,
my little chou-chou?

You liar and cheat!

Oh, what troubles my little pussy cat?

Tell your Pepe, will you?

"Tell your Pepe!
Tell your Pepe!"

You promised that when
we came to Hollywood,

that I could be a big dramatic
star and no more bubble baths.

But, my little rabbit, you know
the big scenes will come later.

You know Pepe never lies.

Pepe never lies?

For five years you promise to marry me.

For five years!

Oh, it's that again now, huh?

Aren't we happy as we are?

No.

Why do you want to destroy your success?

Marriage will ruin you.

Who knows that better than I do?

What happens when a
star marries her director?

Exactly what happened to all my wives.

Instantly, they get fat.

Didi does not get fat, and Didi
does not take a bubble bath!

Oh, come, come now.

Let's discuss this calmly, huh?

Do you really think Pepe likes this?

How do you think I feel when everyone

sees your beautiful body in the bath?

It tears my heart out.

Oh... Oh...

You know Pepe thinks only of you.

Then why did you put the
bath back in the picture?

Why? The producer says
you take a bath, that's why.

So I stand
up to him, and I tell him,

"My Didi will take no more baths."

So the producer says,
"No bath, no picture."

Then I hollered at him, "Okay, no picture!"

The producer hollers, then I holler again,

but it's no use. He hollers louder.

But I made an agreement.

You take the bath.

You made an agreement, huh?

Then you take the bath!

Who discovered you, huh?

Who made you the Divine Didi?

I.

I made myself the Divine Didi.

Oh, you did?

Yes. Maybe you helped a little bit.

What were you when I
picked you up in Marseille?

A dirty little beggar chasing GIs

in the street for cigarettes.

Oh. Miserable you.

You know that I am of royal blood.

Everybody knows that
Didi comes from a noble line!

You came from a noble line, all right,

a noble line a sailor
gave your foolish mother.

You'd still be a dirty little beggar

if I didn't give you your first bath.

And you are going to
take this bath right now.

Ow! Ow.

I'll teach you.

Now we'll start.

Now, actor, you...

I want you to go into the
bathroom and act surprised.

You see this strange,
beautiful girl in the tub,

but you do not recognize her.

Mr. Pepponi... You understand?

Leave me alone.
You do not know her...

But she's getting out of the tub.

Didi!

Didi, you come back here.

Wow!

Didi!

Didi!

Didi!

Didi!

She'll come back,

and when she does
I'm going to drown her.

Folks, this is Mr. Titus Zeale
of Abbott's Butte, Oregon.

Now, Mr. Zeale, you say
the Divine Didi stopped here?

She sure did and I ain't forgetting it.

You're quite sure now?

Oh, it was her all right.

She had a pizza and a Coke,

and then got mad 'cause I
didn't have no champagne.

Thank you.

Well, I guess it's pretty obvious

that the Divine One is hiding
out someplace here in Oregon.

When she lets me know
where she is, I'll let you know.

Yoo-hoo, Martha,
lover boy is here.

That should start an avalanche.

What's so funny?

They just had a commercial for
a waist-pincher that's guaranteed

to make your body 36-26-36
or double your money back.

Boy, am I gonna be rich!

Well, forget it. That
offer's open to girls only.

Where's my wife?

Down at the beauty parlor,
doing what comes unnaturally.

At this hour?
The beauty parlor?

That's just what I need.

No, that's just what I need.

I've been banned for life.

Do you realize you're
looking at a three-time loser?

Drowning your troubles?

No, teaching them to swim.

All right, what'd you do?

Blow another deal on
that Lake Nothing property?

It's still gonna sell, and it's
still gonna be a summer resort

that's gonna make me rich.

Some resort. One house.

Even the ducks won't go
up there for the summer.

Can I help it if everybody built
at the other end of the lake?

Besides, that's a selling point.

Some people prefer seclusion.

That's not seclusion.
That's banishment.

Why don't I fire you?

I know, my
psychiatrist explained it.

I dig pain.

I'll tell you why, guilt.

You let me sink my life savings

into that
no-takers-acres up there.

$500, that wouldn't build a
path to the telephone booth.

Don't worry, you'll get
your money out of it.

Why? Has the President
declared it a disaster area?

Come to think of it, why did
I hire you in the first place?

Why didn't I just slash my wrists?

When do we eat?
I'm starved.

When your wife gets home.

I gotta have a little hors
d'oeuvre, I'll tell you that.

I'm really hungry.

Hey, you forgot the ice cubes.

What're they doing to my wife that
takes so long? Teasing her follicles?

I don't know.
Beauty parlors...

Yech!

I do my own.

So that's why we couldn't
find the egg-beater.

I better call her.

Tell her if that chicken dries
out any more, it'll be a fire hazard.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Larry.

Oh, hang on a minute, honey.

Hotel Albion. Beauty
parlor? Yes, siree.

Hard Knocks Beauty Salon.

Mrs. Meade,
please. This is Mr. Meade.

Just a moment please.

Your husband is on
the phone, Mrs. Meade.

Oh, dear, it's so late.

Well, you would mix wine and beer.

Well, I'll say one
thing for you, though...

Oh, honey, hold on.

Hotel Albion. Yes, ma'am.

Oh, dear.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?
Operator? Hello? Operator?

I've been disconnected. Huh?

You got misconnected?

You ought to see me.

Hold on, everybody.
Now, let's see.

You with the janitor,
and you with the kitchen,

and you had somebody
upstairs, and you...

Well, you are just gonna
have to take your chances.

We better hurry.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, honey.

Honey? Do I know you?

What?
Okay, so you don't know me,

but I'm secret agent 007 and
three-eighths who tracked you down,

so get your lovely
little chassis back home

here fast,
or I'll paint you gold.

Now, cut the phony routine.

But I do not understand.

Oh, come on, drop it.

You always were a lousy actress.

Oh. Lousy actress, huh?

Well, I'll tell you, there's
only one man in this world

who would dare to call Didi a
lousy actress, and that is Pepe!

So, you give
a message to your Pepe!

Pepe?

You tell him that Didi will never
come back to Hollywood, never!

And the next time Didi
hides, he won't find her!

Not with 1,000 bloodhounds.

Hey, wait a minute. I...

I got a hunch that I'm not
talking to the beauty parlor.

Beauty parlor? But of course
this is not the beauty parlor, stupid.

This is... Wait a minute.
This is Suite C.

Didi?

No, no, no, monsieur.

C.C. I mean,
Suite C. Suite C.

You're her.
You're that dame.

The biggest thing in bathtubs since rings.

Hey, it says you're kidnapped.

No, monsieur, no,
not really. You see,

please, monsieur,
take pity on me, please.

You see, I ran away from Hollywood

because they tried to make me do things

in my new movie, things
that are just terrible.

More than in your last picture?

Oh, those beasts.
When's it opening?

Oh...

You mean you have seen my pictures?

Well, I've never missed a one.

I love educational movies.

Oh...

Oh, then you...
You're my friend.

Well, yeah, I...

I mean...
What do you mean?

But, monsieur, I need you.

You must help me.

You see, I'm all alone
here in a strange place

with no one to talk to,
no one to turn to.

Just you. Just you.

Will you bring me some food?

Well, yes. Bring it
to your hotel room?

Well, I don't know, I...

Oh, monsieur, it is like
when I was a little girl

after the war, in the streets,

begging for food.

And my poor little body was wasting away

from such little food to eat.

Well, it sure went to the right places.

Never again did I think I
would be so hungry, so hungry.

But of course, if you
don't help me, then...

How do you like it, on white or rye?

Oh, so you will help me.

Oh, it's so good to have
a friend in this world.

What is your name, monsieur?

Oh, it's Meade, Tom Meade.

I'm in the phone book, in the
yellow pages, under chicken.

Wait a minute.
Don't... Don't you call me.

But of course not,
Monsieur Tom Meade.

I understand.

But you will come to my
hotel room tonight, won't you?

Well, I...

Honey, I'd just be taking
her a little lousy nourishment.

Look, I don't know
if I can swing it...

Please say yes, Monsieur
Tom Meade, please.

It's chilly and I'm all naked.

Well, what do you know?

Somebody's been
spiking his wheat germ.

Well, look...

You gotta
realize my wife expects

a certain amount of my time, too.

But of course I understand.

But what about me?

All right, on second thought...

Tom. Darling.

On third thought, goodbye, Sam.

Honestly, I got home as quickly as I could.

And I love you.

Your second drink?

I mean, I love your hair,
whatever they did with it.

They washed it.
It's not your third.

Have a bite.

You do look a little flushed.

Well, that's oven burn.

I've been going steady
with a charred chicken.

Poor darling.
We'll eat in two shakes,

and I'm sorry I kept
my baby waiting so long.

Hi, everybody.

Gee, Mom, you look real groovy.

Gee, Dad, you look real beat.

There it is.

Wow, is she ever copious.

Watch your language.

They're not real, they can't be.

Uh-uh. That's enough of that.

Go do your homework.

What is it?

Imagine that, in a family newspaper.

Do you think she's dead?

No. Go call your
brother for dinner.

Huh!

That one they'll find in
a hotel with somebody,

somebody's husband.

I think I inhaled an olive.

Come on, let's not keep Lily waiting.

You see, she thinks my head
is nothing but a crystal ball.

Sorry, you'll have to get on
somebody else's chow line.

What do you want for dessert, tiger?

The breakfast of champions?

Boy, everybody goes
to see Didi movies.

Why not me?

Because you're not old enough.

Well, I'm old enough.
Why can't I go?

Because I'm not old enough to take you.

Let's end the discussion, please.

Really, Mother, you're so inhibited.

Do you want me to grow up thinking

there's something wrong with sex?

What?

Don't look at me. I'm
still shocked from copious.

It's just what you like,
hot chicken.

But it's important for
me to see a Didi movie.

I gotta know what's going on in
the world for current events in school.

Who's your
current events teacher?

Lady Chatterley?

Never mind Didi, stick to Bugs Bunny.

Onions in it. Put you
right out of business.

They said she was absolutely naked

when she ran out of the studio.

Gee, imagine being a movie star.

Doris!

I'm going to write to that newspaper.

Will everybody
please change the subject?

I don't want to hear another
word about poor hungry Didi.

Poor hungry Didi?

Why'd you call her poor and hungry?

I did?

You probably misunderstood me.

What I said was,
"Poor hungry Daddy."

Well, I'd still
like to know one thing.

When will I be old enough
to wear nothing like that?

Never!

Monsieur Tom Meade?

Please, Monsieur Tom Meade.

Do not forget me.
I am so hungry.

Please, Monsieur, please.

I am so hungry.

Please, Monsieur Tom Meade,
do not forget me, please.

Please, Monsieur, please.

Are you all right?

I'm fine. Fine.

Well, drink some water.

Fine.

Finished?

Don't touch that tomato.

Gee, usually by this time of the meal

I can come in here
without a whip and a chair.

What's the matter with you?

Who, me? Well, I'm...

You're not eating.

Oh, I'm resting.

Is there something wrong with the chicken?

The chicken's just
roasted. He's stewed.

This whole room's going around.

I think on the next turn
I'll get off and go lie down.

I hope he hasn't been working too hard.

He's been doing something too hard.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who's the fairest of them all?

Oh, shut up.
Who asked you anyway?

Thanks.

What are you doing here?

Yeah, imagine finding me in the kitchen.

What's Big Daddy's excuse?

Excuse for what?

It happens to be my
refrigerator, remember?

Why don't you go haunt
another part of the house?

Sort of a midnight picnic?

Yeah, I'm cheating on my diet,

and I'm just going out to eat it.

Doesn't everybody?

I just happen to have a yen.

Those still waters, do they run deep.

Hmm?

Where's Mrs. Meade?

Mrs. Meade?

She's your wife.

All right, Lily, you got me.

Martha doesn't want me
to meet the boys tonight.

So all that's for the
boys, or is it the birds?

Just a bite while we play poker.

You won't tell Martha, will you?

Don't worry, my lips are sealed.

And good luck at the game, whatever it is.

Au revoir...
I mean, see you later.

Ciao.

Who is?

It's me, the man with the wrong number.

It's okay.

Oh.

Well, it's not okay, but it's me.

You are Monsieur Tom Meade?

No names, please.

I brought the goodies.

Are you sure you need them?

Oh, I'm hungry.

I picked up a paper, too.

Your studio is sure
somebody's holding you.

Oh, that's wonderful. Apples...

And bread and tomatoes and chicken.

Yeah. I left
out the gravy.

I didn't want to leave a trail
from my house to your room.

Oh, this is wonderful, Monsieur Tom Meade.

Thank you very, very much. This is a feast.

Yeah, and I just had the dessert.

Well, bon appetit.

Mmm.

This is delicious.

You know that I had nothing to eat

since yesterday but one glass of water.

Oh, you poor undernourished kid.

My ribs are showing.
Feel them.

No, no, I'd have to have a
note from my doctor. I'll...

Oh, Didi likes you.
You like Didi?

Maybe you'd like to
see a picture of my wife?

Oh, yes.

I'll go home and get it.

Oh, no, no, but you must eat with Didi.

It's no good to eat alone.

When you're here, my
appetite is much bigger.

That's getting to be my
problem, so I better run along.

But no, no, no, Monsieur
Tom Meade. I'm all alone here,

and I have nobody to talk
to and nobody to turn to.

And your eyes, they're so
full of warmth and kindness.

That's panic and terror.

Oh, come on, Monsieur Tom
Meade, we have a little party, huh?

A party? But who
could we invite?

Well, nobody,
just us. Come on.

Sit down. There, I feed you.

Um...

There.

You know, every time I start a picture,

I have a party with my leading man.

And Pepe hates my leading men.

You know, he always wants to kill them.

Kill them? Well,
he must keep pretty busy.

Pepe is terrible. You know, he hounds me.

I ran away before but he always found me,

and he'll find me this time, too.

Yeah, well, that sounds
like real true love,

the kind you can read on
any good coroner's report.

If only there was someplace
where I could hide.

You know, someplace where
nobody would recognize me.

Someplace all alone.

You mean something like a
two-bedroom-with-bath vacation villa,

not 35 minutes from the center of town,

very secluded, ideal
for a honeymoon couple,

no down payment, you
don't have to be a veteran.

You sound like advertising.

I've got just the spot for you.

Up there,
you're as good as lost.

In fact, I have a shirt
up there somewhere.

Where is this place?

Well, look, you go
right down the main road

until you come to a bridge, then,

across the bridge there's a turnoff,

and you'll see a sign
that says, "Crystal Lake."

You follow the Lake Shore...

Road up about five miles until
you come to a cabin on top of a bluff.

The key is under the first
porch step, and what a view!

All you can see for miles
and miles is miles and miles.

But what about the food,
Monsieur Tom Meade?

Oh, there's a deep freeze.

It just has everything.

It has orange juice, chickens,
steaks, a noisy motor.

Oh, I'm free. I'm free.

Monsieur Tom Meade,
you freed the slave.

Yeah, well, I don't think this
is what Lincoln had in mind.

But, honey, everything will be
all right. You'll be safe up there,

and this way we can do
something for each other.

But of course,
Monsieur Tom Meade.

Yeah, but, honey, I don't
think we're on the same beam.

I mean you're reading me,
but I'm not even sending.

If you want me up there all by
myself in the wilderness, okay.

What if something goes wrong?

Well, everything's practically new,

except the water pipes hum
a little, but they're on key.

I don't think anything'll go wrong.

But what if I meet some wild animals?

They'll just have to take their chances.

No, Monsieur Tom Meade, what if
something really should go wrong?

Well, you call me.
Call me at Pomeroy...

You got a pen or a pencil?

Lipstick will do.

Well, call me at Pomeroy 41...

No, I better make it the office number.

After all, this is business.

Yeah, call me at Pomeroy 368.

Pomeroy 368.

Now, Monsieur Tom Meade,
what can Didi do for you?

You're doing it. I'm
giving you a place to hide,

and you're giving me the
place where Didi was hiding.

You wash my back, I'll wash yours.

Oh!

Oh, no, no, that's just
an old business saying,

like, you know,
a bird in the hand is...

Nah, forget it.

After you leave, it'll be a summer
resort that'll make me a fortune.

After I leave?

Yeah.
"Visit Didi's hideaway."

"Stay where Didi stayed. Didi
slept here. Didi even bathed here."

I'll turn the bathroom
into a shrine.

Oh, this is wonderful,
Monsieur Tom Meade.

This way we help each other
and Pepe will never find me.

Yeah, Pepe. Hey, what about this Pepe?

I'm not afraid of Pepe.

Well, that makes one of us.

No, I mean, he says
here that he is the...

What does Pepe say there again?

"Fearful over the fate of
his star, the Divine Didi,

"famed European film
director, Pepe Pepponi,

"his handsome features revealing

"the strain of three
sleepless nights..."

Oh! His handsome features,
his three sleepless nights!

Well, what about me, huh?

All he ever cares about is
himself, his studio, his picture.

Lies. Lies. Lies!

Well, what he
probably meant was...

I know what he meant.
His money he meant.

His big box office he meant.

That's all he ever cares about me.

Well, he must have some...

Don't you defend him, you.

No, I was only saying...

But of course, you're a man, too,

and you always are together, aren't you?

Oh, no, I've never even met him,

and my insurance company
wants to keep it that way.

You just want to take
what you can get from her.

That's what you want her for.

No. I just brought
the chicken.

Of course, so you can have
me stay in this house of yours!

So you could exploit
me, take advantage of me

and make money on me, just like Pepe!

You're all alike.

Men. Men. Men!

Oh, take it easy, honey,
you'll break something,

and it's hard to get parts.

You don't care?

You don't care what a woman thinks?

What she feels?

The tenderness she
has in her little heart?

Well, you just take your chicken and your

tomatoes, your apples and your bread

and your cake and your
chicken leg, and you...

You... You man!

Thank you.

It was nice meeting you.

Those Europeans, why do
they have to talk with their hands?

What am I mad at Monsieur Tom Meade for?

It's Pepe I hate. You...

Pepe, miserable you.

Monsieur Tom Meade.

Monsieur Tom Meade.

Monsieur Tom Meade.

Please, Monsieur Tom
Meade, I want to apologize.

The Divine Didi
appeared to be unharmed and in good health.

Before the police
could arrive, however,

the vanishing Venus
was on the run again,

eluding pursuit in
her high-powered car.

She was last reported
moving south on Highway 99.

Stay tuned to this channel
for latest reports.

...on you.
It's like I was a thief.

I am no thief!

Everyone has got the right
to run away if they want to.

It's a free country.

Please, not so loud.

How did that get up to my eyes so fast?

Well, how's old faithful this morning?

Had a rough night.

Did you say "rough" or...

Down, Fido.

Come on, now.

You weren't really out playing
poker last night with the boys.

Is that so strange?

No, but I think one of the boys is.

What's this?

Boy, I hope it's blood.

Your wife sees it, it will be.

Now, where would that come from?

You tell me, hot lips.

Will you stop trying to
get a piece of the alimony?

It's just an innocent
little smudge, that's all.

You know, I believe you.

How's that for lying?

You can imagine anything
you want, but do me a favor.

Don't imagine them in
front of that maid next door.

She's the fastest mouth in the West.

Look, boss, I didn't mean it if I
implied anything about last night,

but how do you want your
eggs, poached, fried or raw?

Scrambled, like your head.

Morning, Lily. Morning.

Morning, dear.

Careful. Papa bear
hasn't had his porridge yet.

Well, he did have quite a
night last night, didn't you, dear?

Me? You're referring to me?

The way you were talking in your sleep.

What about?

Didi.

Didi?

Imagine a guy dreaming in baby-talk.

l wasn't smiling, was I?

No.

Then what are you worried about?

He wasn't walking in his
sleep last night, too, was he?

What happened?

She had her mouth open
and tripped over it.

That must've been some dream.

But don't worry, darling.

If you dream something,
I can't hold it against you.

I'm not gonna answer that.

Just spare me the details.

You can tell me.

Oh, yeah, I remember.

I dreamt I found her.
It was a crazy dream.

It must have been those awful headlines.

It must've been that awful chicken

I was served here at heartburn-a-go-go.

Do you want me to make it again tonight?

She was here, here. Didi was here.

Where? Where?

Oh, not here, Daddy. At the hotel.

They almost caught her, but she got away.

Doris, go get your brother
and tell him to finish his cocoa.

Larry. Come finish your cocoa!

I said get him.
Don't scream for him.

I could do that.

She's gone, huh?

Well, after last night, at least

she could've
called and said goodbye.

Evidently the dream wasn't that good.

Hey, this has got a skin on it.

Why can't I have coffee?

Coffee? You wanna
stay awake in class?

There's your bus.

Bye, Dad. Oh! Bye, Mom.

Goodbye.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

Ah, ah, ah! Wait, wait,
your lunch. Quick.

Don't you take my seat by the window.

Why is it when those
kids leave every morning

it's like taking off a tight girdle?

Wasn't that the front door?

Could be.
It had a familiar ring.

Aren't you going to answer it?

Me?

Look, let's get something straight

about this master-servant
relationship.

I am the master, you are the slave.

Boy, what a chicken outfit.

I know how she is, but I don't
know what I'd do without her.

I'd like to find out.

We wanna see Mr. Meade.

Well, who will I say is calling?

Just get Mr. Meade.

Uh-huh.

Bet this is gonna be the type
who starts yelling for his lawyer.

Or starts quoting the
Constitution all wrong.

Two guys to see you, master.

Did they say who they were?

Look, I opened the door, didn't I?

Yeah, but you didn't keep going.

Mr. Meade?

Yes?

Police officers.

Oh, well, nice of you to drop in.

How much are the raffle tickets?

Recognize this?

What?

What does it look like?

Like you lost your lunch.

I mean the phone number.

In lipstick.

Oh, I'm sorry, it's not my brand.

You wanna tell us about it?

Hey, by George, that is my number.

How did it get on an old bag?

This was no old bag.

We found it on the dame's couch.

Dame's couch?

Oh, you're liable to find my
number under every couch in town.

It's a tough racket, real estate.

This Didi broad,
the one who's missing.

She left it in her hotel room.

A mysterious stranger was seen

sneaking down the back stairs.

Are you that mysterious stranger?

Me? A stranger?
Don't be silly.

I'd know me anywhere.

Now, look, this is a very
important person and she's missing.

She shows up here, and then beats it,

leaving your phone number
under her couch?

We wanna know why.

Yeah, thought maybe you could
fill us in on a few of the blanks.

Oh, not me.

The last time I did that I got drafted.

Are you telling us you
don't know this Didi?

Oh, that's not a fair question.

After you've seen one of
her pictures, you'd know her.

Okay, try this one.

What were you doing
last night, say about 10:00?

10:00? 10:00.

Oh, yes, I remember. I
remember I had a very rough day,

so I decided to take a little walk,

you know, to work off a little tension.

My husband is telling the
absolute truth, and I can verify it.

Besides, the whole thing is ridiculous.

Maybe some men are capable of such things,

but after 18 years, don't you
think I know my own husband?

That's right. Who knows a
husband better than his own wife?

I think this one's gonna be rough.

Now, just a minute.

Here it comes.

You two come barging into my house,

making insinuations in front of my wife

and casting doubts on my unblemished

character before the hired help.

I happen to be a law-abiding,
upstanding member of this community,

and I consider your coming here
and making me go through this

an unjustified
invasion of my secrecy...

Privacy.

You still haven't told us what she
was doing with your phone number.

What are you getting at?

I'm in the real estate business.

I sell plots, I don't dream them
up. Maybe she saw one of my ads,

you know, living room,
bedroom, three baths.

I think this has gone far enough.

You're coming here and
saying these impossible things.

I agree. I don't see her with him.

What a pair, Didi and Dodo.

Well, sorry we bothered you.

We've got our jobs and...

Well, you understand this is a
big star and a big glamourpuss.

Yeah. Big. Big.

Come on.

Imagine that, you and Didi.

Yeah... I mean, no.

That'd be like trying to lasso
a tiger with a wet noodle.

Don't lose your head.

It's only a few days till Halloween.

Well, it's not that wild, is it?

Oh, darling, it just
suddenly struck me so funny.

Well, you don't have to make
it sound like it's that impossible.

Just 'cause a lot of water's
flown under the bridge

doesn't mean the lake's dried up.

Oh, of course not, sweetheart.

Gloria Morgan
thinks I've still got it.

At our last cocktail party, she
trapped me in the rumpus room

and wouldn't let me go
until I laid a little kiss on her.

Well, don't let it go to your head.

She drools over her cocker spaniel, too.

Oh, but I think you're wonderful, too.

Why don't you try trapping
me in the rumpus room?

Oh, you haven't kissed
me like that in a long time.

You haven't stepped on
my toe like that in a long time.

Yeah, but it's not easy getting
a kiss around here these days.

The kids take notes, and
Lily hands us a critique.

You're right.

We don't ever seem to
have any privacy anymore.

Yeah, you don't realize those kids

you used to bounce on your knee

have suddenly
turned into an audience.

Hey, why don't we chuck the
whole thing out the window?

The children? The whole routine.
Right now.

Let's take off for the lake.

I'll hang a little sign on the
office door, "Gone Fishing."

What are you doing?

Just digging the bait.

Oh, sounds heavenly, but...

But what?

We haven't been away
together for a long time,

and what a spot to
catch up on togetherness.

But I've got so many things to do.

The children...

Lily'll feed them and they'll
have all next week to recover.

Darling, but the Ladies Aid,
I have to go to the hospital

and practice making beds.

Why don't we unmake a few?

What about Mildred's shower?

She's getting married, she's
old enough to take it alone.

And the PTA this afternoon.

What about their big drive?

What about mine?

I'll work it out.

Hey, and take the black nightgown.

The heater's not connected yet.

I'll leave a note for the kids,

just in case they notice we're missing.

Yes, sir, the new Tom
Meade, sportsman, lover.

Hey, I got one.

Come in here, you baby.

There it is. A round salmon.

Hello?

Hello, Monsieur Tom Meade.
It is I, Didi.

Didi?

Hello. Hello,
Monsieur Tom Meade?

Hello.

Oh, I hope you're not angry with me.

Oh, no. Why'd you
have to call me?

I mean here?

I mean, it's nice to hear from you.

Imagine, making waves at his age.

I had to call you.
I'm in trouble.

You're in trouble?

You stay on this line much longer

and we can start a club.
Where are you?

Well, like you told me,
there is no phone in the cabin,

so I had to drive down all the
way from the mountain to call.

Do you know what?

The stove doesn't
work and there's no gas.

How can I make breakfast?

Well, the stove is butane and...

Breakfast?
Tomorrow morning?

In the cottage?

But you're so nice, you
know, and I hate to complain.

Oh, no, but look.
You can't.

I mean, she can't...

I mean, why do you always
have to think about food?

I didn't send you up there just to eat.

On an empty stomach, yet.

But I don't understand,
Monsieur Tom Meade.

You were such a darling, and now

you want me to go without breakfast?

I don't
know what I want. Yes, I do.

But you can't hang around up there.

I've got other plans.

But I have no place to
go, Monsieur Tom Meade,

and you promised that I
could stay in your place and...

Aren't you my friend any longer?

Sure, you're my friend.

But if you stay up there,
you'll be the only one I've got.

All right then,
I'll leave tomorrow morning,

if that's what you want.

No. No, you can't. It...

Look, you just stay put.
I'll be up there

and we'll make some new plans.

No, no, Monsieur Tom Meade.

No new plans, please.
See, I'm...

I'm still so tired from
yesterday and last night

that I just want to take a
bath and take a sleeping pill

and sleep until tomorrow.

No. No.

We've got to take care of
something else that comes first.

That's keeping your eye
on the old ball, Charlie.

Look, I'll be up
there in about an hour,

if I can tie up a few loose ends

without getting caught in them.

I'll give up two weeks
salary if you'll have

a five-minute talk with my boyfriend.

Look, I've got enough problems without you.

Huh?

Uh-uh!

Better be nice to me, or I'll
break your bicycle, speedy.

Speedy?

Say, were you that click
on the phone just now?

No, I was the gasp.

But you're clicking pretty good.

With your action, you ought
to put in a French phone.

What do you mean?

Is it true that doctors
recommend it for men over 35?

"Oh, I am so hungry..."

Come here, will you?
You little live-in-FBI.

I'll have you know I had
nothing to do with that gal.

Nothing? Well, I fed her.

Oh, with a spoon.

Oh, take it easy, will you?

So, now you know she's up there.

Now, I'll tell you, I also invited Martha

to go up there with me today, too.

Oh, tell me more, Solomon.

You want to get your money
out of that property, don't you?

Yes.

You want to help me get it
off our hands so I can dump it

on some other
unsuspecting jerk, don't you?

Right.

Well, "Didi" is the magic word.

And I'm gonna need help.

The whole thing sounds
underhanded, disgraceful and messy.

And you can count on me.

All packed, huh? Mmm-hmm.

Mmm. That presents a problem.

Problem? Was that
the call you just got?

What call? Oh, yeah, the phone.

That's right.

The phone call. How'd you guess?

Well, it was from a... A ranger.

I think he means a stranger.

I do not. I mean a ranger.

It could be a strange ranger.

Maybe it was Tonto?

Why don't you get lost?

Somewhere in the Alps.

Why would a ranger be calling you?

Yeah. Yeah, well,
he was going by

the cottage and guess what he saw?

No, don't guess. You're too good at that.

Tom, I don't know what you're talking

about. I've never
seen you so upset.

Sure, I'm upset. It's the cottage.

And after all the plans we made.

Pow! The hot water boiler
went, just like that. Pow!

And there's busted pipes
and water all over the place.

I got to get up there.

There goes our weekend.

Oh, dear!

Well, not the whole weekend. I'll just get

on up there and clear away the mess and...

Well, we'll go up there
Saturday, just like we planned.

I'm ready. I could
come along and help.

Oh, no. I wouldn't let you.

Besides, I'll be in enough
hot water all by myself.

Well, I guess Saturday's
better than not at all.

And I do have PTA today.

Yeah, it's better to wait.

And besides, you just had your hair done.

I'll take your bag back.

What do you mean, "What?" Do
a follow-up on this real estate man.

Just keep giving out news releases.

Dream them up. Anything, everything.

Okay, fine.

Good morning, D.G.

That's your opinion?

All right, now, how long
is this going to keep on?

This kidnap, this foul play garbage?

D.G., this is
beautiful publicity.

For "beautiful publicity" I've got

a beautiful publicity department.

I want her!

Relax, my friend. Relax.

Give the star a chance
to be temperamental.

She'll come back.
She always does.

But as long as she is
gone, let's take advantage.

Advantage?

Do you know how much
your advantage is costing me?

$18,000 a day with a cast and crew

standing around and stages waiting.

But no more.

It's all your fault, Pepe.

If you didn't always get yourself

involved personally with these stars,

we wouldn't have these problems.

So she ran out on you,
so you're going

to do something
about it. And now.

Wherever she is, you go find her.

Do you want me to go after her?

You get the idea.

Well, I never stooped
to going after her yet,

but if that's what you want...

That's what I want.

It's against my better judgment.

I know these cookies.

Now you get out there where they
spotted her and check everybody out.

The grocer,
the butcher, the milkman,

and this real estate guy
they talk about in here.

What do we know about him?

Maybe he wrote her a
hot fan letter that got to her.

Elizabeth, darling, charter me a plane

to Rocky Point, Oregon.

I'm leaving at once.

All I ask is that someday they invent a way

we can make pictures without actors.

All I ask is
that she co-operate.

But not too much.

Pardon me. I need this more than you do.

Hi, there.

Oh, Lily, would you be a dear and

just make dinner for the children tonight?

And be sure that they get to bed on time.

Well, Tom's up at the cottage, and

after the hours he's putting in up there,

I'm sure he'll be exhausted.

Yes, he'll be that.

So I thought I'd
go up and join him.

Join him? Up there?

Well, we'll be through here
in about half an hour,

which will give me plenty of
time to put dinner on up there.

We'll be through here in about 10 minutes.

Oh, good.

I just wanted you to know, Lily,

we may not feel like coming home tonight.

Yeah, I can see that.

Well, I think it'll be a nice
change and sort of a surprise. Bye.

She's going to find out there's a
difference between surprise and shock!

Hi. It's me, Monsieur Tom Meade.

Whatever you're doing,
don't get up.

I don't believe it.

She must take a shower sometime.

Didi. Didi.

Mademoiselle Didi.

Darling.

Why don't you get out of there

and slip into something
less comfortable?

Oh, no. Sleep.

Didi wants to sleep
until tomorrow morning...

Put Didi to bed?

Yes... No, no.

Have you been taking sleeping pills?

You have been taking sleeping pills.

Sleeping pills.

Boy, what a setup.

Chicken delight and big chicken.

Boy, if this was one of your
movies, what would they do?

Well, we'd better forget that.

Here, let me help you.

You have another one, don't you?

Another one?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Monsieur Tom Meade,
but I want to sleep.

I could use a little help. Please.

This is no time to yell.

You got your heavy underwear on?

Monsieur Tom Meade.

Monsieur Tom Meade.

I'll get the coffee.
I'll get...

I want to sleep.

It's a great way to travel. Get there
fast, send for your kidneys later.

Sorry, fellas, but I'm doing a good deed.

Come on, now.

Just a little down the throat.

Boy, and what a throat.

With sugar and cream,
s'il vous plait, monsieur.

Great. How about
some crepes suzettes?

Don't jump to any conclusions.

I didn't come up
here to clean the place.

Why should you change your habits

just for me? What did you come up for?

With your schedule, you're gonna have

to start printing a timetable.

Martha's on her way.
So that's her?

Well, I'd recognize her bubbles anywhere.

But what's she doing like that?

Well, can't you see? She's
rinsing out a few things.

Martha's on her way where?

I'd say to Reno by way of this cottage.

Coming up here?

Oh, we gotta wake her up.

Yeah. Let her advertise
her movie somewhere else.

She took a sleeping pill and she's out.

So are you if you don't
get her out of here.

Wait a minute.

The trouble with men is, they don't

understand what makes a woman tick.

This one ticks like a time bomb.

Now, any woman who carries
sleeping pills, has got to carry pep pills.

And here they are.

Oh, Lily,
I could almost kiss you.

I said almost.

She's not waking up.

Give her a little time.
She will.

Well, we got to get her
dressed and out of here.

Quick, in the bedroom.

You take the safe half.

I don't think she has a safe half. Here.

Get over here. Grab her.
Now pull. There you are.

There you are.
Now, bend over.

Grab her. There.
Now get her.

Now, we got her.
There we are.

Okay? Okay.
There you go.

We've got her. All right?

Aren't you gonna help?

I'd like to, but I've got
a hangnail. All right.

What are you doing?

I'm steering. Don't give up.

Sleep! Give me a hand.

Don't press your luck. There.

Wipe her bubbles off
and get something on her.

And once and for all,
I just want to tell you,

no matter how it looks,
I'm really sick.

Lily, it's Martha.

Your time schedule's off again.

Yeah. We got to hide Bubbles.

Here. Bend over.

There. Hold her. Wait. Wait a minute. Here.

Here, throw her out the window.

There you are.
That's it.

No, no, hold her.
Wait, I got...

Here, lay her right down. There you are.

Sleep, sleep.

She might think it funny if she
found me here, too. See you.

Right.

Surprise.

Well, I'll be darned.
Martha!

I was just thinking of you.

I knew it. That's why I'm here.

Oh, you poor darling, look at you.

You're all worn out and soaking wet.

Well, we almost had a nasty accident.

Your wife is going to
cook you a good dinner.

You want to cook dinner?
Oh, that'll be wonderful.

Come on, right to the kitchen.

Right up.

You know,
I don't know any reason

why we have to leave until tomorrow.

You don't? Oh, of course not.

But do you think we should stay

with all the mess and everything?

First things first.
And the first thing

in order, I'm going
to fix us a nice drink.

A drink.

What's that?

Oh, that's just a bed.

But why is it down?

Well, that's the way it
is. It goes up and down.

Were you planning on sleeping here tonight?

Well, actually, I hadn't planned
on it, but I thought maybe...

Maybe somehow that I'd
come up and surprise you.

You guessed it. Mental telepathy.

No, it's not. It's that we're so
well-suited to each other we think alike.

That's exactly what I would
have said if I'd thought...

But leaving the kids there with
that undomesticated domestic.

Lily's done it before and you
know she's perfectly capable.

So, just relax.

Yeah, relax. You, too.

Whoops.

Oh, no.

Tom. Darling, where
did we put the vermouth?

It's in the cabinet
next to the refrigerator.

And you have to go to the village for ice.

Sleep.

Oh.

Oh, I remember.

I put it in the bedroom closet.

In here?

Yes. Oh, there it is.

Oh, yeah, the vermouth.
Let me get it for

you. There you are.
There's the vermouth.

It's nice to have
a man around the house.

It's nice to have a woman.

It's nice to be alone.

You really think we ought to stay?

I still think the place isn't ready.

The back door doesn't close all the way.

You're liable to
wake up next to a bear.

Really? That's one
chance in a million.

Those are my odds, too.

Here we are.
Just the way you like it.

One dash of bitters.

Oh, great.

To my wife, the only girl
in the house, the world.

That's sweet.

What was that?

That's a nervous bed.
It works by itself.

Say, how about that food? I'm famished.

Coming right up. All
right, that's wonderful.

Tom.

Huh?

Have I got a surprise for you!

You've got a surprise?

Remember that wonderful
venison you brought home last fall?

Venison? Oh, yeah.
Very good. Very good.

How would you like it tonight with
some candied yams and French peas?

French peas? That's...

I got a French tomato here.

Yeah. That'd be great. Great.

Practically on the fire.

Yeah, yeah.
That... Thank you.

Tom, how's your drink?

Darling, I have a little dividend for you.

Oh, you have?

Be right there.

Here we are.
Where's your glass?

It's right here.

Another little blast can't hurt.

Oh, you're wonderful.

What was that?

That was me. You got me excited.

Keep the thought. Yeah.

What on earth are you doing with Larry's

skateboard? You want to hurt yourself?

I need the exercise.

I'm trying to lose 110 pounds.

Hey, and speaking of Larry,

don't you think we're kind of selfish?

I mean, being up here all alone,

the two of us, and leaving
the kids back there?

For goodness sake, Tom.

Of course we have an
obligation to the children,

but aren't we entitled to be happy, too?

Happy? Yeah, let's dance.

What are you doing?

Well, you wanted to be happy.

But not slaphappy.

If you don't like the way
I dance, I'll do a solo.

Tom, I'm beginning to think you
need more than a few days' rest.

Yeah, maybe I need a refill.

How about mixing up a batch, huh?

Thank you.

Are you sure you didn't have
any of these before I got here?

No, no, the altitude gives me a head start.

Well, after a good dinner,
you'll feel much better.

What was that?

It sounded like a woman screaming.

No, no.
It's a coyote.

It's the mating season.

Well, it certainly sounded
like a woman screaming to me.

Yeah, they do.

So, you see what I mean?
If we come up Saturday,

we won't have to worry about
the pipes or the hot water or the...

Or the what?

Rats! Rats?

Rats. Oh, you dirty rat.

You dirty rat fink. I got him.

I got him. There you are.
Big as a moose.

There. I just hope he doesn't
come back with his in-laws.

Oh, dear, those awful things.

We certainly will wait until Saturday,

after we've had an exterminator.

I'm not gonna let you stay here

with those big rats running around.

One bite and you're a basket case.

You put that food away,
and we'll get going.

We gotta go home.

But, Tom. No. It'll be
much healthier.

I'll get the traps to keep the rats out.

Oh, you!
Get away from me.

No, no.

No, you can't go in there.

Oh, yes, I can.

I just want to get my clothes and
get out of here, you barbarian, you...

No, my wife's in there.

Your wife?

Nobody brings their wife
to a place like this.

I know. I know. Now let me go!

No. Come here.

Let me go!
Let me go, you brute.

Let me go, you!

This is in the interest of peace.

Let me go! Let me out, you...

Don't go away.

Let me out of here!

All ready? Good.

Oh, wait a minute.

I'm so glad I remembered.
Rats or not.

Rats or not what?

The drapes.

What about them? I've got to get
the measurements.

Measurements? Okay. Here you are.

36-24-36.

Are you all right?

Huh?

The drapes.

Oh, the drapes, yeah.

I'll get a pencil.

Let me out!

I'm going to kill him.

52.5 by 76. That's it. Let's go.

Why are you trying to get
me out of here in such a hurry?

Why am I trying to get you
out of here in such a hurry?

I'm sorry, but I asked you first.

I only want you to get home
before the rush hour.

Rush hour? In Rocky Point?

I mean, I want you to get home

and rush the children right over

to some friends for overnight,
and then we can let Lily off,

and you and I can have
late dinner, just the two of us.

And we can eat it just
like they did in Tom Jones.

What's wrong with a man loving his wife?

It could start a trend.

Oh, I'm not knocking it.
I like it. Only...

I'll be starting out in just a
couple of minutes, right behind you.

So you drive carefully and

don't worry about a thing.
Just take it easy.

I think it's flooded.

Flooded?

Flooded?

You've got to have gas in
the tank before you can flood it.

You forgot to fill it again.

Boy, if ever you want to save money,

just give your wife
a gasoline credit card.

Be careful.

There's nothing to it.

It's just the trick of not swallowing it.

Take the cap off.

Hold this.

I gotta go fireproof my tonsils.

You just stay away from me.

Don't you ever touch me
again. You barbarian, you.

No! No!

Put me down! Let go of me!

Tom, I have enough gas
now, and I'm all ready to go.

Oh, don't you touch me, don't
you come near me, you sex maniac.

Hi, Martha.

You're probably wondering who that is.

Rats, huh? There's only
one big rat around here.

Martha! Didi...

But, Martha, wait a minute.

Let me explain.
You don't understand.

Didi! Didi!

You! No, not me. Not anymore.

You gotta talk to her.

I never talk to women.

You gotta. Please.

Just put
yourself in my position.

Like you're a man.
Well, you can try.

Listen, all I want you to do is
go home with me and tell my wife

I didn't do anything.

Didn't do anything, huh?

And this and this is nothing?

All right, you got mud on
you, and I'm sorry, but...

And you pushed me under house and

I had spiders crawling
all over my face.

You locked me in the cellar
and shoved me down a mountain.

What do you think I am?
A stunt woman?

Uh-uh, uh...

Oh!

Hey, wait a minute.
Hey, it's out of season.

Ooh!

Hey! Hey!

Oh, you!
Not even Pepe's like you.

Ow.

Oh.

Oh, now look what you have done to me.

Now I'm bleeding to death.

Are you really hurt?
Oh, well, I'm sorry.

You get away from me, you
phoney-baloney, you liar, you.

You come nearer and I shoot.

Go ahead and shoot.

You've torpedoed my marriage.

I have nothing else to live for.

One step closer. I warn you.

Who cares?

You mean, you're willing to die

just because that woman who
saw us together was your wife?

Was. That's the word.

Oh...

You love her so much?

What're you gonna do?

Oh, but this is incredible.
This is fantastic.

To be loved like this.

So beautiful.

Yeah.

Well, let's make it real beautiful

and you just go and tell her, huh?

Yes. Right away. Immediately.

- It's Didi.
- What'd I tell you? I found her.

It's her, the French bomber.

Didi, I've seen
her once in an adult picture only.

Hey, scram. Get out of here.

Go whittle a redwood.

Communists.

Those boys.
I've been recognized.

Now Pepe will find me.

Yeah, well, what about my wife?

I'll write her a letter,
I promise.

A letter? Wait a minute.

That thing was loaded?

I wish I had time.
I'd faint.

Hey!

Hey, Lily, what kind of a mood

was Martha in when she got home?

She was so mad at you I couldn't tell.

Well, at least she still
loves me enough to hate me.

Boy, you gotta help me. I'm in a spot.

The word is creek, and
you're not in it, you're up it.

That's the man. That's the man.

Don't you know it's not polite to point?

Mr. Meade, the Scouts
have identified you

as having spent the afternoon
with the broad, the actress,

up in the mountains.

I just flew up from Hollywood, Mr. Meade.

If you can tell us where
we can find our star,

the studio and I would
be extremely grateful,

if you know what I mean.

Yeah. All of a sudden,
there's no trace of her.

Well, I was with her this afternoon.

You were? Then where is she?

Please, you're bending
my Adam's apple. Please.

Mr. Pepponi.
Mr. Pepponi. Easy.

Thanks a lot.

I don't know where she is.

She drove off in her car somewhere.

Uh-huh.

But you see, the Scouts
were down on the Lake Road,

and they only saw one car go by.

Yours.

So you wouldn't mind driving up there

and pointing out the
last place you saw her?

But she's not up there.
Sure, I mind.

Let's take your car.

Mr. Meade.

What was that all about, Mom?

Hey, what'd the police want with Dad?

Nothing. Nothing.

Please, go back and do your homework.

That's all, son.

See, her car's gone. But look around.

Maybe you'll agree that an investment

in this end of
the lake wouldn't be...

Well, I thought as long as you're up here

on your business, I'd bring up mine.

You don't mind us taking a look
around for ourselves, do you?

No.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, one of the boys found this.

Is it anything?

A woman's scarf.

Where'd you find this?

Floating down there.

What were you doing? Helping
a little old lady across the lake?

This is Didi's.

Show me where
you found it. Come.

Why don't we all
have a look, Mr. Meade?

Yes, sir.

I found it right there.

What's that?

It's an automobile aerial.

Could be a fishing pole.

Tire tracks!

No one in the car.

Oh, now wait a minute.

You don't think that I, she...

Yes, we do think that you, she.

Well, that's a lie.
We did not.

You did not what?

We did not, "l, she."

You gonna drag the lake for her body?

I'll get on the radio.

We'll need a tow truck, skin
divers, boats and grappling hooks.

We'll just take a little
return to the scene

of the crime and you tell us all about it.

This place looks like a battleground.

Yeah. What's been
going on here?

Well, my wife and I like a
place with that lived-in look.

Yeah?

What's this gun doing here?

Oh, that.

You don't know what you have to go through

to sell a place like this.

This thing's been fired recently.

Yeah. Very recently.

You shot her?

Oh, I did not.
It went off accidentally.

I was cleaning it and I just happened

to leave one shell in the chamber.

Well, two shells.

...where all
through the long night,

exhausted men have been
vainly dragging the lake,

and skin divers are now probing
the cold, shuddering depths.

Somewhere down there lies
the lovely body of the Divine Didi,

who bathed her way to fame and fortune

and into the hearts of movie audiences

throughout the world.

You can't go home
without a Didi photograph.

Thank you, sir.
That's 50 cents, sir.

Just a minute. I'll give you
your change, sir. There you are.

All right, hurry, hurry.
We only have

a few left of the Didi photographs.

But, Mommy, I want to go swimming.

You're not going swimming
with her in there.

All right, only a few choice items left.

Actual possessions from the
home of the suspected murderer,

used by him in his everyday life

before he decided to become a sex killer.

Own his very necktie, his
ashtray, his hammer, his saw,

possibly even the instrument
he used to do the dastardly crime.

Ideal gift for weddings,
birthdays, Christmas...

Lily, how could you?

Listen, we're gonna need
every penny

we can get for that
last-minute appeal

to the Governor.

Oh, Lily!

Step right this way, folks.

Neckties, ashtrays, hammer...

How sad and tragic to think
she has taken her last bath

here in the waters of Crystal Lake,

while only a few yards from
where I stand is the love nest

to which her
love-crazed sweetheart

lured her and where, even now,

the police are
wringing the sordid details

from a man who can only
be described as bloodthirsty.

Look. Can I have a drink?
I'm thirsty.

First, where did you hide that body?

Body? What body?

I never laid a hand on anybody's body.

Why would I want to hurt her?

I barely knew her.

I mean, I hardly knew her.

You knew her all right.

Well enough to kill her.

You went berserk, right? Insane.

I'm as sane as you are.
Saner.

Please, can I have a drink of water?

We know you killed her
and disposed of the body.

You're a homicidal
mad-dog murderer.

Hey, I think they found her.

Easy, Joe. Easy.

She was so beautiful.
Such a tragedy.

Here she comes.

An old car seat.

Who parked her car in the drink?

You did.

Who saw her last? You did.

Who killed her? You did.

But I told you, I wouldn't
do a thing like that.

Just because I happened
to be out with her,

and I was the last person who...

Oh.

Now, wait a minute. You
don't have anything on me.

No, but I think we
got something on your rug.

What does that look like to you, Sean?

Blood. Fresh blood.

Her blood.

It's nothing.
She just cut herself

while we were
having our little fight.

Well, it wasn't
really a fight. It...

Oh, come on now, please.

How many more hours are
you gonna go on like this?

Why would I want to kill a woman?

Any woman?

I haven't even murdered my maid.

You think you've
been through something?

Now you're really gonna start to sweat.

If I'm gonna sweat, can I at
least have a drink of water?

We know what you did.

You made that poor girl fall
in love with you, didn't you?

Didn't you?

Why did you do it? Why?

But I didn't. I keep telling
you and telling you. I didn't.

I phoned my wife at the hotel
and the switchboard was drying out,

and the chicken put me
through to the wrong number,

to her, to Didi.

You made her come all the way
from Hollywood to plead with you

to do the right thing by her,
the manly, the gentlemanly thing.

No, I didn't.

You laughed at her. You
even put her up in this love nest of yours.

And she pleaded with you,
begged you, but you wouldn't listen.

And when she
threatened to tell your wife

and the world, you killed her.

No, I didn't do it.
I wouldn't do it. No. No.

You carried her down to the
lake, and you put her in a boat

and rowed out to deep water.

You made sure she'd
never be seen again.

First you tied an anchor to her.

Then you threw her in.

It sank down.

And down and down and down.

She tried to get away, but I
caught her and I choked her.

Then I hit her with a poker.

Then I stabbed her.

Then I tied rocks to her
and I threw her in the lake,

the lake, the lake, the lake.

One lake's enough.

Well, I guess that wraps this one up.

Huh?

Did you get
the whole confession down?

Confession?
Confession to what?

For killing Didi, you murderer.

All right, get him out of here.

Hey, he just confessed.

Hey, fellas.
They got a confession.

Get out of here.

Psst!

My husband is innocent.

Boy.

Wow, you really must've been brainwashed.

Okay, close the door now.

See that everything is done.

Meade! Meade!

Meade!

Meade!

Hey, did Meade come out here?

Meade? No.

Well, then he got away.
Come on.

Hey, he must've been the one that

took the police car. What?

What will they do to him?

They'll think of
something. And so will I.

Attention, all units.

Attention. This is Lieutenant Schwartz.

Murder suspect Thomas Meade
has just escaped Crystal Lake area.

All units advance with caution.

The stolen police car is heavily armed,

and Meade is considered
unbalanced, cunning and dangerous.

At least he didn't say homicidal.

And homicidal.

Car 17 proceed north to point O.

Car 14 proceed south to
intercept at intersection.

What a way to feel wanted.

Throw a scare into him
with a couple of tracers.

They think I don't know how to shake 'em!

They sure know how to shake me.

I got more fuzz on my
tail than a French poodle.

Chase me, will you?

We've lost him. No, we didn't.

There are three
police cars following us.

Oh, no, you don't.

Hey, smoke bombs.

Oh, you happy
little smog-maker, you.

"To operate, hold firmly in throwing hand,

"then pull ring C and..."

Oh, darn tape.

"And throw. Throw at once."

At once, that's now!

Oh, boy, ceiling zero,
and I'm not even up there.

Hey.

You're safe now.
Let's get out of town.

Huh?

You're going the wrong way.

I can't see.

Never been on instruments inside a car.

Hold that wheel.

Let's get out of here.

Boy, if I could only get
rid of these canned clouds.

Who's that?

It is I, Didi.

Didi? Where are you?

I'm here.

Well, where's here, or shouldn't I ask?

Hey, Didi, you're alive. Hey.

Hey, she's alive.

Stop shooting. She's
right here. She's not dead.

She's okay!

All right, Meade, come
on out of there with your hands up.

No monkey business.

Murderers we shoot to kill.

Okay.
I give up. I've had it.

Where's Lawrence Welk?

Okay. I give up. Don't shoot.

I'm clean, I tell you.

I know where she is.
You don't have to worry

about a thing.
Everything's fine.

Believe me, she's just... Oh, Tom, no.

Mrs. Meade, please, no.

Listen, lady, please. Please.
Look, I got news for you.

Listen to me, will you?
She's right...

No more bubble baths!

No more bubble baths!

Please, no more bubble baths!

Didi.

Pepe. Pepe.

Never again, no matter
what the producer says,

no more bubble baths for my little wife.

Oh, Pepe.

If you're looking for another
bubble girl, I'm ready.