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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,257
Hot food from a hot man.
2
00:00:05,346 --> 00:00:07,167
Max, a woman in my section wants to know
3
00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:09,218
if we do anything gluten-free.
What do I tell her?
4
00:00:09,338 --> 00:00:12,466
Tell her she's not allergic to gluten,
she's just masking an eating disorder.
5
00:00:14,805 --> 00:00:17,906
Look alive, people.
Club sandwich, burger medium,
6
00:00:18,146 --> 00:00:20,513
and a shrimp salad
for the gamblin' man.
7
00:00:20,515 --> 00:00:22,131
I asked for salt and pepper.
8
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,967
I wanted
mayonnaise and mustard.
9
00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:28,104
You forgot my diet soda.
10
00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:30,106
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll be right back with--
11
00:00:30,108 --> 00:00:32,019
Oh, what?
12
00:00:35,312 --> 00:00:37,697
Never doubt me.
13
00:00:37,817 --> 00:00:47,757
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.MY-SUBS.com
14
00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:51,010
Here's my last check, Earl.
15
00:00:51,012 --> 00:00:55,131
Look here, Max. That lady
just slipped me her number.
16
00:00:55,133 --> 00:00:58,051
Like I need another
menopausal white woman
17
00:00:58,053 --> 00:01:00,937
scratchin' at my window
like a cat in heat.
18
00:01:04,892 --> 00:01:06,159
God, I love money.
19
00:01:06,161 --> 00:01:10,263
I know, I'm so sorry
it broke up with you.
20
00:01:10,265 --> 00:01:13,450
Look! This week's new iPad
just came out.
21
00:01:13,452 --> 00:01:15,652
Spread the words.
22
00:01:15,654 --> 00:01:16,736
Word.
23
00:01:16,738 --> 00:01:19,739
Word!
24
00:01:19,741 --> 00:01:22,709
I saw that on The Wire.
25
00:01:22,711 --> 00:01:24,627
Max, three weeks in a row
26
00:01:24,629 --> 00:01:29,549
you have not yet accepted my
request to be a Facebook friend.
27
00:01:29,551 --> 00:01:32,419
Max?
I am talking to you.
28
00:01:32,421 --> 00:01:35,505
Oh, I didn't hear you,
I have my earbuds in.
29
00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:38,658
What are these?
30
00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:41,728
Okay, you had to bust a move,
and get "the truth" on my ass?
31
00:01:41,730 --> 00:01:43,480
Fine, let's go there.
Han,
32
00:01:43,482 --> 00:01:45,515
I'm never gonna be
your Facebook friend.
33
00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:50,487
Oof!
Hard to hear.
34
00:01:50,489 --> 00:01:52,489
Well, I accepted you, Han.
35
00:01:52,491 --> 00:01:56,860
Yes, thank you.
You make my heart sing.
36
00:01:56,862 --> 00:01:59,729
Oof.
Hurt me still.
37
00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:06,870
That was like watching someone
club a baby seal.
38
00:02:06,872 --> 00:02:08,922
Why wouldn't you just say yes
to his friend request?
39
00:02:08,924 --> 00:02:11,374
Because I never
check Facebook, why would I?
40
00:02:11,376 --> 00:02:14,210
So some girl I worked
at a movie theater with in 2005
41
00:02:14,212 --> 00:02:18,014
can tell me it's raining
and she's "totes bummed?"
42
00:02:18,016 --> 00:02:21,217
Caroline!
Better check Facebook page.
43
00:02:21,219 --> 00:02:25,472
Maybe someone
just post on your wall.
44
00:02:29,109 --> 00:02:33,897
"Han Lee has tagged you
in 25 photos?"
45
00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:45,041
Want to borrow
my seal club yet?
46
00:02:45,043 --> 00:02:49,662
Oh, that stings. I've lost
like 300 Facebook friends
47
00:02:49,664 --> 00:02:51,664
since my father was arrested.
48
00:02:51,666 --> 00:02:52,665
Well, your father's probably
49
00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:54,217
made that many new friends
in prison,
50
00:02:54,219 --> 00:02:57,420
so it all evens out.
51
00:02:57,422 --> 00:02:58,721
Okay, ready to go?
52
00:02:58,723 --> 00:03:00,006
Do we have to?
53
00:03:00,008 --> 00:03:03,810
It's so hot outside.
When did heat get so hot?
54
00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:06,379
Stop fighting it,
just give in to it.
55
00:03:06,381 --> 00:03:10,817
I don't know why
I'm quoting a rapist.
56
00:03:10,819 --> 00:03:12,402
Can't we just stay
a little bit longer?
57
00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:14,303
We don't have
any A.C. at home.
58
00:03:14,305 --> 00:03:17,490
I have an A.C.
you girls can use.
59
00:03:17,492 --> 00:03:19,275
You have an air conditioner
that works?
60
00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:20,977
Oh, it works.
61
00:03:20,979 --> 00:03:26,666
[Blows air]
62
00:03:30,671 --> 00:03:34,007
That's like an A.C. that just had salami.
63
00:03:34,009 --> 00:03:37,961
There's more salami
where that came from.
64
00:03:44,351 --> 00:03:46,052
And my feet hurt.
65
00:03:46,054 --> 00:03:47,554
Well, you gotta stop
wearing those stilts,
66
00:03:47,556 --> 00:03:50,640
and get a pair of Skechers, like
normal broke-ass waitresses.
67
00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:55,278
Skechers?
How dare you.
68
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,313
Besides,
I can't afford new shoes.
69
00:03:57,315 --> 00:03:59,115
These cost $900.
70
00:03:59,117 --> 00:04:02,352
Well, then that's not pain,
that's karma.
71
00:04:02,354 --> 00:04:04,237
Look,
I will help you out, okay?
72
00:04:04,239 --> 00:04:05,204
I know a place we can go
73
00:04:05,206 --> 00:04:07,240
that has designer things
at good prices.
74
00:04:07,242 --> 00:04:09,358
Like a Barney's warehouse?
75
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,044
Kind of.
76
00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:17,817
The Goodwill?
77
00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:20,470
Welcome to my place!
78
00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:24,504
We're shopping at the Goodwill?
79
00:04:24,519 --> 00:04:26,523
You led me to believe
we were real-shopping.
80
00:04:26,525 --> 00:04:27,991
I know.
[Laughs]
81
00:04:27,993 --> 00:04:29,542
I couldn't wait to see your face
when you saw this place.
82
00:04:29,544 --> 00:04:31,077
Do the face again.
83
00:04:31,079 --> 00:04:33,797
I love it!
84
00:04:33,799 --> 00:04:35,498
Okay, what's that smell?
85
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,585
It's gonna be your smell
from now on.
86
00:04:38,587 --> 00:04:41,171
Now, pay attention,
I know where the good stuff is.
87
00:04:41,173 --> 00:04:42,439
I know where the good stuff is.
88
00:04:42,441 --> 00:04:44,674
Madison and 57th.
89
00:04:44,676 --> 00:04:46,760
Follow me.
90
00:04:46,762 --> 00:04:49,813
Clever bitches hide stuff
they want to come back and buy,
91
00:04:49,815 --> 00:04:52,916
'cause sometimes they don't have
$3 to buy it at the time.
92
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,851
Who doesn't have $3?
93
00:04:54,853 --> 00:04:56,319
You.
94
00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:58,738
Last week
I hid a dope vintage blazer
95
00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:01,825
in the back of a nightstand,
and here it is!
96
00:05:01,827 --> 00:05:05,111
Six bucks, clever bitch.
Bang, bang!
97
00:05:05,113 --> 00:05:08,248
All right, well, we're here.
I'm gonna make the best of it,
98
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:12,502
but first I need a basket
without a sno-cone in it.
99
00:05:12,504 --> 00:05:13,620
Hey, Trish.
100
00:05:13,622 --> 00:05:16,456
Not for day-to-day,
but at the country club.
101
00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:19,826
[Laughing] You're kidding,
but you're right.
102
00:05:19,828 --> 00:05:22,846
Hey, when you find something,
check the pockets for pills.
103
00:05:22,848 --> 00:05:25,048
At a thrift store downtown
I found a purple one once,
104
00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:28,718
and took it.
Fell asleep for eight hours.
105
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,488
That was my vacation that year.
106
00:05:31,490 --> 00:05:32,555
[Sighs]
107
00:05:32,557 --> 00:05:34,307
Yay, shoes!
108
00:05:34,309 --> 00:05:37,277
Oh, I can't believe I just said,
"yay," in Goodwill.
109
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,929
Look, don't freak.
Shoes can be funky,
110
00:05:39,931 --> 00:05:42,532
but I have a special spray at
home that makes them like new.
111
00:05:42,534 --> 00:05:46,018
Did you get it from a wizard?
112
00:05:49,773 --> 00:05:52,909
Oh, my God.
113
00:05:52,911 --> 00:05:56,246
Oh, my God,
these Brian Atwoods were mine.
114
00:05:56,248 --> 00:05:57,881
I donated these to charity,
115
00:05:57,883 --> 00:06:01,835
'cause I was photographed
wearing them twice.
116
00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:04,871
Okay, they were $800
when I bought them,
117
00:06:04,873 --> 00:06:07,373
now they're $8?
118
00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:12,428
Like me. I'm $8.
119
00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:14,881
Oh, my God.
120
00:06:14,883 --> 00:06:17,233
I'm $8.
121
00:06:17,235 --> 00:06:18,434
[Starts to cry]
122
00:06:18,436 --> 00:06:20,687
I've been reduced.
123
00:06:20,689 --> 00:06:23,573
[Crying] I'm sorry, it just
all became so real to me.
124
00:06:23,575 --> 00:06:26,025
I mean, I can't believe it.
125
00:06:31,248 --> 00:06:35,051
Um, didn't you see me crying?
126
00:06:35,053 --> 00:06:38,621
Lots of people cry at Goodwill.
127
00:06:38,623 --> 00:06:40,290
You go to France,
you eat snails.
128
00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:42,992
You come here, you cry.
129
00:06:42,994 --> 00:06:45,795
That's odd,
you didn't even react.
130
00:06:45,797 --> 00:06:47,847
You need to react
when people cry.
131
00:06:47,849 --> 00:06:50,683
I did, I rolled my eyes.
132
00:06:50,685 --> 00:06:52,068
[Sighs]
133
00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:56,539
Look, eventually, you'll learn
to do that on the inside.
134
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,358
Okay, well, just FYI,
135
00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,560
when I used to cry in front of
my other girlfriends,
136
00:07:00,562 --> 00:07:03,062
they'd be like,
"What you cryin' about, C-line?
137
00:07:03,064 --> 00:07:04,447
"Look at you, girl,
you're fierce,
138
00:07:04,449 --> 00:07:06,549
you got your glam on."
139
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:10,169
Are your girlfriends
black drag queens?
140
00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,743
Oh, awesome strokes tee.
141
00:07:16,745 --> 00:07:19,579
I went to this concert,
but I couldn't afford the shirt.
142
00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:22,114
Oh, we're done with me.
143
00:07:22,116 --> 00:07:23,800
I went to see them on this tour
144
00:07:23,802 --> 00:07:26,569
the summer after my junior year.
It was a really warm night,
145
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,255
and I snuck out of the house,
and we all ma--
146
00:07:29,257 --> 00:07:30,924
Ahem.
Whatever.
147
00:07:30,926 --> 00:07:32,175
And what?
148
00:07:32,177 --> 00:07:34,761
What, did something great happen
the night you got the t?
149
00:07:34,763 --> 00:07:37,847
Look at me, does it look like
something great ever happens?
150
00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:39,749
Hey, cute tee.
151
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:40,917
Had my eye on it.
152
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,802
I was just
bringin' my girl back to see it.
153
00:07:42,804 --> 00:07:44,237
She was in the bathroom.
154
00:07:44,239 --> 00:07:46,439
I had to throw up.
155
00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:47,774
So hand it over.
156
00:07:47,776 --> 00:07:49,025
You know the rule.
157
00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:53,363
Turn the back on the rack,
you're under attack.
158
00:07:53,365 --> 00:07:56,749
That's not me,
that's the law of the 'Will.
159
00:07:59,036 --> 00:08:04,707
[Whispering] Yeah,
you better walk away.
160
00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:05,908
That was intense.
161
00:08:05,910 --> 00:08:08,928
Ah, just another Wednesday
at the 'Will.
162
00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:13,132
You said to look in things,
right?
163
00:08:13,134 --> 00:08:15,685
Max, look.
On my first try!
164
00:08:15,687 --> 00:08:19,022
Ooh, slick. Whoever
hid those is gonna be pissed.
165
00:08:19,024 --> 00:08:21,007
Quality check.
166
00:08:23,060 --> 00:08:25,628
Fabric sturdy,
no mysterious crotch stains,
167
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,114
- nice work, Nancy Drew.
- [Laughs]
168
00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:29,816
And look, they're designer.
169
00:08:29,818 --> 00:08:32,902
Summer 2009. $350.
170
00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:35,405
And for me today...
171
00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:38,324
$5.
That's a reduction I like.
172
00:08:38,326 --> 00:08:41,160
[Squeals] $5!
Oh!
173
00:08:41,162 --> 00:08:45,298
[Chanting] $5, $5, $5, $5...
174
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:47,450
- [Laughs]
- $5, $5...
175
00:08:47,452 --> 00:08:49,585
Hi, Maria.
176
00:08:49,587 --> 00:08:50,970
How are you, Max?
177
00:08:50,972 --> 00:08:52,255
I'm good, how's your mom doin'?
178
00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:55,341
Good. She really appreciated
the cupcakes you made her.
179
00:08:55,343 --> 00:08:58,227
Hi, Maria, I'm Caroline,
Max's friend.
180
00:08:58,229 --> 00:09:00,763
Any way we can get
the price down a bit for these?
181
00:09:00,765 --> 00:09:03,649
I think $8 is steep,
considering their condition.
182
00:09:03,651 --> 00:09:06,019
I happen to know
the heel has been replaced.
183
00:09:06,021 --> 00:09:09,822
I cannot believe
you're trying to shoe her down.
184
00:09:09,824 --> 00:09:11,774
I can do $6.
185
00:09:11,776 --> 00:09:13,559
Deal.
186
00:09:13,561 --> 00:09:14,777
Oh, you happy?
187
00:09:14,779 --> 00:09:17,580
You haggled a charity.
188
00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:20,450
You're turning Goodwill
into bad will.
189
00:09:22,503 --> 00:09:24,754
My t-shirt's gone.
190
00:09:24,756 --> 00:09:26,072
It's not here.
191
00:09:26,074 --> 00:09:29,509
[Gasps] I bet it was that
[Whispering] Puerto Rican girl,
192
00:09:29,511 --> 00:09:31,461
who was--
who was eyeing it.
193
00:09:31,463 --> 00:09:33,012
Maria, can we call security?
194
00:09:33,014 --> 00:09:35,414
I'm sure one of the cameras
must have captured the theft.
195
00:09:35,416 --> 00:09:38,768
Cameras? What do you think
this is, target?
196
00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:41,253
It's gone, Caroline.
197
00:09:41,255 --> 00:09:42,405
She must have stolen it
198
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:44,857
while I was watching you
do your stupid $5 dance.
199
00:09:44,859 --> 00:09:50,029
I didn't turn my back on
the rack, why am I under attack?
200
00:09:50,031 --> 00:09:53,099
See, this is why I shop alone,
this is why I eat alone,
201
00:09:53,101 --> 00:09:56,452
this is why I'm leaving alone.
202
00:09:56,454 --> 00:09:58,488
Maria, I'll pay for these.
203
00:09:58,490 --> 00:10:01,207
You don't have to box them,
you can just use tissue paper.
204
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,793
Even as I'm saying this,
I know it's not gonna happen.
205
00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:12,160
Chestnut...
206
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,023
Hot as a mother, right?
207
00:10:19,657 --> 00:10:21,157
Better, right?
208
00:10:21,159 --> 00:10:23,693
[Whinnies]
209
00:10:23,695 --> 00:10:24,778
♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪
210
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:25,812
♪ so hot! ♪
211
00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:27,664
♪ so take off all your clothes ♪
212
00:10:27,666 --> 00:10:29,933
♪ I am gettin' so hot ♪
213
00:10:29,935 --> 00:10:33,920
♪ I'm gonna take
my clothes off ♪
214
00:10:33,922 --> 00:10:35,505
You might want to
keep your voice down.
215
00:10:35,507 --> 00:10:38,675
This building has
three registered sex offenders.
216
00:10:38,677 --> 00:10:41,094
♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪
217
00:10:41,096 --> 00:10:44,614
♪ so leave all that strokes
tee shirt drama behind ♪
218
00:10:44,616 --> 00:10:46,316
Come on, it's our night off.
219
00:10:46,318 --> 00:10:49,052
Let's go get drunk
in air conditioning.
220
00:10:49,054 --> 00:10:50,820
We won't even
have to pay for drinks.
221
00:10:50,822 --> 00:10:54,507
These "shotes"
is gonna pay for our drinks.
222
00:10:54,509 --> 00:10:58,561
You are literally
a $5 whore right now.
223
00:10:58,563 --> 00:10:59,846
Come on.
224
00:10:59,848 --> 00:11:01,648
♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪
225
00:11:01,650 --> 00:11:02,866
♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪
226
00:11:02,868 --> 00:11:04,985
[Rock music]
227
00:11:04,987 --> 00:11:06,953
Hey, Johnny.
228
00:11:06,955 --> 00:11:08,038
I thought I told you
229
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,956
to keep your dumb, tragic ass
out of here.
230
00:11:09,958 --> 00:11:12,492
The only thing that
isn't tragic about me is my ass.
231
00:11:12,494 --> 00:11:15,078
And who's
the blonde, bony skank?
232
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,529
Oh, dude, she's not in on this.
233
00:11:16,531 --> 00:11:17,864
Oh, I'm so sorry, miss.
234
00:11:17,866 --> 00:11:21,084
Hey, I'm Johnny,
I'm Max's friend.
235
00:11:21,086 --> 00:11:24,054
I'm Caroline.
I'm freaked out.
236
00:11:24,056 --> 00:11:25,371
This is something we do.
237
00:11:25,373 --> 00:11:29,042
- To remind us of our families.
- Mm-hmm.
238
00:11:29,044 --> 00:11:31,311
Excuse me for a second.
These guys tip more
239
00:11:31,313 --> 00:11:34,047
if I high-five 'em
when we talk about chicks.
240
00:11:34,049 --> 00:11:35,214
Vagina!
241
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:37,100
[Laughing] Yeah!
242
00:11:37,102 --> 00:11:40,854
Wow. Girl,
your bartender friend is cute.
243
00:11:40,856 --> 00:11:44,157
Look at those arms.
Nice guns.
244
00:11:44,159 --> 00:11:46,076
He's not just a bartender,
this dude is legit.
245
00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:48,528
He's a street artist,
goes by "Jpeg."
246
00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:50,080
Hmm.
Well, right now
247
00:11:50,082 --> 00:11:52,565
he's cutting up limes
and cleaning glasses.
248
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:54,084
Well, you're an heiress
249
00:11:54,086 --> 00:11:56,619
who's slinging burnt hash
and stale toast.
250
00:11:56,621 --> 00:11:57,637
Touche.
251
00:11:57,639 --> 00:11:59,739
Douch-ay.
252
00:11:59,741 --> 00:12:02,342
These are from the gentleman
with a sweet note,
253
00:12:02,344 --> 00:12:05,595
"Nice ass, nice rack."
254
00:12:06,213 --> 00:12:07,464
[Glasses clink]
255
00:12:09,917 --> 00:12:11,267
Whoo!
256
00:12:11,269 --> 00:12:13,103
Hoo.
257
00:12:15,923 --> 00:12:17,524
If that's your tequila noise,
258
00:12:17,526 --> 00:12:20,944
God knows
what your orgasm sounds like.
259
00:12:20,946 --> 00:12:25,398
Same face, no sound.
260
00:12:29,203 --> 00:12:30,787
Oh, my God.
261
00:12:30,789 --> 00:12:33,373
I can't believe it,
it's the girl from the 'Will.
262
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:36,743
I got your back, gir-r-r.
263
00:12:39,246 --> 00:12:40,279
What is she doin'?
264
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:41,915
She thinks Goodwill
has made her tough.
265
00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:44,283
Um, hi.
How are you?
266
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:45,468
I just wanted to talk to you
267
00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:47,170
about that shirt
at the Goodwill.
268
00:12:47,172 --> 00:12:50,957
See, my friend really wanted it,
and, well, your friend has it.
269
00:12:50,959 --> 00:12:53,727
What are you sayin', bitch?
270
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:56,295
Okay, I think we might have
got off on the wrong foot.
271
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,314
Do you want to feel my foot,
bitch?
272
00:12:58,316 --> 00:13:01,467
Well, I guess we know
what your favorite word is.
273
00:13:02,153 --> 00:13:03,636
Ow!
274
00:13:03,638 --> 00:13:07,407
Those are not extensions,
bitch!
275
00:13:07,409 --> 00:13:08,591
Oh!
276
00:13:08,593 --> 00:13:10,026
I should break this up,
I should break this up.
277
00:13:10,028 --> 00:13:12,312
No, no, no, give her like four
seconds to learn her lesson.
278
00:13:12,314 --> 00:13:13,413
Oh, okay, ow!
All right. All right!
279
00:13:13,415 --> 00:13:16,132
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Ow! Oh, oh.
280
00:13:16,134 --> 00:13:17,417
Okay, come on, come on.
281
00:13:17,419 --> 00:13:18,835
- Oh! [Sighs]
- It's okay.
282
00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:24,541
Those are not extensions,
bitch!
283
00:13:24,543 --> 00:13:25,925
[Laughs]
284
00:13:25,927 --> 00:13:28,211
Are you still laughing,
'cause it wasn't funny.
285
00:13:28,213 --> 00:13:30,964
It was so funny.
It was like looney tunes funny.
286
00:13:30,966 --> 00:13:33,433
It was like Bugs Bunny
getting shot in the face funny.
287
00:13:33,435 --> 00:13:34,634
Only in your version,
288
00:13:34,636 --> 00:13:38,221
Bugs Bunny tries to have
a dialogue with the shotgun.
289
00:13:38,223 --> 00:13:39,889
[Giggles]
I was trying
290
00:13:39,891 --> 00:13:41,191
to get your t-shirt back.
291
00:13:41,193 --> 00:13:42,392
I wanted you to have it,
292
00:13:42,394 --> 00:13:44,477
because you lit up at the 'Will
when you saw it.
293
00:13:44,479 --> 00:13:46,345
I do not light up, okay?
294
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,681
There's no light inside me.
295
00:13:48,683 --> 00:13:50,233
What you're seeing
is probably radiation
296
00:13:50,235 --> 00:13:52,318
from the summer
I collected uranium tubes
297
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,687
by the train tracks.
That was good money.
298
00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,522
Thanks for looking out for me,
Caroline.
299
00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:57,791
You're welcome, Max.
300
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,959
It's a t-shirt,
it's gone.
301
00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:01,461
I don't get attached to things.
302
00:14:01,463 --> 00:14:03,863
Ow. My nail practically
got torn off back there
303
00:14:03,865 --> 00:14:06,332
by "Cat Von D-Minus."
304
00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:07,984
I'm gonna have to
sleep with it elevated.
305
00:14:07,986 --> 00:14:09,385
Is there a nail place
around here?
306
00:14:09,387 --> 00:14:10,804
Well, this is New York,
307
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:13,006
so there's probably
gonna be one right...
308
00:14:13,008 --> 00:14:15,208
here.
Love when that happens.
309
00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:17,744
Look, a two-for-one
girlfriend special. Genius.
310
00:14:17,746 --> 00:14:20,763
Go with me tomorrow before work,
it'll be cheaper if we both go.
311
00:14:20,765 --> 00:14:22,148
I really need one.
312
00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:23,883
Plus, you need one, too.
313
00:14:23,885 --> 00:14:27,020
Well, I can't. I have my own
day of luxury already booked.
314
00:14:27,022 --> 00:14:30,156
I'm doing a laundry, and then
the tasting menu at Wendy's.
315
00:14:30,158 --> 00:14:33,726
Come on. You and me, nails,
and air conditioning.
316
00:14:33,728 --> 00:14:34,944
It'll be fun.
317
00:14:34,946 --> 00:14:36,112
You're doin' it,
gir-r-rl.
318
00:14:36,114 --> 00:14:38,665
Me and my friends
used to love getting manicures.
319
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:42,202
'Cause they're black drag queens?
320
00:14:42,204 --> 00:14:44,070
♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪
321
00:14:44,072 --> 00:14:46,656
♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪
322
00:15:05,242 --> 00:15:06,259
Oh.
323
00:15:06,261 --> 00:15:07,815
Hey, dude.
324
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,249
It's about that time?
325
00:15:16,738 --> 00:15:19,572
Let me get the pooper scooper.
326
00:15:19,574 --> 00:15:21,741
[Grunts]
327
00:15:21,743 --> 00:15:25,628
All right.
Let's do this.
328
00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:33,419
- Hey.
- Hey.
329
00:15:33,421 --> 00:15:35,838
Let me ask you something.
How is it that you,
330
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,424
a horse, and Caroline
are both living with me,
331
00:15:38,426 --> 00:15:40,260
and you're
less of a problem for me?
332
00:15:40,262 --> 00:15:42,295
I mean, you tell me,
you've known her longer.
333
00:15:42,297 --> 00:15:44,647
She picks a fight
with a tatted-out white chick
334
00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:47,767
from the Bronx?
What is up with that?
335
00:15:47,769 --> 00:15:50,636
[High voice] I don't know, man,
I'm just used to it.
336
00:15:50,638 --> 00:15:53,456
That's what you'd sound like,
if you talked.
337
00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:55,425
[High voice] I agree with you,
by the way.
338
00:15:55,427 --> 00:15:57,994
Everything you say is right,
Max.
339
00:15:57,996 --> 00:16:00,496
Thank you, Chestnut.
340
00:16:00,498 --> 00:16:02,498
[High voice]
You should kill her.
341
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,734
Chestnut!
I can't do that.
342
00:16:04,736 --> 00:16:08,288
[High voice] It'll be easy.
We could kill her and eat her.
343
00:16:08,290 --> 00:16:10,273
Chestnut!
344
00:16:10,275 --> 00:16:11,841
[Scoffs]
345
00:16:11,843 --> 00:16:14,677
All right, buddy,
here's your spot.
346
00:16:14,679 --> 00:16:17,347
Come on, do your business.
347
00:16:17,349 --> 00:16:18,848
Come on, Ches.
348
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:20,833
[Baby talk]
Buh-buh-buh buh-buh.
349
00:16:20,835 --> 00:16:22,885
Buh-buh-buh buh-boo.
Come on.
350
00:16:22,887 --> 00:16:24,854
[Laughs] Come on!
351
00:16:24,856 --> 00:16:27,357
Come on, Chestnut,
I got a lot of crap to do today.
352
00:16:27,359 --> 00:16:28,174
[Horse whinnies]
353
00:16:28,176 --> 00:16:29,943
And so do you.
354
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:32,812
Jeez, don't be shy, buddy...
355
00:16:39,759 --> 00:16:43,144
I hope you're happy. I look
like a Cambodian stripper.
356
00:16:46,216 --> 00:16:50,035
Um, they prefer to be called
"ping pong ball artists."
357
00:16:50,037 --> 00:16:54,172
These cost $70.43.
358
00:16:54,174 --> 00:16:58,292
She forced me to get tips,
and then tip her for the tips.
359
00:16:58,294 --> 00:17:00,261
See, and all because
you never showed up,
360
00:17:00,263 --> 00:17:01,930
I didn't get
the two-for-one discount,
361
00:17:01,932 --> 00:17:04,099
because I was waiting alone,
for you.
362
00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:07,519
Max, I have really tried
to be girlfriends with you,
363
00:17:07,521 --> 00:17:09,687
but you obviously
have some issues.
364
00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:11,439
Follow me to the walk-in.
365
00:17:11,441 --> 00:17:14,659
Good, let's get it out.
366
00:17:21,951 --> 00:17:24,869
Here.
367
00:17:27,073 --> 00:17:29,074
I thought we were gonna talk.
368
00:17:29,076 --> 00:17:32,377
No, we just didn't have
any chocolate cream in the case.
369
00:17:32,379 --> 00:17:34,179
Why didn't you show up?
370
00:17:34,181 --> 00:17:35,930
You told me
you were gonna be there.
371
00:17:35,932 --> 00:17:37,766
Well,
I had a lot of crap to do.
372
00:17:37,768 --> 00:17:39,834
Well, you gave me
the impression you were going.
373
00:17:39,836 --> 00:17:42,804
I gave you the impression?
I don't do impressions.
374
00:17:42,806 --> 00:17:45,090
Well, wait, that's not true,
I do one, my mom.
375
00:17:45,092 --> 00:17:46,674
But to do that.
I need a Christmas tree,
376
00:17:46,676 --> 00:17:49,727
a gallon of vodka,
and a lit cigarette.
377
00:17:49,729 --> 00:17:52,847
So are we
gonna be girlfriends or not?
378
00:17:52,849 --> 00:17:55,900
Look, I'm gonna
give this to you straight up.
379
00:17:55,902 --> 00:17:58,853
I am never gonna be the type
of girlfriend you're used to.
380
00:17:58,855 --> 00:18:02,157
I am not your gir-r-r,
or your gir-r-rl,
381
00:18:02,159 --> 00:18:03,491
and I am definitely not
382
00:18:03,493 --> 00:18:05,910
someone's two-for-one girlfriend
crap at a nail store.
383
00:18:05,912 --> 00:18:09,164
In fact, think of me as a dude.
384
00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:11,149
So-o-o,
are we good?
385
00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:13,585
Yeah. We good.
386
00:18:13,587 --> 00:18:15,386
I get it.
You're not a girl's girl.
387
00:18:15,388 --> 00:18:17,338
Okay, good.
388
00:18:19,158 --> 00:18:21,893
I can be a girl's girl.
389
00:18:25,965 --> 00:18:27,315
Oh, Caroline,
390
00:18:27,317 --> 00:18:31,152
please do not take
advantage of me with your horse.
391
00:18:31,154 --> 00:18:32,237
What?
392
00:18:32,239 --> 00:18:34,239
My trash pick up company
charged me extra,
393
00:18:34,241 --> 00:18:37,391
because my dumpster is full
of all your horse droppings.
394
00:18:37,393 --> 00:18:40,228
How would that be possible?
395
00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:42,664
I see your good friend, Max,
walking your horse every morning
396
00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:46,534
and dropping droppings
in my dumpster.
397
00:18:46,536 --> 00:18:48,186
Hi.
398
00:18:48,188 --> 00:18:49,737
Hello.
399
00:18:49,739 --> 00:18:52,006
Did you walk my horse today?
400
00:18:52,008 --> 00:18:54,292
Yeah, and every other morning.
401
00:18:54,294 --> 00:18:56,544
That's so sweet.
I wish I had known.
402
00:18:56,546 --> 00:18:58,847
Well, what was I gonna do,
post it on your Facebook wall?
403
00:18:58,849 --> 00:19:02,584
"Ha, walked a horse again today.
Totes gross."
404
00:19:02,586 --> 00:19:04,769
Besides, who did you think
was doing it?
405
00:19:04,771 --> 00:19:06,571
I've always just
had things done for me,
406
00:19:06,573 --> 00:19:08,973
I've never really thought about
the people doing them.
407
00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:10,892
Yeah, and I've never had
things done for me,
408
00:19:10,894 --> 00:19:12,477
so I just do them.
409
00:19:12,479 --> 00:19:14,279
Like now,
how I'm making the coffee,
410
00:19:14,281 --> 00:19:16,764
and you're just standing here
watching me.
411
00:19:16,766 --> 00:19:19,117
Still,
I wish you would have told me,
412
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:20,318
so I could say thank you.
413
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,103
Well, it's not really my style.
414
00:19:22,105 --> 00:19:24,656
You are one complicated dude.
415
00:19:24,658 --> 00:19:28,109
[Rings bell]
Pick up, borscht.
416
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,465
- Unbelievable.
- What?
417
00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:38,887
Hey.
How you guys doin'?
418
00:19:38,889 --> 00:19:40,889
Cute strokes tee.
419
00:19:40,891 --> 00:19:43,624
Probably look better on me,
considering it's mine.
420
00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:48,479
You snooze, you lose, puta.
421
00:19:48,481 --> 00:19:51,132
Nice language!
422
00:19:51,134 --> 00:19:55,853
You kiss your obviously closeted
boyfriend with that mouth?
423
00:19:55,855 --> 00:19:58,773
You know what?
I wouldn't even want it now.
424
00:19:58,775 --> 00:19:59,857
Now that it's been on you,
425
00:19:59,859 --> 00:20:01,776
might as well have been
a Kenny G shirt.
426
00:20:01,778 --> 00:20:04,412
[Explosion sound]
427
00:20:04,414 --> 00:20:07,532
And now I walk.
428
00:20:07,534 --> 00:20:09,317
You can't just let her win.
429
00:20:09,319 --> 00:20:11,002
Oh, forget it, it's over.
430
00:20:11,004 --> 00:20:13,571
Borscht! [Rings bell]
Pick up, pick up.
431
00:20:20,079 --> 00:20:21,212
Hi, I'll be right with you.
432
00:20:21,214 --> 00:20:22,880
[Gasps] Oh!
[Screams]
433
00:20:22,882 --> 00:20:24,432
- Idiota!
- Oh.
434
00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:27,885
Esta camisetame costo cuatro dolares!
435
00:20:27,887 --> 00:20:29,337
Te voy a cortar.
436
00:20:29,339 --> 00:20:33,674
Lo siento.Todo es mi culpa.
437
00:20:33,676 --> 00:20:36,311
I'm still a little clumsy,
it's my first week.
438
00:20:36,313 --> 00:20:38,896
I'll bring you some soda water,
but seriously,
439
00:20:38,898 --> 00:20:42,700
your boyfriend will come out
before that borscht stain does.
440
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,457
That was awesome.
441
00:20:49,459 --> 00:20:51,459
Yeah.
I kinda just do stuff.
442
00:20:51,461 --> 00:20:56,030
Like I just did, while you were
standing there watching me.
443
00:20:56,032 --> 00:20:59,050
Thanks, gir-r-rlfriend.
444
00:20:59,052 --> 00:21:00,084
Oh.
445
00:21:00,086 --> 00:21:01,219
What, is she coming for me?
446
00:21:01,221 --> 00:21:03,004
Run.
447
00:21:04,256 --> 00:21:06,507
[Cash register chimes]
448
00:21:07,998 --> 00:21:13,128
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.MY-SUBS.com
32694
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