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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,209 --> 00:00:04,312
Pick up!
Tables 12, 4, 11.
2
00:00:04,314 --> 00:00:05,313
Got it.
3
00:00:05,315 --> 00:00:07,548
Hey,
when you get a second,
4
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:10,217
stop looking at my boobs.
5
00:00:13,689 --> 00:00:15,339
Excuse me.
6
00:00:15,341 --> 00:00:16,390
Waitress?
[Snaps]
7
00:00:16,392 --> 00:00:18,609
Dude?
[Snaps]
8
00:00:20,879 --> 00:00:22,229
Hi, what can I get ya?
9
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:24,365
- We need some...
- [Snaps]
10
00:00:24,367 --> 00:00:25,399
Is that annoying?
11
00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:27,001
[Snaps]
12
00:00:27,003 --> 00:00:28,085
Is that
obnoxious and rude?
13
00:00:28,087 --> 00:00:29,787
[Snaps]
14
00:00:29,789 --> 00:00:31,789
Would you find it distracting
if someone did that to you
15
00:00:31,791 --> 00:00:32,906
while you were working?
16
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,593
Oh, you don't have a job.
Sorry.
17
00:00:35,595 --> 00:00:37,511
Damn, dude,
she burned you.
18
00:00:37,513 --> 00:00:38,546
- Oh.
[Snaps]
19
00:00:38,548 --> 00:00:41,799
No, hipster.
20
00:00:41,801 --> 00:00:44,385
Do not think we're on the same
team. We have nothing in common.
21
00:00:44,387 --> 00:00:46,420
I wear knit hats
when it's cold out.
22
00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:49,023
You wear knit hats
'cause of Coldplay.
23
00:00:50,692 --> 00:00:52,393
You have tattoos
to piss off your dad.
24
00:00:52,395 --> 00:00:55,095
My dad doesn't know
he's my dad.
25
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,930
You think...
[Snaps]
26
00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,532
This is the sound
that gets you service.
27
00:00:58,534 --> 00:01:00,234
I think...
[Snaps]
28
00:01:00,236 --> 00:01:03,437
This is the sound
that dries up my vagina.
29
00:01:04,489 --> 00:01:06,741
The other waitress
disappeared, the Russian one.
30
00:01:06,743 --> 00:01:08,325
We need horseradish.
31
00:01:08,327 --> 00:01:09,443
Please.
32
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:12,546
That, ladies,
is how you treat a waitress.
33
00:01:17,886 --> 00:01:19,637
Paulina!
34
00:01:22,007 --> 00:01:23,591
Oh, so... so good, oh...
35
00:01:23,593 --> 00:01:26,794
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize
you were on break.
36
00:01:27,763 --> 00:01:28,979
I just need
some horseradish.
37
00:01:28,981 --> 00:01:31,482
- Here.
- Oh, cool.
38
00:01:35,504 --> 00:01:37,605
Excuse me,
where's my waitress?
39
00:01:37,607 --> 00:01:39,023
[Screams from back room]
40
00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:41,475
- [Laughing]
- She's coming.
41
00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:45,229
[Upbeat indie rock]
42
00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:52,669
Sync by alex28 / corrected by GeirDM
www.MY-SUBS.com
43
00:01:56,591 --> 00:01:59,010
Earl.
44
00:01:59,012 --> 00:01:59,961
Earl!
45
00:01:59,963 --> 00:02:02,880
I made your favorite,
red velvet.
46
00:02:02,882 --> 00:02:06,951
My little cupcake
brought me a cupcake.
47
00:02:06,953 --> 00:02:08,135
Let me pay you for that.
48
00:02:08,137 --> 00:02:09,637
Oh, no, no.
It's on the house.
49
00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:11,138
It's your birthday.
50
00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:12,306
How old are you gonna be?
51
00:02:12,308 --> 00:02:13,757
75.
52
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:17,594
Oh, Earl, if you were just
three years younger.
53
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,430
Max, Max, big news.
54
00:02:19,432 --> 00:02:22,116
The new boss fired
that Russian waitress, Paulina.
55
00:02:22,118 --> 00:02:26,654
Turns out Chesty Kournikova
was Vladimir puttin' it out.
56
00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:34,295
Hello today.
I have paycheck for you.
57
00:02:34,297 --> 00:02:37,614
I need to talk to you.
You fired Paulina, Han?
58
00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,333
I am no longer Han Lee.
59
00:02:39,335 --> 00:02:40,418
I have new American name
60
00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:41,836
to go with
changing neighborhood.
61
00:02:41,838 --> 00:02:43,421
To go with
the changing neighborhood.
62
00:02:43,423 --> 00:02:45,723
You need to remember this
for your immigration exam.
63
00:02:45,725 --> 00:02:49,477
Correct. To go with
the changing neighborhood.
64
00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:51,846
[Clears throat]
65
00:02:51,848 --> 00:02:56,534
Bryce?
Your name is Bryce Lee?
66
00:02:59,237 --> 00:03:01,305
Wait, wait,
um, um, um...
67
00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:04,025
Don't hire a new waitress,
okay?
68
00:03:04,027 --> 00:03:05,309
I've been doing
all the work anyway,
69
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,827
and I really could use
the extra money.
70
00:03:06,829 --> 00:03:08,029
You need help.
71
00:03:08,031 --> 00:03:11,165
- No, I don't.
- Everyone need help sometimes.
72
00:03:11,167 --> 00:03:13,451
I don't. I've been waiting
my whole life, okay?
73
00:03:13,453 --> 00:03:16,087
I've waited on tables,
I've waited in bars,
74
00:03:16,089 --> 00:03:18,472
I've waited on
home pregnancy tests.
75
00:03:18,474 --> 00:03:20,491
I already hire new waitress.
76
00:03:20,493 --> 00:03:23,260
She work in all top restaurants
in Manhattan.
77
00:03:23,262 --> 00:03:26,097
I gave her
Paulina's uniform.
78
00:03:27,382 --> 00:03:29,133
Hi.
79
00:03:29,135 --> 00:03:31,802
Mr. Lee,
not to complain,
80
00:03:31,804 --> 00:03:35,272
but I think someone
wore this uniform before me,
81
00:03:35,274 --> 00:03:37,958
like right before me.
82
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,693
Is it possible
that I could get another one?
83
00:03:39,695 --> 00:03:43,531
Maybe one that's
a little less moist.
84
00:03:43,533 --> 00:03:46,951
Also this mustard color doesn't
really go with my skin tone,
85
00:03:46,953 --> 00:03:49,954
neither do
the mustard stains...
86
00:03:49,956 --> 00:03:52,406
And these
various other stains,
87
00:03:52,408 --> 00:03:54,909
and smells.
I hope that's clam chowder.
88
00:03:54,911 --> 00:03:57,161
So...
89
00:03:57,163 --> 00:03:58,862
I think it'd be better
for everyone,
90
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:01,198
including
my immune system,
91
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,534
if I just keep on wearing
what I'm wearing,
92
00:04:03,536 --> 00:04:06,370
and not the apron,
'cause this is Chanel.
93
00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:08,556
- [Laughs]
- So thank you,
94
00:04:08,558 --> 00:04:11,308
and let's waitress.
95
00:04:15,430 --> 00:04:17,398
Whatever that is,
96
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,066
it does not belong
in this diner.
97
00:04:19,068 --> 00:04:21,152
It belongs
in a show on Bravo.
98
00:04:22,604 --> 00:04:25,722
But she blonde,
hair so shiny,
99
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,358
good for business.
100
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,059
Where do you even
find these people?
101
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:32,363
The Russian hooker, the one
before that was a meth addict.
102
00:04:32,365 --> 00:04:34,165
You train her,
I am boss.
103
00:04:34,167 --> 00:04:37,368
- Da boss.
- Oh.
104
00:04:37,370 --> 00:04:39,703
Fine, but make her
wear the uniform.
105
00:04:39,705 --> 00:04:41,038
[Sighs]
106
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,506
Are you sure we can't get
the meth addict back?
107
00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:45,742
She was really good
at cleaning.
108
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,295
But her teeth
fall out.
109
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,718
You are really judgmental,
you know that?
110
00:04:56,938 --> 00:04:59,807
I'm only gonna say this once,
so pay attention.
111
00:04:59,809 --> 00:05:02,243
I'm Caroline, by the way.
And you're Max?
112
00:05:02,245 --> 00:05:06,614
Don't get attached.
113
00:05:06,616 --> 00:05:09,066
This is the Williamsburg diner,
owned by Han Lee,
114
00:05:09,068 --> 00:05:10,734
who just changed his name
to Bryce Lee,
115
00:05:10,736 --> 00:05:14,822
because I guess he wants people
to take him even less seriously.
116
00:05:14,824 --> 00:05:16,657
Eight months ago he bought it
from the Russian mob.
117
00:05:16,659 --> 00:05:19,493
Clientele used to be
all eastern bloc criminals
118
00:05:19,495 --> 00:05:22,296
and crack whores, but then
he took it over and ruined it.
119
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,635
Hey, sexy woman.
120
00:05:27,637 --> 00:05:29,637
You look so pretty today.
121
00:05:29,639 --> 00:05:34,291
You look so beautiful, I forgot
how bad your personality is.
122
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:37,595
Thanks, Oleg.
123
00:05:37,597 --> 00:05:40,347
Hey, Barbie.
124
00:05:44,419 --> 00:05:47,188
He will hit on you
aggressively and relentlessly.
125
00:05:47,190 --> 00:05:48,656
He doesn't realize
he looks like that,
126
00:05:48,658 --> 00:05:52,142
and I don't have the heart
to tell him.
127
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,494
Could we have some menus?
128
00:05:53,496 --> 00:05:54,745
Oh, sure.
129
00:05:54,747 --> 00:05:56,997
Don't smile.
130
00:05:56,999 --> 00:05:58,782
'Cause it raises the bar,
and then I have to smile,
131
00:05:58,784 --> 00:05:59,917
and I can't be doing that.
132
00:05:59,919 --> 00:06:03,820
It's exhausting
and I have a bad back.
133
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,457
That's Earl,
we're in love.
134
00:06:06,459 --> 00:06:07,708
Do not talk to him,
135
00:06:07,710 --> 00:06:10,127
unless you want to feel whiter
than you already are.
136
00:06:10,129 --> 00:06:12,630
Oh, and that stain?
137
00:06:12,632 --> 00:06:15,666
Not clam chowder.
138
00:06:15,668 --> 00:06:18,018
Go marry the ketchups.
139
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:21,689
Marry the ketchups.
I'm on it.
140
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:37,871
Okay.
Now divorce the ketchups.
141
00:06:41,326 --> 00:06:43,160
Stop.
Just stop.
142
00:06:43,162 --> 00:06:45,045
There's no such thing
as divorcing the ketchups.
143
00:06:45,047 --> 00:06:46,830
You've never waitressed
a day in your life.
144
00:06:46,832 --> 00:06:47,864
Yes, I have.
145
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,083
You expect me
to believe you
146
00:06:49,085 --> 00:06:52,035
after watching that whole
Temple Grandin routine?
147
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,454
- I'm telling Lee.
- Okay, okay,
148
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,339
I may have enhanced
my resume.
149
00:06:55,341 --> 00:06:59,176
Enhanced?
What, are we in Paris?
150
00:06:59,178 --> 00:07:01,478
Please,
I really need this job, okay?
151
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:02,930
We lost all of our money.
152
00:07:02,932 --> 00:07:05,482
My trust fund was taken
for legal fees.
153
00:07:05,484 --> 00:07:07,017
My dad is in jail.
154
00:07:07,019 --> 00:07:09,553
What? What are you,
Martin Channing's daughter?
155
00:07:10,739 --> 00:07:14,224
[Gasps]
Where's the paper?
156
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,410
Martin Channing?
157
00:07:16,412 --> 00:07:18,779
The guy who ripped off
the entire city is your father.
158
00:07:18,781 --> 00:07:22,533
He told us we were
having a good year.
159
00:07:22,535 --> 00:07:24,385
You're
Caroline Channing.
160
00:07:24,387 --> 00:07:26,203
You're like
a billionaire.
161
00:07:26,205 --> 00:07:28,672
Was.
Was a billionaire.
162
00:07:28,674 --> 00:07:30,924
They froze all our assets,
everything's gone.
163
00:07:30,926 --> 00:07:32,743
I only have
what I could grab,
164
00:07:32,745 --> 00:07:35,179
and I grabbed
all the wrong things.
165
00:07:35,181 --> 00:07:37,931
- So do you know the president?
- I've met him.
166
00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,266
- He's hot.
- He's the president.
167
00:07:39,268 --> 00:07:40,884
- Have you been to Switzerland?
- Yes.
168
00:07:40,886 --> 00:07:42,269
- Do you have a horse?
- Yes.
169
00:07:42,271 --> 00:07:46,557
- Do you know Paris Hilton?
- No, she's a hundred.
170
00:07:46,559 --> 00:07:48,759
Excuse me, uh,
two hot chocolate, please.
171
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:50,027
- Comin' up.
- It...
172
00:07:50,029 --> 00:07:51,729
let me do that, please.
173
00:07:51,731 --> 00:07:53,063
I'm a really
fast learner.
174
00:07:53,065 --> 00:07:54,365
I went to
Wharton business school.
175
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,817
I got 2,300 on my SAT's
176
00:07:56,819 --> 00:07:59,436
Can you make a hot chocolate,
or not?
177
00:08:04,159 --> 00:08:05,709
Nailed it.
178
00:08:10,548 --> 00:08:13,717
We split the tips.
Give me yours.
179
00:08:17,889 --> 00:08:20,674
You did better
than I thought you would.
180
00:08:20,676 --> 00:08:22,459
Listen, tonight
I thought of a way
181
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,644
we could make
some extra money.
182
00:08:23,646 --> 00:08:25,179
They've totally
underestimated
183
00:08:25,181 --> 00:08:27,014
the price point
on those red velvet cupcakes.
184
00:08:27,016 --> 00:08:29,566
In Manhattan the asking price
is at least seven,
185
00:08:29,568 --> 00:08:34,071
so we could sell them for seven,
and then pocket the difference.
186
00:08:34,073 --> 00:08:36,490
Nothing about that
sounds wrong to you?
187
00:08:36,492 --> 00:08:38,826
It's not our fault that
the idiot who makes the cupcakes
188
00:08:38,828 --> 00:08:40,811
doesn't know their worth.
189
00:08:40,813 --> 00:08:43,881
I'm the idiot
who makes the cupcakes.
190
00:08:44,949 --> 00:08:47,034
New information.
191
00:08:47,036 --> 00:08:48,252
That's stupid.
192
00:08:48,254 --> 00:08:50,754
No one would pay $7
for one of my cupcakes.
193
00:08:50,756 --> 00:08:53,757
Really?
'Cause...
194
00:08:57,045 --> 00:09:00,514
Well, at least we know
you're not adopted.
195
00:09:03,218 --> 00:09:05,636
So how'd you even
end up in Brooklyn?
196
00:09:05,638 --> 00:09:07,771
Oh,
I went on monster.com.
197
00:09:07,773 --> 00:09:09,056
Typed in
"place where nobody
198
00:09:09,058 --> 00:09:11,508
from the Upper East Side
would ever go, ever,"
199
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:14,528
and this diner came up.
200
00:09:14,530 --> 00:09:16,363
You can't wear
a fancy leather jacket
201
00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:17,531
outside in this neighborhood.
202
00:09:17,533 --> 00:09:18,682
You have to turn it
inside out.
203
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,284
Oh.
204
00:09:20,286 --> 00:09:22,953
Fur. Cool.
Turn it back.
205
00:09:23,822 --> 00:09:24,905
[Sighs]
206
00:09:24,907 --> 00:09:26,990
So where do you live?
207
00:09:26,992 --> 00:09:30,077
Our townhouse was taken
and bolted up by the bank, so...
208
00:09:30,079 --> 00:09:32,362
Is this where I'm supposed to
feel sorry for you?
209
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,965
I mean,
I don't want you to,
210
00:09:34,967 --> 00:09:39,202
but just so you know,
a well-adjusted person would.
211
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,705
I'm dead inside.
212
00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:45,092
You make that
pretty obvious.
213
00:09:45,094 --> 00:09:48,044
Anyway, I'm just gonna stay
in the city with a friend.
214
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,397
I live a couple of blocks
that way.
215
00:09:50,399 --> 00:09:55,018
I'd walk you to the subway,
it's just that I don't want to.
216
00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:58,372
- Okay.
- Okay.
217
00:10:05,363 --> 00:10:08,282
[Indie rock]
218
00:10:08,284 --> 00:10:11,251
♪ ♪
219
00:10:11,253 --> 00:10:13,620
Why is the music so loud?
220
00:10:13,622 --> 00:10:15,289
All: Whoa!
221
00:10:15,291 --> 00:10:16,457
It's 3:00
in the morning.
222
00:10:16,459 --> 00:10:17,791
I'm sorry.
223
00:10:19,961 --> 00:10:22,846
It's cool.
So what are you doin'?
224
00:10:22,848 --> 00:10:25,248
- The band's practicing.
225
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,934
But you're not
playing any instruments.
226
00:10:26,936 --> 00:10:28,469
Yeah,
that's how we practice.
227
00:10:28,471 --> 00:10:30,220
We, like,
listen to other good music
228
00:10:30,222 --> 00:10:32,890
and play it in our head.
229
00:10:32,892 --> 00:10:35,559
- It's like The Secret.
230
00:10:35,561 --> 00:10:38,395
Well, I have a secret
for you guys.
231
00:10:38,397 --> 00:10:40,447
- Get out!
- Whoa!
232
00:10:41,816 --> 00:10:43,734
- Uh, you guys better go.
All: We should go.
233
00:10:43,736 --> 00:10:46,203
Sorry, guys, I still
have to make the cupcakes.
234
00:10:46,205 --> 00:10:49,556
Cupcakes? For why? You can
just buy 'em at the store.
235
00:10:49,558 --> 00:10:51,775
[Tambourine shake]
236
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:54,127
You can do that in
the morning, babe, come to bed.
237
00:10:54,129 --> 00:10:56,947
No, I can't. I have to
be in the city by 10:00.
238
00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:02,302
Fine.
You can have three minutes.
239
00:11:04,672 --> 00:11:08,258
Fine, you can have eight,
one for each ab.
240
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:10,811
Boom!
241
00:11:12,764 --> 00:11:15,516
[Over intercom] Stand clear
of the closing doors.
242
00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:18,268
[Smooch]
243
00:11:22,273 --> 00:11:25,275
Well, I can cross that
off my bucket list.
244
00:11:34,702 --> 00:11:35,752
Hey.
245
00:11:35,754 --> 00:11:36,820
I have a taser!
246
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:39,840
Oh!
247
00:11:39,842 --> 00:11:42,876
Oh, my God.
248
00:11:46,468 --> 00:11:49,053
[Gasps] I am so sorry.
249
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:52,073
I didn't think it would hurt
so much. It's pink.
250
00:11:52,075 --> 00:11:54,225
It didn't feel pink.
251
00:11:54,227 --> 00:11:57,778
I didn't know it was you.
I thought I was being raped.
252
00:11:57,780 --> 00:12:01,315
That's not
what rape feels like.
253
00:12:02,617 --> 00:12:04,402
Did you...
254
00:12:04,404 --> 00:12:06,537
did you
sleep on the subway?
255
00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:08,139
I had nowhere else to go,
256
00:12:08,141 --> 00:12:10,458
and I'm too afraid
to sleep outside on the street.
257
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:13,377
[Chuckles]
God, you're spoiled.
258
00:12:13,379 --> 00:12:16,497
[Over intercom]
Next stop, Greenpoint.
259
00:12:16,499 --> 00:12:19,083
Ugh! Get your stuff. Come on,
I'll take you to my place,
260
00:12:19,085 --> 00:12:20,434
- but hurry.
- [Gasps]
261
00:12:20,436 --> 00:12:22,953
'Cause I have to be
in the city in 30 minutes.
262
00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:27,591
Call me.
263
00:12:30,645 --> 00:12:33,848
Oh, my God,
you've been robbed!
264
00:12:36,101 --> 00:12:37,902
This is
how it always looks.
265
00:12:37,904 --> 00:12:40,971
Oh, my God,
totally cute!
266
00:12:40,973 --> 00:12:43,074
All right,
I'll be back at 4:00,
267
00:12:43,076 --> 00:12:45,159
and we can go to work together.
Bathroom, bedroom,
268
00:12:45,161 --> 00:12:47,111
boyfriend sleeps till 4:00,
yard.
269
00:12:47,113 --> 00:12:49,780
Oh, you have a yard.
270
00:12:49,782 --> 00:12:54,135
Looks like a really nice place
to relax and do crack.
271
00:12:56,088 --> 00:12:57,705
It is.
272
00:12:59,007 --> 00:13:01,158
I gotta go, I'm gonna be late
for my other job in the city.
273
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,593
You have two jobs?
274
00:13:02,595 --> 00:13:05,162
Yes, I babysit
for a Manhattan socialite diva.
275
00:13:05,164 --> 00:13:06,830
Now I have a set.
276
00:13:10,668 --> 00:13:12,169
Sorry I'm late.
277
00:13:12,171 --> 00:13:13,437
Oh, thank God
you're here,
278
00:13:13,439 --> 00:13:14,688
there is
a bridge and tunnel smell
279
00:13:14,690 --> 00:13:18,642
over by the babies
that's stressing me out.
280
00:13:18,644 --> 00:13:20,444
Their diapers
probably need to be changed.
281
00:13:20,446 --> 00:13:23,781
Again? I swear,
the morning nanny just did that.
282
00:13:23,783 --> 00:13:26,033
Motherhood is for reals.
283
00:13:27,986 --> 00:13:30,538
Max, remind me,
what's my Twitter password?
284
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:32,189
Twitter password.
285
00:13:32,191 --> 00:13:33,908
Yes!
286
00:13:34,692 --> 00:13:38,862
Hi, Brad.
Hi, Angelina.
287
00:13:38,864 --> 00:13:41,715
Max, I need to tell you
something because we're family.
288
00:13:41,717 --> 00:13:45,219
Now get me room temperature
water and come over here.
289
00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:52,176
We are victims
of the Channing Ponzi scheme.
290
00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:56,263
Me, David,
and Brangelina.
291
00:13:56,265 --> 00:13:58,849
How much money
did you lose?
292
00:13:58,851 --> 00:14:02,436
Hold my hands.
293
00:14:02,438 --> 00:14:05,689
Nothing.
294
00:14:05,691 --> 00:14:07,708
But it really scared me.
295
00:14:09,528 --> 00:14:12,663
Open that?
296
00:14:12,665 --> 00:14:14,832
So do you know
Caroline Channing?
297
00:14:14,834 --> 00:14:17,401
No,
but she lost everything.
298
00:14:17,403 --> 00:14:19,570
She has no money.
299
00:14:19,572 --> 00:14:21,005
Can you imagine
having no money?
300
00:14:21,007 --> 00:14:25,876
I mean, you wouldn't even
have any money.
301
00:14:25,878 --> 00:14:28,712
You should twit that.
302
00:14:28,714 --> 00:14:31,465
And no one
will even talk to her.
303
00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:33,517
I heard she went
to six different friends' houses
304
00:14:33,519 --> 00:14:34,852
for a place to stay,
305
00:14:34,854 --> 00:14:37,771
and they all had to pretend
they weren't home.
306
00:14:37,773 --> 00:14:39,590
- That's not cool.
- Yeah.
307
00:14:39,592 --> 00:14:41,758
- That's really sad.
- So sad.
308
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,611
Breaks my heart.
309
00:14:43,613 --> 00:14:46,163
I guess motherhood has really
opened me up emotionally.
310
00:14:46,165 --> 00:14:48,482
Max, I need to hold
one of the babies,
311
00:14:48,484 --> 00:14:51,902
bring me one.
312
00:14:51,904 --> 00:14:54,271
[Quietly babbles]
313
00:14:54,273 --> 00:14:57,324
No, the other one.
That's not the good one.
314
00:15:02,163 --> 00:15:03,447
Hello.
315
00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:07,218
Oh, hi. Oh, I'm so sorry
if I woke you up.
316
00:15:07,220 --> 00:15:10,504
[Chuckles]
Who are you?
317
00:15:10,506 --> 00:15:13,757
I'm Max's friend.
Uh, don't tell her I said that.
318
00:15:13,759 --> 00:15:15,259
I have a feeling if she heard me
call her my friend,
319
00:15:15,261 --> 00:15:17,561
- she'd stab me.
- [Laughs]
320
00:15:17,563 --> 00:15:18,979
What are you doin'
over there?
321
00:15:18,981 --> 00:15:20,464
Just washing my uniform,
322
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:21,899
trying to make it
a little more cute
323
00:15:21,901 --> 00:15:23,684
and a little less crusty.
324
00:15:23,686 --> 00:15:24,935
Oh, watch out!
325
00:15:24,937 --> 00:15:26,770
Oh!
Sorry, oh, my...
326
00:15:26,772 --> 00:15:30,641
- Do you have a towel or a rag?
- No, I... I got it.
327
00:15:30,643 --> 00:15:31,992
Oh, okay.
328
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:39,867
I'm Robbie.
329
00:15:39,869 --> 00:15:42,253
I'm uncomfortable.
330
00:15:42,255 --> 00:15:43,337
You're getting me wet.
331
00:15:43,339 --> 00:15:45,873
That's the point.
332
00:15:45,875 --> 00:15:47,491
You're Max's boyfriend.
333
00:15:47,493 --> 00:15:48,525
It's cool.
334
00:15:48,527 --> 00:15:51,462
No, it's not.
Back up, Jersey shore.
335
00:15:54,549 --> 00:15:56,333
You're pathetic,
336
00:15:56,335 --> 00:15:58,385
and that's coming from someone
who's homeless
337
00:15:58,387 --> 00:16:01,355
and wearing white
after labor day.
338
00:16:08,196 --> 00:16:11,448
And I've seen better.
339
00:16:11,450 --> 00:16:13,918
No, you haven't.
340
00:16:19,791 --> 00:16:21,241
Hey.
Why didn't you wait for me?
341
00:16:21,243 --> 00:16:23,043
I thought we were
coming over together.
342
00:16:23,045 --> 00:16:27,381
Oh. Um, I wanted to get here
early to marry the ketchups.
343
00:16:28,466 --> 00:16:29,700
Listen,
I heard something
344
00:16:29,702 --> 00:16:31,302
really upsetting
about you today.
345
00:16:31,304 --> 00:16:33,387
What did he say,
that I came on to him?
346
00:16:34,205 --> 00:16:35,372
Him who?
347
00:16:35,374 --> 00:16:37,040
Nothing.
348
00:16:43,231 --> 00:16:44,765
Him, Robbie?
349
00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:46,817
It's none of my business,
350
00:16:46,819 --> 00:16:49,720
but you deserve better
than that guy.
351
00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:52,406
[Sighs] Yeah,
it is none of your business.
352
00:16:52,408 --> 00:16:55,025
Ooh, I was just starting
to feel sorry for you.
353
00:16:55,027 --> 00:16:58,579
I'm just saying,
you're worth more than that.
354
00:16:58,581 --> 00:17:00,664
What, I'm supposed to
believe you about this?
355
00:17:00,666 --> 00:17:02,700
The person who lied
on their resume,
356
00:17:02,702 --> 00:17:04,402
and lied about the cupcakes...
you're a liar.
357
00:17:05,404 --> 00:17:07,855
- I'm just trying to help.
- You know what?
358
00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:10,174
Since you seem to know
so much about everything,
359
00:17:10,176 --> 00:17:11,792
why don't you
take your Wharton degree,
360
00:17:11,794 --> 00:17:14,411
and your ridiculous coat, and
figure this all out yourself.
361
00:17:14,413 --> 00:17:15,546
Max.
362
00:17:15,548 --> 00:17:17,348
- Max, wait.
- Oh, look,
363
00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:19,600
the arcade fire concert
just let out across the street,
364
00:17:19,602 --> 00:17:21,435
good luck with that.
365
00:17:21,437 --> 00:17:23,354
She's coming back,
right?
366
00:17:23,356 --> 00:17:24,588
She's not gonna
leave me here alone
367
00:17:24,590 --> 00:17:26,557
with a restaurant
full of people?
368
00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:29,026
Let me put it to you
this way.
369
00:17:29,028 --> 00:17:30,110
You might as well be
370
00:17:30,112 --> 00:17:33,947
a night maid
at the Schwarzenegger house.
371
00:17:33,949 --> 00:17:36,933
You got screwed.
372
00:17:45,474 --> 00:17:47,024
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah.
373
00:17:47,026 --> 00:17:49,861
[Tambourine hits]
That feels so good.
374
00:17:49,863 --> 00:17:51,329
Now put your tambourine
around it.
375
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:52,363
[Tambourine shakes]
376
00:17:52,365 --> 00:17:54,632
[Sighs]
377
00:17:54,634 --> 00:17:56,417
Hi, honey, I'm home.
378
00:17:56,419 --> 00:17:57,836
[Thump]
379
00:17:58,888 --> 00:18:01,840
I want you gone
by the time I get back.
380
00:18:01,842 --> 00:18:04,208
Babe!
Babe, I can explain.
381
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:08,530
You weren't
supposed to be home.
382
00:18:08,532 --> 00:18:09,848
People say
I deserve better than you.
383
00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:11,599
Who?
384
00:18:11,601 --> 00:18:14,185
That blonde girl? She doesn't
know what she's talkin' about.
385
00:18:14,187 --> 00:18:16,888
She went to Wharton
386
00:18:16,890 --> 00:18:18,389
and Switzerland.
387
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,368
Yo, yo.
Look at that.
388
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,120
That girl is
workin' harder
389
00:18:32,122 --> 00:18:36,508
than Stephen Hawking tryin'
to put in a pair of cufflinks.
390
00:18:38,928 --> 00:18:40,461
Here, let me help you
with that.
391
00:18:40,463 --> 00:18:41,629
I don't need any help.
392
00:18:41,631 --> 00:18:44,182
Everyone needs help
sometimes.
393
00:18:49,638 --> 00:18:53,308
This isn't
what I ordered.
394
00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:54,976
This is Caroline.
395
00:18:54,978 --> 00:18:56,227
She may have gotten
your order wrong,
396
00:18:56,229 --> 00:18:58,196
but she does
get some things right.
397
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,436
Thank you.
398
00:19:05,438 --> 00:19:08,122
No, thank you.
399
00:19:08,124 --> 00:19:10,375
What'd you see in that guy,
anyway?
400
00:19:10,377 --> 00:19:12,460
He had these
muscle thingies.
401
00:19:12,462 --> 00:19:15,413
- Oh, those things?
- Yeah.
402
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,581
I don't know
what those are called,
403
00:19:16,583 --> 00:19:19,467
but they make smart girls
stupid.
404
00:19:19,469 --> 00:19:20,785
Max!
405
00:19:20,787 --> 00:19:22,971
I thought your tight ass
wasn't coming in tonight,
406
00:19:22,973 --> 00:19:26,341
and my heart
broke in half.
407
00:19:26,343 --> 00:19:29,127
You know what, Oleg?
408
00:19:29,129 --> 00:19:30,962
I needed that.
409
00:19:36,735 --> 00:19:39,637
So, um...
410
00:19:39,639 --> 00:19:41,906
I need a roommate,
if you want to crash.
411
00:19:41,908 --> 00:19:43,241
Hmm.
412
00:19:43,243 --> 00:19:48,029
Not gonna lie, the subway's
cleaner than your couch.
413
00:19:48,031 --> 00:19:50,198
[Laughs] Wow.
414
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,283
I just felt myself
starting to like you.
415
00:19:52,285 --> 00:19:54,002
Really? Because I really feel
like we could...
416
00:19:54,004 --> 00:19:56,955
[giggles]
I knew that wouldn't last.
417
00:19:56,957 --> 00:19:59,173
Come on.
418
00:19:59,175 --> 00:20:00,675
Tomorrow we can
go into the city
419
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,260
and get
the rest of your stuff.
420
00:20:02,262 --> 00:20:04,512
Everything's locked up.
421
00:20:04,514 --> 00:20:07,715
What, you have nothing that
you care about that we can get?
422
00:20:07,717 --> 00:20:09,267
Well,
there is one thing.
423
00:20:11,553 --> 00:20:14,522
The weirdest thing
is that nobody stopped us.
424
00:20:16,191 --> 00:20:17,692
I'm gonna save
a fortune,
425
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:20,111
keeping him here
instead of in the stables.
426
00:20:20,113 --> 00:20:24,565
When did you put this whole
horse-in-my-yard thing together?
427
00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:25,733
I can't help it.
428
00:20:25,735 --> 00:20:27,685
I see an opportunity,
and I make it happen,
429
00:20:27,687 --> 00:20:29,821
like with your cupcakes.
430
00:20:29,823 --> 00:20:31,906
Like what
with my cupcakes?
431
00:20:31,908 --> 00:20:34,375
Ready?
To open a bake shop,
432
00:20:34,377 --> 00:20:36,544
all we need is
250 grand start-up money,
433
00:20:36,546 --> 00:20:37,962
for the real estate,
and the basic equipment...
434
00:20:37,964 --> 00:20:40,214
Yeah. Oh.
435
00:20:40,216 --> 00:20:42,634
- 250 grand, that's all?
- Yeah.
436
00:20:42,636 --> 00:20:44,419
Did freakin' Chestnut here
kick you in the head
437
00:20:44,421 --> 00:20:46,054
while I was in Starbucks?
438
00:20:46,056 --> 00:20:47,305
Hear me out.
439
00:20:47,307 --> 00:20:50,008
If we both worked two jobs
and made $2,000 a week,
440
00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:52,477
we could open a cupcake business
in a little over a year.
441
00:20:52,479 --> 00:20:55,463
In the past two days,
we've made $387,
442
00:20:55,465 --> 00:20:56,714
and that's a good start.
443
00:20:56,716 --> 00:20:57,932
We can make extra money
at other jobs,
444
00:20:57,934 --> 00:21:00,435
like publicists,
advertising executives...
445
00:21:00,437 --> 00:21:03,888
Janitors, drug mules.
446
00:21:05,024 --> 00:21:07,742
We really need to
work on your self-esteem.
447
00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:08,826
So...
448
00:21:08,828 --> 00:21:11,395
You, cupcakes,
me, business background,
449
00:21:11,397 --> 00:21:15,216
us, success.
What do you think?
450
00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:18,252
I think
you have a horse.
451
00:21:18,254 --> 00:21:21,255
I think we have a horse.
452
00:21:22,374 --> 00:21:24,175
[Whinnies]
453
00:21:24,177 --> 00:21:26,961
Don't get attached.
454
00:21:27,104 --> 00:21:32,104
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