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1
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# The Marseillaise #
2
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,350
# Lively Latin music #
3
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# Romantic Mediterranean music #
4
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# Lively Gypsy music #
5
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:55,510
How about the other half?
6
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- Eh?
- Another one of those.
7
00:01:57,430 --> 00:02:00,310
Oh, ta. Have you got a large one?
8
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I've had no complaints so far. ( Laughs )
9
00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:04,150
Seeing's believing.
10
00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:06,550
You won't need a magnifying glass! ( Laughs )
11
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PATRON: Ooh!
PUBLICAN: Ha-ha-ha!
12
00:02:08,470 --> 00:02:09,910
PUBLICAN: Here we are.
13
00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:13,750
No, no, no.
Have it on me... if you know what I mean.
14
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:16,630
Oh! You don't have to draw me any diagrams.
15
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Pity. I was just going to get my ballpoint out!
16
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PATRON: Yeah, and write your name in the frost
with it, I suppose.
17
00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:26,230
- Bottoms up.
- Is that what it is? You could have fooled me.
18
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( Thud )
19
00:02:29,590 --> 00:02:31,030
Evenin', all.
20
00:02:31,990 --> 00:02:34,390
- Hello, Cora.
- Harry.
21
00:02:34,390 --> 00:02:36,310
- The usual, ta.
- Vic,
22
00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:39,670
- would you see to Harry?
- I thought he'd been seen to years ago.
23
00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:42,070
- How are they hanging?
- Empty.
24
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:43,030
Soon fix that up.
25
00:02:46,870 --> 00:02:49,270
Not for me, ta. I've just had dinner.
26
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,670
I hear you're going on your holiday tomorrow,
then.
27
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:55,510
- VIC: Just a weekend.
- All right for some. Taking the missus, too?
28
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:57,910
No, she won't go abroad. Doesn't like flying.
29
00:02:57,910 --> 00:02:59,830
And someone has to look after the pub.
30
00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:02,230
It's a package deal. 17 quid, all in.
31
00:03:02,230 --> 00:03:04,630
Thank you. W-Where are you going to?
32
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Some new resort in the Med.
33
00:03:07,030 --> 00:03:08,950
Oh, for heaven's sake, Vic. Tell him.
34
00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:10,870
It's a place called Elsbels.
35
00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:13,270
Hey!
36
00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:15,670
Elsbels? The island?
37
00:03:15,670 --> 00:03:17,590
HARRY: Tomorrow?
VIC: Yes.
38
00:03:18,070 --> 00:03:19,990
Blimey. There's a coincidence for you.
39
00:03:19,990 --> 00:03:23,350
- What is?
- Sadie's going there on the same trip!
40
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( Harry laughs )
41
00:03:25,270 --> 00:03:26,710
Get away.
42
00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:29,590
That's right, isn't it, Sadie?
You're going to Elsbels.
43
00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:34,870
Me? Oh... yes. I thought of going. Why?
44
00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:36,790
Well, Vic's going on the same trip.
45
00:03:37,270 --> 00:03:40,150
Really? Well, fancy that!
46
00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:42,070
( Harry laughs )
47
00:03:42,070 --> 00:03:43,990
Have a good trip.
48
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:45,910
Get off.
49
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:52,630
Well, that's it. How about a nice cup of tea?
50
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:55,030
You filthy, rotten, stinking beast.
51
00:03:55,030 --> 00:03:57,910
- What have I done now?
- Don't come the innocent with me.
52
00:03:57,910 --> 00:03:59,830
You and that Sadie Tomkins!
53
00:03:59,830 --> 00:04:04,150
(High-pitched) "Are you going on the same trip?
Well, fancy that! Fancy that!"
54
00:04:04,150 --> 00:04:06,070
Well, I don't fancy that at all.
55
00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:09,910
What are you talking about?
It's the first I've heard of it. Straight up.
56
00:04:09,910 --> 00:04:12,790
Don't lie to me.
You've obviously both arranged it.
57
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:16,630
Arranged it?
If I'd known she was going, I'd have cancelled.
58
00:04:16,630 --> 00:04:19,510
Good, because that's exactly
what you're going to do.
59
00:04:19,990 --> 00:04:21,910
As late as this? I'll lose my deposit money.
60
00:04:22,390 --> 00:04:24,310
You'll lose a damn sight more if you don't.
61
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,710
Oh, have a heart. I need this holiday.
62
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:29,110
I can't go without it
just cos she's going to be there.
63
00:04:29,590 --> 00:04:31,990
If she's going, you won't be going without it.
64
00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:35,350
What? Cor blimey,
I wouldn't touch her with a bargepole.
65
00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:37,270
No, but you would with anything else.
66
00:04:37,270 --> 00:04:40,150
Oh, no wonder you've never minded
going on holiday on your own.
67
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:43,990
Now, that's not true.
I've always begged you to come with me.
68
00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:46,390
All right, then. I will.
69
00:04:46,390 --> 00:04:48,790
It's flying...
70
00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:50,710
Flying... You don't like flying. Remember?
71
00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:52,630
I don't like washing floors,
72
00:04:52,630 --> 00:04:55,510
but I'd rather do that
than you get some other scrubber.
73
00:04:55,510 --> 00:04:58,870
I'll see the travel agent first thing in the morning.
74
00:04:58,870 --> 00:04:59,830
( Mouths )
75
00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:04,150
Hello there.
76
00:05:04,150 --> 00:05:07,030
Afternoon, Miss Dobbs. Lovely day for it.
77
00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:09,430
That's what they all say,
but it won't get you anywhere.
78
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,790
I meant for the Elsbels trip, Miss Dobbs.
79
00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:18,550
WOMAN: Oh, I say! I'm awfully sorry.
80
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:20,470
That's all right. Any time.
81
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:25,270
Let's leave the sightseeing till we get there, eh?
82
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,430
Good afternoon. Lovely day for it.
83
00:05:33,430 --> 00:05:35,830
- That's what they all say.
- I'll bet they do.
84
00:05:36,310 --> 00:05:39,670
- Or did you mean the trip?
- No, what I meant was... Never mind.
85
00:05:39,670 --> 00:05:42,550
It's Mr and Mrs Flange,
for the weekend to Elsbels.
86
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:46,390
If you'd like to take a seat, sir.
You're not due to leave just yet.
87
00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:55,990
- Hello.
- How do you do?
88
00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:58,870
- Are you girls going to Elsbels?
- Yeah, that's right.
89
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,750
Oh, very nice. I'm Vic Flange. That's my wife.
90
00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:03,670
( Dully ) Oh. Hello.
91
00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:06,070
Never mind, love. Better luck next time.
92
00:06:07,510 --> 00:06:09,430
The coach is here, and some of the party.
93
00:06:09,430 --> 00:06:11,350
Well, we may as well get them aboard.
94
00:06:11,350 --> 00:06:13,270
Of course. Mr Farquhar...
95
00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:16,630
I want you to know
how thrilled I am to be with you this trip.
96
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,030
I feel we're going to be just wonderful together.
97
00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:21,910
Miss Plunkett, you're squashing my itinerary.
98
00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:25,750
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I keep forgetting what a big girl I am now.
99
00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:27,670
Well, shall we get them out now?
100
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:31,030
- Why, Mr Farquhar!
- The people for the coach, I mean.
101
00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:33,430
Oh, those. Yes, of course.
102
00:06:33,910 --> 00:06:38,230
Good afternoon. You may board the coach now.
Have your tickets ready, please.
103
00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,150
Coach? I thought we were going by air.
104
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:43,030
We have to go by coach to get to the airport.
105
00:06:43,030 --> 00:06:45,430
But you didn't say that.
I don't like coaches. either.
106
00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:48,310
Blimey!
You're determined to have a good time.
107
00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:52,150
Ah, thank you. May I wish you both
an extremely happy holiday?
108
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,550
Oh, thanks. Come on, Marge.
109
00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:02,230
- That's enough of that.
- Sorry. My arms are aching.
110
00:07:02,710 --> 00:07:06,070
- Your eyes will be too by the time we finish.
- All right. All right.
111
00:07:06,070 --> 00:07:08,950
- Excuse me. Is this the Elsbels coach?
- That's right.
112
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:11,830
- Oh, good. Excuse me.
- Well, don't mind us!
113
00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:13,270
Pardon us.
114
00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:15,190
Blunt. Mr and Mrs Stanley Blunt.
115
00:07:15,670 --> 00:07:18,550
- Do you have a ticket?
- Naturally. Do we look like stowaways?
116
00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:20,950
No, not at all, but I have to collect them.
117
00:07:20,950 --> 00:07:23,350
Oh, for heaven's sake! Stanley. Tickets.
118
00:07:23,350 --> 00:07:27,190
Tickets, dear?
Yes. Er... in my trousers pocket, dear.
119
00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:30,550
Well, produce them.
Oh, why are you always so helpless?
120
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:31,990
( Stanley whimpers )
121
00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:38,230
- For heaven's sake, keep still.
- ( Whimpers ) Aargh!
122
00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:41,590
( Giggling )
123
00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:43,510
Oooh! Back! The back pocket!
124
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:46,390
Why on earth didn't you say so?
125
00:07:46,870 --> 00:07:48,310
There.
126
00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:51,670
Now, come along,
and stop making such an exhibition of yourself.
127
00:07:52,150 --> 00:07:55,510
- Ah, good afternoon, sir. Your tickets?
- Here we are.
128
00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:59,350
Thank you, Mr Flange. That's correct.
You're travelling with Miss...
129
00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:02,710
Er... no. Mrs. Mrs Flange. Mr and Mrs Flange.
130
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:05,590
Oh, but I've got you down as with Miss Tom...
131
00:08:05,590 --> 00:08:07,510
No, no. That was all changed this morning.
132
00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:13,270
- You've just got married? Oh, congratulations!
- No, no, I... changed the booking.
133
00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:15,670
I was coming on my own,
but then she changed her mind.
134
00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:19,030
- What's the trouble, Vic?
- Nothing, darling. Nothing.
135
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:21,910
You got it? Two tickets. Mr and Mrs Flange.
136
00:08:21,910 --> 00:08:24,310
- If you say so, sir.
- I do say so.
137
00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:25,750
Come on, darling.
138
00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:31,990
I hope there's some young ones.
139
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:35,830
Oh, stop worrying, Marge.
They said a party of young blokes was coming.
140
00:08:35,830 --> 00:08:37,750
I certainly hope so.
141
00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:42,070
Now, don't forget, Eustace, dear.
None of that oily food.
142
00:08:42,070 --> 00:08:44,470
And take your syrup of figs every night.
143
00:08:44,470 --> 00:08:48,310
Yes, Mummy. But do stop worrying.
I shall be quite all right.
144
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:52,630
Oh, I do hope so, dear. But I shall be praying
to Him every night to keep your bowels open.
145
00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:56,470
- That will not be necessary!
- It's the least I can do.
146
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,390
Goodbye, dear, and take care.
147
00:08:58,870 --> 00:08:59,830
Yes, dear.
148
00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:06,070
- Ah, good afternoon, sir.
- Oh, hello!
149
00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:08,950
- Have you got a ticket?
- Yes, I have. Have you?
150
00:09:08,950 --> 00:09:12,310
- Of course. I'm the courier for this party.
- How nice.
151
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:14,710
Ah, Mr Tuttle. You're travelling alone?
152
00:09:14,710 --> 00:09:18,070
Yes, I am. Mummy has to stay behind
to look after the hamsters.
153
00:09:18,070 --> 00:09:19,510
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
154
00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:22,870
- Left alone, they start mating.
- Oh, how interesting.
155
00:09:22,870 --> 00:09:24,790
No, it isn't. It's all over in a flash.
156
00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:27,190
Oh, I meant to tell you, dear.
157
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:30,070
Keep your woolly vest on, even at night.
158
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,990
Yes, Mummy... and goodbye.
159
00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:35,350
Oh, and when you do go,
always put plenty of paper down first.
160
00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:37,750
You will look after him, won't you?
161
00:09:37,750 --> 00:09:40,150
We look after everyone on a Wundatour,
madam.
162
00:09:40,150 --> 00:09:43,510
- Yes, but he's not like the rest.
- I can certainly believe that.
163
00:09:43,510 --> 00:09:46,870
He's very delicate,
and not used to being away from home.
164
00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:49,270
- Excuse me.
- What is it? What do you want?
165
00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:51,670
You're blocking their passage.
166
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,070
Yes, and that would never do, would it?
167
00:09:54,070 --> 00:09:55,990
Oh, I'm sorry. Goodbye, dear.
168
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:57,910
Goodbye, Mummy.
169
00:09:57,910 --> 00:09:59,830
Excuse me.
170
00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:01,750
Thank you.
171
00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:02,710
Hello.
172
00:10:02,710 --> 00:10:05,590
- How about these two?
- Quite dishy!
173
00:10:06,070 --> 00:10:08,950
Mr Tweed, Mr Phipps.
Would you like to take your seat?
174
00:10:08,950 --> 00:10:10,870
Thank you very much.
175
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:25,270
- Hello.
- Hello.
176
00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:28,150
Do you mind, please, sitting down?
177
00:10:28,150 --> 00:10:30,550
Who the hell do you think you're talking to?
178
00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:34,870
( Blows raspberry )
179
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:39,670
( Scottish accent )
Hey, son. Is this for the dirty weekend?
180
00:10:40,150 --> 00:10:43,510
This is the four-day trip to Elsbels,
if that's what you mean.
181
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,430
Same difference, isn't it? Ha-ha!
182
00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:49,270
- Have you got a ticket?
- Certainly. I don't expect to get it for nothing.
183
00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:52,150
Not the holiday, anyway! ( Laughs )
184
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:55,030
Oh, Mr Conway, yes.
Would you take your seat on the coach?
185
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,910
Well, I cannae leave it behind, can I?
186
00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:00,310
I'll need it to drive the old point home.
187
00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:02,710
( Laughs raucously )
188
00:11:03,190 --> 00:11:04,630
( Continues laughing )
189
00:11:05,110 --> 00:11:07,030
Hello there. All ready
190
00:11:07,030 --> 00:11:08,950
for a wild weekend, eh?
191
00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:14,230
Oh, well. Maybe not.
192
00:11:19,030 --> 00:11:20,470
Hello.
193
00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:26,710
Well, where's all the crumpet, then?
194
00:11:26,710 --> 00:11:28,630
I don't think they give us any tea.
195
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:32,470
No. Women. Birds.
196
00:11:32,470 --> 00:11:36,310
Oh. I did notice a couple of young ladies,
back there.
197
00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:42,070
Oh, no, son. That's jail bait, that is.
198
00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:44,470
"Touch me and I'll tell my dad" stuff.
199
00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:49,270
Hey, that look s a bit more like it!
200
00:11:49,270 --> 00:11:51,670
I'll just give her a hand with her bags.
201
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:54,550
Allow me.
202
00:11:55,030 --> 00:11:56,950
Oh, ta.
203
00:11:57,430 --> 00:11:58,870
Be careful. It's not very well...
204
00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:00,790
fastened.
205
00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:02,710
- ( Chuckles )
- That's torn it.
206
00:12:05,590 --> 00:12:07,030
Oh, I'll do it.
207
00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,870
It took me a long time to get all that in there.
208
00:12:12,790 --> 00:12:14,710
I'll bet!
209
00:12:16,630 --> 00:12:18,550
Men!
210
00:12:25,270 --> 00:12:28,630
We can't possibly leave yet.
There's a party of 12 men to come.
211
00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:32,470
There! What did I tell you? 12 of 'em!
212
00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:34,390
Miss Plunkett's checking them now.
213
00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:38,230
Ah. It's all right. Here they come.
214
00:13:57,910 --> 00:14:01,270
Please! Please, working! Why not working?
215
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,670
Standing, leaning on shovels!
216
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:05,590
We four and five storeys yet putting up.
217
00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:07,030
Work!
218
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:09,910
There's English people coming
for happy holidays.
219
00:14:09,910 --> 00:14:12,310
You very loving foreman.
220
00:14:12,790 --> 00:14:15,190
We no work like this, so look at this.
221
00:14:15,190 --> 00:14:16,150
Thank you.
222
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:18,070
- Let's go.
- No, no.
223
00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:21,430
It's nice here, look.
224
00:14:21,430 --> 00:14:24,790
Are forgetting shovels.
Little shovels. Small diggings.
225
00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:35,830
Santa Cecilia! Floella! Floella!
226
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:38,710
Floella! Floella!
227
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,110
Floella!
228
00:14:42,550 --> 00:14:43,990
Floella!
229
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,910
Floella?
230
00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:47,830
Floella!
231
00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:50,710
Floella!
232
00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:53,110
Floella?
233
00:15:04,150 --> 00:15:06,070
Floella...
234
00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:07,990
Floella! The peoples - they are here!
235
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:11,830
What can I do? I've got
enough troubles with the blooding stove!
236
00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:13,270
( Stove sizzles )
- Argh!
237
00:15:13,270 --> 00:15:15,670
Floellas, this is our first guests.
238
00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:19,030
If we not making success,
we are getting the sack s from the owners.
239
00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:21,430
We've got to make them welcome.
240
00:15:21,430 --> 00:15:25,270
Sure, sure, sure.
We'll make them very welcome... I don't think!
241
00:15:25,270 --> 00:15:29,110
With no blooding food! And no blooding staff!
242
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:32,470
OK, OK. It's my fault we got no blooding staff.
243
00:15:32,470 --> 00:15:33,910
Where's Giorgio?
244
00:15:33,910 --> 00:15:37,270
Should I blooding know?
Sitting on his blooding arse, I suppose.
245
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:41,110
Giorgio! Get off the blooding arse!
The peoples are here.
246
00:15:41,590 --> 00:15:43,030
Giorgio!
247
00:15:45,910 --> 00:15:48,310
- Giorgio.
- Si, Papa?
248
00:15:48,790 --> 00:15:51,190
Waking up! Making readies!
249
00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:53,110
People coming. A load of sheets.
250
00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:55,030
Si, Papa.
251
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:13,750
Ladies and gentlemens,
welcoming to Palace Hotels.
252
00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:16,150
Oh, we are in the right place, then?
253
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:20,470
Yes. This number one first-class hotel
on islands.
254
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:25,270
Entering, please, but minding wet cements.
255
00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:27,190
This way.
256
00:16:27,190 --> 00:16:29,110
( They all grumble )
257
00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:36,790
This is very lovings, no?
258
00:16:36,790 --> 00:16:39,670
I beg your pardon?
Oh, you mean lovely? Yes, very nice.
259
00:16:39,670 --> 00:16:43,990
Is all brand-news.
Tables not sat in, chairs not sat in, lavatories...
260
00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:46,390
Yeah, we needn't go into that.
Is the manager here?
261
00:16:46,870 --> 00:16:49,750
Er... yes, yes. I fetch him. One moment.
262
00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:58,870
Yes, well,
I think we shall be very comfortable here.
263
00:16:58,870 --> 00:17:00,790
It'll be all right when it's finished.
264
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:04,150
Oh, you won't let a little thing like that
spoil your holiday?
265
00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:07,510
Welcoming, ladies and gentlemens.
266
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:09,910
Welcomings. I am Monsieur P�p�.
267
00:17:09,910 --> 00:17:11,350
But you were the doorman.
268
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:15,670
Me? No, no. That's Mario, my brothers.
269
00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:19,990
Oh, yes, I see. Well, I'm the representative
of Wundatours. Stuart Farquhar.
270
00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:21,430
Stupid what?
271
00:17:22,390 --> 00:17:24,790
Stuart. Stuart Farquhar.
272
00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:30,550
- I think he was right the first time.
- Ah, you Mr Farki-Hars. Having letters for you.
273
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,950
Good. I wondered if you were expecting us.
274
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:35,830
Certainly I'm expecting.
My wife is also expecting.
275
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:39,190
Yes, well...
this hotel doesn't seem to be quite finished.
276
00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:43,030
Not finished? Oh, it's nothing.
A little bit of building to finish.
277
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:44,950
Four or five floors. That's all.
278
00:17:45,430 --> 00:17:49,270
Four or five floors?!
You have got room for us, though?
279
00:17:49,270 --> 00:17:52,630
Glad you mentionings. As a matter of factings...
280
00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:54,550
( Whispers )
281
00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:57,430
( Clattering )
FLOELLA: Blooding, blooding stove!
282
00:17:57,430 --> 00:18:01,750
Oh, excuse me.
The chef is not speaking so good English.
283
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:04,150
Well, could you show us the rooms you have?
284
00:18:04,630 --> 00:18:07,510
Me? No, no, no. I fetch the porter.
285
00:18:07,510 --> 00:18:09,430
Porter!
286
00:18:11,350 --> 00:18:13,750
This way, please,
287
00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:16,150
ladies and gentlemens.
288
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:35,830
Well, I think it is outrageous, asking us
to share a room just because we're married.
289
00:18:36,310 --> 00:18:38,230
I... I don't know, dear.
290
00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:41,110
I thought it was quite reasonable,
in the circumstances.
291
00:18:41,110 --> 00:18:46,390
Oh, yes, you didn't resist. Any man with half
an ounce of gumption would have refused.
292
00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:49,270
Oh... actually, I thought it might be quite fun.
293
00:18:49,270 --> 00:18:51,190
Fun? Fun?
294
00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:53,590
Well, it is quite some time since we did it.
295
00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:56,950
Erm... shared a room, I mean.
296
00:18:56,950 --> 00:19:02,230
Stanley, you're not going to try to use this
as an excuse to start that nastiness again?
297
00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:04,150
No, dear, of course not. No.
298
00:19:04,630 --> 00:19:07,510
I should hope not.
You know I need a bit of peace and quiet.
299
00:19:07,510 --> 00:19:10,390
Well, I can assure you that I need a bit, too.
300
00:19:10,390 --> 00:19:13,270
Yes, well, we'll just have to try
and make the best of it.
301
00:19:13,270 --> 00:19:17,110
Now, I am going to get undressed
and have a nice hot bath.
302
00:19:17,110 --> 00:19:19,990
Oh, that's a... jolly good idea.
303
00:19:19,990 --> 00:19:21,910
Well?
304
00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:26,230
Er, yes, well, I'll just go out onto the balcony.
305
00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:34,870
Don't forget to keep looking the other way.
306
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,670
We've got a shower.
307
00:19:51,670 --> 00:19:55,510
Oh, well, that's something.
Open the windows, and let's get some fresh air.
308
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:57,430
That's a good idea.
309
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:06,550
What's the matter with it? It's stuck.
310
00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:11,830
Excusings, please. You liking towels?
311
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:14,710
Yes, please. Er... excusings.
312
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:18,070
Do you think you can do something
about the windows? They won't open.
313
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,470
- Not openings?
- No.
314
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,230
Holdings, please.
315
00:20:28,630 --> 00:20:30,550
One minute, please.
316
00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:38,230
It is easies, no? Thankings.
317
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:42,070
( Knock at door )
- Just a minute.
318
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:46,870
Please excusings. You like towels?
319
00:20:47,350 --> 00:20:48,790
Stanley!
320
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,710
Yes, dear? What is it?
321
00:20:51,670 --> 00:20:55,030
- Oh, I say.
- For heaven's sake, Stanley, do something!
322
00:20:55,030 --> 00:20:56,470
Yes, dear.
323
00:20:56,950 --> 00:20:58,870
Dash it all!
324
00:20:58,870 --> 00:21:00,790
This isn't good enough.
325
00:21:00,790 --> 00:21:03,190
Can't you see my wife's undressed?
326
00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:05,110
Yes. See, I see.
327
00:21:05,590 --> 00:21:08,950
- She is very lovings. You very lucky mans.
- You think so?
328
00:21:08,950 --> 00:21:10,390
P�P�: Yes.
329
00:21:10,390 --> 00:21:11,830
Big hip...
330
00:21:11,830 --> 00:21:15,190
small waist... and boom-boom.
331
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,590
Stanley, will you get him out of here?
332
00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:20,950
Now, look here... Ow!
333
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:25,270
I feel as though I were in a cattle market.
334
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:27,670
Yes, dear, I see what you mean.
335
00:21:31,030 --> 00:21:32,950
( Sighs exasperatedly )
336
00:21:43,030 --> 00:21:44,950
Oh, hello!
337
00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:49,270
Argh! Stanley!
338
00:21:49,270 --> 00:21:51,670
- Stanley!
- Coming, dear.
339
00:21:52,630 --> 00:21:54,550
Stanley, there is a man in our bath.
340
00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:56,470
What? Well, what sort of man?
341
00:21:56,470 --> 00:22:00,310
- What does it matter? They're all the same.
- Well, yes. I'll just go and see...
342
00:22:00,310 --> 00:22:02,230
I say, I'm awfully sorry!
343
00:22:02,230 --> 00:22:03,670
Argh!
344
00:22:07,510 --> 00:22:09,430
Not to worry. It's only Mr Tuttle.
345
00:22:09,430 --> 00:22:11,350
But what is he doing in our bathroom?
346
00:22:11,350 --> 00:22:13,750
Your bathroom? But it leads off my room.
347
00:22:14,230 --> 00:22:15,670
I think I'm going to go mad.
348
00:22:15,670 --> 00:22:17,590
No, hang on, please, before you go anywhere.
349
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:19,510
I think I'd better go and check.
350
00:22:19,990 --> 00:22:21,910
( Snorts )
351
00:22:24,790 --> 00:22:26,710
( Switchboard buzzes )
352
00:22:28,630 --> 00:22:30,070
Recep-ti-ons.
353
00:22:30,550 --> 00:22:33,430
- Ah, yes. My wife has a complaint.
- You wanting doctors?
354
00:22:33,430 --> 00:22:35,350
No, no, not that sort of complaint.
355
00:22:35,350 --> 00:22:38,230
She's been to the bathroom,
and there's a man in it.
356
00:22:38,230 --> 00:22:41,590
Oh, it's all right.
We not making extra chargings for this.
357
00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:45,430
You don't seem to understand.
This is a private bathroom - no?
358
00:22:45,430 --> 00:22:48,310
Is right. Is private between two rooms.
359
00:22:48,310 --> 00:22:50,230
But then that's hardly private, is it?
360
00:22:50,710 --> 00:22:52,630
Oh, for heaven's sake! Give me that phone.
361
00:22:53,110 --> 00:22:55,990
Hello. I wish to make a strong... complaint.
362
00:22:56,470 --> 00:23:01,270
I've never had a trip like that in all my life...
and with such fearsome people!
363
00:23:01,270 --> 00:23:05,110
Have you ever seen anything like them?
I swear they're all odd.
364
00:23:07,030 --> 00:23:10,870
Isn't that typical?
I'm going to give them a piece of my mind.
365
00:23:11,350 --> 00:23:13,750
Oh, lay off it, Rob. We're only here for four days.
366
00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:16,150
No, I've had enough.
I am taking no more.
367
00:23:16,150 --> 00:23:17,110
Hello?
368
00:23:17,590 --> 00:23:19,510
( Buzzing )
- Excusing, please.
369
00:23:21,910 --> 00:23:25,270
- Recep-ti-ons.
- I have a complaint to make.
370
00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:29,590
Complaint? Er... one minute, please.
I hand you over to Room Servicings.
371
00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:33,430
Hello, madams? About the bath...
372
00:23:33,430 --> 00:23:36,310
I am handing you over to Room Servicings.
373
00:23:36,310 --> 00:23:38,710
Oh, for heaven's sake! Hello? Hello?
374
00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:40,150
Ah, Room Service?
375
00:23:40,150 --> 00:23:44,470
And about time. Now, listen,
my drawers have got no bottoms in them.
376
00:23:44,470 --> 00:23:46,390
What? Who is that?
377
00:23:46,390 --> 00:23:48,790
I want Room Service.
378
00:23:48,790 --> 00:23:50,710
Well, so do I. Get off the line.
379
00:23:50,710 --> 00:23:52,630
( Rattles phone )
- Room Service?
380
00:23:52,630 --> 00:23:54,550
Ah. It's about our bathroom.
381
00:24:02,230 --> 00:24:03,190
( Gasps )
382
00:24:07,990 --> 00:24:09,430
I want to complain.
383
00:24:09,910 --> 00:24:14,230
Er... one minute, please.
I giving you Room Servicings.
384
00:24:14,230 --> 00:24:15,670
Hello?
385
00:24:15,670 --> 00:24:18,550
I've just found there's no back to my wardrobe.
386
00:24:18,550 --> 00:24:21,910
What? What? Who is that?
Is that Room Service? Room Service?
387
00:24:22,390 --> 00:24:24,310
I wish to report a man in my bath.
388
00:24:24,310 --> 00:24:26,710
Oh, go away. Go away!
389
00:24:27,190 --> 00:24:29,110
Er... mind if I shower first?
390
00:24:29,590 --> 00:24:31,990
Oh, go ahead. I'm going to wash my hair.
391
00:24:40,150 --> 00:24:41,590
Hello?
392
00:24:45,430 --> 00:24:49,270
# Cocktail jazz #
393
00:24:49,270 --> 00:24:51,190
( Music stops )
394
00:24:52,630 --> 00:24:54,550
( Music restarts )
395
00:24:54,550 --> 00:24:56,470
( Music stops )
396
00:25:07,030 --> 00:25:09,430
( Electrical fizzing )
397
00:25:28,630 --> 00:25:30,550
- Aargh!
- Blimey.
398
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,910
Vic, what are you doing in here? Get out of here!
399
00:25:33,910 --> 00:25:36,790
Sorry. If I'd known you were here,
I wouldn't have come.
400
00:25:36,790 --> 00:25:40,150
Yes, all right. Just get out of here quick
before somebody comes in.
401
00:25:40,150 --> 00:25:42,550
You haven't got any soap on that bit.
402
00:25:43,990 --> 00:25:45,910
Get out of here!
403
00:25:45,910 --> 00:25:47,830
You see, I thought this was our bathroom.
404
00:25:47,830 --> 00:25:50,230
I didn't realise there was a door...
405
00:25:52,150 --> 00:25:54,070
What do you think of that?
406
00:25:54,070 --> 00:25:57,430
I've never been so shocked and humiliated.
Where's the phone?
407
00:26:03,670 --> 00:26:07,990
( Constant buzzing )
408
00:26:07,990 --> 00:26:09,910
( Clamouring voices )
409
00:26:10,390 --> 00:26:13,270
Well, everyone seems happy enough now,
I'm glad to say.
410
00:26:13,270 --> 00:26:17,110
There is one matter
I would like to take up with you, Monsieur P�p�.
411
00:26:17,110 --> 00:26:20,950
No, no, it's not Monsieur P�p�.
I getting him. You take.
412
00:26:20,950 --> 00:26:23,350
- Me?
- Yes, it's Room Servicings.
413
00:26:23,350 --> 00:26:26,230
- Oh, I see. Yes.
- ( Clamouring voices )
414
00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:28,630
Hello. Room Service.
415
00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:31,030
There is a man in my bath...
416
00:26:31,030 --> 00:26:33,910
...with no bottom...
...and nothing on the other side.
417
00:26:33,910 --> 00:26:36,790
- And as I bent over...
...she was standing there, starkers.
418
00:26:37,270 --> 00:26:39,670
- When I pressed the thing...
...and tried to plug it in...
419
00:26:40,150 --> 00:26:43,510
...sand shot out of it...
...and soaked me from head to foot.
420
00:26:43,510 --> 00:26:44,950
Now it won't work at all.
421
00:26:44,950 --> 00:26:47,350
Just one moment, please.
422
00:26:47,350 --> 00:26:48,790
( Buzzing )
423
00:26:49,270 --> 00:26:51,190
( Explosion )
424
00:26:51,190 --> 00:26:53,590
Oh! Oh! Help!
425
00:26:53,590 --> 00:26:55,030
Argh! Help!
426
00:26:55,990 --> 00:26:59,830
Lovely night, anyway. Funny how
everything look s better in the moonlight.
427
00:27:00,310 --> 00:27:02,710
Pity we didn't have it in our bathroom, then.
428
00:27:02,710 --> 00:27:06,550
Oh, don't keep on about it. How was I to know
we shared a bathroom with her?
429
00:27:06,550 --> 00:27:08,950
You need not have struck up a conversation.
430
00:27:09,430 --> 00:27:10,870
A gentleman would have left immediately.
431
00:27:11,350 --> 00:27:13,750
I was very embarrassed.
I didn't know which way to look.
432
00:27:13,750 --> 00:27:17,590
- You mean at which one.
- Yeah... Oh, no, this is ridiculous.
433
00:27:18,070 --> 00:27:21,430
I bet you're always the same abroad.
You become an animal.
434
00:27:21,430 --> 00:27:24,310
Right.
There's only one way to deal with that, then.
435
00:27:24,790 --> 00:27:26,230
And where are you going?
436
00:27:26,230 --> 00:27:28,630
To get myself doctored.
437
00:27:30,070 --> 00:27:31,990
Ooh!
438
00:27:31,990 --> 00:27:36,310
- Yoo-hoo! Hello, girls.
- Hello, Mr Tuttle.
439
00:27:36,310 --> 00:27:40,630
I say, how about another little game
before dinner, eh?
440
00:27:40,630 --> 00:27:43,030
No, thank s, Mr Tuttle. Come along, Marge.
441
00:27:43,030 --> 00:27:45,910
Oh! Hey, I'll get you!
442
00:27:45,910 --> 00:27:48,310
( Hollers )
443
00:27:48,310 --> 00:27:52,150
I think I'll get a breath of fresh air before supper,
Brother Martin.
444
00:27:55,030 --> 00:27:56,470
Evening.
445
00:27:57,910 --> 00:27:59,830
Hello there. Are you having one?
446
00:27:59,830 --> 00:28:02,230
Yes, thank s. I'll have a beer.
What's it like?
447
00:28:02,230 --> 00:28:06,070
Well, I cannae make up my mind
whether it's gnat's or cat's.
448
00:28:06,070 --> 00:28:07,990
You're making me homesick!
449
00:28:08,470 --> 00:28:11,830
MARGE:
Oh, no, Mr Tuttle. No more. You're too old for it.
450
00:28:11,830 --> 00:28:15,190
TUTTLE: Oh, come on. You do enjoy it.
451
00:28:15,190 --> 00:28:17,110
LILY: I don't.
452
00:28:17,110 --> 00:28:19,990
TUTTLE: Oh, just once more. Bend over, dear.
453
00:28:19,990 --> 00:28:22,870
MARGE: All right, then, but this is the last time.
454
00:28:22,870 --> 00:28:26,230
TUTTLE: Here I come!
455
00:28:26,230 --> 00:28:29,110
Ooooh! ( Laughs )
456
00:28:32,950 --> 00:28:35,350
- Oh, please let me help you.
- Oh, thank you.
457
00:28:35,830 --> 00:28:37,270
LILY: I can manage.
458
00:28:37,750 --> 00:28:41,110
Oh, all right. I'd like to apologise
for that wardrobe business.
459
00:28:41,110 --> 00:28:43,510
Don't bother. I hope you enjoyed what you saw.
460
00:28:43,510 --> 00:28:45,430
Oh, yes! I mean...
461
00:28:46,390 --> 00:28:48,310
Oh! Will you let go of me?
462
00:28:48,790 --> 00:28:50,230
( Skirt rips )
463
00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:51,670
( Screams )
464
00:29:01,270 --> 00:29:02,710
Here's your skirt.
465
00:29:02,710 --> 00:29:05,590
Your skirt...
466
00:29:07,030 --> 00:29:09,430
Oh, it wasn't his fault. It was an accident.
467
00:29:10,870 --> 00:29:12,790
I'll see to it.
468
00:29:16,630 --> 00:29:18,550
Poor girls. I'll give them a hand.
469
00:29:18,550 --> 00:29:22,390
I'm sure they can manage quite well enough
without your help.
470
00:29:25,270 --> 00:29:26,230
Jings!
471
00:29:26,230 --> 00:29:30,070
Get a load of that, then!
472
00:29:32,950 --> 00:29:35,350
That's the best bet of the lot, son.
473
00:29:35,350 --> 00:29:38,710
- How do you know?
- Well, I got the old green light, didn't I?
474
00:29:38,710 --> 00:29:40,150
You did?
475
00:29:40,630 --> 00:29:43,030
Begging for it... Pity.
476
00:29:43,510 --> 00:29:44,470
VIC: Pity?
477
00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:47,830
Makes it awkward.
You know what happened to her husband.
478
00:29:47,830 --> 00:29:49,750
What did happen to him?
479
00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:53,590
( Whispers )
480
00:29:53,590 --> 00:29:56,950
- Rat poison? She told you that?
- Why? Don't you believe her?
481
00:29:56,950 --> 00:30:00,790
Oh, yes. I was just thinking
of her first husband. Nasty business.
482
00:30:00,790 --> 00:30:03,670
Why, what happened to him?
483
00:30:03,670 --> 00:30:05,110
( Whispers )
484
00:30:06,070 --> 00:30:07,510
With an axe?
485
00:30:07,510 --> 00:30:10,390
Next morning,
they found him dead in the swimming pool.
486
00:30:10,390 --> 00:30:13,750
Hey, George! Give us a large whisky.
487
00:30:19,030 --> 00:30:22,390
Good evening. Good evening, everybody.
488
00:30:22,390 --> 00:30:23,830
And what a lovely one it is!
489
00:30:24,310 --> 00:30:26,710
There he is now. Go on. Tell him.
490
00:30:26,710 --> 00:30:29,590
Er... yes. ( Clears throat ) Yes, dear.
491
00:30:30,070 --> 00:30:33,910
Mr Farquhar, my wife... That is, we...
492
00:30:33,910 --> 00:30:37,750
Well, the fact is,
we're not altogether happy about the...
493
00:30:37,750 --> 00:30:39,190
Well, that is...
494
00:30:39,190 --> 00:30:41,110
Oh, for heaven's sake, Stanley!
495
00:30:41,110 --> 00:30:46,390
My husband is trying to say that this is the most
appalling hotel in which we have ever stayed.
496
00:30:46,390 --> 00:30:47,830
BOTH: Hear, hear.
497
00:30:47,830 --> 00:30:51,190
Oh, no. Don't be like that.
498
00:30:51,190 --> 00:30:55,030
We're the first guests they've ever had.
They're bound to have teething troubles.
499
00:30:55,030 --> 00:30:58,390
More teething troubles
than a crocodile with pyorrhoeia.
500
00:30:58,390 --> 00:31:01,750
I am confident that things will get better.
501
00:31:01,750 --> 00:31:05,590
And they need to, if I'm going to get a shower
every time I take a leak.
502
00:31:05,590 --> 00:31:10,390
Now, now, I think we'll all feel a lot better
when we've had a good dinner.
503
00:31:10,390 --> 00:31:11,350
FLOELLA: Aargh!
504
00:31:11,350 --> 00:31:14,710
I can't do with the blooding thing!
505
00:31:14,710 --> 00:31:17,590
If we are going to get any dinner.
506
00:31:19,030 --> 00:31:21,910
Argh!
507
00:31:21,910 --> 00:31:25,270
Why do we have to have a coke stove?
508
00:31:25,270 --> 00:31:28,150
Why can't we have electric-tricity?
509
00:31:28,630 --> 00:31:31,030
Santa Cecilia! How many more times?
510
00:31:31,510 --> 00:31:34,870
Because coke is more dependable
than the electricities.
511
00:31:35,350 --> 00:31:37,270
But it don't burn! Look!
512
00:31:37,750 --> 00:31:39,190
Mama, Mama.
513
00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:42,070
All is needing is methylating spirits.
514
00:31:42,070 --> 00:31:43,510
Wait.
515
00:31:44,950 --> 00:31:46,390
Watching.
516
00:31:47,830 --> 00:31:49,750
So, cook. Cook!
517
00:31:51,670 --> 00:31:53,590
- ( Sizzling )
- Argh!
518
00:31:55,990 --> 00:31:57,430
Excuse me, Monsieur P�p�.
519
00:31:57,910 --> 00:32:00,310
We were wondering about dinner.
They're waiting.
520
00:32:00,310 --> 00:32:05,110
I'm sorry, Mr Farki-Hars. It's late, I know,
but we are having troubles with the stove.
521
00:32:05,590 --> 00:32:07,510
It's all cock, you see.
522
00:32:07,510 --> 00:32:10,870
- I beg your pardon?
- Yes, and with no wind, it is not burning.
523
00:32:10,870 --> 00:32:12,790
Oh, you mean coke. Coke stove.
524
00:32:13,270 --> 00:32:15,190
Yes, is right. Cock stove.
525
00:32:15,190 --> 00:32:16,630
But not to worry. Is all right now.
526
00:32:17,110 --> 00:32:19,510
Soon you have first-class number-nine dinners.
527
00:32:19,510 --> 00:32:21,910
- Number nine? Oh, good.
- With free wines.
528
00:32:22,390 --> 00:32:23,350
Excellent.
529
00:32:23,350 --> 00:32:26,230
- I'll tell them.
- Giorgio!
530
00:32:26,230 --> 00:32:31,030
Putting one bottle on each table,
with the compliments of the mismanagement.
531
00:32:31,030 --> 00:32:32,470
Yes, Papa.
532
00:32:32,470 --> 00:32:34,870
Mama, Mama! Hurry with the soups.
533
00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:42,550
If you'd all like to take your places.
You'll find the seats clearly marked.
534
00:32:42,550 --> 00:32:44,950
Yes, I'm three.
535
00:32:45,430 --> 00:32:47,350
Here we are.
536
00:32:52,150 --> 00:32:54,550
Ah, good evening, ladies and gentlemens.
537
00:32:55,030 --> 00:32:56,950
Bon app�tits. Bon app�tits.
538
00:33:00,790 --> 00:33:02,710
Well, it seems we're sitting with you.
539
00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:05,110
Well, that's the luck of the draw.
540
00:33:05,110 --> 00:33:07,030
I haven't been introduced.
541
00:33:07,030 --> 00:33:11,350
My name is Blunt. Stanley Blunt.
This is the wife, Evelyn.
542
00:33:11,350 --> 00:33:12,790
Delighted to meet you.
543
00:33:14,230 --> 00:33:15,190
Vic?
544
00:33:16,150 --> 00:33:17,110
Vic!
545
00:33:17,110 --> 00:33:19,510
- What?
- How about an introduction?
546
00:33:19,990 --> 00:33:21,430
What are you talking about? You know me.
547
00:33:21,910 --> 00:33:23,350
To Mr and Mrs Blunt.
548
00:33:23,830 --> 00:33:26,230
Who are they? Oh!
549
00:33:26,230 --> 00:33:29,110
How do you do? I'm Vic. Vic Flange.
550
00:33:29,590 --> 00:33:31,990
This is the wife. Don't laugh. ( Laughs )
551
00:33:37,270 --> 00:33:39,190
Oh! I'm with you.
552
00:33:43,030 --> 00:33:44,470
( Nervously ) That's nice.
553
00:33:44,470 --> 00:33:46,870
I expect it's because we're on our own.
554
00:33:46,870 --> 00:33:49,270
Well, I'm not on my own. I'm with Tuttle.
555
00:33:49,270 --> 00:33:52,630
- Oh, I see.
- No, he's supposed to sit here with us.
556
00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:55,030
Oh, well, there is safety in numbers.
557
00:33:55,030 --> 00:33:56,470
I hope so.
558
00:33:58,390 --> 00:34:01,270
- Vino.
- Ah, excellent. The wine.
559
00:34:01,270 --> 00:34:07,510
"Spanish-type, Australian -French Burgundy.
Produce of Hong Kong."
560
00:34:16,150 --> 00:34:17,590
Clumsy.
561
00:34:19,510 --> 00:34:21,910
Beautiful wine for a beautiful lady.
562
00:34:24,790 --> 00:34:27,670
Well, was that supposed to be a compliment?
563
00:34:27,670 --> 00:34:29,110
You'd better taste the wine first.
564
00:34:29,110 --> 00:34:31,990
( Laughs ) Better watch it.
He'll be pinching your bottom next.
565
00:34:33,430 --> 00:34:35,830
- Not for me, thank you.
- No? Don't drink?
566
00:34:35,830 --> 00:34:37,750
I tried it once and didn't like it.
567
00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:39,670
Oh. Have a smoke?
568
00:34:40,150 --> 00:34:42,070
I tried it once and didn't like it.
569
00:34:42,070 --> 00:34:45,430
- Strange.
- Not at all. My daughter is just the same.
570
00:34:45,430 --> 00:34:47,830
Your only child, I presume. ( Laughs )
571
00:34:48,310 --> 00:34:50,230
( Laughs )
572
00:34:51,670 --> 00:34:54,070
( Snorts )
573
00:34:56,470 --> 00:34:59,350
Oh! Just in the nick of.
574
00:34:59,830 --> 00:35:01,270
( Smoothly ) Hello.
575
00:35:04,150 --> 00:35:06,070
Hot soups.
576
00:35:07,990 --> 00:35:11,350
- Is good.
- Better get in quick, before it evaporates.
577
00:35:11,350 --> 00:35:16,150
For what we are about to receive,
O Lord, make us truly thankful.
578
00:35:18,550 --> 00:35:20,950
I don't think He could have heard you.
579
00:35:27,190 --> 00:35:29,110
Er... what is this?
580
00:35:29,590 --> 00:35:32,470
Soups. What you are calling Brown Bristols.
581
00:35:32,470 --> 00:35:34,870
No, Windsor. Brown Windsor.
582
00:35:34,870 --> 00:35:39,670
- Yes, yes. Is good, no?
- No, we expected some foreign food.
583
00:35:39,670 --> 00:35:43,990
Foreign? That's foreign.
You are not thinking we eating this rubbish?
584
00:35:43,990 --> 00:35:47,350
Well, I hope you show more imagination
with the main dish.
585
00:35:47,350 --> 00:35:50,230
- Ah, that is specialities of the house.
- Ah.
586
00:35:50,710 --> 00:35:52,630
Sausage, beans and chippings.
587
00:35:52,630 --> 00:35:54,550
- Is that all?
- That's plenties.
588
00:35:54,550 --> 00:35:56,470
But isn't there a choice?
589
00:35:56,950 --> 00:35:58,870
Choice? Of course you having choices.
590
00:35:58,870 --> 00:36:03,670
You can having sausage and chippings,
sausage and beans, or beans and chippings.
591
00:36:03,670 --> 00:36:05,590
That's choices.
592
00:36:08,470 --> 00:36:10,390
Choices!
593
00:36:10,390 --> 00:36:15,190
No, not again! Mama, why are you not using
methylatings like I am telling you?
594
00:36:17,110 --> 00:36:19,030
Is no good!
595
00:36:19,030 --> 00:36:21,430
Is... good!
596
00:36:21,430 --> 00:36:24,310
Standing back. Look. Back.
597
00:36:26,230 --> 00:36:28,150
What's happening?
598
00:36:28,150 --> 00:36:30,550
This is not methylatings. This is vinos.
599
00:36:31,030 --> 00:36:32,950
Blooding fools!
600
00:36:32,950 --> 00:36:36,310
( Both cough )
601
00:36:43,510 --> 00:36:46,870
Please excusings.
There's slight technical hitchings.
602
00:36:48,310 --> 00:36:50,230
( All cough )
603
00:36:50,230 --> 00:36:54,070
Oh, for heaven's sake,
let's open some windows.
604
00:36:55,510 --> 00:36:57,430
Ow! Oh, I've been bitten.
605
00:36:57,430 --> 00:36:59,350
( Buzzing )
606
00:36:59,350 --> 00:37:01,270
Mosquitoes. Millions of 'em.
607
00:37:08,470 --> 00:37:10,870
Well, everything is all right now, no?
608
00:37:13,750 --> 00:37:16,630
Who is opening the blooding windows?
609
00:37:17,590 --> 00:37:20,470
Floella! Giorgio! Getting the flick!
610
00:37:45,910 --> 00:37:48,310
( Clanking and whirring )
611
00:37:52,630 --> 00:37:54,070
What the hell is that?
612
00:37:55,990 --> 00:37:57,910
Five o'clock!
613
00:37:57,910 --> 00:37:59,350
( Drilling )
614
00:38:05,110 --> 00:38:07,030
It's five o'clock.
615
00:38:11,350 --> 00:38:14,230
( Buzzing )
616
00:38:14,710 --> 00:38:16,150
Stanley.
617
00:38:16,630 --> 00:38:18,550
- ( Snoring )
- Stanley!
618
00:38:23,830 --> 00:38:26,230
- Stanley...
- Uh?
619
00:38:26,710 --> 00:38:28,630
Do you want something, dear?
620
00:38:28,630 --> 00:38:32,950
( Shouts ) Will you get out of bed
and do something about that dreadful noise?
621
00:38:32,950 --> 00:38:34,870
( Buzzing )
622
00:38:36,790 --> 00:38:38,230
( Drilling )
623
00:38:38,230 --> 00:38:40,630
My head! It's splitting.
624
00:38:40,630 --> 00:38:43,510
Oh, what a shocking noise!
625
00:38:43,510 --> 00:38:45,910
Can you hear it, too?
626
00:38:45,910 --> 00:38:48,310
Well, I'm not standing for that.
627
00:38:53,110 --> 00:38:54,550
( Gasps )
628
00:39:19,030 --> 00:39:20,470
( Drilling )
629
00:39:20,470 --> 00:39:22,870
Come on. We might as well get out of bed.
630
00:39:31,030 --> 00:39:33,430
- Lily!
- What? Argh!
631
00:39:49,270 --> 00:39:50,710
Vic! Vic!
632
00:39:50,710 --> 00:39:52,630
Look up there.
633
00:39:54,550 --> 00:39:56,470
( Voice drowned out )
634
00:40:04,630 --> 00:40:06,550
- Moira!
- What is it?
635
00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:07,990
Look out!
636
00:40:10,870 --> 00:40:14,230
Oh, really! Haven't they
ever seen anyone washing before?
637
00:40:15,670 --> 00:40:17,590
Monsieur P�p�, I want a word with you.
638
00:40:18,070 --> 00:40:21,910
Mr Farki-Hars! If it's for complimenting
on breakfast, it was nothings.
639
00:40:21,910 --> 00:40:26,230
Oh, you're so right. It was nothings.
No, it's about all this building noise.
640
00:40:26,230 --> 00:40:30,550
It... it's all right, Mr Farki-Hars.
Work is now stopped till Monday morning.
641
00:40:30,550 --> 00:40:32,950
Oh, well, that's one blessing.
642
00:40:32,950 --> 00:40:35,830
I understanding, sir. You like a peace.
643
00:40:35,830 --> 00:40:38,230
No... not just at the moment, thank you.
644
00:40:38,230 --> 00:40:40,630
Peace and quiet. No noises.
645
00:40:40,630 --> 00:40:43,030
Oh, yes! Yes, exactly.
646
00:40:47,350 --> 00:40:48,790
Ah.
647
00:40:49,270 --> 00:40:51,670
Welcome, sir. Are you two on your own here?
648
00:40:51,670 --> 00:40:54,070
- Yeah.
- Yes. What about it?
649
00:40:54,550 --> 00:40:56,470
You like to meet nice girls? Elsbels?
650
00:40:56,470 --> 00:40:58,870
- Yeah, great.
- Certainly not.
651
00:41:00,310 --> 00:41:03,190
What kind of a person does he think I am,
anyway?
652
00:41:08,470 --> 00:41:11,830
I have never had such a night.
I am absolutely covered with bites.
653
00:41:12,310 --> 00:41:16,150
- What have you been up to, you old devil?
- ( Tuts ) Mosquito bites. Look.
654
00:41:17,590 --> 00:41:21,430
Trouble with mosquitoes - no taste.
I mean, they don't care who they bite.
655
00:41:21,430 --> 00:41:23,830
Well, they're eating better than we are.
656
00:41:23,830 --> 00:41:26,230
I think I'm going up to change now.
657
00:41:26,230 --> 00:41:29,590
And in the meantime, Stanley,
do something about our room.
658
00:41:29,590 --> 00:41:32,470
I was cold in the night,
and there was no hot water.
659
00:41:32,470 --> 00:41:35,350
The toilet doesn't flush. That coffee is cold.
660
00:41:35,350 --> 00:41:37,270
Oh, and that sun is too hot.
661
00:41:39,190 --> 00:41:41,590
Apart from that, she's having a great time.
662
00:41:48,790 --> 00:41:52,630
Well, I think I'll just go up and grab a bit of fun.
Er... sun.
663
00:41:54,070 --> 00:41:56,470
Bring my sun cream when you come.
664
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:58,390
VIC: All right, love.
665
00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:04,630
Do you know, Mrs Flange,
you're an extremely handsome woman?
666
00:42:04,630 --> 00:42:05,590
Really?
667
00:42:05,590 --> 00:42:09,430
I might even go so far as to say... desirable.
668
00:42:09,910 --> 00:42:11,830
Fancy. Another roll?
669
00:42:11,830 --> 00:42:16,150
- Do you believe in free love?
- I prefer bacon and eggs. To rolls, I mean.
670
00:42:16,150 --> 00:42:19,510
- You're not answering my question, Mrs Flange.
- Not so fattening.
671
00:42:19,510 --> 00:42:21,430
Do you believe in free love?
672
00:42:21,430 --> 00:42:23,830
Well, I'm certainly not paying for it.
673
00:42:23,830 --> 00:42:26,230
( Both laugh )
674
00:42:29,590 --> 00:42:31,510
( Shrieks ) Mr Blunt!
675
00:42:31,990 --> 00:42:33,910
I'm sure your wife wouldn't like that.
676
00:42:34,390 --> 00:42:36,790
That's just it. She doesn't.
677
00:42:36,790 --> 00:42:39,190
Yes, well, I think I'll go to my room.
678
00:42:39,190 --> 00:42:41,110
Good idea.
679
00:42:41,110 --> 00:42:43,030
Five minutes?
680
00:42:43,030 --> 00:42:45,430
Yes. Er... no! No, I'll...
681
00:42:45,910 --> 00:42:47,830
I'll see you down here later.
682
00:42:57,430 --> 00:43:00,310
- ( He growls )
- What are you doing here?
683
00:43:01,750 --> 00:43:05,110
I've just come to have a little talk with you,
that's all.
684
00:43:05,110 --> 00:43:07,510
Well, I don't want to waste time talking to you.
685
00:43:07,510 --> 00:43:09,910
Good, cos I've only got a couple of minutes.
686
00:43:09,910 --> 00:43:11,350
- Oh, no, you don't.
- What's wrong?
687
00:43:11,350 --> 00:43:13,270
I've got a bone to pick with you, Vic.
688
00:43:13,750 --> 00:43:15,190
Fine. I could do with a nibble.
689
00:43:15,670 --> 00:43:18,550
- I had a chat this morning with Bert Conway.
- What about it?
690
00:43:18,550 --> 00:43:22,390
He said you told him I drowned
my first husband in a swimming pool.
691
00:43:22,870 --> 00:43:25,270
You told him you poisoned your second one.
692
00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:28,150
Well, that was before I knew
he was the only available man.
693
00:43:28,150 --> 00:43:31,510
Oh, have a heart.
It wasn't my fault my wife decided to come.
694
00:43:31,510 --> 00:43:34,390
- Well, I didn't invite her.
- What did you tell Conway?
695
00:43:34,390 --> 00:43:37,270
The truth. You know perfectly well
what my husbands were.
696
00:43:37,270 --> 00:43:39,190
Yes. They were both firemen.
697
00:43:39,190 --> 00:43:42,070
That's right, and both of them died on the job.
698
00:43:43,510 --> 00:43:45,910
- Oh, Sadie...
CORA: Vic, are you in the bathroom?
699
00:43:45,910 --> 00:43:48,790
Oh, cor blimey! Get back inside. Quick.
700
00:43:50,230 --> 00:43:54,070
I... er... I think you dropped something.
701
00:43:56,470 --> 00:43:59,830
Good thing I came along,
because she mightn't have noticed.
702
00:43:59,830 --> 00:44:01,750
Cora, Cora, just a minute.
703
00:44:03,190 --> 00:44:05,590
I say, that's interesting, Brother Bernard.
704
00:44:05,590 --> 00:44:10,390
There are directions for finding the tomb
of St Cecilia, the founder of our order.
705
00:44:10,390 --> 00:44:11,830
( Dully ) Oh, that's nice.
706
00:44:11,830 --> 00:44:14,710
Isn't it?
"It is believed to lie in the middle of the island.
707
00:44:14,710 --> 00:44:18,070
about five miles north of the port of Elsbels."
708
00:44:18,070 --> 00:44:20,950
If we follow them,
I think we might get somewhere.
709
00:44:20,950 --> 00:44:23,350
Do you think we should?
710
00:44:23,350 --> 00:44:25,750
Ah, well, that is what we came for, isn't it?
711
00:44:25,750 --> 00:44:29,110
Is it? I thought we were going
to find the tomb of St Cecilia.
712
00:44:29,110 --> 00:44:31,030
That is what I am talking about.
713
00:44:31,510 --> 00:44:34,870
Oh, I'm sorry, Brother Martin.
I was thinking of something else.
714
00:44:34,870 --> 00:44:39,670
If we made an early start,
perhaps we could have lunch in the village.
715
00:44:39,670 --> 00:44:42,070
- You fancy that, Brother Bernard?
- Not half.
716
00:44:43,510 --> 00:44:45,910
- Well, let's get started, then.
- Are we going?
717
00:44:46,390 --> 00:44:50,230
- Of course. I've just said so.
- Well, I'll just finish my coffee.
718
00:44:50,230 --> 00:44:55,030
BROTHER MARTIN: All right. We'll all meet
in front of the hotel in ten minutes' time.
719
00:44:56,470 --> 00:44:58,870
- LILY: Hello.
- Hello.
720
00:44:58,870 --> 00:45:00,790
Lovely, isn't it?
721
00:45:00,790 --> 00:45:02,710
Yes, beautiful.
722
00:45:05,110 --> 00:45:07,990
Come along, Nicholas.
You promised to help me do my hair.
723
00:45:07,990 --> 00:45:09,430
Ah, push off.
724
00:45:09,910 --> 00:45:11,830
I see.
725
00:45:23,830 --> 00:45:25,270
Ahem.
726
00:45:25,270 --> 00:45:27,190
Oh, hello.
727
00:45:27,670 --> 00:45:31,030
Morning. I'd just like to apologise to your friend
about her skirt.
728
00:45:31,510 --> 00:45:33,430
Oh, forget it. Shh.
729
00:45:33,910 --> 00:45:36,790
Why don't you get some clothes off
and get some sun?
730
00:45:36,790 --> 00:45:39,670
- No, I couldn't do that.
- Are you really a clergyman?
731
00:45:39,670 --> 00:45:42,550
- No, I'm a brother.
- Oh, you mean a monk?
732
00:45:42,550 --> 00:45:46,870
Well, not exactly. It's an order.
We do missionary work.
733
00:45:46,870 --> 00:45:49,270
Oh. Saving fallen women and all that?
734
00:45:49,270 --> 00:45:51,190
Well, that's part of it, I suppose.
735
00:45:51,190 --> 00:45:53,590
- How many have you saved?
- None. I've just joined.
736
00:45:54,070 --> 00:45:57,430
- Well, if you want to start on us, you're too late.
- I know that.
737
00:45:58,390 --> 00:46:02,230
What I mean is, I'm sure you're both capable
of taking care of yourselves.
738
00:46:02,710 --> 00:46:06,070
I haven't got much option here!
Would you do my back for me?
739
00:46:06,070 --> 00:46:07,510
What?
740
00:46:07,510 --> 00:46:09,430
Oh, yes, of course.
741
00:46:18,070 --> 00:46:20,470
Ooh, that's smashing!
742
00:46:24,790 --> 00:46:26,230
Brother Bernard!
743
00:46:29,110 --> 00:46:30,070
( Squeals )
744
00:46:31,030 --> 00:46:32,470
Oh, that moron!
745
00:46:46,390 --> 00:46:49,270
Good morning, Mrs Blunt.
746
00:46:49,270 --> 00:46:51,190
Oh.
747
00:46:54,550 --> 00:46:56,470
- Stanley.
- Yes, my dear?
748
00:46:56,470 --> 00:46:58,390
I'll have my chair over there.
749
00:47:03,190 --> 00:47:06,550
Oh, Bert, you must tell me about your hobby.
I just adore old prints.
750
00:47:07,030 --> 00:47:09,910
- Really?
- Mm. I've got a couple of beauties.
751
00:47:09,910 --> 00:47:12,790
- Yes, I noticed that!
- Oh, saucy!
752
00:47:13,270 --> 00:47:15,190
There we are.
753
00:47:15,670 --> 00:47:17,590
Now, how's that, dear?
754
00:47:17,590 --> 00:47:19,510
No. Too much in the sun.
755
00:47:19,510 --> 00:47:21,430
Oh. Excuse me.
756
00:47:21,430 --> 00:47:23,350
Thank you. There we are.
757
00:47:23,350 --> 00:47:24,790
Right.
758
00:47:24,790 --> 00:47:26,710
Is that all right now, dear?
759
00:47:26,710 --> 00:47:29,110
Too much in the shade.
760
00:47:41,590 --> 00:47:44,950
- Don't bother to ask me if I'd like a chair!
- I wasn't going to.
761
00:47:46,390 --> 00:47:48,790
Oh, Cora, come here. Don't be stupid.
762
00:47:48,790 --> 00:47:50,710
( Bert laughs )
763
00:47:54,550 --> 00:47:56,470
Morning, everybody. ( Chuckles )
764
00:48:00,310 --> 00:48:02,230
Hang on. Let me give you a hand.
765
00:48:02,230 --> 00:48:05,110
( Angrily ) Oh, I can manage, thank you!
766
00:48:10,390 --> 00:48:12,310
Er... may I help you, Mrs Flange?
767
00:48:12,790 --> 00:48:14,710
Oh, thank you very much, Mr Blunt.
768
00:48:24,310 --> 00:48:26,230
Thank you.
769
00:48:27,670 --> 00:48:29,110
( Mutters )
770
00:48:58,870 --> 00:49:00,310
( Belches )
771
00:49:03,190 --> 00:49:07,990
Hello. Hello. Good morning, everybody.
What a lovely day!
772
00:49:09,910 --> 00:49:15,190
- Oh. Well, yes, that's right, enjoy the sunshine.
- That's something you can't muck up.
773
00:49:15,190 --> 00:49:19,030
Ah, well, Wundatours
especially chose Elsbels for a holiday weekend
774
00:49:19,510 --> 00:49:22,390
because of its wonderful sunshine record.
775
00:49:22,390 --> 00:49:23,830
( Thunder )
776
00:49:26,710 --> 00:49:29,110
( Shrieking and screaming )
777
00:49:32,470 --> 00:49:34,390
It's only a shower. It'll clear up later.
778
00:49:34,870 --> 00:49:36,790
It's probably raining in London.
779
00:49:43,990 --> 00:49:47,830
Don't blame me. It wasn't my fault
we couldn't find the wretched tomb.
780
00:49:48,310 --> 00:49:51,670
- Perhaps it got buried.
- Of course it did. It's underground.
781
00:49:51,670 --> 00:49:53,590
Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow.
782
00:49:53,590 --> 00:49:56,950
If we don't have to spend half the day
looking for a toilet for you.
783
00:49:56,950 --> 00:49:59,830
Well, I couldn't help that.
After all, I'm only human.
784
00:49:59,830 --> 00:50:01,750
Sometimes I doubt that very much.
785
00:50:01,750 --> 00:50:04,630
Here, that was underground.
Do you suppose it could...
786
00:50:04,630 --> 00:50:07,030
Well, it was just a thought.
787
00:50:09,430 --> 00:50:10,390
Still raining, I'm afraid.
788
00:50:10,870 --> 00:50:12,790
Oh, how I loathe excursions.
789
00:50:12,790 --> 00:50:17,110
Traipsing round filthy foreign markets,
sitting in sordid nightclubs.
790
00:50:17,110 --> 00:50:21,430
Yes, well, I mean... you don't have to go
if you don't want to, do you? Hm?
791
00:50:23,830 --> 00:50:25,750
I shall be quite all right on my own.
792
00:50:25,750 --> 00:50:29,590
Well, what else is there to do?
Sit around here, doing crosswords?
793
00:50:29,590 --> 00:50:33,430
Well, it's getting on for seven.
Oughtn't you to be... you know?
794
00:50:33,430 --> 00:50:36,310
I am waiting for you to go,
so that I can get dressed.
795
00:50:38,710 --> 00:50:40,150
( Thunder )
796
00:50:42,070 --> 00:50:43,510
Hello.
797
00:50:51,670 --> 00:50:54,070
I don't know why you encourage that big nit.
798
00:50:54,550 --> 00:50:55,990
Oh, he's nice.
799
00:50:57,910 --> 00:51:01,270
I knew it was a mistake coming here with you.
Anything in trousers.
800
00:51:01,270 --> 00:51:04,630
Hark who's talking!
Anyway, he's not wearing trousers.
801
00:51:08,470 --> 00:51:10,870
( Sadie giggles )
802
00:51:31,510 --> 00:51:33,910
Do you mind if I sit next to you?
803
00:51:33,910 --> 00:51:35,830
Not at all, Mr Blunt.
804
00:51:36,310 --> 00:51:40,150
I feel you're the only person
I've got anything in common with on this trip.
805
00:51:40,150 --> 00:51:43,990
Well, thank you very much.
It's very nice of you to say so, Mrs Flange.
806
00:51:43,990 --> 00:51:46,870
( Chuckles ) Good! Now I've heard everything.
807
00:51:47,350 --> 00:51:49,750
Well, thank goodness it's stopped raining.
808
00:51:49,750 --> 00:51:52,150
Right. Everyone here, Miss Plunkett?
809
00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:53,590
Yes, I think so.
810
00:51:54,070 --> 00:51:57,430
- What about your wife?
- Oh, that's all right. She's not coming.
811
00:51:57,910 --> 00:51:59,830
She... she has a headache.
812
00:51:59,830 --> 00:52:04,150
- Makes a change from a pain in the neck.
- Wait for me! Wait for me!
813
00:52:06,070 --> 00:52:07,990
All right, driver. Off we go.
814
00:52:19,510 --> 00:52:22,870
- Have they gone?
- Yes. Oh, I'm sorry, lady.
815
00:52:22,870 --> 00:52:25,750
Oh, how dare they! Where is Monsieur P�p�?
816
00:52:25,750 --> 00:52:29,110
Not here. They have gone out for the evening.
817
00:52:29,110 --> 00:52:33,430
What am I going to do? How could Stanley
do this to me? How could he?
818
00:52:33,910 --> 00:52:35,830
Er... just a minute, lady, please.
819
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:38,710
You like?
820
00:52:39,190 --> 00:52:40,630
Champagne?
821
00:52:40,630 --> 00:52:43,990
Yeah. Make you feel very good. Very happy.
822
00:52:43,990 --> 00:52:45,910
Oh, no, I never...
823
00:52:48,310 --> 00:52:50,230
Yes.
824
00:52:50,230 --> 00:52:53,590
All right, I will. Thank you, Giorgio.
825
00:52:53,590 --> 00:52:55,030
Good.
826
00:53:10,390 --> 00:53:14,230
Excuse me, mister.
You like postcards? Very interesting.
827
00:53:14,230 --> 00:53:16,150
Oh, yes. Miss Plunkett!
828
00:53:16,150 --> 00:53:18,550
- Didn't you want one for your mother?
- Yes.
829
00:53:18,550 --> 00:53:21,430
Thank... Oh! Oh!
830
00:53:21,910 --> 00:53:24,790
- Any good?
- No, I'm afraid they're quite unsuitable.
831
00:53:24,790 --> 00:53:27,670
- Oh, are they naughty? Do let me see.
- Certainly not.
832
00:53:27,670 --> 00:53:29,590
You filthy beast! Be off with you.
833
00:53:29,590 --> 00:53:33,430
I'm terribly sorry, Miss Plunkett.
I should have known better.
834
00:53:33,430 --> 00:53:35,350
What can you do with a man like that?
835
00:53:35,350 --> 00:53:37,750
Nothing.
But I know what you can do with a man like me.
836
00:53:38,230 --> 00:53:41,110
Mr Flange,
may I remind you you have your wife here?
837
00:53:41,110 --> 00:53:43,990
Yeah.
That's what you can do with a man like me!
838
00:53:46,390 --> 00:53:50,230
Oh, Bert, you mustn't. It's much too expensive.
839
00:53:50,230 --> 00:53:54,550
- Nonsense. Here, let me put it on for you.
- Oh, thank you.
840
00:53:57,910 --> 00:53:59,830
You've got to have the bracelet, too.
841
00:53:59,830 --> 00:54:01,270
Oh, no, I mustn't.
842
00:54:01,750 --> 00:54:03,670
Oh, come on. Let me put it on for you.
843
00:54:05,110 --> 00:54:07,030
Oh, there you go.
844
00:54:07,030 --> 00:54:10,390
- All right?
- It's beautiful.
845
00:54:10,390 --> 00:54:13,270
You know, I could buy everything here!
846
00:54:13,270 --> 00:54:18,550
Oh, look at this lovely lace set.
847
00:54:18,550 --> 00:54:20,470
Oh, very nice.
848
00:54:20,470 --> 00:54:22,390
Here. Let me put it...
849
00:54:22,390 --> 00:54:25,270
No, thanks. You've bought me quite enough.
850
00:54:25,270 --> 00:54:28,630
I wonder what this is. Santa Cecilia's Elixir.
851
00:54:28,630 --> 00:54:31,030
Oh, some local quack medicine, I suppose.
852
00:54:31,030 --> 00:54:34,870
Oh, no, sir. Is not medicine. Is for l'amoura.
853
00:54:34,870 --> 00:54:35,830
Pardon?
854
00:54:35,830 --> 00:54:40,150
Liqueur... for making plenty of passion.
855
00:54:40,150 --> 00:54:41,590
Get away.
856
00:54:42,070 --> 00:54:44,470
Yeah. You try, sir. Is good.
857
00:54:48,310 --> 00:54:50,230
Drink it. Drink it.
858
00:54:52,630 --> 00:54:54,070
Anything happened?
859
00:55:04,150 --> 00:55:05,590
( Growls )
860
00:55:11,350 --> 00:55:13,270
CORA: Oh, I wonder what that place is.
861
00:55:13,270 --> 00:55:15,670
The one with the red light outside.
862
00:55:17,110 --> 00:55:20,950
Oh... er... I expect that's the local fire station.
863
00:55:20,950 --> 00:55:22,870
Well, there are girls in there.
864
00:55:23,350 --> 00:55:26,710
Mm? Oh, I expect they're the fire belles.
865
00:55:26,710 --> 00:55:30,550
( Laughs ) Oh, Stanley, you're so witty!
866
00:55:30,550 --> 00:55:33,430
CORA: Oh, look.
867
00:55:33,430 --> 00:55:34,870
Woo-hoo!
868
00:55:35,350 --> 00:55:36,310
Hello!
869
00:55:36,790 --> 00:55:38,710
Come in. It's nice inside.
870
00:55:38,710 --> 00:55:42,550
Come and have some fun.
Come on, boy. Come in.
871
00:55:45,430 --> 00:55:49,750
That was a delicious meal, Giorgio. Perfect.
872
00:55:50,230 --> 00:55:52,150
And for a perfectly delicious lady.
873
00:55:52,630 --> 00:55:57,430
( Chuckles ) Do you know,
I'm glad I missed that horrid bus now.
874
00:55:57,430 --> 00:55:59,350
I too am glad.
875
00:55:59,350 --> 00:56:01,270
# Romantic music #
876
00:56:01,270 --> 00:56:03,190
May I, please?
877
00:56:03,670 --> 00:56:06,070
Well, it's been some time since I...
878
00:56:06,070 --> 00:56:07,990
Yes, please.
879
00:56:44,470 --> 00:56:47,350
Well, here we all are.
Everybody enjoying themselves?
880
00:56:47,350 --> 00:56:48,790
No.
881
00:56:48,790 --> 00:56:51,190
- Oh. Well, how about you?
- No.
882
00:56:51,190 --> 00:56:53,590
Well, never mind.
It's the nightclub soon.
883
00:56:55,510 --> 00:56:57,910
( Drunkenly ) What have you done with my wife?
884
00:56:57,910 --> 00:56:59,830
Me? I'm afraid I haven't the foggiest idea.
885
00:57:00,310 --> 00:57:03,190
Don't give me that.
She's with that twit Blunt, isn't she?
886
00:57:03,190 --> 00:57:05,590
I really don't know, Mr Flange.
887
00:57:06,070 --> 00:57:08,470
Oh, there's Miss Plunkett. Perhaps she'll know.
888
00:57:08,470 --> 00:57:11,830
- Miss Plunkett!
- Coming, Mr Farquhar.
889
00:57:12,310 --> 00:57:14,710
Let's see. How many more are we to come?
890
00:57:14,710 --> 00:57:16,630
I'm not leaving without my wife!
891
00:57:17,110 --> 00:57:19,990
Yes, all right, Mr Flange. All right.
892
00:57:20,470 --> 00:57:26,230
( Shouting ) Dirty pig! You insult my fine ladies.
893
00:57:26,230 --> 00:57:28,150
We were only playing leapfrog.
894
00:57:28,150 --> 00:57:30,070
Porco! Pig!
895
00:57:30,550 --> 00:57:32,950
Oh, that settles it.
896
00:57:33,430 --> 00:57:34,390
Charge!
897
00:57:34,870 --> 00:57:36,790
FARQUHAR: Oh, no, Mr Tuttle!
898
00:57:36,790 --> 00:57:39,670
- They'll kill him!
- We'd better get in there quick.
899
00:57:39,670 --> 00:57:42,070
That's the best idea I've heard today.
900
00:57:42,070 --> 00:57:43,990
Wait for me.
901
00:57:43,990 --> 00:57:46,390
Mr Tuttle's in there.
902
00:57:46,390 --> 00:57:49,270
- What's going on?
- Oh, your husband's in there.
903
00:57:49,270 --> 00:57:51,670
- What?!
- With Mr Conway and Mr Tuttle.
904
00:57:51,670 --> 00:57:54,070
Oh, well, he's coming right out of there.
905
00:57:55,990 --> 00:57:57,910
( Madame Fifi shouts )
906
00:57:57,910 --> 00:57:59,830
( Vic laughs )
907
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:03,190
Put him down! Get off, will you?
908
00:58:04,630 --> 00:58:06,550
If you please!
909
00:58:11,350 --> 00:58:13,750
Nicholas! Nicholas, come back. You'll get hurt!
910
00:58:14,230 --> 00:58:16,630
( Shouting and screaming )
911
00:58:31,510 --> 00:58:34,870
- Please! Let him go.
- Oh, shove off! Rescue somebody else.
912
00:58:37,750 --> 00:58:39,670
Oh, get off!
913
00:58:42,550 --> 00:58:44,470
Get off him!
914
00:58:47,830 --> 00:58:50,710
No, come away. Listen, dear. Come away.
915
00:58:55,030 --> 00:58:56,950
Oh, dear! Oh!
916
00:59:03,190 --> 00:59:05,110
( Blows whistle )
917
00:59:10,870 --> 00:59:12,790
Get off!
918
00:59:14,710 --> 00:59:16,630
( Screams )
919
00:59:24,790 --> 00:59:26,230
Excuse me.
920
00:59:39,190 --> 00:59:43,510
Argh! No! Aargh!
921
00:59:45,430 --> 00:59:47,350
( Bell chimes )
922
00:59:53,110 --> 00:59:55,030
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
923
00:59:55,030 --> 00:59:56,950
( Clamouring voices )
924
00:59:57,430 --> 00:59:58,870
Please! Please!
925
00:59:59,350 --> 01:00:01,270
One at a time, gentlemen. No?
926
01:00:01,270 --> 01:00:06,070
Yes. Please, let me handle this. All right?
It doesn't do to antagonise these fellows.
927
01:00:06,070 --> 01:00:09,430
Now, then, to start off with,
I feel I should point out
928
01:00:09,430 --> 01:00:11,830
that we are all British subjects.
929
01:00:11,830 --> 01:00:15,190
I know, and you have my deepest sympathy.
930
01:00:15,190 --> 01:00:19,990
Yes, quite. Well, I don't want to make
an international incident out of this.
931
01:00:19,990 --> 01:00:22,870
That is most kind of you, sir.
932
01:00:22,870 --> 01:00:26,710
But I must protest most strongly
about being detained in this way.
933
01:00:26,710 --> 01:00:28,150
Naturally, sir.
934
01:00:28,150 --> 01:00:31,510
I realise you were only doing
what you thought to be your duty,
935
01:00:31,990 --> 01:00:33,910
and, provided you release us immediately,
936
01:00:33,910 --> 01:00:38,710
I think I can safely promise you
you will hear no more about it.
937
01:00:39,190 --> 01:00:41,590
Oh, that is a most kind gesture, sir.
938
01:00:41,590 --> 01:00:43,990
I think we can safely make it.
939
01:00:44,470 --> 01:00:47,830
And now I will show you
that I too can make an appropriate gesture.
940
01:00:47,830 --> 01:00:48,790
Yes?
941
01:00:50,710 --> 01:00:52,150
Damned filth.
942
01:00:52,150 --> 01:00:54,550
How dare you? Do you know what you just did?
943
01:00:54,550 --> 01:00:57,430
Well, that is a fine old British gesture, no?
944
01:00:57,430 --> 01:01:01,750
You've tried my patience too far.
I know about you people. Give them a uniform,
945
01:01:02,230 --> 01:01:03,670
and they go power mad.
946
01:01:04,150 --> 01:01:09,910
Well, I'm not going to bandy words with an
idiotic, jumped-up popinjay like you any more.
947
01:01:09,910 --> 01:01:13,270
I demand to see the Chief of Police.
948
01:01:13,270 --> 01:01:15,670
I am the Chief of Police.
949
01:01:16,630 --> 01:01:18,070
BERT: You're doing well.
950
01:01:18,550 --> 01:01:19,510
Let me try.
951
01:01:19,510 --> 01:01:21,430
Chiefy.
952
01:01:21,430 --> 01:01:25,270
We know we're in a spot of bother,
but things can be arranged, can't they?
953
01:01:25,270 --> 01:01:26,710
Indeed, sir.
954
01:01:26,710 --> 01:01:30,070
Well, just tell us the charges
and we'll sort something out.
955
01:01:30,070 --> 01:01:31,990
With pleasure, sir.
956
01:01:31,990 --> 01:01:35,350
You are charged with disturbing the peace,
damage to property,
957
01:01:35,350 --> 01:01:39,190
and, most important of all,
assault upon the girls of Madame Fifi,
958
01:01:39,670 --> 01:01:42,550
thus resulting in a most serious loss of business.
959
01:01:42,550 --> 01:01:46,390
( Chuckles ) That's ridiculous.
You know very well they assaulted us.
960
01:01:46,390 --> 01:01:48,310
Oh, indeed, sir?
961
01:01:48,790 --> 01:01:52,630
Surely you don't doubt our word
against that of an old boiler that runs a bro...
962
01:01:52,630 --> 01:01:55,030
er... broken-down boarding house?
963
01:01:55,030 --> 01:01:57,910
Madame Fifi is my sister.
964
01:01:58,390 --> 01:01:59,830
Pass. Next, please.
965
01:02:00,310 --> 01:02:04,150
- Let me have a go.
- Oh, don't be ridiculous. What can you do?
966
01:02:04,150 --> 01:02:07,030
Well, at least I can be a little co-operative.
967
01:02:07,030 --> 01:02:09,430
Excuse me. Could I have a word with you?
968
01:02:09,430 --> 01:02:12,310
Oh, but of course. Please go ahead.
969
01:02:12,310 --> 01:02:16,150
It's rather personal.
Is there somewhere a little more private?
970
01:02:16,150 --> 01:02:18,070
Mm, with pleasure.
971
01:02:18,550 --> 01:02:20,470
This way, please.
972
01:02:36,790 --> 01:02:40,150
12:30. She's been gone for three hours.
973
01:02:40,630 --> 01:02:42,550
Well, what could they do to her?
974
01:02:42,550 --> 01:02:44,470
Oh, you don't know these foreign police.
975
01:02:44,950 --> 01:02:48,310
I knew a girl once. They got her in there
and shaved all her hair off.
976
01:02:48,310 --> 01:02:51,670
Well, I'm sure she's not having it off... Or am I?
977
01:02:55,510 --> 01:02:58,390
With the compliments of the Chief of Police.
978
01:02:59,830 --> 01:03:01,750
Hey, what a feast!
979
01:03:01,750 --> 01:03:03,670
FARQUHAR: We're not getting out, though.
980
01:03:03,670 --> 01:03:05,590
With grub like this, who wants to?
981
01:03:10,390 --> 01:03:12,790
Miss Plunkett! Are you all right?
982
01:03:12,790 --> 01:03:14,710
Why, yes. I think so, Mr Farquhar.
983
01:03:14,710 --> 01:03:18,550
- You swine! What have you been doing to her?
- Don't tell him.
984
01:03:18,550 --> 01:03:20,470
Do not worry, Mr Farquhar.
985
01:03:20,470 --> 01:03:22,390
I wish to tell you that you are free to go.
986
01:03:22,390 --> 01:03:25,750
Don't you dare threaten me. I'll...
Free to? Oh.
987
01:03:25,750 --> 01:03:28,150
If you are prepared to pay for the damages,
988
01:03:28,150 --> 01:03:31,030
then I am not going to bring any charges.
989
01:03:31,030 --> 01:03:33,910
Just when I was enjoying myself.
990
01:03:56,950 --> 01:03:59,350
Welcoming back, ladies and gentlemens.
991
01:03:59,350 --> 01:04:04,630
Tonight I am making for you great ravings-up,
for cheerings-up and raising the low spirits!
992
01:04:05,110 --> 01:04:06,070
No?
993
01:04:15,670 --> 01:04:18,070
Erm... have you seen my wife anywhere?
994
01:04:18,070 --> 01:04:19,510
No, sirs.
995
01:04:19,510 --> 01:04:21,910
Giorgio, you seeing Mrs Blunt?
996
01:04:21,910 --> 01:04:23,830
Not since this morning.
997
01:04:23,830 --> 01:04:26,230
Well, is our room key there?
998
01:04:26,710 --> 01:04:29,110
Oh, no, sir. Is gone.
999
01:04:29,590 --> 01:04:31,510
Giorgio, did you give it to her?
1000
01:04:31,510 --> 01:04:33,910
Not half, Papa.
1001
01:04:33,910 --> 01:04:35,830
( Humming romantic tune )
1002
01:04:37,750 --> 01:04:40,150
( Chuckles )
1003
01:04:50,710 --> 01:04:53,590
"Liquera por l'amoura." Let's have a go.
1004
01:04:57,910 --> 01:05:00,310
( Belches and splutters )
1005
01:05:04,630 --> 01:05:06,550
Oh, there you are, Stanley.
1006
01:05:07,990 --> 01:05:10,870
All right, all right! I'll do all the talking.
1007
01:05:12,790 --> 01:05:16,150
It was all my fault.
I told them to leave without you last night,
1008
01:05:16,630 --> 01:05:19,030
and what's more, I'm damn glad that I did it.
1009
01:05:19,030 --> 01:05:21,910
Oh, so am I, dear. Have some champagne.
1010
01:05:21,910 --> 01:05:24,310
I don't care about... Champagne?
1011
01:05:24,310 --> 01:05:26,230
It's wonderful stuff, Stanley.
1012
01:05:26,230 --> 01:05:29,590
What are you talking about?
Didn't you hear what I said?
1013
01:05:29,590 --> 01:05:31,990
It was all my fault that you were left behind.
1014
01:05:31,990 --> 01:05:34,870
All right, dear. I forgive you.
1015
01:05:34,870 --> 01:05:36,790
I don't want to be forgiven.
1016
01:05:36,790 --> 01:05:39,670
Then what do you want, dear?
1017
01:05:39,670 --> 01:05:41,590
I want to bloody well assert my manhood!
1018
01:05:42,070 --> 01:05:44,470
Oh, splendid, Stanley.
1019
01:05:46,390 --> 01:05:47,830
All right, then.
1020
01:05:55,510 --> 01:05:56,950
What is it, dear?
1021
01:05:58,870 --> 01:06:00,790
I've forgotten what you do.
1022
01:06:00,790 --> 01:06:03,670
I'm furious. Absolutely beside myself.
1023
01:06:04,150 --> 01:06:05,590
Yeah. Best place for you.
1024
01:06:05,590 --> 01:06:07,510
Look, I'm warning you, Nicholas.
1025
01:06:07,510 --> 01:06:10,870
If you take that little strumpet to the party,
I shall...
1026
01:06:10,870 --> 01:06:14,710
I shall take my ankle bracelet back.
Besides, you've never worn it.
1027
01:06:14,710 --> 01:06:16,630
Oh, come on. We'll have some fun.
1028
01:06:17,110 --> 01:06:20,470
For the last time, Bert Conway,
will you please get out of my room?
1029
01:06:20,470 --> 01:06:23,350
What's wrong?
Why won't you come to the party with me?
1030
01:06:23,350 --> 01:06:26,230
Because you only want one thing from me.
1031
01:06:26,230 --> 01:06:28,630
That's not true. I'm quite happy to have the lot.
1032
01:06:28,630 --> 01:06:31,990
Don't you understand?
I don't want just a quick roll in the hay.
1033
01:06:31,990 --> 01:06:34,390
I need something that's going to last.
1034
01:06:34,390 --> 01:06:38,230
Who says it's not going to last?
We don't go home till tomorrow afternoon.
1035
01:06:38,230 --> 01:06:40,630
Get out! Get out!
1036
01:06:42,550 --> 01:06:44,470
- Get out!
- No, no...
1037
01:06:44,470 --> 01:06:48,310
- Don't you dare come back!
- No, I was just...
1038
01:06:48,790 --> 01:06:51,190
Can I believe my ears?
1039
01:06:51,190 --> 01:06:55,030
You see nothing wrong or sinful
in taking this girl to the party?
1040
01:06:55,510 --> 01:06:57,910
Well, I don't know if it's going to be sinful
until I try.
1041
01:06:59,350 --> 01:07:03,190
Isn't it enough that you got into a fight over her?
You spent the night in prison.
1042
01:07:03,670 --> 01:07:06,070
- Oh, no, I want far more than that.
- What?!
1043
01:07:06,070 --> 01:07:08,470
Er... I mean... I...
1044
01:07:09,910 --> 01:07:13,750
I like her well enough to... get married.
1045
01:07:13,750 --> 01:07:16,150
Brother Bernard...
1046
01:07:16,150 --> 01:07:18,070
aren't you forgetting?
1047
01:07:18,070 --> 01:07:20,470
You are promised to our order.
1048
01:07:20,470 --> 01:07:22,870
You are going to be wedded to St Cecilia.
1049
01:07:22,870 --> 01:07:27,670
Yes, but from what I saw of her in the tomb...
I don't think she'll make a very good wife.
1050
01:07:52,630 --> 01:07:55,990
Carnival Night! Champagne punches.
1051
01:07:55,990 --> 01:07:59,350
Now he's the Richard Burton of Elsbels!
1052
01:08:02,230 --> 01:08:05,590
Listen, Floella, Mamas.
I only trying to send them home happilies.
1053
01:08:05,590 --> 01:08:07,990
We wanting them to remember this holidays.
1054
01:08:07,990 --> 01:08:10,870
Oh, they'll remember it, all right.
1055
01:08:10,870 --> 01:08:13,270
The only hotel with a night in prison thrown in!
1056
01:08:15,190 --> 01:08:17,110
Is not my fault!
1057
01:08:17,590 --> 01:08:20,950
Getting on with the work,
and shutting cakehole.
1058
01:08:20,950 --> 01:08:22,870
# Cocktail music #
1059
01:08:25,750 --> 01:08:28,150
- Good evening.
- ( Dully ) How do you do?
1060
01:08:31,990 --> 01:08:35,350
Well, well, the fun's really started, eh?
1061
01:08:37,750 --> 01:08:41,110
Oh. Ah, this is splendid, isn't it?
1062
01:08:41,110 --> 01:08:44,950
Oh, Monsieur P�p� has really surpassed himself
with this buffet.
1063
01:08:44,950 --> 01:08:46,870
Yeah. Pity none of it's eatable.
1064
01:08:46,870 --> 01:08:50,710
Oh, I don't know...
Come, come. It's really quite good.
1065
01:08:52,630 --> 01:08:56,470
Moira, dear, a lot depends
on the report they give when they get back.
1066
01:08:56,470 --> 01:08:59,350
For goodness' sake,
do something to brighten it up.
1067
01:08:59,350 --> 01:09:00,790
Whoopee.
1068
01:09:02,230 --> 01:09:06,550
Oh, food. I could do with some,
after all that romping about.
1069
01:09:07,030 --> 01:09:09,910
- Vic, I think I'd like a roll.
- Great. Let's go upstairs.
1070
01:09:10,390 --> 01:09:12,790
- I mean a sausage roll.
- Oh! ( Chuckles )
1071
01:09:21,910 --> 01:09:26,710
Ladies and gentlemens,
champagne punchings!
1072
01:09:26,710 --> 01:09:29,110
Ho-ho! Helping selves.
1073
01:09:29,590 --> 01:09:32,950
Well, thank you, Monsieur P�p�.
What a splendid idea.
1074
01:09:32,950 --> 01:09:36,310
I'll get them. You finish your sandwich.
1075
01:09:45,430 --> 01:09:48,310
Personally,
I've always found Scotland very exciting.
1076
01:09:48,310 --> 01:09:51,190
The swirl of the kilt, the sporran.
1077
01:09:51,190 --> 01:09:53,110
Like to try the punch, love?
1078
01:09:53,110 --> 01:09:55,510
Oh, might as well, I suppose.
1079
01:09:55,510 --> 01:09:57,910
That's my girl.
1080
01:10:18,070 --> 01:10:20,470
- Is it any good?
- I bleedin' hope so, mate.
1081
01:10:25,270 --> 01:10:26,710
Oooh!
1082
01:10:37,750 --> 01:10:40,630
Hello, Mr Tuttle. How lovely to see you again.
1083
01:10:40,630 --> 01:10:45,910
Cor! It's nice to see so much more of you,
Mrs Tomkins. May I call you Sadie?
1084
01:10:45,910 --> 01:10:48,310
So...
1085
01:10:48,310 --> 01:10:51,190
- Would you care for a glass of punch?
- Oh, I'd love some.
1086
01:10:51,670 --> 01:10:54,070
- I'll get it.
- Oh, thank you.
1087
01:11:01,750 --> 01:11:04,630
Ah, good evening, gentlemens.
1088
01:11:04,630 --> 01:11:07,990
Please, having good times,
and letting hairs down.
1089
01:11:09,910 --> 01:11:12,310
Maybe a little champagne punchings, yes?
1090
01:11:12,310 --> 01:11:16,630
Oh, could we, Brother Martin,
as it's our last night?
1091
01:11:16,630 --> 01:11:19,990
Oh, well, perhaps it won't do any harm.
But only one, mind.
1092
01:11:19,990 --> 01:11:21,910
Thank you.
1093
01:11:21,910 --> 01:11:25,270
At least it might help
to wash down that wretched food.
1094
01:11:25,270 --> 01:11:27,190
Get stuffings.
1095
01:11:28,150 --> 01:11:31,510
- Sorry I'm late, love.
- It's all right.
1096
01:11:34,870 --> 01:11:37,750
Excuse me.
1097
01:11:37,750 --> 01:11:40,630
Do you mind?
1098
01:11:40,630 --> 01:11:42,550
Manners!
1099
01:11:42,550 --> 01:11:44,470
Manners yourself.
1100
01:11:46,870 --> 01:11:48,790
Thank you, Brother Paul.
1101
01:12:05,110 --> 01:12:07,030
All gone!
1102
01:12:07,030 --> 01:12:08,950
( Laughter and shouting )
1103
01:12:15,670 --> 01:12:18,070
Don't tell me they enjoy the party.
1104
01:12:18,550 --> 01:12:21,430
Enjoying it? It's going like bombs!
1105
01:12:21,430 --> 01:12:23,350
# Latin American party music #
1106
01:12:31,990 --> 01:12:33,910
All right?
1107
01:12:55,510 --> 01:12:59,350
( Humming )
Hey! More champers! Good old P�p�.
1108
01:12:59,350 --> 01:13:01,750
Or is it Mario? ( Laughs )
1109
01:13:01,750 --> 01:13:03,670
Is good punchings, yes?
1110
01:13:03,670 --> 01:13:05,590
Splendid. Splendid.
1111
01:13:05,590 --> 01:13:08,950
And while we're on the subject of quality,
I want you to know, P�p�,
1112
01:13:09,430 --> 01:13:14,710
this is without doubt
the crummiest hotel I've ever stayed in.
1113
01:13:19,990 --> 01:13:22,390
( Groans )
1114
01:13:23,830 --> 01:13:25,750
P�p�! P�p�!
1115
01:13:27,190 --> 01:13:28,630
P�p�, come quick!
1116
01:13:29,110 --> 01:13:31,510
- What's the mattering with her?
- She sounds distressed.
1117
01:13:31,510 --> 01:13:34,390
She's probably tried some of her own cooking!
1118
01:13:34,390 --> 01:13:36,310
Is eating like a pig!
1119
01:13:36,310 --> 01:13:38,710
All right, all right! Is coming.
1120
01:13:39,190 --> 01:13:43,030
She's tried her own cooking!
1121
01:13:43,030 --> 01:13:44,470
Don't try any of your cooking!
1122
01:13:44,950 --> 01:13:47,350
- ( Laughs ) What's the mattering? Mices?
- Look!
1123
01:13:51,670 --> 01:13:53,110
Santa Cecilia!
1124
01:13:53,110 --> 01:13:55,990
I say! You seem to have sprung a leak.
1125
01:13:57,910 --> 01:14:00,790
I knew it was mistakes to build on dry river beds.
1126
01:14:00,790 --> 01:14:03,190
No wonder company getting land so cheap.
1127
01:14:03,190 --> 01:14:06,550
Don't just stand there! Do somethings.
1128
01:14:06,550 --> 01:14:09,430
What can I doing?
1129
01:14:09,430 --> 01:14:11,350
Plug it! Oh, plug it.
1130
01:14:11,350 --> 01:14:14,230
Oh, I say, I say! Watch the language.
1131
01:14:14,230 --> 01:14:18,070
I make like little boy in Hollands.
I sticking thing in.
1132
01:14:18,070 --> 01:14:21,430
Oh! He'll need an awfully large thing!
1133
01:14:28,630 --> 01:14:30,550
That's it! I've done it.
1134
01:14:30,550 --> 01:14:33,910
I'm sure the little Dutch boy didn't do it like that!
1135
01:14:33,910 --> 01:14:35,830
( Both laugh )
1136
01:14:35,830 --> 01:14:38,230
Oh, Monsieur P�p�,
you're wetting your trousers!
1137
01:14:38,710 --> 01:14:40,630
Wouldn't you in the same situations?
1138
01:14:42,070 --> 01:14:44,950
Oh, come on, Stuart. We're missing all the fun.
1139
01:14:45,430 --> 01:14:47,350
Oh, yes. Excuse us, Monsieur P�p�.
1140
01:14:47,350 --> 01:14:50,710
I'm sure we can rely on you to keep your end up!
( Laughs )
1141
01:14:50,710 --> 01:14:54,550
# Rolling home, rolling home... #
1142
01:14:59,350 --> 01:15:01,270
( Singing continues )
1143
01:15:11,350 --> 01:15:13,750
( Singing stops )
1144
01:15:14,230 --> 01:15:16,150
- Hooray!
- Here.
1145
01:15:16,150 --> 01:15:19,030
Now give us 'Twas On The Good Ship Venus!
1146
01:15:19,510 --> 01:15:22,870
I'm sorry, but I don't know the music.
1147
01:15:27,670 --> 01:15:30,550
Oh, our lovely hostess.
1148
01:15:30,550 --> 01:15:33,910
- A drink for our hostess.
- I don't want drink, thank you.
1149
01:15:33,910 --> 01:15:36,790
Nonsense. You must have a drink.
1150
01:15:36,790 --> 01:15:40,630
Everybody must have a drink with Floella.
1151
01:15:40,630 --> 01:15:42,070
Hear, hear.
1152
01:15:57,430 --> 01:15:58,870
( Splash )
1153
01:15:59,350 --> 01:16:01,270
( Big-band music )
1154
01:16:08,950 --> 01:16:10,870
( Laughs )
1155
01:16:31,990 --> 01:16:33,910
Phew, it's hot.
1156
01:16:33,910 --> 01:16:36,310
Would you like to go onto the terrace
for some air?
1157
01:16:36,790 --> 01:16:38,710
Ooh, that's a good idea.
1158
01:16:47,350 --> 01:16:49,270
# Romantic music #
1159
01:16:55,030 --> 01:16:56,950
Ah, come on.
1160
01:16:58,870 --> 01:17:02,230
Stopping the music! Stopping the musics!
1161
01:17:02,230 --> 01:17:05,110
Helpings, not dancing. Helpings.
1162
01:17:05,110 --> 01:17:07,510
Please, helping, someone.
1163
01:17:07,510 --> 01:17:08,950
- What?
- Doh.
1164
01:17:09,430 --> 01:17:12,790
Giorgio! Giorgio, help.
The water is getting underneath the...
1165
01:17:12,790 --> 01:17:15,190
- Please! We were talking.
- Sorries.
1166
01:17:15,190 --> 01:17:17,590
- Now, where was I?
- About your 'amsters.
1167
01:17:17,590 --> 01:17:20,470
Oh, yes, 'amsters. No! Hamsters.
1168
01:17:20,470 --> 01:17:23,830
You'd never believe it,
but... 11 times in one night!
1169
01:17:23,830 --> 01:17:25,750
Is unbelievable!
1170
01:17:25,750 --> 01:17:28,630
Oh, yes, it is.
But you see, they're always escaping.
1171
01:17:28,630 --> 01:17:31,510
I say, if I were to tell you...
1172
01:17:31,990 --> 01:17:33,910
( Rumbling and crashing )
1173
01:17:35,350 --> 01:17:38,710
Please, Mr Conways.
I am worried about the foundations.
1174
01:17:38,710 --> 01:17:41,110
Oh, that's all right. She's not wearing any.
1175
01:17:41,110 --> 01:17:43,510
No, no, in case they are falling out.
1176
01:17:43,510 --> 01:17:47,830
Oh, don't you worry, son.
If they do, I'll stuff 'em back in!
1177
01:17:47,830 --> 01:17:50,710
Why is nobody listening? ( Whimpers )
1178
01:17:52,630 --> 01:17:55,990
Mr Blunts, you look like a man
who is ready to do somethings.
1179
01:17:55,990 --> 01:17:59,350
Funny you should say that.
I was just telling the wife!
1180
01:17:59,350 --> 01:18:02,230
Oh, Stanley!
He's trying to get me upstairs, Monsieur P�p�.
1181
01:18:02,710 --> 01:18:05,590
No, no, I show you. On the kitchen floor.
1182
01:18:05,590 --> 01:18:08,470
I say, steady on, old chap.
Remember, we're British.
1183
01:18:08,950 --> 01:18:10,870
I don't know, though. Wow!
1184
01:18:10,870 --> 01:18:13,270
Oh!
1185
01:18:13,270 --> 01:18:17,590
Oh! Please, Mr Flange, you coming with me.
1186
01:18:17,590 --> 01:18:19,990
- Where to?
- We're having a leak.
1187
01:18:19,990 --> 01:18:23,350
- I don't want one.
- No, we're having one below. I show it to you.
1188
01:18:23,350 --> 01:18:27,190
- He doesn't want to see it.
- You're mad. Crazy!
1189
01:18:29,110 --> 01:18:31,030
I always knew he was a flash type.
1190
01:18:31,030 --> 01:18:35,830
- Ah, Mr Farki-Hars!
- Ah, Monsieur P�p�! Enjoying yourself?
1191
01:18:35,830 --> 01:18:39,190
Oh, yes, I'm having a smashing time.
I'm having a ball!
1192
01:18:39,670 --> 01:18:41,590
Oh, I'm not doing so badly, myself!
1193
01:18:41,590 --> 01:18:43,990
Mr Farki-Hars, you should be going upstairs.
1194
01:18:43,990 --> 01:18:48,310
- Don't be disgusting.
- Oh, I think it's a wonderful idea.
1195
01:18:48,310 --> 01:18:52,630
Oh, I'm not standing any more!
All you English ever thinking about is sex.
1196
01:18:52,630 --> 01:18:53,590
Oh, nonsense.
1197
01:18:54,070 --> 01:18:56,470
What's that? Excusings.
1198
01:18:56,470 --> 01:18:59,350
These foreigners! They're so damned excitable.
1199
01:18:59,350 --> 01:19:01,270
They're mad.
1200
01:19:04,150 --> 01:19:07,510
- How about it? Shall we go upstairs?
- Why not?
1201
01:19:08,470 --> 01:19:10,870
( Laughs )
1202
01:19:12,790 --> 01:19:14,230
Helps!
1203
01:19:14,710 --> 01:19:16,630
You mads!
1204
01:19:16,630 --> 01:19:19,510
( Cracking and knocking )
1205
01:19:19,510 --> 01:19:22,390
- Good night, old boy.
- Good night. Goodbyes.
1206
01:19:22,390 --> 01:19:25,270
He's drunk again!
1207
01:19:25,270 --> 01:19:27,670
Well, now, Monsieur P�p�.
1208
01:19:27,670 --> 01:19:30,070
What was it you wanted to talk to me about?
1209
01:19:30,070 --> 01:19:33,430
Oh, Mr Tuttles, thank you very much.
Thank you. Help!
1210
01:19:37,270 --> 01:19:38,710
( Splash )
1211
01:19:46,870 --> 01:19:48,790
How about it, love? Want a nightcap?
1212
01:19:49,270 --> 01:19:51,190
No, thank s. I couldn't take another drop.
1213
01:19:51,670 --> 01:19:53,590
Right. Let's go upstairs.
1214
01:19:59,830 --> 01:20:01,270
( Splash )
1215
01:20:01,270 --> 01:20:03,190
I say, old chap. Do you need any help?
1216
01:20:03,670 --> 01:20:06,070
Help? Why should I need helpings?
1217
01:20:06,070 --> 01:20:07,510
I'm having funs. ( Laughs )
1218
01:20:09,910 --> 01:20:12,790
I say, Stanley. There's a hole.
1219
01:20:12,790 --> 01:20:14,710
So there is. That's bad, isn't it?
1220
01:20:15,190 --> 01:20:20,950
No, no, not to worrying. It's mices.
We having very big mices here.
1221
01:20:20,950 --> 01:20:24,310
- I think we'd better go to bed.
- That's a rather good idea.
1222
01:20:24,310 --> 01:20:27,190
Monsieur P�p�,
I may have to complain about this.
1223
01:20:27,670 --> 01:20:29,590
They didn't tell us that you had mices.
1224
01:20:29,590 --> 01:20:34,390
Yes, all right. You complaining about the
mices... and the whole hotel is falling down!
1225
01:20:34,870 --> 01:20:38,710
Can we go up now, Bert?
It's been a lovely evening.
1226
01:20:38,710 --> 01:20:42,550
Might as well.
Things seem to be breaking up, anyway.
1227
01:20:53,590 --> 01:20:55,510
( Chuckles )
1228
01:20:55,990 --> 01:20:58,390
Open the windows, love,
and let's get a bit of air.
1229
01:20:58,870 --> 01:21:02,230
Right. That's a good idea. Won't be long.
( Chuckles )
1230
01:21:06,550 --> 01:21:07,990
I forgot!
1231
01:21:07,990 --> 01:21:09,430
( Laughs )
1232
01:21:09,430 --> 01:21:11,350
( Laughs )
1233
01:21:13,270 --> 01:21:15,670
( Screams with laughter )
1234
01:21:17,110 --> 01:21:19,030
They put the bloody glass in!
1235
01:21:19,030 --> 01:21:20,950
( Laughs hysterically )
1236
01:21:27,670 --> 01:21:30,070
It's going to be a bit of a tight squeeze!
1237
01:21:30,070 --> 01:21:31,510
( Both laugh )
1238
01:21:31,510 --> 01:21:33,910
Room for one on top, eh?
1239
01:21:34,870 --> 01:21:37,270
Standing room only!
1240
01:21:50,710 --> 01:21:52,630
Oh, God! I give up.
1241
01:21:52,630 --> 01:21:55,030
No, no. Come on.
1242
01:21:55,030 --> 01:21:57,430
You're not getting off the hook that easily.
1243
01:21:57,430 --> 01:22:00,310
( Laughs ) Oh! Oh!
1244
01:22:01,750 --> 01:22:04,150
( Both laugh )
1245
01:22:05,110 --> 01:22:07,030
( Knocking at door )
1246
01:22:07,510 --> 01:22:09,430
Oh, it's all right, Bert. You can come in.
1247
01:22:15,190 --> 01:22:17,110
( Creaking )
1248
01:22:22,870 --> 01:22:25,270
( Rumbling )
1249
01:22:25,270 --> 01:22:28,150
Jings! What's going on out there?
1250
01:22:35,350 --> 01:22:37,270
Bert? Are you all right?
1251
01:22:41,590 --> 01:22:43,990
Fine. Just fine.
1252
01:22:59,350 --> 01:23:01,750
Oh, do hurry up, darling.
1253
01:23:02,230 --> 01:23:03,670
Coming.
1254
01:23:03,670 --> 01:23:06,550
Stand by to repel boarders!
1255
01:23:06,550 --> 01:23:08,470
( Whinnies )
1256
01:23:13,750 --> 01:23:16,630
( Coughing )
1257
01:23:19,510 --> 01:23:23,830
That does it! Everybody out!
Everyone out! Abandoning hotel.
1258
01:23:25,750 --> 01:23:28,630
Evacuating. Everybody leaving.
1259
01:23:28,630 --> 01:23:30,550
Abandon the hotel! Leaving!
1260
01:23:32,470 --> 01:23:34,390
( Screaming )
1261
01:23:34,390 --> 01:23:36,310
Out! Out! Out!
1262
01:23:40,630 --> 01:23:43,990
FARQUHAR: I don't know where we are!
I can't see where we are.
1263
01:23:43,990 --> 01:23:45,990
Where the hell are we?
1264
01:24:00,790 --> 01:24:02,710
Cor! Get off.
1265
01:24:03,190 --> 01:24:05,110
- How do you do?
- Hello, Harry. Usual?
1266
01:24:05,110 --> 01:24:08,950
Yes, please. Here, I know what I meant to ask.
How did the holiday go?
1267
01:24:08,950 --> 01:24:12,790
Oh, great. Went with a bang.
Had a smashing time, didn't we, love?
1268
01:24:12,790 --> 01:24:16,150
Yes, I can honestly say
I've never had one quite like it.
1269
01:24:16,150 --> 01:24:18,070
( Both laugh )
1270
01:24:18,070 --> 01:24:20,470
- What... what's the joke, then?
- Private.
1271
01:24:20,470 --> 01:24:22,870
Oh, hey, private! Cheers.
1272
01:24:23,350 --> 01:24:25,750
Yee-agh! Wey!
1273
01:24:26,230 --> 01:24:28,630
Could I have another one, please? Thank you.
1274
01:24:29,110 --> 01:24:31,030
Ha-ha! Well, here we are, then!
1275
01:24:31,030 --> 01:24:33,910
( Exchange of greetings )
1276
01:24:36,790 --> 01:24:38,710
Come on in.
1277
01:24:38,710 --> 01:24:42,070
- Hello, my darling.
- Hello. Isn't he here, Vic?
1278
01:24:42,070 --> 01:24:44,470
Of course he is. I promised to look after him. Stu!
1279
01:24:44,470 --> 01:24:47,830
- Somebody to see you.
- Oh, you!
1280
01:24:47,830 --> 01:24:50,230
Moira!
1281
01:24:50,230 --> 01:24:53,590
- Right, well, what's it to be, then?
- I'll tell you what. Champagne cup.
1282
01:24:54,070 --> 01:24:55,510
And put a drop of this in it, will you?
1283
01:24:55,510 --> 01:24:57,910
Oh, what a wonderful idea!
1284
01:24:57,910 --> 01:24:59,830
Oh, no! Lock all the doors.
1285
01:24:59,830 --> 01:25:01,750
Time, gentlemen, please!
1286
01:25:02,230 --> 01:25:03,190
( All laugh )
1287
01:25:03,190 --> 01:25:04,630
Captioned by Grantman Brown
98690
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