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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,031 --> 00:00:02,060 Previously on The Last Man on Earth... 2 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,897 - TANDY: It's a nuclear meltdown. - Let's get the hell out of here! 3 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:05,968 TODD: Why don't we just move somewhere 4 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,139 where there are no nuclear plants? 5 00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:08,807 Then I guess we're going to Mexico. 6 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,409 CAROL: So are we going to have some sort 7 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,344 of plan if we do see Pat? 8 00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:15,602 There is no way that Pat could ever find us. 9 00:00:15,627 --> 00:00:17,126 (YELLING) 10 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:20,552 (GUNSHOT, SCREAMING) 11 00:00:23,245 --> 00:00:24,878 Hi. 12 00:00:25,172 --> 00:00:26,525 I'm Pamela. 13 00:00:28,321 --> 00:00:29,671 Sorry. Not a great first impression. 14 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,196 I promise I'm nice. 15 00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:32,998 Um, I-I hope you don't mind. 16 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:37,474 I-I brought my dear friend, uh, Rear Admiral Roy Billups. 17 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:41,066 She's a nice ship. I can't wait to take her out for a... 18 00:00:41,091 --> 00:00:42,074 - (GUNSHOT) - Aah! 19 00:00:42,099 --> 00:00:43,675 - (GASPS) - (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING) 20 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,544 - Pat's still alive! Pat's still alive! - (SHOTGUN COCKS) 21 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,005 (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING) 22 00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:50,691 (GUNFIRE, OVERLAPPING SHOUTING) 23 00:00:50,716 --> 00:00:52,115 (GUN CLICKING) 24 00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:54,293 Uh. 25 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:57,222 (GROANS SOFTLY) 26 00:00:57,608 --> 00:00:59,341 Is he dead now? 27 00:01:00,057 --> 00:01:02,794 I have a pretty surefire test. 28 00:01:04,954 --> 00:01:06,420 Call it. 29 00:01:06,445 --> 00:01:09,580 Time of death... 3:18. 30 00:01:12,954 --> 00:01:15,821 Another 3:18 over here. 31 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:20,712 So, anyway, that was Roy. 32 00:01:21,138 --> 00:01:23,415 And again, Pamela. 33 00:01:23,549 --> 00:01:25,449 And, oh, this is Jeremy. 34 00:01:25,474 --> 00:01:28,409 Come here, Jeremy. Come here. (CHUCKLES) 35 00:01:28,737 --> 00:01:29,855 Oh! 36 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,124 - Aw. - Aw. 37 00:01:31,149 --> 00:01:32,415 PAMELA: Yes. 38 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,493 There's my boy. (LAUGHS) 39 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,896 (PAMELA LAUGHS) 40 00:01:37,948 --> 00:01:41,433 - (ACCORDION PLAYS) - TODD: ♪ Forever young ♪ 41 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,435 ♪ I want to be ♪ 42 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,204 ♪ Forever young ♪ 43 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:54,900 ♪ Do you really want to live forever... young? ♪ 44 00:01:54,939 --> 00:01:58,560 (SONG ENDS) 45 00:01:58,873 --> 00:02:00,239 That was very nice. 46 00:02:00,559 --> 00:02:02,330 - Thank you. - Please have a seat 47 00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,155 - while the ceremony begins. - Sure. 48 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,127 Rear Admiral. 49 00:02:09,358 --> 00:02:10,757 What can I say? 50 00:02:11,246 --> 00:02:13,598 You died doing what you loved... 51 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,735 being alive. 52 00:02:17,408 --> 00:02:19,471 What else? Um... 53 00:02:21,134 --> 00:02:22,719 Not really sure why I'm doing the speech 54 00:02:22,744 --> 00:02:23,821 on this one, to be honest. 55 00:02:23,846 --> 00:02:24,643 Uh, Pamela? 56 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,044 - Hmm? No. - No? 57 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,445 - No. - Okay then. 58 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,980 Uh, Todd, little help, bud? 59 00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,806 Yeah, sure. 60 00:02:35,164 --> 00:02:36,922 Mind your back. 61 00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:46,498 (PANTING) 62 00:02:46,954 --> 00:02:48,554 Moving on. 63 00:02:48,666 --> 00:02:49,834 Oh, Pat. 64 00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:51,897 I think we can all agree that Pat was 65 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,823 a pretty hard person to nail down, death-wise. 66 00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:55,994 Now let's have 67 00:02:56,019 --> 00:02:57,652 a moment of silent prayer 68 00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,595 while I decapitate Pat with a shovel. 69 00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:07,661 (GRUNTS) 70 00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:09,838 (GRUNTING CONTINUES) 71 00:03:11,141 --> 00:03:13,200 It's really staying on there. (GRUNTS) 72 00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,142 (GRUNTING CONTINUES) 73 00:03:19,856 --> 00:03:21,316 (CHUCKLES): First-timers club. 74 00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:22,450 (YELLS) 75 00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:25,820 (GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY) 76 00:03:27,657 --> 00:03:30,024 (GRUNTING CONTINUES) 77 00:03:33,190 --> 00:03:34,496 Oh, there we go. 78 00:03:34,531 --> 00:03:37,310 There we go. It's off. I got it. 79 00:03:37,335 --> 00:03:38,500 Oh, man. 80 00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:40,535 That was the hardest decap I've ever done. 81 00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:43,838 And I mean, head and shoulders above the last one. Boom. 82 00:03:43,874 --> 00:03:46,307 - (LAUGHS) That's funny. - (TANDY LAUGHS) 83 00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:47,942 Thank you! Hot room. 84 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,944 And I'm not just saying that 'cause of the radiation. 85 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,480 (LAUGHS) 86 00:03:52,516 --> 00:03:54,616 - PAMELA (LAUGHS): Radiation. - TANDY: Pat, 87 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,018 the severing of your head is the first step 88 00:03:57,053 --> 00:03:59,154 in a two-step process to ensure 89 00:03:59,189 --> 00:04:02,557 that we will never be surprised by you again. 90 00:04:02,592 --> 00:04:03,958 On to step two. 91 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,360 TANDY: Okay, so let's 92 00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:07,061 send you south. 93 00:04:07,097 --> 00:04:10,832 (ENGINE REVVING) 94 00:04:14,404 --> 00:04:17,972 And why don't you... head north? 95 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,233 (LAUGHS) Head north. 96 00:04:20,258 --> 00:04:22,692 (ENGINE REVVING) 97 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:30,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 98 00:04:42,132 --> 00:04:44,642 Oh, no! He's reassembling! 99 00:04:58,014 --> 00:05:00,114 Namaste. 100 00:05:01,709 --> 00:05:03,218 Hey, Melissa. 101 00:05:03,253 --> 00:05:06,147 How long till we get to Zihuatanejo? 102 00:05:06,288 --> 00:05:07,856 I... no idea. 103 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,528 I've never driven a boat before. I'm just kind of winging it. 104 00:05:10,553 --> 00:05:12,520 Well, can you wing it faster? 105 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,563 We have a two-day-old baby on board, I'm about to pop, 106 00:05:15,599 --> 00:05:18,934 and there's a nuclear dust cloud hot on our tail! 107 00:05:18,959 --> 00:05:21,482 The whole situation is M.U.B.A.R... 108 00:05:21,507 --> 00:05:24,724 Messed Up Beyond All Regular-Standards. 109 00:05:24,749 --> 00:05:26,207 Is Regular-Standards hyphenated? 110 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,909 - Regular-Standards is hyphenated. - Well, I'm going 111 00:05:27,944 --> 00:05:29,744 as fast as I can, so... 112 00:05:29,779 --> 00:05:32,247 But you don't have to worry, 'cause I got this. 113 00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:33,982 Okay, well, right now, 114 00:05:34,017 --> 00:05:36,251 you're giving me a real booze-cruise vibe, 115 00:05:36,286 --> 00:05:38,219 and I need a little more Coast Guard. 116 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,888 Fine, Carol. 117 00:05:40,621 --> 00:05:41,656 Geez. 118 00:05:41,953 --> 00:05:43,658 Thanks. 119 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,597 TODD: So you lost contact with the drone. 120 00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:50,832 What happened next? 121 00:05:50,867 --> 00:05:52,834 Hmm, well, I, uh, drove up to Malibu, 122 00:05:52,869 --> 00:05:55,170 and little did I know, I had a stowaway... 123 00:05:55,195 --> 00:05:57,272 - this one. - ERICA: Oh! So cute. 124 00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:59,340 It's been years since I've seen a dog. 125 00:05:59,376 --> 00:06:00,642 Can I hold him? 126 00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:01,943 I'm sorry, no. 127 00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:03,148 Anyway, when I arrived, 128 00:06:03,173 --> 00:06:05,313 you were all gone, and then, Pat showed up. 129 00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:07,282 Oh, he was like a wounded animal. 130 00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:11,772 Just a mangled mass of blood and pus, and it was... 131 00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:13,121 Oh, wonderful! 132 00:06:13,156 --> 00:06:15,690 I already have champagne, but thank you so much. 133 00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:19,594 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Here you go. 134 00:06:20,449 --> 00:06:23,387 Slowly, I nursed Pat back to health. 135 00:06:23,412 --> 00:06:26,701 Some time went by, and our relationship turned more... 136 00:06:27,477 --> 00:06:29,411 intimate. (LAUGHS) 137 00:06:30,507 --> 00:06:33,708 Sponge bath after sponge bath, 138 00:06:34,357 --> 00:06:36,311 the lines blurred. 139 00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:38,880 The sponge strayed. 140 00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:40,761 He was a very passionate 141 00:06:40,786 --> 00:06:41,740 and creative lover. 142 00:06:41,765 --> 00:06:44,032 He drew our entire courtship on a pair of jeans. 143 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:45,469 (LAUGHS) 144 00:06:45,608 --> 00:06:47,374 Isn't this romantic? 145 00:06:47,847 --> 00:06:49,480 (PAMELA LAUGHS) 146 00:06:49,705 --> 00:06:51,626 That's me washing his body. 147 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,528 (LAUGHS SOFTLY) 148 00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:55,630 There's our tongues. 149 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:59,400 Looks like he loved you very much before you shot him. 150 00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:02,403 I didn't think I could be any happier. 151 00:07:02,439 --> 00:07:04,839 And then the rear admiral showed up. 152 00:07:06,209 --> 00:07:08,710 First he was just a friend, but... 153 00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:11,579 then the lines blurred, 154 00:07:11,935 --> 00:07:13,734 tongues strayed. 155 00:07:13,835 --> 00:07:18,029 We became a sensual human centipede. (LAUGHS) 156 00:07:18,764 --> 00:07:21,432 (CLEARS THROAT) So, how'd you find us? 157 00:07:21,614 --> 00:07:23,401 Pat saw smoke coming from your camper, 158 00:07:23,426 --> 00:07:24,909 and somehow knew it was you, 159 00:07:24,934 --> 00:07:26,594 and he flew into a rage, 160 00:07:26,630 --> 00:07:28,917 and grabbed his gun. He said he wanted revenge. 161 00:07:28,942 --> 00:07:30,190 So, we followed him. 162 00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:31,399 I certainly wasn't gonna let him kill 163 00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,034 the very people that saved my life. 164 00:07:33,069 --> 00:07:34,435 Saved your life? 165 00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:36,070 When I found you with that drone, 166 00:07:36,106 --> 00:07:38,716 it just gave me something to live for. 167 00:07:38,741 --> 00:07:39,638 TANDY Hey, 168 00:07:39,663 --> 00:07:42,115 you're the one who saved us by shooting Pat. 169 00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:43,011 No, no, no. 170 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,412 - You saved me. - Well, 171 00:07:44,447 --> 00:07:46,381 from one jean-art fan to another, 172 00:07:46,416 --> 00:07:48,750 agree to dungaree. 173 00:07:48,785 --> 00:07:50,685 (LAUGHING): Agree to dungaree. 174 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,286 Oh, God. 175 00:07:52,322 --> 00:07:53,688 Oh, my goodness. 176 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,957 Okay, I'm going to bed. 177 00:07:57,593 --> 00:07:59,394 Sleep tight. 178 00:07:59,429 --> 00:08:01,562 She's great. 179 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,682 Hey. So, how's everyone doing? 180 00:08:05,707 --> 00:08:07,573 - We all getting settled? - CAROL: Hardly. 181 00:08:07,598 --> 00:08:11,305 Pamela took the captain's suite, and now we're all stuck here. 182 00:08:11,341 --> 00:08:13,741 If my water breaks, it's going right on Todd. 183 00:08:13,777 --> 00:08:15,443 Hey, I'd be honored, Carol. 184 00:08:15,478 --> 00:08:18,079 If I could just piggyback on Carol's point there. 185 00:08:18,114 --> 00:08:20,715 My baby's sleeping in a chum bucket. 186 00:08:20,914 --> 00:08:22,380 How you holding up, champ? 187 00:08:22,415 --> 00:08:23,581 Fine. 188 00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:28,589 Hey, look, I know a lot of stuff went down today. 189 00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:31,676 It's not often that you see a double homicide. 190 00:08:31,832 --> 00:08:34,448 That's why I think it's important that we have... 191 00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:35,396 a talk. 192 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,098 Sometimes when a bullet 193 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:40,501 and a man's brain feel very strongly about each other, 194 00:08:40,537 --> 00:08:43,004 they decide to take it to the next level, okay? 195 00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:45,179 And that's called penetration. 196 00:08:45,213 --> 00:08:46,491 (LOUD METALLIC SCRAPING) 197 00:08:46,516 --> 00:08:47,816 Oh! Geez. 198 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,580 Did we hit something, hon? 199 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,183 - We did. - All right, that's it. 200 00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:57,731 We're stopping until we can see where we're going. 201 00:08:57,756 --> 00:08:58,632 Mm-mm. 202 00:08:58,661 --> 00:09:01,422 - No, we got to get to Zihuat. - Well, we're not gonna get anywhere 203 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,129 with a big friggin' hole in our boat. 204 00:09:03,153 --> 00:09:04,378 - Where's the stopper? - I'm not stopping the boat. 205 00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,293 - No, I'm not showing you. - Where is the stopper? 206 00:09:05,328 --> 00:09:07,528 - I'm not telling you. - Where is the friggin' stopper?! 207 00:09:07,564 --> 00:09:10,264 - Fine! - God. 208 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,000 - Now which one of these is the anchor? - (SIGHS) 209 00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:14,035 I don't know. 210 00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,805 - (SHIP HORN BLOWS) - Horn. 211 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,773 Lights. 212 00:09:19,211 --> 00:09:21,843 There you are, you little sucker. 213 00:09:26,479 --> 00:09:30,047 And that, my friend, is how you anchor a boat. 214 00:09:58,465 --> 00:09:59,931 Oh, farts. 215 00:10:03,289 --> 00:10:04,922 Why can't we see land? 216 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,713 Yeah. Little hiccup. 217 00:10:08,595 --> 00:10:09,834 Our anchor malfunctioned. 218 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,306 We've been drifting all night. 219 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,061 Gail, how does an anchor malfunction? 220 00:10:13,096 --> 00:10:14,818 Did it suddenly get not heavy? 221 00:10:14,843 --> 00:10:16,931 You know that button we had to press? 222 00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:20,607 Well, apparently, it's more of a press and hold jobby. 223 00:10:20,632 --> 00:10:21,772 Thanks for telling me. 224 00:10:21,797 --> 00:10:24,606 - Are you telling me we have no idea where we are? - Shush. 225 00:10:24,641 --> 00:10:27,675 Do you want Carol to hear you and freak out and go into labor? 226 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:31,179 - We got to keep this between ourselves. - TANDY: Guys? 227 00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:33,448 We have a situation. 228 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,033 (SIGHS) 229 00:10:35,262 --> 00:10:36,851 I broke the bathroom. 230 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,888 How the heck did you manage to do that? 231 00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:43,024 We ran out of TP, so I had to use my shirt. 232 00:10:43,211 --> 00:10:44,344 - Ew! - Ew! 233 00:10:44,369 --> 00:10:45,927 Well, long story short, turns out 234 00:10:45,962 --> 00:10:48,930 that pipes on the boat are not Beefy T compatible. FYI. 235 00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:50,700 Hey, bud, you done with my shirt? 236 00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:52,534 - Oh, you know it, yeah. - Well, can I have it back? 237 00:10:52,930 --> 00:10:55,497 (SIGHS) Well, bad news on that front, bud. 238 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,057 Yeah. She gone. 239 00:10:57,116 --> 00:11:00,475 Oh, yeah, we-we lost her. Yeah. 240 00:11:01,283 --> 00:11:02,877 So you used two T-shirts. 241 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:05,647 And a sock. It was a multiple flush situation. 242 00:11:05,682 --> 00:11:06,881 Ah, not to worry. 243 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,917 I arranged a backup. 244 00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:12,153 Shazam. 245 00:11:13,617 --> 00:11:14,823 Jeremy! No! No, no, no! 246 00:11:14,858 --> 00:11:17,926 No, no. Oh, bad dog. 247 00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:19,360 (SIGHS) Sorry, you guys. 248 00:11:19,385 --> 00:11:21,896 It wasn't designed to hold the weight of a dog. 249 00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,832 TODD: Uh, where's land? 250 00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:25,733 It's there. 251 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,569 You just can't see it right now. 252 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:30,269 - GAIL: Yeah, it's an illusion. - MELISSA: Yeah. 253 00:11:30,294 --> 00:11:34,572 The reflection of the water blocks the view of the land. 254 00:11:34,597 --> 00:11:36,444 It's, uh, called... 255 00:11:36,857 --> 00:11:37,979 GAIL AND MELISSA: Davy Jones'... 256 00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:39,481 - Mirror. - Mirror. 257 00:11:39,513 --> 00:11:40,105 Yeah. 258 00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:41,583 - Davy Jones' Mirror. - Davy Jones' Mirror. 259 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,124 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, know it well. 260 00:11:44,149 --> 00:11:45,587 Know it well. 261 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,155 - TODD: Really? - TANDY: Here, help me fish this 262 00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:48,356 - toilet paper out of the water. - TODD: Yeah. 263 00:11:48,391 --> 00:11:49,457 TANDY: It's my favorite brand. 264 00:11:49,493 --> 00:11:50,959 Hey-o. (CHUCKLES) 265 00:11:51,321 --> 00:11:52,794 - PAMELA: Good morning. - Good morning. 266 00:11:52,829 --> 00:11:55,497 Well, your eyes don't have brows, but your nipples sure do. 267 00:11:55,532 --> 00:11:58,266 Thank you. Uh, speaking of hairy situations, 268 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,669 I did a, a little number on the "B" room this morning, two. 269 00:12:01,705 --> 00:12:03,705 And it is fully out of commish, yeah. 270 00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:06,174 Hmm. I'm all ears. 271 00:12:06,209 --> 00:12:08,276 If you're all ears, then I guess I can talk down here. 272 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,644 - Or into here, or in here. - (GIGGLING) 273 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:11,145 Or into here, or into here. 274 00:12:11,181 --> 00:12:12,671 Or up here, or down here, over here. 275 00:12:12,696 --> 00:12:13,796 Tandy. 276 00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:18,019 Pamela. You look rested. 277 00:12:18,401 --> 00:12:20,154 I didn't sleep well at all. 278 00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:21,389 Ugh, wasn't it terrible? 279 00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:24,025 Sometimes a bed can be too big. 280 00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:26,108 So, what are you two up to? 281 00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:27,258 TANDY: Well, I was just, uh, 282 00:12:27,283 --> 00:12:29,898 telling Pamela that I put one too many logs on the fire. 283 00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,008 (LAUGHS): Oh, "logs on the fire." 284 00:12:32,078 --> 00:12:33,201 I like that. 285 00:12:33,236 --> 00:12:35,746 Well, if you like that, I got a bridge I could sell ya. 286 00:12:35,771 --> 00:12:37,739 I don't have a bridge, I'm not a dentist. 287 00:12:37,774 --> 00:12:39,099 (LAUGHS): What? Like a bridge? 288 00:12:39,124 --> 00:12:40,909 Like in someone's mouth. 289 00:12:40,944 --> 00:12:42,911 (TANDY AND PAMELA LAUGH) 290 00:12:42,946 --> 00:12:44,712 (CACKLING) 291 00:12:44,748 --> 00:12:46,884 Yeah, he's not a dentist. 292 00:12:46,909 --> 00:12:47,753 TANDY: By the way, 293 00:12:47,778 --> 00:12:49,327 why do they call them dentists? I mean, 294 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,919 do they specialize in dents? 295 00:12:50,954 --> 00:12:52,220 (LAUGHING) 296 00:12:52,255 --> 00:12:55,490 (LAUGHING): Dents. They don't. 297 00:12:55,525 --> 00:13:00,695 (LAUGHING): Yeah, it's priceless. 298 00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,731 I mean, they should call them "toothists," am I right? 299 00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:05,833 - (LAUGHS): "Toothists." - (CAROL CACKLES) 300 00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,770 (CACKLING) 301 00:13:08,805 --> 00:13:10,772 (WHOOPS) 302 00:13:13,076 --> 00:13:16,210 You're right! You're right! You're right! (LAUGHS) 303 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:22,750 Well, this has been very, very fun. 304 00:13:22,786 --> 00:13:25,942 Uh, again, broken toilet, catch you on the flippety. 305 00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:27,426 Catch you on the flippety, catch you on the flippety, 306 00:13:27,451 --> 00:13:28,523 catch you on the flippety, 307 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,191 catch you on the flippety, catch you on the flippety. 308 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,360 - A little inside joke with us. - Love it. 309 00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,228 I love inside jokes. 310 00:13:34,264 --> 00:13:36,230 Oh, yeah. 311 00:13:37,156 --> 00:13:39,767 Guess around I'll be seeing you. 312 00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,042 Yeah, because we had... we went from here to here. 313 00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,310 - Okay, okay. - Hey, uh, 314 00:13:49,335 --> 00:13:51,208 - what's the holdup? - No holdup. 315 00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:53,915 - Just charting it up. - Look, I don't 316 00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:58,589 want to talk out of turn, but that Pamela is a real "B," 317 00:13:58,614 --> 00:14:00,955 minus the stinger, plus the itch. 318 00:14:00,991 --> 00:14:02,957 Not only did she take the big room, 319 00:14:02,993 --> 00:14:05,159 she's all over my husband. 320 00:14:05,195 --> 00:14:06,961 She laughs at all of his jokes. 321 00:14:06,997 --> 00:14:09,759 And let's face it, he's no Garrison Keillor. 322 00:14:09,784 --> 00:14:10,965 MELISSA: She sucks. 323 00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:12,166 I'm pretty sure she's the one burning through 324 00:14:12,202 --> 00:14:13,568 our supplies, too. 325 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,770 Uh, you think? 326 00:14:21,544 --> 00:14:23,077 There we go. 327 00:14:25,148 --> 00:14:26,514 (JEREMY BARKS) 328 00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:30,618 Jeremy, are you wearing sunscreen? (SCOFFS) 329 00:14:31,192 --> 00:14:33,187 Told you a million times that sunscreen's very important. 330 00:14:33,223 --> 00:14:34,689 There you are. (CHUCKLES) 331 00:14:34,724 --> 00:14:37,158 - Little rascal. - MELISSA: Too late. 332 00:14:37,352 --> 00:14:39,867 CAROL: That settles it. As soon as we hit dry land, 333 00:14:39,899 --> 00:14:41,829 we cut Pamela loose. 334 00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:43,575 GAIL: Amen to that. 335 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,367 MELISSA: Fine with me. 336 00:14:47,255 --> 00:14:48,703 Don't you worry. 337 00:14:48,738 --> 00:14:50,371 Your mama will fix this. 338 00:14:50,407 --> 00:14:52,440 Mama fixes everything. 339 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,881 Man, I can't wait till we get to Zihuatanejo. 340 00:14:59,916 --> 00:15:01,182 Hey, Gail. 341 00:15:01,217 --> 00:15:02,817 How much longer? 342 00:15:02,852 --> 00:15:05,453 Well, if this wind holds, 343 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,789 I would give it... 344 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,960 four or maybe five nautical hours. 345 00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,829 You can tell the wind inside? 346 00:15:14,864 --> 00:15:16,797 Todd, my family has a rich history 347 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,332 of boating while intoxicated. 348 00:15:18,368 --> 00:15:19,727 I think I know what I'm doing. 349 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,169 Um, where's my breast milk? 350 00:15:22,205 --> 00:15:23,638 White Russians, anyone? 351 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:24,972 Come on, we're on a cruise. 352 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,841 Take the edge off. Enjoy. 353 00:15:26,876 --> 00:15:28,138 Oh, my God. 354 00:15:28,163 --> 00:15:29,844 That's my breast milk. 355 00:15:29,879 --> 00:15:31,812 Who steals from a baby? 356 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,547 Well, it wasn't labeled. 357 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,549 It wasn't in a breast. 358 00:15:35,585 --> 00:15:36,817 Tandy seems to like it. 359 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,886 Mmm. Are you kidding? 360 00:15:38,922 --> 00:15:41,722 That was the breast White Russian I've ever had. 361 00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:44,058 My compliments to the chef. 362 00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:45,893 Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick. 363 00:15:45,929 --> 00:15:47,361 MELISSA: Land! 364 00:15:47,397 --> 00:15:48,863 Land! 365 00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:51,265 - We did it! - GAIL: Oh, my God. 366 00:15:51,301 --> 00:15:52,900 (WHOOPS) We did it! 367 00:15:53,868 --> 00:15:55,236 What? I don't get it. What's the big deal? 368 00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:56,904 Haven't we been following land the whole time? 369 00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:57,923 Yeah and why 370 00:15:57,948 --> 00:15:59,874 is Mexico an island? 371 00:15:59,909 --> 00:16:01,767 Um, okay, y'all. 372 00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:04,011 There's kind of a good news/bad news 373 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,780 type of situation here. 374 00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:09,116 The good news is we found land. 375 00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:13,587 And Melissa will be fielding the bad news. 376 00:16:13,623 --> 00:16:15,723 All right? Take it away, hon. 377 00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,291 Thanks. 378 00:16:17,327 --> 00:16:18,824 Uh, we're lost. 379 00:16:18,856 --> 00:16:20,234 What? Are you kidding me? Seriously? 380 00:16:20,263 --> 00:16:21,535 How'd that happen? 381 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,364 Well, when we dropped anchor last night, 382 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,590 something went wrong, 383 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,676 and, um, we drifted out to sea. 384 00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:28,879 - Geez. - GAIL: And rather than get your panties 385 00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,913 in a collective bunch, we just decided to lie 386 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,448 and tell you we knew where we were. 387 00:16:32,483 --> 00:16:34,392 - Are you out of your minds? - Cheese and rice. 388 00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:35,673 She was on anchor duty. 389 00:16:35,698 --> 00:16:37,253 And she was drinking like a fish. 390 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,621 It's my honeymoon. 391 00:16:38,656 --> 00:16:40,353 Well, what do we do now? W-We're out here 392 00:16:40,378 --> 00:16:43,135 in the middle of nowhere and we're running out of supplies. 393 00:16:43,223 --> 00:16:45,189 Yeah, 'cause of someone. 394 00:16:47,498 --> 00:16:49,532 TODD: Maybe there's some supplies on the island. 395 00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:50,933 Fresh water, coconuts. 396 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,635 Ooh, a coconut breast milk smoothie 397 00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:53,870 would be next level. 398 00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:56,005 Uh, for Dawn, not for me. 399 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,274 Virgin... the drink, not Dawn. 400 00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,509 Well, I presume she's a virgin as well. 401 00:17:00,545 --> 00:17:01,555 - Gross! - Gross! Ew! 402 00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:03,546 - Geez, man. - Oh, God. You know what? 403 00:17:03,581 --> 00:17:04,947 I-I just want to get off this boat. 404 00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,405 I don't care what the reason is. 405 00:17:06,430 --> 00:17:08,317 Okay, then it's settled. 406 00:17:08,353 --> 00:17:10,219 We're going to the island. 407 00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:12,455 Good. 'Cause it's starting to feel 408 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,624 a little crowded on this boat. 409 00:17:21,715 --> 00:17:23,401 GAIL: Get ready for half an hour 410 00:17:23,426 --> 00:17:25,701 of Tandy making jokes about his dinghy. 411 00:17:25,737 --> 00:17:27,803 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Hey, Gail, 412 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,721 guess what you're sitting on right now, huh? 413 00:17:29,746 --> 00:17:31,010 Uh, Tandy, could I ask you something? 414 00:17:31,035 --> 00:17:31,807 Let that marinate. 415 00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,175 Uh, trust me, it'll be worth it. 416 00:17:33,211 --> 00:17:35,077 Yeah, go ahead, Pamela. 417 00:17:35,113 --> 00:17:36,913 Do you ever feel like you need to do something 418 00:17:36,948 --> 00:17:39,348 even though if you did it, everyone would hate you? 419 00:17:39,384 --> 00:17:41,851 Hey, literally, all the time. 420 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,152 What do you do? 421 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,154 Well, I'll tell you what I do. 422 00:17:45,454 --> 00:17:48,724 Caution. Wind. (LAUGHS) 423 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,393 Thanks, Tandy. 424 00:17:50,428 --> 00:17:52,228 That's what I thought. 425 00:17:52,435 --> 00:17:54,202 You know what? I just painted my nails. 426 00:17:54,227 --> 00:17:57,233 Would you do me a favor and untie that rope so I can get in? 427 00:17:57,584 --> 00:17:59,535 Un-tie to stop me. 428 00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:02,004 - Gail, Gail. Gail. - (LAUGHS): Oh. 429 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,439 Gail. Gail. 430 00:18:03,474 --> 00:18:04,674 It's my dinghy. 431 00:18:06,144 --> 00:18:07,677 CAROL: So, how do we make this thing move? 432 00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,166 - MELISSA: We row. - CAROL: Oh, that's fun. 433 00:18:10,191 --> 00:18:12,415 Okay. (GRUNTS, LAUGHS) 434 00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:14,383 Hey, I think you accidentally hit me. 435 00:18:14,419 --> 00:18:15,718 Sorry. (LAUGHS) 436 00:18:15,753 --> 00:18:17,183 God. Ow. 437 00:18:17,755 --> 00:18:19,288 Whoa! (SCREAMS) 438 00:18:19,806 --> 00:18:21,804 Sorry. I overheard what you said about cutting me loose. 439 00:18:21,829 --> 00:18:23,292 It had to be you or me. 440 00:18:23,328 --> 00:18:25,148 I'll take real good care of Tandy. Bye. 441 00:18:25,173 --> 00:18:28,064 - (ALL SCREAMING) - TODD: Hey! 442 00:18:28,099 --> 00:18:29,899 Tandy! 443 00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,702 - (ALL SCREAMING) - TODD: Hey! 444 00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,276 - Tandy! No! - Oh, my God. 445 00:18:35,301 --> 00:18:37,635 CAROL: Tandy! 446 00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:41,444 Tandy! 447 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,007 (STAMMERS): Wh... 448 00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:52,577 (SCREAMS) What are you doing? 449 00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:53,835 What are you doing to me? 450 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,307 I-It's called Latisse. 451 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,702 It'll help with your brow growth. 452 00:18:56,727 --> 00:18:58,144 Why are you doing this? 453 00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,645 Eyebrows are important. 454 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,856 They're like mustaches for your eyes. 455 00:19:01,881 --> 00:19:04,483 No, I mean, why are you kidnapping me? 456 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:07,086 My wife and unborn child are on that boat. 457 00:19:07,545 --> 00:19:09,574 Caution. Wind. 458 00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:11,098 Remember, Tandy? 459 00:19:11,123 --> 00:19:12,791 I am a woman that gets what she wants. 460 00:19:12,827 --> 00:19:15,594 And I'm confident that as your brows grow, 461 00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:17,730 so will your affection for me. 462 00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,465 What are you talking about? 463 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,734 I am married to Carol. 464 00:19:22,508 --> 00:19:23,636 For now. 465 00:19:24,312 --> 00:19:25,437 Wait. No, no, no. 466 00:19:25,473 --> 00:19:28,147 Come on. Pamela, please. We have to go back. 467 00:19:28,172 --> 00:19:29,975 Relax, they'll be fine. 468 00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:32,266 I left them plenty of supplies. 469 00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:34,246 TODD: Let's see. We've got, uh, champagne, 470 00:19:34,282 --> 00:19:35,948 a friggin' fondue pot. 471 00:19:35,983 --> 00:19:39,752 Sunglasses case with no sunglasses. 472 00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,588 Fancy napkins, uh... oh. 473 00:19:42,623 --> 00:19:44,190 A bunch of beef jerky. 474 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,425 Oh, extreme teriyaki flavor. 475 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,194 Let's see now. 476 00:19:50,779 --> 00:19:52,683 Yeah, that's definitely extreme. 477 00:19:52,708 --> 00:19:54,573 Champagne and beef jerky. 478 00:19:54,598 --> 00:19:57,446 This is like New Year's at Ted Nugent's house. 479 00:19:57,471 --> 00:20:00,899 Oh, my gol. Did you see what she did to Tandy? 480 00:20:00,924 --> 00:20:02,992 - I know. - She is a monster! 481 00:20:03,017 --> 00:20:05,327 - Yeah. - We're stranded out here. 482 00:20:05,352 --> 00:20:06,879 Calm down, Jasper. 483 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,281 (MOUTH FULL): This one doesn't have the same kick. 484 00:20:09,324 --> 00:20:11,533 Oh, it's just regular teriyaki; that explains it. 485 00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:12,305 Todd, paddle! 486 00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:13,618 - Oh, I'm paddling. - Come on. 487 00:20:13,654 --> 00:20:15,787 - (DAWN CRIES) - Shh, shh, shh. It's okay. 488 00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,322 - It's gonna be okay. - GAIL: Dawn. 489 00:20:17,358 --> 00:20:18,924 You know what? That's right, Erica. 490 00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:22,061 It is gonna be okay, because if I know Tandy, 491 00:20:22,086 --> 00:20:23,595 he'll figure out a way to save us. 492 00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:24,896 We're gonna die out here. GAIL: Oh, boy. 493 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:25,931 CAROL: No, no, no, no. 494 00:20:25,966 --> 00:20:27,132 - We are so screwed! - We are. 495 00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:28,667 Okay, look. Guys, guys. 496 00:20:28,702 --> 00:20:30,438 We all need to just cool our jets. 497 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:33,615 I know this situation does seem dire right now, 498 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,907 but look on the bright side. 499 00:20:36,275 --> 00:20:39,076 We have our very own island. 500 00:20:54,301 --> 00:20:59,301 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 500 00:21:00,305 --> 00:21:06,674 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 34937

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