Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,031 --> 00:00:02,060
Previously on The Last Man on Earth...
2
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,897
- TANDY: It's a nuclear meltdown.
- Let's get the hell out of here!
3
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:05,968
TODD: Why don't we
just move somewhere
4
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,139
where there are no nuclear plants?
5
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:08,807
Then I guess we're going to Mexico.
6
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,409
CAROL: So are we going
to have some sort
7
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,344
of plan if we do see Pat?
8
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:15,602
There is no way that
Pat could ever find us.
9
00:00:15,627 --> 00:00:17,126
(YELLING)
10
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:20,552
(GUNSHOT, SCREAMING)
11
00:00:23,245 --> 00:00:24,878
Hi.
12
00:00:25,172 --> 00:00:26,525
I'm Pamela.
13
00:00:28,321 --> 00:00:29,671
Sorry. Not a great first impression.
14
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,196
I promise I'm nice.
15
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:32,998
Um, I-I hope you don't mind.
16
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:37,474
I-I brought my dear friend,
uh, Rear Admiral Roy Billups.
17
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:41,066
She's a nice ship. I can't
wait to take her out for a...
18
00:00:41,091 --> 00:00:42,074
- (GUNSHOT)
- Aah!
19
00:00:42,099 --> 00:00:43,675
- (GASPS)
- (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
20
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,544
- Pat's still alive! Pat's still alive!
- (SHOTGUN COCKS)
21
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,005
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
22
00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:50,691
(GUNFIRE, OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
23
00:00:50,716 --> 00:00:52,115
(GUN CLICKING)
24
00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:54,293
Uh.
25
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:57,222
(GROANS SOFTLY)
26
00:00:57,608 --> 00:00:59,341
Is he dead now?
27
00:01:00,057 --> 00:01:02,794
I have a pretty surefire test.
28
00:01:04,954 --> 00:01:06,420
Call it.
29
00:01:06,445 --> 00:01:09,580
Time of death... 3:18.
30
00:01:12,954 --> 00:01:15,821
Another 3:18 over here.
31
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:20,712
So, anyway, that was Roy.
32
00:01:21,138 --> 00:01:23,415
And again, Pamela.
33
00:01:23,549 --> 00:01:25,449
And, oh, this is Jeremy.
34
00:01:25,474 --> 00:01:28,409
Come here, Jeremy. Come here. (CHUCKLES)
35
00:01:28,737 --> 00:01:29,855
Oh!
36
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,124
- Aw.
- Aw.
37
00:01:31,149 --> 00:01:32,415
PAMELA: Yes.
38
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,493
There's my boy. (LAUGHS)
39
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,896
(PAMELA LAUGHS)
40
00:01:37,948 --> 00:01:41,433
- (ACCORDION PLAYS)
- TODD: ♪ Forever young ♪
41
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,435
♪ I want to be ♪
42
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,204
♪ Forever young ♪
43
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:54,900
♪ Do you really want to
live forever... young? ♪
44
00:01:54,939 --> 00:01:58,560
(SONG ENDS)
45
00:01:58,873 --> 00:02:00,239
That was very nice.
46
00:02:00,559 --> 00:02:02,330
- Thank you.
- Please have a seat
47
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,155
- while the ceremony begins.
- Sure.
48
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,127
Rear Admiral.
49
00:02:09,358 --> 00:02:10,757
What can I say?
50
00:02:11,246 --> 00:02:13,598
You died doing what you loved...
51
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,735
being alive.
52
00:02:17,408 --> 00:02:19,471
What else? Um...
53
00:02:21,134 --> 00:02:22,719
Not really sure why I'm doing the speech
54
00:02:22,744 --> 00:02:23,821
on this one, to be honest.
55
00:02:23,846 --> 00:02:24,643
Uh, Pamela?
56
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,044
- Hmm? No.
- No?
57
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,445
- No.
- Okay then.
58
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,980
Uh, Todd, little help, bud?
59
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,806
Yeah, sure.
60
00:02:35,164 --> 00:02:36,922
Mind your back.
61
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:46,498
(PANTING)
62
00:02:46,954 --> 00:02:48,554
Moving on.
63
00:02:48,666 --> 00:02:49,834
Oh, Pat.
64
00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:51,897
I think we can all agree that Pat was
65
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,823
a pretty hard person to
nail down, death-wise.
66
00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:55,994
Now let's have
67
00:02:56,019 --> 00:02:57,652
a moment of silent prayer
68
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,595
while I decapitate Pat with a shovel.
69
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:07,661
(GRUNTS)
70
00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:09,838
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
71
00:03:11,141 --> 00:03:13,200
It's really staying on there. (GRUNTS)
72
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,142
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
73
00:03:19,856 --> 00:03:21,316
(CHUCKLES): First-timers club.
74
00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:22,450
(YELLS)
75
00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:25,820
(GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY)
76
00:03:27,657 --> 00:03:30,024
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
77
00:03:33,190 --> 00:03:34,496
Oh, there we go.
78
00:03:34,531 --> 00:03:37,310
There we go. It's off. I got it.
79
00:03:37,335 --> 00:03:38,500
Oh, man.
80
00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:40,535
That was the hardest
decap I've ever done.
81
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:43,838
And I mean, head and shoulders
above the last one. Boom.
82
00:03:43,874 --> 00:03:46,307
- (LAUGHS) That's funny.
- (TANDY LAUGHS)
83
00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:47,942
Thank you! Hot room.
84
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,944
And I'm not just saying
that 'cause of the radiation.
85
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,480
(LAUGHS)
86
00:03:52,516 --> 00:03:54,616
- PAMELA (LAUGHS): Radiation.
- TANDY: Pat,
87
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,018
the severing of your
head is the first step
88
00:03:57,053 --> 00:03:59,154
in a two-step process to ensure
89
00:03:59,189 --> 00:04:02,557
that we will never be
surprised by you again.
90
00:04:02,592 --> 00:04:03,958
On to step two.
91
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,360
TANDY: Okay, so let's
92
00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:07,061
send you south.
93
00:04:07,097 --> 00:04:10,832
(ENGINE REVVING)
94
00:04:14,404 --> 00:04:17,972
And why don't you... head north?
95
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,233
(LAUGHS) Head north.
96
00:04:20,258 --> 00:04:22,692
(ENGINE REVVING)
97
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:30,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
98
00:04:42,132 --> 00:04:44,642
Oh, no! He's reassembling!
99
00:04:58,014 --> 00:05:00,114
Namaste.
100
00:05:01,709 --> 00:05:03,218
Hey, Melissa.
101
00:05:03,253 --> 00:05:06,147
How long till we get to Zihuatanejo?
102
00:05:06,288 --> 00:05:07,856
I... no idea.
103
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,528
I've never driven a boat before.
I'm just kind of winging it.
104
00:05:10,553 --> 00:05:12,520
Well, can you wing it faster?
105
00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:15,563
We have a two-day-old baby
on board, I'm about to pop,
106
00:05:15,599 --> 00:05:18,934
and there's a nuclear
dust cloud hot on our tail!
107
00:05:18,959 --> 00:05:21,482
The whole situation is M.U.B.A.R...
108
00:05:21,507 --> 00:05:24,724
Messed Up Beyond All Regular-Standards.
109
00:05:24,749 --> 00:05:26,207
Is Regular-Standards hyphenated?
110
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,909
- Regular-Standards is hyphenated.
- Well, I'm going
111
00:05:27,944 --> 00:05:29,744
as fast as I can, so...
112
00:05:29,779 --> 00:05:32,247
But you don't have to
worry, 'cause I got this.
113
00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:33,982
Okay, well, right now,
114
00:05:34,017 --> 00:05:36,251
you're giving me a
real booze-cruise vibe,
115
00:05:36,286 --> 00:05:38,219
and I need a little more Coast Guard.
116
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,888
Fine, Carol.
117
00:05:40,621 --> 00:05:41,656
Geez.
118
00:05:41,953 --> 00:05:43,658
Thanks.
119
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:49,597
TODD: So you lost
contact with the drone.
120
00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:50,832
What happened next?
121
00:05:50,867 --> 00:05:52,834
Hmm, well, I, uh, drove up to Malibu,
122
00:05:52,869 --> 00:05:55,170
and little did I know,
I had a stowaway...
123
00:05:55,195 --> 00:05:57,272
- this one.
- ERICA: Oh! So cute.
124
00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:59,340
It's been years since I've seen a dog.
125
00:05:59,376 --> 00:06:00,642
Can I hold him?
126
00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:01,943
I'm sorry, no.
127
00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:03,148
Anyway, when I arrived,
128
00:06:03,173 --> 00:06:05,313
you were all gone, and
then, Pat showed up.
129
00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:07,282
Oh, he was like a wounded animal.
130
00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:11,772
Just a mangled mass of
blood and pus, and it was...
131
00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:13,121
Oh, wonderful!
132
00:06:13,156 --> 00:06:15,690
I already have champagne,
but thank you so much.
133
00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:19,594
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Here you go.
134
00:06:20,449 --> 00:06:23,387
Slowly, I nursed Pat back to health.
135
00:06:23,412 --> 00:06:26,701
Some time went by, and our
relationship turned more...
136
00:06:27,477 --> 00:06:29,411
intimate. (LAUGHS)
137
00:06:30,507 --> 00:06:33,708
Sponge bath after sponge bath,
138
00:06:34,357 --> 00:06:36,311
the lines blurred.
139
00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:38,880
The sponge strayed.
140
00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:40,761
He was a very passionate
141
00:06:40,786 --> 00:06:41,740
and creative lover.
142
00:06:41,765 --> 00:06:44,032
He drew our entire
courtship on a pair of jeans.
143
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:45,469
(LAUGHS)
144
00:06:45,608 --> 00:06:47,374
Isn't this romantic?
145
00:06:47,847 --> 00:06:49,480
(PAMELA LAUGHS)
146
00:06:49,705 --> 00:06:51,626
That's me washing his body.
147
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,528
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
148
00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:55,630
There's our tongues.
149
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:59,400
Looks like he loved you very
much before you shot him.
150
00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:02,403
I didn't think I could be any happier.
151
00:07:02,439 --> 00:07:04,839
And then the rear admiral showed up.
152
00:07:06,209 --> 00:07:08,710
First he was just a friend, but...
153
00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:11,579
then the lines blurred,
154
00:07:11,935 --> 00:07:13,734
tongues strayed.
155
00:07:13,835 --> 00:07:18,029
We became a sensual
human centipede. (LAUGHS)
156
00:07:18,764 --> 00:07:21,432
(CLEARS THROAT) So, how'd you find us?
157
00:07:21,614 --> 00:07:23,401
Pat saw smoke coming from your camper,
158
00:07:23,426 --> 00:07:24,909
and somehow knew it was you,
159
00:07:24,934 --> 00:07:26,594
and he flew into a rage,
160
00:07:26,630 --> 00:07:28,917
and grabbed his gun. He
said he wanted revenge.
161
00:07:28,942 --> 00:07:30,190
So, we followed him.
162
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:31,399
I certainly wasn't gonna let him kill
163
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,034
the very people that saved my life.
164
00:07:33,069 --> 00:07:34,435
Saved your life?
165
00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:36,070
When I found you with that drone,
166
00:07:36,106 --> 00:07:38,716
it just gave me something to live for.
167
00:07:38,741 --> 00:07:39,638
TANDY Hey,
168
00:07:39,663 --> 00:07:42,115
you're the one who
saved us by shooting Pat.
169
00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:43,011
No, no, no.
170
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,412
- You saved me.
- Well,
171
00:07:44,447 --> 00:07:46,381
from one jean-art fan to another,
172
00:07:46,416 --> 00:07:48,750
agree to dungaree.
173
00:07:48,785 --> 00:07:50,685
(LAUGHING): Agree to dungaree.
174
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,286
Oh, God.
175
00:07:52,322 --> 00:07:53,688
Oh, my goodness.
176
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,957
Okay, I'm going to bed.
177
00:07:57,593 --> 00:07:59,394
Sleep tight.
178
00:07:59,429 --> 00:08:01,562
She's great.
179
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,682
Hey. So, how's everyone doing?
180
00:08:05,707 --> 00:08:07,573
- We all getting settled?
- CAROL: Hardly.
181
00:08:07,598 --> 00:08:11,305
Pamela took the captain's suite,
and now we're all stuck here.
182
00:08:11,341 --> 00:08:13,741
If my water breaks,
it's going right on Todd.
183
00:08:13,777 --> 00:08:15,443
Hey, I'd be honored, Carol.
184
00:08:15,478 --> 00:08:18,079
If I could just piggyback
on Carol's point there.
185
00:08:18,114 --> 00:08:20,715
My baby's sleeping in a chum bucket.
186
00:08:20,914 --> 00:08:22,380
How you holding up, champ?
187
00:08:22,415 --> 00:08:23,581
Fine.
188
00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:28,589
Hey, look, I know a lot
of stuff went down today.
189
00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:31,676
It's not often that you
see a double homicide.
190
00:08:31,832 --> 00:08:34,448
That's why I think it's
important that we have...
191
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:35,396
a talk.
192
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,098
Sometimes when a bullet
193
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:40,501
and a man's brain feel very
strongly about each other,
194
00:08:40,537 --> 00:08:43,004
they decide to take it
to the next level, okay?
195
00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:45,179
And that's called penetration.
196
00:08:45,213 --> 00:08:46,491
(LOUD METALLIC SCRAPING)
197
00:08:46,516 --> 00:08:47,816
Oh! Geez.
198
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,580
Did we hit something, hon?
199
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,183
- We did.
- All right, that's it.
200
00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:57,731
We're stopping until we
can see where we're going.
201
00:08:57,756 --> 00:08:58,632
Mm-mm.
202
00:08:58,661 --> 00:09:01,422
- No, we got to get to Zihuat.
- Well, we're not gonna get anywhere
203
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,129
with a big friggin' hole in our boat.
204
00:09:03,153 --> 00:09:04,378
- Where's the stopper?
- I'm not stopping the boat.
205
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,293
- No, I'm not showing you.
- Where is the stopper?
206
00:09:05,328 --> 00:09:07,528
- I'm not telling you.
- Where is the friggin' stopper?!
207
00:09:07,564 --> 00:09:10,264
- Fine!
- God.
208
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,000
- Now which one of these is the anchor?
- (SIGHS)
209
00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:14,035
I don't know.
210
00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,805
- (SHIP HORN BLOWS)
- Horn.
211
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,773
Lights.
212
00:09:19,211 --> 00:09:21,843
There you are, you little sucker.
213
00:09:26,479 --> 00:09:30,047
And that, my friend, is
how you anchor a boat.
214
00:09:58,465 --> 00:09:59,931
Oh, farts.
215
00:10:03,289 --> 00:10:04,922
Why can't we see land?
216
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,713
Yeah. Little hiccup.
217
00:10:08,595 --> 00:10:09,834
Our anchor malfunctioned.
218
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,306
We've been drifting all night.
219
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,061
Gail, how does an anchor malfunction?
220
00:10:13,096 --> 00:10:14,818
Did it suddenly get not heavy?
221
00:10:14,843 --> 00:10:16,931
You know that button we had to press?
222
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:20,607
Well, apparently, it's more of
a press and hold jobby.
223
00:10:20,632 --> 00:10:21,772
Thanks for telling me.
224
00:10:21,797 --> 00:10:24,606
- Are you telling me we have
no idea where we are? - Shush.
225
00:10:24,641 --> 00:10:27,675
Do you want Carol to hear you
and freak out and go into labor?
226
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:31,179
- We got to keep this between ourselves.
- TANDY: Guys?
227
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:33,448
We have a situation.
228
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,033
(SIGHS)
229
00:10:35,262 --> 00:10:36,851
I broke the bathroom.
230
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,888
How the heck did you manage to do that?
231
00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:43,024
We ran out of TP, so
I had to use my shirt.
232
00:10:43,211 --> 00:10:44,344
- Ew!
- Ew!
233
00:10:44,369 --> 00:10:45,927
Well, long story short, turns out
234
00:10:45,962 --> 00:10:48,930
that pipes on the boat are
not Beefy T compatible. FYI.
235
00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:50,700
Hey, bud, you done with my shirt?
236
00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:52,534
- Oh, you know it, yeah.
- Well, can I have it back?
237
00:10:52,930 --> 00:10:55,497
(SIGHS) Well, bad news
on that front, bud.
238
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,057
Yeah. She gone.
239
00:10:57,116 --> 00:11:00,475
Oh, yeah, we-we lost her. Yeah.
240
00:11:01,283 --> 00:11:02,877
So you used two T-shirts.
241
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:05,647
And a sock. It was a
multiple flush situation.
242
00:11:05,682 --> 00:11:06,881
Ah, not to worry.
243
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,917
I arranged a backup.
244
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:12,153
Shazam.
245
00:11:13,617 --> 00:11:14,823
Jeremy! No! No, no, no!
246
00:11:14,858 --> 00:11:17,926
No, no. Oh, bad dog.
247
00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:19,360
(SIGHS) Sorry, you guys.
248
00:11:19,385 --> 00:11:21,896
It wasn't designed to
hold the weight of a dog.
249
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,832
TODD: Uh, where's land?
250
00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:25,733
It's there.
251
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,569
You just can't see it right now.
252
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:30,269
- GAIL: Yeah, it's an illusion.
- MELISSA: Yeah.
253
00:11:30,294 --> 00:11:34,572
The reflection of the water
blocks the view of the land.
254
00:11:34,597 --> 00:11:36,444
It's, uh, called...
255
00:11:36,857 --> 00:11:37,979
GAIL AND MELISSA: Davy Jones'...
256
00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:39,481
- Mirror.
- Mirror.
257
00:11:39,513 --> 00:11:40,105
Yeah.
258
00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:41,583
- Davy Jones' Mirror.
- Davy Jones' Mirror.
259
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,124
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, know it well.
260
00:11:44,149 --> 00:11:45,587
Know it well.
261
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,155
- TODD: Really?
- TANDY: Here, help me fish this
262
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:48,356
- toilet paper out of the water.
- TODD: Yeah.
263
00:11:48,391 --> 00:11:49,457
TANDY: It's my favorite brand.
264
00:11:49,493 --> 00:11:50,959
Hey-o. (CHUCKLES)
265
00:11:51,321 --> 00:11:52,794
- PAMELA: Good morning.
- Good morning.
266
00:11:52,829 --> 00:11:55,497
Well, your eyes don't have
brows, but your nipples sure do.
267
00:11:55,532 --> 00:11:58,266
Thank you. Uh, speaking
of hairy situations,
268
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,669
I did a, a little number on
the "B" room this morning, two.
269
00:12:01,705 --> 00:12:03,705
And it is fully out of commish, yeah.
270
00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:06,174
Hmm. I'm all ears.
271
00:12:06,209 --> 00:12:08,276
If you're all ears, then I
guess I can talk down here.
272
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,644
- Or into here, or in here.
- (GIGGLING)
273
00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:11,145
Or into here, or into here.
274
00:12:11,181 --> 00:12:12,671
Or up here, or down here, over here.
275
00:12:12,696 --> 00:12:13,796
Tandy.
276
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:18,019
Pamela. You look rested.
277
00:12:18,401 --> 00:12:20,154
I didn't sleep well at all.
278
00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:21,389
Ugh, wasn't it terrible?
279
00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:24,025
Sometimes a bed can be too big.
280
00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:26,108
So, what are you two up to?
281
00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:27,258
TANDY: Well, I was just, uh,
282
00:12:27,283 --> 00:12:29,898
telling Pamela that I put
one too many logs on the fire.
283
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,008
(LAUGHS): Oh, "logs on the fire."
284
00:12:32,078 --> 00:12:33,201
I like that.
285
00:12:33,236 --> 00:12:35,746
Well, if you like that, I
got a bridge I could sell ya.
286
00:12:35,771 --> 00:12:37,739
I don't have a bridge,
I'm not a dentist.
287
00:12:37,774 --> 00:12:39,099
(LAUGHS): What? Like a bridge?
288
00:12:39,124 --> 00:12:40,909
Like in someone's mouth.
289
00:12:40,944 --> 00:12:42,911
(TANDY AND PAMELA LAUGH)
290
00:12:42,946 --> 00:12:44,712
(CACKLING)
291
00:12:44,748 --> 00:12:46,884
Yeah, he's not a dentist.
292
00:12:46,909 --> 00:12:47,753
TANDY: By the way,
293
00:12:47,778 --> 00:12:49,327
why do they call them dentists? I mean,
294
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,919
do they specialize in dents?
295
00:12:50,954 --> 00:12:52,220
(LAUGHING)
296
00:12:52,255 --> 00:12:55,490
(LAUGHING): Dents. They don't.
297
00:12:55,525 --> 00:13:00,695
(LAUGHING): Yeah, it's priceless.
298
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,731
I mean, they should call
them "toothists," am I right?
299
00:13:03,767 --> 00:13:05,833
- (LAUGHS): "Toothists."
- (CAROL CACKLES)
300
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,770
(CACKLING)
301
00:13:08,805 --> 00:13:10,772
(WHOOPS)
302
00:13:13,076 --> 00:13:16,210
You're right! You're right!
You're right! (LAUGHS)
303
00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:22,750
Well, this has been very, very fun.
304
00:13:22,786 --> 00:13:25,942
Uh, again, broken toilet,
catch you on the flippety.
305
00:13:25,967 --> 00:13:27,426
Catch you on the flippety,
catch you on the flippety,
306
00:13:27,451 --> 00:13:28,523
catch you on the flippety,
307
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,191
catch you on the flippety,
catch you on the flippety.
308
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,360
- A little inside joke with us.
- Love it.
309
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,228
I love inside jokes.
310
00:13:34,264 --> 00:13:36,230
Oh, yeah.
311
00:13:37,156 --> 00:13:39,767
Guess around I'll be seeing you.
312
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,042
Yeah, because we had...
we went from here to here.
313
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,310
- Okay, okay.
- Hey, uh,
314
00:13:49,335 --> 00:13:51,208
- what's the holdup?
- No holdup.
315
00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:53,915
- Just charting it up.
- Look, I don't
316
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:58,589
want to talk out of turn,
but that Pamela is a real "B,"
317
00:13:58,614 --> 00:14:00,955
minus the stinger, plus the itch.
318
00:14:00,991 --> 00:14:02,957
Not only did she take the big room,
319
00:14:02,993 --> 00:14:05,159
she's all over my husband.
320
00:14:05,195 --> 00:14:06,961
She laughs at all of his jokes.
321
00:14:06,997 --> 00:14:09,759
And let's face it, he's
no Garrison Keillor.
322
00:14:09,784 --> 00:14:10,965
MELISSA: She sucks.
323
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:12,166
I'm pretty sure she's
the one burning through
324
00:14:12,202 --> 00:14:13,568
our supplies, too.
325
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,770
Uh, you think?
326
00:14:21,544 --> 00:14:23,077
There we go.
327
00:14:25,148 --> 00:14:26,514
(JEREMY BARKS)
328
00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:30,618
Jeremy, are you wearing
sunscreen? (SCOFFS)
329
00:14:31,192 --> 00:14:33,187
Told you a million times that
sunscreen's very important.
330
00:14:33,223 --> 00:14:34,689
There you are. (CHUCKLES)
331
00:14:34,724 --> 00:14:37,158
- Little rascal.
- MELISSA: Too late.
332
00:14:37,352 --> 00:14:39,867
CAROL: That settles it.
As soon as we hit dry land,
333
00:14:39,899 --> 00:14:41,829
we cut Pamela loose.
334
00:14:42,258 --> 00:14:43,575
GAIL: Amen to that.
335
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,367
MELISSA: Fine with me.
336
00:14:47,255 --> 00:14:48,703
Don't you worry.
337
00:14:48,738 --> 00:14:50,371
Your mama will fix this.
338
00:14:50,407 --> 00:14:52,440
Mama fixes everything.
339
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,881
Man, I can't wait till
we get to Zihuatanejo.
340
00:14:59,916 --> 00:15:01,182
Hey, Gail.
341
00:15:01,217 --> 00:15:02,817
How much longer?
342
00:15:02,852 --> 00:15:05,453
Well, if this wind holds,
343
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,789
I would give it...
344
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,960
four or maybe five nautical hours.
345
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,829
You can tell the wind inside?
346
00:15:14,864 --> 00:15:16,797
Todd, my family has a rich history
347
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,332
of boating while intoxicated.
348
00:15:18,368 --> 00:15:19,727
I think I know what I'm doing.
349
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,169
Um, where's my breast milk?
350
00:15:22,205 --> 00:15:23,638
White Russians, anyone?
351
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:24,972
Come on, we're on a cruise.
352
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,841
Take the edge off. Enjoy.
353
00:15:26,876 --> 00:15:28,138
Oh, my God.
354
00:15:28,163 --> 00:15:29,844
That's my breast milk.
355
00:15:29,879 --> 00:15:31,812
Who steals from a baby?
356
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,547
Well, it wasn't labeled.
357
00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,549
It wasn't in a breast.
358
00:15:35,585 --> 00:15:36,817
Tandy seems to like it.
359
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,886
Mmm. Are you kidding?
360
00:15:38,922 --> 00:15:41,722
That was the breast
White Russian I've ever had.
361
00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:44,058
My compliments to the chef.
362
00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:45,893
Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
363
00:15:45,929 --> 00:15:47,361
MELISSA: Land!
364
00:15:47,397 --> 00:15:48,863
Land!
365
00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:51,265
- We did it!
- GAIL: Oh, my God.
366
00:15:51,301 --> 00:15:52,900
(WHOOPS) We did it!
367
00:15:53,868 --> 00:15:55,236
What? I don't get it.
What's the big deal?
368
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:56,904
Haven't we been following
land the whole time?
369
00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:57,923
Yeah and why
370
00:15:57,948 --> 00:15:59,874
is Mexico an island?
371
00:15:59,909 --> 00:16:01,767
Um, okay, y'all.
372
00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:04,011
There's kind of a good news/bad news
373
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,780
type of situation here.
374
00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:09,116
The good news is we found land.
375
00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:13,587
And Melissa will be
fielding the bad news.
376
00:16:13,623 --> 00:16:15,723
All right? Take it away, hon.
377
00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,291
Thanks.
378
00:16:17,327 --> 00:16:18,824
Uh, we're lost.
379
00:16:18,856 --> 00:16:20,234
What? Are you kidding me? Seriously?
380
00:16:20,263 --> 00:16:21,535
How'd that happen?
381
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,364
Well, when we dropped anchor last night,
382
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,590
something went wrong,
383
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,676
and, um, we drifted out to sea.
384
00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:28,879
- Geez.
- GAIL: And rather than get your panties
385
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,913
in a collective bunch,
we just decided to lie
386
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,448
and tell you we knew where we were.
387
00:16:32,483 --> 00:16:34,392
- Are you out of your minds?
- Cheese and rice.
388
00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:35,673
She was on anchor duty.
389
00:16:35,698 --> 00:16:37,253
And she was drinking like a fish.
390
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,621
It's my honeymoon.
391
00:16:38,656 --> 00:16:40,353
Well, what do we do
now? W-We're out here
392
00:16:40,378 --> 00:16:43,135
in the middle of nowhere and
we're running out of supplies.
393
00:16:43,223 --> 00:16:45,189
Yeah, 'cause of someone.
394
00:16:47,498 --> 00:16:49,532
TODD: Maybe there's some
supplies on the island.
395
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:50,933
Fresh water, coconuts.
396
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,635
Ooh, a coconut breast milk smoothie
397
00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:53,870
would be next level.
398
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:56,005
Uh, for Dawn, not for me.
399
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,274
Virgin... the drink, not Dawn.
400
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,509
Well, I presume she's a virgin as well.
401
00:17:00,545 --> 00:17:01,555
- Gross!
- Gross! Ew!
402
00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:03,546
- Geez, man.
- Oh, God. You know what?
403
00:17:03,581 --> 00:17:04,947
I-I just want to get off this boat.
404
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,405
I don't care what the reason is.
405
00:17:06,430 --> 00:17:08,317
Okay, then it's settled.
406
00:17:08,353 --> 00:17:10,219
We're going to the island.
407
00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:12,455
Good. 'Cause it's starting to feel
408
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,624
a little crowded on this boat.
409
00:17:21,715 --> 00:17:23,401
GAIL: Get ready for half an hour
410
00:17:23,426 --> 00:17:25,701
of Tandy making jokes about his dinghy.
411
00:17:25,737 --> 00:17:27,803
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Hey, Gail,
412
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,721
guess what you're
sitting on right now, huh?
413
00:17:29,746 --> 00:17:31,010
Uh, Tandy, could I ask you something?
414
00:17:31,035 --> 00:17:31,807
Let that marinate.
415
00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,175
Uh, trust me, it'll be worth it.
416
00:17:33,211 --> 00:17:35,077
Yeah, go ahead, Pamela.
417
00:17:35,113 --> 00:17:36,913
Do you ever feel like
you need to do something
418
00:17:36,948 --> 00:17:39,348
even though if you did it,
everyone would hate you?
419
00:17:39,384 --> 00:17:41,851
Hey, literally, all the time.
420
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,152
What do you do?
421
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,154
Well, I'll tell you what I do.
422
00:17:45,454 --> 00:17:48,724
Caution. Wind. (LAUGHS)
423
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,393
Thanks, Tandy.
424
00:17:50,428 --> 00:17:52,228
That's what I thought.
425
00:17:52,435 --> 00:17:54,202
You know what? I just painted my nails.
426
00:17:54,227 --> 00:17:57,233
Would you do me a favor and
untie that rope so I can get in?
427
00:17:57,584 --> 00:17:59,535
Un-tie to stop me.
428
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:02,004
- Gail, Gail. Gail.
- (LAUGHS): Oh.
429
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,439
Gail. Gail.
430
00:18:03,474 --> 00:18:04,674
It's my dinghy.
431
00:18:06,144 --> 00:18:07,677
CAROL: So, how do we
make this thing move?
432
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:10,166
- MELISSA: We row.
- CAROL: Oh, that's fun.
433
00:18:10,191 --> 00:18:12,415
Okay. (GRUNTS, LAUGHS)
434
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:14,383
Hey, I think you accidentally hit me.
435
00:18:14,419 --> 00:18:15,718
Sorry. (LAUGHS)
436
00:18:15,753 --> 00:18:17,183
God. Ow.
437
00:18:17,755 --> 00:18:19,288
Whoa! (SCREAMS)
438
00:18:19,806 --> 00:18:21,804
Sorry. I overheard what you
said about cutting me loose.
439
00:18:21,829 --> 00:18:23,292
It had to be you or me.
440
00:18:23,328 --> 00:18:25,148
I'll take real good care of Tandy. Bye.
441
00:18:25,173 --> 00:18:28,064
- (ALL SCREAMING)
- TODD: Hey!
442
00:18:28,099 --> 00:18:29,899
Tandy!
443
00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,702
- (ALL SCREAMING)
- TODD: Hey!
444
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,276
- Tandy! No!
- Oh, my God.
445
00:18:35,301 --> 00:18:37,635
CAROL: Tandy!
446
00:18:39,010 --> 00:18:41,444
Tandy!
447
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,007
(STAMMERS): Wh...
448
00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:52,577
(SCREAMS) What are you doing?
449
00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:53,835
What are you doing to me?
450
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,307
I-It's called Latisse.
451
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,702
It'll help with your brow growth.
452
00:18:56,727 --> 00:18:58,144
Why are you doing this?
453
00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,645
Eyebrows are important.
454
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,856
They're like mustaches for your eyes.
455
00:19:01,881 --> 00:19:04,483
No, I mean, why are you kidnapping me?
456
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:07,086
My wife and unborn
child are on that boat.
457
00:19:07,545 --> 00:19:09,574
Caution. Wind.
458
00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:11,098
Remember, Tandy?
459
00:19:11,123 --> 00:19:12,791
I am a woman that gets what she wants.
460
00:19:12,827 --> 00:19:15,594
And I'm confident that
as your brows grow,
461
00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:17,730
so will your affection for me.
462
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,465
What are you talking about?
463
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,734
I am married to Carol.
464
00:19:22,508 --> 00:19:23,636
For now.
465
00:19:24,312 --> 00:19:25,437
Wait. No, no, no.
466
00:19:25,473 --> 00:19:28,147
Come on. Pamela, please.
We have to go back.
467
00:19:28,172 --> 00:19:29,975
Relax, they'll be fine.
468
00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:32,266
I left them plenty of supplies.
469
00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:34,246
TODD: Let's see. We've
got, uh, champagne,
470
00:19:34,282 --> 00:19:35,948
a friggin' fondue pot.
471
00:19:35,983 --> 00:19:39,752
Sunglasses case with no sunglasses.
472
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,588
Fancy napkins, uh... oh.
473
00:19:42,623 --> 00:19:44,190
A bunch of beef jerky.
474
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,425
Oh, extreme teriyaki flavor.
475
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,194
Let's see now.
476
00:19:50,779 --> 00:19:52,683
Yeah, that's definitely extreme.
477
00:19:52,708 --> 00:19:54,573
Champagne and beef jerky.
478
00:19:54,598 --> 00:19:57,446
This is like New Year's
at Ted Nugent's house.
479
00:19:57,471 --> 00:20:00,899
Oh, my gol. Did you see
what she did to Tandy?
480
00:20:00,924 --> 00:20:02,992
- I know.
- She is a monster!
481
00:20:03,017 --> 00:20:05,327
- Yeah.
- We're stranded out here.
482
00:20:05,352 --> 00:20:06,879
Calm down, Jasper.
483
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,281
(MOUTH FULL): This one
doesn't have the same kick.
484
00:20:09,324 --> 00:20:11,533
Oh, it's just regular
teriyaki; that explains it.
485
00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:12,305
Todd, paddle!
486
00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:13,618
- Oh, I'm paddling.
- Come on.
487
00:20:13,654 --> 00:20:15,787
- (DAWN CRIES)
- Shh, shh, shh. It's okay.
488
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,322
- It's gonna be okay.
- GAIL: Dawn.
489
00:20:17,358 --> 00:20:18,924
You know what? That's right, Erica.
490
00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:22,061
It is gonna be okay,
because if I know Tandy,
491
00:20:22,086 --> 00:20:23,595
he'll figure out a way to save us.
492
00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:24,896
We're gonna die out here. GAIL: Oh, boy.
493
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:25,931
CAROL: No, no, no, no.
494
00:20:25,966 --> 00:20:27,132
- We are so screwed!
- We are.
495
00:20:27,167 --> 00:20:28,667
Okay, look. Guys, guys.
496
00:20:28,702 --> 00:20:30,438
We all need to just cool our jets.
497
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:33,615
I know this situation
does seem dire right now,
498
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,907
but look on the bright side.
499
00:20:36,275 --> 00:20:39,076
We have our very own island.
500
00:20:54,301 --> 00:20:59,301
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
500
00:21:00,305 --> 00:21:06,674
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
34937
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.