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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,887 --> 00:00:04,918 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,943 --> 00:00:08,177 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,202 --> 00:00:11,704 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,729 --> 00:00:14,664 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,689 --> 00:00:17,810 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,132 --> 00:00:21,598 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,623 --> 00:00:23,146 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,171 --> 00:00:24,705 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:30,196 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:30,221 --> 00:00:34,958 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,923 Hey, Meg. Where are you going? 12 00:00:37,948 --> 00:00:40,691 Are you kidding? The Olympic qualifiers are today. 13 00:00:40,716 --> 00:00:42,887 - I'm competing. - In what? 14 00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:43,830 - I'm a bi... - Knew it. 15 00:00:43,855 --> 00:00:45,099 - Athlete. - Didn't know it. 16 00:00:45,124 --> 00:00:47,371 If I win today, I'm going to the Olympics. 17 00:00:47,396 --> 00:00:49,783 Why is this the first we're hearing about this? 18 00:00:49,808 --> 00:00:53,222 It's not. God, how could you guys not know about this? 19 00:00:53,247 --> 00:00:54,935 I've been training for years. 20 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,372 Peter. Peter, I need you to hold my ears. Aah! 21 00:00:59,970 --> 00:01:01,732 Oh. Oh. 22 00:01:06,288 --> 00:01:08,705 Who wants chowder? 23 00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:11,834 Okay, I'm off to go train for the Olympics. 24 00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:13,173 Ew! 25 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:16,627 Mom? Mommy? Mommy? 26 00:01:16,652 --> 00:01:18,561 Mommy? Mama? 27 00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:20,809 Hey, Ma, I'm gonna go train for the Olympics. 28 00:01:20,834 --> 00:01:23,741 Mama? Mama? Ma? 29 00:01:23,766 --> 00:01:27,625 My goal becomes clear: the broccoli must die. 30 00:01:29,999 --> 00:01:32,126 All right, I'm off to train for the Olympics. 31 00:01:32,455 --> 00:01:35,289 See? I've been training since I was Lacey Chabert. 32 00:01:35,314 --> 00:01:37,652 - So, are you guys gonna come? - I don't know. 33 00:01:37,677 --> 00:01:39,940 The Yule Log Channel just put on another log, 34 00:01:39,965 --> 00:01:42,550 and I really like it when the wood goes "crack, crack, 35 00:01:42,575 --> 00:01:43,799 pop, crack, pop." 36 00:01:43,824 --> 00:01:45,813 We all like that. Sorry, Meg. 37 00:01:45,838 --> 00:01:47,229 That's okay. 38 00:01:47,254 --> 00:01:49,516 I guess I'll just drive there by myself... 39 00:01:49,825 --> 00:01:51,317 in my Jeep! 40 00:01:51,342 --> 00:01:52,932 Wait a minute. You have a Jeep? 41 00:01:52,957 --> 00:01:54,724 Well, why didn't you say so? 42 00:01:54,749 --> 00:01:56,224 Come on, family! 43 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:58,310 Let's go do TV commercial driving meant 44 00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:00,752 for a professional driver on a closed course. 45 00:02:00,777 --> 00:02:03,920 Jeep: The toughest four-letter word on wheels. 46 00:02:03,945 --> 00:02:06,610 For the driver who doesn't like to stop going 47 00:02:06,635 --> 00:02:08,335 just because they've run out of road. 48 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,792 Ow, my balls! Why'd you do that? 49 00:02:09,817 --> 00:02:11,161 Head out where the real fun begins. 50 00:02:11,186 --> 00:02:12,385 There was plenty of road left! 51 00:02:12,418 --> 00:02:13,499 Where the paved roads leave off. 52 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:14,666 Aah! My balls! It's too bumpy. 53 00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,368 Potholes and bumps and ruts can come as they will. 54 00:02:16,393 --> 00:02:17,659 Ah, they're getting rattled and smushed. 55 00:02:17,684 --> 00:02:18,952 Jeep's welded, rugged and riveted frame... 56 00:02:18,977 --> 00:02:20,030 Please go back on the road! 57 00:02:20,055 --> 00:02:21,082 Takes punishment in large doses... 58 00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:22,304 - My balls! - And comes back for more! 59 00:02:22,329 --> 00:02:24,553 I like safe driving. My balls! 60 00:02:30,132 --> 00:02:31,939 Thanks again for coming, guys. 61 00:02:31,964 --> 00:02:33,730 It really means a lot to me. 62 00:02:33,755 --> 00:02:35,455 Of course, honey. We wouldn't miss it. 63 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,064 Plus, it's a good excuse to put on my winter coat 64 00:02:38,089 --> 00:02:40,421 and find items from last year still in the pocket. 65 00:02:40,446 --> 00:02:43,981 Ooh, sticky pennies, a rock-hard Starburst, 66 00:02:44,034 --> 00:02:46,518 an appointment card for my next dental appointment 67 00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:47,976 that's already come and gone, 68 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,536 a ticket stub for a matinee of Interstellar, 69 00:02:50,561 --> 00:02:52,799 an unwrapped piece of Dentyne, 70 00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:55,224 a yarmulke from when that Jewish guy died, 71 00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:58,158 a breath mint from the now-defunct Clorets corporation, 72 00:02:58,183 --> 00:03:00,996 printed-out Mapquest directions to Dave & Buster's, 73 00:03:01,021 --> 00:03:03,025 Iron Man Band-Aid, 74 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,510 Flintstone vitamin I didn't take 'cause it was Barney, 75 00:03:05,535 --> 00:03:07,746 refrigerator magnet from local electrician 76 00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:08,966 who is now arrested, 77 00:03:08,991 --> 00:03:11,659 and balled up tissues with last year's flu on it. 78 00:03:11,684 --> 00:03:13,616 You done with your pocket bits? It's freezing! 79 00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:16,136 So the biathlon combines cross-country skiing 80 00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:18,153 - and rifle shooting? - Yeah. 81 00:03:18,178 --> 00:03:19,850 Well, that doesn't sound so hard. Can I try? 82 00:03:19,875 --> 00:03:21,276 I don't know if that's a good idea. 83 00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:22,934 My event starts soon. 84 00:03:22,959 --> 00:03:25,880 Meg, it is my duty as a bad father to prove 85 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:27,536 that I can do anything my kids can do. 86 00:03:27,561 --> 00:03:29,706 Okay, fine. 87 00:03:32,271 --> 00:03:34,041 Here we go. 88 00:03:35,294 --> 00:03:37,692 All right, I think I'm getting the hang of it. 89 00:03:40,714 --> 00:03:43,437 I have to say, I'm very proud of Meg. 90 00:03:43,462 --> 00:03:45,076 Who knew she was good at something? 91 00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:47,571 Yeah, does anybody else in the family have any secret talents 92 00:03:47,596 --> 00:03:48,795 we don't know about? 93 00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:51,241 I'm the Quahog edging champion. 94 00:03:51,266 --> 00:03:52,901 That's great, Chris. Now what's that? 95 00:03:52,926 --> 00:03:56,094 It's the practice of erotic sexual denial. 96 00:03:56,119 --> 00:03:58,461 Go wait in the car. 97 00:03:59,432 --> 00:04:01,532 And no edging! 98 00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:03,476 But he did continue edging, 99 00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:05,685 bringing himself to the verge of sexual pleasure, 100 00:04:05,710 --> 00:04:07,677 only to stop at the last moment. 101 00:04:07,702 --> 00:04:09,988 I'm Ron Howard, and I do voice-overs 102 00:04:10,013 --> 00:04:11,196 for this show now, too. 103 00:04:11,221 --> 00:04:13,082 But that was the only voice-over 104 00:04:13,107 --> 00:04:14,744 Ron Howard did for the show. 105 00:04:14,769 --> 00:04:16,606 He asked for too much money. 106 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:19,919 I'm Kristen Bell, and I do reasonably-priced voice-overs. 107 00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,830 But her voice-overs 108 00:04:21,855 --> 00:04:24,846 were not reasonably priced, so they turned to me, 109 00:04:24,871 --> 00:04:27,156 a guy who sounds like Morgan Freeman, 110 00:04:27,181 --> 00:04:29,575 but is not, in fact, Morgan Freeman. 111 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,833 My name is Josh Robert Thompson, 112 00:04:31,858 --> 00:04:33,829 and I perform for scale. 113 00:05:10,867 --> 00:05:12,412 You're going down, Meg. 114 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,143 - Lacey Chabert?! - That's right. 115 00:05:14,168 --> 00:05:16,182 This should be my Olympics. 116 00:05:16,207 --> 00:05:18,044 - Shut up, Meg. - No, you shut up, Meg. 117 00:05:18,069 --> 00:05:20,023 No, you shut up, Meg. 118 00:05:20,048 --> 00:05:22,170 Shut up, Megs! 119 00:05:29,686 --> 00:05:31,228 Yay, Meg! 120 00:05:31,253 --> 00:05:33,256 Wow. Meg is going to the Olympics! 121 00:05:33,281 --> 00:05:35,089 Let's celebrate by burning our lips 122 00:05:35,114 --> 00:05:37,492 on vending machine hot chocolate. 123 00:05:37,789 --> 00:05:38,988 - Ow! - Ugh! 124 00:05:39,013 --> 00:05:41,012 Mine has whipped cream, so I didn't get it 125 00:05:41,037 --> 00:05:42,522 on the first sip. 126 00:05:43,074 --> 00:05:44,090 Ow! 127 00:05:44,522 --> 00:05:48,641 _ 128 00:05:48,746 --> 00:05:50,212 Thank you. 129 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:53,434 Um, I-I'm not really good at public speaking, 130 00:05:53,459 --> 00:05:57,528 so I'll just say... farble shlup muckle blop. 131 00:05:57,553 --> 00:05:59,376 All right, Meg, I'll take it from here. 132 00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:02,302 Hi. I'm Lois Griffin, Meg's mother. 133 00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:05,565 You may also know me as the lady who threw a plate of cheese 134 00:06:05,590 --> 00:06:07,356 during that city council meeting. 135 00:06:08,726 --> 00:06:10,693 But we got the streets plowed, though, right? 136 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:13,115 The cheese worked, yeah. 137 00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:16,616 I just wanted to say how proud we are of Meg's accomplishment. 138 00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:18,726 So it looks like the Griffins are going 139 00:06:18,751 --> 00:06:20,980 to the Winter Olympics in Korea! 140 00:06:23,952 --> 00:06:27,710 Do you think there'll be a gag about the Jamaican bobsled team? 141 00:06:27,785 --> 00:06:29,302 - No, probably not. - Oh. 142 00:06:29,327 --> 00:06:31,989 'Cause I was working on my exaggerated shiver. 143 00:06:32,014 --> 00:06:34,398 Burr. Burr. Oh. 144 00:06:34,423 --> 00:06:36,419 Yeah, man, it be cold. 145 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:38,444 Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, maybe. 146 00:06:38,469 --> 00:06:41,262 There might be. Don't-don't go far. Don't go far. 147 00:06:58,592 --> 00:07:00,592 My race isn't for a few days, 148 00:07:00,617 --> 00:07:02,934 so we should have plenty of time to hang out. 149 00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:04,373 Anyone want to grab some food? 150 00:07:04,398 --> 00:07:05,897 Sorry, Meg, I can't. 151 00:07:05,922 --> 00:07:07,534 I'm trying to land you some endorsements, 152 00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:10,712 and I have a lead with a very popular IBS medication. 153 00:07:10,737 --> 00:07:12,267 Quick, say, 154 00:07:12,292 --> 00:07:15,671 "I never let traveler's diarrhea keep me grounded." 155 00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:16,447 No! 156 00:07:16,472 --> 00:07:19,208 Well, then you're just handing this thing right to John Kruk! 157 00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:22,899 _ 158 00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:31,050 Oh, my God, Brian, look. 159 00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:34,628 - Who is that? - Oh, that's figure skater 160 00:07:34,653 --> 00:07:37,248 turned flamboyant commentator Johnny Weir. 161 00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:38,570 I wonder where Tara Lipinski is. 162 00:07:38,595 --> 00:07:39,957 I heard they always have to be 163 00:07:39,982 --> 00:07:41,970 within quipping distance of each other. 164 00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:44,651 Oh, she's in the hat! 165 00:07:46,093 --> 00:07:47,707 Isn't she amazing? 166 00:07:47,732 --> 00:07:48,956 I feel like she's my soul mate. 167 00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:50,282 How is she your soul mate? 168 00:07:50,307 --> 00:07:51,745 She looks like a baby, 169 00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,355 and she's best friends with a gay guy. 170 00:07:53,387 --> 00:07:55,507 - Her life is my life. - I'm not gay. 171 00:07:55,532 --> 00:07:56,898 Well, it's not me! 172 00:07:56,923 --> 00:07:58,200 Come on, let's go meet them. 173 00:07:58,225 --> 00:08:00,583 Hi. I just had to come over and introduce myself. 174 00:08:00,608 --> 00:08:03,542 My name is Stewie, and I'm a huge fan of you guys. 175 00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,771 Oh, it's nice to meet you, Stewie. 176 00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:07,999 Yeah, it's always so nice to meet our fans. 177 00:08:08,024 --> 00:08:12,283 And can I just say, the shape of your head is stunning. 178 00:08:12,308 --> 00:08:13,898 Really? I get a lot of grief for it. 179 00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:15,807 Some people say it looks like a football. 180 00:08:15,832 --> 00:08:18,753 Okay, I don't know what that is, but they're just jealous. 181 00:08:18,778 --> 00:08:20,156 Every one of them. 182 00:08:20,181 --> 00:08:22,761 Remember, nothing normal looks good. 183 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,053 Well, I have to say, you two are the best thing 184 00:08:25,078 --> 00:08:26,102 to happen to sports 185 00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:28,576 since the New York Knicks finally changed their name. 186 00:08:28,601 --> 00:08:30,112 Ladies and gentlemen, 187 00:08:30,137 --> 00:08:34,765 please welcome your 2018 New York Pieces-Of-Dog-. 188 00:08:43,685 --> 00:08:45,145 Bitty bitty bop. 189 00:08:46,981 --> 00:08:49,322 Funky, funky. 190 00:08:49,647 --> 00:08:52,472 _ 191 00:08:52,497 --> 00:08:54,812 _ 192 00:08:54,837 --> 00:08:57,589 _ 193 00:08:57,614 --> 00:08:59,910 _ 194 00:08:59,935 --> 00:09:02,061 _ 195 00:09:02,086 --> 00:09:06,279 _ 196 00:09:11,312 --> 00:09:12,578 Wow, I can't believe 197 00:09:12,603 --> 00:09:15,087 I'm on a first-name basis with Tara Lipinski. 198 00:09:15,112 --> 00:09:18,087 Now, refresh my memory: is Tara the one who had the DUI? 199 00:09:18,112 --> 00:09:19,478 No, that's Oksana Baiul! 200 00:09:19,503 --> 00:09:21,286 Oh, sounds like something Gandalf says 201 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,667 at the foot of a mountain. 202 00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:25,597 Oksana Baiul! 203 00:09:32,601 --> 00:09:34,895 Okay, we can go in now. 204 00:09:35,944 --> 00:09:37,281 Oh, God, here she comes! 205 00:09:37,306 --> 00:09:38,795 Act like I said something funny. 206 00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:39,911 I don't know, Stewie. 207 00:09:39,936 --> 00:09:42,562 I think the Special Olympics serve an important purpose. 208 00:09:42,587 --> 00:09:44,963 So do I! Who thinks they don't? 209 00:09:44,988 --> 00:09:46,209 I don't know. Ask this guy. 210 00:09:46,234 --> 00:09:48,686 He's a dog. He's just learning how to talk. 211 00:09:48,711 --> 00:09:51,546 So, hey, Tara, are you doing anything later? 212 00:09:51,571 --> 00:09:53,924 I was thinking maybe we could grab dinner or something. 213 00:09:53,949 --> 00:09:56,561 Yeah, sure. You seem cool. That could be fun. 214 00:09:56,644 --> 00:09:58,277 All right then, it's a date. 215 00:09:58,302 --> 00:09:59,701 Oh, I just need to make a call. 216 00:09:59,726 --> 00:10:01,359 I was supposed to help the speed skaters 217 00:10:01,384 --> 00:10:03,470 get their tights over their thighs. 218 00:10:04,975 --> 00:10:06,703 Stewie, it's not gonna fit! 219 00:10:06,728 --> 00:10:08,033 Hey, we can do this. 220 00:10:08,058 --> 00:10:11,229 I worked with Garth Brooks. Shirt and pants. 221 00:10:11,597 --> 00:10:14,396 Little secret... Garth wears leggings. 222 00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:17,727 The denim pattern is projected on. 223 00:10:17,752 --> 00:10:20,706 Hello, Kansas City! 224 00:10:21,302 --> 00:10:23,960 Stick to the agreed-upon choreography, please. 225 00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:26,122 Ask who else has friends in low places. 226 00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:28,990 Hey, who else here has friends in low places? 227 00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:32,163 All right, we got 'em back, baby. 228 00:10:38,577 --> 00:10:40,409 Whoa, Ryan Lochte? 229 00:10:40,434 --> 00:10:42,576 - Uh, where? - You. 230 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:43,886 Oh, yeah. 231 00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,793 Hey, are you athlete? 232 00:10:45,818 --> 00:10:48,380 No, I just like wearing clothes that feel like pajamas. 233 00:10:48,405 --> 00:10:51,368 That's most of what being athlete is. 234 00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:53,935 Wait, aren't you a summer sport guy? 235 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,601 Oh... it's cold. 236 00:10:56,626 --> 00:10:58,901 Here's a beer. Follow me. 237 00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:01,011 Peter partied all night 238 00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,599 with international bozo Ryan Lochte. 239 00:11:03,624 --> 00:11:05,807 And this voice-over was actually covered 240 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,494 by my original payment. 241 00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:15,838 Stewie, I'm very impressed. 242 00:11:15,863 --> 00:11:17,796 I didn't know you skated. 243 00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:20,462 Yeah, well, there's a lot you don't know about me. 244 00:11:20,487 --> 00:11:22,653 Like I'm always full of surprises. 245 00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:26,245 - Did it work? - Yes. Yeah. 246 00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:27,960 You were supposed to be quiet! 247 00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:30,478 Would you like to join me for a dance? 248 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:35,875 Wow! 249 00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:47,826 But that's not how it really happened. 250 00:11:47,851 --> 00:11:50,125 Would you like to join me for a dance? 251 00:11:51,539 --> 00:11:53,772 Oh-ho! Wow. 252 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,614 Ow! Ow! I bit my tongue! 253 00:11:55,639 --> 00:11:58,407 - I swallowed the piece! - Oh, my God, are you okay? 254 00:11:58,432 --> 00:12:00,432 Don't go on the ice. It's too slippery. 255 00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:02,459 I'll crawl back. Don't watch me. 256 00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:15,036 - Hi, hi, hi. - Oh. Hey, Johnny. 257 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:18,167 I'm just gonna run to the bathroom real quick. B-R-B. 258 00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:20,452 Oh, she's a regular Tinkle Britches. 259 00:12:20,477 --> 00:12:22,829 Get the hell out of here, you little maggot. 260 00:12:22,854 --> 00:12:24,372 Wha-Wha... Johnny? 261 00:12:24,397 --> 00:12:27,073 - What happened to your voice? - This is my voice. 262 00:12:27,098 --> 00:12:28,788 You think I actually talk like that? 263 00:12:28,813 --> 00:12:30,944 That's just something I do to get the skater chicks. 264 00:12:30,969 --> 00:12:34,139 - Does Tara know? - Nah. She don't like guys like me. 265 00:12:34,164 --> 00:12:36,149 She likes guys like me. 266 00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:38,791 Wait, but she had a great time with me tonight. 267 00:12:38,816 --> 00:12:41,065 Yeah, that's what she does with her gay friends. 268 00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,155 But you're her gay friend. 269 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,002 What'd you say, you little?! 270 00:12:45,027 --> 00:12:46,837 Is everything okay out here? 271 00:12:46,862 --> 00:12:48,345 Yeah, I was just looking at his shirt. 272 00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:51,077 I love this Nordstrom Rack. How was the tinkle? 273 00:12:51,102 --> 00:12:52,791 It was good. I also dumped. 274 00:12:52,816 --> 00:12:54,270 You're so bad. 275 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:57,059 Anyway, sad emoji face, Stewie has to leave. 276 00:12:57,084 --> 00:12:59,082 Oh. Okay. Bye, Stewie. 277 00:12:59,107 --> 00:13:00,934 I had a wonderful time. 278 00:13:00,959 --> 00:13:02,794 Me... me, too. 279 00:13:02,819 --> 00:13:05,313 Not as good as I'm gonna have. 280 00:13:05,338 --> 00:13:07,191 And I know what a football is. 281 00:13:07,216 --> 00:13:09,514 Killed me to say that. 282 00:13:15,755 --> 00:13:19,328 Hey, you flush underwear in train toilet?! 283 00:13:19,353 --> 00:13:21,294 Yeah, they, uh, th-they were done. 284 00:13:21,319 --> 00:13:23,863 This illegal. I want you off train! 285 00:13:23,888 --> 00:13:25,254 What are you gonna do about it? 286 00:13:25,279 --> 00:13:27,046 You're just a train conductor... 287 00:13:27,071 --> 00:13:29,579 who has a huge kicking foot? 288 00:13:29,604 --> 00:13:33,439 Aah! Oh! 289 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,470 Where the hell am I? 290 00:13:35,495 --> 00:13:38,299 Oh, my God, I'm in the wrong Korea. 291 00:13:38,324 --> 00:13:43,316 That's it. Like your missiles, I'm about to go ballistic. 292 00:13:46,847 --> 00:13:49,064 But that's not how it really happened. 293 00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:53,369 That's it. Like your missiles, I'm about to go ballistic. 294 00:13:53,394 --> 00:13:56,261 Ow! A northern bird flew into my nuts! 295 00:13:56,286 --> 00:13:58,322 Go to commercial. 296 00:14:08,146 --> 00:14:09,315 That's weird. 297 00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:12,374 It doesn't smell like open butt in here. 298 00:14:12,399 --> 00:14:14,430 Peter? 299 00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:21,206 Huh, he's usually up by now dry-heaving in the shower. 300 00:14:23,151 --> 00:14:25,017 Hi, I'm pink-eyed Bob Costas, 301 00:14:25,042 --> 00:14:27,385 live from our Pyeongchang studios, 302 00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:28,757 here to bring you breaking news, 303 00:14:28,782 --> 00:14:30,611 and occasionally blink off-synch 304 00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,409 in an attempt to satisfy my searing eye itchiness. 305 00:14:33,434 --> 00:14:35,495 A U.S. tourist, Peter Griffin, 306 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,353 has been apprehended by North Korea 307 00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:40,045 and is being held prisoner for what I'm being told 308 00:14:40,070 --> 00:14:42,904 is trespassing and doing that thing with your eyes 309 00:14:42,929 --> 00:14:44,695 that makes you look Chinese. 310 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:49,130 Damn it. Why does Peter have to ruin every family vacation? 311 00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,784 Just like he ruined our trip to La La Land. 312 00:14:58,519 --> 00:15:01,211 Hey, guy who's never been uncool in a movie, 313 00:15:01,236 --> 00:15:02,998 I requested "Dominick the Donkey" 314 00:15:03,023 --> 00:15:04,256 like an hour ago. 315 00:15:04,324 --> 00:15:06,925 It's Christmastime, and I want greaseball songs. 316 00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:12,240 ♪ Hey, chingedy ching, hee-haw, hee-haw ♪ 317 00:15:12,265 --> 00:15:14,191 ♪ It's Dominick the donkey ♪ 318 00:15:14,216 --> 00:15:16,291 ♪ Chingedy ching, hee-haw, hee-haw ♪ 319 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,649 ♪ The Italian Christmas donkey ♪ 320 00:15:17,674 --> 00:15:18,704 ♪ La, la, la-la ♪ 321 00:15:18,729 --> 00:15:20,130 Ooh, like the movie! 322 00:15:20,155 --> 00:15:22,097 ♪ La-la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 323 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:26,457 ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la-lee, oh, dah! ♪ 324 00:15:26,482 --> 00:15:28,228 Again. 325 00:15:33,774 --> 00:15:36,208 Hey, sorry about last night, bro. 326 00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:38,541 - No hard feelings? - Yes, hard feelings. 327 00:15:38,566 --> 00:15:40,005 I told you, I really liked her. 328 00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:42,617 Yo, relax. We only had awesome sex. 329 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,844 Geez. All right, see you later. 330 00:15:44,892 --> 00:15:47,979 I got to go wash Tara's lipstick off my ass. 331 00:15:49,102 --> 00:15:50,992 Well, at least I have a side, 332 00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,410 you neutral Swiss cowards! 333 00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:55,034 Oh, hey, Stewie, how's it going? 334 00:15:55,059 --> 00:15:58,466 Terrible. Johnny Weir's making my life a nightmare. 335 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,883 I really thought I had a shot with Tara Lipinski, 336 00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:02,174 and he ruined it. 337 00:16:02,317 --> 00:16:03,983 I'm sorry to hear that. 338 00:16:04,008 --> 00:16:05,874 You want me to take him out for you? 339 00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:08,315 Really? You'd do that for me? 340 00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,971 Of course. I owe you for getting me that job 341 00:16:10,996 --> 00:16:12,059 with Gloria Allred. 342 00:16:15,561 --> 00:16:18,616 They say if you get a job doing what you love, 343 00:16:18,641 --> 00:16:22,091 you never work a day in your life. 344 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,488 Now it's clothes, now it's clothes, 345 00:16:28,513 --> 00:16:30,103 now it's clothes. 346 00:16:30,128 --> 00:16:33,168 This is for my brother, you Tom Hiddleston lookalike! 347 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,027 - You serious, bro? - Oh, no. 348 00:16:36,052 --> 00:16:38,626 Now you're gonna beat me up like a Batman fight, 349 00:16:38,651 --> 00:16:40,164 only with gay words. 350 00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:41,790 _ 351 00:16:41,971 --> 00:16:42,971 _ 352 00:16:43,867 --> 00:16:44,867 _ 353 00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:46,433 _ 354 00:16:47,564 --> 00:16:48,564 _ 355 00:16:49,379 --> 00:16:50,379 _ 356 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:52,600 _ 357 00:16:56,198 --> 00:16:59,197 Kids, Brian, I've got some bad news. 358 00:16:59,222 --> 00:17:01,649 Your father has been kidnapped by North Korea. 359 00:17:01,674 --> 00:17:03,131 We've got to save him. 360 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:04,498 But my race is this afternoon. 361 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,846 I know, but your father needs us. 362 00:17:06,871 --> 00:17:09,545 I don't care. Where was he when I needed help? 363 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,180 Where were any of you guys? 364 00:17:11,205 --> 00:17:13,171 This was supposed to be my week. 365 00:17:13,196 --> 00:17:16,662 Down here, it's my time. It's my time down here! 366 00:17:16,777 --> 00:17:18,822 - Is that from Goonies? - I think so, yeah. 367 00:17:18,847 --> 00:17:20,300 So you guys can all go. 368 00:17:20,325 --> 00:17:22,358 But I'm staying here, and I'm competing. 369 00:17:22,383 --> 00:17:23,949 And I'm gonna go inside, outside, inside, outside. 370 00:17:23,974 --> 00:17:25,590 And I'm gonna get 'em on the run, boys. 371 00:17:25,615 --> 00:17:28,189 And once I get 'em on the run, I'm gonna keep 'em on the run. 372 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,677 Wow, she knows a lot of Sean Astin speeches. 373 00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:32,635 Go. You don't care. 374 00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,686 The only thing you care about is nugs, chilling and grindage. 375 00:17:35,711 --> 00:17:39,027 Encino Man. Sean Astin, deep cut. 376 00:17:47,355 --> 00:17:49,288 Me? Oh... 377 00:17:49,313 --> 00:17:51,392 Racers, take your mark. 378 00:17:52,541 --> 00:17:54,519 Go, everyone but her. 379 00:18:02,523 --> 00:18:03,923 Wait, before you kill me, 380 00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:05,481 can you at least give me an extra bullet 381 00:18:05,506 --> 00:18:07,699 so I can pretend to catch one in my teeth? 382 00:18:10,439 --> 00:18:14,164 Lacey Chabert! 383 00:18:14,189 --> 00:18:16,143 Meg! 384 00:18:19,217 --> 00:18:22,982 _ 385 00:18:52,486 --> 00:18:54,184 Meg, that was amazing! 386 00:18:54,209 --> 00:18:55,605 But how we gonna get out of here? 387 00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:58,226 - We're surrounded. - There's only one way. 388 00:18:58,251 --> 00:19:00,412 An impossible video game escape. 389 00:19:00,437 --> 00:19:02,315 Ooh, can it be GoldenEye? 390 00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,929 - Sure. - Yes! 391 00:19:05,028 --> 00:19:10,006 _ 392 00:19:10,078 --> 00:19:13,316 Bond. James Bond. 393 00:19:16,231 --> 00:19:19,085 Don't worry, Meg, it's less sad because they don't bleed. 394 00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:23,008 Oh, don't shoot this guy. He was nice to me. 395 00:19:23,033 --> 00:19:25,286 Aw, never mind. 396 00:19:25,947 --> 00:19:28,146 These guys are terrible shots. 397 00:19:29,597 --> 00:19:32,865 I love this almost James Bond music. 398 00:19:32,890 --> 00:19:36,431 Meg, this is what 1997 looked like. 399 00:19:36,456 --> 00:19:39,251 It's my turn next try. I want to go next. 400 00:19:40,155 --> 00:19:43,567 You think one guy had to shovel this whole walkway? 401 00:19:44,259 --> 00:19:47,358 Oh, great, more stairs. 402 00:19:50,445 --> 00:19:52,584 This is how you know we're done. 403 00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:01,514 Peter, you're safe! 404 00:20:01,539 --> 00:20:03,538 Yep, and it's all thanks to Meg. 405 00:20:03,563 --> 00:20:05,438 But, Meg, what about your race? 406 00:20:05,463 --> 00:20:07,255 Well, I realized that it wasn't worth doing 407 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,113 if you guys weren't there with me. 408 00:20:09,322 --> 00:20:11,319 Oh, Meg, we are so sorry 409 00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,956 for how we treated you this week. 410 00:20:12,981 --> 00:20:15,348 You may not have won a gold medal in the games, 411 00:20:15,373 --> 00:20:17,941 but you won one in our hearts. 412 00:20:24,325 --> 00:20:26,288 What do you say, guys, should we go home? 413 00:20:26,313 --> 00:20:28,050 I don't know, I'm thinking maybe we can 414 00:20:28,075 --> 00:20:29,216 hang out a little bit longer, 415 00:20:29,241 --> 00:20:31,160 see what else Korea has to offer... Uh-oh. 416 00:20:31,185 --> 00:20:33,469 No! You leave Korea now! 417 00:20:33,494 --> 00:20:38,607 Meet me wherever I land! 418 00:20:38,632 --> 00:20:41,447 Peter landed somewhere in the DMZ, 419 00:20:41,472 --> 00:20:43,713 and was recaptured by North Korea. 420 00:20:43,738 --> 00:20:47,951 Fortunately, tensions caused by this international incident 421 00:20:47,976 --> 00:20:49,666 were resolved by the steady hand 422 00:20:49,691 --> 00:20:51,249 of Dennis Rodman, 423 00:20:51,274 --> 00:20:53,484 who let Kim Jong-un win 424 00:20:53,509 --> 00:20:55,520 in a one-on-one basketball game against him, 425 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,098 continuously saying, "Oop, you got me," 426 00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:00,321 in a way that was just convincing enough 427 00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,209 for Kim to believe. 428 00:21:03,424 --> 00:21:09,354 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 31578

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