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1
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The end.
2
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I fear that this could be the end.
3
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With all the other lands now fallen,
surely ours will be next.
4
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,480
The dark forces shall prevail
5
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,200
and the peace that we have
marshalled these past...
6
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,600
These past centuri will
surely be gone for ever.
7
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,440
HE SNORES
8
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,400
Unless...
9
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,480
-Wise Ones.
-Feet.
10
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SHUFFLING
11
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Wise Ones, I think I've found her.
12
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,520
ALL MURMUR
13
00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,120
CHILDREN ARGUE WOMAN: One. Two. Three.
14
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,960
Four. Five.
15
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Pete, counting to five's stopped working.
16
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:07,800
Yeah, happened at the weekend.
17
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,480
You've got to bribe them with chocolate now.
SHE GROANS
18
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,920
Guys, guys, one picture in uniform
to show you love Mummy, please.
19
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:17,200
Well, I'm going to tell Mummy.
Did you get one?
20
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,520
It's lovely. It reminds me of Christmas.
21
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Right, come on, guys.
We can't be late first day.
22
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,680
Come on. Move! Come on!
23
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,960
Right, I think we've settled which one's the
"Poohead with poo on their head"
24
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,480
but we've lost a shoe, so...
25
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,840
Are you sure you're OK?
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm fine.
26
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,240
-It's only school.
-Exactly.
27
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:40,560
Look,
you know where I am if you need to talk so...
28
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SHE SOBS Oh, no, no, no, no...
29
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BABBLES TEARFULLY
30
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:51,320
I know, I know.
I know, darling, I know. I know.
31
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,560
Yeah, but you're not like Tina are you?
32
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,320
-No.
-No. Come on.
33
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:00,960
FLY BUZZES
34
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,840
Is she a warrior?
35
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,960
She can kill when she needs to.
36
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,000
Arggh!
37
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,400
Any other skills?
38
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,600
Wrestling. Pretty good with a blade.
39
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,720
Ow!
40
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,680
Some basic magic.
41
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:19,280
It's time to play What's In The Box?
42
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,200
She doesn't sound very impressive.
43
00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,040
Trevor, you're a blob.
44
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,080
Perhaps she has hidden talents.
45
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,480
And five, six, seven, eight.
46
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,400
Maybe. But mostly it seems to be...
47
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,160
Good afternoon and welcome
to What's In The Box?
48
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,720
And shimmy.
49
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,080
What's In The Box?
50
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,520
It's time to play...
51
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,920
Ow!..What's In The Box?
52
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:56,120
Sounds like a very dull sequence...
of events.
53
00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:01,040
That's as well as may be,
but it fits...it all fits.
54
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,280
Then...it is time.
55
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,600
Sounded good, didn't it?
56
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,800
Very good, very good. It's good drama.
57
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:14,080
And welcome to a very special
celebrity edition of...
58
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,840
What's In The Box? ..What's In The Box?
59
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:19,800
Jesus, Debbie, you are going mad.
60
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,240
All right?
61
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,440
Needs a sauce.
62
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,520
THEY BOTH SCREAM
63
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,240
BREATHES RAGGEDLY
64
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,640
It's OK. You're OK.
65
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,840
Everything's OK. That's the spirit.
66
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,240
Arggh! Now, come on, Debbie, it's not real.
67
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,960
You're just having a breakdown.
68
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,080
Ah, that's bad timing,
cos we need your help.
69
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,760
I can't hear you.
Yes, you're answering, so...
70
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,200
No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
71
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,360
Come on, Debbie, we're wasting time.
72
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,840
I know you come with me - it's written.
73
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,200
PHONE RINGS
74
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,480
-What's that?
-Shut up.
75
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,560
- Hi.
- This is Debbie and Peter.
76
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,920
Oh, hello again.
77
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,960
We're not here at the moment,
so please leave a message after the beep.
78
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,800
OK. BEEP
79
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,960
Um, right, well, the elders have sent..
80
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,440
- Hiya. It's Ruth.
- Oh, hello, Ruth!
81
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,360
I said "shut up"! Who - me or Ruth?
82
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,960
I'm just checking you're still up for Bums,
Mums and Tums.
83
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,400
-Ha, "bums".
-Oh, and there's a new cushion shop that's opened in Acocks Green.
84
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,960
Ah!
85
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,520
As we prepare to play What's In The Box?
86
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,720
Come on, Debbie, this is silly.
We need your help.
87
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,920
Question is -
are you brave enough...to open the box?
88
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:51,400
Please. We really need you.
89
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,520
Step into the light!
90
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,320
Sorry?
91
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:14,200
"Step into the light" -
I was trying to make it a bit more...
92
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:18,000
Could you step into the light, please?
You won't need the gloves.
93
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,960
Oh. Can I just check - I have gone mad,
haven't I?
94
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,680
I'm just here about the portal,
but maybe you're bonkers too.
95
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,200
I don't know - I'm not a doctor.
96
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,040
-What is that?
-Come on. Wait, I need to... Wait!
97
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:39,080
Oh, it's beautiful here, Mr Havelock.
98
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:44,080
It seemed only fitting.
You see, Miss Fanshawe... Rachel.
99
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,640
-Oh!
-The thing is, I was rather wondering...
100
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,800
Yes? ..if you would do me the honour...
101
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,440
Yes?..of...
102
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,720
Yeah?..of... Yeh?
103
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,320
THEY BOTH SCREAM
104
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,800
Oh. Ohhh.
105
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,680
Arggh!
106
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,800
What happened? Where am I?
107
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,920
-Well, you know the New Forest?
-Yeah.
108
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,880
It's like that, but in another world.
109
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,280
What? Right - you know the New Forest?
110
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,760
Where's my kitchen?
Am I asleep? Is this a dream?
111
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,040
Did I take Night Nurse?
112
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,240
Oh, well done. You've freaked her out.
113
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,040
SHE SCREAMS I freaked her out?
114
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,600
I told you not to speak.
115
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,520
What the hell is that?
116
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,800
I'm a magic stick. Get over it.
117
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,640
What do you mean, "a magic..."
Cheese on toast!
118
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,240
I had cheese on toast. This
is a cheese dream, right?
119
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,040
Look, you're bound to have questions,
120
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,200
but best to save them for the elders.
121
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,880
-What elders?
-That's a question.
122
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,200
There.
123
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,200
10 days journey across the
most treacherous terrain
124
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,880
known to any creature.
125
00:06:54,880 --> 00:07:00,240
Till they built the railway.
Been an absolute godsend. Come on.
126
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,880
-Who's that?
-Some sort of elf.
127
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:11,400
No! The ugly one.
She's going before the elders.
128
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,840
-Before they what?
-I should report this to His Darkship.
129
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,360
YOU report it? I saw her first!
130
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,280
Wait, wait, wait... Report what?
Report what?
131
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:26,160
Come on. Oh,
and don't pick the flowers - you won't win.
132
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,680
PLANT RETCHES, BURPS
133
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,520
Needs a sauce.
134
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,680
Miss Fanshawe?
135
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,960
Rachel? RACHEL?
136
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,360
ELDERS MURMUR
137
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,760
Oh, Wise Ones! She is here.
138
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,880
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
139
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,880
Debbie of Maddox.
140
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,400
Debbie Maddox.
141
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,560
Cross out the "of".
142
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,080
Debbie Maddox, we are the Council of the 12.
143
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:15,880
The 12 elders from the 12 realms...
But there's 11 of you.
144
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,080
11?
145
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,120
Look, OK, this is much nicer than the one
146
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,880
where I'm naked in a French exam,
147
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,240
but at some point,
I'm going to wake up and you'll all just...
148
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,760
OW!
149
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,160
Still feel like a dream?
150
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,240
Just a pinch. Couldn't reach the arm.
151
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,000
This is no dream, Debbie.
152
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:37,960
The ancient scroll foretelled of a woman -
"Debbie of Maddox".
153
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,240
The "of" is optional. The Chosen One.
154
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:44,480
The Chosen One! OK, can we not do that?
155
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:49,240
"And, lo, the rift between
realms shall deliver Debbie of...
156
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,480
"..Debbie Maddox unto us
157
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:57,480
"by way of a 3ft-square
larder-slash-utility area..."
158
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,240
Look, hold on -
I'm not the Debbie you're looking for.
159
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,040
I'm just a mum from Selly Oak
160
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,920
who's having some minor
psychological issues.
161
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,080
MAJESTIC MUSIC
162
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,200
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY Oh,
no - it's the other one.
163
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,000
MAJESTIC MUSIC
164
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:25,520
"For only The Chosen One can align the fates
165
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:30,480
"and save the 12 lands from
the forces of darkness."
166
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,320
So...?
167
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:38,560
What? We await your teachings, Debbie.
168
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,160
What do you want me to say?
169
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,560
Why you are here.
You brought me here. You tell me!
170
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,000
THEY ALL MURMUR
171
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,120
Not really in my job description, but...
172
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,000
So you're saying you dragged me
through a portal into another world
173
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,800
to tell me that I'm "The Chosen One"
174
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,520
but you've no idea what I've
actually been chosen to do?
175
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:58,720
Well, that is written on the second scroll.
176
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,520
And where's the second scroll?
177
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:01,720
Um...
178
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,720
Oh. How many times...? I was drunk!
179
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,560
I definitely had it when I left the tavern.
180
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,280
The scroll tells us her fate.
181
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,400
Well, then,
perhaps it is her fate to find the scroll.
182
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:31,200
Perhaps if we were to cast
off these cumbersome robes...
183
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:32,640
Everybody just shut up.
184
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,880
But we must establish... Ah!
Fingers on lips.
185
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,920
-No fingers.
-No lips.
186
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,120
Right, here's the thing.
187
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,520
I have two kids to pick up
from school in...three hours...
188
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,320
Three hours your time, but in our time...
189
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:45,760
Fingers on lips! Fingers on lips.
190
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:46,800
..and in that time,
191
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:50,520
I would very much like to know
why my picture is on that wall.
192
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,840
Sensible suggestions, please.
193
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,400
HE MUMBLES
194
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,000
Finger off lips. Cast off our robes?
195
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,840
Finger back on. Anyone else?
196
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,160
Ask the oracle?
197
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,760
-Hmm.Hmm.
-Worth a try.
198
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,320
-OK.
-Yes.
199
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,080
Let's ask the oracle.
200
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:14,720
..Grintallin-Gobscrew-Crotelli
Fashanu-F'naw Goplatz-holla-holla.
201
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,320
Can't I just call you "Elf"?
202
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,360
Bit racist.
203
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,440
CHATTERING LAUGHTER
204
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:28,800
Hello, lady. Whoa!
205
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,600
Slippy fingers.
206
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,880
-All right, Brian?
-Susan left me.
207
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,280
Oh, no. Well, keep your chin up, mate.
208
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,800
Wait, Debbie!
209
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,160
Guilty!
210
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,400
I'm not even sorr... HE SCREAMS
211
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,000
SHE GASPS
212
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,720
-Owww!
-Red seven!
213
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,000
Come on, then. Cough up.
214
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,760
-I've lost everything.
-Winner!
215
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,480
Oh! After you.
216
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:05,960
No, no, really - I insist.
217
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,400
No, I insist. After you.
No, no - you were here first, sir.
218
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,720
I think it was my fault.
You were on your way through.
219
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,160
No, no, no, I wouldn't...
220
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,640
Debbie, come away - this won't end well.
Come on.
221
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:15,960
This is an awful kerfuffle.
222
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,480
I feel like I'm being awkward.
I'm in the way, I'm in the way.
223
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,320
-I insist, I insist.
-You're not being awkward at all. It's my fault.
224
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,840
I'm being insistent here. I'm being -insistent.
-Here we are, then. Don't show me up.
225
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,120
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
226
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,720
OK.
227
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,240
GROANING
228
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:41,760
Ah! Visitors! So long since visitors.
229
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,080
Come.
230
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,040
Chair! Sit!
231
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,080
Oh!
232
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:55,680
So pretty - so very pretty!
233
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,440
I too know the burden of beauty.
234
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,240
Tea?
235
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,320
Oh, yes. Please. That would be amazing.
236
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,960
What kind of tea?
237
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,000
Er, what sort do you have? None! Cake?
238
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,480
Is this the same as the tea thing?
Yes! Biscuits?
239
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,360
Look, whilst I'd love to spend the day
240
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,760
going through the contents
of your fictional cupboard,
241
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,680
we, um, actually need your help.
242
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,440
Yeah. You see,
I've been pulled into this world by this...
243
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,880
-Him.
-Yeah, and no-one seems to know why.
244
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,960
So I was hoping, you know,
if you are what they say you are...
245
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,400
A slapper?
246
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,840
What? No! An oracle.
247
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:36,640
Oh, no, I'm not the oracle, dear.
I'm merely his guardian.
248
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,280
Ensuring his health and wellbeing.
249
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,680
-Well, can I see him?
-He's dead.
250
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:46,000
-What?
-Hasn't so much as moved in my lifetime.
251
00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,120
Or my mother's lifetime.
252
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,480
Or my mother's mother's lifetime.
253
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,240
Or her mother's mother's mother's lifetime.
254
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:58,360
Or my mother's mother's
mother's mother's mother's...
255
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,280
Arggh! It lives!
256
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,960
Ugh.
257
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,680
Oh, that was a mistake.
258
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,800
Oh, speak!
259
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,520
SPEAK.
260
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,720
Oh, that is so much better.
261
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,280
You'll have to keep this short because...
262
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,600
Well, you can see the problem.
Every time I...
263
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,280
What do you want?
264
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,080
Well, there's this room full of weird guys.
265
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,520
-Elders.
-Yeah.
266
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,240
And they say that I'm "The Chosen One".
267
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,280
But they don't know what
I've been chosen to do.
268
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,720
So, any thoughts?
269
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,760
Your future is clouded. Not clear.
270
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,040
Nigel, darling. Oh, hello.
There's been a bit of a spillage.
271
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,040
I don't suppose you've
seen a cloth anywhere?
272
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,680
-I'll be in in a minute.
-All right!
273
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,320
-Talking to the nice lady.
-OK.
274
00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:51,880
Where were we?
275
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:56,520
The path to your true fate
begins...begins with...
276
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,480
Do you know a John?
277
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,480
-What?
-Or Robert? No?
278
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,280
I'm sensing a Steve.
279
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,920
Or Stephen.
280
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,400
OK, forget that. I see a black dog. Yeah?
281
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,000
-Have you got a dog?
-No.
282
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,360
Might be black and white.
Ginger. A cat? Could be.
283
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,040
I see a tall, dark stranger.
284
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,120
Oh, no. Come on, this is ridiculous! I do!
285
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,520
Ugh. Bad dreams. What's happening?
I'm going home, right?
286
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,080
Stay out of my cupboard.
287
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,720
-Where are we going now?
-No, wait!
288
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,360
It is dead.
289
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,800
-Ow. Ow again.
-Make it work.
290
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,640
"It"? I do have a name, you know.
291
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,200
Debbie, please.
292
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,360
It's "Nick", since you're so interested.
293
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,760
At the risk of repeating myself - OW!
294
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,040
It doesn't work like that.
295
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,440
It takes both of us to summon the portal.
296
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,200
Well, then, you do it.
297
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,080
But the oracle has spoken -
you can't leave now.
298
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,920
He's a fraud. A snake oil salesman.
299
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,080
But he saw your future.
300
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,560
No, he didn't.
There is no John or Robert or...
301
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,880
Then, with your permission, sir,
302
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,240
I shall split your handsome
head like a ripe melon,
303
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:14,360
strain the juices and serve them
as a pleasant afternoon tea.
304
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,920
Oooh!
305
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,280
What on earth?
306
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,800
As I feared - Gallants. Polite to the death.
307
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,240
Not before I, if you'll permit me,
308
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,800
cleave your arms from your well-toned torso
309
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,080
and use them to viciously beat you to death.
310
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,360
Are they going to...?
311
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,160
Arm yourself, sir. If you'd indulge me.
312
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,360
Oh, my God - they are.
313
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,760
En garde, dear fellow. Time permitting.
314
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:42,040
Step aside, ma'am. I'll deal with this.
315
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,960
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
316
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,520
All this bickering is no
way to settle a score.
317
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,440
Now, what started this quarrel? Hmm?
318
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,960
As I thought -
a matter of very little consequence
319
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,600
and one best sorted in the proper
and time-honoured fashion -
320
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,760
A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
321
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,440
ALL CHEER You know the rules.
322
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,200
Oh, my God! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
323
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,920
Honestly, you're like kids.
324
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,040
Now,
I'll tell you exactly how this started -
325
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,680
over that door there and who
should go through it first.
326
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,560
Ah, yes. I believe I started it.
327
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,160
Oh, no - I insist that was my fault.
328
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,200
Well, we'll see about that. No, no, no.
329
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,040
Now, I've had a very long day,
and I'm not going to stand here
330
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,240
and watch two silly boys
kill each other over a door.
331
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:29,240
So you're going to apologise
and everyone's going to go home.
332
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,840
What?
333
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,120
Aren't they?
334
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,000
Well,
I suppose it would save on the paperwork.
335
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,920
There we go. You - say, "Sorry".
336
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,480
-Sorry.
-And what do you say?
337
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,080
- Sorry.
- Properly.
338
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,480
Sorry. Good. That's better. Now shake.
339
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,520
Hands.
340
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,400
Oh, my... Hands. Yeah?
341
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,640
This is good. All yours.
342
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:11,160
With this hand-gripping ritual
replacing our daily bloodbath,
343
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,840
for the first day in living memory,
there will be no killing.
344
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,920
ALL CHEER
345
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,920
Is this a joke?
346
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,200
Stopped a war, so they say.
347
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,840
Glows in the dark, they say.
348
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,080
They say she's the Chosen One.
349
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,120
Are you hearing this?
350
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,920
HE SNIFFS Lovely toes.
351
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,960
-What?
-Nothing.
352
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,440
HE GROANS Shut up!
353
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,600
Aye.
354
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,320
Um... Yeah!
355
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,880
As I have said...11 times now,
356
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,680
all I did was ask some people not
to kill each other, which is just...
357
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,480
Wise.
358
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,400
No! No! It's not wise.
359
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,800
That's the point.
360
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:14,440
I-I just happened to stop some
childish argument between...
361
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,120
Oh, um... John of Temple Meads.
362
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,240
And, uh... Robert. Just "Robert".
363
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,440
..between John and Robert there.
364
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,800
-I helped!
-Oh, shut up, Steve.
365
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,120
Stephen in public.
366
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,560
And just because John...
367
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,720
- Do you know a John?
- Or Robert?
368
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:35,120
I'm sensing a Steve or Stephen.
369
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,000
I see a tall, dark stranger...
370
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:39,600
Excuse me. Excuse me.
371
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,960
Move.
372
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,480
DOG BARKS
373
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,200
"A dog, maybe a cat."
374
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,360
The path to your true fate begins...
375
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,320
Oh, my God. Am I...?
376
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,840
The Chosen One.!
377
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,440
The Chosen One!
378
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,880
ALL CHEER
379
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,680
I've got to pick up the twins!
380
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,040
Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me.
381
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,400
You'll need us.
382
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,840
Excellent, excellent.
383
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,720
Well, early days, but it's her, all right.
384
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,240
- The Chosen One.
- THE CHOSEN ONE!
385
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,440
Please stop doing that.
386
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,320
Hey, chu-chi face. How was your day?
387
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,480
Um...
388
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,320
Look, I know how this is going to sound, OK,
389
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,000
so just bear with me -
390
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,200
but there is another world
in the back of the larder
391
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,600
and I think I'm supposed to save it.
392
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,840
And I'm telling you because
that's just what we do, OK?
393
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,840
So I want you to promise me
now that crazy as that sounds,
394
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,800
when I turn around,
nothing has changed between us.
395
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:47,960
OK?
396
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,320
Now, look, I got these,
but they're not peas -
397
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,840
they're called, um, "eda-mame"?
398
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,800
But if we're only going to have them with
sausages, that's probably all right, isn't it?
399
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,080
-Yes, perfect.
-Yeah?
400
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,240
Oh, sorry, love -
what were you saying about your...your day?
401
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,280
Oh, just...just the usual, really.
402
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,240
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
403
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,120
Your Shadowyness, I have news. WE have news.
404
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,320
Yes, but I thought we'd
agreed that I would say it.
405
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:25,560
No, you see, we didn't... No, no, no.
Hang on.
406
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,920
Look, I've got a memo... You two.
407
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,400
Silence!
408
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,360
What news?
409
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,880
She has come.
410
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,960
Who has?
411
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,520
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
412
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,120
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