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♪ Terrible Tudors
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♪ Gorgeous Georgians fighting
Frenchmen, vile Victorians
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00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,000
♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,720
♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,200
♪ Smashing Saxons, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
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♪ Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
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♪ Cavemen, savage,
fierce and toothless
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♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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♪ Gory stories, we do that
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♪ And your host, a talking rat
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery
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♪ Welcome to...
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♪ Horrible Histories. ♪
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Horrible Histories presents...
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A dynasty is a line of people from
the same family,
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who rule one after the other.
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For hundreds of years, a crown can
be passed from foul father
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to shocking son.
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Or from ghastly
grandparent to nasty niece.
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And sometimes, at the centre
of a deadly dynasty, you find
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the most dangerous of them all,
a monstrous mother.
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I'm Agrippina,
wife of Roman Emperor Claudius
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and mother to my darling boy, Nero.
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SMASH!
CAT YOWLS
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Today, I'm cooking
a dish to die for,
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my dead-licious mushrooms.
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Mmm.
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They just need a tiny
dash of my secret ingredient -
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poison from my friend Locusta.
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Just allow them to soak up those
wonderful, fatal toxins.
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Mmm.
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I wish you could smell it.
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Perfect for killing your husband
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so your infant son can
become emperor.
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When will I become Emperor, Mummy?
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Not until Daddy's
had his dinner, darling.
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SHE GIGGLES
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Now, it's absolutely essential
that your husband's food taster
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is in on the plan.
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It's a tiny thing,
but forget it and the whole dish
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will end up in the bin,
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and you'll
probably end up being executed.
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Wow, these smell delicious.
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And completely safe.
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There's nothing more rewarding than
the look of enjoyment
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upon their faces, followed by the
slow contorting grimace of agony
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and approaching death.
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It might take a while.
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I've used slow acting poison...and
double cream.
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I know - wicked.
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Finished to perfection.
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Oh, sad face.
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So, there you have it,
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a delicious recipe for murder,
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and hardly any washing up.
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Oh, there you are, darling Nero.
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Or should I call you Emperor Nero?
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Would you like Mummy to make
you some lunch? No.
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Then you better do exactly as Mummy
says from now on.
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Mummy, you're scary.
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Yes, darling. I am.
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Scary stuff.
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Of course,
I know all about great dynasties.
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The Rattus family have been ruling
the sewers for generations.
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Here's our family tree, starting
with
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great, great, great, great, great,
great-grandfather Ratticus Ratticus.
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He had 2,315 children.
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They had over five million kids.
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As you can imagine, Christmas is a
nightmare.
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And the great Egyptian pharaoh
Ramesses II
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had a similar problem
with his family.
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Ramesses is in his late 60s.
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He lives a lavish lifestyle in one
of his many palaces.
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Despite being supported by the state
since birth.
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00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,000
To be fair, it is my estate,
I am the pharaoh, so...
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But Ramesses doesn't live alone,
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he is surrounded by his 162
children.
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So far.
HE CHUCKLES
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Welcome to...
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I'm a single parent.
I'm mean, I've got tonnes of wives,
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but I'm the only one who's a god,
so, uh,
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does that count?
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And this is little Amenhotep. Right?
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No?
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Erm, Pareherwenemef?
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00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,680
Err, Khaemweset?
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00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,160
Yeah, it can be hard remembering all
the names, so, err, I've
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00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:09,400
actually come up with a system.
Yeah, it's a neat little phrase
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in which all of the words start with
the same letter
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as one of the kids' names.
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00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,880
Yeah, it's something like this.
Um, Ramesses and Nefertari
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went down to the Nile Delta...
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20...cats...
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..danced backwards...
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on... Tuesday - no, no.
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No, it's Monday.
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Start again.
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00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,240
Ramesses and Nefertari
went down to the...
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00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,240
I'm so proud of them all, I really
am.
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This guy actually fought alongside
me at the Battle Of Kadesh.
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He's 22.
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Right? I think you might have
the wrong one.
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Oh, right.
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00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,120
It's the end of another day,
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00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,800
and all that's left for Dad
to do is read a bedtime story.
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Once upon a time,
there were three green snakes.
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Can't hear you at the back!
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SHOUTS: Once upon a time, there were
three green snakes.
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00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,840
Can you say that again, Daddy?
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00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,520
EVEN LOUDER
Once up a time,
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there were three green... Oh, do you
know what, forget it. Uh...the end.
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ALL: Awww! That's not fair!
Night-night.
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And now, with the year just coming
up to the 13th century,
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the Christmas message
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00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,800
from Her Majesty,
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine.
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Christmas is a time for family,
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00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,400
and my family, the Angevin,
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is very much like yours.
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Well...not exactly, of course.
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00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,760
You are a bunch of filthy peasants
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00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:35,400
and we own half of Europe,
but similar - ish.
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Just as your family bicker over
Christmas party games
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or who should have
the last slice of cake,
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so, my boys,
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00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,640
Geoffrey, John,
Henry and Richard The Lionheart
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have argued with their
father, over the years,
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about who
should get the throne of England.
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Even one's royal marriage
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has had it's ups and downs,
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I was not happy about my husband's
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00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,120
endless stream of girlfriends,
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and he was understandably cross
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00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,680
when I sided with my ex-husband,
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00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,000
the King of France,
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00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,960
in an effort to kill him.
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00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:22,160
And so, as you sit down with your
families -
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00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:26,600
and if yours are anything like mine,
try not to poison each other
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00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,320
over Christmas dinner -
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00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,800
have a very merry Christmas.
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SLAP!
Touch my pudding again
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and I will end you.
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00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,840
Well, at least the Rattus
family are all friends.
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Look, I've even invited my nephew
Scrappus to visit.
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00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,560
Tell them how well
we all get along, Scrappus.
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HE SQUEAKS ANGRILY
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Well, that's harsh!
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00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,800
I've got 22,000 nephews, Scrappus!
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00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,160
I can't be expected to remember all
your birthdays.
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Certainly nothing to fall out about.
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00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,440
Some families even went to war.
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00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:05,160
Here's one - they were two
halves of the same family,
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who both founded their own dynasty.
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The Yorkists, who's symbol is
a white rose,
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and the Lancastrians,
whose symbol is a red rose.
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They clashed during - yes, you've
guessed it -
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the Wars Of The Roses.
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Things got so bad,
the Lancastrian King, Henry VI,
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00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:27,160
tried something rather unusual to
make everyone friends again.
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He called it Love Day!
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And welcome to this lovely occasion,
Love Day, 1458.
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Yes, led by Queen Margaret,
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members of the English royal family
process into St Paul's Cathedral.
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Oh, little stumble there,
nerves obviously playing their part!
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The Yorkists in their white ribbons,
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and the Lancastrians in their red.
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00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,400
Oh, little shove there from Queen
Margaret on the Earl of Warwick.
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Yes, bit of regal horse play,
but I'm sure all in the spirit
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00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,680
of peace and harmony,
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00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,520
and we now just await Queen
Margaret's husband, King Henry VI.
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Oh, yes, and there he is.
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CLAPPING
Ok, great stuff, guys!
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Great stuff, that's lovely.
Let's all just simmer down.
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So, the aim today is to get you
Lankies - big up! -
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and you Yorkies - respect! -
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00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,960
together in one room, just feeling
the love,
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one big happy family.
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So, all you have to do, just lean
over to the person next to you
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and just hold hands, yeah?
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00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,360
Great, a King's gone mad again.
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Yeah, thinking of getting the Duke
of York to take over, anyway.
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00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,320
You and whose army?!
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00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,840
Well, me...and my army.
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IMITATING HIM
Me and my army! Mine!
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00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:40,320
No, no, no, no! And the rival side's
getting along swimmingly.
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Yes, how wonderful it is to see
these noble families back together,
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after three years of bloody
fighting.
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Whoa! Guys, guys!
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Hey! Let's remember
what today's called.
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Love Day!
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00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,080
It's not Fight Day, is it?
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00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,240
It's not Grab Someone In A Headlock
And Beat Them With A...
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00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,120
What's that? It's a spoon.
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00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,360
..Spoon Day.
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00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,920
Today is all about love.
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00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,520
So, whatever's happened in the past,
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00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,360
we just need to forget about that
and hold hands.
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00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,160
It's hard to hold hands with the man
who's killed your dad. And mine!
198
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:18,120
Ok, but the important thing is that
they've said they are really sorry.
199
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,920
No, actually, they haven't.
Well, we're not.
200
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,600
How about I make you sorry?
201
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,040
Over my dead body!
Oh, you said it, pal!
202
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,720
Look, guys!
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00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,680
They're in high spirits
indeed on this, uh, wonderful day...
204
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,280
GUYS!
205
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,640
Can we all, for one day,
206
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,040
just hold hands?!
207
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,240
Let's not have a
repeat of Christmas.
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00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,440
SHE GROANS
209
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,280
Right? Right, now you two gents,
come on.
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00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,480
There you go. How hard was that?
211
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,560
Come on, we haven't got all day.
212
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,240
And you ladies.
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00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,080
And there we have it. As they make
their way out of the Cathedral,
214
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,560
it's amazing to see the spirit
of friendship and togetherness.
215
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,960
Well, that actually went better
than I thought it would.
216
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,400
The Yorkists and the Lancastrians
fought for over 30 years,
217
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,240
until finally the war was won,
218
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,400
by a branch of the Lancaster side
219
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,880
called the Tudors.
220
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:10,000
But things were almost
as complicated for them, and it all
221
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,680
started when the
Tudor king, Henry VIII,
222
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,200
had a daughter called Mary.
223
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,960
Hey, Catholic crew!
224
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,200
Mary here!
225
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,480
Hashtag Daddy's little princess!
226
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,800
No, totally,
because Daddy is Henry VIII
227
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,120
and I'm the only surviving child,
so,
228
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,960
going to be Queen one day!
229
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,480
Hello!
230
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:32,000
Dad, you're so embarrassing!
Sorry, darling...
231
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,840
HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
Ooh!
232
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,480
SHE GROANS
233
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,720
Ok, so Henry VIII - Dad -
234
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,560
is saying that his marriage to my
mum, Catherine of Aragon,
235
00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:44,320
doesn't count because she used to be
married to his dead brother
236
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,360
and he's only just realised
that, like, 18 years later, so
237
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:52,360
now he's talking to the Pope about
having it cancelled or something.
238
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,240
He just wants a boy to be
king after he dies.
239
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,400
Hashtag hurry up and actually die.
240
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,680
He's started his own church
and dumped my mum, and now his
241
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:04,040
new queen, Anne Boleyn,
is having a baby.
242
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,440
It so totally better not be a boy.
243
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,200
ANGRILY It's another girl! Yes!
244
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,600
Still heir to the throne!
245
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,520
No, Elizabeth is.
246
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,440
I made the new baby heir.
247
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,640
Now do you homework!
I've done it!
248
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:16,760
Well, do it again!
249
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,000
It's so unfair!
250
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,040
Hello!
251
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,880
Henry the...
HE BURPS
252
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,160
..VIII, here.
253
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,840
Just having a little...
HE BELCHES
254
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,760
..snack. I always get a bit peckish
between breakfast and elevenses.
255
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:33,040
Did you know I was the first English
monarch to try...
256
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,200
Well, what do you think?
257
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,200
Was it:
258
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,520
The answer is
259
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:45,840
A, a coconut!
260
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,600
Amazing things, coconuts.
261
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,800
Milk in the middle and lovely flesh
on the outside,
262
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:55,040
and you can use what's left to wear
something at the beach!
263
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,600
Hi, Rome fans!
264
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,920
it's been a while, so,
265
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,280
Dad had Anne Boleyn's head
chopped off!
266
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,600
Hashtag ouch!
267
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,320
OK, question -
268
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,240
is it mean if that made me a
tiny little bit happy?
269
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,600
Snap me back.
270
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,520
I don't believe it!
271
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:16,080
Dad's latest wife, Jane Seymour,
272
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,120
has had a baby boy, Edward,
273
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,560
so, now, neither Elizabeth nor I
274
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,000
can become Queen.
275
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,320
Hashtag so not fair!
276
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,000
Hey, Protestant posse!
277
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,920
It's me, Edward -
current rightful heir etcs.
278
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,880
I'm here with my big half sis,
Lady Elizabeth!
279
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,920
Sup! Yeah, so, cool, listen,
280
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,040
we've got some super swag news,
281
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,880
and some super sad news.
282
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,560
Dad's dead! Elizabeth!
283
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,920
I was going to say that!
Edward's going to be King!
284
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,480
Argh! Could you...!
285
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,680
Right, yes! King Edward, OK?!
286
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,160
Kedward! I'm going
to be King for ages!
287
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,520
Kedward's dead!
288
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,520
Hashtag boo-hoo again!
289
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,560
Queen at last!
290
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,560
Bad news, massive awks between me
and Lizzybeth,
291
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,400
so-o-o, had her locked in the
Tower of London,
292
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,080
just to be on the safe side.
293
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,600
We're still totally besties,
though, obvs. Kinda.
294
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,680
Hashtag queen forever!
295
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,480
Guess what?
296
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,920
Mary died! Boo hoo!
297
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,320
So now I'm Queen.
298
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,720
Let's get this party started!
299
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,960
Hashtag this is the Lord's doing
and it is marvellous in our eyes.
300
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,840
So long, sister,
it's Lizzybeth time!
301
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,160
Elizabeth became a great queen,
302
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:29,840
and the last monarch of the famous
Tudor dynasty.
303
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,400
People still talk about it today.
304
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,840
Hmm, I wonder what people will
say about me in the future.
305
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,480
SQUEAKING
306
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:42,440
They will NOT say I was a bighead
who smelled like a dog toilet!
307
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,880
HE LAUGHS
308
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,640
22,000 nephews
and I had to invite him.
309
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,960
I could have invited...what's
his name?
310
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,040
Ratrick.
311
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,600
Ratthew?
312
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,880
Borat? Cor, it's not easy to
remember them all!
313
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,080
I wish they all had the same name,
like this next famous family,
314
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,240
the Habsburgs,
315
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,920
who ruled in Austria for centuries.
316
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,000
HE SQUEAKS
317
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,440
Hmm? Talk to the hand.
318
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,640
Empress Maria Theresa,
319
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,760
the King humbly accepts your
proposal.
320
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,440
Oh! The King of France wants
my daughter Maria
321
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,800
to marry his grandson!
322
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,200
Oh, Maria!
You will be the queen of France!
323
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,000
Hurray!
324
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,520
But I am already married.
325
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,640
Not YOUR Maria Christina, I meant
the other Maria!
326
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,720
Mamma, you totally already married
me off to the Duke of Palma.
327
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,920
Yeah, I know, Maria Amalia,
328
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:34,000
I meant the other Maria.
Where is she? Maria?
329
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,760
Yes, Mamma? Yes, Mamma? Yes, Mamma?
330
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,320
Uh...
SHE MURMURS
331
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,600
You will be the queen of France,
332
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,120
Maria... Carolina!
333
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,440
Maria Carolina who is
married to the King of Naples,
334
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,840
and lives in Naples?
335
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,560
Because you are totally pointing at
Maria Anna.
336
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,040
Exactly, I meant Maria... Elisabeth!
337
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,080
Maria Elisabeth the nun?
338
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,080
Yes, Mamma? I...no.
339
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,760
Mamma, do you ever think maybe you
shouldn't have named
340
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,200
all seven of us Maria?
341
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,840
Maria's a perfectly good name.
342
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,520
Yah - once.
343
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:11,440
I know, it's the other Maria...
Ah, the dippy one!
344
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,440
The one who's always asking me
to let her eat cake!
345
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,120
Oh, Maria Antoinette!
346
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,400
Yes, finally, thank you!
Maria Antoinette!
347
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,320
You will be the queen of France,
348
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,080
and you will give me a granddaughter
who you will name...
349
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,400
Maria?
350
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,720
That's got a nice ring to it.
351
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,840
You think dealing with
normal brothers
352
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,360
and sisters can be annoying,
imagine being part of a dynasty.
353
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,760
Napoleon had conquered most
of Europe, he was Emperor of France
354
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,720
and he was well on his way to
starting his own dynasty,
355
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:46,160
but dealing with his siblings
could be trickiest task of all.
356
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,200
SHOUTING OUTSIDE
EXPLOSION
357
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,160
Napoleon!
358
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,440
Ah, there you are, brother!
359
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,720
What are you doing here?
It's not safe here!
360
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,840
Oh, don't be silly! I wouldn't let a
few grumpy Prussians
361
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,720
get in the way of me
visiting my big brother!
362
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,560
EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE
How much do you need?
363
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,560
What are you talking about?
Pauline, how much money do you need?
364
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,680
Well, it's...not that much,
actually.
365
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,160
I just saw this darling hat
366
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,160
and it would look so wonderful
with my...
367
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,480
EXPLOSION
368
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,120
Pauline, spit it out!
I have got a lot on my plate!
369
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,400
200,000 francs.
370
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,600
2...00,000 francs? For a hat? Mm.
371
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,280
What is it made out of, angel farts?
372
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,280
Fine, fine. Look, I will write you
a cheque.
373
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,640
2...00.
374
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:30,320
I can't believe it, 200,000 francs,
there you go. Ok!
375
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,440
Now go, allez! Thank you very much!
376
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,840
Have a lovely war.
Thank you very much, yes.
377
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,320
I hope you win! Thank you, Pauline!
378
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,440
BANG!
Argh...
379
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,280
Salut, brother of mine!
380
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:45,880
Fancy seeing you here!
381
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,920
I need some more money!
382
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,360
I just gave you 200,000
francs, Pauline.
383
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:53,320
I know, but then
I saw this gorgeous house
384
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,440
and I just couldn't not buy it,
385
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,920
but it needs a bit of work,
you know, give it the wow factor.
386
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,800
Fine, fine. Fine, Pauline,
387
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,400
I will make our brothers
the king of Naples,
388
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,160
the King of Holland,
the King of Westphalia, and you,
389
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:11,000
Pauline, yes, you, I will make the
Duchess of Guastalla.
390
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,760
You will have money, food, a roof
above your head,
391
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,320
you will want for nothing. Ooh!
392
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,240
Duchess Pauline.
393
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,760
Duchess Pauline!
394
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,920
I like it! Merci bien.
395
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,480
You know you are my favourite
brother.
396
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,920
BOOM!
397
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,640
Hiya! What Pauline, what?
398
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,960
Well, good news and bad news,
really. The good news is I sold
399
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,040
Guastalla for 6 million francs!
400
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,560
EXPLOSION SCREAMING OUTSIDE
401
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,600
What? Yeah, I know. Kerching!
Make it rain!
402
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,240
The bad news is... I spent it.
403
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,680
You absolute idiot, Pauline!
404
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,520
EXPLOSION SCREAMING OUTSIDE
405
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,720
Argh! Pauline!
406
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,320
Pauline, please wake up!
407
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,800
Pauline, are you all right?!
408
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,880
Oh, wake up, I'll do anything,
anything, Pauline!
409
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,320
OK, so I need 10,000 francs for a
new hat, another 10
410
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,480
for some new shoes -
these are SO 1805 -
411
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,960
and, uh, 10 more for just
in case-ies?
412
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,040
Napoleon really did all
that for his family,
413
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,880
but his dynasty would only
last for 70 years.
414
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,080
The Romanovs were much more
successful, ruling in Russia
415
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:23,960
for 300 years. Although, they had
their ups and downs, too.
416
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,880
Like when the disastrous
Tsar Peter III took to the throne.
417
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:32,360
He faced a threat from the most
unlikely of places - his own wife.
418
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,720
No, niet.
419
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,840
Go, go, go!
420
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,720
Sshh!
421
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,440
No wait! Don't shoot!
422
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,080
It's my wife.
Ah, Peter, my darling husband.
423
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,320
Where else would I find the most
powerful man in Russia
424
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,640
but playing with his toys,
instead of,
425
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,120
I don't know, maybe running
the country, like a proper leader.
426
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:01,640
Have you come to play soldiers, too?
427
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,320
Yes. Yes, actually, I have.
428
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:09,120
Let's play a new game called
Royal Takeover!
429
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,720
Oh, great! But, uh...
430
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:15,760
I think you should wear
your armour, too!
431
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,640
I'm serious. Sure, no problem.
432
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,760
This is a coup.
433
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,760
I am seizing power!
434
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,960
Guys, you're meant to be in now.
We've been through this.
435
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,360
Oh, wow, you look great!
436
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:39,880
Wow! And you bought fancy dress
soldiers, as well!
437
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,280
You shouldn't have!
438
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,560
Oh!
439
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,880
Oh, and the muskets look so real!
440
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,600
Mm! So real!
441
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:53,680
So, my darling, your people
442
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,600
don't want you as Tsar anymore,
443
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,560
so I am taking over as...
444
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,720
Fire!
445
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,800
Much as this is a really, really fun
game,
446
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,600
the soldiers need to get home in
time for tea,
447
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,480
so can we speed things along
a bit, yeah? OK, OK.
448
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,640
But first I want to do my death
scene.
449
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,360
N-..no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
450
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:16,160
Not here.
451
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,600
Bang. Oh, no!
452
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,400
What are the chances?!
453
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,120
Oh-h-h! You got me!
454
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,520
Eurgh, blood!
455
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,240
Oh! Don't bother with
the stretcher, boys.
456
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,840
This stony wasteland will be my
death bed.
457
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:31,040
HE GROANS
458
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,880
Fight on, lads,
459
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,240
fight on.
460
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,280
HE GROANS
461
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,840
You finished? Yes.
462
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,200
Get him up and cuff him.
463
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:47,840
Now, my darling, you get to go to
the actual, real dungeons!
464
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,520
No, the real, actual dungeons!
How cool!
465
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,320
All hail Catherine The Great.
466
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,160
Make sure he doesn't have...
467
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,840
an accident!
468
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,920
Now, do the "all hail" thing again.
469
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,320
All hail Catherine The Great!
470
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,360
I love it.
471
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,720
It isn't just royal families who can
claim to be dynasties.
472
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,520
There are sporting dynasties,
acting dynasties,
473
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,080
there are even science dynasties.
474
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:23,360
Ok, Henry, my family can
come on a bit strong, so just, uh,
475
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:25,920
try not to feel intimidated.
476
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,920
Oh. Why would I feel intimidated?
477
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,720
It's this thing called
the Nobel Prize,
478
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,040
it's kind of like an award for
science, like a gold medal.
479
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,040
They might possibly mention it.
480
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,720
Pierre Curie, my Nobel Prize-winning
husband! It's tea time!
481
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:44,200
Coming, Marie Curie, my two-time
Nobel Prize-winning wife!
482
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,440
Just, possibly.
483
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,800
Will our Nobel Prize-winning
daughter be joining us?
484
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,040
No, it's the other one.
Here already, actually, guys.
485
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,560
How have you been? Won any, uh...?
486
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:56,240
No, Mum, I haven't won a Nobel Prize
since the last time you saw me.
487
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,040
It's really quite difficult,
actually. Really?
488
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,440
Oh. I have two, your father has one,
489
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,520
your sister Irene has one.
490
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,720
Even Irene's husband Frederic has
one!
491
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,200
Oh, there it is!
492
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,840
They do get everywhere, don't they?
493
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,080
The thing is, you're scientists,
aren't you?
494
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,560
And I'm a writer and pianist.
495
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,640
Well, the thing is there's
a Nobel Prize for Literature.
496
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,000
I haven't got one, ok?
497
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,120
Ooh, Nobel Prize for touchiness!
498
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:28,120
Good morning, I hope you don't
mind us turning up unannounced.
499
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:31,400
Oh, no. Hello, sis! Hello, Frederic!
500
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,440
Won any Nobel Prizes recently?
501
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:38,360
My Nobel Prize-winning daughter
and her Nobel Prize-winning husband!
502
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,960
Hello, my two-time Nobel
Prize-winning mother,
503
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,640
my Nobel Prize-winning father
and my sister.
504
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,000
Look, I've brought Henry to meet
you! We're getting married!
505
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:52,200
And no, before you ask, he hasn't
won a Nobel Prize either, ok?
506
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,200
But I like him. He's normal,
like me.
507
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,400
Actually, I have won
a Nobel Peace Prize.
508
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,200
ALL: Ooh!
Very good one! Well done!
509
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,000
You are kidding me? Sorry.
510
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,400
So, we've all got one!
511
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,520
Yes! Well, nearly all.
512
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,600
Welcome to the fold!
513
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,400
Trying to eat a Nobel Prize,
is this one!
514
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:17,320
THEY LAUGH
515
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,960
Hello, there! Just looking at some
photos of my children.
516
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:27,560
Isn't it nice when they grow up and
start ruling countries of their own?
517
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,080
Mind you, once you've got your own
armies, family tiffs can get quite
518
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:35,480
out of hand, and my children are not
always terribly well-behaved.
519
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,520
Tell me, what did
I name after my daughter Alice,
520
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,520
when she upset me? Was it:
521
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,440
The answer was C, a cow.
522
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,640
Yes, I named a cow after her.
523
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,120
COW MOOING
524
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,040
Oh! They even sound the same!
525
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,360
My grandchildren could also be
very badly-behaved.
526
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:04,040
When they grew up, they became
the King of Great Britain
527
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,480
and the German Kaiser,
528
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,040
and even
fought a war against each other,
529
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,440
which put my grandson
King George V
530
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,440
in a rather tricky position.
531
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,720
Signed, "George...the..."
532
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,320
Fifth, sir. The fifth! I knew that.
533
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,200
"George V". All done.
534
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:31,760
What's for sup-sups?
535
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,040
There is just one more piece
of business, your majesty.
536
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,520
Well, spit it out, man.
537
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:38,920
It has been suggested that perhaps
the royal family
538
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,760
might...change it's surname.
539
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,120
Why? What's wrong with "V"?
540
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:45,160
Your surname is not "V", Sir.
541
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,640
Really? Well, what is, then?
542
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:50,440
Your surname is Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.
543
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:52,760
Good grief. It's a bit German.
544
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,960
Exactly, sir,
and what with the First World War,
545
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,320
and so on and so forth,
546
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,800
we wondered
if you had any suggestions.
547
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,520
Yes! Yes, of course I do.
Plenty of suggestions.
548
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,840
Erm... George...
549
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,720
..Pen.
550
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,040
No? Um, well, then...
551
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,360
George Cushion...ton.
552
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:17,600
George Big Ears! Ha-ha. Sorry.
553
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,000
George Window!
554
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,240
Um...
555
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,080
George Bush! No, that's just silly.
556
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,880
Sir, perhaps your surname should be
something that says British.
557
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,480
George British? Not sure I like
that.
558
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,240
Not that literally says "British",
sir,
559
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,280
but something that reminds
people of Britain.
560
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,440
Yeah, I knew that's what you meant.
Erm...
561
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,240
George Chutney, then.
562
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,400
George... Queuing?
563
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,240
Perhaps, sir, your surname should be
something that you really like.
564
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,360
George Mummy. I love my mummy.
565
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,480
Eh, not sure.
Perhaps a British location.
566
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,640
Oh, I like that one. Um...
567
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,720
George London Zoo-The Butterfly
Enclosure.
568
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:54,600
No, no, no. No, sir, your surname
should be something grand,
569
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:58,200
proud, historic, like...this castle.
570
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,760
Actually, that's not a bad idea.
571
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,760
George This Castle.
572
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,000
Windsor, sir, George Windsor.
573
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,000
Oh, that's a bit dull,
isn't it?
574
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,880
Exactly, what could
be more British?
575
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,000
Our Queen is the granddaughter
of George V,
576
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,640
and her son, Prince Charles, his
son, William,
577
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,760
and William's son, George,
578
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,720
all stand to be rulers of the
Windsor dynasty themselves one day.
579
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,360
Yes, family is certainly important,
580
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:28,920
and that's why Scrappus
and I have made friends again.
581
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,560
SCRAPPUS SQUEAKS
What's that, Scrappus?
582
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,600
This slice of cake is for me?
583
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,320
Oh, Scrappus, I'm touched!
584
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,040
HE SNIFFS
585
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,840
Wait a minute. Those don't
smell like raisins to me.
586
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,960
Pwargh!
SCRAPPUS LAUGHS
587
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,240
Well, it looks like the great
Rattus dynasty is just as much
588
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,040
trouble as the Angevins,
the Yorkists, the Tudors,
589
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,480
the Pharaohs and the Bonapartes.
590
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,720
You know what? Perhaps the greatest
dynasties of all
591
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,080
can be found in China.
592
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,080
Names like The Tang,
593
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:02,200
and the Ming Dynasties,
whose achievements
594
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,560
we still hear about today.
595
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:09,160
But it all started with one man,
the first emperor of China.
596
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,040
Take it away!
597
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,680
Yeah, take it away,
I'm not going to eat it.
598
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,720
♪ Founded the imperial state
599
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,080
♪ China to you mate
600
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,320
♪ Yeah yeah
601
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,400
♪ Seven regions had ruled so long
602
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,760
♪ Three dynasties some nasty
603
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,760
♪ Seven warring factions
need stamina
604
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,280
♪ With my army just one winner
605
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:32,560
♪ Do you see me?
606
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,800
♪ Do you think I'm pretty...
607
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,040
♪ good at defeating rival tribes
608
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,080
♪ And I say yes we're the mighty Qin
609
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:43,520
♪ Oh I think I am first-ever
Chinese leader
610
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:47,040
♪ Country has found itself
a top geezer
611
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:51,240
♪ There has never been such a
family succeeder
612
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,040
♪ I'm the greatest leader
All agreed? Yeah
613
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,960
♪ First I plea for unity
614
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,040
♪ So long as you agree with me
615
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,560
♪ More bureaucracy
616
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:02,960
♪ Oh yeah
617
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,320
♪ Ordered writing currency weight
618
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,360
♪ Built first Wall Of China, great
619
00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:09,400
♪ Confucius banned
too confuc-ing
620
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,400
♪ Books not for learning
but burning
621
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:15,920
♪ Oh don't think I'm a popular
Chinese leader
622
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,600
♪ Such swift popularity receder
623
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:24,000
♪ Oh I had to fight against each
single plotter
624
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:28,000
♪ Got an army made of terracotta
625
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,200
♪ Three attempts to kill me
626
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,840
♪ Not even ill me
627
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,240
♪ I'll live for eternity
628
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,720
♪ Oh yeah
629
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,880
♪ Because I hold the key
to immortality
630
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,640
♪ Drink lots of mercury... ♪
631
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,040
HE COUGHS
632
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:48,640
♪ Oh still think I was the greatest
Chinese leader
633
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:52,280
♪ The Quin family rule
was short but sweeter
634
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,560
♪ Tang Ming Song and the rest
635
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,680
♪ May have ruled for longer
636
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,360
♪ But look at me
637
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,120
♪ They don't come much stronger... ♪
638
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,720
Umm, maybe I
shouldn't have taken that mercury!
639
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,280
Cut! I saw your hand, creeping in!
LAUGHTER
640
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:13,840
Um...
641
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:15,440
Hewin!
642
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,640
George Windsor! No!
That's the real one...
643
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:18,840
LAUGHTER
644
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,400
♪ The past is no longer a mystery
645
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,920
♪ Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories. ♪
646
00:29:24,970 --> 00:29:29,520
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