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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,600
Now, that brings me neatly to point 16.
2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,760
There is still a great deal
of noise going on at night -
3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,760
laughing, giggling, horseplay.
4
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:11,600
Now, we all get bored -
that's inevitable in our circumstances -
5
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,760
but may I remind you, we are at war. I wo...
6
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,960
Ah. Lieutenant!
7
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,480
Communique for you, sir, from HQ,
marked urgent. Ah. Finally!
8
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,640
This'll be my requisition
for a service revolver.
9
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,840
Good God! Sir?
France has surrendered. My God!
10
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,720
ALL MURMUR
11
00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:31,920
The Germans are coming!
12
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,920
I...don't think they'll be here just yet,
sir.
13
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,280
What? Right.
14
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:41,000
May I suggest we initiate the
emergency lockdown protocol, sir?
15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,480
Yes! Yes, jolly good.
16
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,040
No, it's vital that nothing
fall into enemy hands.
17
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,760
You heard the CO. Get to your duties.
18
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,480
Er...exciting times, Havers.
19
00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,480
If they do invade,
we may get a proper pop at Jerry. Yes!
20
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,800
About that, sir...
21
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,600
..I know we do vital work here, sir...
22
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,320
...but I want to get
involved in the fighting.
23
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,880
I've put in for a transfer.
24
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,960
You're leaving?
25
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,120
There's talk of a North Africa front.
26
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,440
Yes.
27
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,280
Yes, well, I-I-I totally understand,
of course.
28
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,800
Carry on.
29
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:30,760
Thank you.
30
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,400
BIRDSONG
31
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,280
And seeing as nobody else has volunteered,
32
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,960
I thought that this evening,
before Film Club,
33
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,200
I would give you all a little
talk on...activity badges!
34
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,440
ALL GROAN
35
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,480
So...
36
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,720
There are 37 badges that you can collect.
37
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:17,040
Badge number one, bivouacking! All right!
38
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,560
Clever dicks!
39
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,120
But I'm sorry, I mean,
40
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,560
if anyone else has anything
new that they'd like to...
41
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:26,560
Ooh, ooh,
I could do my talk on how to skin a mammoth.
42
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,600
You start at the end...
43
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,720
That's not new!
That's not strictly new, is it?
44
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,920
EVERYONE TALKS AT ONCE
45
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,400
I'm ready to talk about the witch trial.
46
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,160
THEY ALL GO SILENT
47
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,000
Witch trial...
48
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,520
If...if it be of interest.
49
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,800
Oh! Oh, Mary!
50
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,600
I mean...if you're sure.
I mean, if you feel like you're ready.
51
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,240
Well,
I knows it's taken me a whiles to-to talk.
52
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,720
Only about 300 years.
53
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,600
But, yeah, I-I think I'm ready.
54
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:08,640
Brillo pads. You OK? Can't flipping wait!
55
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:12,240
And we'll do that before Film Club.
Before. OK.
56
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,880
And how many rooms do you have?
Well, I think there's, like...
57
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,720
Natural light! So that's a...
58
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,400
FLOORBOARD CREAKS
59
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,120
Ooh! Period stairs - clearly.
60
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,000
Interesting space.
61
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,720
Sort of...rustic.
62
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,200
Colonial!
63
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,480
Quite a niche market, wedding-wise.
64
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,480
I heard Isabelle from
Belle's Weddings passed
65
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,920
and you were sick on her.
66
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,600
Ah, no, I was sick near her. Mm.
67
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,160
Some went on her. A little bit.
68
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,000
Can I be honest with you?
69
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,240
I don't like it.
70
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,440
I love it!
It is a little shabby round the edges
71
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,640
but with a bit of zhooshing up,
this could really suit the right couple.
72
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:55,520
And do you happen to have any
clients who are interested, like...
73
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,440
Soon? There is one -
74
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,760
Clare,
I'm showing her some other places today.
75
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,880
She wants to book in ASAP.
76
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,880
Shotgun wedding! Ah...
77
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,920
I'm kidding.
I think this could work for them.
78
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,160
Piano - tick!
79
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,600
Open fireplace - tick!
80
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:10,920
Canape room - tick.
81
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,200
Mood painting of creepy old lady - tick.
82
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,200
Kitchen - tick. Perfectly placed
83
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,400
to allow you to flow right
through this corridor,
84
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,400
straight into your garden at the back
85
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,160
where you can set up your
main marquee right...here!?
86
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,440
Oh, no! Er, yeah.
87
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,600
We can't show people this!
88
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,360
There's rough around the edges,
and then there's a bombsite.
89
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,720
We haven't quite got round to
clearing it yet. But we will.
90
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,960
By this afternoon? When? What?
91
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,640
I was going to bring Claire round
after showing her the other venues
92
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,240
but I can't show her this!
93
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,200
You have to make space
for this sort of marquee
94
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,680
if you want to host weddings here.
95
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,760
Without it, you've no catering flow.
96
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,240
No flow, no go. Yeah...
97
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,960
Guys, you've got to get it wedding ready.
98
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960
We'll clear it. We will?
99
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,080
Is what I wanted to hear!
100
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,880
THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY
101
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,480
Let's make this happen.
102
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,640
I'll delay Clare as long as I can.
Say...four o'clock?
103
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,080
Ciao-ciao!
104
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,320
Five hours?
105
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,400
Loads of time!?
106
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:18,360
So, Film Club!
Now, I know it's not my turn to choose, but
107
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,160
I would like to lobby hard... for Top Gun.
108
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,000
Not again!
109
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,840
I don't know about you, Mary, but,
er, I quite like the look, of, er,
110
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,720
ooh, Chariots Of Fire?
111
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,600
No. Actually, er, how about...
Mississippi Burning?
112
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,600
Towering Inferno?
113
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,320
Hmm! Huh! Maybe she is ready.
Could be the case.
114
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,960
Anyway, it's my turn to choose this week,
so tish-tish-tish...
115
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,760
I don't think so, mate! It's mine.
116
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,760
Faradiddle, sir! You had your turn
two weeks ago. You swapped with me.
117
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,680
No, no, I don't recall to that.
118
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,360
Even if I did, it would have been a verbal,
non-binding agreement.
119
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,560
You show me your thumb, sir?
120
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,360
I would show you my glove, sir!
If I had one.
121
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,360
I would give you a bunch of fives, mate.
122
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,360
I used to box for Cambridge, y'know!
Go! Let's go, pal!
123
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,520
Guys, guys, guys, guys! S'il vous plait!
124
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,480
French. Ooh!
125
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:14,920
Why don't we put it to the vote?
126
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,600
Oh, yeah, put it to the people,
like they know what they're doing!
127
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,640
SCOFFS
128
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,280
Hands up who thinks it's Thomas's turn.
129
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,840
I've got my hand up. Probably. Somewhere.
130
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:28,400
Ra-da-da-da-da!
Hang on, not everyone's here.
131
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,720
Well, where are they?
132
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,120
GIGGLES
133
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:38,880
Ahhh!
134
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,120
HUMS CHEERFULLY
135
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,680
Oh!
136
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,280
Hmm! Ooh!
137
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,440
Oh...my...God.
138
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,280
Oh, Martin's right.
We're never going to be wedding ready.
139
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,720
Well, let's get redding-wea... redding-ready.
Er, wed...
140
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,080
COMMOTION
141
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,240
Oh, no. Ready...
142
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,520
Alison, if you please,
143
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,720
Julian says that it's his
turn to choose Film Club,
144
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,040
and it isn't, it's mine.
145
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,640
Please, everyone,
we're having a bit of a crisis here.
146
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,320
This is a crisis. You know?
I mean, it might not be the Suez Crisis,
147
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,360
but it's a very... Guys, guys, guys, guys,
148
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,400
shut up! Good! Let her speak.
149
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,840
It's all right, you can speak.
150
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,560
We're trying to get this wedding booking.
151
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,600
Oh, there's going to be a wedding?
How wonderful!
152
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,760
The dresses, the men, the kissing...
153
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,800
But we need to clear this
whole garden by four!
154
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,000
We're never going to do it!
155
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,080
Hang on a minute. Ooh, jinx.
156
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,760
You go first, Michael. We can do it.
157
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,000
If we clear that... Hmm...
158
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,680
..and then we move this...
And I'll help, too.
159
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,680
How, Pat? I could be your wingman!
You know, like in Top Gun.
160
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,960
I can be Goose to your Maverick. Yeah.
161
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,480
I'll keep this lot occupied
while you do what you have to do.
162
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,560
And Goose dies in the film so,
y'know...it works out, doesn't it?
163
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,920
Thanks, Pat. Yeah.
Of course we can fit a marquee in.
164
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,240
I mean, how hard can it be?
They put a man on the moon.
165
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,480
What? What? What did he say?
166
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,880
Er... Man on moonah?
167
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,080
OK, I'll go get the tools.
You check the measurements.
168
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,920
Let's get redding red... Wedding ready.
Redding... Wedding ready.
169
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,240
Let's get wedderi... It's wedding ready.
Let's do this!
170
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,800
Yesss!
171
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,760
Alison,
what was the man doing up there on the moon?
172
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,280
They went to explore. Oh!
173
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,320
And how did he get there?
Climb up a beanstalk, did he?
174
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,040
You're dicked in the knob. Wha...?
175
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,320
I don't believe it. No. No!
176
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,280
There's no way it could happen!
177
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,120
Pat, now would be a really
good moment to be a wingman.
178
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,680
Great! OK, everyone, let's turn and burn.
179
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,400
Oh, sorry, Mary. MARY WHIMPERS
180
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,880
It's a quote from Top Gun.
181
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,080
Let's grab the computer that folds.
182
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,000
Oh, goodness me!
183
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,400
Ooh! Ohhh!
184
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,400
But he's such a...a ruffian!
185
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,480
CLANKING AND SCRAPING
186
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,840
Oh!
187
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:16,480
Think about it, Robin.
Man has always looked up at the moon
188
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,920
and thought... "Can you eat it?"
189
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,840
No, "Can you walk on it?"
190
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,320
Press play.
191
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,280
In 1969, the world watched in wonder
192
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,960
as three brave astronauts
took off from Cape Canaveral.
193
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,880
Their destination - the moon.
194
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,440
Ooh! It was an amazing moment.
195
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:39,000
Everyone remembers where they were.
I was with Carole, at her parents'.
196
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,080
Fish and chips for tea.
197
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,880
It was the first time I ever
tried a battered jumbo sausage.
198
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,520
Never looked back!
199
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,520
I missed the whole thing.
I was still a student at Cambridge
200
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:53,240
busy having my own "moon landing"
if you know what I mean!
201
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,720
My first threeso...
202
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,080
Moonah!
203
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,560
Ah, there you are. What's going on here?
204
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,680
Oh! I'm, er, helping Alison.
205
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:05,280
Yes, keeping this lot busy while
she and Mike dig up the garden.
206
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,000
Which garden?
207
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,280
How are you getting on?
208
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,600
It's going to be a squeeze.
First, we have to clear all of this.
209
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,080
No! No.
210
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,800
Belay that order, Michael.
You can't dig there. That's a negative.
211
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,480
Wait. Sorry, one second, Mike.
212
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,840
Didn't you tell them we're busy?
213
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,640
Most of them are watching YouTube. Jel.
214
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,840
Why can't we dig there?
215
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,680
Because that's a very
special part of the garden.
216
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,760
Er, that was where our allotment was,
the regimental allotment.
217
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,280
It's fine, Mike, just keep digging.
218
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,160
But, no, it's where we buried our pets.
219
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,840
Er, my dog is buried there, right there,
220
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,520
and he was very special to me. Barry.
221
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:39,960
Barry? Barry.
222
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,480
Wait, Mike.
223
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,120
So, sorry, you had a dog called Barry?
224
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,680
Mm.
225
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,400
OK. Mike, you can just carry on.
No, thank you, Michael!
226
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,480
Ohhh! Oh, that was a deep one. Ohhh!
227
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,640
Call him off! Call him off, I tell you.
228
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,520
OK, just one second, Mike.
229
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,480
When I was at Button House,
there was a war on.
230
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,280
I don't think that's ever come up before.
231
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,160
There is something buried down
there that is very sensitive.
232
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,120
Captain, the war is over.
233
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,160
Is it, Alison? Is it?
234
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,440
Yes, it is.
235
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,560
Please...don't dig.
236
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,560
There is something down there
237
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,400
that is potentially
explosive if it gets out.
238
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,880
Er...Mike,
do you think we could clear the other side?
239
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,280
Just the other side, Michael.
240
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,840
Looks like a lot of work.
241
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,280
Sorry. It's a ghost thing. Well...
242
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,200
OFFICER SHOUTING ORDERS OUTSIDE
243
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,240
KNOCK ON DOOR Come!
244
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,360
Ah! Havers.
245
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:56,280
At ease, at ease.
I was just thinking about you, actually.
246
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,760
How's the emergency lockdown coming?
Very good, sir.
247
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,840
Most items have been squared away,
as per the order. Excellent!
248
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,560
I see... I've come to tell you that...
249
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,840
Sorry, you first, Lieutenant.
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
250
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,720
I'm afraid I'm leaving you, sir...
251
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,400
..at 1800 hours this evening.
252
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,480
So soon?
253
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,400
That would explain your
new service revolver.
254
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,080
CAPTAIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
255
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,160
I don't suppose they sent one for me,
did they?
256
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,600
Only for front-line personnel at this stage,
sir.
257
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,240
Of course. Yes.
258
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,840
It's North Africa, sir.
259
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,120
I'll be able to have a
proper swing at Fritz!
260
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,240
You make sure you give them a bloody nose!
261
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:38,880
I shall miss you, Havers.
262
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:45,560
By which I mean, of course,
that we shall miss you.
263
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,760
And I know the Button House XI will
certainly miss your cover drive.
264
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,840
Thank you, sir. Well...if that's all?
265
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,160
Yes.
266
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,040
I say, Havers?
267
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,440
It's a bally shame we won't get
to finish the operation together.
268
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,000
DOOR CLOSES
269
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,280
..which leads to the question - where next?
270
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,040
Mars,
or even the outer edge of our solar system?
271
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,440
Only time will tell.
272
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,120
Well, I never.
273
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,760
Anyway, Film Club. Yes! Now,
274
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,360
I was thinking 9 1/2 Weeks.
275
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,560
Over my already dead body, sir! Fine by me!
276
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:12,120
Guys, guys, look,
why don't we settle this properly, OK?
277
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,640
Quite right. Let's settle this like men.
278
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:18,680
Would you care to step outside, sir?
Yes, I would, sir. Indeed, sir.
279
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,000
Guys, you don't have to do...
280
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,200
Where are you going?
I promised Alison that you would... Ohhh!
281
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,640
GROWLS IN FRUSTRATION
282
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,760
OK, the moon landings.
Everybody says it's real,
283
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,040
but what if that's just what
they wanted you to believe?
284
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,360
Oh!
285
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:41,000
Right, you both know the rules,
so we're agreed.
286
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,920
To solve this once and for all -
287
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,600
on three...
288
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,600
One, two,
289
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,680
three...
290
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,400
What's that supposed to be? Pistol.
291
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,120
Thomas... I always choose pistol.
292
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,280
Yeah, it really worked out for you last time,
didn't it?
293
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,800
There were circumstances around my death,
I'll have you know, sir.
294
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,360
It's rock, paper, scissors, Thomas.
I thought I told you.
295
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,320
No, it's all right, let's play it his way.
296
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,080
One, two, three...
297
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,440
IMITATES MACHINEGUN
298
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,920
What's this now? AK-47 assault rifle.
299
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,960
Sold 50 crates of these bad
boys to the Libyans in '83.
300
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,200
Paid for my orangery!
301
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,560
You can have one of these as well.
302
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,400
CLICKS HIS TONGUE You don't get two weapons!
303
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,280
IMITATES GRENADE EXPLODING Julian, come on!
304
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,560
And this. Pshhhhh!
305
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,720
You're on fire, mate. Argh!
306
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,440
Sorry, Mary.
Well, no, actually, because... Sorry!
307
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,600
Argh! I'm melting!
Can't feel it. Nothing happened.
308
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,440
What should we do with all this?
309
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,400
Maybe just pile it up over there
and then we'll deal with it later.
310
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,480
I think we might just do this.
See? Told you!
311
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,400
Redding red... Redditch...
312
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,960
We got this. Mm.
313
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,120
Oh, great...
314
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,400
How are we going to move that?
315
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,200
I think we might have to break it
up with a big hammer or something.
316
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,800
What? We can't do that! Can we?
317
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,280
Yeah, why not? Florence!
318
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:03,520
Oh...wait.
I can already tell this isn't good news.
319
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,800
Who's Florence, Kitty?
She was one of my best friends.
320
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,960
I used to play hide-and-seek
in the garden with my sister
321
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,040
and I was so good at hiding
that often she couldn't find me
322
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,480
for a whole day and night!
323
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,600
I once got so hungry,
I had to eat a bit of my purse.
324
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,960
Florence kept me company.
325
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,760
Oh, so you made a statue of her?
326
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,560
No, she is a statue. Eh?
327
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,760
That's enough.
We'll sort this out right now.
328
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,080
Guys! Oh, I'd forgotten all about you.
329
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,800
Zoinks! Where've you been hiding?
330
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,440
Guys, she's a statue!
331
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,400
Pat, you were supposed to be
keeping everyone occupied. Yeah...
332
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,680
It's like herding cats!
333
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,760
I'm sorry, Alison, I'm a terrible wingman.
334
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,440
Well, can you at least sort out these two?
335
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,160
SIGHS Yes.
336
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,800
Oh! Hang on! Guys? I think I've had an idea.
337
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,600
Follow me. Let's turn and burn...again.
338
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,920
So, are we smashing this up or what? Aaargh!
339
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,120
All right, one sec, Mike. No, Kitty, please.
340
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,400
Oh, please stop, please.
341
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,440
We won't...we won't destroy Florence.
342
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,960
We're just going to, er...
we could move her.
343
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,600
It's a deal...as long as you
play hide-and-seek with me. Ah.
344
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:10,440
So we're moving her? Yeah. Sorry.
345
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,720
I think you might be an expert at this game.
I'm very good at it, yes.
346
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:17,360
OK. Well, you hide first. Ooh! Ooh-hoo...
347
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,240
One...two... You'll never find me, Alison!
348
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,920
..three... OK!
349
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,560
Sorry.
350
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,960
..that's why we need to look seriously
351
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,120
at the grassy knoll.
I mean, look at those angles.
352
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:36,640
..because Elvis Presley did
not die that day on the toilet.
353
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,840
That's how we know the British
monarchy was replaced by weasels.
354
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,800
GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT
355
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,040
No, it's fine.
I have to say, it's lovely to be included.
356
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,760
Game on!
357
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:48,920
See what you've got.
358
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,840
HUMPHREY WAILS
359
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,960
Julian, serve! Bring it!
360
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,400
Adrenaline
361
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,640
Fie!
362
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,160
Whoaaaaa!
363
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:10,080
Yeah!
364
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,840
SPEECH DROWNED OUT BY MUSIC
365
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,440
♪ She said I'm ready to go again
366
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,080
♪ She loves the adrenaline
367
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,840
♪ Until she feels that sweet sensation
368
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,080
♪ She loves the adrenaline! ♪
369
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,440
Whoa!
370
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,880
Hello, Alison.
371
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,040
KITTY CHUCKLING
372
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,920
Oh! Ohhh! You found me!
373
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,440
Oh, I found... Oh, you're playing, too!
374
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,480
I don't know... Yes!
375
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,440
No-one has ever found me before, ever!
376
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,440
You're so good at this. Thank you.
377
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:58,040
Right, your turn to hide.
I'll count, you hide, and I'll seek.
378
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,640
OK... One...! Oh, it's numbers! Two...
379
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,600
Oh, no, it's numbers! Three...
380
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:07,760
GRUNTS
381
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,400
Ohhh! Ooh! Oh!
382
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,160
Fanny! Fanny!
383
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,760
Oh! Oh, Captain!
Fanny, are you quite all right?
384
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:22,040
No. No, I find myself having a, er...
385
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000
..a conniption fit. Good Lord!
386
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,040
Er, er, I have become...
attracted to someone.
387
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,720
Well, Fanny, I, er...I'm very flattered, er,
388
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,920
but I've got a lot of problems
of my own at the moment...
389
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,760
Oh, good heavens, no!
390
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,480
No? Not you!
391
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,920
No, no, no. Never you! Yeah...
392
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,120
No, I-I...cannot say who.
393
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,120
But I know not what to do.
394
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,880
Now, steady, Fanny, steady the buffs.
395
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,600
Now, look here,
nothing good will come of it.
396
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,520
You must take that emotion
and you must bury it.
397
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,080
Never let it out.
398
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,840
No more, Fanny, no more. Wha...?!
399
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,560
Ooh! Oh!
400
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,320
Any luck? Just can't move...
401
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,600
BOTH STRAIN
402
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,440
THUD Argh!
403
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,000
It's pointless!
404
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,000
HE GRUNTS
405
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,400
That was my favourite toe!
You have a favourite toe?
406
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:49,080
Don't you have a favourite toe?
I've not really thought about it, Mike.
407
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,760
No, no, not fair.
The head was out. By a nose!
408
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,560
What?! Tell them, Humphrey.
409
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,000
Oh, don't ask me.
I'm just happy to be part of the game.
410
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,000
I feel so alive! LAUGHS
411
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,640
Right, well, as the judge here...
412
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,200
Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's listen to the judge.
413
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,720
Let's listen to the man.
414
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,360
What? Lone gunman? Do me favour!
415
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,960
And Paul McCartney died in 1966.
416
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,720
I know it. Don't even get me started
on the so-called "moonah landings".
417
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,520
GROANS IN FRUSTRATION
418
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,320
Whooo! Sorry!
419
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,120
Don't worry. It's quite a nice view.
420
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,160
THUD
421
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,280
GASPS
422
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,520
KITTY LAUGHS
423
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,480
Ha, ha, found you! Ohhh!
424
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,080
How wonderful!
425
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,480
Now, erm, you hide and I'll counting.
426
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,240
Yes. No peeking! No, no peeking.
427
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,520
KITTY LAUGHS
428
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,640
One...two...
429
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,720
..three...four...
430
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,160
Oh, I'm so done with this. No. No.
431
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,440
You know what? ..14...
432
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,040
We've cleared loads.
I'll get rid of the garden waste
433
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:58,600
and we'll make the best of it. Huh?
434
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:00,640
Yeah. Alison!
435
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,000
GASPS
436
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,600
There is something I must confess.
437
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,560
It is a matter of moral rectitude,
and I can hold it in no longer.
438
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:08,920
Open your eyes!
439
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,000
Next,
you'll be telling me gravity doesn't exist!
440
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,880
Well, you can't see it. How do you know?
441
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,320
Alison, could you explain to Robin
that the moon landings were real?
442
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,440
The moon landings! You cannot be serious.
443
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,440
..97...98...
444
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,400
..99...100!
445
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,840
Oh. Ah...
446
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,480
SCREAMS
447
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,160
What the bally hell do you
think you're playing at?
448
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,400
Alison! Get away from there!
449
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,560
Get down! Get right out of the way.
It's going to blow!
450
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,800
It's a bomb!
451
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,600
Mike, Mike, get back! Just get back!
452
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,720
Go!
453
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,640
Get d-o-o-own!
454
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,600
ROBIN GASPS
455
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:57,760
Captain?
456
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,080
Oh.
457
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,880
CLEARS HIS THROAT
458
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,240
KITTY GIGGLES
459
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,000
Yeah, maybe you right about gravity.
460
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,760
Now,
I realise that was an utterly futile gesture,
461
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,640
but I was very much caught up in the moment.
462
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,360
Wh...what the hell was that?
463
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,480
Er, I was very clear, Alison.
464
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,200
What?
I didn't think you meant literally explosive!
465
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,800
I thought you meant, like, it was scandalous.
No!
466
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,440
It was a prototype limpet mine.
467
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,480
It was so secret that only I knew about it
468
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,360
and my second-in-command Lieutenant Havers,
but...he left me.
469
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,080
I mean, he left for the front.
470
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,640
So, er, I had to bury it on my own,
along with the blueprints.
471
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,760
Operation William, it was called.
472
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,520
CAR HORN HONKS Oh, that's Martin.
473
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,920
That was a ghost thing? Yeah.
474
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,840
Maybe next time tell me if it's a bomb!
475
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,280
I didn't know!
476
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,960
OK, I'll stall Clare and Martin
in the house and you just...
477
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,720
Oh, you just do what you can.
478
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,480
Yeah. Actually, a very clever little device,
479
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,480
a cunning timing mechanism in the housing
480
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,520
allowed the frogmen to exfiltrate safely.
481
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,640
Anyway...
482
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,640
They've gone, haven't they? Good!
483
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:10,440
Go on. Ah, Robin.
Now, so, they had four suckers... Suckers.
484
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,000
..and they attached the limpet mine
underneath the waterline... Oh!
485
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,080
..blew a hole in the boat and,
then, of course, the boat sank.
486
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,800
..and this is the main common room. Again.
487
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,920
Erm, we thought...
It is really nice, but can we...?
488
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,240
Did...did you want to see the library?
Again?
489
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,000
I'd really love to see the garden.
490
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,520
Now...Claire,
I...I need you to keep an open mind.
491
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,080
We know that the rest of the
house can be dressed, um,
492
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,200
and we are working on the garden, believe me.
Erm...
493
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,520
ALISON GASPS
494
00:24:58,360 --> 00:24:59,720
Redding weddy!
495
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,280
I love it!
496
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,280
CHUCKLES Great!
497
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,160
OWL HOOTS
498
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,440
OK, so,
really exciting presentation tonight, guys.
499
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:22,360
As promised,
Mary is going to be giving a talk
500
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,240
about her witch trial.
501
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:28,480
No, sorry, no!
I've had, erm, a...a bit of a setback.
502
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,280
OK. OK, yeah, that's understandable,
isn't it, given the, erm...?
503
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,680
Sorry. Yes.
504
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,800
So, now, seeing as we technically
didn't finish the match,
505
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,240
I'm calling the volleyball game a draw.
506
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,520
What? Are you on drugs? No! I was ahead!
507
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,400
That's enough. That's absolutely enough.
I've had a bellyful!
508
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,000
Now, since we can't resolve this,
509
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,720
I've decided that I'm going
to choose the film tonight.
510
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,520
Is it Love Actually?
I love Love Actually, actually.
511
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,560
9 1/2 Weeks. The Notebook.
512
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:55,920
Please don't shout out, OK?
513
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,040
The film I've chosen has
something for everyone -
514
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,560
drama, visual poetry...
515
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,600
It's got some of your lot in it, Robin.
516
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,640
Ooh! And...some pretty ladies for Julian.
Yeah!
517
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:15,200
It is, of course, 2001: A Space Odyssey.
518
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,760
Thanks, Pat. You can be my wingman any time.
519
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,360
Bullshit, you can be mine.
520
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:25,720
It's from Top Gun.
521
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,440
Just here.
522
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:36,480
THEME FROM 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
523
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,440
Ooh, that's got a kick to it, that.
524
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,720
OK. Mm. Mm!
525
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,840
What was it you wanted to talk to me about?
526
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,120
Oh! No, just a passing fancy is all, Alison.
527
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:52,360
Please don't trouble yourself.
528
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,280
Kitty, I'm sorry about Florence. CORK POPS
529
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:58,080
Oh, that's all right.
I wasn't really that fond of her, anyway.
530
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,120
You're a much better
best friend than she was.
531
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,720
Thanks, Kitty.
532
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,480
Wait. No, that not right.
533
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,160
What? Earth not round. It flat.
534
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,280
You what? It flat.
535
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:14,280
To our first wedding booking! Cheers.
536
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,240
Here's to buried secrets.
537
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:23,040
MUSIC BUILDS TO A CLIMAX
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