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1
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:01,000
Agh!
2
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,960
Testing!
3
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,960
Well, that seems pretty conclusive.
4
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,760
She can also hear us.
5
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,480
Clear!
6
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:49,640
This room gonna get some DIY!
7
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:50,800
DIY!
8
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:52,880
What is this impudence?!
9
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,400
This is my room, do you hear me? My room!
10
00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:01,760
What sort of heathen just barges
in on a lady while she's sleeping?
11
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,080
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
12
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,880
What on earth is going on?
13
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,800
# Daddy gonna drill a hole in the wall... #
14
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,720
Daddy is not drilling any holes in any...
15
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,680
This is beyond the pale!
16
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,000
No. What are you do...?
17
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,320
Oh, you have got to be joking.
18
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,720
- Mike!
- Er...
19
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,840
Oh! This looks fun!
20
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,600
I'm going to call it the smile hole.
21
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,520
Hello, Lady Button! Morning!
22
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:36,920
- Mike!
- No, no, no!
23
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,280
You can't just leave it like this.
24
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,600
Where are you going? You can't just...
25
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,400
So, what's your favourite morning song?
26
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:42,600
I think mine is...
27
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:46,760
# There's a lark in the bushel
at the corner of the... #
28
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,000
- Mike!
- Er...
29
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,080
- They're back!
- Who?
30
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,520
Them!
31
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,120
Er...
32
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:04,240
Don't shriek, you ill-bred hen.
It is unseemly for a lady to...
33
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:10,200
Him! Cover that up at once.
You beastly wretch!
34
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,720
I refuse to be taunted in my own
home by that lying, cheating...
35
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,760
Ex-husband. You know how it is.
36
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,080
- Oh, we're the same height!
- Do you need a tea?
37
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,920
Lady coming through!
38
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,320
What's your favourite colour?
39
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,840
- Oh, I do wish they wouldn't do that!
- Aly!
40
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,240
There's a cave one and there's an Army
one and there's one with no pants on...
41
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,600
And a first from Cambridge!
42
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,120
- And a first from Cambridge!
- OK, OK.
43
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,240
I know it may seem very real, but remember
what they said at the hospital, yeah?
44
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,320
"May experience visual disturbances."
45
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,680
But I can hear them too.
46
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,560
And my Uncle Graeme,
he thought he could smell toast,
47
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,920
but you know what? There was no toast.
48
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,720
He was having a stroke!
49
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,800
- He died, Mike.
- OK, bad example.
50
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,320
I'm just saying,
think about it - what's more likely,
51
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,880
that you can see ghosts, or that you're
still suffering from severe concussion?
52
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,640
- Ghosts.
- Concussion.
53
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,800
Exactly. You don't just...
54
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,640
Robin, you've been here a while.
55
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,600
Have you ever seen
anything like this before?
56
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:04,840
One time, yes.
57
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,400
But was a bear.
58
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,440
Bear was like, "Raargh!"
and I'm like, "Argh!"
59
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:13,640
and then he like, "Ooh, hurr, hurr!"
And I'm like...
60
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,320
"Woo!" And the bear's like...
61
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,880
You had to be there.
62
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,880
- Rare, then.
- Or magic?
63
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,360
- Black magic.
- Perhaps she's just special.
64
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,840
- Indeed she is.
- And you'll be back to your old self
65
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,600
in no time. Just give it a few days, yeah?
66
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:35,640
OK.
67
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,760
OK? Yep.
68
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,720
So, Mike, what are you up to?
69
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,560
Well, I'm hooking up all the
stuff that we can't live without.
70
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,520
- So like heating and hot water and...
- TV.
71
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,560
But the boiler's next on the list!
72
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,960
After that.
73
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,880
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
74
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,600
No. But Google does, so we're golden.
75
00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:01,920
Wowee. That's quite the encyclopaedia.
76
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,080
It's gotta be, what, two CD-ROMs, min.
77
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,600
It's all under control here,
so why don't you go and relax?
78
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,720
Have yourself a nice war...tepid bath.
79
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,760
I'd like that. Ohh!
80
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,360
One of them just said what I said.
81
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,200
See? It's all in your head.
82
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,120
Just give it a few days, yeah?
83
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,880
Now go on - bath.
84
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,000
Clearly, this changes things.
85
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,640
By some quirk of fate, it would seem
86
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,640
- the new Lady Button...
- She's no lady, and no Button.
87
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,880
Well, whoever she is,
she can now both see and hear us,
88
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,440
which opens up some
intriguing possibilities -
89
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,720
chiefly the potential for
a full-frontal assault.
90
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,000
- Order them to leave. Face to face.
- Yes!
91
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:48,360
Well,
conversings with the dead be witchcraft.
92
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,200
People been burned at the stake for less.
93
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,320
Except of course she isn't truly conversing,
is she?
94
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,680
She may give ear to my overtures,
95
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,040
but, alas, she is yet to respond...
to any of us.
96
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,000
She spoke to me.
97
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,440
- What? No, she did not.
- Did. Said...
98
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,040
Aaargh!
99
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,000
- I don't think that's a word, Robin.
- No.
100
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,800
'Tis. I had cousin, that's all he said.
101
00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:11,840
She's not conversing because Mr
Sledgehammer up there has convinced her
102
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,320
we are just figments of her imagination,
103
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,680
which is why we need a change of tactics.
104
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,600
We work in shifts. Campaign of attrition.
105
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,960
Guerrilla war.
106
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,640
Gorilla always win.
107
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,320
Why is it always about war with you?
108
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,920
- Well...
- What's wrong with a nice 'hello'?
109
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,560
Maybe show them around.
110
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,600
Then we could all sit down
and have a nice friendly chat
111
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,480
- about this whole hotel business.
- It is nice to be friendly.
112
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,160
- Ideally more than friendly.
- Befriended by you lot?
113
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,960
I can't think of anything more annoying.
114
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,920
In fact, you know what?
115
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,960
Do that! Yeah, good plan.
116
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,200
That'll send them running.
117
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,120
Perhaps I should handle the negotiations.
118
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:50,440
Huh?
119
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:54,720
Well, I did, after all,
resolve the Arabian crisis of '91.
120
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:58,240
- What, you stopped a war?
- No, I stopped a crisis.
121
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,640
By starting a war, as it happens,
but, you know, that's not the point.
122
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,760
The point is,
I was lead envoy in the negotiations.
123
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,240
Utter toffee.
124
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,920
You couldn't negotiate your
way out of a corn maze.
125
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:12,040
How dare you!
126
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,400
I'm a respected politician and diplomat,
127
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:19,560
and I will not have my credentials called
into question by some workshy Bohemian.
128
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,280
That treaty was my legacy.
129
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,080
Oh, yeah, oh, very, very funny. Fine!
130
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,240
I'll prove it to you! Mmm. Yeah.
131
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,440
Ho-ho! You'll see.
132
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,920
Imagine that slammed!
133
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:46,200
# Daddy's gonna give it some DIY, DIY... #
134
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,400
Right. I'll show them.
135
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,400
That's better.
136
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:12,400
- No, no, no, no, no - that's worse!
- This is awful!
137
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,440
I shall write to the owners.
138
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,240
But where's my quill?
139
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:20,080
Maybe I left it...downstairs.
140
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,720
Oh, brick it up, you oaf.
141
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,480
I refuse to spend eternity
in the company of a halfwit.
142
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,520
- I thought we were friends!
- Friends
143
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,120
are peers and intellectual equals, Kitty.
144
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,080
- We are neither.
- Fine!
145
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,400
Then I'm not letting you go in my canoe.
146
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,440
I just...
147
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,400
Right, then.
148
00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,440
Old boiler.
149
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,680
This'll learn those berks.
150
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,840
Hmm.
151
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,160
Huh.
152
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,320
There's nothing to be scared of.
153
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:29,720
# Daddy gonna fix the boiler now... #
154
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,600
Hmm.
155
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:35,280
# YouTube gonna show Daddy how... #
156
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,720
Ooh!
157
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,760
Come on!
158
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,240
Ugh!
159
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,520
Oh, it's not playing ball, is it?
160
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,080
- What's he doing?
- Oh, no, Daddy.
161
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:05,240
No, you need to prime the inlet pump,
open the induction loop,
162
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:08,920
repressurise the system,
then connect the gas feed,
163
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,320
and then ignite the...
164
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,800
Or just hit it with a hammer.
165
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,040
Unbelievable.
166
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,600
- Technophobe.
- Yeah.
167
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,320
Right. It's going to take a
sustained assault to grind her down,
168
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,760
so we'll take it in shifts.
169
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,720
I'll go first! We have a connection.
170
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,400
A frisson, if you will.
171
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,640
Maybe I should go first. Let
her know the lay of the land.
172
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,400
No. This is a military campaign,
173
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,760
and I'm not the sort to bring up the rear.
174
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,080
No, I'll go first.
175
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,200
- Urgh!
- And then you, Pat,
176
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:34,720
and then Mary, and...
177
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,600
Good heavens. What on earth is that?
178
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,560
Ah, now,
that is the front bit of a television.
179
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,560
I don't know where the back bit is,
180
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,760
- but that's the front!
- Extraordinary.
181
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,040
- Any luck with the boiler?
- Nah, not really.
182
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,520
It's in a pretty bad way.
183
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,480
Looks like some idiot
has taken a hammer to it.
184
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,320
I'll have a look at it tomorrow.
185
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,360
Connect this one to the one from the roof
186
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,320
and we should...
187
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,240
...get a picture.
188
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:05,200
Right. Over the top we go!
189
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:15,600
Now look here.
190
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,760
As a officer of His
Majesty's Armed Forces...
191
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,280
...it is my duty to inform you that
you are considered an enemy insurgent
192
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,200
and you should surrender your
territories to incumbent forces
193
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,040
- with immediate effect...
- # La-la-la-la-la-la... #
194
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,240
...or face the prospect... OK.
195
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,480
- Very good. I see what you're doing.
- # La-la-la-la-la-la
196
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,840
- # La-la-la-la-la-la... #
- Two can play at that game!
197
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:43,760
Ah!
198
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:46,160
# I am the very model of
a modern Major-General
199
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,240
# I've information vegeta...
200
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,240
# ...ble, animal and mineral
201
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,960
# I know the kings of England
and I quote the fights historical
202
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,160
# From Marathon to Waterloo
in order categorical! #
203
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,600
You can run, but you can't...
204
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,960
Hello to you.
205
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,920
Hello! And welcome!
206
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,480
On behalf of me and my fellow dead people,
may I just say...
207
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,280
Oh, straight onto the tour, OK!
208
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:16,160
On your left is the Master's chamber,
or "chambre" - that's French.
209
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,440
Wait!
210
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,040
You beautiful girl.
211
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,080
Oh, no.
212
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,680
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
213
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,480
Up next, Hitler's Secret Superweapons.
214
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,040
Oh, good Chr...
215
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,640
I mean, it's Christmas,
it's Christmas morning!
216
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,360
Alison?
217
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:48,680
Aly?
218
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,960
What the bally hell do you
think you're doing, sir?
219
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,240
What have you done with the tanks?
220
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,880
You turn that back on this instant...
221
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:58,760
Where are you going?
222
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,560
If you were dead,
I would thrash your bottom, sir!
223
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,040
And there's been a settlement
on this site for well over...
224
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,080
- Boo!
- ...well, a while now, although this part
225
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,560
- of the building is only...
- You're not real.
226
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,720
- Well, we're not alive, but we are...
- I can't hear you.
227
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,480
- Well, clearly you can, because...
- No, I can't.
228
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,000
Well, it's just...you keep answering me...
229
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,680
- No, I don't.
- ...so why...?
230
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,120
My turn?
231
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,600
Sorry, Tom, Captain said that Mary's next.
232
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,560
Get out my way, you soppy bit o' rag.
233
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,800
Good luck.
234
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,720
Although she's not much
of a one for chitchat.
235
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,920
Oh, don't you worries about me.
236
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,160
I've got something up my sleeves.
237
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,720
Get out, get out, get out, get out,
get out, get out, get out, get out,
238
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:33,840
get out, get out, get out,
239
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,880
get out, get out, get out,
get out, get out, get out...
240
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:43,640
Boo!
241
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,440
Oh, my...!
242
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,240
Boo! Classic.
243
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,560
- Yes, to replace the boiler.
- So it needs amending. My entry.
244
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:52,920
To reflect my political achievements.
245
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,000
What did you say, sorry?
246
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,120
There's plenty who've done worse than I did,
believe you me.
247
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,520
My phone number...
248
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,200
The MP for Watney got horses involved.
249
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,000
- 0-7-9...
- Yeah, that's plural!
250
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,640
- 0-7-9...
- Horses!
251
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,240
- It was the shire ones as well.
- ..7... Sorry, 0-7...
252
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,160
- You know, the ones with the flares?
- Can I call you back?
253
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,360
A lady employs a knife and fork.
254
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,760
A lady pinches. Whores use rouge.
255
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,960
A lady does not hold a carrot like that.
256
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,280
A lady wouldn't tell me
to do that to myself!
257
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,480
Get out, get out, get out, get out,
get out, get out, get out, get out,
258
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,360
get out, get out, get out,
get out, get out, get out.
259
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,800
Get out, get out, get out, get out...
260
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,960
- ..get out, get out, get out, get out...
- No better?
261
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,240
..get out, get out, get out, get out,
get out, get out, get out, get out...
262
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,760
Just give it till morning.
I'm sure it'll pass.
263
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:38,240
...get out, get out, get out, get out.
264
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,600
# I...
265
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,760
# ...am the very model
of a modern Major-General
266
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,360
# I've information
vegetable animal and mineral
267
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,840
# I know the kings of England
and I quote the fights historical
268
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,840
# From Marathon to Waterloo
in order categorical! #
269
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,640
Oh, God.
270
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,200
Boo!
271
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,480
- Agh!
- I don't even feel the cold!
272
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,640
- I am a strong, sane woman.
- He'd crafted it from a rubber glove
273
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,640
and was using the gravy as lubricant.
274
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,680
- Challenges only make me stronger.
- And you can imagine the jokes
275
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,440
about "the Chancellor's red box".
276
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,120
And then there was this Liberal fellow,
well, you can imagine what he got up to.
277
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,600
He was caught in a sailors' sauna,
278
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,640
and he was not there to learn about boats.
279
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,720
Get out, get out, get out, get out.
280
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,160
Get out!
281
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,760
- Oh!
- Alone at last.
282
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,160
- Alison!
- Oh, God!
283
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,520
A moment, please, I beg of you.
284
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,800
You're in my head.
285
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,400
And you in mine, my sweet!
286
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,160
What are we doing?
287
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,840
You're married,
I'm dead - it can never work.
288
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,240
Can it? Maybe it can.
289
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,600
Like Romeo And Juliet,
290
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,520
but specifically the bit
where he's already dead
291
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,680
and she kills herself to be with him?
292
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:26,280
I am too bold. Forgive me.
Accurse my impetuous loins!
293
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,760
You're not yet free of
that buffle-headed bobtail.
294
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,880
I'll wait for you, my comely nug.
295
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,400
Though some idea of timescale would be...
296
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:35,440
Oh!
297
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,920
No, I understand,
this is all happening so fast.
298
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,560
I can wait!
299
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,880
Lord knows I've had the practice.
300
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,360
Come on, man!
301
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:47,680
I'm trying!
302
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,000
Well, try harder, man!
303
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,160
You! I demand you reactivate this
device with immediate effect!
304
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,480
- Any joy with the people from Goggle?
- Me again!
305
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,440
Today I thought we could do
halls and common passageways.
306
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,000
Get out, get out, get out,
get out, get out, get out.
307
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,800
- Darling! There you are.
- Ohh...
308
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,120
- Now, I know I said no pressure, but...
- None of it is real.
309
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,760
None of it is real.
310
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,240
- A lady doesn't mumble.
- Ohh!
311
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,520
Don't suppose you've seen a body anywhere?
312
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:15,560
Is that a no?
313
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,480
Will you be my friend?
314
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,920
Agh!
315
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,320
Do you think it's something we said?
316
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,320
- And press the hilt of the venturi...
- What is a venturi?
317
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,320
- ...into the domed brass union.
- What's a union?!
318
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,520
Don't panic. It takes maybe ten, 20 seconds.
319
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,320
Oh, that's good.
320
00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,120
Oh, that's bad.
321
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,520
- Mike!
- Jesus, you scared me!
322
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,240
It's no good, OK,
I need to go and get some...
323
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:05,480
Holy Mary Mother of God!
324
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,080
- Oh, my God.
- What's wrong?
325
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,760
"What's wrong"?!
The room is full of zombies!
326
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,640
Donkeys?
327
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,080
Honey, I promise you it isn't.
328
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,440
Then I have to go back to the hospital
and get some drugs or some therapy
329
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,160
or a bang on the other side of my head,
330
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,400
or whatever it takes to stop me from
seeing the cast of The Night Of The Dead
331
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,800
every single time I walk into a room!
332
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,480
It's Night Of The Living De...
333
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,440
Not now.
334
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,960
I can't go on like this, OK?
335
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,120
So you either drive me to the
hospital right now, or I drive myself.
336
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,960
And I see things that aren't there!
337
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,960
- Well, we are.
- I'll get my keys.
338
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,600
Ohh. Red lever.
339
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,240
- Red lever!
- Red lever!
340
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,120
- Red lever!
- Red lever!
341
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,520
What now? Aly?!
342
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,200
What's wrong?
343
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,920
Red lever!
344
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,320
Red lever?
345
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,240
Oh! On it!
346
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,680
Oh, what?
347
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,520
- How did you know about the red...?
- Maybe we should go.
348
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:16,680
Yeah, yeah, we're going.
349
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,520
No, no, no, I mean away from here.
350
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,920
Just move out. It just doesn't feel right.
351
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,440
What? Why would you say that?
352
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,160
It's hard to put my finger on.
353
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,640
All right. Just...one thing at a time, yeah?
We'll talk about this later.
354
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,400
Ooh! Electric windows!
355
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,800
- Get out of here!
- OK, OK!
356
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,200
I say.
357
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,800
Well, fascinating.
358
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,360
But you don't see them now, do you?
359
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,320
Not since we left the house.
360
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,840
Maybe I'm on the mend!
361
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:57,920
Mmm.
362
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,440
Yes, I know how loans work.
363
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,080
- Sort of.
- As I've said before, sir...
364
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,400
But surely if we just give
you the money back, then...
365
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,240
- ...we cannot end the agreement now.
- Yes.
366
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,760
- Do you see?
- Yes, I see.
367
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,560
Do you think it was related to the accident?
368
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,000
- Oh, yes, undoubtedly.
- Oh, good.
369
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,400
So it should just...stop happening,
370
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:15,880
as I heal?
371
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,280
Well,
my diagnosis - based on what you've told me -
372
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,520
is that your accident left you
so close to death yourself,
373
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,120
you're now able to see dead people.
374
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,080
- What do you mean?
- Well...
375
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,240
can you see me?
376
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,000
- Yes.
- Exactly.
377
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,960
I'm dead.
378
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,600
So sorry to have kept you.
379
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,480
Oh, she's very good.
380
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,160
Ohh!
381
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,640
What can I do for you?
382
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:41,880
All right, listen to what I'm...
383
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,400
Wait.
384
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,680
The doctor's dead!
385
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,240
I just...
386
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,320
I don't understand. If it's come back,
why not accept the sedatives?
387
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,560
- I mean, they might help with...
- Because...
388
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,600
back at the house I see
the same faces every day.
389
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,320
But at the hospital -
completely different ones.
390
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,440
Different places, different faces.
391
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,360
- Why would my brain do that?
- OK, that is ...
392
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,720
It wouldn't.
393
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,400
Because they're not in here.
394
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,000
They're out there.
395
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:34,520
Right, we're selling up.
We'll buy a little new-build.
396
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,680
One of those soulless little
boxes that I've always hated.
397
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:42,600
One bed is fine. Just somewhere
with absolutely no past whatsoever.
398
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,600
Right. Yeah.
399
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,120
It's just...
400
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,400
OK, well...
401
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,360
- I don't want you to get mad.
- Am I going to get mad?
402
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:54,560
Yes. I spoke to the loan people and,
with the prepayment penalties and...
403
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:58,920
Well, long story short, getting out now
404
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,520
would probably bankrupt us.
405
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,680
And I only added "probably"
to make it sound better.
406
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,440
Didn't you read the contracts?!
407
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,320
I gave them what I'd call a lengthy skim.
408
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:10,440
Oh, Mike, I could kill you!
409
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:11,800
Ooh! Good idea!
410
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,920
Though maybe not here,
just because he might...
411
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,040
Right!
412
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,680
Well, there's only one thing for it,
isn't there?
413
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,560
Fine! I see you! OK?!
414
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,280
I see Major-General Can't-Sing,
I see Captain Cave-Prick, I see all of you!
415
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,560
OK? You win!
416
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:33,960
Mission accomplished!
417
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,520
I admit your existence.
418
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,760
Now what the hell do you want?!
419
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,400
We want you out of this house!
420
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:40,680
Yes, you do not belong here!
421
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,240
Well, that's tough, isn't it?
422
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,520
Because thanks to my
resident mortgage advisor,
423
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:45,800
we're stuck here!
424
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,960
OK, you're officially freaking me out.
425
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,040
So how about you leave?
426
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,480
- We can't leave.
- You sort of just stays where you dies.
427
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,480
And how you dies...died!
428
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,000
It's your classic haunted house.
429
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,480
- Er, Alison...
- Whoa. Right.
430
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,160
So I can't go and you can't go.
431
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,400
So...
432
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:06,120
what will it take to get you
all just out of my face, huh?
433
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,600
What do you want?
What do you actually want?!
434
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:09,960
Specifically! You?
435
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,520
Right! I'll tell you what we want.
436
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,120
We demand that...
437
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,480
One hour a week of the thing about tanks
438
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,600
and anything on superweapons, please?
Thank you.
439
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,880
- Done! Next.
- It feels like I should call someone?
440
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,160
Who you gonna call?!
441
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,440
You, Sourpuss.
442
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:29,520
Remove my husband's portrait,
and fill the hole in my wall!
443
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,440
- Done. You?
- Divorce him, kill yourself, marry me.
444
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,720
- No.
- To which bit?
445
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,160
- You?
- I just wanted to say hello!!
446
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,360
- Hello!
- Oh, hello.
447
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,720
And on behalf of myself
and my fellow ghosts...
448
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,880
Listen.
I want those slanderous beggars at Goggle
449
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:47,240
to amend my entry for the next edition.
I am a respectable...
450
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:48,720
It doesn't work like that -
it's the internet.
451
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,000
Right. And where are they based?
452
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,520
It's everywhere.
In every house in the country,
453
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,040
- in the world.
- You mean
454
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,760
every person on the planet just
thinks of me as the weirdo MP
455
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,880
who died in some sex scandal?
456
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,720
- That was you?!
- What? No!
457
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,400
I don't want anything, actually. Who's next?
458
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,080
Renounce Satan, witch!
459
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:10,880
Um...OK!
460
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,880
Yeah, yeah, that's probably done it.
461
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,440
And what about you, Budget Tarzan?
462
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,760
What do you want?
463
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,960
- Oh, nuffin', thanks.
- Nothing?
464
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,680
So you just spent...
465
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,360
So you just spent the last three days
466
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:30,600
hiding in every little tiny little
dark corner in this entire house,
467
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,280
scaring me out of my mind,
468
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:34,800
for no reason?!
469
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,600
Well, it was something to do.
470
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,760
My turn! I think we've got a lot in common.
471
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,400
OK, so I've just googled "psychotic break"
472
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,240
and I'm not saying that this is one,
but there is an article
473
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,680
- that I think you should have a...
- Mike, this isn't...
474
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,880
Can you just come with me?
475
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,520
All of you!
476
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,760
Where are you going?
477
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,480
To shut you all up.
478
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,400
Horsey to go dooka-dakka-deeko.
479
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,360
Dooka-dakka-deeko.
480
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,200
OK, you go.
481
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,040
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
482
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,360
Even more softly.
483
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,760
When's our sleepover again?
484
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,600
- Eighth of March.
- And what is it now?
485
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,040
- June.
- Oh! So exciting!
486
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,920
How long's this on for?
487
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,040
I need to contact this Vicky Pedia.
488
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,720
Shh! Shh!
489
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,840
Er, well played.
490
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:27,400
Perhaps there is some Button
blood in those veins after all.
491
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:28,760
Yeah.
492
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,880
Well, I'm not sure I buy all this,
but I've moved the painting.
493
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,000
And bricked up the hole?
494
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,640
Yeah, I...filled...the hole.
495
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:39,680
Argh!
496
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,880
Oh, this will not stand!
497
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,160
Well, you seem happier.
498
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,680
The good news is I'm not mad.
499
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,000
That's a relief. What's the bad news?
500
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,320
They are.
501
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:13,840
Alison!
502
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,520
Turn the right-hand dial horizontal.
503
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,440
And press the ignition.
504
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,520
Hey!
505
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,000
OK.
506
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,120
I believe you.
507
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:27,800
And, er...
508
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:29,480
...thank you?
509
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,880
- They say you're welcome.
- "They"?
510
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,960
You mean there's two of them?!
511
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:38,880
Yes.
37538
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