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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:30,144 - Action. - Design. 2 00:00:35,180 --> 00:00:37,583 ♪ Ding, dong, ding ♪ 3 00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:41,484 ♪ Ding, dong, ding ♪ 4 00:00:48,321 --> 00:00:51,423 ♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪ 5 00:00:51,456 --> 00:00:55,058 ♪ It's the best time of the year ♪ 6 00:00:55,860 --> 00:00:59,294 ♪ I don't know if there'll be snow ♪ 7 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,829 ♪ But have a cup of cheer ♪ 8 00:01:01,863 --> 00:01:05,298 ♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪ 9 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:08,166 ♪ And when you walk down the street... ♪ 10 00:01:09,801 --> 00:01:12,201 Another one? 11 00:01:12,235 --> 00:01:16,203 Well, I'm still vertical, so I'd like to change that. 12 00:01:16,237 --> 00:01:19,574 ♪ Oh, ho, the mistletoe ♪ 13 00:01:19,607 --> 00:01:22,174 ♪ Hung where you can see ♪ 14 00:01:22,842 --> 00:01:25,209 ♪ Somebody waits for you... ♪ 15 00:01:25,243 --> 00:01:27,444 Ho, ho. 16 00:01:28,879 --> 00:01:31,279 Bitter. Pint. 17 00:01:32,446 --> 00:01:33,848 You just get off? 18 00:01:33,882 --> 00:01:36,717 ♪ And in case you didn't hear ♪ 19 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:39,117 ♪ Oh, by golly, have a holly... ♪ 20 00:01:39,151 --> 00:01:40,852 I'm taking a break. 21 00:01:40,886 --> 00:01:43,186 Between shifts, I guess you could say. 22 00:01:43,219 --> 00:01:44,654 - Hmm. - You ain't driving, are you? 23 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,723 I steer a little, but the reindeer do most of the work. 24 00:01:50,658 --> 00:01:52,158 Mm-hmm. 25 00:01:52,191 --> 00:01:54,359 This is my, uh, fourth year as a Santa. 26 00:01:54,392 --> 00:01:55,561 Ah. 27 00:01:55,595 --> 00:01:56,795 How about you? 28 00:01:56,828 --> 00:01:59,195 Lost count. 29 00:01:59,228 --> 00:02:02,197 I forget why I started doing it in the first place. 30 00:02:02,230 --> 00:02:05,399 Same reason anybody does anything. 31 00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:07,233 The money. 32 00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:09,836 Money. Money. 33 00:02:09,869 --> 00:02:11,804 This whole planet runs on greed. 34 00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:18,908 It's the look on the kiddies' faces, innit? 35 00:02:18,941 --> 00:02:20,575 That's what does it for me. 36 00:02:20,609 --> 00:02:24,511 Ah, the look. Yeah, that look. 37 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,479 Lasts about two seconds. 38 00:02:26,512 --> 00:02:28,814 As soon as they're finished unwrapping, 39 00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:31,381 they want the next present, 40 00:02:31,414 --> 00:02:34,183 they want the next cool thing. 41 00:02:34,216 --> 00:02:36,184 That's how this world works. 42 00:02:36,217 --> 00:02:38,251 And kids... What kids have become. 43 00:02:38,285 --> 00:02:42,387 They're just like little junkies. 44 00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:44,923 They're little shits. They just demand. 45 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:46,690 They don't believe. 46 00:02:46,724 --> 00:02:50,493 They just want, crave, consume. 47 00:02:55,328 --> 00:02:57,697 Maybe this is my last year. 48 00:02:57,731 --> 00:02:59,765 ♪ ♪ 49 00:02:59,798 --> 00:03:02,165 The last Christmas. 50 00:03:05,501 --> 00:03:09,370 Well, I can't stand seeing another Santa in distress. 51 00:03:10,336 --> 00:03:11,805 Put his drinks on my tab. 52 00:03:11,839 --> 00:03:13,372 - Okay? - Yeah. 53 00:03:13,405 --> 00:03:15,907 Oh, very merry of you. Okay. 54 00:03:15,941 --> 00:03:18,408 I better get going. 55 00:03:18,441 --> 00:03:20,610 Presents aren't gonna deliver themselves. 56 00:03:21,745 --> 00:03:23,779 Oh, uh... 57 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:25,680 For your grandson. Save me a trip. 58 00:03:25,713 --> 00:03:27,514 It's, uh, that new video game. 59 00:03:27,547 --> 00:03:30,516 It's Astro Blaster, Blaster Astro. 60 00:03:30,549 --> 00:03:32,349 I-I don't know. 61 00:03:32,383 --> 00:03:33,785 Merry Christmas. 62 00:03:33,818 --> 00:03:36,252 How'd he know my grandson's name? 63 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:39,387 How'd he know I have a grandson? - 64 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:43,623 Oi! That door leads to the roof. 65 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,924 Piss head. 66 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,593 Go easy on him. It's Christmas. 67 00:03:49,694 --> 00:03:52,962 Hey! You can't be up here. 68 00:03:52,995 --> 00:03:56,698 If you break your neck, I'm the one... 69 00:04:08,972 --> 00:04:10,973 ♪ ♪ 70 00:04:16,643 --> 00:04:19,176 My God. 71 00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:25,815 It's... 72 00:04:27,883 --> 00:04:29,450 beauti... 73 00:04:33,619 --> 00:04:35,688 ♪ ♪ 74 00:05:16,309 --> 00:05:18,446 Hi. Hi, hi, hi. 75 00:05:18,479 --> 00:05:20,747 There she is. Hello, muffin. 76 00:05:21,747 --> 00:05:24,214 Let's go see Grandma. 77 00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,316 Ooh. 78 00:05:27,349 --> 00:05:29,552 Merry Christmas. 79 00:05:31,786 --> 00:05:33,454 Merry Christmas, Trudy. 80 00:05:33,487 --> 00:05:34,488 Merry... 81 00:05:34,521 --> 00:05:36,321 Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! 82 00:05:36,354 --> 00:05:39,658 Merry Christmas, Daddy, ya filthy animal. 83 00:05:41,291 --> 00:05:43,460 She got to stay up late and watch Home Alone. 84 00:05:43,493 --> 00:05:44,359 Uh-huh. 85 00:05:44,394 --> 00:05:47,327 It was so funny. 86 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,863 - Yep. - That... that hurts. 87 00:05:49,896 --> 00:05:51,465 - All morning. - Okay, um... 88 00:05:51,498 --> 00:05:53,399 Thank you. 89 00:05:54,332 --> 00:05:56,300 For doing this. 90 00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:58,502 I'm not doing it for you. 91 00:06:00,036 --> 00:06:02,437 - It's Christmas! - Yeah! 92 00:06:02,471 --> 00:06:04,505 ♪ ♪ 93 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,015 Merry Christmas, Al. 94 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,884 Hi, Linda. Merry Christmas. 95 00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:26,885 - Mr. Lightstone. - Hey, Al. 96 00:06:26,918 --> 00:06:28,419 Hey, you back there, Tru? 97 00:06:28,452 --> 00:06:29,987 Yeah, I bet you're excited for Christmas. 98 00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:31,921 What did you ask Santa for? 99 00:06:31,955 --> 00:06:33,555 Not to work on Christmas Eve. 100 00:06:33,589 --> 00:06:35,056 Must've been naughty this year, 101 00:06:35,089 --> 00:06:36,758 - 'cause here I am. - Mm-hmm. 102 00:06:36,791 --> 00:06:38,892 Just make sure you let Santa through the gates later, Al. 103 00:06:38,925 --> 00:06:40,358 - Yeah. - Have a merry one, now. 104 00:06:40,392 --> 00:06:42,393 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, Al. 105 00:06:42,427 --> 00:06:44,395 Merry Christmas, Tru. 106 00:06:44,428 --> 00:06:45,829 - Thank you, Al. - Yeah. 107 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,263 ♪ ♪ 108 00:07:03,106 --> 00:07:05,541 ♪ ♪ 109 00:07:08,709 --> 00:07:11,544 I can't remember where the second one is. 110 00:07:14,579 --> 00:07:16,647 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 111 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,414 Merry Christmas. 112 00:07:18,448 --> 00:07:20,482 Hope you're on the nice list. 113 00:07:20,516 --> 00:07:23,316 That doesn't go over there. 114 00:07:30,922 --> 00:07:32,790 Excuse me. 115 00:07:36,825 --> 00:07:38,627 What the hell is this? 116 00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:40,928 You are the worst catering company on the planet. 117 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,962 It's lengthwise, not width. 118 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,830 Unbelievable. 119 00:07:44,863 --> 00:07:47,297 ♪ ♪ 120 00:08:01,573 --> 00:08:02,541 Okay. 121 00:08:02,574 --> 00:08:04,675 Hi. Hi, guys. Merry Christmas. 122 00:08:04,708 --> 00:08:06,676 - Hi. - I'm fine. Thank you so much. 123 00:08:09,511 --> 00:08:13,446 I'll never get over the fact that you grew up like this. 124 00:08:14,548 --> 00:08:16,849 My therapist says I'll never get over it, either. 125 00:08:17,816 --> 00:08:18,950 I need a drink. 126 00:08:18,983 --> 00:08:20,551 ♪ Two turtledoves ♪ 127 00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:23,586 ♪ And a partridge in a pear tree... ♪ 128 00:08:23,619 --> 00:08:26,854 Hey, look at that. 129 00:08:35,827 --> 00:08:37,594 Hi, Linda. 130 00:08:37,627 --> 00:08:39,829 - Hey. - How's it going, Alva? 131 00:08:39,862 --> 00:08:41,596 Mm-hmm. You gained weight. 132 00:08:41,629 --> 00:08:44,464 Looks good on you, though. 133 00:08:44,498 --> 00:08:46,432 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 134 00:08:46,465 --> 00:08:47,967 'Sup, limp dick? 135 00:08:49,601 --> 00:08:51,101 I got great feelings about this Christmas. 136 00:08:51,135 --> 00:08:53,436 - You want to know why? - Yeah. 137 00:08:53,469 --> 00:08:55,405 'Cause I think this is the year 138 00:08:55,437 --> 00:08:57,439 that Mom's gonna kick herself upstairs 139 00:08:57,472 --> 00:08:59,841 and choose one of us to start running the show. 140 00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:04,410 And I got to tell you, Jason, that I'm gunning for your ass. 141 00:09:05,777 --> 00:09:07,578 What would a Lightstone family Christmas be 142 00:09:07,611 --> 00:09:09,446 without groveling and infighting? 143 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,480 Your rosé, ma'am. 144 00:09:12,514 --> 00:09:15,049 Honey, smile. It's Christmas. 145 00:09:15,082 --> 00:09:16,383 Mm. 146 00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:17,851 Good. Good girl. 147 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,421 I am sorry about my sister. 148 00:09:23,454 --> 00:09:25,856 ♪ Making spirits bright ♪ 149 00:09:25,889 --> 00:09:28,890 ♪ What fun it is to ride and sing... ♪ 150 00:09:28,923 --> 00:09:31,358 It is really nice to see you. 151 00:09:33,026 --> 00:09:35,394 To have you here. 152 00:09:35,428 --> 00:09:38,596 ♪ Jingle all the way... ♪ 153 00:09:38,629 --> 00:09:41,965 Okay, I'm behind. Catch me up on all the hot goss. 154 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,832 Hot goss. Okay. 155 00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:47,668 Um, well, you remember Bert, my sister's pride and joy. 156 00:09:47,702 --> 00:09:51,537 Yo, yo, yo. This is the Bert Locker 157 00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:55,472 living that bling life on Christmas Eve. 158 00:09:56,974 --> 00:09:58,474 Hashtag "blessed." 159 00:09:58,507 --> 00:10:00,876 He just got what I can only assume 160 00:10:00,909 --> 00:10:04,111 will be his first of many sexual harassment accusations. 161 00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:05,879 Mom paid off the school, 162 00:10:05,912 --> 00:10:08,013 and now the gymnasium is named after us. 163 00:10:08,046 --> 00:10:10,014 Of course she did. 164 00:10:10,047 --> 00:10:11,082 What about Tragic Mike? 165 00:10:11,115 --> 00:10:12,916 All I'm saying is, 166 00:10:12,949 --> 00:10:14,683 if I was on one of those planes, 167 00:10:14,717 --> 00:10:16,684 9/11 would've ended with a bunch of terrorists 168 00:10:16,718 --> 00:10:20,487 skydiving over Connecticut without their parachutes. 169 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,521 - Yeah. You like that? - Yes. Yes. 170 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,656 - Yeah, I do like it. - Ooh. 171 00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:26,991 - Kiss me in front of my son. - Now, huh? 172 00:10:27,024 --> 00:10:29,659 Mm... 173 00:10:29,692 --> 00:10:31,660 He might actually be a decent actor. 174 00:10:31,693 --> 00:10:33,728 -Hmm. -He's been doing an Oscar-worthy job 175 00:10:33,761 --> 00:10:36,196 - of pretending to find my sister appealing. - 176 00:10:36,229 --> 00:10:38,864 Now he wants Mom to fund a film for him. 177 00:10:41,799 --> 00:10:43,767 - It's Gertrude! - It's Mom. 178 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,768 - Okay, let's do this. - Okay, okay. Come on. 179 00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:47,535 - Come on. Bert, get over here. - No. Mom. Mom! 180 00:10:47,569 --> 00:10:48,770 - Positions. - Game time, buddy. 181 00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,604 - Okay. Okay. - This is my good side. 182 00:10:50,638 --> 00:10:52,438 I'm busy. -ALVA: We've gone over this! Come on! 183 00:10:52,472 --> 00:10:53,539 Gosh. Okay. 184 00:10:53,573 --> 00:10:54,840 Bert, get in the middle. 185 00:10:54,873 --> 00:10:56,074 So it begins. 186 00:10:56,108 --> 00:10:58,009 Seriously, come. You know what that means. 187 00:10:58,042 --> 00:11:00,043 Shall we jockey forward? 188 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,911 No. 189 00:11:03,045 --> 00:11:05,647 No, we can hang back. 190 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,047 Yeah. 191 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,782 Trudy, honey? 192 00:11:10,549 --> 00:11:11,683 Come on over here. 193 00:11:13,118 --> 00:11:15,185 Just, like... 194 00:11:15,219 --> 00:11:17,053 Threaten 'em or bribe 'em. 195 00:11:17,086 --> 00:11:18,487 This isn't rocket science. 196 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:19,955 Same shit we always do. 197 00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:22,924 That's what? 198 00:11:22,957 --> 00:11:25,125 That's the best you can do? 199 00:11:25,158 --> 00:11:27,059 Excited to see your grandma? 200 00:11:27,092 --> 00:11:28,526 Listen, you cocksucker. 201 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,460 It's Christmas, so why don't you take 202 00:11:30,494 --> 00:11:32,195 your best offer, gift wrap it, 203 00:11:32,229 --> 00:11:35,230 and ram it up your fucking box. 204 00:11:36,698 --> 00:11:38,899 Maybe you don't realize who I am. 205 00:11:38,933 --> 00:11:40,600 Those were Grandma words. You know, forget them. 206 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,235 Oh, boy. Look at Mr. Cool back here. 207 00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,669 Yeah, what's your angle, man? Hmm? 208 00:11:44,702 --> 00:11:47,137 No angle. I'm not doing anything. 209 00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:48,738 Oh, yeah. 210 00:11:48,772 --> 00:11:50,539 No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No! 211 00:11:50,572 --> 00:11:53,242 Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's chocolate cake. 212 00:11:53,275 --> 00:11:54,641 Grandma's cool. 213 00:11:54,675 --> 00:11:56,876 I can make that story go away... 214 00:11:56,909 --> 00:11:58,678 I think your brother's up to something. 215 00:11:58,711 --> 00:12:00,512 No, I just decided to let you guys 216 00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:02,179 have all the fun sucking up to Mom today. 217 00:12:02,212 --> 00:12:05,048 Please. You are King Suck-up. 218 00:12:05,081 --> 00:12:07,082 You named your kid Gertrude. 219 00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:10,817 Alva, you named your son Bertrude. 220 00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,786 Okay. 221 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,720 Sorry, Bert, but that's not a real name. 222 00:12:14,753 --> 00:12:17,256 Sorry, Linda. We can't all be lucky enough to have daughters. 223 00:12:17,289 --> 00:12:19,489 Mom, I can hear you. 224 00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:22,991 You know something we don't. What is it? 225 00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:24,759 No, I don't. I don't. 226 00:12:24,793 --> 00:12:25,960 I got it. Bingo. 227 00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:27,127 I'm onto you, man. Come on! 228 00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:28,962 - We were just... - Come on, 229 00:12:28,995 --> 00:12:30,162 come on, come on, come on. 230 00:12:30,195 --> 00:12:32,496 - You big sack of shit. - Ooh. 231 00:12:32,530 --> 00:12:34,131 No wonder your husband left you. 232 00:12:34,165 --> 00:12:36,566 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 233 00:12:37,566 --> 00:12:39,867 Merry Christmas to you, too, Senator. 234 00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:42,502 - Merry Christmas, Mommy. - Merry Christmas. 235 00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:45,571 Merry Christmas. 236 00:12:45,604 --> 00:12:48,073 Why in the hell are you standing all the way back there? 237 00:12:49,139 --> 00:12:51,041 Merry Christmas, Grandma! 238 00:12:51,075 --> 00:12:52,976 - Aw. - Little bitch. 239 00:12:53,009 --> 00:12:55,610 Little Gertrude. And how is my favorite granddaughter? 240 00:12:55,644 --> 00:12:58,012 Everybody calls me Trudy now. 241 00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,813 Trudy? 242 00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:03,282 -Well, that makes her sound like a whore. -Okay. 243 00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:05,916 Oh, she doesn't even know the meaning of the word. 244 00:13:05,949 --> 00:13:08,184 I'm starving. Let's eat. 245 00:13:08,218 --> 00:13:09,785 Great. 246 00:13:09,819 --> 00:13:12,153 And, Mom, I think Gertrude is a beautiful name. 247 00:13:12,187 --> 00:13:14,588 Mm-hmm. I only call her Gertrude. 248 00:13:14,621 --> 00:13:15,822 - Merry Christmas, Gertrude. - Come on, Bertrude. 249 00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:19,658 ♪ When the kids are fast asleep ♪ 250 00:13:19,691 --> 00:13:22,193 ♪ Gently down the stairs we'll creep ♪ 251 00:13:23,893 --> 00:13:26,762 ♪ Then we'll lock and bolt all the doors ♪ 252 00:13:26,795 --> 00:13:30,298 ♪ Just you and me and Santa Claus ♪ 253 00:13:31,864 --> 00:13:34,699 ♪ We'll be as quiet as quiet can be ♪ 254 00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:37,935 ♪ Planting toys under the tree ♪ 255 00:13:37,968 --> 00:13:41,937 ♪ We'll be crawling around on all fours ♪ 256 00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:43,604 ♪ Just you and me ♪ 257 00:13:43,637 --> 00:13:46,106 ♪ And Santa Claus ♪ 258 00:13:47,841 --> 00:13:49,908 ♪ ♪ 259 00:13:53,643 --> 00:13:55,611 ♪ For soon will be ♪ 260 00:13:55,644 --> 00:13:57,280 ♪ That magic time ♪ 261 00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:59,848 ♪ When we hear that midnight chime ♪ 262 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,250 ♪ When that flying sleigh ♪ 263 00:14:03,283 --> 00:14:05,684 ♪ Finally flies away ♪ 264 00:14:05,717 --> 00:14:08,853 ♪ We'll have a very merry Christmas Day ♪ 265 00:14:08,886 --> 00:14:13,289 ♪ We'll raise a toast to the team with the most ♪ 266 00:14:13,323 --> 00:14:16,691 ♪ The best there ever was ♪ 267 00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:20,760 ♪ You and me and Santa Claus... ♪ 268 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:23,661 Another fucking Christmas. 269 00:14:26,896 --> 00:14:28,698 I made these all by myself. 270 00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:30,132 - No way. - Mm-hmm. 271 00:14:30,166 --> 00:14:32,300 I even made one that looks exactly like Santa. 272 00:14:32,334 --> 00:14:34,934 - Exactly. - Yeah. 273 00:14:35,769 --> 00:14:37,170 Santa gets a candy cane, too? 274 00:14:37,203 --> 00:14:38,770 Yeah. 275 00:14:38,803 --> 00:14:40,038 Mm, okay. 276 00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,040 It's perfect. 277 00:14:43,073 --> 00:14:44,774 No peeking. 278 00:14:44,807 --> 00:14:47,142 This house has so many chimneys. 279 00:14:48,742 --> 00:14:50,943 How will Santa know which one to come down? 280 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,844 Oh, Santa just knows. 281 00:14:52,878 --> 00:14:54,546 Christmas magic. 282 00:14:57,282 --> 00:14:59,015 Honey, what's wrong? 283 00:14:59,049 --> 00:15:02,683 Daddy never took me to see Santa at the mall this year. 284 00:15:03,285 --> 00:15:05,685 He didn't. 285 00:15:07,987 --> 00:15:09,988 I am so sorry. 286 00:15:11,822 --> 00:15:13,757 This year has been weird. 287 00:15:13,791 --> 00:15:17,326 I never got to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas. 288 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,960 Oh, honey. Come here. 289 00:15:23,695 --> 00:15:26,165 You know what? 290 00:15:26,198 --> 00:15:30,334 You go put your pj's on, 291 00:15:30,368 --> 00:15:33,635 and I will be two minutes. 292 00:15:35,137 --> 00:15:37,571 ♪ ♪ 293 00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,706 Yes! 294 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,376 Okay... 295 00:15:53,314 --> 00:15:55,081 Yes. 296 00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:00,851 Yes! 297 00:16:02,186 --> 00:16:06,687 Because you have been so good to me and Mommy this year, 298 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:10,690 we decided that you could have one gift... 299 00:16:10,723 --> 00:16:12,358 early! 300 00:16:12,392 --> 00:16:14,992 Really? 301 00:16:18,994 --> 00:16:21,096 What is it? 302 00:16:22,997 --> 00:16:26,632 That is a very special walkie-talkie. 303 00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:28,066 It's magic. 304 00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:29,335 - Magic? - Mm-hmm. 305 00:16:29,368 --> 00:16:31,702 What you got right there 306 00:16:31,735 --> 00:16:33,970 is a direct hotline to Santa Claus himself. 307 00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:36,805 - I can talk to Santa? - Oh, yeah. 308 00:16:36,839 --> 00:16:40,841 It's just like writing him a letter... but better. 309 00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:41,775 Mm-hmm. 310 00:16:41,808 --> 00:16:44,377 Now, the only thing is, 311 00:16:44,411 --> 00:16:46,878 he might not have time to answer you. 312 00:16:46,911 --> 00:16:48,946 He's delivering a lot of presents tonight. 313 00:16:48,979 --> 00:16:50,012 Mm-hmm. 314 00:16:50,046 --> 00:16:52,914 But he'll hear everything you want to say to him. 315 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,121 Hello, Santa? 316 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:04,654 This is Trudy Lightstone. 317 00:17:04,688 --> 00:17:06,722 I hope you're having a nice night. 318 00:17:06,755 --> 00:17:08,823 Mm. 319 00:17:08,857 --> 00:17:13,693 It's really cold tonight, so don't forget your mittens. 320 00:17:14,394 --> 00:17:17,729 So, I wanted to tell you, Santa, 321 00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:19,397 I was extra good this year, 322 00:17:19,431 --> 00:17:23,765 so I wrote a big list for you with all the stuff I wanted. 323 00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:26,901 But then... 324 00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:30,237 then I realized I don't need any of that. 325 00:17:31,271 --> 00:17:34,972 I really only want one present for Christmas. 326 00:17:36,474 --> 00:17:40,209 I want Mommy and Daddy to make up 327 00:17:40,243 --> 00:17:42,776 so we can be a family again. 328 00:17:43,911 --> 00:17:45,412 Okay. 329 00:17:45,446 --> 00:17:47,813 Good night, Santa. 330 00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:51,048 Good night, Mr. Bunny. 331 00:18:03,389 --> 00:18:05,158 Which one of you did that? 332 00:18:06,424 --> 00:18:07,892 You can't go two seconds without 333 00:18:07,925 --> 00:18:09,893 crapping on the roof like a bunch of pigeons? 334 00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:14,662 So unprofessional. 335 00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,898 You know, Rudolph will never do this crap. 336 00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:28,837 ♪ ♪ 337 00:18:33,073 --> 00:18:34,806 Hmm. 338 00:18:39,042 --> 00:18:40,877 Mmm. 339 00:18:47,382 --> 00:18:49,815 Mmm, mmm. 340 00:18:50,949 --> 00:18:53,018 Homemade. 341 00:18:53,051 --> 00:18:54,319 Mmm. 342 00:18:58,254 --> 00:19:00,223 Ugh. 343 00:19:00,256 --> 00:19:01,923 Skim. 344 00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:13,763 Oh, yeah. 345 00:19:13,796 --> 00:19:15,897 That's the stuff. 346 00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:22,168 Mmm. 347 00:19:23,169 --> 00:19:24,936 DuBoi... 348 00:19:24,969 --> 00:19:27,938 - On some prewar shit right there. - 349 00:19:27,971 --> 00:19:30,307 Good shit. 350 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:43,447 Mmm. 351 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,216 That pairs well. 352 00:19:45,249 --> 00:19:47,983 What do we have here? 353 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,061 Oh, yeah. 354 00:20:06,094 --> 00:20:07,994 That's the stuff. 355 00:20:16,932 --> 00:20:19,968 You know, uh... 356 00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:22,936 Christmas is all right, 357 00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:26,738 but you Americans don't celebrate my favorite holiday. 358 00:20:27,373 --> 00:20:29,241 Oh, yeah? What? 359 00:20:29,274 --> 00:20:30,974 Boxing Day. 360 00:20:34,277 --> 00:20:36,311 ♪ ♪ 361 00:21:04,294 --> 00:21:05,861 Yo, yo. B. Lightstone here, 362 00:21:05,894 --> 00:21:07,463 live streaming the dream, you know. 363 00:21:07,496 --> 00:21:10,164 They say the richest man... 364 00:21:11,299 --> 00:21:13,133 Say goodbye. 365 00:21:13,166 --> 00:21:14,966 And if you... 366 00:21:16,068 --> 00:21:19,069 Grandma! Your Wi-Fi sucks dick. 367 00:21:19,103 --> 00:21:20,803 Damn it! 368 00:21:20,837 --> 00:21:23,272 When he was small, I begged you to beat him. 369 00:21:40,848 --> 00:21:42,849 Hey. Merry Christmas. 370 00:21:42,882 --> 00:21:44,351 Or should I say "happy holidays" now? 371 00:21:44,385 --> 00:21:46,552 Right? I mean, it's like, people, make up your minds. 372 00:21:46,586 --> 00:21:48,819 - You know what I'm saying? - Can I help you? 373 00:21:48,853 --> 00:21:50,554 Oh, yeah. I sure hope so. See, uh, 374 00:21:50,588 --> 00:21:52,422 my car broke down a little ways... 375 00:21:52,455 --> 00:21:54,290 Out here? This is a private road. 376 00:21:54,323 --> 00:21:56,125 You're telling me. 377 00:21:56,158 --> 00:21:58,393 It's the first place I've seen for miles. 378 00:21:58,426 --> 00:21:59,593 I think I got frostbite. 379 00:21:59,626 --> 00:22:01,061 Where the hell am I, anyway? 380 00:22:01,094 --> 00:22:02,861 G.T. Lightstone family compound. 381 00:22:02,894 --> 00:22:04,795 I'll call you a tow. 382 00:22:11,266 --> 00:22:13,601 ♪ ♪ 383 00:22:13,634 --> 00:22:15,569 All right, revelers. 384 00:22:15,603 --> 00:22:17,437 Time to steal Christmas. 385 00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:18,836 Sound off. 386 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:20,306 Jingle. Check. 387 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,140 Peppermint. Check. 388 00:22:22,173 --> 00:22:23,440 Sugarplum. Check. 389 00:22:23,473 --> 00:22:26,375 Krampus. Ready to fuck shit up. 390 00:22:26,409 --> 00:22:28,209 Candy Cane. Check. 391 00:22:28,243 --> 00:22:30,910 - Go for Frosty. - Go for Tinsel. 392 00:22:30,943 --> 00:22:32,478 Go for Gingerbread. 393 00:22:32,512 --> 00:22:35,447 Are we gonna use these stupid code names all night? 394 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,082 'Tis the season. 395 00:22:37,114 --> 00:22:40,883 Welcome to your worst Christmas ever. 396 00:22:40,916 --> 00:22:44,252 Trudy loves seeing Santa at the mall. 397 00:22:45,086 --> 00:22:46,919 She loves going with her father. 398 00:22:46,952 --> 00:22:48,455 And you should've taken her yesterday, 399 00:22:48,488 --> 00:22:49,921 like you do every Christmas, 400 00:22:49,955 --> 00:22:51,556 but we didn't even hear from you. 401 00:22:51,589 --> 00:22:52,957 Mom put me on a special project. 402 00:22:52,991 --> 00:22:54,325 - It's complicated. - But it's not, 403 00:22:54,358 --> 00:22:56,359 because it keeps happening over and over. 404 00:22:56,392 --> 00:22:59,094 -Your mother forcing herself between us. -You're right. 405 00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:03,030 ♪ ♪ 406 00:23:03,963 --> 00:23:05,998 What if we could give Trudy her Christmas wish? 407 00:23:06,031 --> 00:23:08,099 You're trying to win me back 408 00:23:08,132 --> 00:23:10,600 with a romantic weekend at your mother's? 409 00:23:10,634 --> 00:23:14,136 What if things really changed this time? 410 00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:18,238 We got out from under my mother's thumb. 411 00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,073 We'll walk away. 412 00:23:20,106 --> 00:23:22,907 From the company, the family. 413 00:23:25,476 --> 00:23:27,177 Tonight. 414 00:23:27,977 --> 00:23:29,412 What are you up to? 415 00:24:14,672 --> 00:24:16,039 Let's go. 416 00:24:16,072 --> 00:24:18,474 We need to get you out of here. 417 00:24:18,507 --> 00:24:20,241 Mommy, where are you going? 418 00:24:20,274 --> 00:24:22,075 - She's going for the panic room! - What? 419 00:24:22,109 --> 00:24:23,510 - Yes. Go, Bertrude. - Without us? 420 00:24:29,179 --> 00:24:31,415 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 421 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,095 There isn't room for all of us. 422 00:24:55,129 --> 00:24:56,662 She can fit at least two of us. Mom, take me. 423 00:24:56,696 --> 00:24:58,663 - Mom! - Oh. Yeah. 424 00:24:58,697 --> 00:25:00,531 M-Mom, can Bert come, too? 425 00:25:03,099 --> 00:25:04,434 Okay. Move it or lose it, son. 426 00:25:04,467 --> 00:25:06,034 - Move it! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 427 00:25:06,068 --> 00:25:08,136 You're supposed to protect us. 428 00:25:08,169 --> 00:25:09,936 We protect the primary asset. 429 00:25:13,672 --> 00:25:15,006 Who the hell are you? 430 00:25:15,039 --> 00:25:18,041 You can call me Mr. Scrooge. 431 00:25:18,609 --> 00:25:20,143 Hilarious. 432 00:25:20,176 --> 00:25:21,443 Get him. 433 00:25:30,082 --> 00:25:32,417 Bah humbug, motherfucker. 434 00:25:35,652 --> 00:25:37,853 ♪ ♪ 435 00:25:41,722 --> 00:25:44,123 Hey. Step aside. 436 00:25:45,290 --> 00:25:47,691 Tinsel, Peppermint, sweep upstairs. 437 00:25:47,725 --> 00:25:50,093 I want all the Lightstones together. 438 00:25:50,693 --> 00:25:52,494 Kill anybody else you find. 439 00:26:02,634 --> 00:26:05,469 Fuck. Fuck, fuck. 440 00:26:06,336 --> 00:26:08,971 Trudy, honey, we got to go. 441 00:26:09,704 --> 00:26:11,339 Wake up, honey. Wake up. 442 00:26:11,373 --> 00:26:14,207 Maybe we can get out the back by the servants' stairs. 443 00:26:21,077 --> 00:26:23,446 Oh, come on. Not now. Not now. 444 00:26:24,580 --> 00:26:26,548 Fuck! Fuck! 445 00:26:26,581 --> 00:26:28,315 Mistletoe, gingerbread. 446 00:26:52,362 --> 00:26:53,363 Hey! 447 00:26:56,265 --> 00:26:57,466 Oh. Oh. 448 00:26:57,499 --> 00:26:59,000 Hi. 449 00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:01,534 You got me. 450 00:27:01,568 --> 00:27:04,069 I don't want any trouble, okay? 451 00:27:04,102 --> 00:27:05,737 Downstairs. Now. 452 00:27:05,771 --> 00:27:09,539 Look, mister, I don't want to get involved. 453 00:27:09,573 --> 00:27:11,707 I just... I just have a job to do. 454 00:27:11,740 --> 00:27:13,209 Okay? That's it. 455 00:27:13,242 --> 00:27:15,743 I'm just gonna take my bag, 456 00:27:15,776 --> 00:27:18,478 and I'm just gonna scooch up that chimney. 457 00:27:20,079 --> 00:27:22,013 Enough talk. Let's go. 458 00:27:22,647 --> 00:27:24,381 You don't want to do this. 459 00:27:24,415 --> 00:27:25,582 What? This? 460 00:27:27,383 --> 00:27:28,617 Now, move! 461 00:27:28,650 --> 00:27:30,618 Are you deaf? 462 00:27:30,651 --> 00:27:32,619 Fucking move! 463 00:27:43,493 --> 00:27:45,360 No, no, no. 464 00:27:45,393 --> 00:27:48,462 No! Wait! 465 00:27:48,496 --> 00:27:49,762 Wait. 466 00:27:49,796 --> 00:27:51,464 Wait! Don't go! 467 00:27:51,497 --> 00:27:53,432 Come back! 468 00:29:08,475 --> 00:29:10,276 Oh, fuck! 469 00:29:34,323 --> 00:29:35,724 Oh, shit. 470 00:29:57,203 --> 00:30:01,072 Damn chickenshit reindeer leave me here to die. 471 00:30:09,411 --> 00:30:12,579 ♪ Violent night ♪ 472 00:30:12,612 --> 00:30:15,614 ♪ Gory night ♪ 473 00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,748 ♪ All is calm ♪ 474 00:30:17,783 --> 00:30:22,217 ♪ If all doesn't want to get shot in the fucking head. ♪ 475 00:30:22,819 --> 00:30:24,285 Cute. 476 00:30:24,319 --> 00:30:27,454 Do you have any idea who you're fucking with? 477 00:30:30,891 --> 00:30:33,591 I know exactly who I'm fucking with. 478 00:30:33,624 --> 00:30:35,693 Oh, wait, wait. Did you actually think 479 00:30:35,726 --> 00:30:37,293 that I spent months 480 00:30:37,327 --> 00:30:39,862 planning a complex break-in to the most secure 481 00:30:39,896 --> 00:30:41,729 private residence in the country 482 00:30:41,763 --> 00:30:43,496 and I didn't know who lived here? 483 00:30:43,530 --> 00:30:44,799 Well, you're wrong. 484 00:30:44,832 --> 00:30:47,766 'Cause your staff are dead. 485 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:49,868 Your security are dead. 486 00:30:49,902 --> 00:30:53,369 Now, sit down and shut the fuck up! 487 00:31:01,374 --> 00:31:03,675 ♪ ♪ 488 00:31:21,452 --> 00:31:23,486 Oh, fuck. 489 00:31:26,355 --> 00:31:27,757 We planned it. It's all right. 490 00:31:27,790 --> 00:31:29,490 It'll be solved in a couple minutes. 491 00:31:29,523 --> 00:31:30,591 Better be solved. 492 00:31:30,624 --> 00:31:33,392 So much like a scene from my movie Dark Ransom. 493 00:31:33,425 --> 00:31:34,660 Oh, my God. 494 00:31:35,794 --> 00:31:37,362 If they didn't have guns, 495 00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:39,363 I could take out three, maybe four of them. 496 00:31:39,396 --> 00:31:41,497 Try all of them. 497 00:31:41,530 --> 00:31:44,165 Ew, Mom. Yuck. 498 00:31:44,199 --> 00:31:46,166 If you'd really done your research, you'd know 499 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,701 that my brother Rory was kidnapped in the '70s. 500 00:31:49,636 --> 00:31:52,236 But my father never called the police. 501 00:31:52,269 --> 00:31:54,638 Dad sent in our own private extraction team, 502 00:31:54,671 --> 00:31:58,307 and Rory was home safe and sound a week later. 503 00:31:58,340 --> 00:32:01,876 And the kidnappers were never found. 504 00:32:01,909 --> 00:32:04,176 If you get me. 505 00:32:05,611 --> 00:32:06,946 I know. 506 00:32:06,979 --> 00:32:09,914 I know all about your extraction team 507 00:32:09,948 --> 00:32:11,782 that you affectionately call "the Kill Squad" 508 00:32:11,815 --> 00:32:13,783 behind closed doors. 509 00:32:13,816 --> 00:32:15,550 I also know that they're on their way 510 00:32:15,584 --> 00:32:17,551 and how long it's gonna take 'em to get here. 511 00:32:17,585 --> 00:32:20,520 I even know their credit ratings and their dick sizes. 512 00:32:20,553 --> 00:32:22,254 If you get me. 513 00:32:22,287 --> 00:32:24,522 Then you should also know you're already dead. 514 00:32:24,555 --> 00:32:26,223 We don't do ransoms. 515 00:32:26,256 --> 00:32:28,759 Again, I know. I know. 516 00:32:28,792 --> 00:32:30,760 See, I know a lot, Gertrude. 517 00:32:30,793 --> 00:32:32,526 I really do. 518 00:32:32,559 --> 00:32:35,595 Like the fact that you have 300 million in U.S. dollars 519 00:32:35,628 --> 00:32:37,864 sitting in your personal vault downstairs. 520 00:32:37,897 --> 00:32:39,931 - The fuck? - That's right. 521 00:32:39,965 --> 00:32:42,699 300 million that the U.S. government 522 00:32:42,733 --> 00:32:46,301 gave Lightstone to quietly distribute in the Middle East 523 00:32:46,335 --> 00:32:47,803 to all the worst people, 524 00:32:47,836 --> 00:32:52,304 to grease the wheels and keep that sweet oil flowing. 525 00:32:52,338 --> 00:32:56,607 300 million that... oops... Disappeared in the fog of war. 526 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,777 Except it didn't really disappear, did it, Gerty? 527 00:32:59,810 --> 00:33:01,243 'Cause you stole it. 528 00:33:01,276 --> 00:33:02,745 Did you know about this? 529 00:33:02,779 --> 00:33:04,278 Man, this family. 530 00:33:04,311 --> 00:33:07,447 This moneygrubbing family. 531 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:09,314 Clinging desperately to your wealth, 532 00:33:09,348 --> 00:33:11,683 when your poor employees don't even have enough coal 533 00:33:11,717 --> 00:33:13,583 to keep Tiny Tim warm. 534 00:33:13,617 --> 00:33:16,686 What is it with you and all this Christmas shit? 535 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:18,687 Talk all you want. 536 00:33:18,721 --> 00:33:20,421 You'll never get in the vault. 537 00:33:20,454 --> 00:33:23,824 Oh, oh, oh, because when you-you hit the panic button, 538 00:33:23,857 --> 00:33:25,692 it reset the combination? 539 00:33:25,725 --> 00:33:29,326 I keep telling you, I know. 540 00:33:30,027 --> 00:33:32,461 ♪ ♪ 541 00:33:33,930 --> 00:33:36,799 This is what breaking into a vault has turned into? 542 00:33:36,831 --> 00:33:41,567 Remember when you just had to drill holes and blow shit up? 543 00:33:41,599 --> 00:33:43,268 I don't know, maybe I'm getting old, 544 00:33:43,301 --> 00:33:44,703 but there was something romantic about that. 545 00:33:44,736 --> 00:33:46,904 Boss, you copy? 546 00:33:46,937 --> 00:33:48,838 I'm kind of busy here. 547 00:33:48,871 --> 00:33:51,472 You're gonna want to see this. 548 00:34:00,745 --> 00:34:02,446 Maybe he fell. 549 00:34:02,479 --> 00:34:03,947 You rappel down buildings with him. 550 00:34:03,980 --> 00:34:06,347 You gonna tell me he just fell out a window? 551 00:34:07,016 --> 00:34:08,983 All right, look lively, gang. 552 00:34:09,017 --> 00:34:10,818 We got a gopher. 553 00:34:26,359 --> 00:34:27,728 You know what? 554 00:34:27,761 --> 00:34:31,863 Um, I think Mr. Bunny wants to go to sleep. 555 00:34:31,896 --> 00:34:33,865 So, let's tuck him in. 556 00:34:33,898 --> 00:34:35,598 Okay? 557 00:34:36,699 --> 00:34:38,500 It's gonna be okay. 558 00:34:40,634 --> 00:34:42,670 ♪ ♪ 559 00:34:52,575 --> 00:34:54,810 Hello? Santa? 560 00:34:54,844 --> 00:34:56,811 Are you there? 561 00:35:02,681 --> 00:35:04,482 Shit. 562 00:35:08,550 --> 00:35:11,053 This is Candy Cane at checkpoint three. 563 00:35:11,086 --> 00:35:12,820 Oh, shit. 564 00:35:12,854 --> 00:35:14,654 Shit. Shit. Shit. 565 00:35:17,790 --> 00:35:19,758 Video game. 566 00:35:20,892 --> 00:35:22,325 Video game. 567 00:35:22,358 --> 00:35:24,493 Didn't anybody ask for a bat or a sword 568 00:35:24,526 --> 00:35:27,628 or Molotov cocktails? 569 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,802 Wait. 570 00:35:44,105 --> 00:35:46,539 ♪ ♪ 571 00:35:52,576 --> 00:35:54,444 Mommy, I love you. 572 00:35:55,779 --> 00:35:57,780 Poetry book. 573 00:35:57,813 --> 00:35:59,981 Die Hard on Blu-ray. Fuck! 574 00:36:01,682 --> 00:36:05,517 - ♪ Mamacita ♪ - ♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh ♪ 575 00:36:05,550 --> 00:36:08,019 - ♪ ¿Dónde está Santa Claus? ♪ - ♪ Mamacita ♪ 576 00:36:08,052 --> 00:36:09,953 ♪ Ah-ooh ♪ 577 00:36:09,987 --> 00:36:12,789 - ♪ ¿Dónde está Santa Claus? ♪ - ♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh... ♪ 578 00:36:14,355 --> 00:36:16,091 Safety's on, dipshit. 579 00:36:17,792 --> 00:36:21,060 -♪ Mamacita -♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh ♪ 580 00:36:21,094 --> 00:36:23,728 ♪ Oh, where is Santa Claus? ♪ 581 00:36:23,761 --> 00:36:25,062 ♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh ♪ 582 00:36:25,096 --> 00:36:26,930 ♪ I look for him because ♪ 583 00:36:26,963 --> 00:36:28,898 Wait. Hang on. Hang on. 584 00:36:28,931 --> 00:36:30,398 ♪ It's Christmas Eve... ♪ 585 00:36:30,431 --> 00:36:32,834 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Look. 586 00:36:32,867 --> 00:36:34,534 I don't want to kill you. 587 00:36:38,402 --> 00:36:42,006 Wow, a big fat guy, gray beard. 588 00:36:42,039 --> 00:36:44,306 Eh? 589 00:36:44,741 --> 00:36:46,708 Santa... 590 00:36:46,742 --> 00:36:48,776 I'm gonna rip your fucking balls off. 591 00:36:53,378 --> 00:36:56,047 ♪ I hope he won't forget to crack his castanets ♪ 592 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,615 ♪ And to his reindeer say ♪ 593 00:36:59,649 --> 00:37:02,117 ♪ "Oh, Pancho, oh, Vixen, oh, Pedro, oh, Blitzen..." ♪ 594 00:37:02,150 --> 00:37:04,084 Oh, shit. 595 00:37:07,452 --> 00:37:09,955 - ♪ Mamacita ♪ - ♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh ♪ 596 00:37:09,988 --> 00:37:12,089 ♪ ¿Dónde está Santa Claus? ♪ 597 00:37:13,990 --> 00:37:16,826 ♪ Oh, where is Santa Claus? ♪ 598 00:37:16,859 --> 00:37:18,492 ♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh ♪ 599 00:37:18,525 --> 00:37:20,128 ♪ It's Christmas Eve ♪ 600 00:37:20,161 --> 00:37:22,062 ♪ Christmas Eve ♪ 601 00:37:22,095 --> 00:37:24,964 ♪ ♪ 602 00:37:31,601 --> 00:37:33,035 ♪ I hope he won't forget ♪ 603 00:37:33,068 --> 00:37:34,703 ♪ To crack his castanets ♪ 604 00:37:34,736 --> 00:37:38,638 ♪ And to his reindeer say ♪ 605 00:37:38,672 --> 00:37:42,740 ♪ "Oh, Pancho, oh, Vixen, oh, Pedro, oh, Blitzen ♪ 606 00:37:42,774 --> 00:37:46,509 ♪ Olé, olé, olé" ♪ 607 00:37:46,542 --> 00:37:49,510 - ♪ Mamacita ♪ - ♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh ♪ 608 00:37:49,543 --> 00:37:51,979 ♪ ¿Dónde está Santa Claus? ♪ 609 00:37:52,012 --> 00:37:53,113 ♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh ♪ 610 00:37:53,147 --> 00:37:55,081 ♪ Oh, where is Santa Claus? ♪ 611 00:37:55,114 --> 00:37:56,815 ♪ Mamacita, ah-ooh ♪ 612 00:37:56,849 --> 00:38:00,483 - ♪ It's Christmas Eve ♪ - ♪ Christmas Eve ♪ 613 00:38:00,517 --> 00:38:03,452 ♪ It's Christmas Eve ♪ 614 00:38:03,485 --> 00:38:05,386 ♪ Mamacita ♪ 615 00:38:05,420 --> 00:38:07,387 - ♪ It's Christmas Eve ♪ - ♪ Mamacita. ♪ 616 00:38:48,945 --> 00:38:51,147 Ah, God. 617 00:38:51,181 --> 00:38:52,982 Whew. 618 00:38:54,015 --> 00:38:56,917 Whew. Whew. 619 00:38:56,950 --> 00:38:59,018 This is Candy Cane checking in. 620 00:38:59,051 --> 00:39:00,752 Compound is clear and secured. 621 00:39:02,921 --> 00:39:04,955 Copy. What's the status on the Kill Squad? 622 00:39:06,689 --> 00:39:08,624 Kill Squad won't be here for two hours. 623 00:39:08,657 --> 00:39:11,158 So we're doing good. The outer seal's already been breached. 624 00:39:11,192 --> 00:39:13,894 Is there a 911 thing on here? 625 00:39:13,927 --> 00:39:16,461 My... 626 00:39:16,494 --> 00:39:18,630 Am I doing that correct? 627 00:39:18,663 --> 00:39:19,897 Hello? 628 00:39:19,930 --> 00:39:21,665 Hello, can anybody hear me? 629 00:39:21,698 --> 00:39:24,133 Can you hear me, Santa? 630 00:39:24,166 --> 00:39:26,034 ♪ ♪ 631 00:39:26,067 --> 00:39:27,601 Hello? 632 00:39:27,635 --> 00:39:28,936 Santa? 633 00:39:32,037 --> 00:39:33,872 Yeah, this is Santa. 634 00:39:36,673 --> 00:39:39,407 I hope I'm not bothering you. 635 00:39:40,709 --> 00:39:43,610 Daddy said you were very busy tonight. 636 00:39:45,212 --> 00:39:47,079 I'm... 637 00:39:47,113 --> 00:39:49,480 I'm on a break. 638 00:39:49,513 --> 00:39:51,682 Who-who am I speaking to? 639 00:39:54,017 --> 00:39:55,851 My name is Trudy Lightstone, 640 00:39:55,884 --> 00:39:59,452 and I've been very good this year. 641 00:39:59,486 --> 00:40:01,187 Trudy... 642 00:40:03,589 --> 00:40:05,690 Trudy Lightstone. 643 00:40:14,562 --> 00:40:16,864 Yeah, Trudy. 644 00:40:16,897 --> 00:40:19,132 You're on my nice list. 645 00:40:19,165 --> 00:40:21,667 You've been a very good girl this year. 646 00:40:23,100 --> 00:40:25,467 Where are you now, Trudy? 647 00:40:26,635 --> 00:40:29,469 I'm in a big room with all my relatives. 648 00:40:29,503 --> 00:40:32,839 There's two bad men with guns watching us. 649 00:40:35,274 --> 00:40:37,208 Oh, no. Six left. 650 00:40:37,242 --> 00:40:39,543 Are you gonna help us, Santa? 651 00:40:40,644 --> 00:40:42,578 Yeah. Of course I'm gonna help you. 652 00:40:42,612 --> 00:40:45,546 I'm gonna... I'm gonna get you out of there. 653 00:40:45,579 --> 00:40:48,882 Take all these bad guys on my naughty list... 654 00:40:49,749 --> 00:40:52,117 I'm gonna take a lump of coal, 655 00:40:52,151 --> 00:40:56,086 each and every one of them, and shove it straight up... 656 00:40:56,119 --> 00:40:57,586 The ass. 657 00:41:00,255 --> 00:41:01,856 Well, I mean, come on, sweetie. 658 00:41:01,890 --> 00:41:04,857 We want to keep you on the nice list, you know. 659 00:41:06,192 --> 00:41:08,794 Sorry. Can I say "butthole," then? 660 00:41:09,627 --> 00:41:10,995 I mean, it's borderline. 661 00:41:11,028 --> 00:41:12,696 How about "anus"? 662 00:41:12,729 --> 00:41:17,098 Technically, yes, uh, "anus" is the tech... 663 00:41:17,131 --> 00:41:18,800 Okay, look, uh, Tru... uh, Trudy. 664 00:41:18,833 --> 00:41:21,600 I got to call for help, and the phone lines are down. 665 00:41:21,634 --> 00:41:24,169 You probably know this house better than anybody. 666 00:41:24,202 --> 00:41:26,070 You got any suggestions? 667 00:41:26,103 --> 00:41:27,838 I have an idea. 668 00:41:30,039 --> 00:41:32,641 All right, you're telling me there's a goddamn Santa Claus 669 00:41:32,674 --> 00:41:34,642 running around here? 670 00:41:37,777 --> 00:41:39,912 Okay, well, he looks jolly as fuck, 671 00:41:39,945 --> 00:41:41,579 but who the hell is he? 672 00:41:41,612 --> 00:41:43,547 There's no Santa listed on the employee manifest. 673 00:41:43,580 --> 00:41:44,848 Yeah, there's more. 674 00:41:44,881 --> 00:41:46,582 Frosty hasn't checked in. I can't reach him. 675 00:41:46,615 --> 00:41:48,717 All right, keep trying. 676 00:41:48,750 --> 00:41:51,118 ♪ ♪ 677 00:41:51,151 --> 00:41:52,719 All right, it's official. 678 00:41:52,752 --> 00:41:54,853 We got a gopher on the loose, and he's dangerous. 679 00:41:54,886 --> 00:41:55,988 Watch your backs. 680 00:41:56,021 --> 00:41:58,089 ♪ ♪ 681 00:42:01,024 --> 00:42:03,826 Al? Al? 682 00:42:09,962 --> 00:42:11,896 Oh, shit. 683 00:42:19,768 --> 00:42:21,135 Oh, shit! 684 00:42:21,168 --> 00:42:24,637 Frosty, what's your status? 685 00:42:28,006 --> 00:42:30,041 Frosty, sound off. 686 00:42:31,041 --> 00:42:33,943 Uh, Frosty? 687 00:42:35,176 --> 00:42:36,711 Is-is that, uh... 688 00:42:36,745 --> 00:42:38,645 is that the naughty guy I met in the basement? 689 00:42:38,679 --> 00:42:40,179 Your-your friend is dead. 690 00:42:40,213 --> 00:42:43,615 Uh, he got a star in his face, then his head caught on fire. 691 00:42:43,648 --> 00:42:45,683 It's a long story. 692 00:42:45,716 --> 00:42:48,251 Oh. 693 00:42:48,284 --> 00:42:50,552 Is this... is this our Santy? 694 00:42:50,586 --> 00:42:53,287 Is this our... our Santy Claus? 695 00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:54,988 Yeah, it is. 696 00:42:55,956 --> 00:42:57,690 To whom am I speaking? 697 00:42:57,723 --> 00:42:59,724 Well, for tonight, I'm Mr. Scrooge. 698 00:42:59,758 --> 00:43:03,627 Now, what is it that you want exactly, Santa? 699 00:43:03,660 --> 00:43:06,161 I want you to put down your weapons, 700 00:43:06,194 --> 00:43:09,163 I want you to let this family go, 701 00:43:09,196 --> 00:43:10,930 and then I want to find my reindeer, 702 00:43:10,964 --> 00:43:13,565 and I want to continue delivering my presents. 703 00:43:16,167 --> 00:43:17,735 Are you fucking with me? 704 00:43:17,769 --> 00:43:19,970 All right, who the hell are you really, huh? 705 00:43:20,003 --> 00:43:22,671 Some security guard who's watched too many action flicks? 706 00:43:22,705 --> 00:43:25,040 Some loser ex-cop stuck in a mall 707 00:43:25,073 --> 00:43:27,241 playing dress-up with fat kids pissing on your lap? 708 00:43:27,274 --> 00:43:28,808 Stop me when I get it right. 709 00:43:28,841 --> 00:43:31,043 It's a little more complicated than that. 710 00:43:31,076 --> 00:43:32,710 Not to me, it's not. 711 00:43:32,743 --> 00:43:34,744 'Cause I want to make it my personal mission, 712 00:43:34,778 --> 00:43:38,981 my holiday to-do list, to find you and to end you 713 00:43:39,014 --> 00:43:42,716 and to wipe my ass with you and this whole fucking holiday. 714 00:43:42,749 --> 00:43:45,317 That's what I want for Christmas, Santa. 715 00:43:45,351 --> 00:43:49,653 That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas. 716 00:43:49,686 --> 00:43:53,122 But maybe you and I should discuss that in person. 717 00:43:54,356 --> 00:43:57,091 Santa Claus is coming to town. 718 00:44:08,364 --> 00:44:09,965 Shit. 719 00:44:19,838 --> 00:44:21,072 All right, who did you hire 720 00:44:21,105 --> 00:44:23,773 to play Santa at your Christmas party, huh? 721 00:44:23,807 --> 00:44:25,808 I said, who's playing Santa 722 00:44:25,841 --> 00:44:27,341 at your fucked-up Christmas party? 723 00:44:27,375 --> 00:44:30,277 I didn't hire a Santa. 724 00:44:30,310 --> 00:44:33,112 I never have a Santa. It's tacky. 725 00:44:33,145 --> 00:44:34,345 So, who is he? 726 00:44:34,379 --> 00:44:37,247 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride... ♪ 727 00:44:37,281 --> 00:44:40,149 Huh? Who is he? 728 00:44:40,183 --> 00:44:41,817 Somebody better start talking, 729 00:44:41,850 --> 00:44:44,852 or I'm gonna bash her brains in with this... 730 00:44:44,885 --> 00:44:49,588 Damn, Gertrude. You really got a thing for nutcrackers, huh? 731 00:44:50,722 --> 00:44:54,724 So, I'm gonna torture everyone in your family 732 00:44:54,758 --> 00:44:57,660 until you tell me who's running around your mansion 733 00:44:57,693 --> 00:45:00,228 playing Santa and fucking with my shit. 734 00:45:00,261 --> 00:45:02,229 And who should I pick first? 735 00:45:02,262 --> 00:45:03,763 Should I go by age? 736 00:45:03,796 --> 00:45:05,330 Shh. 737 00:45:05,363 --> 00:45:07,032 Or should I go by IQ? 738 00:45:07,065 --> 00:45:10,633 Pick Jason. He's my mom's favorite. 739 00:45:10,667 --> 00:45:12,634 - Yep. Him. - The one in the sweater. 740 00:45:12,668 --> 00:45:15,103 All right. Jason Lightstone it is. 741 00:45:15,136 --> 00:45:16,304 - The number one son. - No. 742 00:45:16,337 --> 00:45:17,771 Wait, wait, wait. No, we don't need... 743 00:45:17,804 --> 00:45:19,106 We don't need to do that. No, it's okay. 744 00:45:19,139 --> 00:45:21,240 No. No, no, no. We don't need to do this. 745 00:45:21,273 --> 00:45:22,408 No. No, no, no, no. 746 00:45:22,441 --> 00:45:24,008 Don't, don't, don't. 747 00:45:24,042 --> 00:45:26,376 - No, don't... Put it... - Don't... No. - 748 00:45:26,411 --> 00:45:28,377 - No, no, no, no. No, no. - Give me this fucking... 749 00:45:37,417 --> 00:45:40,151 I'm telling you, no one hired a Santa. 750 00:45:40,184 --> 00:45:41,852 All right, all right, all right. You're right. 751 00:45:41,885 --> 00:45:42,919 You're right. Let's stop it. Let's stop it. 752 00:45:42,953 --> 00:45:45,020 What are we doing here? Come on. 753 00:45:45,054 --> 00:45:48,055 What are we, amateurs? We're half-assing this. 754 00:45:48,088 --> 00:45:51,224 Come on. It's not called a finger cracker. 755 00:45:52,392 --> 00:45:54,292 Okay, Candy Cane. 756 00:45:54,326 --> 00:45:55,793 Stick one of his bozaks in there. 757 00:45:55,826 --> 00:45:56,994 I'm not touching his balls. 758 00:45:57,027 --> 00:45:58,728 What, are you a princess all of a sudden? 759 00:45:58,761 --> 00:46:00,396 I've seen you scoop out brains before. 760 00:46:00,430 --> 00:46:01,797 You want me to scoop his brains out, 761 00:46:01,830 --> 00:46:03,264 I'll scoop his brains out right now, 762 00:46:03,297 --> 00:46:04,399 but I'm not touching his junk. 763 00:46:04,433 --> 00:46:05,899 I don't care who does it. 764 00:46:05,932 --> 00:46:07,400 I better be looking at flat balls, 765 00:46:07,434 --> 00:46:08,934 like, in three seconds. 766 00:46:08,968 --> 00:46:11,269 I'll do it. 767 00:46:11,302 --> 00:46:12,703 Krampus. Perfect. 768 00:46:12,736 --> 00:46:14,004 Oh, not that guy. Not that guy. 769 00:46:14,037 --> 00:46:15,405 That's what I love about sociopaths. 770 00:46:15,439 --> 00:46:16,805 Always up for trying new things. 771 00:46:16,838 --> 00:46:18,073 You don't need to do this, okay? 772 00:46:18,106 --> 00:46:20,040 No, it's all right. Um... Oh, no. 773 00:46:20,074 --> 00:46:22,675 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 774 00:46:22,709 --> 00:46:25,110 Oh, God. Oh, my God. 775 00:46:26,777 --> 00:46:28,212 Put your nuts in. 776 00:46:28,246 --> 00:46:29,746 Yummy, yummy. 777 00:46:29,779 --> 00:46:32,348 Stop hurting my daddy... 778 00:46:32,382 --> 00:46:34,916 or Santa will get mad. 779 00:46:35,782 --> 00:46:37,918 Ah, what a cutie. 780 00:46:37,951 --> 00:46:39,952 So, what do we know about Santa, little one? 781 00:46:39,986 --> 00:46:41,920 She doesn't know anything about Santa. 782 00:46:42,820 --> 00:46:44,389 He wasn't asking you. 783 00:46:44,422 --> 00:46:46,956 She's playing make-believe. 784 00:46:46,990 --> 00:46:49,291 She's pretending to talk to Santa. 785 00:46:49,324 --> 00:46:51,292 It's not pretend. Santa's my friend, 786 00:46:51,325 --> 00:46:53,059 and he said he's going to save us. 787 00:46:53,093 --> 00:46:54,294 No. 788 00:46:54,327 --> 00:46:56,328 - And beat you up. - Oh, is he? 789 00:46:56,363 --> 00:46:59,164 I bet he'd come out of hiding if you asked him to, huh? 790 00:46:59,197 --> 00:47:00,797 What do you say you come with me 791 00:47:00,831 --> 00:47:02,832 -and we play a little game with him, huh? -No, no, no. 792 00:47:02,865 --> 00:47:04,167 Trudy, come on. Tell him the truth now. 793 00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:06,034 - You aren't talking to Santa. - Yes, I am. 794 00:47:06,067 --> 00:47:07,435 No, you're not. Come on, now. 795 00:47:07,469 --> 00:47:10,136 -Yes, I am. -Damn it, Trudy, Santa isn't real! 796 00:47:15,507 --> 00:47:18,342 ♪ ♪ 797 00:47:18,376 --> 00:47:20,209 I'm sorry, honey. 798 00:47:21,142 --> 00:47:23,310 Santa's just a thing adults tell kids 799 00:47:23,344 --> 00:47:25,711 to make them feel better, okay? 800 00:47:27,481 --> 00:47:29,748 Your mommy and I give you the presents, 801 00:47:29,781 --> 00:47:31,782 and we say they're from Santa. 802 00:47:32,949 --> 00:47:34,351 He's not coming to save us. 803 00:47:34,385 --> 00:47:36,752 He doesn't exist. 804 00:47:36,785 --> 00:47:39,120 It's all made-up. 805 00:47:40,521 --> 00:47:42,489 - Really? - Aw. 806 00:47:42,522 --> 00:47:45,190 What a way to find out that there's no Santa. 807 00:47:45,223 --> 00:47:47,392 Hey, let's come back Easter and ruin the Easter Bunny 808 00:47:47,425 --> 00:47:49,360 for her, too, huh? 809 00:47:49,394 --> 00:47:50,927 - Trudy! - Come back here! 810 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:52,260 - Stop her! - Trudy! -Hey! 811 00:47:52,294 --> 00:47:54,062 You idiots, stay at your posts. 812 00:47:54,095 --> 00:47:55,229 Trudy! 813 00:47:55,262 --> 00:47:57,764 I'll find this little brat. 814 00:48:06,235 --> 00:48:08,270 ♪ ♪ 815 00:49:04,002 --> 00:49:05,170 Okay. 816 00:49:33,820 --> 00:49:36,787 Santa. Santa. 817 00:49:36,821 --> 00:49:38,523 Santa! 818 00:49:40,257 --> 00:49:42,157 This is Trudy. 819 00:49:43,092 --> 00:49:46,160 Are you okay, Santa? 820 00:49:48,228 --> 00:49:49,496 Hi. Hey. 821 00:49:49,529 --> 00:49:51,397 Are you okay? 822 00:49:51,430 --> 00:49:53,398 I'm good. Uh... 823 00:49:53,431 --> 00:49:55,798 I was just wrapping something up. 824 00:49:55,832 --> 00:49:57,934 I ran away and hid in the attic. 825 00:49:57,967 --> 00:50:01,135 Okay. If you're safe... 826 00:50:01,168 --> 00:50:04,137 uh, just stay there and, uh, stay quiet, all right? 827 00:50:04,170 --> 00:50:09,007 Okay. I can set up booby traps, like in Home Alone. 828 00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:10,541 Okay, I don't know what that means, 829 00:50:10,575 --> 00:50:12,277 but, uh, yeah, do that. 830 00:50:12,310 --> 00:50:14,278 Just do it quietly. 831 00:50:15,544 --> 00:50:17,512 Are you really Santa? 832 00:50:21,415 --> 00:50:23,815 Of course I am, sweetheart. 833 00:50:24,549 --> 00:50:27,250 My daddy says there isn't any Santa. 834 00:50:28,918 --> 00:50:31,919 He says parents just tell their kids that Santa's real 835 00:50:31,953 --> 00:50:33,455 to make them feel better. 836 00:50:33,489 --> 00:50:36,390 He said they give us presents 837 00:50:36,423 --> 00:50:38,990 and say they're from Santa. 838 00:50:39,024 --> 00:50:40,925 Yeah. 839 00:50:40,958 --> 00:50:43,093 Yeah, a lot of parents say that. 840 00:50:43,127 --> 00:50:47,195 But I still bring presents to kids that need me. 841 00:50:48,430 --> 00:50:50,864 Kids who really believe. 842 00:50:52,032 --> 00:50:55,100 How do you know who really needs you? 843 00:50:55,134 --> 00:50:57,101 Christmas magic. 844 00:50:57,135 --> 00:50:59,370 I'm not really sure how it works. 845 00:51:07,206 --> 00:51:09,443 But, uh... 846 00:51:11,611 --> 00:51:14,844 I remember, um... 847 00:51:14,878 --> 00:51:16,580 when Trudy Lightstone wrote to me. 848 00:51:16,614 --> 00:51:19,113 She must have been about six years old, 849 00:51:19,147 --> 00:51:22,983 and she said that she felt lonely sometimes. 850 00:51:23,016 --> 00:51:25,319 She missed having a best friend. 851 00:51:25,352 --> 00:51:26,585 And so I brought her 852 00:51:26,619 --> 00:51:28,487 a beautiful little stuffed rabbit. 853 00:51:28,521 --> 00:51:29,987 Mr. Bunny. 854 00:51:30,020 --> 00:51:31,988 And then I remember the next year, 855 00:51:32,021 --> 00:51:34,056 and you said you had this amazing dream 856 00:51:34,089 --> 00:51:38,092 and that, afterwards, all you wanted to do was... 857 00:51:38,124 --> 00:51:39,460 To fly! 858 00:51:39,493 --> 00:51:41,894 To fly. To fly. 859 00:51:43,094 --> 00:51:47,432 I mean, Santa might have some magic, but... 860 00:51:47,465 --> 00:51:51,233 making a little girl fly? 861 00:51:53,368 --> 00:51:57,537 But giving you a kite, 862 00:51:57,570 --> 00:52:00,971 floating just beneath the clouds, 863 00:52:01,005 --> 00:52:03,607 well, it's about as good as it gets. 864 00:52:03,641 --> 00:52:05,542 I knew it. 865 00:52:05,575 --> 00:52:08,076 I knew you were real, Santa. 866 00:52:10,645 --> 00:52:13,845 Don't be too hard on your parents, all right? 867 00:52:15,414 --> 00:52:18,316 Grown-ups have a hard time believing things. 868 00:52:19,148 --> 00:52:21,517 Can you use your Christmas magic 869 00:52:21,551 --> 00:52:23,884 to make them love each other again? 870 00:52:23,918 --> 00:52:26,253 I wish I had that kind of power. 871 00:52:27,221 --> 00:52:30,888 Mrs. Claus and I have been going on year, uh, 872 00:52:30,922 --> 00:52:33,190 1,100, and... 873 00:52:34,124 --> 00:52:36,959 Grown-up relationships are complicated. 874 00:52:37,627 --> 00:52:39,961 It takes work. 875 00:52:39,994 --> 00:52:42,096 A lot of work. 876 00:52:44,331 --> 00:52:46,466 Do you still love her? 877 00:52:46,499 --> 00:52:48,367 Yeah, I do. 878 00:52:49,434 --> 00:52:53,001 And sometimes, even if you want to make somebody happy... 879 00:52:54,136 --> 00:52:56,405 the magic just goes away. 880 00:52:58,439 --> 00:53:00,640 Hey. 881 00:53:00,674 --> 00:53:02,508 I've got an idea. 882 00:53:02,541 --> 00:53:04,242 This will be fun. 883 00:53:05,276 --> 00:53:08,412 Why don't you guys open your presents? 884 00:53:08,445 --> 00:53:13,013 I want to see what you rich assholes get each other. 885 00:53:13,047 --> 00:53:18,650 And some of you might not make it till tomorrow morning, 886 00:53:18,684 --> 00:53:21,885 so this could be your only chance. 887 00:53:22,553 --> 00:53:24,053 Come on. 888 00:53:24,086 --> 00:53:26,921 Where's the Christmas spirit? 889 00:53:28,356 --> 00:53:30,391 Uh... 890 00:53:31,425 --> 00:53:35,594 Gertrude, uh, I got you something pretty special. 891 00:53:35,627 --> 00:53:37,061 Did you hear that, Gertrude? 892 00:53:37,094 --> 00:53:39,028 He got you something amazing. 893 00:53:39,062 --> 00:53:42,029 Oh, what could it be? 894 00:53:42,063 --> 00:53:44,333 Oh, my God, this is exciting. 895 00:53:44,365 --> 00:53:46,501 Mom. 896 00:53:46,534 --> 00:53:48,301 Can I call you Mom? 897 00:53:49,435 --> 00:53:51,169 Mrs. Lightstone. 898 00:53:53,003 --> 00:53:56,339 Okay, so in the business, they call this... 899 00:53:57,340 --> 00:53:58,906 a pitch deck. 900 00:53:59,608 --> 00:54:00,675 - Pitch deck. - Yeah. 901 00:54:00,709 --> 00:54:02,510 It's called Explosive Force. 902 00:54:02,543 --> 00:54:04,143 Starring me. 903 00:54:04,177 --> 00:54:05,712 And if you look in the back, 904 00:54:05,745 --> 00:54:09,447 there are the financial numbers. 905 00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:12,981 I'm kind of a big deal in Asia. 906 00:54:14,183 --> 00:54:16,284 Parts of Asia, at least. 907 00:54:16,317 --> 00:54:18,318 We were in parts of Asia once, and, like, 908 00:54:18,352 --> 00:54:20,118 we couldn't even go to a restaurant. 909 00:54:20,152 --> 00:54:23,555 Ah, what is there a better gift than... 910 00:54:23,588 --> 00:54:27,056 gift of a golden opportunity? 911 00:54:28,324 --> 00:54:30,492 Oh, no. 912 00:54:31,693 --> 00:54:34,228 Granny doesn't like it. 913 00:54:34,262 --> 00:54:36,995 Mother, I got you something really special. 914 00:54:43,167 --> 00:54:45,668 It's a sentimental photo of the day I was born. 915 00:54:45,701 --> 00:54:47,736 I remember. 916 00:54:47,769 --> 00:54:49,203 I was there. 917 00:54:49,236 --> 00:54:51,404 She doesn't give a shit. 918 00:54:54,038 --> 00:54:55,541 Swing and miss again! 919 00:54:55,574 --> 00:54:57,007 This is so fun. 920 00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:58,175 Mommy, how about another one? 921 00:54:58,208 --> 00:54:59,709 I got you a lot of good things. 922 00:54:59,743 --> 00:55:01,744 - I'll grab one. - Alva, Alva, sit down. 923 00:55:01,777 --> 00:55:03,578 You've already given me one. It's... 924 00:55:03,611 --> 00:55:04,746 It's Jason's turn. 925 00:55:04,779 --> 00:55:06,313 Uh... 926 00:55:06,346 --> 00:55:10,048 I th... I-I think I left it in the car. 927 00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:12,049 No, I-I saw you put one under the tree earlier. 928 00:55:12,082 --> 00:55:14,351 - No. It's in the... - Yeah, I did. 929 00:55:14,385 --> 00:55:17,453 I could've sworn. You know what, it's, uh... 930 00:55:17,486 --> 00:55:19,488 Y-You don't... you don't... you don't... you... 931 00:55:19,521 --> 00:55:22,222 It's this one, right? Yeah, I got you, bro. 932 00:55:22,255 --> 00:55:23,590 Come on. 933 00:55:25,391 --> 00:55:27,459 Thank you. 934 00:55:28,493 --> 00:55:30,594 It's my favorite whiskey. 935 00:55:30,627 --> 00:55:33,396 You can skip the note. 936 00:55:41,233 --> 00:55:43,302 ♪ ♪ 937 00:55:56,676 --> 00:55:58,477 Thank you, Jason. 938 00:56:03,813 --> 00:56:06,215 What's the card say? 939 00:56:06,248 --> 00:56:09,116 I think I'll just keep that between Jason and I. 940 00:56:09,150 --> 00:56:13,285 No one really needs to know. Right, Jason? 941 00:56:15,653 --> 00:56:17,421 Right. 942 00:56:18,455 --> 00:56:20,656 Did you ever have a mommy and daddy? 943 00:56:22,524 --> 00:56:24,492 Yeah, of course I had a mommy and daddy. 944 00:56:24,525 --> 00:56:28,294 I wasn't... I wasn't always Santa Claus. 945 00:56:29,161 --> 00:56:31,395 I had a life before this. 946 00:56:32,330 --> 00:56:35,131 A long, long, long time ago. 947 00:56:39,267 --> 00:56:42,336 They used to call me, uh... 948 00:56:42,369 --> 00:56:44,403 Nicomund. 949 00:56:48,071 --> 00:56:49,573 Nicomund the Red. 950 00:56:51,241 --> 00:56:53,809 You had a different job then? 951 00:56:53,842 --> 00:56:56,644 Yeah, you could say that. 952 00:56:56,677 --> 00:56:58,512 I was a warrior. 953 00:56:58,545 --> 00:57:00,579 A raider. A thief. 954 00:57:00,613 --> 00:57:04,581 And if somebody got in my way, 955 00:57:04,615 --> 00:57:06,216 me and Skullcrusher would... 956 00:57:06,250 --> 00:57:08,016 Who's Skullcrusher? 957 00:57:08,684 --> 00:57:11,719 Skullcrusher's my, uh... 958 00:57:11,752 --> 00:57:14,521 my hammer. 959 00:57:14,554 --> 00:57:16,755 My favorite hammer. 960 00:57:16,788 --> 00:57:19,190 I was a surgeon with that thing. 961 00:57:19,223 --> 00:57:21,558 Used to be able to take three heads, line 'em up... 962 00:57:23,293 --> 00:57:25,694 But why? 963 00:57:25,728 --> 00:57:27,262 What? 964 00:57:27,295 --> 00:57:30,029 Why'd you do those things? 965 00:57:31,764 --> 00:57:34,064 Because I was mean. 966 00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:37,301 And I was greedy. 967 00:57:39,168 --> 00:57:42,137 And I wanted gold, jewels. 968 00:57:42,170 --> 00:57:44,539 Yeah, I mean, if there was a naughty list back then, 969 00:57:44,572 --> 00:57:46,573 I'd be top dog. 970 00:57:48,374 --> 00:57:50,341 Well, maybe... 971 00:57:51,309 --> 00:57:52,242 What? 972 00:57:52,276 --> 00:57:54,610 Maybe all those bad things you used to do... 973 00:57:55,711 --> 00:57:59,114 maybe you can use them to do good things instead. 974 00:57:59,747 --> 00:58:02,148 To help. 975 00:58:02,181 --> 00:58:04,082 What do you mean? 976 00:58:04,116 --> 00:58:08,352 Mr. Bunny, he wasn't just a toy. 977 00:58:08,386 --> 00:58:11,720 That night, you gave me what I wished for. 978 00:58:11,754 --> 00:58:13,655 A best friend. 979 00:58:14,689 --> 00:58:17,324 'Cause you're good and kind. 980 00:58:17,357 --> 00:58:20,792 And you mean more than just the presents you bring. 981 00:58:20,825 --> 00:58:23,561 That's why I believe in you, Santa. 982 00:58:23,594 --> 00:58:26,129 That's why I believe. 983 00:58:31,566 --> 00:58:33,333 Thank you. 984 00:58:35,167 --> 00:58:39,103 You stay hidden, Trudy, till I come get you. 985 00:58:39,137 --> 00:58:41,204 Stay safe. 986 00:58:42,305 --> 00:58:44,773 All right, we got satellite confirmation. 987 00:58:44,806 --> 00:58:46,874 Extraction team's on the go. 988 00:58:46,907 --> 00:58:49,442 30 minutes. 989 00:58:49,475 --> 00:58:50,810 We're on schedule. 990 00:58:50,843 --> 00:58:52,344 Everything's good. 991 00:58:52,377 --> 00:58:53,845 All right, fellas. 992 00:58:53,879 --> 00:58:55,513 Look alive, look alive. 993 00:58:55,546 --> 00:58:57,314 You all know the plan, 994 00:58:57,347 --> 00:59:00,749 and I like my operations like I like to fuck: 995 00:59:00,783 --> 00:59:03,418 hard and fast with minimal cleanup. 996 00:59:03,451 --> 00:59:07,853 Now, some idiot gets in your way, what do you do? 997 00:59:07,887 --> 00:59:10,121 Fuck their shit up right! 998 00:59:10,155 --> 00:59:11,689 Damn right. 999 00:59:12,556 --> 00:59:15,325 Time to lube up. 1000 00:59:16,425 --> 00:59:19,193 Let's go, motherfuckers! Let's go! 1001 00:59:24,897 --> 00:59:27,331 This fucking family. 1002 00:59:46,508 --> 00:59:48,711 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 1003 00:59:48,743 --> 00:59:50,545 Merry Christmas. 1004 00:59:50,578 --> 00:59:51,745 Happy holidays. 1005 00:59:51,778 --> 00:59:52,846 Traitor. 1006 00:59:54,447 --> 00:59:56,414 I got him in the east wing. 1007 00:59:56,448 --> 00:59:58,749 All right, we're on our way. Hold him. 1008 01:00:12,257 --> 01:00:14,258 Step aside. 1009 01:00:23,430 --> 01:00:25,498 ♪ ♪ 1010 01:00:27,666 --> 01:00:30,434 Now, how did this tired, old, 1011 01:00:30,468 --> 01:00:33,169 fat piece of shit get the drop on us? 1012 01:00:33,203 --> 01:00:34,536 I don't know. 1013 01:00:34,570 --> 01:00:36,537 He's not even armed. 1014 01:00:36,571 --> 01:00:38,905 This bag is the only thing he had on him. 1015 01:00:38,939 --> 01:00:40,474 What's in there? 1016 01:00:41,273 --> 01:00:43,309 Can't see anything. 1017 01:00:47,344 --> 01:00:48,745 Here, give it to me. 1018 01:00:59,818 --> 01:01:02,387 What kind of moron... 1019 01:01:02,420 --> 01:01:04,621 carries a chess set with him? 1020 01:01:08,490 --> 01:01:09,491 What the fuck? 1021 01:01:09,524 --> 01:01:12,325 Doesn't make any sense. Look at all this shit. 1022 01:01:19,529 --> 01:01:22,531 So, you're gonna tell us what's the gimmick with the bag? 1023 01:01:22,564 --> 01:01:24,232 It's magic. 1024 01:01:24,265 --> 01:01:27,234 You put your hand in, out comes a present. 1025 01:01:28,669 --> 01:01:31,503 I don't really understand how it works, either. 1026 01:01:32,804 --> 01:01:35,806 So, you're Mr. Scrooge. 1027 01:01:35,839 --> 01:01:37,807 That's right. 1028 01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:39,641 But who are you? 1029 01:01:39,675 --> 01:01:41,709 Weihnachtsmann. 1030 01:01:43,011 --> 01:01:45,178 Julenissen. 1031 01:01:45,844 --> 01:01:47,780 Shèngdàn Laorén. 1032 01:01:48,713 --> 01:01:51,815 Babbo Natale, Père Noel, Kris Kringle. 1033 01:01:51,848 --> 01:01:54,417 Jolly old Saint Nick. 1034 01:01:54,450 --> 01:01:57,484 People call me a lot of things. 1035 01:01:58,352 --> 01:02:00,820 Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. 1036 01:02:00,853 --> 01:02:03,288 Or should I say, "Ho, ho, ho"? 1037 01:02:03,321 --> 01:02:06,791 If you're Santa, where's your reindeer? 1038 01:02:06,824 --> 01:02:08,625 They were on the roof 1039 01:02:08,658 --> 01:02:11,326 until that guy I turned into an ice kebab just... 1040 01:02:13,861 --> 01:02:15,529 You don't believe me? 1041 01:02:15,562 --> 01:02:16,629 Go check. 1042 01:02:16,662 --> 01:02:19,464 Prancer left a tasty log up there. 1043 01:02:19,497 --> 01:02:21,298 This fucking guy. 1044 01:02:21,331 --> 01:02:22,866 You don't think... 1045 01:02:22,900 --> 01:02:26,234 Now, I know you're an idiot, but don't be an idiot out loud. 1046 01:02:26,268 --> 01:02:28,270 Come on, he's just in Santy Claus 1047 01:02:28,303 --> 01:02:30,271 with a fucking trick bag. 1048 01:02:30,304 --> 01:02:32,305 Oh, no! 1049 01:02:32,338 --> 01:02:33,939 That bag was full of kids' dreams! 1050 01:02:33,973 --> 01:02:35,773 Oh, come on. 1051 01:02:35,807 --> 01:02:38,408 Everybody knows that Christmas dreams are bullshit. 1052 01:02:39,309 --> 01:02:41,577 My father used to make a big deal out of it 1053 01:02:41,610 --> 01:02:43,411 every Christmas. 1054 01:02:43,445 --> 01:02:45,512 Every freaking Christmas with the presents 1055 01:02:45,546 --> 01:02:47,714 and the candy and the decorations 1056 01:02:47,747 --> 01:02:51,583 and the Christmas caroling and all that bullshit. 1057 01:02:52,883 --> 01:02:55,251 And then when I was... 1058 01:02:55,285 --> 01:02:58,587 I don't know, ten, 11, 1059 01:02:58,620 --> 01:03:00,722 he got laid off, and that Christmas, 1060 01:03:00,755 --> 01:03:01,956 couldn't even afford a tree. 1061 01:03:01,989 --> 01:03:03,757 No Christmas dinner, no gifts. 1062 01:03:03,790 --> 01:03:06,358 Nothing, nada, culo, dick. 1063 01:03:06,959 --> 01:03:08,460 But our neighbors... 1064 01:03:08,493 --> 01:03:10,327 our neighbors, oh, they had it all. 1065 01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:11,995 I could see all that yuletide cheer 1066 01:03:12,029 --> 01:03:14,596 through their window mocking me. 1067 01:03:14,629 --> 01:03:18,531 So Christmas Eve rolls around, and... 1068 01:03:18,565 --> 01:03:21,600 I waited for everybody to go to bed. 1069 01:03:21,633 --> 01:03:25,236 And then I snuck in there to take it all. 1070 01:03:26,369 --> 01:03:28,471 Only problem was that the gramps got up to take a piss 1071 01:03:28,504 --> 01:03:30,872 and the two of us scared the shit out of each other. 1072 01:03:30,905 --> 01:03:33,874 And, um, he fell down the stairs 1073 01:03:33,907 --> 01:03:38,477 and-and broke his neck, and he died in the hospital. 1074 01:03:38,510 --> 01:03:40,011 Everybody thought that I did it, 1075 01:03:40,045 --> 01:03:41,746 and every time I tried to tell them, 1076 01:03:41,779 --> 01:03:44,247 I tried to tell them that... 1077 01:03:45,781 --> 01:03:47,882 Anyway, maybe I did do it. 1078 01:03:47,915 --> 01:03:49,916 Maybe I did push him. 1079 01:03:49,951 --> 01:03:51,884 Poor old fucker. 1080 01:03:51,917 --> 01:03:55,320 So, you see, Christmas ruined my life. 1081 01:03:55,353 --> 01:03:56,887 Okay? But you know what? 1082 01:03:56,921 --> 01:03:58,355 It set me on the path 1083 01:03:58,388 --> 01:04:00,389 and made me the great man that I am today. 1084 01:04:00,423 --> 01:04:02,457 I'm sorry, Jimmy. 1085 01:04:03,092 --> 01:04:04,658 I really am. 1086 01:04:05,626 --> 01:04:07,560 But I do gifts. I do Christmas cheer. 1087 01:04:07,594 --> 01:04:09,728 I don't get involved in people's lives. 1088 01:04:09,762 --> 01:04:13,697 Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, maybe you fucking should! 1089 01:04:18,067 --> 01:04:21,535 Um, how did he know your name? 1090 01:04:21,568 --> 01:04:22,970 Oh, Bjorn. 1091 01:04:23,003 --> 01:04:25,437 What's your excuse? 1092 01:04:25,470 --> 01:04:26,605 Huh? 1093 01:04:26,638 --> 01:04:30,007 Didn't I get you that Huffy bike you wanted back in '82? 1094 01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:33,375 One you wrote me 50 times about! 1095 01:04:33,408 --> 01:04:34,776 What about you, Kira? 1096 01:04:34,809 --> 01:04:37,912 Well, you made your brother eat worms. 1097 01:04:37,945 --> 01:04:39,512 That's naughty! 1098 01:04:39,545 --> 01:04:41,447 Okay, how does he know about my bike? 1099 01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:44,949 It's a lucky guess, like: "Hey, do you like big tits?" 1100 01:04:44,983 --> 01:04:46,917 Come on, every kid wants a fucking bike. 1101 01:04:46,950 --> 01:04:50,019 -You're gonna tell me who you work for... -Oh, Christ. No. 1102 01:04:50,052 --> 01:04:53,454 Then you've got five seconds to tell me who you really are. 1103 01:04:53,487 --> 01:04:56,321 Five, four, three, two... 1104 01:04:56,355 --> 01:04:57,924 I'm Santa Claus! 1105 01:04:57,957 --> 01:05:00,391 Well, not anymore. 1106 01:05:01,959 --> 01:05:04,360 ♪ ♪ 1107 01:05:25,072 --> 01:05:27,073 Is it snowing? 1108 01:05:27,107 --> 01:05:30,508 Is he doing this with Santa magic? 1109 01:05:36,913 --> 01:05:39,413 Let it snow! 1110 01:05:50,987 --> 01:05:52,923 It's not snow. 1111 01:05:52,956 --> 01:05:54,389 It's Styrofoam. 1112 01:05:54,422 --> 01:05:56,623 I told you this guy's a big phony. 1113 01:06:10,999 --> 01:06:13,000 Where'd he go? 1114 01:06:13,034 --> 01:06:14,534 He went up the chimney. 1115 01:06:14,568 --> 01:06:16,102 - I saw it. - I don't know, 1116 01:06:16,136 --> 01:06:18,103 he had a rig or some pulley system 1117 01:06:18,137 --> 01:06:20,104 - that just yanked him up. - You can't fit up there. 1118 01:06:20,138 --> 01:06:21,705 - It's impossible. - Oh, you see one weird thing, 1119 01:06:21,737 --> 01:06:23,974 and then you think you're in a fairy tale? 1120 01:06:24,007 --> 01:06:25,407 Incoming. 1121 01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:26,142 We've got sleigh bells approaching. 1122 01:06:26,175 --> 01:06:27,976 Oh, my God. 1123 01:06:28,009 --> 01:06:29,910 It's his reindeer. 1124 01:06:31,610 --> 01:06:33,579 It's the extraction team. 1125 01:06:33,612 --> 01:06:35,746 Pull yourselves together! 1126 01:06:41,150 --> 01:06:43,517 ♪ ♪ 1127 01:06:50,688 --> 01:06:54,925 And that is the sound of my Kill Squad. 1128 01:06:56,525 --> 01:06:58,559 Oh, you're fizzity-fucked now. 1129 01:06:58,593 --> 01:07:00,727 Huh? What are you gonna do? You little elf bitch. 1130 01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:02,063 Fu... 1131 01:07:02,096 --> 01:07:03,395 Bertie. 1132 01:07:03,429 --> 01:07:04,829 Hashtag "blessed." 1133 01:07:07,899 --> 01:07:10,600 Yeah! 1134 01:07:10,633 --> 01:07:11,733 Parkour. 1135 01:07:11,766 --> 01:07:12,734 Kill him, babe! 1136 01:07:12,767 --> 01:07:15,502 Oh! 1137 01:07:16,204 --> 01:07:17,905 Morgan's gonna save us. 1138 01:07:19,705 --> 01:07:23,507 Jean-Claude Van Dipshit just ditched us, sweetie. 1139 01:07:30,511 --> 01:07:32,479 Hold your fire. 1140 01:07:32,512 --> 01:07:33,981 Barrel roll! 1141 01:07:35,780 --> 01:07:36,949 Easy, easy. 1142 01:07:36,983 --> 01:07:38,917 - Yeah! - Easy. 1143 01:07:38,950 --> 01:07:40,118 Identify yourself. 1144 01:07:40,151 --> 01:07:42,784 I'm one of the hostages. 1145 01:07:42,818 --> 01:07:45,753 Morgan Steel, the actor. 1146 01:07:45,786 --> 01:07:48,722 Played a lot of soldiers in my career. 1147 01:07:48,755 --> 01:07:52,457 Can I just say, thank you for your service. Semper fi. 1148 01:07:53,125 --> 01:07:55,026 What's the situation inside? 1149 01:07:55,059 --> 01:07:57,526 Bunch of ex-military guys, 1150 01:07:57,560 --> 01:07:59,527 but I got to warn you, they know you're coming. 1151 01:07:59,561 --> 01:08:01,063 I think they're ready for you. 1152 01:08:01,097 --> 01:08:02,964 They better be. 1153 01:08:02,998 --> 01:08:05,032 We're on a tight schedule. 1154 01:08:05,065 --> 01:08:06,933 Shit. 1155 01:08:10,202 --> 01:08:12,469 Oh, f... 1156 01:08:12,502 --> 01:08:15,738 - All right, let's move out. - Let's move out. 1157 01:08:19,874 --> 01:08:21,540 Come on. 1158 01:08:21,574 --> 01:08:23,675 You got to be kidding me. 1159 01:08:23,708 --> 01:08:25,443 Hey, Thorp, you're ten minutes late. 1160 01:08:25,477 --> 01:08:26,777 What kept you? 1161 01:08:26,811 --> 01:08:29,013 Looks to me like your net's got a hole in it. 1162 01:08:29,046 --> 01:08:31,613 Or are you just letting your hostages out for some exercise? 1163 01:08:31,647 --> 01:08:33,781 No, no, no. We got a wild gopher running around 1164 01:08:33,815 --> 01:08:36,483 complicating shit and causing problems. 1165 01:08:36,516 --> 01:08:37,918 Who? Lightstone security? 1166 01:08:37,951 --> 01:08:39,585 Nah, I don't think so. Some intruder dressed as Santa. 1167 01:08:39,618 --> 01:08:41,086 But I'm telling you, I'm telling you, 1168 01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:43,121 there's something weird about him. 1169 01:08:43,154 --> 01:08:44,787 Might be the real Santa. 1170 01:08:44,821 --> 01:08:47,156 - The fuck did she just say? - Nothing, nothing. 1171 01:08:47,189 --> 01:08:48,456 She's joking. 1172 01:08:48,490 --> 01:08:50,892 My squad will take care of it. 1173 01:08:53,193 --> 01:08:55,929 Beta Team, go find this asshole. 1174 01:08:55,962 --> 01:08:57,930 Go. 1175 01:08:57,963 --> 01:09:02,165 Now, let's unwrap our present, shall we? 1176 01:09:02,198 --> 01:09:04,565 All right, you heard the man. 1177 01:09:04,599 --> 01:09:07,068 Time to kill Santa. 1178 01:09:07,101 --> 01:09:09,635 I've got him. He's on the roof. 1179 01:09:09,669 --> 01:09:11,938 Roger that. I got eyes on him. 1180 01:09:29,248 --> 01:09:31,215 Right, Sugarplum. Hit that button. 1181 01:09:38,186 --> 01:09:40,087 Here we go. 1182 01:09:40,120 --> 01:09:41,587 Our skeleton key. 1183 01:09:41,621 --> 01:09:43,488 The "open" magic stick. 1184 01:09:43,522 --> 01:09:45,023 This better fucking work. 1185 01:09:45,057 --> 01:09:47,757 I'm flushing my career for this, my reputation. 1186 01:09:47,792 --> 01:09:50,659 Yeah, well, then you can buy yourself a new rep. 1187 01:09:59,564 --> 01:10:00,966 As a kid, I loved 1188 01:10:00,999 --> 01:10:02,968 unwrapping Christmas presents so much 1189 01:10:03,001 --> 01:10:06,035 that my mom would wrap empty boxes for me. 1190 01:10:06,970 --> 01:10:09,470 I didn't care that nothing was inside. 1191 01:10:13,206 --> 01:10:15,606 ♪ ♪ 1192 01:10:21,211 --> 01:10:23,846 Is this a fucking joke? 1193 01:10:23,879 --> 01:10:25,080 No. 1194 01:10:26,580 --> 01:10:28,248 You said it would fucking be here! 1195 01:10:28,282 --> 01:10:31,984 I'm telling you, my intel was rock solid. 1196 01:10:32,017 --> 01:10:34,617 I had guys on the inside. 1197 01:10:35,685 --> 01:10:38,988 300 million in cash was delivered here yesterday 1198 01:10:39,021 --> 01:10:41,488 to this fucking mansion. 1199 01:10:46,258 --> 01:10:49,027 Somebody must've intercepted it. 1200 01:10:53,030 --> 01:10:55,064 Son of a bitch. 1201 01:11:17,576 --> 01:11:18,978 Oh, shit. 1202 01:11:19,012 --> 01:11:21,579 Santa, you okay? 1203 01:11:21,612 --> 01:11:23,214 Santa. 1204 01:11:23,247 --> 01:11:25,315 A bunch of new bad guys showed up. 1205 01:11:25,348 --> 01:11:27,282 They're on the naughty list. 1206 01:11:27,316 --> 01:11:30,517 They got their gadgets and their gizmos on them. 1207 01:11:31,185 --> 01:11:33,686 I'm sorry. I think this is it, kid. 1208 01:11:33,718 --> 01:11:35,321 No, no, don't say that. 1209 01:11:35,354 --> 01:11:37,322 The naughty list... 1210 01:11:37,355 --> 01:11:39,890 just grows and grows. 1211 01:11:48,660 --> 01:11:52,297 He's in that structure. Body cams on. 1212 01:11:52,331 --> 01:11:54,332 Don't give up. 1213 01:11:54,365 --> 01:11:57,000 You make a wish this time, Santa. 1214 01:11:57,034 --> 01:11:58,700 Just this once. 1215 01:11:58,734 --> 01:12:01,668 If you could have anything in this world, 1216 01:12:01,702 --> 01:12:03,904 what would it be? 1217 01:12:09,672 --> 01:12:12,674 I wish I could see Mrs. Claus again, 1218 01:12:12,708 --> 01:12:15,778 tell her how much I love her. 1219 01:12:15,811 --> 01:12:18,645 Then you make that wish come true. 1220 01:12:18,678 --> 01:12:20,781 Oh, shit. 1221 01:12:20,814 --> 01:12:23,049 No, no, no, no. No, no. 1222 01:12:24,883 --> 01:12:26,150 Oh, God. 1223 01:12:26,183 --> 01:12:29,085 No. 1224 01:12:31,186 --> 01:12:33,586 ♪ ♪ 1225 01:12:41,359 --> 01:12:44,327 You said these guys, they're naughty. 1226 01:12:44,361 --> 01:12:47,296 And what do you do to the naughty ones? 1227 01:12:47,329 --> 01:12:49,197 I give them a lump of coal. 1228 01:12:49,230 --> 01:12:51,664 Yeah. Give them their lumps. 1229 01:12:52,832 --> 01:12:55,033 Take that coal and shove it straight up their... 1230 01:12:55,067 --> 01:12:57,201 - Anuses. - Yeah! 1231 01:12:57,234 --> 01:12:59,070 ♪ ♪ 1232 01:13:03,238 --> 01:13:04,939 They're right outside. 1233 01:13:06,274 --> 01:13:08,141 ♪ ♪ 1234 01:13:19,247 --> 01:13:21,682 Santa's gonna eat through these guys 1235 01:13:21,715 --> 01:13:23,817 like a plate full of cookies. 1236 01:13:28,219 --> 01:13:29,754 Move, move. 1237 01:13:33,289 --> 01:13:35,124 Hey, lock it up. 1238 01:13:37,025 --> 01:13:38,926 Lights down. 1239 01:13:40,026 --> 01:13:42,095 Stay at my back. 1240 01:13:42,128 --> 01:13:44,062 All right, we got this, boys. 1241 01:13:55,302 --> 01:13:57,736 ♪ ♪ 1242 01:14:02,940 --> 01:14:05,241 All right, where the fuck is my money?! 1243 01:14:05,274 --> 01:14:07,776 Where's the money?! 1244 01:14:18,415 --> 01:14:21,150 All right, I've been a sweetheart up to now. 1245 01:14:21,183 --> 01:14:22,751 But that's all over. 1246 01:14:22,785 --> 01:14:24,352 No more fucking games! 1247 01:14:24,385 --> 01:14:25,986 Where's the money? 1248 01:14:26,019 --> 01:14:29,055 Or I will shoot every last one of you and enjoy it. 1249 01:14:33,157 --> 01:14:35,892 - It's in the vault. - I just looked in the vault. 1250 01:14:35,925 --> 01:14:37,392 Had the money been in there, 1251 01:14:37,426 --> 01:14:39,128 I'd have a different expression on my face. 1252 01:14:39,161 --> 01:14:40,394 Impossible. 1253 01:14:40,428 --> 01:14:42,696 Takes days to get into that thing. 1254 01:14:42,729 --> 01:14:46,132 Not if we have the key, Mrs. Lightstone. 1255 01:14:47,432 --> 01:14:49,399 Thorp. 1256 01:14:50,934 --> 01:14:53,369 You can't trust anyone these days. 1257 01:14:53,402 --> 01:14:55,704 I'm not sure how, but you 1258 01:14:55,737 --> 01:14:58,439 or one of your shithead kids moved the money. 1259 01:14:58,472 --> 01:15:00,340 And this upsets me. 1260 01:15:00,373 --> 01:15:02,174 It upsets me 1261 01:15:02,207 --> 01:15:06,243 in a way that makes me want to just randomly shoot at people. 1262 01:15:07,210 --> 01:15:09,345 Hold on. Just... Sorry. 1263 01:15:09,378 --> 01:15:10,879 - Um... - What? What? 1264 01:15:10,912 --> 01:15:12,347 Uh, what if you randomly shoot 1265 01:15:12,380 --> 01:15:14,915 the only person who knows where it is? 1266 01:15:16,048 --> 01:15:18,116 Oh, fuck you people! 1267 01:15:18,150 --> 01:15:20,184 ♪ ♪ 1268 01:15:22,852 --> 01:15:27,922 ♪ We waited all through the year ♪ 1269 01:15:28,789 --> 01:15:33,826 ♪ For the day to appear ♪ 1270 01:15:35,727 --> 01:15:41,330 ♪ When we could be together ♪ 1271 01:15:41,364 --> 01:15:43,931 ♪ In harmony ♪ 1272 01:15:45,332 --> 01:15:47,433 ♪ You know the time will come ♪ 1273 01:15:50,435 --> 01:15:52,837 ♪ Peace on Earth for everyone ♪ 1274 01:15:52,870 --> 01:15:54,304 Suck on this. 1275 01:15:58,873 --> 01:16:03,743 ♪ And we can live forever ♪ 1276 01:16:03,776 --> 01:16:06,978 ♪ In a world where we are free ♪ 1277 01:16:07,012 --> 01:16:10,013 ♪ Let it shine for you and me ♪ 1278 01:16:10,046 --> 01:16:13,315 ♪ There's something about Christmastime ♪ 1279 01:16:13,348 --> 01:16:16,284 ♪ Something about Christmastime ♪ 1280 01:16:16,317 --> 01:16:19,319 ♪ That makes you wish it was Christmas every day... ♪ 1281 01:16:19,352 --> 01:16:20,886 I need some feedback, guys. 1282 01:16:22,453 --> 01:16:24,721 Guys, what the hell is going on? 1283 01:16:25,422 --> 01:16:27,990 ♪ The way that the old folks smile ♪ 1284 01:16:28,024 --> 01:16:32,793 ♪ Says that Christmas will never go away ♪ 1285 01:16:34,227 --> 01:16:39,063 ♪ We're all as one tonight ♪ 1286 01:16:39,096 --> 01:16:43,832 ♪ Makes no difference if you're Black or white ♪ 1287 01:16:46,768 --> 01:16:49,303 ♪ 'Cause we can sing together ♪ 1288 01:16:52,104 --> 01:16:54,139 ♪ In harmony ♪ 1289 01:16:56,040 --> 01:17:00,842 ♪ I know it's not too late ♪ 1290 01:17:00,876 --> 01:17:03,811 ♪ The world would be ♪ 1291 01:17:03,844 --> 01:17:07,213 ♪ A better place ♪ 1292 01:17:09,348 --> 01:17:10,848 - What's that? - Huh? 1293 01:17:10,882 --> 01:17:12,950 ♪ If we can keep the spirit ♪ 1294 01:17:14,917 --> 01:17:17,352 ♪ More than one day in the year ♪ 1295 01:17:17,385 --> 01:17:21,754 ♪ Send a message loud and clear ♪ 1296 01:17:22,922 --> 01:17:25,857 ♪ There's something about Christmastime ♪ 1297 01:17:25,891 --> 01:17:28,292 ♪ Something about Christmastime ♪ 1298 01:17:28,326 --> 01:17:32,761 ♪ That makes you wish it was Christmas every day ♪ 1299 01:17:34,862 --> 01:17:38,397 ♪ To see the joy in the children's eyes ♪ 1300 01:17:38,431 --> 01:17:41,099 ♪ The way that the old folks smile ♪ 1301 01:17:41,132 --> 01:17:46,169 ♪ Says that Christmas will never go away ♪ 1302 01:17:47,136 --> 01:17:50,037 ♪ It's the time of year when everyone's together... ♪ 1303 01:17:50,071 --> 01:17:52,006 Jesus Christ. 1304 01:17:52,806 --> 01:17:55,241 Nope. Just jolly old Saint Nick. 1305 01:17:55,274 --> 01:17:57,442 ♪ Here on Christmas Day ♪ 1306 01:17:59,043 --> 01:18:02,845 ♪ When the ones you love are there ♪ 1307 01:18:02,878 --> 01:18:07,514 ♪ You can feel the magic in the air... ♪ 1308 01:18:07,548 --> 01:18:10,350 - Oh, God! - There you go. 1309 01:18:10,383 --> 01:18:12,084 A little stocking stuffer. 1310 01:18:13,018 --> 01:18:16,419 Where is it? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1311 01:18:16,453 --> 01:18:18,988 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1312 01:18:19,021 --> 01:18:21,789 - I got to watch. - Fuck! 1313 01:18:22,890 --> 01:18:25,025 Ho-Ho-Holy shit. 1314 01:18:25,058 --> 01:18:27,393 ♪ Christmas will never go away. ♪ 1315 01:18:27,426 --> 01:18:30,028 Gertrude would never trust anybody 1316 01:18:30,061 --> 01:18:32,396 who wasn't blood with this kind of info. 1317 01:18:32,429 --> 01:18:34,297 So... 1318 01:18:34,330 --> 01:18:37,865 the in-laws wouldn't know shit, 1319 01:18:37,898 --> 01:18:40,300 which means that I can shoot her... 1320 01:18:41,935 --> 01:18:43,902 unless you tell me where the fucking money is. 1321 01:18:43,936 --> 01:18:46,137 Please don't, okay? It's Christmas. 1322 01:18:46,170 --> 01:18:48,038 Shut up! 1323 01:18:48,939 --> 01:18:50,206 I swear, I'll blow her brains out 1324 01:18:50,239 --> 01:18:51,540 unless you tell me where the money went. 1325 01:18:51,575 --> 01:18:53,942 I did it! 1326 01:18:53,975 --> 01:18:56,243 - What? - Okay. Yeah, I did it. 1327 01:18:56,277 --> 01:18:58,177 - I moved the money. - No, d-don't-don't be an idiot. 1328 01:18:58,211 --> 01:18:59,978 - What? - The money's our only leverage. 1329 01:19:00,012 --> 01:19:01,812 Well, my wife has a fucking gun to her head, so... 1330 01:19:01,846 --> 01:19:03,548 Yeah, how did you find out that we were coming, huh? 1331 01:19:03,582 --> 01:19:05,282 I didn't. I was stealing it. 1332 01:19:06,616 --> 01:19:07,950 - Yeah, coincidence. - Oh, my God. 1333 01:19:07,983 --> 01:19:09,284 I was planning to take the money 1334 01:19:09,317 --> 01:19:12,419 and leave with my wife and daughter tonight 1335 01:19:12,452 --> 01:19:14,420 and never come back here. 1336 01:19:14,453 --> 01:19:17,889 Oh, and then my mom would, uh, 1337 01:19:17,922 --> 01:19:19,923 read the note with her whiskey in the morning 1338 01:19:19,957 --> 01:19:21,524 and know what I had done. 1339 01:19:21,558 --> 01:19:23,992 For years, I have been telling you 1340 01:19:24,026 --> 01:19:26,294 to stop caring about your mother's fucking money! 1341 01:19:26,327 --> 01:19:29,863 And you think the solution was to steal a bunch of it. 1342 01:19:30,563 --> 01:19:32,497 Well, it... yeah, it does sound stupid 1343 01:19:32,531 --> 01:19:34,065 when you say it like that. 1344 01:19:34,098 --> 01:19:36,099 How can you do this right now? 1345 01:19:36,133 --> 01:19:38,167 It's disgusting. After all that Mother has given us? 1346 01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:40,335 Come on, Alva. Everything she ever gave you, 1347 01:19:40,368 --> 01:19:41,570 she made damn sure we knew 1348 01:19:41,604 --> 01:19:42,936 she had the power to take right back. 1349 01:19:42,970 --> 01:19:46,838 I have spent years groveling to you. 1350 01:19:46,872 --> 01:19:49,473 In the meanwhile, I was destroying 1351 01:19:49,507 --> 01:19:51,542 the only good thing in my life. 1352 01:19:51,575 --> 01:19:53,043 What are we doing here, huh? 1353 01:19:53,076 --> 01:19:55,911 Family therapy or doing a heist? 1354 01:19:55,944 --> 01:19:58,945 - Yeah, enough of this sharing bullshit. - 1355 01:19:58,979 --> 01:20:00,947 All right. Where'd you put it? 1356 01:20:07,084 --> 01:20:09,819 Look at this little idiot. 1357 01:20:13,387 --> 01:20:15,022 Oh, no. 1358 01:20:15,056 --> 01:20:16,489 What? 1359 01:20:16,524 --> 01:20:18,457 - The bad guys found me. - Okay. 1360 01:20:18,490 --> 01:20:20,358 I'm coming. 1361 01:20:26,996 --> 01:20:30,964 You know, booby traps don't work unless you hide them. 1362 01:20:33,500 --> 01:20:35,100 You little moron. 1363 01:20:38,102 --> 01:20:40,370 Jesus! Shit! 1364 01:20:44,339 --> 01:20:46,373 Help me! Help me! Help! 1365 01:20:47,941 --> 01:20:50,009 You'll be f... You'll be fine. 1366 01:20:50,042 --> 01:20:52,210 Sit tight. I'll be back in a sec. 1367 01:20:55,112 --> 01:20:57,380 Right after I kill this little piece of shit! 1368 01:21:00,182 --> 01:21:02,483 You little fucking brat. 1369 01:21:51,177 --> 01:21:52,646 You're dead! 1370 01:21:52,680 --> 01:21:55,280 You're so fucking dead! 1371 01:22:02,418 --> 01:22:04,985 Fucking piece of shit. 1372 01:22:10,021 --> 01:22:12,890 You little... 1373 01:22:30,067 --> 01:22:32,135 Incoming! 1374 01:22:50,679 --> 01:22:52,547 Son of a fucking... 1375 01:23:02,620 --> 01:23:04,521 Fuck. 1376 01:23:04,554 --> 01:23:06,388 I got you now, kid. 1377 01:23:06,422 --> 01:23:08,156 Yeah? Heads up. 1378 01:23:10,223 --> 01:23:11,725 That's all you got? You fucking... 1379 01:23:14,593 --> 01:23:17,261 Enough of this shit. 1380 01:23:24,699 --> 01:23:27,100 ♪ ♪ 1381 01:23:42,709 --> 01:23:44,076 Santa! 1382 01:23:54,016 --> 01:23:56,184 Hi, Trudy. Hi. 1383 01:23:56,217 --> 01:23:59,052 I made booby traps like in the movie. It was so funny. 1384 01:23:59,085 --> 01:24:01,521 Ho, ho, ho. 1385 01:24:07,458 --> 01:24:11,392 Trudy, I want you to, uh... just do me a favor. 1386 01:24:12,293 --> 01:24:15,195 Just turn around and close your eyes. 1387 01:24:15,228 --> 01:24:18,030 Maybe put your fingers in your ears and, uh, 1388 01:24:18,063 --> 01:24:21,097 sing "Jingle Bells" as loud as you can. 1389 01:24:21,131 --> 01:24:23,065 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪ 1390 01:24:23,098 --> 01:24:25,334 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 1391 01:24:25,367 --> 01:24:27,670 ♪ Oh, how fun it is to ride... ♪ 1392 01:24:27,703 --> 01:24:30,637 You were about to murder an innocent child. 1393 01:24:30,671 --> 01:24:31,738 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪ 1394 01:24:31,772 --> 01:24:33,473 Innocent? 1395 01:24:33,506 --> 01:24:35,474 It's naughty. 1396 01:24:35,507 --> 01:24:37,074 Naughty. 1397 01:24:37,641 --> 01:24:39,175 Naughty! 1398 01:24:39,209 --> 01:24:40,777 It's part of the Lightstone legacy. 1399 01:24:40,810 --> 01:24:42,611 We're horrible people. 1400 01:24:42,644 --> 01:24:44,345 So I get why you did what you did. 1401 01:24:44,378 --> 01:24:46,414 When your grandfather told me I'd never run the company 1402 01:24:46,447 --> 01:24:48,748 because a girl doesn't have what it takes, 1403 01:24:48,782 --> 01:24:50,749 I had to snatch the reins away from him. 1404 01:24:50,783 --> 01:24:52,316 But the point is, 1405 01:24:52,349 --> 01:24:54,116 a Lightstone takes what's theirs. 1406 01:24:54,150 --> 01:24:55,719 I'm proud of you, son. 1407 01:24:55,752 --> 01:24:57,219 All right, where the hell is it? 1408 01:24:59,554 --> 01:25:01,522 The money's hidden inside. 1409 01:25:02,690 --> 01:25:05,692 And the Three Wise Men presented him with gifts 1410 01:25:05,725 --> 01:25:08,593 of frankincense, myrrh... 1411 01:25:10,660 --> 01:25:13,729 and cold hard cash. 1412 01:25:13,762 --> 01:25:15,263 Load it up, boys. 1413 01:25:15,296 --> 01:25:17,632 All right, we're securing the money. 1414 01:25:17,665 --> 01:25:19,533 Kill the hostages and meet us outside. 1415 01:25:19,566 --> 01:25:21,366 What? 1416 01:25:21,400 --> 01:25:23,367 No. 1417 01:25:23,401 --> 01:25:25,368 ♪ ♪ 1418 01:25:25,402 --> 01:25:26,604 Mom. 1419 01:25:26,637 --> 01:25:28,103 It's fine, Bert. 1420 01:25:28,136 --> 01:25:29,472 Everything's fine. 1421 01:25:29,506 --> 01:25:31,573 Okay. 1422 01:25:31,607 --> 01:25:33,641 Everybody, get up. 1423 01:25:33,674 --> 01:25:38,109 It's time for a murder. 1424 01:25:38,142 --> 01:25:40,578 Come on. Come on. You don't want to kill us. 1425 01:25:40,612 --> 01:25:42,044 You really don't. 1426 01:25:42,078 --> 01:25:44,145 Oh, yes, I do. 1427 01:25:44,179 --> 01:25:47,248 I really, really, really do. 1428 01:25:47,281 --> 01:25:48,782 And I'm gonna start with you. 1429 01:25:48,816 --> 01:25:50,283 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1430 01:25:50,316 --> 01:25:51,551 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1431 01:25:53,285 --> 01:25:54,820 You got to kill Aunt Linda first. 1432 01:25:54,853 --> 01:25:56,787 What the hell, Bert? 1433 01:25:56,821 --> 01:25:58,722 You want to squeeze in being a little shit 1434 01:25:58,755 --> 01:26:00,322 before you die, Bertrude? 1435 01:26:00,356 --> 01:26:01,824 - I say shoot him first. - What? 1436 01:26:01,857 --> 01:26:04,091 Wait. No, no, no. Don't shoot him. 1437 01:26:04,124 --> 01:26:06,125 Don't shoot him first. And don't you call him 1438 01:26:06,158 --> 01:26:07,728 a little shit, you gold-digging bitch. 1439 01:26:07,761 --> 01:26:09,462 Okay. I changed my mind. 1440 01:26:09,495 --> 01:26:11,429 -Shoot the alcoholic bitch first. -Don't call my mom 1441 01:26:11,463 --> 01:26:13,531 - an alcoholic bitch. - Your mom's an alcoholic. 1442 01:26:13,564 --> 01:26:15,365 - I'm sorry. - You're a gold-digging bitch. 1443 01:26:15,398 --> 01:26:17,533 Oh, I'm a gold-digger, when I have a whole-ass career? 1444 01:26:17,566 --> 01:26:19,233 You're not even part of the fucking family. 1445 01:26:19,267 --> 01:26:22,234 - She's an engineer. - You know goddamn well... 1446 01:26:22,268 --> 01:26:23,403 Shut up! 1447 01:26:27,137 --> 01:26:31,207 Just like rats in a barrel. 1448 01:26:31,874 --> 01:26:34,141 Why don't you die with some dignity? 1449 01:26:39,379 --> 01:26:41,145 Get off of me! 1450 01:26:41,178 --> 01:26:42,714 Okay, okay. 1451 01:26:42,748 --> 01:26:44,147 Fuck you! 1452 01:26:44,180 --> 01:26:46,583 This is for yelling at my child! 1453 01:26:46,616 --> 01:26:48,117 Creep! 1454 01:26:48,150 --> 01:26:49,718 That's for slapping me, motherfucker! 1455 01:26:49,752 --> 01:26:51,653 This is for your dumb fucking hat! 1456 01:27:01,392 --> 01:27:02,859 Is he... 1457 01:27:02,892 --> 01:27:04,561 Is he dead? 1458 01:27:08,462 --> 01:27:10,363 Yeah. 1459 01:27:11,196 --> 01:27:12,631 Thanks, Linda. 1460 01:27:12,665 --> 01:27:15,800 Well, it's nice to do something as a family for a change. 1461 01:27:17,199 --> 01:27:18,702 Oh, shit! 1462 01:27:18,735 --> 01:27:20,636 I'm gonna... 1463 01:27:24,738 --> 01:27:26,306 That was for Morgan. 1464 01:27:26,340 --> 01:27:31,375 He may have been stupid, but he was very, very hot. 1465 01:27:32,677 --> 01:27:35,110 Oh. Trudy! 1466 01:27:35,144 --> 01:27:37,479 Mommy! 1467 01:27:37,513 --> 01:27:39,179 Thank God, baby. 1468 01:27:39,212 --> 01:27:41,113 Are you okay? 1469 01:27:41,147 --> 01:27:42,716 I'm okay, Mommy. 1470 01:27:42,749 --> 01:27:43,849 Okay. 1471 01:27:43,883 --> 01:27:46,484 This is my friend, Santa. 1472 01:27:50,787 --> 01:27:52,821 What the fuck? 1473 01:27:52,854 --> 01:27:54,723 I can't thank you enough, Mister... 1474 01:27:54,756 --> 01:27:57,325 Claus. But please call me Santa. 1475 01:27:57,357 --> 01:27:58,458 Mm-hmm. 1476 01:27:58,491 --> 01:28:00,559 You guys should get out of here. 1477 01:28:00,593 --> 01:28:02,159 It's dangerous. 1478 01:28:02,192 --> 01:28:04,462 They took my husband and her grandmother. 1479 01:28:06,295 --> 01:28:07,797 Anybody know how to work these gizmos? 1480 01:28:07,830 --> 01:28:09,230 I think so. 1481 01:28:09,263 --> 01:28:10,865 I used to hunt with my dad. 1482 01:28:10,899 --> 01:28:12,165 Ow. 1483 01:28:12,198 --> 01:28:13,734 Copy that. How's that looking? 1484 01:28:13,767 --> 01:28:16,568 - Yeah, I got it on lockdown. - Heads on a swivel, boys. 1485 01:28:17,903 --> 01:28:19,537 - Incoming! - Heads up! 1486 01:28:20,905 --> 01:28:22,472 Oh, oh! Who's shooting? 1487 01:28:22,505 --> 01:28:23,706 Who's... 1488 01:28:23,739 --> 01:28:27,240 - Cap, get down! - Watch it! Watch it! 1489 01:28:32,277 --> 01:28:34,613 Gun 'em down. Mow them all down. 1490 01:28:50,455 --> 01:28:53,290 -All right, let's get the fuck out of here. -Let's go. 1491 01:28:53,323 --> 01:28:55,725 - Go where? - Come on, move, you old bat. 1492 01:28:56,592 --> 01:28:58,526 Get your fucking hands off of me. 1493 01:29:08,633 --> 01:29:10,834 Oh! Oh, shit. 1494 01:29:10,867 --> 01:29:14,402 My balls! My fucking balls! 1495 01:29:31,278 --> 01:29:33,747 Ow, my balls! Why did you shoot me in the ball... 1496 01:29:37,649 --> 01:29:39,916 Oh, Jesus. 1497 01:29:39,950 --> 01:29:41,618 Sorry. 1498 01:29:43,552 --> 01:29:46,220 Don't worry about us, Mr. Claus. We got this. 1499 01:29:46,253 --> 01:29:48,589 Who is that guy? 1500 01:29:48,622 --> 01:29:51,189 He said he was Mr. Claus. 1501 01:29:52,791 --> 01:29:54,792 - Fuck. Trudy. - No, no. 1502 01:29:54,825 --> 01:29:56,526 She's in the house. She's okay. 1503 01:29:56,559 --> 01:29:57,794 She's safe. 1504 01:29:57,827 --> 01:29:59,928 - Oh, thank God. - Yeah. 1505 01:30:03,697 --> 01:30:05,732 ♪ ♪ 1506 01:30:20,707 --> 01:30:22,275 No, no. 1507 01:30:22,308 --> 01:30:24,810 - Oh... go, go, go, go, go. - No, no, no. Wait, wait. 1508 01:30:56,995 --> 01:30:59,296 ♪ ♪ 1509 01:31:10,669 --> 01:31:13,237 Oh, shit! 1510 01:31:15,439 --> 01:31:18,274 Ho, ho! 1511 01:31:19,841 --> 01:31:21,208 Fuck! 1512 01:32:04,634 --> 01:32:07,403 Fucking die. 1513 01:32:40,055 --> 01:32:42,490 ♪ ♪ 1514 01:32:54,663 --> 01:32:56,831 ♪ ♪ 1515 01:33:00,500 --> 01:33:02,367 Come on. Come on. Come on. 1516 01:33:02,400 --> 01:33:05,603 Yeah, over here. Over here. 1517 01:33:05,636 --> 01:33:06,871 Santa! 1518 01:33:07,837 --> 01:33:09,671 Come on! 1519 01:33:09,705 --> 01:33:11,039 Yeah. 1520 01:33:54,864 --> 01:33:56,299 Fuck. 1521 01:34:06,971 --> 01:34:09,406 ♪ ♪ 1522 01:34:19,846 --> 01:34:21,880 You're real? 1523 01:34:23,381 --> 01:34:25,715 You're... him. 1524 01:34:28,717 --> 01:34:30,019 You're you. 1525 01:34:30,052 --> 01:34:32,620 That's what I've been trying to tell you. 1526 01:34:32,654 --> 01:34:35,955 The real goddamn Santa Claus. 1527 01:34:35,988 --> 01:34:38,490 This is not your night, pal. 1528 01:34:38,523 --> 01:34:41,625 Oh, I don't know. I think you're wrong. 1529 01:34:41,659 --> 01:34:44,960 I think my whole shitty life's built up to this moment. 1530 01:34:44,993 --> 01:34:46,428 Because when I kill you, 1531 01:34:46,461 --> 01:34:49,729 this whole goddamn holiday finally ends. 1532 01:34:51,498 --> 01:34:53,465 Whatever it takes... 1533 01:34:55,066 --> 01:34:57,067 Christmas dies tonight. 1534 01:35:49,497 --> 01:35:50,999 Whoa! 1535 01:36:16,046 --> 01:36:19,382 ♪ ♪ 1536 01:37:16,182 --> 01:37:18,883 The last Christmas. 1537 01:37:28,889 --> 01:37:31,456 Not if you still believe. 1538 01:37:33,058 --> 01:37:35,059 No! 1539 01:38:03,243 --> 01:38:06,844 I have no idea what the fuck is going on here. 1540 01:38:09,147 --> 01:38:11,447 But this ends now. 1541 01:38:16,184 --> 01:38:18,017 Damn right it does. 1542 01:38:27,123 --> 01:38:29,490 Trudy, be careful. 1543 01:38:33,026 --> 01:38:34,961 Santa! 1544 01:38:34,994 --> 01:38:37,595 Oh, no. Santa. 1545 01:38:38,929 --> 01:38:40,596 Oh, no. 1546 01:38:47,235 --> 01:38:49,569 You saved my daughter. 1547 01:38:50,170 --> 01:38:51,837 No. 1548 01:38:52,804 --> 01:38:54,106 She saved me. 1549 01:38:54,139 --> 01:38:56,873 Help him. Please help him. 1550 01:38:56,907 --> 01:38:59,507 Honey, I don't think there's anything we can do. 1551 01:38:59,541 --> 01:39:00,709 It's okay. It's okay. 1552 01:39:00,742 --> 01:39:02,977 It's too late for that. 1553 01:39:03,010 --> 01:39:05,478 Too late. 1554 01:39:06,113 --> 01:39:08,780 I'm cold. 1555 01:39:08,814 --> 01:39:11,015 I haven't felt cold in years. 1556 01:39:11,049 --> 01:39:13,084 We need to keep him warm. 1557 01:39:14,084 --> 01:39:16,218 All of the fires are going out. 1558 01:39:16,251 --> 01:39:18,719 We need to find something to burn. 1559 01:39:19,987 --> 01:39:21,620 I got an idea. 1560 01:39:24,723 --> 01:39:26,523 Whoa. 1561 01:39:27,958 --> 01:39:29,259 No. 1562 01:39:29,293 --> 01:39:31,593 No, no, no, no. No, Jason, no. 1563 01:39:31,626 --> 01:39:32,661 Please, Santa. 1564 01:39:32,694 --> 01:39:35,729 I don't want you to die. 1565 01:39:38,764 --> 01:39:40,299 Jason, let's slow this down. 1566 01:39:40,332 --> 01:39:41,899 What are you doing? 1567 01:39:41,933 --> 01:39:45,135 I've lived longer than any man should ever live. 1568 01:39:45,168 --> 01:39:47,902 He's pretty much dead. What the hell is happening? 1569 01:39:47,936 --> 01:39:49,970 - You don't need to burn money. - Okay. More. Yeah. 1570 01:39:50,004 --> 01:39:53,573 You can't die, Santa. You have to get up. 1571 01:39:53,606 --> 01:39:56,042 I think I used up all my Christmas magic. 1572 01:39:57,008 --> 01:39:58,743 Sorry. 1573 01:40:00,777 --> 01:40:04,313 I'm s... I'm sorry I can't give you what you asked for. 1574 01:40:06,048 --> 01:40:08,216 Take that. Take that. 1575 01:40:08,249 --> 01:40:09,915 But you did. 1576 01:40:12,684 --> 01:40:14,952 Santa, please don't die. 1577 01:40:14,985 --> 01:40:17,587 Wake up. Wake up. 1578 01:40:17,620 --> 01:40:20,089 We need to get him close to the fire. 1579 01:40:20,123 --> 01:40:22,057 Jason. 1580 01:40:22,822 --> 01:40:24,824 Just wake up. 1581 01:40:25,824 --> 01:40:27,127 Please. 1582 01:40:27,160 --> 01:40:29,061 No. 1583 01:40:33,296 --> 01:40:36,731 Oh, I am so, so sorry. 1584 01:40:41,634 --> 01:40:44,568 This man... 1585 01:40:45,303 --> 01:40:48,905 This brave, brave man, whoever he was... 1586 01:40:48,938 --> 01:40:50,173 He's Santa. 1587 01:40:50,206 --> 01:40:52,341 The real Santa. He is. 1588 01:40:52,374 --> 01:40:55,642 And I still believe in him. 1589 01:40:56,343 --> 01:40:59,078 I'll always believe in you, Santa. 1590 01:41:03,746 --> 01:41:05,747 I believe in him, too. 1591 01:41:08,916 --> 01:41:11,352 He saved Trudy. 1592 01:41:11,385 --> 01:41:13,819 He saved our family. 1593 01:41:15,820 --> 01:41:18,056 What's realer than that? 1594 01:41:21,992 --> 01:41:23,858 Then maybe... 1595 01:41:26,227 --> 01:41:28,561 I believe in him, too. 1596 01:41:29,229 --> 01:41:30,862 So do I. 1597 01:41:31,896 --> 01:41:35,132 Oh, shit. 1598 01:41:35,166 --> 01:41:37,233 I guess... 1599 01:41:37,267 --> 01:41:39,268 I guess I do, too. 1600 01:41:39,301 --> 01:41:41,136 Fuck me. 1601 01:41:41,170 --> 01:41:43,037 I believe, too. 1602 01:41:48,107 --> 01:41:50,175 ♪ ♪ 1603 01:41:53,342 --> 01:41:54,977 Oh, my God. 1604 01:41:55,011 --> 01:41:56,144 Santa! 1605 01:42:01,114 --> 01:42:02,781 You... 1606 01:42:04,383 --> 01:42:06,616 You were dead. 1607 01:42:07,251 --> 01:42:09,852 Christmas magic. 1608 01:42:09,885 --> 01:42:12,354 I still don't really understand... 1609 01:42:12,387 --> 01:42:14,588 how it works. 1610 01:42:20,092 --> 01:42:21,959 Thank you. 1611 01:42:21,992 --> 01:42:23,994 I don't know how we can ever repay you. 1612 01:42:24,028 --> 01:42:26,129 Well, you brought me back from the dead, 1613 01:42:26,162 --> 01:42:27,862 so we'll call it even. 1614 01:42:28,997 --> 01:42:30,264 Even? 1615 01:42:30,298 --> 01:42:32,898 We just burned half a million dollars. 1616 01:42:33,732 --> 01:42:35,234 - Look, Santa! - Hmm? 1617 01:42:35,267 --> 01:42:36,867 Look who came. 1618 01:42:36,900 --> 01:42:39,103 ♪ ♪ 1619 01:42:44,039 --> 01:42:47,308 Now you show up, huh? 1620 01:42:47,341 --> 01:42:48,874 You leave me here to die, 1621 01:42:48,907 --> 01:42:51,043 come back after all the work's done, huh? 1622 01:42:51,076 --> 01:42:53,844 You know what? I should make you guys into a stew 1623 01:42:53,877 --> 01:42:56,046 and feed you to the elves! 1624 01:42:58,047 --> 01:43:02,983 Yes, Blitzen! Yes, I'm talking to you! 1625 01:43:03,016 --> 01:43:04,984 You, too, Prancer. 1626 01:43:10,287 --> 01:43:12,255 You got my sack. 1627 01:43:12,288 --> 01:43:16,756 My spare... You went home and you got my spare sack? 1628 01:43:18,426 --> 01:43:21,194 Oh, God, I can't stay mad at you guys. 1629 01:43:21,228 --> 01:43:22,861 I... 1630 01:43:22,894 --> 01:43:27,197 Aw. I can't. I can't. 1631 01:43:27,231 --> 01:43:30,032 Aw. 1632 01:43:31,032 --> 01:43:33,101 Aw. 1633 01:43:44,074 --> 01:43:45,673 Hello, beautiful. 1634 01:43:45,707 --> 01:43:47,641 Skullcrusher! 1635 01:44:00,416 --> 01:44:02,151 Guess this is goodbye. 1636 01:44:02,184 --> 01:44:03,751 I got to go. 1637 01:44:04,452 --> 01:44:06,752 Do you have to? 1638 01:44:09,955 --> 01:44:12,223 It's Christmas Eve, and there's a lot of... 1639 01:44:12,257 --> 01:44:13,856 boys and girls on the nice list 1640 01:44:13,890 --> 01:44:16,225 that want their presents, you know? 1641 01:44:18,327 --> 01:44:20,061 Thank you. 1642 01:44:21,028 --> 01:44:22,463 For what? 1643 01:44:22,496 --> 01:44:24,197 For believing in me. 1644 01:44:24,230 --> 01:44:27,732 For reminding me that Christmas still matters. 1645 01:44:29,200 --> 01:44:31,902 And that I still... 1646 01:44:31,935 --> 01:44:34,003 matter. 1647 01:44:35,470 --> 01:44:37,837 You gave me my "ho, ho, ho" back. 1648 01:44:42,275 --> 01:44:44,675 ♪ ♪ 1649 01:44:47,510 --> 01:44:50,012 All right. Get out of here. 1650 01:44:53,747 --> 01:44:56,714 Merry Christmas! 1651 01:44:59,150 --> 01:45:00,318 Hyah! 1652 01:45:00,351 --> 01:45:03,786 Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! 1653 01:45:03,819 --> 01:45:05,922 Now, Prancer and Vixen! 1654 01:45:05,955 --> 01:45:09,290 On, Comet! On, Cupid! 1655 01:45:09,323 --> 01:45:12,325 On, Donner and Blitzen! 1656 01:45:12,358 --> 01:45:16,160 Come on, you beautiful bastards! 1657 01:45:16,194 --> 01:45:19,296 We've got some work to do! 1658 01:45:19,329 --> 01:45:22,331 Hyah! 1659 01:45:22,364 --> 01:45:25,099 Ho, ho, ho! 1660 01:45:25,133 --> 01:45:28,234 Merry Christmas! 1661 01:45:28,267 --> 01:45:30,701 ♪ ♪ 1662 01:45:39,241 --> 01:45:45,211 ♪ Are you hanging up your stocking on your wall? ♪ 1663 01:45:47,145 --> 01:45:53,115 ♪ It's the time that every Santa has a ball ♪ 1664 01:45:54,848 --> 01:45:58,784 ♪ Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer? ♪ 1665 01:45:58,817 --> 01:46:02,221 ♪ Does a ton-up on his sleigh? ♪ 1666 01:46:02,254 --> 01:46:08,190 ♪ Do the fairies keep him sober for a day? ♪ 1667 01:46:09,158 --> 01:46:11,359 ♪ So here it is ♪ 1668 01:46:11,392 --> 01:46:13,360 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 1669 01:46:13,393 --> 01:46:17,929 ♪ Everybody's having fun ♪ 1670 01:46:17,963 --> 01:46:21,332 ♪ Look to the future now ♪ 1671 01:46:21,365 --> 01:46:28,269 ♪ It's only just begun ♪ 1672 01:46:28,302 --> 01:46:34,340 ♪ Are you waiting for the family to arrive? ♪ 1673 01:46:36,307 --> 01:46:38,375 ♪ Are you sure you got ♪ 1674 01:46:38,408 --> 01:46:42,043 ♪ The room to spare inside? ♪ 1675 01:46:43,578 --> 01:46:47,146 ♪ Does your granny always tell ya ♪ 1676 01:46:47,180 --> 01:46:51,016 ♪ That the old songs are the best? ♪ 1677 01:46:51,048 --> 01:46:54,184 ♪ Then she's up and rock-and-rolling ♪ 1678 01:46:54,217 --> 01:46:56,485 ♪ With the rest ♪ 1679 01:46:56,518 --> 01:46:58,819 Hey, yo! What's Gucci, squad fam? 1680 01:46:58,853 --> 01:47:01,855 It's the Bert Locker, living the dream. 1681 01:47:01,888 --> 01:47:03,923 You know what? See this guy? Dead as hell. 1682 01:47:03,956 --> 01:47:05,789 Santa's real, all right? 1683 01:47:05,823 --> 01:47:07,459 Don't end up on the naughty list. 1684 01:47:07,492 --> 01:47:08,859 Do better. 1685 01:47:08,892 --> 01:47:11,127 Bert Lightstone out. 1686 01:47:11,160 --> 01:47:13,161 ♪ So here it is ♪ 1687 01:47:13,195 --> 01:47:14,996 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 1688 01:47:15,029 --> 01:47:19,432 ♪ Everybody's having fun ♪ 1689 01:47:19,466 --> 01:47:22,867 ♪ Look to the future now ♪ 1690 01:47:22,900 --> 01:47:29,170 ♪ It's only just begun ♪ 1691 01:47:29,204 --> 01:47:31,406 ♪ So here it is ♪ 1692 01:47:31,439 --> 01:47:33,407 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 1693 01:47:33,440 --> 01:47:36,408 ♪ Everybody's having fun ♪ 1694 01:47:36,441 --> 01:47:41,278 - ♪ It's Christmas! ♪ - ♪ Look to the future now ♪ 1695 01:47:41,311 --> 01:47:49,049 ♪ It's only just begun. ♪ 1696 01:47:52,118 --> 01:47:53,885 ♪ Ding dong merrily on high ♪ 1697 01:47:53,918 --> 01:47:56,020 ♪ Let's be good ♪ 1698 01:47:56,053 --> 01:48:00,155 - ♪ This coming yuletide ♪ - ♪ Ding dong verily the sky ♪ 1699 01:48:00,188 --> 01:48:02,424 ♪ Or you'll see ♪ 1700 01:48:02,457 --> 01:48:07,893 ♪ Kris Kringle's cruel side ♪ 1701 01:48:07,926 --> 01:48:11,062 ♪ Santa's getting mad, better not be bad ♪ 1702 01:48:11,095 --> 01:48:14,097 ♪ Gonna go to bed on time this Christmas ♪ 1703 01:48:14,131 --> 01:48:17,132 ♪ We don't want to be on that list ♪ 1704 01:48:17,165 --> 01:48:20,167 - ♪ Santa Claus is gonna get ♪ - ♪ Unhappy! ♪ 1705 01:48:20,200 --> 01:48:23,603 ♪ He's told you once, he's told you twice ♪ 1706 01:48:23,636 --> 01:48:26,570 ♪ Too much naughty, not enough nice ♪ 1707 01:48:26,604 --> 01:48:32,074 ♪ Santa Claus has had enough of Christmas ♪ 1708 01:48:33,142 --> 01:48:36,109 ♪ Where's the love and where's the joy? ♪ 1709 01:48:36,143 --> 01:48:39,211 ♪ Always cash and never a toy ♪ 1710 01:48:39,245 --> 01:48:44,581 ♪ Santa Claus has had enough of Christmas ♪ 1711 01:48:44,615 --> 01:48:51,052 ♪ Ah... ♪ 1712 01:48:52,519 --> 01:48:54,421 ♪ Santa's getting mad ♪ 1713 01:48:54,454 --> 01:48:56,488 - ♪ Don't you make Santa crazy ♪ - ♪ Better not be bad ♪ 1714 01:48:56,522 --> 01:48:59,223 -♪ Gonna go to bed on time this Christmas ♪ -♪ Baby ♪ 1715 01:48:59,257 --> 01:49:02,058 ♪ We don't want to be on that list ♪ 1716 01:49:02,091 --> 01:49:05,460 - ♪ Santa Claus is gonna get ♪ - ♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho ♪ 1717 01:49:05,493 --> 01:49:08,595 ♪ If you don't want ♪ 1718 01:49:08,629 --> 01:49:11,897 ♪ Coal this Christmas ♪ 1719 01:49:11,930 --> 01:49:14,999 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 1720 01:49:15,032 --> 01:49:18,101 ♪ Make sure you keep Santa jolly ♪ 1721 01:49:18,134 --> 01:49:21,402 ♪ Don't make his reindeer ♪ 1722 01:49:21,436 --> 01:49:25,971 ♪ Cause you some pain, dear ♪ 1723 01:49:26,005 --> 01:49:29,107 ♪ Santa's getting mad, better not be bad ♪ 1724 01:49:29,140 --> 01:49:32,276 ♪ Gonna go to bed on time this Christmas ♪ 1725 01:49:32,309 --> 01:49:35,244 ♪ We don't want to be on that list ♪ 1726 01:49:35,278 --> 01:49:38,579 - ♪ Santa Claus is gonna get ♪ - ♪ Ooh-ooh... ♪ 1727 01:49:38,612 --> 01:49:41,414 ♪ Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la ♪ 1728 01:49:41,448 --> 01:49:43,349 ♪ Ooh-fa-la-la ♪ 1729 01:49:43,382 --> 01:49:46,517 ♪ Don't make him crazy ♪ 1730 01:49:46,551 --> 01:49:48,051 ♪ Ooh-fa-la-la ♪ 1731 01:49:48,085 --> 01:49:51,153 ♪ Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la ♪ 1732 01:49:51,187 --> 01:49:54,222 ♪ Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la ♪ 1733 01:49:54,255 --> 01:49:57,523 ♪ Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la ♪ 1734 01:49:57,557 --> 01:50:00,492 ♪ Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la ♪ 1735 01:50:00,525 --> 01:50:02,493 ♪ Ooh-fa-la-la ♪ 1736 01:50:02,526 --> 01:50:05,495 ♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪ 1737 01:50:05,528 --> 01:50:08,163 ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ 1738 01:50:08,197 --> 01:50:09,997 ♪ On the first day of Christmas ♪ 1739 01:50:10,031 --> 01:50:11,631 ♪ My true love gave to me ♪ 1740 01:50:11,665 --> 01:50:14,433 ♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out ♪ 1741 01:50:14,467 --> 01:50:17,235 ♪ On the Feast of Stephen ♪ 1742 01:50:17,268 --> 01:50:20,304 ♪ Jingle bells. ♪ 1743 01:50:20,337 --> 01:50:22,405 ♪ ♪ 1744 01:50:43,117 --> 01:50:45,952 ♪ Ding dong merrily on high ♪ 1745 01:50:45,985 --> 01:50:49,187 ♪ In heaven, the bells are ringing ♪ 1746 01:50:49,220 --> 01:50:51,288 ♪ ♪ 1747 01:51:08,598 --> 01:51:16,598 ♪ Glo-o-o-oria ♪ 1748 01:51:16,703 --> 01:51:19,004 ♪ Hosanna ♪ 1749 01:51:19,037 --> 01:51:26,942 ♪ In excelsis. ♪ 119439

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