Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:04,112
Come on, Max!
Class is starting.
2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,368
I saved you a spot next to me.
3
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,507
MAX: Be right there.
Strapping in the girls.
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:12,052
Lefty's a little cranky
this morning.
5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,380
Thanks for getting
these work out bands
6
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,654
out of the Equinox dumpster.
7
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:17,253
I was already in there.
I had a meeting
8
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:20,245
with my accountant.
9
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,458
We're not doing great,
by the way.
10
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:25,330
We're gonna do resistance work
with them.
11
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,729
I'm already resistant.
12
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,660
I'm almost at violent.
13
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,667
Do what I'm doing.
14
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:35,199
Let my crack stick out?
15
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:38,206
And pulse, and pulse, and pulse.
16
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:40,539
Let me just get rid of
that pulse for you.
17
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,414
Come on, Max, the heart machine
at Rite Aid said you were 80
18
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:47,154
and printed you a prescription
for a wheelchair.
19
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,751
On the count of three.
20
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:54,193
One, two, three.
21
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:01,627
Is there a bed on me?
22
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,432
Get my wheelchair.
23
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,704
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
24
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,303
(cash register bell dings)
25
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:11,535
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
26
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,442
Hey, girls.
27
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,207
Check out Barbara's new ride.
28
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,185
We need help.
29
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:30,460
And not just because Barbara
has a luxury SUV before I do.
30
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:35,461
-(straining)
-Ohh.
31
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,196
Great workout.
32
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,801
I'm gonna cool down
with a bagel.
33
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,773
No, I just came down here
to bring you your mail.
34
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,473
And Barbara wanted
to show off her car
35
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:47,375
because you girls are poor.
36
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:49,608
Overdue cell phone bill,
electricity--
37
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:52,213
Sophie, this mail
is from a month ago.
38
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:56,216
What?
It's mail, not cottage cheese.
39
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,650
Oh, wait.
I think there might be
40
00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,285
a little cottage cheese
in there.
41
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:03,491
Got any of that for my bagel?
42
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,364
Oh, my God.
The movie they're making
43
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:06,833
about my life is coming out.
44
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:10,400
Is it called Good Will Boring?
45
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:12,501
And Max, we're invited
to the press junket
46
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,243
to promote the movie.
47
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,168
In two days?
48
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:18,374
Uh-oh.
49
00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:20,906
I don't even think my hair girl
could help you in time
50
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,811
and she's got three hands.
51
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,684
Sophie, I hope it's not
too late to RSVP.
52
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,954
I was waiting for some news
about the movie.
53
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,682
I thought it went
to the wrong person.
54
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:33,448
Like my 20s.
55
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:36,787
Come on, Barbara.
Let's cruise the playground
56
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,934
and make fun of babies
in Chevy Volts.
57
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,429
(car beeping)
58
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,662
Uh, can Barbara drop me off
at Equinox?
59
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,327
They throw out
the expired Clif Bars at 3:30.
60
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:51,841
Oh, Han, Max and I
61
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:52,942
have to do press for my movie,
62
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,613
so we can't work tomorrow.
63
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:58,552
I get it.
Why break your six-year streak?
64
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,279
I guess with
all your movie money,
65
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,584
you two can move on
and I can hire two waitresses
66
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,416
who don't use my office
as a gambling hall.
67
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,693
Han, Caroline already spent
all the movie money
68
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:08,961
on the dessert bar.
69
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,589
Also, I need your office
in 20 minutes.
70
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,994
We're interviewing
a new roulette dealer.
71
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,596
Well, can you at least
tell people
72
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:18,328
not to put cigarettes out
on my family photos?
73
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:22,236
There's a giant hole
in my grandma.
74
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,310
Ooh!
They just sent a cast list.
75
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,838
(gasps)
Guess who's playing me?
76
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,914
Tess Walker.
77
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,913
She is a very big--
78
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,875
hold on, let me read what
she's a very big.
79
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:37,624
If it's big-boobed,
they did zero research.
80
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,323
Tess is from Australia.
She's a rising star
81
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:46,456
and got her start in the
romantic comedy G'day Kate.
82
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:49,534
Max, you're being played by
Vanessa Robinson.
83
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:53,473
Not a name,
but that's what they do.
84
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,601
Vanessa Robinson?
85
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,865
She's on my favorite
Disney show,
86
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,874
That's So Vanessa Robinson.
87
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:03,507
How do they expect a Disney
goody-two-shoes to play me?
88
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,754
She won't be realistic
playing high or drunk
89
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,649
or fighting the bear
from The Revenant.
90
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,892
Ooh, Max, who's playing me?
91
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,889
Michelle Kim?
92
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,891
I'm being played by a woman?
93
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:21,404
Calm down, not a woman.
It's an 11-year-old girl.
94
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:24,029
And she's probably more upset
about it than you are.
95
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,504
That's preposterous.
An 11-year-old girl
96
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,044
couldn't own a diner.
97
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,398
You do.
98
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,912
Hey, guys.
I picked up your lunch.
99
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,511
There were two other orders
from customers in here.
100
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:38,654
Hey.
101
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:44,389
Bobby, Tess Walker is playing me
in the movie about me.
102
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,518
From G'day Kate!
103
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:49,664
Oh, yeah.
She's Kate, right?
104
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,060
Or or the one
that says "G'day" to her?
105
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,802
Either way,
she's not as pretty as you.
106
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:59,698
Ohh, you know exactly what
I tell you to say.
107
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:03,003
Ooh, the fries are good
from not here.
108
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,606
Oleg, try these.
109
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,481
Hey, Oleg.
110
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:13,980
It says here you're being played
by Pete Chilton.
111
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,484
My gosh, he's the one who played
the serial killer
112
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,887
in that funny movie we saw.
113
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,490
I hope the penis is accurate.
114
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,433
This is a full frontal role,
right?
115
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,688
It is here.
116
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,557
Oh, it doesn't look like
there's a Sophie character.
117
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,567
(gasps) Oh, but there is
one named Pearl,
118
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:35,569
a Black Polish woman who works
as the diner's cashier.
119
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,573
What?
120
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:41,575
They combined me with Earl?
121
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:45,579
I mean, if I wanted
to be combined with someone,
122
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,653
I wouldn't have given up a liver
123
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,121
to be separated from my twin.
124
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,891
Hey, they made me a woman?
125
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,520
I haven't been a woman
since I was trying to outrun
126
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,856
the mob with Marilyn Monroe.
127
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,461
Oh, holy crap, Caroline.
128
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,604
Your ex Candy Andy's
a character in the movie
129
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,670
and he's gonna be
at the press junkie.
130
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:08,468
Junket.
You're a junkie, get it right.
131
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,602
And Candy Andy?
Why is he in the movie?
132
00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:14,738
Shouldn't he be old enough to go
by Candrew Andrew at this point?
133
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,005
Bobby, before you get
crazy jealous,
134
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:21,884
he is very handsome and I went
places with him sexually
135
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,915
that I had never been before.
136
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:32,029
But--ah, anyway, I'm with you,
now, and he's married.
137
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,759
That's cool, I'm just--
I'm just not a jealous guy.
138
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:38,165
I am confident in our
rock solid relationship.
139
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,068
Well, that's very annoying.
140
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,772
All these reporters and
photographers remind me
141
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,707
of when I lost my baby teeth.
142
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:52,452
Oh, my father left
a summer home under my pillow.
143
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:56,120
I left my baby teeth in the
octagon with Ronda Rousey.
144
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,719
This would be
a great opportunity
145
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,821
to plug our dessert bar.
146
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,192
Let's do a lap and start
147
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,460
whispering about ourselves
to get a buzz going.
148
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,960
If you think I don't already
have a buzz going at 11:00 a.m.,
149
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,692
then you don't know me.
150
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:11,527
(gasps) Oh, my God, that's
the Sophie and Earl mash-up.
151
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:14,535
(gasps) She was the football
coach on Girl Meets World!
152
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:16,098
This is getting real!
153
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,736
Caroline Channing?
154
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,671
I'm Daisy.
I'm with the PR team.
155
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,707
Maybe you've heard of me.
Kylie Jenner threw
156
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,682
a full can of Sprite
at my head last year.
157
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,681
That's why my pupils are so big!
158
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:28,683
Daisy, don't worry.
I am not high maintenance.
159
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,146
How can I be sure
that all photos of me
160
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:33,553
are taken on the north side
of my face?
161
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,887
I'm Max. Uh, what does it mean
when you don't have pupils?
162
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,994
(laughs)
You guys are so cute.
163
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,626
Oh, I know you haven't
seen the movie,
164
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,701
so I'll give you
a quick rundown of what happens
165
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:43,900
for press questions.
166
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,831
Uh, let's see.
You lose your money.
167
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,266
Sad, sad, sad.
And then you meet this one.
168
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,841
Sad, sad, sad.
169
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,640
-You are so cute.
-Oh.
170
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,572
It's not as much about
the two of you anymore.
171
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,107
The storyline came off
a little lesbionic,
172
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,242
which is kinda last year.
173
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,507
I just came off
a little lesbionic.
174
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,977
Maggie won't stop calling me.
175
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,575
(gasps)
Oh, my God.
176
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:06,617
There's Tess.
Oh, she's flawless.
177
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:08,064
She's the perfect me.
178
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:11,728
Tess, It's me!
You, Caroline!
179
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:13,859
Oh, and the young lady playing
you hasn't shown up yet.
180
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:17,064
Oh, that's what the real Max
should've done.
181
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,197
You're so cute.
No, she went real method
182
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,772
in researching the role of you.
183
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,941
And now she's real into drugs.
184
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,740
I'm so upset.
You just can't tell
185
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:28,012
because I'm heavily medicated.
186
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:31,181
Hello, unattended bar.
187
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,781
Caroline Channing in person.
188
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,084
Oh, this must be
what it was like
189
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,945
when Julia Roberts
met Erin Brockovich.
190
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,185
Or the other way around.
191
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,920
Oh, and this is Brent,
the actor playing Candy Andy.
192
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,626
Should it be awkward between us
193
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,558
since you're playing one
in a long string
194
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:49,204
of two ex-boyfriends?
195
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,659
Thanks.
196
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,173
Thanks for having
a tragic life
197
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,101
so I could fall
in love on screen.
198
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,836
And off.
199
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:02,640
Uh, see, I think audiences
would much rather
200
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,046
see me wind up with, let's say,
a working class,
201
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,308
blue collar contractor,
maybe named Bobby.
202
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:10,047
You're so cute.
No, it was pretty obvious
203
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,053
to everyone you should wind up
with Candy Andy.
204
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,045
Yeah, I thought so, too.
205
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:16,317
(gasps)
Candy Andy!
206
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,326
I do not go by
that silly name, Max.
207
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:21,698
It's Candrew Andrew.
208
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,229
-Andrew.
-Hey.
209
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,673
You look great.
210
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:29,339
Oh, sorry, ooh.
211
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:32,369
You two are like me and my
eighth grade science teacher.
212
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:35,675
Just can't keep your hands
off each other.
213
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,949
Max, you ruined
Mr. Brillstein's life,
214
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,948
and, like Mr. Brillstein,
Andy is married.
215
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,821
Oh, uh, well,
actually I'm divorced.
216
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,220
(gasps)
217
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,822
There's your
M. Night Shyamalan twist!
218
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,116
But don't let him direct
the rest of the movie.
219
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,828
Oh, how about a picture of
you two for the photographers?
220
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:54,861
You look great together.
221
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,225
(camera shutters clicking)
222
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,133
I'm sorry your marriage
didn't work out.
223
00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,695
Yeah, me too.
224
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,703
My father-in-law had
box seats to the Rangers.
225
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,236
You look beautiful.
226
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,271
You have my lipstick
on your mouth.
227
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,106
Oh, well,
maybe we wear the same shade.
228
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:13,012
That'll be six--ehh, $27.
229
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,188
Hey, Earl.
Don't get up.
230
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,860
No chance of that,
unless they start
231
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:24,619
making Viagra
for the entire body.
232
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,799
Uh, Caroline's not here.
What do you need?
233
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,799
Actually, I wanted to
talk to you guys.
234
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:34,131
Even though she told me
never to do that.
235
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:38,867
You guys wanna see a nipple
that looks like Fred Flintstone?
236
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:40,736
Now I see why.
237
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,284
If this is an Amway pitch,
I've fallen for that twice.
238
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:47,010
Let's just say I am way in debt.
239
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,017
No, it's this--this Andy guy.
240
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,149
What can you tell me
about him?
241
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,023
Is he good looking?
Rich?
242
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,892
Does he have Amazon Prime?
I'm dying, here.
243
00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:58,162
Oh, I thought you weren't
the jealous type.
244
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:01,091
But you're sweating like skinny
Jonah Hill trying to be funny
245
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:05,068
or fat Jonah Hill
trying to be serious.
246
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,898
Well, I am the jealous type.
I just wanted
247
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,474
to look cool
in front of Caroline.
248
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,901
I don't care what I look like
in front of you guys.
249
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,237
Obviously.
250
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:15,180
You have nothing
to worry about, Andy.
251
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,478
I mean, Bobby.
252
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,210
Much like the copy of TV Guide
253
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,476
Earl is currently reading,
254
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,953
Candy Andy is old news.
255
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,353
Ooh, there's another episode
256
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:28,064
of Facts of Life
tonight, you know?
257
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,388
Hey, everybo--
258
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:35,258
Wouldn't you like to finish
that sentence for me, Earl?
259
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:40,725
Since you don't have your own
character in Caroline's movie.
260
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,138
Yeah, you're right.
261
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:43,499
I got nothing to worry about.
262
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,736
I should get going.
263
00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,742
Hey, Andy.
264
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,144
I mean, Bobby.
265
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,476
Look, did you see this picture
266
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:54,081
of Caroline with Candy Andy?
267
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,384
Look, he's got his arm
around her at a junket.
268
00:11:57,417 --> 00:12:00,487
Is that hand on her lower back
or upper butt?
269
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,020
Hey, man, it's a good thing
you're not the jealous type.
270
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:08,827
Especially since he has his hand
right on her ass.
271
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:13,232
Hey...I was gonna say that!
272
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:18,166
Can you at least give me
one thing of my own, Earl?
273
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:27,413
* I'll be in our booth
274
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,791
I'm from the New York Times.
275
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:35,790
Ha, what the hell
are you doing here?
276
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,793
I have a question for Tess.
277
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:41,455
In G'day Kate, you married
a kangaroo for a green card?
278
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,204
So this is super weird, right?
279
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,400
Looking at them, being us.
280
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,902
Andy, I can't talk now.
I have to promote my dessert bar
281
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,565
and answer all these questions.
282
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:53,412
You know how reporters get when
they have a fascinating subject.
283
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,410
Caroline, no one's asked you
anything and they already
284
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,282
told you to stop
raising your hand.
285
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:01,281
Max, the actress playing you
isn't here.
286
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,584
It's been reported
she's been on a downward spiral
287
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,416
ever since
she got into the role.
288
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:07,922
Her behavior is disgusting,
289
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:11,285
and I very much approve.
290
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:15,904
This is for Michelle, the young
lady playing the Han character.
291
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,429
What drove you to the role?
292
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,904
My mom said I had to start
helping out in this family
293
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,903
if I wanted unlimited data.
294
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:25,906
And for Janelle,
portraying Pearl,
295
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,909
how did you prepare
to play a Black man
296
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,441
and a larger-than-life
Polish woman?
297
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:34,176
Two dialogue coaches
and a lot of wigs.
298
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:38,354
And I stopped showering the
minute I got the role of Oleg.
299
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:44,058
Caroline, I have
a question for you about us.
300
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,931
A Q & A is not the place
for questions.
301
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,060
Well, fine,
I won't ask you, then.
302
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,455
I'll just tell you.
303
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,596
I miss you
and your adorable crooked smile.
304
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,602
I mean, look at
the Hollywood us.
305
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:57,004
We could be
the real version of them.
306
00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,107
Just, you know,
I wouldn't wear guyliner.
307
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,940
Caroline, fate brought us
together for a reason.
308
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,506
I mean, we had
a really good thing.
309
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,354
I think we should
give it another shot.
310
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:11,050
Caroline Channing, you said
you own a dessert bar now?
311
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,292
Oh--ohh.
312
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:17,622
Caroline's speechless.
313
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,257
Guess I'm down to two wishes
on that magic lamp.
314
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:25,567
So what do you think?
315
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:28,638
I think that girl might be dead.
316
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,238
But what about me and Andy?
I mean, you don't think
317
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,571
it means something
that we tested well.
318
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:37,276
Hey, I test positive for stuff
all the time.
319
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,648
I'm not allowed to donate
or get blood,
320
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,880
but other than that, it's cool.
321
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:48,164
Ugh, Andy and I
do look great together.
322
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:51,288
What if America knows more
about me than I do?
323
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:55,304
Then I feel worse for America
than I already do.
324
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,658
I-I don't know why
any of this matters.
325
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,266
Andy knows you have a boyfriend.
326
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:01,568
(gasps)
I didn't tell him.
327
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,471
Why didn't I tell him?
328
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,373
And boom goes the Shyamalan.
329
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,275
Hey, Max, they don't have
chocolate milk, I asked.
330
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:15,180
Ugh! How do they expect me
to wash down my scrimps?
331
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,045
Caroline, can we just talk
and maybe spend
332
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,194
the rest of our lives together?
333
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:20,688
You know, keep it casual.
334
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,220
Hey!
Mr. Candy guy!
335
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,426
Get your hands off my girl!
336
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,628
Ouch!
337
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:29,199
Dude, you spilled my drink!
338
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,559
She's my girlfriend.
339
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,468
No, she is not.
Who are you?
340
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:39,165
Bobby, you attacked the wrong
Andy in a jealous rage.
341
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:41,306
He's over here.
342
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,441
Hey, how's it going?
Should I put my drink down?
343
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:46,976
Ah, no...I've embarrassed
myself enough.
344
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,324
I'm sorry, Caroline.
I just couldn't stand
345
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,219
the thought of you doing it
with another guy
346
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,451
once a week in the beginning.
347
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:57,586
Bobby, I love that you're
jealous--violently jealous.
348
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,464
But you don't need to be.
349
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,332
-Andy, I have a boyfriend.
-Mm.
350
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:04,061
A violently jealous boyfriend.
351
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,067
I wouldn't say violently.
352
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,639
I choked you out
for a Pop-Tart this morning.
353
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,474
All right.
Super awkward right now.
354
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,076
Um, well, I guess
I'm gonna have to go
355
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,608
cancel the Mariachi band
I hired to serenade us.
356
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,614
Adios, $10 deposit.
357
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,746
Ooh, you should bring them by
the dessert bar.
358
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,621
I'm having an after party there
with the cast.
359
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,220
(gasps)
We are?
360
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:29,122
Mm, well...I guess now
you're invited, too.
361
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,494
And here's something else
you can use.
362
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:37,496
When I rent a car,
I usually go with the Sebring.
363
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:40,630
I'm starting to see why
they cut most of my scenes.
364
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:44,497
Once I rented a Tercel.
Once.
365
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:45,767
I gotta take this.
366
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:48,135
I know it's not ringing,
but you get it.
367
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,376
Will the real Han
please stand up?
368
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:52,711
And then leave.
369
00:16:57,550 --> 00:17:01,520
* I'll be in my booth
370
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,724
* I'll be in my booth
371
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:11,126
* I'll be in my booth
372
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:15,574
* I'll be in my booth
373
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,302
You just don't get it.
374
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,277
Can I mix alcohol
and, like, five red pills?
375
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,750
Ha, would I be standing here
if you couldn't?
376
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:33,848
Uh, this might seem weird
or maybe just freaky enough,
377
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:39,686
but I am very attracted to
that part of her that is me.
378
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,096
You know what, Earl?
You play your cards right,
379
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:45,129
you might be screwing
yourself tonight.
380
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,369
What's up, girl?
381
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,696
Did I tell you
that I got super rich?
382
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,508
Yeah, got injured at Six Flags.
383
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:54,840
Not even in a cool way.
384
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:58,454
Tripped on a fat kid,
landed on a skinny kid.
385
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,108
Maybe you should go for Tess.
386
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,307
I bet she'll be single soon
387
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:02,778
since Bobby's jealous rage
388
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,575
sent her boyfriend
to the hospital.
389
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,587
I did not.
I got his autograph.
390
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,519
He voiced a parakeet
in Zootopia.
391
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:12,086
Cacaw.
Ring a bell?
392
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,464
Well, I guess this is good-bye.
393
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:17,796
I won't see you
at the premiere next week.
394
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,730
I'm gonna go
drown my sorrows in Paris.
395
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,726
And Bali.
Well, wherever they have
396
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,538
the most expensive jewels.
397
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,740
Anything?
398
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,342
I'm right here.
399
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,884
Guys, don't fight over me
400
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:32,208
until I have the camera open
on my phone.
401
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,205
Well, you're a lucky guy, Bobby.
402
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:37,247
Just--by the way,
she is a really horrible...
403
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,288
No, I can't think of anything.
404
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,120
She's pretty perfect.
405
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,156
I'm sure if you tried
really hard
406
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,632
you'll find someone
willing to date
407
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:50,629
a very attractive rich guy
in the prime of his life.
408
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:52,403
Now you're making me
want to date him.
409
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:53,772
Well, I better get going.
410
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,240
Helicopter traffic
gets crazy at 8:00.
411
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,469
Anything?
412
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,176
both: Helicopter?
413
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,509
Well...
(sighs)
414
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,254
I've been trying
to look for Vanessa,
415
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:09,319
but she probably goes
by her gang name, now.
416
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,819
I couldn't find her
on my police scanner,
417
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,320
but it did help me avoid
selling weed
418
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:13,652
to an undercover cop.
419
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,186
(walkie-talkie crackles)
420
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,622
Copy that, Sarge.
421
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,792
All right, Oleg.
Let's go.
422
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,798
It's Wednesday, so we gotta
take the garbage out
423
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,731
so we can do it under the sink.
424
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,766
Ooh, plumber style.
425
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,873
Sophie.
426
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,735
That's not me.
427
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:39,314
But my God, he is gorgeous.
428
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,483
Wow!
429
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:45,485
I had a dream like this once.
430
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,218
Only I was covered in nougat.
431
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:52,559
Let's go, one of the Olegs.
432
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,892
All right, bye, Max.
433
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,957
Oh, hi, Max.
434
00:19:56,996 --> 00:20:00,696
Max?
Vanessa's here!
435
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,773
Oh, my God.
You're gonna be okay.
436
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,972
Just keep drinking.
You tried being me too fast.
437
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,314
-I just--
-Don't talk, drink.
438
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,579
How are you not dead?
439
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,238
Shh.
440
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,248
(gasps)
Did you see that?
441
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,750
She's never
patted my head like that.
442
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:19,722
And she even gave me a birthday
coupon for one free head pat.
443
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,922
Is that jealousy I see?
444
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:24,324
Max and I are in
a strong relationship.
445
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,757
I am not jealous.
446
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:29,803
Are they in a full-on hug now?
I'm redeeming my coupon.
447
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:32,799
(Mariachi music playing)
448
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:37,772
*
449
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,344
(laughs)
450
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,872
Anything?
451
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,677
No?
Okay, cut it.
452
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:47,379
Uh, all right, come on.
Who likes helicopter rides?
453
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,284
(together)
Helicopter?
454
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:53,985
(cash register dings)
455
00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:58,585
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33603
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.