All language subtitles for 2 Broke Girls s04e20 Minor Problem

Miss? I have to apologize.

Well, not to me.

But I'm sure the Amish are pissed

that you're gaying up their look.

I don't have enough money for the tip.

Weird.

You survived the diner chili,

and it's the waitress that kills you!

But I can tip another way.

I'm a psychic.

So, you already know where
they're gonna find your body.

Oh, please.

I die in a bridge collapse
you have nothing to do with.

I can tell you your future.

Ha! You're wrong.
I don't have one.

See the guy in the booth
over there?

Jared "Leto Himself Go"?

He just offered to
read my future as my tip!

Ha! You don't have one.

Miss, let me read your palm.

Sir, coming over here right now
is not a good idea.

We don't like to be stiffed
by strangers.

In six months, maybe,
but we're not there yet.

I'm a legit psychic.

I predicted
long hair was coming back

in time to have long hair when it did.

Okay, you can read my palm.
I could use some good news.

I could also
use some hand moisturizer.

Sorry.

I see two M's?

You bitch! Have you been
holding out on M&M's?

Ooh! Is it the "male model
I'm managing"

who's also making it with Max?

Actually, I see a small failure.

I take it back. You are good!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

Here's your chocolate lemon crumble.

Sounds like it shouldn't work
together, but it does.

It's the Tony Bennett
and Lady Gaga of desserts.

Max, can I have just a wee bite?

A crumble of the crumble?

Caroline won't let me eat anything

because of my big photo shoot.

(GROANS) Hurry! No chewing,
no enjoying. Just swallow.

Spit that out!

No!

I said spit that out!

You're a model now!
Shame on you!

Bitch, he's starving.

He's not eating, is he?

I don't want
the Stay Puft Marshmallow man

showing up
at my girlfriend's photo shoot.

I haven't eaten anything
since Tuesday!

This morning, he tried to
swallow his toothpaste,

but I was right there
to stop him.

Good, honey.

That kind of heartlessness
is why I've decided

to make you the manager

of our hot new location
of the High.

Oh, my God! This is so exciting!

Someone's finally realizing
my full potential,

and it's not me!

Will I be able to make Max
head pastry chef?

And where is this new location?

Well, right now,
everything's under wraps,

the way my face was
six months ago.

But as manager,
you can hire your own staff,

and I'll even let you poach Max.

I'll also tell you
the new spot is amazing.

It's international. It's a hub.

I'm talking major flagship.

Honey, I get that you're happy,
but enough with the eye contact.

No one can look me in the eye.

I'm the Medusa in Chanel.

Max doesn't let me look her
in the eyes during sex either.

I told you, eye contact's extra.

Max, did you hear that?
Major flagship!

Uh, did someone just call me
a major flag?

I think you did.

And if I don't get to go
to the new place with you two,

I'm telling HR.

That's Hector Rodriguez,
my therapist.

Would you be interested in
coming to the new High

as part of our team?

If you say "part of our team"
again,

I'll rethink the whole thing.

I'll take it.

But I have to be
upfront with Max.

I don't like it in the back.

Which, by the way,
is what I say to all my dates.

Samesies!

Well, this is great news.

How about we celebrate
with a piece of pie?

No!

Earl, we have great news.
Guess what it is.

No, don't. Okay, guess.
No, don't. Yes, guess, guess!

Can we hurry this along?

My cousin is on
Maury Povich today.

And I wanna find out
if he's the father.

Because then
I can stop paying child support.

Sorry, she's a little amped.

She hasn't had
good news to share

since we found our
washing machine in our basement

takes buttons.

Han, we have good news.

Sure, you do.

And I'm playing center
for the New York Knicks!

Have you seen the Knicks lately?
He can only help.

Well, according to my time card,

I've been here
for six hours already.

So I'm gonna go in back
and catch some Zs.

The mattress is all yours, Max.

Hey, everybody.
We weren't expecting company.

I came by to discuss
wedding details with Oleg

while we had intercourse.

What is this, the Bunny Ranch?

Baby, I think these are yours.

Yeah. Yeah.
Why, thank you, honey.

Can we just make it a general rule

that there's no fornication
in the diner?

Yeah, or in Han's apartment, ever.

Okay, Max and I
have some really exciting news.

Yeah, yeah.
We know all about the buttons.

Oleg!

I think you crushed
my seating arrangement!

I'd like to think so.

-So, back to us.
-How about back to work?

Max and I...

Need to do some work!

There. End of news.

Where are you running off to so fast?

Is someone having a sale
on smaller heads?

I'm too small, I'm too big.
Pick one!

Here's our big news.

You are looking at the manager

and the head pastry chef
of the brand-new High location.

Actually,
he's looking at our kneecaps.

Okay, so we're going with
too small.

If you two quit the diner,
how will I ever replace you?

Unless I hire,
literally, anyone else!

No, Han, we still have
to work here at night.

We have more debt

than Jada Pinkett-Smith
has excuses

for Will not being home.

But at the new High,

we're gonna be the big bosses
calling all the shots.

Yes, yes, by day.

But by night,
you'll be the coleslaw's bitch.

Don't listen to him.

Clearly, Han just resents
our success.

I know!

Why can't women ever
just be happy for each other?

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

-Wow, that is really hot.
-Yeah.

The milder salsa's right here.

Listen. Oh! Do girls eat now?

Wow.
Lena Dunham changed everything!

Listen, which one of you
is sleeping with the model?

I know one of you said you were,

but I don't listen
when you talk.

She is.

This is a massive ad campaign.

and I don't know how else
to say this.

But I need his penis
to look bigger.

Oh! Yeah, it gets nervous
when you shine a light on it.

Sometimes I hear her coaxing it

out of its crawl space
with treats.

Well, do something.

I haven't touched one
since college.

And even then it was
just to look under it

for my keys.

Max, take him off set.
Be professional.

How professional can I be?

She's asking me to
fluff his nutter.

Yo, Nash! Break time.

So, Marie.

Did Joe tell you
about my big new job promotion?

Of course she did.

We're lesbians.
Talking is most of what we do.

It's why we rule daytime.

(SPEAKING IN IRISH ACCENT)
Uh... Pardon me.

You, maybe.

That coat, never.

I'm looking for someone.

You also look like an extra
from Angela's Ashes.

But this is a private shoot,

as in we're shooting
someone's privates.

I'm looking for me son.

Okay, people!
The groundhog's out of the hole!

Six more inches of winter.

That's him! That's me boy!

-Ma?
-Huh?

Ma, how did you know
I was in New York?

Oh, no, you saw me

in the Today Show window,
didn't ya?

You checked into "America"
on Facebook, you bleeding idiot.

I flew all the way and been
lookin' for you day and night

in this dirty, God forsaken city
for a week.

I'm taking you home.

Ma'am, Nash can make
his own decisions.

He's a grown man.

Yep. Thanks to my handiwork.

He's no grown man.
He's just now 18.

He's got his prom next month!

I can't believe it!
I had sex with a teenager!

Who am I, Woody Allen?

Roman Polanski?

Pretty much any of your big-time
'70s movie directors?

You had sex with
me innocent child?

Not so innocent.

He made me blush a few times,

and I have two positions
named after me.

Well, that's that.

You've seen the last
of big booby dirty girl here.

I'd object, but
when you're right, you're right.

But, Ma, I like New York.

People want to take pictures
of me willy here.

This is all me fault.

I should have never let you
watch that Magic Mike.

That's great.
I don't have a model now.

I'm Seal.

Wait until I tell Joe
about this.

How can you not know
how old he is?

What can I say?
We're a typical couple!

He lied about his age, and I
pretended he was interesting.

Okay, Max, when Joe gets here,

I'm just gonna tell her that me
managing an underage twink

has nothing to do
with me managing her restaurant

which sells overpriced twinkies.

Yeah, I'm sure she'll
be professional about it all.

Professional?

Yesterday, she slapped
a woman in here

for wearing cheap heels.

I know. My face is still red.

Here she is. Good morning, Joe!

Hey, ladies.

Well, obviously,
you're both fired.

Obviously.

Can I keep the hat? You are not
gonna want this back.

My head sweats
like a watermelon at a picnic.

Please don't fire us
over the Nash situation.

It was out of our hands.

Actually, it was in her hands,
and it was only 18.

You two embarrassed
my girlfriend.

And, embarrassment
in lesbian community

is worse than not owning a dog.

It's worse than
dating Anne Heche.

Oh, my God.
We committed a Heche crime.

How can we make it better?

Just get that kid back
to the photo shoot tomorrow,

and we're back in business.

And Max, next time,

stay out of his barely
legal business.

Done. Don't know how, but done.
You won't be sorry.

Just get him back,
because I gotta tell you.

Marie's crying face? Not for me.

Well, coleslaw.

Just when I thought I was out,
you pulled me back in again.

Max, don't tell
the coleslaw that.

Don't give it that power.

My plan to get Nash back
will work.

We still have a bright,
bright future.

Yes! By day.

Han, do you wanna spend
another night

in this coleslaw bucket?

No, and had I not been able

to roll myself
out to the street,

I might have suffocated!

Nash and his mom will be here
any minute, Max.

Do you really need to expose
60 percent of your boobs?

It's not up to me.

These girls have a life
of their own.

The right one just started
a Fleetwood Mac cover band.

You know how I know?

Because when I take my bra off,
it goes its own way.

Do you really think you can

get Nash's mother
to change her mind

when they come in to pick up
the rest of his stuff?

Yes, I do. Because she and I
have a lot in common.

I may not be Irish,
but I'm dirt poor,

and I'm living with someone
who drinks way too much.

Max, look.

All those purple post-its
are Sophie's friends and family.

My family's nowhere to be seen!

It's like I'm looking
at the last US census!

Hey, girls. Come over here.

We need your help
with the seating chart.

Yeah, you know,
planning a wedding is more work

than waxing Oleg's back
during a full moon.

Sophie, I have my own issue
right now.

Okay, well then Max can help me
with the chart

while you go worry about
your obviously thinning hair.

Uh, full disclosure.

The last time someone asked me
to help them with something,

I free-based
half their beard off.

(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

I just got a text from Nash.

He's here?
I'll go get him a kid's menu.

They're not coming.

His mom found the racy pictures
I sent him.

"Flying out of JFK tomorrow.
Taking the morning Aer Lingus"?

A little morning "Aer Lingus"?

Isn't that what got Max
in trouble in the first place?

Okay, well, we just have to go
to the airport and stop them.

I'll buy us plane tickets
and then return them,

like I do with shoes
or Tom Cruise does with wives.

Jackets and shoes off!

And make sure
you check all your pockets.

Don't make me shut this airport
down for a piece of gum.

This line is longer
than the movie Gone Girl.

What does TSA stand for?
"Time Stands A-still"?

That's cute.
Never heard that one before.

Most people
just go with "This Sucks Ass."

Max, please don't
yell out again.

People get very jumpy
in airports.

Oh, what? It's not like I
screamed, "I have a bomb."

Miss, will you step over here,
please?

Oh, I was kidding.
I don't have a bomb.

But I have been known
to be DA bomb.

Max!

Please, please, if we step away,
we'll lose our place in line.

I know it sounds like
we're here to blow up a plane,

but we're really just here
to stop an underage kid

she had sex with
from leaving the country.

So I should come over there now.

Yep, you just been hand-picked

to join the "I don't trust you"
dance party.

May I see your tickets?

Nice day. I like your hair.

Thanks.

We're allowed to be creative
from the neck up.

Ooh, you traveling to Paris.
First-class.

In those jeans?

You got first-class tickets
to Paris?

Are you insane?

My fingers did it.
It was rich girl cellular memory.

And if we're not going anywhere,
why can't we not go to Paris?

And why can't we not go
to the Louvre?

And why can't we not stay in the
penthouse at the George Cinq

and not order room service?

Is it too late
for me to say I don't know her?

Ma'am, are you carrying
any explosives?

I had leftover Chipotle
for breakfast.

Does that count?

It does to whoever's
sitting next to you.

FRENCH WOMAN: (OVER SPEAKER)
Air France flight 113

will now begin boarding
at Gate 24.

Max, that's our flight.

(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
"Air France, flight 113."

Ooh. I bet on the plane, they'll
have caviar and bellinis.

You know what won't be
on the plane?

Us! We're not going!

Have you been smoking the half
joint I have hidden in my bra?

You have a joint?

Bank account?

You went through
security with pot?

I went through
third grade with pot.

There he is. There's Nash.

I'm sure his mom is asking

if he can visit the cockpit
and meet the pilot.

Wow. He's young.

So young, Bruce Jenner

has been a woman
most of his life.

Nash! Please. You can't go.

Our entire lives depend on you
finishing that photo shoot.

Nash Terrence O'Brien,
you're not going anywhere.

Or I'll take you over my knee
right here.

Well, he likes that.

Well, you!

You are just loose as a goose,
aren't ya?

Again, when you're right,
you're right.

Max, let me talk
to Mrs. O'Brien.

Go up to the gate.

Ask what movie
they're showing on their flight.

Okay,
but if they're showing anything,

and I mean anything from
Mr. Adam Sandler,

I'm getting on the plane, too.

Please, I'm begging you.

You don't know me.
I'm a proud woman.

The only other time
I ever begged

was to get off of
P. Diddy's yacht.

I mean, a party shouldn't be
three days long.

Miss, you can save
your silly breath.

I'm taking him home.

Would passenger Maeve O'Brien
please report to the gate desk?

Oh, Nash, maybe they're bumping
us up from the last coach row

to the second to the last
coach row!

I knew I'd be rewarded
for not having any abortions

in spite of me circumstances.

Hurry, grab Nash.

Let's get out of here
while I got her distracted.

Max, you did that? How?

I no longer have
the half a joint in my bra.

You bribed an airline employee
with a joint?

Pain? Oh, you really gotta
stretch out for that.

Max, this is kidnapping.

Oh, he's not that young.

When I was his age, I already
robbed three Blockbuster videos.

What's Blockbuster video?

Oh, my God. I screwed a baby.

Okay, I'm gonna text Joe

and tell her we have Nash
in our custody.

No, I'd better call.

That text won't play well
at our trial.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you
I was so young.

Oh, but honestly, I didn't think
it mattered

since you're so immature.

I know you are, but what am I?

Okay, so Joe was really
impressed with the kidnapping,

and she gave us our jobs back.

But, Nash, you've been replaced.

They found another model

who wouldn't give them
any parent trouble.

A well-hung orphan.

A well-hung orphan.

Well, the Lord gives
and the Lord takes.

So what now?

Well, you go back to Ireland

and brag to your friends
about having sex with someone

who once had sex with
Axl Rose's best friend's son.

-Goodbye, Max.
-Later, Nash Potater.

You know,
I think I'm gonna miss him.

Especially since kids eat free
at Quiznos before six.

(GROANS)
Let's get out of here.

The only good thing
about airports

is leaving them
for someplace better.

Max, next time we're here,
I'm gonna take you to Paris.

Well, first take me
to the bathroom.

I've had to pee
since our tram hit that pothole.

Well, at least we're gonna be
working somewhere with class.

I wonder where it is.

Joe said it's a real hub,
flagship, international.

Yeah, it's in the international
Terminal 8!

What? Here?

We're working here?

I've got to find out who
I murdered in a previous life

and make it up to him or her.

This sucks!

The one place no one will ever
give us a ride to work!

(OVER SPEAKER) Final boarding
for Air France, Flight 113.

Of course it is.

Look at the bright side.

These days most planes
don't even make it

to where they're supposed to go.

Paging first-class passengers
Caroline Channing and Max Black.

Those rich bitches are so lucky!

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(English US - SDH)

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