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1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,884
Earl, can I borrow your paper?
I wanna check my whore-o-scope
2
00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:06,053
to see if I'll still be a whore
in the future.
3
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,049
All right,
who wants to go first?
4
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,974
Ooh, do me. Do me. Do me.
5
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,887
Can we have one night
at the diner
6
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:15,853
that doesn't end with you
yelling that at a woman?
7
00:00:17,393 --> 00:00:20,273
All right, I'll go.
"Gemini, The Twins,"
8
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,607
and they're both doing fine,
so let's move on.
9
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,154
Han, what sign are you?
10
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,485
I'm guessing
the 40-year-old Virgo.
11
00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:30,493
Max, you don't need that paper.
12
00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:32,123
I'll tell you
what's in your future.
13
00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:34,743
Using my name as a reference
at Chipotle.
14
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,787
You guys really believe
in that crap?
15
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,127
They just tell you
what you wanna hear.
16
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:45,052
"You will be rich.
You will be famous."
17
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,960
You'd think I'd buy a newspaper
if it said,
18
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:49,298
"You will be a
75-year-old cashier"?
19
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,349
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
20
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,769
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
21
00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:05,023
Okay, ready to open?
22
00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:07,396
Never have been, never will be.
Let's do this.
23
00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:10,565
Wait. We have to do
our business affirmation.
24
00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:14,697
Please, God, don't let us
be murdered in here.
25
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,544
All right, let's open them up.
26
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,874
-Oh, hell no.
-Max.
27
00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:24,206
Hang on. I wasn't done.
Oh, hell no.
28
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,876
Oh, she's yarn-bombing
that bike.
29
00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,092
It's whimsical.
It's new. It's stupid.
30
00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,591
Graffiti, I get.
31
00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:35,808
I see, "Die, bitch, die,"
on a wall,
32
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:39,388
I think, okay, this gentleman
wanted to get that off his chest.
33
00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:42,519
But this yarn-ival is pathetic.
34
00:01:43,521 --> 00:01:44,901
Yo, yarnie.
35
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:48,820
I have a name.
It's Guinevere.
36
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,237
Yep, that checks out.
37
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,490
What's happening over here?
38
00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,202
Why are you molesting
that poor bike?
39
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,333
Well...
40
00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:58,735
...I am beautifying the city
41
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,998
one living, glorious work
of art at a time.
42
00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:04,171
And tips are always appreciated.
43
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:06,916
Here's a tip:
44
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,674
Go back to school
and learn a trade
45
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,466
before Daddy's money runs out.
46
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:13,836
Well, I never...
47
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,465
Worked a day in your life,
we know.
48
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,102
You think this is artwork?
49
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:21,020
Artwork is a Garfield mug,
sweetheart.
50
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,891
You got Garfield in a hammock,
saying,
51
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,598
"I'm not overweight.
I'm under-tall,"
52
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,608
I'll build you a gallery
right here.
53
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,689
Look, you should move on.
54
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,238
My friend doesn't want you--
55
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:34,741
How shall I put this?
56
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:37,624
Taking a giant knit
in front of our shop.
57
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,829
What is the problem?
It is not even your bike.
58
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,831
It's been chained here
for, like, four months.
59
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,412
Oh, yeah?
60
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,714
Maybe it is our bike
61
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:51,714
and we use it for deliveries
and to trap nerds.
62
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,297
Peace out, ganja beer,
before I knit you a noose.
63
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,100
Max, that was a great idea.
64
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:03,601
What, that she go back
to school?
65
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,725
I know. At least
a couple night classes, right?
66
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:06,943
Get around some people.
67
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,650
She's a lost cause.
Let's move on.
68
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,280
I'm talking about us
doing deliveries.
69
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,990
Why do we never deliver?
70
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:17,279
Speak for yourself.
I've delivered.
71
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,370
Seriously, Max,
those delivery services,
72
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,787
Eat24, Grubhub,
do big business.
73
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,794
No one wants to go out now.
People are so lazy.
74
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,746
I don't really feel like it.
75
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,841
Seriously, Max,
all we have to do is slap
76
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:35,423
a delivery charge
on that product,
77
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,637
and suddenly, a five dollar cupcake
is bringing in more money.
78
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,390
And do you know
what more money means?
79
00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:42,263
No. How would I know that?
80
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,940
Okay, question.
81
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,233
Which of these goes better
with no pants?
82
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,031
I don't know.
They're both timeless.
83
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,241
As in, there's no time
you should wear those.
84
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,119
You can't be objective.
85
00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:02,369
You're like a kid
in a candy store. I'll ask Max.
86
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,825
Well, the red one
kind of matches your rash.
87
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,247
I think we have a winner.
88
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:14,133
So, why are you trying out
the fancy mesh tonight?
89
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,762
Well, even though Sophie and I
are getting back together,
90
00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,552
we wanted to make it special
and hold off
91
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:21,264
on the sexual part of the
relationship until tonight.
92
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,135
-That is so sweet.
-OLEG: I know.
93
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,981
I haven't even masturbated since
right before I came in here.
94
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:34,482
So, Chestnut, I was buying some
rolling papers at the Bodega
95
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,486
and I hope this is cool
but I said they were for you.
96
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,741
Max, I have good news
and bad news.
97
00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:45,244
The bad news is, this is the only
good news I've had in three years.
98
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:48,195
And the good news is--
99
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,668
You found yourself
a new apartment?
100
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:54,212
Don't toy with me, woman.
Speak plainly and clearly.
101
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:55,746
Did you find a new apartment?
102
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,378
Close your eyes.
I'll give you a hint.
103
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,296
Last time I was told
to close my eyes,
104
00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,797
I woke up in a bikini
on a garbage barge.
105
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,805
P.S. Closest I ever got
to a vacation.
106
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,940
(BIKE HORN HONKS)
107
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,187
Oh, you're dating a clown?
108
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,317
Please, you know
I would have told you
109
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,111
if I was dating someone
who had a car.
110
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:24,277
Look, it's the abandoned bike
from in front of the shop.
111
00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:26,912
It was the bike
from the front of the shop.
112
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:29,866
Now it looks like a contestant
on RuPaul's bike race.
113
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:32,827
We're gonna use it
to make deliveries.
114
00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,377
I already signed us up
for three delivery services.
115
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,802
-Still crazy smart.
-Waste of time.
116
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,090
Amazon's got drones
and we've got one gay bike.
117
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,224
I don't wanna do deliveries.
118
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,312
I got this.
You bake, I'll bike.
119
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,720
And while you bike,
I'll get baked.
120
00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:51,562
I'm just gonna knock out
these three "delivs"
121
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,023
and I'll meet you
at the cupcake shop.
122
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,064
-"Delivs"?
-You like "delivs"?
123
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,019
It's an "abbreve" I made up
for deliveries.
124
00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,071
You like "abbreve"? It's an AB
I made up for abbreviation.
125
00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:03,197
I'm gonna make this short.
Get out.
126
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:05,493
Hey, everybody.
127
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:11,080
-Sophie, what do you think?
-Good for you, Caroline.
128
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,044
I've been saying
that you should hop
129
00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:15,825
on something pink and ride it
since I met you.
130
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,839
(BIKE HORN HONKS)
131
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,763
SOPHIE:
Max, I'm so glad you're alone
132
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,595
because I need some girl talk.
133
00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,467
Okay, but the last time
I did girl talk,
134
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,095
I got three dollars
for the first minute
135
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,852
and a dollar
for each additional minute.
136
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,806
No, it's about Oleg.
137
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:38,109
Last night, he was unable to...
138
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,981
Oh, what's a nice way
to say this?
139
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,855
He couldn't get his soldier
to stand at attention
140
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,947
and his penis
wouldn't work either.
141
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,331
Well, have you tried buying
142
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,792
a Cosmopolitan magazine
or something?
143
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,713
They usually have advice
on sex stuff
144
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,380
and how to hate your body.
145
00:06:58,584 --> 00:06:59,554
Max...
146
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,674
...you don't think
it could be me, do you?
147
00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:06,633
No way, Sophie.
You are hot.
148
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,513
The first time Oleg saw you,
his soldier not only saluted.
149
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:11,679
It exploded.
150
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,520
You're right. I am hot.
It's all him.
151
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:20,442
Remember when I said you
didn't have to do deliveries?
152
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:21,694
You're gonna have
to do deliveries
153
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,994
because I only went two blocks,
154
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,777
and I'm sweating like Shia LaBeouf
at a DUI checkpoint.
155
00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:32,119
Okay, you deliver.
I'll open the window.
156
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:34,121
But first, business affirmation.
157
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,628
Please, God, don't let us
get pistol-whipped in here.
158
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:47,553
It's either that Guinevere
or Spiderman came out.
159
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,805
Caroline, can I talk to you
about a private matter?
160
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,062
By which I mean the matter
is my privates.
161
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,524
Okay, but hurry, Oleg.
162
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,193
I'm in the middle
of a dream catcher situation
163
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,555
and it's a nightmare.
164
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,935
And why me?
165
00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:05,736
Because I trust and respect you
166
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,905
and I feel like you know
your way around a limp penis.
167
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:12,834
Maybe.
168
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,711
I talked to my therapist, Roy,
you know, down at the Starbucks.
169
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,750
He told me it's all mental.
170
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,377
We didn't get much further
than that.
171
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:26,012
He spilled a grande mochaccino
on his sandals.
172
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,928
You're probably just scared.
173
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,010
Intimacy is so hard
for some guys,
174
00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:33,103
it's not hard for some guys.
175
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,024
Yeah, that's all over my head.
176
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,348
Oh, no, Max forgot
the order slip.
177
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,227
Oleg, I'm sure
it'll all work out.
178
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,773
Good luck getting
your penne al dente.
179
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,197
Again, over my head.
180
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:56,495
-Max, what are you doing?
-What are you doing?
181
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,577
What am I doing?
182
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:00,616
Well, I think I'm watching you
shove our delivery bike
183
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,416
into the back of an Uber car.
184
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,382
Well, this is uber-awkward.
185
00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:07,671
Come on, come on.
In or out.
186
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:10,465
All right, Caroline,
this is Milesh, with a "K."
187
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,511
He doesn't go to the airport,
188
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,802
and he once drove
some of Maroon 5.
189
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:16,506
So Maroon 3.
190
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,522
No, stop. Caroline.
191
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,813
If you want me
to deliver the cupcakes,
192
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:24,397
I can't use the bike,
I have to use the car.
193
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,943
Why?
Oh, my God, are you pregnant?
194
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:32,145
You ask me that every day
and almost every day I say no.
195
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:36,157
Look, I wanna tell you,
but it's a secret.
196
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,004
And you can't tell anybody.
197
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,867
Do you seriously think
I would ever tell anyone
198
00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,285
anything about this life?
199
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,581
Right.
200
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,504
I don't know
how to ride a bike, okay?
201
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,166
You don't know
how to ride a bike?
202
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,548
Max doesn't know
how to ride a bike?
203
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,429
Damn it, Caroline.
204
00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:54,592
(LAUGHS)
205
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,430
Max doesn't know
how to ride a bike.
206
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,846
Oh, happy day.
207
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,772
I finally have something
over her.
208
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,637
There is a God,
and he's laughing at her too.
209
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:08,185
Lordy, this is harder to watch
than Jim Carrey in a drama.
210
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,490
(LAUGHS)
211
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,910
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
212
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,663
Max, are you up?
213
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,081
What's that smell?
Did you bring home Greek food?
214
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:25,746
No, that's me.
215
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,048
That's how you smell
after you ride a bike
216
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:32,591
all over Williamsburg delivering
14 orders of cupcakes,
217
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,803
and I do not wish
to smell like this again,
218
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,637
so you have to learn how to ride
that bike, all right?
219
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:40,508
Who do you think you are
busting in here
220
00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:42,769
smelling like hummus
but having no hummus?
221
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,979
What is the problem?
222
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,942
Didn't your mother ever
teach you how to ride a bike?
223
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:50,020
No, my mother was too busy
being the town bike.
224
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,647
Well, then I'll teach you.
225
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:54,817
Nope. Never getting on a bike.
It's one of my three nevers.
226
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:58,034
Yes, well, your first "never" was,
"never having a blonde roommate."
227
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,871
You are chipping away
at me piece by piece, lady.
228
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:06,666
I'm not going anywhere until
you tell me what's going on.
229
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,712
I'd sit on your bed
but that's your third "never."
230
00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:13,296
When I was little, there was this kid,
Tommy Doonan.
231
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,838
Nice kid, solid hopscotcher.
232
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,137
Used to give me his Fruit Roll-Up
at lunch every day.
233
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:21,061
Max, did he give you
these Fruit Roll-Ups,
234
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,891
-or did you take them?
-Don't interrupt.
235
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,595
One day,
Tommy Doonan got a new bike.
236
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,404
He was out front with this nice,
older man
237
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,113
who looked just like him.
238
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,651
You mean his dad?
239
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,360
Is that what they call them?
I assumed it was a predator.
240
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:42,865
So, anyway, I was making fun
of him because he seemed happy.
241
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,370
I thought that was our thing.
242
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,294
And he started showing off,
doing wheelies and stuff,
243
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,668
to put me in my place,
244
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,746
but then he flipped up
over the handlebars
245
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,419
and came down hard on his face.
246
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,546
Sad, but not worth me
having baklava pits.
247
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,974
Well, wait.
248
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,977
After I stopped laughing
249
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,640
and the man picked him up
and hugged him predator-style,
250
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:13,069
I saw Tommy's teeth
had busted through his cheek.
251
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:17,529
To put it plainly, his mouth
was on the outside of his face.
252
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:19,824
Ew.
253
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,277
That's like something
out of a horror movie,
254
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,696
like Bike of the Living Dead
255
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,946
or Texas Bike
Chain Massacre or...
256
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,458
Well, that's probably enough.
257
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,708
Every time I see a bike,
I think of his little face
258
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,920
and his little teeth
chomping out the side of it.
259
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,173
He had to eat apples
like this...
260
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,878
(MAKING FUNNY CHEWING NOISES)
261
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,642
Max, you are not responsible
for that.
262
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:46,773
Yeah, I know, and one out
of the 12 jurors agreed.
263
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,345
Thank you, number six.
264
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,315
Anyway, it freaked me out,
so good night.
265
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:57,279
No, Max. It is not going
to work that way.
266
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,742
You're learning
how to ride a bike.
267
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,031
I'm already
on one painful cycle.
268
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,735
I don't wanna get
on another one.
269
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,163
Max, I have access
to Tootsie Rolls
270
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,544
and if you get on a bike,
I will give you four.
271
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,120
-What am I, a chimp?
-Five.
272
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,416
Let's go.
273
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,756
Don't look so smug, Chestnut.
274
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,303
You don't know
how to ride a bike either.
275
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,892
Come on, Max,
just out here in the alley.
276
00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:27,886
-Oh, hell no.
-What?
277
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,015
-MAX: She's been back here too.
-Who?
278
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,273
Guine-queer.
279
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:35,274
There's so much yarn-bombing,
it's like craft-ganistan.
280
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:37,234
Max, let it go.
281
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,235
Stay focused.
Get on the bike.
282
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,870
No. I don't wanna eat apples
out of the side of my face.
283
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,831
-Come on. Let me teach you.
-Nope.
284
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:49,332
-Want a Tootsie?
-You know I do.
285
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,826
I mean, you taught me
how to be poor.
286
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,455
You're getting
really good at it.
287
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,956
Come on. You know what they say
about riding a bike.
288
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,379
It's like riding a bike.
See?
289
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:01,965
It's fun, see?
290
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,639
Whee! Whee, whee,
whee, whee, whee!
291
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,887
You got a real pretty mouth,
Caroline.
292
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,854
Can't wait to see it on the side
of your face.
293
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,595
At least just get on the bike.
294
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,188
You don't even have
to go anywhere yet.
295
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,311
-Nope.
-Want a Tootsie?
296
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,817
-You know I do.
-Go.
297
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,277
What is this bar doing here?
298
00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,532
I have no use for a bar
that can't get me drunk.
299
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:24,744
Okay, walk the bike over there
300
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,744
and lean against the car
to get your balance.
301
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,373
Just check and make sure
there's no one around.
302
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:30,579
Why do you care?
303
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:31,912
The only people out here
this late
304
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,786
would be rapists, murderers,
and freaks.
305
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,379
You know, your peeps.
306
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:38,838
What the...
307
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:42,221
-Hey, girls.
-Sophie?
308
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,761
What are you doing
in that car alone?
309
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:52,773
Oh, a dark alley at three A.M.?
Has money gotten that tight?
310
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,814
Yes, but that's not
why we're out here.
311
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,267
I'm teaching Max
how to ride a bike
312
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,937
and it's pretty hard.
313
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,154
Oh, yeah,
I wish I had that problem.
314
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,194
I'm dancing with a rope in here.
315
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:07,200
We're trying some exotic,
new locales for our love-making.
316
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,410
It's exotic
because this isn't even our car.
317
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,120
We better hurry
before that rabbi comes back.
318
00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:19,254
Maybe try barking at it again.
There was some movement earlier.
319
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,343
(SOPHIE BARKING)
320
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,919
Come on, Caroline,
teach me how to ride this thing.
321
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:26,510
I got to get away from
Temple Gross Shalom
322
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:27,974
as fast as possible.
323
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:31,062
Okay, I'm gonna get behind you
and hold on to your seat.
324
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,141
Not without three Long Island
iced teas
325
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,267
and one, "Your butt looks good
in those jeans."
326
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,019
-Tootsie?
-Yeah.
327
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:41,647
-Max, don't look.
-Yarn-bombing?
328
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,692
-HAN: Hey, Max.
-Han?
329
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,647
I'm just riding my bike
to the bike store
330
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,068
to buy more bikes.
331
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:51,407
Is that Han or Lance Armstrong's
runaway testicle?
332
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:52,993
HAN:
Sorry, couldn't hear you.
333
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,209
I was too busy knowing
how to ride a bike.
334
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,674
Damn it.
Now I got to do this.
335
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:02,002
You know how quickly society
will crumble around us
336
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,246
if Han starts feeling like
he can freely tease me?
337
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,470
Let's go.
338
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,171
-You sure?
-Yep.
339
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,589
Making fun of Han is one
340
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,547
of my two free sources
of entertainment.
341
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,718
The other one is located
right above this bar.
342
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,059
Okay, I'll keep my hand
on the seat
343
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,265
and then when you're ready,
tell me and I'll let you go.
344
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,604
Okay, but don't let go
until I say so.
345
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,977
-Okay, let go.
-Already did.
346
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,609
I'm riding a bike?
347
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,824
Max, look out! Pothole!
348
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,203
(CLANGING)
349
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,493
(GROANING)
350
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:34,083
There goes my other free source
of entertainment.
351
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,080
-Tootsie?
-Yes, obviously.
352
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,923
-(BELL RINGS)
-Table ten. Pick up, Max.
353
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,010
Yeah, be right there.
354
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,046
Like, you know, in a month.
355
00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,513
Max, how you doing?
356
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,976
I heard about your vag-accident.
357
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,194
Look, if you need
to see a doctor,
358
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,899
my cousin in Florida
is a good one,
359
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:06,280
but then again, the bumpy
bus ride might kill you.
360
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,027
No, no, it'll be fine, Earl.
361
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,202
I'm icing it.
I just have to keep it cold.
362
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,581
We're out of ginger ale.
363
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,335
I think you mean the ginger ale
is out of you.
364
00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,671
Max, let me get that for you.
365
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,466
I feel like
it was kind of my fault.
366
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:30,633
"Kind of"?
367
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:33,219
Was Lincoln's death kind of
John Wilkes Booth's fault?
368
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,974
-(BELL RINGS)
-Pick up, Caroline.
369
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,718
How'd it go with Sophie?
370
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,978
Were you able to do the thing,
you know, the man does
371
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,981
while the woman makes
shopping lists in her head?
372
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,780
Shh. Come on. I don't want
anyone to know I can't get it up.
373
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:48,897
Oleg can't get it up?
374
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,275
OMG.
Oleg can't get it up.
375
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,040
Best week ever.
376
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,076
Hey, everybody.
377
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:04,075
-What's up?
-Not your boyfriend.
378
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,380
If anyone needs me,
379
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,552
I'll be outside riding my bike
with an erection.
380
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:16,468
Oh, no, no, no.
He didn't hear it from me.
381
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:20,854
I only told two people.
Max and my manicurist, Ming Wa.
382
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,983
And you don't have
to worry about her
383
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,060
because she doesn't care
about anything
384
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,265
except loving some guy
named Long Time.
385
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:34,781
Sophie, baby, this is hard.
386
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,695
Yeah, maybe we better not try
to be serious.
387
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:40,156
I mean, the real truth is,
388
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,497
I only like you
for your penis anyway.
389
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,327
Say that again.
390
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,880
What, that I only like you
for your penis?
391
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,511
One more time.
392
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,173
Well, what, that I don't have
any real feelings for you?
393
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:56,259
That it's completely sexual
394
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:59,014
and I only like you
for your big, stupid penis?
395
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:03,062
I'm back, baby. Sophie, can
I see you in the kitchen?
396
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,734
And we better hurry.
I'm making three-minute eggs.
397
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,154
Cancel my eggs.
398
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,778
I would've so left
during that whole conversation,
399
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:18,784
but I'm holding a can
of Dr. Pepper between my legs.
400
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,701
What? He's a doctor.
He's seen it.
401
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,156
Well, I think
we're pretty much even.
402
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,329
Your legs are a little sore
and I'll never have children.
403
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:31,165
So I guess
what I'm saying is thanks.
404
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,968
So you really don't
wanna get back on the bike?
405
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:37,179
You're just gonna give up?
406
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,759
I bet even Tommy Doonan
got back on the bike.
407
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,429
Whatever happened to him?
408
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,353
I caught up with him
on Facebook.
409
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,932
Well, more like
really-messed-up-face-book.
410
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,765
He's happily married.
411
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,154
I bet right now
he's driving his car,
412
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,265
looking straight ahead
413
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,818
and smiling at his wife
in the seat next to him.
414
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,909
So that's it for deliveries?
415
00:19:57,989 --> 00:20:00,989
Oh, you can deliver wherever
and whenever you want,
416
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:04,326
but there is no way I am ever
getting on that bike again.
417
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,498
Max, look. Guinevere.
418
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:13,298
Oh, hell no.
She yarn-bombed our darn barn.
419
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:18,258
You two should've tipped.
I'm an artist.
420
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,803
Eat my stitches, bitches.
421
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:24,601
That was not whimsical at all.
422
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:28,189
Give me the damn bike!
Knit's about to hit the fan!
423
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,608
Max, you're doing it.
424
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,402
What happened
to your fear of bikes?
425
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,486
I guess the only thing stronger
is my hatred of that nerd.
426
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,947
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
427
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:50,463
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
428
00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:11,398
(English US - SDH)
429
00:21:11,448 --> 00:21:15,998
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