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1
00:00:01,127 --> 00:00:02,337
Your waitress just
went on break
2
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:04,749
and I'm just someone who likes
dressing like a polyester hot dog,
3
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,006
so I'll take that
whenever you're ready.
4
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,296
There you go. No rush.
5
00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:13,761
Okay, Mr. Rajeev Guttikonda.
6
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:18,847
I have to say, that's a pretty
Gutti scheme you got going there
7
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,363
but I Guttikonda don't believe it.
8
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,941
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what are you saying there?
9
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,605
What am I saying there, Boston?
10
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,453
I'm saying I believe
you watched Slumdog Millionaire
11
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,108
on a sticky couch
in your mom's basement,
12
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,736
but I'm not buying
that you're Indian.
13
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,990
So take your fake, East Boston,
Indian accent out of here,
14
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:37,288
or I'll call the cops.
15
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,544
Dude, stolen credit card
and you choose to eat here?
16
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,707
That's the real crime!
17
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:44,094
(CLEARS THROAT) Hey, Rajeev.
18
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,798
Rajeev, my man!
19
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,843
Rajeev Guttikonda!
20
00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:52,138
You know what? This one's on me.
I have trust issues.
21
00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,564
(THEME MUSIC)
22
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:57,642
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
23
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,283
That's weird.
We still have three Red Velvets left.
24
00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:10,824
I guess that bulimic girl
didn't come in today.
25
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,069
No, she's here.
She's in the bathroom.
26
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,832
Hmm, if I save these for her,
would that be helping or hurting?
27
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:21,501
Hey, everybody.
28
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:24,344
Speaking of hurting,
here comes a pain in my ass.
29
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,383
Han, do you want the last Red Velvet?
30
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:28,052
The other two are for
the bulimic girl.
31
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,757
I made the call.
32
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,507
No more cupcakes for me.
33
00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:33,509
I've been on a juice cleanse
for six days.
34
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:37,256
Han's on the prowl and
I gotta keep this body tight, son!
35
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,981
I'm in the dating pool, you know.
36
00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:44,475
Yeah, the shallow end.
37
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,265
You know those cleanses
never work, right?
38
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,481
Really?
39
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:50,146
Then how do you explain this?
40
00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:54,532
I don't know.
41
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:57,083
Am I supposed to rub it
and make a wish?
42
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,996
Not bad for having three kids, Han.
43
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,916
What?
You don't see my abs coming in?
44
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:08,339
I see one large ab coming in.
45
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,838
That's at least a two-pack.
46
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:14,882
Han, the real Tupac
47
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,848
is more alive than
your two-pack.
48
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,101
I'm gonna give this last cupcake away
as a free sample.
49
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,726
My promotional tweets haven't
been getting much love lately.
50
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:27,154
What'd you say? I black out
whenever you use work words.
51
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,110
All I said was
52
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,027
"promotional tweets" and "sample."
53
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,149
What?
54
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,609
Here you go, ladies.
55
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,115
A Max's homemade
cupcake on the house.
56
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,371
Nah, I'm cool.
57
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,948
I'm saving my calories for
one of those fabulous new cronuts.
58
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,197
Plus, cupcakes are so over.
59
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,751
Well, so is Blossom, but....
60
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,843
it didn't stop you
from wearing that outfit.
61
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,505
Those flower-power skanks
over there....
62
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,013
"Flower-power skanks."
63
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,351
See, these are words
I recognize and hear!
64
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,516
Anyway, she said she
only cares about cronuts.
65
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,140
And that cupcakes are over.
66
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,847
Cupcakes are classic, right?
67
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,270
Don't listen to them.
68
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,364
They're wearing
high-waisted jeans.
69
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,779
The only time I like seeing
women's jeans that high
70
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,610
is when I'm giving Han a wedgie.
71
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,493
Also, what's a cronut?
72
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:21,414
Cronut is what we called
my Croatian cousin with one testicle.
73
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,195
He hung himself.
74
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:28,711
Okay, well, in America,
75
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,882
it's a half-croissant, half-donut.
76
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,751
They're on the news,
Twitter, Instagram.
77
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,377
People can't stop talking about them.
78
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:38,337
If cronuts had tongues, they'd be
the Miley Cyrus of pastries.
79
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,930
You're right.
They sound stupid.
80
00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,596
Stupid delicious!
Where can I get one?
81
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,685
You can only get them
at this one pastry shop in SoHo
82
00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:48,519
and people start lining up
at 4:00am.
83
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:51,063
Boy, times do change.
84
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:52,230
Back in the day,
85
00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:55,654
4:00am was when people would
snort lines, not stand in 'em.
86
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,987
Who has the time to wait in line
all day for a piece of lame pastry?
87
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:04,157
(POLISH ACCENT) Hey, everyone.
I got a cronut!
88
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:11,249
I waited in line for two whole days.
89
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,672
Sophie, you bought into the hype too?
90
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:14,753
Oh, come on,
91
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,796
you know your girl Sophie
is always on trend.
92
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,180
I was the first one wearing Crocs.
93
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,508
I brought the Crocs craze to America.
94
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:24,974
When I was rich,
95
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:27,694
I sent 10,000 pairs of
Crocs to children in Africa.
96
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,690
Why?
To make them less cool?
97
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:34,438
Look, girls,
here I am in the cronut line.
98
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,148
And here I am still in line.
99
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:41,319
Oh, and oh, and here I am
riding a baby elephant.
100
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,658
And here I am eating a cronut!
101
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,537
Max, as stupid as it is,
we've gotta go over there.
102
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,872
We need to figure out
what they have that we don't.
103
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,375
Oh, I'll tell you what they have.
104
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,249
Cronuts!
105
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,432
Oh, my God.
Look at this line.
106
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,298
I knew we should
have gotten here sooner,
107
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,307
but, no, I had to be
a good person.
108
00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:07,349
I had to carry that torso man
on the skateboard
109
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,062
up the subway stairs.
110
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,063
All this is for a croissant
and a donut?
111
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:13,808
Those things already existed.
112
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,150
Where was all the fanfare
113
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,399
when I combined the sleeping pill
with the morning after pill,
114
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,322
and called it the
115
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,031
"sleep-through-the- morning-after"
pill?
116
00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:22,026
How did these things
get so popular?
117
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:24,527
There's no science
to this trend stuff.
118
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,539
It's all decided by one bitchy
gay guy typing in his room,
119
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:28,702
making it all up.
120
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,750
Well, then we have
to do some trend research.
121
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:31,791
We've got to figure out
122
00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:32,964
how to make Max's
homemade cupcakes
123
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,040
the next cronuts.
124
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,999
I hate all these stupid trends.
125
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,416
Cleanses, cronuts, condoms.
126
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,223
Excuse me, sir....
127
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,090
My name's Caroline.
I'm a trend researcher.
128
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,345
I'm Chuck.
I sell magnets.
129
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:51,439
What made you wanna spend
an entire day in line for cronuts?
130
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:55,561
I like croissants. I like donuts.
I'm a fat guy.
131
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,320
It all adds up.
132
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,693
True. You are a fat guy.
133
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:02,025
And there's a donut shop
right across the street.
134
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,406
So why don't you just stop there,
get a damn donut
135
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,871
and save the last 200 possibly
life-threatening steps to here?
136
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,745
Look, it's two things I like
put together. End of story.
137
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,710
That's it, Max.
It's the two things together.
138
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,285
One thing isn't enough anymore.
139
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:20,171
Yeah, that's why Oleg's cousin
hung himself.
140
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:22,514
I'm serious.
141
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,718
When's the last time
you did just one thing?
142
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,394
Like, watch a movie without
playing a game on your phone?
143
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:31,063
Magic Mike. Wait, does playing
with yourself count?
144
00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,272
Come on.
Let's get to the end of the line.
145
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:36,151
(SCOFFS) End of the line?
That's for rookies.
146
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,772
I'm a line pro.
147
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,729
My mom and I waited
in line for food stamps,
148
00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,647
Bob Seger lawn seats.
149
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,069
We spent a Saturday
in the "guns for cash" line.
150
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,068
Now that's a line you
don't wanna cut in.
151
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,526
Follow my lead.
152
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,544
Hey, man, cronut line.
153
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:55,792
What do you wanna do after this?
154
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,577
-Get my cronuts before you.
-Hey! You had better get to the back!
155
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,252
Okay, all right, all right!
156
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,456
Back of the line!
Everybody, relax.
157
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,380
Guess my mom being topless
158
00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:08,972
had more to do with my
line skills than I thought.
159
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:12,217
Oh, great!
Look at the cronut line.
160
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,061
I told you we should
have left sooner,
161
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:17,685
but, no, you said
we had to stay at temple.
162
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,520
You're the rabbi.
163
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,229
Yeah, a career I was forced into
164
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,491
'cause someone
wanted to write his memoir.
165
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:27,283
We get it, Garry.
You're adopted.
166
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,749
Wha? Move up, hon.
You gotta fill the gap.
167
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,502
I would if you would stop
trying to fill my gap.
168
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,502
What difference does it make?
169
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,504
You're still gonna have
the same amount of time to wait.
170
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,880
And then, in 30 years,
171
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,880
we're all gonna die
from Wi-Fi cancer.
172
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,222
Okay, let's all just take a breath.
173
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:49,932
It looks like we're gonna
be here for a while.
174
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:52,385
You know what?
You're right. Hi, I'm Jerri.
175
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,555
And I'm Garry.
176
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:57,523
I'm Jerri, he's Garry.
I'm tall, he's small. Cute, right?
177
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,814
That's our thing.
178
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,308
I'm Caroline and this is Max.
179
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,320
That's it.
We don't have a thing.
180
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:04,994
So what drew you here today?
181
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,861
Oh, well, we're trend-chasers.
182
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,238
When something new hits,
183
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,412
we are on it like sea salt
on dark chocolate.
184
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,621
Mm!
185
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:16,043
We did Pinkberry, Dippin' Dots,
kale, quinoa, Kombucha.
186
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,674
All the ka's.
Just 'cause!
187
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,212
Can you tell we don't have kids?
188
00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,797
-She couldn't.
-Garry!
189
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,133
Actually, it's true,
190
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,723
and you can read all
about it in his memoir.
191
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,764
It's called-- (SNORES)
192
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,181
You know what?
Jerri, Garry,
193
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,512
I think we got too close too soon.
194
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:36,982
Maybe we need a little space.
195
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,193
We gotta move up in line
to get away from these people.
196
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,904
Should I just take my top off?
197
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,229
-Next in line.
-(GASPS)
198
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,567
It happened!
We made it to the front of the line!
199
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,743
-We're the front people!
-(BOTH CHEERING)
200
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,494
Yeah, we're the front people!
Back people suck!
201
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,621
No, no, I said "back people,"
"back people."
202
00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:00,118
Baruch Hashem.
203
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,129
We loved The Butler.
204
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,383
You know, we've been through a lot.
205
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,296
Tempers flared, things were said.
206
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,884
I'm fairly certain
that Dutch guy back there died.
207
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,216
But we made it
and you guys are good people.
208
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,010
The sea salt of the earth.
209
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:15,968
-Who's next?
-We are.
210
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,679
I can only take a party of two.
211
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:18,934
-Are all four of you together?
-Nope.
212
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,135
-We don't know them.
-Guys?
213
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,274
Cut 'em loose, Gar.
214
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,019
All sold out.
We're closed.
215
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,568
I know you're driven mad
216
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,529
with the power of being
a doorman at a bakery,
217
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,649
but come on!
218
00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,573
Max, you know what I want
more than anything?
219
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,028
To kill Jerri and Garry?
220
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,485
'Cause I'm totally on board.
221
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,661
No, I want our business
to have a line.
222
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:38,914
I wanna sell out.
223
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,405
I want people to turn
against each other for our product.
224
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,881
Again, I could just take my top off.
225
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,342
I know and thank you.
226
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,336
We have that in our back pocket.
227
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,129
But I have an idea we can try first.
228
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,918
I'm gonna use work words now,
so listen up, skank.
229
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,181
I'm listening.
230
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,642
I read in The Wall Street Journal
231
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,100
that there's a whole black market
for cronuts on Craigslist.
232
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,269
Craigslist? Oh, no!
233
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,349
I don't want one bad enough
234
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,023
to let some guy lick my armpit
for an hour again.
235
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,059
They're not for us.
236
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,610
We'll sell them at our window,
just to attract attention,
237
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:08,899
and then when they sell out
238
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,692
we'll effortlessly switch
to cupcakes.
239
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,357
Classic bake and switch.
240
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:15,618
All that work for some stupid fad?
241
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,283
I said "fad."
242
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,370
We loved Behind the Candelabra.
243
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,418
Try texting him again.
He's 15 minutes late.
244
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,047
You're really surprised that
a guy reselling pastries
245
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,720
in the Rants and Raves
section of Craigslist
246
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:36,089
-isn't the punctual type?
-(POUNDING ON WINDOW)
247
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:37,635
This is so exciting.
248
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,103
I've never bought anything
on the black market before.
249
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:43,184
I'm still afraid to go to that
Filipino market around the corner.
250
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:50,734
Are you the guy?
251
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,940
I don't know.
Are you the girl?
252
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:55,450
So far, this musical sucks.
253
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,197
What's the password?
254
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,906
Cronut.
255
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,786
Was "1234" already taken?
256
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,252
Meet us by the door,
which is code for
257
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,296
"Meet us by the door."
258
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,672
Which is code for
259
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,295
"You're really bad at code."
260
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,546
Okay, let's talk about our plan.
261
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,295
It's a classic good cop, bad cop.
262
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,971
I'm gonna ask the
guy for ten cronuts
263
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,604
and he's gonna quote me 250.
264
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,055
Right, then I play bad cop
and act outraged.
265
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,693
And then I play good cop
and we settle at 200.
266
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,064
Yeah, and don't worry about me.
267
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,687
I'll improv some good
stuff on the spot.
268
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,686
Are you sure you don't wanna
run it by me first?
269
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,279
I was in an improv group at Wharton.
270
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,320
We were called "The Fun Percent."
271
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,164
And I can imagine myself
not laughing
272
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,120
with 99 percent of the audience.
273
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,080
Let's make it quick.
274
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,673
You're not the only girls in town
who want my nuts!
275
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,170
I assume you mean cronuts.
276
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,671
No, I'm also a male prostitute.
277
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:57,338
Let's see the product.
278
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,603
She meant the other baked goods.
279
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,357
You gotta be clear.
280
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,855
Pretty maids, all in a row.
281
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,698
Let mama get a taste.
282
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,408
It's pure.
How much for ten?
283
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,699
I know I said 250 earlier, but--
284
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,620
Bullcrap!
One-fifty or we walk, bitch!
285
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,711
Okay, let's all just calm down.
286
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,290
That's a really good deal, Max.
287
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,381
-How about we settle at 200...
-Yeah....
288
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,343
-...and call it a night?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. About that.
289
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:40,181
I be getting mad offers
for these things tonight.
290
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,182
I actually gotta raise it to 300,
291
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,100
or I walk, bitch.
292
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,810
(GROANING)
293
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,515
Your hands are cold.
294
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,234
What'd you call me?
295
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,855
-Nothing.
-That's what I thought!
296
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,534
She said 200.
We'll pay 200.
297
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:57,860
And you'll take it.
298
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,493
You'll shove it in this...
299
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:02,028
Hanes Her Way
hoodie you're wearing.
300
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,368
You'll say, "Thank you, Max"
301
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,081
and you'll hit the bricks, capisce ?
302
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,330
Caroline, cash!
303
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,171
-Thank you, Max.
-What'd you say?
304
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,460
Thank you, Max!
305
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,876
I've got the chills now.
Do you guys serve tea?
306
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:22,886
How's that for bad cop?
307
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:27,007
Riveting. I felt like I was
watching SVU Bakery edition.
308
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,317
Okay, here we go.
This is the last one.
309
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,979
You want this cronut?
310
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,775
Lift up your shirt and
let me see 'em.
311
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,279
Go get Han.
312
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,905
I wanna show him what an ab is.
313
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,289
Max, you should see the line.
314
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:49,657
It's halfway down the block.
315
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,535
We have a line.
It's working.
316
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,076
But what's gonna happen now?
317
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:55,790
I worked at Target the Christmas
they ran out of Tickle Me Elmo
318
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,246
and there was so much blood.
319
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,678
As planned, we'll just calmly switch
to our delicious cupcakes
320
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:04,836
and then those'll sell out too
'cause they're that good.
321
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,140
Okay.
322
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,683
Attention, everyone.
323
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,104
Everyone, can I have your attention?
324
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,062
Actually, we are very sorry
325
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,102
but we are now sold out
of cronuts.
326
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,599
(DISAPPOINTED GROANS)
327
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,147
We do, however,
have something even better.
328
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,901
Max's homemade cupcakes!
329
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,147
-Cupcakes? Jeez!
-Okay. Come on!
330
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,738
All right, go! Leave!
331
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,284
Chase your stupid trends.
But we're not worried!
332
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,235
Cupcakes are classic!
We're Audrey Hepburn!
333
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,409
Max, cupcakes are over.
334
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:31,713
And you know why?
335
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,245
Because cupcakes
are just one thing.
336
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:35,581
If we had two things,
then we'd be something.
337
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,957
That does it.
I'm calling the dealer.
338
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,706
I don't think
we should order more cronuts.
339
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,128
Oh, no, I mean my drug dealer.
340
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,672
I need to take the edge off.
341
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:42,625
This sucks.
342
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,553
I feel worse about myself than I did
when I dropped the torso man.
343
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,681
What are you doing with those fries?
344
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,347
I'm dipping 'em in frosting.
345
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,135
I do it when I'm depressed.
346
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:56,149
I went right from baby food
into fries in frosting.
347
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,112
Is it good?
It looks disgusting.
348
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,111
It is both. Just taste it.
349
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,573
These are pretty good.
Sweet and salty.
350
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,119
Cupcakes and fries.
351
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,696
That's two things.
352
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,499
Cake fries!
We're millionaires!
353
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,923
My willingness to eat anything
finally pays off!
354
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,923
Wait, are you sure
it's not just us being desperate?
355
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:24,172
Like, when Adam Levine made
that music video in Brooklyn,
356
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,836
and you walked past the set all day
in a wet tank top?
357
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,762
It can't hurt to put them out there.
358
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,055
That's what you said that day too.
359
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,430
Just sit down for
a second, Han.
360
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,056
But this is the middle of a shift.
361
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,062
I'm gonna tell everyone
362
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,555
you're in the middle of
a male-to-female shift
363
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:40,685
if you don't sit down!
364
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,277
All right. You are here tonight
to taste the next big thing.
365
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,695
Okay, now you're just repeating
my pick-up lines back to me.
366
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,948
No, it's a new dessert,
367
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,828
and we've assembled
the perfect focus group.
368
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,615
A black man,
a pig and a health fanatic.
369
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,169
Y'all know who you are.
370
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:01,922
I suppose I have been trying
to eat better lately.
371
00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:04,001
Hey, extra, extra!
372
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:07,337
Read all about it!
I'm bisexual now!
373
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,385
Oh, perfect!
374
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:14,308
Now we have the LGBTQ
community represented.
375
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,734
-Uh, what's the "Q"?
-Questioning.
376
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,523
And answered.
377
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,614
Hey, everybody.
Meet Veronica.
378
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,074
She's cute, she's black,
379
00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:26,529
she has short blonde hair,
she's exciting.
380
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,895
And we met in Soul Cycle class.
381
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,702
Yes, we did.
382
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,905
I slipped in her sweat
and she bought me a Luna bar.
383
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:37,502
Now?
Now you're bisexual?
384
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:43,167
Well, yeah, you gotta
keep up with the trends.
385
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,629
Okay, focus group, let's focus.
386
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,298
This is our new product
called cake fries.
387
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,432
Cute, right?
388
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:53,224
You just take a fry
from the left side,
389
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,063
dip it into the cupcake
frosting on the right,
390
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,597
and enjoy your sweet,
yet savory dessert.
391
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,310
Is this woman seriously trying
to teach me how to eat food?
392
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,107
Oh, no, this looks very fattening
393
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,438
and I've been on a fast.
394
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,645
One lick isn't going to kill you.
395
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,738
Yeah, just ask Sophie.
396
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,070
Okay, one bite.
397
00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:16,077
Now I don't want any of you
to hold back.
398
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,003
Be completely honest
in your criticism.
399
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:19,963
-Well, I feel like--
-Shut up, Han.
400
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,129
No, I was gonna say
this is very good.
401
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,745
Too good.
402
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:27,958
Uh-oh, look away, girls.
403
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,416
You've released the Kraken.
404
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:33,552
Damn! That is tasty!
405
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,850
Now you may have
given me diabetes...
406
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,851
...as I have just lost the feeling
in my left foot.
407
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:44,444
You know what,
I think I might be trisexual,
408
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,605
because I'm having a love affair
with these cake fries!
409
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,941
Oh, my gosh, this is gross!
410
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,781
And it's very messy.
411
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,735
Oh, come on!
Then what was earlier?
412
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,794
Okay, everyone,
this is all very helpful.
413
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,288
We're still working some things out.
414
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,174
Uh-oh.
My tummy feels funny.
415
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,750
You mean your ab is hurting?
416
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,302
Han, your first food in a week
417
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,218
probably shouldn't have been
a fistful of fries and frosting.
418
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,682
You know what, guys?
419
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,299
We've all worked hard today.
Let's call it a night.
420
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:19,271
-But it's only nine o'clock.
-Pardon me. Excuse me.
421
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,483
-Uh-oh. You don't wanna see that.
-Look out!
422
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,439
Move it! Move it or lose it.
423
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,765
Move it or I lose it!
424
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:30,278
Out of way!
Out of my way now!
425
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:36,950
Oh, dear.
426
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,827
This is more embarrassing
than when Han fell asleep
427
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:43,622
and Oleg drew
a penis on his face.
428
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:48,210
I traced that penis on his face.
429
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:54,262
Now, you dip the fries
in the frosting,
430
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,684
but I find the best way to eat this
431
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,048
is to first make sure
you feel super empty inside.
432
00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,101
Not gonna be a problem.
433
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,353
These are adorable.
434
00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:05,388
Could you please take a picture
of me with it?
435
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,808
It's so cute.
436
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:12,862
And make sure you
hashtag that picture,
437
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,613
"Max's homemade cake fries",
438
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,355
when you post it online.
439
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:22,294
A sad girl smiling
with our cake fries.
440
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:23,754
Once that hits iVillage,
441
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,209
we'll be knee-deep
in canvas totes and cankles.
442
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,458
Here you go!
443
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:31,165
Sorry, that was our last cake fries.
We'll have more tomorrow.
444
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,256
-Wait. We sold out?
-We sold out!
445
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,433
Oh, my God!
We sold out!
446
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:37,587
Yes! I'm a sell-out!
447
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,679
Let's buy a helicopter!
448
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,596
Hi, girls.
449
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,310
Oh, hey, Sophie.
450
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,348
We're sorry,
but we just ran out of cake fries.
451
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,058
Oh, that's fine by me.
452
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:50,898
I'm going back to the basics.
Cupcakes and penis.
453
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:55,243
Here's your cupcake.
We don't sell the other basic.
454
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:00,950
You know,
it's nice to eat something
455
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,581
you don't have to compliment
every five minutes.
456
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:10,746
You know what, Max?
457
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:13,085
Cupcakes, cronuts,
cake fries, whatever.
458
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:14,513
We're gonna be successful
459
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,418
because we have the two things
that really matter.
460
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:18,762
You and me.
461
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,889
We're kinda like cake fries.
I mean, salty and sweet.
462
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,636
-I'm sweet.
-And I've been assaulted.
463
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,609
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
464
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,671
(English US - SDH)
465
00:20:56,721 --> 00:21:01,271
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