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1
00:00:00,418 --> 00:00:02,168
Well, here it is, my last tip.
2
00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:03,665
Only $2.
3
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:07,218
And to think, I held in a fart
for those cheap bastards.
4
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:08,934
This night sucks.
5
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,722
We don't even have enough
to buy supplies for tomorrow.
6
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:14,927
We'll just have to go to that store
where everything is free.
7
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,391
Oh, good, they're open.
8
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:22,233
And we have to sneak this stuff out.
Han is staying late to do inventory.
9
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:25,317
Damn it. Why does he always
have to be so Asian?
10
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,034
What do we need for our cupcake shop?
Eggs, sugar--
11
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,605
A stripper pole?
12
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,740
Do you wanna make money or not?
13
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,617
How are we gonna hide these eggs?
14
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:35,873
You could put some
of those Grade A large...
15
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,826
...where there's
Grade A itty-bitties.
16
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:40,334
Rude, but I don't hate it.
17
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,542
I can probably fit four to six in each.
18
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:47,670
So positive. I love that you're
a "cup's half full" kind of person.
19
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,349
So come here often?
20
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,175
This is my first time.
21
00:00:57,348 --> 00:00:59,978
-Well, you're very pretty.
-Thank you.
22
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,353
Heads up. Han's coming your way.
23
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,111
Should I fake a stroke?
24
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:08,612
And PS, if I don't get up
in three minutes, it's a real one.
25
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:10,323
No, I'll deal with him.
26
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,197
You keep going.
27
00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:20,794
Keep it up, and we'll have an answer
to the question:
28
00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:23,576
What comes first,
the chicken or the Oleg?
29
00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:39,097
Here you go.
30
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,520
I just found the greatest thing online.
31
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:45,145
Ultrasound of the Kim and Kanye baby
where someone Photoshopped a 666...
32
00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:47,153
...on its little baby butt?
33
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:51,150
Wait, this kid is half Kardashian.
It's big baby butt.
34
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:54,324
Wow, that baby's already famous
for doing nothing...
35
00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,580
...just like its mom.
36
00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:01,701
No, what I found is a site where we
can apply for a small business grant.
37
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,041
A couple of categories:
women-owned business--
38
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:07,707
No, thanks. I've been to jail.
I was already owned by a woman.
39
00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:12,131
There's also a minority-owned category.
You don't know your father.
40
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,389
You have an exotic look. Any chance
he could be Native American?
41
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:19,313
Yes. In fact, I think his name
was Chief Running Away.
42
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,555
Wait.
Maybe we don't even need your father.
43
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:25,935
We are white, which, according
to the last presidential election...
44
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,364
...is the new minority.
45
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:30,532
So now, all we need
is a letter of recommendation...
46
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,903
...from someone
who owns another start-up.
47
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:36,161
I was thinking
Candy Andy's Sweets and Treats.
48
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:39,735
I've already written it. He just has
to sign it. Will you ask Andy?
49
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,249
I can't. He's my ex.
50
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:44,412
And I'm saving up my favor
for a booty call on a cold night.
51
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:49,496
I hate asking men for things:
favors, last names, to stop.
52
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:54,216
Excuse me,
can I get some more Sweet'N Low?
53
00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:56,295
In your purse,
where I saw you put them.
54
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,144
I'm so embarrassed.
55
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,684
Don't be.
I wasn't when I stole them last night.
56
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,807
-What did Andy say?
-He's gone.
57
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:07,649
-For lunch?
-Forever. The man is gone.
58
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,070
His store is empty.
59
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:15,185
Oh, my God. This is so sad.
60
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:18,283
I know, there goes the candy.
61
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,485
And my booty call.
62
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,326
He didn't even leave a note?
63
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,405
Or a Razzle?
64
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,632
Forget the candy.
Are we not gonna talk about the fact...
65
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,302
...my ex-boyfriend left
without so much as a peep?
66
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,802
Great. Now I want Peeps.
67
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:37,795
Hey, Max. Is today the day
we're gonna get married?
68
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:41,098
Sure, Amir. My dream in life
is to be detained for four hours...
69
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,683
...on our honeymoon flight.
70
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:47,694
Max, you do know
I was born in this country, right?
71
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,685
You were born here? How old are you?
About Zero Dark Thirty?
72
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:56,527
Yeah, and you were born
in a Walmart, right?
73
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,370
Where do you think the expression
"clean up on aisle 12" comes from?
74
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,122
Caroline, bummed you drove
your boyfriend out of town?
75
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,536
For the record,
I did not chase Andy away.
76
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,205
We ended our relationship well.
77
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,593
Right. That's why I helped him move out
in the middle of the night.
78
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,422
Man, you messed that up.
So self-involved.
79
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,087
Wow. Coming in a little hot, Amir.
80
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:21,258
Yeah, guns ablazing,
if I was allowed to carry them.
81
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,470
Oh, Amir, you're the bomb.
82
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:28,229
Look at us. We're like Homeland,
if it was a rom-com.
83
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:34,071
You don't have to read it.
It's a standard letter of recommendation.
84
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:36,113
Don't be a bitch. Just sign it.
85
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:40,320
I'm not comfortable putting my name
on a document I haven't read.
86
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:43,528
I understand, but don't be a bitch.
Just sign it.
87
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:48,368
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes is an
up-and-coming powerhouse business."
88
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:49,918
I can't sign this.
89
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:53,711
This has more lies
than my OkCupid profile.
90
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,336
Don't be a bitch. Just sign it.
91
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,298
That one's on me, girls.
92
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:02,971
If I sign this, it's lying.
I could get deported...
93
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:06,757
...and I'm one home inspection away
from a poodle adoption.
94
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,893
A poodle? That's cool.
You can share sweaters.
95
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:14,153
Hurry up, bitch.
The deadline to mail that is tonight.
96
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,645
Well, if you just wanted
to steamroll someone...
97
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,027
...why didn't you get Andy to sign it?
98
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,784
They split.
He left last night without a peep.
99
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,067
Damn it, now I'm thinking
about those Peeps again.
100
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,543
Oh, I was worried
you two wouldn't make it.
101
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,792
You always have your mind
on business...
102
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:32,084
...and Andy was such an easy spirit.
103
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,999
I think you mean free spirit.
104
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:37,958
Easy Spirit is a shoe
worn by people whose spirits have died.
105
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,883
I have two pairs.
106
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,970
Fine. Give it back.
I'll find someone else with a business.
107
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,967
What about Sophie?
She owns a small business...
108
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:50,560
...and she loves to give,
not as much as she loves to receive.
109
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:54,975
I'm not so sure Sophie's
cleaning business is totally, well, legal.
110
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,356
When we worked for her...
111
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:59,654
...on the memo line of our paycheck,
she wrote "colonoscopy."
112
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:03,572
And for the record, Sophie's
cleaning business is totally legit.
113
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,068
Her organ-trading might not be.
114
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,287
Forget it, Caroline.
115
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:13,792
We might deport you ourselves.
All we need is a FedEx box.
116
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:19,421
Uh, Caroline, come over here.
I think I can help you with that.
117
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,669
Earl, you don't have a small business.
118
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:25,589
Oh, the size of my business
has never been in question.
119
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,098
And I may not have a business...
120
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:35,977
...but Han Lee does.
121
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,528
Max, look,
Earl forged Han's signature.
122
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,533
That's what his signature looks like.
123
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,784
When I forge it,
I just draw a picture of Hello Kitty.
124
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,130
You wanna know your future?
125
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,049
Oh, no. No, thanks.
126
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,804
You sure?
I have a message about your love life.
127
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,047
Ten dollars.
128
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,015
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
129
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,635
CAROLINE:
Are you asleep?
130
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:20,152
Max? Max, I really need to talk.
131
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,149
Oh, just come in and get it over with.
132
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:25,357
Everybody else does.
133
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:30,241
Max, I'm sorry, but I really need to talk.
I went to the fortune-teller near the diner.
134
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,698
She told me that
I'd never find love in my life.
135
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,661
Fortune-telling is a scam.
136
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,039
"You'll never find a man.
137
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,786
Your moon's in Uranus.
No man will ever be in Uranus."
138
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,459
I could have told you that
the second day I met you.
139
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:45,130
Please, Max, just listen for five minutes.
Come. I'll make you some tea.
140
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,678
Tea? Who am I, Pippa Middleton?
141
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,854
Toast me an Eggo waffle
and maybe I'm listening.
142
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:54,933
Well, we were saving that waffle
for a special occasion, but okay.
143
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,598
Chestnut,
we're eating your birthday waffle now.
144
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:02,693
I don't know why I'm pissing him off.
He's gonna be the only man in my life.
145
00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:06,358
I can't believe you blew $10
on a psychic.
146
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,608
Why didn't you buy
a Skinnygirl Margarita...
147
00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:11,069
...like all the other
lonely white chicks?
148
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:12,868
I spent 50.
149
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,865
I bought a crystal
that protects me from bad juju.
150
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,329
Hey, there's no reason
to get anti-Semitic.
151
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:22,415
You spent money
on crystal you can't snort?
152
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,956
What is wrong with you?
153
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,508
I freaked out.
I didn't want it to be true.
154
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:30,966
Is it true, Max? Am I never gonna
find love? Was Andy my one chance?
155
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:34,136
Did I screw it up because
I wanted success? Was everyone right?
156
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,891
That is a lot of questions
for one waffle.
157
00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:41,524
And where is that waffle?
You're a bad waitress at home too.
158
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:42,975
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
159
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,318
Who could that be?
160
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,822
I don't know,
let me consult the spirits.
161
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,895
Who is it?
162
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,818
It's Sophie.
163
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,235
Yeah, it's me.
164
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:58,291
The shady lady
with the illegal business.
165
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,748
Yeah, and, Caroline,
you owe me an apology...
166
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:05,376
...or I will take out these hoops
and we will get into it, girl.
167
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:11,009
Yeah, and I warn you,
I did some extreme fighting in Warsaw.
168
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,046
Extreme fighting. That's awesome.
169
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:16,431
Yeah. They would throw big hunk
of cheese in a trough...
170
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:20,177
...and let all the village girls
just go at it.
171
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,309
Sorry, Sophie.
172
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:25,899
It just seemed like a better business
decision to go with the forgery.
173
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,106
What is that?
174
00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:31,147
Is that a waffle?
175
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,994
(CHUCKLING)
Okay, you are forgiven.
176
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,240
Damn it. I didn't even get a bite.
177
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,201
I'm awake and sober for nothing.
178
00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:41,785
Sophie, do you believe in psychics?
179
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:44,249
Oh, no, that's all fake.
180
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:46,838
You know, I knew a family
of gypsy psychics...
181
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:50,884
...who couldn't even predict
that they would all die in a barn fire.
182
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:53,679
Hey, girls. Sorry to interrupt...
183
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,724
...but Sophie promised
to rub antifungal cream...
184
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,308
...on my thick yellow toenails.
185
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:03,187
Oleg, come over here.
I'll do it in between bites.
186
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,937
This is what you're afraid
you're missing?
187
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,316
Because this is a relationship.
188
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,954
Seriously, Max,
that's something I really want.
189
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,741
And now I'm never gonna have it.
190
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,742
Get in there, baby. I have two feet.
191
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:20,911
(BELL RINGS)
192
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,458
Interesting. She's a psychic...
193
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,673
...but she needs a bell
to tell her someone's here.
194
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:27,916
(DOOR CLOSES
THEN BELL RINGS AGAIN)
195
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:31,336
Max, please don't make me do this.
I don't wanna hear any more bad things.
196
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,215
Nothing bad is gonna happen.
197
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:36,303
She's gonna tell you
you have a bright, love-filled future...
198
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,850
...or I'm gonna kick her
in the crystal balls.
199
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:43,097
Hello, girls. I'll tell you your future
as soon as I finish eating.
200
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:44,478
It'll only take a minute.
201
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,646
Since I quit smoking,
I eat like a prisoner.
202
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:51,525
Come, sit,
ruminate on your wishes and dreams.
203
00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:55,402
Well, my wish is that you
give my friend her money back...
204
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:59,372
...and my dream is that
I'm a backup dancer for Missy Elliott.
205
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:03,004
Great. A wiseass.
206
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,155
Do you wanna know your future
or not?
207
00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:07,924
Um, you told me my future.
That's why we're here.
208
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,665
You said I'd never find love.
209
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,798
When did I say that?
210
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:15,089
And you, tough guy,
don't say, "Well, you're the psychic."
211
00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:16,879
Maybe she is a psychic...
212
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:20,512
...because I am a tough guy,
and I was gonna say that.
213
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:24,269
You know, it's hard to remember.
I see a lot of sad single girls.
214
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:27,903
But looking at you right now,
it makes sense.
215
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,610
And here,
take your phony crystal back.
216
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,654
I'm not so sure this is a real crystal.
217
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,817
It looks like one
of those vegan deodorant things.
218
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,202
And we want our money.
219
00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:39,697
Pssht.
220
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:44,618
Oh, okay. What just happened?
221
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:47,205
I put a curse on you.
222
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,915
Max, you said nothing bad
was gonna happen.
223
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:53,546
Well, I'm not a psychic,
and neither is she.
224
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,795
Laugh, buster.
Nothing in life will go your way...
225
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,007
...and you will live under a dark cloud.
226
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:04,851
Will this dark cloud merge
with the current dark cloud above me...
227
00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:08,015
...or fly alongside of it?
228
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,266
We don't wanna trouble you,
but if you could remove the curse...
229
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,110
...and possibly that noodle
on your blouse....
230
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,237
Pssht.
231
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:21,662
-Oh, no. Did you just--
-Cursed you too.
232
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:25,333
Tell you what,
I'll lift both curses for 50...
233
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:29,615
...or else your whole life
will come crashing down all around you.
234
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,542
The only way
I'm giving a strange woman 50 bucks...
235
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,671
...is if I'm walking out of here
with a genital piercing.
236
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,086
I do that as well.
237
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:46,726
Don't believe in curses, never have.
238
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:50,562
Not since Jennifer Martin told me I was
going to hell for sleeping with her boyfriend.
239
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,979
I didn't. I just went
to homecoming with him.
240
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:56,278
Max, we have to go back and pay her.
Our lives are hard enough.
241
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,775
We don't need things
to come crashing down.
242
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,816
Relax. Nothing's coming crashing down
around us.
243
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,910
WOMAN:
Don't jump, Paul! Paul, don't jump!
244
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,199
Paul? Who's Paul?
245
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,910
Oh, and what is he doing on the roof?
246
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:11,668
(MAX SCREAMS)
247
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:17,003
Okay. That was Paul's life
that came crashing down.
248
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,222
Not ours.
249
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:25,926
Max, we all know I'm a highly educated
woman who doesn't believe in curses...
250
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:29,386
...but I'm putting every penny we make
in the Lift the Curse Fund.
251
00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:32,018
And I'm gonna tell you
one more time...
252
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:35,187
...we're not spending another 50 bucks
on some stupid curse.
253
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:38,986
A body fell from the sky!
254
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:44,068
Paul got a bad batch of shrooms.
It had nothing to do with the curse.
255
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:48,790
Everyone knows you don't take
psychedelics above the second floor.
256
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,873
Poor amateur bastard.
257
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,868
And we need our money
for essentials...
258
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:57,670
...like food and the penguin statue
I saw at the dollar store.
259
00:13:57,836 --> 00:14:00,256
The one that says "chill out."
260
00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:01,836
So chill out.
261
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:07,637
Caroline, I feel bad about not signing
your letter of recommendation...
262
00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:11,226
...so I wrote one myself
and signed it. Here.
263
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,063
That's so nice of you.
264
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:15,977
"The extremely hard-working
Caroline Channing...
265
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:20,647
...who has devoted her life to business
and nothing and no one else--"
266
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:24,742
Han, this is supposed to be
about getting a loan, not being alone.
267
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,617
I totally get it, girl. I'm alone as well.
268
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:30,833
We have our eyes on the prize,
so our beds are empty.
269
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,495
But occasionally, I pay for it.
270
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:44,634
Did Han just intimate
that he occasionally gets a hooker?
271
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,762
Lucky bastard.
272
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:52,388
He probably gets a child's discount.
273
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,734
Max, look,
the future's already happening.
274
00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:58,475
Even in Han's letter, I'm alone.
275
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:02,738
The only chance for a love life I have
is going halvsies on a hooker with Han.
276
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,992
We have to reverse the curse now.
277
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:08,026
News flash, everybody's cursed.
278
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,078
You lost your money last year.
279
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:13,874
Literally nothing good
has ever happened to me.
280
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,288
Han hasn't grown
since the fourth grade.
281
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:21,295
Oleg's toenails look like Fritos...
282
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,211
...and Earl was born black...
283
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:27,590
...at the eighth or ninth worst time
to be a black man in America.
284
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:31,010
Look around.
It's the valley of the damned.
285
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,891
Name one person who isn't cursed.
286
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:38,688
Hey, guys, I just found
a $100 bill on the sidewalk.
287
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,565
Drinks for everyone.
288
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,230
Max, pop open the fancy brandy.
289
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:48,105
Fancy Brandy is gonna be my stripper
name if you ever let me put in that pole.
290
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:49,445
Sophie, guess what?
291
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,865
We went back to that psychic
to complain and she put a curse on us.
292
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:54,952
Oh.
293
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,866
You're cursed?
294
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,459
(SOPHIE GROANS IN FEAR)
295
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,346
But it's stupid, like you said, right?
296
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,681
Yeah, yeah.
297
00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,846
That's stupid, yeah.
298
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,727
Did she mention me?
299
00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:22,944
No. She just cursed us...
300
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:26,107
...and said our whole lives
would come crashing down around us.
301
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:39,164
Ten, 20, 30, 40, 50.
302
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,079
Pssht. Curse is lifted.
303
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,711
Oh. I don't think you got me.
What about my curse?
304
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:45,919
Pssht.
305
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,131
Talk about phoning it in.
Couldn't you wave a feather...
306
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,761
...or spin your head or throw up
or something?
307
00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:54,428
That's extra.
308
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,930
Know what?
I'm in a good mood tonight.
309
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:02,110
I got through the whole day
on 15 cigarettes and one sheet cake.
310
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:05,152
I'm gonna give tough guy
a free reading here.
311
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:09,025
Oh, free, as in the $50
you just shook us down for?
312
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:11,237
(LAUGHS THEN COUGHS)
313
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,700
Should never have quit.
314
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:18,579
Okay, future coming right at you.
315
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:21,292
I see you will have a happy life.
316
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:25,173
Me? Happy? All right,
get your hat, Mother. We're leaving.
317
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:28,916
And I see a large sum of money
coming your way.
318
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,719
Over $10,000.
319
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,549
Max, it's the grant.
320
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,889
We applied for $12,000. Is that it?
321
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,564
Sure.
322
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:42,098
-And in spite of your bad childhood--
-She knew you had a bad childhood.
323
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,229
Come on, every childhood is bad.
324
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,439
You're stupid, you can't reach stuff.
It's rough.
325
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:52,647
In spite of it, I see great love
and children in your future.
326
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:55,198
Max.
327
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:59,535
Me? No, wait. You must be picking up
on her vibes. Check again.
328
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:05,746
No. Great love and children
will be part of your future.
329
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:11,843
-She will die alone.
-Okay, well, that's all I can take.
330
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:14,218
I'm not gonna wait
for the other Paul to fall.
331
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,514
-Let's go, Max.
-No, no, no. Wait.
332
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,809
She obviously got it wrong.
333
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,062
Didn't you?
334
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,516
Nope. Still dying alone.
335
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,233
With nothing but her great success.
336
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:29,067
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What?
337
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,743
I see great success in your future.
338
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:34,243
You do? Oh, thank God.
339
00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:37,084
I'm gonna have success?
How big a success?
340
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:40,541
Oh, honey, it's so big
you won't even know you're alone.
341
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:46,840
All right, go.
342
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,710
May you live a long and healthy life.
343
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:54,093
And put on your hat and gloves.
I'm predicting snow.
344
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,596
It's not going to snow.
345
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:03,555
At most,
it's gonna rain 30-year-old dudes.
346
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,476
Maybe she isn't so psychic.
347
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:06,904
Stop fighting it, Max.
348
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,533
You're gonna find love and be happy,
and I'm gonna be successful.
349
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:15,032
You hear that, New York?
I'm gonna be successful and alone!
350
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,946
And robbed and raped,
if you keep calling that out.
351
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,576
It started
when I dropped that grant application...
352
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:25,123
...into that mail box that those guys
are unbolting and taking away.
353
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,369
What's going on?
354
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:30,878
It's called e-mails. We're getting rid
of this. No one mails anything anymore.
355
00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,916
Yes, they do. I did yesterday.
356
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,468
And our $12,000 depends on it.
357
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:38,553
Sorry, doll. This box has been out
of commission for a week.
358
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:42,676
According to a psychic, her box
is gonna be out of commission forever.
359
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:46,728
We had to tell him.
You expect me to lie to a city employee?
360
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,520
So I guess
we're not getting that grant.
361
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,519
The psychic was wrong.
362
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,941
Maybe nothing she said
is gonna come true.
363
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,989
I told you. It's a scam.
364
00:19:57,989 --> 00:20:00,909
Max, look, it's snowing.
365
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:02,945
And she predicted snow.
366
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:06,163
Oh, crap. Am I gonna have kids?
367
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:09,790
So she was right on the snow,
but not the money.
368
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,209
So what is it?
369
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,336
Am I or am I not gonna die old
and alone?
370
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:16,255
Why are we even talking about this?
371
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:19,433
We're probably not gonna make it
through the winter.
372
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:23,925
And by the way, if you die first,
I am totally eating you.
373
00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:26,347
(SCOFFS)
Oh, I know.
374
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:30,227
And besides,
no one person can get it all.
375
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:34,025
You're right. No one person can,
but what about two?
376
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:36,902
You'll have the love and the kids,
and I'll have success.
377
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:39,241
Maybe we can share,
like we share our tips...
378
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,784
...or that Wheat Thin we found
in your pillowcase.
379
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,160
Are you asking
to bang my great love?
380
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:45,406
Which is fine with me.
381
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:48,909
Because I'm already bored
and sleeping with his poker buddy.
382
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:50,213
In fact, let's switch.
383
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,915
You can have my great love
and I'll die alone.
384
00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:54,836
Max, you don't wanna die alone.
385
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:58,633
I am dying to die alone.
386
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:31,329
English - US - SDH
387
00:21:31,379 --> 00:21:35,929
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