All language subtitles for Gossip Girl Season 2 Episode 4 One Flew Over The Cucks Nest

♪ Be quiet, don't make a sound ♪

(DOG BARKS)

♪ 'Cause all my girls
Like to fight ♪

(BARKS)

♪ Fight, fight, fight... ♪

Hey, Dad.

DAVIS CALLOWAY:
I'm in LA tonight
for a session with Billie.

- Ooh. (LAUGHS)
- I'll be back Friday, okay?

- Have a great first day.
- I already am.

You know,
you're not normally this excited

for the first day of school.

Well, it's better than being
stuck in here for another year.

- No shit.
- (CHUCKLES)

Bye.

(KISSES)

- You're gonna be late.
- He's always late.

- (MAX WOLFE CHUCKLES)
- ROCKY: Okay, here's your lunch.

- And your ice pack.
- MAX WOLFE: Mm, perfect. Okay.

Okay.

(SMOOCHES)

- Okay.
- Love you.

Bye, Dad. Bye, Pop. Bye, Rocky.

- (PROTESTORS CHANTING)
- Here you go.

- Thank you, Obie.
- Anytime, Murray.

(CONTINUE CHANTING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Sorry it's taking me
a long time.

We were together all quarantine.
It's fine.

You used to like it
when it took me a long time.

(SIGHS)

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

♪ Fight, fight ♪

♪ Fight... ♪

(SIGHS)

♪ Oh, all my girls
Like to fight ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

NICK LOTT: Where's my freshman?

Fresh-woman?

Fresh-person.

- Fresh-princess!
- Dad, please. No.

Sorry, I'm just excited.
It's your first day.

It's another day,
no first anything.

Constance Billard is one of
the top 10 private schools

in the country, with one
of the best arts programs.

Full of the type
of people whose values

- I was able to shield you from--
- Kids are bad all over.

Even in Buffalo.

We had to leave.

And we couldn't pass up
the scholarship.

I mean, at Constance,
my college choices
are so much better.

Say it with me, Yale Drama.

- And--
- Yes, she's a student there,

but I doubt
I'll even get to meet her.

You're not even sure
she knows I exist.

She's your half-sister,
she knows you exist.

Well then, I don't
want to meet her.

Because she never accepted
my friend request

I sent when I was 10.

Thank you for breakfast.

Bye, Dad.

- I love you.
- You too.

- Good luck.
- Thank you.

- Bye.
- Hey, where'd you get those?

Hmm?

Moving gift from Bella.
Remember?

Huh.

♪ (STRING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- Lune?
- The brick'll wash her out.

Up and to the left.

New EIP.

(TEACHERS CHATTERING)

Ew. Go!

Don't they have
their own entrance or something?

I'm standing here.
You see me, don't you?

Okay come on, let's do this.

Okay. So, experience is:

"Arrival, first day,
uh, junior year."

Um, so just
back up a little bit.

Back up a little more.

Okay. Now, show me the bag.

(BOTH GASP)

Sorry, Ms. Keller,
I didn't see you there.

Um, it wasn't your fault.

She almost destroyed
your Capucine.

It'd take her whole month's
salary to replace it.

Rayon gives me nosebleeds.
Could you move?

(SCOFFS)
God, now the light's off.

- Kate?
- Yeah?

Thought we were meeting inside.

We should have
a no-Zara rule at school.

Zara, east of Lex only.

I don't know why I still
expect them to be nice.

I guess a year
of Zoom boxes fooled me?

That's only 'cause
you couldn't see

what they were texting
beneath them.

Oh, no.

First day of school
and Wendy's already sad.

The headmistress would like
to speak with you, Martine.

Right this way.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

JORDAN GLASSBERG:
This is why I bring a Yeti.

When the horde sets their alarms

to go off in unison
during a pop quiz,

I don't spill on myself
when I scream.

I could get you one.

(SIGHS) It took me an hour
to pick out an outfit

I thought
they wouldn't make fun off.

And it took them one second
to prove me wrong.

If Julien wore that, Urban would
be mass producing knockoffs

by third period.

They just pick on us
'cause they can.

Because no one says not to.

And if you try to fail them,

between your laptop
and the office,

an F becomes a C.

And a C becomes valedictorian

and a top spot
at the Ivy of their choice.

This school produced
great people.

Caroline Kennedy,
Colson Whitehead,

Nate Archibald.

It's why I wanted to teach here.

REBECCA SHERMAN:
It's not like Nate Archibald

was such a saint
when we started.

- You went here, Rebecca?
- Class of '09.

Back when we still
respected authority.

Now, they can't be controlled
because we've ceased to matter.

Who needs an education
when you're famous
for putting on your makeup?

- But you said Nate--
- When I was a student,

we lived under constant threat.

People like Nate
were scared straight.

How?

Yeah, I'd try anything
at this point.

It was this thing
that started freshman year,

called itself Gossip Girl.

Kind of like
an Orwellian Big Sister.

Kept tabs on students
it deemed important.

- Kept tabs?
- If she knew your secrets,

and she always did,

she told them.
She kept us all accountable.

People thought it was me,

but it was actually
one of my classmates.

- Dan Humphrey.
- The novelist?

I think I remember
reading about this.

It was ridiculous.
I wouldn't even read it.

(DOOR CLOSES)

It's a blog. Haven't seen
one of these in years.

Last post, nine years ago.

Ooh, there's an archive.

Some dead links,
but pretty cool.

Wish I thought of this
when I was in high school.

(SCOFFS)
We're still in high school.

Maybe we should try it?

(CHUCKLING)

What are we looking at?

Hey, hey, keep it moving.
Please and thank you.

♪ ("SUPER RICH KIDS" PLAYING) ♪

- Oh! The sun's arrived.
- MAX: He has indeed.

(GASPS) Maxi!

Air only. She's still setting.

(JULIEN GIGGLES)

- Obie!
- Hi.

You're rumpled and sweaty.

That suddenly bothers you...
why?

You said you'd do my story.

Shit, I forgot.

He forgot.

I was...

I was bringing breakfast
to the Navy Yard strike line,

but I saved you one.

Fan-Fan, your favorite.

Hey, isn't that
your parents' development?

Yeah, it is. And they know
exactly how I feel.

That the very least
the strikers deserve is donuts.

And what about what I deserve?

I will clean up during
free period, I promise.

- Okay, at this point, it's gonna
be a graduation story.
- AUDREY HOPE: Julien!

- So can we--
- (GASPS) Audrey!

- Welcome back, guys.
- Yo, what's up?

Well, well, if it isn't
the Seven Samurai
all together again.

You can change
the group chat name
all you want,

- it's not sticking.
- You'll get Kurosawa one day.

Is that what your face
looks like without a mask?

Hope, been a few.

Since when do you
show up on time

for the first day of the school?

Guess all those months away
gave me a renewed interest

in the student body.

- Yours included.
- Okay, soft focus, soft focus.

And east so your face
gets the sun.

The gram can wait, ladies.
She's looking for her sister.

- She's not my sister.
- A DNA test would disagree.

She's just half.

- Mm, you have a sister?
- He was busy at Berghain.

And you promised
never to mention her.

It's a big deal, and we
should not pretend otherwise.

She enrolled and moved here
like some stalker.

And if it wasn't for
Headmistress Burton,

who gave JC a heads-up,
we wouldn't have even known.

Their dads hate each other.

MAX: Oh, I remember.

She's from when your mom
ran off on you and your dad?

Yeah, and if he knew
Zoya was here,

he would pull me out of school
or the hemisphere.

That's how angry he still is.

I can't believe
she didn't tell you herself.

Guys, it's okay.

She and I
don't even know each other.

We don't
owe each other anything.

And besides, I have
everyone I need right here,
live and in person.

Family drama is so not my thing.

I'm more of a medical procedural
kind of guy,

two Addys
to get me through Calc,

and a benzo to slumber
through Vicki Fic.

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Is that her?

(LAUGHS) Should we throw
our lattes on her?

Turmeric stains forever.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

I can't see freshmen.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY)

I like her shoes.

This Chuck and Blair thing
is out of control.

Definitely pre-cancel culture.

Did you get to the part

where she was princess of Monaco
for six months?

Or when a high school senior

got a story published
in the New Yorker?

As a writer,
I'm a little jealous.

I mean, these posts are like
a lost Edith Wharton novel.

RAFA CAPARROS:
And just as white.

It goes to show,
this school has always been

a breeding ground for
the worst kinds of people.

KATE KELLER: (SIGHS)
Is it really their fault

they inherited
power and influence

the minute they were born

without any examples
of how not to abuse it?

You're defending them?
After what they just did to you?

I'm only saying
we're their last hope.

We're supposed to send them
out of here Barack Obamas,

instead of Brett Kavanaughs.

How? We have no power.

Sure we do.

(DOOR OPENS)

Fucking got fired.

- (SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
- (SOBBING)

♪ (EERIE MUSIC SWELLS) ♪

The headmistress was
on the phone with parents

- all morning.
- Parents?

It was something about me
refusing to change a grade
last year?

And there were other teachers
waiting when I left.

I mean, it's a--
it's a blood bath.

Today, the first day of school?

If you want to show
you're in charge,
you need an audience.

Who's our last hope, Kate?

We could be next.

You don't have to be.

♪ (EERIE MUSIC CRESCENDOS) ♪

What's this?

Power.

♪ (EPIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Let's see if this
gets their attention.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(TOILET FLUSHES)

(WATER RUNNING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Let me see it.

Yours is better.

No way. My friend did mine
with a seam ripper.

- (LAUGHS)
- Okay, true.

I got mine done by Dr. Woo.

But still, I'm so happy
to finally meet you.

You're not just in
my chat history anymore,

- you're actually here.
- I know. Davis?

No idea. Nick?

Knows you go here, but thinks
you have no idea who I am.

(CHUCKLES)
So we're good for now.

Julien Elizabeth.

- Zoya Jane.
- (ZOYA CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) I can't believe
you're really here.

I know, I thought no fucking way
my dad would go for moving.

But when I got
the scholarship...

I can't believe
we pulled this off.

That's not what I meant. I...

(SIGHS)

I can't believe
you're really here.

You look just like her.

♪ (STRING MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

I have this whole plan
to incorporate you
into our friend group.

- Are you sure you can't just--
- This'll be easier.

They'll like you for you
and not because

you're related to me.
Met Steps at 11:00.

I was told freshmen don't have
open campus privileges.

We own this school.
They work for us.

Do you like the sneakers?

- I feel a little weird about--
- They were free.

Don't even worry about it.

And I've already
planted the seed

that I liked them on you.

So I'll wave you over
to get them for my story, okay?

Just like we planned.

Now get to class. I can be late,
but you shouldn't.

(SQUEALS) You're here!

♪ ("TAKE ME WHERE YOUR HEART IS"
BY Q PLAYS) ♪

MAX: Dumbo Hall tonight, dears.

And a reminder,
it is fashion week,

so accoutre accordingly.

I'm actually stuffing envelopes
after school,

so I'll be late.

And probably
rumpled and sweaty.

And you said
you would come with me.

Yeah,
just so you'd quit asking me.

- Who waits for the light?
- She's not from here.

I still don't know
who you're talking about.

You know what would trend faster
than a fall fashion fail?

A "secret sister" splosh video.

I've got the heels, and I'd love
nothing more than to just--

Hey!

Are those Bey Superstars?

- Yeah.
- Can I get a picture?

Just 'cause our dads
hate each other,

doesn't mean we have to, right?

MONET DE HAAN:
What are you doing?

JULIEN CALLOWAY:
What if she's cool?

She has a headband on.

ZOYA LOTT: It's actually
a scarf. It was my--

our mom's.

Let's do this instead.

♪ I just want you to ♪

♪ To take where your heart is ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

The Right To The City Alliance?

Yeah, they-- I, uh,
I volunteer with them.

See, someone else
has heard of it.

They're doing great work.

OBIE BERGMANN:
They try to halt displacement

of marginalized communities
in historic neighborhoods.

My grandpa used to
work with them
until he passed away.

If you ever need another body,
I'm in.

I've been trying to get this guy
to go for, like, months.

I think it's cool
you work with them.

You ever heard of
the guilty rich?

- This one's the guiltiest.
- And the richest.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

- What's your handle?
- Uh, ALottaZee, with two E's.

JULIEN: As soon as I post this,

you're gonna get
a load of new followers.

Pro tip: best to use your name.

- That way, anyone can find you.
- (PHONE PINGS)

Why would I want
people to find me?

How would you like to hang out
with us tonight at Dumbo Hall?

It's this members-only club
we go to.

I don't know,
it's a school night.

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.

If you close your eyes,
she disappears, I'm telling you.

- We don't stay out late.
- We don't?

I'm not a member.

I'll put you on the list.

So as long as
everyone else agrees?

Maybe my Xanny just kicked in,
but I say why not.

She's cute enough.

It would be nice to have
someone to run errands.

Sure.

Welcome.

See you at 7:00.

♪ Just take me where
Your heart is ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Bye.
- Bye.

Peace.

- JORDAN: Not even a like.
- As if it didn't happen.

We should've known.
Is anyone under 30
even on Twitter?

I'd delete that if I were you.

Retaliation never works.
Ask my ex-wives.

I'm not a lesbian. (LAUGHS)

♪ (CLASSICAL
PIANO MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

Trio of sad incoming.

Which one of them
should I get fired next?

What did you just say?

No, I wasn't talking to you.

About you, maybe, but...
that depends on your behavior.

But I'm pretty sure
you know that now.

My house, tonight.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

So, we covered
your commute, your classes,

the creepy hot dog guy
who liked your uniform...

ZOYA: Okay, Dad.

I saw her once from across
the courtyard. That's it.

And I'm pretty sure
that's how it's gonna be.

But...

- I met some great new people.
- Hmm.

And one of them invited me
to go get gelato with her.

- Oh, that's nice.
- ZOYA: Tonight.

- Well--
- In the Village.

No way. It's a school night.

Come on, Dad,
this is New York City.

Seven o'clock here
is like four in Buffalo.

And if I say no
to the first invitation,

who knows if I'll get any more?

So long as you're back by 9:00.

Nine?

If you prove to me you can
be responsible this time,

maybe you'll be able to say yes
to those future invitations

and stay out even longer.

Fair. Thank you.

(PHONE PINGS)

- ZOYA: Hey. Jimmy, right?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm Zoya, we just moved--
we're staying at my grandma's.

Did someone drop something off?

Yeah, the courier said
not to call up.

It's a--
it's a surprise for my dad.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

JORDAN:
Twitter is a glorified chat room

for meme sharing,
conspiracy theorists,

and Lin-Manuel Miranda.

If we really want
to get attention,

it's Instagram only.

WENDY: Gossip Girl was
also voice-y. It drew you in.

"Spotted: Chuck Bass
losing something

no one knew he had: his heart."

I can write in that style.

And we need to tag people
for maximum effect.

That way we know they'll see it.

- The whole school?
- WENDY: Just the popular kids,

like Serenas, Blairs,
Nates, and Chucks.

Make them think there's another
Dan Humphrey in their midst.

Gossip Girl would have
been nothing

without Blair versus Serena.

Their rivalry launched her.
We need our own.

Well, clearly
Monet and everyone.

(SCOFFS)
Monet's the school villain.

No one cares.

We need to center someone
people are actually drawn to.

Like Julien.

Not only is she famous,
people actually like her.

Julien has no rival.

Who knew what Blair
and Serena's relationship

was actually like?

Gossip Girl's perception
was reality.

So we create our own.

- Who do we think Julien might--
- Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We might not have to
make up anything.

You know about
her sister, right?

I was on her admissions panel.

But do you know
how she got there?

Is that real?

Better than
I could've imagined.

So you'll use that?

The old Gossip Girl knew
how to tease things out.

She got their attention first,
and then went in for the kill.

So we do the same.

We wait on this.

Just a little bit.

You ready to, uh,
take the power back,

do some good,
and save the future?

I'm gonna need
your Gossip Girl voice

to be better
than your real voice.

It is.

- I say we do it.
- You got my vote.

♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS) ♪

♪ ("POSITIONS"
BY ARIANA GRANDE PLAYING) ♪

GOSSIP GIRL: Hello, followers.
Gossip Girl here.

Your one and only source
for the truth

behind the scandalous lies
of New York's elite.

Been a minute. Did you miss me?

I know I've missed you.

(CELLPHONES PING)

Though you're probably
going to wish

I'd stayed away when I'm done.

Because I can see you.

Not the you
you've oh-so-carefully curated.

The real you.

The one hiding just outside
the edge of frame.

Well, it's time
to reframe that picture.

You've gotten away with
everything a little too long.

Now that I'm back,

I'm gonna feature
your finstas,

surface those subtweets,
and crack your caches.

You can't hide from me.
Never could.

And to prove it,
there's a big secret

amongst the ruling class
at Constance Billard.

And as you will soon
come to know,

no good secret goes unpublished.

Watch this space.

Or don't.

You'll hear about it
soon enough either way.

Till then,

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

♪ 'Cause I'll be... ♪

- (ALL SMOOCH)
- Um, did you see that thing
we were tagged in?

You turned off
my notifications, remember?

What kind of person
calls themselves Gossip Girl?

Yeah, it's the 21st century.
At least be a Gossip Woman.

Is this that Syosset strip mall
party store

that tried to offer me
a sponsorship deal?

Probably some regional tween
hoping to boost his TikTok.

- (LAUGHS)
- Blocked and buried.

Mm, where's Obie?

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

♪ Nothin' I wouldn't do
That I won't do ♪

♪ Switchin' for you ♪

♪ This some shit that I
I usually don't do ♪

♪ But for you I kinda
Kinda want to ♪

(CLEARS THROAT)

♪ 'Cause you're down for me
And I'm down too... ♪

Whoa, I did not
recognize you at all.

Um, it's the dress.

It's new.

Yeah, it looks like, uh...

you look like Julien.

Is that a compliment?

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

It's typical for you
to be so trusting and open.

That's why people follow you.
They think that they know you

and they
feel entitled to your life,

which they aren't.

Zoya's not some crazy stalker, Audge.

But she is a semi-stranger

who has, by some
fortuitous coincidence,

found herself at your school,

- in your friend group...
- (ELEVATOR DINGS)

♪ ("DRINKS" BY CYN PLAYING) ♪

...with your boyfriend?

I'm gonna get us another round.
We're gonna need it.

Look, I, um--
I almost forgot, I--

I brought you this.

And I don't know if it goes
with the dress or whatever--

It goes with everything.
Thank you.

♪ Taking a band-aid
And ripping it off ♪

- JULIEN: Hey.
- AKI MENZIES: What up, Obes?

OBIE: Hey.

Thank you for coming.
You only have to stay an hour,

and then I'll come to
whatever rally you want
next time.

- He hates this place.
- Yes, I do. Very much so, yes.

I mean, if one tenth
of these people donated

the price of one drink
to a charity of their choice...

They are the charity
of their choice, Obes,

and that one drink
is to help them forget

what people like you
ask of them.

As for me, I have got
very tight plans for the night.

A bourbon, couple bumps,
è tutto.

It's a school night, after all.

Aren't you tired of playing
"who's going to win tonight?"

Well, it's not a game
if everyone can.

♪ I don't know what
The problem is ♪

♪ I don't think it's me ♪

♪ Feeling like it's automatic ♪

Nice hand-me-down.

- Audrey.
- AUDREY: It's clearly not hers.

It's a fact.
I'm speaking factually.

♪ Happy endings can be tragic ♪

- Um, she's right. Julien--
- A gift. The first of many.

To make up for the ones

we didn't get to
give each other.

Olives or twist?

I say twist.

♪ It's starting to fall ♪

♪ Does it feel like
I'm sprinkling salt? ♪

♪ He got mad... ♪

You don't have to drink.
We don't peer pressure.

Yeah, I don't.

- Topo Chico?
- Thanks.

More for me.

Constance can be a great school
if you know how to play it.

I'll tell you everything
you need in order to do so.

St. Jude's used to be
its own building,

and the boys still
act like it is.

The only place we really mix is
out front or in the courtyard.

Be careful. It's a fishbowl,

so look your best,
because you will be watched.

We use IG for stories,
Signal for sexts,

and WhatsApp for abroad,
and Messages to chat.

- What about YouTube?
- MONET: Don't interrupt.

Especially not to say "YouTube."

Personalize your uniform.
Freshmen are scared to,

but you shouldn't be.
It makes you unique,

and it's a middle finger
to the matriarchy

who haven't realized
they're upholding a system

the patriarchy put into place.

Sant Ambroeus or Yura
for coffee,
Starbucks for group orders.

The Met Steps or the Great Lawn
to hang, not the south side.

JG Melon's for burgers,
though they check IDs.

Momoya if you're west.
Mezzaluna, not Sarafina's.

Sweetgreen, but for pickup only.
Dumbo Hall, not House.

And Lyft, never Uber.
Black, never Lux.

And don't use your real address.
For privacy and safety,

- always a block away.
- I take the bus.

You probably come from a school

where people
get to know their teachers.

Nobody does that here.

They're never around long enough

to develop a relationship with anyway.

- They're always leaving.
- Whether they want to or not.

Probably because
private school teachers get paid

substantially less
than public school ones.

- They do?
- MONET: That explains so much.

- Zara.
- Zara.

It's criminal
how little they make.

Less than customer service representatives,

executive assistants,
retail salespeople.

Oh my God.

And wouldn't Ms. Keller
be so much happier at Madewell?

Yeah, Jules, come on.
She works really hard.

Ms. Keller actually
interviewed me

for the scholarship.
I thought she was great.

Right, I've been trying to
get her to get this for years.

Oh my God.
Um, what's your number?

I'll add you to the group text.

I'm gonna go find my boyfriend.

(PHONE KEYBOARD TAPPING)

♪ ("STEAM"
BY EXMIRANDA PLAYING) ♪

♪ Buttons rippin'
Off the sleeves ♪

♪ Tuggin'
Strippin' off Supreme ♪

♪ Done unzipping off the jeans ♪

♪ I'm just
Lettin' off some steam ♪

♪ Trousers slippin'
Off the knees... ♪

Poor Audrey Hope. Married
and monogamous at 16.

Nothing poor about it.
Don't straight-shame me.

Do you ever miss
coloring outside the lines?

Or did you never?

So with all the people
in this room,

at this very moment,

you want to spend your
augmented energy on me?

I don't know what it is
with you and Ak,

but something's different.

In a good way?

Oh, yeah. The best way.

♪ I'm just
Lettin' off some steam... ♪

This isn't on my plan
for tonight.

It's all yours if you want it.

You want it?

♪ How I want
Is how it's gonna be ♪

Oh well.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪ ("RUNAWAY"
BY REI AMI PLAYING) ♪

AKI: What are you doing?

♪ Don't even bother... ♪

What's going on?

♪ Something in the water ♪

♪ Making the ladies go
Rounding the boys ♪

♪ They looking like
Sheep to the slaughter ♪

♪ Confessing to father... ♪

(MOANING)

♪ Now they don't know
What to call her... ♪

(AUDREY BREATHES HEAVILY)

♪ Now I think
I might've found my friends ♪

♪ Funny 'cause
They want us dead ♪

♪ When the voices
Circle through my head ♪

Shh.

♪ You better run away, run away
Yeah ♪

(GASPS)

♪ And baby
If it hurts, say when ♪

(MOANING)

♪ I'll stop
And then I'll start again... ♪

(SIGHS)

- (PHONES PING)
- Huh?

GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted: Calloway and her crew
at Dumbo Hall

with a little something extra,
her sudden sis.

Sorry to crash the party, JC,

but I've got a pic that says

the thousand words
you've yet to utter.

Everyone knows, 15 years ago,

Mama Marion dumped DJ Davis
for a new life with Nick Nobody,

yet sadly passed
before she could see
her daughters united.

Yet unite they have.

Though you wouldn't know it
to look at them.

Never met before?
That's the ruse.

Zoya's entrance to Constance

was signed, sealed,
and deceitful.

Or didn't you know?
On the Upper East Side,

scholarships aren't granted,
they're gifted.

What is this thing
talking about?

How should I know?

I got that scholarship
on my own, right?

- You didn't buy that for me.
- Of course not.

My dad gives money
to the school,

part of which goes to fund
the art scholarship.

He doesn't have time
to read the apps, so I do.

And since you have
a passion for theater...

Did you know when you asked me
to apply for it

that you would be the one
deciding who gets put forward?

Wh-- what?

Did someone
deserve it more than me?

Why would you think
someone else deserves something
more than you?

Wait, you two already
know each other?

- On purpose?
- Who cares?

Refresh, it's gone already.

Why would you lie?

We don't lie to each other.

If our dads knew, they never
would have let her move here.

OBIE: They just found out.

Didn't they?

- My dad's not on Instagram.
- My dad's publicist runs his.

And we are not your dad.

I know. It's just, I wanted
to make sure that we--

- that I--
- Liked me?

- No, that's not--
- MAX: Oh, oh, oh.

So you were afraid
that Z would be Z's.

I don't want to lose
my place here.

In fact, I can't-- I can't
actually afford to stay here

without that scholarship.

So please, make it make sense,

who would do
something like this?

Students work in the office.

Someone is clearly
trying to fuck with me,

but it's nothing.

It's just gossip. We're fine.

It doesn't matter.

Nobody cares, right?
Do any of you care?

I'm gonna go.

You said you would
do the story first.

(SIGHS)

♪ (DRAMATIC
CHORAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

(CAMERA CLICKS)

You could've told me.

- I'll walk out with you.
- Yeah.

(RAIN PATTERING)

OBIE: You know,
what Julien said is right.

I mean, the whole
Gossip Girl thing,

it's just somebody
playing a game.

It's a lot of trouble
for just a game.

I mean, creating an account,
teasing us all day,

and then dropping a bomb
just to publicly shame
her and me?

(CHUCKLES) It comes with
the territory up here.

And if you have something
that people want,

you have something to lose.

Right?
People try and take us down.

They never can, though.

And you're one of us now.

- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
- Oh, shit!

- Shit, shit, shit, shit--
- All right, look, the C station

is just a few more
blocks up, all right?

And what happens
when I get out at the other end,
where it's four?

I don't know if
I have to give this dress back.

I do live right there,

if you wanna just wait it out
with me for a bit?

- Yes, sure, okay.
- Yeah, okay, all right.

- Just for a bit.
- Great.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

ZOYA: You have the whole floor?

Um, the building.

Uh, if you...
If want to give me your dress,

I can go hang it in the sauna
and it'll be dry in no time.

And then,

you know, you can just
borrow an umbrella.

Oh. Okay.
Um, where can I change?

If we get these floors wet,
my mom will kill me.

So...

I won't look.

You have my word.

Okay.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Ready when you are.

Mm-hmm. I'll grab you a sweater.

I'm sorry Julien didn't
tell you about me.

I am too.

Not surprised, though.

I shouldn't...

I shouldn't say that.
You're her sister.

I am, but,

God, even I barely know her.

Sometimes it's just feels like
we're not even dating anymore.

Really, you know,
like I'm just...

this actor, and I'm playing
her boyfriend in her story.

When we first got together
though, it was...

totally different.

That was way before
she got into any of that stuff.

And we were interested
in the same things,

she wanted to make
her mark on the world.

And now she just, like,
tells me what to wear
and where to be and what to say.

She's making her mark, for sure.
Don't get me wrong.

I mean,
she's got a lot of influence.

You know, it's just it's...

it's her world, it's not...

it's not ours.

(SIGHS) Okay.

Two years ago, on my birthday.

I got this DM
from someone who...

- I'd only ever heard of.
- Mm-hmm.

She'd been mythical to me,
and then suddenly, she was real.

We DM'd and talked pretty much
every single day since then.

The Julien that I got to know

on the other end
of those phone calls?

Yeah, she's different from
the one that I met today.

More like the one you miss.

Which means
she's still in there.

What?

It's just, uh,

it's nice to hear someone
be kind for a change.

It's nice to feel kindness
for a change.

(PHONE BUZZES)

Well, um...

the rain has stopped.

You should probably get
your dress before it shrinks.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yup.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

The only time I felt more gross
than standing here
showing you these

is the moment that
I took them to show you!

I should be arrested.

They were standing
in front of a window.

- Anyone could have seen that.
- Anyone didn't. I did.

- You won't use these, right?
- I don't want to.

But...

we're either in this
or we're not.

♪ (MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- Whatever you may have read--
- Not even 9:00.

I'm so glad
I can always trust you.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(PHONE ALARM RINGING)

♪ ("THEREFORE I AM"
BY BILLIE EILISH PLAYING) ♪

♪ I'm not your friend
Or anything ♪

♪ Damn, you think
That you're the man... ♪

GOSSIP GIRL: Ah, New York.

Is there anything more romantic
than a walk in the fall rain?

Only what happens after
behind closed doors.

Or open windows.

Hey JC, looks like DNA isn't
all you and your sister share.

- Julien, it's not true.
- Of course it isn't.

ZOYA: He just gave me a place
to wait till the rain stopped.

What is this Gossip Girl thing
and why is it out to get us?

They're after me.
You're just collateral.

But whoever it is,
I won't let them win.

♪ Know how I feel
Top of the world but... ♪

Did we go about this
the wrong way?

Not telling anyone?

You have to be strategic
about the way

that you present things
to the world.

We just weren't careful enough.

We'll tell everyone
some jealous freshman

is trying to stir shit
between us.

But there's no shit to stir.

It'll all blow over

if we just show that
it hasn't gotten to us.

I'll see you in the courtyard.

♪ I'm not your friend
Or anything, damn ♪

♪ You think that
You're the man ♪

♪ I think, therefore I am ♪

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(SIGHS)

STUDENT 1: Hey, look,
there he is. The cheater.

STUDENT 2: With a freshman?
That's so gross, Obie.

STUDENT 1: Yeah, keep walking.

STUDENT 3: I can't believe
he did that. Freak, man.

Why would you ever
cheat on Julien?

- I didn't.
- Oh, so Gossip Girl's lying?

Of course he'd say that.

Dude, I've been defending
your honor all morning,

as if it was The Crucible.

Gotta say, not the best optics,

- your girlfriend's sister.
- I didn't do anything, Ak.

All right? You know I would
never do anything like that.

It's just...

- some crazy kind of...
- Social media nightmare!

You as someone who loses
is bad for business.

I didn't lose anything.

And everything will be fine
so long as you win.

Olivia Jade gained followers
when her mom went to jail.

Exactly, her mom went to jail.

For Jules to rise above this,
she has to destroy Zoya.

Ladies, ladies, nobody's
gonna believe that gossip.

Zoya's a 14-year-old nobody,
and I'm me.

First she stole her mom,
then she stole her man.

If you want to
get back at Zobie,

I volunteer as tribute.

Oh my God,
they're already a hashtag.

- You need to do something.
- This shit ain't it.

I got us a regular Lyft,
we can talk in here.

- Julien, I'm so, so sorry.
- It's not your fault.

I feel terrible anyway.

I'm just so confused
about everything.

The whole school was
either staring me down

or high fiving me all day.

I've come up with a plan
to get us past this.

I did a little research
on Gossip Girl.

There were these
two best friends

she was obsessed with
forever ago.

It's kind of a badge of honor
that she chose us.

All we have to do

is take a page from
the Blair and Serena playbook,

and beat Gossip Girl
at her own game.

How do you beat
an anonymous troll?

Since no one believes
the truth, only the lie,

we have to lie in return.

We plan a public showdown,
nothing too big,

just where I look like
I get the power back.

And then everything can go
back to the way that it was.

Us, as the sisters
we're meant to be.

How do you get the power back?

JULIEN: I'm walking in
the Christopher John Rogers show

tomorrow at the Armory.

It's a big deal
for my brand identity.

And I'll make sure
that you have a seat.

But I'll forget to put you
on the list for the after-party.

And all you have to do is

make a scene
when they don't let you in.

Monet and Luna will take
a photo of Obie and I inside,

with your meltdown outside.

ZOYA: You really think
Obie's gonna go along with this?

JULIEN: He does things for me.
He's good like that.

But you should stay away
from him for the time being.

And we should stay out
of each other's way as well.

Just till the show.

Build the tension, you know.
Tease it, like Gossip Girl did.

Speaking of that devil.

- What are you doing?
- JULIEN: Tossing out the bait.

GOSSIP GIRL:
You might have noticed
it's been all quiet

on the Upper Eastern front
for the past 24 hours.

Think the storm has passed?
Not a chance.

Sources tell us
to keep your eyes peeled
at the Armory.

Who doesn't love
a fashion showdown?

I tried to warn her.

I mean, our group of friends

have known each other
since we were babies.

We have trust and-- and history.

So no new friends, ever?

AUDREY: I'm not saying
pull up the drawbridge.

I just think
it is so terribly odd
that she lied about it.

Well, it's Julien's life.

I mean, whatever reasons she had
made sense to her.

I didn't book a session,
Dr. Menzies, please.

Hey, it's just...
share in my outrage
for one moment.

This whole thing is ridiculous.
Okay, however it came to be,

secret sisters
fighting over Prince George

is as déclassé
as an Andy Cohen show.

It's time to ice out
that social climber.

Are you guys still
in that text chain?

Yes.

Thank you. Thank you.

Where's your dad's concealer
again?

Top right drawer.

All right.

♪ ("JUST CHECKING IN"
BY KLLO PLAYING) ♪

- Here we go.
- No, no, no, not for me.

Sies Marjan
was for everybody, so...

Yeah, if you're in, like,
a Gaspar Noé movie maybe,

but I don't like to stick out.

Well, you already do, so...

♪ You choose
Hello ♪

♪ Hand on my heart... ♪

Where you going?

Mirror's here.

♪ No sense checking in ♪

♪ Hand on my heart
I'm calling again ♪

♪ And I'm just checking in ♪

♪ Hello ♪

♪ You said to me
"Don't call in again" ♪

♪ I don't ♪

♪ Nothing ♪

♪ I'll never talk again ♪

♪ Do I make it? ♪

♪ I'll know ♪

♪ My end ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Julien? I've had my eye on you.

- Looking forward to it.
- Thank you, Lindsay.

Have you been reading
the comments on this post?

People are expecting you
to go full Cersei tonight,

but your plan is Saoirse.

What part of "destroy"
did you not understand?

I agree.

Leaving someone off a guest list
is for bat mitzvahs.

- She's my sister. I'm not--
- You think just 'cause
you're related to her,

she doesn't have it out for you?

Ever heard of Shakespeare?
Succession? The Bible?

Fam v fam's the number one story
since the dawn of dawn.

She worked you.

She just wanted in.

- It's not like--
- You're losing followers, okay?

She's getting them.

(SCOFFS) Finally.

♪ (SOFT ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

What's the plan?

Well, the world thinks
Z is out to snatch
whatever JC has.

So we'll follow that thread.

We'll make it seem
like she planned
some big secret sabotage

to ruin Jules's big moment.

And then when
that plan goes off,

we'll be there to point out
the person who did it.

She'll be so humiliated
in front of
the only people that matter

that she'll never want to
show her face
outside of school again.

Mm, I love us.

When did she say
it would go down?

The after-party.
So, um, we have time.

I want to see the show, so...

♪ ("SPIDERS" BY JUNGLEPUSSY
PLAYING) ♪

♪ 'Cause I keep
My lights down low ♪

♪ You won't know
When my next move ♪

♪ Cooking up like mama food ♪

- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
- Love that.

♪ Shook you up like spiders do ♪

♪ 'Cause I keep
My lights down low... ♪

(MONET GRUNTS)

Don't you know? You can't
use your phone in here.

If someone sees you,
you'll get thrown out,

and then you wouldn't be able to
help your sister with her plan.

- I'm sorry, I didn't know.
- Okay. Well, now you do.

Your seat's over there.

Wait. I need you.

Well, part of you.

Hurry. Go, go, go.

(SIGHS) Hurry,
we don't have time.

What? You're the stylist.
Style me.

♪ I'll give you
Some time of day ♪

(CHUCKLES)

♪ But you
Cannot spend the night ♪

♪ ("A PALÉ"
BY ROSALÍA PLAYING) ♪

(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

- Ooh.
- Right?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CHUCKLES) That tracks.

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING CONTINUES ON TV)

- MONET: Here she comes.
- How do you know this'll work?

Just like you don't need
someone's password

to take a photo,
you don't need one to share it.

(PHONE PINGS)

(PHONE PINGS)

(APPLAUSE)

(PHONES PINGING)

- (INDISTINCT MUTTERING)
- AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Ew!

AUDIENCE MEMBER 2:
What the hell? Who sent this?

- AUDIENCE MEMBER 3: Ew, ew!
- AUDIENCE MEMBER 4: Oh, not bad.

AUDIENCE MEMBER 5:
Anybody recognize them?

MONET: Security! Over here.

- Hi.
- You saw that photo, right?

Yeah, we saw who sent it.

It's the girl
in that orange dress.

(PHONES PINGING)

(PINGING CONTINUES)

SECURITY GUARD 1:
Come with us, please, right now.

Sorry, wha-- what's going on?

SECURITY GUARD 2:
Just follow me.

AUDIENCE MEMBER 6: It was her!

AUDIENCE MEMBER 7:
See, right there!
She's the one who sent it!

AUDIENCE MEMBER 8:
That's who sent it? Her?

(AUDIENCE JEERING)

You dropped your phone.

KATE:
This isn't the after-party.

Did we get played?

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

(PHONE PINGS)

- What are you doing?
- Cementing us.

GOSSIP GIRL: Spotted:
Some Upper East Side style
sibling rivalry.

It may look like Z was
trying to steal the light,

but she was unaware
of Julien and her callow ways.

It's a long drop
from A-list to Z,

but at least everything is back
where it's meant to be.

She looks triumphant.

REEMA: Oh my God!

WENDY: What?

(APPLAUSE, CONTINUES)

GOSSIP GIRL:
Still, I'd watch out, JC.

You bought what you needed,
but now, you'll pay the price.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

- Julien?
- Oh. Good, you're here.

I had no idea Monet and Luna
were gonna do that.

Why didn't you stop it
when it happened?

You stood there.

Worse... you liked it.

- No, I didn't. Z--
- You don't get to call me that.

My God, you're really
blowing this out of proportion.

I'm hurt.

You hurt me.

Why did you bring me here?

- You're my sister.
- We don't even know each other.

Mom wanted us to.

She left us a clue to make sure.
Julien Elizabeth, Zoya Jane.

So don't let some petty
high school bullshit

change what we planned.

I've spent my whole life
wondering who Mom was.

What she was really like.
Why I never got to know her.

And the only thing
that made it better

when I got so low
was knowing that

there was somebody else
wondering the same things.

But you don't even care
about that, do you?

You only care about
how other people see you.

You just got here.

You have no idea
how hard it was

for me to become who I am today.

Dead mom,
drunk or disappearing dad.

And now I'm not just known,
I'm influential.

It takes a lot of work
to matter like that,

to become something.

And I can't have that
taken away from me.

You don't know
who I was before this.

I had a life in Buffalo. Friends.

I pushed my dad to move here
because you asked me to.

Because you said
you wanted to be the family

we were meant to be.

I wish I never came.

Well, maybe you shouldn't have.

But you're here now,
so this can go one of two ways.

You can learn me...

or you can leave.

I've learned enough.

But I'm not gonna leave either.

There's room for more
than just you to matter.

(SCOFFS)

Do you really think you can
go up against me and win?

(LAUGHS)
See, that's your problem.

You still think
there's something to win.

But I'm not playing your game.

So its outcome
means nothing to me.

That's right.
How could I forget?

People like you don't win.
They steal.

Just like your dad did.

So...

good luck, Z.

Great, now we can go
to The Blond together.

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

Babe?

What you did back there...

I didn't do anything.

I've been waiting a long...

long time for this.

For what?

OBIE: For you to show
who you really are.

I mean, I feel like--

I feel like an idiot

for thinking that you were
ever somebody I could l--

I let it get too far tonight.
I know that.

But I'll do better, I promise.

Yeah, maybe.

Maybe you will, but I won't
be there when you do.

I'm-- I'm done.
Sir, can you just--

- I'm gonna get out right here.
- Obie! You can't just--

I can explain.

NICK: You don't have to.

You and your sister
have committed fraud.

You could get
thrown out of that school.

- This could go on your record.
- No, it won't. I'll--

I'll tell them
that I had no idea
Julien got me the scholarship.

- You mean you'll lie?
- I had no idea, Dad. Really.

And... I would have
gotten it anyway, right?

Now you'll never know.

(PHONE PINGS)

GOSSIP GIRL: We started off
painting on cave walls.

Representations of what we saw
and knew to be true.

That bear, the sun, ourselves.

I'm sorry
it's taking me so long.

(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)

You know you can
think about him, right?

What?

GOSSIP GIRL: But very soon,

facts of family and fire
turned into fables.

That bear, vanquished.

The sun, a god.

And us?
Anything we wanted to be.

(BOTH MOANING)

GOSSIP GIRL:
And we've never gone back.

(PANTING)

GOSSIP GIRL:
There's a reason we call
the act of relating something,

"telling a story."

We say it even when it's true.

We also say it when it's a lie.

♪ ("I CAN'T STAY THE SAME"
BY VANESSA CARLTON PLAYING) ♪

"Ooh,
have I got a story for you."

"Do you wanna hear
something crazy?"

"You will not believe
what I'm about to tell you."

♪ I had a plan
I had a past... ♪

GOSSIP GIRL:
Which is how we got to today.

It's all a story now.
And we love to tell it.

It doesn't matter if it's real.

It doesn't matter
if it happened to you

or if you did it.

It only matters
if I say you did.

♪ I knew the words... ♪

GOSSIP GIRL:
Because what they realized then
is still true now.

The only thing that
makes a story interesting

is how it's told
and who's telling it.

♪ I can't... ♪

Those shoes are cool.

♪ I can't stay the same... ♪

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Uh, are you still going to
the RTC Alliance after school?

♪ I can't... ♪

I am still going to the
RTC Alliance after school, yeah.

I-- I would really love
to join you.

(CHUCKLES)

I would love for you
to join me too.

♪ It was gift to admit... ♪

(BOTH GRUNT)

- Oh.
- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

It's all my fault, not yours.

♪ I knew it once
I felt it twice... ♪

I like your blazer.

Thank you.

I'll see you in class.

♪ My revolution wasn't simple ♪

♪ But it was a quiet mind ♪

GOSSIP GIRL: I told you
you couldn't hide from me.

I told you I saw you.

♪ I can't... ♪

GOSSIP GIRL:
But if there's one thing
you can hold as true,

then as now, it's this.

It may take some time,
it may hurt a little bit,

but I know you'll love me.

Which one of these
should we post next?

Whichever we want.
The future is ours again.

GOSSIP GIRL: XOXO, Gossip Girl.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪