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1
00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:19,106
Dear heavenly Father,
Jim Dangle is a good fella.
2
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,369
Please look after him tonight.
3
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:24,415
Lord, please look after
the lieutenant tonight.
4
00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:26,765
He's in a tough spot.
5
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:30,465
God, please,
when will I get my period?
6
00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:32,075
Oh, and if you get a minute,
7
00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:33,618
could you look after
my friend Jim Dangle?
8
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:36,166
He looks like
he's kind of losing it.
9
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,348
Oh, Lord.
10
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:45,610
What a year!
11
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,395
I got weasel pox
12
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:50,876
and then I got
rebound weasel pox,
13
00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:54,402
and then I bought
all that cryptocurrency
14
00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:57,622
because of that excellent
commercial with Matt Damon.
15
00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:00,538
And then I finally got that
16
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,888
Alanis Morissette tramp stamp
that I wanted,
17
00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,934
and the guy spelled it...
18
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:08,894
so close, but not...
Not exactly right.
19
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:12,072
Oh, hey, sir?
20
00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,856
Please don't fuck my bicycle.
21
00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,510
That's my bike
that you're fucking, sir.
22
00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,338
Hey, sir? Sir?
23
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,948
OK, guess what?
24
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:21,690
Joke's on you, that bike seat
has weasel pox on it.
25
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,692
Oh, Lord.
26
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:26,608
If there was ever
a Christmas angel out there,
27
00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,044
I sure could use one tonight.
28
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,703
- Bee!
- Ahh! Oh, my God!
29
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,226
Terry?
30
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:37,334
No, it's a Christmas angel.
31
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:39,795
It's Terry as a Christmas angel.
32
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:40,970
Yeah, that's my name.
33
00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:42,165
- You got new skates.
- Yeah.
34
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,538
You put mistletoe on your...
35
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,061
On my gennies.
36
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,150
All the elves gather around,
and then they rub it
37
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,369
and then I make a candy cane
38
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,066
and then snow comes out
in their face.
39
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:51,372
- Terry.
- What?
40
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,678
I'm just having
the worst year ever.
41
00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,115
I hate to say this,
42
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:56,222
but wouldn't the world be better
43
00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:58,335
if maybe I'd just
never been born?
44
00:01:58,422 --> 00:02:00,598
How can you say that?
45
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,774
I just did, with my mouth,
out into your face.
46
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,796
Lieutenant Dangle, do you
want to see what Reno would
47
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,822
be like if you were never born?
48
00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,084
Show me, Terry.
49
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:09,694
What do I have to do?
50
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,087
It's real simple.
51
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:13,263
Just hold on
to my jingle berries.
52
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:14,719
Is this a... your trick...
No, this is a trick.
53
00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:15,831
No, it's not.
54
00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:17,528
OK.
55
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,704
Where there's a will,
there's a way.
56
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,752
Oh, my gosh.
57
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:25,623
Is that... no!
58
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:27,016
Yes.
59
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:35,677
♪ ♪
60
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:36,852
Trudy?
61
00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:38,593
Yes.
62
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,812
She's incomparable.
63
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:47,776
♪ ♪
64
00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:49,038
Trudy!
65
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,126
No, she can't hear you.
66
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,823
Remember, you were never born.
67
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:54,174
♪ ♪
68
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,437
Is that Rizzo?
Rizzo!
69
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:57,960
Rizzo, It's Jim!
70
00:02:58,047 --> 00:02:58,700
He can't hear you.
71
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,005
Oh, right.
72
00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:07,796
♪ ♪
73
00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:09,580
Not on my watch.
74
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,410
Go!
75
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,195
Yeah!
76
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,156
Thank you, everyone!
77
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,636
My name is Trudy Wiegel.
78
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,768
I love each
and every one of you!
79
00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:29,948
Let's see what Jones
is like if you were never born.
80
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,473
Show me no more!
81
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,866
Show me no...
82
00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:39,001
Holy snot.
83
00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:52,536
Jones is the mother-effing
Sunday front-of-house manager
84
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:55,496
at the mother-effing
Melting Crock?
85
00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,803
- Oh, yeah.
- My God.
86
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,809
Hot-cha.
87
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:09,031
Yeah.
88
00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:11,163
Oh, my God.
They love him so much.
89
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,382
He's worshipped.
90
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,776
All right, let's fon-do this!
91
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,780
Where? Why?
92
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:21,043
Is that Kimball?
93
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:24,351
I would do literally anything
if you would get us a table
94
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:27,136
sooner than 45 minutes.
95
00:04:27,223 --> 00:04:30,966
Well, maybe I can accommodate
you and your little pussy.
96
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:34,622
Oh, there isn't a cat
in this cat carrier.
97
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,145
There's a snake.
98
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,452
And I have a doctor's note
that says I'm allowed
99
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:40,802
to bring it into restaurants.
100
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:45,197
Table's ready.
101
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,896
Boy, it sure is.
102
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:51,856
Kimball's hot,
and she owns a snake?
103
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:53,771
Yes.
104
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,904
See, this is what
their lives are like
105
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:57,871
if you were never born
and fucked everything up!
106
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:58,646
No.
107
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:00,169
No!
108
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:01,562
Terry, don't show me any more.
109
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:03,303
- Wait till we see Clemmy.
- No!
110
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:04,391
- And this time...
- No!
111
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,828
- Brace yourself.
- No.
112
00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:10,919
No!
113
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,660
No.
114
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:13,747
No!
115
00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:17,491
Terry, no!
116
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:18,927
Not Clementine!
117
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,145
It's real!
118
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:21,886
She was the only photogenic one!
119
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:25,020
And she also owes me $1,500
for spray tan sessions
120
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,345
that we were going to split,
and then she was like,
121
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:27,520
I'll use half and you use half.
122
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,154
No, Terry, no!
123
00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:30,241
Yes, look at her.
124
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:35,552
And that's how elegant
you would look in this,
125
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:38,163
the Cadillac of all coffins.
126
00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:40,949
Did I mention it has Bluetooth
in case you're buried alive
127
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:42,603
and want to talk
to someone about it,
128
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,213
or listen to a podcast?
129
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,519
Hi, Clemmy!
130
00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:46,868
She can't hear you, remember?
131
00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:49,044
I've told you that.
Sounds expensive.
132
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:51,829
Maybe you've seen
my brand new Suzuki Outback
133
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,223
with optional roof rack outside.
134
00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,703
You're rich, bitch.
135
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,053
I'm the best coffin salesman
in the Sierras.
136
00:05:58,140 --> 00:05:59,663
I know that's right.
137
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:03,058
For some reason,
all my husbands keep dying.
138
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:04,451
Wah, wah.
139
00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:06,104
I'm sorry for your loss.
140
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,371
Oh!
141
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,913
You know what I really want
to do right now?
142
00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,548
What?
143
00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:17,072
Listen to
the Chipmunks' "Greatest Hits"
144
00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:18,813
and go pee on Terry.
145
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,859
I would love to pee on Terry
and listen to the Chipmunks.
146
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:27,299
♪ Pee on Terry
and listen to the Chipmunks ♪
147
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,301
- ♪ Alvin ♪
- ♪ Simon ♪
148
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,390
♪ Theodore ♪
149
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:31,869
♪ I said, Alvin ♪
150
00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:34,481
Both: ♪ Simon and Theodore ♪
151
00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,744
Alvin. Simon.
152
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,180
Ahh!
Urine! Urine!
153
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,921
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
154
00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:41,575
- What? Oh, my gosh!
- Oh. Oh.
155
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:42,924
Terry!
What?
156
00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:44,621
Oh!
157
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:45,535
Where's all the pee
I was promised
158
00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:47,015
by the girls with big boobs?
159
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:48,662
I think you were projecting
all of that.
160
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:50,777
I just heard a bell ringing.
161
00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:52,281
Oh, my gosh.
162
00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:55,066
Every time a bell rings,
an angel gets a tug job.
163
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,285
From?
164
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:01,116
Not me.
165
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:02,639
I've been to Tug Jobs Anonymous.
166
00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:03,921
I'm in there right now.
Don't tell anybody.
167
00:07:03,945 --> 00:07:05,207
Who else is in it with you?
168
00:07:05,294 --> 00:07:07,470
It's me
and Gary Busey's mailman.
169
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:09,211
- Terry!
- God! What?
170
00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:10,386
What day is it?
171
00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:11,779
Oh, my God!
172
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:13,386
It's only a couple days
till Christmas!
173
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,826
Then there's still time!
174
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,741
There's still time
to get peed on!
175
00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:19,830
Uh, and... and/or other things.
176
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,658
- Right, but mainly peed on.
- Go.
177
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:22,659
Just go.
Go, go, go, go, go,
178
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:23,791
- Asparagus?
- Go.
179
00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,140
- Eat asparagus.
- Go.
180
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:28,143
Merry Christmas,
dirty old pervert man!
181
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:31,712
Fuck this place.
182
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:35,150
Merry Christmas, Reno!
183
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:37,108
Merry Christmas, weed store!
184
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:39,676
Merry Christmas,
you old dildo shop!
185
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,809
Merry Christmas,
Soup on a Stick!
186
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:44,855
Merry Christmas,
frozen dildo shop!
187
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,988
Merry Christmas,
Genital Decorators!
188
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:50,078
Merry Christmas,
paint-your-own dildo shop!
189
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:52,602
Merry Christmas,
Animal Butt Plugs!
190
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,349
Terry?
191
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,745
Were we supposed
to get going, Terry?
192
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,362
Anyway, your lives were great.
193
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,016
Good morning, gang.
194
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,496
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
195
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,256
Uh, this week's briefings
are brought to you
196
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,936
by Fugly Nubs, the app that gets
197
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:25,156
horrifyingly ugly
yet very usable parts
198
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,898
of chickens directly to you.
199
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:29,683
Wait, what?
200
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,922
The way you eat a chicken,
it's skinned, and the pieces...
201
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,426
I've never considered
them attractive.
202
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,794
Well, I'm sorry.
The fine print says,
203
00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,167
uh, "Parts of chickens
204
00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:38,134
that aren't even usable
in Mexican restaurants."
205
00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,756
It sounds like this company
isn't selling you
206
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,433
parts that are unattractive,
207
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,802
they're selling you parts that
you normally would not eat.
208
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,568
Like a triple beak.
209
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,440
It's sort of like when you
buy a box of fabric remnants,
210
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,878
but this is, like,
all cysts and...
211
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,662
- And gizzards.
- And gizzards.
212
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,229
If you fry it real hard...
213
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,752
Yeah.
214
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,406
You... you... you don't even notice.
215
00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,408
It's all coming out
the same hole, you know?
216
00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:01,366
There... actually,
that is actually their new...
217
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:02,716
Uh, their new tagline.
218
00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:04,413
"Fugly Nubs.
It's all coming out
219
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,849
the same hole.
What do you care?"
220
00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:07,242
So...
221
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,679
Did everybody get
the script I wrote
222
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:13,117
for our new Junior Deputy
Pageant this year?
223
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,728
- Yes, we did.
- Yeah.
224
00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:16,468
Do I get to be
the lead this year?
225
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,426
Read the script!
226
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:18,819
Are you playing Jesus again?
227
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:20,429
Yes.
228
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:22,146
We didn't need to read it
to find that out.
229
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,085
Everybody, please be off-book.
230
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,758
We're going to rehearse
as much as we can.
231
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,654
You want us to memorize
this whole thing?
232
00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:29,003
No, just your lines.
233
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,005
We all have
to remember her lines?
234
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,746
Damn, how long is this play?
235
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:33,964
We haven't timed it yet.
236
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,705
It's long.
237
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:38,012
But I mean, if you guys have
ideas for trims, obviously,
238
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,666
if you have ideas for trims...
239
00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:41,382
I just skimmed it, and
I feel like the second half...
240
00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:43,060
You didn't skim it.
241
00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:44,472
Or the last three quarters
could go.
242
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:45,648
Everybody, please
read the script.
243
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:46,779
Cindy, did you read the script?
244
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:47,978
Mm-hmm!
245
00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:49,086
- What did you think?
- Amazing.
246
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,241
Perfect.
Thank you.
247
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:51,852
That's the only feedback I want.
248
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:54,071
Please sign your nudity
waivers, be ready to go.
249
00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:57,248
I agree to and accept
all nudity in regards
250
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,816
to this production, because
I am a fan of the truth.
251
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,818
All right.
252
00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:03,317
We're not allowed to do it this
year... you know how we did it
253
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:04,865
in the parking lot
last year, and then
254
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:05,779
we did it at the
fire station, and
255
00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:07,432
the fire station is mad at us.
256
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:08,888
We don't... we don't
technically have a venue.
257
00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,697
Smells there.
258
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,370
Jim, if we do have to do
it in the parking lot again,
259
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,893
can we scare away that
lady with the birds?
260
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:15,223
The scary lady
who has the birds?
261
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:16,659
Is the... are the birds with her?
262
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,269
Uh, I think
they're all together.
263
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:19,943
Yeah, she seems to be
able to control them.
264
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,838
That was last year's
Junior Deputy Pageant.
265
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,947
I was also thinking, who's the
scary guy with the big thing
266
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:24,991
that he was running around?
267
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:26,277
Oh, the big black wang.
268
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,192
Yeah.
269
00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:29,106
Does everybody see
the extremely sad man
270
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:30,630
at the window?
Oh, my God.
271
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,077
Don't look, don't
look, don't look.
272
00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:33,391
Uh, make believe
we don't see him.
273
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:34,479
I don't want to start working.
274
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:35,809
He looks so sad.
275
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:37,003
- He'll go away.
- It seems official.
276
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:38,027
It seems official.
277
00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:39,290
No, no, Jimmy, come on!
278
00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:40,727
It's our job.
279
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,293
Hey, I don't like
our job either.
280
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,252
Hi, can I... oh, dear.
Oh, dear.
281
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:45,427
Hi. Sir?
282
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:46,820
Are you OK?
283
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:47,559
No, come in, come in, come in.
284
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,560
Sir. Sir.
285
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,649
Sir.
286
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:50,867
Oh, my... wait.
287
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,477
Do I know you?
It is I.
288
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:53,914
Oh, my God! Are you...
289
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:55,350
Mr. Christopher Richnickie
290
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:56,980
from the Sierra Nugget Mall commercials.
291
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:58,875
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, your commercials!
292
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,834
♪ The mall that you love ♪
293
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:02,923
♪ When you're
on a fixed budget ♪
294
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,794
♪ You remember it
from its famous... ♪
295
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:06,100
♪ Silver nugget ♪
296
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,581
That's you!
297
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:10,887
Yep.
298
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:11,995
That used to be a great mall.
299
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,150
Thank you.
300
00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:15,762
Uh, it's a great mall!
301
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:18,373
Someone has been
sending me ransom notes...
302
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:19,940
A lunatic.
303
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,682
He's trying to kidnap
my silver nugget
304
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:24,814
right from my mall.
305
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,618
They've been calling.
They have been sending notes.
306
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,383
They have been absolutely
terrorizing me,
307
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:29,863
and I don't know why.
308
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,691
I refinanced the whole mall
on that nugget.
309
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:32,996
If I lose that nugget,
310
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,606
I lose everything.
Gimme. Gimme.
311
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,280
I... I... I'm going to make one
of those string boards.
312
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,653
I'm on this. I got this.
313
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:38,915
Give me that.
314
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,612
So many terrible things
have happened.
315
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,155
We've had to make so many
cutbacks at the mall.
316
00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:43,311
This is great.
317
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,182
This is great.
318
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:46,856
It looks like I'm going to be
playing Santa Claus this year...
319
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:47,968
- Oh, my goodness.
- Oh.
320
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,230
This is the real thing.
321
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:50,927
They've got the cutouts,
the letters.
322
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:53,625
And every one of them says
Christopher Richnickie.
323
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,236
Do you know how long that takes?
324
00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:57,455
And he cut out every
fucking letter of that name.
325
00:11:57,542 --> 00:12:00,328
Mr. Richnickie, one
of the stupidest people
326
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:02,243
I've ever met
in my entire life...
327
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:03,592
He's talking about me.
328
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,507
Just had an incredible idea.
329
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:06,856
We're looking for a venue
330
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,510
to do our annual
Christmas pageant
331
00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:10,381
for the little Junior Deputies.
332
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:13,907
If we could do it at
the Sierra Nugget Mall,
333
00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:17,606
we could be there in person
to protect your nugget
334
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,651
from these would-be bandits.
Yes.
335
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,579
But a pageant would bring
customers to my mall.
336
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:22,718
- It could.
- That would help me!
337
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,569
A wonderful pageant.
338
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:25,483
And also having you there
to protect the nugget...
339
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:26,920
That's right.
340
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,375
It's like sticking a wolf
right in the henhouse.
341
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:29,759
- Thank you!
- This is serendipity!
342
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,072
Thank you,
female Pee-wee Herman!
343
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:32,577
Yes.
344
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:34,405
Well, this is
a Christmas miracle!
345
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,538
You will give us a venue
for our pageant,
346
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,540
and we will do the thing that is
347
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:41,151
by definition our job,
which is protect your property.
348
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:42,674
This is magnificent.
349
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,676
And if all goes well,
we could pick anything
350
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,113
we want from the mall!
351
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,200
That's not allowed.
352
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,550
Going to be great. Thank you.
353
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:49,962
This has been
the worst year of my life.
354
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,074
Wow, you really keep...
355
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,249
- My wife has lupus.
- Yeah.
356
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:53,773
OK, goodbye.
357
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,446
I actually feel like
this has been resolved,
358
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:56,664
and you could probably
leave now.
359
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,038
We... we... we haven't agreed...
360
00:12:58,125 --> 00:13:00,388
She can't stand me,
and all I am is nice.
361
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:01,737
Oh.
362
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,217
Doctors can't even do that.
363
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:05,393
So if you're asking us
to kill her...
364
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,486
Said you were going
to do it, now do it!
365
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,357
I just listen to this every day?
366
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:14,663
Every day.
367
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,032
A couple of times
a day if you can,
368
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:17,318
and while you go to sleep.
369
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:19,102
Let it get in there subliminally.
370
00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:22,062
And that is how
you live your best life.
371
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,628
I can Venmo you.
372
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,650
I'm going to give it to you
as an act of generosity.
373
00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:27,807
- You're the best.
- Oh, I know who this is.
374
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,199
Sheriff's Department!
375
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:32,333
Um, there's nobody in this box.
376
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,204
- Hi, Jackie.
- Jackie!
377
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:35,597
Jackie's not here.
378
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,773
Please... please leave
a message at the tone.
379
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,427
OK, hang on one second.
380
00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:42,604
Telephone call for Jackie,
the transient who's nesting
381
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,649
in the book deposit box.
Hello?
382
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:46,086
- Jackie?
- Yes?
383
00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:47,541
Hi, it's Jim from
the Sheriff's Department.
384
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,045
Oh, hi.
Why didn't you just say so?
385
00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,307
Ni... happy Christmas
386
00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:51,874
and nice for you
to see me again.
387
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:53,006
Hi, Jackie.
388
00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:54,398
Can you come out and talk to us
389
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,357
about some business
opportunities?
390
00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:58,204
The yearbook photo of Jackie,
that's actually it.
391
00:13:58,228 --> 00:13:59,926
- Right in...
- Oh, hey, guys.
392
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,144
How's it going?
393
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,798
Have you ever been
to Marseilles?
394
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:04,732
I'm going to put it
all on blue and let it ride.
395
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:07,324
One time I was in Marseilles,
and, uh...
396
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:08,935
The tide...
When the tide goes out...
397
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,937
- Oh, shit!
- It smells like this?
398
00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:12,697
- That's it. That's exactly it.
- Oh, my God.
399
00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,960
But you've got to be there
at low tide in, like, August...
400
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,116
Late August, September.
401
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:17,378
Marseilles.
402
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,032
Jackie, we're pulling you
on five.
403
00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:20,183
- We're pulling you out.
- On the count of four.
404
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:21,599
- One...
- Five. Go!
405
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:22,731
- Two... God!
- Oh, shit.
406
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:23,950
Oh, shit.
I got it.
407
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:25,038
I got it.
OK, I'm good.
408
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,735
Got her. Got her. Got her.
409
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,606
Did everybody know
that it was me?
410
00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:29,738
Surprise!
411
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,044
We all knew it was you.
412
00:14:31,131 --> 00:14:32,349
Oh, Clemmy.
413
00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:33,742
Yes.
414
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:35,570
She... she says
it's a Christmas miracle.
415
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:37,180
I just wanted
to see my friend Jackie
416
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,834
because she's my inspiration,
417
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:41,402
both sociology-wise
and spiritually.
418
00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:42,838
Yeah.
419
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:45,536
Not to mention,
look at the fashion.
420
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,147
Oh, shit.
421
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:49,845
She was Miss Nevada
a long time ago.
422
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,891
There's possum shit in my boots.
423
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,980
You want to tell us
about this little, uh,
424
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:55,938
business you've started
over here?
425
00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:59,289
Oh, I'm not pulling books
out of this for sale, for sure.
426
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:00,769
These are for charity.
427
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:03,859
Two for 10, five for 4,
16 for 22.
428
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,774
52 for three wallet-sized.
429
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,341
- OK.
- You're just doing work...
430
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:08,995
But you can't get your inventory
431
00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,866
from the Reno Public Library.
432
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,520
These are all library books.
433
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:13,932
We know that's what you
did 'cause it says that.
434
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:14,870
How much is this one?
435
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:16,306
Oh, this one is so...
436
00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:17,457
Don't put... don't go
for my penis, please.
437
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:18,656
This one is very...
438
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:19,807
You were leaning
right towards my...
439
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:20,963
What?
I wasn't trying to.
440
00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:22,182
- Yeah, you were.
- Listen.
441
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,749
There's no free blowjobs
on Christmas!
442
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:25,272
Do you want me to...
443
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:26,186
I'm going to cuff you
for your own protection, OK?
444
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,579
Just casually, casually.
Oh, look at this!
445
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:29,861
She's being so lovely.
Here's the problem.
446
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:30,712
But don't... don't... Jackie!
447
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:32,279
Deedle-eedle-eedle-ee.
448
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,149
Jackie, I just
don't want to see...
449
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,237
Jackie.
450
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:35,345
Look at all these dollars.
451
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:36,369
Surprise.
452
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:38,285
You cannot just creep up
453
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,852
on a lady at Christmas time...
454
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,960
Put that under
your vagina, please.
455
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,159
And expect... oh, no.
456
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:44,726
Is something crawling out?
No.
457
00:15:44,813 --> 00:15:45,640
You stay in there.
458
00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:47,598
You'll be safe.
459
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:49,122
Are you talking to your snatch?
460
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:50,340
Mm-hmm.
461
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:51,515
Have you met her?
462
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:52,995
She's not friendly.
463
00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:55,867
We could either get her
in the vehicle.
464
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,521
Mm-hmm.
465
00:15:57,608 --> 00:16:00,133
Or if we get her
all the way into the box,
466
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:03,005
then she's
the library's problem.
467
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,678
Let's get her in the vehicle.
This is gross.
468
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:05,984
They're going to get mad.
Let's get her in the vehicle.
469
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:07,488
Why don't you come
to the car with me?
470
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,272
I have pickles.
That's fine. I'll do that.
471
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,143
I'm allowing you to hold this.
472
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:12,406
I'm allowing you to hold this!
473
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:13,493
Stop it. Stop it.
474
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:14,843
- All of this!
- Oh, fuck!
475
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,584
Oh, look.
This is my Christmas dress.
476
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,351
Is that your... oh,
that is very Christmassy.
477
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:20,607
I can't see in my right eye,
but it's...
478
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:21,763
I think it's fine.
479
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,286
Santa is going
to stuff you right
480
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:24,157
in this little thing here.
Santa's gonna stuff me?
481
00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:25,462
- Yeah. You're good.
- Yeah.
482
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:26,681
Don't... stop.
483
00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:27,638
I've been dreaming about this.
484
00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:28,944
Stop it.
485
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,685
I've been dreaming about this!
486
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:31,468
Santa, stuff it!
487
00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:32,817
Here.
488
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:35,690
Oh, Santa, Santa.
489
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:38,910
Oh, what child is this?
490
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,478
And God bless us, every one.
491
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,785
Record time getting her
into the thing.
492
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:45,352
Don't you think?
493
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:46,894
- Because we listened...
- Because we listened!
494
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,374
- To affirmations.
- The affirmations!
495
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:49,530
- Yeah.
- I think it helped.
496
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,194
Still there.
497
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:04,762
So Dangle has us patrolling
the mall in shifts
498
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,243
to, um, keep an eye
on the nugget,
499
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:09,376
to make sure that
nobody steals it.
500
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,987
I think Mr. Richnickie is just
being a little bit paranoid,
501
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:14,381
and, quite frankly,
a little bit dramatic,
502
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,470
about someone wanting
to steal the silver nugget.
503
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:19,951
I mean, it's like, why would
anybody want this thing?
504
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,606
Right?
What is it made of, cake?
505
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,652
Actually, has anybody checked?
506
00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:27,742
Because they are making
some pretty weird shit
507
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:30,136
out of cake lately.
508
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:33,052
If you want something stolen,
509
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:35,097
put it in a display like this.
510
00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:36,509
If you put it...
You're begging for it.
511
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,535
You're begging for it.
I would steal this.
512
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:39,797
I would steal this
513
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,669
and I would sell it
in my Etsy shop
514
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:44,976
for $25,000 plus shipping,
calling it a meteor.
515
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,674
And someone would buy it.
516
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:47,631
You're right.
517
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,155
Oh, no!
518
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:50,634
- Whoa!
- Hey, hey, hey!
519
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:52,549
Oh! Oh!
520
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:54,682
First my wife
has lupus, now this?
521
00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,640
Wait, that's what
you called us here for?
522
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,033
No!
523
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,340
Someone put
a live adult male chimp
524
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,603
inside of my Santa sack!
525
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,083
You put a... whoa!
526
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:08,826
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
527
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:10,045
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
528
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,438
Get back! Get back!
529
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:12,719
Stay away from my nugget,
you dirty monkey!
530
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,310
Where'd he go?
531
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:19,359
Hey, hey, hey. This is Jones.
532
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,143
Uh, I'm at
the Sierra Nugget Mall.
533
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,425
I need backup.
We've been chimp-sacked.
534
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:23,798
- Chimp-sacked, copy.
- What?
535
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,297
Explain to them what happened.
Where'd he go?
536
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:26,385
- I don't know.
- What happened?
537
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,715
- We lost him.
- We lost him.
538
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,065
- Excuse us.
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
539
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:31,458
- Watch it.
- Jim!
540
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:32,894
- Excuse me.
- Jim, right here!
541
00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:34,025
- Careful.
- What's up?
542
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,193
We're getting chimp-sacked?
543
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,550
Yeah, we got chimp-sacked.
544
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,005
How do you know this term,
chimp-sacked?
545
00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:39,466
We got an adult male chimpanzee
546
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:40,660
in a sack or a satchel,
some kind of bag.
547
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:41,729
Chimp-sack.
548
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,056
What's there to not understand?
549
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,035
It's a chimp in a sack, right?
550
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,211
No, I get that, but...
551
00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,560
- Like jaguar-luggaged.
- What?
552
00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:47,517
That I don't know.
553
00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:48,684
That's not a thing, either.
554
00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:55,960
Why are we all being so loud?
555
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:57,875
Why are we being so loud?
556
00:18:57,962 --> 00:18:59,660
Poke him with that stick.
557
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:01,427
Maybe make other chimp noises
or something?
558
00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:07,058
- No, no, no.
- Bad idea.
559
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,546
I think he's very close
to falling...
560
00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:11,324
♪ Asleep ♪
561
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:15,893
Both: ♪ Little chimpanzee ♪
562
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,523
Guys, guys.
He's fall... he's fallen over.
563
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:19,114
He's asleep.
He's asleep.
564
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,463
Oh, crack his little skull.
565
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:22,378
Oh, give him
a little skull crack.
566
00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:24,075
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
567
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:27,688
What are you doing?
Why did you shoot the elf?
568
00:19:27,775 --> 00:19:29,994
Fuck you!
569
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:31,387
Jim!
570
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:33,172
No! No!
571
00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:34,782
Look away!
Look away from this!
572
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:36,175
Oh, my God!
573
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,959
Do something!
574
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:39,395
I gotta... Jim!
575
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:42,311
Help me!
576
00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:44,487
You son of a bitch!
577
00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:46,335
I just want to remind you
that you shot my friend!
578
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,274
- My God!
- You shot Keith the Elf!
579
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,884
Oh, my God, you killed him!
580
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,383
No, no, no, no, no.
No, you didn't kill him.
581
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:53,148
One tranquilizer dart
582
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:55,803
is equal to three Quaaludes, OK?
583
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:56,760
Are we talking about
getting some Quaaludes?
584
00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:58,371
Is that what we're
talking about?
585
00:19:58,458 --> 00:19:59,913
Well, I'm just saying
a tranquilizer dart is...
586
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,480
- Please don't fuck me.
- Wait, wait, wait, what?
587
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:02,244
- What?
- What did he say?
588
00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:03,941
Please don't fuck me.
589
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:05,745
The last time Keith
got knocked out at work,
590
00:20:05,769 --> 00:20:07,356
a whole bunch of people
tried to fuck him.
591
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,792
So I think that might be
the concern right now.
592
00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:10,078
Please don't fuck me.
593
00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:11,384
That is definitely the concern!
594
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:12,871
Nobody's got eyes
on our chimp sack?
595
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,866
Get it in!
596
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:18,521
Follow it.
Follow it.
597
00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:20,958
Trap it in. Trap it in.
Get in there!
598
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:22,351
Don't you my Keith.
599
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:23,874
Nobody wants any parts of that.
600
00:20:23,961 --> 00:20:25,069
You know, it's like
that thing where you say,
601
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:26,529
don't think of elephants.
602
00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:28,216
Now everyone's thinking
of fucking Keith.
603
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,576
Don't fuck Keith!
604
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,634
Does everyone remember
the oath that HR made us take?
605
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:47,507
And I won't show my wiener
to anybody.
606
00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:49,335
I will not show
my wiener to anybody.
607
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:50,597
No such thing as a penis oath.
608
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:52,076
- What are we doing?
- Oh.
609
00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:53,402
Oh, we were just taking
an oath that we wouldn't
610
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:54,775
show people our wieners.
611
00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:55,906
Yeah, yeah.
612
00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:57,952
Well, we had a situation
with a...
613
00:20:58,039 --> 00:20:59,059
Yeah, there's a chimpanzee
running through the mall.
614
00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:00,389
Chimpanzee.
615
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:01,956
It got into the Santa sack
and, uh,
616
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:03,349
we don't know where it is.
617
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:04,456
It's all part
of a terrible ransom.
618
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:05,786
You're being chimp-sacked?
619
00:21:05,873 --> 00:21:07,701
- Not a thing.
- The adult male chimpanzee
620
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:10,007
has nine times the grip
of that of a male adult.
621
00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:12,967
The secret is,
you have to be a chimp
622
00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:14,577
of a higher status.
623
00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,187
It's a status game, mates.
624
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,406
Watch and learn.
625
00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:19,278
He's over here, behind the...
626
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:20,801
He knows what he's doing.
627
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:21,758
This is good.
628
00:21:21,845 --> 00:21:23,673
All right, this is no good.
629
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,200
You need, like, a moose
or something.
630
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,400
A reindeer is not big enough.
631
00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:27,851
- OK.
- Not big enough.
632
00:21:27,938 --> 00:21:29,505
- Bigger chimp.
- Bigger chimp.
633
00:21:29,592 --> 00:21:30,912
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Status game.
634
00:21:30,941 --> 00:21:32,465
- Oh, yes. Yeah, OK.
- Come on.
635
00:21:32,552 --> 00:21:34,031
Come on, chimpie.
OK, OK.
636
00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:37,861
Oh. Oh, no, no, no.
637
00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:39,308
That sounds... that sounds bad.
Oh!
638
00:21:42,475 --> 00:21:44,128
Oh, he's OK!
639
00:21:44,215 --> 00:21:46,217
He's got a bit
of fight in him, that one.
640
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:47,610
All right, different tactic.
641
00:21:47,697 --> 00:21:48,935
I want him to think
that I'm a female.
642
00:21:48,959 --> 00:21:50,047
You, you.
643
00:21:50,134 --> 00:21:51,353
I need some musk.
644
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,703
This way... this way...
OK.
645
00:21:53,790 --> 00:21:55,333
- He'll think that I'm a woman.
- That works.
646
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:56,402
That works.
Not enough.
647
00:21:56,489 --> 00:21:57,577
Not enough.
Oh!
648
00:21:57,664 --> 00:21:59,013
You want some? Oh.
649
00:21:59,100 --> 00:21:59,883
- OK.
- Hey.
650
00:21:59,970 --> 00:22:01,668
Oh.
651
00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:02,862
- Guys, it's totally standard.
- That'll do it.
652
00:22:02,886 --> 00:22:04,081
He'll like that.
He'll like that.
653
00:22:04,105 --> 00:22:05,193
OK, good.
You're welcome.
654
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,108
Maybe.
Santa, come here.
655
00:22:07,195 --> 00:22:08,588
You smell like a woman.
656
00:22:08,675 --> 00:22:10,198
It's funny,
because usually when a man
657
00:22:10,285 --> 00:22:12,983
sticks his arm up my crotch,
I get his name first.
658
00:22:13,070 --> 00:22:14,942
Now it's time
for the tender trap.
659
00:22:15,029 --> 00:22:16,029
OK.
660
00:22:16,073 --> 00:22:17,597
Godspeed.
661
00:22:17,684 --> 00:22:19,120
Oh, you go... you go, girl.
662
00:22:23,124 --> 00:22:24,517
Not in there!
663
00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:25,866
Put him down.
664
00:22:25,953 --> 00:22:27,393
- Is your foot in it?
- Leave it, no!
665
00:22:27,433 --> 00:22:28,782
No!
666
00:22:28,869 --> 00:22:29,869
Ahh!
667
00:22:29,913 --> 00:22:30,913
Oh, oh.
668
00:22:30,958 --> 00:22:32,438
He's in...
669
00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:33,395
- Ahh!
- Oh, he's alive.
670
00:22:33,482 --> 00:22:34,527
- Oh.
- He's alive.
671
00:22:34,614 --> 00:22:35,528
I got him.
672
00:22:35,615 --> 00:22:37,094
I choked him out.
673
00:22:37,181 --> 00:22:38,357
You choked him out.
674
00:22:38,444 --> 00:22:39,836
Oh.
675
00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:42,230
He's not going
to bother you anymore.
676
00:22:42,317 --> 00:22:43,492
He's a nice fella.
677
00:22:43,579 --> 00:22:45,233
Just needed a bit of love.
Oh.
678
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,539
Thank you, brave sir.
679
00:22:46,626 --> 00:22:48,192
- You're a hero.
- Brave sir.
680
00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:49,411
Oh, thank you so much.
681
00:22:49,498 --> 00:22:51,413
Your items.
Ah, wow. Wow.
682
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,197
Uh, let's... is this dumb?
683
00:22:53,284 --> 00:22:55,635
Can get a... can we get
a snap with the squad?
684
00:22:55,722 --> 00:22:57,419
Oh, yeah.
That's a great idea.
685
00:22:57,506 --> 00:22:59,160
Come on, come on.
686
00:22:59,247 --> 00:23:00,857
That's great. Whoops.
687
00:23:00,944 --> 00:23:02,544
Can everybody go, "whoops"?
That's great.
688
00:23:05,645 --> 00:23:07,298
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Oh!
689
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,299
Oh, you got him, Jim!
690
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,084
I'm OK!
691
00:23:12,042 --> 00:23:13,653
It's a Christmas miracle!
692
00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:14,784
Let's get the photo.
693
00:23:14,871 --> 00:23:16,177
Season's greetings!
694
00:23:16,264 --> 00:23:19,180
Season's greetings.
695
00:23:19,267 --> 00:23:21,269
Only three days left
to Christmas.
696
00:23:21,356 --> 00:23:22,966
Bargains are abound.
697
00:23:23,053 --> 00:23:25,273
Does anybody want
an Ice N Tasty?
698
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,840
No, I need one to put on...
699
00:23:26,927 --> 00:23:28,121
To ice my tasties.
Morning, officers.
700
00:23:28,145 --> 00:23:29,669
Morning, morning.
701
00:23:29,756 --> 00:23:30,409
- Well, hello there.
- Good morning.
702
00:23:30,496 --> 00:23:31,801
Thank you for your service.
703
00:23:31,888 --> 00:23:33,542
We saw what you got up to
this morning.
704
00:23:33,629 --> 00:23:35,414
Oh, yeah. We got, uh... uh...
705
00:23:35,501 --> 00:23:36,632
Chimp... you got chimp-sacked.
706
00:23:36,719 --> 00:23:38,159
- We got chimp-sacked.
- We sure did.
707
00:23:38,199 --> 00:23:39,766
My name is Gunner.
708
00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:41,550
And my name
is Ronnie Donald Ceviche.
709
00:23:41,637 --> 00:23:42,812
And I am Hold 'Em.
710
00:23:42,899 --> 00:23:44,335
And I am Fold 'Em.
711
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:45,772
Yeah.
We are the current stewards
712
00:23:45,859 --> 00:23:49,079
of the Kenny Rogers' Life
Exhibit.
713
00:23:49,166 --> 00:23:52,126
Is this some kind of
traveling Kenny Rogers museum?
714
00:23:52,213 --> 00:23:54,041
Some kind?
715
00:23:54,128 --> 00:23:57,653
This is the traveling
Kenny Rogers museum.
716
00:23:57,740 --> 00:23:59,002
We're talking too much.
717
00:23:59,089 --> 00:24:00,569
It's almost time
to start our show.
718
00:24:00,656 --> 00:24:02,876
- Oh, oh, oh!
- And...
719
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:07,446
Born 21 August, 1938,
Kenneth Donald Rogers,
720
00:24:07,533 --> 00:24:09,491
known to his family
as Kenneth Ray,
721
00:24:09,578 --> 00:24:12,015
went on to be nominated
19 times for a Grammy
722
00:24:12,102 --> 00:24:15,889
and sold over
121 million records worldwide.
723
00:24:15,976 --> 00:24:18,631
This is the exact size Kenny was
724
00:24:18,718 --> 00:24:20,371
when he was this size.
725
00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:22,243
- Child-size Kenny.
- It looks just like him.
726
00:24:22,330 --> 00:24:24,027
It looks just like him.
727
00:24:24,114 --> 00:24:26,421
And he grew up in poverty,
surrounded by rats.
728
00:24:26,508 --> 00:24:28,075
No. That's not a rat, sir.
729
00:24:28,162 --> 00:24:30,817
That is a nine-banded
Texas armadillo.
730
00:24:30,904 --> 00:24:32,035
The Texas tank.
731
00:24:32,122 --> 00:24:33,472
Well, this was amazing.
732
00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:34,719
I wish there was more to see.
733
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:36,083
Oh... oh, there is more!
734
00:24:36,170 --> 00:24:37,519
Oh, wow.
735
00:24:37,606 --> 00:24:40,043
Oh, whoa!
Whoa!
736
00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:43,394
Kenny Rogers stood
at least 6 feet tall.
737
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,788
Rumor is, he never
looked down on any man,
738
00:24:45,875 --> 00:24:47,834
but every man looked up to him.
739
00:24:47,921 --> 00:24:49,357
Look, look.
740
00:24:49,444 --> 00:24:51,533
I'm big enough that
if you skinned me,
741
00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:52,926
Kenny Rogers could wear me.
742
00:24:53,013 --> 00:24:54,144
Your brain works weird.
743
00:24:54,231 --> 00:24:55,276
I like it.
744
00:24:58,975 --> 00:25:02,588
This has all of Kenny's songs
in Japanese?
745
00:25:02,675 --> 00:25:04,067
Yep. All of them.
746
00:25:04,154 --> 00:25:05,242
Why?
747
00:25:12,685 --> 00:25:15,296
- Is this a suit that he wore?
- Well, this...
748
00:25:15,383 --> 00:25:16,926
Just like everything
you're about to see...
749
00:25:16,950 --> 00:25:19,561
Is something that Kenny
actually wore himself
750
00:25:19,648 --> 00:25:22,999
or is a pretty accurate
just this side of replica.
751
00:25:23,086 --> 00:25:25,741
This is a replica
that Kenny would have worn,
752
00:25:25,828 --> 00:25:28,178
had Kenny worn a replica
like this one.
753
00:25:28,265 --> 00:25:30,026
- It would have been this one.
- That's right.
754
00:25:52,855 --> 00:25:54,596
Kenny grew up really poor.
755
00:25:54,683 --> 00:25:57,556
He couldn't afford a kitty,
so he had a baby goat.
756
00:25:57,643 --> 00:25:59,949
They nicknamed him Smitty.
757
00:26:00,036 --> 00:26:01,560
This goat feels
like hard plastic.
758
00:26:01,647 --> 00:26:03,257
Is that what that is?
It is.
759
00:26:03,344 --> 00:26:05,017
That's what that is.
This is not even a real goat?
760
00:26:05,041 --> 00:26:06,541
I mean, it's a goat in there,
but we lacquered it.
761
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:07,890
And then after a while it
started to delaminate, so...
762
00:26:07,914 --> 00:26:09,306
Magnificent.
763
00:26:09,393 --> 00:26:10,980
Also just a test of,
could we laminate a goat?
764
00:26:11,004 --> 00:26:12,309
Yeah.
765
00:26:12,396 --> 00:26:14,007
Well, you never know
until you try.
766
00:26:16,487 --> 00:26:18,011
OK.
767
00:26:18,098 --> 00:26:19,142
Hi.
768
00:26:19,229 --> 00:26:20,274
I don't see anybody.
769
00:26:20,361 --> 00:26:21,492
Let's do this quick.
770
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,451
- OK.
- Ready?
771
00:26:23,538 --> 00:26:26,062
Both: One, two, three.
772
00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:31,415
All right.
So the plan is, we call...
773
00:26:31,502 --> 00:26:32,895
We call animal control.
Right.
774
00:26:32,982 --> 00:26:33,896
And they come
pick this thing up.
775
00:26:33,983 --> 00:26:34,810
- Yeah.
- Right?
776
00:26:34,897 --> 00:26:36,246
Yeah.
777
00:26:36,333 --> 00:26:37,813
And it has a very
happy life somewhere
778
00:26:37,857 --> 00:26:39,051
in some... in something that
looks like
779
00:26:39,075 --> 00:26:40,511
a Tarzan set, right?
780
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,533
Or... or we leave it here,
and it just can run free.
781
00:26:42,557 --> 00:26:43,621
That's right.
You know, it's like a jungle.
782
00:26:43,645 --> 00:26:44,907
It's like a concrete jungle.
783
00:26:44,994 --> 00:26:46,493
We're releasing the monkey
in the concrete...
784
00:26:46,517 --> 00:26:48,084
- Hello?
- Hello?
785
00:26:48,171 --> 00:26:49,346
Hello?
786
00:26:49,433 --> 00:26:50,783
- Oh!
- Oh, my God.
787
00:26:50,870 --> 00:26:52,132
Oh, my...
788
00:26:52,219 --> 00:26:53,568
- Hey!
- Keith!
789
00:26:53,655 --> 00:26:55,004
- Hey, man.
- Where am I?
790
00:26:55,091 --> 00:26:56,286
What are you doing in that sack?
791
00:26:56,310 --> 00:26:57,790
What am I doing in that sack?
792
00:26:57,877 --> 00:26:58,897
We got... what's he doing here?
793
00:26:58,921 --> 00:27:00,531
Did you guys tranq me?
794
00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:02,577
Wait, if you're here, then...
795
00:27:02,664 --> 00:27:04,710
Who'd we drop at the strip club?
796
00:27:07,626 --> 00:27:08,907
You can take me
to the strip club.
797
00:27:08,931 --> 00:27:10,063
No, no, no.
You stay here.
798
00:27:10,150 --> 00:27:11,064
We should go.
We'll check it out.
799
00:27:11,151 --> 00:27:12,021
- Yeah.
- We should go.
800
00:27:12,108 --> 00:27:13,283
I got to go home!
801
00:27:13,370 --> 00:27:14,720
I know my wife's worried sick!
802
00:27:14,807 --> 00:27:15,982
She's bigger than me!
803
00:27:18,767 --> 00:27:21,944
Is this what I think this is?
804
00:27:22,031 --> 00:27:25,905
If you think this
is Kenny Rogers' bones,
805
00:27:25,992 --> 00:27:27,776
it absolutely is.
806
00:27:27,863 --> 00:27:29,386
Please no flash photography.
807
00:27:32,172 --> 00:27:33,758
I can only keep it open
in little spurts,
808
00:27:33,782 --> 00:27:34,827
much like a Caravaggio.
809
00:27:34,914 --> 00:27:36,655
Three, two, one.
810
00:27:36,742 --> 00:27:38,047
Oh, whoa.
811
00:27:38,134 --> 00:27:41,529
We just saw Kenny Rogers' bones.
812
00:27:41,616 --> 00:27:43,096
- That is possible, yes.
- Yes.
813
00:27:43,183 --> 00:27:44,358
Can I... should we all switch?
814
00:27:44,445 --> 00:27:45,685
I would love to see the bottom.
815
00:27:45,751 --> 00:27:46,665
Oh, yeah, please see the bottom.
816
00:27:46,752 --> 00:27:50,581
Kenny Rogers' bones.
817
00:27:52,235 --> 00:27:53,062
Please no flash photography.
818
00:27:53,149 --> 00:27:54,237
This side is even better.
819
00:27:54,324 --> 00:27:55,630
The bottom side is incredible.
820
00:27:55,717 --> 00:27:58,024
His voice resonated
inside that skull.
821
00:27:58,111 --> 00:28:00,113
There's still cards in his hand.
822
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,897
- Wow.
- Yeah.
823
00:28:01,984 --> 00:28:04,049
The kind of cards Kenny Rogers
would have held in his hands,
824
00:28:04,073 --> 00:28:05,466
had he died lying down.
825
00:28:05,553 --> 00:28:07,207
Amazing.
826
00:28:07,294 --> 00:28:09,339
I will say, having
just seen his wingspan,
827
00:28:09,426 --> 00:28:11,820
this is the full-size Kenny?
828
00:28:11,907 --> 00:28:13,972
We should admit that we do
have the same parent company
829
00:28:13,996 --> 00:28:15,519
as the Body World show.
Oh.
830
00:28:15,606 --> 00:28:17,260
- Remember that?
- OK.
831
00:28:17,347 --> 00:28:18,716
Was that, like, the muscle
dudes that played volleyball?
832
00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:19,959
- Yeah.
- Exactly.
833
00:28:20,046 --> 00:28:21,501
So there is some
cross-pollination where,
834
00:28:21,525 --> 00:28:22,851
you know, well,
we share a warehouse.
835
00:28:22,875 --> 00:28:24,267
Sure, of course.
836
00:28:24,354 --> 00:28:25,592
Let's not tug
each other's nuts right here.
837
00:28:25,616 --> 00:28:27,053
They may not be
Kenny Rogers' bones,
838
00:28:27,140 --> 00:28:28,924
but they remain bones,
mostly human bones.
839
00:28:29,011 --> 00:28:30,534
Let's not tug our own nuts.
840
00:28:30,621 --> 00:28:32,362
No.
841
00:28:32,449 --> 00:28:34,974
Let's not allow anyone
walking by to get a nut tug.
842
00:28:35,061 --> 00:28:36,802
Bones.
Human bones.
843
00:28:36,889 --> 00:28:38,214
- Kenny Rogers had them.
- In the shape...
844
00:28:38,238 --> 00:28:39,935
In the shape of Kenny Rogers.
845
00:28:40,022 --> 00:28:41,217
You know what?
I'd kind of like to see
846
00:28:41,241 --> 00:28:42,392
the top half again,
would that be OK?
847
00:28:42,416 --> 00:28:44,200
Oh, yeah. Please.
Please take your time.
848
00:28:44,287 --> 00:28:46,507
You said pièce de résistance
two or three times.
849
00:28:46,594 --> 00:28:48,117
Yeah.
850
00:28:48,204 --> 00:28:50,903
This is clearly
the pièce de résistance.
851
00:28:50,990 --> 00:28:52,643
This has been wonderful.
852
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:54,360
We'll just come by anytime,
and you guys can show these?
853
00:28:54,384 --> 00:28:56,362
Any time you got $38,
you can come right on by here.
854
00:28:56,386 --> 00:28:57,692
- Again.
- Wow.
855
00:29:04,003 --> 00:29:05,154
♪ Oh, the little
Junior Deputies ♪
856
00:29:05,178 --> 00:29:05,918
♪ They came up to your knee ♪
857
00:29:06,005 --> 00:29:07,069
♪ But how'd they turn out? ♪
858
00:29:07,093 --> 00:29:09,312
♪ Take a look-y and see ♪
859
00:29:09,399 --> 00:29:12,620
It's Christmas, and the Reno
Junior Deputies program
860
00:29:12,707 --> 00:29:15,492
has never needed your funds
more than right now.
861
00:29:15,579 --> 00:29:18,060
Every year y'all have been
leaving babies for us,
862
00:29:18,147 --> 00:29:19,758
like some kind
of backwards Grinch
863
00:29:19,845 --> 00:29:21,455
who never heard about rubbers.
864
00:29:21,542 --> 00:29:24,153
Well, meet my little friend
Freckles here.
865
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,374
After 20 Christmases spent in
the Reno Sheriff's Department,
866
00:29:27,461 --> 00:29:29,550
this is little Freckles now.
867
00:29:31,291 --> 00:29:32,422
Good girl, Freckles.
868
00:29:32,509 --> 00:29:33,597
I drank poison.
869
00:29:33,684 --> 00:29:34,792
- No, you didn't.
- Just kidding.
870
00:29:34,816 --> 00:29:35,991
No, I didn't.
871
00:29:36,078 --> 00:29:37,601
'Cause I can't,
'cause I'm pregnant.
872
00:29:37,688 --> 00:29:40,300
Freckles, so help me God,
just say happy holidays
873
00:29:40,387 --> 00:29:41,756
from the Junior
Sheriff's Department,
874
00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:43,477
or I'll smack
the shit out of you.
875
00:29:43,564 --> 00:29:45,087
I want you to.
876
00:29:45,174 --> 00:29:46,480
Kill me!
Stop!
877
00:29:46,567 --> 00:29:47,762
- Kill me!
- Stop asking me to kill you!
878
00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:49,091
Fucking kill me!
879
00:29:49,178 --> 00:29:49,918
I am not going to kill you,
you little...
880
00:29:50,005 --> 00:29:51,485
Suck my dick!
881
00:29:51,572 --> 00:29:52,442
♪ Oh, the little
Junior Deputies ♪
882
00:29:52,529 --> 00:29:53,922
♪ Were only just cubs ♪
883
00:29:54,009 --> 00:29:55,315
♪ But now they're men
and women ♪
884
00:29:55,402 --> 00:29:57,056
♪ Kind of like us ♪
885
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,520
We've been here since
4:00 a.m. this morning,
886
00:30:07,588 --> 00:30:09,416
and it has been my privilege
to introduce
887
00:30:09,503 --> 00:30:13,724
the Reno Sheriff's Department
to actual police procedure.
888
00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:16,858
Now, I have asked Jones
and Cindy to join me today.
889
00:30:16,945 --> 00:30:20,862
Mr. Richnickie
of the Sierra Nugget Mall has
890
00:30:20,949 --> 00:30:22,492
had some threatening letters
sent to him
891
00:30:22,516 --> 00:30:24,474
saying they're going
to steal his silver nugget.
892
00:30:24,561 --> 00:30:28,870
So I have started
what we call a string board.
893
00:30:28,957 --> 00:30:31,046
This is how all great crime
is solved.
894
00:30:31,133 --> 00:30:34,223
What we're going to do
is find possible connections
895
00:30:34,310 --> 00:30:36,704
to the potential theft
of the silver nugget,
896
00:30:36,791 --> 00:30:38,924
so if it gets stolen,
897
00:30:39,011 --> 00:30:40,882
and if we figure out
who stole it,
898
00:30:40,969 --> 00:30:43,189
perhaps we connect
it to something
899
00:30:43,276 --> 00:30:44,712
that fucking matters.
900
00:30:44,799 --> 00:30:47,019
We got OJ.
901
00:30:47,106 --> 00:30:48,426
I don't want to
get into it again.
902
00:30:48,455 --> 00:30:50,631
Who did this? What's this?
903
00:30:50,718 --> 00:30:53,286
That's a coconut nut cluster
wrapper I put up there.
904
00:30:53,373 --> 00:30:54,417
That... maybe a wrapper...
905
00:30:54,504 --> 00:30:55,592
What's the connection?
906
00:30:55,679 --> 00:30:58,378
Maybe... maybe a wrapper did it.
907
00:30:58,465 --> 00:31:00,771
You're just saying what
you think I want to hear.
908
00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:01,685
- Hi.
- Hey.
909
00:31:01,772 --> 00:31:02,904
- Hey, Riz.
- Hey.
910
00:31:02,991 --> 00:31:04,427
What's up?
Sorry I'm late.
911
00:31:04,514 --> 00:31:06,777
Oh, you here to work on it?
912
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,257
You just told me
to show up here.
913
00:31:08,344 --> 00:31:09,737
You know who could be guilty?
914
00:31:09,824 --> 00:31:11,434
Oh, good. Yes. Who?
915
00:31:11,521 --> 00:31:14,481
In Reno, almost...
916
00:31:14,568 --> 00:31:15,961
everyone.
917
00:31:16,048 --> 00:31:18,050
All right. No.
918
00:31:20,748 --> 00:31:22,358
- Oh, no.
- Oh, Lord.
919
00:31:22,445 --> 00:31:24,186
- Merry Christmas!
- Yep. It's Big Mike.
920
00:31:24,273 --> 00:31:25,753
Is he huffing on them fumes?
921
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,668
Sheriff's Department, Mike.
922
00:31:27,755 --> 00:31:28,408
He's got a flocker.
He's got a flocker.
923
00:31:28,495 --> 00:31:30,018
Got a flocker.
924
00:31:30,105 --> 00:31:31,541
Mike, put that
flocking gun down.
925
00:31:33,717 --> 00:31:34,936
Whoa! Mike! Hey!
926
00:31:35,023 --> 00:31:36,546
Whoa! Hey! Hey!
927
00:31:36,633 --> 00:31:38,113
Hey. Stop it!
928
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,520
Don't... have you
been huffing that?
929
00:31:39,549 --> 00:31:40,744
- Everyone is so...
- You can't...
930
00:31:40,768 --> 00:31:41,963
Mike, don't huff that.
Don't huff that.
931
00:31:41,987 --> 00:31:43,858
Mike, that's bad
for your health.
932
00:31:46,121 --> 00:31:47,775
I'm a monster!
933
00:31:47,862 --> 00:31:48,950
Right.
Mike, stop it.
934
00:31:49,037 --> 00:31:50,386
- Mike, stop.
- Mike, stop it!
935
00:31:50,473 --> 00:31:52,040
Stop it! Stop it!
936
00:31:52,127 --> 00:31:53,713
- What is that stuff?
- Hey, I'll flock you...
937
00:31:53,737 --> 00:31:54,782
I'll flock you up.
938
00:31:54,869 --> 00:31:55,739
I'm fucking... do it.
939
00:31:55,826 --> 00:31:57,132
Give me... give me one.
940
00:31:57,219 --> 00:31:59,221
Give him the snowball.
941
00:31:59,308 --> 00:32:00,744
Here you go.
Hey!
942
00:32:00,831 --> 00:32:04,183
Guess what kind of call
we got on the telephone.
943
00:32:04,270 --> 00:32:05,706
Man partying in a parking lot?
944
00:32:05,793 --> 00:32:06,794
- No.
- No.
945
00:32:06,881 --> 00:32:08,491
Man having a sale?
946
00:32:08,578 --> 00:32:11,712
Man selling
flocked Halloween ornaments
947
00:32:11,799 --> 00:32:13,453
at discount price?
948
00:32:13,540 --> 00:32:15,629
This is definitely all
the stuff that got stolen
949
00:32:15,716 --> 00:32:17,413
from the Halloween stuff.
Oh, yeah, 100%.
950
00:32:17,500 --> 00:32:19,546
I recognize that spider
'cause I wanted it,
951
00:32:19,633 --> 00:32:21,306
and it was $64.
Well, how much is it now?
952
00:32:21,330 --> 00:32:22,549
Hey, Mike?
953
00:32:22,636 --> 00:32:23,743
Mike, how much is the spider?
954
00:32:23,767 --> 00:32:26,422
21.99 for the spider.
955
00:32:26,509 --> 00:32:27,554
Really?
956
00:32:27,641 --> 00:32:28,947
For the whole spider?
957
00:32:29,034 --> 00:32:30,687
Think up on top
of your Christmas tree.
958
00:32:30,774 --> 00:32:32,254
That sounds like
a pretty good idea.
959
00:32:32,341 --> 00:32:34,474
21.99 for me.
960
00:32:34,561 --> 00:32:35,755
Mike, what happened
to that vehicle over there?
961
00:32:35,779 --> 00:32:37,607
That's my race car.
962
00:32:37,694 --> 00:32:39,174
- Is that your vehicle?
- Yes.
963
00:32:39,261 --> 00:32:40,175
And the paperwork would be in it
964
00:32:40,262 --> 00:32:41,568
that would show
that this belongs
965
00:32:41,655 --> 00:32:43,265
to Big Mike, and not Brenda?
966
00:32:43,352 --> 00:32:45,050
Wait a minute.
Did Brenda help you
967
00:32:45,137 --> 00:32:46,790
steal everything
from the Halloween stuff,
968
00:32:46,877 --> 00:32:48,270
and... stop it, Mike! Mike.
969
00:32:48,357 --> 00:32:49,228
Mike. Mike. Mike.
970
00:32:49,315 --> 00:32:50,533
Stop it.
971
00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:52,274
Is Brenda dead in the trunk?
972
00:32:52,361 --> 00:32:55,886
Brenda was called
to serve the Lord.
973
00:32:55,974 --> 00:32:58,324
That's why she moved
to Hot Springs, Arkansas.
974
00:32:58,411 --> 00:32:59,823
To serve the Lord.
- She was not with you
975
00:32:59,847 --> 00:33:01,247
when you robbed
the Halloween store?
976
00:33:01,283 --> 00:33:03,590
No! Absolutely not!
977
00:33:03,677 --> 00:33:05,896
I've met Brenda,
and she's a godless troll.
978
00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:07,202
Well, that's what happened.
979
00:33:07,289 --> 00:33:08,310
See, those make
the best preachers.
980
00:33:08,334 --> 00:33:10,640
The ones that
start out as whores
981
00:33:10,727 --> 00:33:12,860
and drug dealers and pedophiles
982
00:33:12,947 --> 00:33:15,471
and ass-rapers and dick smokers,
983
00:33:15,558 --> 00:33:16,820
and then they go,
984
00:33:16,907 --> 00:33:18,300
I'm dub... done with my dicks.
985
00:33:18,387 --> 00:33:20,694
I'm going up there for the Lord.
986
00:33:20,781 --> 00:33:22,130
And she has a kennel...
987
00:33:22,217 --> 00:33:23,499
I'm going to need
to check that vehicle.
988
00:33:23,523 --> 00:33:25,220
She has... no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
989
00:33:25,307 --> 00:33:26,667
You don't got to check
that kennel.
990
00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:27,807
I'm happy for her, actually.
991
00:33:27,831 --> 00:33:30,617
She's doing so well.
992
00:33:33,663 --> 00:33:34,577
Well.
993
00:33:34,664 --> 00:33:36,014
Found her.
994
00:33:36,101 --> 00:33:37,101
Yeah, Brenda's in there.
995
00:33:37,145 --> 00:33:38,407
- Let's go, Mike.
- All right.
996
00:33:38,494 --> 00:33:39,669
Good Lord.
997
00:33:39,756 --> 00:33:41,236
I'm going to throw up
real quick.
998
00:33:41,323 --> 00:33:42,063
Do you think we
have time to stop
999
00:33:42,150 --> 00:33:43,586
by the Thanksgiving store?
1000
00:33:43,673 --> 00:33:44,718
Absolutely.
1001
00:33:48,722 --> 00:33:50,245
OK.
1002
00:33:50,332 --> 00:33:51,942
We've been here
for about nine hours
1003
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:55,207
working on the string board,
and we are making progress.
1004
00:33:55,294 --> 00:33:57,078
Uh, guys, you want
to run through
1005
00:33:57,165 --> 00:33:58,732
what we've excluded so far?
1006
00:33:58,819 --> 00:34:00,995
Jesus, DEVO, OJ,
1007
00:34:01,082 --> 00:34:02,953
Mark Fuhrman, the Black Dahlia.
1008
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:05,739
We also... remember,
we found out that's not
1009
00:34:05,826 --> 00:34:07,610
a... that's not a microchip.
1010
00:34:07,697 --> 00:34:09,090
It's seaweed.
1011
00:34:09,177 --> 00:34:10,874
I knew that going in.
1012
00:34:10,961 --> 00:34:14,052
But we have eliminated some
of these possibilities.
1013
00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:16,358
It's come to my attention, uh,
1014
00:34:16,445 --> 00:34:18,447
that I think we have
not been looking
1015
00:34:18,534 --> 00:34:21,494
at... where there's smoke,
there's sometimes fire.
1016
00:34:21,581 --> 00:34:24,714
And I know everyone said they
don't know Mr. Richnickie,
1017
00:34:24,801 --> 00:34:26,629
is that correct?
1018
00:34:26,716 --> 00:34:28,370
- Yeah.
- Mm.
1019
00:34:28,457 --> 00:34:30,981
I mean, you know him,
because Reno's not a big town.
1020
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:31,852
I mean, I know him.
Not a big town.
1021
00:34:31,939 --> 00:34:33,636
I wouldn't say that.
1022
00:34:33,723 --> 00:34:34,961
Jim, I will say we're
on the same bowling team.
1023
00:34:34,985 --> 00:34:35,638
You're on the same bowling team.
1024
00:34:35,725 --> 00:34:37,423
It's right there.
1025
00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:41,122
So you obviously know
that Richnickie and I
1026
00:34:41,209 --> 00:34:43,820
own a balance beam
and jump rope play place,
1027
00:34:43,907 --> 00:34:45,648
which is not thriving.
1028
00:34:45,735 --> 00:34:48,434
And, um... so what?
1029
00:34:48,521 --> 00:34:49,696
I know him.
1030
00:34:49,783 --> 00:34:51,065
And I have
a small business with him.
1031
00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:52,612
And he owes me some money.
1032
00:34:52,699 --> 00:34:54,222
We were in a band.
1033
00:34:54,309 --> 00:34:57,660
We dated the same woman for...
1034
00:34:57,747 --> 00:34:59,227
a little while.
1035
00:34:59,314 --> 00:35:01,229
And that woman was my mother.
1036
00:35:01,316 --> 00:35:03,536
And the, uh, third investor
1037
00:35:03,623 --> 00:35:06,582
in my balance beam
and jump rope business.
1038
00:35:06,669 --> 00:35:09,150
To be clear,
I think what interested her
1039
00:35:09,237 --> 00:35:12,110
is the low overhead and
the small initial investment.
1040
00:35:12,197 --> 00:35:13,894
It is a great idea.
1041
00:35:13,981 --> 00:35:17,158
Then why do you need so
much money from other people?
1042
00:35:17,245 --> 00:35:18,420
Because I'm generous.
1043
00:35:18,507 --> 00:35:20,118
We should take
all these guys down...
1044
00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:21,728
Oh... oh, I don't know about that!
1045
00:35:21,815 --> 00:35:23,053
- And put up all of us.
- No, no, no, no, no.
1046
00:35:23,077 --> 00:35:24,513
This is...
Declan!
1047
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,230
- Like, even as a background...
- Holy shit.
1048
00:35:26,254 --> 00:35:27,168
Guys, guys, guys. Sorry.
1049
00:35:27,255 --> 00:35:28,648
I think I found a clue.
1050
00:35:28,735 --> 00:35:30,408
Listen, I don't know
if it has something to do
1051
00:35:30,432 --> 00:35:31,540
with these notes or not,
but I found this
1052
00:35:31,564 --> 00:35:33,479
in the parking lot
and I think it's a clue.
1053
00:35:33,566 --> 00:35:35,437
Pig in a jar!
Yes, it's a clue!
1054
00:35:35,524 --> 00:35:37,067
We don't get this every day.
It's a clue.
1055
00:35:37,091 --> 00:35:38,875
It's not just a clue.
1056
00:35:38,962 --> 00:35:40,486
It's also a warning.
1057
00:35:40,573 --> 00:35:42,246
How many pigs are there
supposed to be in the story?
1058
00:35:42,270 --> 00:35:43,924
- Three.
- How many aren't here?
1059
00:35:44,011 --> 00:35:45,752
Two.
1060
00:35:45,839 --> 00:35:48,102
Someone who should be
an ally is, in fact...
1061
00:35:48,189 --> 00:35:49,364
Someone with two faces.
1062
00:35:49,451 --> 00:35:51,061
- Someone...
- A two-faced pig
1063
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,411
is betraying the other two pigs.
1064
00:35:52,498 --> 00:35:53,518
And a piggy...
Where does piggy go?
1065
00:35:53,542 --> 00:35:55,153
Where does the piggy go?
The market.
1066
00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:56,328
Went to the market!
1067
00:35:56,415 --> 00:35:58,547
Guys, what do people call us?
1068
00:35:58,634 --> 00:35:59,809
Pigs.
1069
00:35:59,896 --> 00:36:01,811
We need to go to the market.
1070
00:36:01,898 --> 00:36:05,119
These little piggies
go to market.
1071
00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:06,903
I cracked it!
I grassed it.
1072
00:36:06,990 --> 00:36:08,340
Fantastic.
1073
00:36:08,427 --> 00:36:09,708
You're undercover, we're all...
Hey, guys?
1074
00:36:09,732 --> 00:36:11,081
- Yeah.
- The board works.
1075
00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:11,778
The board did work.
1076
00:36:11,865 --> 00:36:13,780
There it is!
1077
00:36:13,867 --> 00:36:16,043
What are you guys doing
messing with my face soup?
1078
00:36:16,130 --> 00:36:18,108
I put it outside 'cause
it needs to cook in the sun,
1079
00:36:18,132 --> 00:36:19,699
like sun tea.
1080
00:36:19,786 --> 00:36:20,937
That's why I left it
in the parking lot.
1081
00:36:20,961 --> 00:36:22,417
So this is not a clue
that we're supposed
1082
00:36:22,441 --> 00:36:24,356
to go down to the market?
No!
1083
00:36:24,443 --> 00:36:26,096
White people, always
taking your stuff.
1084
00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:27,446
- Yes.
- Am I right?
1085
00:36:27,533 --> 00:36:28,708
Yes, they do.
1086
00:36:28,795 --> 00:36:30,188
Yes, they do.
Face soup.
1087
00:36:30,275 --> 00:36:31,363
Face soup.
1088
00:36:31,450 --> 00:36:33,408
- Face soup.
- You know what?
1089
00:36:33,495 --> 00:36:34,366
Now that I think about it,
I've seen your ads
1090
00:36:34,453 --> 00:36:35,671
for it on Facebook.
Yeah.
1091
00:36:37,369 --> 00:36:38,409
- Ooh.
- Just a weird odor.
1092
00:36:38,457 --> 00:36:40,067
I like it.
Oh, I like it.
1093
00:36:40,154 --> 00:36:41,154
Oh, that feels good.
1094
00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:42,461
Ugh!
1095
00:36:42,548 --> 00:36:44,003
It's... it burns the back
of my throat.
1096
00:36:44,027 --> 00:36:45,377
My whole mouth is cold.
1097
00:36:45,464 --> 00:36:46,291
I mean, it's got a nose...
There's a little
1098
00:36:46,378 --> 00:36:48,031
bit of nose in mine.
1099
00:36:50,077 --> 00:36:54,299
It's another beautiful day
at the Sierra Nugget Mall.
1100
00:36:55,822 --> 00:36:56,823
Thank you, ma'am.
1101
00:36:56,910 --> 00:36:57,930
Tell your friends who have money
1102
00:36:57,954 --> 00:36:59,739
to come back and see us.
Yes.
1103
00:36:59,826 --> 00:37:01,349
Kenny Rogers!
1104
00:37:01,436 --> 00:37:02,263
- Kenny Rogers.
- Hello.
1105
00:37:02,350 --> 00:37:04,309
Right this way, go ahead.
Hello.
1106
00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:05,658
- Sheriff's Department.
- Hey.
1107
00:37:05,745 --> 00:37:07,225
Guess who is back.
Ugh.
1108
00:37:07,312 --> 00:37:08,312
Ugh, son of a bitch.
1109
00:37:08,356 --> 00:37:09,531
Come on, man.
1110
00:37:09,618 --> 00:37:10,880
I saw them. They came through.
1111
00:37:10,967 --> 00:37:12,534
Hola!
1112
00:37:12,621 --> 00:37:13,535
- Past the dino, and...
- Donde esta?
1113
00:37:13,622 --> 00:37:14,797
Come out, come out. Hello.
1114
00:37:14,884 --> 00:37:16,625
Donde esta?
Hello.
1115
00:37:16,712 --> 00:37:18,081
You never know where
she's going to be.
1116
00:37:18,105 --> 00:37:19,193
- All right.
- Hello?
1117
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,935
Ahh!
1118
00:37:22,022 --> 00:37:23,458
How y'all doing?
1119
00:37:23,545 --> 00:37:25,243
Nope, nope.
1120
00:37:25,330 --> 00:37:26,330
Be a lady.
Come on, now.
1121
00:37:26,374 --> 00:37:27,680
Get away from me, ghost!
1122
00:37:27,767 --> 00:37:28,811
No, no... give me that leg.
1123
00:37:28,898 --> 00:37:29,898
T.T.!
1124
00:37:32,119 --> 00:37:33,120
No, no.
1125
00:37:33,207 --> 00:37:34,600
Slow... no running!
1126
00:37:34,687 --> 00:37:35,992
Get over here, T.T.!
1127
00:37:36,079 --> 00:37:36,776
Uh-uh. No.
1128
00:37:36,863 --> 00:37:38,473
No. No, T.T.
1129
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:39,213
- That's a weapon.
- T.T., stop.
1130
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:40,954
T.T.!
T.T.
1131
00:37:41,041 --> 00:37:42,521
Don't let her into that one.
1132
00:37:42,608 --> 00:37:43,957
She's got high ground.
Ahh!
1133
00:37:44,044 --> 00:37:44,914
Ahh! Easy.
1134
00:37:45,001 --> 00:37:47,177
No. No. No.
1135
00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:48,309
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
1136
00:37:48,396 --> 00:37:49,615
Don't hit the cock!
1137
00:37:49,702 --> 00:37:50,398
Oh, sh...
1138
00:37:50,485 --> 00:37:51,834
Let's take a break.
1139
00:37:51,921 --> 00:37:53,358
It's a ghost.
1140
00:37:53,445 --> 00:37:55,142
It's a ghost in there.
A ghost?
1141
00:37:55,229 --> 00:37:56,274
- In here?
- A ghost?
1142
00:37:56,361 --> 00:37:58,058
- A ghost.
- Come on, now.
1143
00:37:58,145 --> 00:37:59,340
- What's the spirit look like?
- A old white lady.
1144
00:37:59,364 --> 00:38:00,669
- OK.
- Old white lady.
1145
00:38:00,756 --> 00:38:02,323
Leave that ghost alone, T.T.
1146
00:38:02,410 --> 00:38:03,410
Don't beat up the ghost.
1147
00:38:03,455 --> 00:38:04,804
- No, no, no, no!
- No, T.T.!
1148
00:38:04,891 --> 00:38:06,719
Get away from me, you old ghost!
1149
00:38:06,806 --> 00:38:07,546
- Don't go behind there!
- No, no, no, no, no.
1150
00:38:07,633 --> 00:38:08,503
Don't go behind there!
1151
00:38:08,590 --> 00:38:09,590
No, no, no!
1152
00:38:09,635 --> 00:38:10,984
Where did she go?
1153
00:38:11,071 --> 00:38:12,701
Get away from here,
you old white lady ghost!
1154
00:38:12,725 --> 00:38:14,204
- No.
- I see her!
1155
00:38:14,292 --> 00:38:15,945
She's right here in the front!
T.T.!
1156
00:38:16,032 --> 00:38:17,032
I got her.
1157
00:38:18,165 --> 00:38:19,471
Hey, stop it!
1158
00:38:21,386 --> 00:38:22,996
Hey!
1159
00:38:26,173 --> 00:38:27,696
Hey, hey!
1160
00:38:27,783 --> 00:38:28,393
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hi, guys!
1161
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:29,611
Dangle!
1162
00:38:29,698 --> 00:38:31,178
Did you get the call, or...
1163
00:38:31,265 --> 00:38:32,397
About the ghost?
1164
00:38:32,484 --> 00:38:34,007
No, T.T.
1165
00:38:34,094 --> 00:38:35,534
T.T.'s in here.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
1166
00:38:35,574 --> 00:38:37,053
Oh, I'm sorry, guys. No, no.
1167
00:38:37,140 --> 00:38:38,881
I've been using this place
instead of a gym.
1168
00:38:38,968 --> 00:38:41,754
Uh, the fancy gyms want
$20, $30 a month.
1169
00:38:41,841 --> 00:38:43,122
I'm not going to pay that.
Yeah.
1170
00:38:43,146 --> 00:38:44,146
I can come here.
1171
00:38:44,191 --> 00:38:45,191
I'm getting exploded.
1172
00:38:46,411 --> 00:38:47,586
- Stop!
- No!
1173
00:38:47,673 --> 00:38:49,283
I got to do, like,
three more laps.
1174
00:38:49,370 --> 00:38:50,850
So I wish you bonne chance,
1175
00:38:50,937 --> 00:38:52,417
and please watch out
for the ghost.
1176
00:38:52,504 --> 00:38:53,331
I'm going in.
T.T.!
1177
00:38:53,418 --> 00:38:54,680
T.T.!
1178
00:38:54,767 --> 00:38:55,831
- All right. We lost her.
- We lost her.
1179
00:38:55,855 --> 00:38:58,074
- T.T.!
- T.T.!
1180
00:38:58,161 --> 00:38:59,075
Oh, I got her.
1181
00:38:59,162 --> 00:39:00,163
I got her!
1182
00:39:00,250 --> 00:39:03,602
Happy birthday, Eddie!
1183
00:39:03,689 --> 00:39:06,169
Did they do
the birthday cake yet?
1184
00:39:06,256 --> 00:39:10,173
I hid in the maze
like they told me.
1185
00:39:10,260 --> 00:39:14,264
OK, um, why don't
you wait for Eddie?
1186
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:15,831
Psst. Psst. Come here.
1187
00:39:15,918 --> 00:39:17,461
Come here, come here,
come here, come here.
1188
00:39:17,485 --> 00:39:19,008
That wristband she has on?
1189
00:39:19,095 --> 00:39:20,975
We haven't sold that color
for, like, two years.
1190
00:39:23,970 --> 00:39:25,426
- Old white lady ghost.
- Old white lady ghost.
1191
00:39:25,450 --> 00:39:26,538
- Yeah.
- Go, go, go.
1192
00:39:26,625 --> 00:39:28,453
No, no, no. Don't leave me.
1193
00:39:30,150 --> 00:39:31,804
Hi, ghost!
1194
00:39:37,505 --> 00:39:38,724
Father Nicholas has left me
1195
00:39:38,811 --> 00:39:40,856
a splendid box
this Christmas morrow,
1196
00:39:40,943 --> 00:39:43,642
and inside,
just what I asked for...
1197
00:39:43,729 --> 00:39:45,426
A real boy.
1198
00:40:44,311 --> 00:40:50,578
♪ Happy holidays ♪
1199
00:40:50,665 --> 00:40:56,018
♪ Reno ♪
1200
00:41:03,199 --> 00:41:06,899
I quite frankly think
that Mr. Richnickie
1201
00:41:06,986 --> 00:41:09,162
might be making up
the whole ransom note thing,
1202
00:41:09,249 --> 00:41:10,966
and someone wanting
to steal a silver nugget.
1203
00:41:10,990 --> 00:41:12,600
I do.
1204
00:41:12,687 --> 00:41:15,255
And I can't blame him,
because I once sent
1205
00:41:15,342 --> 00:41:19,128
ransom notes to my own parents,
1206
00:41:19,215 --> 00:41:21,435
pretending like
I had been kidnapped.
1207
00:41:21,522 --> 00:41:24,873
And they did not respond.
1208
00:41:27,963 --> 00:41:29,791
You know, I did some
background on Richnickie,
1209
00:41:29,878 --> 00:41:31,445
and I don't know
if this is something,
1210
00:41:31,532 --> 00:41:32,620
but I think it might be.
1211
00:41:32,707 --> 00:41:34,230
20 years ago, he had a car wash,
1212
00:41:34,317 --> 00:41:36,295
and the way he used to get
people to come to the car wash
1213
00:41:36,319 --> 00:41:39,540
was he had some
rhodium displayed
1214
00:41:39,627 --> 00:41:41,411
in a Plexiglass case.
1215
00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:44,110
If you don't know, rhodium
is the most precious metal.
1216
00:41:44,197 --> 00:41:46,286
It got stolen as well.
1217
00:41:48,244 --> 00:41:49,637
Anything?
1218
00:41:49,724 --> 00:41:51,073
Hi, how are you today?
1219
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:52,422
There you go.
1220
00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:53,902
All right.
1221
00:41:53,989 --> 00:41:55,227
Now, you're not
going to believe it.
1222
00:41:55,251 --> 00:41:56,470
That's the Sierra Nugget.
1223
00:41:56,557 --> 00:41:57,863
Can you believe it?
1224
00:41:59,604 --> 00:42:01,127
She's my pride and joy,
1225
00:42:01,214 --> 00:42:03,085
and she's insured for a fortune.
1226
00:42:03,172 --> 00:42:04,870
Beautiful.
1227
00:42:11,311 --> 00:42:14,532
We have been
in the Christmas pageant
1228
00:42:14,619 --> 00:42:17,883
a whole bunch of times,
and it was a'ight.
1229
00:42:17,970 --> 00:42:20,320
But now... Get ready for this,
1230
00:42:20,407 --> 00:42:22,540
because Dangle came up
with an idea
1231
00:42:22,627 --> 00:42:25,238
for us to top
what we did last year.
1232
00:42:25,325 --> 00:42:27,980
We got live doves!
1233
00:42:28,067 --> 00:42:29,590
Live doves.
1234
00:42:29,677 --> 00:42:33,942
There is a website called
CelebrationDovesOhMyMy.org.
1235
00:42:34,029 --> 00:42:36,423
We have, uh,
dove catchers ready to go.
1236
00:42:36,510 --> 00:42:37,772
- Yep.
- Dove Station Alpha.
1237
00:42:37,859 --> 00:42:38,904
- Doves fly out.
- Check.
1238
00:42:38,991 --> 00:42:40,166
Check. Hey.
1239
00:42:40,253 --> 00:42:41,776
Ho ho ho.
Dove Station Zebra.
1240
00:42:41,863 --> 00:42:43,082
Check.
1241
00:42:43,169 --> 00:42:45,606
After the Christ child is born...
1242
00:42:45,693 --> 00:42:47,434
I'm the Christ child,
of course...
1243
00:42:47,521 --> 00:42:50,437
We will then release the doves.
1244
00:42:50,524 --> 00:42:51,545
Get ready.
Right, we all ready?
1245
00:42:51,569 --> 00:42:53,701
Y'all get ready.
1246
00:42:53,788 --> 00:42:54,963
It's got bubble wrap.
1247
00:42:55,050 --> 00:42:56,051
Save the bubble wrap.
1248
00:42:56,138 --> 00:42:57,487
I like... I like bubble wrap.
1249
00:42:59,315 --> 00:43:00,839
Huh.
1250
00:43:00,926 --> 00:43:03,145
One alive, one frozen alive,
one dozen.
1251
00:43:03,232 --> 00:43:06,714
There's lots and lots of them,
and they're very cold.
1252
00:43:06,801 --> 00:43:10,109
It says you have
to reheat the dove.
1253
00:43:10,196 --> 00:43:12,154
They came over in
a shipping container, right?
1254
00:43:12,241 --> 00:43:13,765
Oh, that makes sense.
Oh, look at him.
1255
00:43:13,852 --> 00:43:15,133
He's walking around,
and then he's flying.
1256
00:43:15,157 --> 00:43:16,768
This is not... actually
not that hard.
1257
00:43:16,855 --> 00:43:21,511
All we got to do is warm up,
uh, 120 frozen solid doves.
1258
00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:22,904
I'll stick it down my shirt.
1259
00:43:22,991 --> 00:43:24,055
That always works on everybody.
OK.
1260
00:43:24,079 --> 00:43:25,254
I'll try that.
1261
00:43:25,341 --> 00:43:28,344
Once they start waking up,
1262
00:43:28,431 --> 00:43:30,085
be ready.
1263
00:43:30,172 --> 00:43:32,261
Jim, I got to say,
I think these are dead.
1264
00:43:32,348 --> 00:43:33,456
- They're just flash frozen.
- No.
1265
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:34,960
Mine is not coming back yet.
1266
00:43:35,047 --> 00:43:38,790
If anything, it's like
it's necrofying my skin.
1267
00:43:38,877 --> 00:43:40,356
- Oh, my God.
- I heard this is how
1268
00:43:40,443 --> 00:43:42,010
the first avian flu started,
by the way.
1269
00:43:42,097 --> 00:43:43,533
That's probably very, very true.
1270
00:43:45,318 --> 00:43:47,755
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
1271
00:43:47,842 --> 00:43:49,409
No, no.
1272
00:43:49,496 --> 00:43:51,019
Ooh!
1273
00:43:51,106 --> 00:43:52,586
Oh, my gosh.
1274
00:43:52,673 --> 00:43:53,979
Starting to smell like chicken.
1275
00:43:54,066 --> 00:43:55,850
- Any luck?
- No.
1276
00:43:55,937 --> 00:43:58,331
Well, I thought I saw
something move, but...
1277
00:43:58,418 --> 00:43:59,811
I had... I had a little feeling
1278
00:43:59,898 --> 00:44:01,595
on this guy for a minute.
1279
00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:03,336
Wait.
1280
00:44:03,423 --> 00:44:04,467
No.
1281
00:44:04,554 --> 00:44:05,686
So close, so close.
1282
00:44:05,773 --> 00:44:06,818
Wait.
1283
00:44:08,254 --> 00:44:09,864
Nope. I'll be back.
1284
00:44:09,951 --> 00:44:11,779
Keep the faith.
1285
00:44:17,045 --> 00:44:19,091
My worst experience
with the Junior Deputies
1286
00:44:19,178 --> 00:44:21,571
was when I got taken hostage
by them.
1287
00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:23,443
Their demands were they wanted
1288
00:44:23,530 --> 00:44:25,967
better living conditions
and food.
1289
00:44:26,054 --> 00:44:29,014
I got released once we agreed
to expand their kennels
1290
00:44:29,101 --> 00:44:31,190
by 25 square feet
1291
00:44:31,277 --> 00:44:33,714
and raised the fill line
on their dishes
1292
00:44:33,801 --> 00:44:35,890
by an inch.
1293
00:44:35,977 --> 00:44:40,155
Have a lot of our
adult deputies gotten hurt
1294
00:44:40,242 --> 00:44:41,417
by the Junior Deputies?
1295
00:44:41,504 --> 00:44:43,289
Of course.
1296
00:44:43,376 --> 00:44:45,441
Did Trudy get rabies from
one of the Junior Deputies?
1297
00:44:45,465 --> 00:44:47,206
Yes.
1298
00:44:47,293 --> 00:44:48,966
These are youngsters, often,
that were maybe left
1299
00:44:48,990 --> 00:44:54,343
at the station,
and you can't judge them
1300
00:44:54,430 --> 00:44:56,258
the way you would
a normal person.
1301
00:44:56,345 --> 00:44:58,145
And we've asked a judge
to do that many times.
1302
00:44:58,173 --> 00:44:59,827
And they say, no,
these are children.
1303
00:45:06,791 --> 00:45:09,619
Aaand away we go!
1304
00:45:09,707 --> 00:45:11,578
Hi, Junior Deputies.
1305
00:45:11,665 --> 00:45:15,234
My name is Deputy Trudy Wiegel,
1306
00:45:15,321 --> 00:45:20,326
and I am going to take you
on this magical sleigh ride
1307
00:45:20,413 --> 00:45:24,678
to see a wowser
of a holiday pageant.
1308
00:45:24,765 --> 00:45:26,724
Which was written by my friend
1309
00:45:26,811 --> 00:45:30,902
and sometimes lover, Jim Dangle.
1310
00:45:30,989 --> 00:45:32,294
Sir, I'm gonna...
1311
00:45:32,381 --> 00:45:34,296
I'm gonna need
to have you sit down.
1312
00:45:34,383 --> 00:45:36,821
Um, OK.
1313
00:45:36,908 --> 00:45:40,215
It's ma'am, but obviously
that's apparent.
1314
00:45:40,302 --> 00:45:42,478
We stay in our seats
because this
1315
00:45:42,565 --> 00:45:45,307
is the safest bus in the West.
1316
00:45:45,394 --> 00:45:49,181
When I say safest bus,
you say the...
1317
00:45:50,878 --> 00:45:52,314
Did some...
1318
00:45:52,401 --> 00:45:53,968
Did somebody bring nuts
on this bus?
1319
00:45:55,578 --> 00:45:58,494
This is a nut-free z... zone.
1320
00:45:58,581 --> 00:46:00,061
Ahh!
1321
00:46:00,148 --> 00:46:01,671
You're a nut-free zone, right?
1322
00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:03,630
What the hell?
1323
00:46:06,241 --> 00:46:08,548
I'm deathly a...
1324
00:46:08,635 --> 00:46:12,117
Allergic to n... nuts!
1325
00:46:12,204 --> 00:46:13,509
She's very dramatic.
1326
00:46:14,684 --> 00:46:15,729
Holy shit!
1327
00:46:18,950 --> 00:46:20,908
Are you OK?
1328
00:46:20,995 --> 00:46:23,476
Oh, my God, that's so gross.
1329
00:46:29,569 --> 00:46:30,657
Ahh!
1330
00:46:30,744 --> 00:46:33,138
Ahh! Ahh!
1331
00:46:41,973 --> 00:46:43,452
♪ ♪
1332
00:46:46,368 --> 00:46:48,544
Declan's got an idea.
1333
00:46:48,631 --> 00:46:50,329
We're going to try
tasing the dead dove.
1334
00:46:50,416 --> 00:46:52,133
I'm only doing this
because I wanted to get out
1335
00:46:52,157 --> 00:46:53,723
of the briefing room,
where everybody
1336
00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:55,595
has a dove in their crotch.
1337
00:46:58,859 --> 00:47:00,600
Really?
1338
00:47:00,687 --> 00:47:02,384
Is it stuck?
1339
00:47:02,471 --> 00:47:04,256
No.
1340
00:47:04,343 --> 00:47:05,537
I can help you with
that later, if you like.
1341
00:47:05,561 --> 00:47:06,867
I'm good.
1342
00:47:12,003 --> 00:47:13,874
Ta-dah!
1343
00:47:13,961 --> 00:47:16,311
So we went in the evidence room
1344
00:47:16,398 --> 00:47:19,532
and got a little bit
of the white lady.
1345
00:47:19,619 --> 00:47:22,100
A little bit of, uh, yo-yo.
1346
00:47:22,187 --> 00:47:25,016
A little bit of the white horse.
1347
00:47:25,103 --> 00:47:27,322
A little bit of that,
uh, Bea Arthur.
1348
00:47:28,671 --> 00:47:29,692
Cocaine, if y'all don't know.
1349
00:47:29,716 --> 00:47:30,848
We... we got some cocaine.
1350
00:47:30,935 --> 00:47:32,937
Uh, Cloris Leachman.
1351
00:47:33,024 --> 00:47:34,547
OK, OK.
1352
00:47:34,634 --> 00:47:35,896
Is that the nose?
1353
00:47:35,983 --> 00:47:38,072
Here you go, little birdie.
1354
00:47:39,769 --> 00:47:41,206
OK, now, let me
make him snort it.
1355
00:47:41,293 --> 00:47:42,947
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
1356
00:47:44,513 --> 00:47:45,645
Oh!
1357
00:47:51,129 --> 00:47:52,913
Heard you guys gave
c... cocaine to the...
1358
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,002
- Yeah.
- Yeah, cool.
1359
00:47:55,089 --> 00:47:56,458
This guy's coming along.
This guy's coming pretty good.
1360
00:47:56,482 --> 00:47:57,483
Is it happening?
1361
00:47:57,570 --> 00:47:58,919
I think so, yeah.
1362
00:47:59,006 --> 00:48:00,878
- Jim, you want a little?
- I would. I would.
1363
00:48:00,965 --> 00:48:01,879
Are we talking about that,
or are we just doing it?
1364
00:48:01,966 --> 00:48:02,749
Yeah. Yeah.
1365
00:48:02,836 --> 00:48:05,317
Mm-hmm.
1366
00:48:05,404 --> 00:48:06,947
I think that helped.
I think that did help.
1367
00:48:06,971 --> 00:48:08,233
Oh, that definitely helped.
1368
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:09,843
- You or the dove?
- Everybody.
1369
00:48:09,930 --> 00:48:11,236
Everybody. Everybody.
1370
00:48:11,323 --> 00:48:12,890
A little of that Barbara Bush.
1371
00:48:13,934 --> 00:48:15,283
- Let it go.
- Yeah.
1372
00:48:22,334 --> 00:48:23,117
♪ Oh, the little
Junior Deputies ♪
1373
00:48:23,204 --> 00:48:24,312
♪ They came up to your knee ♪
1374
00:48:24,336 --> 00:48:25,400
♪ But how'd they turn out? ♪
1375
00:48:25,424 --> 00:48:27,295
♪ Take a look-y and see ♪
1376
00:48:27,382 --> 00:48:29,341
Hey.
1377
00:48:29,428 --> 00:48:31,232
If you've got some loose
pocket change this holiday,
1378
00:48:31,256 --> 00:48:33,780
see how much change you can
really make by helping out
1379
00:48:33,867 --> 00:48:35,738
the Junior Deputies program
1380
00:48:35,825 --> 00:48:37,218
at the Reno
Sheriff's Department.
1381
00:48:37,305 --> 00:48:39,525
Like my little friend
Benjamin here,
1382
00:48:39,612 --> 00:48:42,789
who grew up right inside
the Reno Sheriff's Department.
1383
00:48:42,876 --> 00:48:45,400
Say hi to my little friend Belphegor,
1384
00:48:45,487 --> 00:48:47,446
Demon God of Sloth.
1385
00:48:47,533 --> 00:48:49,143
Hi. Yeah.
1386
00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:52,973
Belphegor,
Demon God of Sloth spent
1387
00:48:53,060 --> 00:48:55,323
17 Christmases in a row with us,
1388
00:48:55,410 --> 00:48:59,066
and thanks to your donations,
he's...
1389
00:48:59,153 --> 00:49:00,415
totally fine.
1390
00:49:00,502 --> 00:49:02,983
I am also hell's ambassador
to France,
1391
00:49:03,070 --> 00:49:05,159
as described by the poet Milton.
1392
00:49:05,246 --> 00:49:06,552
In my spare time,
1393
00:49:06,639 --> 00:49:08,510
I am the tempter
of witch hunters
1394
00:49:08,597 --> 00:49:11,078
with the promise of riches
and great discoveries
1395
00:49:11,165 --> 00:49:12,645
that will slip through
your fingers.
1396
00:49:12,732 --> 00:49:15,213
And he touches everyone's
leftovers in the fridge
1397
00:49:15,300 --> 00:49:17,302
to gain power over them.
Touché.
1398
00:49:17,389 --> 00:49:19,565
The hand of Belphegor
knows thy dirty deeds.
1399
00:49:23,047 --> 00:49:24,309
Great.
1400
00:49:24,396 --> 00:49:26,267
Mortals, won't you put
a little Christmas cheer
1401
00:49:26,354 --> 00:49:27,834
under the tree
for the boys and girls
1402
00:49:27,921 --> 00:49:29,662
of the Reno Junior Deputies?
1403
00:49:29,749 --> 00:49:32,012
Just pennies a day could
take an unwanted basket case
1404
00:49:32,099 --> 00:49:34,058
and turn them into me
1405
00:49:34,145 --> 00:49:36,408
or my fetching bride, Freckles.
1406
00:49:39,846 --> 00:49:42,240
Hail the Dark Lord.
1407
00:49:43,893 --> 00:49:45,591
Truly amazing mom.
1408
00:49:45,678 --> 00:49:46,960
♪ Oh, the little
Junior Deputies ♪
1409
00:49:46,984 --> 00:49:48,681
♪ Were only just cubs ♪
1410
00:49:48,768 --> 00:49:50,006
♪ But now they're men
and women ♪
1411
00:49:50,030 --> 00:49:51,597
♪ Kind of like us ♪
1412
00:49:59,561 --> 00:50:01,389
Well, the state of Nevada
is getting sued
1413
00:50:01,476 --> 00:50:04,218
because do-gooders
like these ones over here
1414
00:50:04,305 --> 00:50:06,307
have been wishing people
Merry Christmas
1415
00:50:06,394 --> 00:50:07,743
on state property.
1416
00:50:07,830 --> 00:50:09,180
You can't do that anymore.
1417
00:50:09,267 --> 00:50:11,530
That is a clear violation
of the separation
1418
00:50:11,617 --> 00:50:13,358
of church and state,
so we go over there,
1419
00:50:13,445 --> 00:50:14,750
get them to say Merry Christmas,
1420
00:50:14,837 --> 00:50:16,013
and we take them in.
1421
00:50:16,100 --> 00:50:17,536
Check, check, check, check.
1422
00:50:17,623 --> 00:50:19,755
Ow!
1423
00:50:19,842 --> 00:50:21,583
Godspeed, you... shit!
1424
00:50:21,670 --> 00:50:22,889
Unbelievable. Really.
1425
00:50:22,976 --> 00:50:24,369
Break a leg.
1426
00:50:24,456 --> 00:50:25,607
I've got a good backstory
for us.
1427
00:50:25,631 --> 00:50:26,893
All right. Oh.
1428
00:50:26,980 --> 00:50:28,634
- Hello.
- Hello.
1429
00:50:28,721 --> 00:50:30,027
Hi. Happy holidays.
1430
00:50:30,114 --> 00:50:30,810
- How you doing?
- Happy holidays.
1431
00:50:30,897 --> 00:50:32,029
And also with you.
1432
00:50:32,116 --> 00:50:33,291
Thank you so much.
1433
00:50:33,378 --> 00:50:35,467
This is my second
husband, Jules.
1434
00:50:35,554 --> 00:50:37,251
We were having
an emotional affair,
1435
00:50:37,338 --> 00:50:39,297
and when we decided
to take it physical,
1436
00:50:39,384 --> 00:50:41,951
I asked my first husband
for a divorce.
1437
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:44,128
And now we're very happy.
1438
00:50:45,085 --> 00:50:46,260
- Yep.
- Yeah.
1439
00:50:46,347 --> 00:50:48,306
Due to our Episcopalian faith,
1440
00:50:48,393 --> 00:50:50,090
we come in at this time of year
1441
00:50:50,177 --> 00:50:52,005
to spend this special day
with our kids.
1442
00:50:52,092 --> 00:50:53,441
Right. Specifically the 25th.
1443
00:50:53,528 --> 00:50:55,095
- The celebration.
- Yeah.
1444
00:50:55,182 --> 00:50:56,966
- Sure.
- So close to winter solstice.
1445
00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:58,403
- Yes.
- Right.
1446
00:50:58,490 --> 00:51:00,840
I'll come downstairs dressed up
1447
00:51:00,927 --> 00:51:02,059
like Santa Claus.
Yes.
1448
00:51:02,146 --> 00:51:04,931
And I say, ho, ho, ho!
1449
00:51:05,018 --> 00:51:07,803
Both: Happy holidays!
1450
00:51:07,890 --> 00:51:09,240
- No.
- Thank you so much.
1451
00:51:09,327 --> 00:51:10,632
Thank you. Thank you.
1452
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:11,938
Happy holidays.
1453
00:51:12,025 --> 00:51:14,071
- Oh, greetings to you.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1454
00:51:14,158 --> 00:51:15,376
This would mean so much to us.
1455
00:51:15,463 --> 00:51:16,943
We both have
early-onset Alzheimer's,
1456
00:51:17,030 --> 00:51:19,380
and it can be very upsetting
1457
00:51:19,467 --> 00:51:20,120
when we can't come up
with something
1458
00:51:20,207 --> 00:51:22,166
that's so, so obvious.
1459
00:51:22,253 --> 00:51:23,950
- I'll try.
- Here we go.
1460
00:51:24,037 --> 00:51:25,778
♪ We wish you a... ♪
1461
00:51:25,865 --> 00:51:27,867
♪ Da-da-dup-bop ♪
What is it? What is it?
1462
00:51:27,954 --> 00:51:29,347
Both:
1463
00:51:29,434 --> 00:51:30,565
No, no, no.
But what is it?
1464
00:51:30,652 --> 00:51:32,492
What are the words?
Yeah, what are the words?
1465
00:51:32,567 --> 00:51:33,631
Oh, my gosh,
I'm so bad with this.
1466
00:51:33,655 --> 00:51:34,975
Because I actually have dyslexia,
1467
00:51:35,004 --> 00:51:36,354
but for song lyrics.
1468
00:51:36,441 --> 00:51:37,268
So I can't.
1469
00:51:37,355 --> 00:51:38,747
Yeah, I prefer to karaoke.
1470
00:51:38,834 --> 00:51:40,053
I'm the same way.
Yeah.
1471
00:51:40,140 --> 00:51:41,620
Thank you.
Happy fourth quarter.
1472
00:51:41,707 --> 00:51:42,707
Season's greetings.
1473
00:51:42,751 --> 00:51:43,752
Fourth quarter?
1474
00:51:43,839 --> 00:51:45,102
Happy holidays.
1475
00:51:45,189 --> 00:51:46,103
What else could
you say right now?
1476
00:51:46,190 --> 00:51:48,496
- Hmm.
- Uh...
1477
00:51:48,583 --> 00:51:49,758
Um...
1478
00:51:49,845 --> 00:51:51,543
Would wish someone.
1479
00:51:51,630 --> 00:51:52,955
I think I know where
you're going with this.
1480
00:51:52,979 --> 00:51:54,198
- Thank you.
- Uh-huh.
1481
00:51:54,285 --> 00:51:55,764
Uh-huh.
And I don't know-
1482
00:51:55,851 --> 00:51:58,550
Are you talking about the
anniversary of the execution
1483
00:51:58,637 --> 00:52:01,335
of Romanian dictator
Nicolas Ceausescu?
1484
00:52:01,422 --> 00:52:03,032
In 1989...
Did this happen?
1485
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:04,271
During the Romanian Revolution,
1486
00:52:04,295 --> 00:52:05,489
on December 25?
You know what?
1487
00:52:05,513 --> 00:52:07,298
I think you two are blameless.
1488
00:52:07,385 --> 00:52:09,213
I'm sorry for taking
up your time, ma'am.
1489
00:52:09,300 --> 00:52:10,214
You're doing good work.
1490
00:52:10,301 --> 00:52:11,563
Hey! What did you just say?
1491
00:52:11,650 --> 00:52:13,173
Sorry for taking
up your time, ma'am.
1492
00:52:13,260 --> 00:52:15,741
You just gendered me on
state property, motherfucker.
1493
00:52:15,828 --> 00:52:16,829
I'm a they!
1494
00:52:16,916 --> 00:52:18,439
ACLU.
1495
00:52:18,526 --> 00:52:19,136
Put your hands behind your back.
1496
00:52:19,223 --> 00:52:20,093
OK. Wait a minute.
Hold on.
1497
00:52:20,180 --> 00:52:21,399
Oh, come on. Hey. Hey.
1498
00:52:21,486 --> 00:52:22,835
Put your hands behind your back.
1499
00:52:22,922 --> 00:52:24,271
In his defense, he is very old.
1500
00:52:24,358 --> 00:52:25,838
I, for one,
am happy to be gendered.
1501
00:52:25,925 --> 00:52:27,448
I am a lady.
1502
00:52:27,535 --> 00:52:29,189
And I'm a big swinging dick man.
1503
00:52:30,495 --> 00:52:31,496
Everything's gonna be OK.
1504
00:52:31,583 --> 00:52:32,932
One, two, three, eyes on me.
1505
00:52:33,019 --> 00:52:34,673
One, two, three, eyes on me.
Look at me!
1506
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:36,022
Look at me! OK.
1507
00:52:36,109 --> 00:52:37,241
Do not freak out!
1508
00:52:37,328 --> 00:52:38,981
Do not freak out on me!
1509
00:52:39,068 --> 00:52:40,307
Everything is going to be fine!
1510
00:52:40,331 --> 00:52:41,941
Things could be worse.
1511
00:52:42,028 --> 00:52:44,030
Have you ever heard of 'Nam?
1512
00:52:44,117 --> 00:52:46,119
I'm not sure what it is.
1513
00:52:46,206 --> 00:52:47,686
But I do know that
a lot of old men
1514
00:52:47,773 --> 00:52:50,297
are real pissed about it,
so it's like that.
1515
00:52:50,384 --> 00:52:51,994
We're going to keep
our shit together,
1516
00:52:52,081 --> 00:52:53,126
and we're not gonna... see!
1517
00:52:53,213 --> 00:52:55,694
Hello, children. Sir.
1518
00:52:55,781 --> 00:52:58,349
Look, we are so sorry that
you guys had to witness
1519
00:52:58,436 --> 00:53:01,526
that lady get run over
next to the bus.
1520
00:53:01,613 --> 00:53:03,876
She had an allergic reaction
to some chestnuts,
1521
00:53:03,963 --> 00:53:04,790
and she panicked.
1522
00:53:04,877 --> 00:53:06,139
Super weird.
1523
00:53:06,226 --> 00:53:07,706
And the other motorist...
1524
00:53:07,793 --> 00:53:10,578
Also dead from the shock
of splattering that lady.
1525
00:53:10,665 --> 00:53:12,798
Don't let them look outside.
It's bad.
1526
00:53:12,885 --> 00:53:14,384
You got to keep them calm.
Keep them calm.
1527
00:53:14,408 --> 00:53:16,280
We got vultures.
1528
00:53:16,367 --> 00:53:17,237
Vultures.
1529
00:53:17,324 --> 00:53:18,586
Code V. Code V. Keep them calm!
1530
00:53:18,673 --> 00:53:20,022
Look at me!
Look at me!
1531
00:53:20,109 --> 00:53:21,241
One, two, three, eyes on me.
1532
00:53:21,328 --> 00:53:22,851
One, two, three.
They're just birds!
1533
00:53:22,938 --> 00:53:23,938
Everybody loves birds.
1534
00:53:23,983 --> 00:53:25,506
Merry Christmas!
1535
00:53:25,593 --> 00:53:26,420
Merry Christmas!
Hold your attack!
1536
00:53:26,507 --> 00:53:27,507
There's fucking birds.
1537
00:53:27,552 --> 00:53:28,857
Do not look out the window!
1538
00:53:28,944 --> 00:53:29,815
Oh, look what I have!
1539
00:53:29,902 --> 00:53:31,164
Look, look, look!
1540
00:53:31,251 --> 00:53:32,731
♪ Good King Wenceslas
looked out ♪
1541
00:53:32,818 --> 00:53:34,646
♪ On the Feast of Stephen ♪
Oh, my God!
1542
00:53:34,733 --> 00:53:35,971
There's so much blood!
Guys! Guys! Guys!
1543
00:53:35,995 --> 00:53:37,581
You're acting like
you've never seen birds before!
1544
00:53:37,605 --> 00:53:39,216
Why are there so many?
1545
00:53:39,303 --> 00:53:43,089
No one else will die today
'cause Jesus said it's so.
1546
00:53:43,176 --> 00:53:46,440
No one else will die
on my watch today!
1547
00:53:46,527 --> 00:53:48,312
Oh, no. No. No, no.
1548
00:53:48,399 --> 00:53:49,313
Stay away from the bus driver.
1549
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:50,594
Stay away from the bus driver!
1550
00:53:50,618 --> 00:53:52,838
Oh, my God,
they're eating her face!
1551
00:54:13,772 --> 00:54:16,035
We have another microwave, actually.
1552
00:54:16,122 --> 00:54:18,385
You guys don't have to use
popcorn mode for everything.
1553
00:54:18,472 --> 00:54:19,952
- Ah, yes.
- OK?
1554
00:54:20,039 --> 00:54:22,259
Defrost, 50% power.
1555
00:54:22,346 --> 00:54:24,913
That's the secret.
50%.
1556
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:26,088
Three...
1557
00:54:26,175 --> 00:54:27,568
Two, one.
1558
00:54:34,096 --> 00:54:35,315
Oh, my gosh!
1559
00:54:35,402 --> 00:54:37,404
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
1560
00:54:37,491 --> 00:54:38,840
It's a Christmas miracle!
1561
00:54:38,927 --> 00:54:41,756
We have 106 left to do, then.
1562
00:54:41,843 --> 00:54:43,192
- Yeah.
- We need more microwave.
1563
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:44,324
Yeah.
1564
00:54:44,411 --> 00:54:45,543
Great idea.
1565
00:54:47,545 --> 00:54:49,111
Oh!
1566
00:54:49,198 --> 00:54:52,027
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
1567
00:54:52,114 --> 00:54:53,986
He's OK. He's OK.
1568
00:54:54,073 --> 00:54:55,073
See, he's OK!
1569
00:54:56,684 --> 00:54:57,337
Everything's OK.
1570
00:54:57,424 --> 00:54:58,904
Oh, my God.
1571
00:54:58,991 --> 00:54:59,991
Oh, my God.
1572
00:55:08,305 --> 00:55:10,350
OK. Children, children.
1573
00:55:10,437 --> 00:55:12,309
This is just the cycle
of life, all right?
1574
00:55:12,396 --> 00:55:14,093
The vultures are just
doing their job
1575
00:55:14,180 --> 00:55:15,442
eating those entrails.
1576
00:55:15,529 --> 00:55:16,313
- Yeah.
- All right?
1577
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:17,520
I strangled a bunch of them,
1578
00:55:17,575 --> 00:55:18,682
and I think I got the alpha.
1579
00:55:18,706 --> 00:55:19,968
So we're going to be OK.
1580
00:55:20,055 --> 00:55:21,335
The alpha's dead,
and we should...
1581
00:55:22,319 --> 00:55:23,581
OK. Alpha's still alive.
1582
00:55:23,668 --> 00:55:24,712
Alpha's still in play!
1583
00:55:24,799 --> 00:55:26,497
Alpha's still in play!
1584
00:55:26,584 --> 00:55:27,976
We're not gonna get off the bus,
1585
00:55:28,063 --> 00:55:29,978
'cause we don't want the alpha
to kill us, OK?
1586
00:55:30,065 --> 00:55:31,284
Good, children!
1587
00:55:31,371 --> 00:55:33,112
Children! I've got the alpha!
1588
00:55:34,983 --> 00:55:36,047
- Ahh!
- Keep your eyes away!
1589
00:55:36,071 --> 00:55:36,942
I think I got him!
1590
00:55:37,029 --> 00:55:38,117
I got him!
1591
00:55:39,248 --> 00:55:41,512
This is part of nature!
1592
00:55:46,821 --> 00:55:49,520
Jim Dangle's Christmas
pageant script.
1593
00:55:49,607 --> 00:55:55,264
Um, 190 pages.
1594
00:55:55,352 --> 00:55:57,330
But I got to give it to him,
three or four of those pages
1595
00:55:57,354 --> 00:55:58,442
are really, really good.
1596
00:55:58,529 --> 00:56:00,008
Solid.
1597
00:56:00,095 --> 00:56:01,532
Sondheim level.
1598
00:56:04,839 --> 00:56:07,581
Ho, ho, ho!
1599
00:56:08,843 --> 00:56:12,020
Someone order one
Christmas miracle,
1600
00:56:12,107 --> 00:56:14,849
shipping and handling included?
1601
00:56:14,936 --> 00:56:16,111
I was so scared!
1602
00:56:16,198 --> 00:56:17,548
Of course you were.
1603
00:56:17,635 --> 00:56:19,506
I had a stroke of genius,
1604
00:56:19,593 --> 00:56:21,726
which I very seldom do.
1605
00:56:21,813 --> 00:56:24,859
These bandits could never get
to your semi-precious nugget
1606
00:56:24,946 --> 00:56:27,514
if it's playing a "star"
1607
00:56:27,601 --> 00:56:30,256
ing role in the pageant.
1608
00:56:30,343 --> 00:56:31,343
Did it get Jesus?
1609
00:56:31,388 --> 00:56:32,867
Did my nugget get Jesus?
1610
00:56:32,954 --> 00:56:34,303
I'm obviously playing Jesus.
1611
00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:36,088
Your nugget...
Is playing-
1612
00:56:36,175 --> 00:56:37,437
A star...
1613
00:56:37,524 --> 00:56:38,656
- The Wise Men...
ing role.
1614
00:56:38,743 --> 00:56:39,961
All three Wise Men.
1615
00:56:40,048 --> 00:56:42,007
No, that's... the
1616
00:56:42,094 --> 00:56:44,183
The myrrh?
1617
00:56:44,270 --> 00:56:48,448
Mr. Richnickie,
your semi-precious nugget
1618
00:56:48,535 --> 00:56:50,407
will be playing...
1619
00:56:50,494 --> 00:56:52,800
the Star of Bethlehem.
1620
00:56:52,887 --> 00:56:54,672
It's going to be right there...
Mm.
1621
00:56:54,759 --> 00:56:57,326
Underneath the entire
Reno Sheriff's Department
1622
00:56:57,414 --> 00:57:00,155
as we do our pageant,
safe as houses.
1623
00:57:00,242 --> 00:57:02,854
And as soon as it's midnight,
you're in the clear.
1624
00:57:02,941 --> 00:57:05,204
Oh!
1625
00:57:05,291 --> 00:57:06,771
It's hidden in plain sight.
1626
00:57:21,873 --> 00:57:23,570
Never get off the bus.
1627
00:57:23,657 --> 00:57:25,050
Never get...
1628
00:57:25,137 --> 00:57:27,052
Oh, my God,
I have to talk to children?
1629
00:57:27,139 --> 00:57:28,662
OK. OK.
1630
00:57:28,749 --> 00:57:30,272
OK. Hi.
1631
00:57:30,359 --> 00:57:31,970
Hi. I got this.
1632
00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:35,147
Hello, children.
1633
00:57:35,234 --> 00:57:37,062
Two cars just collided, and...
1634
00:57:37,149 --> 00:57:38,716
I'm so sorry,
I can't lie to children.
1635
00:57:38,803 --> 00:57:40,892
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- OK, I got this.
1636
00:57:40,979 --> 00:57:44,678
A car collided with a trailer
full of petting zoo animals!
1637
00:57:44,765 --> 00:57:46,550
Aw!
1638
00:57:46,637 --> 00:57:47,812
- Aw!
- But... but... but
1639
00:57:47,899 --> 00:57:49,640
the good news...
Good news is the...
1640
00:57:49,727 --> 00:57:52,425
The screams you hear
are not human.
1641
00:57:54,296 --> 00:57:57,517
They're the screams
of miniature horses.
1642
00:57:57,604 --> 00:58:00,520
They weren't adult horses, so...
1643
00:58:00,607 --> 00:58:02,783
Could have been worse, see?
Could've been worse.
1644
00:58:02,870 --> 00:58:05,699
Oh, God, the horror!
1645
00:58:05,786 --> 00:58:07,396
Also, it's electrified
out there.
1646
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,224
The helicopter cut
some power lines.
1647
00:58:09,311 --> 00:58:12,097
So be careful, unless you
have some rubber-soled shoes.
1648
00:58:12,184 --> 00:58:13,054
Sure.
1649
00:58:13,141 --> 00:58:14,403
Oh, no!
1650
00:58:14,491 --> 00:58:16,231
I hate this job!
1651
00:58:16,318 --> 00:58:18,320
Also could be very slippery.
1652
00:58:18,407 --> 00:58:20,932
- Kenny Rogers.
- Kenny Rogers!
1653
00:58:21,019 --> 00:58:23,064
- Kenny Rogers.
- Kenny Rogers!
1654
00:58:23,151 --> 00:58:24,979
- Kenny Rogers.
- Kenny... uh-oh!
1655
00:58:25,066 --> 00:58:26,459
Oh-ho-ho-ho.
1656
00:58:26,546 --> 00:58:30,419
Born 21 August, 1938,
Kenneth Donald Rogers,
1657
00:58:30,507 --> 00:58:32,160
known to his family
as Kenny Ray...
1658
00:58:32,247 --> 00:58:33,553
Follow me, sir.
1659
00:58:35,424 --> 00:58:36,643
Come on, Frank.
1660
00:58:38,210 --> 00:58:39,211
That's better.
1661
00:58:39,298 --> 00:58:40,386
We're naked for 36 pages
1662
00:58:40,473 --> 00:58:42,170
at the end of this thing.
1663
00:58:42,257 --> 00:58:43,452
You know, Jim's got himself
a pump back there.
1664
00:58:43,476 --> 00:58:44,738
Yeah, he loves that.
1665
00:58:44,825 --> 00:58:46,348
Yeah, he fluffs himself
up for it,
1666
00:58:46,435 --> 00:58:48,065
and we've got to go out there
just with what we got.
1667
00:58:48,089 --> 00:58:49,656
I don't wanna do this.
1668
00:58:49,743 --> 00:58:52,833
Full disclosure,
this does cost $38.
1669
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:58,273
But behold, I seek only.
1670
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:01,015
For it is a young... young child.
1671
00:59:01,102 --> 00:59:02,930
Did you have a busy day?
1672
00:59:03,017 --> 00:59:05,237
Are you behind on
your holiday shopping?
1673
00:59:05,324 --> 00:59:06,717
Don't worry.
1674
00:59:06,804 --> 00:59:08,588
The Sierra Nugget Mall
is now open
1675
00:59:08,675 --> 00:59:10,372
from 8:00 a.m.
to 10:00 p.m. daily
1676
00:59:10,459 --> 00:59:11,809
for your holiday shopping needs.
1677
00:59:11,896 --> 00:59:13,941
Places! Rehearsal's on.
1678
00:59:14,028 --> 00:59:15,595
Places for dress rehearsal, everybody.
1679
00:59:15,682 --> 00:59:16,814
Places.
1680
00:59:16,901 --> 00:59:18,163
Places for dress.
Fuck yeah.
1681
00:59:18,250 --> 00:59:19,730
Let's fucking do this shit.
1682
00:59:25,823 --> 00:59:27,172
Places!
1683
00:59:27,259 --> 00:59:28,260
We're here, Jim.
1684
00:59:28,347 --> 00:59:29,522
OK. So we're...
1685
00:59:29,609 --> 00:59:30,784
The orphans aren't in yet.
1686
00:59:30,871 --> 00:59:31,979
Lights are out, lights are out.
1687
00:59:32,003 --> 00:59:33,004
Smoke and mystery.
1688
00:59:33,091 --> 00:59:37,008
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
1689
00:59:45,016 --> 00:59:49,411
♪ Oh, this child born tonight
gonna freak us with his light ♪
1690
00:59:49,498 --> 00:59:53,415
♪ Gonna set the world to right
with his holy, holy groove ♪
1691
00:59:53,502 --> 00:59:57,332
♪ And the people start to move
as their bodies feel the news ♪
1692
00:59:57,419 --> 01:00:01,293
♪ That this little naked man
is the king of all the Jews ♪
1693
01:00:01,380 --> 01:00:02,990
Oh!
1694
01:00:03,077 --> 01:00:09,562
♪ Jesus Christ, guys ♪
1695
01:00:09,649 --> 01:00:10,868
♪ Freaky, freaky, freak ♪
1696
01:00:10,955 --> 01:00:12,173
♪ Hey, Jesus freaking me ♪
1697
01:00:12,260 --> 01:00:13,522
That's it.
1698
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:14,804
♪ Oh, freaky,
freaky, freak ♪
1699
01:00:14,828 --> 01:00:16,438
♪ Tiny man from Galilee ♪
1700
01:00:16,525 --> 01:00:18,310
That's it, now.
1701
01:00:18,397 --> 01:00:19,548
♪ Freaky, freaky, freak ♪
- That's it.
1702
01:00:19,572 --> 01:00:21,139
♪ Jesus freaking me ♪
- Yeah.
1703
01:00:21,226 --> 01:00:22,749
♪ Oh, freaky, freaky, freak ♪
1704
01:00:22,836 --> 01:00:24,011
Yeah.
1705
01:00:24,098 --> 01:00:26,579
♪ Naked boy who died
for me ♪
1706
01:00:26,666 --> 01:00:29,060
♪ I'm gonna get scary ♪
1707
01:00:29,147 --> 01:00:32,498
♪ As Balthazar...
Come on to center stage ♪
1708
01:00:32,585 --> 01:00:33,780
Balthazar to center stage.
Yes, yes.
1709
01:00:33,804 --> 01:00:35,414
Yes, Jim. Yep.
1710
01:00:35,501 --> 01:00:36,850
- Little bit scary.
- Mm-hmm.
1711
01:00:36,937 --> 01:00:38,175
I don't want to note you
to death,
1712
01:00:38,199 --> 01:00:40,811
but the last couple times
we did this,
1713
01:00:40,898 --> 01:00:42,160
you were just... you were behind.
1714
01:00:42,247 --> 01:00:43,485
You were late.
I'm a little-I know.
1715
01:00:43,509 --> 01:00:44,641
- Late.
- I know, Jim.
1716
01:00:44,728 --> 01:00:46,164
Let's not be late. Ready?
1717
01:00:46,251 --> 01:00:47,794
Can we not embarrass me
in front of everyone?
1718
01:00:47,818 --> 01:00:48,732
I don't think
I'm embarrassing you
1719
01:00:48,819 --> 01:00:50,168
in front of everyone.
1720
01:00:50,255 --> 01:00:51,082
Am I embarrassing him
in front of everyone?
1721
01:00:51,169 --> 01:00:52,169
- Yes.
- Yeah, yeah.
1722
01:00:52,213 --> 01:00:53,432
If you want to give me notes,
1723
01:00:53,519 --> 01:00:54,999
you take me
behind the Christmas tree.
1724
01:00:55,086 --> 01:00:56,391
- Who's Balthazar?
- Me.
1725
01:00:56,478 --> 01:00:57,784
- You are.
- Jones.
1726
01:00:57,871 --> 01:00:59,699
Beautiful.
1727
01:00:59,786 --> 01:01:02,267
- Can I have your attention?
- Two, three, four...
1728
01:01:02,354 --> 01:01:04,573
- Will the mother of Lupita...
- Six, seven, eight, nine.
1729
01:01:04,661 --> 01:01:06,184
Please come
to the lost and found?
1730
01:01:07,620 --> 01:01:09,709
Now.
1731
01:01:09,796 --> 01:01:12,364
♪ Who is this tiny man who
in the manger now is born? ♪
1732
01:01:12,451 --> 01:01:14,148
♪ And will he fill
the world with love ♪
1733
01:01:14,235 --> 01:01:15,976
♪ But also wear
a crown of thorns? ♪
1734
01:01:16,063 --> 01:01:19,284
♪ And if the Romans find a boy
who is so naked and so wise ♪
1735
01:01:19,371 --> 01:01:20,981
♪ Could he even now survive ♪
1736
01:01:21,068 --> 01:01:23,027
♪ Or would he
his demise? ♪
1737
01:01:23,114 --> 01:01:24,439
♪ And should we all
just run and flee ♪
1738
01:01:24,463 --> 01:01:25,812
♪ And bid adieu to Galilee? ♪
1739
01:01:25,899 --> 01:01:28,685
♪ But lo,
this little naked man ♪
1740
01:01:28,772 --> 01:01:30,469
♪ Yes, it's happening ♪
1741
01:01:30,556 --> 01:01:34,995
♪ I am a Jesus freak fan ♪
1742
01:01:35,082 --> 01:01:36,518
Three, four.
1743
01:01:36,605 --> 01:01:38,365
Yeah, that's the holidays
right there, right?
1744
01:01:38,433 --> 01:01:40,063
That's the holidays.
♪ Jesus freaking me ♪
1745
01:01:40,087 --> 01:01:41,828
That's it.
♪ Freaky, freaky, freak ♪
1746
01:01:41,915 --> 01:01:44,396
♪ Tiny man from Galilee ♪
1747
01:01:44,483 --> 01:01:46,026
♪ Freaky, freaky, freak ♪
That's right.
1748
01:01:46,050 --> 01:01:47,225
♪ Hey, Jesus freaking me ♪
1749
01:01:47,312 --> 01:01:48,574
That's exactly it.
1750
01:01:48,661 --> 01:01:50,141
♪ Oh, freaky,
freaky, freak ♪
1751
01:01:50,228 --> 01:01:52,621
♪ The naked boy
who died for me ♪
1752
01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:54,406
♪ ♪
1753
01:01:54,493 --> 01:01:56,451
And then you're feeling
each other's bodies.
1754
01:01:56,538 --> 01:01:58,715
♪ ♪
1755
01:01:58,802 --> 01:02:01,195
Exploring bodies.
1756
01:02:01,282 --> 01:02:05,199
God, we've been given
these beautiful bodies.
1757
01:02:05,286 --> 01:02:07,680
OK, that was one one-thousandth
of the energy
1758
01:02:07,767 --> 01:02:09,813
I want on the day, OK?
OK.
1759
01:02:09,900 --> 01:02:12,598
Fun family show for
the fucking Junior Deputies,
1760
01:02:12,685 --> 01:02:15,775
some of whom are recovering
from crack problems, OK?
1761
01:02:15,862 --> 01:02:18,038
Let's pick it up at the...
We've arrived at the manger,
1762
01:02:18,125 --> 01:02:19,692
there's no room,
there's no room.
1763
01:02:19,779 --> 01:02:22,260
There's no room in the manger!
1764
01:02:22,347 --> 01:02:23,933
You're not going to do it
like that, are you?
1765
01:02:23,957 --> 01:02:25,437
I was.
1766
01:02:25,524 --> 01:02:26,917
Can I see it a little bigger?
1767
01:02:28,701 --> 01:02:31,965
There's no room in the manger.
1768
01:02:32,052 --> 01:02:33,073
See, that's why this is a show.
1769
01:02:33,097 --> 01:02:34,925
That's why this is a show.
That's it.
1770
01:02:59,297 --> 01:03:01,690
Fear not, little goyim.
1771
01:03:01,778 --> 01:03:03,997
Your rescue is at hand.
1772
01:03:05,303 --> 01:03:06,347
Oh.
1773
01:03:08,523 --> 01:03:10,351
Shalom, baby.
1774
01:03:10,438 --> 01:03:13,746
Hatzalah at your service.
1775
01:03:13,833 --> 01:03:17,750
We was, uh, circling
in the Black Hawk chopper.
1776
01:03:17,837 --> 01:03:19,970
We saw you were in distress.
1777
01:03:20,057 --> 01:03:22,973
We got here in two shakes
of a mule's bottom.
1778
01:03:23,060 --> 01:03:24,365
Thank God you're here!
1779
01:03:24,452 --> 01:03:27,194
We was, uh, doing
mitzvahing this week.
1780
01:03:27,281 --> 01:03:29,806
It's best way to celebrate
sixth night of Hanukkah.
1781
01:03:29,893 --> 01:03:31,764
Oh, we were also just
1782
01:03:31,851 --> 01:03:33,635
celebrating Hanukkah.
Great.
1783
01:03:33,722 --> 01:03:38,075
How about we tow this bus
to wherever it is you're going?
1784
01:03:38,162 --> 01:03:39,772
Oh, thank you!
1785
01:03:39,859 --> 01:03:41,141
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm sorry.
1786
01:03:41,165 --> 01:03:42,383
It's forbidden.
1787
01:03:42,470 --> 01:03:43,621
Thank you, at least,
for recognizing
1788
01:03:43,645 --> 01:03:45,734
that I am indeed a female.
1789
01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:47,780
Of course! You are woman.
1790
01:03:47,867 --> 01:03:52,916
You are 100% filthy,
disgusting woman
1791
01:03:53,003 --> 01:03:56,354
that I would not schtup
through hole in two sheets.
1792
01:03:56,441 --> 01:03:57,921
OK.
1793
01:03:58,008 --> 01:03:59,052
It's been a long day.
OK.
1794
01:03:59,139 --> 01:04:00,401
Of course.
1795
01:04:00,488 --> 01:04:03,274
So who wants to be Jewish
like Ivanka Trump,
1796
01:04:03,361 --> 01:04:05,102
most beautiful woman in world?
1797
01:04:05,189 --> 01:04:06,755
OK. See me afterwards.
1798
01:04:06,843 --> 01:04:08,235
I have pamphlets.
OK.
1799
01:04:08,322 --> 01:04:10,237
- Let's hook you up to tank...
- Yes.
1800
01:04:10,324 --> 01:04:11,604
And get you where you need
to go.
1801
01:04:11,630 --> 01:04:13,284
- Yes!
- Huh?
1802
01:04:13,371 --> 01:04:16,591
Hatzalah.
Hatzalah.
1803
01:04:16,678 --> 01:04:18,289
Just the boys. Hatzalah.
1804
01:04:18,376 --> 01:04:20,030
Good. Hatzalah.
1805
01:04:20,117 --> 01:04:21,727
- Just the girls.
- No, not the girls.
1806
01:04:21,814 --> 01:04:22,814
- Nope.
alah.
1807
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:31,737
Even the animals in
the barn rejoiced at this...
1808
01:04:31,824 --> 01:04:33,149
Hi, guys.
I got the Junior Deputies.
1809
01:04:33,173 --> 01:04:34,827
Everything is totally cool
and fine.
1810
01:04:34,914 --> 01:04:36,176
What the hell happened to you?
1811
01:04:36,263 --> 01:04:37,458
Yeah, nothing!
Everything's fine.
1812
01:04:37,482 --> 01:04:38,720
I got the Junior Deputies here,
safe and sound.
1813
01:04:38,744 --> 01:04:40,006
Everybody's good.
Go, go, go!
1814
01:04:40,093 --> 01:04:41,679
You're fine. You're fine.
Go. Great seats.
1815
01:04:41,703 --> 01:04:42,767
Great seats still available.
Everybody's fine.
1816
01:04:42,791 --> 01:04:44,358
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
1817
01:04:44,445 --> 01:04:46,883
Enjoy the greatest story
ever told, Junior Deputies.
1818
01:04:46,970 --> 01:04:48,319
- You got to get dressed.
- Yes.
1819
01:04:48,406 --> 01:04:49,711
OK. Everything's fine.
1820
01:04:49,798 --> 01:04:51,238
Everything is good.
OK, tighten up.
1821
01:04:51,278 --> 01:04:53,150
We're running about
90 minutes late,
1822
01:04:53,237 --> 01:04:54,301
but that's not going
to affect our energy.
1823
01:04:54,325 --> 01:04:55,804
You're not going to believe it!
1824
01:04:55,892 --> 01:05:00,157
We booked Inkeba Bathetois.
1825
01:05:00,244 --> 01:05:02,724
Local meteorologist
Inkeba Bathetois?
1826
01:05:02,811 --> 01:05:04,335
Yes, that very one.
1827
01:05:04,422 --> 01:05:06,076
But she can sing, too!
1828
01:05:06,163 --> 01:05:07,314
She's even better at singing than
1829
01:05:07,338 --> 01:05:09,514
she is at predicting
cloud stuff!
1830
01:05:09,601 --> 01:05:10,970
Mr. Richnickie,
stop talking for two seconds
1831
01:05:10,994 --> 01:05:12,101
before I punch you in the face.
1832
01:05:12,125 --> 01:05:13,910
I just want to make it clear.
1833
01:05:13,997 --> 01:05:15,365
She's going to go...
Local meteorologist
1834
01:05:15,389 --> 01:05:18,262
Inkeba Bathetois is going
to go on right after us?
1835
01:05:18,349 --> 01:05:20,046
Local meteorologist
Inkeba Bathetois,
1836
01:05:20,133 --> 01:05:21,632
and beautiful singer
Inkeba Bathetois...
1837
01:05:21,656 --> 01:05:23,006
And Peabody Award winner.
1838
01:05:23,093 --> 01:05:24,442
Is going on momentarily.
1839
01:05:24,529 --> 01:05:26,052
And everyone is very excited.
1840
01:05:26,139 --> 01:05:27,793
Also, she told me
to tell you not
1841
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:29,447
to look her directly
in the face.
1842
01:05:29,534 --> 01:05:30,990
- Oh, sure.
- 'Cause she's very famous
1843
01:05:31,014 --> 01:05:32,014
and does not like that.
1844
01:05:32,058 --> 01:05:33,407
I'm going to go introduce her.
1845
01:05:33,494 --> 01:05:35,279
This is going to be so great!
I can't wait!
1846
01:05:35,366 --> 01:05:38,412
Also, your green room is now
her assistant's green room,
1847
01:05:38,499 --> 01:05:39,868
so you don't have
a green room no more.
1848
01:05:39,892 --> 01:05:41,850
I love you!
Great.
1849
01:05:41,938 --> 01:05:43,567
Don't go in her green room.
I got to focus on the text.
1850
01:05:43,591 --> 01:05:45,506
It's going to be great.
Prayer, prayer, prayer.
1851
01:05:45,593 --> 01:05:50,598
Right now, it's Reno Sheriff's
Department versus the world.
1852
01:05:50,685 --> 01:05:52,209
The butterflies.
1853
01:05:52,296 --> 01:05:54,298
It's OK to throw up
before you go on.
1854
01:05:54,385 --> 01:05:57,127
It might even make
you look less bloated.
1855
01:05:57,214 --> 01:05:59,042
I'm not looking
at anybody specifically,
1856
01:05:59,129 --> 01:06:00,489
but if you need
to throw up before,
1857
01:06:00,565 --> 01:06:04,090
the butterflies are your friend
for definition.
1858
01:06:04,177 --> 01:06:09,052
Now, I know there's 150 pages
of the script
1859
01:06:09,139 --> 01:06:11,880
we didn't really get to,
or talk about, or block.
1860
01:06:11,968 --> 01:06:14,405
But greatest story ever told.
1861
01:06:14,492 --> 01:06:16,015
You're bringing
to the Christ child?
1862
01:06:16,102 --> 01:06:17,712
- Myrrh.
- And you're bringing?
1863
01:06:17,799 --> 01:06:18,799
I bring gold.
1864
01:06:18,844 --> 01:06:20,193
And Trudy is bringing?
1865
01:06:22,195 --> 01:06:25,155
Well, I think I read
the email wrong.
1866
01:06:25,242 --> 01:06:26,460
It's OK.
1867
01:06:26,547 --> 01:06:27,984
I mean, it's kind
of the same story.
1868
01:06:28,071 --> 01:06:29,333
Yeah, Jesus came back to life.
1869
01:06:29,420 --> 01:06:31,161
Huddle up.
Huddle up, everybody.
1870
01:06:34,164 --> 01:06:35,861
Are we the best actors
in the world?
1871
01:06:35,948 --> 01:06:36,731
- Yes.
- No.
1872
01:06:36,818 --> 01:06:38,516
Oh.
1873
01:06:38,603 --> 01:06:40,822
Those are literally
always British people.
1874
01:06:40,909 --> 01:06:42,563
But I think we got this.
1875
01:06:42,650 --> 01:06:44,826
Ladies and gentlemen,
1876
01:06:44,913 --> 01:06:47,786
local meteorologist
1877
01:06:47,873 --> 01:06:53,313
Inkeba Bathetois!
1878
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:54,836
Should be going on after us.
1879
01:06:54,923 --> 01:06:58,492
♪ Oh, holy night ♪
1880
01:06:58,579 --> 01:07:03,976
♪ The stars are
brightly shining ♪
1881
01:07:04,063 --> 01:07:06,544
♪ It is the night ♪
1882
01:07:06,631 --> 01:07:10,722
♪ Of our dear savior's birth ♪
1883
01:07:10,809 --> 01:07:12,724
♪ ♪
1884
01:07:12,811 --> 01:07:16,858
♪ Oh, night ♪
1885
01:07:16,945 --> 01:07:20,732
♪ Divine ♪
1886
01:07:20,819 --> 01:07:23,909
♪ Oh, night ♪
1887
01:07:23,996 --> 01:07:30,394
♪ Oh, night divine ♪
1888
01:07:30,481 --> 01:07:32,309
♪ ♪
1889
01:07:32,396 --> 01:07:34,876
You know, she has
a Peabody Award.
1890
01:07:34,963 --> 01:07:38,750
♪ Oh, night divine ♪
1891
01:07:42,754 --> 01:07:43,972
I love you.
1892
01:07:44,060 --> 01:07:46,845
Merry Christmas to all!
1893
01:07:46,932 --> 01:07:48,890
Oh, hang around, folks.
1894
01:07:48,977 --> 01:07:50,805
Some dumb cops are on next.
1895
01:08:07,126 --> 01:08:08,649
Behold.
1896
01:08:08,736 --> 01:08:10,260
Behold.
1897
01:08:10,347 --> 01:08:15,003
Behold, behold, behold
the greatest story ever told.
1898
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:20,748
We now miraculously transform
the Sierra Nugget Mall
1899
01:08:20,835 --> 01:08:25,231
to the town of Bethlehem!
1900
01:08:25,318 --> 01:08:31,194
And now, Rome hath commanded
that a census be taken.
1901
01:08:31,281 --> 01:08:32,475
And then... I'm skipping ahead...
1902
01:08:32,499 --> 01:08:34,980
Joseph, being from Bethlehem,
1903
01:08:35,067 --> 01:08:37,374
traveled with Mary,
1904
01:08:37,461 --> 01:08:39,289
his betrothed,
who was with child.
1905
01:08:39,376 --> 01:08:40,812
And they got to Bethlehem,
1906
01:08:40,899 --> 01:08:42,901
and the guy at the inn
was like, we don't...
1907
01:08:42,988 --> 01:08:44,685
We don't have a...
See your reservation.
1908
01:08:44,772 --> 01:08:47,123
And this is exactly what happens
1909
01:08:47,210 --> 01:08:48,689
if you use the booking apps,
1910
01:08:48,776 --> 01:08:50,604
which I'm begging you
not to use.
1911
01:08:50,691 --> 01:08:54,434
And Mary,
who "wath" great with child,
1912
01:08:54,521 --> 01:08:57,524
had to go have the baby
in a trough.
1913
01:08:57,611 --> 01:09:00,136
Just like Ricki Lake
in that movie
1914
01:09:00,223 --> 01:09:02,094
whose name escapes me.
1915
01:09:02,181 --> 01:09:04,488
Bethlehem!
1916
01:09:04,575 --> 01:09:06,794
Night!
1917
01:09:06,881 --> 01:09:08,405
Year zero!
1918
01:09:08,492 --> 01:09:11,843
They followed the star.
1919
01:09:11,930 --> 01:09:13,125
Lights, lights, lights,
lights, lights, lights,
1920
01:09:13,149 --> 01:09:14,846
lights, lights, lights.
1921
01:09:14,933 --> 01:09:16,543
Places for prologue.
Gorgeous, guys.
1922
01:09:16,630 --> 01:09:18,023
We're killing this.
1923
01:09:20,547 --> 01:09:24,290
♪ There's a star
in the east ♪
1924
01:09:24,377 --> 01:09:27,728
♪ On Christmas morn ♪
1925
01:09:27,815 --> 01:09:33,430
♪ Rise up, shepherd,
and follow ♪
1926
01:09:37,129 --> 01:09:43,614
♪ It'll lead to the place
where the savior's born ♪
1927
01:09:43,701 --> 01:09:49,315
♪ Rise up, shepherd,
and follow ♪
1928
01:09:50,925 --> 01:09:54,102
♪ Oh, follow that star ♪
1929
01:09:54,190 --> 01:09:57,454
♪ Follow, follow ♪
1930
01:09:57,541 --> 01:10:00,544
♪ To the little naked king ♪
1931
01:10:00,631 --> 01:10:02,676
♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ Rise ♪
1932
01:10:02,763 --> 01:10:04,722
No!
1933
01:10:04,809 --> 01:10:06,724
My nugget!
1934
01:10:06,811 --> 01:10:08,421
My nugget!
1935
01:10:08,508 --> 01:10:10,206
My beautiful nugget,
where did you go?
1936
01:10:10,293 --> 01:10:11,598
- Hey, guys!
- No. No.
1937
01:10:11,685 --> 01:10:13,861
The Kenny Rogers exhibit
is gone!
1938
01:10:15,515 --> 01:10:17,038
Those bastards!
1939
01:10:17,125 --> 01:10:18,910
The whole mall is mortgaged
on that nugget!
1940
01:10:18,997 --> 01:10:20,346
It is my life!
1941
01:10:20,433 --> 01:10:22,392
They went that way!
1942
01:10:22,479 --> 01:10:24,350
Go, go, go, go!
1943
01:10:24,437 --> 01:10:25,699
Sons of bitches!
1944
01:10:28,224 --> 01:10:29,137
We've got to get them home.
1945
01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:30,704
Mm. OK.
1946
01:10:30,791 --> 01:10:33,707
Um, show of hands,
who knows how to drive a bus?
1947
01:10:33,794 --> 01:10:35,622
Anyone?
1948
01:10:35,709 --> 01:10:37,102
- Wait!
- They're getting away!
1949
01:10:37,189 --> 01:10:38,538
Keep moving, Gunner!
1950
01:10:38,625 --> 01:10:40,410
Put it down!
Put it down!
1951
01:10:40,497 --> 01:10:42,325
Cover the exits.
Cover the exits.
1952
01:10:42,412 --> 01:10:44,390
In the name of the Reno
Sheriff's Department... no, no!
1953
01:10:44,414 --> 01:10:45,937
Don't you do it! Trudy!
1954
01:10:46,024 --> 01:10:47,286
Trudy! Take cover.
1955
01:10:47,373 --> 01:10:48,200
Take cover. Take cover.
1956
01:10:48,287 --> 01:10:50,507
No!
Son of a bitch!
1957
01:10:50,594 --> 01:10:51,899
Go, Rizzo!
I got you covered!
1958
01:10:51,986 --> 01:10:52,987
Go, go, go!
1959
01:10:53,074 --> 01:10:55,381
Incoming!
1960
01:10:55,468 --> 01:10:57,470
Retreat, retreat!
1961
01:10:57,557 --> 01:10:59,777
He's got a bone!
He's throwing bones!
1962
01:10:59,864 --> 01:11:01,474
Time out. Time out.
Time out. Time out.
1963
01:11:01,561 --> 01:11:03,041
Time out.
1964
01:11:03,128 --> 01:11:06,044
What if we do a John McClane
Trojan horse?
1965
01:11:06,131 --> 01:11:07,437
Yes. Yes. Yes.
1966
01:11:07,524 --> 01:11:09,482
Sending out unarmed delegate.
1967
01:11:09,569 --> 01:11:11,179
Guys, guys, guys.
Unarmed delegate.
1968
01:11:11,267 --> 01:11:12,853
In the name of the Sheriff's
Department and Jesus Christ.
1969
01:11:12,877 --> 01:11:15,053
- Truce.
- Let's just talk this out, OK?
1970
01:11:15,140 --> 01:11:16,552
- Talk it out.
- Let's just talk this out.
1971
01:11:16,576 --> 01:11:17,925
Hands up.
Keep your hands up.
1972
01:11:18,012 --> 01:11:19,692
We're gonna just
talk this out... Keith, now!
1973
01:11:20,450 --> 01:11:22,452
What the hell?
1974
01:11:22,539 --> 01:11:24,367
In your face!
1975
01:11:24,454 --> 01:11:26,847
Go to hell!
1976
01:11:26,934 --> 01:11:28,849
No!
1977
01:11:30,938 --> 01:11:32,375
I got it!
1978
01:11:34,072 --> 01:11:35,639
- Aww.
- Oh.
1979
01:11:35,726 --> 01:11:37,162
Oh, what the hell, man!
1980
01:11:37,249 --> 01:11:38,816
I'm on your side!
1981
01:11:38,903 --> 01:11:40,576
- Let's get out of here.
- Oh, my bad, Keith.
1982
01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:41,949
Son of a bitch.
1983
01:11:42,036 --> 01:11:43,211
Sorry, Keith.
1984
01:11:43,299 --> 01:11:44,691
- Oh! Oh.
- Hey, hey.
1985
01:11:44,778 --> 01:11:46,519
- What the hell!
- Now it's weird.
1986
01:11:46,606 --> 01:11:48,129
Get back. Get back.
1987
01:11:48,216 --> 01:11:49,392
Hey!
Hey!
1988
01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:51,089
You guys! You guys! You guys!
1989
01:11:51,176 --> 01:11:52,264
Wait, wait, wait!
1990
01:11:52,351 --> 01:11:54,527
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
1991
01:11:54,614 --> 01:11:55,876
It's locked.
1992
01:11:55,963 --> 01:11:57,051
Security!
1993
01:11:57,138 --> 01:11:58,966
Security!
Help!
1994
01:11:59,053 --> 01:12:00,751
OK, kids. Look.
1995
01:12:00,838 --> 01:12:03,449
We are right in the middle
of a heist.
1996
01:12:03,536 --> 01:12:06,104
As long as you have a buddy,
1997
01:12:06,191 --> 01:12:09,237
you are safe to wander out
in the night.
1998
01:12:11,414 --> 01:12:13,372
Ceviche, you drop that nugget!
1999
01:12:14,634 --> 01:12:16,201
All right.
2000
01:12:16,288 --> 01:12:18,029
I'll drop it.
2001
01:12:18,116 --> 01:12:21,249
Get a little taste
of the Texas tank!
2002
01:12:21,337 --> 01:12:22,337
Hyah!
2003
01:12:25,428 --> 01:12:26,733
No.
2004
01:12:26,820 --> 01:12:28,779
It was an honest mistake.
2005
01:12:28,866 --> 01:12:30,186
It could have
happened to anybody!
2006
01:12:37,135 --> 01:12:39,137
Phew!
2007
01:12:40,965 --> 01:12:42,749
I'm going to run!
2008
01:12:42,836 --> 01:12:44,664
Get out of here!
2009
01:12:45,970 --> 01:12:47,145
I'm blanking on your name.
2010
01:12:47,232 --> 01:12:48,668
Um... Kimball.
2011
01:12:48,755 --> 01:12:50,061
Oh, God.
I got it.
2012
01:12:50,148 --> 01:12:51,548
I got it. Hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.
2013
01:12:51,628 --> 01:12:52,933
He ain't coming through here.
2014
01:12:54,457 --> 01:12:55,806
Oh!
2015
01:12:55,893 --> 01:12:57,392
- Watch out, buddy.
- Toss me the nugget.
2016
01:12:57,416 --> 01:12:58,722
Don't do it!
2017
01:12:58,809 --> 01:13:00,482
Toss me the nugget
and this ends right now!
2018
01:13:00,506 --> 01:13:03,770
You want it so bad, catch.
2019
01:13:16,479 --> 01:13:18,437
Oh!
2020
01:13:23,181 --> 01:13:24,225
Hold 'em or fold 'em?
2021
01:13:24,312 --> 01:13:26,010
Let's play a little bit.
2022
01:13:26,097 --> 01:13:27,272
Come on, now.
2023
01:13:27,359 --> 01:13:29,013
Yah!
2024
01:13:29,100 --> 01:13:30,710
- Hold 'em!
- Fold 'em!
2025
01:13:30,797 --> 01:13:31,972
- Hold 'em!
- Fold 'em!
2026
01:13:32,059 --> 01:13:33,104
Oh, it hurts so bad.
2027
01:13:33,191 --> 01:13:34,192
Oh, it hurts so bad.
2028
01:13:34,279 --> 01:13:36,542
I fold 'em!
2029
01:13:36,629 --> 01:13:38,370
There you are.
2030
01:13:38,457 --> 01:13:40,067
- You hold 'em?
- I fold 'em.
2031
01:13:40,154 --> 01:13:41,242
Fold 'em!
2032
01:13:45,159 --> 01:13:46,944
It was a pleasure
to kick your ass.
2033
01:13:47,031 --> 01:13:48,032
Let's go, buddy.
2034
01:13:48,119 --> 01:13:49,381
Oh, look what I found.
2035
01:13:52,689 --> 01:13:53,777
Dangle!
2036
01:13:53,864 --> 01:13:55,953
What have they done to you?
2037
01:13:56,040 --> 01:13:57,607
I'm sorry, I forgot
your name for a bit.
2038
01:13:57,694 --> 01:13:59,106
I'm sorry.
It's all right. It's Kimball.
2039
01:13:59,130 --> 01:14:00,237
- I'm so sorry.
- My name's Kimball.
2040
01:14:00,261 --> 01:14:01,175
Oh, we got away with it.
2041
01:14:01,262 --> 01:14:02,262
Smooth, baby, smooth!
2042
01:14:02,307 --> 01:14:03,961
We got away with it.
2043
01:14:04,048 --> 01:14:05,504
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
2044
01:14:05,528 --> 01:14:06,592
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
2045
01:14:06,616 --> 01:14:07,747
Wait. Wait.
2046
01:14:07,834 --> 01:14:09,140
Looking for your gun, Dangle?
2047
01:14:09,227 --> 01:14:10,552
It's in the truck,
with all the rest.
2048
01:14:10,576 --> 01:14:11,664
Ho, ho.
2049
01:14:11,751 --> 01:14:13,013
Yes, we do this all the time.
2050
01:14:13,100 --> 01:14:14,580
That's right.
2051
01:14:14,667 --> 01:14:17,322
We go to a mall with a box
of Kenny Rogers' bones,
2052
01:14:17,409 --> 01:14:18,889
and we hide in plain sight.
2053
01:14:18,976 --> 01:14:20,499
We go completely unnoticed,
2054
01:14:20,586 --> 01:14:22,022
and we steal all the best shit.
2055
01:14:22,109 --> 01:14:23,197
Yeah.
2056
01:14:23,284 --> 01:14:25,417
It's the perfect crime.
2057
01:14:25,504 --> 01:14:26,418
Is it, though?
2058
01:14:26,505 --> 01:14:27,854
Kind of.
2059
01:14:27,941 --> 01:14:29,856
Anyways, we're about
to do it again in Carson.
2060
01:14:29,943 --> 01:14:30,988
That's right.
2061
01:14:31,075 --> 01:14:32,729
'Cause they got a Le Creuset.
2062
01:14:32,816 --> 01:14:34,426
- Oh!
- Oh!
2063
01:14:34,513 --> 01:14:36,689
- What's that?
- Let's go, brother!
2064
01:14:36,776 --> 01:14:39,257
Move out. Move out.
2065
01:14:39,344 --> 01:14:41,302
What the hell is going...
2066
01:14:41,389 --> 01:14:42,652
Look!
2067
01:14:42,739 --> 01:14:44,392
- Oh!
- Whoo!
2068
01:14:52,705 --> 01:14:54,707
Hatzolah, everybody!
2069
01:14:54,794 --> 01:14:57,318
Oh, of course!
2070
01:14:57,405 --> 01:14:59,146
Oh.
2071
01:14:59,233 --> 01:15:00,393
Don't worry about these guys.
2072
01:15:00,452 --> 01:15:01,975
They're not going anywhere.
2073
01:15:02,062 --> 01:15:03,977
We got them hooked up
to the Mitzvah Mobile.
2074
01:15:04,064 --> 01:15:06,284
- Wow!
- He's got this.
2075
01:15:06,371 --> 01:15:07,851
He's got this. Great.
2076
01:15:07,938 --> 01:15:09,635
Time for a little
disco dance, huh?
2077
01:15:11,463 --> 01:15:14,118
What would Christmas even be
without some cool Jewish guy
2078
01:15:14,205 --> 01:15:16,120
showing up to save
some folks, huh?
2079
01:15:16,207 --> 01:15:17,904
Oh!
2080
01:15:17,991 --> 01:15:20,385
Only guy whose sideburns
I like better than mine.
2081
01:15:20,472 --> 01:15:23,301
Hey, game recognize game.
2082
01:15:23,388 --> 01:15:25,346
It really was almost
the perfect crime.
2083
01:15:25,433 --> 01:15:27,479
But... but really...
Was it really the...
2084
01:15:27,566 --> 01:15:28,915
It was the perfect crime.
2085
01:15:29,002 --> 01:15:30,458
It was the perfect...
I mean, it was pretty...
2086
01:15:30,482 --> 01:15:32,615
They made one mistake.
2087
01:15:32,702 --> 01:15:36,619
The Jews had no better
friend than Mr. Kenny Rogers.
2088
01:15:36,706 --> 01:15:38,664
And when you mess
with Kenny Rogers,
2089
01:15:38,751 --> 01:15:41,798
you mess with
the entire state of Israel.
2090
01:15:41,885 --> 01:15:45,628
Mr. Kenny Rogers negotiated
a secret treaty
2091
01:15:45,715 --> 01:15:48,326
between Menachem Begin...
Mmhmm.
2092
01:15:48,413 --> 01:15:50,328
- And Yasser Arafat.
- Wow.
2093
01:15:52,156 --> 01:15:53,307
Someone's got to get
that on his Wikipedia,
2094
01:15:53,331 --> 01:15:54,898
'cause that's huge.
2095
01:15:54,985 --> 01:15:56,615
We're going to take
these guys to the tank,
2096
01:15:56,639 --> 01:15:58,641
ask them some questions,
shoot them in the head.
2097
01:15:58,728 --> 01:16:00,251
Uh... uh...
2098
01:16:00,338 --> 01:16:04,821
I think in the spirit of
the sixth night of Hanukkah...
2099
01:16:04,908 --> 01:16:06,779
we'll just book them, huh?
2100
01:16:06,866 --> 01:16:08,564
You... you're... you're working,
2101
01:16:08,651 --> 01:16:10,391
uh, Jewish guilt onto me, now.
2102
01:16:11,741 --> 01:16:13,351
We let them... we let them live.
2103
01:16:13,438 --> 01:16:15,919
Hey, doesn't mean you can't
hook some jumper cables up
2104
01:16:16,006 --> 01:16:17,268
to their nipples, huh?
2105
01:16:17,355 --> 01:16:18,356
Hey, were you in Mossad?
2106
01:16:18,443 --> 01:16:19,879
Because this is great idea.
2107
01:16:19,966 --> 01:16:21,925
Or what about stick
some stuff up their butts?
2108
01:16:22,012 --> 01:16:23,666
Best sixth night of Hanukkah...
2109
01:16:23,753 --> 01:16:24,841
- Ever.
- Ever?
2110
01:16:24,928 --> 01:16:26,625
- That we've ever had.
- I guess.
2111
01:16:26,712 --> 01:16:29,454
Well, I think Mr. Richnickie
is going to be still a bummer.
2112
01:16:29,541 --> 01:16:30,910
But let's get it back
to him, shall we?
2113
01:16:30,934 --> 01:16:31,978
He loves that nugget.
2114
01:16:32,065 --> 01:16:33,545
He might have killed himself.
2115
01:16:33,632 --> 01:16:35,131
I... I... in a weird way,
I was kind of hoping
2116
01:16:35,155 --> 01:16:36,461
that was the outcome.
2117
01:16:45,035 --> 01:16:47,428
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
2118
01:16:47,515 --> 01:16:49,692
♪ Please don't leave us ♪
2119
01:16:49,779 --> 01:16:54,000
♪ Please don't leave us
here to die ♪
2120
01:16:54,087 --> 01:16:58,135
♪ Christmas, Christmas,
please don't leave us ♪
2121
01:16:58,222 --> 01:17:01,921
♪ Please don't leave us
here to die ♪
2122
01:17:02,008 --> 01:17:06,447
♪ No, no, please don't go ♪
2123
01:17:06,534 --> 01:17:10,408
♪ Please don't go,
you know we'll die ♪
2124
01:17:10,495 --> 01:17:14,804
♪ No, no, please don't go ♪
2125
01:17:14,891 --> 01:17:21,375
♪ Please don't go,
you know we'll die ♪
2126
01:17:23,334 --> 01:17:25,118
Why are you crying, Jim Dangle?
2127
01:17:25,205 --> 01:17:27,077
Terry told me that
every time a bell rings,
2128
01:17:27,164 --> 01:17:29,209
he's giving somebody a tug job.
2129
01:17:29,296 --> 01:17:30,471
And that made me very sad.
2130
01:17:30,558 --> 01:17:31,777
Aww.
2131
01:17:33,953 --> 01:17:35,520
No, Jim Dangle.
2132
01:17:35,607 --> 01:17:37,870
I said every time a bell rings,
2133
01:17:37,957 --> 01:17:40,612
nobody should pee on me.
2134
01:17:40,699 --> 01:17:42,788
I hope that nobody pees
2135
01:17:42,875 --> 01:17:44,703
on all of us this Christmas.
2136
01:17:44,790 --> 01:17:45,791
Oh, look, you guys.
2137
01:17:45,878 --> 01:17:46,923
Our dove.
2138
01:17:47,010 --> 01:17:48,968
It's still alive.
Yay.
2139
01:17:49,055 --> 01:17:50,230
I'll get it.
2140
01:17:50,317 --> 01:17:51,623
Oh.
2141
01:17:53,407 --> 01:17:56,062
♪ Oh, dreidel,
dreidel, dreidel ♪
2142
01:17:56,149 --> 01:17:58,021
♪ I made it out of clay ♪
2143
01:17:58,108 --> 01:17:59,892
♪ And when it's dry and ready ♪
2144
01:17:59,979 --> 01:18:01,894
♪ Oh, dreidel I will play ♪
Hey!
2145
01:18:11,034 --> 01:18:12,470
We did a search,
and it turns out
2146
01:18:12,557 --> 01:18:14,124
that a 50-pound silver nugget
2147
01:18:14,211 --> 01:18:17,518
is worth $14,621.
2148
01:18:17,605 --> 01:18:19,085
Still a lot of money.
2149
01:18:19,172 --> 01:18:20,957
That's, like, a good used car.
149021
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