Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,094 --> 00:00:10,096
I don't have school.
2
00:00:10,096 --> 00:00:11,499
It's public service week,
3
00:00:11,499 --> 00:00:14,271
and I got accepted into
a prestigious intern program.
4
00:00:14,271 --> 00:00:17,579
Oh, wow.
Hey, congratulations!
5
00:00:17,579 --> 00:00:18,747
Where are we dropping you off?
6
00:00:18,747 --> 00:00:20,383
City Hall!
7
00:00:20,383 --> 00:00:22,755
Yeah, I got into the Mayor's
Youth Leadership Program.
8
00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:24,158
I didn't tell you I applied,
9
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:25,293
because I didn't
want you interfering.
10
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,699
You little rascal!
11
00:00:27,699 --> 00:00:30,638
Does this mean I get to spend
the next couple of days
12
00:00:30,638 --> 00:00:33,109
with my little girl?
13
00:00:33,109 --> 00:00:34,345
So proud of you.
14
00:00:34,345 --> 00:00:35,213
Okay, well,
get that out of your system,
15
00:00:35,213 --> 00:00:37,217
because you can't do that
at the office.
16
00:00:37,217 --> 00:00:40,123
Okay.
17
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,494
Look, I got this
internship on my own,
18
00:00:42,494 --> 00:00:44,531
and I don't want
any special treatment.
19
00:00:44,531 --> 00:00:45,768
Okay.
20
00:00:45,768 --> 00:00:46,770
We're gonna be
late to work,
21
00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:49,743
Mr. Mayor.
22
00:00:50,778 --> 00:00:53,349
You didn't tell her that you
got her into that program?
23
00:00:53,349 --> 00:00:56,188
And you didn't tell me that
my security codename
24
00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:57,457
is one of "The Golden Girls."
25
00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:59,663
- I apologize, sir.
- Yeah.
26
00:01:00,397 --> 00:01:02,702
Dorothy Zbornak
has left the condo.
27
00:01:14,425 --> 00:01:16,162
Hey, just FYI,
James and the I-team
28
00:01:16,162 --> 00:01:17,331
are in San Bernardino today.
29
00:01:17,331 --> 00:01:19,435
Umm, okay,
and according to Insta,
30
00:01:19,435 --> 00:01:21,439
Lil' Kim is at the
Culver City Applebee's.
31
00:01:21,439 --> 00:01:23,711
Are we just naming
people and places, Tommy?
32
00:01:23,711 --> 00:01:26,182
No, it's just everyone thinks
you're hiding in here,
33
00:01:26,182 --> 00:01:27,451
because James rejected you.
34
00:01:27,451 --> 00:01:29,521
- What?
- Hey, kiddo.
35
00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:30,758
What do you say
if neither of us
36
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:31,693
is married by the year 20--
37
00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:33,329
Get out!
38
00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:38,206
Look, I know I idle at shady,
39
00:01:38,206 --> 00:01:39,341
but I just wanna make sure
you're okay.
40
00:01:39,341 --> 00:01:41,445
Oh, I'm fine.
And I'm not hiding.
41
00:01:41,445 --> 00:01:43,550
I'm just--
I'm social distancing.
42
00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:45,186
Because I've been
chewing garlic cloves
43
00:01:45,186 --> 00:01:46,288
because of my toothache.
44
00:01:46,288 --> 00:01:47,592
It's a legit remedy.
45
00:01:47,592 --> 00:01:49,294
I saw it on the Italian grandma
side of TikTok.
46
00:01:49,294 --> 00:01:51,332
Okay, well, look.
Silver lining,
47
00:01:51,332 --> 00:01:52,835
things wouldn't have worked out
with James anyway.
48
00:01:52,835 --> 00:01:55,340
I mean, you have no time
for anyone in your life.
49
00:01:55,340 --> 00:01:56,576
What do you mean
I don't have time?
50
00:01:56,576 --> 00:01:57,845
All you do is work.
51
00:01:57,845 --> 00:01:59,683
I have a life, Thomas.
52
00:01:59,683 --> 00:02:00,517
I mean, my college friends
53
00:02:00,517 --> 00:02:01,820
invited me out
for drinks tonight,
54
00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:02,855
and I am gonna go.
55
00:02:02,855 --> 00:02:04,191
You'll never make it.
56
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:05,393
You have a proposal to write,
57
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:07,865
a dentist appointment, two
Zooms, a virtual bra fitting--
58
00:02:07,865 --> 00:02:09,869
Okay, I am un-sharing you
from my Google Calendar,
59
00:02:09,869 --> 00:02:11,840
and I will prove you wrong.
60
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,178
A little extra multi-tasking,
and by tonight,
61
00:02:14,178 --> 00:02:15,480
I will have forgotten
all about James,
62
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,217
because I will be
all up in that club,
63
00:02:17,217 --> 00:02:19,756
♪ Smooching a stranger
64
00:02:19,756 --> 00:02:20,858
We'll see, 'cause
65
00:02:20,858 --> 00:02:23,529
♪ Your breath
is a hate crime ♪
66
00:02:23,529 --> 00:02:26,302
It's from my toothache.
67
00:02:27,872 --> 00:02:28,907
Oh, hey, Arpi, don't forget,
68
00:02:28,907 --> 00:02:31,379
we have the youth leadership
program kids today.
69
00:02:31,379 --> 00:02:34,518
Oh, not a good day
for me to have witnesses.
70
00:02:34,518 --> 00:02:36,222
I was gonna go down
to City Council
71
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,491
and push my broadband bill.
72
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,863
These kids think they want to
see how the sausage gets made,
73
00:02:39,863 --> 00:02:43,269
but today, it's gonna be all
rat cheeks and toenails.
74
00:02:43,269 --> 00:02:44,806
We call this room
The Bullpen,
75
00:02:44,806 --> 00:02:46,375
which is short for bull penis.
76
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:49,248
Wait, Orly Bremer
is part of this?
77
00:02:49,248 --> 00:02:50,483
Okay, I'll split them with you,
78
00:02:50,483 --> 00:02:52,254
you take the other three,
I get Orly.
79
00:02:52,254 --> 00:02:53,624
Oh, so you can do
what you do best?
80
00:02:53,624 --> 00:02:55,393
Brown-nosing is not
what I do best.
81
00:02:55,393 --> 00:02:56,429
It's what I do most.
82
00:02:56,429 --> 00:03:00,203
North Korea has launched
missiles at Los Angeles!
83
00:03:02,407 --> 00:03:04,011
Now that I have
everyone's attention,
84
00:03:04,011 --> 00:03:06,282
I would like to introduce
the 2022
85
00:03:06,282 --> 00:03:08,887
Mayor's Youth Leadership
Program participants.
86
00:03:08,887 --> 00:03:12,595
And in the interest
of inclusion, partici-skirts.
87
00:03:13,529 --> 00:03:16,937
Inez Herrera was a finalist
in the intel space competition.
88
00:03:16,937 --> 00:03:19,408
She speaks
Spanish and Mandarin.
89
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:20,945
Oh, gosh, it doesn't say
English here.
90
00:03:20,945 --> 00:03:25,921
So wel-come I-nez.
91
00:03:25,921 --> 00:03:29,562
Maya Gilmore was invited to the
Harvard Model U. N. competition,
92
00:03:29,562 --> 00:03:31,666
where she crafted
a two-state solution
93
00:03:31,666 --> 00:03:33,035
for Israel and Palestine
94
00:03:33,035 --> 00:03:34,939
that no one
had ever thought of before.
95
00:03:34,939 --> 00:03:36,877
Ben Williams is
nationally ranked
96
00:03:36,877 --> 00:03:38,446
in Lincoln-Douglas debates,
97
00:03:38,446 --> 00:03:40,350
and was nominated
for a Pulitzer
98
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,722
for his photo series
on the 2020 protests.
99
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:45,493
And finally, Orly Bremer
is on the Honor Roll,
100
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,932
and plays JV field hockey.
101
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:50,704
I guess the rest of it
must not have printed out.
102
00:03:50,704 --> 00:03:54,813
But, um, I know some
other stuff about Orly.
103
00:03:54,813 --> 00:03:57,952
She has two horses.
104
00:03:57,952 --> 00:03:59,823
And she's the mayor's daughter.
105
00:04:03,831 --> 00:04:05,433
I don't belong here.
106
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:06,970
These other kids have done
so much more than me.
107
00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:08,740
No.
108
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:11,479
Just admit you got me into
the Youth Leadership Program.
109
00:04:11,479 --> 00:04:15,554
Someone in Community Outreach
saw your application,
110
00:04:15,554 --> 00:04:17,324
asked me what to do about it.
111
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,796
I didn't say,
"Don't let my daughter in."
112
00:04:19,796 --> 00:04:20,931
I'm a fraud!
113
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:22,534
That's not true, Orly.
114
00:04:22,534 --> 00:04:24,004
Did I get you on the Honor Roll
115
00:04:24,004 --> 00:04:27,010
at one of the most competitive
schools in Los Angeles?
116
00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:29,448
Oh, my God! School!
117
00:04:29,448 --> 00:04:31,452
What did you do to help me get
into Gregory?
118
00:04:31,452 --> 00:04:33,456
Gregory? No, no--nothing.
119
00:04:33,456 --> 00:04:34,592
So it's just a coincidence
120
00:04:34,592 --> 00:04:36,495
that my first year
they broke ground
121
00:04:36,495 --> 00:04:39,334
on the Anonymous Tall Dad
Science Center?
122
00:04:40,436 --> 00:04:41,740
Unbelievable!
123
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,810
My whole life, you've been
bribing people
124
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:45,781
into letting me
think I'm special,
125
00:04:45,781 --> 00:04:47,885
like you're Aaron Spelling
and I'm Tori!
126
00:04:47,885 --> 00:04:49,822
I know you're
studying the Spellings
127
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:51,893
in AP Beverly Hills History,
but I'm--
128
00:04:51,893 --> 00:04:52,862
If mom were here,
129
00:04:52,862 --> 00:04:55,033
she never would have
let you do any of this!
130
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,903
She learned from failure.
131
00:04:56,903 --> 00:05:00,376
Yes, yes. I've seen the
videos your mom left for you.
132
00:05:00,376 --> 00:05:02,615
I'm not gonna be around
to watch you grow up
133
00:05:02,615 --> 00:05:06,756
into this strong, beautiful
woman I know you'll be.
134
00:05:06,756 --> 00:05:08,025
Just remember,
135
00:05:08,025 --> 00:05:11,031
you learn more from failure
than success, baby girl.
136
00:05:11,031 --> 00:05:14,606
I learned that auditioning
for "American Pie."
137
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,676
My second piece of advice:
138
00:05:16,676 --> 00:05:19,816
if you're on your period
during a lingerie shoot--
139
00:05:19,816 --> 00:05:21,620
Mom wouldn't have helped me
cheat my way
140
00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:22,922
into the
Youth Leadership Program.
141
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:25,928
Orly, if you don't think that
you got this job on your own,
142
00:05:25,928 --> 00:05:26,997
you're free to quit.
143
00:05:26,997 --> 00:05:29,903
No, quitting is what
a privileged brat would do.
144
00:05:29,903 --> 00:05:31,907
Those other kids, they worked
real hard to be here,
145
00:05:31,907 --> 00:05:33,409
and now it's my turn.
146
00:05:33,409 --> 00:05:34,913
You don't want
to start by maybe
147
00:05:34,913 --> 00:05:36,883
unloading the dishwasher
at home?
148
00:05:36,883 --> 00:05:38,554
And deprive Cecilia
149
00:05:38,554 --> 00:05:41,901
the dignity
of a hard day's work?
150
00:05:52,514 --> 00:05:55,788
Oh, okay, well,
can we play again later?
151
00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:58,594
My daughter has decided
that she has been coddled,
152
00:05:58,594 --> 00:06:00,096
and now she wants
to do real work.
153
00:06:00,096 --> 00:06:03,069
Just give her some basic
office stuff to do, please.
154
00:06:03,069 --> 00:06:04,104
Does she know Excel?
155
00:06:04,104 --> 00:06:05,506
Because I have
some polling data--
156
00:06:05,506 --> 00:06:07,077
No. Nothing complicated.
157
00:06:07,077 --> 00:06:09,882
Just point her toward a task
any idiot could do
158
00:06:09,882 --> 00:06:11,853
and then say "Good job."
159
00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:12,888
Got it.
I'll put on my kid gloves,
160
00:06:12,888 --> 00:06:15,894
and handle your daughter--
wow, hearing it, sir.
161
00:06:15,894 --> 00:06:17,865
You know,
I'm not the one who said that
162
00:06:17,865 --> 00:06:19,902
she should never have
a minimum wage job.
163
00:06:19,902 --> 00:06:22,507
I'm, I'm not
the one who insisted
164
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,579
that she go to private school.
165
00:06:24,579 --> 00:06:25,814
It was Natalie.
166
00:06:25,814 --> 00:06:28,720
Before she died,
she laid it all out.
167
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,458
Dead wives.
168
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:34,131
Can't live with them. Obviously.
169
00:06:34,131 --> 00:06:35,868
Then, when Orly
gets mad at me,
170
00:06:35,868 --> 00:06:37,938
I can't exactly go blame
her dead mother.
171
00:06:37,938 --> 00:06:40,778
At this point, her only
memories of Natalie
172
00:06:40,778 --> 00:06:43,049
are from--
173
00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:44,686
From those videos she made.
174
00:06:45,453 --> 00:06:46,221
Wait, you let her
watch those?
175
00:06:46,221 --> 00:06:47,658
Excuse me?
176
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,127
I pretty much
wore out my VHS copy
177
00:06:49,127 --> 00:06:50,229
of "Venus on the Moon"
178
00:06:50,229 --> 00:06:52,100
with her and Nicole Eggert.
179
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,471
I finally understand
what you earthlings mean
180
00:06:54,471 --> 00:06:57,578
by super horny.
181
00:06:57,578 --> 00:06:58,714
I wrote a letter
to the studio
182
00:06:58,714 --> 00:07:00,149
asking them
to release it on DVD,
183
00:07:00,149 --> 00:07:02,621
but evidently, that company
just sells dog toys now.
184
00:07:02,621 --> 00:07:03,991
Thank you, Jayden.
185
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:07,030
Yes, I'm aware of my wife's
late-'90s acting career.
186
00:07:07,030 --> 00:07:10,904
I meant the videos she made
for Orly before she died.
187
00:07:10,904 --> 00:07:14,511
I love you baby girl, and I
will always be watching you.
188
00:07:14,511 --> 00:07:17,017
Just remember,
189
00:07:17,017 --> 00:07:21,025
real modeling agencies don't
make you pay for headshots.
190
00:07:21,025 --> 00:07:22,260
I loved that woman.
191
00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:26,970
But now, she's forever perfect,
and I'm forever the bad guy.
192
00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:30,043
Come on, sir.
Bad guys are cooler, right?
193
00:07:30,043 --> 00:07:31,780
Look at Gru.
194
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:33,349
Hmm.
195
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,625
Councilman Higbee!
196
00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:39,662
Is now a good time?
197
00:07:39,662 --> 00:07:41,633
To talk,
or in my life?
198
00:07:41,633 --> 00:07:43,169
'Cause I started
betting on sports,
199
00:07:43,169 --> 00:07:44,806
and I'm pretty addicted--
200
00:07:44,806 --> 00:07:47,578
I wanna revisit
ordinance 462.
201
00:07:47,578 --> 00:07:48,980
No.
Everyone in this city
202
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:51,185
is not owed
free broadband internet.
203
00:07:51,185 --> 00:07:52,788
It's crucial to the economy.
204
00:07:52,788 --> 00:07:55,159
People working remotely,
people searching for jobs.
205
00:07:55,159 --> 00:07:58,199
Did you know 25 percent
of L. A. public schoolkids
206
00:07:58,199 --> 00:07:59,602
don't have internet at home?
207
00:07:59,602 --> 00:08:01,004
So, what?
208
00:08:01,004 --> 00:08:03,777
Kids today spend too much time
on the internet already.
209
00:08:03,777 --> 00:08:07,050
Why burn more money
on "education?"
210
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:10,189
They're all gonna be gig
workers and cam girls anyway.
211
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:11,793
Hang on a second.
Guys!
212
00:08:11,793 --> 00:08:14,097
I know I told you to wait
outside, but come here.
213
00:08:16,836 --> 00:08:18,607
Councilman Higbee was just
talking about the youth
214
00:08:18,607 --> 00:08:21,178
of this great city.
215
00:08:21,178 --> 00:08:23,015
Frank, please, go on.
216
00:08:23,015 --> 00:08:25,086
I was just telling
the deputy mayor,
217
00:08:25,086 --> 00:08:27,691
it won't be long until you kids
are running the show.
218
00:08:27,691 --> 00:08:29,194
And I can't wait.
219
00:08:29,194 --> 00:08:31,198
So we can count
on your support
220
00:08:31,198 --> 00:08:35,808
to bring ordinance 462
to a vote for L. A.'s future.
221
00:08:36,810 --> 00:08:39,247
- Count me in.
- Kids, let's be sure
222
00:08:39,247 --> 00:08:41,853
we record this historic moment.
223
00:08:41,853 --> 00:08:43,690
Already livestreaming it.
224
00:08:45,828 --> 00:08:46,830
Feel that, Frank?
225
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,365
That's all 92 pounds of me
226
00:08:48,365 --> 00:08:49,836
stepping right on your huevos.
227
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:57,050
Okay, proposal for library
book amnesty, done.
228
00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:59,789
Seating chart
for the LACMA banquet, done.
229
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,058
If you believe it,
you can achieve it.
230
00:09:01,058 --> 00:09:03,062
And I believe
I'm getting drunk tonight.
231
00:09:03,062 --> 00:09:06,168
Hey, so you know how the
mayor was supposed to apologize
232
00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:08,072
to the Boyle Heights
food vendors today?
233
00:09:08,072 --> 00:09:10,611
- Uh...
- Well, our Spanish interpreter
234
00:09:10,611 --> 00:09:12,882
was out sick,
so I took a crack at it.
235
00:09:12,882 --> 00:09:15,153
Oh, God.
What did you make him say?
236
00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:18,125
Mayor Bremer is not hiding
a secret love child.
237
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:21,031
He was told that "embarazada"
means "embarrassed,"
238
00:09:21,031 --> 00:09:23,035
when, of course,
it means pregnant.
239
00:09:23,035 --> 00:09:25,641
Absolutely,
the mayor is very excited
240
00:09:25,641 --> 00:09:27,678
for next week's
interfaith council event.
241
00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:29,281
Thank you so much,
Archbishop Luna--
242
00:09:29,281 --> 00:09:30,784
ahem,
243
00:09:30,784 --> 00:09:32,153
peace be with you!
244
00:09:32,153 --> 00:09:34,826
Well, the mayor will be backing
the teachers' union
245
00:09:34,826 --> 00:09:36,028
in their quest to adopt
246
00:09:36,028 --> 00:09:38,065
the European model
of one wine at lunch.
247
00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:39,167
No, Stacey.
248
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:41,004
When he tweeted that L. A. needs
more "Law & Order,"
249
00:09:41,004 --> 00:09:43,175
he was referring to the show,
and you know it.
250
00:09:43,175 --> 00:09:44,879
Hi, can I cancel my
dental appointment today?
251
00:09:44,879 --> 00:09:46,014
Yeah, you know what?
252
00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:48,185
I think you're right, Neetza.
Let's go with the B cup.
253
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:53,663
Well, that was fun.
Over there is a supply closet.
254
00:09:53,663 --> 00:09:55,333
Why don't you kids
rearrange everything
255
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:56,836
by color or something?
256
00:09:56,836 --> 00:09:58,105
I'll let you know
when it's time to leave.
257
00:09:58,105 --> 00:09:58,807
Wait, Ms. Meskimen--
258
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,343
We know you used us in there.
259
00:10:00,343 --> 00:10:01,846
I'm a child of divorce.
260
00:10:01,846 --> 00:10:03,783
I know when I'm a pawn
in a grown-up meeting.
261
00:10:03,783 --> 00:10:05,921
Like you kids say,
"Sorry, not sorry."
262
00:10:05,921 --> 00:10:08,994
Congratulations,
you are surprisingly useful.
263
00:10:08,994 --> 00:10:11,031
Well, then, isn't there
more that we can do?
264
00:10:14,337 --> 00:10:15,774
Oh my gosh, Orly,
265
00:10:15,774 --> 00:10:17,310
I am so lucky
to have you here today.
266
00:10:17,310 --> 00:10:19,347
Yass, queen!
Are people still saying that?
267
00:10:19,347 --> 00:10:20,349
- They're definitely not.
- I know.
268
00:10:20,349 --> 00:10:21,285
I hate when they're
still saying it.
269
00:10:21,285 --> 00:10:22,487
Anyway, people tend
to get a little sleepy
270
00:10:22,487 --> 00:10:25,359
in the afternoon, so why don't
we get some coffee going?
271
00:10:25,359 --> 00:10:26,963
Yass queen. Ironic.
272
00:10:26,963 --> 00:10:28,967
Great, do I take my
dad's SUV or is it better
273
00:10:28,967 --> 00:10:31,205
to have everyone type
their orders into my Postmates?
274
00:10:31,205 --> 00:10:32,908
You can just make it.
275
00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:35,346
With the coffee maker.
276
00:10:35,346 --> 00:10:37,217
Hmm.
277
00:10:37,217 --> 00:10:39,856
You know, I did a paper
about how coffee trade
278
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:42,460
helped Brazil transition
from an extraction economy
279
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:43,697
to an industrial one.
280
00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:45,099
Great.
281
00:10:45,099 --> 00:10:49,174
Oh.
282
00:10:54,084 --> 00:10:55,386
Good job.
283
00:10:56,856 --> 00:11:00,263
Hello?
Hello?
284
00:11:00,263 --> 00:11:01,833
City Hall?
285
00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:03,904
Hello?
There's no one there.
286
00:11:03,904 --> 00:11:06,475
We get a lot of prank calls.
You're doing a good job.
287
00:11:09,180 --> 00:11:10,249
Got it open for you.
288
00:11:10,249 --> 00:11:11,385
Amazeballs...
289
00:11:11,385 --> 00:11:13,222
is another thing
people no longer say.
290
00:11:18,399 --> 00:11:20,503
They told her drinks
on a Wednesday was impossible,
291
00:11:20,503 --> 00:11:22,507
but nevertheless,
she persisted.
292
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,277
I am, in fact,
poised to get turnt up.
293
00:11:24,277 --> 00:11:25,881
Really?
294
00:11:25,881 --> 00:11:27,350
'Cause you look like you got
burnt up in a house fire.
295
00:11:27,350 --> 00:11:29,889
And you look like Cookie
Monster used to use a toilet.
296
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,859
I win.
I'm hitting the "clerb."
297
00:11:38,138 --> 00:11:43,249
Okay,
from professional powerhouse...
298
00:11:56,843 --> 00:11:58,913
outside a strip club.
299
00:11:58,913 --> 00:12:01,051
To this day,
I can't do calculus
300
00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:03,255
unless I'm listening
to "Pony" by Ginuwine.
301
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:05,359
Oh, that's terrible.
302
00:12:05,359 --> 00:12:08,032
As you know, my mother
was a dancer at Deja Boob.
303
00:12:08,032 --> 00:12:09,467
Hmm,
I'd forgotten that, Herb.
304
00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:11,939
A gentleman's club
is not a good place to learn,
305
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:14,077
especially when your
English teacher shows up
306
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:16,248
and throws dollars at your mom.
307
00:12:16,248 --> 00:12:19,120
So you're gonna help us
move ordinance 462 forward?
308
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,391
Well, I promised no new
spending this fiscal year.
309
00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:26,001
But for once, let's throw some
wadded-up cash at a good cause.
310
00:12:47,578 --> 00:12:50,082
Ben's father worked nights,
311
00:12:50,082 --> 00:12:53,288
so he could take his son
to the library every day
312
00:12:53,288 --> 00:12:55,192
to research
his science project.
313
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:58,032
When I got the blue ribbon,
I gave it to him
314
00:12:58,032 --> 00:12:59,501
because I didn't win it.
315
00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:01,371
We did.
316
00:13:01,371 --> 00:13:03,509
Things that fathers
do for their children.
317
00:13:03,509 --> 00:13:06,849
Not all children appreciate it.
318
00:13:06,849 --> 00:13:08,352
They should.
319
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:14,130
So, uh, you get the votes,
and I will sign that ordinance.
320
00:13:14,130 --> 00:13:16,368
Do you girls also have stories
321
00:13:16,368 --> 00:13:18,907
about appreciating
your fathers?
322
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:22,380
Same clothes as yesterday.
323
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:23,850
Someone had a crazy night.
324
00:13:23,850 --> 00:13:26,154
Um, NBD, I went to
a guy's place last night.
325
00:13:26,154 --> 00:13:27,523
He had a bed frame
and everything.
326
00:13:27,523 --> 00:13:29,260
So hot.
327
00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:31,498
Yeah, it's funny you say that
because I did some sleuthing,
328
00:13:31,498 --> 00:13:33,636
and your friends didn't tag you
in any of their photos.
329
00:13:33,636 --> 00:13:36,208
'Cause I left so quick
with that hottie.
330
00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:40,015
Right, but then at 3 A. M.,
they posted this little nugget.
331
00:13:40,015 --> 00:13:41,284
Fine! I never went inside.
332
00:13:41,284 --> 00:13:43,556
I fell asleep
because I have zero life.
333
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,059
All I do is work.
334
00:13:45,059 --> 00:13:46,194
I mean, the other night,
335
00:13:46,194 --> 00:13:47,296
I dozed off
in a virtual town hall,
336
00:13:47,296 --> 00:13:49,902
and when I woke up,
the only people still logged in
337
00:13:49,902 --> 00:13:51,438
were me and
a guy named LickyMick,
338
00:13:51,438 --> 00:13:53,977
who I'm pretty sure had been
watching me for a while,
339
00:13:53,977 --> 00:13:56,549
and--
340
00:13:56,549 --> 00:13:58,285
Oh!
341
00:13:58,285 --> 00:13:59,087
Oh.
342
00:13:59,087 --> 00:14:01,458
- Is that your tooth?
- My tooth!
343
00:14:06,134 --> 00:14:08,038
What in the
living hell is this?
344
00:14:08,038 --> 00:14:09,441
It's your lunch.
345
00:14:09,441 --> 00:14:12,013
I ordered chicken nuggets,
fries, and ranch dressing!
346
00:14:12,013 --> 00:14:15,419
This, this hot vegetable mess?
I don't even know what this is.
347
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:16,689
Well, it's ratatouille,
I thought that--
348
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,192
It is?
349
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:20,931
Oh, so you ruined my lunch
and my favorite movie?
350
00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:22,233
You are a witch!
351
00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:23,603
Okay, wait,
please don't be mad at me.
352
00:14:23,603 --> 00:14:25,372
I--I can make you a coffee--
353
00:14:25,372 --> 00:14:28,913
You made that horrible coffee
on purpose, you banshee?
354
00:14:28,913 --> 00:14:30,349
- Wait, did I do it wrong?
- No!
355
00:14:30,349 --> 00:14:33,656
Your coffee is great.
It's a drink and a meal.
356
00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:37,931
Mmm.
- Of course I did it wrong.
357
00:14:37,931 --> 00:14:40,002
Because I don't know
how to do anything.
358
00:14:40,002 --> 00:14:43,576
But you kept
telling me "good job."
359
00:14:43,576 --> 00:14:47,584
Because my father told you to!
360
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,489
I'm sorry
that I lost my temper.
361
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:54,430
It's just that I haven't
eaten in like, one hours.
362
00:14:55,232 --> 00:14:58,238
Thanks to you, I never
learned how to do anything!
363
00:14:58,238 --> 00:15:01,144
You know, when mom was my age,
she was modeling in Tokyo,
364
00:15:01,144 --> 00:15:03,550
and doing bottle service
at a yakuza-owned night club.
365
00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:06,087
So I think she
would've let me go get a job
366
00:15:06,087 --> 00:15:07,691
at a crappy
restaurant or something,
367
00:15:07,691 --> 00:15:10,597
so I would know how
to make a stupid pot of coffee!
368
00:15:10,597 --> 00:15:12,200
Actually, young lady,
369
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,404
she's the reason
you're completely helpless.
370
00:15:14,404 --> 00:15:17,210
Wow, blaming mom!
That is pathetic!
371
00:15:19,314 --> 00:15:23,590
Look, mom didn't want you
to have to go through
372
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,359
all the crap that she did.
373
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:27,530
You know where she
learned how to make coffee?
374
00:15:27,530 --> 00:15:32,240
Working at an off-brand Hooters
called PJ Bazoingies!
375
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,344
I wanted you
to go to public school
376
00:15:34,344 --> 00:15:36,649
and see what
the real world was like.
377
00:15:36,649 --> 00:15:40,156
But your mother said,
"It's different for girls."
378
00:15:41,626 --> 00:15:43,529
And then she died.
379
00:15:43,529 --> 00:15:46,368
And what am I
supposed to do with that?
380
00:15:46,368 --> 00:15:51,211
I've just tried my best to make
decisions she'd be happy with.
381
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:54,517
I mean, you're not the
only one she left videos for.
382
00:15:54,517 --> 00:15:56,354
Do not let
our daughter have a job
383
00:15:56,354 --> 00:15:58,258
that requires a name tag,
384
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,697
or go to college in Florida.
385
00:16:00,697 --> 00:16:03,603
Now, to make sure
you keep watching this,
386
00:16:03,603 --> 00:16:06,174
I will do a little dance,
387
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:10,082
in my old
PJ Bazoingies uniform!
388
00:16:10,082 --> 00:16:14,224
No tattoos,
no non-ear piercings,
389
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:16,161
Don't let her take French.
390
00:16:16,161 --> 00:16:18,398
Spanish is
much more practical.
391
00:16:18,398 --> 00:16:20,502
How could I deny her wishes?
392
00:16:20,502 --> 00:16:22,708
You know,
having a perfect dead mom
393
00:16:22,708 --> 00:16:23,943
isn't easy for me either.
394
00:16:23,943 --> 00:16:28,452
She was so beautiful and smart.
Ugh, and her airport style.
395
00:16:28,452 --> 00:16:32,360
Effortless, straight
from the plane to dinner.
396
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:37,604
The key is
a bold lip before landing.
397
00:16:37,604 --> 00:16:40,509
Your mom was beautiful,
and she was kind.
398
00:16:40,509 --> 00:16:45,052
But those videos
are not the whole picture.
399
00:16:45,052 --> 00:16:47,523
She was a human being,
and believe me,
400
00:16:47,523 --> 00:16:49,427
if she were alive,
401
00:16:49,427 --> 00:16:52,734
you would yell at her
just as much as you yell at me.
402
00:16:52,734 --> 00:16:54,237
I wish I could.
403
00:16:54,237 --> 00:16:55,674
I'm pretty sure
yelling at your mom
404
00:16:55,674 --> 00:16:57,076
is a part of growing up.
405
00:16:57,076 --> 00:16:59,080
If she were here now,
I'd be like,
406
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,416
"You never even
finished high school!"
407
00:17:00,416 --> 00:17:01,586
and then call her a bitch,
408
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:03,756
and slam my door, and then
feel bad about it all night.
409
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:08,131
And I would tell Natalie,
"I'll talk to her."
410
00:17:08,131 --> 00:17:09,500
We'd go out for ice cream,
411
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,574
and bond over how unreasonable
your mom was being.
412
00:17:18,753 --> 00:17:23,328
Not fair.
These are peak daddy years.
413
00:17:25,767 --> 00:17:27,771
Oh, wait a minute.
414
00:17:27,771 --> 00:17:29,608
I'll be right back.
415
00:17:33,348 --> 00:17:37,523
Hey, I'm sorry
your dad made me lie to you.
416
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:41,231
If it were up to me, I'd always
tell you how terrible you are.
417
00:17:41,231 --> 00:17:43,535
Thanks, Tommy.
That means a lot.
418
00:17:54,257 --> 00:17:57,129
to its perfect form:
an agricultural matriarchy!
419
00:17:57,129 --> 00:17:58,332
High-speed internet.
420
00:17:58,332 --> 00:18:00,436
I'll be able to do my homework
at home!
421
00:18:00,436 --> 00:18:02,708
And people will stop
watching porn at McDonald's!
422
00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:05,580
This ordinance 462
is huge, kids.
423
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:08,619
As soon as we can get it voted
on, the mayor will sign it,
424
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:11,491
and we will have
successfully earmarked monies
425
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,563
for the next fiscal year!
426
00:18:13,563 --> 00:18:16,167
That earmark will allow us
to form a committee
427
00:18:16,167 --> 00:18:17,436
to assess viability,
428
00:18:17,436 --> 00:18:19,908
while internet service
providers prepare bids
429
00:18:19,908 --> 00:18:22,814
for no later than
calendar year 2025!
430
00:18:22,814 --> 00:18:24,685
Hot dog!
431
00:18:24,685 --> 00:18:28,291
Wait, so we're not getting
internet, like, tomorrow?
432
00:18:29,293 --> 00:18:30,630
No.
433
00:18:30,630 --> 00:18:31,899
But monies will be earmarked.
434
00:18:31,899 --> 00:18:33,335
Well, this sucks.
435
00:18:33,335 --> 00:18:34,437
It would've been faster
to convince
436
00:18:34,437 --> 00:18:36,207
a billionaire to pay for it.
- Whoa.
437
00:18:36,207 --> 00:18:38,646
Privatization
of social services--
438
00:18:38,646 --> 00:18:40,449
capitalist nightmare!
439
00:18:40,449 --> 00:18:42,219
You want an ambulance
that only picks you up
440
00:18:42,219 --> 00:18:43,255
if you drink Pepsi?
441
00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:44,490
The battle is hard,
442
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,896
but at least I'm
fighting the establishment.
443
00:18:46,896 --> 00:18:48,833
Arpi,
you are the establishment.
444
00:18:55,279 --> 00:18:58,352
Oh, sir,
can I talk to you for a second?
445
00:18:58,352 --> 00:18:59,588
You okay?
446
00:18:59,588 --> 00:19:02,259
Yeah, sir, I make
a lot of sacrifices
447
00:19:02,259 --> 00:19:04,230
to be good at my job,
and I promise you
448
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,867
I am trying as hard as I can.
449
00:19:05,867 --> 00:19:07,536
Me too.
450
00:19:07,536 --> 00:19:09,540
And you can't worry
if people judge your decisions,
451
00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:10,844
because they're
not in your shoes.
452
00:19:10,844 --> 00:19:12,413
Preaching to the choir.
453
00:19:12,413 --> 00:19:16,221
So I need to carve out
a little time for self-care.
454
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,225
Of course, whatever you need.
455
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,695
Three hours
every Sunday morning.
456
00:19:19,695 --> 00:19:21,699
You can have 30 minutes.
457
00:19:21,699 --> 00:19:23,335
Deal!
458
00:19:24,972 --> 00:19:26,709
Vote Meskimen in '86,
459
00:19:26,709 --> 00:19:29,480
and I promise a free payphone
on every street corner,
460
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,954
and zero NFL teams
in this great city!
461
00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:36,294
My God.
Those kids were right.
462
00:19:36,294 --> 00:19:37,931
I have lost the fire.
463
00:19:37,931 --> 00:19:39,835
Hey, I heard
about ordinance 462.
464
00:19:39,835 --> 00:19:42,473
Nice earmark.
- It's a joke.
465
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,410
I gotta get
my mojo back, Tommy.
466
00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:47,851
30 years of
compromising bureaucracy.
467
00:19:47,851 --> 00:19:50,389
I don't even
recognize myself anymore.
468
00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:52,359
Free Nelson Mandela!
469
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,464
Is something
I promise to do personally!
470
00:19:54,464 --> 00:19:56,735
I gotta get back
to being that lady.
471
00:19:56,735 --> 00:19:58,371
She had a perm in her hair,
472
00:19:58,371 --> 00:19:59,641
a pad on her shoulder,
473
00:19:59,641 --> 00:20:01,645
and a fire in her belly.
474
00:20:02,647 --> 00:20:04,250
Okay, are you asking me
to Queer Eye you?
475
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:05,954
Because I don't do that.
476
00:20:07,691 --> 00:20:09,962
Okay, I know all
the time codes by heart,
477
00:20:09,962 --> 00:20:12,500
so just do your thing.
478
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:15,607
Orly, do you have something
you want to say to your mother?
479
00:20:18,011 --> 00:20:19,548
You are such a hypocrite!
480
00:20:19,548 --> 00:20:21,886
How could you tell dad
I can't have a tattoo
481
00:20:21,886 --> 00:20:23,455
when I know you have one?
482
00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:25,927
I saw your spread in "FHM."
483
00:20:28,031 --> 00:20:30,035
How dare you
speak to me that way?
484
00:20:30,035 --> 00:20:32,540
I make the rules around here.
485
00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:34,912
Well it's easy
to make the rules,
486
00:20:34,912 --> 00:20:35,880
if you don't
have to enforce them.
487
00:20:36,949 --> 00:20:38,318
Should've thought of that
488
00:20:38,318 --> 00:20:40,623
before you came
to the moon, astronaut.
489
00:20:40,623 --> 00:20:44,497
Now teach me what
you humans call "making love."
490
00:20:44,497 --> 00:20:47,436
You probably wouldn't even
let me dye my hair,
491
00:20:47,436 --> 00:20:49,775
even though, like, everyone
else at school is doing it.
492
00:20:49,775 --> 00:20:51,044
You are such a bitch!
493
00:20:52,413 --> 00:20:53,749
I know you think
I'm a bitch,
494
00:20:53,749 --> 00:20:56,655
but you're not getting
rid of me that easily.
495
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,358
Okay, okay.
496
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,930
Look, maybe I should take
Orly out for some ice cream.
497
00:21:00,930 --> 00:21:03,001
Just give you
time to cool down.
498
00:21:03,001 --> 00:21:04,705
Fine.
499
00:21:04,705 --> 00:21:07,711
Go with Zorblap.
I don't care.
500
00:21:07,711 --> 00:21:09,514
Fire up the ecstasy ray,
501
00:21:09,514 --> 00:21:11,952
and set a course
for Planet Orgasmo--
502
00:21:11,952 --> 00:21:13,455
Ooh, whoops!
503
00:21:13,455 --> 00:21:15,325
My bad.
504
00:21:15,325 --> 00:21:16,896
Sorry, sir.
505
00:21:16,896 --> 00:21:18,031
It's okay.
506
00:21:21,939 --> 00:21:24,477
It's so sweaty
in this uniform.
507
00:21:24,477 --> 00:21:26,949
I need a space shower.
508
00:21:26,949 --> 00:21:28,051
Turn it off, Jayden!
509
00:21:28,051 --> 00:21:29,621
What?
Turn what off?
510
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:31,625
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
37880
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.