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1
00:00:25,385 --> 00:00:29,870
Don't anyone leave this theatre.
The Royal Romanov diamonds are missing.
2
00:00:39,663 --> 00:00:42,762
I am Sam Grunion, private eye,
at your service.
3
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:45,965
Secrecy is my motto - I never tell.
4
00:00:46,143 --> 00:00:48,598
You will notice even my business card
5
00:00:48,742 --> 00:00:50,652
has nothing on it.
6
00:00:51,822 --> 00:00:56,187
I am the same Sam Grunion who solved
the international uranium mining swindle.
7
00:00:56,422 --> 00:00:59,368
Scotland Yard was baffled,
the FBI was baffled.
8
00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:02,106
They sent for me
and the case was solved.
9
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:04,018
I confessed.
10
00:01:04,142 --> 00:01:07,818
The Romanov diamonds still missing
are valued at one million dollars.
11
00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:12,123
For eleven years I trailed them, through
the Khyber Pass, over the Pyrenees,
12
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:16,060
round the Cape of Good Hope
and into Gimbel's basement.
13
00:01:16,259 --> 00:01:18,441
From Gimbel's basement, the trail led me
14
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,525
to a group of struggling young actors
trying to put on a show.
15
00:01:21,698 --> 00:01:24,415
Did the diamonds bring them luck? Money?
16
00:01:24,578 --> 00:01:28,375
Hardly. Once again was repeated
the same pattern,
17
00:01:28,578 --> 00:01:31,218
a story of danger, cruelty, black violence,
18
00:01:31,378 --> 00:01:33,517
mystery, murder!
19
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:37,684
By the way, what do you suppose
the story was called?
20
00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,239
Love Happy.
21
00:01:40,097 --> 00:01:41,897
~ I'm love happy
22
00:01:42,016 --> 00:01:45,464
~ It's wonderful to know
the meaning of happy
23
00:01:45,656 --> 00:01:48,339
~ And if I do
24
00:01:48,496 --> 00:01:51,791
~ It's all because of you
25
00:01:51,975 --> 00:01:54,506
~ Heart happy, I'm kiss happy
26
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:58,026
~ Whoever would believe
that I'd be this happy?
27
00:01:58,215 --> 00:02:00,932
~ Why are skies blue?
28
00:02:01,095 --> 00:02:03,626
~ It's all because of you
29
00:02:03,774 --> 00:02:07,298
~ Oh, my darling, my daisy, I may be crazy
30
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:09,999
~ But haven't you found
31
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:13,504
~ That we're doing what we like
and, gee whizz, we feel like
32
00:02:13,694 --> 00:02:16,149
~ Kids on a merry-go-round
33
00:02:17,253 --> 00:02:19,784
~ Night happy and day happy
34
00:02:19,933 --> 00:02:23,261
~ I see a future where I'm gonna stay happy
35
00:02:23,452 --> 00:02:26,474
~ And I know why
36
00:02:26,652 --> 00:02:29,062
~ All my dreams come true
37
00:02:29,211 --> 00:02:33,346
~ Cos you're love happy too
38
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,480
~ Doo-doo-doo ~
39
00:03:08,968 --> 00:03:10,998
That's Mike Johnson.
40
00:03:12,088 --> 00:03:15,919
Interesting dance, isn't it?
He learned it fighting off bill collectors.
41
00:03:19,368 --> 00:03:22,128
That's Maggie Phillips.
She's in love with Mike.
42
00:03:22,288 --> 00:03:25,965
She's a dancer too, but it's hard to tell
when she's sitting down.
43
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,258
This is Maggie's best friend, Bunny Dolan.
44
00:03:39,407 --> 00:03:42,016
She invested her last $300 in the show.
45
00:03:42,168 --> 00:03:46,533
It looks like a cold winter ahead
so she's knitting herself an electric blanket.
46
00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:05,270
These love happy kids who were struggling
for success had two things in common -
47
00:04:05,486 --> 00:04:08,629
they were underfinanced
and undernourished.
48
00:04:08,807 --> 00:04:10,946
Today they had already missed breakfast
49
00:04:11,087 --> 00:04:14,033
and their hopes for lunch
are pinned on one man,
50
00:04:14,207 --> 00:04:16,574
Harpo, the strolling delicatessen.
51
00:04:17,206 --> 00:04:19,573
Here he is, shopping!
52
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:22,182
Looks like a classy store, doesn't it?
53
00:04:22,326 --> 00:04:25,425
Well, in the front they specialise
in hot delicacies,
54
00:04:25,606 --> 00:04:28,901
but in the back they specialise
in hot diamonds.
55
00:04:39,686 --> 00:04:41,596
Bless you, my man, bless you.
56
00:04:45,246 --> 00:04:46,850
- Thank you.
57
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,082
Thank you very much.
58
00:05:04,685 --> 00:05:07,249
Quietly, please, darling.
59
00:05:29,565 --> 00:05:33,198
Madame Egelichi, you are just in time.
The sardines have arrived.
60
00:05:33,404 --> 00:05:37,124
Relax. And wipe that smirk off your face,
there are policemen around.
61
00:05:37,324 --> 00:05:39,540
- Yes, madame.
- We shall wait in your office.
62
00:05:39,685 --> 00:05:41,485
Yes, madame.
63
00:05:49,644 --> 00:05:51,292
Thank you.
64
00:06:29,044 --> 00:06:31,727
It's all right, boys, just leave them there.
65
00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:35,070
OK, sign here.
66
00:06:35,204 --> 00:06:37,386
Thank you, boys, thank you.
67
00:07:44,724 --> 00:07:47,288
At last. At last.
68
00:07:48,723 --> 00:07:51,713
You little darling. You're here.
69
00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:30,958
- Is the pelican jelly in yet?
- Arriving Wednesday on the Queen Mary.
70
00:08:32,164 --> 00:08:34,303
- I have it, I have it!
- Quiet, Lefty.
71
00:08:34,444 --> 00:08:37,127
- It's in the third crate.
- I said quiet.
72
00:08:40,924 --> 00:08:42,834
I want to enjoy this moment.
73
00:08:44,803 --> 00:08:47,062
I have gone through a great deal.
74
00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:50,266
How many commissars did I marry,
Alphonse?
75
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:53,121
- Five, Madame Egelichi.
- There were three more, no?
76
00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:56,197
Yes, the Grand Duke
and the two ambassadors.
77
00:08:58,324 --> 00:09:01,008
Eight weddings in three months
78
00:09:01,026 --> 00:09:05,238
before I could track down
the Royal Romanov necklace
79
00:09:05,466 --> 00:09:08,870
on its trail from bridegroom to bridegroom.
80
00:09:09,986 --> 00:09:13,315
And now the jewels
are finally in my possession.
81
00:09:15,626 --> 00:09:17,536
If you please, Lefty.
82
00:09:20,746 --> 00:09:22,852
The Royal Romanov necklace.
83
00:09:24,066 --> 00:09:27,439
One million dollars in matchless diamonds.
84
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:32,936
I have outdone even myself.
85
00:09:38,707 --> 00:09:42,078
- There is something wrong, Lefty.
- Wrong? Oh, no, impossible.
86
00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:45,028
- This is not the right can.
- I beg to differ, madame.
87
00:09:45,187 --> 00:09:48,024
- Where is the can with the Maltese cross?
- You've got it.
88
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:51,210
This has no Maltese cross
on the top or on the bottom.
89
00:09:51,387 --> 00:09:55,643
It can't be. The Maltese cross was on it,
I kissed it. It must have rubbed off.
90
00:09:55,867 --> 00:09:58,551
It was put on with special adhesive paint.
91
00:09:58,708 --> 00:10:01,849
A generation of rubbing
could not have removed it.
92
00:10:02,028 --> 00:10:05,324
Mr Throckmorton,
may I present the Zoto brothers.
93
00:10:06,348 --> 00:10:08,835
They take care of people I do not like.
94
00:10:08,988 --> 00:10:12,054
Oh, no, let me open it.
The diamonds are in here.
95
00:10:26,908 --> 00:10:29,549
Those hardly look like
the Royal Romanov diamonds.
96
00:10:31,828 --> 00:10:34,162
- You may proceed, gentlemen.
- Oh!
97
00:10:34,308 --> 00:10:35,651
Ooh!
98
00:10:37,669 --> 00:10:39,425
Arrgh!
99
00:10:48,468 --> 00:10:50,957
Eight marriages wasted.
100
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,793
- The other leg, Hannibal.
101
00:11:00,990 --> 00:11:05,431
I am afraid you have to stop, I cannot
concentrate. You are wasting your time.
102
00:11:05,670 --> 00:11:08,965
Mr Throckmorton is too feeble
to try to deceive me.
103
00:11:09,149 --> 00:11:11,059
Revive him.
104
00:11:17,270 --> 00:11:20,108
I can't understand it.
105
00:11:20,271 --> 00:11:21,765
I can't understand.
106
00:11:22,190 --> 00:11:24,449
- I can't understand.
- Quiet.
107
00:11:24,590 --> 00:11:26,957
Who was present when you found the tin?
108
00:11:27,110 --> 00:11:30,744
No one, not a soul. The door was locked.
I put it in my pocket, I...
109
00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:33,438
Wait. Yes, there was someone.
110
00:11:33,590 --> 00:11:37,421
A strange-looking creature,
looked more like a tramp than a truckman.
111
00:11:44,511 --> 00:11:46,344
You will call the police.
112
00:11:46,471 --> 00:11:50,880
Inform them that a bushy-haired shoplifter
has been at work at Herbert & Herbert's.
113
00:11:51,112 --> 00:11:53,141
Give them a full description.
114
00:11:53,271 --> 00:11:56,871
Offer a reward of $1,000 for his capture.
115
00:11:57,071 --> 00:12:00,443
Have all the suspects brought
to my apartment, one at a time.
116
00:12:03,875 --> 00:12:05,675
Police headquarters, please.
117
00:12:53,514 --> 00:12:55,423
Say kids, take five minutes.
118
00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:00,943
Excuse-a me. You Mike Johnson?
119
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,136
- What do you want?
- I'm-a look-a for a job.
120
00:13:03,274 --> 00:13:06,340
- Wrong number, I'm all cast.
- Hey, just a minute.
121
00:13:06,513 --> 00:13:10,692
You're missing a big band. Somebody told
me you're putting on a show with unknowns.
122
00:13:10,913 --> 00:13:13,782
You're hiring-a people
who's-a never been-a heard of.
123
00:13:13,952 --> 00:13:17,281
I'm the most unheard of actor
who's never been on Broadway.
124
00:13:17,473 --> 00:13:19,764
- What's your name?
- Faustino the Great.
125
00:13:19,913 --> 00:13:21,899
- You never heard of me, huh?
- No.
126
00:13:22,032 --> 00:13:24,673
- What did I tell you?
- What are you unknown for?
127
00:13:24,833 --> 00:13:28,783
I no like-a to brag, but the thing
I'm-a most unknown for is mind reading.
128
00:13:28,993 --> 00:13:31,285
I give you demonstration.
129
00:13:32,193 --> 00:13:36,219
- You are thinking of something...
- Right so far.
130
00:13:36,433 --> 00:13:40,721
You are thinking of a nice juicy steak
with-a French-fried-a potatoes.
131
00:13:40,952 --> 00:13:44,477
- The exit's over there.
- You don't want a mind reader? What else?
132
00:13:44,672 --> 00:13:46,582
- Maybe you need a juggler.
- No juggler.
133
00:13:46,713 --> 00:13:49,320
An usher? I bring-a my own flashlight.
134
00:13:50,472 --> 00:13:53,799
- Hello, Lyons.
- Mr Lyons. So glad to see you.
135
00:13:53,991 --> 00:13:57,549
- You're looking wonderful.
- Yeah, you sure are.
136
00:13:57,752 --> 00:14:00,742
Mr Yorkman supposed to be here at ten.
It's 11:30.
137
00:14:00,912 --> 00:14:02,712
Don't worry, partner, he'll show.
138
00:14:02,831 --> 00:14:05,853
Don't tell me to don't worry,
and please don't call me partner.
139
00:14:06,031 --> 00:14:08,825
I am removing all my costumes and scenery
as of now.
140
00:14:08,992 --> 00:14:12,549
He's mad, pulling out of the biggest
Broadway smash since Show Boat.
141
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:16,811
Don't tell me about smashes. Mr Yorkman
was going to underwrite the show. Check?
142
00:14:17,032 --> 00:14:20,513
- I told you exactly what he told me.
- Well, he ain't here. Check?
143
00:14:20,712 --> 00:14:23,886
Now the next step.
The situation is, either Mr Yorkman,
144
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:27,519
or $1100, or I move the stuff off the stage.
145
00:14:27,711 --> 00:14:30,810
- As of now.
- Hey, wait a minute.
146
00:14:30,991 --> 00:14:32,900
Excuse me. You Mr Lyons?
147
00:14:33,031 --> 00:14:35,322
- That's right.
- It's-a lucky I meet you.
148
00:14:35,471 --> 00:14:38,079
I was just talking to Max Yorkman
in his office.
149
00:14:38,231 --> 00:14:42,061
- Are you a friend of Mr Yorkman?
- Friend? Max and I are just-a like that.
150
00:14:42,271 --> 00:14:45,674
- Two heads on the same neck.
- Well, I'm glad to meet you.
151
00:14:45,870 --> 00:14:48,818
You know, Max said to me,
"Faustino, you want a job?
152
00:14:48,991 --> 00:14:52,864
"Go see Mike Johnson.
I'm backing that show, he'll give you a job."
153
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:56,289
- That's what he said, Mr Johnson.
- That's good enough for me.
154
00:14:56,470 --> 00:14:58,652
- He's back in the show?
155
00:14:58,790 --> 00:15:02,119
Use-a your common sense.
Would I be here if he wasn't?
156
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,440
I've been trying to call Mr Yorkman
to find out.
157
00:15:04,596 --> 00:15:08,044
You don't have to bother
with-a Max no more, just talk-a to me.
158
00:15:08,235 --> 00:15:11,640
OK. Maybe I was a little hasty
about removing the stuff.
159
00:15:11,836 --> 00:15:15,469
That's only natural.
You can't trust-a nobody in show business.
160
00:15:16,717 --> 00:15:18,746
Maybe he really knows Mr Yorkman.
161
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:21,747
It's a buggy ride,
this whole show is a buggy ride.
162
00:15:21,917 --> 00:15:23,827
- Am I hired?
- Yes, sir.
163
00:15:23,958 --> 00:15:26,445
Thanks, thanks. How much-a you pay me?
164
00:15:27,998 --> 00:15:31,478
- That kind of talk's gonna get you nowhere.
- Nobody gets paid.
165
00:15:31,677 --> 00:15:36,043
- Not till we open and click.
- That's all right, I was thinking out loud.
166
00:15:36,278 --> 00:15:38,188
I'm-a no ham.
167
00:15:39,078 --> 00:15:40,802
Ham.
168
00:15:40,919 --> 00:15:44,248
Ham! Something's happened.
It's lunchtime and he isn't here.
169
00:15:44,439 --> 00:15:46,162
- Who isn't here?
- Harpo.
170
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,189
Hey, Jim.
171
00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:51,232
Have you see any funny-faced tramps
with bushy hair?
172
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,309
There's a $1,000 reward.
173
00:15:58,319 --> 00:16:01,386
Harpo, everybody's waiting,
you're late with the food!
174
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,553
Now we eat!
175
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:52,128
Hello, Harpo. You got-a something for me?
176
00:16:53,524 --> 00:16:55,860
You want I should read your mind again?
177
00:16:56,005 --> 00:16:57,914
All right, start thinking.
178
00:16:58,044 --> 00:17:02,148
You're thinking the same thing you thought
about yesterday. And the day before.
179
00:17:02,365 --> 00:17:04,624
That's the only thought-a you got, huh?
180
00:17:20,846 --> 00:17:22,570
You're in love.
181
00:17:22,687 --> 00:17:25,250
A beautiful girl is-a going to smile at you.
182
00:17:25,406 --> 00:17:29,543
That's the only thing you want,
that this beautiful should smile at you.
183
00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:32,636
All right, stop thinking.
What have you got for me?
184
00:17:34,048 --> 00:17:38,029
I no want-a sardines.
You promised me something special.
185
00:17:39,968 --> 00:17:41,953
Mmm, ice cream.
186
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,296
Tutsi frutsi ice-a cream.
187
00:18:59,288 --> 00:19:02,814
A royal feast.
My Robin Hood has struck again.
188
00:19:08,169 --> 00:19:10,080
I'll have these tomorrow.
189
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,507
Bunny Dolan, next number.
190
00:19:18,004 --> 00:19:19,653
Rehearsal!
191
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:27,342
~ Gather round me, my children
192
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:31,549
~ Lift up your curly blonde heads
193
00:19:32,566 --> 00:19:36,778
~ Cos Mommy's got something to ask you
194
00:19:37,007 --> 00:19:43,413
~ Before you crawl into
your nice warm beds
195
00:19:43,728 --> 00:19:47,329
~ Mama wants to know, who stole that jam?
196
00:19:47,528 --> 00:19:50,899
~ Who's been in her nice clean kitchen,
who stole that jam?
197
00:19:51,088 --> 00:19:54,264
~ Was it little Tom or Sue or Mabel
198
00:19:54,449 --> 00:19:57,853
~ Who snucked it off the table,
even ate the label?
199
00:19:58,049 --> 00:20:01,575
~ Mama wants to know,
who made this mess?
200
00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:04,944
~ Mama's gonna kick some teeth in
if you don't confess
201
00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:08,884
~ Mama wasn't lookin'
when that stuff was took-en
202
00:20:09,090 --> 00:20:12,997
~ None o' you had better scram
Who stole that jam?
203
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:16,005
~ Mama's not the type that gets excited
204
00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:19,118
~ She slugged those groceries home
without a squawk
205
00:20:19,291 --> 00:20:22,696
~ But mama's gotta find that guilty party
206
00:20:22,892 --> 00:20:26,067
~ One o' you kids has to talk!
207
00:20:26,252 --> 00:20:29,624
~ Mama wants to know, who stole that jam?
208
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:32,912
~ Who's been rifling all those goodies,
ate her leg of lamb?
209
00:20:33,093 --> 00:20:36,498
~ Seems to me you're acting
kind of flustered
210
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:39,990
~ Bet you ate that custard
and topped it off with mustard
211
00:20:40,174 --> 00:20:43,316
~ Mama wants to know,
she don't wanna guess
212
00:20:43,494 --> 00:20:46,790
~ Mama's gonna kick some teeth in
if you don't confess
213
00:20:46,974 --> 00:20:50,772
~ You're that little el-ef,
what snucked it off the shel-ef
214
00:20:50,975 --> 00:20:53,431
~ I don't want that lollipop
215
00:20:54,576 --> 00:20:57,565
~ Mama's gonna blow her top
216
00:20:58,159 --> 00:21:07,554
~ You stole that jam ~
217
00:22:04,879 --> 00:22:08,403
I'm sorry, Officer, but this creature's
not the man. Good day.
218
00:22:08,598 --> 00:22:10,890
- Yes, sir.
- Better luck next time.
219
00:22:14,039 --> 00:22:16,297
Wrong one again.
We must increase the reward.
220
00:22:16,438 --> 00:22:18,391
- Answer it.
221
00:22:18,518 --> 00:22:22,349
If ever I lay my hands on that thief,
he'll regret he was ever born.
222
00:22:25,158 --> 00:22:28,639
I picked him up, thought you might
wanna see if he's your man.
223
00:22:28,837 --> 00:22:31,828
- Bushy hair and funny face, they told me.
- Yes.
224
00:22:31,999 --> 00:22:35,294
Excuse me, Officer.
Hang on to him, I'll be back in a minute.
225
00:22:36,998 --> 00:22:38,908
- That's the one.
- Are you certain?
226
00:22:39,038 --> 00:22:41,406
He's our man, I tell you. What do we do?
227
00:23:09,118 --> 00:23:12,293
- So nice of you to take this trouble.
- No trouble, ma'am.
228
00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:16,886
- Is this the fella?
- No, but there is a superficial resemblance.
229
00:23:17,118 --> 00:23:19,103
- OK, beat it.
- No, just a second.
230
00:23:19,238 --> 00:23:24,869
Don't send him away. The poor man looks
miserable and lost and without a friend.
231
00:23:25,159 --> 00:23:28,683
And he looks so intelligent.
I would like to do something for him.
232
00:23:28,878 --> 00:23:33,134
- Would you mind leaving him here?
- I'd be careful, if I were you, ma'am.
233
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:38,028
- You can't trust characters like these.
- But he looks so harmless and hungry.
234
00:23:38,278 --> 00:23:41,650
- Please, Officer.
- OK, ma'am. We'll keep up the search.
235
00:23:41,838 --> 00:23:43,594
Thank you, Officer, goodbye.
236
00:23:43,718 --> 00:23:46,817
- You grubby little warthog!
- Mr Throckmorton!
237
00:23:46,998 --> 00:23:48,952
I must ask you to leave.
238
00:23:50,798 --> 00:23:52,554
Yes, madame.
239
00:23:53,718 --> 00:23:55,059
Puh!
240
00:24:02,886 --> 00:24:04,991
She's giving him the whammy.
241
00:24:53,167 --> 00:24:55,229
I am Madame Egelichi.
242
00:24:56,647 --> 00:24:59,517
I have been looking for you for a long time.
243
00:25:01,887 --> 00:25:04,953
Because I think
you may have something for me.
244
00:25:10,167 --> 00:25:13,189
Alphonse, Hannibal, search him.
245
00:26:56,850 --> 00:26:58,225
Alphonse, Hannibal!
246
00:26:58,330 --> 00:27:00,316
You will wait in the other room.
247
00:27:10,449 --> 00:27:13,744
I think we'll be more comfortable alone.
Don't you?
248
00:27:16,648 --> 00:27:18,557
I like you.
249
00:27:19,968 --> 00:27:21,878
I like you very much.
250
00:27:23,169 --> 00:27:26,158
I don't want you to be lonesome
and miserable.
251
00:27:27,448 --> 00:27:29,510
I want to ask you a few questions.
252
00:27:30,767 --> 00:27:32,677
A few personal questions.
253
00:27:33,688 --> 00:27:35,597
But you mustn't lie to me.
254
00:27:39,487 --> 00:27:41,822
I do not like it when people lie to me.
255
00:27:45,048 --> 00:27:46,957
I get offended.
256
00:27:52,607 --> 00:27:54,407
Alphonse, Hannibal!
257
00:27:54,526 --> 00:27:56,436
This creature won't talk.
258
00:27:58,687 --> 00:28:02,167
- There are ways of making him talk.
- I give the orders here!
259
00:28:02,366 --> 00:28:04,581
- Wind of the devil...
- Stop that!
260
00:28:06,806 --> 00:28:09,261
What did you do with the sardine cans?
261
00:28:09,406 --> 00:28:11,206
Answer me.
262
00:28:11,325 --> 00:28:13,235
Oh, take him away.
263
00:28:14,806 --> 00:28:16,715
Give him everything.
264
00:28:17,042 --> 00:28:18,647
But she was doomed to failure.
265
00:28:18,763 --> 00:28:22,592
For right now the sardines are on a table
in Maggie's dressing room.
266
00:28:22,802 --> 00:28:25,562
For three days
Maggie ate Harpo's presents -
267
00:28:25,723 --> 00:28:29,094
smoked chicken, canned turkey, tuna fish.
268
00:28:29,282 --> 00:28:33,111
If only she'd developed a taste for sardines.
The show would've been saved.
269
00:28:33,321 --> 00:28:37,883
Meanwhile the cast went on with dress
rehearsal, unaware of the troubles ahead.
270
00:28:38,286 --> 00:28:41,734
All right, let's get set
for the Sadie Thompson number.
271
00:31:02,631 --> 00:31:05,194
Hey, bobo. Toodle-a-bop-bop...
272
00:32:31,434 --> 00:32:34,608
That was fine, Maggie.
Now go change into your ballet costume.
273
00:32:36,153 --> 00:32:40,212
Madame Egelichi, wearing
the pants of the dreaded cat woman,
274
00:32:40,433 --> 00:32:43,575
was desperately trying to make Harpo talk.
275
00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:46,209
First came the Hungarian rope torture.
276
00:32:47,633 --> 00:32:50,852
For six hours, Harpo sat in the chair
smoking rope.
277
00:33:13,032 --> 00:33:15,443
And four hours on the hideous rack.
278
00:33:16,391 --> 00:33:21,213
An original from the workshop of
Ferdinand von Krackowitz of Monte Carlo.
279
00:33:25,150 --> 00:33:27,289
Place your bets, place your bets!
280
00:33:32,270 --> 00:33:36,830
When Harpo wouldn't talk, Madame
Egelichi took things into her own hands.
281
00:33:37,069 --> 00:33:39,787
That meant only one thing,
her own specialty -
282
00:33:39,950 --> 00:33:42,405
the insidious food and water torture.
283
00:34:14,787 --> 00:34:17,470
- Has he spoken yet?
- Not a word.
284
00:34:17,627 --> 00:34:20,310
- Has he slept? Eaten?
- Not a wink, not a bite.
285
00:34:20,466 --> 00:34:24,143
Three days without breaking.
It's rather unusual.
286
00:34:24,346 --> 00:34:29,409
After I've finished eating, bring him in,
and we shall give him the apple test.
287
00:34:32,547 --> 00:34:34,456
You have refused to speak.
288
00:34:34,586 --> 00:34:39,878
We shall keep on firing until you tell me
about a certain can of Portuguese sardines.
289
00:34:40,145 --> 00:34:41,716
Fire.
290
00:34:49,904 --> 00:34:51,934
Put that apple back on your head!
291
00:34:53,345 --> 00:34:55,101
Ooh!
292
00:35:02,005 --> 00:35:06,033
Nothing must happen to him. He is the only
person who can lead us to the sardine can.
293
00:35:09,606 --> 00:35:13,132
- The gun isn't loaded, is it, Alphonse?
- No, madame, it's empty.
294
00:35:18,127 --> 00:35:20,768
- There were only four bullets in it?
- That's right.
295
00:35:24,568 --> 00:35:26,369
Grab him. The gun is empty.
296
00:35:47,704 --> 00:35:50,072
We have been fooled. He can speak.
297
00:35:50,223 --> 00:35:52,679
- I'll stop him.
- No, no, let him talk.
298
00:35:53,465 --> 00:35:55,374
I'll listen in.
299
00:36:01,466 --> 00:36:03,375
You, you got-a no heart.
300
00:36:03,505 --> 00:36:08,754
They wanna sing and dance, but what
do you say? You say no, stop-a the music.
301
00:36:09,026 --> 00:36:10,937
Who's-a you? Toscanini?
302
00:36:14,947 --> 00:36:17,937
- Harpo!
303
00:36:18,108 --> 00:36:20,247
- Some sort of code.
304
00:36:20,388 --> 00:36:23,378
Mr Lyons, stop-a the noise,
stop-a the moving, it's Harpo.
305
00:36:23,549 --> 00:36:25,196
Where is he?
306
00:36:25,309 --> 00:36:27,371
Shh! I'm-a reading his mind.
307
00:36:31,709 --> 00:36:35,235
Clear your head, you talk-a too fast.
Clear your head.
308
00:36:54,833 --> 00:36:56,557
That's-a better.
309
00:37:01,793 --> 00:37:05,820
He's-a havin' a party.
Everybody's-a hittin' him with apples.
310
00:37:06,034 --> 00:37:07,944
That's-a lots of fun, huh?
311
00:37:10,836 --> 00:37:15,321
Hey, what do you think? A beautiful woman
is in love with him for his sardines.
312
00:37:18,757 --> 00:37:22,969
What? You don't say!
This beautiful woman wants to marry him.
313
00:37:26,596 --> 00:37:28,168
How much-a money she's got?
314
00:37:31,159 --> 00:37:34,912
Tell her to come to the Windsor Theatre.
We got lots of sardines here.
315
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:39,561
- Lefty, they are at the Windsor Theatre.
316
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,785
He says she's a rich woman.
317
00:37:41,919 --> 00:37:43,568
Stop-a thinking and listen.
318
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:48,700
We're in-a trouble. Bring her to the theatre
right away in half an hour. Hurry up! Quick!
319
00:37:58,922 --> 00:38:00,832
Alphonse, Hannibal!
320
00:38:08,198 --> 00:38:12,639
Everything is-a fine. Harpo save the show.
He's bringing his bride with lots of money.
321
00:38:12,878 --> 00:38:15,747
- I ain't fall for any more stalls.
- It's-a no stall.
322
00:38:15,918 --> 00:38:20,359
- It's-a love. She's-a bringing the money.
- Boys, keep moving the stuff out.
323
00:38:20,598 --> 00:38:23,085
- Hey, are you a musician?
324
00:38:23,237 --> 00:38:27,449
- Well, I used to play.
- I knew it the first minute I look on you.
325
00:38:27,677 --> 00:38:31,964
I say to myself, "This Mr Lyons,
he's not tough like he looks." Ha-ha.
326
00:38:32,196 --> 00:38:34,072
"He's got something inside.
327
00:38:34,196 --> 00:38:36,727
"Something that comes from the heart."
328
00:38:36,876 --> 00:38:38,861
What kind of music you like?
329
00:38:38,996 --> 00:38:41,210
Uh, I like Gypsy music.
330
00:38:41,355 --> 00:38:44,955
Gypsy music! That's magnifico.
I like-a Gypsy music.
331
00:38:45,155 --> 00:38:47,915
Stop the moving, stop the noise,
everybody stop.
332
00:38:48,075 --> 00:38:50,486
Mr Lyons, he's going to play. Here.
333
00:38:50,634 --> 00:38:53,242
Uh, do you know Play Gypsy Play?
334
00:38:53,394 --> 00:38:56,842
- No, I don't know that.
- Oh. You know Gypsy Serenade?
335
00:38:57,034 --> 00:38:58,943
- No.
- What do you know?
336
00:38:59,073 --> 00:39:01,440
- I know Gypsy Love Song.
- Gypsy Love Song.
337
00:39:01,593 --> 00:39:05,423
- I only know the chorus.
- That's all right. I play the verse, you follow.
338
00:39:05,633 --> 00:39:09,080
- You play and I'll noodle around.
- What do you mean by noodling?
339
00:39:09,273 --> 00:39:12,262
- Like this...
- That's-a good.
340
00:39:12,432 --> 00:39:14,887
You noodle on that, I macaroni on this.
341
00:39:24,630 --> 00:39:28,001
Now, look, Mr Lyons, I know you want
to make a good impression,
342
00:39:28,191 --> 00:39:30,558
but please don't play better than me.
343
00:40:06,306 --> 00:40:08,216
Are we playing the same thing?
344
00:40:48,704 --> 00:40:51,311
- Ha-ha, one too much!
345
00:41:10,995 --> 00:41:12,751
Ha-ha, that's very good.
346
00:41:12,875 --> 00:41:16,203
Now we try the chorus,
but the chorus we play pianissimo.
347
00:41:16,395 --> 00:41:18,882
- You know what pianissimo is?
- No.
348
00:41:19,034 --> 00:41:21,945
- How long you study music?
- 15 years.
349
00:41:22,112 --> 00:41:24,982
15. Two more years
you could've been a plumber.
350
00:41:25,152 --> 00:41:29,134
All right, never mind the pianissimo,
I'm going to make it very simple for you.
351
00:41:29,352 --> 00:41:31,763
We play it allegro pizzicato.
352
00:41:31,912 --> 00:41:34,901
That's what-a you call
high-class Carnegie Hall stuff.
353
00:41:35,072 --> 00:41:37,712
- You know allegro pizzicato?
- No.
354
00:41:37,871 --> 00:41:39,780
You know Jimmy Pizzicato?
355
00:41:39,910 --> 00:41:42,593
- No.
- None of the Pizzicatos, huh?
356
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:44,703
- No.
- What do you know?
357
00:41:44,830 --> 00:41:46,935
Er, I know pistachio.
358
00:41:47,069 --> 00:41:50,135
- Pistachio? We'll play it!
359
00:43:50,090 --> 00:43:52,000
Two, three, four, five, six, seven.
360
00:44:00,009 --> 00:44:02,464
Very good. Very good.
361
00:44:06,232 --> 00:44:08,217
Now we play one more chorus. Come on.
362
00:44:14,872 --> 00:44:18,669
Well, boys and girls,
I've got a little sad news for you.
363
00:44:20,191 --> 00:44:21,795
Our show isn't opening.
364
00:44:21,912 --> 00:44:25,054
We're closing tonight,
without a shot at Broadway.
365
00:44:25,231 --> 00:44:28,024
Mr Lyons, a man of small faith,
366
00:44:28,191 --> 00:44:31,717
is removing the scenery and costumes
from the production.
367
00:44:31,912 --> 00:44:35,545
Mr Johnson, may I suggest that we do
what all actors have always done
368
00:44:35,751 --> 00:44:38,359
since before the days of
Thespis and Shakespeare -
369
00:44:38,511 --> 00:44:41,578
perform without scenery or costumes
or salary.
370
00:44:46,031 --> 00:44:48,902
Sorry, I can't go on with that kind of a show.
371
00:44:49,072 --> 00:44:51,527
Curtain's down, school's out.
372
00:44:52,712 --> 00:44:54,621
Better luck next time.
373
00:44:56,552 --> 00:45:00,534
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Johnson,
but Mr Lyons said to take everything.
374
00:45:00,751 --> 00:45:02,278
Uh-huh.
375
00:45:06,632 --> 00:45:08,236
Well, go ahead, say it.
376
00:45:08,992 --> 00:45:13,509
- I wasn't going to say anything.
- Well, it's sticking out of your eyes.
377
00:45:13,752 --> 00:45:15,737
I'm yellow, no guts.
378
00:45:15,871 --> 00:45:18,512
- No, Mike, you're just what you are.
- And what's that?
379
00:45:18,672 --> 00:45:21,924
A nice, sweet young man
who doesn't belong in show business.
380
00:45:30,454 --> 00:45:34,894
You'd look stunning in an apron
surrounded by nice yellow oranges.
381
00:45:37,494 --> 00:45:40,713
- Here, have some sardines.
- I don't want any sardines.
382
00:45:40,894 --> 00:45:42,923
I'm not throwing a bare turkey on the stage.
383
00:45:43,053 --> 00:45:46,775
I'm quitting, Maggie,
and don't tell me the show must go on.
384
00:45:46,974 --> 00:45:50,073
- Relax, it's over.
- No, it isn't over.
385
00:45:50,254 --> 00:45:53,352
We're going to open without scenery,
without costumes,
386
00:45:53,533 --> 00:45:57,134
just with talent and people.
We're going to open and knock 'em dead.
387
00:45:57,334 --> 00:46:00,246
- Hallelujah.
- Let's go and celebrate.
388
00:46:00,413 --> 00:46:02,519
- What's to celebrate?
- Your birthday.
389
00:46:02,654 --> 00:46:06,255
Don't change the subject.
We've got a good show. If you tried...
390
00:46:06,454 --> 00:46:08,909
What do you think life is? A fairy tale?
391
00:46:09,054 --> 00:46:11,235
Yes, it is.
392
00:46:11,373 --> 00:46:14,441
Fairy tales, sardines...
393
00:46:21,813 --> 00:46:23,723
What do you want?
394
00:46:28,053 --> 00:46:31,611
Could you tell me, please,
where I can find Mr Michael Johnson?
395
00:46:31,814 --> 00:46:35,796
- You're speaking to the gentleman.
- Wonderful. You are really Mr Johnson?
396
00:46:36,014 --> 00:46:39,265
- What can I do for you?
- Oh, Mr Johnson, so much.
397
00:46:39,453 --> 00:46:43,361
- You mean in the show?
- You have a place for me, I'm sure.
398
00:46:43,574 --> 00:46:46,214
- Too bad, Miss...
- Madame Egelichi.
399
00:46:46,374 --> 00:46:49,625
- Mr Johnson, you must have a place for me.
- Not any more.
400
00:46:49,813 --> 00:46:53,218
- But why?
- Because of a bankroll we haven't got.
401
00:46:53,414 --> 00:46:58,280
What I'm trying to say, without breaking
into unmanly tears, is that we're folding,
402
00:46:59,294 --> 00:47:00,669
calling it a day.
403
00:47:00,740 --> 00:47:03,204
- Better luck next time, Madame Egelichi.
- Oh.
404
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:06,689
Er, you mean the show will not open
and the actors are going away?
405
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,756
Oh, no.
406
00:47:08,881 --> 00:47:12,711
- How much money do you need?
- A loan from Congress would help.
407
00:47:12,921 --> 00:47:15,529
Mr Johnson, I am serious.
I will supply the money.
408
00:47:15,681 --> 00:47:17,591
This is over my head, Mike.
409
00:47:17,721 --> 00:47:19,631
What's going on?
410
00:47:19,761 --> 00:47:22,445
It's simple.
Didn't you say life was a fairy tale?
411
00:47:22,602 --> 00:47:25,853
Well, here's our fairy godmother
with a wand!
412
00:47:26,042 --> 00:47:27,765
And what a wand!
413
00:47:27,882 --> 00:47:32,290
Madame Egelichi, I need $1100 to raise
the curtain. You're not kidding, are you?
414
00:47:32,522 --> 00:47:35,513
- Shall we go to your office, Mr Johnson?
- Let's go.
415
00:47:35,683 --> 00:47:38,443
You are going to make me so happy.
So happy.
416
00:48:05,205 --> 00:48:07,888
He's taking a long time for a business deal.
417
00:48:08,044 --> 00:48:11,449
- He'll be back.
- Oh, don't be a fool, let's go.
418
00:48:11,645 --> 00:48:14,253
- Sorry, Bunny, I promised...
419
00:48:18,485 --> 00:48:21,932
- I said never to eat your dinner in this room.
420
00:48:24,965 --> 00:48:29,527
Cheer up, honey. Maybe he's breaking your
heart to make a better actress out of you.
421
00:48:49,487 --> 00:48:52,630
Well, baby, we're opening.
Lyons is bringing back everything.
422
00:48:52,808 --> 00:48:54,761
- That's wonderful.
- Yes, she was.
423
00:48:54,888 --> 00:48:58,992
She's mad about the theatre and she liked
all my ideas. She's a real show woman.
424
00:48:59,208 --> 00:49:03,802
- You can tell me all about it at dinner.
- Oh, you'd better do without me tonight.
425
00:49:04,048 --> 00:49:07,606
Rita and I still have a lot to discuss
and I promised her I would...
426
00:49:08,448 --> 00:49:11,591
But, baby, I know it's your birthday
but this is important.
427
00:49:11,768 --> 00:49:15,020
Now be a trouper.
Cheer up, everything looks wonderful.
428
00:49:15,208 --> 00:49:17,697
It would look better
if you'd wipe that rouge off.
429
00:49:17,849 --> 00:49:22,335
Don't get any ideas. I was so excited when
I saw the money I had to kiss somebody.
430
00:49:23,249 --> 00:49:25,354
I've got to run. See you tomorrow.
431
00:49:26,649 --> 00:49:28,559
Happy birthday.
432
00:49:43,011 --> 00:49:45,073
- Do you want all these cans open?
- Yes.
433
00:49:45,211 --> 00:49:47,503
But these open cans will attract attention.
434
00:49:47,651 --> 00:49:50,640
- Then put them in the alley.
- The alley? Done.
435
00:49:56,091 --> 00:49:58,547
- You like-a sardines?
- Yes.
436
00:49:58,692 --> 00:50:01,561
- Why, have you got any?
- No, but I got something better.
437
00:50:03,697 --> 00:50:06,684
I got something that's worth
a million dollars to you.
438
00:50:06,856 --> 00:50:09,341
- Really? What is it?
- Love!
439
00:50:09,491 --> 00:50:11,400
It come to me like a flash.
440
00:50:11,531 --> 00:50:15,248
The first minute I see you,
it's, what do you call 'em, love at first look.
441
00:50:15,447 --> 00:50:17,976
It's the kind of love that's never going to die.
442
00:50:18,125 --> 00:50:20,304
- Would you do something for me?
- Anything.
443
00:50:20,443 --> 00:50:23,614
I climb the highest mountain,
down and up, up and down.
444
00:50:23,799 --> 00:50:26,666
I put my arm in the fire up to the hilt for you.
445
00:50:26,837 --> 00:50:30,970
Er, go and get me all the sardine cans
you can find in this theatre.
446
00:50:31,194 --> 00:50:33,951
Sardines? Ha! That's nothing.
447
00:50:35,031 --> 00:50:37,940
I'm going to cover you with sardines.
448
00:50:38,107 --> 00:50:40,016
That's how much I love you.
449
00:50:40,146 --> 00:50:42,053
Watch-a my smoke.
450
00:51:49,884 --> 00:51:51,410
Darling!
451
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,973
My favourite animals, cats. I collect them.
452
00:51:57,117 --> 00:51:59,297
Darling. Darling!
453
00:52:04,112 --> 00:52:06,020
Madame Egelichi, our search is over.
454
00:52:06,149 --> 00:52:08,253
- Here is the can.
- Oh!
455
00:52:08,387 --> 00:52:10,295
- Where is the necklace?
- In here!
456
00:52:10,426 --> 00:52:12,529
- Really, Throckmorton.
- I'm sure of it.
457
00:52:12,663 --> 00:52:14,571
He was eating sardines and swallowed it.
458
00:52:14,702 --> 00:52:17,111
- That is impossible.
- I'll have him examined.
459
00:52:21,096 --> 00:52:24,007
I no get-a sardines, I got-a something better.
460
00:52:24,173 --> 00:52:26,463
- What?
- Anchovies!
461
00:52:26,612 --> 00:52:29,904
- I have no use for them.
- Maybe you like kippered herring?
462
00:52:30,089 --> 00:52:31,996
Smelts? Smoked whitebait?
463
00:52:32,126 --> 00:52:34,264
I get you any kind of fish you like!
464
00:52:34,404 --> 00:52:35,821
I love you!
465
00:53:09,334 --> 00:53:10,859
Go away!
466
00:53:16,686 --> 00:53:20,665
Go away! I'm sure your new partner's
more important than I am.
467
00:53:21,643 --> 00:53:23,780
Oh, Harpo, I thought it was...
468
00:53:36,198 --> 00:53:38,727
This is where you live, isn't it, Harpo?
469
00:53:41,594 --> 00:53:44,275
It must be wonderful to be like you, Harpo.
470
00:53:45,710 --> 00:53:47,661
You live alone.
471
00:53:47,788 --> 00:53:50,808
That is... you don't need other people.
472
00:53:50,986 --> 00:53:52,893
You don't depend on them.
473
00:53:53,583 --> 00:53:55,491
You never get hurt.
474
00:54:32,298 --> 00:54:35,015
Oh, Harpo, you're wonderful.
475
00:54:38,137 --> 00:54:40,046
Harpo, I've got an idea.
476
00:54:41,137 --> 00:54:44,694
I've been a fool,
letting my heart stand in my way.
477
00:54:45,537 --> 00:54:47,446
But it's not too late.
478
00:54:47,576 --> 00:54:50,718
He'll still give me the part,
tomorrow morning,
479
00:54:50,896 --> 00:54:52,805
Mr Hammerstein.
480
00:54:53,455 --> 00:54:56,368
Can you imagine me
in a Broadway production?
481
00:54:56,535 --> 00:54:59,524
A star. A real star.
482
00:55:01,014 --> 00:55:04,571
And I'll work.
No more nickel Romeos for me.
483
00:55:04,773 --> 00:55:07,490
I'll work, and keep going, and get famous.
484
00:55:08,412 --> 00:55:10,322
And we'll be rich together.
485
00:55:11,133 --> 00:55:13,042
And, Harpo, you'll be with me.
486
00:55:13,172 --> 00:55:16,162
- Because you've always loved me.
487
00:55:17,092 --> 00:55:19,547
I haven't anyone except you.
488
00:55:19,691 --> 00:55:22,179
And, from now on,
you'll be my manager too.
489
00:55:22,331 --> 00:55:26,696
We'll be famous together. We'll scale
the heights of Broadway together.
490
00:55:28,210 --> 00:55:30,120
A star and her manager.
491
00:55:31,090 --> 00:55:33,305
We'll be important people. Harpo.
492
00:55:33,450 --> 00:55:37,279
You'll be the most influential manager
on the Great White Way.
493
00:55:37,489 --> 00:55:39,780
You'll have a whole suite of offices
494
00:55:39,929 --> 00:55:42,384
and a great, big, shiny mahogany desk.
495
00:55:44,369 --> 00:55:47,130
You'll be just as famous as me, Harpo.
496
00:55:47,289 --> 00:55:50,507
Everyone will come to your office
and call you on the phone,
497
00:55:50,689 --> 00:55:53,558
all the great stars
and writers and producers,
498
00:55:53,728 --> 00:55:55,638
to beg you to help them.
499
00:55:55,768 --> 00:55:58,331
You'll audition
all the great singers and dancers.
500
00:55:58,487 --> 00:56:02,163
They'll want advice about new plays,
501
00:56:02,366 --> 00:56:05,770
begging to work in your productions,
our productions.
502
00:56:05,966 --> 00:56:09,337
You'll be rich and important, Harpo.
You and I both.
503
00:56:09,526 --> 00:56:13,050
We'll have everything we ever dreamed of.
Everything!
504
00:56:27,204 --> 00:56:28,851
I'm sorry, Harpo.
505
00:56:28,964 --> 00:56:33,328
I'm afraid everything isn't very much
without that rotten, horrible Mike Johnson.
506
00:56:34,682 --> 00:56:36,864
And on my birthday too.
507
00:56:37,882 --> 00:56:39,792
He had to do it on my birthday.
508
00:56:41,322 --> 00:56:43,778
Yes, and he knew it was.
509
00:56:43,922 --> 00:56:45,493
I hope I never...
510
00:56:45,579 --> 00:56:47,132
never have another birthday!
511
00:58:32,473 --> 00:58:34,503
Oh...
512
00:58:34,633 --> 00:58:36,357
Harpo.
513
00:58:38,874 --> 00:58:40,783
Oh, Harpo.
514
00:58:41,994 --> 00:58:44,450
Oh, what would I do without you?
515
00:58:46,234 --> 00:58:49,606
You've made this the nicest birthday
I've ever had.
516
01:01:56,198 --> 01:01:58,730
At last the show was opening.
517
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:03,399
When Mackinaw reported that Madame
Egelichi had put money in the show,
518
01:02:03,642 --> 01:02:05,977
I knew a crisis was at hand.
519
01:02:06,122 --> 01:02:08,916
Now I was close to what I had been trailing
all these years -
520
01:02:09,083 --> 01:02:11,997
Madame Egelichi.
l, er... I mean the diamonds.
521
01:02:13,045 --> 01:02:17,073
Immediately, I started for the theatre.
Incognito, of course.
522
01:02:17,286 --> 01:02:19,818
Mackinaw, I have a full record of the case
523
01:02:19,968 --> 01:02:22,686
and tonight at the opening,
you may have the solution.
524
01:02:22,848 --> 01:02:28,558
For Madame Egelichi will be in the front box,
and next to her will be Count Bouillabaisse.
525
01:02:28,851 --> 01:02:32,378
But, if you take away his silk hat,
his opera cloak and his suit,
526
01:02:32,573 --> 01:02:34,756
you'll have me, shivering in my underwear.
527
01:02:34,893 --> 01:02:37,228
- How jolly!
- Come along, Mackinaw.
528
01:02:37,375 --> 01:02:40,365
We will be just in time
to be fashionably late.
529
01:02:44,897 --> 01:02:46,808
- Good evening.
- I am lvan.
530
01:02:46,938 --> 01:02:51,348
Don't fret about it. You can always change it
to Tom, Dick or Harry. Come, Mackinaw.
531
01:02:53,300 --> 01:02:55,331
Hey, that's not my suit you're pulling.
532
01:02:55,461 --> 01:02:57,295
Give me the diamond necklace.
533
01:02:57,423 --> 01:02:59,955
We've only just met
and already he's asking for things.
534
01:03:00,724 --> 01:03:05,710
I am from the Romanovs. To recover
the diamonds, we paid you 100,000 zlotys.
535
01:03:05,963 --> 01:03:08,876
Zlotys. Did you ever try to spend a zloty
in this country?
536
01:03:09,683 --> 01:03:11,286
The diamonds.
537
01:03:11,402 --> 01:03:13,312
Or in one hour you die.
538
01:03:13,443 --> 01:03:16,694
Mackinaw, allow me to introduce
the man who's going to kill me.
539
01:03:28,401 --> 01:03:29,928
At the next musical note,
540
01:03:30,041 --> 01:03:33,674
the end of my life will be brought to you
by the Bulova sand company.
541
01:03:33,881 --> 01:03:36,172
Is your watch fast? I'll drop some sand in it.
542
01:03:36,321 --> 01:03:39,878
A few more grains of sand to fall
and you will die.
543
01:03:40,080 --> 01:03:41,989
I think I am ready.
544
01:03:48,439 --> 01:03:49,966
Come in.
545
01:04:02,078 --> 01:04:05,635
Is there anything I can do for you?
What a ridiculous statement.
546
01:04:05,839 --> 01:04:08,446
Mr Grunion, I want you to help me.
547
01:04:08,598 --> 01:04:11,925
I have a little sand left,
what seems to be the trouble?
548
01:04:12,117 --> 01:04:14,027
Some men are following me.
549
01:04:14,158 --> 01:04:16,721
Really? I can't understand why.
550
01:04:20,677 --> 01:04:23,851
- I advise you to leave.
- I'll take you to the bus station.
551
01:04:24,036 --> 01:04:26,491
If I'm not back tonight, go ahead without me.
552
01:04:30,996 --> 01:04:33,178
That's been the history of all my romances.
553
01:04:58,749 --> 01:05:00,888
Curtain time five minutes.
554
01:05:15,321 --> 01:05:18,158
- All right, I'm a heel.
- That's not news.
555
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:20,458
Could you love a heel that's been repaired?
556
01:05:20,599 --> 01:05:23,970
I came back last night to get you,
ten minutes after you'd left.
557
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:27,072
- You did?
- Uh-huh. With a clean face.
558
01:05:28,559 --> 01:05:31,930
- What's all that?
- Harpo gave them to me.
559
01:05:32,119 --> 01:05:36,101
- I thought it might improve the costume.
- Uh-uh, too phoney.
560
01:05:37,358 --> 01:05:40,806
Tomorrow, if we're not stoned to death
by the mob,
561
01:05:40,998 --> 01:05:43,103
I'll get you a real gem
562
01:05:43,237 --> 01:05:45,147
for the proper finger.
563
01:05:46,197 --> 01:05:47,615
Mike...
564
01:06:09,994 --> 01:06:13,823
- Faustino, get ready, you're on soon.
- I'll be ready, I'll be ready.
565
01:06:23,249 --> 01:06:25,159
- We want the diamonds!
- Diamonds?
566
01:06:25,290 --> 01:06:27,656
- You had them on.
- Where are they?
567
01:06:27,809 --> 01:06:29,719
- I don't know.
- She's not going to talk.
568
01:06:29,849 --> 01:06:32,718
- She'll talk to Madame Egelichi.
- Or there'll be murder.
569
01:06:32,888 --> 01:06:36,030
Let go of me, let me go!
570
01:06:36,808 --> 01:06:38,531
Here, Bill.
571
01:06:41,168 --> 01:06:43,078
Where'd you hide 'em?
572
01:06:43,208 --> 01:06:45,117
Maggie...
573
01:06:45,247 --> 01:06:47,735
What's going on here? You let go of her!
574
01:06:51,967 --> 01:06:54,913
Let's search the place
before we take her away.
575
01:06:59,646 --> 01:07:01,708
You want I should read your mind?
576
01:07:01,845 --> 01:07:04,834
I'm-a too busy now,
the show's going to start.
577
01:07:05,006 --> 01:07:07,614
You're too excited, I can't read your mind.
578
01:07:07,766 --> 01:07:10,712
All right, I read-a your mind.
What's on your mind?
579
01:07:10,886 --> 01:07:12,915
Yeah, it's a dame.
580
01:07:13,045 --> 01:07:16,341
All the time you got a dame on your mind.
581
01:07:16,525 --> 01:07:19,165
It's-a no dame, it's a nice gal.
582
01:07:19,325 --> 01:07:22,162
Yeah, what about a nice gal?
583
01:07:23,045 --> 01:07:27,409
Ha-ha, that's what you call a nice gal?
You crazy-that's a dog.
584
01:07:28,790 --> 01:07:29,752
- A dog? What about a dog?
585
01:07:30,990 --> 01:07:32,421
- A big dog? A police dog?
586
01:07:33,461 --> 01:07:34,547
- A big, big dog?
587
01:07:34,644 --> 01:07:37,131
Saint Bernardo! Even bigger?
588
01:07:37,282 --> 01:07:39,464
- Great Dane!
589
01:07:39,602 --> 01:07:41,512
What about a Great Dane?
590
01:07:41,643 --> 01:07:44,436
- Great Dane got a dimple? Whiskers?
591
01:07:44,602 --> 01:07:48,704
That's my jaw. Great Dane, jaw.
Great Dane, jaw. Great Dane, jaw.
592
01:07:48,922 --> 01:07:51,027
Great Dane jaw, Great Dane jaw...
593
01:07:51,161 --> 01:07:53,146
- Great danger!
594
01:07:53,281 --> 01:07:55,266
Who's the girl in great danger?
595
01:07:58,160 --> 01:08:01,564
I can't read-a your hand,
I can only read-a your mind.
596
01:08:03,120 --> 01:08:05,989
- Ha, that's a billy goat.
597
01:08:06,159 --> 01:08:10,186
That's-a Jolson. You sing-a mammy,
mammy goat. Mammy!
598
01:08:11,234 --> 01:08:12,386
- Mammy. Mammy.
599
01:08:12,467 --> 01:08:13,585
Mammy. Ma...
600
01:08:16,086 --> 01:08:18,225
- Ma. Ma?
601
01:08:18,366 --> 01:08:21,507
- Ma? Ma? Ma what?
602
01:08:21,686 --> 01:08:24,478
- Ma what? Ma what?
603
01:08:26,724 --> 01:08:28,983
You open the door... with a key.
604
01:08:30,964 --> 01:08:32,644
Ma, key.
605
01:08:32,763 --> 01:08:36,483
Ma, key. Ma, key. Ma, key. Ma, key. Ma, k...
606
01:08:36,683 --> 01:08:39,596
Maggie! Maggie!
Oh, Maggie's in great danger.
607
01:08:39,762 --> 01:08:43,711
- Oh, smart, huh? Oh, I catch on quick.
608
01:08:43,922 --> 01:08:46,180
Maggie's in-a great danger.
Who's after her?
609
01:08:49,081 --> 01:08:51,186
That's a bird. A seagull?
610
01:08:51,322 --> 01:08:53,274
A bigger bird? A turkey bird?
611
01:08:53,401 --> 01:08:55,932
A big, big bird? A stool pigeon!
612
01:08:58,271 --> 01:09:00,153
Yankee Doodle. Yankee Doodle bird!
613
01:09:00,281 --> 01:09:02,692
That's the flag.
614
01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:05,403
On top of the flag. It's-a eagle! Eagle!
615
01:09:05,559 --> 01:09:07,818
Eagle. What about an eagle?
616
01:09:07,960 --> 01:09:09,913
Eagle scratch? Eagle tickle?
617
01:09:10,040 --> 01:09:12,495
Eagle got fleas? Eagle nervous?
618
01:09:12,639 --> 01:09:14,931
Ah, stop, you making me itchy.
619
01:09:15,078 --> 01:09:18,800
Itchy? Eagle, itchy. Eagle, itchy.
Eagle, itchy. Eagle, itchy.
620
01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:20,756
Egelichi! Egelichi!
621
01:09:20,879 --> 01:09:24,021
Oh, Egelichi.
What Egelichi gonna do to Maggie?
622
01:09:25,319 --> 01:09:29,116
A horse. A horse run away with Maggie?
Fall down on Maggie?
623
01:09:30,958 --> 01:09:32,529
Hammer and nail.
624
01:09:32,638 --> 01:09:34,777
No hammer. A nail.
625
01:09:34,918 --> 01:09:37,056
A big nail. A little nail.
626
01:09:37,197 --> 01:09:39,302
Little bitsy nail. Little bitsy...
627
01:09:39,438 --> 01:09:41,772
Tack. A tack. Tack.
628
01:09:41,917 --> 01:09:43,597
Wet tack.
629
01:09:43,717 --> 01:09:46,401
Wet tack. Wet tack.
630
01:09:46,557 --> 01:09:49,546
Horse, wet tack. Horse, wet tack.
Horse, wet track.
631
01:09:49,717 --> 01:09:51,626
Horse, wet track. Horse, wet track.
632
01:09:51,756 --> 01:09:54,015
Mudder! Mudder!
633
01:09:54,156 --> 01:09:57,374
Mudder. Mudder. Mudder.
Mudder. Mudder...
634
01:09:57,555 --> 01:09:59,236
A mudder? A mudder?
635
01:09:59,356 --> 01:10:01,996
A mudder? A mudder?
A mudder? A mudder?
636
01:10:02,155 --> 01:10:04,217
A murder? A murder? A murder?
637
01:10:04,355 --> 01:10:07,192
Murder! Murder!
Egelichi's gonna murder Maggie!
638
01:10:07,354 --> 01:10:09,809
Oh! Come on, let's go.
639
01:10:11,434 --> 01:10:13,496
- Good luck, Bunny.
- Thanks, Jim.
640
01:10:16,634 --> 01:10:19,317
Give us the diamonds
or we'll murder you!
641
01:10:19,474 --> 01:10:22,005
They want-a diamonds!
Who's got-a diamonds?
642
01:10:22,153 --> 01:10:25,677
- What are we gonna do?
- All right, come on, girls!
643
01:10:25,872 --> 01:10:30,357
This is opening night, let's hear those lines.
And put a little heart into it!
644
01:10:30,592 --> 01:10:32,807
Perfumes from Hindustan.
645
01:10:32,951 --> 01:10:35,090
Oils from Arabia.
646
01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:37,413
Diamonds from Africa.
647
01:10:48,710 --> 01:10:52,190
- We'll take her to the hotel.
- But there's a show on!
648
01:10:52,390 --> 01:10:55,413
We'll keep her till she tells us
where she hid the diamonds.
649
01:10:55,590 --> 01:10:58,765
Don't take her away!
I confess, I got-a the diamonds.
650
01:10:58,950 --> 01:11:02,092
- Where are they?
- Here, but I no give them to you.
651
01:11:02,270 --> 01:11:04,255
Don't let them escape!
652
01:11:07,429 --> 01:11:09,339
Harpo, this way!
653
01:11:12,069 --> 01:11:16,706
Help me hold the door.
We gotta keep 'em chasing us.
654
01:11:16,948 --> 01:11:20,930
if they find out we no got the diamonds,
they stop-a the show, kill Maggie!
655
01:11:21,148 --> 01:11:23,832
Now I gotta get back. Hurry, you go!
656
01:11:30,067 --> 01:11:31,976
That way, Hannibal!
657
01:11:57,344 --> 01:11:59,254
Aha, there he is!
658
01:12:11,781 --> 01:12:13,199
Hurry up, hurry up!
659
01:12:29,779 --> 01:12:31,382
Grab him!
660
01:12:31,498 --> 01:12:33,560
- He was right here.
- Where did he go?
661
01:12:37,497 --> 01:12:39,789
What are you doing, you idiots? Grab him!
662
01:12:39,938 --> 01:12:41,541
Oh!
663
01:12:57,137 --> 01:12:59,166
There he is!
664
01:12:59,816 --> 01:13:02,686
- That's where I saw him.
- You idiots!
665
01:13:18,590 --> 01:13:20,773
Head him off at the other roof.
666
01:16:00,017 --> 01:16:02,473
Beautiful, beautiful! Go take your bow!
667
01:16:02,617 --> 01:16:05,565
I gotta no time. I gotta give 'em
the diamonds, the real ones!
668
01:16:05,740 --> 01:16:07,650
- Who's got diamonds?
- Me! Look!
669
01:16:07,780 --> 01:16:09,690
I save-a Harpo, I save-a the show!
670
01:16:09,821 --> 01:16:12,278
I'm-a the hero, nobody else!
671
01:17:38,476 --> 01:17:40,386
Hey! Hey! I got 'em!
672
01:17:42,397 --> 01:17:44,853
Hey! Hey! Leave Harpo alone!
673
01:17:44,999 --> 01:17:47,761
Here's the real diamonds. Look! Look!
674
01:17:50,400 --> 01:17:52,311
I got him.
675
01:18:03,722 --> 01:18:05,631
Ooh! Oh!
676
01:18:24,362 --> 01:18:28,769
The odds were stacked
against me, but here I was, back on the trail.
677
01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:37,455
At the risk of death, I fearlessly scrutinised
every possible hiding place.
678
01:19:01,517 --> 01:19:04,737
Ah, Madame Egelichi.
Don't you remember me?
679
01:19:04,918 --> 01:19:06,642
Yes, I do.
680
01:19:08,078 --> 01:19:11,449
- No, I mean before that.
- Grunion, I am warning you.
681
01:19:11,637 --> 01:19:14,125
This time I am going to get the diamonds,
682
01:19:14,277 --> 01:19:16,382
and nobody's going to stop me.
683
01:19:21,716 --> 01:19:23,701
No, I'm not gonna follow you and get shot.
684
01:19:23,836 --> 01:19:25,821
If I was half-shot, I'd follow you.
685
01:19:54,033 --> 01:19:55,943
I'll take those.
686
01:19:57,834 --> 01:20:01,783
- Give me those diamonds, you fool.
- You want-a the diamonds? Here.
687
01:20:01,993 --> 01:20:04,557
Now, what are you going to give me?
688
01:20:04,974 --> 01:20:07,811
- That's not what I want.
- Where are the real ones?
689
01:20:07,973 --> 01:20:10,656
Those are the real ones.
Harpo's got the fakes.
690
01:20:32,571 --> 01:20:34,556
He's up there!
691
01:20:35,372 --> 01:20:37,019
There he is again!
692
01:20:42,210 --> 01:20:44,316
- Where is he?
- He was standing right there.
693
01:20:44,451 --> 01:20:46,709
- That's where I saw him.
- You idiots.
694
01:20:46,850 --> 01:20:49,217
There he is. After him!
695
01:20:49,370 --> 01:20:50,821
Where is he?
696
01:20:52,650 --> 01:20:54,984
- Right there.
- Alphonse!
697
01:20:56,169 --> 01:20:58,078
Where is he?
698
01:20:59,885 --> 01:21:01,612
There he is!
699
01:21:02,771 --> 01:21:04,683
I'll get him.
700
01:21:24,364 --> 01:21:26,168
No!
701
01:21:48,172 --> 01:21:51,319
Good work, my man,
I was just about to enter the battle.
702
01:21:51,497 --> 01:21:55,255
From now on I'll take care of you.
You've got the axe, of course?
703
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:09,015
I'm in complete command of the situation.
704
01:22:17,538 --> 01:22:19,997
I didn't see a thing,
the window shades were down.
705
01:22:20,142 --> 01:22:21,824
Search him.
706
01:22:23,427 --> 01:22:25,798
Oh, no, I'm not going to get into that.
707
01:22:27,272 --> 01:22:29,961
If this were a French picture I could do it.
708
01:22:32,601 --> 01:22:34,513
- I'll search him myself.
- No.
709
01:22:34,645 --> 01:22:38,600
The diamonds kept us apart too long.
I'll tackle him single-handed.
710
01:22:41,375 --> 01:22:44,554
I'd kill anyone
who's got those diamonds.
711
01:22:51,831 --> 01:22:53,634
Grunion, darling.
712
01:22:54,676 --> 01:22:56,588
Careful, you're singeing my coat.
713
01:22:56,718 --> 01:23:00,357
I don't care about the diamonds.
All I really want is you.
714
01:23:00,565 --> 01:23:03,209
So you finally fell for me, eh?
715
01:23:03,368 --> 01:23:06,473
Yes. This is the sweetest moment of my life.
716
01:23:06,654 --> 01:23:07,998
Come, my darling.
717
01:23:08,096 --> 01:23:10,555
Goodbye, old man. It was nice knowing you.
718
01:23:12,544 --> 01:23:16,839
- You're tickling my change pocket!
- Let's get away together, just you and I.
719
01:23:17,070 --> 01:23:21,136
What fun we'll have.
We'll stop at Monte Carlo, Rio de Janeiro.
720
01:23:21,357 --> 01:23:24,002
First we'll stop at the unemployment office
and get my cheque.
721
01:23:37,783 --> 01:23:39,695
And that's how it ended,
722
01:23:39,825 --> 01:23:42,820
with the diamonds in the pocket
of a happy-go-lucky clown
723
01:23:42,991 --> 01:23:46,554
who disappeared with them,
never realising their true value.
724
01:23:48,319 --> 01:23:52,614
That was six cases ago. I'm now on the trail
of the Calcutta Cut-throats.
725
01:23:52,847 --> 01:23:56,070
I have tracked them down
to a good-humour plant in Istanbul.
726
01:23:56,253 --> 01:23:59,169
Answer that, my man.
727
01:24:00,858 --> 01:24:02,892
I'm busy.
728
01:24:06,347 --> 01:24:07,724
Gin, huh?
729
01:24:07,830 --> 01:24:10,093
10, 30, 40, 47, 50, 60...
730
01:24:10,234 --> 01:24:11,577
A fine assistant.
731
01:24:11,676 --> 01:24:13,785
There goes-a my coat.
732
01:24:15,482 --> 01:24:17,240
Yes?
733
01:24:17,365 --> 01:24:19,933
Yes, dear. Yes, I'll be home, dear.
734
01:24:20,089 --> 01:24:22,777
No, I won't be late, dear.
Six o'clock on the dot.
735
01:24:22,933 --> 01:24:25,468
Yes, dear. Goodbye, dear.
736
01:24:26,994 --> 01:24:28,904
My wife.
737
01:24:29,009 --> 01:24:31,021
Formerly Madame Egelichi.
738
01:24:33,217 --> 01:24:35,707
~ Love happy, I'm love happy
739
01:24:35,751 --> 01:24:37,512
~ It's wonderful
to know the meaning of happy
740
01:24:39,143 --> 01:24:39,883
~ And I know why
741
01:24:41,557 --> 01:24:42,289
~ All my dreams come true
742
01:24:43,420 --> 01:24:44,772
~ Cos you're love happy too ~
60045
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