Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:01:15,627 --> 00:01:17,422
Yeah !
4
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:48,453
Lucy, where are you ?
Lucy, we gotta get a move on.
5
00:01:48,487 --> 00:01:51,041
Someone you really want to see
is coming to the Five and Dime.
6
00:01:51,076 --> 00:01:52,940
Is it Daddy, Mama ?
7
00:01:52,974 --> 00:01:55,253
Well, almost as good.
8
00:01:55,287 --> 00:01:58,048
Well, then I hope
it's James Brown.
9
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,156
All right. Here we go.
10
00:02:27,561 --> 00:02:30,564
So that's one
G.I. Joe action set.
11
00:02:30,598 --> 00:02:34,395
We won't forget.
Merry Christmas, young fella.
12
00:02:34,430 --> 00:02:36,742
Right on, Santa !
13
00:02:36,777 --> 00:02:38,813
Right.
14
00:02:38,848 --> 00:02:41,091
Little girl,
welcome to Santa's Village.
15
00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:44,094
Hello. What's your name,
young lady?
16
00:02:44,129 --> 00:02:47,857
Well, my grams calls me Frankie,
'cause everybody wanted a boy...
17
00:02:47,891 --> 00:02:50,100
and they were really surprised
when I wasn't.
18
00:02:50,135 --> 00:02:53,725
Whenever I'm in really
big trouble with my mama,
it's Lucille Francis Cullins.
19
00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:57,729
Then I know I'm in really
big trouble, because she
never uses my full name.
20
00:02:57,763 --> 00:03:00,559
- You can call me
whatever you like.
- Thank you.
21
00:03:00,594 --> 00:03:04,253
I think I'll just call you Lucy.
What do you want
for Christmas ?
22
00:03:04,287 --> 00:03:07,325
Well, I want
an Easy-Bake Oven
and a Tressie doll.
23
00:03:07,359 --> 00:03:10,017
Her hair pulls out when
you push her stomach.Oh, yeah.
24
00:03:10,051 --> 00:03:14,677
And something for my brother
Dwayne, and a nice dress
like that one over there,
25
00:03:14,711 --> 00:03:16,886
it'd be fine for Mama,
'cause we can't afford it.
26
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,854
What I really want is
for my daddy to come home.
27
00:03:19,889 --> 00:03:22,063
Oh ! Well,
where is your daddy ?
28
00:03:22,098 --> 00:03:24,238
Vietnam.
29
00:03:24,273 --> 00:03:27,414
How would you like
a nice dolly ?
30
00:03:27,448 --> 00:03:29,899
Lucy, can I let you
into a little secret ?
31
00:03:29,933 --> 00:03:32,867
Even if your daddy can't
be with you in person,
32
00:03:32,902 --> 00:03:37,665
do you know how you can have him
with you all the time ?No. How ?
33
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:41,669
As long as he's
right here,
34
00:03:41,704 --> 00:03:44,293
in your thoughts,
in your dreams,
35
00:03:44,327 --> 00:03:46,364
he'll be
with you always.
36
00:03:46,398 --> 00:03:50,471
As long as you have
someone that you love
on the inside,
37
00:03:50,506 --> 00:03:54,855
you get to know how
to live on the outside.The outside.
38
00:03:54,889 --> 00:03:59,894
Yes, but I'd rather have
my daddy. You can do it,
can't you, Santa ?
39
00:03:59,929 --> 00:04:03,208
Santa can do anything.
40
00:04:07,108 --> 00:04:12,286
My friend Bobby over there
double-dog dared me two bars
of Bonamo's Turkish Taffy...
41
00:04:12,321 --> 00:04:15,669
to ask you if I could
put on your hat.
42
00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,740
No, no, no.
You can't put on Santa's hat.
43
00:04:17,774 --> 00:04:22,538
Well, we can't have
Lucy backing down from
a double-dog dare, now, can we ?
44
00:04:22,572 --> 00:04:25,230
Heh heh !
45
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,370
Jumping jingle bells !
It's glowing !
46
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,925
My--
47
00:04:33,134 --> 00:04:36,690
Thanks, Santa.
I gotta go.
48
00:04:36,724 --> 00:04:39,209
Oh--Merry Christmas,
Santa.
49
00:04:40,763 --> 00:04:44,180
This one...
is going in the book.
50
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:48,184
Merry Christmas, Lucy.
51
00:04:49,254 --> 00:04:51,291
I bet Santa loves his job.
52
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:54,466
Making kids happy on Christmas
would be the coolest job
in the whole world.
53
00:04:54,501 --> 00:04:57,193
He let me put on his hat.
Did you see that, Mama ?
54
00:04:57,227 --> 00:05:00,230
Oh !Did you see how I looked ?
He gets to fly in a sleigh.
55
00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:04,545
He sees Rudolph all the time.
He's just the nicest man
in the whole world.
56
00:05:04,580 --> 00:05:06,582
Wait here, Lucy.
57
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:12,898
Ma'am, are you
Mrs Dwayne Cullins ?Yes, I am.
58
00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:16,488
On behalf of a grateful nation,
I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you.
59
00:05:19,629 --> 00:05:23,392
- We're certainly sorry.
- Mama, what is it ?
What's wrong ?
60
00:05:23,426 --> 00:05:25,290
It's Daddy.
61
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:30,433
I'm afraid he really is
coming home for Christmas.
62
00:06:09,714 --> 00:06:12,061
Hey, Southern California.
63
00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:14,650
What's with this warm weather,
folks ? Eighty-two degrees
on December 1 ?
64
00:06:14,684 --> 00:06:18,999
If we keep this up,
we're on track for the hottest
L.A. Christmas on record.
65
00:06:19,033 --> 00:06:21,415
Uh-uh, uh-uh !
Come on now ! Come on now !
66
00:06:21,450 --> 00:06:25,143
450,000 miles is no reason
to crap out on me now !
Come on !
67
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:28,629
Hey, fool !
Don't you see what that says ?
68
00:06:28,664 --> 00:06:31,391
What ? Okay, calm down.Don't get out of your car.
I will hurt you.
69
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:35,015
How long do you think it took me
to get that sign, fool ?
70
00:06:37,845 --> 00:06:40,434
Oh, Miss Cullins.
The casting director
wanted me to remind you...
71
00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:44,093
that the Kristmas Korner
auditions will be
this morning...
72
00:06:44,127 --> 00:06:47,165
in your office.Yes, I'm thrilled about it.
I can't wait.
73
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:50,237
Give me strength.Shop-A-Lot channel.
Good buys. Hello ?
74
00:06:50,271 --> 00:06:53,654
Hey, Lucy. Big day.
Fun day. You ready to see
the Christmas set ?
75
00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:58,348
Where is my vanilla latte ?Here I am ! The espresso
machine broke down, Luce.
76
00:06:58,383 --> 00:07:00,420
I had to go down the street
to get this.
77
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:05,045
You know,
I gotta have my morning latte,
or I get really, really crabby.
78
00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:07,392
Oh. You're welcome.
79
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,291
Isn't it great ?
80
00:07:10,326 --> 00:07:13,294
It redresses for
the other holiday shows.
No fuss, no muss.
81
00:07:14,848 --> 00:07:17,747
Lose the tree !
82
00:07:17,782 --> 00:07:20,267
Drop the menorah !
83
00:07:20,301 --> 00:07:22,649
Easy, easy !
84
00:07:22,683 --> 00:07:25,237
Okay, we're hot !I hate everything about it.
Other than that, it's perfect.
85
00:07:25,272 --> 00:07:27,308
Watch this.
86
00:07:27,343 --> 00:07:30,967
- Oh !
- We're consistent.
We exploit all religions.
87
00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:34,833
So I'm up at the North Pole,
bumpin' uglies with the missus,
88
00:07:34,868 --> 00:07:38,837
when all of a sudden
she remembers, we forgot
to flock the tree.
89
00:07:38,872 --> 00:07:43,773
So I grab my
trusty can of Frosty Flock
and bada-bing, bada-boom !
90
00:07:43,808 --> 00:07:45,879
I do the deed.
You know what I mean ?
91
00:07:47,674 --> 00:07:51,436
Interesting choice.
I never saw Santa
as Teamster before.
92
00:07:54,025 --> 00:07:57,994
Did I need to see that
this early in the morning ?
93
00:07:58,029 --> 00:08:00,756
Get-- Next. Thank you.
Thank you very much. Next.
94
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:08,142
- Ho ho ho ! Ha ha ha !
- Next.
95
00:08:14,252 --> 00:08:16,910
Next !
96
00:08:18,705 --> 00:08:22,053
- Merry Christmas.
- Next.
97
00:08:22,087 --> 00:08:25,435
Thank you very much.
98
00:08:26,747 --> 00:08:29,301
Next. Next !
99
00:08:30,924 --> 00:08:33,996
All right. Thank you very much.
Okay, thank you. Next.
100
00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:37,724
Next. Great.
Thanks very much. Next !
Thank you very much. Next !
101
00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:40,209
Next. Next. Next.
102
00:08:40,243 --> 00:08:43,557
Next. Next.
103
00:08:43,592 --> 00:08:47,561
Lucy Cullins !
Just the woman I wanted to see.
104
00:08:47,596 --> 00:08:51,669
How's the best little producer
in the home-shopping biz ? Hi, Cameron.
105
00:08:51,703 --> 00:08:53,912
So have you found
my Santa Claus yet ?
106
00:08:53,947 --> 00:08:56,397
No, but if you need
someone's knees broken,
we've got just the guy--
107
00:08:56,432 --> 00:08:58,572
although I do think
Miss December might
be a callback.
108
00:08:58,607 --> 00:09:02,231
Well, I'm not the least bit
worried, even if we do go
on the air in 24 hours,
109
00:09:02,265 --> 00:09:04,682
and the holidays are
our biggest cash cow.
110
00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:10,342
If anyone can fake a warm, fuzzy
Christmas and make those couch
potatoes cough up their bucks,
111
00:09:10,377 --> 00:09:12,275
it's you, Lucy.And how.
112
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:14,692
Now, I know how much
you hate the holidays,
113
00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:17,902
but this is our year
to knock off QVC...
114
00:09:17,936 --> 00:09:20,456
as king of Christmas
home shopping.
115
00:09:20,490 --> 00:09:23,148
If you can help me do that,
the minute we wrap
Christmas Eve,
116
00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:26,600
I will put you on an aeroplane
that will take you as far away
from here as you want to go.
117
00:09:26,635 --> 00:09:29,016
- Bora Bora ?
- Anywhere you want.
118
00:09:29,051 --> 00:09:31,640
Two cabana boys,
lots of lotion.
119
00:09:31,674 --> 00:09:35,057
If you play your cards right,
maybe I'll go with you.
120
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:40,303
Now, you know the only cards
I play are solitaire.
121
00:09:44,169 --> 00:09:47,966
She wants me, Tyler.
Oh, how she wants me.
122
00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:51,314
It's Taylor.Whatever.
123
00:10:00,461 --> 00:10:03,533
Hey, old timer.
124
00:10:03,568 --> 00:10:06,985
I've got a North Polar
sausage here. It's got
your name on it.
125
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:09,470
You leave me alone !
126
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:17,271
Now you do the right thing,
Pops. Armageddon is comin'.
The clock is tickin'.
127
00:10:17,306 --> 00:10:21,103
"'Twas the night before
Christmas, and all
through the house...
128
00:10:21,137 --> 00:10:25,038
not a creature was stirring,"
because they were all dead !
129
00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:28,179
All right !
Summon the Inquisition.
130
00:10:28,213 --> 00:10:31,976
But we must be
inconspicuous.
131
00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:35,220
Don't worry.
I'm way ahead of you
on this one.
132
00:10:40,743 --> 00:10:43,021
Could've picked a place
with a bit more atmosphere.
133
00:10:43,056 --> 00:10:47,785
You said "blend in," boss.
I think six guys in lederhosen
would've stuck out at Hooter's.
134
00:10:47,819 --> 00:10:50,235
- Get on with it.
135
00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:53,722
This is an official
elf intervention.I know, I know.
136
00:10:53,756 --> 00:10:56,241
Here.
137
00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:58,485
"We, the board of directors...
138
00:10:58,519 --> 00:11:03,041
"of the Worldwide Christmas
Corporation, hereby charge
one St Nicholas, A.K.A. Nick,
139
00:11:03,076 --> 00:11:06,010
with wilful failure
to abide by the terms
of his employment contract."
140
00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:09,185
Now just you wait a moment !
Just because I have
been methodical,
141
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:11,947
Procrastinating !careful and orderly
in my last duties,
142
00:11:11,981 --> 00:11:14,466
there is no reason for
maligning my entire term
in office.
143
00:11:14,501 --> 00:11:18,229
You have to face it, Nick.
You have been a slacker.I have been no such thing !
144
00:11:18,263 --> 00:11:20,334
You know the rules.Yes, I know the rules.
145
00:11:20,369 --> 00:11:23,786
Every 200 years, a new Santa
has to be recruited and trained.
146
00:11:23,821 --> 00:11:25,754
You're supposed to be ready
to make the switch...
147
00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:28,722
by midnight,
this Christmas Eve, or--
148
00:11:28,757 --> 00:11:32,484
- Or the "or else" factor
kicks in.
149
00:11:32,519 --> 00:11:36,557
You do remember that
little item in the fine print
about the end of the world...
150
00:11:36,592 --> 00:11:38,628
because of
the North Pole melting.
151
00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:42,218
- The Waterworldclause.
- Did that slip your mind ?
152
00:11:42,253 --> 00:11:45,290
Oh, it has not
slipped my mind.
153
00:11:45,325 --> 00:11:48,466
It's not just
my love of Christmas.
154
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,986
My dilemma is who.
155
00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:56,612
There is no name on our list
that has those very special
qualities we're looking for.
156
00:11:56,646 --> 00:12:00,547
There is... one other name.
157
00:12:00,581 --> 00:12:03,688
Now, Ralph, you know as well
as I do that there's a reason...
158
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,484
why her name is last
on the list.
159
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,762
And you have four weeks
to make her number one,
160
00:12:08,797 --> 00:12:12,110
or we're going to be
cutting up your workshop
to make little lifeboats.
161
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:20,429
Shop-A-Lot
channel. Good buys. Hello ?
162
00:12:20,463 --> 00:12:22,983
Hey, where have
you been ? You're late
for check-in, you know.
163
00:12:27,367 --> 00:12:30,750
Uh, excuse me--Hey ! Nice beard.
164
00:12:32,613 --> 00:12:35,685
Looks almost real.
165
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,723
Thank you.
Um, I'm looking for
Miss Lucy Cullins.
166
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,968
Fill this out and go with
the other Santas...
167
00:12:42,002 --> 00:12:44,418
and wait until
you're called.
168
00:12:44,453 --> 00:12:46,835
Shop-A-Lot channel.
Good buys. Hello ?
169
00:12:46,869 --> 00:12:50,804
I saw the best elves
of my generation
destroyed by madness,
170
00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:54,118
dragging themselves through
the angry yuppie streets
at midnight...
171
00:12:54,152 --> 00:12:57,155
looking for a fix
of Christmas glee:
172
00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:59,848
an eggnog spiked
with the screams...
173
00:12:59,882 --> 00:13:03,990
of a million
unhappy children.
174
00:13:04,024 --> 00:13:07,510
Mm-hmm.It's part of a one-act
play I've written.
175
00:13:07,545 --> 00:13:10,790
I call it Kafka Claus.
176
00:13:15,449 --> 00:13:19,039
- Kafka Claus?
- Yes.
177
00:13:19,074 --> 00:13:21,248
What kind of lame-ass audition
was that ?
178
00:13:21,283 --> 00:13:23,526
- Yeah, fine. Okay.
- What was that ?
179
00:13:23,561 --> 00:13:26,150
Fine. I know when my gifts
are not appreciated.
180
00:13:26,184 --> 00:13:28,704
Appreciated ?
Get yo' ass outta here !
181
00:13:28,738 --> 00:13:30,844
- What are you tryin' to say ?
- I'm sayin' get out !
182
00:13:30,879 --> 00:13:33,329
I've auditioned
for off-off-Broadway !
183
00:13:33,364 --> 00:13:36,643
- Don't make me
come over there !
- You don't scare me !
184
00:13:36,677 --> 00:13:39,301
- Don't make me-- Just--
- How about a change
of scenery ?
185
00:13:39,335 --> 00:13:41,441
Why are you bringing
these people to me ?Come on.
186
00:13:41,475 --> 00:13:45,617
- What's the matter
with you ? Crazy.
- Just relax, okay ?
187
00:13:45,652 --> 00:13:48,758
Oh. Here's Her Majesty.
What, what ?
188
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:50,968
Oh, yes !
189
00:13:51,002 --> 00:13:54,385
Yes, I'd recognize
her anywhere.
190
00:13:54,419 --> 00:13:58,251
Oh, this is cute. The next guy
on the list put down
St Nicholas as his real name.
191
00:13:58,285 --> 00:14:00,909
Actually, that's only one
of my many names.
192
00:14:00,943 --> 00:14:03,463
In Mexico,
they call me Papa Noel.
193
00:14:03,497 --> 00:14:07,294
In Holland,
they call me Kris Kringle.
Germany, Weinachtsman.
194
00:14:07,329 --> 00:14:11,091
Even in Siberia
I've got a name.
They call me Father Ice.
195
00:14:13,956 --> 00:14:15,993
Great.
Another Froot Loop.
196
00:14:16,027 --> 00:14:19,306
But my friends
all call me Nick.
197
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:23,966
Lucy, it's wonderful
to see you again
after all these years.
198
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:28,143
I'm sorry.
I don't know who you think I am,
but I don't know you at all.
199
00:14:28,177 --> 00:14:31,836
I was hoping
you'd remember me.Well, I don't.
200
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,909
So if you're here
to audition, I suggest
we get on with it, okay ?
201
00:14:35,944 --> 00:14:37,842
Audition ?Yeah.
202
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,018
See, you want a job,
you need to make people
buy this crap.
203
00:14:41,052 --> 00:14:44,884
If you can do that and you
don't piss her off, she might
hire you to play Santa Claus...
204
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,334
for the next four weeks
on her television show,Four weeks ?
205
00:14:47,369 --> 00:14:50,924
so you're auditioning.Where do I stand ?
206
00:14:50,959 --> 00:14:54,376
Right this way, Mr. Claus.
Right over here.
207
00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:57,172
Hey, Jake. Put this up on
the monitor for us, will ya ?You got it.
208
00:14:57,206 --> 00:15:00,002
Why don't you just ad-lib
with one of the products
on the set ?
209
00:15:00,037 --> 00:15:03,972
- Ad-lib ?
- Improvise. Make it up as you
go. Lenny, give me something.
210
00:15:04,006 --> 00:15:08,562
Ad-lib, huh ?Yeah. Here you go. Just
talk right into the camera.
211
00:15:08,597 --> 00:15:10,564
Whenever you're ready,
you go ahead.
212
00:15:10,599 --> 00:15:13,498
Whenever you're ready.
213
00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:15,915
Oh ho ! Well, everybody,
214
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:20,057
welcome to Kristmas Korner.
215
00:15:20,091 --> 00:15:24,337
Christmas spelled with a "K" ?
That's going to take
a bit of getting used to.
216
00:15:24,371 --> 00:15:27,581
I've been spelling it with a "C"
for the past 200 years.
217
00:15:27,616 --> 00:15:30,895
So let's get down
the business--
218
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,968
Of course, Santa would never
endorse the use of tobacco.
219
00:15:35,003 --> 00:15:39,835
But I guess this little lighter
would come in handy for lighting
the candles on Christmas Eve.
220
00:15:39,869 --> 00:15:42,700
Nick, it's not a lighter.
It's a sock warmer.
221
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:46,186
A sock warmer ? Ha ha !
222
00:15:46,221 --> 00:15:50,052
Jumping jingle bells.
How about that ? What an
ingenious little gift idea.
223
00:15:50,087 --> 00:15:52,813
I think I'm gonna buy one
for each of my boots.
224
00:15:52,848 --> 00:15:56,956
You have no idea how chilly
it gets on your toes--
225
00:15:56,990 --> 00:16:00,442
Lucy, where did you get him ?
He is terrific.
226
00:16:00,476 --> 00:16:05,240
He is a natural.
The public is going
to eat him up.
227
00:16:05,274 --> 00:16:08,139
Makes me want to buy
one of those sock warmers.
228
00:16:08,174 --> 00:16:11,832
I don't even wear socks.
Book him, Danno. Terrific !
229
00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:16,699
- Thank you.
- All right, Santa.
You're hired.
230
00:16:16,734 --> 00:16:19,979
Way to go, Nick.
Congratulations.
231
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:25,018
I just can't believe
I passed your test, Lucy.
232
00:16:25,053 --> 00:16:28,918
Ah ! Jumping jingle bells.Okay, let's start
with that.
233
00:16:28,953 --> 00:16:32,129
What ?The "jumping jingle bell"
thing ? It's really annoying.
234
00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:37,030
Secondly, I don't have a test.
You passed my boss' test.
235
00:16:37,065 --> 00:16:39,170
I can't wait to get to
know you better, Lucy.You know what ?
236
00:16:39,205 --> 00:16:42,656
I don't think we are
gonna get to know
each other better.
237
00:16:42,691 --> 00:16:45,901
The last person I want
in my life is Santa Claus.
Excuse me.
238
00:16:59,984 --> 00:17:03,022
Cameron, you know I would never
turn down a free meal,
239
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:07,129
but this is $50 a plate at a
sushi joint when we could've
had a 50-cent hot dog.
240
00:17:07,164 --> 00:17:09,994
What am I doing here ?Ah !
241
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:15,241
You know how I've been
looking for just the right item
to fill our final product slot ?
242
00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:17,139
Yeah.
243
00:17:19,659 --> 00:17:21,902
I've been keeping it
under wraps,
244
00:17:21,937 --> 00:17:25,389
because I didn't want the people
at Home Shopping Network
to steal it out from under us.
245
00:17:25,423 --> 00:17:29,117
But I think it's gonna
be big-- very big.
246
00:17:29,151 --> 00:17:32,948
Lucky number 13.
Say hello to
the little fella...
247
00:17:32,982 --> 00:17:37,021
that's going to help us
kick Home Shopping butt
this Christmas.
248
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:45,374
We put these on TV,
every kid in America's
gonna want one.
249
00:17:45,409 --> 00:17:49,654
Cameron, I have never
complained, ever,
250
00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:52,485
about the crap
that we sell
on our network.
251
00:17:52,519 --> 00:17:57,248
We all know it's crap.
If people wanna buy crap,
they can buy crap.
252
00:17:57,283 --> 00:18:01,528
But this--
this is the crappiest crap
you have ever come up with.
253
00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:03,634
Okay. Talk to me.
254
00:18:03,668 --> 00:18:06,982
You have
crapped out on this.
Pay the cheque.
255
00:18:08,604 --> 00:18:11,849
Uh, Lucy, the--
Check, please.Oy !
256
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:15,370
So all the words I'm supposed
to be saying appear on this
little screen ?
257
00:18:15,404 --> 00:18:20,064
Uh-huh.Oh ho !
That's absolutely ingenious.
258
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,446
One of these would come in
very handy next time
I have to speak...
259
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,034
at the Elves Hall
of Fame Banquet.
260
00:18:25,069 --> 00:18:27,934
You really like
staying in character,
don't you ?
261
00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:30,799
In character ?Yeah, just being Santa
all the time.
262
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:36,425
Ah, not all the time,
sadly. Only 200 years.
263
00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:38,565
Oh, well.Whatever floats your boat.
264
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,912
Hmm ?You got my vote.
Excuse me, Nick.
265
00:18:40,947 --> 00:18:42,845
My queen awaits.Okay.
266
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,262
Hey, Luce.Hey.
What don't I need to know ?
267
00:18:45,296 --> 00:18:47,678
Let's see--
The vending machines
have Little Debbies,
268
00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:50,991
our interpreter translating
the seven principles
of Kwanzaa from Swahili...
269
00:18:51,026 --> 00:18:53,270
quit for a gig
at the U.N....That's amusing.
270
00:18:53,304 --> 00:18:57,377
and your brother Dwayne and his
daughter have been waiting
in your office for over an hour.
271
00:19:00,622 --> 00:19:01,968
Mm-hmm.
272
00:19:03,487 --> 00:19:05,316
Morning, Lucy.
273
00:19:11,874 --> 00:19:16,120
Who's this stranger in my
office ? Somebody in security's
gonna lose their job.
274
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,848
- You know who I am, Aunt Lucy.
- Iesha, is that you ?
275
00:19:19,882 --> 00:19:25,060
Ah ! Iesha, give me a hug.
I didn't even recognize you,
girl !
276
00:19:25,094 --> 00:19:27,925
Look, you brought a big,
old ugly man with ya.
277
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,721
What a surprise, baby brother.
Mm-wah !
278
00:19:30,755 --> 00:19:34,207
You know good and well
this is no surprise, Lucy.
279
00:19:34,242 --> 00:19:38,038
You never return
any of our phone calls
at Christmastime.
280
00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:41,904
- Daddy's right.
But guess what.
- What ?
281
00:19:41,939 --> 00:19:44,631
I'm singing a solo at
the church on Christmas Eve.
282
00:19:44,666 --> 00:19:49,015
You've gotta get your butt
over there to support me.
283
00:19:49,049 --> 00:19:52,915
That is such a low blow.
Bringing my own niece here
to work my conscience.
284
00:19:52,950 --> 00:19:57,679
- If you had a conscience--
- I will do my best
to get there, okay ?
285
00:19:57,713 --> 00:20:01,545
But it's quite possible that
I may be going to Bora Bora,
286
00:20:01,579 --> 00:20:05,238
because the company
I'm working for is expanding.
287
00:20:05,273 --> 00:20:09,415
And what I really need
you both to help me with...
288
00:20:09,449 --> 00:20:11,486
is a present for Ma.
289
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,936
Right.
Now who's playin' who ?
290
00:20:13,971 --> 00:20:16,801
I am not playing you !
I do need your help.
291
00:20:16,836 --> 00:20:20,978
Should I give her cold,
hard cash, or should I give her
a Shop-A-Lot gift certificate ?
292
00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,912
Lucy, stop it.
I mean, that is pathetic.
293
00:20:23,946 --> 00:20:25,948
Hindus give better
Christmas presents.
294
00:20:27,502 --> 00:20:30,263
Come on, angel.
Say goodbye to Aunt Lucy.
295
00:20:30,298 --> 00:20:33,128
- She's busy.
- Bye, Aunt Lucy.
296
00:20:33,162 --> 00:20:37,753
You don't know anything about
the Hindu people. They don't
even celebrate Christmas.
297
00:20:37,788 --> 00:20:40,308
I know you're gonna be there,
Aunt Lucy.
298
00:20:40,342 --> 00:20:44,312
Hello.
You must be Iesha.How do you know that ?
299
00:20:44,346 --> 00:20:49,109
Well, I wouldn't be a very good
Santa Claus if I didn't know
your name, would I ?
300
00:20:52,009 --> 00:20:54,736
Bye, Santa.Bye.
301
00:20:54,770 --> 00:20:56,600
Bye, honey.
302
00:20:58,671 --> 00:21:00,638
Bye, Iesha. Bye, Santa.
303
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,436
Bye.
304
00:21:05,471 --> 00:21:08,784
Don't you have somewhere else
to be ? Like wardrobe ?
305
00:21:08,819 --> 00:21:12,685
Wardrobe ? Oh, no, no.
I have my own Santa suit,
thank you.
306
00:21:12,719 --> 00:21:14,790
Well, how about hair
and make-up then ?
307
00:21:14,825 --> 00:21:17,448
Get the rosy cheeks
and cherry nose thing going on.
308
00:21:19,554 --> 00:21:21,452
Lucy--Excuse me.
309
00:21:25,422 --> 00:21:29,357
Attention,
ladies and gentlemen...
and kiddies.
310
00:21:29,391 --> 00:21:34,016
Once we get on the air tomorrow,
this won't be Shop-A-Lot.
311
00:21:34,051 --> 00:21:36,674
This will be
"work till you drop a lot."
312
00:21:38,849 --> 00:21:43,681
That's clever wordplay, people.
Always laugh at the boss'
clever wordplay.
313
00:21:43,716 --> 00:21:46,615
Now that's funny.
314
00:21:46,650 --> 00:21:50,239
Anyway, we're gonna be working
awfully hard together. We won't
have much time to celebrate.
315
00:21:50,274 --> 00:21:54,071
- So tonight is on me.
316
00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:56,004
Yes, thank you.
317
00:21:56,038 --> 00:21:58,075
Before we pop the cork,
318
00:21:58,109 --> 00:22:01,354
it is my great pleasure
to introduce to you...
319
00:22:01,389 --> 00:22:03,183
the man of our season...
320
00:22:04,392 --> 00:22:08,672
our very own
Shop-A-Lot Santa Claus !
321
00:22:19,165 --> 00:22:20,960
The camera. Smile.
322
00:22:39,944 --> 00:22:41,774
The food's good.
323
00:22:45,087 --> 00:22:46,779
We're next.
324
00:22:49,609 --> 00:22:52,232
Hello.Santa, this is
my brother Jeff.
325
00:22:52,267 --> 00:22:54,614
Hello, Jeff.
Nice to meet you.
326
00:22:54,649 --> 00:22:58,377
Nice to meet you.Thank you very much.
327
00:22:58,411 --> 00:23:01,828
Now, what's your favourite thing
about Christmas ?
328
00:23:01,863 --> 00:23:04,244
I like to give
my sister a present.
329
00:23:04,279 --> 00:23:07,213
- That's my sister.
She's my buddy.
- Yeah ?
330
00:23:07,247 --> 00:23:10,665
You're gonna give her
a present ?
331
00:23:10,699 --> 00:23:15,186
So... you want something
rather special this Christmas,
don't you ?
332
00:23:15,221 --> 00:23:17,085
Mm-hmm.
333
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,191
I think I know what it is.
Can I whisper ?
334
00:23:23,954 --> 00:23:28,476
How do you know my secret ?
'Cause I'm Santa. Remember ?
335
00:23:28,510 --> 00:23:32,445
Yeah ! You really are !I really am !
336
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,654
Mm-hmm !I love you, Santa.
337
00:23:34,689 --> 00:23:37,761
I love you, too, Jeff.
338
00:23:40,695 --> 00:23:44,284
Oh, you're a wonderful boy,
eh ?
339
00:23:44,319 --> 00:23:47,736
Over here, Santa.
Look this way.
340
00:23:47,771 --> 00:23:50,394
There you are.
Do you want a present ?Yeah.
341
00:23:52,361 --> 00:23:55,503
Thank you. Everybody gets
a present from Santa.
342
00:23:58,540 --> 00:24:00,542
Good night, Lucy.Oh.
343
00:24:00,577 --> 00:24:02,406
It's you.
344
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:06,099
Listen, thank you
for what you did tonight.
It was very nice,
345
00:24:06,134 --> 00:24:08,895
especially for
that kid Jeff.
346
00:24:08,930 --> 00:24:12,105
Oh, Jeff taught me far,
far more than I taught him.
347
00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:17,766
He reminded me that sometimes
it's the most innocent among us
who enjoy Christmas the best.
348
00:24:17,801 --> 00:24:22,702
Well, you didn't have to do it,
it's not in your contract and
you're not getting extra money.
349
00:24:22,737 --> 00:24:25,981
Well, actually,
I have another contract
which sort of requires it.
350
00:24:26,016 --> 00:24:29,295
That's right,
'cause you are Santa Claus.
351
00:24:29,329 --> 00:24:33,920
Lucy, I think the world
still needs what I stand for.
352
00:24:33,955 --> 00:24:37,303
If people stop believing
in Santa, if all they see is
a funny old man in a red suit,
353
00:24:37,337 --> 00:24:41,687
then maybe they'll stop
believing in things like
kindness, generosity--
354
00:24:41,721 --> 00:24:45,760
You know, you don't have
to do all this right now.
You ain't on television.
355
00:24:45,794 --> 00:24:49,729
Lucy, your daddy
would be so sad
to see you like this.
356
00:24:52,767 --> 00:24:54,423
My daddy ?
357
00:24:55,701 --> 00:24:58,048
You don't know anything
about my daddy.
358
00:24:58,082 --> 00:25:01,120
Don't you remember me ?
359
00:25:01,154 --> 00:25:04,192
Hmm ? All those years ago
at the Five and Dime store
when you were just--
360
00:25:04,226 --> 00:25:06,435
Look, old man,
let me tell you something.
361
00:25:06,470 --> 00:25:09,577
I don't know who you've
been talking to about me,
but you better stop.
362
00:25:09,611 --> 00:25:12,338
My personal life
is none of your business.
363
00:25:12,372 --> 00:25:14,236
Okay ?
364
00:25:22,417 --> 00:25:25,800
Tick-tock, Nick.
Tick-tock.
365
00:25:42,230 --> 00:25:44,370
Here you go.Oh, thanks a lot.
366
00:25:50,859 --> 00:25:53,586
Hey, Nick.
It's all about red lights.Hmm ?
367
00:25:53,621 --> 00:25:56,658
When a red light is on,
that's the camera you
want to make love to.
368
00:25:56,693 --> 00:25:59,212
You know, in a "peace on earth,
good will toward men"
sort of way.
369
00:25:59,247 --> 00:26:01,456
I think I understand.
Thank you, thank you.All right.
370
00:26:01,490 --> 00:26:04,079
Where is my vanilla latte ?
371
00:26:04,114 --> 00:26:08,221
Why is it, after all this time,
I'm still begging for
a vanilla latte ?
372
00:26:08,256 --> 00:26:12,156
Why am I latte-free ?Sorry, Luce. I had to take
Cameron's dog to the groomer.
373
00:26:12,191 --> 00:26:15,677
What does this have to do
with me having no latte ?
374
00:26:15,712 --> 00:26:18,473
Nothing.
375
00:26:18,507 --> 00:26:20,924
You're welcome.
376
00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:25,031
Okay. Let's sell the hell
out of Christmas, people.
377
00:26:27,447 --> 00:26:30,036
In five, four,
378
00:26:30,071 --> 00:26:33,143
three, two, cue jingle.
379
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:47,467
Happy holidays, everyone.
I'm your host, you know.
380
00:26:47,502 --> 00:26:51,506
Welcome to a brand new season
of Kristmas Korner.
381
00:26:51,540 --> 00:26:56,304
My elves here at Shop-A-Lot
have been working overtime...
382
00:26:56,338 --> 00:27:01,102
to bring you
the most exciting line-up
of holiday merchandise...
383
00:27:01,136 --> 00:27:03,000
you've ever seen.
384
00:27:03,035 --> 00:27:06,072
Let's have a look at one
of the gifts. Huh ?
385
00:27:06,107 --> 00:27:11,526
A "12 Days of Christmas"
musical necktie.
386
00:27:13,217 --> 00:27:16,738
Isn't that... handsome ?
Huh ?
387
00:27:16,773 --> 00:27:19,189
Don't you agree ?
388
00:27:24,539 --> 00:27:28,681
It's $15.95,
plus shipping and handling.
389
00:27:28,716 --> 00:27:31,822
When the song hits
"ten lords a-leaping"--
390
00:27:31,857 --> 00:27:35,205
Oh, he's a good one.
391
00:27:35,239 --> 00:27:39,761
Grandma, that's the Santa I saw
at Aunt Lucy's I told you about.
392
00:27:39,796 --> 00:27:41,625
He looks kinda familiar.
393
00:27:42,971 --> 00:27:47,010
Almost like that one
years ago that-- No.
394
00:27:47,044 --> 00:27:50,082
And what could be
more festive than--
395
00:27:50,116 --> 00:27:52,567
No more eggnog for me.
396
00:27:52,601 --> 00:27:56,260
So let's see what new item
we have on the agenda.
397
00:27:56,295 --> 00:27:59,816
Oh, my goodness me.
Huh !
398
00:27:59,850 --> 00:28:03,716
- I don't think this was made
in Santa's workshop.
399
00:28:03,751 --> 00:28:06,132
I can feel my rosy red cheeks
gettin' even rosier.
400
00:28:06,167 --> 00:28:09,791
Santa doesn't normally stock
adult items in his--
Now, mind you--
401
00:28:09,826 --> 00:28:11,931
Is he ad-libbing ?
402
00:28:11,966 --> 00:28:16,349
I remember once in the '80s--
1888, I think it was.
403
00:28:16,384 --> 00:28:20,388
We got this mischievous elf.
He brought in cancan dancers.Oh-- Is he--
404
00:28:20,422 --> 00:28:23,978
Oh, no, no, no.
No ad-libbing on my show.
405
00:28:24,012 --> 00:28:27,084
Taylor,
get him back on prompter. There were dolls in my sack.
406
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:30,260
Nick ! Nick !
407
00:28:30,294 --> 00:28:32,400
What ? I'm sorry.The prompter !
408
00:28:32,434 --> 00:28:36,162
Ladies, now you imagine
your husband coming home...
409
00:28:36,197 --> 00:28:40,132
to find you attired
in this little number
made of the very best silk.
410
00:28:40,166 --> 00:28:44,757
In comes in petite size one
to huggable size 22.
411
00:28:44,792 --> 00:28:49,141
Twenty-two ? I guess
I might put one of these
away for Mrs Claus !
412
00:28:49,175 --> 00:28:51,971
- Hmm ?
413
00:28:57,701 --> 00:29:00,635
Shop-A-Lot channel,
your one-stop, nonstop,
shop-till-you-drop shop.
414
00:29:00,669 --> 00:29:03,224
Excuse me. Please hold.
Shop-A-Lot channel.
415
00:29:03,258 --> 00:29:05,605
Yes, ma'am.
A dozen musical neckties.
416
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,470
Yes, we love our Santa too.
Please hold.
417
00:29:08,505 --> 00:29:11,542
Shop-A-Lot channel.
Si, senor. Feliz Navidad.
418
00:29:11,577 --> 00:29:15,477
¿ Que desea usted ?
Ah, si, muchas gracias.
Please hold.
419
00:29:15,512 --> 00:29:17,548
Shop-A-Lot channel.
The candy-cane negligee ?
420
00:29:17,583 --> 00:29:20,689
No, sir, I'm afraid it does not
come in men's sizes.
Please hold.
421
00:29:20,724 --> 00:29:24,417
- ...when it's
all over.
- Lucy !
422
00:29:24,452 --> 00:29:27,662
I've been watching from
my office. He is gold !
423
00:29:27,696 --> 00:29:30,527
What's next ?
What's next ?I think number 13.
424
00:29:31,666 --> 00:29:33,875
Lucky number 13. Ah !
425
00:29:33,910 --> 00:29:37,948
The next item is
an authentic recreation...
426
00:29:37,983 --> 00:29:40,571
of yours truly,
as you can see,
427
00:29:40,606 --> 00:29:43,643
with a price tag of $29.95.
428
00:29:43,678 --> 00:29:48,441
That's very expensive.
There must be something
special about this guy.
429
00:29:48,476 --> 00:29:50,927
With one pull of his arm,
430
00:29:50,961 --> 00:29:54,413
there's a lot more to
this fellow than meets the eye.
431
00:29:57,485 --> 00:30:00,177
- Ho ho ho !
You hit the jackpot !
- Bingo.
432
00:30:00,212 --> 00:30:03,111
Jackpot Claus.Jackpot !
Jackpot !
433
00:30:03,146 --> 00:30:06,701
- Uh-oh.
- Look, I-I-I can't sell this.
434
00:30:06,735 --> 00:30:11,568
- Lucy ? What's he doing ?
- Yes. He's ad-libbing again.
435
00:30:11,602 --> 00:30:14,398
I can't-- I won'tsell it.
No. Look, Taylor,
I can't do this.
436
00:30:14,433 --> 00:30:17,091
All right. This is bad.
This is officially bad.
437
00:30:17,125 --> 00:30:20,059
I did tell you that
that doll was crap.You--
438
00:30:20,094 --> 00:30:22,855
You're the one that hired
this nut case ! Yes !I'm the--
439
00:30:22,890 --> 00:30:25,789
- I can't induce children to--
- Fix it ! I'm going
to telemarketing.
440
00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:29,310
You had better hope that
the lines haven't gone cold.
Get rid of him !
441
00:30:29,344 --> 00:30:32,520
Get rid of him !All right.
Let's go to an infomercial.
442
00:30:32,554 --> 00:30:35,385
I don't care which one
you put up. Anything.
443
00:30:35,419 --> 00:30:37,974
- Get him off the air.
- Isn't there another product--
444
00:30:38,008 --> 00:30:41,253
Okay, let's roll VTR-2.
445
00:30:41,287 --> 00:30:44,497
Howdy. Say
hello to the Fishin' Ambition,
the all-in-one tool that--
446
00:30:44,532 --> 00:30:47,673
- Nick, Nick--
- What is going on down here ?
447
00:30:47,707 --> 00:30:51,056
Have you lost your mind ?
We have TelePrompTers
for him to read.
448
00:30:51,090 --> 00:30:53,990
Why isn't anybody helping him ?
What the hell are you doing ?Sorry, Lucy.
449
00:30:54,024 --> 00:30:56,785
It's just that that
mechanical doll--Do you realize...
450
00:30:56,820 --> 00:31:00,134
it's not your job to decide
what we do and do not sell
on this show ?
451
00:31:00,168 --> 00:31:02,550
No ! But I can't
in all conscience ask--
452
00:31:02,584 --> 00:31:05,622
You know what ?
Let me fix this for you,
okay ? You're fired.
453
00:31:06,692 --> 00:31:09,143
What ?You're fired.
454
00:31:09,177 --> 00:31:12,042
Okay ? Taylor,
get him off my set.
455
00:31:13,078 --> 00:31:17,565
Lucy.
456
00:31:17,599 --> 00:31:20,740
Where is he ?
Where's Nick ?
457
00:31:20,775 --> 00:31:24,330
I want to kiss him
on his rosy, red cheek.
458
00:31:24,365 --> 00:31:28,507
The phones are going nuts.
America loves our Santa Claus...
459
00:31:28,541 --> 00:31:30,543
and so do I.
460
00:31:30,578 --> 00:31:36,101
That old man did a
quarter-million dollars in his
first 20 minutes on the air.
461
00:31:36,135 --> 00:31:38,034
I'll be right back.
462
00:31:39,552 --> 00:31:42,762
Where's she going ?Probably to
look for Nick.
463
00:31:42,797 --> 00:31:46,732
Santa Claus has
left the building.
464
00:31:51,288 --> 00:31:53,359
There you go.
Merry Christmas.Merry Christmas.
465
00:31:53,394 --> 00:31:56,500
Excuse me. You haven't seen
and old guy lookin' like Santa
go past you, have ya ?
466
00:31:56,535 --> 00:31:58,882
What am I ?
Chopped liver ?No, but I'm asking you--
467
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:01,298
There's one that
went just past me.Hey, Nick ! Nick !
468
00:32:01,333 --> 00:32:03,852
Hey, Nick ! Nick !
Nick !
469
00:32:05,164 --> 00:32:07,787
Oh, not Nick. Sorry.
470
00:32:10,894 --> 00:32:12,792
Nothing. Nothing.
471
00:32:12,827 --> 00:32:15,174
Here's his audition sheet,
but I don't think it's
gonna do much good.
472
00:32:15,209 --> 00:32:17,590
Why not ?He put down his address
as the North Pole.
473
00:32:17,625 --> 00:32:20,731
Oh, great. He's delusional.
Check all the bars, check all
the mental hospitals. Go.
474
00:32:20,766 --> 00:32:24,632
Wait a minute. Why me ?Why you ?
It's your fault I fired him.
475
00:32:24,666 --> 00:32:29,361
How is it my fault ?It's your fault because
this is television,
476
00:32:29,395 --> 00:32:33,537
and that's the way
we do things.Oh, makes sense. Sure.
477
00:32:40,441 --> 00:32:42,512
Where's the beer, sweetheart ?
478
00:32:42,546 --> 00:32:45,929
Keep your pants on, Paulie.Hey, doll face, come on.
479
00:32:45,964 --> 00:32:48,759
Why don't you come up
to the North Pole
and see my place ?
480
00:32:48,794 --> 00:32:52,177
Or better still,
come up to my place
and check out the North Pole.
481
00:32:52,211 --> 00:32:56,077
That's quite enough of that,
you lecherous boor !Oh !
482
00:32:56,112 --> 00:32:59,598
If it isn't the old geezer
who stole my job at
the Shop-A-Lot channel.
483
00:32:59,632 --> 00:33:01,669
If you're gonna
wear that hat,
484
00:33:01,703 --> 00:33:04,844
you're gonna have to
stop behaving like some
hormone-crazed schoolboy.
485
00:33:04,879 --> 00:33:09,297
What are you gonna do about it,
Pop ? Pop out your choppers
and gum me to death ?
486
00:33:09,332 --> 00:33:12,404
No, I'm gonna
teach you a lesson.
Prepare to defend yourself.
487
00:33:12,438 --> 00:33:14,751
Why don't you have a drink ?
This one is on me.
488
00:33:14,785 --> 00:33:17,340
Excuse His Majesty.
His crown is in a knot.
489
00:33:17,374 --> 00:33:19,480
If he don't watch out,
he's gonna wind up with
his nose in a knot.
490
00:33:19,514 --> 00:33:21,689
Please, let's go.
491
00:33:21,723 --> 00:33:24,174
What were you thinking of ?Trying to save
your Christmas cookies.
492
00:33:24,209 --> 00:33:27,522
I'd have had that barfly
without breaking a sweat.That's what I'm worried about.
493
00:33:27,557 --> 00:33:30,042
Sit down. I need to
show you something.
Now.
494
00:33:38,844 --> 00:33:42,296
The Gunnbjorn glacier
in Greenland.
495
00:33:44,746 --> 00:33:48,405
Soon to be
the Gunnbjorn ice cube.
496
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:52,789
The "or else" factor.
It's begun.
497
00:33:52,823 --> 00:33:55,171
We're running out of time.
498
00:33:55,205 --> 00:33:59,382
Merry Christmas !
499
00:33:59,416 --> 00:34:03,110
Ah, maybe people don't
need Christmas any more.
Merry Christmas, young man.
500
00:34:03,144 --> 00:34:05,284
Yeah, whatever.You see what I mean ?
501
00:34:05,319 --> 00:34:07,528
Look what I've been
driven to--
502
00:34:07,562 --> 00:34:12,015
selling the night of Christmas
as though it were some
cheap souvenir.
503
00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:14,845
I can't even do that any more.
She's fired me.With all due respect,
504
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,711
I'm not gonna stand here and
watch you throw everything away
and give yourself a pity party,
505
00:34:18,746 --> 00:34:20,955
especially when I don't
know how to dog paddle !
506
00:34:20,989 --> 00:34:23,751
Well, you're so smart.
You tell me how to do it.
507
00:34:23,785 --> 00:34:28,376
I think we're looking at a
repressed memory with a touch of
the untransacted inner child,
508
00:34:28,411 --> 00:34:31,793
along with some transference
of holiday and familial issues.
509
00:34:31,828 --> 00:34:34,969
No wonder I'm
losing weight.
You know what
you need, boss ?
510
00:34:35,003 --> 00:34:37,213
What ?You need a nice
Christmas booster shot.
511
00:34:37,247 --> 00:34:39,111
It'd better be good.
512
00:35:24,052 --> 00:35:27,815
This is what Christmas
is all about, isn't it ?
513
00:35:43,589 --> 00:35:47,938
Yeah !
All right ! Yes ! Hallelujah !
514
00:35:47,973 --> 00:35:50,251
You know how much trouble
you are gonna be in, Taylor,
515
00:35:50,286 --> 00:35:52,495
if you don't find
that old man ?
516
00:35:52,529 --> 00:35:54,980
Hold on.
Somebody's at the door.
517
00:35:55,014 --> 00:35:57,845
Well ?Well, what ? I'm talking to
Taylor. We haven't found him.
518
00:35:57,879 --> 00:36:01,573
Listen-- No, Cameron just
arrived, which means that life
is gonna get hard for you.
519
00:36:01,607 --> 00:36:05,163
You tell Taylor
if he doesn't track
Nick down, he's fired.
520
00:36:05,197 --> 00:36:08,545
Tell him his whole
family is fired too.
Hold on.
His family doesn't work for you.
521
00:36:08,580 --> 00:36:12,170
Then I'll hire them,
then I'll fire them.
Give me that.
522
00:36:12,204 --> 00:36:15,034
Taylor. All right.
here's the deal.
523
00:36:15,069 --> 00:36:19,211
If you find Nick,
I will give you
your own office--
524
00:36:19,246 --> 00:36:21,248
even bigger than Lucy's.
525
00:36:21,282 --> 00:36:25,390
Yes ! Well, just keep looking.
We go on the air in 12 hours.
526
00:36:25,424 --> 00:36:28,634
Yes, I have to find
that old son of a--
Nick !
527
00:36:28,669 --> 00:36:30,533
Hello, Mr. Dixon.Ha !
528
00:36:30,567 --> 00:36:32,673
Taylor, about that office ?
Never mind.
529
00:36:32,707 --> 00:36:37,333
Nick, we are so happy
to see you.Thank you.
530
00:36:37,367 --> 00:36:42,061
I want to apologize
for that little...
misunderstanding we had.
531
00:36:42,096 --> 00:36:46,756
Oh, you mean me
being fired.Fired ? Tha-- Fired ?
532
00:36:46,790 --> 00:36:50,208
Ha ha ! Is that what you
thought Lucy said ? Fired ?
533
00:36:50,242 --> 00:36:53,935
No, no, no.
What she meant was "fired up."
Fired up, Nick.
534
00:36:53,970 --> 00:36:56,766
Yes, we're fired up
by your performance.
535
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,493
America wants you back,
Nick, and so do we.
536
00:36:59,527 --> 00:37:02,047
As a matter of fact,
I'm going to double your salary.
537
00:37:02,081 --> 00:37:04,014
What ?Oh, no, no, no.
538
00:37:04,049 --> 00:37:06,085
All right, triple.Oh !Oh !
539
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:10,193
And I'm going to
put you up in L.A.'s
finest accommodations.
540
00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:12,195
Ho ho ! Where ?Here.
541
00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:14,335
- Here ?
- Here.
- Here.
542
00:37:14,370 --> 00:37:17,269
That way Lucy can show you
all the hospitality...
543
00:37:17,304 --> 00:37:19,271
that a real Santa Claus
like you deserves.
544
00:37:19,306 --> 00:37:22,757
- I'm-- I--
- Plus... you don't
get lost again.
545
00:37:22,792 --> 00:37:25,864
Oh, well, I think that's just
a great idea. I'd love it,
546
00:37:25,898 --> 00:37:29,005
if it's okay with Lucy.
547
00:37:32,491 --> 00:37:34,459
Hey, sure.
548
00:37:34,493 --> 00:37:39,257
Ahh ! My Santa. My Lucy.
549
00:37:39,291 --> 00:37:43,295
The only thing that would
make this moment any sweeter...
550
00:37:43,330 --> 00:37:47,334
would be the actual smell
of money.
551
00:37:48,507 --> 00:37:49,922
Ohh !
552
00:37:51,510 --> 00:37:53,374
I'll leave you two.
553
00:37:59,173 --> 00:38:01,140
- Ah !
554
00:38:01,175 --> 00:38:04,489
Don't think you're gonna
get into my bed tonight.Oh, Lucy, please.
555
00:38:04,523 --> 00:38:08,631
Don't "Lucy, please" me. I know
you have some sort of voodoo
that makes people buy stuff.
556
00:38:08,665 --> 00:38:10,564
Now, Lucy.What ?
557
00:38:10,598 --> 00:38:13,532
We have far more important
things to discuss.Like ?
558
00:38:13,567 --> 00:38:17,605
I haven't been
totally honest with you.What do you mean ?
559
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:21,713
I have been watching you for
many years now-- ever since you
were a little girl, in fact.
560
00:38:21,747 --> 00:38:24,163
What ? Ooh !Hm.
561
00:38:24,198 --> 00:38:28,478
Ooh ! That is--
No, that's-- Ooh !Lucy. Lucy.
562
00:38:28,513 --> 00:38:32,171
My name really is St Nicholas.
I really am Santa Claus.
563
00:38:32,206 --> 00:38:36,037
That makes me feel better
to know your name is Santa Claus
and you're a stalker !
564
00:38:36,072 --> 00:38:38,039
What are you doing ?Wait.
565
00:38:39,075 --> 00:38:41,526
Lucy...
566
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,493
look.
567
00:38:45,426 --> 00:38:49,672
Whoa ! Whoa ! Oh ho !
That is so cool !
568
00:38:49,706 --> 00:38:53,158
Do you know how much money we
could make with those ? What ?Lucy !
569
00:38:53,192 --> 00:38:55,988
I didn't want
to have to do this,
but you have obliged me to.
570
00:38:56,023 --> 00:38:58,784
- Close your eyes.
- No.
571
00:38:58,819 --> 00:39:01,269
- Close your eyes.
- I have mace in my pocket.
572
00:39:01,304 --> 00:39:03,479
Close... your... eyes !
573
00:39:04,549 --> 00:39:06,413
And that one.
574
00:39:06,447 --> 00:39:08,622
And the other one !
575
00:39:08,656 --> 00:39:10,831
Both !
576
00:39:13,730 --> 00:39:15,767
It's dark in here.
577
00:39:15,801 --> 00:39:19,667
If I had a pair of ruby slippers
I could click myself
some place really cool.
578
00:39:19,702 --> 00:39:21,635
Open your eyes, Lucy.
579
00:39:48,662 --> 00:39:50,802
- Hello, Lucy.
580
00:39:50,836 --> 00:39:53,667
I'm Ralph,
chief assistant
to Santa Claus.
581
00:39:53,701 --> 00:39:58,050
- Welcome to the North Pole.
- Hi !
582
00:40:04,609 --> 00:40:06,852
Ooh !
583
00:40:06,887 --> 00:40:09,786
I had the strangest dream.
584
00:40:09,821 --> 00:40:13,963
I dreamt I woke up
and I was surrounded
by Munchkins, and--
585
00:40:16,828 --> 00:40:20,279
Oh ! Oh ! Oh !
This is not funny
any more.
586
00:40:20,314 --> 00:40:22,489
This is not real,
this is not real,
this is not real--
587
00:40:22,523 --> 00:40:25,871
Open !
Okay, it is real.
588
00:40:25,906 --> 00:40:28,149
It's getting realer
'cause my feet are cold--
I'm gonna get frostbite--
589
00:40:28,184 --> 00:40:31,221
Why ?
590
00:40:31,256 --> 00:40:33,879
Oh, maybe it's because
we're on a glacier !
591
00:40:33,914 --> 00:40:38,228
It's not a glacier, Lucy.
It's the polar ice cap.
592
00:40:39,402 --> 00:40:42,474
Duh !
Why didn't I know that ?
593
00:40:42,509 --> 00:40:45,581
Perhaps you can tell me
why I'm not at my house ?
594
00:40:45,615 --> 00:40:48,135
- Why I'm surrounded by goblins.
595
00:40:48,169 --> 00:40:50,551
Goblins ?
596
00:40:50,586 --> 00:40:52,829
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay.
597
00:40:52,864 --> 00:40:56,764
- We're elves.
- All right ! Cool !
598
00:40:56,799 --> 00:40:59,974
I mean--
What's the difference ?
599
00:41:00,009 --> 00:41:02,080
Goblins are bad seeds.
600
00:41:02,114 --> 00:41:05,152
They're what happened
when gnomes and leprechauns
get drunk...
601
00:41:05,186 --> 00:41:07,499
on a beach,
at night.
602
00:41:07,534 --> 00:41:11,779
When leprechauns
and gnomes get drunk
on the beach at night ?
603
00:41:11,814 --> 00:41:17,267
- Yes, that's right.
- Oh, I see. You're such
a fount of information.
604
00:41:17,302 --> 00:41:20,926
You don't, sort of, fit
the elf mode, if you will.
605
00:41:20,961 --> 00:41:24,033
- What's your problem ?
- Pituitary case.
606
00:41:24,067 --> 00:41:27,208
Oh ! Pituitary case.
607
00:41:27,243 --> 00:41:30,729
Lucy, it's what I've been
trying to tell you.
608
00:41:30,764 --> 00:41:34,353
You know, I can understand
it's all overwhelming,
but it's all true !
609
00:41:34,388 --> 00:41:38,116
Everything that you've ever
heard about Santa is true.
610
00:41:38,150 --> 00:41:42,189
- Okay, where is Rudolph ?
- Take another look
out the window.
611
00:41:48,885 --> 00:41:51,854
So the Rudolph thing
is together. I got tha--
Oh !
612
00:41:51,888 --> 00:41:57,549
- Mrs Claus ?
- Yes, I want you to meet
Helga, Lucy.
613
00:41:57,584 --> 00:42:00,138
She'd love to say hello,
but she only speaks Norwegian.
614
00:42:00,172 --> 00:42:02,036
Me too !
615
00:42:06,075 --> 00:42:10,079
Boss, we are on a schedule,
so can we push this...
along ?
616
00:42:11,805 --> 00:42:14,255
Lucy, would you like
to see my workshop ?
617
00:42:14,290 --> 00:42:18,156
Yes !I don't suppose you'd take
"no" for an answer, would ya ?
618
00:42:30,409 --> 00:42:32,826
Wow !
619
00:42:37,278 --> 00:42:41,800
Oh ! When you said workshop,
I thought it was gonna be
some little guy...
620
00:42:41,835 --> 00:42:44,147
you know,
with lots of tools !
621
00:42:44,182 --> 00:42:47,254
You know, it's gonna be
kinda hard to say
goodbye to all this.
622
00:42:47,288 --> 00:42:49,463
What do you mean,
"goodbye" ?
623
00:42:49,497 --> 00:42:52,293
Yeah, I'll come
to that later.
624
00:42:52,328 --> 00:42:54,433
Right now I want to
show you something.
Come with me.
625
00:43:00,336 --> 00:43:03,097
Evening, Santa.
Merry Christmas !
626
00:43:04,651 --> 00:43:08,378
Wow !Yeah.
627
00:43:08,413 --> 00:43:11,071
Is this it ?This is it.
628
00:43:11,105 --> 00:43:13,314
This is thesleigh ?
629
00:43:13,349 --> 00:43:16,628
This is thesleigh.
Yeah.Ooh ! Can I touch it ?
630
00:43:16,663 --> 00:43:18,699
You want to
climb on board ?May I ?
631
00:43:18,734 --> 00:43:21,391
Here we are.
Wow !
632
00:43:21,426 --> 00:43:24,291
Ho, ho, ho !
633
00:43:24,325 --> 00:43:26,431
Look at me "ho"-ing.
634
00:43:26,465 --> 00:43:30,366
Wow !
Oh, my God !
635
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:32,817
Look at the sound system.Oh, this is really phat.
636
00:43:32,851 --> 00:43:34,715
This has an
impulse-activated amplifier.
637
00:43:34,750 --> 00:43:37,925
It puts out about
a thousand kilowatts
per channel.
638
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:41,619
There are seven speakers,
and a really bitchin'
powered subwoofer.
639
00:43:43,690 --> 00:43:45,623
In case you want to listen
to Christmas carols.
640
00:43:45,657 --> 00:43:51,352
Oh !
Well, that's--
That's phat !
641
00:43:51,387 --> 00:43:54,839
Wow ! Oh, wait ! I gotta
ask this question, because...
you know, I'm here.
642
00:43:54,873 --> 00:43:59,360
How do you guys deliver
a gazillion Christmas presents
all in one night ?
643
00:43:59,395 --> 00:44:03,399
Lucy, do you know anything
about quantum mechanics...
644
00:44:03,433 --> 00:44:06,678
or the theory of relativity,
or the space/time continuum ?
645
00:44:07,921 --> 00:44:11,959
- N-No.
- Well, we go fast !
646
00:44:11,994 --> 00:44:15,204
We go really fast !
647
00:44:16,343 --> 00:44:18,586
Now, I have
one more question.
648
00:44:18,621 --> 00:44:21,175
Let's say I believe
that you are Santa Claus.
649
00:44:21,210 --> 00:44:24,213
What does this
have to do with me ?
650
00:44:24,247 --> 00:44:28,355
Ah, Ralph, would you
and the boys excuse us
for a moment, please ?
651
00:44:28,389 --> 00:44:30,771
Yeah. Sure, boss.
652
00:44:30,806 --> 00:44:33,153
Okay, people,
eggnog break !
653
00:44:33,187 --> 00:44:35,880
All right ! And hit the house
lights when you go out.
654
00:44:35,914 --> 00:44:37,813
Thank you.
655
00:44:42,956 --> 00:44:47,615
Lucy, as you know,
I have been Santa for...
very nearly 200 years.
656
00:44:47,650 --> 00:44:49,514
But that's only
the half of it.
657
00:44:49,548 --> 00:44:52,448
The Santa before me
also served for 200 years.
658
00:44:52,482 --> 00:44:54,726
As did the Santa before him,
and so on...
659
00:44:54,761 --> 00:44:58,523
right back to the original
St Nicholas in the 3rd century.
660
00:44:58,557 --> 00:45:00,663
Right.Now, sadly,
661
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:04,253
my term of office
is drawing to a close.
662
00:45:04,287 --> 00:45:06,634
And the rules of Christmas
decree...
663
00:45:06,669 --> 00:45:09,568
that I have to find somebody
to take my place...
664
00:45:09,603 --> 00:45:11,743
before midnight
on Christmas Eve.
665
00:45:11,778 --> 00:45:13,676
And if I don't,
666
00:45:13,711 --> 00:45:16,679
the "or else" factor
takes effect.
667
00:45:16,714 --> 00:45:18,750
The "or else" factor ?
668
00:45:18,785 --> 00:45:22,409
Well, you've heard about
the great flood,
and Noah's ark ?
669
00:45:22,443 --> 00:45:24,722
Yeah.This time,
there's no ark.
670
00:45:24,756 --> 00:45:28,691
Oh, get outta here !
I know you are not
trying to convince me...
671
00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:31,349
that that flood happened
because you couldn't
find a Santa Claus !
672
00:45:34,145 --> 00:45:36,319
Not that I'm puttin' it
down or anything, but-but...
673
00:45:36,354 --> 00:45:39,564
but you don't have to worry
about it, because you're
looking for a new Santa, right ?
674
00:45:41,048 --> 00:45:43,775
Right.And you've come to me...
675
00:45:43,810 --> 00:45:46,744
because you want me to help
you find one, because I know
so many people !
676
00:45:46,778 --> 00:45:49,229
So what do you
want me to do ?
677
00:45:49,263 --> 00:45:51,749
Close your eyes
and I'll show you.
678
00:45:51,783 --> 00:45:55,166
This eye-closing thing's
getting a little old,Nick.
679
00:46:00,274 --> 00:46:03,761
Open your eyes, Lucy.
680
00:46:08,075 --> 00:46:10,250
Look closely.
681
00:46:10,284 --> 00:46:12,942
What do you see ?
682
00:46:14,150 --> 00:46:16,049
Is that my mother ?
683
00:46:16,083 --> 00:46:18,189
My goodness !
684
00:46:18,223 --> 00:46:20,778
And that's me !
685
00:46:20,812 --> 00:46:23,159
Look at me !
686
00:46:23,194 --> 00:46:25,644
I was cute !
687
00:46:25,679 --> 00:46:28,095
Look at my brother.
I used to call him
"Ol' Bighead."
688
00:46:28,130 --> 00:46:31,547
My goodness !
It's the Five and Dime !
689
00:46:31,581 --> 00:46:35,654
There's that nasty kid
Bobby with his finger
in his nose, as always.
690
00:46:35,689 --> 00:46:38,002
What are we doing here ?
691
00:46:39,210 --> 00:46:41,419
This is what
I wanted to show you.
692
00:46:41,453 --> 00:46:44,905
What I need you
to remember.
693
00:46:44,940 --> 00:46:47,528
...backing down from
a double-dog dare,
can we ?
694
00:46:47,563 --> 00:46:49,979
There we are !
695
00:46:50,014 --> 00:46:52,913
That hat only glows...
696
00:46:52,948 --> 00:46:56,296
when it's worn by somebody
who believesin Christmas...
697
00:46:56,330 --> 00:46:59,161
with every fibre
of their being.
698
00:46:59,195 --> 00:47:02,854
It's you, Lucy.
699
00:47:02,889 --> 00:47:07,134
Take it, Lucy.
You're the one
I've been waiting for.
700
00:47:09,619 --> 00:47:11,518
No !
701
00:47:11,552 --> 00:47:14,935
Lucy, I know you blame me,
but please, I promise you,
702
00:47:14,970 --> 00:47:17,800
everything will become clear
if you just put this on.No. No !
703
00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:20,251
Just give it a chance !I don't want it !
I don't--
704
00:47:20,285 --> 00:47:22,460
No ! What do you
get about "no" ?But--
705
00:47:22,494 --> 00:47:24,358
I don't want the hat !
I don't want
the responsibil--
706
00:47:24,393 --> 00:47:27,534
You know what I want ?
I want you to take me home.
707
00:47:27,568 --> 00:47:30,640
I want you to take me
to mylife; to my
real life, right now.
708
00:47:30,675 --> 00:47:33,781
That's what I want.
709
00:47:33,816 --> 00:47:35,714
If that's really what you want.
710
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:39,995
Close your eyes,
711
00:47:40,029 --> 00:47:42,894
and everything
that you've seen--
712
00:47:42,929 --> 00:47:44,965
all this--
713
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:48,589
will have just
been a dream.
714
00:47:55,251 --> 00:47:57,426
Whoa.
715
00:47:57,460 --> 00:47:59,531
Oh !
716
00:47:59,566 --> 00:48:01,499
I must have dozed off
or something.
717
00:48:01,533 --> 00:48:04,916
Had the weirdest dream.
I dreamt that you were
trying to convince me...
718
00:48:04,951 --> 00:48:06,849
you were the real
Santa Claus.
719
00:48:06,884 --> 00:48:09,162
Do you think we ought
to talk about it, Lucy ?No ! Nah !
720
00:48:09,196 --> 00:48:12,441
Now, come on, please. Just--No, no, I've had
enough Santa Claus...
721
00:48:12,475 --> 00:48:14,753
to last me a lifetime;
I'm going to bed.
722
00:48:14,788 --> 00:48:18,067
Good night !
Listen, if you get chilly,
there's, uh,
723
00:48:18,102 --> 00:48:20,311
you know, pillows
and blankets and stuff.
724
00:48:20,345 --> 00:48:22,244
They're under the stairs
here in the closet.
725
00:48:24,556 --> 00:48:29,285
Hey, boss. Pardon my
goblin, but why didn't you
just put the hat on her ?
726
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,530
I can't force her
to accept her destiny.
727
00:48:32,564 --> 00:48:35,291
If she won't acknowledge
who she is, it wouldn't
matter anyway.
728
00:48:37,121 --> 00:48:41,021
The Inquisition was right
to challenge my affections,
I-I--
729
00:48:42,781 --> 00:48:45,957
I bungled the whole thing
from beginning to end.
730
00:48:45,992 --> 00:48:48,615
I waited far too long
to try to reach her,
and now that I have,
731
00:48:48,649 --> 00:48:51,031
I've driven her
further away.
732
00:48:51,066 --> 00:48:53,309
So, what are you
gonna do now ?
733
00:48:53,344 --> 00:48:57,486
Well, I... just...
734
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,384
don't know.
735
00:49:03,699 --> 00:49:05,632
Better break out
the sun block today, L.A.
736
00:49:05,666 --> 00:49:08,600
We're expecting a high of 92.
And if you think it's bad here,
737
00:49:08,635 --> 00:49:13,226
scientists are now predicting
no snowfall anywhere in the U.S.
during the month of December.
738
00:49:13,260 --> 00:49:15,124
Imagine that !
739
00:49:17,678 --> 00:49:20,819
Whoa ! You look like sh--
...Sheena, lovely Queen
of the Nile !
740
00:49:20,854 --> 00:49:23,684
Got no sleep
last night, and I hate
having house guests.
741
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:26,411
Well, your house guest is
quite the toast of the town.
742
00:49:26,446 --> 00:49:28,310
All the papers were talking
about him this morning.
743
00:49:28,344 --> 00:49:30,933
One even called him
"TV's must-see Santa."
744
00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:33,901
Where's that girl with
my latte ? Why is she never
around when I need her ?
745
00:49:33,936 --> 00:49:36,766
- Her name is Lillie !
- Fine.
746
00:49:36,801 --> 00:49:38,872
And my car broke down !
God.
747
00:49:38,906 --> 00:49:41,461
I don't get why
you're still driving
that bucket of bolts, Lucy.
748
00:49:41,495 --> 00:49:45,913
Because it was
her Daddy's car.
749
00:49:45,948 --> 00:49:49,641
Oh ! Family reunion !
I'll just, uh, leave
you two alone.
750
00:49:49,676 --> 00:49:52,127
Taylor ?
Taylor, I-- Talk to you later.
751
00:49:52,161 --> 00:49:55,130
You, okay.
Hi, Ma.
752
00:49:55,164 --> 00:49:57,304
You're not
returnin' my calls.
753
00:49:57,339 --> 00:50:00,928
No, I am.
It's not that I'm not
returning your calls, see ?
754
00:50:00,963 --> 00:50:02,861
We put in this new
phone system--Come on now.
755
00:50:02,896 --> 00:50:05,933
- Don't try to run
a game on me.
756
00:50:05,968 --> 00:50:10,904
Now, I know it's a scary
time of the year for you,
757
00:50:10,938 --> 00:50:14,080
but you can't keep
livin' like this, Lucy.
758
00:50:14,114 --> 00:50:16,358
What ? Well, look
at your life.
759
00:50:16,392 --> 00:50:19,050
You live alone
in that apartment,
760
00:50:19,085 --> 00:50:23,192
You come, you go,
without anybody to love
or to love you back.
761
00:50:23,227 --> 00:50:26,954
I know, baby.
I've got the same
scar as you.
762
00:50:26,989 --> 00:50:32,063
And there's not
a Christmas that goes by
that it doesn't hurt.
763
00:50:32,098 --> 00:50:34,755
But you know what helps ?
764
00:50:34,790 --> 00:50:38,138
What ? Seein' you.
765
00:50:38,173 --> 00:50:40,623
I see your daddy
in you.
766
00:50:42,453 --> 00:50:45,663
You know, I just really
can't do this right now,
767
00:50:45,697 --> 00:50:48,321
because I gotta
get down to work.All right, baby.
768
00:50:48,355 --> 00:50:51,048
But I'll call you, okay ?
I'll-- I'll, uh-- All right.
769
00:50:51,082 --> 00:50:55,259
You know, in a day or so,
I'll give you a call.
All right.
770
00:50:55,293 --> 00:50:58,952
I'll be waiting.
771
00:51:00,988 --> 00:51:04,302
Folks, one of
my favourite traditions...
772
00:51:04,337 --> 00:51:07,202
is counting down
the days to Christmas.
773
00:51:07,236 --> 00:51:10,860
And now, your family, too,
can enjoy this tradition
as well,
774
00:51:10,895 --> 00:51:14,933
with your very own
Wise Men Advent Calendar.
775
00:51:14,968 --> 00:51:19,317
Every day, your kids
will enjoy moving Baby Jesus--
776
00:51:19,352 --> 00:51:23,528
that's Him--
one day closer to
His arrival in Bethlehem.
777
00:51:23,563 --> 00:51:27,014
And, Mom, no need to worry
about your little ones...
778
00:51:27,049 --> 00:51:29,431
breaking this
Holiday Collectible.
779
00:51:29,465 --> 00:51:34,125
Baby Jesus is made out of
rugged, durable polystyrene.
780
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,748
Great.
Plastic Jesus.
781
00:51:36,783 --> 00:51:41,132
- That's not too sacrilegious.
- Ah, we seem to be in the
final minutes of our show !
782
00:51:41,167 --> 00:51:43,341
- So, that seems to be
the last product for today--
- Telephone !
783
00:51:43,376 --> 00:51:45,309
- Hmm ?
Telephone !
784
00:51:45,343 --> 00:51:48,174
Oh ! One moment !
785
00:51:48,208 --> 00:51:52,039
- They want me to take a phone
call from one of our viewers.
- No ! He's going to the phone.
786
00:51:52,074 --> 00:51:54,214
Excuse me, please.
We're on the show,
you know.
787
00:51:54,249 --> 00:51:57,148
Uh, hello ? Hi, Santa.
788
00:51:57,183 --> 00:52:00,186
This is Meredith,
from Dove Canyon, California.
789
00:52:00,220 --> 00:52:04,051
Hello, Meredith. You want
to ask Santa a question ?Not that phone, Nick.
790
00:52:05,605 --> 00:52:07,710
Uh, it's coming
through the speakers.
Okay ?
791
00:52:07,745 --> 00:52:09,574
Look, everybody's
a star now.
792
00:52:09,609 --> 00:52:12,646
I was adopted from Korea
when I was a baby.
793
00:52:12,681 --> 00:52:16,892
I was wondering
if the Santa Claus there
is Korean.
794
00:52:16,926 --> 00:52:20,999
- Oh, Meredith.
That is a wonderful question.
- Taylor ?
795
00:52:21,034 --> 00:52:24,624
No ! No ! Camera !It reminds me of a poem I--
796
00:52:24,658 --> 00:52:29,663
My good friend B.J. Wrights
once wrote about Santa.
It goes something like this:
797
00:52:29,698 --> 00:52:31,665
"Dear girls, dear boys.
798
00:52:31,700 --> 00:52:35,704
"Once a storyteller caught me
bringing you toys.
799
00:52:35,738 --> 00:52:38,431
"The year he spied me
opening my sack,
800
00:52:38,465 --> 00:52:42,297
My skin was white
and my boots were black."
801
00:52:42,331 --> 00:52:45,438
You probably know
how this story goes.
802
00:52:45,472 --> 00:52:49,476
"At the end of the year,
like a Christmas ghost,
803
00:52:49,511 --> 00:52:52,859
"I take the shape
that's needed most.
804
00:52:52,893 --> 00:52:56,966
"Sometimes my skin's red,
or yellow or brown,
805
00:52:57,001 --> 00:53:02,040
"Sometimes my eyes are slanted,
or crossed, or round.
806
00:53:02,075 --> 00:53:05,251
"One time, I was even a she.
807
00:53:05,285 --> 00:53:07,805
"All these things
are a part of me.
808
00:53:07,839 --> 00:53:10,773
"Now you may not believe
all this is true,
809
00:53:10,808 --> 00:53:14,881
but that's okay, because
I believe in you."
810
00:53:16,158 --> 00:53:19,679
And I believe in you, too, Lucy.
811
00:53:19,713 --> 00:53:23,579
You have a wonderful spirit,
which I hope, one day,
812
00:53:23,614 --> 00:53:25,823
you will show to the world.
813
00:53:25,857 --> 00:53:30,793
Did he say something about--
Did he just say my name ?
814
00:53:30,828 --> 00:53:34,107
He just said Lucy !Um, no, I think it was,
uh, "little girl."
815
00:53:34,141 --> 00:53:35,729
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
He said Lucy.
816
00:53:35,764 --> 00:53:40,009
- Play that back for me.
817
00:53:40,044 --> 00:53:43,530
I believe in you, too, Meredith.
You have a wonderful spirit,
818
00:53:43,565 --> 00:53:47,638
which one day,
I hope you'll show...
819
00:53:47,672 --> 00:53:50,365
- to the rest of the world.
820
00:53:55,749 --> 00:53:59,097
Okay.
Let's just, uh...
821
00:53:59,132 --> 00:54:01,859
call it the onset
of P.M.S., shall we ?
822
00:54:05,414 --> 00:54:07,520
- Every day ?
823
00:54:07,554 --> 00:54:10,247
And we're clear.Okay, it's a wrap, everybody.
Ready for the next segment.
824
00:54:10,281 --> 00:54:14,285
That's the Chanukah music.
Let's go.Good show.
825
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:17,426
Oy.
That was beautiful,
Mr. Santa Claus.
826
00:54:17,461 --> 00:54:19,497
It was gold.Thank you, rabbi.
827
00:54:19,532 --> 00:54:22,569
I think Hurray for Chanukah
is going to have a tough act
to follow today.
828
00:54:22,604 --> 00:54:25,296
Well, the way I see it,
we're both working
for the same boss.
829
00:54:25,331 --> 00:54:27,194
So, mazel tov.And ho, ho, ho to you, sir.
830
00:54:27,229 --> 00:54:31,682
Uh, Lucy--I'm not speaking to you.
No habla Ingles.
831
00:56:35,115 --> 00:56:37,704
Thanks.
832
00:56:39,326 --> 00:56:42,709
You just said thanks.
Yeah, you did.No, I didn't.
833
00:56:42,744 --> 00:56:44,953
No. I didn't.Yeah. You did.
834
00:56:44,987 --> 00:56:47,714
Is everybody hearing things ?
I did not say thank you.
835
00:57:21,783 --> 00:57:24,406
Well, folks,
things continue to be very warm
here in Southern California,
836
00:57:24,441 --> 00:57:28,030
but the weather is also
going crazy from pole to pole.
837
00:57:28,065 --> 00:57:30,308
Here we see increasing storms
centred around the equator,
838
00:57:30,343 --> 00:57:33,622
and no explanation
has been given by
the National Weather Center.
839
00:57:33,657 --> 00:57:37,315
Ralph !
We have a problem.
840
00:57:37,350 --> 00:57:39,973
What are those ?Flood insurance.
841
00:57:41,803 --> 00:57:44,357
I wish I hadn't
seen Titanic.
842
00:58:06,448 --> 00:58:11,626
So, here's a novel idea
for all you naughty shoppers...
843
00:58:11,660 --> 00:58:13,524
who waited until
the last minute:
844
00:58:13,559 --> 00:58:17,355
Now, you can send
a Shop-A-Lot virtual gift.
845
00:58:17,390 --> 00:58:20,497
A "virtual" gift.
846
00:58:20,531 --> 00:58:22,706
Imagine that.
847
00:58:22,740 --> 00:58:26,779
Your loved one will get
a little animated E-mail.
848
00:58:26,813 --> 00:58:29,782
And when they click on it,
it will show them...
849
00:58:29,816 --> 00:58:34,338
a picture of the gift
they will be receiving
after the holidays.
850
00:58:34,372 --> 00:58:37,479
Well, that's it.
That's the final pitch.
851
00:58:37,514 --> 00:58:40,793
Oh, and don't forget.
When next you call in,
852
00:58:40,827 --> 00:58:45,487
ask about our special
Shop-A-Lot inflatable raft.
853
00:58:45,522 --> 00:58:47,489
Who put the raft
on the list ?
854
00:58:47,524 --> 00:58:51,286
He liked it.
He saw it in the catalogue.
I threw him a bone.
855
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:54,082
Before I sign off,
uh,
856
00:58:54,116 --> 00:58:56,291
I'd like to--
just like to say
a few words.
857
00:58:56,325 --> 00:58:59,156
If I may.
Um,
858
00:58:59,190 --> 00:59:01,952
whatever hardships
may come your way...
859
00:59:01,986 --> 00:59:05,127
in the years
which lie ahead,
860
00:59:06,163 --> 00:59:08,821
don't ever lose hope.
861
00:59:08,855 --> 00:59:12,652
If you just keep
the spirit of Christmas...
862
00:59:12,687 --> 00:59:17,312
alive in your hearts,
you can survive anything.
863
00:59:18,485 --> 00:59:20,867
Merry Chris--
Christmas.
864
00:59:23,076 --> 00:59:25,044
God bless you.
865
00:59:25,078 --> 00:59:28,357
Goodbye.
And good luck.
866
00:59:28,392 --> 00:59:30,290
Why did he say
good luck ?
867
00:59:31,706 --> 00:59:35,157
All right, everyone.
That's a wrap !
868
00:59:35,192 --> 00:59:38,471
One hell of a wrap,
if you ask me.
869
00:59:39,610 --> 00:59:42,130
All right, people.
Gather round.
870
00:59:42,164 --> 00:59:44,650
I have an announcement
to make.
871
00:59:44,684 --> 00:59:48,654
Thanks to the very
best Santa Claus
in the business,
872
00:59:48,688 --> 00:59:51,657
for the first time
in our history,
873
00:59:51,691 --> 00:59:54,694
Shop-A-Lot has sold
more holiday merchandise...
874
00:59:54,729 --> 00:59:58,146
than any other
home-shopping channel !
875
01:00:03,945 --> 01:00:07,258
And as I'm sure
you all know, that means
a little something extra...
876
01:00:07,293 --> 01:00:10,020
in all of our
Christmas stockings
this year !
877
01:00:13,299 --> 01:00:15,922
It's weird, but I'm
gonna miss all this.
878
01:00:15,957 --> 01:00:19,685
Yeah. I don't know when
I've enjoyed sticking America
with more cheesy merchandise...
879
01:00:19,719 --> 01:00:22,101
than I have this sea--
year.
880
01:00:29,349 --> 01:00:33,008
Wow.
Who are you ?
881
01:00:35,908 --> 01:00:39,325
Look, I know I'm just
a gofer, but--
882
01:00:39,359 --> 01:00:41,914
If you're not doing
anything, maybe you can
help me trim my tree.
883
01:00:43,432 --> 01:00:47,367
That sounds nice.
And possibly kind of nutty.
884
01:00:49,335 --> 01:00:52,545
Ah.
Champagne, Lillie ?
885
01:00:53,546 --> 01:00:55,686
Absolutely.
886
01:00:55,721 --> 01:00:58,896
So, Nick. What do you say,
you and I get together
after the holidays...
887
01:00:58,931 --> 01:01:00,967
to discuss your future--
888
01:01:01,002 --> 01:01:04,799
I see big things for you
and the Shop-A-Lot Channel.
889
01:01:04,833 --> 01:01:07,456
Well, I appreciate that,
Mr. Dixon, but...
890
01:01:07,491 --> 01:01:11,219
I am afraid that
my days as Santa Claus
are behind me.
891
01:01:11,253 --> 01:01:14,705
Nonsense. You've got
what it takes, my friend.
892
01:01:14,740 --> 01:01:19,779
For millions of people,
you are Santa.
Manny, congratulations !
893
01:01:19,814 --> 01:01:22,506
Looks like you'll
get to keep that job
after all !
894
01:01:28,512 --> 01:01:31,066
Lucy, I'm--Nick, I-I'm--
895
01:01:31,101 --> 01:01:33,344
Ladies first.
896
01:01:35,588 --> 01:01:37,935
I know I gave
you a hard time
in the beginning.
897
01:01:37,970 --> 01:01:40,662
'Cause I didn't believe
you were right for
Kristmas Korner.
898
01:01:40,697 --> 01:01:43,941
But I was wrong.
899
01:01:46,012 --> 01:01:48,428
I believe in you now.
900
01:01:51,086 --> 01:01:53,054
I wish I could be sure
that was true.
901
01:01:54,469 --> 01:01:57,472
What do you mean ?
902
01:01:57,506 --> 01:02:00,751
I really hope you find
what you're looking for.
903
01:03:26,768 --> 01:03:30,323
What is this new sound
you're making ?
904
01:03:35,052 --> 01:03:38,262
I work my butt off
for you, and this is
how you repay me ?
905
01:03:43,992 --> 01:03:49,411
Lucy ! Looks like
you're not going anywhere
in that classic tonight.
906
01:03:49,446 --> 01:03:52,311
How about a lift ?Sure.
907
01:03:52,345 --> 01:03:55,970
I'll just leave it here till
I come back from Bora Bora.
908
01:03:58,386 --> 01:04:00,871
Well, Luce,
you did it !
909
01:04:00,906 --> 01:04:02,977
Oh ! That reminds me.
910
01:04:04,254 --> 01:04:07,222
You leave tomorrow.
911
01:04:07,257 --> 01:04:10,294
Plus, there is something
a little extra
in that envelope.
912
01:04:10,329 --> 01:04:14,298
Oh, tell me it's cash,
so I have something to give
those cute little cabana boys.
913
01:04:14,333 --> 01:04:17,992
Oh, it's better
than cash, Lucy.
It's me.
914
01:04:18,026 --> 01:04:21,650
- Don't you see ?
We need each other.
915
01:04:21,685 --> 01:04:23,445
As individuals,
916
01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:25,344
we're merely good.
917
01:04:25,378 --> 01:04:27,380
But together,
we could be magic !
918
01:04:27,415 --> 01:04:30,211
I don't want to hurt
your feelings, or anything.
919
01:04:30,245 --> 01:04:32,109
But,
I don't love you.
920
01:04:32,144 --> 01:04:33,973
I mean, I don't
love you at all.
921
01:04:34,008 --> 01:04:37,011
Love !
There's better things
in the world than love !
922
01:04:37,045 --> 01:04:38,944
Like what ?Power !
923
01:04:38,978 --> 01:04:41,947
Influence.
Having more money
than God !
924
01:04:41,981 --> 01:04:45,951
- You shoulda called Oprah.
- I know you. You want
the same things that I want.
925
01:04:45,985 --> 01:04:49,747
We want to win.
We want to dominate.
We want to be a juggernaut.
926
01:04:49,782 --> 01:04:53,475
I don't have any juggernaut
in me. I don't even have
the juggernaut gene.
927
01:04:53,510 --> 01:04:56,478
I've got it all
mapped out, Lucy. First:
928
01:04:56,513 --> 01:04:58,895
I go to
the board of directors...
929
01:04:58,929 --> 01:05:02,139
and get them to make you
my vice-president.
930
01:05:02,174 --> 01:05:05,142
Then, we take
the Shop-A-Lot Channel
public,
931
01:05:05,177 --> 01:05:07,938
and turn it
into a media empire.
932
01:05:07,973 --> 01:05:10,872
By next year,
we'll rule the world.
933
01:05:10,907 --> 01:05:14,151
By next year,
we'll own Christmas !
934
01:05:14,186 --> 01:05:16,533
- Pull over.
935
01:05:16,567 --> 01:05:18,880
What ? Is something wrong ?
936
01:05:18,915 --> 01:05:22,711
Yes. Uh, yeah.
I-- I don't know
why I'm saying this.
937
01:05:22,746 --> 01:05:24,990
'Cause, you know,
this is not my thing,
but...
938
01:05:25,024 --> 01:05:29,580
uh... nobody--
nowhere, nohow, nobody--
939
01:05:29,615 --> 01:05:31,548
Nobody can own Christmas.
940
01:05:31,582 --> 01:05:33,722
Why not ?
941
01:05:34,896 --> 01:05:37,174
Why not ?
Because, I--
942
01:05:37,209 --> 01:05:40,557
I-I can't let them.
943
01:05:41,799 --> 01:05:43,629
Youcan't let them?
944
01:05:44,906 --> 01:05:46,597
Yeah. I know that
sounds strange...
945
01:05:46,632 --> 01:05:49,842
comin' from me,
but I can't let them.
946
01:05:49,876 --> 01:05:52,224
And if you want to keep
your juggernauts,
947
01:05:52,258 --> 01:05:54,571
I'd suggest
you pull over now.
948
01:05:54,605 --> 01:05:56,469
All right.
All right, all right.
949
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:06,824
Well, that went
pretty well.
950
01:06:11,070 --> 01:06:12,899
Hi, Ms Cullins, I--
951
01:06:19,699 --> 01:06:22,737
Listen up, people.
Unless someone has a miracle
up their sleeve,
952
01:06:22,771 --> 01:06:26,120
it looks like tonight
is gonna be our last hurrah.
953
01:06:26,154 --> 01:06:30,400
So, here's the deal.
We'll do it the way
we always have.
954
01:06:30,434 --> 01:06:34,059
Nick will be here
shortly, and we'll
start delivering gifts.
955
01:06:34,093 --> 01:06:38,235
The only difference
will be, after Nick
delivers the last gift,
956
01:06:38,270 --> 01:06:41,514
he will no longer
be Santa Claus.
957
01:06:43,585 --> 01:06:46,071
Can someone
get Helga a hanky ?
958
01:06:47,865 --> 01:06:51,283
Look, whatever fate
awaits us...Here ya go.
959
01:06:51,317 --> 01:06:53,043
after tonight...
960
01:06:53,078 --> 01:06:57,806
let's do it the elf way:
with chins held high.
961
01:06:57,841 --> 01:07:01,672
Of course we're gonna
hold our chins up.
We'll be treading water.
962
01:07:01,707 --> 01:07:04,158
Nick ?
963
01:07:04,192 --> 01:07:06,470
You here ?
964
01:07:06,505 --> 01:07:08,679
Nick !
Okay, you're not here.
965
01:07:10,474 --> 01:07:13,305
What's this ?
"Lucy, if you're reading this...
966
01:07:13,339 --> 01:07:16,135
"on Christmas Eve,
it may not be too late.
967
01:07:16,170 --> 01:07:18,103
"Please, try on the hat.
968
01:07:18,137 --> 01:07:20,795
"If you do, everything
will become clear.
969
01:07:20,829 --> 01:07:22,866
"I'll be waiting
at the top of the world
for you.
970
01:07:22,900 --> 01:07:25,282
Just in case.
Nick."
971
01:07:46,131 --> 01:07:49,237
Jumping jingle bells,
it's glowing !
972
01:07:49,272 --> 01:07:52,447
Oh, my !
973
01:07:52,482 --> 01:07:55,692
Jumpin' jingle bells,
it's glowing ?
974
01:07:55,726 --> 01:07:57,625
I'm Santa !
I'm--
975
01:08:00,283 --> 01:08:02,768
I am Santa.
I am Santa.
976
01:08:11,466 --> 01:08:15,125
Jumpin' jingle bells !
It's snowing !
977
01:08:24,134 --> 01:08:26,136
Okay, people.
We've been through it.
978
01:08:26,171 --> 01:08:29,760
Put the heavy stuff
on the bottom; you have to put
the breakable stuff on top.
979
01:08:29,795 --> 01:08:31,693
Okay ? No.Sorry, boss.
980
01:08:31,728 --> 01:08:36,353
Ralph ! I thought
you should see this.
981
01:08:53,784 --> 01:08:55,717
Hey, Ms Cullins.
You oughta bundle up.
982
01:08:55,752 --> 01:08:59,204
It got cold all of a sudden.
Hey, maybe this heat wave
is finally over.
983
01:08:59,238 --> 01:09:01,275
Yeah, maybe.Are you feeling better ?
984
01:09:01,309 --> 01:09:04,761
Yeah, kinda. I should
feel like I'm sittin'
on top of the world.
985
01:09:04,795 --> 01:09:08,178
Except I'm not sure where it is.The only "Top of the World"
I know is this hang-out...
986
01:09:08,213 --> 01:09:10,180
where I have a beer
once in a while.
987
01:09:10,215 --> 01:09:12,838
It's a bar ?Yeah, on Sunset.
988
01:09:12,872 --> 01:09:15,323
It's in Hollywood.
Why am I not surprised ?
989
01:09:15,358 --> 01:09:17,325
Do me a favour.
Call me a cab.A cab ?
990
01:09:17,360 --> 01:09:20,432
On Christmas Eve ?
In L.A. ? Are you nuts ?
991
01:09:27,784 --> 01:09:32,202
Hey, Ms Cullins !
All of a sudden
you look like Santa Claus.
992
01:09:32,237 --> 01:09:34,722
Already ?
993
01:09:34,756 --> 01:09:36,965
Works fast.
It all works fast.
994
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:41,418
- Where to, lady ?
- Listen, I gotta get to
a little dive on Sunset...
995
01:09:41,453 --> 01:09:44,318
or all hell is gonna
break loose.
996
01:09:44,352 --> 01:09:47,390
You're telling me.Robespierre !
997
01:09:47,424 --> 01:09:50,807
The name is Ralph, and we're
not too "tall" for time.
998
01:09:50,841 --> 01:09:55,052
Well, okay, if you're gonna
pun me, let me pun you back.
You "sleigh" me.
999
01:10:04,130 --> 01:10:08,342
You want a refill, Nick ?No, Sally. I think
five hot apple ciders...
1000
01:10:08,376 --> 01:10:10,378
is plenty
for one evening.Yeah.
1001
01:10:11,759 --> 01:10:14,417
- You owe me an explanation.
- Lucy !
1002
01:10:14,451 --> 01:10:16,350
Yes.You got my note.
1003
01:10:16,384 --> 01:10:19,284
I got your note.
I put on the hat.
1004
01:10:19,318 --> 01:10:21,976
It glowed !
It glowed on my head !Yes !
1005
01:10:22,010 --> 01:10:24,772
Does this mean what I think
it means ? Does this mean
I'm the real Santa Claus ?
1006
01:10:24,806 --> 01:10:27,257
Is this legit ?The whole shebang.
1007
01:10:27,292 --> 01:10:30,916
Oh, my goodness !
What about-- What about
the, uh, "or else" factor ?
1008
01:10:30,950 --> 01:10:33,125
Is that real ?It's real.
1009
01:10:33,159 --> 01:10:35,438
Oh, Nick.
What am I gonna do ?
1010
01:10:35,472 --> 01:10:38,268
I don't want to be
responsible for some little
kid's heart breakin'...
1011
01:10:38,303 --> 01:10:41,478
because I did
the wrong thing, like you--
1012
01:10:41,513 --> 01:10:45,206
Yeah, I know.
I hurt you.
1013
01:10:45,241 --> 01:10:48,692
I'm sorry you've had
so much pain over
so many years.
1014
01:10:48,727 --> 01:10:53,145
But, Lucy,
Santa Claus is not God.
1015
01:10:53,179 --> 01:10:55,941
Do you remember,
all those years ago,
1016
01:10:55,975 --> 01:10:58,184
when that
beautiful little girl
sat on my knee ?
1017
01:10:58,219 --> 01:11:00,048
Hmm ? Do you remember ?Yeah. Yeah.
1018
01:11:00,083 --> 01:11:03,845
What I told her then
is still true today.
1019
01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:08,505
If you keep the love
your daddy gave to you...
1020
01:11:08,540 --> 01:11:11,025
in your heart,
1021
01:11:11,059 --> 01:11:15,547
and pass on that love
to other people,
1022
01:11:15,581 --> 01:11:20,172
your daddy's love
will remain alive
forever.
1023
01:11:20,206 --> 01:11:23,037
I hate to break up
this love fest, but we have
three billion gifts...
1024
01:11:23,071 --> 01:11:26,282
to deliver by sunrise,
so speed this up.
1025
01:11:30,355 --> 01:11:34,807
Merry Christmas, Lucy.Merry Christmas, Santa.
1026
01:11:43,782 --> 01:11:45,956
It's gettin' a little
chilly out here.Ah, yes it is.
1027
01:11:45,991 --> 01:11:48,338
The "or else" factor
is reversing itself.
1028
01:11:48,373 --> 01:11:51,514
Do you guys want to speed up ?
I have the meter running, Lucy.
1029
01:11:51,548 --> 01:11:54,275
I mean,
"Santa."
1030
01:11:54,310 --> 01:11:56,657
See, that's very funny.
1031
01:11:56,691 --> 01:12:01,420
Listen, uh, that's not
the toboggan you showed me
up at the North Pole.
1032
01:12:01,455 --> 01:12:04,492
How am I supposed
to deliver a gazillion gifts
in a taxicab ?
1033
01:12:04,527 --> 01:12:06,598
What cab you talking about ?
1034
01:12:12,742 --> 01:12:15,814
- Oh, you're good. You're good.
1035
01:12:15,848 --> 01:12:17,712
Hey, boss. I don't want
to be a nudnik,but...
1036
01:12:17,747 --> 01:12:20,474
I don't think kids are
going to recognize Santa
in the,,,
1037
01:12:20,508 --> 01:12:22,268
polycotton coat here.I'm gonna smack you.
1038
01:12:23,753 --> 01:12:25,789
Now, wait !
1039
01:12:25,824 --> 01:12:30,138
Hate to make you nervous
or anything, but can we
talk about a couple things...
1040
01:12:30,173 --> 01:12:32,037
before we do that ?Sure.
1041
01:12:32,071 --> 01:12:34,729
First, if you want to
scatter some white dreads,
I'm happy with that.
1042
01:12:34,764 --> 01:12:36,352
But not a whole head.
Okay ?Mm-hmm.
1043
01:12:36,386 --> 01:12:39,665
Secondly, am I gonna be
sproutin' any facial hair ?
1044
01:12:39,700 --> 01:12:43,738
Lucy, for the next
two centuries, you will not
change one iota...
1045
01:12:43,773 --> 01:12:45,913
from what you are
right now.
1046
01:12:45,947 --> 01:12:47,846
Oh, well, come on with it !
1047
01:12:55,923 --> 01:12:58,408
I like everything
except for the belt.
1048
01:12:58,443 --> 01:13:01,204
I'm short-waisted.
It cuts me at the waist.
Must I ?
1049
01:13:03,758 --> 01:13:07,693
Ah ! So much better !
1050
01:13:07,728 --> 01:13:11,317
- Shall we ?
- Oh, yes. I think we shall.
1051
01:13:11,352 --> 01:13:14,907
My, but your pants
are awfully short.
1052
01:13:14,942 --> 01:13:18,117
Guess you're too tall
for 'em, huh ?
Thank you.
1053
01:13:18,152 --> 01:13:23,709
Oh, Rashomon. I'm sure
you don't mind driving.
I'm just not ready yet.
1054
01:13:23,744 --> 01:13:25,642
Nick !Hmm ?
1055
01:13:25,677 --> 01:13:31,303
- Where's your Santa clothes ?
- There's only room
for one Santa, Lucy.
1056
01:13:31,337 --> 01:13:33,443
Let's say I'm just coming along
for your training run.
1057
01:13:33,478 --> 01:13:35,721
Oh. All right then.
1058
01:13:35,756 --> 01:13:39,173
We'll talk about it later.
Uh, Rakiki ? You don't mind...
1059
01:13:39,207 --> 01:13:42,728
getting in the back seat,
do you, 'cause I know
it's so small and cramped,
1060
01:13:42,763 --> 01:13:45,006
'cause it's meant
for an elf, and you got
a pituitary problem.
1061
01:13:45,041 --> 01:13:47,077
So sorry to hear about it.
1062
01:13:47,112 --> 01:13:49,321
Boss ?Hmm ?
1063
01:13:49,355 --> 01:13:52,013
Why don't you have
the honours, one last time ?
1064
01:13:52,048 --> 01:13:56,017
Thank you, Ralph.
I'd like that.
1065
01:13:56,052 --> 01:13:58,399
Ready, Rudolph ?
1066
01:13:58,434 --> 01:14:01,747
Now, Dasher, now Dancer,
1067
01:14:01,782 --> 01:14:04,370
now Prancer and Vixen;
1068
01:14:04,405 --> 01:14:06,580
on, Comet, on Cupid,
1069
01:14:06,614 --> 01:14:08,720
on Donder and Blitzen.
1070
01:14:08,754 --> 01:14:12,931
Now dash away,
dash away all !
1071
01:14:12,965 --> 01:14:15,589
Ooh-yea !
1072
01:14:17,142 --> 01:14:18,454
Yahoo !
1073
01:14:28,740 --> 01:14:33,641
I can't believe I'm flyin' !
It's just too much !
1074
01:14:47,068 --> 01:14:48,932
Oh !
1075
01:14:48,967 --> 01:14:52,315
We made it.
1076
01:14:52,349 --> 01:14:57,216
Well, Lucy. Are you ready
for your first delivery ?
1077
01:14:57,251 --> 01:15:00,254
Uh--
Yeah, yeah.Go on then.
1078
01:15:00,288 --> 01:15:03,913
Okay.
Are they gonna be okay
up here by themselves ?
1079
01:15:03,947 --> 01:15:06,156
The reindeer ?
Yeah. Fine, fine.Oh, good.
1080
01:15:06,191 --> 01:15:08,158
You don't suffer
from vertigo, do you ?Not any more.
1081
01:15:08,193 --> 01:15:12,266
Oh, thank you.
All right, children !
Merry Christmas !
1082
01:15:16,512 --> 01:15:18,583
Oh, wait--
1083
01:15:18,617 --> 01:15:21,275
What, what ?This is a real chimney !
1084
01:15:21,309 --> 01:15:23,588
Yes !Why do we do it
in a real chimney ?
1085
01:15:23,622 --> 01:15:27,074
What did you expect ?Well, I ju-- I didn't--
I thought it was just,
1086
01:15:27,108 --> 01:15:29,628
like a story ! No, no, no, no, no.
No, it's the rules,
1087
01:15:29,663 --> 01:15:31,250
and you have to go down.
1088
01:15:31,285 --> 01:15:33,494
No, wait !
Okay. Okay. Wait till we get to England.
1089
01:15:33,529 --> 01:15:36,359
- Why ?
- The chimney pots
start like this.
1090
01:15:36,393 --> 01:15:39,086
Oh, this is going to be
a long night, isn't it ?Now the other foot.
1091
01:15:39,120 --> 01:15:41,019
Now, stand on the ledges.What ledge ?
1092
01:15:41,053 --> 01:15:43,055
The brick ledge--There's a wall !
O-kay !
1093
01:15:43,090 --> 01:15:46,231
Okay. Okay.Right, one, two--
1094
01:15:46,265 --> 01:15:48,647
- Wait, wait, wait !
What if there's a fire ?
- What ?
1095
01:15:48,682 --> 01:15:50,753
There won't be a fire ! How do you know ?
1096
01:15:50,787 --> 01:15:53,583
- I've been doing this
for 200 years !
- I know, but...
1097
01:15:53,618 --> 01:15:55,585
you're you,
and I'm just me.
1098
01:15:55,620 --> 01:15:58,381
I'm smelling sugar cookies.
1099
01:15:58,415 --> 01:16:02,316
I don't think that's
sugar cookies you're smellin'.
1100
01:16:02,350 --> 01:16:04,836
You know what,
I-I can't do that.Come on, come on.
1101
01:16:04,870 --> 01:16:08,391
- Lucy, come on !
- It's gonna be so easy.
1102
01:16:08,425 --> 01:16:10,600
- It's fun, it goes like that !
- Like that !
1103
01:16:10,635 --> 01:16:12,602
Like that ? I just
want you to know,Yeah.
1104
01:16:12,637 --> 01:16:15,985
I'm doing this
under duress !
1105
01:16:17,400 --> 01:16:20,368
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho, whoa-ho.
1106
01:16:20,403 --> 01:16:23,544
Wait till we get to
the Kwanzaa huts.
1107
01:16:23,579 --> 01:16:28,618
That was sonot fun.
So not fun !
1108
01:16:28,653 --> 01:16:31,863
Don't think I don't know
you did that on purpose,
Rakiki.
1109
01:16:31,897 --> 01:16:34,831
Hello.Hi. Hi.
1110
01:16:34,866 --> 01:16:38,870
- Now-Now don't you
be afraid, okay ?
- I'm not.
1111
01:16:38,904 --> 01:16:42,321
Well, I would be if I saw
some stranger in my living room.
1112
01:16:42,356 --> 01:16:46,394
But, not to panic,
because I'm what they call
a "Santa in training."
1113
01:16:46,429 --> 01:16:48,534
You don't look like Santa.
1114
01:16:48,569 --> 01:16:52,331
- Well, what do you mean ?
- Because you're a girl.
1115
01:16:52,366 --> 01:16:56,404
I am a girl.
And you are so sweet
to notice !
1116
01:16:56,439 --> 01:16:58,579
And because you're
so sweet, you know
what I'm going to do ?
1117
01:16:58,614 --> 01:17:01,824
I'm gonna give you
the bestest present I have
in my great, big bag.
1118
01:17:01,858 --> 01:17:04,309
Wow !
1119
01:17:04,343 --> 01:17:08,140
How'd that bike get in there ? That's just what I wanted !
1120
01:17:08,175 --> 01:17:10,487
Whoo !
How'd I do that ?
1121
01:17:10,522 --> 01:17:13,387
- You're Santa.
- That's right.
1122
01:17:13,421 --> 01:17:15,803
I'm Santa.
1123
01:17:15,838 --> 01:17:19,842
- And you're... James.
- Right.
1124
01:17:19,876 --> 01:17:22,948
Now, how cool is that ?
I knew your name immediately !
1125
01:17:24,225 --> 01:17:25,848
Whoa !
1126
01:17:27,435 --> 01:17:30,300
You better go now.
1127
01:17:30,335 --> 01:17:32,371
I think I hear
my dad coming.
1128
01:17:32,406 --> 01:17:36,375
- You landed kind of hard
coming down the chimney.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
1129
01:17:36,410 --> 01:17:40,138
The thing is, James, I can't
go back the way I came.
1130
01:17:40,172 --> 01:17:43,210
- Any suggestions ?
- Front door ?
1131
01:17:49,423 --> 01:17:52,357
You know, Residue,
you could have been
a lot more helpful...
1132
01:17:52,391 --> 01:17:54,462
on how to get back
up that chimney.
1133
01:17:54,497 --> 01:17:57,189
If you knew my name,
I might.
1134
01:17:57,224 --> 01:18:01,815
Why, Risotto, I don't know
what you mean. And if you're
not careful, I could fire you.
1135
01:18:01,849 --> 01:18:06,129
It's a lifetime contract,
and elves age slowly !
1136
01:18:06,164 --> 01:18:09,788
Ah, but in your case,
they grow quickly !
1137
01:18:09,823 --> 01:18:12,653
Oh, look, Rapscallion,
1138
01:18:12,688 --> 01:18:15,829
there's the Hollywood sign !
1139
01:18:18,590 --> 01:18:20,385
And over there's
the Staples Center.
1140
01:18:20,419 --> 01:18:24,216
Oh, if you fell out,
we might be able
to trade you for Shaq.
1141
01:18:24,251 --> 01:18:26,632
It's gonna be
a long night going up
and down those chimneys.
1142
01:18:26,667 --> 01:18:28,738
Oh, you just couldn't
wait to say that,
could you ?
1143
01:18:28,773 --> 01:18:31,189
Mm-hmm.Well, all right.
1144
01:18:31,223 --> 01:18:35,987
In the spirit of Christmas,
and since I'm your new boss,
I'll call you Ralph.
1145
01:18:36,021 --> 01:18:40,163
- Thank you.
- So, Ralph, when are we gonna
get to China ?
1146
01:18:40,198 --> 01:18:43,201
Because I'm so peckish
for some Peking duck.
1147
01:18:43,235 --> 01:18:46,135
Lucy, do you think
there's one last stop
you'd like to make...
1148
01:18:46,169 --> 01:18:48,378
before we continue
with our deliveries ?
1149
01:18:51,381 --> 01:18:55,282
Yeah.
Yeah, there is.
1150
01:20:10,598 --> 01:20:12,462
Whoo !
Yes !
1151
01:20:12,497 --> 01:20:15,741
Yes ! She was
really great.
1152
01:20:20,919 --> 01:20:23,991
How'd I do, Grandma ?Baby, tonight you were
part of heaven's choir.
1153
01:20:24,026 --> 01:20:25,821
You rocked, girl.Oh, yes.
1154
01:20:27,098 --> 01:20:29,928
- Merry Christmas, Mom.
- Lucy !
1155
01:20:29,963 --> 01:20:33,449
Yeah.Oh, baby, you come
home for Christmas.
1156
01:20:33,483 --> 01:20:36,693
- Yeah.
- Hey, sis. Come here !
1157
01:20:36,728 --> 01:20:38,799
What's up with
the Santa suit, huh ?
1158
01:20:38,834 --> 01:20:43,217
I wish I could
explain it to you, but-- Lucy.
1159
01:20:43,252 --> 01:20:48,153
When tonight is over,
you'll have Christmas day to do
whatever your heart desires.
1160
01:20:48,188 --> 01:20:51,225
Now you're Santa,
anythingis possible.Great !
1161
01:20:51,260 --> 01:20:52,606
Lucy, what's goin' on ?
1162
01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:55,920
Do you have your
heart medication
with you ?
1163
01:20:55,954 --> 01:20:59,233
Hey, everybody, you're
not gonna believe it !
1164
01:20:59,268 --> 01:21:01,097
It's snowing outside !
1165
01:21:06,931 --> 01:21:11,556
This is amazing !
It hasn't snowed in
Los Angeles for-- never !
1166
01:21:11,590 --> 01:21:15,663
Hey, check it out !
It's Santa's sleigh
and Rudolph !
1167
01:21:17,942 --> 01:21:22,912
Not much to look at,
folks. Just a sleigh
with nine tiny reindeer.
1168
01:21:29,194 --> 01:21:32,059
Now, listen.
I can't explain
everything right now.
1169
01:21:32,094 --> 01:21:34,959
So I'm gonna drop by
for Christmas brunch.
1170
01:21:34,993 --> 01:21:37,962
And, Mom, when I say
I'm gonna drop in
for Christmas brunch,
1171
01:21:37,996 --> 01:21:40,965
don't stand anywhere
near the fireplace.Lucy--
1172
01:21:45,901 --> 01:21:49,974
Uh, Lucy, i-is this
a reindeer doin' his
business on my leg ?
1173
01:21:51,699 --> 01:21:55,841
- Yeah.
- And... why is it snowin'
in L.A. ?
1174
01:21:55,876 --> 01:22:00,467
Oh, well, that's
a pretty long story,
my brother.
1175
01:22:00,501 --> 01:22:02,572
Jeez, Lucy.
I-I'm confused.
1176
01:22:02,607 --> 01:22:04,712
It's okay.
1177
01:22:04,747 --> 01:22:09,717
Daddy ? I don't know why,
but I think Aunt Lucy
might beSanta Claus.
1178
01:22:11,650 --> 01:22:14,895
Well, I think I'm ready
to rock 'n' roll.
1179
01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:17,933
Where's Nick ?
1180
01:22:17,967 --> 01:22:19,900
Come on, Nick.
We gonna be late !
1181
01:22:19,935 --> 01:22:24,732
Oh, I'm afraid this is
my stop, Lucy. From now on,
you're on your own.
1182
01:22:24,767 --> 01:22:26,596
What are you talkin' about ?
1183
01:22:26,631 --> 01:22:30,255
Well, Helga and I plan
to live in Saint-Tropez.
She likes the sun--
1184
01:22:30,290 --> 01:22:33,120
- Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
- I need to settle down, Lucy.
1185
01:22:33,155 --> 01:22:35,916
No ! You are not
leaving me out here
by myself.
1186
01:22:35,951 --> 01:22:39,299
This is my first night
as Santa Claus ! I don't know
how to do this job !
1187
01:22:39,333 --> 01:22:41,646
I don't know how to go
up the chimney. I don't know
what to do about this bag...
1188
01:22:41,680 --> 01:22:45,098
that keeps throwin' all these
toys, and I don't know anything
about these reindeers !
1189
01:22:45,132 --> 01:22:48,964
Now Dasher, now Dancer,
now Prancer, now Vixen--You know what I'm saying.
1190
01:22:48,998 --> 01:22:51,518
I need your help here.
You cannot leave.
1191
01:22:51,552 --> 01:22:55,453
And since you told me
that I'm the great,
mammy-jammy Santa Claus,
1192
01:22:55,487 --> 01:23:00,872
I'm makin' an edict:
I'm declarin' you
Santa Claus Emeritus.
1193
01:23:00,906 --> 01:23:04,669
Which means that you are
are gonna help me over
the next 200 years...
1194
01:23:04,703 --> 01:23:08,604
find the next Santa Claus
so I don't have to go through
what you went through...
1195
01:23:08,638 --> 01:23:11,227
looking for me.
1196
01:23:11,262 --> 01:23:14,713
Now, do we have a deal ?
1197
01:23:14,748 --> 01:23:20,202
Come on, Nick !
Please ? Please ?
1198
01:23:20,236 --> 01:23:22,307
Deal.Deal.
1199
01:23:22,342 --> 01:23:26,725
All right.Look, we're burning daylight
on the international dateline.
1200
01:23:26,760 --> 01:23:28,831
Okay, right now you are
burnin' my last nerve.
1201
01:23:28,865 --> 01:23:31,730
Get your behind in
the back of the sled, okay ?
1202
01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:36,045
I'm ready for this.
1203
01:23:36,080 --> 01:23:39,393
Now Dancer and...
1204
01:23:39,428 --> 01:23:41,430
Prancer and...
1205
01:23:41,464 --> 01:23:43,363
Nixon and...
1206
01:23:43,397 --> 01:23:45,503
Blitzen and--
1207
01:23:45,537 --> 01:23:48,747
Dash away, dash away,
dash away all !
1208
01:23:48,782 --> 01:23:54,891
Now dash away, dash away--
We're not dashing at all.
1209
01:23:57,825 --> 01:24:01,036
Take up the reins, Lucy.Oh, well, how am I
supposed to know that ?
1210
01:24:01,070 --> 01:24:03,245
This is just my first time
bein' Santa Claus.
1211
01:24:03,279 --> 01:24:06,593
You been Santa Claus
for 200 years !
All right.
1212
01:24:07,456 --> 01:24:09,354
Hee-yow !
Whoo !
1213
01:24:56,367 --> 01:24:58,610
She is Santa, Daddy !
1214
01:25:07,550 --> 01:25:10,243
Merry Christmas !Bye, Aunt Lucy !
1215
01:25:18,492 --> 01:25:21,944
Mer-ry Christmas !
95951
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.