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1
00:00:02,182 --> 00:00:04,258
Okay, y'all, Randi asked me to make
2
00:00:04,276 --> 00:00:06,593
a Thanksgiving-themed smoothie.
3
00:00:06,612 --> 00:00:08,595
I was thinking something
with pumpkin spice.
4
00:00:08,688 --> 00:00:11,373
It costs the same, but
we get to charge 12 bucks.
5
00:00:11,525 --> 00:00:13,934
Ooh, I am so thankful for bougie fools.
6
00:00:14,027 --> 00:00:16,937
And the reason I didn't
use pumpkin spice is
7
00:00:16,955 --> 00:00:20,440
that I don't wear yoga pants
and I'm not a basic bitch.
8
00:00:20,534 --> 00:00:22,200
(LAUGHS)
9
00:00:22,294 --> 00:00:24,202
Ooh. Aw, hell no.
10
00:00:24,296 --> 00:00:27,130
That goes down like something
that already came back up.
11
00:00:27,224 --> 00:00:29,633
It's Mama's green bean casserole.
12
00:00:29,785 --> 00:00:32,227
It's got cream of
mushroom soup and almonds.
13
00:00:32,379 --> 00:00:35,305
Dang, I forgot the fried onions.
14
00:00:35,457 --> 00:00:38,108
- Let me try it with a little vodka.
- Mm.
15
00:00:40,629 --> 00:00:42,071
Much better.
16
00:00:42,298 --> 00:00:43,555
Hi, everybody.
17
00:00:43,574 --> 00:00:45,465
What the hell are you two wearing?
18
00:00:45,559 --> 00:00:48,410
Oh, just a little matching
Thanksgiving hilarity.
19
00:00:48,487 --> 00:00:51,471
- "She's my sweet potato."
- "I yam."
20
00:00:52,277 --> 00:00:54,686
Okay, this is whiter than
the first Thanksgiving.
21
00:00:54,705 --> 00:00:57,206
So, what are you all
doing for Turkey Day?
22
00:00:57,357 --> 00:01:00,600
Same thing I always do,
feed the desperate and needy.
23
00:01:00,619 --> 00:01:03,437
But hopefully Katharine
has other plans this year.
24
00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:05,288
(LAUGHS): She's kidding.
25
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,123
She's never invited me for Thanksgiving.
26
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,384
Well, CJ is spending it with his mom,
27
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,869
so Randi's gonna cook for me all day.
28
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:14,072
(SCOFFS) Randi better be
the name of your DoorDasher.
29
00:01:14,222 --> 00:01:17,316
I'm camping out all day to get
a good spot on Black Friday.
30
00:01:17,484 --> 00:01:20,152
- You getting a new TV?
- Nah, I'm not buying anything.
31
00:01:20,303 --> 00:01:22,212
Just there for the fights.
32
00:01:22,305 --> 00:01:23,488
How about you, Phil?
33
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,715
Are you taking Jalen
home to meet your family?
34
00:01:25,734 --> 00:01:28,902
Oh, no, no, no. We just
started seeing each other.
35
00:01:29,054 --> 00:01:31,496
Plus, the Crumpler family
Thanksgiving can get
36
00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:32,906
a little rowdy.
37
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:37,227
Last year's pig wrestle
sent two cousins to the ER.
38
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,246
Well, since everyone's available,
39
00:01:40,341 --> 00:01:41,823
we should do a Friendsgiving.
40
00:01:41,842 --> 00:01:43,175
(OVERLAPPING AGREEMENTS)
41
00:01:43,326 --> 00:01:45,510
- I'm happy to host.
- (OTHERS GROAN)
42
00:01:45,662 --> 00:01:47,346
What?
43
00:01:47,422 --> 00:01:49,239
Kat... how can I say this?
44
00:01:49,257 --> 00:01:50,682
Your parties suck.
45
00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:52,684
And that's nicer than the
way I was gonna put it.
46
00:01:52,836 --> 00:01:56,413
My parties are fun.
Max, back me up here.
47
00:01:56,506 --> 00:01:58,840
Ain't no party like a Kat Silver party
48
00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:03,028
'cause a Kat Silver party's
got nonalcoholic punch.
49
00:02:03,221 --> 00:02:04,754
We were scrapbooking.
50
00:02:04,773 --> 00:02:06,606
You can't have a bunch of drunk people
51
00:02:06,758 --> 00:02:08,775
wielding scissors all willy-nilly.
52
00:02:08,927 --> 00:02:13,020
- This party's gonna be different.
- Are you sure?
53
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,040
I yam!
54
00:02:14,041 --> 00:02:16,266
- (OTHERS GROANING)
- Up top? No?
55
00:02:16,359 --> 00:02:17,709
? Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ?
56
00:02:17,878 --> 00:02:20,128
? Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ?
57
00:02:21,277 --> 00:02:22,944
Why isn't Katharine letting us in?
58
00:02:23,112 --> 00:02:25,538
Maybe the cats finally got her.
59
00:02:25,632 --> 00:02:27,132
I need to eat soon.
60
00:02:27,283 --> 00:02:29,617
- Phil is starting to look like a cartoon drumstick.
- Ha!
61
00:02:29,711 --> 00:02:32,712
A drumstick wishes it was this juicy.
62
00:02:32,864 --> 00:02:34,531
Carter has a Thanksgiving protocol.
63
00:02:34,624 --> 00:02:36,290
He doesn't eat for 48 hours,
64
00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:39,369
- and then he shows up in maternity pants.
- That's right.
65
00:02:39,387 --> 00:02:42,814
Tonight, I'm getting
knocked up with a food baby.
66
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:45,466
Do we have any idea
what Kat has planned?
67
00:02:45,486 --> 00:02:47,900
Last night, she was writing
things on index cards
68
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:51,990
and giggling, so I'm thinking
Thanksgiving Mad Libs.
69
00:02:52,217 --> 00:02:53,566
(ALL GROANING)
70
00:02:53,719 --> 00:02:54,826
Kat's parties are so adjective,
71
00:02:55,053 --> 00:02:58,555
I'm gonna go verb myself
with a loaded noun.
72
00:02:58,557 --> 00:02:59,889
Good evening, everyone.
73
00:03:00,058 --> 00:03:01,833
I hope you're ready for
a night of glamorous fun.
74
00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:05,504
It's gonna be hotsy-totsy,
and that's no applesauce.
75
00:03:05,655 --> 00:03:07,580
You've got to be adverb kidding me.
76
00:03:07,674 --> 00:03:09,749
Why are you dressed like that?
77
00:03:09,901 --> 00:03:12,877
You'll learn. I stopped
asking years ago.
78
00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:14,420
Why, I'm Kitty Vanderhuff,
79
00:03:14,515 --> 00:03:17,407
America's wealthiest cat food tycoon.
80
00:03:17,425 --> 00:03:19,425
Our kibble is the cat's pajamas.
81
00:03:19,594 --> 00:03:22,169
We also make cat's pajamas.
82
00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:25,248
Now, if all you chippies
and cake-eaters are ready
83
00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:26,267
for a real humdinger,
84
00:03:26,418 --> 00:03:28,843
let's fly on up to the cuckoo's nest.
85
00:03:29,921 --> 00:03:32,179
- Let's go upstairs.
- You hear that, baby?
86
00:03:32,348 --> 00:03:33,907
Mama's gonna eat.
87
00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,518
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
88
00:03:37,538 --> 00:03:39,612
- Ooh!
- Oh, man.
89
00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:42,448
We're going back to
the 1920s. I love it.
90
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:45,602
Although that means us confirmed
bachelors can't kiss in public.
91
00:03:45,662 --> 00:03:49,272
Oh, who cares, there's
cocaine in the soda pop.
92
00:03:49,365 --> 00:03:50,715
1920s? Hold up.
93
00:03:50,942 --> 00:03:52,458
If Randi and I got
to eat in the kitchen,
94
00:03:52,553 --> 00:03:54,110
- I'm calling Al Sharpton.
- (KAT LAUGHS)
95
00:03:54,203 --> 00:03:57,204
No, all are welcome at
Kitty Vanderhuff's table.
96
00:03:57,224 --> 00:03:59,391
And to prove that I throw fun parties,
97
00:03:59,618 --> 00:04:01,226
I've come up with a
theme for this evening,
98
00:04:01,377 --> 00:04:05,397
and the theme is... (GASPS) murder.
99
00:04:05,548 --> 00:04:06,898
(DRAMATIC STING PLAYS)
100
00:04:07,125 --> 00:04:11,052
Wow, honey, a murder
mystery Thanksgiving.
101
00:04:11,071 --> 00:04:12,128
Yay.
102
00:04:12,147 --> 00:04:14,722
All right, let's meet the victim.
103
00:04:14,741 --> 00:04:17,058
If you please. Earlier today,
104
00:04:17,077 --> 00:04:18,910
Tom Turkey was found decapitated,
105
00:04:19,062 --> 00:04:20,728
plucked, and stuffed,
106
00:04:20,747 --> 00:04:23,397
and one of you in this very room is...
107
00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:24,899
the murderer.
108
00:04:24,918 --> 00:04:26,476
(DRAMATIC STING PLAYS)
109
00:04:26,569 --> 00:04:28,328
You sure it didn't die of boredom
110
00:04:28,404 --> 00:04:30,046
from one of your parties?
111
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,258
We're not eating for a while, are we?
112
00:04:33,409 --> 00:04:34,792
KAT: Not true.
113
00:04:35,019 --> 00:04:38,171
Alexa, how long does it take
to cook a 20-pound turkey?
114
00:04:39,157 --> 00:04:41,491
ALEXA: It is recommended
to cook a 20-pound turkey
115
00:04:41,584 --> 00:04:45,511
for four hours and 15 minutes
at 325 degrees Fahrenheit.
116
00:04:45,606 --> 00:04:47,755
Four hours and 15 minutes?!
117
00:04:47,774 --> 00:04:52,319
Alexa, how long before
a human starves to death?
118
00:04:53,688 --> 00:04:56,856
ALEXA: Approximately 21 days.
119
00:04:57,008 --> 00:04:58,341
This is horrible.
120
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,435
Till we eat, I'm just a
man in maternity pants.
121
00:05:01,455 --> 00:05:03,455
Now, inside of these bags,
122
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,348
you'll find your character backstory,
123
00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:08,201
props and an alibi for...
124
00:05:08,295 --> 00:05:09,869
the murder.
125
00:05:09,963 --> 00:05:12,113
(DRAMATIC STING PLAYS)
126
00:05:12,132 --> 00:05:14,023
Give me that, or there's
gonna be another murder.
127
00:05:14,117 --> 00:05:17,694
No big deal, because I have...
128
00:05:17,787 --> 00:05:22,031
- a backup.
- (DRAMATIC STING PLAYS)
129
00:05:22,050 --> 00:05:24,217
Who knew I'd miss Mad Libs?
130
00:05:25,053 --> 00:05:26,978
All right, Randi, tell 'em who you are.
131
00:05:27,130 --> 00:05:28,721
Okay, uh, well, it says here
132
00:05:28,874 --> 00:05:30,725
- that I am... Oh.
- She's my daughter! She's my daughter.
133
00:05:30,725 --> 00:05:32,174
We've always best friends,
134
00:05:32,176 --> 00:05:34,711
but since blooming into
womanhood, she's more interested
135
00:05:34,729 --> 00:05:37,155
in the attention of gentleman callers.
136
00:05:37,306 --> 00:05:40,508
Yeah, you're right, we
should've gotten high.
137
00:05:40,568 --> 00:05:42,735
Cool, I'm Mayor McCheese.
138
00:05:42,888 --> 00:05:45,997
Oh, it's Mayor McChase. Sorry. Typo.
139
00:05:46,149 --> 00:05:49,075
Don't be sorry, Mayor McCheese
commends Ms. Vanderhuff
140
00:05:49,169 --> 00:05:51,394
on this fine celebration.
141
00:05:51,487 --> 00:05:53,838
Shamrock Shakes for everyone!
142
00:05:54,508 --> 00:05:56,157
I'm a world-class jockey
143
00:05:56,176 --> 00:05:58,902
and three-time Kentucky Derby Champion.
144
00:05:59,075 --> 00:06:01,909
I get it, I'm short.
145
00:06:02,745 --> 00:06:04,988
I was a preeminent surgeon in the Army,
146
00:06:05,081 --> 00:06:08,582
who saw things during the
Great War that changed me.
147
00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:11,511
- And what else?
- I have a crush on Kitty.
148
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,396
Darn tootin', you do.
149
00:06:14,590 --> 00:06:15,681
Max, who are you?
150
00:06:15,758 --> 00:06:17,166
Uh, a brilliant college professor.
151
00:06:17,301 --> 00:06:20,928
I won the Nobel Prize for
my work in thermochemistry.
152
00:06:21,022 --> 00:06:23,022
Great, I'm the nerd.
153
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,950
Really, Katharine? I'm your maid?
154
00:06:26,102 --> 00:06:27,619
(CHUCKLES) Tut-tut.
155
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,345
I rescued you off the street
156
00:06:29,364 --> 00:06:32,165
when you got too old to be a prostitute.
157
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,702
This is the first costume I've ever worn
158
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:39,205
that my father would approve of.
159
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,007
I'll be right back.
160
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,951
He is such a delight.
161
00:06:44,125 --> 00:06:47,126
If he were straight
and 20 years younger,
162
00:06:47,278 --> 00:06:48,553
he'd be perfect for me.
163
00:06:48,704 --> 00:06:50,630
He's sweet, he's smart.
164
00:06:50,724 --> 00:06:53,950
He makes me feel like I'm
the only person in the room.
165
00:06:54,043 --> 00:06:57,453
Look at me, falling for
him at the speed of lesbian.
166
00:06:57,472 --> 00:06:58,788
(LAUGHING)
167
00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:01,548
Well, well, well, what do we have here?
168
00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:04,627
Unlikely friends, secret allies,
169
00:07:04,646 --> 00:07:06,979
perhaps partners in... murder?
170
00:07:07,073 --> 00:07:08,648
(FART NOISE)
171
00:07:08,742 --> 00:07:10,816
Okay, who messed with my button?
172
00:07:10,985 --> 00:07:14,954
Hmm, looks like another mystery.
173
00:07:15,823 --> 00:07:17,749
This is the worst party ever,
174
00:07:17,976 --> 00:07:20,585
and I've been to an adult bris.
175
00:07:20,812 --> 00:07:21,994
You know what?
176
00:07:22,147 --> 00:07:24,238
You're a worse maid than
you were a prostitute,
177
00:07:24,257 --> 00:07:25,831
and you were an awful prostitute.
178
00:07:25,984 --> 00:07:29,052
Al Capone called, he
wants his penny back.
179
00:07:31,431 --> 00:07:34,081
If you keep looking at your
phone, Kat's gonna kick you out.
180
00:07:34,175 --> 00:07:36,342
Actually, that's a
good idea. Give me that.
181
00:07:36,436 --> 00:07:39,829
(GROANS) I sent this record
label my demo over a week ago.
182
00:07:39,831 --> 00:07:42,089
I just really need some good news.
183
00:07:42,108 --> 00:07:44,350
The phonograph is a fad,
it'll never catch on.
184
00:07:44,502 --> 00:07:47,353
Now, put away that cell blower,
or it's 23 skidoo for you.
185
00:07:47,447 --> 00:07:51,565
Well, I was looking at it, too,
if you want me to Scooby-Doo.
186
00:07:51,676 --> 00:07:53,767
This label is perfect for me.
187
00:07:53,861 --> 00:07:55,119
They only have a few artists.
188
00:07:55,346 --> 00:07:59,532
Although one of them is
Kenny Chesney... 's cousin.
189
00:08:00,351 --> 00:08:03,186
Max, can you just put
that away for a few hours
190
00:08:03,204 --> 00:08:05,188
and be part of this party?
191
00:08:05,206 --> 00:08:06,780
I can, I just don't want to.
192
00:08:06,874 --> 00:08:09,041
What is wrong with you people?!
193
00:08:09,135 --> 00:08:11,360
It's like you're not
even trying to have fun.
194
00:08:11,379 --> 00:08:13,879
You know, when I bought these
decorations at Party City,
195
00:08:13,974 --> 00:08:15,789
the cashier said, "Wow, I'm so jealous.
196
00:08:15,883 --> 00:08:17,308
Y'all are gonna have a good time."
197
00:08:17,535 --> 00:08:19,644
Well, you know what, Donna?
I'm the jealous one now.
198
00:08:19,795 --> 00:08:21,220
I wish it were me driving
199
00:08:21,314 --> 00:08:23,815
all the unsold Halloween
crap to the dump.
200
00:08:23,984 --> 00:08:27,151
I'm trying. I checked
every side dish for clues.
201
00:08:27,303 --> 00:08:31,572
The real mystery is who
stole all the flavor?
202
00:08:33,885 --> 00:08:38,070
All right, guys, Kat
worked really hard on this.
203
00:08:38,223 --> 00:08:41,390
So let's show her how much we
appreciate it by having some fun.
204
00:08:41,409 --> 00:08:42,500
Thank you.
205
00:08:42,727 --> 00:08:44,894
By making it a drinking game!
206
00:08:44,912 --> 00:08:46,062
(CHEERING)
207
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:47,154
No. No, no.
208
00:08:47,173 --> 00:08:48,822
We don't need drinking to make it fun.
209
00:08:48,883 --> 00:08:50,341
I mean, it's already a
logical deduction game.
210
00:08:50,493 --> 00:08:53,753
How about every time Katharine
bosses us around, we drink?
211
00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:55,680
No, no, we are not doing that.
212
00:08:55,757 --> 00:08:57,423
She bossed us. Drink!
213
00:08:57,575 --> 00:08:59,559
(CHEERING)
214
00:09:03,356 --> 00:09:05,523
- (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
- No snacking.
215
00:09:05,674 --> 00:09:07,025
Here you go. Since it's Prohibition,
216
00:09:07,342 --> 00:09:09,859
I had to get the booze from
a couple of shady bootleggers.
217
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,286
They tried to give me the "rum-around."
218
00:09:12,513 --> 00:09:14,780
Dear God, only you could ruin alcohol.
219
00:09:15,608 --> 00:09:17,441
So, how do we wrap this game up?
220
00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:20,186
Oh, we've hardly scratched
the surface of the fun.
221
00:09:20,204 --> 00:09:21,854
First you gather clues,
222
00:09:21,947 --> 00:09:23,780
then after many hours of
sifting through evidence,
223
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,040
you make an accusation.
224
00:09:25,193 --> 00:09:27,543
It was Carter. Game
over. Let's frigging eat.
225
00:09:27,637 --> 00:09:29,336
Excuse me? I didn't do it.
226
00:09:29,563 --> 00:09:33,699
And I'm the mayor, so you may
refer to me as "Your Highness."
227
00:09:33,718 --> 00:09:38,037
Okay, new rule, anyone who makes
a wrong accusation has to drink.
228
00:09:38,130 --> 00:09:40,706
I accuse the groundskeeper.
229
00:09:40,799 --> 00:09:42,299
There is no groundskeeper.
230
00:09:42,393 --> 00:09:43,393
Oh, I know.
231
00:09:44,045 --> 00:09:46,061
- It was the maid.
- (OTHERS GASP)
232
00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:47,897
Tom Turkey knew she was spit shining
233
00:09:48,049 --> 00:09:49,824
more than the jockey's shoes.
234
00:09:50,051 --> 00:09:52,885
(GASPS) You treacherous bitch.
235
00:09:53,054 --> 00:09:55,145
Seriously, me and the maid?
236
00:09:55,239 --> 00:09:59,058
I don't mind being straight,
but really, the help?
237
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:01,243
I'll tell you who I think it was...
238
00:10:01,337 --> 00:10:03,171
our host, Fancy Puffenstuff.
239
00:10:03,398 --> 00:10:04,672
- (OTHERS GASPS)
- Oh, it's true.
240
00:10:04,899 --> 00:10:06,281
Look at those ham hands.
241
00:10:06,434 --> 00:10:08,676
She could strangle a buffalo.
242
00:10:08,827 --> 00:10:11,328
Why, I would never hurt Tom Turkey.
243
00:10:11,347 --> 00:10:13,497
He was my... Randi,
get the button ready.
244
00:10:13,666 --> 00:10:15,499
Nope.
245
00:10:15,518 --> 00:10:17,685
Fine. He was my...
246
00:10:17,836 --> 00:10:20,688
- father. "Dun, dun... "
- (FART NOISE)
247
00:10:20,855 --> 00:10:22,171
All right. Who has the button?
248
00:10:22,264 --> 00:10:26,284
Yeah, it was definitely the button.
249
00:10:27,987 --> 00:10:31,122
You don't know what
it's like to be mayor.
250
00:10:31,273 --> 00:10:33,273
All those citizens,
251
00:10:33,293 --> 00:10:34,625
all those potholes,
252
00:10:34,777 --> 00:10:38,203
having to carry around that
big-ass key to the city.
253
00:10:38,356 --> 00:10:40,447
Well, you don't know what
it's like being Kat's daughter.
254
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:43,782
I know it's pretend, but
the embarrassment is real.
255
00:10:43,951 --> 00:10:46,060
(ICE RATTLING)
256
00:10:46,211 --> 00:10:48,303
So, Professor, as a
colleague of Edison's,
257
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,564
I'm curious what you
think of Nikola Tesla.
258
00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:52,048
Oh, that dude's awesome.
259
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:55,069
Great cars, even better cough drops.
260
00:10:55,296 --> 00:10:58,239
? Ni-ko-la! ?
261
00:11:00,635 --> 00:11:01,967
(LAUGHING)
262
00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:03,513
This is the best Thanksgiving
263
00:11:03,533 --> 00:11:06,367
since Katharine's father
and I went to Honolulu.
264
00:11:06,518 --> 00:11:11,096
We swam with the dolphins and
had sex on the USS Arizona.
265
00:11:11,189 --> 00:11:14,783
I've never been, but I sure
watched a lot of Magnum, P.I.
266
00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:18,254
The mystery was, "Am I
gay?" And he solved it.
267
00:11:19,364 --> 00:11:21,790
Oh, Hawaii with you would be magical.
268
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:25,535
We could boink at all the war memorials.
269
00:11:25,555 --> 00:11:27,963
KAT: Hey, y'all, come on in.
270
00:11:28,115 --> 00:11:29,706
Ladies and gentlemen,
271
00:11:29,725 --> 00:11:32,284
dames and daddies, get your wiggle on.
272
00:11:32,303 --> 00:11:35,045
The moment has arrived.
Dinner is... Whoa.
273
00:11:35,064 --> 00:11:36,397
- Oh.
- (OTHERS GASP)
274
00:11:37,291 --> 00:11:39,458
(HIGH-PITCHED): Ah! My baby!
275
00:11:39,476 --> 00:11:41,443
Screw it! I'm going in!
276
00:11:43,406 --> 00:11:45,239
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- Save some for me.
277
00:11:45,466 --> 00:11:47,408
I'm the runt of the litter.
278
00:11:47,577 --> 00:11:49,134
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
279
00:11:49,227 --> 00:11:50,636
MAX: Phil! That is my foot!
280
00:11:51,396 --> 00:11:54,206
This is the best Thanksgiving ever!
281
00:12:00,739 --> 00:12:03,073
That was the worst Thanksgiving ever.
282
00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:06,076
Oh, good, hey, you're up.
283
00:12:06,095 --> 00:12:07,836
Who wants a breakfast margarita?
284
00:12:08,005 --> 00:12:09,913
How are you not hungover?
285
00:12:10,082 --> 00:12:12,991
You can't get hungover if
you don't stop drinking.
286
00:12:13,085 --> 00:12:14,751
- (WHIRRING)
- (OTHERS GROAN)
287
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,104
Dude! It is Black Friday.
288
00:12:17,181 --> 00:12:19,665
I will whoop your ass at a discount.
289
00:12:20,351 --> 00:12:23,185
Well, you know what they
say, it's noon somewhere.
290
00:12:23,337 --> 00:12:24,503
I'll take one.
291
00:12:24,596 --> 00:12:27,172
That's a hell of a
mattress you got in there.
292
00:12:27,191 --> 00:12:28,674
Is that where you slept, baby?
293
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:30,451
Yeah.
294
00:12:30,678 --> 00:12:31,860
(LAUGHS)
295
00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,528
Where's Jalen?
296
00:12:33,681 --> 00:12:36,198
Well, he left after you
told him you loved him.
297
00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:37,516
What?!
298
00:12:37,534 --> 00:12:39,275
I was as surprised as he was.
299
00:12:39,295 --> 00:12:41,629
How about you make
me one for a grown-up?
300
00:12:43,115 --> 00:12:45,190
I told him I loved him?
301
00:12:45,283 --> 00:12:46,467
What did he say?
302
00:12:46,694 --> 00:12:51,213
He said, "You're pretty
drunk, please stop crying."
303
00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:52,547
Oh.
304
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,700
- (BUZZES)
- Oh, my God.
305
00:12:54,793 --> 00:12:56,368
The record label loved my demo
306
00:12:56,461 --> 00:12:59,371
and would like to meet
me in Nashville tomorrow.
307
00:12:59,464 --> 00:13:01,056
Whoa, that's amazing!
308
00:13:01,133 --> 00:13:03,150
You're gonna meet Biff Chesney.
309
00:13:03,301 --> 00:13:04,801
(CHEERING)
310
00:13:04,895 --> 00:13:07,562
Okay, okay, everybody be happy quieter.
311
00:13:07,715 --> 00:13:10,382
This is a perfect end
to what many are calling
312
00:13:10,475 --> 00:13:13,476
a flawless murder mystery Thanksgiving.
313
00:13:13,496 --> 00:13:16,738
Well, you know, we never found
out who murdered Tom Turkey.
314
00:13:16,815 --> 00:13:18,724
Oh, we all did,
315
00:13:18,742 --> 00:13:20,909
with our apathy toward factory farming.
316
00:13:21,003 --> 00:13:22,652
- (BOOING)
- God.
317
00:13:22,746 --> 00:13:24,004
That's stupid.
318
00:13:24,231 --> 00:13:27,341
All my parties end
with a teachable moment.
319
00:13:28,402 --> 00:13:30,594
Excuse me, I'm gonna go throw up.
320
00:13:36,305 --> 00:13:38,030
I need some relationship advice.
321
00:13:38,048 --> 00:13:40,032
On it, what's up?
322
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:42,200
Oh, I meant Randi, Carter.
323
00:13:42,219 --> 00:13:44,294
Any of these people.
324
00:13:44,313 --> 00:13:45,813
Phil, if you haven't heard from Jalen,
325
00:13:45,964 --> 00:13:46,964
you need to text him.
326
00:13:46,982 --> 00:13:48,223
But what would I say?
327
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:50,392
Is it time to send a tasteful nude?
328
00:13:50,486 --> 00:13:52,694
- Fixes everything.
- No.
329
00:13:54,156 --> 00:13:56,064
- KAT: Oh, hey.
- Hey.
330
00:13:56,216 --> 00:13:57,324
Hey, Phil, can I get a coffee?
331
00:13:57,475 --> 00:13:59,217
I didn't expect you back so early.
332
00:13:59,386 --> 00:14:00,386
How was your meeting?
333
00:14:00,387 --> 00:14:02,312
I decided to skip the meeting.
334
00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:03,722
You skipped it?
335
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:05,223
Yeah, the label's too small for me.
336
00:14:05,317 --> 00:14:07,075
I-I need a place with a bigger reach.
337
00:14:07,244 --> 00:14:10,228
Well, big things come from
small things all the time.
338
00:14:10,322 --> 00:14:13,899
If you need proof, I can send
you one of my tasteful nudes.
339
00:14:14,068 --> 00:14:16,343
Uh, I'm sorry, I'm just confused.
340
00:14:16,570 --> 00:14:18,236
Yesterday you were
so excited about this.
341
00:14:18,255 --> 00:14:19,754
And today I changed my mind.
342
00:14:19,849 --> 00:14:22,090
- But I don't...
- Just let it go.
343
00:14:22,242 --> 00:14:24,259
Wait... Max, hang on.
344
00:14:24,353 --> 00:14:26,502
- What's Max's problem?
- Oh, who cares?
345
00:14:26,522 --> 00:14:29,764
Now, should I send this text to Jalen?
346
00:14:29,917 --> 00:14:32,767
"Hey, just checking in. How's it going?
347
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,530
Are you breaking up with
me? Please don't. I love you.
348
00:14:36,681 --> 00:14:37,681
This is Phil."
349
00:14:37,774 --> 00:14:40,033
- Perfect. Send it.
- No!
350
00:14:41,036 --> 00:14:42,852
My phone.
351
00:14:42,872 --> 00:14:44,538
What's going on?
352
00:14:44,689 --> 00:14:48,283
The truth is I overslept. My
stupid alarm didn't go off.
353
00:14:48,377 --> 00:14:50,210
Oh, well, you can always ask me.
354
00:14:50,362 --> 00:14:51,436
I'll be your wakeup call.
355
00:14:51,438 --> 00:14:53,105
I can even do one of my accents.
356
00:14:53,198 --> 00:14:54,623
(IN ACCENT): Crikey,
mate, it's time to get up.
357
00:14:54,717 --> 00:14:56,366
You've got things to didgeridoo.
358
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,218
I'm not in the mood,
Kat. It's not a great day.
359
00:14:58,445 --> 00:15:00,295
Okay. Well, just reschedule.
360
00:15:00,389 --> 00:15:02,872
I tried. They were jerks about it.
361
00:15:02,892 --> 00:15:04,182
Really?
362
00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:06,060
You know what?
363
00:15:06,061 --> 00:15:07,786
It's their loss.
364
00:15:07,804 --> 00:15:09,605
You're gonna find some place better.
365
00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:12,149
Thanks.
366
00:15:14,235 --> 00:15:15,306
Have you been drinking?
367
00:15:15,504 --> 00:15:18,355
I stopped off at a bar, had
a couple to take the edge off.
368
00:15:19,182 --> 00:15:20,607
Uh, it's not even 3:00.
369
00:15:20,758 --> 00:15:23,426
I mean, who are you, one
of the Real Housewives?
370
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,261
What are you saying, I drink too much?
371
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,763
Um, you tell me.
372
00:15:27,858 --> 00:15:30,784
Were you drunk last night
and that's why you overslept?
373
00:15:31,011 --> 00:15:32,285
Kat, will you give me a break?
374
00:15:32,437 --> 00:15:34,362
I'm just trying to figure
out what's going on here.
375
00:15:34,514 --> 00:15:36,014
I said that my alarm didn't go off!
376
00:15:36,183 --> 00:15:37,442
I didn't realize that
you were monitoring
377
00:15:37,442 --> 00:15:38,941
how much I was drinking.
378
00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:40,368
And who didn't have to get hammered
379
00:15:40,445 --> 00:15:42,111
to get through your dumbass party?
380
00:15:42,131 --> 00:15:44,631
Max...
381
00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:47,525
Okay, he's way out of line.
382
00:15:47,544 --> 00:15:49,619
That party was on the chain.
383
00:15:49,713 --> 00:15:52,121
Or off the chain.
384
00:15:52,141 --> 00:15:55,350
Whichever one is cool,
my party was that.
385
00:15:57,888 --> 00:16:00,463
Kat, everyone drinks
too much at the holidays.
386
00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:02,707
That's what family does to people.
387
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,468
I know, but this feels different to me.
388
00:16:05,487 --> 00:16:07,303
Max was so excited about this meeting,
389
00:16:07,322 --> 00:16:09,731
and then he missed it
because he drank too much.
390
00:16:09,825 --> 00:16:11,992
I mean, you're his roommate,
have you noticed anything?
391
00:16:12,161 --> 00:16:14,310
Well, only when it's Tequila Tuesday.
392
00:16:14,329 --> 00:16:16,721
Or Whiskey Wednesday.
Or Thirsty Thursday.
393
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:18,740
Wait, damn, do I have
a drinking problem?
394
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:21,484
Max doesn't have a
problem with drinking.
395
00:16:21,578 --> 00:16:23,395
He has a problem paying his tab.
396
00:16:23,397 --> 00:16:26,656
I mean, once he settles up,
my kid can finally get braces.
397
00:16:26,675 --> 00:16:28,383
(KNOCKING)
398
00:16:29,252 --> 00:16:30,677
Oh, no, it's Jalen.
399
00:16:30,904 --> 00:16:32,929
(DRAMATIC STING PLAYS)
400
00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:36,165
It's the best three
bucks I've ever spent.
401
00:16:36,185 --> 00:16:39,260
Oh, God. He's here to break up with me.
402
00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:41,246
He's gonna do it in person.
403
00:16:41,264 --> 00:16:43,097
That is so classy,
404
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:44,599
I love him even more.
405
00:16:44,751 --> 00:16:46,100
- Well, be strong.
- Be confident.
406
00:16:46,253 --> 00:16:48,552
Cry early and often.
407
00:16:49,347 --> 00:16:51,756
Hey, you. See you later, guys.
408
00:16:51,849 --> 00:16:54,984
I love you, Kat. I love you,
Randi. I love you, Carter.
409
00:16:55,095 --> 00:16:58,446
Something I say to everyone,
doesn't mean anything.
410
00:16:58,523 --> 00:17:01,249
It meant something to somebody.
411
00:17:02,377 --> 00:17:04,269
Don't know if you got my text.
412
00:17:04,287 --> 00:17:06,938
It was nothing special, just,
413
00:17:06,957 --> 00:17:08,957
"What's up?" (CHUCKLES)
414
00:17:09,051 --> 00:17:11,635
Not "wassup... "
415
00:17:12,888 --> 00:17:14,295
You remember that 20 years ago?
416
00:17:14,448 --> 00:17:16,130
Oh, boy, that was funny.
417
00:17:16,283 --> 00:17:18,283
Anyway, nice talk. Kiss?
418
00:17:19,043 --> 00:17:22,787
I-I did get your text,
and sorry I didn't respond.
419
00:17:22,806 --> 00:17:26,124
But what I have to say
should be said in person.
420
00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:27,550
No.
421
00:17:27,644 --> 00:17:29,736
You cannot break up with
me if you can't catch me.
422
00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:31,655
N-No, no. Oh, Phil.
423
00:17:32,574 --> 00:17:34,482
Sit down, Phil.
424
00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:36,634
I'm not breaking up with you.
425
00:17:36,653 --> 00:17:37,819
Oh, thank God.
426
00:17:37,913 --> 00:17:41,122
I haven't run in over 40 years.
427
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:44,476
Look, I'm not gonna lie,
428
00:17:44,569 --> 00:17:46,920
when you said you loved me,
it kind of freaked me out.
429
00:17:47,147 --> 00:17:48,421
So...
430
00:17:48,573 --> 00:17:52,650
I spent the last couple
days thinking about...
431
00:17:52,669 --> 00:17:53,760
why.
432
00:17:53,987 --> 00:17:55,503
Well, I know why I said it.
433
00:17:55,597 --> 00:17:58,598
You're kind, you're thoughtful.
434
00:17:58,750 --> 00:18:02,435
You've got a butt tight
as airport security.
435
00:18:03,588 --> 00:18:07,089
Since we met, it's
been super obvious to me
436
00:18:07,183 --> 00:18:09,501
that I'm falling for you.
437
00:18:09,594 --> 00:18:11,019
Oh.
438
00:18:11,187 --> 00:18:13,838
Then you went and said that and I...
439
00:18:13,857 --> 00:18:16,524
I don't want to ruin this by rushing it.
440
00:18:16,676 --> 00:18:19,010
Well, I don't want to ruin it, either.
441
00:18:19,179 --> 00:18:20,996
I want to make sure we do this right.
442
00:18:22,124 --> 00:18:23,848
You're the first boyfriend I've ever had
443
00:18:23,867 --> 00:18:26,251
where I really see a future.
444
00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:28,036
Boyfriend?
445
00:18:28,355 --> 00:18:30,688
I ate turkey off the floor
with you and your weird friends.
446
00:18:30,782 --> 00:18:33,758
You think I'd do that for
anyone less than a boyfriend?
447
00:18:35,028 --> 00:18:37,304
(MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY)
448
00:18:42,311 --> 00:18:45,053
Hmm. I got a boyfriend.
449
00:18:45,205 --> 00:18:47,038
(GIGGLING)
450
00:18:47,057 --> 00:18:49,907
And my friends are cool.
451
00:18:49,909 --> 00:18:51,559
The only weird one is Kat.
452
00:18:51,653 --> 00:18:53,320
Ay, ay, ay.
453
00:18:53,471 --> 00:18:55,322
Y'all want to come up for
some Thanksgiving leftovers?
454
00:18:55,473 --> 00:18:57,565
I'm in. How about you, food baby?
455
00:18:57,717 --> 00:19:00,735
(SCOFFS) Back up,
ladies, he is all mine.
456
00:19:00,887 --> 00:19:02,144
(PHONE RINGS)
457
00:19:02,238 --> 00:19:03,238
Oh.
458
00:19:03,390 --> 00:19:04,390
Hey, Max.
459
00:19:04,482 --> 00:19:05,482
Yeah, I'm glad you called.
460
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,625
Uh, listen, about earlier...
461
00:19:08,653 --> 00:19:09,653
What?
462
00:19:09,654 --> 00:19:10,745
What's going on?
463
00:19:10,897 --> 00:19:12,730
He got arrested for public intoxication.
464
00:19:12,899 --> 00:19:15,233
(DRAMATIC STING PLAYS)
465
00:19:15,251 --> 00:19:16,568
Seriously?
466
00:19:16,586 --> 00:19:19,679
Oh, so now you don't like the button?
467
00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:29,597
All right, I'm-a just
come out and say it.
468
00:19:29,691 --> 00:19:32,192
I think peeing on a cop car is funny.
469
00:19:32,419 --> 00:19:35,103
You, sir, are an ally.
470
00:19:35,197 --> 00:19:36,938
Why did you bring them?
471
00:19:37,090 --> 00:19:38,606
Do you know how exciting it is
472
00:19:38,733 --> 00:19:40,533
for a Black person to
bail out a white dude?
473
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,185
I mean, this is the world
that Dr. King dreamed of.
474
00:19:43,279 --> 00:19:46,781
I'm here because my
boyfriend is a lawyer.
475
00:19:46,983 --> 00:19:49,209
Did you say boyfriend, Phil?
476
00:19:49,285 --> 00:19:50,710
(SINGSONGY): Why, yes, I did.
477
00:19:50,862 --> 00:19:54,272
Max, maybe you want to walk
us through what happened?
478
00:19:55,291 --> 00:19:57,366
Uh, after our fight, I
had a couple of drinks,
479
00:19:57,386 --> 00:20:00,111
and then I was walking home,
480
00:20:00,204 --> 00:20:01,629
because I didn't want to drive drunk,
481
00:20:01,781 --> 00:20:03,890
which I think I deserve credit for.
482
00:20:04,117 --> 00:20:05,392
No.
483
00:20:06,136 --> 00:20:08,895
So, I ducked into a side street to go.
484
00:20:09,046 --> 00:20:11,122
And you went on a police car.
485
00:20:11,141 --> 00:20:14,275
Near a police car.
The wind did the rest.
486
00:20:16,387 --> 00:20:17,553
All right, maybe...
487
00:20:17,572 --> 00:20:19,464
maybe I have been
drinking more than usual.
488
00:20:19,482 --> 00:20:22,817
Yeah, the neighborhood kid who
recycles our cans and bottles
489
00:20:22,986 --> 00:20:25,060
just bought a new bike.
490
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,655
It's just the music stuff
hasn't been going like I wanted,
491
00:20:27,749 --> 00:20:30,308
and I just have too
much free time lately.
492
00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:34,403
My boyfriend says, "Idle hands
are the devil's playground."
493
00:20:34,423 --> 00:20:38,166
That's right, I have a boyfriend.
494
00:20:38,318 --> 00:20:40,910
Maybe a break would be good.
495
00:20:40,929 --> 00:20:43,245
You know, change up my habits.
496
00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:44,914
I think that's smart.
497
00:20:44,933 --> 00:20:46,099
You know what might help?
498
00:20:46,250 --> 00:20:47,958
Paying your bar tab.
499
00:20:48,678 --> 00:20:51,086
I'm sorry that I snapped at you.
500
00:20:51,255 --> 00:20:53,164
Oh. It's okay.
501
00:20:53,257 --> 00:20:54,507
I figured it was the alcohol talking.
502
00:20:54,517 --> 00:20:57,259
Why else would you say
I threw a dumbass party?
503
00:20:57,353 --> 00:20:59,170
Oh, good God, give it a rest.
504
00:20:59,263 --> 00:21:00,855
We didn't eat for six hours.
505
00:21:01,007 --> 00:21:03,283
Jalen thinks you're weird.
506
00:21:03,510 --> 00:21:05,785
(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)
507
00:21:07,514 --> 00:21:09,581
? ?
508
00:21:09,631 --> 00:21:14,181
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