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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,207 --> 00:00:07,247 Come on, then, greedy guts. 2 00:00:07,251 --> 00:00:09,421 You're just like me, and that scares me. Yeah, me too. 3 00:00:09,415 --> 00:00:11,695 Mum's being weird. Yeah, well, Mum's always weird. 4 00:00:11,699 --> 00:00:13,819 I'm sorry, Dan. I'm sorry that you haven't realised 5 00:00:13,823 --> 00:00:15,793 that this is actually my brother's memorial. 6 00:00:15,787 --> 00:00:18,707 When you used to hang out with him, you made me so uncomfortable. 7 00:00:18,713 --> 00:00:20,483 What happened? Did you end it? 8 00:00:20,476 --> 00:00:22,236 No, I actually... 9 00:00:40,714 --> 00:00:43,644 Oh, God, what have I done to you? 10 00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:48,133 OLLIE: Come on, then, greedy guts. 11 00:00:48,129 --> 00:00:50,329 You've not been very good, have you? 12 00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:53,143 Let's get rid of you, then. 13 00:00:58,628 --> 00:01:02,118 We were just feeding Mr Meowgi. 14 00:01:02,115 --> 00:01:03,955 Such a greedy guts, that cat. 15 00:01:06,003 --> 00:01:07,933 Agh, God! Bollocks! 16 00:01:10,772 --> 00:01:12,132 Bollocks. 17 00:01:16,583 --> 00:01:18,633 Seabird by Alessi Brothers 18 00:01:20,510 --> 00:01:24,360 # There's a road I know I must go... # 19 00:01:26,762 --> 00:01:30,572 # Even though I tell myself 20 00:01:30,569 --> 00:01:32,329 # That road is closed... # 21 00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:40,034 Dan? 22 00:01:40,027 --> 00:01:42,427 Dan! Please, can you help me out today? 23 00:01:42,432 --> 00:01:43,922 Oh, my God, yes. 24 00:01:47,882 --> 00:01:49,372 Wahey! Wahey! Wanker! 25 00:01:49,365 --> 00:01:51,405 Oh, God! 26 00:01:51,409 --> 00:01:53,929 Get in. Sorry. Hello. You look fit. Thank you. 27 00:01:53,934 --> 00:01:56,944 Thanks, mate. I know! Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there. 28 00:01:56,939 --> 00:01:58,579 It's really purple, isn't it? 29 00:01:58,583 --> 00:02:00,153 It is purple. It's a bit purple. 30 00:02:00,146 --> 00:02:01,586 Nic's been cooking all morning, 31 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,308 but she's also been drinking all morning. 32 00:02:03,312 --> 00:02:05,362 Not all morning! God! Hello! All right, honey? 33 00:02:05,356 --> 00:02:08,316 Oh, my gosh. How are you? Yes, I'm good. Look at you! 34 00:02:08,321 --> 00:02:10,851 You look gorgeous! Oh, you look gorgeous! 35 00:02:10,846 --> 00:02:13,526 Thank you. This place! 36 00:02:13,531 --> 00:02:16,221 Can you feel that? Can you feel it? What, the underfloor heating? 37 00:02:16,216 --> 00:02:18,936 Can you feel the underfloor heating? I can't, I've got a new coat! 38 00:02:18,941 --> 00:02:21,111 Oh, this looks incredible! You've really got an eye. 39 00:02:21,105 --> 00:02:23,585 Oh, God, I don't. You do! No, I don't. I couldn't do this. 40 00:02:23,590 --> 00:02:26,000 Oh, God. God's sake. Don't, you'll break the champagne! 41 00:02:25,995 --> 00:02:27,875 Oh, it is champagne! 42 00:02:27,878 --> 00:02:28,998 Is that a regift? 43 00:02:29,001 --> 00:02:30,161 No, I nicked it from work. 44 00:02:30,163 --> 00:02:32,813 You've got to see the conservatory. Yes! We have a conservatory. 45 00:02:32,808 --> 00:02:34,928 Oh, yeah, come have a look. I'm really showing off. 46 00:02:34,932 --> 00:02:36,782 If I annoy you or be a bit of a sort of smug twat, 47 00:02:36,775 --> 00:02:38,735 just tell me to fuck off. No, you won't. Stop it! 48 00:02:38,739 --> 00:02:41,139 I think they've got a conservatory, babe. Oh, my goodness! 49 00:02:41,144 --> 00:02:43,434 Come on, then, shall I show you through? Wow. OK. Sure. 50 00:02:43,428 --> 00:02:45,868 You're going to absolutely love it. Ooh! 51 00:02:45,873 --> 00:02:48,123 Oh, wow! It's all right, innit? 52 00:02:48,117 --> 00:02:50,637 Oh, my goodness! 53 00:02:50,642 --> 00:02:52,572 You all right? 54 00:02:52,565 --> 00:02:54,005 Yeah, you? Yeah, good. 55 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:56,288 How...How was LA? Was it brilliant? 56 00:02:56,292 --> 00:02:57,502 Is that small talk, Nic? 57 00:02:57,495 --> 00:02:59,895 No, I'm not small-talking you. I'm actually fascinated. 58 00:02:59,899 --> 00:03:02,949 That's small talk. No, small talk is, "How was the weather there? 59 00:03:02,945 --> 00:03:04,945 "Is it hot? What time of year did you go?" 60 00:03:04,949 --> 00:03:06,229 That's small talk. 61 00:03:07,514 --> 00:03:08,844 What? 62 00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:11,078 You look good. 63 00:03:13,084 --> 00:03:15,014 Did you get your hair done for today? No. 64 00:03:15,008 --> 00:03:17,008 God, you're so arrogant! 65 00:03:17,012 --> 00:03:18,422 You are unbelievably arrogant. 66 00:03:19,737 --> 00:03:21,177 Is that a new top? 67 00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:22,540 Yes. 68 00:03:22,542 --> 00:03:24,792 You look really fucking good. Shut up. 69 00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,747 Like a sexy matador. How was it? 70 00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:28,630 Why aren't you telling me how...how it was? 71 00:03:28,634 --> 00:03:31,164 Yeah, I just chilled at the hotel. Suzie met famous people. 72 00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:32,719 Oh, my God, lovely. 73 00:03:32,722 --> 00:03:34,122 Nic? 74 00:03:34,124 --> 00:03:36,134 Nic? 75 00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:38,808 Do you remember when we fucked here? 76 00:03:38,813 --> 00:03:40,303 Don't. Why are you doing that? 77 00:03:40,296 --> 00:03:41,456 Nic? 78 00:03:41,458 --> 00:03:44,138 Yes, love? You'll never guess who I saw the other week. 79 00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:45,554 Who? 80 00:03:45,546 --> 00:03:47,746 Dull Claire. Oh, my God! 81 00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:49,920 Oh, I mean, guess what she's doing now? 82 00:03:49,915 --> 00:03:51,795 I have no idea. 83 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,478 She's a financial dominatrix. 84 00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:55,973 What on earth is that? 85 00:03:55,966 --> 00:03:58,446 It's basically where men get off on giving women money, 86 00:03:58,451 --> 00:04:01,581 and then they spunk it on, like, Chanel bags and shit. 87 00:04:01,577 --> 00:04:03,497 What? Oh, my God, what is that even about? 88 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,910 And she doesn't even have to sleep with them or anything. 89 00:04:05,905 --> 00:04:08,025 How did she get into that? Cos I need to get into it! 90 00:04:08,029 --> 00:04:09,789 I know! What are you talking about? 91 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:12,602 That's basically us. She looks like a bloody thumb, remember? 92 00:04:12,598 --> 00:04:14,518 She does look like a thumb. 93 00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,771 I tell you what I've got. You'll love this. 94 00:04:18,088 --> 00:04:20,248 Oh, my gosh, 95 00:04:20,252 --> 00:04:22,982 you need... You seen this? 96 00:04:22,977 --> 00:04:24,617 Fucking purple. 97 00:04:24,621 --> 00:04:26,751 So when Big Brother moved from Elstree... Mm-hm. 98 00:04:26,745 --> 00:04:29,385 ..they just shoved all this stuff in the warehouse 99 00:04:29,390 --> 00:04:31,150 and they did an auction. 100 00:04:31,153 --> 00:04:35,163 I picked this up for about 140 quid from the Big Brother house. 101 00:04:35,161 --> 00:04:37,041 That one was about 260 quid. It's nice, innit? 102 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,614 Yeah, have a coffee in the morning. 103 00:04:38,607 --> 00:04:40,727 But Brian Belo probably sat in that chair. 104 00:04:42,775 --> 00:04:45,135 What was it, Nadia from Big Brother 5, who I loved? 105 00:04:47,384 --> 00:04:49,034 Oh, God! 106 00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,987 I've completely ruined this gravy. 107 00:04:51,993 --> 00:04:54,963 Uh, Alex, do you think I've ruined this gravy? 108 00:04:54,958 --> 00:04:56,478 Can you just look at it? 109 00:04:56,481 --> 00:04:58,611 Yeah. This is bugging the hell out of me. 110 00:04:58,605 --> 00:05:00,565 I think I completely have. 111 00:05:00,569 --> 00:05:02,769 I got you, boo. Damn, girl! 112 00:05:02,773 --> 00:05:05,223 Right, so what are you doing? Talk me through it. 113 00:05:05,218 --> 00:05:07,138 A bit of cornflour, if it's lying around. 114 00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:23,528 So gorgeous! Yeah, it's nice, innit? 115 00:05:23,533 --> 00:05:26,143 Oh, um, where's Ollie? 116 00:05:26,138 --> 00:05:28,178 Oh! Ollie! 117 00:05:28,182 --> 00:05:32,912 Your auntie and uncle are down here, and you're being very rude. 118 00:05:32,911 --> 00:05:35,961 Ollie, can you come down? Auntie Suze and Uncle Alex are here. 119 00:05:35,956 --> 00:05:38,836 Bit busy filming. I think they've got you a present. 120 00:05:38,842 --> 00:05:40,532 Oh, OK, yeah. Oh, now you're coming down. 121 00:05:40,525 --> 00:05:42,845 What crap present have I got to be grateful for this time? 122 00:05:42,849 --> 00:05:44,049 Like a bloody greyhound now. 123 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,542 "Oh, thank you, Uncle Alex!" All right, all right, all right. 124 00:05:46,536 --> 00:05:48,256 Come on, then. 125 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:50,140 - Hey! - Hey! 126 00:05:50,143 --> 00:05:52,233 You all right? Yeah. Did you have a good birthday? 127 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,907 - Yeah, it was great, thanks. - Sorry we missed it. 128 00:05:54,912 --> 00:05:56,842 That's all right. Eight years old! 129 00:05:56,836 --> 00:05:58,516 Oh! Thank you! This is for you. 130 00:06:01,765 --> 00:06:03,365 Whoa. 131 00:06:03,369 --> 00:06:05,209 Oh! Ooh! But... 132 00:06:05,212 --> 00:06:08,022 Sorry, what is it? Oh, it's a bit small for him, innit? 133 00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:10,217 It's for the cat! Oh, yes! 134 00:06:10,222 --> 00:06:13,432 Oh. Wow, that's just... Like, I'm buzz... That's just... 135 00:06:13,428 --> 00:06:14,828 Do you like it? 136 00:06:14,830 --> 00:06:17,120 Yeah. Yeah, it's the best. 137 00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,995 So he can be Godzilla! 138 00:06:18,998 --> 00:06:20,678 Yeah. Is that it? 139 00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,771 Is... Is that it? 140 00:06:22,765 --> 00:06:24,885 Yes. Yeah, is that all right? 141 00:06:24,889 --> 00:06:26,929 Oh, that's... That's enough. Nice. 142 00:06:26,933 --> 00:06:28,623 Wow. 143 00:06:28,617 --> 00:06:31,497 Well, I'm going to go play in the shed. Yeah. All right? 144 00:06:31,502 --> 00:06:34,592 Yeah. Oh, Ollie, you've dropped your... Mum! 145 00:06:34,588 --> 00:06:36,108 Mum! 146 00:06:36,111 --> 00:06:38,081 I thought you said you were going to ask for cash. 147 00:06:38,075 --> 00:06:40,435 I did ask them for cash. I'm sorry, they just got you that. 148 00:06:40,439 --> 00:06:42,359 And there is no way he's getting in that, right? 149 00:06:42,363 --> 00:06:44,773 Well, can you try and put it on him? It's a stegosaurus! 150 00:06:44,767 --> 00:06:46,647 It's not even... 151 00:06:46,651 --> 00:06:49,261 Just put it on the cat and bring it in. I don't think he likes it. 152 00:06:49,256 --> 00:06:51,776 Mum, please! I'll give you 20 quid. Deal. 153 00:06:51,781 --> 00:06:53,421 He loves it. Uh-huh. 154 00:06:53,424 --> 00:06:56,194 Oh, thank you. Are you sure? Oh, really does. 155 00:06:56,189 --> 00:06:58,709 Yeah. He does. He loves it. Oh, my gosh! His face was saying... 156 00:06:58,714 --> 00:07:01,124 We should've given him the money. 157 00:07:01,118 --> 00:07:03,158 Drinks! You sort the table, I'll get the drinks. 158 00:07:03,162 --> 00:07:05,292 Dinner is imminent. "Imminent"? 159 00:07:05,286 --> 00:07:07,686 Imminent. That's right. I said it right. 160 00:07:07,691 --> 00:07:09,741 Uh, can I have a glass of champs, please? 161 00:07:09,735 --> 00:07:11,455 Do you want a glass of champs, Suze? 162 00:07:11,458 --> 00:07:12,698 Water. 163 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:13,980 Are you serious? 164 00:07:13,983 --> 00:07:15,953 Yeah, I've got to drive in the morning 165 00:07:15,947 --> 00:07:18,227 and I've got a meeting tomorrow afternoon. 166 00:07:18,231 --> 00:07:19,791 Is sparkling all right, then, Suze? 167 00:07:19,794 --> 00:07:22,524 Yeah, sparkling is great. It's never stopped you before. 168 00:07:22,519 --> 00:07:24,279 That's mad. Are you on antibiotics? 169 00:07:24,283 --> 00:07:25,933 You can drink on those. 170 00:07:25,926 --> 00:07:27,406 If you get the balance right, 171 00:07:27,408 --> 00:07:30,088 it gives you quite like a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling, doesn't it? 172 00:07:30,094 --> 00:07:31,944 Uh-huh. Where's Suzie gone? 173 00:07:31,937 --> 00:07:33,977 Are you an android? Like a Black Mirror episode. 174 00:07:33,981 --> 00:07:35,831 You're the waiter, you should be doing this. 175 00:07:35,825 --> 00:07:37,905 Some wine, please. Cos you've got work tomorrow?! 176 00:07:37,908 --> 00:07:39,788 Yeah, I've got a meeting I need to be fresh for! 177 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,162 Do you go round the table with a pepper grinder, like that? 178 00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:44,517 No, cos I'm not a waiter, I'm a manager. Where's Suze gone? 179 00:07:44,521 --> 00:07:46,971 I have been for eight years. I just want to be fresh tomorrow. 180 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,606 Where's my Suzie gone? This is so weird! 181 00:07:48,609 --> 00:07:50,289 What is the minimum wage? I don't know. 182 00:07:50,292 --> 00:07:52,102 Why don't you ask anyone that works for you. 183 00:07:52,095 --> 00:07:53,375 Oh! 184 00:07:53,378 --> 00:07:54,698 That is... That's quite good. 185 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:56,870 Yeah, cos you asked me that, I had that in my pocket. 186 00:07:56,865 --> 00:07:58,225 No, she's not drinking. Huh? 187 00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:00,307 She's not drinking. Don't you think that's mad? 188 00:08:00,311 --> 00:08:02,201 What, is she pregnant? No! Are you pregnant? 189 00:08:02,195 --> 00:08:03,515 No! You're not pregnant? No? 190 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:04,997 No. Definitely not? 191 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,080 No, I'm not. 192 00:08:07,084 --> 00:08:08,414 But... 193 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,020 Um... What are you doing? Well, we... Ah-bu-bu! 194 00:08:13,015 --> 00:08:15,695 You know, because everyone's here, so we... What are you doing? 195 00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,620 It's not a big deal. It's not the time. 196 00:08:17,624 --> 00:08:19,434 We... Suzie, don't. Stop it. Oh, boy. 197 00:08:19,427 --> 00:08:20,987 We are 198 00:08:20,990 --> 00:08:23,760 trying for a baby. 199 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,120 Oh, my God! 200 00:08:28,124 --> 00:08:30,094 That's absolutely brilliant. 201 00:08:30,088 --> 00:08:33,568 Yeah! My God. Mate, that's amazing news! 202 00:08:33,574 --> 00:08:35,104 Aw, God! Sorry. Hey... 203 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,497 Do you know what, I've just... 204 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:39,190 Oh, God, my nail... Clipped it on something. 205 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,265 Oh, my... You all right, babe? 206 00:08:41,269 --> 00:08:42,629 I'll go check. 207 00:08:44,435 --> 00:08:46,955 Are you sure you want to have his kid? Is it OK that I said? 208 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,960 Yeah, it'll have to be, won't it? Suze? 209 00:08:48,964 --> 00:08:50,374 Mm-hm? Are you sure? 210 00:08:50,366 --> 00:08:51,686 It's good. Yeah, I'm excited. 211 00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:53,209 Look, I'm sorry. 212 00:08:53,212 --> 00:08:56,262 Get away from me now. 213 00:08:56,258 --> 00:08:57,738 We've been having tons of sex. 214 00:08:57,740 --> 00:08:59,740 We've been shagging like rabbits, haven't we? 215 00:08:59,744 --> 00:09:02,794 In fact, the other day, we did it in the toilet at Costa. 216 00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:05,200 Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, you know, when we have to do it... 217 00:09:05,195 --> 00:09:07,475 ..we have to do it. 218 00:09:20,103 --> 00:09:21,313 Oi! 219 00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:30,155 You know I've got an ear infection, you dick! 220 00:09:30,162 --> 00:09:32,372 Yes! 221 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:36,210 You threw that like Mr Burns then. 222 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,474 What a weird thing to say. 223 00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:55,928 That was delicious. 224 00:09:55,931 --> 00:09:58,981 Oh, God, no, I totally overdid the beef. 225 00:09:58,977 --> 00:10:02,857 Bloody Blumen Hestonthal said half an hour per kilo, 226 00:10:02,864 --> 00:10:05,274 which is just utter lies. Heston Blumenthal. 227 00:10:05,269 --> 00:10:07,949 Heston Blumenthal, whatever is. Yes, it was a bit tough. 228 00:10:07,954 --> 00:10:10,004 It was like you needed a chainsaw to cut through. 229 00:10:09,998 --> 00:10:12,078 Well, you cook next time. I was joking! 230 00:10:12,082 --> 00:10:13,532 No, you weren't. 231 00:10:15,288 --> 00:10:17,008 Right, give me that. 232 00:10:17,011 --> 00:10:19,621 Oh, God. No, please, don't. I'll sort the dishwasher out. 233 00:10:19,616 --> 00:10:20,976 You OK? Yeah, you? Mm-hm. 234 00:10:20,979 --> 00:10:23,459 Alex, have you seen the results today? Oh, no, come on... 235 00:10:23,464 --> 00:10:26,034 What? I'll help. No, no. Honestly? 236 00:10:27,712 --> 00:10:30,642 So, anyway, the other day, you'll never believe this... 237 00:10:30,637 --> 00:10:32,157 Get a load of this. 238 00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:36,965 Fucking hell! I know. Who's that? 239 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,529 Met her on Tinder. She works at the village shop. 240 00:10:39,534 --> 00:10:41,424 Kelly. How old is she? 241 00:10:41,418 --> 00:10:43,658 25. 20-fucking-five! 242 00:10:43,662 --> 00:10:45,512 She wants my dick, basically. 243 00:10:45,506 --> 00:10:48,026 And I don't know whether to give it to her or not. 244 00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:50,190 I mean, her like that, 245 00:10:50,194 --> 00:10:52,964 I'd say there with make-up on, all, like, dressed up, 246 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,040 she's like... Nine. Nine and a half, mate. 247 00:10:55,044 --> 00:10:57,854 But like, without make-up, she's still a good eight, solid eight. 248 00:10:57,849 --> 00:10:59,289 Oh, she went to, um... 249 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,062 Oh, my God, Katie! 250 00:11:01,055 --> 00:11:02,695 Who was it that she, um... 251 00:11:02,698 --> 00:11:06,148 The tutor. Yeah. God, he was a real... 252 00:11:06,145 --> 00:11:08,185 He always used to give her, like, top marks. 253 00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:11,069 Cheating bastard! I know. 254 00:11:11,074 --> 00:11:12,844 I mean, this is like the stuff of fantasy. 255 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,718 I mean, your fantasies. This is my reality. 256 00:11:14,721 --> 00:11:17,291 This is what I've got to live with, mate. This is what happens. 257 00:11:17,286 --> 00:11:19,606 If you're me, this is what you have to deal with. Right. 258 00:11:19,610 --> 00:11:22,580 Ah, well, I guess you'll just have to live vicariously through me, eh? 259 00:11:22,576 --> 00:11:24,176 Mm. Look! 260 00:11:24,179 --> 00:11:25,659 Babe? Um... 261 00:11:25,662 --> 00:11:28,512 I think I'm feeling a bit jet-lagged. Oh, shit. You all right? 262 00:11:28,507 --> 00:11:29,947 Yeah, I'm fine. I just... 263 00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:32,320 I think maybe I should have a lie-down or something, 264 00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:34,755 close my eyes for a second. You can use our room if you want. 265 00:11:34,759 --> 00:11:36,759 Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Is that all right? Yeah. 266 00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:39,093 Do you want to lie down? Yeah. 267 00:11:39,088 --> 00:11:41,368 Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a lie-down. Is that OK? 268 00:11:41,372 --> 00:11:43,942 Yeah, that's fine. I've got... I've run out of paracetamol, 269 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:46,777 but I'll go to the shop and get some more. Yeah? 270 00:11:46,782 --> 00:11:48,272 Thank you. 271 00:11:48,265 --> 00:11:49,985 OK, cool. 272 00:11:49,988 --> 00:11:51,268 Is that all right? 273 00:11:51,271 --> 00:11:54,321 Oh, my God, yeah, of cour... Is that OK? Yeah, go lie down. OK. 274 00:11:54,317 --> 00:11:56,917 Oh, I hope you feel better soon. Yeah, yeah, I will. 275 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,206 Are you going to come with me? Oh, yeah. 276 00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:02,730 Mm-hm. Yep, yep, yep, yep. OK? 277 00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:38,916 Oh! Hi, guys, I'm sorry. This is really, really embarrassing. 278 00:12:38,921 --> 00:12:41,771 Ollie's next door, and if I can hear everything downstairs, 279 00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:43,967 he's going to be able to hear. Yep. I'm sorry. 280 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,021 So do you mind not? 281 00:12:51,265 --> 00:12:52,865 Can you go talk to her? 282 00:12:54,912 --> 00:12:56,482 Nic... 283 00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:58,355 Are you OK? 284 00:12:58,358 --> 00:13:00,398 Come on, talk to me. 285 00:13:00,402 --> 00:13:02,972 It's OK, you can talk to me. Come in here. 286 00:13:12,545 --> 00:13:13,945 Will you talk to me? Get off! 287 00:13:13,948 --> 00:13:16,748 Stop it! Nic, I'm sorry. Talk to me. 288 00:13:16,753 --> 00:13:18,923 You were upstairs having sex with her! Just... 289 00:13:20,601 --> 00:13:22,931 Oh, God. 290 00:13:22,925 --> 00:13:25,405 Just so angry at you. 291 00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:26,770 I know. I'm sorry. 292 00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:37,430 I don't want babies. 293 00:13:39,397 --> 00:13:41,157 Unless it's with you. 294 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,920 I don't want Suzie. I want you. 295 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,728 It's always been you. 296 00:13:47,732 --> 00:13:49,582 I love you. 297 00:13:49,576 --> 00:13:51,736 Do you know what I fantasise about the most? 298 00:13:53,864 --> 00:13:57,154 I don't know. Just doing a Sunday big shop with you. 299 00:13:59,194 --> 00:14:01,084 That's... That's insane. 300 00:14:07,049 --> 00:14:08,569 I love you. 301 00:14:08,572 --> 00:14:10,742 But we just have to get through today, OK? OK. 302 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,058 Then we'll come up with a plan. Mm-hm. 303 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:17,432 OK? Just today. I just want to be with you. 304 00:14:17,429 --> 00:14:18,789 I love you. 305 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,351 I love you. 306 00:14:44,961 --> 00:14:46,321 I love you. 307 00:14:48,047 --> 00:14:49,287 Is the cat watching? 308 00:14:51,093 --> 00:14:53,383 Yeah! 309 00:14:54,459 --> 00:14:57,099 He's in his dinosaur... Fucking hell. 310 00:15:07,564 --> 00:15:09,614 Promise? 311 00:15:18,946 --> 00:15:20,866 Mate, um... 312 00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,760 We were just feeding Mr Meowgi. 313 00:15:25,078 --> 00:15:26,558 Such a greedy guts, that cat! 314 00:15:29,085 --> 00:15:30,405 Right. 315 00:15:38,744 --> 00:15:40,434 You all right, mate? 316 00:15:40,427 --> 00:15:41,987 Yeah. Do you want a beer? 317 00:15:51,328 --> 00:15:53,848 Go on, then, greedy guts. 318 00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:56,262 You've not been very good, have you? 319 00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:58,457 Let's get rid of you, then. 320 00:16:00,866 --> 00:16:02,906 Mum, you're a really good cook. 321 00:16:02,910 --> 00:16:04,910 Why can't you cook like this all the time? 322 00:16:04,913 --> 00:16:07,243 I'm actually in shock. That was so good. 323 00:16:07,238 --> 00:16:10,238 The pancakes were almost as good as McDonald's. 324 00:16:10,244 --> 00:16:12,454 Right, Harry, do you want to go do your teeth? 325 00:16:12,448 --> 00:16:14,488 OK. 326 00:16:14,492 --> 00:16:15,852 Ollie? 327 00:16:15,854 --> 00:16:17,264 Yeah? 328 00:16:17,257 --> 00:16:18,777 Am I a bad mum? 329 00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:20,380 No! 330 00:16:20,383 --> 00:16:22,873 Don't be s... No. You're... 331 00:16:22,868 --> 00:16:24,628 You know, you... 332 00:16:24,631 --> 00:16:26,801 You're a great mum. Really? 333 00:16:26,795 --> 00:16:28,795 Think of all the stuff you let me do. 334 00:16:28,799 --> 00:16:31,679 Remember that time when you let me slide down the stairs 335 00:16:31,684 --> 00:16:34,094 on a baking tray? Your head battered the door. 336 00:16:34,089 --> 00:16:35,729 I did, but it was funny. 337 00:16:35,732 --> 00:16:38,582 And the time when I put firecrackers 338 00:16:38,578 --> 00:16:40,498 in the pizza oven in the back garden. 339 00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:41,901 OK, that's enough, I think. 340 00:16:41,904 --> 00:16:44,314 Or the time when you stuck a GoPro to my head 341 00:16:44,308 --> 00:16:46,588 and forced me into the badger sett. 342 00:16:48,156 --> 00:16:50,596 Oh, my God! Oh! 343 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,400 Do you want a lift? Do I want a lift? 344 00:16:52,404 --> 00:16:53,734 Now she's offering! 345 00:16:53,726 --> 00:16:56,726 What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris? 346 00:16:56,732 --> 00:16:59,502 Whoa, whoa, whoa! A man will actually look for a golf ball! 347 00:16:59,497 --> 00:17:02,377 We've got kids in the back! Right, they hear everything. 348 00:17:02,383 --> 00:17:05,233 No, Ollie, it's actually pronounced the cli-taurus 349 00:17:05,228 --> 00:17:07,108 the Mitsubishi Clitaurus. 350 00:17:07,112 --> 00:17:08,562 Is it anything like the Outlander? 351 00:17:08,555 --> 00:17:10,635 It's much smaller than the Outlander. 352 00:17:10,639 --> 00:17:12,879 No, this'll be here... This is fine here. 353 00:17:12,883 --> 00:17:15,053 Do you know what? It's a bit chilly so, what I'll do, 354 00:17:15,047 --> 00:17:16,887 I'll get you right round to the entrance. 355 00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:19,380 No, just here will be fine. No, it's fine! 356 00:17:19,375 --> 00:17:22,335 Oh! Oh, for God's sake! 357 00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,471 No, it's absolutely... I'm sorry. For God's sake! 358 00:17:24,465 --> 00:17:26,825 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You big oaf! What did you do that for? 359 00:17:26,829 --> 00:17:29,189 I've got it here. I've got it. It's fine. 360 00:17:29,194 --> 00:17:31,924 It's fine. There we go. Sometimes I could kill her! 361 00:17:33,121 --> 00:17:34,561 Need a hand? 362 00:17:34,564 --> 00:17:36,854 No, no, no, no, no. You sure? It's fine. 363 00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:39,088 There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. 364 00:17:39,093 --> 00:17:41,383 Are you all right? 365 00:17:41,377 --> 00:17:43,697 Oh, Ollie, are you all right? I'm all right. 366 00:17:43,702 --> 00:17:46,072 Hi! Thanks for the help. 367 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,466 Oh, no, you're very welcome. 368 00:17:47,469 --> 00:17:50,469 God! Let me help. You've made me all stressed out. 369 00:17:50,474 --> 00:17:53,444 I know, I know. You're all fingers and thumbs, aren't you? 370 00:17:58,329 --> 00:17:59,649 Oh, my God. 371 00:18:03,940 --> 00:18:06,710 Oh, I can't do this. All right, you're going to be all right. 372 00:18:06,705 --> 00:18:09,945 No, I can't do this. You can. I can't! 373 00:18:09,951 --> 00:18:12,241 You'll be fine. You've got to come in with me. I-I c... 374 00:18:12,236 --> 00:18:13,916 You have to! Dan'll have a fit if I go... 375 00:18:13,919 --> 00:18:16,809 I'm going to have a panic attack! All right, OK. OK, OK. Just breathe. 376 00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:19,325 You just need to breathe. I really need a wee, I'm... OK. 377 00:18:19,329 --> 00:18:21,449 Right, we'll go in. Are you going to be OK? 378 00:18:21,453 --> 00:18:24,023 I'll see you in there. Yeah, I'll see.. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 379 00:18:24,018 --> 00:18:25,618 Oh, God. 380 00:18:38,085 --> 00:18:39,645 I love you, you knob. 381 00:18:45,219 --> 00:18:47,059 OK, OK, you're going to be OK. 382 00:18:47,062 --> 00:18:48,792 You're going to be OK. 383 00:18:48,785 --> 00:18:51,145 OK. 384 00:18:51,150 --> 00:18:53,470 And then Dan met Nic and I thought, 385 00:18:53,474 --> 00:18:56,404 "Holy shit, he's done it, he's found the one. 386 00:18:58,283 --> 00:18:59,853 "He's found a unicorn." 387 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,587 Suze. 388 00:19:33,591 --> 00:19:35,231 Why were you there that night? 389 00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:39,679 I've... 390 00:19:39,682 --> 00:19:42,812 I've told you. No, you never did tell me why you were there. 391 00:19:45,413 --> 00:19:47,663 Yeah, I have. Nic... 392 00:19:47,657 --> 00:19:49,577 ..why? 393 00:19:49,581 --> 00:19:51,871 Was it me? 394 00:19:51,865 --> 00:19:53,745 Was it because I was working so much? 395 00:19:53,749 --> 00:19:54,949 Oh, God, no. 396 00:19:56,434 --> 00:19:58,364 I miss you. 397 00:19:58,358 --> 00:19:59,798 I really miss you. 398 00:20:01,844 --> 00:20:04,694 But I really, really, 399 00:20:04,690 --> 00:20:08,380 really fucking hate you. 400 00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:23,653 Alex? 401 00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:34,831 Get this! Nic, Nic, Nic! 402 00:20:34,827 --> 00:20:36,627 Thank you, thank you. 403 00:20:36,631 --> 00:20:38,761 Thank you for coming. How did you know Alex? 404 00:20:38,755 --> 00:20:40,235 W-Who's Alex? 405 00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:41,558 For fuck's sake. 406 00:20:46,570 --> 00:20:48,570 I cut up a quiche. 407 00:20:48,573 --> 00:20:50,343 Fuck off, fuckwad. 408 00:20:57,230 --> 00:21:00,880 So, Dan tells me he's desperately unhappy in his marriage. 409 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,680 Hello, everyone. Hi. Um... 410 00:21:04,684 --> 00:21:07,374 Guys, if you're at the back and want to sit down, take a seat, 411 00:21:07,369 --> 00:21:10,259 or feel free to stand. That's absolutely fine. Thanks. 412 00:21:12,098 --> 00:21:14,458 Hi, everyone. Um... 413 00:21:14,463 --> 00:21:16,433 Just want to start by thanking you all, really. 414 00:21:16,426 --> 00:21:19,426 Warm welcome to the professional mourners from the temp agency. 415 00:21:19,432 --> 00:21:21,082 Great job. Um... 416 00:21:21,075 --> 00:21:23,675 I hope you're all enjoying the crisps. 417 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,840 Um... Apologies for Nic's potato salad. 418 00:21:25,844 --> 00:21:29,374 And please don't feel obliged to eat it. It's horrible. 419 00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:32,381 In fact, Mum, can you just get rid of it? Can you bin it? 420 00:21:32,377 --> 00:21:34,897 Potato salad. 421 00:21:34,902 --> 00:21:38,152 Look, there's two. Get them out. 422 00:21:38,148 --> 00:21:42,278 I always used to play this prank on Alex when we were kids, 423 00:21:42,276 --> 00:21:47,006 where I'd put loads of balloons up and down the stairs, 424 00:21:47,005 --> 00:21:50,125 and then I'd tell him, "It's your birthday!" 425 00:21:50,131 --> 00:21:52,221 And he'd get all excited and he'd be, 426 00:21:52,215 --> 00:21:54,335 "It's my birthday, it's my birthday!" 427 00:21:54,339 --> 00:21:57,059 And then he'd just run down the stairs and burst in 428 00:21:57,064 --> 00:21:59,674 full of excitement into the living room, 429 00:21:59,669 --> 00:22:02,959 and he'd just find Mum sat there watching a clothes show... 430 00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:04,195 And, um... 431 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:08,051 ..I just... 432 00:22:09,848 --> 00:22:12,688 I just want to say sorry. 433 00:22:12,694 --> 00:22:14,264 I'm sorry. I just, um... 434 00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:18,630 I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't... 435 00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:21,825 I didn't... 436 00:22:25,919 --> 00:22:27,799 Sorry for that. 437 00:22:27,802 --> 00:22:29,172 I'm so sorry. 438 00:22:33,413 --> 00:22:34,903 So sorry. 439 00:22:45,997 --> 00:22:47,517 Um... 440 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,210 Alex really was so... 441 00:22:52,850 --> 00:22:54,130 ..loved. 442 00:22:56,497 --> 00:22:57,897 By everyone. 443 00:22:59,903 --> 00:23:01,193 Um... 444 00:23:07,598 --> 00:23:09,518 Nic. 445 00:23:09,522 --> 00:23:13,292 Why don't you come up here and share something? 446 00:23:13,289 --> 00:23:15,129 Come on, Nic. 447 00:23:15,132 --> 00:23:17,222 I'm sure you've got something to say about Alex. 448 00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:20,260 Just... 449 00:23:23,067 --> 00:23:24,507 Oh, my God. 450 00:23:28,358 --> 00:23:29,638 Um... 451 00:23:32,606 --> 00:23:34,846 Oh, my God. 452 00:23:34,850 --> 00:23:36,490 Oh, God. Oh, God. 453 00:23:38,777 --> 00:23:41,297 Um... 454 00:23:41,302 --> 00:23:44,992 We're all here today to... 455 00:23:46,071 --> 00:23:47,671 Um... 456 00:23:49,758 --> 00:23:51,998 We were just feeding Mr Meowgi. 457 00:23:52,003 --> 00:23:54,013 Such a greedy guts, that cat. 458 00:23:55,088 --> 00:23:57,128 Um... 459 00:23:57,132 --> 00:23:59,822 Go on, then, greedy guts. 460 00:23:59,817 --> 00:24:02,097 You've not been very good, have you? 461 00:24:02,102 --> 00:24:03,422 Let's get rid of you, then. 462 00:24:03,424 --> 00:24:04,834 Um... 463 00:24:06,630 --> 00:24:09,520 Sorry we're late. Sorry. 464 00:24:09,516 --> 00:24:11,836 You've got something that belongs to us. 465 00:24:13,844 --> 00:24:15,094 Um... 466 00:24:18,252 --> 00:24:20,222 Um... 467 00:24:20,216 --> 00:24:22,656 Sorry. Um... 468 00:24:22,661 --> 00:24:23,981 What's wrong? What happened? 469 00:24:23,983 --> 00:24:25,633 What do you mean? How long has it been? 470 00:24:25,627 --> 00:24:27,107 You don't still see him, do you? 471 00:24:30,476 --> 00:24:33,436 You need to let these things out. You'll go mad. 472 00:24:33,441 --> 00:24:36,691 I've got an ear infection, you dick! 473 00:24:36,688 --> 00:24:39,248 Come on, Nic, get to the juicy bits! 474 00:24:39,252 --> 00:24:41,902 Nic! Nic! Nic! 475 00:24:48,029 --> 00:24:49,549 Nic! Nic! Nic! 476 00:24:50,554 --> 00:24:52,044 Yeah, so, um... 477 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:57,729 ..the last, um...time I saw Alex... 478 00:24:59,010 --> 00:25:00,050 Ah... 479 00:25:01,134 --> 00:25:02,624 And, um... 480 00:25:07,146 --> 00:25:08,346 Oh! 481 00:25:10,512 --> 00:25:12,082 Oi, see that! 482 00:25:12,075 --> 00:25:13,595 You threw that like Mr Burns then! 483 00:25:17,245 --> 00:25:18,525 There's a pound. What? 484 00:25:18,527 --> 00:25:21,047 I'm going to get you a pound for Christmas. What are you doing? 485 00:25:21,052 --> 00:25:23,342 No, don't do that. You'll get run over. No! 486 00:25:23,336 --> 00:25:25,056 Get off it. Help. 487 00:25:25,060 --> 00:25:28,270 Help yourself, you fat fuck! 488 00:25:28,266 --> 00:25:31,666 Dodgy breath. I love you, you knob. 489 00:25:31,672 --> 00:25:34,362 Come back to mine, we'll get a bath together. 490 00:25:34,357 --> 00:25:36,717 What? 491 00:25:38,686 --> 00:25:40,166 Train's here. 492 00:25:41,331 --> 00:25:43,011 Alex? 493 00:25:45,298 --> 00:25:47,338 Hey. 494 00:25:47,342 --> 00:25:48,542 What are you doing here? 495 00:25:48,544 --> 00:25:50,194 "Ghosting me? 496 00:25:50,187 --> 00:25:51,787 "Being a fuckboy? 497 00:25:51,791 --> 00:25:54,121 "Ain't nobody got time for that!" 498 00:25:54,115 --> 00:25:56,235 It was a j... It was a joke. 499 00:25:56,239 --> 00:25:57,839 Oh, Nic... 500 00:25:57,842 --> 00:25:59,772 What? What? 501 00:26:01,208 --> 00:26:03,648 Look, I got, like, no sleep last night 502 00:26:03,653 --> 00:26:07,743 and I just wanted to say that maybe it's a good time 503 00:26:07,741 --> 00:26:09,341 for us to come clean about it, 504 00:26:09,344 --> 00:26:12,274 because now, you know, now Ollie knows. 505 00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:14,510 Did you think about Ollie once in the last seven years? 506 00:26:14,514 --> 00:26:16,604 Yeah, of course I have. Of course I have. 507 00:26:16,598 --> 00:26:19,358 No, I just wanted to, um, say, 508 00:26:19,363 --> 00:26:22,053 "Ollie, it's because we're in love with each other, and..." 509 00:26:22,048 --> 00:26:23,648 I can't fucking do this. 510 00:26:25,895 --> 00:26:28,535 I mean, do you think there's something special about you, Nic? 511 00:26:28,540 --> 00:26:29,900 Do you? 512 00:26:29,903 --> 00:26:32,193 I mean, fucking come on. 513 00:26:32,187 --> 00:26:34,947 It's never been about you. 514 00:26:34,953 --> 00:26:37,723 It's always been about my brother. 515 00:26:37,718 --> 00:26:39,438 I can't stand Dan. 516 00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:42,454 And I can't stress that enough. 517 00:26:42,447 --> 00:26:45,527 It has never, ever once been about you. 518 00:26:47,857 --> 00:26:49,857 And me and Suzie, 519 00:26:49,861 --> 00:26:51,871 we're going to have a kid, 520 00:26:51,865 --> 00:26:54,825 and I'm not going to let this fuck with that. 521 00:26:54,831 --> 00:26:57,641 And do you know what? I'm going to be a better fucking parent than you, 522 00:26:57,636 --> 00:26:59,076 because it's not hard, is it? 523 00:26:59,079 --> 00:27:01,199 No, Alex, I know you're doing this... Nic... 524 00:27:01,203 --> 00:27:03,453 ..because you're trying to push me away. Nic... 525 00:27:03,447 --> 00:27:06,607 And I know that you love me. Listen, get your hands off me. 526 00:27:06,613 --> 00:27:08,903 Go home to your fucking family. 527 00:27:08,897 --> 00:27:10,177 OK? Pfft. 528 00:27:14,909 --> 00:27:16,509 Do you know what? The sex was fine... 529 00:27:18,556 --> 00:27:20,636 ..but I think you should lose some weight. 530 00:27:28,254 --> 00:27:29,904 Open the door. Fuck. 531 00:27:29,897 --> 00:27:32,297 Open the fucking door! 532 00:27:32,302 --> 00:27:34,672 Open the fucking door! 533 00:27:36,710 --> 00:27:38,270 Fucking kill you! Open the... 534 00:27:42,441 --> 00:27:44,531 Open the fucking door! 535 00:27:44,525 --> 00:27:46,205 Open the fucking... 536 00:27:46,208 --> 00:27:48,768 Stop the train! 537 00:27:49,935 --> 00:27:51,335 Fucking! No! 538 00:27:54,504 --> 00:27:57,194 Stop the train! 539 00:27:57,189 --> 00:27:58,309 Nic! 540 00:27:59,514 --> 00:28:01,404 Pull the cord! 541 00:28:01,397 --> 00:28:03,557 Pull it now, you stupid bitch! 542 00:28:44,038 --> 00:28:45,238 Um... 543 00:28:46,804 --> 00:28:49,014 # I'm sorry 544 00:28:50,090 --> 00:28:53,340 # So sorry 545 00:28:53,336 --> 00:28:59,026 # Please accept my apology 546 00:28:59,027 --> 00:29:02,827 # But love was blind 547 00:29:02,834 --> 00:29:09,854 # And I was too blind to see 548 00:29:09,847 --> 00:29:13,447 # Sorry. # 549 00:29:13,497 --> 00:29:18,047 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39683

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