All language subtitles for Wednesday.S01E01.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.Atmos.H.264-SMURF

I'm not sure
whose twisted idea it was

to put hundreds of adolescents
in underfunded schools

run by people whose dreams
were crushed years ago...

but I admire the sadism.

I want names.

I don't know who they were, honest.

- It happened so fast.
- Pugsley, emotion equals weakness.

Pull yourself together.

Now.

You scared, kid? Scared?

You okay?

I'm not about
to confess to my brother

that I've recently
been plagued by visions.

They come on without warning,

and feel like electroshock therapy,
but without the satisfying afterburn.

Leave this to me.

Wednesday?

What are you gonna do?

What I do best.

♪ Non, rien de rien... ♪

Yo, Dalton, look.

Pigsley's sister.

Hey, freak.

This is a closed practice.

The only person
who gets to torture my brother is me.

♪ Non, rien de rien ♪

♪ Non, je ne regrette rien ♪

♪ Car ma vie, car mes joies ♪

♪ Ça commence avec toi ♪

♪ I close my eyes ♪

♪ Then I drift away ♪

♪ Into the magic night ♪

♪ I softly say ♪

♪ A silent prayer ♪

♪ Like dreamers do ♪

♪ Then I fall asleep to dream ♪

♪ My dreams of you ♪

♪ I remember ♪

♪ That you said goodbye... ♪

Mmm.

Darling, how long do you intend
on giving us the cold shoulder?

Lurch, please remind my parents
that I'm no longer speaking to them.

Hmm.

I promise you, my little viper,

you will love Nevermore.

Won't she, Tish?

Of course.
It's the perfect school for her.

Why? Because it was
the perfect school for you?

I have no interest
in following in your footsteps.

Becoming captain of the fencing team,

Queen of the Dark Prom,
President of the Séance Society.

I merely meant that finally you will
be among peers who understand you.

Maybe you'll even make some friends.

Nevermore is like
no other boarding school.

It's a magical place.

It's where I met your mother.

And we fell in love.

You guys are making me nauseous.

Not in a good way.

Darling, we aren't the ones
who got you expelled.

That boy's family was going to file
attempted murder charges.

How would that have looked on your record?

Terrible.

Everyone would know
I failed to get the job done.

Hmm.

Just over here is fine.

- Thanks.
- You sure you want to get out here?

The trail might look pretty,
but it runs right past Nevermore.

That school for outcasts?

Huh. That's a polite way of putting it.

I never had a problem with outcasts.

My counselor at summer camp
was a werewolf.

Great guy.

Yeah, they're just like you and me,

until they rip your throat out.

Thanks.

At least
it's turning into a beautiful day.

Wednesday is certainly a unique name.

I'm guessing it was the day you were born?

I was born on Friday the 13th.

Her name comes from a line
from my favorite nursery rhyme,

"Wednesday's child is full of woe."

You always had a unique perspective
on the world, Morticia.

Hmm.

Did your mother tell you
we were roommates back in the day?

And you graduated with your sanity intact?

Impressive.

You've certainly had
a very interesting educational journey.

Eight schools in five years.

They haven't built one
strong enough to hold me.

I bet this place won't be any different.

What our daughter is trying to say

is that she greatly appreciates
the opportunity.

Nevermore doesn't usually
accept students mid-term,

but given Wednesday's perfect grades

and your family's long history
with the school,

I've spoken with the board
and we've made an exception.

Larissa, what about Wednesday's, um...

therapy sessions?

The court ordered them.

Hmm. The school has a relationship
with a therapist in Jericho.

- She can meet twice a week.
- Did you hear that, my little storm cloud?

You're in excellent hands.

We'll see if she survives
the first session.

I've assigned you
to your mother's old dorm.

Ophelia Hall.

Refresh my memory.

Ophelia's the one who kills herself

after being driven mad
by her family, correct?

Should we go meet your new roommate?

It's so... vivid.

Howdy, roomie.

Wednesday, this is Enid Sinclair.

Are you feeling okay?

You look a little pale.

Wednesday always looks half-dead.

Oh.

Welcome to Ophelia Hall.

Not a hugger. Got it.

Please excuse Wednesday.

She's allergic to color.

Oh, wow.

What happens to you?

I break out into hives
and then the flesh peels off my bones.

Luckily, we've special ordered
you a uniform.

Enid, please take Wednesday
to the registrar's office

to pick it up along with her schedule,

and give her a tour along the way.

Nevermore was founded in 1791

to educate people like us.

Outcasts, freaks, monsters,

fill in your favorite
marginalized group here.

You can save the sanitized sales pitch.

- I don't plan on staying here for long.
- Why not?

This was my parents' idea.

Oh look, there's my mother smirking at me.

They've been looking for any excuse
to send me here.

It's all a part of their nefarious,
yet completely obvious plan.

What plan?

To turn me into a version of themselves.

In that case,
perhaps you can clear something up.

Rumor's been swirling around
that you killed a kid at your old school,

and your parents pulled strings
to get you off.

Actually, it was two kids,
but who's counting?

Welcome to the quad.

It's a pentagon.

The whole snarky Goth girl thing
might have worked at normie school,

but here things are different.

Let me give you a wiki
on Nevermore's social scene.

I'm not interested in participating
in tribal adolescent clichés.

Well, then use it to fill
your obviously bottomless pit of disdain.

There are many flavors of outcasts here,

but the four main cliques are
Fangs, Furs, Stoners and Scales.

Those are the Fangs, AKA vampires.

Some of them have literally
been here for decades.

That bunch of knuckleheads are Furs,
AKA werewolves.

Like me!

Full moons get pretty loud around here.

That's when Furs wolf out.

I suggest you pick up
noise-cancelling headphones.

I'm assuming Scales are sirens?

You catch on quick.

And that girl, Bianca Barclay,

is the closest thing
Nevermore has to royalty.

Although her crown's been slipping lately.

She used to date our resident
tortured artist, Xavier Thorpe.

But they broke up
at the beginning of the semester.

Reason unknown.

- Fascinating.
- I know, right?

My vlog is, like, the number one source
for Nevermore gossip.

Yo, Enid! You're not gonna believe
the dirt I heard about your new roommate.

She eats human flesh.

Chowed down on that kid she murdered.

You better watch your back.

Quite the contrary.

I actually fillet
the bodies of my victims,

then feed them to my menagerie of pets.

Ajax, this is my new roommate, Wednesday.

Whoa.

You're in black and white.

- Like a living Instagram filter.
- Ignore him.

Gorgons spend way too much time
getting stoned.

He's cute, but clueless.

It's a small school.
There wasn't much online about you.

You should really get on Insta,
Snapchat and TikTok.

I find social media to be a soul-sucking
void of meaningless affirmation.

Look at you, my little deathtrap.

Seeing you in this uniform brings back
so many terrible memories.

- Doesn't it, Tish?
- Yes.

Why don't you boys wait in the car?

Wednesday and I need a moment.

Pugsley,

you're soft and weak.

You'll never survive without me.
I give you two months, tops.

I'm gonna miss you, too, sis.

Any plans you have of running away
end right now.

I've alerted all family members

to contact me
the minute you darken their doorstep.

You have nowhere to go.

As usual, you underestimate me, Mother.

I will escape
this educational penitentiary,

and you will never hear from me again.

You are a brilliant girl, Wednesday,

but sometimes you get in your own way.

I'm sure you'll grow to love Nevermore,

and find it as life-changing as I did.

Oh, I got you a little something.

W...

M.

Our initials.

It's made of obsidian,

which Aztec priests
used to conjure visions.

It's a symbol of our connection.

Which one of your spirits
suggested this toe-curling tchotchke?

I'm not you, Mother.

I will never fall in love,
or be a housewife, or have a family.

I'm told girls your age
say hurtful things,

and I shouldn't take it to heart.

Fortunately, you don't have one.

Finally, a kind word for your mother.

Lurch, the crystal ball, please.

We can't talk to you for the first week
while you're settling in,

so we'll call you next Sunday.

Don't worry, my love.

Our little scorpion won't be alone.

Where's the rest of him?

Well, the torso and arm are over there.

We found a leg by the lake.

There's an arm in that tree over there,

and the rest of the parts
are so far unaccounted for.

It matches the profile
of the other two attacks last week.

All right, issue a warning.
Keep hikers out of the woods.

Don't approve any more campfire permits
for the foreseeable future.

What do you want me to tell the press?

You know they're going to be
swarming like mosquitos in July.

- Tell them the bear is back.
- You don't believe that, Sheriff.

No, I don't.

Whatever did this wasn't human.

Look, I know these murders
are connected to Nevermore.

I just can't prove it yet. So until I can...

it's a goddamn bear.

What the hell did you do to my room?

Dividing our room equally.

It looks like a rainbow
vomited on your side.

- I...
- Silence would be appreciated.

This is my writing time.

Your writing time?

I devote an hour a day to my novel.

Perhaps if you did the same,
your vlog might be coherent.

I've read serial killer diaries
with better punctuation.

I write in my voice.

It's my truth.
It's what my followers love.

Your followers are clearly imbeciles.

They respond to your stories
with insipid little pictures.

Uh, you mean, emojis?

It's how people express their feelings.
I realize that's a foreign concept to you.

When I look at you,
the following emojis come to mind.

Rope, shovel, hole.

By the way, there are two D's in Addams.

If you're going to gossip about me,
at least spell my name correctly.

Turn that off.

This is your final warning.

Rawr!

Don't mess with me.

This kitty's got claws,
and I'm not afraid to use them.

Good evening, girls.

Oh, sorry about the mud.

I wanted to make sure
that Wednesday was settling in.

Ah. Is this a bad time?

I'm Ms. Thornhill, your dorm mom.

Apologies, I wasn't here
to greet you when you arrived.

I trust Enid has given you
the old Nevermore welcome.

She's been smothering me with hospitality.

I hope to return the favor.

In her sleep.

Well, here's a little welcome gift
from my conservatory.

I try to match the right flower
to each of my girls.

When I read your personal statement
in your application,

I immediately thought of this one.

The black dahlia.

Oh, you know it?

Of course. It's named after
my favorite unsolved murder.

Thank you.

Okey-dokey. Before I leave,
I want to go over a few house rules.

Lights off at 10:00, no loud music,

and no boys, ever.

What's the story
about going into the local town?

Passes to Jericho
are a privilege, not a right.

It's a brisk 25-minute walk,
or there's a shuttle on the weekends.

The locals are a tad bit wary
about Nevermore,

so please don't go making any waves,
or perpetuating any outcast stereotypes.

That means keep your claws to yourself,
and no smothering people in their sleep.

Are we clear?

Great talk.

Coach, Coach, she tripped me.

It was a clean strike, Rowan.

Maybe if you whined less
and practiced more, you wouldn't suck.

Seriously, Coach, when am I
gonna get real competition?

Anyone else want to challenge me?

I do.

Oh, you must be
the psychopath they let in.

You must be the self-appointed Queen Bee.

Interesting thing about bees.
Pull out their stingers, they drop dead.

Ooh!

Rowan doesn't need you
to come to his defense.

- He's not helpless, he's lazy.
- Are we doing this or not?

En garde.

Point to Wednesday.

The score is even.

That first point
was clearly beginner's luck.

Let's finish this.

For the final point, I would like
to invoke a military challenge.

No masks.

- No tips.
- Ooh.

Winner draws first blood.

It's your decision, Bianca.

Let's see if you bleed in black and white.

Your face finally got that splash
of color it so desperately needed.

You're Wednesday, right?

Rowan.

- I know how you feel.
- I guarantee you don't.

My mother promised me
I'd finally fit in somewhere.

I never thought it was possible to be
an outcast in a school full of outcasts.

But it looks like you're gonna
give me a run for my money.

Uh...

Sorry about the... nick.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Wednesday!

Welcome back.

Just take it easy.

Nurse said you don't have a concussion,
but you probably have a nasty bump, huh?

The last thing I remember
I was walking outside

feeling a mixture of rage,
pity and self-disgust.

I never felt that way before.

Losing to Bianca
has that effect on people, I think.

Then I looked up and saw
that gargoyle coming down and I thought,

"At least I'll have an imaginative death."

Then you tackled me out of the way.

Why?

Call it instinct.

So you were guided by latent chivalry,

the tool of the patriarchy,
to extract my undying gratitude?

Mm-hmm. Most people just say thank you.

I didn't want to be rescued.

I shoulda just let that thing
smash you to mush?

- I would have rather saved myself.
- Good to see you haven't changed.

If makes you feel any better,
let's just say I returned the favor.

Xavier Thorpe?

You probably don't remember me.

Last time we met, I was about
two feet shorter, 40 pounds heavier.

What happened?

- Puberty, I guess.
- What happened the last time we met?

Oh. Uh.

Yeah, it... it was my godmother's funeral.

She was friends with your grandmother,
and they spent their twenties in Europe,

swindling the rich and notorious.

I don't know,
but we were ten, and we were bored,

decided to play hide and seek.

I had the inspired idea
to hide in her casket.

I got stuck
as it was headed to the crematorium.

I'd heard muffled screams.

I just figured
your godmother had cheated death

and was trying to claw her way out.

Either way,
you hit the big red stop button

and saved me from being flame-broiled. So...

now we're even.

♪ Ay de mí, Llorona ♪

♪ Llorona, tú eres mi chunca ♪

♪ Ay de mí, Llorona ♪

♪ Llorona, tú eres mi chunca... ♪

I knew it!

Hello, Thing.

Did you think my highly trained
olfactory sense wouldn't pick up

on the faint whiff of neroli and bergamot
in your favorite hand lotion?

I could do this all day.

Surrender?

Mother and Father sent you
to spy on me, didn't they?

I'm not above breaking a few fingers.

That they thought I wouldn't find out
proves how much they underestimate me.

Oh, Thing, you poor, naive appendage.

My parents aren't worried about me.

They're evil puppeteers

who want to pull my strings
even from afar.

The way I see it, you have two options.

Option one.

I lock you in here
for the rest of the semester,

and you go slowly insane
trying to claw your way out,

ruining your nails
and your smooth, supple skin.

And we both know how vain you are.

Option two.

You pledge your undying loyalty to me.

♪ ...que no se apartan de mí... ♪

Our first order of business
is to escape this teenage purgatory.

Of course I have a plan.

And it begins now.

Dr. Kinbott's office
is on the second floor.

Other Nevermore students swear by her.

You'll be here until I'm done?

Perhaps afterwards we can visit
the Weathervane for hot chocolate.

Principal Weems, this feeble attempt
at bonding is beneath you.

And chauffeuring your students around
is below your pay grade.

Given your history,
I'm sure you're intent on running away.

I'm here to prevent that from happening.

I wish you luck.

I read the notes
from your school counselor.

Mrs. Bronstein. She had
a nervous breakdown after our last session

and had to take a six-month sabbatical.

Go ahead and take a seat.

How did you feel about that?

Vindicated.

But someone who crochets
for a hobby isn't a worthy adversary.

Adversary?

I hope we can forge a relationship
based on trust and mutual respect.

This is a safe space, Wednesday.

A sanctuary where we can discuss anything.

What you're thinking, feeling,

your views on the world,
personal philosophy.

That's easy.
I think that this is a waste of time.

I see the world
as a place that must be endured,

and my personal philosophy
is kill or be killed.

So, for instance,
when someone bullies your brother,

your response is
to dump piranha in the pool.

You know the old saying,
never bring a knife to a sword fight.

Unless it's concealed.

Point is, you assaulted a boy,
and showed no remorse for your actions.

- That's why you're here.
- He lost a testicle.

I did the world a favor.
People like Dalton shouldn't procreate.

I've answered all your questions.

We're not done yet.

Therapy is a valuable tool
to help you understand yourself.

It can teach you new ways
to deal with your emotions.

It can also help you build
a life that you want.

I know the life that I want.

Tell me about it.

Everything said in these sessions
is strictly confidential.

Do your plans involve becoming an author?

I understand you've written three novels

about a teen girl detective,
Viper De La Muerte.

Can you tell me about her?

Viper is smart, perceptive,
chronically misunderstood.

Any luck getting your work published?

Editors are short-sighted,
fear-based life forms.

One once described my writing
as gratuitously morbid,

and suggested I seek psychiatric help.

Hmm.

Ironic, isn't it?

How did you take that?

I sent her a "thank you."

I've always been open
to constructive criticism.

I'm glad to hear that.

Because I was sent the manuscripts
as part of your psych evaluation.

The relationship I found most intriguing

was that of Viper
and her mother, Dominica.

Why don't we dig into that?

Part of this journey requires us
going to uncomfortable places emotionally.

I don't travel well.

Would you mind if I use
the powder room first?

Wednesday?

Is everything okay?

You can't hide
for the rest of the session.

I'm all right.

Just preparing myself
for our uncomfortable journey.

Nail file.

On Saturday, I can do in the afternoon,
sometime around four o'clock?

Who let you out?

You goddamn weirdo.

Holy crap!

Do you make a habit
of scaring the hell out of people?

It's more of a hobby.

You go to Nevermore.

Didn't realize they changed the uniform.

I need a quad over ice.

It's an emergency.

It's four shots of espresso.

Yeah, I... I know what a quad is,

but, spoiler alert,
the espresso machine's having a seizure,

so all we have is drip.

But drip is for people who hate themselves

and know their lives
have no real purpose or meaning.

What's wrong with your machine?

It's a temperamental beast
with a mind of its own,

and it doesn't help
that the instructions are in Italian.

I need a tri-wing screwdriver
and a four-millimeter Allen wrench.

Wait, you read Italian?

Of course.
It's the native tongue of Machiavelli.

Here's the deal.
I'm going to fix your coffee machine,

then you're going to make my coffee
and call a taxi.

Uh, no taxis in Jericho.

Try Uber?

I don't have a phone.
I refuse to be a slave to technology.

Then you're out of luck.

Where you going anyway?

That's on a need-to-know basis.
What about trains?

Nearest station is Burlington.
It's half an hour away.

You have a valve issue.
I've seen it before.

Where? You have
one of these monsters at home?

Steam-powered guillotine.
I built it when I was ten.

I wanted to decapitate my dolls
more efficiently.

Sure.

Grim Reaper Barbie, makes perfect sense.

Wow.

Thanks.

I never met a Nevermore kid
who got their hands dirty.

I'm Tyler, by the way.

I didn't catch your name,
or is that on a need-to-know basis too?

Wednesday.

Tell you what, Wednesday.

To show my appreciation,
how about I drive you to Burlington?

Perfect. Put that quad in a to-go cup.

Uh, but I don't get off for another hour.

I'll sweeten the pot.

Twenty whole dollars...

Tempting, but no.

I'll make it 40.

Uh...

Listen, Wednesday, one fun fact about me...

I can't be bought, so either wait,
or find someone else to drive you.

What happened?

Hey, boys, check it out.

- Who's that?
- Bro...

Come on.

What's a Nevermore freak
doing out in the wild?

This is our booth.

Why are you dressed
like religious fanatics?

- We're pilgrims.
- Potato, po-tah-to.

We work at Pilgrim World.

It takes a special kind of stupid
to devote an entire theme park

to zealots responsible for mass genocide.

My dad owns Pilgrim World.

Who you calling stupid?

If the buckled shoe fits.

Guys, back off.

- Stay out of this, Galpin.
- Yes, stay out of this.

So tell me, freak...

you ever been with a normie?

I've never found one that could handle me.

- Boo!
- Hey!

So where'd you learn those kung fu moves?

My uncle taught me.

He spent five years
in a Tibetan Monastery.

Was he a monk?

Prisoner.

Dad!

Tyler, the hell's going on in here?

They were harassing a customer,
and she put them in their place.

This little thing took down three boys?

Did you help her?

Dad, I swear, I wasn't involved.

Apologies, Sheriff.

This one slipped away from me.

Come on, Miss Addams, time to go.

Wait a minute, hang on.

You're an Addams?

Don't tell me Gomez Addams is your father?

That man belongs behind bars for murder.

Guessin' the apple
doesn't fall far from the tree.

I'm gonna keep my eye on you.

Okay.

Your first day and you're already
on Sheriff Galpin's radar.

- Wish I could say I was surprised.
- What did he mean about my father?

I have no idea, but a word of advice.

Stop making enemies
and start making a few friends.

You're going to need them.

Looks like an accident.

I hope the driver's okay.

He's dead.

Broke his neck.

How can you tell from this angle?

No, I don't really feel better.

There's just something wrong
about this place.

Not just because it's a school.

How the hell did you get that
oversized violin out the window?

I had an extra hand.

Whoa.

Where's the rest of him?

It's one of the great
Addams family mysteries.

Why aren't you wolfing out?

Because I can't.

It's all I got.

My mom says some wolves are late bloomers,
but I've been to the best Lycanologist.

I had to fly to Milwaukee,
would you believe it?

Yeah, she says
there's a chance I may never...

you know.

What happens then?

I'd become a lone wolf.

Sounds perfect.

Are you kidding me?
My life would be officially over.

I'd be kicked out of my family pack
with no prospect of finding a mate.

- I'm failing to see the problem here.
- I could die alone.

We all die alone, Enid.

You really suck at this.

Cheering people up.

- Why are you crying?
- Because I'm upset!

Haven't you ever cried,
or are you above that too?

It was the week after Halloween.

I was six years old.

I took my pet scorpion, Nero,
out for his afternoon stroll,

and we were ambushed.

They wondered what kind of freak
would have a scorpion for a pet.

Yeah.

Two of them held me down
and made me watch...

...while the others ran Nero over until...

It was snowing
when I buried what was left of him.

I cried my little black heart out.

But tears don't fix anything.

So I vowed to never do it again.

Your secret's safe with me.

Still think you're weird as shit, though.

The feeling is incredibly mutual.

How would you like your single room back?

You just need to show me
how to use your computer.

Holy shit!

Okay.

Okay, I'm taking orders from a hand.

This isn't weird at all.

Uh... hi.

That's Thing.

Is he, like, your pet?

He's sensitive.

Look, I know Nevermore
is ground zero for all things weird,

but this is next-level.

So, what happened to not
wanting to be a slave to technology?

Desperate times.

Are you still willing to help me escape?

After what happened today,
I figured they'd have you in solitary.

There's the Harvest Festival this weekend.
Attendance is mandatory.

I'm going to use it as a cover.

If you're willing
to drive me to the station,

I can make it worth your while.

I'm in.

And no charge.

Consider it a freebie.

Why?

'Cause I wish I was going with you.

At least one of us
will get out of this hellhole town.

Are you sure you can trust that normie?

Dad, I didn't know
they were gonna be here.

I trust that I can handle myself.

I don't want you talking to her.
I want you home by 12:00.

- 1:00.
- 12:30.

Well,

good luck and safe travels.

Still not a hugger. Got it.

Jeez, you get any better at this,
you'll be taking home a whole pack.

Pandas don't travel in packs.
They prefer solitude.

All right. Subtle hint taken.

You should know I'm waiting for someone.

Oh yeah, who's the lucky guy... or girl?

What does it matter to you?

Didn't mean to interrupt.

You're not.

This is gonna be trickier than I thought.

Dad hit me with a curfew. We need to go
if I'm gonna make it back in time.

I've got some dead weight
I need to lose first.

Meet me behind the parking lot
when the fireworks start.

You see that sad, lonely woman over there?

She needs this pathetic validation
more than I do.

Would you mind distracting her?

I love you. I love you.

Hey, before you leave,
I wanted you to have this.

It's your dad's police file
from when he was at Nevermore.

I think it's the reason my dad hates him.

You okay?

I'm not used to people engaging with me.

Most see me coming and cross the street.

You're not scary. You're just kinda...

kooky.

I prefer spooky.

Oh.

Now my train leaves in an hour.
We're burning moonlight.

Uh, right, right.

Hey.

Come on, Wednesday. Wednesday!

We can lose them in the crowd.

Oh, whoa!

Shit.

Wednesday, we need to go.

Wednesday, come on.

- Wednesday!
- Rowan, come back!

Rowan, wait!

What do you want?
Why are you following me?

I don't have time to explain,
but you're in danger.

I think you've got it backwards.

- You're the one who's in danger.
- What are you doing?

Saving everyone from you.

I have to kill you.

The gargoyle, that was you?

Yeah.

It's always the quiet ones.

Girl in the picture. That's you.

You want to kill me
because of some picture?

My mother drew that picture 25 years ago
when she was a student at Nevermore.

She was a powerful Seer.

- Told me about it before she died.
- Rowan, put me down.

No! My mother said it was my destiny

to stop this girl
if she ever came to Nevermore,

because she will
destroy the school and everyone in it.

Rowan.

Rowan.

Hello, my little black cloud.

So tell us darling,
how was your first week?

Let's see.

I narrowly avoided death twice,

discovered that my father
may be a murderer,

learned that I could
potentially destroy the school,

and was mysteriously saved
by a homicidal monster.

As much as it pains me to admit,
you were right, Mother.

I think I'm going to love it here.

This season on Wednesday...

This story's
about to take a dark turn.

Luckily,

I'm not afraid of the dark.

There's a monster out there,
but everyone believes I made it all up.

I need to find something
that can prove I haven't lost my mind.

You're really obsessed with
this monster-in-the-woods thing.

Would you rather I develop an obsession
with horses and boy bands?

So, tell us everything.

Since you've abandoned me,
I've been hunted, haunted,

and the target of an attempted murder.

Ah, Nevermore, I love you so!

How do you manage to end up at the center
of every terrible thing that happens here?

Incredible luck.

You insisted
I go to this school.

Did you really think
I wouldn't find out your secret?

You don't know the full story.

When I suggested giving
your side of the room a makeover,

I did not have
Ted Bundy's Pinterest in mind. Ew.

This ends now.

If you hear me screaming bloody murder,

there's a good chance
I'm just enjoying myself.

Watch all episodes now.