All language subtitles for S01E10.srt - eng(2)

-ALAN: Candace! Candace?

Get down here! Now!

Sam just left.
He is going to kill his father.

-What did you say to him?
-He decided

that killing his father
would make him better.

Would it?

Well, no, I don't think so.

He could come back here and...

Are you sure it won't work?

Candace, I understand
that this man was brutal to you.

But I'm supposed to care
what happens to him?

Well... yes. Yes, a little.

Can I come in?

You hungry?

I've been in this position
many times.

There's nothing you can do.

I usually have a beer
and try to relax.

Bathroom?

Uh, around the corner.

You think I'm some sort
of a monster, too.

But I'm not.

I'm like anybody else.

When he's... out, like now...

I'm so scared for him.

I'm so sad for
the life he's living.

But the families...
the people he does this to...

I make up stories
in my head about them.

I live it, in a way.

I picture... them as babies,

with their mothers holding them.

Their fathers playing
with them on the floor.

These poor men.

But you won't call the police?

Candace... you won't
save them from this?

I can't.

I cannot.

God.

Why did you used to hit me
so much when I was a kid?

I don't know.

How did it make you feel?
When you...?

What?

When you used to hit me
all the time.

How did it make you feel?

I don't know.

Bad, I guess.

You were a weird kid.

You couldn't follow rules,
you couldn't play games,

you didn't have any friends.

And your mother was
reading all her books,

telling me it was all my fault
you were like that.

Anyway, I'm sorry.

My therapist said
not to kill you.

And then I left.

How do you feel?

I was choking him and I could
feel him disappearing,

and I stopped.

It was like I didn't want to.

Why not?

I-I don't know.

I mean, he said he was sorry,
but fuck him, right?

I just, I hate him so much

and usually that feeling,
it makes me want to

go ahead and...

But I was on top of him,
and I hated him.

And this time, that feeling,
it-it made me not want to.

I...

Hmm.

Do you know why I didn't do it?

What was different,
between your father,

and everyone else
that you've hurt?

I don't know.

What's the obvious difference?

He hurt me the most.

Okay, good. What else?

What's the most
obvious difference?

He's my father.

Right.

Sam, you were on top of him...

the one who treated you
like this.

If you killed him,
you'd be doing it, too.

Acting just like him.

Being just like him.

You hate that part of him.

You are trying to be different.

Trying to get rid of
that ugly part of him

that lives inside of you.

You were right to
confront your father.

But you didn't need to kill him.

You needed to not kill him.

This is it, Sam.

It is a major breakthrough,

even if you're not quite
feeling it yet.

Not killing your father is...

You wanted to change.

Look at you. You've changed.

How does it feel?

Okay. I guess.

It's everything that
we have been working towards.

You-you stopped yourself.
This is extraordinary.

Thanks.

-Hmm.

I'm gonna go and
get some dinner.

Uh, is there anything
in particular that you'd...

I'm-I'm not really hungry
right now.

I, um... Sam...

It's time to let me go home.

You're ready.

And I need to get back
to my family.

Sometimes therapists
talk with their patients

about their own lives.

Because... well, you know,
we're all human beings.

We all are struggling,
every last one of us.

So... I want you to understand
a few things about me.

You have been struggling
with your father.

And you just had
a big breakthrough.

I'm in the middle of
a struggle with my son, too.

And I need to get back to him
for our breakthrough.

I did a lot of damage
to my son, too.

I know it's not the same
as what your father did.

But, Sam...
people don't deserve to die

for falling short.

No matter how short.

We're all... broken vessels.

I need to get back to my son.

I want you to come see me in
my office for regular sessions,

every day at first,

but pretty soon we can
go to three days a week.

I have enormous faith in you.

I also want to address

your completely understandable
concern, I assume,

that, if you let me go,
I will turn you in.

As a therapist, I have a
legal and ethical obligation

to keep your confidence.

Including any, um,

crimes that you may have
committed in the past.

It only gets thorny if you are
clearly going to kill somebody.

And if, at some point
in the future,

you have an overwhelming urge
to kill again,

and you don't think
you'll be able to control it,

that will be the moment for us

to find a therapeutic
institution for you.

But I don't see that happening.

I think that, by not
killing your father,

you have demonstrated
great progress

and likely permanent change.

I'm really proud of you.

I am proud of the progress
that you have made.

And I think that you will
continue to make progress.

I'll be right back.

I get what you've been saying.

I've been rushing you.

Because I want to get better.

But therapy takes time.

Years, you said, sometimes.

So, I'll get a TV and...

I can stock the fridge
with anything you want.

It's a miracle that everyone
who was beaten like that

doesn't become
a serial killer.

Why wouldn't they,
after suffering like that?

It's like an effort to
turn them into a serial killer

that doesn't always work.

That poor kid...

with all of it...

he somehow managed
to not kill his father.

Maybe this fucking therapy
is working after all.

We know this story.
He needs a replacement father.

That's why he wants to keep you
here for the next ten years.

He understands, maybe
intuitively, that he needs

to do it again.

To relive his life
with a different model.

Well, I'm not spending
the next ten years down here.

No, you're not.

A little meshuggener, maybe.

Sam?

Sam, could you
come out here, please?

Sam, I don't think...

I don't think that
I said what really

needed to be said yesterday.

It has been a problem
down here for me,

to always know exactly
how to communicate with you.

And to know what I'm feeling.

I have something to say
that may be difficult to hear.

That is part of
this process, though,

honestly sharing the truth,

even if it's hard.

You brought me down here,

and you asked me to treat you,
and I did.

And I can't do it anymore.

I have done the most I can.

And I am telling you,
in my professional opinion,

and I consider this
to be a near certainty,

for you to get better, you
need to be physically stopped

from acting out your compulsion.

Being physically prevented
from hurting anyone else

is what will give you
the freedom to actually heal

your heart and your mind.

It's what will give you
the space to heal

what your father did to you.

As much as it can be, Sam.

That kind of pain
never heals entirely.

But you can do enough of it to
allow you to live a better life.

Sam, I have so much respect
for what you're trying to do.

It's very brave.

In the whole history of
people who have struggled

with what you're
struggling with,

I bet you stand alone

in the strength of
your efforts to change.

And...

...it's time to
turn yourself in.

Call the police
and turn yourself in.

I now know, apart from
anything having to do with me,

this is the only way for you.

Our therapy is over.

You need to make a choice.

I'm making one,
and you have to make one, too.

My choice is that I am not
doing therapy with you anymore.

Your choice--
you can turn yourself in,

or you can end this
the other way.

I don't want to do that.

Either one.

I know. But it's time.

And I'm not going to live
down here like a pet.

Thank you.

I know you want to go home...

but... he's not ready.

He's not.

Candace, this needs to end now.

No matter what happens,
we can't leave anything unsaid.

This is going to
be hard to hear,

and I want you to know
that I am saying it

not just in my best interests,

but in yours and Sam's as well.

When he was a boy and
his father was abusing him,

you didn't take
any steps to stop it.

You didn't leave or get help.

It wasn't your fault,
you didn't know what to do.

But you did not protect him.

You did not protect your son.

-Ah! What are you doing?
-Sam! Sam?!

Ow, ow! Stop.
What are you doing, Dr. Strauss?

Sam, come downstairs
right now! Stop!

I am sorry to be
in this position.

I don't want to be doing this.

I care about you, Sam,
I really do.

But-- No, no! Stop!

But I will kill her if
you don't call the police.

Sam, I...

Do it, Sam,

-or I will cut her throat.
-Sam, please.

-Dr. Strauss, you...
-I don't want to.

I don't want to, Sam. What I
want is for you to call 911,

and turn yourself in,
you have to. Turn yourself in!

-Or I will do it!
-He's just bluffing, Mom.

All he wants to do
is get out of here.

I am not, Sam. Call 911!

I-I don't--
I don't believe you...

I am not bluffing, Sam!

I am going to kill her.

You said we shouldn't interrupt
each other down here!

Goddamn it, we let
each other finish!

You... you said
I was getting better.

You-- I believed you.

I told you last night.
You cannot get better

unless you are stopped from
acting out your compulsions.

That is the only way out
for you.

This is the only way out for me.

Make your choice.

I don't want to.

Then your mother's going to die.
And you'll kill me.

I don't think you're the kind
of man that can even do it.

CHAVA:
Alan?

Alan?

Are you okay?

Just a bad dream.

About when you were... away?

Not exactly.

Then what was it?

I'll tell you in
about ten years.

Keep your stuff together,
here we go.

Everyone, let's go.
It's dinnertime.

I'm just saying, I don't know

how Shmuel ended up
being the coach.

Shush. Dov likes him.

You can't shield him
from the truth.

I'm not so sure about that.

Coach Shmuel was captain

of the intermural baseball team

-at UMass.
-Yes, we know.

We all know. That's my point.

Thank you.

Stop! Stop! Stop! Don't!

Don't, Sam!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

No! No...

No, no, no...

Oh, Sam.

SAM:
"Dear children of Dr. Strauss,

"I am writing to
let you know the bad news

"that your dad is dead.

"He helped me a lot.

"I know from him it's important
for you Jews to have a body

"when someone dies, so I
put it where you can find it.

"It's ten yards back
in the trees

"by the northwest entrance
to Finch Ridge Preserve.

I am enclosing a letter
he left for you."

ALAN:
"Dear Shoshana and Ezra,

"I love you both so much.

"I'm sorry this happened to you,
and I'm sorry it happened to me.

"But here we are.

"I want you to know
I haven't suffered.

"And I've had a lot
of time to think.

-"You know I like to do that.

"The two of you gave my life,
and your mother's life, meaning.

"All parents love
their children,

"but no one loved their kids
more than we did.

"You are extraordinary people.

"I want you both to go forward
without my death

"defining your lives.

"I also want to make sure that
some of the conflicts we had

"don't define how you remember
our relationships either.

"Shoshana, you and I and
your mother had our issues,

"but mostly it has been easy
and full of caring.

-"I thank you for that gift.

"You are the brightest,
most extraordinary young woman

"I can imagine.

"In these dark times,
I have thought about you

"and your beautiful family
constantly,

"and it has given me joy,
pride and solace.

"Ezra, my dear son,

"you are a bright light
in this world.

"We both know it hasn't been
such smooth sailing between us.

"And your mother.

"I have spent a lot of time
thinking back on everything

"that happened,
and I see things now

"that I was unable to grasp
when they were happening.

"I want you to know
that I understand now

"everything you said to me.

"You were right. Mostly.

"I was judgmental, I didn't
accept you for who you were,

"and worst of all,
I allowed your mother

"to take the blame for this,

"when I was as much
at fault as anyone.

"More.

"I want you to know that
I see this and I'm sorry.

"Through it all,
I always loved you.

"And I want you to know
how very much

"I respect who you are
and the choices you've made.

"You've built a beautiful family
and a beautiful life.

You are a special
and truly wonderful person."

A little meshuggener, maybe.

SAM:
I think I really changed.

The therapy worked.

I'm not going to do it again.

I am never going to
hurt anyone again.

That's not true.

You're going to do it again.

We both know it.

Mom! Can you come down here?!

Did you know him?

Not personally.

I have colleagues who
were students of his.

And I read his book.

You know, I never read it.

I don't even have a copy.

Although, I think
I'm about to inherit

like three boxes of them.

I think one of the sections
is on parenting.

Huh.

I guess I should read it.

So, how are you getting along?

What happened was...

I'm just worried for my kids.

And my wife.

And my sister.

What about you?

It's been hard, but I'm okay.

Do you want to tell me a little
more about yourself, Ezra?

I'm... I'm not sure
where to start.

Really anywhere's okay.

I...