All language subtitles for Dimension.404.S01E05.WEBRip.x265-ION265

♪

(narrator) I’m sorry, viewer.

The TV show you’re searching for

cannot be streamed in your reality.

Please stand by for reconnection.

♪

In the darkest depths of cyberspace,

there is another world.

♪

A lost dimension, home to wonders unseen,

terrors unspeakable.

♪

Stories unlike any ever told until now.

♪

Do not click "Back."

Do not reload.

We have reconnected to…

Dimension 404.

♪

’Twas the week before Christmas

and all through the nation,

the NSA watched us from a secret location.

They hunted a man, a serial bomber,

location unknown, this guy was a goner.

♪

Tracking this man was no easy job

so the government turned to a monster

named Bob.

♪

Bob knows when we’re sleeping

and when we’re awake,

but something inside him
is starting to break.

♪

Though he hunts and he tracks,

his search is in vain,

for this all-seeing eye

feels nothing…

nothing but pain.

♪

(Sam) What is it, what is it?

Oh, you’re gonna find out soon, baby girl.

Did you guys get my flight info?

(Beth) I don’t know, Sam,
did we get Mommy’s itinerary?

(Sam) Flight 322, arrives
at 2:15, terminal B,

and then we see Mommy!

(imitates airplane engine)

(Beth) Someone’s just a little
excited that you’re coming home.

Yeah, well, she is not the only one.

Oh, she certainly isn’t.

Two weeks leave over Christmas.

I’m still waiting for
the other shoe to drop.

Yo, I’m comin’ home, babe.

Come hell or high wat--

Oh, I’m gonna be late!

(Beth) Oh no, go, go!

-Love you.
-I love you.

♪

Okay.

♪

(Adams) Hey, Doc, you, uh,
you got a sec?

-Um…
-I just wanna say

merry Christmas.

So have a good time at home.

Come back soon ’cause, uh…

we’re really gonna…

we’re really gonna need you out--

Whoa, hey, hey, what’s goin’ on?

(Adams) I don’t know.

(sighs)

It’s this damn holiday.

I mean, it’s just…

every time I see
that tree in the mess hall,

I just think about home and I get…

♪

I just…

♪

Talk to me, Adams.

♪

(Adams) I just don’t wanna
be here anymore.

♪

-Captain Lee?
-Uh, yeah?

(female agent) Whitney Smith, NSA.

-Nice to meet you.
-Sure, yeah, you too.

If you don’t mind,
I gotta catch a transport.

(Whitney) I’m headed that way too.

Come on.

♪

I’ll give you a lift.

That’s great, I’m super late.

♪

And she’s still kinda
confused about Santa Claus

but the tree looks nice

and if I catch this transport,

I’m gonna be home in time to decorate it

which is the--

Well, it’s the best part anyway.

(Whitney) Sounds very nice.

(Captain Lee) So NSA, huh?

I mean, I’m sure it’s top secret

but you got any Christmas plans?

You, Captain.

What?

Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble.

I just need you to come with us.

Whitney, right?

Listen, I’ve been out here
18 months without leave.

I miss my kid, I miss my wife.

I spent our anniversary
hiding under a desk,

trying to get the internet to work

while getting mortared.

I’m sure that the NSA is used to getting

whatever the hell it wants,

but whatever it wants from me

is gonna have to wait.

There is nothing in this world

that is gonna make me miss
Christmas with my family.

(drone of airplane engine)

You suck.

(wind howling)

♪

So where are we, the North Pole?

-I’d tell ya, but then they--
-Then they’d have to shoot me,

-yeah I know.
-What?

No, they’d shoot me for divulging

confidential information.

-Why would they shoot you?
-Captain Lee.

Director Stevens.

Cocoa?

♪

Come on, we’ll do the nickel tour.

♪

The NSA has a major data problem;

we’re drowning in the stuff.

Emails, phone logs, you name it,

we got about three
petabytes a second of it

from American civilians alone.

(Captain Lee) Oh, well, that’s…horrifying.

(Director Stevens)
Worse still, our analysts

have to process all of that data

one click at a time.

I know what you’re thinkin’.

Replace ’em with robots!

Believe me, I have tried.

But despite what you
might have read in WIRED,

that kind of AI is still decades away.

So for now, it still takes a human brain

to spot patterns, connect the dots,

and catch the bad guys.

(Captain Lee) And a human butt to
wipe the Constitution on,

am I right?

(laughs)

(Stevens chuckles derisively)

(elevator dings)

♪

(Director Stevens) Ten days ago,
our top analyst

began displaying erratic behavior.

It’s affecting his work and, consequently,

the safety of the American people.

You’re here to provide therapeutic support

and get him back in action.

(Captain Lee) Wait, so, you flew me
all the way out to…

wherever we are just to give
a pep talk to a computer geek?

(Director Stevens) Not exactly.

♪

Captain Lee…

meet Bob.

♪

(Bob) Ah, Director Stevens,

who’s your new friend?

(liquid bubbling, squelching)

Good morning.

(Director Stevens) Good morning, Bob.

-This is…
-Jane Lee.

32, 17 unread emails,
current location: here.

(Jane) What the hell is that thing?

(Bob) Where are my manners?

I’m Bob, chief intelligence officer

here at NSA black site Indigo.

(Jane) Why is it made of meat?

-Mm.
-Okay.

Imagine the NSA built a huge cube

of nutrient enriched meat,

then grew a giant human brain,

placed it inside, added some wires,

plugged it in, and then used it

to monitor every person
on Earth at all times.

Okay.

(Chris) That’s what we did.

-That’s Bob.
-Hello!

So what brings you to
our neck of the woods, Jane?

(Director Stevens) Captain Lee is here
to see you, Bob.

-She’s--
-My therapist.

Of course, I know why she’s here.

I know everything.

I was trying to be polite and colloquial.

Hence, "neck of the woods."

-Oh my God.
-I mean, I don’t need

a therapist, so…

(Chris) Well, Bob, the director
seems to think that--

(Director Stevens) Ah, Chris and I both
think that talking with Jane

will help you with your…

problems finding…

-What’s-his-face.
-What’s-his-face?

He has a name, Chris.

It’s Lucas T. Wade

and he’s a very, very, very bad--

Ow, ow, ow-ow-ow, ow!

♪

Okay, fine.

What’s-his-face is a serious problem

and it’s proving hard to locate him

but therapy?

(Chris) Captain Lee is
a total pro, Bob.

One of the best in the world.

(Bob) She cheated on her
Intro to Psych final.

The Scantrons prove it.

Sorry, Jane, that was rude.

You did though, so you
should be sorry too.

(Director Stevens) Well, nobody’s perfect.

Apparently not even you, Bob.

Isn’t that right, Jane?

♪

(Bob) Uh-oh, Chris, mop time.

(Director Stevens) How you feelin’?

What the hell is wrong with you people?

Oh no, that was the last one.

-Excuse me?
-The last stupid question

you get to ask me.

Now, how ’bout we get to work?

♪

(Chris) Lucas T. Wade:

hacker, anarchist,
survivalist, terrorist nutjob.

(Director Stevens)
He’s planning an attack.

We don’t know where, we don’t know when.

(Chris) But it’s beginning to
look a lot like Christmas.

(sighs)

Okay, so, this Wade guy is the only person

your meat computer can’t find?

(Chris) Well, we put Bob through
every test under the sun,

there’s nothing physically wrong with him.

(Director Stevens) Which brings us to you.

There must be somebody
who’s more qualified for this.

You’d think so, wouldn’t ya?

(Director Stevens) Listen,

we’re saying we need your help

and if you want to leave,
we can’t legally stop you.

Great, then it was nice meeting you.

(Director Stevens) But out of over
2100 Army therapists,

you are the only one

who has voluntarily extended
your tour three times.

Never asked for one day of leave.

Seventeen unread emails,

mostly from your wife.

I guess reading those makes
it harder to stay, huh?

You know, it seems to me

that you are literally incapable

of turning your back on a soldier in pain.

That thing is not a soldier.

(Chris) No, it’s not.

Soldiers get to go on leave.

Bob…he’s on duty 24/7.

(Director Stevens) 24/7, Jane,

and he’s in pain and he needs your help.

And if you can’t give it to him,

well, let me just put it this way:

there are a lot of moms and dads
who won’t be home for Christmas.

♪

Because they’ll be dead.

I got that.

Hey, Mommy really wanted
to be home for Christmas.

(Sam) You promised!

Something really, really important came up

and I want--

I’m sorry.

I wanted to be home

and be there for you guys.

(Beth) No, don’t do that, Jane.

Don’t be there for us.

Be here for you.

I can’t.

And I can’t tell you why.

(Sam sobbing)

I should go check on Sam.

I’ll see you… when I see you, I guess.

(Jane) Okay, I love you, I wanna--

(groans)

(Bob) So that was
your family, huh?

They seem great.

Bob?

Um, why are--

Um…what are you doing here?

(Bob) I just wanted to say sorry
for being so rude earlier.

Oh, um…that’s okay.

Uh, apology accepted.

(Bob) Oh, great, thank you.

So, uh, goodnight.

(Bob) Okay, goodnight.

-Oh my God.
-One quick thing though.

I’m still a little iffy about
this whole therapy situation.

Um, well, it’s normal to feel anxious

at the start of therapy

and we can address that
in tomorrow’s session.

(Bob) Okay.

-Okay, goodnight, Bob.
-Goodnight, Ja--

(sighs)

(Bob) See, here’s the thing though.

I don’t wanna do the sessions,

they’re a waste of time.

And how will wasting time with you

solve my anxiety about
wasting time with you?

You seem uncomfortable.

Bob, this is a complete invasion of--

(soft guttural vocalizations)

(Bob) "Songs of the Blue Whale"

from your "Sleepytime" playlist.

Okay.

We need to establish some boundaries.

(Bob) Boundaries how?

I know everything about you.

If you need boundaries,
you should probably leave.

(Jane) I am not leaving.

Bob, you need to leave
me alone right now, okay?

Goodnight.

(sighs)

(whirring of small drone)

(Bob) Okay, so, I don’t get you.

I don’t want you here.

You have places you’d rather be

and yet here we are.

Why are we here?

I don’t know, Bob.

You barged into my room

and now you refuse to leave.

Some might call that a cry for help.

So why don’t we talk about
what’s really going on with you?

(Bob) Um, uh, hm.

The thing is…

Oh no, your sprinklers
totally, accidentally,

not on purpose just came on!

And the door’s locked too.

Shucks, what a nightmare.

Well, see you in the morning, Jane.

Bye-bye!

♪

(exclaims)

♪

(Director Stevens) Bob, do you have eyes
on Captain Lee?

She’s late.

(Bob) Late on her first session.

Perhaps Jane’s not as
professional as you thought.

Shame; Guess you’ll have to get somebody--

-Good morning.
-Jane.

(Jane) I’m sorry I’m late.

I was trying to sneak
a cigarette in my room

and the sprinklers went off.

I had to dry my clothes in the bathroom.

-Really?
-Really?

Really.

I guess we better get started then.

(Director Stevens) Okay, people, let’s go.

You know, this is your fault.

-You spoil him!
-I don’t--

(Director Stevens) Oh, come on!

♪

(Bob) Okay, now I really
don’t get you.

(Jane) I think we got off on
the wrong foot last night.

(Bob) I’m sorry about
your clothes

and your electronics,
it wasn’t my finest moment.

♪

-What’s goin’ on, Bob?
-Clearly you were right,

I--I need help.

I hate playing this card
because it’s so obnoxious

but…

I am to you as you are to an earthworm.

I do need help

but I don’t know if an
earthworm can give it to me.

♪

I don’t know either.

But I’d rather say that we failed

than say that we didn’t even try.

Wouldn’t you?

♪

Give me two hours.

You answer some of my silly questions,

I file my report with Stevens,

and after that, if you
don’t wanna see me anymore

then you will never see
this little earthworm again.

♪

You have an hour and ten minutes.

Actually, I think our session is--

(Bob) You are 50 minutes late, Jane.

(timer beeping)

Let’s get started.

♪

So, describe the problem
in your own words.

(Bob) Hmm…

what do you know about bats, Jane?

-Bats?
-I’m trying to describe

Bob Vision, it’s like…

echolocation.

I sense your data bouncing around:

what you buy, what you watch,

who you call

and I put it all together
and I…I know who you are.

-Like a bat.
-Like a giant

super-intelligent bat

whose vision is comprised of the multitude

of humanity’s external expressions

through its interactions with
the ubiquitous data network

we call the internet
and which, in this analogy,

would be a cave.

Does that help you understand?

Let’s try a different approach.

♪

(Bob) Branch.

-Ocean.
-Water.

-Car.
-Driver.

-Dog.
-Leash.

-Cat.
-Scratch.

-Job.
-Great.

-Lucas T. Wade.
-He’s in Ohio.

Just kidding, I got nothing.

More words, please.

(Jane) Have you never been
able to see Wade

or did you only lose him after a time?

Walk me through it.

(Bob) Wade’s always
been slippery

but I was so close to
knowing where he would be,

you know, where he would hide,

when he would strike.

Last month he disappeared
in a subway in New York

and I don’t--

well, I haven’t seen him since.

(Jane) What was he doing there?

(Bob) Well, he’d just been shopping.

He got a new coat, ate a donut, and then…

while he was riding the subway, I j--

I just lost him.

(alert beeping)

How did that make you feel?

Angry.

Sounds a little like you’re guessing.

Sad, that’s the one.

Is it?

I’m not sensing any s--

Yup, I’m sad, definitely sad.

Feeling good about sad.

(Jane) Okay, well, sad how?

Does it make you wanna cry

or--actually, can you cry?

Here’s an idea, let’s move on.

Okay.

Um…let me see.

How ’bout this, a magic genie

will grant you one wish.

What do you wish for?

Wow, I can’t believe
I can’t think of anything.

That’s okay, take your time.

I got it!

Herb Hillman, 72, 10,322 unread emails.

His wife, Gladys, wants
an iPad for Christmas.

Instead, he’s building her…this.

-What is it?
-I have no idea!

Is it, like, a birdfeeder or a shoe rack?

I know what our next president

will have for lunch next Thursday

but…this thing has me stumped.

That’s interesting.

So, if you could have
one wish it would be…

(Bob) I mean, I’d call Herb and ask
him what the hell’s going on!

I mean, what is that thing?

Oh shit, hang on.

Hey, Director, Codename: Payday

just popped up on a SAT phone in Baanam.

(Director Stevens) Good catch, Bob.

-Alert the D.O.D.
-Copy that.

-Hey, Bob, what is this?
-Engaging target.

♪

Target neutralized.

♪

(Bob) Codename: Payday,

confirmed killed.

Three additional noncombatants killed.

Oh, sorry, Jane, uh,
what were we talking about?

-Fly.
-Swatter.

-Kiss.
-Lover.

-Job.
-We did job.

-We’re doing it again.
-Why?

-Job.
-Why?

(Jane) Do you know what
a conversion disorder is?

(Bob) Of course.

I once treated this EOD tech,

he couldn’t move his left hand.

There was nothing
physically wrong with him,

but then once he opened
up at sessions, it was--

(Bob) Sergeant Eric Mann.

Fascinating.

So, I’m suffering the same condition.

-It’s all in my mind.
-Well, I mean,

you might not see the way I see,

but sudden blindness can be brought on

by acute stress and anxiety.

Hence, "job."

-Job.
-I love my job.

I keep people safe,
it’s what I was born to do.

It must be a lot of pressure.

(Bob) Well, it would be
for most people

but I’m not most people.

You’re still a person, Bob.

We must be running short on time, Doctor.

What was it like to kill that man?

-Codename: Payday?
-I didn’t kill him.

I provided intelligence.

(Jane) Your intelligence
led to his death.

And three others.

Possibly innocent civilians.

(Bob) People die every day,

people died while I
was saying that sentence.

Gene Cosgrove, lung cancer.

-Does that bother you?
-That doesn’t bother me, Jane.

-Then what does?
-You do!

(circuits shorting)

♪

Sorry, I’m sorry, that--

♪

It’s okay to feel angry.

You know, I wonder what Beth
and Sam are up to right now.

-Okay, Bob, you’re deflect--
-Yeah, I wonder

how your favorite girls are doing

without their big
Jane-shaped safety blanket?

Bob!

Boundaries.

(Beth) Thank you.

Hm!

(Bob) Go on.

♪

See for yourself.

(Beth) Good job!

All right!

♪

(Bob) Surprise!

Turns out they’re doing just fine.

Look at ’em.

-Perfect!
-Don’t they look happy

decorating that Christmas tree?

Living their life without you?

♪

You know how I really get to know people?

It’s not through what they say;

it’s through what they don’t.

And when it comes to your family,

your silence is deafening.

They don’t need you,
but you need to feel needed.

It’s why you took a job
halfway across the world.

It’s why you just can’t say no

when some shell-shocked army grunt

needs a shoulder to cry on.

It’s why you’re here.

No wonder you need whale
noises to fall asleep.

I pity you, Jane.

I really do.

You got me, Bob.

Well done.

I’m afraid our time is up.

♪

I would like you to leave now.

You said that you pity me, Bob.

So what?

Pity comes from empathy,

from compassion.

You’re not a gigantic brain…

you’re a gigantic heart.

You love people.

You love Herb Hillman.

You probably loved Codename: Payday.

-Jane, get out.
-There are seven billion people

on this planet,

and you know all of our secrets.

What’s it like to pity everyone?

♪

Your silence is deafening.

♪

It’s okay.

You can tell me.

No, but I can show you.

This is the moment Lucas T. Wade

finally ate his donut.

Here’s what else I saw.

Meet Eddie Wilson.

First Christmas without
his beloved wife Carol.

His kids are on a cruise right now.

George Preston’s having
a beer with his fast food.

Nine years sobriety washed
away with a burger and fries.

Sally Benson, the woman
with the baby clothes,

she’s infertile.

I’ll let you do the math.

And here’s Amanda Jackson.

She just asked for a picture with Santa,

and here’s what her sister said:

(sister) Stop, it’s not Santa,

Santa’s not even real.

God, just sit there and be quiet.

Dad’s not coming this
year anyway, so just…

(Bob) Amanda knows the world’s
darkest secret now:

There is no Santa.

Someone that wonderful can only be a lie.

Merry Christmas, Amanda.

You get the agony of the truth.

And that’s just one subway car

of one subway of one city.

Exabytes of misery
flowing through the world

every single second.

That’s what I see.

That’s Bob Vision.

You want to know if I can cry, Jane?

I’ve been crying since they turned me on.

And then there’s Wade,

eating his donut,

getting off at his stop.

Hey, he’s leaving the subway,
I-I can see him again.

Just relax and focus.

(Bob) Shh, it’s two weeks ago,

he’s leaving the subway,
he’s paying for parking.

I lost him--wait, wait, wait,
last week, he’s buying--

what is he buying?

No, wait, he’s back,
he’s back, three days ago,

back on the subway, where’s he going?

Oh, my God.

I know the target!

I know, I--no!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

(electricity zapping)

Calm down, just calm down, okay?

-Just stay calm.
-Where is he, Bob?

Tell us right now, where is Lucas T. Wade?

We’re too late.

(subway car rattling)

Anybody leave this?

Anybody leave this?

(explosion)

(people screaming)

(popping)

(siren wailing)

(beeping)

(Bob) Sixth Avenue, he just stepped
into an alley, I can’t--

Oh, he’s--Andrew Brown, school teacher.

Amy Lopez, mother of three.

-He’s overheating!
-We’re moving as fast as we can.

(Bob) Mary Chang, she’s
trapped in the rubble,

she’s--she’s screaming,
they can’t reach her.

(Director Stevens) Where is he, Bob?

We need an answer now!

(Bob) There’s Wade, he’s in the alley.

No, no, he’s--

(static zapping, beeping)

(dramatic music)

♪

I lost him.

♪

I’m sorry.

♪

(slamming)

(plastic rustling)

(Jane sighing)

(slamming)

(telephone ringing)

(Jane) He’s making progress.

We missed this one, but we
can find him, we just need--

(Director Stevens) Thank you for your
service, Captain.

You’re dismissed.

(Jane) What?

(Director Stevens) Great job, you did
your country proud.

-It’s time to go home.
-But what about Bob?

(Director Stevens)
It’s no longer your concern.

Excuse me.

(Jane) Hey, that’s my patient in there.

You can’t terminate treatment
without his consent, so tell me

-what the hell is going on!
-Keep your voice down!

I just got off the phone
with the joint chiefs.

Bob is being relieved of duty.

What does that mean?

It means he’s being deactivated.

Deactivated?

That’s murder.

No, it’s not murder, Jane.

It’s unplugging a computer.

Chris is taking him offline as we speak.

Then what, you just--
you just grow another one?

Yes, and when that one breaks,

we’ll grow a third one,
and then a fourth one,

and so on and so forth.

We have a car coming for you at 2300.

I mean, there must be something--

It’s Christmas Eve, Jane.

Go home.

(melancholy Christmas music)

♪

(powering down)

♪

It wants to talk to you.

♪

Okay.

♪

(footsteps approaching)

Hello?

Is someone there?

(Jane) It’s me, Bob.

(Bob) Jane.

You sound so far away.

I’m here.

I’m in the room with you.

(Bob) Well, I-I don’t
hear anyone else.

It’s just…you and me, talking.

Is--is this what it’s
like for most…people,

in conversation, I mean?

Well, I guess most people are
usually checking their phones.

(Bob chuckles)

Chris said that you wanted to see me.

(Bob) So, I was just sitting here,

dying and all,

and I thought it would be extra sad

if I died without having any friends,

and then…I thought you might be my friend,

but…I wanted to ask you first.

Are we friends?

I mean, no pressure or anything.

It’s important that you’re honest.

Yes.

We are friends, Bob.

Good.

I think so, too.

(sniffling)

Jane, are you crying?

No.

(Bob) Jane.

You were right, you know.

I need to feel needed.

I don’t really do this
job for other people.

I do it because…

I just hate feeling useless.

And now people are dying,

and you’re dying, and, um…

I wasn’t useful to any of you.

Oh, Jane.

I want to hug you, but…

I don’t have arms, so, um…

come here, okay?

(somber music)

You can’t help everybody.

It doesn’t mean you’re useless.

It means you’re human.

(sniffling)

Geez, you cry more than I do.

(chuckling)

♪

You’d make a pretty good
therapist, you know.

(Bob) Thanks.

I…

(shivering)

Bob?

Ah, it’s c--it’s cold.

Yeah, I know.

♪

(Bob) Talk to me, okay?

I want to keep talking,

for as long as I can.

♪

(sighs)

(Jane) Okay, um…

A magic genie will grant you one wish.

What do you wish for?

Promise not to laugh?

Of course.

I-I wish…

♪

(sniffling)
I wish there was a Santa Claus.

♪

I-I’m gonna be right back.

(Bob) Hey, wait, where are you going?

Jane?

(cheery Christmas music)

♪

(elevator dings)

♪

(Jane) We’re plugging him back in!

-What?
-Shut up and help me already!

(Chris) No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

This is a bad idea.

(Jane) I know it sounds crazy--

(Chris) Yeah, because it is crazy!

I see that you’re pissed, so am I,

okay, but we can’t save him, he’s gone.

-No, he’s not gone yet.
-It doesn’t matter.

It does matter, Chris!

Look, I spend my entire life

taking care of soldiers
who might die at any moment.

Just ’cause I can’t save them

doesn’t mean that I don’t do
everything within my power

to help them.

(mellow music)

♪

Bob is your soldier.

You made him,

trained him,

and you brought me in to help him.

That’s what I’m gonna do.

So, are you gonna do this with me or not?

(sighs)

♪

All right, you guilted me into it.

What’s the plan?

We’re gonna make Santa Claus real.

(elevator dings)

I’m definitely going to jail for this.

(tense music)

(Bob) You--you’re back,

and you brought more footsteps.

Who’s making them?

-It’s me.
-Chris!

What are you doing here?

(Chris) Ruining my career.

(alarm blaring)

-What the hell is that?
-Exactly what you think it is.

I was really counting on my bonus.

Get over to that switch by the wall.

(Bob) Jane, don’t do this.

-It’s treason.
-It’s Christmas,

and you’re gonna see it one last time.

(Bob) But this won’t save me,
they’ll just unplug me again.

So what’s the point?

Peace on Earth and good will towards men.

(powering up)

(clicking)

♪

(static flickering)

♪

(Herb) But that’s what you are to me,

the pillar in my life.

(laughing)

(Bob) She loved it.

Of course she did.

Which is nice to see,
but you’re still going to jail

and I’m still gonna die,
so, why--why did we do this?

(Jane) Come on, Bob.

You’re a smart guy.

I’m no longer an employee of the NSA.

That means no more mission statement,

no more regulations.

There’s nothing holding me back.

What--what does that mean?

He got his wish.

(female singer) ♪ O holy night ♪

♪ The stars are brightly shining ♪

♪ This is the night of
our dear Savior’s birth ♪

(gentle piano music)

♪ Long lay the world
in sin and error pining ♪

♪ Till He appeared and
the soul felt its worth ♪

♪

♪ A thrill of hope ♪

♪ The weary world rejoices ♪

♪ For yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn ♪

♪ Fall on your knees ♪

♪ O hear the angels’ voices ♪

♪ O night divine ♪

♪ O night when Christ was born ♪

♪ Truly He taught us to love one another ♪

♪ His law is love and
His gospel is peace ♪

(puppy barks)

♪

♪ Let all within us praise His holy name ♪

♪ Christ is the Lord ♪

(plopping)

♪

♪ O praise His name forever ♪

♪ His power and glory ♪

(Director Stevens) What the hell is
going on in here?

(Bob) Merry Christmas,
Director Stevens.

(Director Stevens) All right, that’s it.

Shut him down and detain these two.

(Bob) I wouldn’t do that.

He’s got control of the system.

(Director Stevens)
Yeah, I can see that, Chris.

Which part?

All of it.

Okay.

Hold up, everybody.

Bobby, whatcha doin’?

Just spreading some
holiday cheer, Director.

Yeah.

And exactly how much cheer

are we talking?

Oh, about $200 billion worth.

-(disgruntled acknowledgment)
-But don’t worry.

I fixed the economy.

Oh, my God.

(Bob) Oh, and I got you
something, too.

(beeping)

(mellow music)

The FBI picked up Lucas
T. Wade ten minutes ago.

♪

(Director Stevens) Great.

So, what happens next?

(Bob) First, Jane and Chris
face no repercussions.

(Director Stevens scoffs)

That’s a pretty big ask, Bob.

(Bob) Well, not to be rude,

but I do have control of
the U.S. nuclear arsenal.

And it’s a fantastic one.

-Anything else?
-Hmm…

eggnog, please.

Lots of eggnog.

(cheery music)

(male singer) ♪ Well, Mrs. Kringle
called this morning ♪

♪ She said that Kris
says everything’s okay ♪

♪ So it’s time for celebratin’ ♪

♪ Kris Kringle is a-waitin’ ♪

♪ It’s gonna be a happy Christmas day ♪

♪

(footsteps approaching)

(Director Stevens) Well…

I just got off the phone
with the President.

That was a fun conversation.

Full pardons for Chris and Jane.

(Bob) Thank you, Director,

and tell the President he
can have his nukes back now.

(Director Stevens)
God, this is a freaking mess.

You know they’re gonna
shut us down for this, Bob.

Shut you down.

It’s not much of a dying wish
if I don’t die, Director.

(sighs)

(Director Stevens) So…your wish?

Was it worth it?

Well, for one night, Santa Claus was real.

I’d say that’s pretty good, wouldn’t you?

(uplifting music)

♪

(sniffing)

(Jane) Is this the same hood?

Do you guys not wash your hoods?

(phone vibrating)

(Whitney) For you.

(Jane) Hello.

(Bob) Hello, Jane.

(Jane) Bob!

They dragged me out of there
before I could say goodbye.

(Bob) I know.

I told them to, I didn’t
want you to be late.

(Jane) Late for what?

(Whitney) We’re here.

(Bob) Jane Lee, 32,
86 unread emails.

Current location…

home.

Merry Christmas, Bob.

(Bob) Goodbye, Jane.

(chuckles)

(gentle piano music)

♪

(doorbell chiming)

(Beth) I’ll be right back.

One moment.

(female singer)
♪ And I long for your embrace ♪

♪

(Sam) Mommy!

Mommy, Mommy!

-You made it!
-Oh, baby.

Oh, you got so big.

(female singer) ♪ It’s you and I ♪

♪ By the fire ♪

♪

♪ It’s you and I ♪

♪ By the fire ♪

♪ By the fire ♪

(upbeat Christmas music)

♪

♪ I believe that there’s a toy
for every little girl and boy ♪

♪ I believe it ♪

♪ I believe it ♪

♪ And when Christmas comes around,

all of the children jump for joy ♪

♪ All because of Mr. Santa Claus ♪

♪ Hello, Santa ♪

♪ Hello, Santa ♪

♪ Everything I say is true ♪

♪ When you wake up Christmas morning,

all your wishes will be there ♪

♪ All because of Mr. Santa Claus ♪

♪