Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,192 --> 00:00:05,710
Mandy, you're getting
glitter on my soccer ball.
2
00:00:05,745 --> 00:00:08,063
Oh, well, now it's a disco ball.
You're welcome!
3
00:00:09,565 --> 00:00:11,900
Oh, look. Boyd drew a rocket...
4
00:00:11,934 --> 00:00:15,103
Or a... wiener. You know what?
Let's go with rocket.
5
00:00:17,306 --> 00:00:18,857
Oh! Your dad's home!
6
00:00:18,891 --> 00:00:22,110
Oh, finally. I've been cooped
up with you hens long enough.
7
00:00:22,128 --> 00:00:24,162
Oh, Eve, honey, it's not
cute when your dad says it,
8
00:00:24,213 --> 00:00:27,749
and it's just... confusing when you do it.
9
00:00:27,783 --> 00:00:29,517
Where was his catalog shoot this time?
10
00:00:29,552 --> 00:00:31,953
Peru? Portugal? Something with a "p."
11
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:34,055
Yeah, Alaska, with a "p."
12
00:00:35,641 --> 00:00:37,809
He said he was bringing dinner home.
13
00:00:37,843 --> 00:00:39,294
Oh, good. We're starving.
14
00:00:39,328 --> 00:00:42,063
I'm back!
15
00:00:42,098 --> 00:00:43,398
Ah.
16
00:00:43,432 --> 00:00:45,734
All right, dinner.
17
00:00:45,768 --> 00:00:48,103
Oh!
18
00:00:48,137 --> 00:00:50,572
What am I supposed to do with this?
19
00:00:50,606 --> 00:00:52,407
You slice it, mouth to anus.
20
00:00:52,441 --> 00:00:55,110
You pull everything out.
Pretty self-explanatory.
21
00:00:58,814 --> 00:01:00,832
I gotta grab a shower. Mmm. Yeah.
22
00:01:00,866 --> 00:01:04,786
It is great to be back home.
23
00:01:10,292 --> 00:01:12,927
Wow. You're heading to work kinda early.
24
00:01:12,962 --> 00:01:14,662
By the sun's position,
I'd have it at--
25
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,631
yeah. You wanna just look at a clock?
26
00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:21,803
Ugh, the boss wants
to see me. I'm worried.
27
00:01:21,837 --> 00:01:23,521
Even though I've been there almost a year,
28
00:01:23,556 --> 00:01:25,473
I'm still the new chick.
29
00:01:25,507 --> 00:01:27,508
That's good. New chick's always hot.
30
00:01:27,526 --> 00:01:29,194
Look, I could use some help.
31
00:01:29,228 --> 00:01:31,279
How long are you home for this time?
32
00:01:31,313 --> 00:01:33,381
Oh, probably seven days,
33
00:01:33,416 --> 00:01:35,950
then we're off to Costa Rica
shooting our spring catalog.
34
00:01:35,985 --> 00:01:38,119
What do you need? Can
you drive Eve to soccer?
35
00:01:38,154 --> 00:01:40,955
Soccer. That's just Europe's covert war
36
00:01:40,990 --> 00:01:44,492
for the hearts and
minds of America's kids.
37
00:01:44,527 --> 00:01:46,327
We're scrimmaging the
boys to make us tougher.
38
00:01:46,362 --> 00:01:48,663
Well, the boys aren't that
tough. I've seen them play.
39
00:01:48,697 --> 00:01:50,548
Running around, getting
hair gel in their eyes,
40
00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:53,501
run in the goalpost, and
they cry.
41
00:01:53,536 --> 00:01:57,138
Why are you watching the
young boys play soccer?
42
00:01:57,173 --> 00:02:00,041
I'm pretty sure I just explained why.
43
00:02:01,543 --> 00:02:02,761
Morning. Morning.
44
00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:05,547
Hey. Hey, mom, can you
take Boyd to day care?
45
00:02:05,581 --> 00:02:08,349
I can't be late to the diner.
46
00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:09,884
It's our "salute to bacon"
week, and I'm the only person
47
00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,986
who knows how to work the defibrillator.
48
00:02:12,021 --> 00:02:14,055
I'm running late. Ask your dad.
49
00:02:14,073 --> 00:02:15,990
Oh, not dad. Boyd only
knows, like, six words,
50
00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:17,075
and half of them are...
51
00:02:17,109 --> 00:02:19,227
"I blame Obamacare!"
52
00:02:20,613 --> 00:02:22,563
He's a bad influence.
53
00:02:22,581 --> 00:02:24,065
You know, he's standing right here.
54
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:25,700
He does his best.
55
00:02:25,734 --> 00:02:28,503
Literally, I'm standing right here.
56
00:02:28,537 --> 00:02:30,605
You know who should take Boyd to day care?
57
00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:33,124
Is that deadbeat, no-good father of his.
58
00:02:33,175 --> 00:02:35,260
Yeah, dad. We've been over this, really.
59
00:02:35,294 --> 00:02:36,678
I'm doing fine.
60
00:02:36,712 --> 00:02:38,079
I know this might be
hard for you to believe
61
00:02:38,097 --> 00:02:40,281
because you're so old school,
but I do not need a man.
62
00:02:40,316 --> 00:02:42,884
Well, you got a baby,
so you needed a man once.
63
00:02:45,421 --> 00:02:47,689
Ew!
64
00:02:47,723 --> 00:02:50,475
All right, I will take Boyd to day care,
65
00:02:50,526 --> 00:02:51,926
but I just hope my being late
66
00:02:51,944 --> 00:02:54,429
does not cause the
great bacon riot of 2011.
67
00:02:54,463 --> 00:02:57,065
I like bacon.
68
00:02:58,367 --> 00:03:00,368
You need to lay off
Kristin. She won't admit it,
69
00:03:00,402 --> 00:03:02,070
but she's having a tough time.
70
00:03:02,104 --> 00:03:03,371
People have been having a tough time
71
00:03:03,405 --> 00:03:05,073
since the beginning of time.
72
00:03:05,107 --> 00:03:06,875
You know what's the matter
with the world these days?
73
00:03:06,909 --> 00:03:09,844
Sure. Let's discuss that.
74
00:03:11,413 --> 00:03:12,881
Love you.
75
00:03:12,915 --> 00:03:14,549
Have a good day at work. I love you.
76
00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:16,050
Bye.
77
00:03:21,023 --> 00:03:22,123
Now what's wrong?
78
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:25,226
Dad, no. It's gonna be boring.
79
00:03:25,261 --> 00:03:27,478
I just... I
really needed mom's advice.
80
00:03:27,513 --> 00:03:29,848
Well, I'm here. You can have dad's advice.
81
00:03:29,899 --> 00:03:31,599
No, I need good advice.
82
00:03:32,935 --> 00:03:34,185
I gave your older sister plenty of advice
83
00:03:34,236 --> 00:03:35,737
when she was a teenager. What's up?
84
00:03:35,771 --> 00:03:36,971
Oh, yeah, is that when she got the tattoo
85
00:03:37,006 --> 00:03:39,007
or when she came home
from her prom pregnant?
86
00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:41,843
She has a tattoo?
87
00:03:41,877 --> 00:03:44,012
I think it's called a tramp stamp.
88
00:03:44,046 --> 00:03:46,247
Yeah, thank God. She
doesn't have a tattoo.
89
00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:48,499
She has a-a tramp stamp.
90
00:03:50,119 --> 00:03:51,336
What's the matter?
I'm saying--
91
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:52,537
no! You're just gonna say it's stupid.
92
00:03:52,588 --> 00:03:54,756
Come on. Give me a break. I'm your dad.
93
00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:56,191
What's--what's
going on?
94
00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:00,595
Travis said that "Glee" is dumb.
95
00:04:00,629 --> 00:04:02,931
For crap's sake. Is
that what's worrying you?
96
00:04:02,965 --> 00:04:05,216
Is that why you're crying?
97
00:04:10,356 --> 00:04:11,839
What's "Glee"?
98
00:04:13,525 --> 00:04:16,511
Hey, guys, great to be
back in the sanctuary.
99
00:04:16,545 --> 00:04:20,982
Yeah. No hair dryers, no
tears, no citrus body wash.
100
00:04:21,016 --> 00:04:24,285
It smells like balls in here.
101
00:04:27,423 --> 00:04:29,457
Who are you?
102
00:04:29,491 --> 00:04:31,209
I'm Kyle.
103
00:04:31,243 --> 00:04:33,211
You hired me a couple of months ago.
104
00:04:33,245 --> 00:04:35,529
I parked in your spot, and
you broke my windshield.
105
00:04:35,547 --> 00:04:37,715
It's Kyle.
How's it going, buddy?
106
00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:38,800
Hi.
107
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:40,534
Kyle. I like the name "Kyle."
108
00:04:40,552 --> 00:04:43,304
That's a man's name,
guys-- Kyle. "K." Kyle.
109
00:04:43,339 --> 00:04:45,306
"I'm-here-to-kick-
some-crap-Kyle."
110
00:04:45,341 --> 00:04:47,375
Actually, Kyle's my mother's maiden name.
111
00:04:47,409 --> 00:04:49,310
Didn't need to know that, Kyle.
112
00:04:50,946 --> 00:04:52,347
Oh.
113
00:04:52,381 --> 00:04:54,015
Welcome home, Mikey.
114
00:04:54,049 --> 00:04:56,217
Hey, buddy.
115
00:04:56,235 --> 00:04:57,435
How are you? Good.
116
00:04:57,486 --> 00:04:59,354
Did you bring me back
something from Alaska?
117
00:04:59,388 --> 00:05:01,322
Hmm? What are you, 3?
118
00:05:06,561 --> 00:05:08,079
Oh, good.
119
00:05:08,113 --> 00:05:10,698
I didn't have one of these guys.
Ah, yeah, yeah.
120
00:05:10,732 --> 00:05:12,967
All right, look, I'm, uh,
121
00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:14,902
I'm not gonna beat around
the bush here.
122
00:05:14,937 --> 00:05:17,939
Just got a call from corporate
today.
123
00:05:17,973 --> 00:05:19,874
They wanna shut down the catalog.
124
00:05:19,908 --> 00:05:22,510
Corporate? You own the company.
125
00:05:22,544 --> 00:05:24,345
It was worth a shot. What the hell.
126
00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:26,014
What are you talking about?
127
00:05:26,048 --> 00:05:27,949
Our catalog was voted "best catalog"
128
00:05:27,983 --> 00:05:30,268
by "catalogs magazine."
129
00:05:30,302 --> 00:05:31,719
Catalog is done.
130
00:05:31,753 --> 00:05:32,753
What, are you gonna phase it out?
131
00:05:32,771 --> 00:05:34,088
Consider it phased.
132
00:05:34,106 --> 00:05:35,623
After Costa Rica, we're done?
133
00:05:35,658 --> 00:05:37,625
No Costa, no Rica. You're grounded.
134
00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:41,029
But I need your expertise on the web site.
135
00:05:41,063 --> 00:05:42,297
The web site's terrible.
136
00:05:42,331 --> 00:05:43,798
Oh, that's why I want you in charge of it.
137
00:05:43,832 --> 00:05:45,733
For us to have any future at all,
138
00:05:45,768 --> 00:05:48,136
we have to lure young men to our stuff.
139
00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:51,572
Now you talk like my sisters talking.
140
00:05:51,607 --> 00:05:55,410
Young people don't read catalogs anymore.
141
00:05:55,444 --> 00:05:58,629
They're online, so your job
now is you gotta go get 'em.
142
00:05:58,664 --> 00:06:00,832
I need this company to be
viable a hundred years from now
143
00:06:00,883 --> 00:06:02,617
so I'll have a place to come back to
144
00:06:02,651 --> 00:06:04,952
when they unfreeze my head.
145
00:06:04,987 --> 00:06:08,156
Why don't we just hire
a young Internet geek
146
00:06:08,190 --> 00:06:09,490
to improve the web site?
147
00:06:09,525 --> 00:06:12,060
Well, I could do that,
then what would you do?
148
00:06:12,094 --> 00:06:13,928
I can't believe you're grounding me.
149
00:06:13,962 --> 00:06:15,063
I'll make a deal.
150
00:06:15,097 --> 00:06:17,065
You find a way to increase our web sales,
151
00:06:17,099 --> 00:06:18,666
I'll find a way of putting
you back on the road.
152
00:06:18,701 --> 00:06:20,668
Is that a deal?
153
00:06:20,703 --> 00:06:22,737
It's a deal. Now scram.
154
00:06:24,506 --> 00:06:26,174
What, you have time to
go to the range today?
155
00:06:26,208 --> 00:06:29,977
No, some jack-wang is parked in my spot.
156
00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:35,829
Guess what?
157
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:38,798
I was offered a huge promotion at work.
158
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,483
Congratulations. Yeah.
159
00:06:40,518 --> 00:06:42,836
But if I take it, it
would be longer hours,
160
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,137
and that would mean
161
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,039
you'd have to step up
around here with the girls.
162
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,841
That's great.
163
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:50,243
But how can I work longer hours
164
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,911
if you're always gone?
165
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:53,880
M-maybe I-I
won't go so much.
166
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,215
Oh, well, that's sweet.
167
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,216
Yeah.
168
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,051
- What happened?
- Nothing.
169
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:01,187
You know, just maybe I wanna
spend more time with the girls.
170
00:07:01,222 --> 00:07:02,555
What happened?
171
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,724
Ohh. Ed's grounding me
172
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:07,844
until I can increase our
company's web presence.
173
00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:11,030
Well, you should
talk to Mandy about her Vlog.
174
00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:12,265
Vlog? Yeah.
175
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,767
Is that slang for something bad?
176
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:17,203
Like what?
177
00:07:17,238 --> 00:07:18,571
I don't know. I
have a-- when I move,
178
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,390
sometimes my Vlog hits...
179
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,675
Hits...
180
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:25,812
Sorry I'm late for dinner!
Travis and I got a flat tire,
181
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:28,364
and it took forever for
triple "a" to get there.
182
00:07:28,399 --> 00:07:30,349
Wait. Don't tell me
183
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,352
you called a strange
person to change your tire.
184
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,623
Then why did you give
me an auto club card?
185
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,224
That's for a real emergency,
186
00:07:38,259 --> 00:07:41,461
like a meteor hitting
the car or something.
187
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,129
Wh-where is Travis?
188
00:07:43,164 --> 00:07:44,164
Uh, he went to the tanning salon.
189
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:47,133
Ohh! Ugh!
190
00:07:47,168 --> 00:07:51,721
Ow! That actually hurts to hear that.
191
00:07:51,755 --> 00:07:53,940
Honey, I-I don't think
you're ever gonna be able
192
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,110
to rely on this guy Travis,
and I'm also gonna ground you
193
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,978
till you can figure out
how to change a tire.
194
00:07:59,013 --> 00:08:00,379
That's so unfair!
195
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:03,316
Who ever said life was
supposed to be fair?
196
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,985
I'm just doing this so you
don't have to depend on a man.
197
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,053
Um, I thought your argument with me
198
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,155
was that I needed a man.
199
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:15,061
Just concern yourself
with this area over here.
200
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:19,699
- How's work?
- Yeah.
201
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,568
Oh, they're adding
all-you-can-eat sausage
202
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:22,836
to the mix tomorrow.
203
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,472
It's gonna be mayhem.
204
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,640
Mm. I love sausage.
205
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,212
Your dad can drive Boyd to day care.
206
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:34,430
There's no car seat in the truck.
There's no car seat in the truck.
207
00:08:34,465 --> 00:08:36,582
Well, I will take the truck.
You can take the minivan.
208
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,888
You'll take the truck.
I'll drive the minivan.
209
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,456
You're not kidding right now, are you?
210
00:08:43,491 --> 00:08:45,608
No, I'm not.
211
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,428
Well, aloha.
212
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,364
Sure. All right.
213
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,699
All right, champ.
214
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,617
You have a great day
at day care, all right?
215
00:08:54,652 --> 00:08:56,435
Oh, we don't--we don't
use terms like that here.
216
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:59,606
See, "champ" implies
victory over another person.
217
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,908
Right, and you're all winners here.
218
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,160
Now you're getting it. Hey, come on in.
219
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,546
Ruby's two dads are here,
and they're making muffins--
220
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,515
flax and pumpkin.
221
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:11,150
Please tell me that's not their names.
222
00:09:11,185 --> 00:09:13,219
That's a good one. Take the shoes off.
223
00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:15,388
We're building a mosque out of pillows.
224
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,156
Give me the kid back.
225
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,127
Everything you need to know about life
226
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:22,345
you can learn from hanging with grandpa.
227
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,796
You just stick with me, all right?
228
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:26,015
Kyle, take the baby, will ya?
229
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,183
Yeah.
230
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,235
Here you go. Whew. You'll need this.
231
00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:31,437
Dropped a bomb.
232
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,181
So as you know, I normally
broadcast from Mandyland.
233
00:09:42,216 --> 00:09:44,717
But tonight I'm transmitting
from cell block "c"
234
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,719
of dad-ica prison.
235
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,187
Da-dica?
236
00:09:48,222 --> 00:09:51,257
♪ Dad, oh,
da-a-a-a-ad ♪
237
00:09:51,292 --> 00:09:55,929
♪ Travis went to gaga,
can't you see I'm sad? ♪
238
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,381
Ugh! Ahh!
239
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:01,901
5,000 followers? People got a lot
of time on their hands.
240
00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:04,938
Hey, Kyle! Didn't I ask
you to take care of the kid?
241
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,574
Yeah, Ed's pulling him around
the parking lot. He's what?
242
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,509
In a kayak. Oh.
243
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:15,181
Kyle.
244
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:17,584
- Do you know how to change a tire?
- Sure. You need me to change your tire?
245
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:21,754
- Do I look like the kind of guy that
can't change his own tire?
- Why are you yelling at me?
246
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,039
I don't know what we're talking about.
247
00:10:23,073 --> 00:10:25,124
Why don't you come over to my house?
248
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:26,576
I want you to meet my daughter Mandy.
249
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,528
If you like her, maybe
take her out on a date.
250
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:32,415
If you don't like her,
take her out on a date.
251
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,933
But no funny business.
252
00:10:33,968 --> 00:10:35,234
You mean like sex?
253
00:10:35,269 --> 00:10:38,071
Oh.
254
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,505
You know, it troubles me, Kyle,
255
00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:41,107
that you're so handy with that word.
256
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,877
Just try to remember something.
257
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,045
I could fire you...
258
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,236
Or worse.
259
00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:54,654
Huh?
260
00:10:57,550 --> 00:11:00,202
Dad, where's Boyd?
261
00:11:00,236 --> 00:11:02,888
Uh, he's napping. He got
into the energy bars at work.
262
00:11:02,922 --> 00:11:06,391
He ran around until he passed out.
263
00:11:06,426 --> 00:11:09,027
So... instead of taking him to day care,
264
00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:12,547
you took him to the blow
dart and shotgun emporium?
265
00:11:12,582 --> 00:11:15,333
He wasn't around anything dangerous, okay?
266
00:11:15,368 --> 00:11:16,501
And I can't say the same
267
00:11:16,535 --> 00:11:18,837
had I left him at hippie hippie rainbow.
268
00:11:20,072 --> 00:11:21,840
Bruce teaches sensitivity and tolerance.
269
00:11:21,874 --> 00:11:23,675
I just don't think your kid
should go to that school.
270
00:11:23,709 --> 00:11:25,093
You know how that ends up. Hmm?
271
00:11:25,144 --> 00:11:27,679
Boyd dancing on a float.
272
00:11:30,883 --> 00:11:32,784
And what would be so wrong with that?
273
00:11:32,819 --> 00:11:34,286
The only time men should be dancin'
274
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,223
is when other other men
are shootin' at their feet.
275
00:11:38,257 --> 00:11:40,609
Are you gonna meddle up
until the day you die?
276
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:43,411
And beyond.
277
00:11:43,446 --> 00:11:46,731
I have a very specific will.
278
00:11:49,285 --> 00:11:53,205
Mandy keeps telling me
soccer's making my legs thick.
279
00:11:53,239 --> 00:11:57,375
Listen, Eve, boys like a
gal with a sturdy foundation.
280
00:11:58,911 --> 00:12:01,246
That's what attracted me to
your mom in the first place.
281
00:12:02,515 --> 00:12:05,300
Don't ever tell her I said that.
282
00:12:05,351 --> 00:12:08,303
I've never played against the boys before.
283
00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:10,055
Are there any cute ones?
284
00:12:10,089 --> 00:12:13,225
No. Who said
anything about Victor Blake?
285
00:12:15,895 --> 00:12:18,313
Let me give you some advice.
286
00:12:18,364 --> 00:12:20,282
You wanna impress the boys, you play hard,
287
00:12:20,316 --> 00:12:21,599
take the game to them,
288
00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:24,469
prove that you belong on that field.
289
00:12:24,504 --> 00:12:26,204
Trust me.
290
00:12:27,957 --> 00:12:30,242
Well, we have to move!
291
00:12:31,610 --> 00:12:32,744
What happened?
292
00:12:32,778 --> 00:12:34,980
Dad! He told me that
boys would like me more
293
00:12:35,014 --> 00:12:37,549
if I played aggressive. I
sprained Victor Blake's ankle,
294
00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:39,651
and now they call me "Queen Kong."
295
00:12:41,487 --> 00:12:43,054
I'm going to pack!
296
00:12:43,089 --> 00:12:44,923
Ugh!
297
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:49,127
I can explain.
298
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,998
We might have to move.
299
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:55,466
Why are you giving girl advice?
300
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:56,685
Why don't you just
stick to what you know--
301
00:12:56,736 --> 00:12:59,654
chasing raccoons out of the yard?
302
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:02,040
They're a herding animal.
303
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:03,608
If you don't nip
that in the bud--
304
00:13:03,642 --> 00:13:05,476
oh, I...
305
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:09,781
I just hate to disappoint her.
306
00:13:09,815 --> 00:13:11,482
Kristin never listens to me anymore,
307
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,985
and Mandy's got her new
family, the Kardashians.
308
00:13:15,705 --> 00:13:18,456
Queen Kong's my little buddy.
309
00:13:18,491 --> 00:13:20,292
Just go up and talk to her.
310
00:13:20,326 --> 00:13:22,527
She's not talking to me.
311
00:13:22,562 --> 00:13:24,329
None of my girls are talking to me.
312
00:13:24,347 --> 00:13:27,299
Usually I think that's a great idea.
313
00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:29,884
Right now it just hurts.
314
00:13:29,936 --> 00:13:33,338
Mike, your girls are talking to you.
315
00:13:33,356 --> 00:13:35,774
You just need to listen to them.
316
00:13:38,444 --> 00:13:39,778
Huh?
317
00:13:42,648 --> 00:13:44,015
Hi. Mike Baxter here,
318
00:13:44,050 --> 00:13:46,084
asking the question
that men have been asking
319
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:47,652
since medieval times.
320
00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:50,538
Gosh darn it. Where can I get
321
00:13:50,573 --> 00:13:54,125
a crossbow online?
322
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,195
This is the new Excalibur
super saber series.
323
00:13:57,229 --> 00:13:59,230
Composite handle, so when
you're huntin'...
324
00:13:59,265 --> 00:14:00,865
When you're huntin'...
325
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,268
God. Who am I kidding?
326
00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:05,303
If you're watching this...
327
00:14:05,338 --> 00:14:06,771
You don't hunt.
328
00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:08,740
You're probably hunting for
a tissue right about now,
329
00:14:08,774 --> 00:14:10,041
aren't you?
330
00:14:10,076 --> 00:14:12,543
And some girl at a soccer game
331
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:16,348
where nobody can lose sprained your ankle!
332
00:14:16,382 --> 00:14:17,949
There's a guy named
Jack Youngblood--
333
00:14:17,984 --> 00:14:21,552
played the super bowl with a broken leg!
334
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,887
That's not fantasy!
335
00:14:22,922 --> 00:14:24,923
What the heck is fantasy football?
336
00:14:24,957 --> 00:14:26,524
I got a fantasy.
337
00:14:26,559 --> 00:14:28,259
Why don't you get off the
frickin' couch, you morons?
338
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:31,363
What happened to men?
339
00:14:31,397 --> 00:14:34,699
Men used to build cities just
so we could burn 'em down.
340
00:14:34,734 --> 00:14:37,969
We got our hair cut by a guy named Hank.
341
00:14:38,004 --> 00:14:39,571
But modern
man--what do you do?
342
00:14:39,605 --> 00:14:42,474
You run from stuff--
responsibility, fatherhood.
343
00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:46,144
You can't even change a tire. A tire!
344
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,179
Why don't you get off
the couch, you moron,
345
00:14:48,214 --> 00:14:50,932
and go outside?!
346
00:14:50,966 --> 00:14:53,601
You'll see something
bright. It's called the sun.
347
00:14:53,636 --> 00:14:55,887
It's like a tanning bed, but it's free!
348
00:14:57,923 --> 00:15:01,526
How is Mike pretending to
be angry, scary, and unstable
349
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,813
good for our web site?
350
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:08,149
We've gotten tons of hits. Hits are good.
351
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,300
I know hits are good, you jack-wang.
352
00:15:09,335 --> 00:15:12,904
I'm not a thousand years old.
353
00:15:12,938 --> 00:15:14,305
It's gone viral.
354
00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:16,007
Our web traffic is way up.
355
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:18,476
Well... Looks like this company
356
00:15:18,511 --> 00:15:20,812
has finally entered the 20th century, huh?
357
00:15:20,846 --> 00:15:24,683
But it's the 21st century, sir.
358
00:15:24,717 --> 00:15:26,951
One step at a time, Kyle.
359
00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:32,757
Hey, Eve, would you
give me the ketchup--
360
00:15:32,791 --> 00:15:34,125
not talking to you.
361
00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:35,477
Kristin, does Boyd want a hot dog,
362
00:15:35,511 --> 00:15:38,463
or do you have some soy thing
on a stick in your purse?
363
00:15:40,066 --> 00:15:42,150
Okay, I get it.
364
00:15:42,184 --> 00:15:43,401
Nobody's talking to me.
365
00:15:43,436 --> 00:15:45,603
I'm talking to you, dad.
That makes me nervous.
366
00:15:45,637 --> 00:15:48,373
Yeah. Will you go pick up Travis, please?
367
00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:49,657
You can pick him up. Really?
368
00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:51,609
Yeah, if you can just figure
out how to change a tire.
369
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,145
So sad.
370
00:15:54,163 --> 00:15:57,615
I'm living with Lord Voldemort!
371
00:15:57,649 --> 00:16:00,018
I don't know who that is,
372
00:16:00,052 --> 00:16:04,172
but he sounds like a very caring father.
373
00:16:04,206 --> 00:16:07,959
Hi. You must be Mr. B's daughter.
374
00:16:07,993 --> 00:16:10,395
Okay.
375
00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:11,563
And who are you?
376
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:14,532
I'm Kyle. Your dad wanted us to meet?
377
00:16:14,567 --> 00:16:17,035
Oh, God. Did he tell
you that I needed a man?
378
00:16:17,069 --> 00:16:19,637
Pretty much.
379
00:16:19,671 --> 00:16:21,856
Great. Well, did he also tell you
380
00:16:21,891 --> 00:16:25,009
that I need help because
I'm a single mom? Um...
381
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,845
I'm guessing not by that
dumbfounded look on your face.
382
00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:31,065
Oh, no, this is just my face.
383
00:16:31,117 --> 00:16:32,650
Okay, why are you hanging out with my dad?
384
00:16:32,685 --> 00:16:34,402
That's just weird. I work for him.
385
00:16:34,453 --> 00:16:37,422
Oh, God. Is he paying you to date me?
386
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:39,240
Am I that pathetic?
387
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:40,992
You wanna go to a movie?
388
00:16:41,026 --> 00:16:44,862
Um, a-a movie. Well, I
have not been to a movie
389
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,999
since my water broke during "Avatar."
390
00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:50,668
Hello, Boyd.
391
00:16:50,703 --> 00:16:52,904
Boyd, right. That little dude's awesome.
392
00:16:52,938 --> 00:16:54,172
He really loves your dad.
393
00:16:54,206 --> 00:16:56,674
Yeah, well, Boyd loves everybody.
394
00:16:56,709 --> 00:16:57,876
No, he fell and tripped,
395
00:16:57,910 --> 00:16:59,444
and your dad came over
and hugged him and said,
396
00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:02,380
"hey, it's okay to cry. Just let it out."
397
00:17:02,414 --> 00:17:04,883
Wait. Mr. Outdoor Man said that?
398
00:17:04,917 --> 00:17:06,601
Later on, when a heat
lamp fell on my foot,
399
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:09,654
was it okay for me to cry? No, it was not.
400
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:14,192
Oh, o-okay. Um...
401
00:17:14,226 --> 00:17:16,461
I'm--I'm gonna go
and check on Boyd,
402
00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:18,947
and, um... And
you go say hi to my dad,
403
00:17:18,998 --> 00:17:21,115
and then, um, we'll go.
404
00:17:21,167 --> 00:17:22,400
Okay. Okay.
405
00:17:27,606 --> 00:17:29,674
- Hey, Mr. B.
- Hey, Kyle.
406
00:17:29,708 --> 00:17:31,209
Thanks for having me over. You bet, buddy.
407
00:17:31,243 --> 00:17:32,710
Mandy is awesome.
408
00:17:32,745 --> 00:17:34,596
Well, that's great.
409
00:17:34,630 --> 00:17:37,131
Yeah, that is great. Who are you?
410
00:17:37,183 --> 00:17:38,583
I'm Kyle.
411
00:17:38,617 --> 00:17:40,451
I'm sort of Mike's right-hand man.
412
00:17:40,486 --> 00:17:42,720
No, you're not, Kyle.
413
00:17:42,754 --> 00:17:45,923
Hey, dad, thank you for
telling Kyle about me.
414
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:51,296
It's o-okay, daughter.
415
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:53,314
Wait, wait. Didn't--didn't
you just say you were here
416
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,266
to see man--
and man.
417
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:59,954
Man, am I hungry. That's a man.
418
00:17:59,989 --> 00:18:02,991
O-okay. Well, um, we're
gonna go see a movie
419
00:18:03,042 --> 00:18:04,959
- if you could watch Boyd.
- Yeah, sure.
420
00:18:04,994 --> 00:18:08,112
Actually, I was asking dad.
421
00:18:08,147 --> 00:18:11,583
Actually, she was asking me. Okay.
422
00:18:11,617 --> 00:18:14,118
Thank you, dad.
423
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,153
Okay.
424
00:18:18,841 --> 00:18:21,593
Come on, Kyle.
425
00:18:21,627 --> 00:18:24,462
What the hell did you do?
426
00:18:26,298 --> 00:18:27,632
I-I don't know.
427
00:18:27,650 --> 00:18:29,934
Oh, Mr. B. I almost
forgot to tell you. Yeah.
428
00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:31,302
Ed says he's proud of you
429
00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:32,987
and that you're back on for Costa Rica.
430
00:18:33,022 --> 00:18:35,823
Great, great,
great. That-- good.
431
00:18:35,858 --> 00:18:38,309
Let me give you a little hint about Mandy.
432
00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:40,828
She likes to be called "Kristin."
433
00:18:40,863 --> 00:18:42,780
It's a nickname.
434
00:18:42,814 --> 00:18:44,165
Thanks, Mr. B.
435
00:18:44,199 --> 00:18:46,367
You bet.
436
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:49,654
You know that's not gonna end well.
437
00:18:49,688 --> 00:18:51,289
Yes, I do.
438
00:18:51,323 --> 00:18:53,958
Well, I hope you're happy!
439
00:18:53,992 --> 00:18:55,627
Well, I was for a couple seconds.
440
00:18:57,062 --> 00:18:58,212
What's happening?
441
00:18:58,264 --> 00:18:59,464
I changed a tire. What?
442
00:18:59,498 --> 00:19:01,215
I broke three nails
and I ruined a sweater.
443
00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:04,569
Oh, and you know the--the--
the pumpy, pumpy thing?
444
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,003
- Uh, jack.
- Yeah, jack.
445
00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,139
You need a new one.
446
00:19:08,173 --> 00:19:11,025
Uh... I'm proud of you, Mandy.
447
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:12,060
Thanks, dad. Keys?
448
00:19:12,111 --> 00:19:13,711
Yeah, sure.
449
00:19:13,746 --> 00:19:15,363
I gotta go to Travis.
450
00:19:15,397 --> 00:19:17,899
We still have time to get our mani-pedis!
451
00:19:19,735 --> 00:19:22,720
Travis.
452
00:19:22,755 --> 00:19:25,089
If no one's coming to dinner,
and you're watching Boyd,
453
00:19:25,124 --> 00:19:26,724
then I'm gonna have three glasses of wine,
454
00:19:26,759 --> 00:19:29,160
take a bath, and go to bed.
455
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,796
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hi, dad.
456
00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:33,831
What? What? What? Victor Blake.
457
00:19:33,865 --> 00:19:36,033
Uh, uh, uh, sprained ankle Victor Blake?
458
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,202
Yeah. He called me, and
he liked the way I played.
459
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,088
I told you that was gonna work out.
460
00:19:40,139 --> 00:19:42,890
He asked me out, dad. My first real date!
461
00:19:42,925 --> 00:19:46,010
I'll be aggressive
just like you taught me.
462
00:19:46,045 --> 00:19:49,414
No, no, no, no. Aggressive is bad! It...
463
00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:52,183
Nice going, coach.
464
00:19:52,217 --> 00:19:54,736
I did not see that coming.
465
00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:59,907
Boy, I bet you're happy to be
hitting the road again, huh?
466
00:19:59,942 --> 00:20:01,075
I'm not going anywhere.
467
00:20:01,110 --> 00:20:04,062
What if Victor Blake can't change a tire?
468
00:20:04,096 --> 00:20:06,230
What are you saying?
469
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:10,118
I'm saying... with your new promotion,
470
00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:12,236
you're gonna need a
lot of help around here.
471
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:14,739
And that's you?
472
00:20:14,757 --> 00:20:18,626
Then I will definitely
need three glasses of wine.
473
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:21,429
What's a man's number one responsibility?
474
00:20:21,463 --> 00:20:25,299
Mm, terrorizing his daughter's boyfriends?
475
00:20:25,351 --> 00:20:26,718
You get me.
476
00:20:26,752 --> 00:20:27,719
Mm.
477
00:20:27,753 --> 00:20:29,721
Which is why I married you.
478
00:20:29,755 --> 00:20:32,774
I thought it was for my sturdy foundation.
479
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:38,162
Snitch!
480
00:20:43,257 --> 00:20:45,444
The manly arts are
vanishing. That's a fact.
481
00:20:45,564 --> 00:20:48,081
What do we do when the aliens invade
482
00:20:48,201 --> 00:20:50,186
or the zombies come out of their graves
483
00:20:50,306 --> 00:20:51,747
and the machines rise up?
484
00:20:51,867 --> 00:20:53,354
Who's gonna lead us?
485
00:20:53,388 --> 00:20:55,223
You.
486
00:20:55,274 --> 00:20:58,226
I have all this knowledge. It's my duty...
487
00:20:58,277 --> 00:21:02,697
To pass it on for the future of mankind.
488
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,193
And very important lesson tonight.
489
00:21:05,313 --> 00:21:07,300
This one here. Right
here. Put 'em up here.
490
00:21:07,420 --> 00:21:09,687
How do we get this little piggy
491
00:21:09,705 --> 00:21:13,124
all the way the over to market?
492
00:21:17,452 --> 00:21:18,925
Mandy?!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
35860
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
