All language subtitles for Orange is the New Black - 01x13 - Cant Fix Crazy.DEMAND.English.orig.Addic7ed.com

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Thank you so much.

Where in the Nativity story are
we supposed to fit a juggler?

You said you'd
keep an open mind.

There are more ways to celebrate the birth

of Christ besides
singin' Joy to the World.

Ladies.

After the auditions, I was planning
to leave the show in your hands.

But if you can't get along,
I will take it back

and the pageant
will be two carols,

the lady who juggles, and good night.

We'll be fine.

Of course, Chaplain.

Who's next?

So a penguin and a farmer
walk into a bar...

This is a duck.

This is a dolphin.

This is a goose.

Hark the Herald angels sing

Glory to the newborn King

Tidings of comfort and joy
Comfort and...

Joy to the world,
the Lord has come

Here we go.

Dashin' through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go
Laughin' all the way

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Go, tell it on the mountain

Over the hills and everywhere

Go. Go, tell it
on the mountain...

Merry Christmas.
Happy Hanukkah.

Don't forget Kwanzaa.

Watch out, old Jesus is back!

Black Cindy!

I can sing, too. You know, in
addition to the ice skating.

And so the penguin says, "Dude, he's
not an eggplant, he's retarded."

It lost me at the umbrellas.

"Be not afraid, for behold, I
bring good tidings of great joy."

Thank you, Doggett.

I assume by your
choice of material,

you're interested in
the part of an angel?

Yes, ma'am.
That's correct,

because last year I was up
on this stage as the ox,

and the year before
that I was the ass.

And so, I dunno about y'all,
but I'm really startin'

to feel like you're tryin'
to assassinate my character.

'Cause I know that I am ready

to shine my light
for the shepherds

and announce across the land the
miracle of baby Jesus Christ.

Mr. Healy, I know that
I said a lot of things.

What do you want, Chapman?

I need a marriage request form.

You need a form
and my approval,

which you don't have.

Please, Mr. Healy.

Marriage is a privilege.

You are not entitled to it.

And to use one of your own delightful
phrases, "Go fuck yourself."

Yup.

What part of "out of
the kitchen effective

"immediately" did
you not understand?

Without my produce order, I have
to re-plan the whole holiday menu.

I can't sit on
the bench all day

while you play out
this little power trip.

We'll all be eating
sardines for Christmas.

You're gonna be
eating prison loaf

when I drag you to Seg by that
purple pelt on your head.

Now, have some self-respect
and don't make me do it.

It feels serious in here.

It smells good, though.
What kind of soup is that?

Navy bean.
I'll save you a bowl.

Gloria, you are reassigned
to the kitchen.

Head cook, queen bee.
You start now.

Can I bring my people?

Whatever you need to do.

Get the forms from O'Neill.

This is bullshit
and you know it.

This whole place will
fall apart when I'm gone.

Let's go.

No, originally from Poughkeepsie,
well, outside of Poughkeepsie.

Go on.

So, after the
tragedy with Miller,

I was determined to find out if drugs
were in fact coming into the prison.

I thought, um...
I had a hunch.

So when the vegetable truck pulled
up, I went through the boxes.

Let me stop you there.

So, you went through
the boxes before they

actually came
onto the property?

That's correct.
At the gate.

So you didn't find drugs in the
kitchen or on prison grounds?

No, ma'am, the pills were
in a box of cabbage,

and I brought them
straight to Caputo.

Okay.

Well, Bennett.

Uh, John?

Yeah.

John, your intentions
were so good here,

but from what
you're telling me,

Neptune's Produce didn't
bring drugs into the prison.

You did.

What are you
talkin' about?

You just said that you found
the drugs in the cabbage

before the truck
pulled onto the campus,

and then you brought
them to Caputo.

- That's right, but...
- John,

you are one of the good guys.
I know that.

So, I want to protect you.

I think it's best if you don't
fill out a report on this.

But they were going
to the kitchen.

It's not like the truck
was making stops

between the front gate
and the loading dock.

We don't know that.

- Of course we do.
- Bennett,

I am so impressed by
how you've handled things.

And you know what? I am going
to authorize incentive pay.

That's an extra $130 a month.

- Thank you, but...
- Now...

Hmm.

You go do your job and let
me take it from here.

Okay, John?

- Howard, Larry's here!
- Hey, Pop.

You want
a cup of decaf?

I have this vanilla
coconut creamer I put in.

It's delicious.
I'll make you one.

- Thanks, Ma.
- Mmm.

You read about this
Google Glass thing?

We're gonna all
look like cyborgs.

Cyborgs? Aren't those your
neighbors down in Florida?

So, to what do we
owe this pleasure?

I went to the movies on
86th, so, I was nearby.

- Anything good?
- Nah.

My friends
loved your radio thing.

Everyone was talking
about it at mahjong.

Did Piper enjoy it? I never
got the full report from you.

Uh, she had some
issues with it.

But, uh, we talked
them through.

And then we kept talking and
at the end of our talk,

we decided that we were gonna
get married right away.

While she's still in there.

As soon as possible.

So...

That's really the full
report, since you asked.

I think this is the longest you
two have ever been silent.

Why are you rushing this?

I want to start my life, Ma.

I want to know that
we are committed

and that our commitment
is taken seriously.

So, take it seriously.
You need a paper for that?

You've known we were getting married, Dad.
This is not new information.

The point is that Piper is
spending a year in an institution.

You can't tell what she's gonna
be like when she gets out.

Or when she gets
out, for that matter.

Things are arbitrary in there.

You give someone the wrong
look on the wrong day...

Why don't you just wait and
see how things turn out?

Yeah, if you meet someone else
in the meantime, you'll have...

I don't want to wait and see. I don't
want to meet anyone else, okay?

I love her and I want to spend
the rest of my life with her.

In all her ways.

She's had some
interesting ways so far.

Girl ways. Boy ways. Drug ways.

Ma!

I get it, Larry, she's a natural blonde.
She's exotic for you.

But exotic is for pets and vacations,
it's not for making a life.

You think I'm that shallow?
I know her.

She is exciting,
I'll give you that,

but does she share your values?

Will she be a good mother?

Does she make you feel
good about yourself?

I think so.

Why, you can't remember?

Yes, she does.
Of course she does.

Look, we've been together a long time.
We're invested.

Are you calculating
your opportunity costs

or are you
discussing love here?

Why don't you just
wait until she gets out?

See if you're still compatible.
Spend some time.

Larry, why are you
in such a hurry?

It's not like
she's going anywhere.

What, are you afraid she's
gonna meet someone else?

Well, if it isn't
the invisible woman.

One intense talk about the
future and you disappear on me.

Not a shocker, but I had
gotten my hopes up.

I'm getting married.

You've been getting married
since before you got here.

This is not news.

Say what you really mean.

I pick him.
I pick Larry.

Of course you do.

I love you, too.

But we both know
I don't have the balls

to free fall through
life with you.

No. You don't.

At least I made a decision, right?

Aren't you proud of me?

Piper...

Fuck you.

- Alex...
- Listen...

Yes.

You have made a decision.

So here is what it
means going forward.

You may not come running to me again.
Not with your problems.

Not with your love.

Not with your need
or sadness or anger,

or even your laundry when it's not
specifically your laundry day.

You may never come to me again.

Ever.

Well, what do you know?

Jesus. What are
you doing here?

Relax, man. Just here to
get my paycheck, shit.

Oh, It's nice to see
you, too, buddy.

Sorry. I'm just... It's
a surprise, I mean.

Spit it out.
Have you seen her?

You gave her my note, right?

I wrote her a letter,
didn't put my name on it.

But she'll know who it's from.
She say anything?

- Who?
- Who?

My girl, man! Fuck! Oh, God, I
can't keep my brain off of her!

What do you think you're
gonna do about that?

Man's greatest struggle in life
is to find a woman who's sexy

but, like, still
could be a mom.

She's that, Benny.

I feel like she
could be the one.

You know, I see myself
buying sheets with her.

Taking trips to Mount Rushmore.

That's great.

Oh, she's got
these lips, Jesus!

I had no idea. I always
dated women with thin lips.

It's a fucking revelation.

Isn't something on the
record with you guys now?

I mean, how does that play out?

I dunno, but whatever
it is, she's worth it.

Hey, if you get any info, intel,
insight, fucking call me, all right?

- Happy holidays, man.
- Hey, what about your paycheck?

You know your
lines yet for the pageant?

I dunno. 'Cause I
can't concentrate

with Satan's Girl Scout
skipping around.

I was a Girl Scout.
Troop 247.

They taught
us how to use tampons.

You are still on
probationary term, Leanne.

Don't be talking
about tampons while

I'm sittin' here plottin' my revenge.
Thanks.

Okay, I figured it out.

She don't need God. That
was a misinterpretation.

I went back to my book
to find some answers.

I needed a clear answer.

Luke, 19:27,
Jesus said,

"But those mine enemies,

"which would not that
I should reign over them,

"bring hither, and
slay them before me."

And I found it. I found it.
I turned right to the page.

Now if that ain't a sign,
I don't know what is.

Is it just me, or are these
eggs, like, extra spicy?

My mouth is on fire.

Okay, so, for Secret Santa,

I've got you guys, Red, Norma,
Gina, I'm putting Alex in.

Think we should ask Chapman?

Hmm. I think she'd
give good gifts.

Come on, you guys, Secret Santa
is supposed to be like family.

What, you honestly think
Chapman and Vause are family?

Well, I think it's nice.

We don't have Mercy anymore.
And Tricia.

Let's throw 'em in. Expand the circle.
It's fucking Christmas.

All right. All right. Hey, you
gonna finish those eggs...

No! No! You can't have these.
They're good this morning.

Do not say that to Red.
Whatever you do.

As far as we're concerned,
breakfast was a mess, capisce?

Hmm. Yeah.
Of course.

Sure. But when she gets
back in the kitchen,

could you ask her to
make the eggs like this?

Because they are delicious.

You're both asking
for fuckin' trouble.

Chapman, hello.
Happy holidays.

Happy holidays.

You are a first time offender

with a short sentence,
and you're white.

Which means there
are a lot of programs

here that you probably
are not aware of,

because you're lucky
enough not to meet them.

I'm sure.

Like the GED program.

We've allocated some funds to
bring that back in the new year.

Well, that's great to hear.

I don't personally
care for talk radio.

The incessant chatting gives me
a migraine, but some people do,

and apparently, some
of these little shows

have fans that write articles.

Oh. This is about
Larry's radio thing.

Yeah. I believe he got
some of the facts wrong.

But, you know,
it's not a news story.

It's more like, um,
storytelling.

Did you listen to it?

No.

So, here's what
I need from you.

On the off chance that there's
a follow-up storytelling,

it would be great if your husband
could be better informed

about all we're trying
to accomplish here.

Here's a list.

Of course.

I would be happy to make
sure he's up to speed.

I mean, that would only
serve all of us, right?

That's right.

But, you know,

I'm not the only one who's
been talking to Larry.

Counselor Healy
has spoken with him.

Why was Healy speaking
to your husband?

He called to tell him
I was having

a lesbian affair
with another inmate.

Oh, good Christ.

No, no, that's okay.

It's probably just another
case of misinformation.

What's your angle, Chapman?

You know, you keep referring
to Larry as my husband?

But we're not married yet.
Though we do hope to be.

So, that means, I need a
marriage request form,

and, of course, your approval.

And I would be happy to make
sure that my new husband

is up to speed with all of the

great work you're
doing here at Litchfield.

I am sure we could
arrange something.

All of us in the
kitchen, making tamales.

Almost feels like
Christmas at home.

Hmm.

Yea, except my Uncle Fernando
ain't around to stick his hand down my pants.

Please, speak English.

How about you learn Spanish?

In my family, it's Cousin Frankie.
Fuckin' perv.

My mother hit him with a brick
when he messed with my niece once.

She broke his cheekbone.

Now half his face is kinda sunk in.
Serves him right.

My daughter's with my cousin

at some marimacha
collective she's part of.

Not a dick for miles.

And I want it so.

- You ain't worried they'll turn her gay?
- She's a baby.

And I only got a year.

I'll get her back before
she knows anything.

Immigration! Hands
where I can see 'em.

Hmm. Funny, cabrona.

Hey, the Squirrel and
the Silent One nearby?

Out back. But not too long,
'cause they got work to do.

All right.

Hey, hey, Tweedles, time to draw
your names for Secret Santa.

Now, Norma, I'll remind
you again, it's a secret,

so don't go blabbing
all over camp.

If you pick your own name, just
put it back and pull again.

Really?

You seen Red?

No, not yet.
How's she doing?

She wouldn't leave the cube this morning.
She won't show up for work.

I said, "They're
gonna throw you

"in the SHU if you
don't go to work,"

but then she gave me that
look that makes my ass leak.

I am familiar with that look.

You gotta talk to her.

And what am I supposed to say?

That it's all gonna be okay?

She's a very bright woman.
She knows how fucked she is.

Please, Nicky. She's
really not in a good way.

I'll see what I can do.

Ooh!

Diaz got an interesting one.

Mom Diaz or daughter Diaz?

Daughter.

"Dayanara, I think of
your body all the time.

"I'll be doing something else,
something normal, like driving my car

"or making spaghetti, and then I
see you there in my brain, naked.

"I can barely write this
letter I get so turned on.

"You cast a spell on me.

"And, baby, I hope that
spell is never undone.

"Until we see
each other again."

Signed, "Hot for you."
But with the number four.

Poor schmuck.

Guess he doesn't know
Mendez stuck it in her.

And what's the
latest with that?

So far just a suspension.

Captain's not saying
anything about it, though.

And he won't. Watch.

Diaz'll get transferred
and Mendez will be back.

They love that sadistic fuck.

You just gotta let
the jizz settle first.

Hey, check this out. Vause got
one from Chapman's fiance.

Ooh, scandal!

He's asking, will she add
him to her visitation list?

"We need to talk," he says.

You think they're
conspiring on something?

Yeah. A threesome.

Been thinkin' about that, have you?
Chapman and Vause?

I'm not saying something
we don't all know.

There she is.
And standing up!

I heard you'd gone horizontal.

I'm not here. I'm outside
raking dirt somewhere.

You don't see me.

All right. You gotta
pick your name for the Secret Santa.

Not this year, Nicky.
I'm not in the mood.

Come on, Red.
You love Christmas.

Your sons come up, I mean,
with their big-haired wives.

I can't wait to see what
Sparkle Tits wears this year.

Sparkle Tits and
Yuri have split.

She took the kids and the
tits and the guinea pig

and moved to Sheepshead Bay.

So, how was breakfast?

Spicy. And my
potatoes were cold.

But it wasn't a disaster?

I heard that someone found a
long black hair in her eggs,

but it went unconfirmed.

What? Should we have
gone on a hunger strike?

They all work in
kitchens now, don't they?

They pop out of a trunk of a
car and learn to fry an egg.

God bless America.

You can't blame Gloria.

She's just trying to make the
best of a bad situation.

Fucking Mendez. This is not
how it was supposed to go.

None of this is how
it's supposed to go.

You're tougher than woodpecker lips.
You'll be okay.

Here. Just get whoever
it is something nice.

It's good karma. Sometimes
that shit comes back around.

All clear!

Heard you broke up
with your girl.

Wow. Twitter's got
nothing on prison.

You feel bad?

I feel like I did
what I needed to do.

She mad?

Yep.

Mad enough to leave
a dead rat on your locker?

What?

Whoa!

What the fuck? No, no,
no, she didn't do that.

Do you think that that thing
just crawled up here and died?

No. This a message rat.

Someone say they
gonna kill you.

Say it right here.

See, they meant "you're," apostrophe R-E.
As in, you are gonna die.

But this some
ignorant bitch-ass shit.

What's an Amalekite?

I think it's some Bible stuff.

Hey, yo, Black Cindy.
Come here.

Stuff. I bet this was that
crazy fucking hillbilly.

What's up?

- You was raised in the church, right?
- I was,

but like my daddy say...

The Lord don't take
the wuzzers into the kingdom

He take the izzers Yeah!

Uh, so what's an Amalekite?

- Amalekite?
- Mmm-hmm.

Oh, they real baddies in the Bible.
Attackin' everybody.

Preying on the weak and shit.
A war tribe.

Ooh, in Samuel, God told
Saul to kill 'em all.

Utterly destroy them motherfuckers.
That what God say.

Even the babies.
Even the cows.

They so bad their
cows had to die.

Say anything about rats?

No. Mmm-mmm.

Okay, this is nuts.

It is.

I have to tell someone.

Right. 'Cause
COs love trouble.

Man, you say something,

they gonna put you in Seg
"for your own protection,"

just so they ain't gotta deal.

True, true.

You gotta handle this yourself.
Straight up. Cut.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Kill that
motherfucker. Out.

I seen dead everything.

Did you explain to
her about the inventory?

That protein order has
to last into next month.

I'll come back and
there will be nothing

but scraps for me to work with.

They all talk Spanish
when we're around.

Listen, Jesus.

She may have fed
a quinceanera or two,

but this will catch up
with her soon enough.

Feeding an entire
prison population day in

and day out is a whole
other pot of fish stew

and when she
starts to drown in it,

we'll be the ones
who will pay the price.

It'll take us weeks to put
everything back into working order.

This is what I need you to do.

Speed up the inevitable.

Overcook, over-salt.

We need the inmates to revolt.

Red, we're
on the B-team.

We don't go anywhere
near food prep anymore.

She's got us
stacking boxes, serving...

Well, start serving
very slowly then.

The meal times will
be all screwed up.

It'll throw the whole camp off.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, she runs a pretty
tight ship, right, Norma?

I don't think
we'll get away with it.

Don't think, Gina.
Just do it.

You want to be stacking boxes
for the rest of your stay?

You listen to
what I'm telling you,

you need to fuck
with that kitchen.

You fuck with this kitchen,

I'll have you
outta here so fast

you'll think your
ass grew wheels.

Hey, we just wanna
do a good job.

Yeah? Then why you in here
sniffin' around the dry goods

when I asked you to wipe
down the service station?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, mira, I got four
kids, I know every trick there is.

Now, I kept you here
'cause you know your shit.

It's not your fault
that Red lost the kitchen.

But we all know this
is one of the good jobs.

Don't let Red take
you down with her.

Vamos, let's go.

Maybe she's just
trying to engage me.

She says that thing about the
Amalekites, piques my interest,

and then she can get me to
go to Bible study group.

She's a weird girl.

- Yeah. "You gonna die" was really vague.
- Ha!

Like, totally open
to interpretation.

You know that tweakhead is coming
for you, you better prepare.

All right, listen,
chick steps up,

kick her straight in the cooch.

Hurts just as much on
girls as it do on guys.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, but if you
punchin', you go for the nose.

Biff! Swap!
You know what I mean?

I still say the pookacha.
Shot to the twat.

Yo! Then, when
she doubled over,

- elbow straight to the back.
- Like...

- Bitch out!
- What? Gone!

Pow, pow, pow,
pow! Whomp!

Okay, come on,
you guys, come on!

With Red, I just had to come
up with a creative solution.

So, maybe we should think
along those lines.

Figure out something
she really needs.

What is something
that she really needs?

New teeth!

- This is jacked up! Bitches in heat.
- Yo.

- He's in love with you.
- What are you talking about?

Mendez. He's madly
in love with you.

Clearly you gave
an amazing performance,

because the man
is head over heels.

Unless it wasn't a performance.

- You think I liked it?
- I don't know.

All I know is that he sure did
and I had to hear all about it,

and now I can
barely look at you.

John, it's our baby.

Well, it can go
live with George.

- Who's George?
- Mendez!

He'll think it's
his love child anyway.

I'll ask him
to get a DNA test.

Then they'll fire me.

They're not gonna
know it's yours.

They'll just know it's not his.

Then Cesar will pick it
up from the hospital

and he'll bring it to you.

If the test
proves it's not his,

they're gonna want to know how
you got pregnant in prison,

and then we're back to where we started.
Daya, it was a bad plan.

And you had sex with him.

John, I love you.

I hate him.

I only love you.
You gotta know that.

I can't do this.

What...

You missed a spot.

Come on, Lorna,
tell us who you got!

No! It's a secret!

Some secret.

You just got finished asking me

what my favorite color is
and if my feet get cold.

If I was making you slippers,

which I am not,
I wouldn't be anymore.

So, you just get used to having
cold feet that ain't magenta!

Wow. Please start
fucking her again.

Yeah, you only get one
chance to break my heart.

Hey, remember that, Vause.

Such self-restraint. It's
impressive for a junkie.

Well, yeah, that's with drugs.

Look, you gotta remember,

I had a mom who sent me to
overnight camp when I was three.

I have mastered the art
of shutting people off.

Yeah, maybe I should go
into training with you.

What, Chapman?

Sucks. I'm sorry, kid.
I know she got to you.

Hey, how about we both say a
little prayer that she gets fat

and stops shaving her legs?

Done.

Look.

From your son? Oh, Sophia,
I'm so happy for you.

Look, he didn't
write anything else.

But that's his signature. My wife
didn't fake-sign it for him this time.

Oh!

So that's something, right?

Mmm-hmm.

That's something. I just
wish he'd talk to me.

He's starting to.

Sisters. You all sure
about this part for me?

Have faith, dear.
Your voice resonates.

Yeah. You right. I should
just put the past behind me.

No way that could happen again.

Alex.

Yeah?

You're tall.

I've been told.

Um...

Sorry, this is, uh...

Had so many things planned
to say to you, but now I...

I'm just picturing you...

Got you all flustered?

You got me pissed off.

How many times do
you think you can

come around and fuck up
Piper's life, huh?

I don't know what
psychic black void

your little game
with her fills,

but you need to end it now
and stay away from her.

Not a problem. She's all yours, champ.
We done here?

Whoa, whoa! Whoa.
Hold on.

Suddenly she's all mine
when you have been

working her over
since she got here?

Working her over? Are
you fucking kidding me?

She came to me. Dragged me into
that chapel and fucked me.

Surprised me, too. She never
used to be the aggressor.

I guess it was a new color
she was trying on.

Or maybe she was bored.
Uh, who knows?

You fucked in a chapel?

It's prison.

There aren't
a whole lot of options.

But I'm done.

I can't survive another
spin on her merry-go-round.

And clearly, you're still into
it, so enjoy the ride.

Fuck you. It's not a ride.
We're getting married.

Great.

So why are you here?

I wanted to meet you.

Larry, my heart is with you.

She's hot.
She's read everything.

We both know
what she's like in bed.

But she is fucked up.

I know it, and you do, too.

Or else you wouldn't be here
warning me to stay away.

I'm not your problem.

Hey, College.

- What are you...
- Don't be acting all modest.

You're about as
indecent as they come.

Okay. Let me dry off and
we can talk about this.

Bathroom's full.
Try back later.

I don't wanna talk.

I'm not going to let you
intimidate me, Tiffany.

What do you want?

What do I want?

Hmm.

I want you to feel the
same pain on your body

as you have made
me feel in my heart.

I know, it's not much.

But it's sharp, it's sharp.
Do you wanna see?

Hmm.

Out.

I thought only lady COs
can go in the bathroom.

Hey! This is not
your assigned bathroom,

you are out of bounds.
Out, now!

I guess next time we're gonna
get more creative. That's okay.

Doggett!

I got some other ideas.

- Doggett!
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes, coming.

You okay?

No. I'm not equipped
to deal with this.

I have to tell someone.

Please, she is a bitty thing.

You can take her. Easy.

And when you do,
score is settled.

Girl, stop being
a bitch-ass bitch.

You got a little blood on your nip-nip there.
Rinse that off.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Pop, turn and shake.

No,
a shimmy now. Daya!

Okay.

- Got it.
- Five, six, seven, eight.

Hip, hip, ha, ha,
pop, pop, turn and shimmy.

- No, pero you gotta pop!
- Booty.

- All right!
- Okay, okay.

And shake your
booty at the end.

Five, six,
seven, eight.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, hip,
hip, ha, ha, pop, pop, turn...

Ladies, this is not a recreational area.
Get to work. Now!

Whoa, lighten up.
It's the holidays.

I said back to work.

Okay, but we were just
rehearsing our dance.

The rules are put in
place for your safety.

All right.

Daya needs to tell
her boyfriend to lighten up.

I know, right?

I understand some Spanish, Flaca.
He's not my boyfriend.

What did you say, inmate?

Nothing.

That's right.
You say nothing.

You have nothing to say.

I don't see any
electrical issues.

Appliance seems to
be in good shape.

Just full of grease. So I'm
gonna say grease fire.

Brilliant. Thank you.

How bad did Murphy seem to you?

It's hard to say.

You know, after she got sprayed,
there was a lot of foam.

She was burned, all over her
arm and, like, her clavicle.

I seen it before
Maritza spritzed.

Mendoza, part of your
job is to make sure

these ovens are
cleaned properly.

Don't make me regret
putting you in charge.

I did clean those ovens.

Well, clearly not well enough.

Yeah. Clearly.

All right, get back to work.

Attention, ladies,

breakfast has been
temporarily delayed.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, it just
scared me a little.

Me, too.

Bennett!

We have more to discuss.

Yes, sir.

Blocks B and C
resume normal program.

Talk to the medic, get a detailed
account of Murphy's injuries,

bring me the report
by the end of the day.

Speaking of reports,
where's the drug bust?

I want to get that filed.
That is a big win for us.

Yeah, can I talk
to you about that?

I had this meeting
or something with Fig.

Christ. What happened?

She is a pencil
pusher, Bennett.

You and I, we are
battling in the trenches.

She told me not to
file a report about the...

About the drugs. She said an
investigation could point to me.

That little...

She's cutting off your
balls to protect her own.

You write up
that report, Bennett,

and you bring it to me.

That way, in fact, you
did not file it. I did.

Yes, sir.

This place fucking stinks.

We'll open some windows, sir.

That's not what
I meant, Bennett.

That's not what I meant.

Merry Christmas, Chapman.

It's not Christmas yet.

Yeah, well, it came
early for you this year.

There you go. Go on.

You big ho, ho, ho.

I never meant to hurt anyone, Norma.
Least of all Gina.

She's my daughter.
You know that.

Yo. Check it out.

Whoa! You put a lot
of work into that.

Who knew you were so
fucking thoughtful? Jesus.

Yeah. I have my moments.
Think she'll like it?

I don't know if she'll
appreciate the groom.

What happened to that iron
gate keeping your heart shut?

It's a joke.

Is it?

What are you doing there?

Making you a pair of earrings.

Wait! You asshole! That's
supposed to be a surprise.

Surprise!

These suck.

God! I'm just not crafty. I
don't know what to give you.

Man, you're right. It should be a boy.
It's not funny.

Hey. I think I know what
I want for Christmas.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Next.

I got the marriage form.
It's all filled out.

Good. Good.

If I make it.

If you make it?

Someone's trying to kill me.
A Christian meth head.

Someone else is
trying to kill you?

Hey, it's not my fault. I
didn't ask for this. It just...

It just happened? It happened.
The drama happened to find you.

Like it always does.
'Cause you need it.

Where did that come from?

I met Alex.

What do you mean you met Alex?

I wanted to tell
her to stay away.

I wanted her to see that I was a
real person that she was hurting.

But actually, Piper,

you were the one that was
doing all the hurting.

Whatever she said
is a lie, Larry.

She's a crazy,
manipulative liar.

This is unbelievable.

I can't believe you didn't trust
me to handle this on my own.

No, I didn't. I didn't, and
doesn't that say so much?

I can't be on your
ride anymore, Piper.

I don't think we share the same values.
Why was I in such a hurry?

Because I was afraid.

You shouldn't be with
someone out of fear.

No. No.

No, no, no.

I'm sorry. I...

Bye, Piper.

No. Larry.

No. No.

Alex.

Are you kidding me?
Get out.

- Alex...
- Get out. No fucking way.

Get out.

You heard the lady.

Another holiday.
Can you believe this?

I can because I have eyes.
And a calendar.

Healy, if you ever
call an inmate's family

again with your
lesbian witch hunt shit,

I will destroy you.

Your mail-order bride
will leave you,

and you will never work again.

Get some fucking therapy, man.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I heard you were coming.

I would have sent
these to the hospital,

but I thought I'd rather
deliver them in person.

Wow, Mr. Caputo,
Joe, thank you.

That's really thoughtful.

Oh, this is
my boyfriend, Stephen.

This is Joe Caputo.

- Hello.
- Hello, Stephen.

Really, really nice
to meet you.

Happy holidays, sir.

- Joe. Please.
- Joe.

Oh. All right, that could be trouble.
Excuse me.

Oh, no, I think that's theater for
"the show's gonna start soon."

Right.
Of course.

Okay.
Okay, night... Yeah.

- Joy to the world
- The world

- The Lord is come
- Is come

- Let Earth receive her King
- Her King

Let every heart
prepare Him room

- And Heaven and nature sing
- Nature sing

- And Heaven and nature sing
- Nature sing

- And Heaven, and Heaven, nature sing
- Nature sing

Amazing grace

- How sweet
- Sweet

- The sound
- Sound

That saved

A wretch like me

Like me

I once was lost

Lost

But now I'm found

Found

Was blind

But now

I see

Psst. Hey!

Thank you.
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Shut the fuck up.

Joseph, I'm not
feeling very well.

I'm really tired
and I have a pain.

I think it's time for
the baby to be born!

Please, Mary, lie down here on
this nice bed I made in the straw.

Oh, yeah, lay down, Mary!

Jesus fucking Christ!

All right, ladies. Knock it off!
Knock it off!

Joseph, you were saying?

That should have
been us up there.

I know.

Lie down, Mary,
it won't be long now.

Yeah!

You should be in the center.
You should be in the center.

Hey! Hey! Where you
think you're going?

Oh, no.
Oh, no.

You do not wanna fight with me
right now, crazy. You do not.

Oh, no?

Maybe you're right.
I don't wanna fight you.

I wanna end you right now.

You better stop. Mr. Healy's
right over there.

Hi, Mr. Healy.

Mr. Healy! Mr. Healy! Mr. Healy!

She's trying to kill me!

Oh!

Look what you
brought out to play.

You back the fuck off me!

You think I'm scared
of you? Do you?

I'm not scared of you.
'Cause I got God by my side.

And he told me that you
ain't worth nothin'! See?

See how he just
works through me?

And he wants me to smite you.

I see things.

Hmm, she-devil.
That's what you are.

You're the devil,
and I'm the angel of God.

I mean, look at my dress. Have you seen it?
How's that for poetry?

Hmm?

'Cause God loves me.
He don't love you.

'Cause you ain't
worthy of God's love,

you ain't worthy
of nobody's love.

So I think it's
time that you die.

No!

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com