All language subtitles for Fisk s02e05 Judges Are Like Chimpanzees.eng

Dad, what time is it?

Am I late? What's going
on? No, no, it's 6:30.

I just wanted to sit and
have a bit of a read.

Can't you read in
your giant house?

Once we're up,
we're on a schedule.

I'm supposed to be in
the shower right now.

Tony?

Tony? Bugger.

There you are. Mm.

You left the shower running. You're
not dressed? Are you alright?

Yes, fine. Helen just wanted a
bit of company over breakfast.

Really, Helen? Yep.

Well, we're right out of whack now.
Where can we make up some time?

I suppose we could always do
the crossword this evening.

Could we do the cryptic
in bed or is that madness?

Oh, 6:33.

Come on, I'll put the toast
on. You give yourself a wash.

No time for a shower now, so, just
a quick A, P and C for you, please.

A, P and C?

Armpits and crutch.

Oh, Dad, come on.
Please, use my shower.

He means well, just
needs to be busy.

He wasn't ready for retirement.

Come on, Tony.

You'll be down to a crotch wash
only if you don't hurry up.

Oh, Jesus.

George, why am I meeting

with The American Cat
Welfare League at 10:00AM?

I don't know, 'cause you like
cats? No, I don't like cats.

Have you ever had a cat? No.
I just said I don't like them.

How do you know you don't like
cats if you've never had one?

That's a good point, Roz. Hey,
webmaster, I'm supposed to have

a Zoom meeting with The American
Cat Welfare League in five minutes,

but you never sent
me the invitation.

Yes, I did. Ohh...

You've sent it to me. What?

You've made a mistake.
No, I haven't.

Oh, yeah, you have.
You've sent it to Roz.

Can you send it to me. And also
I need this lot photocopied?

Gruber & Associates.
How may I help you?

No, no, no, that's Conch.

What? That's the
Conch Mediation Line.

"Good morning! Conch Mediation.
You talk, we listen."

Don't worry, just put
it through to my office.

Conch Mediation.

We talk, you... No, hang on.

You... Whatever. Here's Roz.

What's going on with you
this morning? Are you high?

No. I'm overworked.

Sorry. I'm just
kidding. It's not funny.

I'm doing three jobs at the
moment. How many are YOU doing?

Just one. Yeah, so, shut up.

Sorry, that was
unnecessarily aggressive.

That's OK. Are you alright?
I'm really stressed.

Roz still hasn't hired a
new personal assistant.

Oh, no.

Grandma's away on a
cruise. I really miss her.

That's so sad, but I do have
the meeting in one minute.

Could you send it
through?

But I do want to hear about
Grandma, so put a pin in that.

Hi. I was wondering if I
could speak to Roz Gruber.

Hello?

Hello?

- Hello! Chad Sittler.
- Correct.

I represent The Cat
Welfare League of America.

My name's Helen.
Helen Tudor-Fisk.

I'm from Gruber & Associates,
a small law firm in Melbourne.

Sorry. I missed a lot of that.

Oh, beg your pardon.
Is it dropping out?

It's your accent.

I can barely understand
a word you're saying.

That is a very strong accent.

Is it? "Is it?"

Yes,
it is, Helen!

Did you say you
were in 'Melbun'?

Well, I said Melbourne,
but whatever.

- Shall we make a start?
- Sure.

Let's make a 'stut'.

Oh, not even we talk. Jesus.

Theo, this is all
very impressive.

Lots of waiting tables - that's
always good. Any questions?

So, hours - I'm hoping flexible.

Oh, of course we can be
flexible for the right person.

That's great. I've got two
little ones, six and eight.

Ah, both school-age.

Does that mean you'd be
looking to finish at 3:00PM?

Well, no, not both school-aged.

We're actually holding
Rufus back a year.

Gonna start when he's seven.
It's better for the child.

Is it really? Gives
them more confidence

and encourages them to
take learning risks.

Does it?

Why don't we talk about what's
required here at Conch Mediation?

So, office basics, obviously,
but number-one priority...

..is
managing my schedule...

I am so sorry.

I have to take this. I
am lead parent this week.

Hey, little man, what's
up? Gotta be quick, yeah?

Dad's in a very important meeting
with a very important lady.

He hid your asthma puffer?

Tsk. OK, can you put him on?

Samuel...

..where is Rufus's
asthma puffer?

No, it doesn't go in the toilet,
Samuel. That's not funny.

I'm so sorry.

I have a client who
passed away recently.

She left a large bequest to The
Australian Cat Welfare League.

How large?

$10 million. I'm
sorry, how much?

$10 million.

Say that again.

$10 million. $10 million.

Yeah, I hear you. It's just funny
the way that you say 'tin millien'.

Yeah, OK, do you realise you're
doing a New Zealand accent

when you say 'tin millien'?

Listen, this is an Australian
accent - 'ten million'.

Thus is a New Zealand accent -
'tin millien'. Hear the difference?

No. Say it again for me.

Alright, thank you.
We'll be in touch.

Great, great.

Oh, but no phone calls
before 10:00AM, please.

That's usually when I'm trying
to wrangle the little monsters.

And obviously
evenings are a no-go.

That is the witching
hour, as they say.

Do they? Indeed.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Right.

Listen, I'm trying to find The
Australian Cat Welfare League.

Yeah, well good luck with
that. They don't exist.

We made them change their
name back in the '70s.

Change their name? What
did they change it to?

I don't know and I don't care.

They were never affiliated
with the American charity.

What a shame.

'Cause if you were
affiliated in any way

you might have had cause to
come after my 'tin million'.

Ah, well, let's just hang
on... a minute here, Helen,

because, obviously, when I'm
saying they were never affiliated,

what I mean to say... I'm
gonna hang up on you now, Chad.

Hang on...

'Chad'.

Who looks at a baby
and calls it Chad?

It's not even a name.

Sounds like a cheese.

I'm hungry. Is it lunchtime?

Ooh. Nice brown suit.

Hello. I'm Helen Tudor-Fisk...

I don't shake hands. OK.

Edith Babcock from The
Australian Cat Welfare Alliance.

Now, I see from the newspaper - yes,
I still get the actual newspaper -

that we've been left a
bequest of $10 million.

Yes. Great. I was hoping
this would flush someone out.

See, I was told there was no Cat
Welfare League in Australia...

No, you're not listening, dear.
I'm from The Cat Welfare Alliance.

Yep, what'd I say?
We used to be called

The Cat Welfare League, but we had
to change our name back in the '70s.

OK. Where's my tea?

There it is, right there.

Thank you, George.

No.

Uh... No good? You want me
to make you another one?

No. I'll do it myself.
Where's the kitchen?

Um... It's through there and...

Sorry, League or...

What did she say she was?

Ooh!

Right, tea - where is it?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, dear, what's
wrong with your head?

What's this at the front?

You look like one
of those birds.

What am I thinking of? Like an
emu with a lump on its head.

Cassowary? That's
it! Cassowary.

I'm sorry, can I help you?

Oh! Tea BAGS!

No wonder.

Do you have any tea
leaves? Loose-leaf tea?

I'm afraid not. Extraordinary.

Well, this'll have to do.

I'd like it strong please,
with just a spot of milk.

Now, Madam Cassowary,
where's the lavatory?

It's through there. I'll
just get you the key.

Key? Who locks a
toilet? That's absurd.

That's what I've always said.

That's it. Just one
page. Irene Sawchuck.

I remember this. But
she died ages ago.

Yeah, I know. I kind of put
it in the too-hard basket

when I couldn't track
down the charity.

Jeez, Helen, what about all those
poor cats that depend on welfare?

Yeah, righto. You make it sound
like they're all lining up

outside Cat Centrelink
with their little paws out.

It's not a joke. Yeah, I know.

That's why I'm sorting it out.
This will is pretty vague.

I reckon you might need to
make a cy pres application.

What's that?

Means a court has to decide
where she wanted the money to go.

Really? Does that mean
I have to go to court?

Worse. You'll probably
have to get a barrister.

No. Boo! I don't
want to get a barrister.

Mm.

Better, but I can
still taste that bag.

OK.

OK. Mm-hm.

There is a slight issue with
the wording in the will.

Yep.

Irene left her money to
The Cat Welfare LEAGUE...

Show it to me.

No, there's no problem.

This is dated 1972, and in 1972
we WERE The Cat Welfare League.

I've already told you
that. Yeah, I get it,

but, unfortunately, there's a tedious
legal process we have to go through

in order to prove that.

More tedious than this?

I'm afraid so.

Well, I suggest
you get on with it.

Now, toilet key - give it to me.
That tea's gone right through me.

I don't have one.
What? Why not?

Well, there's only one key,
and Roz is the key master.

Who's Roz? The
lady with the...

Oh.

Bird woman, where are you?!

Why on earth don't YOU
have a key to the lavatory?

Are you an idiot? Just
get another one cut.

Oh, my God.

I AM an idiot.

What's this? Your lunch.

No, I asked for
dumplings. Yeah.

Oh, no, mate, you can't
Uber Eats dumplings.

Yeah, you can, look.

Dumplings, fries, onion
rings, anything in batter.

These are all foods that need
to go from shop to plate, mate.

Shop to plate.

They did go from
shop to plate. No.

These went from shop
to bike to plate, yeah?

These have been driven
around for hours in a box

next to curries,
pizza, burgers, tacos,

and what do you get when you
put all those things together?

Delicious party in your mouth?

Cross-contamination.

Dumplings that
smells like tacos.

Burgers that taste like curry.

The dumpling shop's just there. Why
didn't you walk across and get 'em?

Why didn't YOU just
walk across and get 'em?

Ooh. What's with
the attitude, mate?

Sorry. I'm just really busy.

I'm still doing a
lot of Helen's admin.

And Roz is using me as
her personal assistant.

I'm the probate clerk AND I'm
the webmaster. It's a lot.

Did you Uber Eats my
dumplings to get my attention?

Yeah. Maybe.

Well played, buddy. It
worked. I'll talk to Roz.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, leave 'em.

I'll have those.

Thanks.

I'll eat 'em.

Hot happy, but I'll eat 'em.

Oh, hey, Ray... Nope.

Ray!

Ray?

What? Ray.

I'm on my way out. The
dumpling shop closes at 3:00.

OK, well, I just have a quick
question about a cy pres application.

Oh. Christ. Cy pres. Really?

Yeah. OK, sit
down. I'll get Roz.

Roz?!

Rozalind! Yes, what?!

We need you in recepo!

God, why does
everything take so long?

Fisk needs a barrister. She has
to make a cy pres application.

Ah! what about Graham O'Keefe?

No, too handsy.
Mm, good point.

Uh... What about that odd
chap... They're all odd, Rozzie.

The slow talker. Does that
strange eyeball thing.

Lovelock.

He's a bore, but he
does live locally,

so, he might be
prepared to pop in.

Save you a trip to chambers.
Ronald - that's his name.

Ah, yeah, Ronald.
Do you know him?

No. I was just trying
to be in the meeting.

Meeting's over. Go on, give
old stare-bear Lovelock a call.

Yep. Thanks, Ray.

Hang on, Rozzie. How're you
going with your interviews?

I think George is feeling
a little overworked.

He Uber Eats my dumplings today.

Ooh, you can't Uber
Eats dumplings.

I know.

Oh, it's 3:05. They're closed.

You're not hungry. You're
thirsty. Have a glass of water.

I am hungry, and I'm
going to ring them

and see if they've got
any in the bain-marie.

Hey, did you know there's a
man in the photocopy cupboard?

Yeah, that's Brody. Brody who?

Brody from Fiverr. From
Fiverr What is he, Danish?

No, he's from
Fiverr. It's an app.

You can get people to
do anything for a fiver.

Roz'll shit if she finds out
you've outsourced photocopying.

You know how she is about
confidential documents.

So? I'll just throw him another
fiver to forget what he saw.

Righto, Tony Soprano. Are you gonna
whack anyone who crosses you as well?

Maybe.

I'm on a hair trigger, Helen.

OK.

Madeline, I know what
I love about mediation,

but tell me what attracted
YOU to the position?

Mediation?

Yes, what is it about the mediation
business that interests you?

Sorry, I... I thought this
was a meditation business.

Thank you!

Oh, for fuck's sake.

The law specifically
states that the money

was to take care
of Australian cats.

Ooh, hang on.

Got a burp coming.

Ooh, up she comes. Sorry, George,
that's the pad thai talking.

Fisk, one more thing -

the barrister will insist on being
called Mr Lovelock. Bit of a cock.

OK, money's to...

Money was for... Money's
for the Australian cats.

To take care of Australian
cats. Got it, yep.

Now that is starting to
look like a schedule.

I think it's some
of my best work.

Hi, Dad. Helen.
Stay for dinner?

Uh... Yeah.

Good. OK. Sure. Thanks.

What's going on here?
Are we planning a heist?

Just getting organised. OK.

Is everything alright? Yes.

I told you - he just
needs to keep busy.

What's that, Tone?
Uh... Nothing, Tip.

Who's for a drink? Oh,
I'm good, thanks, Dad.

I'd love a glass of
water. Thank you.

OK, right, now,

on Friday we've got a
pickleball lesson at 12:00.

Now, Di won't want us to miss
that. We've missed too many.

Sorry, Viktor, what
am I looking at here?

Oh, we started life-drawing classes
today. That's a female nude.

Ooh.

Was the female in an accident?

Oh, wow.

Gee, maybe Dad should
be taking it a bit easy.

He's still recovering
from a heart attack.

You don't want to schedule
him into an early grave.

Oh.
That reminds me.

We're choosing a
mausoleum tomorrow.

I don't think he's even
looked at the brochures.

Tony?

What are you doing
in the pantry?

Webmaster, did you get
that audio file I sent you?

I really need the brief typed up
before the barrister gets here.

Yeah, I'm working on it. I'll get
it to you by the meeting, I promise.

Which barrister is it?

Mr Ronald Lovelock.
He's a weird cat.

Ray said you have to
get him some lunch.

Helen, I don't have
time to get lunches.

I've got too much
on. Calm down.

He said Uber Eats, that he wants
that lunch 'well-travelled',

if you know what I mean.

Ooh, look out,
Roz coming in hot.

Where's my 9 o'clock
interview? Bethany Riley?

She called to cancel. Said
the job was too entry level.

Didn't want to start
from the bottom.

Oh, for goodness sake, she's 20!

I'm starting to think that young
people don't want to work anymore.

Present company excepted.

Yeah, I'm not actually that
young, Roz. I'm just short.

I was talking about George.

Yep.

Hey, your assistant - do
they have to be young?

No, just organised and
not afraid of hard work.

How do you feel
about humourless?

Yes, please.

Walk with me.

Oh, you really ARE quite short.

Mm. It's never held me back.

I'll take you through now.

Mm-hm.

There's your brief.
Finally. Thank you.

Helen, this is Mr
Lovelock, the barrister.

Mr Lovelock. Helen
Tudor-Fisk. Come on in.

Take a seat. Thank you very much...
or up there... for coming in.

I appreciate it. I know you
would normally meet in chambers,

but, um...

..I was told you
lived local, so...

..this would... be OK.

Gonna
move here, I think.

Given the hour,

midday fast approaching,

I think best we discuss
luncheon arrangements.

Oh, I already ordered.

I like to set my palate,

so, when and what
should I expect to eat?

Sushi. 27 minutes.

Good.

Good, yes.

Sushi.

Very good.

Very, very good.

Alright, then.

So, here's the issue.

This old lady, Irene Sawchuck,

does her will forever ago,

back when there WAS actually
an Australian charity

called The Cat Welfare League.

Ms Fisk. But then
what's happening... Yep?

I can read.

Got it. Shushy.

All making sense?

Finished?

Do you think I have enough to
make the cy pres application?

Have you read this brief?

Yes. Well, I dictated the
brief, so, any questions?

How was the pad thai?

What?

"Oop. Burp
coming. Up she comes

"Sorry, George. That's
the pad thai talking."

Meeting room.

Brody. Goddammit, George.

I'm sorry, I was eating my lunch
while I was dictating the brief.

I also enjoyed this paragraph -

"Hey, Fisk..."

"one thing about
the barrister..."

"he insists on being
called Mr Lovelock.

"He's a bit of a cock."

Is that something you think I
should present to the judge?

Mm...

Mm, no. No, I don't.

Alright, then. Alright, then.

So, pad thai and
'cock' notwithstanding,

do you think you can prove

the money WAS intended for
the Australian charity?

One can't say.

One can't or one won't?

Ms Fisk, judges are
like chimpanzees.

Yes, because they
are 98% human -

vicious when provoked,

they like fruit
with their lunch...

Judges, like chimpanzees,
are highly unpredictable.

Yes, but I think in this
case it's pretty obvious

that the money... I'm
sorry, are you a judge?

No. I am not, sir.

Well, then, here we are.

Yeah. Ah, lunch! Good, good.

Yes, I don't see a beverage.

Filtered water will
be fine, thank you.

Yes, can you get that, Brody?

Hm?

Oh, come on. I saw
George pay you already.

He paid me to serve
food, not beverages.

Fine. Get out.
I'll get it myself.

Shitty job typing up the
brief, by the way, Brody.

Why does this sushi
smell like pizza?

That's capricciosa.

Dad? Shh.

Viktor thinks I'm in the
study, writing my memoirs.

Right, I've had enough
of this. Come on.

Come on, let's go.

Viktor, Dad has something he would
like to say to you. Don't you, Dad?

Come on.

Tip, how would you feel about
rejoining the workforce?

Oh, Tony...

..have you forgotten?
We've retired.

I might need to call Dr Dubas.

Your father's been a
bit out of sorts lately.

I keep finding
him in the pantry.

Viktor, this isn't about Dad.

Also it's just small movements
on that, alright? Like that.

You don't have to give
it that much. Alright.

You'll put your
shoulder out like that.

Dad, can you just say
what you came to say?

Oh, for God's sake. He
wants you to get a job.

But, Tony, YOU'RE my job.

Helen, Edith Babcock
is here to see you.

Edith! Wow, you must
be pretty happy.

Weird, old Ronald really
came through for you.

What are you gonna
do with that 10 mil?

Spend it on the cats, of course.
Of course, it's for the cats.

So, where is it?

What? The money.

Oh, it's in our
company trust account.

Did you think you were gonna
get a big novelty cheque?

No, a regular-sized
cheque is fine.

Mm. And what about
the interest?

Will that be paid
separately? Interest?

Yes, I imagine there's quite a
bit of interest on $10 million.

After all, it's been sitting
there for nine months.

I imagine you're right. I...
I'll have a look for you.

Just get up your
account. Here we go.

Well?

I'm looking. Don't...

Yep.

Um...

Should be...

Are you the... Do you put...

Are you sure we didn't
pay you the money already?

Oh, of course I'm sure. I'm sorry,
what seems to be the problem?

What is the prob...
Nothing is the problem.

Don't touch my... It's not
your business, that's mine.

So, when are you going
to transfer that money?

Oh, my God, what is the rush?

Did the cats not get their breakfast
this morning or something? Just...

I just think that maybe we
should do a big novelty cheque.

It's a good publicity
opportunity. We'll take a photo.

Good for the charity.
Let's do that.

I'm gonna order it and I'll
let you know when it comes in.

OK? Good.

Oh, no, that cheque thing is...

Just get out. Go.

I'm... very busy.

George!

Did you want... Yes, quick,
come in. Shut the door.

I think I've lost $10 million.
How'd you get $10 million?

Oh, the slots.
I've got a system.

Come on, Helen, you can't win that
sort of money on the poker machines.

Blackjack, maybe, but only if
you knew how to count cards.

Shh! Listen.

It's not my money, it's
the cat-lady money.

It's not in our
company trust account.

No, I moved it months ago.

What? Why?

You can't just leave money
in the trust account.

It doesn't earn interest.

Roz almost got
sued for that once.

Hey, shut the door.

Oh, come on, I'm not paying you
five bucks to shut the door.

Fine. Give me the key.

Thank you.

No, no, the original has to
go back into Roz's office.

You paid me to get that key cut.

If you want me to put this key
in the scary lady's office,

it's gonna be another
fiver. Danger money.

You know what?

This is a rort.

There, whatever's
there, that's yours.

Rude.

Shut the door! Nah.

That's your $10,172,000

all in an
interest-bearing account.

Georgie Chen, if I was a hugger I
would hug you so hard right now.

You know what? Wait right there.

OK.

Alright. Just one for...

Yep, he's gonna hug you.

That's nice.

Bit longer. Bit longer.

And release.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

Top stuff.

Bit of a treat.

Viktor!

I'm honoured. I am thrilled
you're taking this on.

Yeah, me too. Thanks, man.

Yes, well, Justice Fisk thought
it might be a good idea,

and the judge always knows best.

Indeed.

You know, I find being a mediator
a little bit like being a judge.

Is that a joke? No, I
don't really do jokes.

Hm! This could be a
match made in heaven.

Viktor! You changed your mind.

Yes, your father
talked me into it.

Right. Uh... Teabag
in the bin, please.

Don't leave it in
the sink.

Thank you.

Here we are.

This is us, Conch
Mediation Services.

Lovely.

So, hours - 9:00 to 5:00.
I hope that works for you.

Uh... I prefer to start at
8:00. I can ride in with Helen.

Oh, no, Viktor, I
don't start till 9:00.

Nothing wrong with
getting in early. Mm.

We'll be here at 8:00AM,
Monday to Friday.

Oh, my God, I
really AM an idiot!

Good man.

Now cross the road.

That's it.

Keep coming. Cross the road.

No.

No, don't take another job.

What?

Mate, shop to plate.
Shop to plate.

Shop to...

Mate! Hey!

George, he's wandered
up the street with them!

How did you know?

Brody. Goddammit.

You should have paid him a
fiver to keep his mouth shut.

How'd you like the new boss?

Mm, well, you were right.

They do need me.

Have you got four across?

I'm not helping you, Tip.

It's an anagram.

Work it out for yourself.

Well, you know what
the problem is?

I can't do the cryptic
at night. In bed.

I told you this was madness.

The bank won't redeem
this, you know?

Is this your cat?

One of many.

Mm.

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