All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.S08E07.Hanukkah.On.The.Seas.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb

Back in the '80s,
a cruise was everyone's dream vacation.

It was the best
game show prize...

A floating luxury hotel,

and it was the only vacation
with its own theme song.

♪♪ If they could see you now

♪♪ Out on a Fun Ship cruise

♪♪ Eating fancy food and
doing what you choose

♪♪ All I can say is wow

♪♪ Hey, look at where you are

♪♪ Tonight we're living... Pow!

♪♪ Just like a movie star

♪♪ What a fun ship, holy cow

♪♪ They'd never believe it

♪♪ If your friends
could see you now ♪♪

Why is this peppy
broad all in my face?

She never stops moving.
She's like a lady Chihuahua.

That's the vivacious
Kathie Lee Gifford,

whose energy and
spunk knows no bounds.

She's basically me if I
were a sassy redhead.

Well,
the best part is she's singing about

making her horrible
land-bound friends jealous.

That's exactly what I would do.

Being trapped
on a floating motel

is not my idea of a vacation.

Once you get into
international waters,

the laws of man no longer apply.

You can jaywalk or
violate federal copyrights.

We'll see who's boss now,
Mickey Mouse.

None of that's right,

but think of your children
who've never seen the world.

The closest I've been
to another country

is that Chinese buffet
place that also serves pizza.

Yeah, I like my bathroom here,

where I know where all
the levers and papers are at.

You're a piece of garbage!

I wish anyone
else was my father!

How many times
do I have to tell you?

What you think of me as a
man does not matter to me.

Eh, I could pay.

Who is saying those
words right now?

Me. I'll spring for
the whole megillah.

I think you're confused,
Pop-Pop.

We're talking about
a luxurious vacation,

not the nickel you tape
to our birthday cards.

I wanna treat you, huh?

For Hanukkah or whatever.

You usually buy the boys nail
clippers or pencil sharpeners.

One time,
you gave me the Yellow Pages.

For killing spiders.

I got some Lawry's
Seasoned Salt.

Admittedly, that was a re-gift.

And how are you
gonna pay for it?

You live above a Burger King.

You don't know my finances.

I got investments, Lord Big Crap of
the County think-he's-better-than-me.

Murray, don't you get it?

You and your father
have patched things up,

but he wants to take
it to the next level.

We're good. When I see him,
I don't feel boiling rage.

Maybe you could get closer
and feel something even better.

Like a mild warmth?

Like love.

The thing you
never had as a child.

It's right there for the taking.

All right,
let's go on the dumb ocean.

Yay! It's a snuggle ship!

Ohh!

♪♪ I'm twisted up inside

♪♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

♪♪ I don't know the future

♪♪ But the past keeps
getting clearer every day ♪♪

It was Hanukkah,
1980-something, and Erica was

spending her first holiday
with the Schwartzes.

I really appreciate you still
coming to my folks' house.

I know it's a big sacrifice
to give up the family cruise.

Geoff,
I'm thrilled to be here. Aww.

Because I would rather
eat my fingers and toes

than be stuck on a boat
with my family for a week.

Gonna walk back that aww.

I'm just excited to
have a normal holiday

without family drama.

Normal is one thing that the
Schwartzes do well. That and Boggle.

I keep forgetting that normal
and boring mean the same thing.

There they are!

Five minutes late!

Sorry. Holiday traffic.

You know to plan for traffic,
Geoffy.

Remember what we always say...

"Lateness is
the opposite of greatness."

I know, I know.

My family also has a
saying about being tardy...

"Why are we even
going to this thing?"

And then we fight and don't go.

Our first Hanukkah with
our son and his girlfriend.

I'm not a crier,
but if I were... Whoo!

Oh, my God! Joanne's here!

Joanne's here? Joanne's here!

I'm here!

Joanne,
I didn't know you were coming.

Erica! My almost sister!

Oh! Oop!

Coming right in my business.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, pshh! What's five minutes?

You just had a
whole rhyme about it.

Our Jojobean came up with that.

She is the family genius.

So, what have you been up to?

Mostly just partying at
law school.

Did you hear that? Law school.

I kinda heard partying.

Oh, I still can't handle it.

My daughter is
going to be a lawyer.

And your son's
gonna be a doctor.

Eh, an ophthalmologist.

Aren't you an ophthalmologist?

That's why I can say it.

Linda,
I thought you weren't a crier.

I am when my baby
come homes for Hanukkah.

Joanne,
we got the guest room all set up for you.

Geoffrey,
you two can take your old bedroom.

But you guys converted it into a
craft room the day I moved out.

So push some stuff aside.
Do I have to hold your hand?

You're holding Joanne's.

My angel's home!

While Erica was getting
to know more about Geoff's perfect family,

we were climbing
aboard our ocean vessel

for the trip of a lifetime.

Man, what are we gonna do first?

First, I need you to back away from me,
okay?

I don't want your Brea
Bee relationship musk

spoiling my newly
single pheromones.

Pheromones?

Is that why your shirt is
glistening like a dog at the beach?

Nah. I pre-oiled my body.

I don't want the honeys

seeing me ungreased,

but I also gotta be ready to

pop this top off at
a moment's notice.

I don't know, Bar.

I think you might be
still getting over Ren,

and maybe you shouldn't
hang all your self-worth

on a random boat gal.

Opposite.

Who I stroll the lido deck with

literally means everything.

Everything.

Yay! St. Johns!

Oh, tropical waters,
white sands, fruity drinks!

So,
why do you all look like Hawaiian lawyers?

'Cause we're going to St. Johns!

Yeah, St. John, Canada.

It's a nice town. Good puffin skewers,
I hear.

What old man words is he saying?

Puffin. It's like a fat penguin.

What, are you too good to
eat an endangered seabird?

Yes. Ben, when you said

we were going to St. John's,
we naturally assumed

you were talking about
the tropical paradise.

Have you seen the prices
of Caribbean cruises?

Hmm? No, thank you.

Are you telling me
there's gonna be

no bikini-clad babes?

Oh,
not a one. The average temp is seven.

The average age is 77.

Those are all the wrong sevens.

That is a stupid
way to say thank you.

Quick! Exit the gangway!

No, we have to make this work

for the sake of Dad and
Pop-Pop's relationship.

But all I brought

were my flip-flops

and a change of latitude.

Take my credit card,
go buy us some coats

and sweatshirts
in the gift shop.

Nice. I'll buy gum
and not tell you.

Hi, I'm Jenny,
your cruise director.

How can I help you get settled?

We just got the shocking
news that this is an Arctic tour,

so we were wondering if there's
anything fun to do on board.

Sometimes you can get a glimpse

of the Northern Lights.

Oh, that's something.

Is it beautiful?

I wouldn't know.

But I've only been on
this ship for many years.

Follow-up question...

Why the would
anyone go on a trip like this?

We have HBO?

You're telling me I don't have
to go on a beach excursion

or some Mayan ruins?

And there's premium cable?

Hoo-hoo!

What kind of grump
would enjoy a trip

where he's cooped up
in a cabin the whole time?

Hey, you hear the good news?

HBO!

Yeah,
now it's really Hanukkah, huh?

♪♪♪♪

Isn't this great?

Our first holiday
with my family.

Yeah, I was kinda nervous

because I always thought

your family was so
normal and perfect.

Totally. Wait. What are you
talking about? They are perfect.

Come on. Jojobean? Your
parents totally favor her.

That's not true.

They gave you grief for
being five minutes late,

but she just
waltzes in whenever.

Plus, there's two of us,
and we're in the crappy room.

Um,
I think you mean the crafty room.

And it's the best. Cheggit.

This bolt of black latex.

What is my mom
intending to do with this?

All I'm saying is
you don't deserve

to be treated
like second-fiddle.

In this house,
we have a saying...

Choose to be happy,
choose to be kind,

positivity is in your mind.

No one says that.

Um,
I believe this pillow begs to differ.

Yikes. Not yikes!

The opposite of yikes. Yum.

Yeah, well,
your family's bad at opposites, too.

We're great at opposites
and everything else.

Black, white. Up, down.

Schwartzes, Goldbergs.

Okay. It's like that?

Well, I was just trying to be supportive,
but I don't have to.

Great. 'Cause I don't
need that kind of support.

Fine. Then I'll just curl up
in this heavy damask curtain

and not comment on
how messed up it is

that they love
her more than you.

We're a happy family.

Oh, I know,
and I am thrilled to be here.

Love you so much. Love you more!

Pleasant dreams, sugarplum.

I will be right here when you wake up,
my darling.

As Erica
and Geoff were butting heads,

my dad and Pop-Pop were bonding

over their mutual love
of the great indoors.

They watched TV.

Man,
I love being out on the ocean.

They sampled the ship's cuisine.

You're right,
Mur. They let the old folks cut in line.

What's in the bag? Oh,
bacon bits.

I'm taking some of these home.

Smart.

And they relaxed.

They even found
time for some activities.

I've got a joke for this square,

but let me know if
you've heard it B-4.

Oh,
my God. This guy puts his own spin on it.

Not quite a joke, but a smile.

Like a New Yorker cartoon.

I don't hate it.

I do.

Excuse me,
ancient and wizened co-passenger,

do you happen to
have a granddaughter

or a great-granddaughter
aboard for me to romance?

What? It's a compliment. I
want to kiss a younger you!

Barry, this frozen boat trip
may not be the best place

for you to find a replacement...

Shh! The foxy cruise
director just made eye contact.

Love is possible anywhere.

Hey, cutie, I'm Jenny,
your cruise director.

You look like you could
use something hot and sweet.

Oh, my God.

Was the new love of my
life into you instead of me?

Maybe. I mean,
stranger things have happened.

No, they haven't, ever.

Good news from
the cancer doctor.

Your tumor is B-9.

Murray, wake up! You won Bingo!

Bingo!

Oh, wow! Wow!

Attaboy! That's my son!

Ben, I can't thank you enough.

This cut-rate maritime bus ride

has been the best
Hanukkah gift ever.

Murray's having
the time of his life!

Well, I'm glad to hear that.
I need him in a good mood.

Right? 'Cause what dad
doesn't want his son to be happy?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Please don't tell
me this generous gift

is just a facade for some
other cynical agenda.

Of course not!

I do need a little loan, though.

How little?

Few grand.

Plus the cost of this trip.

The next day, my sister decided

she was gonna do
what Geoff wanted,

ignore the fact that his family
was screwed up just like hers.

Time to light the candles!
Who wants to do it?

Ha! Definitely not Geoff!

I don't get it.
Why is that funny?

I haven't been allowed to
light candles since I was nine

and I lit the table
runner on fire.

His klutzy little hands
dropped the match.

My face was hurting
so much from laughing.

What an adorable story

about a boy who made
an innocent mistake,

which his parents taunt
him about well into adulthood.

Thank you for that thorough recap,
Erica,

but I love the memory of
almost burning down our home.

Blah-blah-boring.

Let me just light that
sucker with my Zippo.

Oh, my. You have a lighter
with your initials engraved in it.

I'm kind of a smoker now.

Look who's all grown up.

Damn it,
Geoffrey! Stop slouching!

Whoopsies. Standing
straight will make me great.

That's another one
of our fun sayings

that's always
directed towards me.

Should we eat? Way ahead of you.

Wait, where's the
brisket? I wait all year for it.

Well, keep waiting, 'cause this year,
I thought we'd mix it up.

- Your sister wanted
grouper. - Fun!

Who doesn't want to eat a
fish with the eyes still on?

Guys, I have an announcement,

and honestly,
I'm a little nervous.

Jojobean, what is it?

I'm dropping out of law school

so I can pursue my dream of
becoming a professional singer.

I'm really disappointed...

That you were nervous to
tell us this incredible news.

My little girl is gonna
be the next Madonna!

Yeah! What about law school?

Oh, it was a detour,
but now I'm on the path

that I was always meant for.

But you were never
in a band or choir,

and you can't really play an
instrument or even whistle.

This is a passion
I found recently

while humming to
my shower radio.

I bet a lot of the greats
were just the same.

Ooh! Linda Ronstadt,
maybe. Sure.

You know, the music
business is notoriously difficult.

I mean, Erica,
you pursued music.

Maybe you have
some thoughts on this?

Oh, I'm just a crazy Goldberg.

I don't want to rub off
on your stable family.

Joanne,
you are number one in our hearts

and, hopefully,
the Billboard charts.

So follow your dreams, girl.

Rock 'n' roll!

Or pop or country
or... Whatever.

Erica was staying out of it,
but my mom was diving in.

She had to tell my dad the real
reason Pop-Pop took us on the cruise.

Murray, we need to talk.

Give me a sec.

Oh!

Your father told you?

Yeah.

He wants to play
shuffleboard with me.

What's that, now?

When I was a little boy,
he never played catch with me.

Now I'm getting the
father I always wanted.

You wanna warm up, champ?

"Champ"!

You hear that? Because
I'm his champion.

I am now going to practice
and make him proud.

So, Blondie,
when's the best time

for me to ask the big
guy for the dough?

Never.

I'll give you your damn money,
but Murray can never find out.

We take this to our graves.

Ooh! Fancy pants over
here has grave money.

Looks like I came
to the right people.

Okay, let's shuffle.

Wait. This pathetic game
is how I'll earn Jenny's love.

Adam,
you're gonna be my shuffle partner.

Nah. I'm not a puck guy.

Unless you're talking about
A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Then I'd jump at the chance
to play a mischievous fairy.

Exactly.

While you keep saying
awful stuff like that,

I'll dominate these
crusty old men.

No doubt winning Jenny's heart,
soul, and bottom.

And so,
three generations of Goldbergs shuffled.

We clanked. Look at that.

We scored. Yes!

Barry did whatever this is.

Yes!

And amazingly, pushing pucks
pushed my dad and Pop-Pop together.

Wha, wha, wha, wha!

I'm gonna say something
I've never said before.

Thank you.

This is the best
Hanukkah I have ever had.

Yeah. For me, too.

Ah.

Oh, best cruise ever!

Yep, things were going
great in the North Atlantic,

and not too bad in the
Schwartzes' living room.

Geoff, this is amazing!

Did you pay someone to do this?

I did it myself.

I took a class in
technique as an elective

and just noodled away at that
portrait when I had free time.

This is lovely, sweetie.

And it explains the
B+ you got in Statistics.

My turn!

Mine's not something
you can hold or touch,

but you sure can feel it.

My gift is my song.

♪♪It's a little bit funny

♪♪ This feeling inside

♪♪ I'm not one of those who can

♪♪ Easily hide

♪♪ I know it's not much

♪♪ But it's the best I can do

♪♪ My gift is my song

And this one's for you!

Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum!

In that moment,
Geoff finally had enough.

♪♪ And you can
tell everybody... ♪♪

To shut the up!

Geoff, what the hell?

How are you people
crying over this?

I literally gave
you a work of art!

Wait. Did you not
like my gift of song?

Honestly, no. I didn't.

You're not even the
best singer in the room.

Erica, just show her.

So, you're cool with my special
Goldbergian brand of support?

Yes. And you admit that
your family isn't perfect either?

We're clearly a mess. Do it.

♪♪ It's a little bit funny

♪♪ This feeling inside

Where did she get a microphone?

♪♪ I'm not one of those
who can easily hide

♪♪ I know it's not much
But it's the best I can do

♪♪ My gift is my song
And this one's for you ♪♪

What was that?

Mommy, was she better than me?

It doesn't matter. She
shouldn't have done that.

Who gives a gift of song when a
gift of song has already been given?

My lover does.
'Cause I told her to!

There you go, Geoff!

And don't say "lover"
ever again. It's icky.

Felt weird.

And you know what? I'm sick
of you guys favoring Joanne!

Where is this coming from?

Something's changed in you.

It's that Goldberg girl. Yeah,
her and her family.

Don't you blame her for this.

Erica's the only one
who supports me.

In fact, we're leaving.

I've had a lovely time. Thank
you for the fish and music.

As Geoff told off his family,

Barry was ready to tell Cruise
Director Jenny how he felt.

I hope we can wrap this
game up before sundown.

Once it's dark,
the temperature plummets.

I'll keep you warm, girl.

You can't.

No one can.

Hey,
I don't know what you're doing after this,

but there's a club on board.

I'll be there. You
should check it out.

After all that power shuffling,
she still prefers you.

It's insane.

Everyone has different tastes.

Different taste is like "Do
you like Coke or Pepsi?"

This is like "Do you like
Coke or lukewarm dishwater

"that yaps about Star Wars
and wears corrective underwear?"

That was for pelvic alignment!

And I've been patient with you

'cause you just got
your heart broken,

but this is too far. Ow!

Hey, Jenny My Cruise Director,
I'm in for that club.

Jenny My Cruise
Director? He has a girlfriend.

Bring her.

We're gonna play games,
and we even have Kool-Aid.

She's kinky and
she likes fruit punch!

Life's unfair!

It's a club for children,
isn't it?

That's right, little sailor!

Turns out, I wasn't
the only sailor hitting rough seas.

Aw, come on! That was a gimme!

True enough,
but let's just stay focused

on the special
father-son memory.

I don't need another memory

of my idiot son
buckling under pressure.

Let's not forget what
this trip is all about.

No, no, no. Loan or not,

I'll call a moron a moron
when he's a moron.

Loan? Ben's just loaning me

his, uh, shuffleboard thingy.

See? Look what I'm doing.

Nice cover-up, Nixon.

Your wife gave me
the cash I needed

so you wouldn't get
ferkakta about the trip.

Damn it,
Ben! You said you'd take that to the grave!

Well, I'm old,
so I took it near the grave.

You just wanted money
from me. Unbelievable.

♪♪♪♪

After yet another
disappointment from Pop-Pop,

my dad was ready to get
off the cruise... Port or not.

Murray, where are you going?

I gotta find a lifeboat.

You're gonna get in a tiny boat

in the middle of
the Labrador Sea?

What are you gonna eat?

I'm sure on the lifeboat,
there's provisions and whatnot.

Biscuits.

Biscuits? What about protein?

You know how you get
when you don't eat your meats.

That is why I stole a
butter knife from the buffet.

Those fish come swimming
by... Boom! Surprise!

You hate sushi.

There's a flare gun on
that lifeboat. I'll cook 'em up!

What about polar bears?

We're back to the butter knife.

You couldn't chase a possum
out from under the house.

How are you gonna kill a
polar bear with a butter knife?

With pure adrenaline
and the will to survive!

Stop it.

You are not getting off this
boat because of your dad.

It's not just 'cause of my dad.

There are other reasons.

Were you ever gonna tell me?

Of course.

But you two looked so happy
and you were getting along.

What was I supposed to do?

Stop trying to push us together.

Because then you give
me the worst gift of all...

Hope.

As my dad was lost at sea,

Geoff and Erica found
themselves alone at home.

Well,
Hanukkah dinner's not looking good.

Oh, God, what have I done?

You stood up for yourself.

I know. But I went too far.

Maybe. But take it
from a crazy Goldberg.

It's gonna be okay.

What are you doing here?

We wanted to say we're sorry.

You were right.
About everything.

You've always been our sweet,
reliable Geoffy.

On the other hand,
there's Joanne.

She's a lot.

So we give her a lot.

But that doesn't
mean it's not unfair.

So it changes now.

We popped her balloon
about the singing.

It is bad.

She's going back to law school.

And from now on,
we're gonna be more honest with each other.

Just like the Goldbergs.

But, you know, less so.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

In that moment, Erica felt like

she really was a
part of Geoff's family...

His perfectly messed-up family.

I'm sorry for calling
you dishwater.

You're not.

You're a desirable,
sensual being with needs and wants.

Wow.

I guess my breakup with
Ren rocked me pretty hard.

It just feels like no one will
ever love me again, you know?

In that moment, I saw
a Barry that I wasn't that familiar with,

vulnerable, scared,
and defeated.

There was nothing I could say.

Or was there?

Yeah, Bar, here's the thing...

Jenny is in love with you.

What? It's basically true.

I went to claim my prize...

Her body.

But she told me she was
just using me to get to you.

That makes so much
sense! Of course it does.

Obviously,
you can't speak to her about this

because of all
the maritime laws.

It'd be stuck in an
international tribunal for years.

I don't want that. No one does.

But at least you know now
you're incredibly special.

And no doubt there's someone
perfect out there for you.

On land.

You know,
you're a pretty good brother.

Well,
I got an older one who's taught me a lot.

Sometimes a
white lie can solve a problem.

And other times,
all you need is the truth.

Can I sit?

Why? So you can pretend to
be my dad so I'll give you money?

All right, fine. I'm a jerk.

We're on the same page.

Yeah, let me finish.

I'm a jerk,
so people don't stick around.

See, I thought that was okay.

But I'm getting older.

The other day,
I couldn't get my groceries upstairs,

and I figured no
one's gonna help me.

Why would they?

So, you took me on this cruise
so I'd give you money? For what?

I don't know.

Maybe a nurse?

Or someplace that
has bars in the shower?

I don't know. It's all terrible.

What's terrible is that you think you
have to bribe me to take care of you.

What do you mean?
Y-You'd do it for nothing?

Of course I will.
You're my father.

Thank you.

And now, uh, not for nothing,
I enjoyed myself on this tub,

uh, with you.

We had some moments.

Yeah, we did.

And there was
still one more great moment left.

♪♪ And you can tell everybody

♪♪ That this is your song

♪♪ It may be quite simple, but

♪♪ Now that it's done

♪♪ I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind

♪♪ That I put down in words ♪♪

Turns out,
even the hardest journeys are worth it

when you're with the
people who matter most.

♪♪♪♪

On the boat. Let's take
a look around, shall we?

All right, here we got
our 20-foot picture window.

That's where Dad sleeps.

That's where Dad hit his head,
by the way.

Pop-Pop's
Hanukkah gifts are here.

Get ready to be underwhelmed.

Sweet! A bowling ball?

With no finger holes.

Damn it! It's just
a 16-pound marble!

Still better than mine.

I got a shower cap.

And it's wet!

But I'm the biggest loser.

He got me a box of trash bags.

I don't know.
We can make it work.

Nice.

Trash coming in!

Barry, no! Oh!

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