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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:08,493 --> 00:01:09,693
What happenned to everyone?
2
00:01:09,898 --> 00:01:10,896
It's like they're all frozen on the spot.
3
00:01:13,998 --> 00:01:16,002
Hey, hey, this'll drive them crazy!
4
00:01:18,997 --> 00:01:21,995
We've found this machine that can digitise
Time, and we can release jets of it
5
00:01:29,996 --> 00:01:34,004
It seems to have restored your hair to a
previous Time period to the rest of you.
6
00:01:34,039 --> 00:01:35,019
Fix him with the Time wand!
7
00:01:35,723 --> 00:01:36,723
Watch this!
8
00:01:44,017 --> 00:01:45,018
And this is Pete.
9
00:01:47,018 --> 00:01:49,019
The excitement of bein' free 'as killed 'im!
10
00:01:50,301 --> 00:01:53,946
I can't guarantee anything, sir, but I think
the Time Wand could bring him back to life;
11
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,297
make him young and strong again.
12
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:57,100
Watch:
13
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:13,265
Where the hell did Barney's
ugly brother come from?
14
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,360
From Pete, sir. Birds are
descended from dinosaurs;
15
00:02:16,361 --> 00:02:21,302
from the Theropod family. I inadvertently
reversed evolution several million years!
16
00:02:22,299 --> 00:02:23,301
Is that you, Pete?
17
00:02:24,295 --> 00:02:24,995
Birdman!
18
00:02:28,002 --> 00:02:29,102
What now, sir?
19
00:02:29,297 --> 00:02:30,300
Follow the Rimmer-shaped blur!
20
00:02:58,936 --> 00:03:01,933
Hey! Hey! Pete, eat me! Here!
21
00:03:03,936 --> 00:03:04,933
Bob! Bob, catch!
22
00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:13,933
Bob!
23
00:03:21,938 --> 00:03:22,935
Bob!
24
00:03:29,933 --> 00:03:30,931
Come on Kryten, hurry up!
25
00:03:44,928 --> 00:03:45,930
Leg it mode, sir!
26
00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:49,893
We've lost the time wand.
27
00:03:49,928 --> 00:03:51,934
How the hell're we going to
get rid of that thing now?
28
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:54,929
We're finished!
29
00:03:55,932 --> 00:03:57,929
Stop yelling, man, we've gotta
think our way out of this.
30
00:03:59,930 --> 00:04:00,932
We're finished!
31
00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:03,933
Shut up and get a grip, man!
32
00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:05,071
Kryten?
33
00:04:05,106 --> 00:04:05,906
Er, yes, ma'am?
34
00:04:06,107 --> 00:04:08,107
How long, in the
normal course of things,
35
00:04:08,108 --> 00:04:11,106
will it take for Pete to pass
the Time Wand out of his system?
36
00:04:12,107 --> 00:04:16,216
Well, strangely enough, ma'am, I don't
have that information in my database.
37
00:04:16,217 --> 00:04:18,298
My programmers, for some insane reason,
38
00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:21,320
decided that 'dinosaur bowel
movement frequency' tables
39
00:04:21,321 --> 00:04:23,101
wouldn't be required. Imbeciles!
40
00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:25,071
Why? What's your suggestion?
41
00:04:25,106 --> 00:04:28,107
Well, the quicker we get the
Time Wand back, the better, right?
42
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:29,067
Right.
43
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:35,106
Right. So, why don't we lure Pete into the
food bay and get him to eat some roughage!
44
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:37,100
Get a T-Rex to eat roughage?
45
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:41,101
Yeah! All-Bran, prunes, baked
beans on toast, that sort of stuff.
46
00:04:46,139 --> 00:04:48,135
We've gotta keep this dinosaur
business quiet or we're dead.
47
00:04:48,139 --> 00:04:50,133
Everyone on the ship will
have heard him by now.
48
00:04:51,134 --> 00:04:54,947
But, sir, the crew are frozen,
operating on a different Time stream.
49
00:04:54,948 --> 00:04:57,877
Now, if we can recapture
the Time Wand and turn Pete
50
00:04:57,878 --> 00:05:02,132
back into a sparrow before the freeze
expires, no one need be any the wiser.
51
00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:04,170
He's right. I just listened
to everthing he said
52
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,132
and I still ain't got a
clue what's happenning.
53
00:05:28,134 --> 00:05:32,131
Right over, sir. We don't
want a gap. Right over.
54
00:05:39,132 --> 00:05:43,132
Cow vindaloo? It's not gonna work.
55
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:45,132
Of course it's gonna work.
56
00:05:46,132 --> 00:05:47,132
T- Rex's don't like curry.
57
00:05:48,171 --> 00:05:49,539
Look, we've got nothing to lose.
58
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:53,174
And if the worst comes to the worst, and
the dino doesn't it, I'll scoff it myself.
59
00:05:57,171 --> 00:05:58,170
That door's not gonna hold out much longer.
60
00:06:02,198 --> 00:06:05,195
Don't put that stuff in,
you're gonna spoil the taste!
61
00:06:06,197 --> 00:06:07,198
Here he comes!
62
00:06:25,192 --> 00:06:26,191
It's loving it!
63
00:06:30,193 --> 00:06:33,195
Maybe we should have made some
poppadums, gone the whole hog?
64
00:06:35,192 --> 00:06:38,197
The whole hog? Like it wasn't
hard enough getting the whole cow?
65
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,193
I think he wants a lager.
66
00:06:57,192 --> 00:07:00,187
It was a hot one, but with it being
a dino I thought it could stand it!
67
00:07:17,194 --> 00:07:19,082
The Time freeze on
the guards must have...
68
00:07:19,083 --> 00:07:21,189
If only those buttons
were more clearly marked!
69
00:07:38,187 --> 00:07:44,130
The rules about dinosaurs aboard
JMC mining ships are very clear.
70
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,191
No pets. Am I right? Am I right!?
71
00:07:48,183 --> 00:07:49,150
Yes, sir.
72
00:07:49,185 --> 00:07:53,187
Have you any idea the
damage that thing has caused?
73
00:07:53,242 --> 00:07:55,142
Sir, if you could just let us -
74
00:07:55,177 --> 00:07:59,683
And do you know what happens
when a dinosaur eats cow vindaloo,
75
00:07:59,684 --> 00:08:03,768
and then eats two and a half
tons of mint-choc ice cream,
76
00:08:03,769 --> 00:08:09,331
followed by four hundred crates of orange
ice-pops, and swills the whole thing
77
00:08:09,332 --> 00:08:15,174
down with two thousand gallons of a popular
fizzy drink? Do you know what happens?
78
00:08:16,174 --> 00:08:17,177
It burps?
79
00:08:18,175 --> 00:08:22,571
Oh, it burps. And do you know what
happenned to the poor brave men
80
00:08:22,572 --> 00:08:26,179
who had the misfortune to
get in the way of that burp?
81
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,177
They went 'phwoooarrr!'?
82
00:08:32,176 --> 00:08:38,176
It took out the entire platoon, hurling
them twenty feet across the cargo bay wall.
83
00:08:41,111 --> 00:08:45,189
Do you know what happens when
a dinosaur eats cow vindaloo,
84
00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:48,180
two and a half tons
of mint-choc ice cream,
85
00:08:48,181 --> 00:08:51,715
followed by four hundred
crates of orange ice-pops,
86
00:08:51,716 --> 00:08:55,045
and swills it all down
with two thousand gallons
87
00:08:55,046 --> 00:08:58,103
of a popular fizzy
drink, after it's burped?
88
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,105
It feels sick?
89
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:04,106
Oh no! It doesn't feel
sick, Rimmer, it is sick!
90
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:08,408
Five of our best men nearly drowned!
91
00:09:10,209 --> 00:09:15,105
Two others are in hospital, concussed by
pieces of carrot the size of tree trunks.
92
00:09:17,102 --> 00:09:21,106
We are really, deeply,
deeply, deeply sorry, sir.
93
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:26,014
Do you know what happens when a
dinosaur has eaten cow vindaloo,
94
00:09:26,015 --> 00:09:30,106
then eats two and a half tons of
mint-choc ice cream, followed by -
95
00:09:30,141 --> 00:09:31,103
Oh god, it didn't?
96
00:09:32,311 --> 00:09:33,309
It didn't what, Lister?
97
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,308
It didn't get a diarrhea attack, did it?
98
00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:39,715
One hundred percent correct!
99
00:09:39,716 --> 00:09:47,057
And, do you know what happenned to the
battalion that was sneaking up on the beast,
100
00:09:47,058 --> 00:09:54,310
from behind, of which I was a proud member?
Do ya know? Do ya know what happenned?
101
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,295
Yes, sir. A fair idea, sir.
102
00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:04,509
A tidal wave. Fifteen feet high. I will
be in therapy for the rest of my life.
103
00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:08,326
I've had twelve baths,
and three showers.
104
00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:11,297
Now, do you have anything to say?
105
00:10:11,332 --> 00:10:13,326
Yes, sir, I think you missed a
bit up your left nostril, sir.
106
00:10:18,325 --> 00:10:20,289
No one knows how to work this thing.
107
00:10:20,324 --> 00:10:24,325
It is sedated in the cargo bay,
turn it back into a sparrow!
108
00:10:25,326 --> 00:10:28,322
Sir, erm, what about Bob? Did he show up?
109
00:10:29,321 --> 00:10:34,325
Who the hell do you think landed on
my head? He is in repairs, being oiled.
110
00:10:35,321 --> 00:10:41,319
Bring back the sparrow, and, if
you try anything smart, you're dead.
111
00:10:42,324 --> 00:10:43,321
Yes, sir.
112
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:50,178
And, if I ever, ever, ever,
see you in this office again,
113
00:10:50,179 --> 00:10:54,319
you are finished. See ya in ten minutes?
114
00:10:59,323 --> 00:11:01,321
See ya in ten minutes?
115
00:11:05,322 --> 00:11:06,320
See ya in ten minutes?
116
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:11,324
See ya in ten minutes?
117
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,324
See ya in ten minutes?
118
00:11:20,317 --> 00:11:21,321
See ya in ten minutes?
119
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:26,321
Did you get punishment duty too?
120
00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:30,320
I've got to iron eight-hundred
prison smocks. I don't understand...
121
00:11:31,716 --> 00:11:34,391
Why do you get punishment
duty and I get a reward?
122
00:11:35,389 --> 00:11:37,389
Eight-hundred! Bliss!
123
00:11:39,392 --> 00:11:42,200
Did you see the Captain's report?
The one lying open on his desk?
124
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,391
See what it said about you?
125
00:11:44,393 --> 00:11:46,389
He used the word 'imbecile'
four times in one sentence.
126
00:11:48,387 --> 00:11:51,390
Oh yeah? What were the
other words in the sentence?
127
00:11:52,387 --> 00:11:53,394
Just your name, and a dash.
128
00:11:57,387 --> 00:11:59,695
I don't know, you make a
couple of tiny mistakes,
129
00:11:59,696 --> 00:12:02,327
you give the Captain a virus
that eats all his hair off,
130
00:12:02,328 --> 00:12:04,773
then you accidentally turn
a sparrow into a dinosaur
131
00:12:04,774 --> 00:12:06,388
and you never hear the last of it!
132
00:12:07,388 --> 00:12:09,451
Pssshhhhh. He really
thinks I'm an imbecile?
133
00:12:09,452 --> 00:12:12,386
I'm finished, I'm never going
to make it into High Command now.
134
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:14,934
It's just the people who know
you who think you're an imbecile.
135
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,387
Everyone else thinks you're a moron.
136
00:12:19,389 --> 00:12:23,390
He is a good Captain, though, Captain
Hollister, isn't he, eh? On the ball. Quick.
137
00:12:23,425 --> 00:12:26,388
Quick? The only time he's quick
is when he's passing a salad bar.
138
00:12:30,392 --> 00:12:32,355
You do admire him though, don't you?
139
00:12:32,390 --> 00:12:38,169
Admire him? A man who has his own cinema
pick-and-mix factory in his quarters?
140
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:44,387
A man who has a walk-in fridge? Who lists
as his hobbies 'chewing' and 'swallowing'?
141
00:12:46,435 --> 00:12:49,803
You did tell me once before,
though, you do respect him, don't ya?
142
00:12:49,838 --> 00:12:55,075
Respect him? A man who's family crest is
made up of two cream buns and a profitarole?
143
00:12:55,076 --> 00:12:57,435
A man who's idea of a light snack -
144
00:12:58,434 --> 00:12:59,764
- He's standing behind me, isn't he?
- Yes, he is.
145
00:13:02,429 --> 00:13:04,372
I was just talking about you, sir.
146
00:13:04,373 --> 00:13:07,916
I was saying what a big fat
lump of blubber I think you are,
147
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,717
and how that potato virus
I contracted yesterday
148
00:13:10,718 --> 00:13:14,431
doesn't appear to have had any
strange side-effects whatsoever -
149
00:13:21,251 --> 00:13:25,208
You forgot this. You
left it in my office.
150
00:13:26,309 --> 00:13:31,245
D'you have any idea the damage that this
could cause if it got into the wrong hands?
151
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:32,246
LOOK AFTER IT!
152
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:50,244
You're there, I know you're
there, you little sod!
153
00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:53,245
Come on, out! Out!
154
00:13:57,246 --> 00:14:00,247
There's a mouse under here, its been
scuttling around for about ten minutes.
155
00:14:00,282 --> 00:14:02,249
It's not a mouse, ma'am, it's Archie.
156
00:14:02,284 --> 00:14:03,245
Archie?
157
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:05,250
My penis. It must have escaped.
158
00:14:10,245 --> 00:14:12,600
You know, I'm really going to
have to get my ears syringed;
159
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,248
do you know what that
sounded like to me?
160
00:14:14,283 --> 00:14:15,252
I made one.
161
00:14:17,479 --> 00:14:21,484
Forget my ears, maybe my whole brain
needs syringing... You made one?
162
00:14:22,478 --> 00:14:25,785
Mmm. Out of an old electron board, a
loo roll, some sticky-backed plastic
163
00:14:25,786 --> 00:14:27,483
and an Action Man's polo-neck jumper.
164
00:14:29,483 --> 00:14:31,443
Kryten, why do you want one?
165
00:14:31,478 --> 00:14:34,179
It's so humiliating, being
posted to the Women's Wing
166
00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:38,481
just because I'm genitally challenged! So
I decided to make one like Mister Lister's.
167
00:14:39,484 --> 00:14:41,304
Little rascal must have got bored
jumping in and out of his hoop
168
00:14:41,305 --> 00:14:42,480
and made a break for
it during the night.
169
00:14:44,478 --> 00:14:46,887
No wonder I couldn't lure
him out with a bit of cheese.
170
00:14:47,488 --> 00:14:49,079
This whole thing's making sense now.
171
00:14:49,478 --> 00:14:50,478
Just leave this to me, ma'am.
172
00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:52,481
Here, Archie! Here, boy!
173
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:55,480
There he is!
174
00:15:09,481 --> 00:15:10,474
Kryten, do you realise what this means?
175
00:15:11,479 --> 00:15:12,439
No, ma'am.
176
00:15:12,474 --> 00:15:13,477
It means you're a real man.
177
00:15:13,512 --> 00:15:14,477
It does? Why?
178
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:18,479
Because now, like all men, you have
absolutely no control over your penis.
179
00:15:21,482 --> 00:15:22,476
I'm so proud!
180
00:15:23,474 --> 00:15:24,480
Archie, come back!
181
00:15:26,478 --> 00:15:28,476
All right, girls? New Canary mission.
182
00:15:30,481 --> 00:15:31,281
What?
183
00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:32,480
Un-tamed dino on the loose!
184
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,477
We're not going in 'till
we know what we're doing.
185
00:15:39,476 --> 00:15:40,477
That could take years...
186
00:15:42,476 --> 00:15:45,477
You... point that thing at yourself
and you could end up as a - a - sperm!
187
00:15:46,474 --> 00:15:47,442
Is that what you want?
188
00:15:47,477 --> 00:15:49,473
Hell no! None of my suits will fit!
189
00:15:51,475 --> 00:15:52,752
Well, if that gizmo thing don't work,
190
00:15:52,753 --> 00:15:54,477
Captain says we gotta go
in and 'ave that thing.
191
00:15:55,475 --> 00:15:56,477
And we ain't usin' no guns.
192
00:15:57,473 --> 00:16:00,479
Yeah, huns are for wusses. It's
gonna be hand-to-hand combat.
193
00:16:04,476 --> 00:16:06,477
A fistfight with T-Rex..?
194
00:16:08,475 --> 00:16:11,823
Yeah, but them T-Rexes, mate...
only got little arms, in't they...
195
00:16:11,824 --> 00:16:14,472
ain't got no reach... Yeah,
I'll just pick it off...
196
00:16:16,471 --> 00:16:17,473
Bosh!
197
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:32,570
Oh my god..!
198
00:16:32,605 --> 00:16:33,572
What!
199
00:16:34,575 --> 00:16:35,573
Something's wrong!
200
00:16:35,608 --> 00:16:36,537
What d'you mean, man?
201
00:16:36,572 --> 00:16:38,569
Something's inside me
and it wants to get out!
202
00:16:38,604 --> 00:16:39,536
Oh my god!
203
00:16:39,571 --> 00:16:42,569
Aaaarrggg! Help!
204
00:16:48,063 --> 00:16:49,163
What is it?
205
00:16:49,349 --> 00:16:50,351
I think it's Archie, sir.
206
00:16:53,349 --> 00:16:54,320
It's who?
207
00:16:54,355 --> 00:16:56,018
He escaped earlier,
probably followed us.
208
00:16:56,019 --> 00:16:58,355
Must have dozed off in the
Cat's pocket and just woken up.
209
00:17:00,348 --> 00:17:01,314
Who the smeg is Archie?
210
00:17:01,349 --> 00:17:04,350
Oh, don't be alarmed, sir. It's
just my penis is on the loose.
211
00:17:06,348 --> 00:17:07,353
Yaaarrrggg!
212
00:17:17,153 --> 00:17:22,155
We, want a barny with Barney, don't
want any sane people spoilin' it...
213
00:17:23,154 --> 00:17:26,152
Death... or glory... yee-harr!
214
00:17:27,152 --> 00:17:28,151
Hang on guys, come on, wait a minute...
215
00:17:37,141 --> 00:17:38,143
This thing's useless!
216
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:41,138
Say goodbye to your teeth...
217
00:17:46,144 --> 00:17:48,148
Something's not right... we're gettin'
our butts kicked and it doesn't hurt..?
218
00:17:51,143 --> 00:17:52,138
See, look, I'm not even bleeding.
219
00:17:55,145 --> 00:17:56,138
You're right...
220
00:18:08,136 --> 00:18:09,670
According to this, sirs,
they've put your bodies
221
00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:11,142
on a different Time
stream to the rest of you.
222
00:18:11,837 --> 00:18:12,937
Let's go!
223
00:18:33,141 --> 00:18:35,139
You lost the Time Wand?
224
00:18:36,145 --> 00:18:38,139
We were ambushed, sir.
225
00:18:38,174 --> 00:18:39,141
By whom?
226
00:18:40,135 --> 00:18:41,140
Well, first of all by Kryten's -
227
00:18:41,175 --> 00:18:42,103
Harummph!
228
00:18:42,138 --> 00:18:43,135
and then we were jumped by -
229
00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:44,135
Harummph!
230
00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:45,137
sir.
231
00:18:46,837 --> 00:18:47,837
That's it?
232
00:18:49,135 --> 00:18:53,307
Okay. No more 'Mister Nice
Guy', no more second chances.
233
00:18:53,308 --> 00:18:57,406
You get that Time Wand back,
you get that sparrow back,
234
00:18:57,407 --> 00:19:02,717
and if you step out of line one more
time, one more time, you're dead!
235
00:19:03,418 --> 00:19:04,138
Do you understand?
236
00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:17,133
What was that?
237
00:19:17,168 --> 00:19:18,132
I th-
238
00:19:26,134 --> 00:19:28,136
What the hell is going on?
239
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,131
The effects of the fight,
they've caught up with us!
240
00:19:36,136 --> 00:19:39,132
Get out of here, both of you! Out!
241
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:57,342
Gettin' that Time Wand back could take
forever, and they could zap us with it,
242
00:19:57,343 --> 00:19:58,361
and turn us into anything!
243
00:20:04,358 --> 00:20:06,361
I don't think getting it back
is gonna be much of a problem...
244
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:23,955
It's gonna go wrong, isn't it.
245
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,510
Look, all I've gotta do is press 'undo',
and the Time Wand will retrace its steps,
246
00:20:27,511 --> 00:20:30,356
and undo everything its done so far.
This way we'll even get Birdman back.
247
00:20:31,358 --> 00:20:33,355
Something's gonna go wrong,
it always does for us.
248
00:20:33,390 --> 00:20:34,358
Will you relax?
249
00:20:39,355 --> 00:20:43,362
Birdman's boots. Now to
get the rest of him back.
250
00:20:48,357 --> 00:20:51,681
Pete ate me. He ate me.
251
00:20:52,682 --> 00:20:58,558
He must be really out of sorts,
he's never eaten me before; never.
252
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:03,578
Pete!
253
00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:05,882
You want some seed?
254
00:21:07,876 --> 00:21:08,880
Now, destroy the Time Wand.
255
00:21:09,882 --> 00:21:10,878
This machine's priceless!
256
00:21:10,913 --> 00:21:11,878
Destroy it!
257
00:21:38,878 --> 00:21:39,874
What are we gonna do now?
258
00:21:41,874 --> 00:21:45,877
Now... rebuild... the Time
Wand, it's absolutely priceless!
259
00:22:11,877 --> 00:22:12,872
Stop that dinosaur!
260
00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:16,873
It's gone in the lift, its gone in the lift!
261
00:22:17,876 --> 00:22:20,374
Get it back, get it back! Get it back...
262
00:22:20,409 --> 00:22:22,873
Ooh, that coconut milk felt great...
263
00:22:32,874 --> 00:22:33,870
Oh, I'm such a wreck...
264
00:22:49,874 --> 00:22:53,870
Mmmm... ooohhhh... aahhh, oh, that's great.
265
00:22:57,868 --> 00:23:01,873
Ohh, there's a certain roughness about
your touch that really hits the spot!
266
00:23:46,570 --> 00:23:47,470
The Hole, sir...
21466
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