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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:17,949
One day in this lousy, stinking
penal colony and I'm cracking up.
2
00:01:18,952 --> 00:01:21,118
Everyone's so deranged and
brutal it's frightening.
3
00:01:21,119 --> 00:01:23,951
This afternoon I was so depressed
I went to see the social worker.
4
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Was he any help?
5
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Not really; he beat me up.
6
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I thought social workers
were supposed to be nice?
7
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In the end I was so shell-shocked I went
to see the priest and explained everything.
8
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What did he say?
9
00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:39,478
He said I was a whining
baby who was missing his mum.
10
00:01:40,179 --> 00:01:45,027
Then he beat me up, too. You can still see
the crucifix marks in the back of my head.
11
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:50,523
It's cos we're in G-tower.
All the staff are mad, here.
12
00:01:50,524 --> 00:01:53,542
One of the guys was saying, though,
as a reward for good behaviour,
13
00:01:53,543 --> 00:01:55,540
they move you to the
luxury block on D-wing.
14
00:01:55,541 --> 00:01:58,231
Everything's really nice there;
they even shampoo the rats.
15
00:01:58,232 --> 00:01:59,800
Groom their tails and everything.
16
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:05,741
What's this?
17
00:02:07,101 --> 00:02:08,045
"Floor 13 information pack.
18
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:12,042
If privacy is required when using
toilet, please wear blindfold. "
19
00:02:17,045 --> 00:02:17,845
What's the book?
20
00:02:19,042 --> 00:02:20,041
Gideon's Bible.
21
00:02:21,039 --> 00:02:24,528
He follows me everywhere, that
bloke! I was staying in a hotel once,
22
00:02:24,529 --> 00:02:26,533
he left his bible behind there, as well.
23
00:02:26,534 --> 00:02:30,039
And two years later, another hotel,
dozy git left it behind again!
24
00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:37,043
Everything is ruined. My career's
over, I've no goal, no hope, no life.
25
00:02:38,044 --> 00:02:40,039
Yeah, but how come that's
started to get you down now?
26
00:02:41,175 --> 00:02:45,605
Maybe you hadn't noticed, but we're going
to spend the next two years in the brig?
27
00:02:45,606 --> 00:02:49,748
Two years with the scum of the universe,
hardened criminals, deranged droids,
28
00:02:49,749 --> 00:02:53,122
people so unbalanced and debauched
they could even get elected
29
00:02:53,123 --> 00:02:56,173
as President of the United
States. We've got to escape!
30
00:02:57,175 --> 00:02:59,453
Woh! There're security
cameras everywhere.
31
00:03:00,154 --> 00:03:02,905
You know that mad geezer with
the one eye and the funny tic?
32
00:03:02,906 --> 00:03:04,168
He said it was impossible.
33
00:03:05,173 --> 00:03:06,174
Well he's bound to say
that, he was the warden!
34
00:03:09,173 --> 00:03:12,503
If only I'd hired a smarter lawyer,
instead of the brain-dead, pompous,
35
00:03:12,504 --> 00:03:14,168
stupid-haired git I ended up with.
36
00:03:15,168 --> 00:03:16,172
You defended yourself!
37
00:03:22,173 --> 00:03:24,167
Yes, and I don't need reminding
of that, thank you very much.
38
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:27,170
Two years in the Tank...
39
00:03:28,168 --> 00:03:30,165
Two years...
40
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:39,166
How did I get into this mess?
41
00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:42,171
I think the blindfold's
supposed to be for me...
42
00:03:50,166 --> 00:03:54,166
This is the diary of Captain F.
Hollister of the mining ship Red Dwarf.
43
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:58,164
Several of my crew are presently being
tried for crimes against the Space Corps:
44
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:01,170
Are you familiar with the mind scan?
45
00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:03,166
We are familiar with the mind scan, sir.
46
00:04:04,169 --> 00:04:08,045
You understand that it will involve the
administration of psychotropic drugs,
47
00:04:08,046 --> 00:04:10,309
that is, drugs that
affect your mental state,
48
00:04:10,310 --> 00:04:13,163
making this process possible?
If you accept, say 'aye'.
49
00:04:14,138 --> 00:04:15,135
Aye.
50
00:04:16,139 --> 00:04:20,138
Please sign the consent forms and
seal them into the envelopes provided.
51
00:04:22,132 --> 00:04:23,133
We reconvene at 10am tomorrow.
52
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,589
To test the voracity of their
defence, unknown to them,
53
00:04:28,590 --> 00:04:31,133
I've had them placed in
artificial reality where their -
54
00:04:31,168 --> 00:04:32,135
actions can be observed.
55
00:04:51,412 --> 00:04:55,411
Right now, they believe they're escaping,
but we just want to observe what they do...
56
00:04:57,409 --> 00:05:00,025
So, that means, that if anyone
happens to mention any...
57
00:05:00,026 --> 00:05:02,412
special agreements... that
they've entered into...
58
00:05:03,411 --> 00:05:06,411
Could you excuse me? I think
I... left the iron on...
59
00:05:08,407 --> 00:05:10,412
Rimmer, one of the least able of my crew -
60
00:05:18,408 --> 00:05:22,409
has started acting very suspiciously,
being incredibly insightful, and efficient.
61
00:05:25,404 --> 00:05:28,904
I suspect he may have access to
the crew's confidential files.
62
00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:32,435
We also believe he may be
in possession of a virus,
63
00:05:32,436 --> 00:05:35,533
which makes him incredibly
attractive to the opposite sex.
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00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:37,738
This is obviously a
remarkable serum and,
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00:05:37,739 --> 00:05:40,489
as a responsible senior
officer of the Space Corps,
66
00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:44,403
it's imperative I gain possession
of this solution and use some myself.
67
00:05:44,407 --> 00:05:50,764
Oh - my - god - you are
sexy! So very, very sexy!
68
00:05:54,763 --> 00:05:58,759
Yesterday he was observed injecting
his groin with anaesthetic -
69
00:05:58,794 --> 00:06:01,762
something we believe he did
to regain some self-control.
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00:06:14,762 --> 00:06:15,762
Hi.
71
00:06:18,767 --> 00:06:20,973
I also suspect someone, possibly Lister,
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00:06:20,974 --> 00:06:24,338
has given Rimmer access to
the crew's confidential files,
73
00:06:24,339 --> 00:06:28,712
and he's using this information to
blackmail his way up the chain of command.
74
00:06:28,713 --> 00:06:32,693
It's sickening, it's unforgivable,
but it's a technique that can work.
75
00:06:32,694 --> 00:06:36,339
I should know: I used the same
method myself to become Captain.
76
00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:40,300
If the crew discover I'm really
just Dennis the donut boy,
77
00:06:40,324 --> 00:06:41,124
I'm finished.
78
00:06:43,175 --> 00:06:45,165
I will continue to
observe Lister's actions
79
00:06:45,166 --> 00:06:47,772
in AR and expect my
suspicions to be confirmed.
80
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:48,772
Report ends.
81
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,477
T minus eighteen seconds -
82
00:06:56,512 --> 00:06:57,975
and counting; engines start.
83
00:07:04,974 --> 00:07:06,980
This is Ground Control to Midget 3-
84
00:07:07,976 --> 00:07:10,979
you don't appear to have flight clearance.
Please state your name and clearance code.
85
00:07:11,977 --> 00:07:13,975
Ground Control, this is, er...
86
00:07:14,577 --> 00:07:16,377
- Major Tom!
- Yeah! Major Tom -
87
00:07:17,974 --> 00:07:20,980
Major Tom, what is your
clearance code and pilot number?
88
00:07:21,015 --> 00:07:23,974
I'm sorry, I left all my
details in my other pants.
89
00:07:24,979 --> 00:07:25,973
I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
90
00:07:26,978 --> 00:07:27,972
Woooowwww!
91
00:07:29,976 --> 00:07:33,137
Without takeoff clearance
I can't permit you to fly.
92
00:07:33,572 --> 00:07:37,147
I can handle this thing okay.
I'm good. I'm better than good,
93
00:07:37,148 --> 00:07:39,976
I'm smoooooth, with a capital 'Smooooo'.
94
00:07:41,977 --> 00:07:45,971
Well that's as maybe, but I need a
little proof you can fly that thing.
95
00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:48,970
Fly!? I can make this thing dance!
96
00:09:32,962 --> 00:09:33,963
Wow!
97
00:09:39,962 --> 00:09:40,968
You free Saturday?
98
00:09:41,963 --> 00:09:42,663
I am now.
99
00:09:43,964 --> 00:09:48,967
Holy-shmoly! I got a date in three
day's time; I better start getting ready!
100
00:09:50,964 --> 00:09:52,961
You're going nowhere,
man, we are outta here!
101
00:10:15,377 --> 00:10:17,370
Now all we've got to do is get
a bearing on those damn nano's -
102
00:10:18,371 --> 00:10:20,376
and we're cruising down Freedom Boulevard.
103
00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:24,372
Getting something now, sir.
104
00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:26,070
Good.
105
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,942
We didn't need that confidential files
scam I cooked up with Rimmer after all.
106
00:10:29,943 --> 00:10:33,372
All that stuff I gave him on the
Captain... Double-dealing, two-faced rat!
107
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,833
Find - all - references
to - the - agreement
108
00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:42,371
between - Lister - and
Rimmer - and - remove.
109
00:10:45,373 --> 00:10:46,369
"All references removed. "
110
00:10:49,372 --> 00:10:52,371
What was that? Something
weird just happened...
111
00:10:52,471 --> 00:10:53,206
Yeah, I felt it, too.
112
00:10:53,368 --> 00:10:55,366
There it was again!
113
00:10:55,401 --> 00:10:56,366
And again.
114
00:10:57,368 --> 00:10:58,368
Oh, my.
115
00:10:58,403 --> 00:10:59,333
What is it?
116
00:10:59,368 --> 00:11:00,369
I don't believe I'm here.
117
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:02,368
I have that feeling all the time.
118
00:11:03,370 --> 00:11:06,523
I have it. I believe we're in
some kind of computer-manipulated,
119
00:11:06,524 --> 00:11:08,367
psychotropically induced mind state.
120
00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:10,367
You took the words right out of my mouth.
121
00:11:11,367 --> 00:11:14,370
You mean this is our trial?
Our escape is our trial?
122
00:11:15,369 --> 00:11:17,997
The envelopes... When we
signed the consent forms...
123
00:11:17,998 --> 00:11:21,369
there must have been some kind of
drug on the gluey bit we licked.
124
00:11:22,366 --> 00:11:25,105
So you mean nothing's been
real since then? Blue Midget?
125
00:11:25,306 --> 00:11:28,739
The Ground Controller? None of that
was real? You mean after all this,
126
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,955
I still haven't got a date? Damn!
127
00:11:31,956 --> 00:11:35,377
Another year when I have to sent
a Valentine's card to my hand...
128
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,521
No, this good, this is good!
It proves we're innocent!
129
00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:41,628
Everything we've said
and done: escaping,
130
00:11:41,629 --> 00:11:44,736
trying to track down the nano's;
it corroborates our story!
131
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,736
But you are guilty,
guys! Who are you fooling?
132
00:11:49,739 --> 00:11:50,735
I dunno why I said that.
133
00:11:54,435 --> 00:11:55,435
We're being framed...
134
00:11:56,738 --> 00:11:59,739
Wait a minute, what's happening? I just
said "we're being framed" and suddenly -
135
00:12:00,737 --> 00:12:03,737
It just happened again!
Everything we say's being -
136
00:12:04,739 --> 00:12:05,734
Bananas.
137
00:12:06,733 --> 00:12:09,948
If I say who I think's responsible
for this it'll get cut too,
138
00:12:09,949 --> 00:12:11,671
so I'm not going to, but it's him.
139
00:12:11,672 --> 00:12:15,134
I know it's him, you can bet on
it, and if I ever catch up to him,
140
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,736
I'm gonna cut off both his b-
141
00:12:16,771 --> 00:12:17,738
blunt knife.
142
00:12:18,735 --> 00:12:19,737
So how do we stop him?
143
00:12:20,734 --> 00:12:23,776
If we're plugged into A.R. software
there must be a 'trap door' built
144
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,732
into the program
somewhere to allow escape.
145
00:12:28,738 --> 00:12:30,699
You mean to help you get
out if the program freezes?
146
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:33,680
Precisely. There'll be a
cryptic clue around somewhere,
147
00:12:33,681 --> 00:12:35,732
something like a trap door or exit...
148
00:12:42,736 --> 00:12:46,734
I got it! There's a button here
with "E - 11- T" written on it.
149
00:12:47,732 --> 00:12:48,432
And?
150
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:53,485
11 is "XI" in Roman
numerals. E - XI - T; "EXIT"!
151
00:12:55,485 --> 00:12:56,185
He got that?
152
00:12:57,478 --> 00:12:59,479
I think it proves, without a shadow
of a doubt, this is not reality!
153
00:13:03,481 --> 00:13:04,485
Press it.
154
00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:09,479
Now where are we?
155
00:13:13,479 --> 00:13:15,480
Well somehow we've wound
up in the screen saver!
156
00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:22,481
We need to locate a power source so
we can switch the A.R. machine off.
157
00:13:23,478 --> 00:13:25,551
A power source? A.R.?
158
00:13:25,652 --> 00:13:28,483
There has to be a clue around here
somewhere. Maybe it's in this ice hole?
159
00:13:41,475 --> 00:13:42,478
There's some food in here?
160
00:13:46,479 --> 00:13:47,179
So?
161
00:13:47,482 --> 00:13:48,476
Including a bottle of ketchup...
162
00:13:51,477 --> 00:13:52,177
So?
163
00:13:52,476 --> 00:13:53,478
Power ketchup, get it?
164
00:13:54,484 --> 00:13:55,481
What's to get?
165
00:13:55,516 --> 00:13:56,479
Power sauce!
166
00:13:58,480 --> 00:13:59,481
Pity he's only smart when
he's made out of plastecine..!
167
00:14:01,478 --> 00:14:02,278
Press it!
168
00:14:05,479 --> 00:14:07,483
Ohhhh... ohhhh...
169
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:15,480
You back-stabbin', weaselly
smegger! You were trying to frame us!
170
00:14:16,476 --> 00:14:20,478
Listy! Just the man. Now, I know,
at first glance, this may look bad -
171
00:14:21,478 --> 00:14:22,439
God, he's gorgeous...
172
00:14:22,474 --> 00:14:24,473
Ohh, hold her back, please, hold
her, please! No more, no more!
173
00:14:25,475 --> 00:14:28,477
Oh those nostrils! They're driving me
crazy, I've simply got to have them!
174
00:14:28,512 --> 00:14:29,479
Hold her back, Kryten, help me!
175
00:14:41,370 --> 00:14:42,369
Mister Cat, sir, put the lift on hold!
176
00:14:45,366 --> 00:14:46,367
I want his babies!
177
00:14:48,369 --> 00:14:50,748
The Luck virus, have you
still got it? Take some!
178
00:14:50,749 --> 00:14:53,365
It'll cure the virus, and
restore you both to normal.
179
00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:02,369
Oh god, that's so embarrassing...
180
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:06,333
What now, Holl?
181
00:15:06,368 --> 00:15:09,368
No time to lose, you should head
for the nearest one of these:
182
00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:14,367
You mean a moon?
183
00:15:14,402 --> 00:15:15,365
Exactly.
184
00:15:16,369 --> 00:15:19,364
He's right. We can regroup there and
continue our search for the nano's.
185
00:15:20,368 --> 00:15:21,168
What about me?
186
00:15:21,576 --> 00:15:24,478
Well, Mister Rimmer has had access
to the confidential files, sir.
187
00:15:24,479 --> 00:15:25,855
He knows all the security codes.
188
00:15:25,856 --> 00:15:28,286
Without him, our chances of
escape are about as remote
189
00:15:28,287 --> 00:15:30,584
as meeting an interesting
hairdresser called Kylie.
190
00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:34,576
So, what's it to be?
191
00:15:36,077 --> 00:15:38,468
Look, if I leave I'm always
going to be a failure.
192
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:41,294
The shame of it. Every
time I have a boiled egg,
193
00:15:41,295 --> 00:15:43,560
knowing I don't even
outrank the toastie soldiers.
194
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,576
I want to be an
officer, a man of honour.
195
00:15:47,175 --> 00:15:48,872
But that's not gonna
happen for you now, man.
196
00:15:49,273 --> 00:15:50,568
Just like it didn't happen
for the other Rimmer.
197
00:15:51,303 --> 00:15:55,183
We're giving you a second chance
at life, and an opportunity for you
198
00:15:55,184 --> 00:15:57,601
to screw it up in a
new and original way.
199
00:15:58,606 --> 00:16:01,345
The old Rimmer was a
vital member of the team.
200
00:16:01,346 --> 00:16:04,608
He performed essential
functions we've never replaced.
201
00:16:05,311 --> 00:16:06,411
What did he do?
202
00:16:06,604 --> 00:16:07,607
I dunno, really.
203
00:16:08,606 --> 00:16:14,602
He, erm... he was, erm... he
was, erm... ah! Head of Safety!
204
00:16:15,605 --> 00:16:20,604
"Head of Safety", that's a hell of
a title! But what did he actually do?
205
00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:24,318
He sought out danger;
he sought out peril.
206
00:16:25,019 --> 00:16:26,602
Then he advised us the best
way to run away from it.
207
00:16:28,603 --> 00:16:32,608
Head of Safety. Five buttons. I'm in!
208
00:16:34,603 --> 00:16:38,603
He's in? Let's celebrate! I'll
crack open a bottle of cyanide!
209
00:16:54,164 --> 00:16:56,167
This is Ground Control.
210
00:16:57,163 --> 00:16:59,162
You don't appear to have flight clearance.
211
00:17:01,166 --> 00:17:02,163
You're the ground controller?
212
00:17:03,161 --> 00:17:05,163
Please state your name and clearance code.
213
00:17:06,165 --> 00:17:08,126
Reality sucks!
214
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,160
Your name's "Reality Sucks"?
215
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,174
One second, Mister Sucks.
216
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,165
Just checking my clearance lists...
217
00:17:19,162 --> 00:17:21,159
Look, just do another smegging dance
and we'll get the hell out of here!
218
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:26,159
Dance? With her I'd have
trouble walking! Powering up!
219
00:17:31,158 --> 00:17:33,159
Come back Mister Sucks, come back!
220
00:17:44,155 --> 00:17:46,935
There's nothing on the scanner
for a thousand mile radius...
221
00:17:47,736 --> 00:17:48,766
We're in the clear, guys!
222
00:17:49,161 --> 00:17:51,120
Yes, oh yes!
223
00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:52,161
I don't believe we are, ma'am...
224
00:17:52,757 --> 00:17:53,957
What's up?
225
00:17:54,158 --> 00:17:57,205
According to the supplies inventory
we're frighteningly low on...
226
00:17:57,206 --> 00:18:00,160
oh, and everyone was so happy,
I can barely say it out loud...
227
00:18:00,195 --> 00:18:02,156
What are we frighteningly low on? Oxygen?
228
00:18:02,191 --> 00:18:04,155
Worse! Fabric softener!
229
00:18:05,156 --> 00:18:09,640
Suggest we chart a course to the
nearest derelict, the SS Einstein...
230
00:18:10,041 --> 00:18:12,158
before everyone's woolens
get all bibbly-bobbly!
231
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:17,153
Einstein? Wasn't he the
dude who discovered America?
232
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,159
Einstein discovered the
Theory of Relativity.
233
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,159
Where did he discover it?
Was it fossilised, and stuff?
234
00:18:25,155 --> 00:18:32,159
The Theory of Relativity is...
What is the Theory of Relativity?
235
00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:34,155
Yeah, what is it, Holl?
236
00:18:35,152 --> 00:18:36,155
Bit busy at the moment, Dave.
237
00:18:38,155 --> 00:18:40,159
Well, just tell us what is is in,
sort of, simple layman's terms.
238
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:41,854
It's a theory.
239
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:45,119
Yeah, but what is it?
240
00:18:45,154 --> 00:18:47,152
Oh, you want it more
complicated than that, do you?
241
00:18:48,157 --> 00:18:49,123
What does it mean?
242
00:18:49,158 --> 00:18:50,862
It's the Theory of Relativity.
243
00:18:52,263 --> 00:18:54,155
You know, it's the theory
you only tell your relatives.
244
00:18:58,154 --> 00:19:01,080
It's so sad. Holly's supposed
to have an I.Q. of 6000.
245
00:19:01,581 --> 00:19:03,155
Now, I doubt he could even spell I.Q.
246
00:19:04,156 --> 00:19:08,152
If I'm so stupid, if I'm computer
senile, explain this then.
247
00:19:09,155 --> 00:19:10,154
Explain what?
248
00:19:11,157 --> 00:19:12,154
You can't, can you.
249
00:19:17,158 --> 00:19:18,153
Explain what?
250
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:21,150
It's no good stalling, trying to buy time.
251
00:19:22,154 --> 00:19:26,861
If I'm so stupid, explain why I was
able to re-create a new set of nanobots
252
00:19:27,162 --> 00:19:29,153
and get them to resurrect the crew.
253
00:19:29,188 --> 00:19:30,155
What?
254
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,581
I thought you'd be pleased.
255
00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:34,552
But why?
256
00:19:34,587 --> 00:19:36,624
My job is to keep Dave sane.
257
00:19:37,325 --> 00:19:39,968
True, I'm not that good
at it, but I do my best.
258
00:19:40,869 --> 00:19:43,583
That's why I create these little
diversions to keep him occupied.
259
00:19:44,581 --> 00:19:47,581
But Holl, we could have wound
up doing two years in the brig!
260
00:19:48,583 --> 00:19:52,583
Still could. I've just worked
it out, we're still in A.R.
261
00:19:52,618 --> 00:19:53,581
What?
262
00:19:54,583 --> 00:19:57,581
In computer jargon: my
plans have all gone tits-up.
263
00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:04,581
I was out-thought, and out-manoeuvred.
264
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:07,381
Who by?
265
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:08,583
By a superior intellect.
266
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,580
You mean the hand-dryer in the men's
toilets has outsmarted you again?
267
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,777
No, by that other version
of me. The one on Red Dwarf.
268
00:20:18,776 --> 00:20:19,781
This is still our trial.
269
00:20:20,781 --> 00:20:23,780
Our trial? Why didn't you say? If
I'd have known, I'd have worn a tie!
270
00:20:27,779 --> 00:20:30,912
Well, for me, Lister's
nanobots story is corroborated.
271
00:20:30,913 --> 00:20:32,520
They were trying to track 'em down.
272
00:20:32,821 --> 00:20:35,780
Their actions in the psychtropically
induced scenario bear that out.
273
00:20:36,779 --> 00:20:40,779
I agree Frank. I also believe we
died, and were, indeed, resurrected.
274
00:20:41,776 --> 00:20:43,745
Again, borne out by their actions.
275
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:47,478
So, original charges: all innocent.
276
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:51,892
But, its equally apparent that
they used classified information
277
00:20:51,893 --> 00:20:54,942
from the crew's confidential
files to their own ends.
278
00:20:54,943 --> 00:20:58,700
I suspected Rimmer had access the
moment he walked into my office
279
00:20:58,701 --> 00:21:01,773
and began acting incredibly
smart and knowledgeable.
280
00:21:01,808 --> 00:21:02,773
What a giveaway.
281
00:21:04,473 --> 00:21:07,124
That's why I got him to lick
one of the psychotropic envelopes
282
00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:08,773
when I invited him to dinner.
283
00:21:08,808 --> 00:21:12,772
So, abusing classified
information. That's a fresh charge.
284
00:21:13,777 --> 00:21:15,775
And on that, they're all guilty.
285
00:21:15,810 --> 00:21:18,293
That's a statutory sentence.
286
00:21:18,328 --> 00:21:20,776
I know. Two years in the brig.
287
00:21:21,963 --> 00:21:26,583
So, instead of the original charge and a
possible sentence of two years in the brig,
288
00:21:27,484 --> 00:21:29,939
they've been found
guilty on another charge,
289
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:32,885
and got an entirely different
two years in the brig.
290
00:21:33,586 --> 00:21:35,365
That's going to be a
great comfort to them.
291
00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:37,369
I'll bring them around, and break the news.
292
00:21:42,362 --> 00:21:44,367
This is reality? But how can we be sure?
293
00:21:45,366 --> 00:21:47,364
Why do we care? Nothing makes
any sense no matter where we are.
294
00:21:49,965 --> 00:21:52,733
Look, everything was real before
we licked the envelopes, right?
295
00:21:53,034 --> 00:21:55,700
Then we conked out, and got carted off
296
00:21:55,701 --> 00:21:58,366
to A.R. before we licked anything...
297
00:21:58,367 --> 00:22:02,365
before we licked anything...
I lent you my Holly watch!
298
00:22:02,368 --> 00:22:04,705
So if this is reality, I
should still be wearing it...
299
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:09,699
Oh yeah, this is reality, all
right. I'd recognise it anywhere.
300
00:22:11,104 --> 00:22:12,676
Also, sir, shouldn't
you have the viruses?
301
00:22:12,677 --> 00:22:15,704
Again, you found them on Starbug
before we licked the envelopes.
302
00:22:19,702 --> 00:22:22,703
The Luck virus; maybe we can
still get out of this mess.
303
00:22:23,704 --> 00:22:26,698
I'll take that. The lab boys are
gonna want to run tests on it.
304
00:22:28,304 --> 00:22:29,504
Where's the other one.
305
00:22:29,704 --> 00:22:30,699
I'm afraid I lost it, sir.
306
00:22:32,697 --> 00:22:35,124
God damn it, Rimmer! I wanted that!
307
00:22:35,125 --> 00:22:39,700
Er, I mean, the lab boys wanted
it, to, er, test it, too. Damn!
308
00:22:41,696 --> 00:22:42,702
This is all your fault.
309
00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:43,662
My fault?
310
00:22:43,697 --> 00:22:45,699
You betrayed us over that
confidential files scam -
311
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:48,698
Stole the Sexual Magnetism virus -
312
00:22:48,733 --> 00:22:49,664
You lied to us -
313
00:22:49,699 --> 00:22:53,704
And generally behaved like a self-serving,
scum-sucking, ruthless little ratbag!
314
00:22:54,699 --> 00:22:55,696
And that's bad?
315
00:22:57,099 --> 00:23:01,152
It is the finding of this enquiry that
you have been found guilty of contravening
316
00:23:01,153 --> 00:23:03,009
Act 21 of the Space Federation.
317
00:23:03,810 --> 00:23:05,994
Before sentencing,
you will have medicals
318
00:23:05,995 --> 00:23:08,697
so you can be assigned
appropriate prison status.
319
00:23:10,698 --> 00:23:11,697
I've buggered this up a bit, haven't I.
320
00:23:34,693 --> 00:23:35,698
Welcome to the Tank...
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