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1
00:00:04,506 --> 00:00:05,840
I can't watch!
2
00:00:05,848 --> 00:00:06,848
I know.
3
00:00:06,871 --> 00:00:08,071
There's no way
4
00:00:08,086 --> 00:00:11,388
he can cook a risotto in that little time!
5
00:00:11,314 --> 00:00:12,849
There are so many other starches!
6
00:00:12,850 --> 00:00:15,618
Get your head in the game!
7
00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:17,934
All right, put your clothes on.
8
00:00:17,899 --> 00:00:19,567
Our clothes are on.
9
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They are?
10
00:00:21,129 --> 00:00:22,895
Wow! Is everything okay?
11
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Of course.
12
00:00:24,102 --> 00:00:26,236
What's wrong with you?
13
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Me? Nothing.
14
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,802
It's just every time I come over here,
15
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:29,900
you guys are always
16
00:00:29,918 --> 00:00:31,819
in the middle of a four-legged frolic.
17
00:00:33,595 --> 00:00:34,795
I'm talking about sex here, Kim.
18
00:00:34,809 --> 00:00:35,776
Okay.
19
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:37,601
We got that. Thanks.
20
00:00:37,590 --> 00:00:39,225
And I know you'll find
this hard to believe,
21
00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:40,421
but we do other things.
22
00:00:40,436 --> 00:00:41,436
Like watch TV.
23
00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:42,925
Yeah.
24
00:00:42,928 --> 00:00:45,096
And we are totally hooked
on Kitchen Death Match.
25
00:00:45,071 --> 00:00:46,371
It's the semi-finals.
26
00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:49,650
Chef Tanaka, Chef Blair...
finally facing off.
27
00:00:50,857 --> 00:00:53,491
Gee, that sounds like a whole
lot of fun there, Dorothy,
28
00:00:53,446 --> 00:00:55,447
but I need to borrow your suitcase again.
29
00:00:55,427 --> 00:00:56,628
You never returned it.
30
00:00:56,643 --> 00:00:58,376
What? You've only got one?
31
00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:01,869
You know that girl I met
32
00:01:01,885 --> 00:01:04,419
at the check-out line
at the grocery store?
33
00:01:04,378 --> 00:01:05,544
Yeah. You picked her up
34
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,295
buying a jug of wine and a box of condoms.
35
00:01:08,246 --> 00:01:10,047
Well, I'm getting ready to take her away
36
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on a weekend getaway to
a little place I call...
37
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"Club Sheldon."
38
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The Hyatt by the airport?
39
00:01:15,629 --> 00:01:16,797
You know it!
40
00:01:18,506 --> 00:01:20,374
Put your clothes on.
41
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They are on!
42
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:23,741
Really? Is everything okay?
43
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For your information...
44
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Don't take this the wrong way, Kim, but...
45
00:01:26,658 --> 00:01:27,558
Well, I don't really care.
46
00:01:29,216 --> 00:01:31,316
I came by to get Danny's creme brule torch.
47
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Wait a minute. Rat problem?
48
00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:33,998
Because, F.Y.I....
49
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that doesn't work.
50
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They just run around
on fire and it spreads.
51
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No. I'm making dinner for Julie.
52
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It's only been a few weeks, but...
53
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whew. So far so good.
54
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Wait a minute. You're using the torch?
55
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That means you haven't parked
the Plymouth in the garage.
56
00:01:48,778 --> 00:01:49,778
Am I right?
57
00:01:49,802 --> 00:01:51,235
I'm talking about sex here, Kim.
58
00:01:52,327 --> 00:01:53,293
Look.
59
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Julie's a little reserved,
60
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so I thought the fire might loosen her up.
61
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Oh, that's disgusting.
62
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Worked on you, didn't it?
63
00:02:05,336 --> 00:02:06,703
I love you.
64
00:02:13,357 --> 00:02:18,357
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.MY-SUBS.com
65
00:02:19,337 --> 00:02:21,305
And then I turned the
corner into the alley,
66
00:02:21,288 --> 00:02:23,255
and he followed me.
67
00:02:23,237 --> 00:02:24,938
You poor thing!
68
00:02:24,932 --> 00:02:26,098
Oh...
69
00:02:26,114 --> 00:02:29,049
Ever since that day, I've
been afraid of poodles.
70
00:02:28,991 --> 00:02:31,492
You've been through so much.
71
00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:38,498
Mm, hold on.
72
00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:40,017
Oh, it's okay. It's okay.
73
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If you're not ready, we can wait.
74
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I want our first time to be special.
75
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Oh, Ryan! It will be special.
76
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That's the last thing I'm worried about.
77
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Here. Give me your hands.
78
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Let's make love.
79
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I promise to be gentle.
80
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I won't.
81
00:03:02,171 --> 00:03:03,972
Now get in the bedroom.
82
00:03:07,414 --> 00:03:09,649
Didn't see that coming.
83
00:03:12,816 --> 00:03:15,718
Hey, you remember that
bank robbery last weekend?
84
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,396
Gunfire, guy took hostages,
85
00:03:17,388 --> 00:03:18,821
S.W.A.T. team had to take him down?
86
00:03:18,826 --> 00:03:20,760
Oh, yeah! That was terrible.
87
00:03:20,744 --> 00:03:23,178
Y-Yeah! Terrible.
88
00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:26,143
But guess who's defending the gunman?
89
00:03:27,201 --> 00:03:29,035
Sometimes, you make me so proud.
90
00:03:30,717 --> 00:03:32,284
Hey, guys. This is Emma.
91
00:03:32,284 --> 00:03:33,985
This is my brother, Danny.
92
00:03:33,978 --> 00:03:36,746
And that's his girlfriend
I was telling you about.
93
00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,027
- Hi.
- Hi.
94
00:03:38,037 --> 00:03:40,606
Totally get it.
95
00:03:42,225 --> 00:03:43,225
How was the hotel?
96
00:03:43,247 --> 00:03:44,448
Oh, not bad.
97
00:03:44,462 --> 00:03:46,130
We actually left the
room a couple of times.
98
00:03:46,124 --> 00:03:47,524
There was a business centre.
99
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,166
And, well, I don't need to tell you
100
00:03:49,161 --> 00:03:50,261
what we did in there.
101
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,313
Let me guess.
102
00:03:51,335 --> 00:03:52,935
A little
hide-the-hot-dog? Huh?
103
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:53,999
No.
104
00:03:54,021 --> 00:03:56,788
Faxing. I had work to do.
105
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,865
We just got back and I am starved.
106
00:04:01,021 --> 00:04:03,923
That's because we just had sex, Kim.
107
00:04:09,012 --> 00:04:10,312
Ryan!
108
00:04:10,323 --> 00:04:12,324
What happened to your wrist? It's all red.
109
00:04:12,304 --> 00:04:13,504
Oh, it's nothing.
110
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:16,021
No, I just... you know, slept on it funny.
111
00:04:15,981 --> 00:04:17,281
What do you mean?
112
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,759
For God's sakes, stop interrogating me!
113
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,543
Julie made me wear handcuffs.
114
00:04:21,543 --> 00:04:24,845
I'm not even gonna tell
you where she hid the key.
115
00:04:24,771 --> 00:04:26,772
You're allowed to say "no," Ryan.
116
00:04:26,753 --> 00:04:28,553
Actually, I wasn't allowed to speak
117
00:04:28,544 --> 00:04:30,578
until spoken to.
118
00:04:30,558 --> 00:04:31,524
Hey, it's all in your head, baby.
119
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Yeah?
120
00:04:33,082 --> 00:04:35,116
Well, screw you!
121
00:04:35,096 --> 00:04:36,897
Hey. Whoa, whoa!
122
00:04:36,886 --> 00:04:39,721
Come on. That was an $8.00 drink!
123
00:04:43,823 --> 00:04:45,190
I don't understand it.
124
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,198
Emma was so much fun at the hotel.
125
00:04:47,179 --> 00:04:48,847
The minute we pull out of the parking lot,
126
00:04:48,841 --> 00:04:50,142
she starts complaining.
127
00:04:50,152 --> 00:04:52,320
It sounds like you're dating
a deeply troubled person
128
00:04:52,294 --> 00:04:54,629
who's only happy when
she escapes her own life.
129
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,262
I agree. I think you know
130
00:04:56,257 --> 00:04:57,558
what you need to do here, Sheldon.
131
00:04:57,568 --> 00:04:59,569
You're right.
132
00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:02,085
I've gotta get her back to the hotel.
133
00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:03,978
What? That's absurd!
134
00:05:03,961 --> 00:05:05,662
Absurdly smart!
135
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,007
That's it, I'm outta here.
136
00:05:08,021 --> 00:05:09,222
Danny...
137
00:05:09,236 --> 00:05:10,736
- Mwah!
- I'll see you tonight.
138
00:05:10,739 --> 00:05:13,306
I'm excited for our special evening.
139
00:05:15,277 --> 00:05:16,844
Getting lucky tonight, huh?
140
00:05:16,844 --> 00:05:19,479
Whatever you do, don't use restraints.
141
00:05:20,551 --> 00:05:22,385
What? No, no. We're
watching the season finale
142
00:05:22,373 --> 00:05:24,007
of Dunk Chef.
143
00:05:24,004 --> 00:05:26,839
What is that? Chefs playing basketball?
144
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,318
No, Ryan. That would be stupid.
145
00:05:28,319 --> 00:05:29,853
This is chefs in a dunk tank.
146
00:05:31,995 --> 00:05:34,730
So how long have you guys
been in this sex slump?
147
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,014
Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
148
00:05:36,024 --> 00:05:37,924
We are not in a "sex slump."
149
00:05:37,909 --> 00:05:39,843
Okay? Trust me. We still do it a lot.
150
00:05:40,754 --> 00:05:42,555
Define "a lot."
151
00:05:42,544 --> 00:05:44,111
Okay. Let's see.
152
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,278
The last time we did it was...
153
00:05:46,252 --> 00:05:47,552
none of your business. Ahem.
154
00:05:47,562 --> 00:05:49,130
I'm sure we'll do it tonight.
155
00:05:49,129 --> 00:05:50,429
After Dunk Chef?
156
00:05:50,439 --> 00:05:52,908
No, we're gonna do it during Dunk Chef.
157
00:05:57,121 --> 00:06:00,656
That was a surprisingly
sad episode of Dunk Chef.
158
00:06:00,572 --> 00:06:02,673
I guess some chefs can't swim.
159
00:06:02,650 --> 00:06:04,317
On a lighter note,
160
00:06:04,313 --> 00:06:06,314
I have a surprise for you.
161
00:06:06,294 --> 00:06:08,028
I love surprises.
162
00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:09,288
Do I get a hint?
163
00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:12,233
Well...
164
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,007
it's gonna make you smile.
165
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,798
Uh-huh? And...?
166
00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:17,155
And it kinda tickles.
167
00:06:17,162 --> 00:06:18,730
Oh, ho! Tell me more.
168
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,848
And it sounds like this...
169
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:26,635
Are we sure this surprise isn't for you?
170
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,527
Ta-dah!
171
00:06:27,552 --> 00:06:29,153
I got you a new toothbrush!
172
00:06:31,547 --> 00:06:33,348
Yeah, you did.
173
00:06:47,817 --> 00:06:49,385
What are you doing?
174
00:06:49,385 --> 00:06:52,453
Oh, uh, a little red
wine got on the carpet.
175
00:06:52,389 --> 00:06:55,457
It's imported from Egypt,
cost me two months' alimony.
176
00:06:56,384 --> 00:06:57,518
But no big deal.
177
00:06:57,536 --> 00:07:00,905
Um, it was... it was totally worth it.
178
00:07:00,829 --> 00:07:02,229
Wasn't it?
179
00:07:02,234 --> 00:07:03,668
It's just...
180
00:07:03,672 --> 00:07:05,874
really hard to find that exact color.
181
00:07:05,847 --> 00:07:08,548
But you know what?
182
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,466
Who cares?
183
00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:10,624
Now...
184
00:07:10,642 --> 00:07:12,209
was that awesome
185
00:07:12,207 --> 00:07:13,307
or was that awesome?
186
00:07:13,326 --> 00:07:14,527
That was...
187
00:07:14,542 --> 00:07:16,309
nice!
188
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,211
Would you look at that stain?
189
00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:23,352
Ryan, I really like you, but...
190
00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:24,601
I feel like
191
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,378
you're holding back a
little bit in the bedroom.
192
00:07:26,368 --> 00:07:28,069
Do you need me to finish faster?
193
00:07:28,063 --> 00:07:29,864
'Cause that's easy.
194
00:07:31,132 --> 00:07:33,934
No. I mean, you seem repressed.
195
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,414
W-What are you saying?
196
00:07:35,415 --> 00:07:36,582
I don't satisfy you?
197
00:07:36,598 --> 00:07:38,532
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, n...
198
00:07:38,516 --> 00:07:39,549
Yeah.
199
00:07:41,297 --> 00:07:43,097
But you are so great!
200
00:07:44,877 --> 00:07:46,411
Wait, okay? Look. Give me another chance.
201
00:07:46,411 --> 00:07:48,345
'Kay, the truth is...
202
00:07:48,329 --> 00:07:50,129
I was holding back!
203
00:07:51,494 --> 00:07:52,828
Yeah, I just...
204
00:07:52,836 --> 00:07:54,737
Well, I didn't want to scare you off!
205
00:07:54,722 --> 00:07:56,223
Don't worry about that.
206
00:07:57,663 --> 00:07:59,664
There's something I want you to do to me.
207
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,314
Back rub?
208
00:08:02,267 --> 00:08:04,034
Oh, it's a little more than a back rub.
209
00:08:05,176 --> 00:08:07,243
'Cause I give really good back rubs.
210
00:08:10,846 --> 00:08:12,947
Okay. Easy, easy.
211
00:08:12,923 --> 00:08:16,092
Now, get ready to open
your eyes in three...
212
00:08:16,024 --> 00:08:18,260
two... one...
213
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,197
This is not the hotel.
214
00:08:21,298 --> 00:08:22,866
I know, I know,
215
00:08:22,865 --> 00:08:25,066
but the hotel was getting a little pricey.
216
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:28,140
We can pretend this is the hotel room, huh?
217
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:29,142
Look over here.
218
00:08:29,162 --> 00:08:31,664
I got slippers right at the end of the bed,
219
00:08:31,623 --> 00:08:34,692
a "do not disturb" sign
hanging on the door,
220
00:08:34,628 --> 00:08:36,295
and...
221
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:38,091
a half-eaten club sandwich
222
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,682
under this metal lid.
223
00:08:40,798 --> 00:08:43,733
And... I think you might've noticed,
224
00:08:43,675 --> 00:08:45,443
housekeeping was just here.
225
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:47,934
Mm. These, uh, hospital
corners were not easy.
226
00:08:50,068 --> 00:08:51,968
Yeah, this isn't working for me, okay?
227
00:08:51,953 --> 00:08:53,053
This is just someone's loft.
228
00:08:53,072 --> 00:08:54,105
No, no, no.
229
00:08:54,128 --> 00:08:55,094
This is my brother's loft,
230
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,419
and he's not gonna know. He's at work.
231
00:08:57,388 --> 00:08:58,355
Okay, come on.
232
00:08:58,379 --> 00:09:00,314
Couldn't you book another hotel room
233
00:09:00,297 --> 00:09:01,397
with your credit card?
234
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,483
Oh, my credit card's maxed out, baby.
235
00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:04,561
Do you know how much
236
00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:06,614
those nightstand cashews cost?
237
00:09:06,594 --> 00:09:08,361
I am hypoglycemic!
238
00:09:08,352 --> 00:09:10,053
Now, listen!
239
00:09:10,047 --> 00:09:12,348
Why don't we do this... we'll go halfsies.
240
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:17,760
Wait! Wait!
241
00:09:18,869 --> 00:09:20,870
I've got pillow mints!
242
00:09:24,271 --> 00:09:25,371
Hey, Nikki.
243
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:28,225
Kim's in the back.
244
00:09:28,171 --> 00:09:29,604
Um, actually, I... I came to see you.
245
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,143
Nikki,
246
00:09:31,144 --> 00:09:33,913
you're a... woman of the world.
247
00:09:33,861 --> 00:09:35,896
You've been around the block a few times.
248
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:36,942
Are you saying I'm slutty?
249
00:09:36,961 --> 00:09:38,428
Thank you! Yes!
250
00:09:40,062 --> 00:09:41,428
Okay, so,
251
00:09:41,436 --> 00:09:42,737
I'm seeing this girl, and-and she's great!
252
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,549
She's sweet, she's smart,
253
00:09:44,537 --> 00:09:45,938
but in the bedroom,
254
00:09:45,944 --> 00:09:48,746
she's a little... complicated.
255
00:09:48,693 --> 00:09:50,661
Ah, I get it. Born with both?
256
00:09:50,643 --> 00:09:51,976
What? No!
257
00:09:51,985 --> 00:09:53,953
She wants me to...
258
00:09:53,936 --> 00:09:56,236
Buy her a turtleneck?
259
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:57,404
No! Uh...
260
00:09:57,420 --> 00:10:00,221
while making love, she would like me to...
261
00:10:00,169 --> 00:10:01,369
Leave?
262
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,083
Oh... She wants to be choked!
263
00:10:03,077 --> 00:10:05,445
Oh.
264
00:10:05,411 --> 00:10:07,812
I see. And this request makes you nervous?
265
00:10:07,776 --> 00:10:09,610
Well, there's a fine line between
266
00:10:09,599 --> 00:10:10,766
giving someone pleasure
267
00:10:10,781 --> 00:10:13,115
and a frantic
call to 9-1-1.
268
00:10:13,082 --> 00:10:14,383
Besides, do I look like the kind of guy
269
00:10:14,394 --> 00:10:16,295
who's into high-risk sexual antics?
270
00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:18,347
I wear cardigans!
271
00:10:18,325 --> 00:10:19,492
You'd be surprised.
272
00:10:19,508 --> 00:10:20,775
I once dated an accountant
273
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,154
who wore nipple clamps...
274
00:10:22,161 --> 00:10:25,096
Not on his nipples.
275
00:10:25,038 --> 00:10:26,137
What should I do?
276
00:10:26,156 --> 00:10:28,023
I mean, I really like this girl,
277
00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:29,444
but not enough to go to prison
278
00:10:29,449 --> 00:10:31,050
for the rest of my life if I screw this up.
279
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,448
I think you should give it a shot.
280
00:10:32,454 --> 00:10:33,687
Are you sure?
281
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,434
Because I have a deceptively strong grip.
282
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:36,494
People are constantly
283
00:10:36,513 --> 00:10:38,215
getting me to open pickle jars.
284
00:10:38,208 --> 00:10:39,408
There's no danger,
285
00:10:39,423 --> 00:10:41,591
just as long as you establish a safe word.
286
00:10:41,564 --> 00:10:43,198
Oh... a safe word!
287
00:10:43,194 --> 00:10:44,328
- Mm.
- Okay.
288
00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:46,646
How does she say the safe word
289
00:10:46,615 --> 00:10:48,983
if I'm choking her?
290
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:52,117
Good luck in prison.
291
00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:53,016
Hey, Nikki?
292
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,440
Can I talk to you for a second?
293
00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:55,413
I need some advice.
294
00:10:55,438 --> 00:10:57,704
Mm! Fire away. I'm in the zone.
295
00:10:59,336 --> 00:11:00,703
Danny and I seem to be in a little rut
296
00:11:00,712 --> 00:11:02,245
in our sex life lately,
297
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,014
and I figure, since you're... you know.
298
00:11:04,004 --> 00:11:05,772
I know. Slutty.
299
00:11:05,762 --> 00:11:07,864
Thank you! Yes.
300
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,107
Maybe you need to spice things up,
301
00:11:09,118 --> 00:11:10,386
get a little crazy.
302
00:11:10,398 --> 00:11:12,865
You, uh... ever thought about being choked?
303
00:11:12,827 --> 00:11:13,927
Excuse me?
304
00:11:13,946 --> 00:11:15,680
Everyone's doing it!
305
00:11:15,672 --> 00:11:16,872
Look, just be the aggressor,
306
00:11:16,887 --> 00:11:18,554
take the first step.
307
00:11:18,549 --> 00:11:20,583
Okay. I can give it a shot.
308
00:11:20,563 --> 00:11:22,263
I don't know why
309
00:11:22,257 --> 00:11:23,991
I'm so embarrassed about this.
310
00:11:23,982 --> 00:11:26,117
I mean, I'm sure it happens to everyone.
311
00:11:26,093 --> 00:11:28,928
Oh, it's never happened to me.
312
00:11:28,874 --> 00:11:30,941
Well... Well, that's because you're slutty.
313
00:11:30,919 --> 00:11:31,952
Hey!
314
00:11:31,974 --> 00:11:33,808
It's one thing when I say it...
315
00:11:37,088 --> 00:11:38,889
Hey. I made dinner.
316
00:11:38,879 --> 00:11:40,313
And I brought dessert.
317
00:11:40,318 --> 00:11:41,218
Ooh.
318
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,166
Whip cream.
319
00:11:44,441 --> 00:11:45,374
Strawberries.
320
00:11:46,487 --> 00:11:47,320
And chocolate sauce.
321
00:11:47,350 --> 00:11:48,317
Sundaes!
322
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:50,241
Mm-hmm. Sundaes...
323
00:11:50,227 --> 00:11:53,196
off my naked body!
324
00:11:54,446 --> 00:11:56,547
Oh, ho-ho! That would be sexy.
325
00:11:57,803 --> 00:11:59,570
If I wasn't lactose intolerant.
326
00:11:59,561 --> 00:12:01,027
Right! Oh, I totally forgot.
327
00:12:01,031 --> 00:12:02,698
No! No, no, no.
328
00:12:02,693 --> 00:12:06,596
I love the idea of spicing things up.
329
00:12:06,497 --> 00:12:08,865
Maybe I could eat dinner...
330
00:12:08,831 --> 00:12:11,532
off your naked body.
331
00:12:11,484 --> 00:12:14,286
I will never do that again.
332
00:12:15,416 --> 00:12:17,083
So what are we having?
333
00:12:17,078 --> 00:12:19,179
Shepherd's pie.
334
00:12:20,561 --> 00:12:23,164
Ew. Shepherd's pie?
335
00:12:23,119 --> 00:12:24,452
No, no, no. It's vegetarian.
336
00:12:24,461 --> 00:12:25,829
And sexy.
337
00:12:25,836 --> 00:12:27,537
I mean, it's got potatoes,
338
00:12:27,531 --> 00:12:29,431
and cubed carrots,
339
00:12:29,417 --> 00:12:31,551
and peas...
340
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,143
Yeah. Not a turn-on.
341
00:12:34,147 --> 00:12:35,647
I know.
342
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:38,451
What if we try doing it in public?
343
00:12:38,399 --> 00:12:40,333
Ooh! Like the backseat of a cop car?
344
00:12:40,317 --> 00:12:42,051
Or a hockey game? Or the cemetery!
345
00:12:42,042 --> 00:12:44,277
Yeah, all good ideas,
346
00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:46,684
um, but I was thinking maybe the balcony.
347
00:12:46,647 --> 00:12:49,014
Okay. I like it.
348
00:12:55,181 --> 00:12:56,682
Wow! It's cold outside, huh?
349
00:12:56,683 --> 00:12:57,983
Little nippy.
350
00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:01,426
We're in a slump, aren't we?
351
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,048
Yes! What are we gonna do?
352
00:13:03,045 --> 00:13:04,011
All right.
353
00:13:04,035 --> 00:13:05,769
We're just gonna have to do it,
354
00:13:05,762 --> 00:13:07,730
right here, right now.
355
00:13:07,711 --> 00:13:09,011
Get down on the floor.
356
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,224
Aye-aye, Captain.
357
00:13:11,196 --> 00:13:12,696
Oh! Wai... Wait. Let me grab a blanket.
358
00:13:12,698 --> 00:13:14,099
Oh. A-And some pillows.
359
00:13:14,105 --> 00:13:15,771
You know, it is a little dusty.
360
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:16,667
We should sweep up first.
361
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,443
Well, why don't we just watch TV,
362
00:13:22,448 --> 00:13:25,250
and tomorrow we'll have mind-blowing sex.
363
00:13:25,197 --> 00:13:26,398
Love it!
364
00:13:35,011 --> 00:13:37,378
Julie.
365
00:13:37,344 --> 00:13:40,380
I've been thinking a lot about your request
366
00:13:40,316 --> 00:13:41,750
and I've decided...
367
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,622
I'm in.
368
00:13:43,609 --> 00:13:45,076
I will choke you.
369
00:13:46,422 --> 00:13:48,256
Yay!
370
00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:53,995
Okay. I, uh,
371
00:13:54,019 --> 00:13:55,453
I didn't buy you a pony,
372
00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:57,359
I agreed to hurt you
373
00:13:57,345 --> 00:13:59,145
and quite possibly endanger your life.
374
00:14:00,222 --> 00:14:01,455
But I brought some precautions.
375
00:14:03,705 --> 00:14:05,573
A portable defibrillator
376
00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:07,294
in case your heart gives out...
377
00:14:07,286 --> 00:14:09,953
a charged cell
phone set to 9-1-1...
378
00:14:11,026 --> 00:14:12,426
bottle of lotion to soothe your neck
379
00:14:12,432 --> 00:14:14,300
in case of chafing or bruising.
380
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:16,787
Oh, and a, well, a fake passport for me,
381
00:14:16,747 --> 00:14:19,383
just in case this goes sideways.
382
00:14:19,337 --> 00:14:20,838
Ryan...
383
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,374
clearly, you're uncomfortable
with this whole choking thing.
384
00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:25,234
What? Are you kidding?
385
00:14:25,218 --> 00:14:26,519
Back in college,
386
00:14:26,529 --> 00:14:28,297
they used to call me "The Choker."
387
00:14:28,288 --> 00:14:29,955
Well, I blew a lot of games
388
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,516
in the fourth quarter.
389
00:14:31,515 --> 00:14:34,151
You're a very tender, sensitive lover.
390
00:14:34,105 --> 00:14:35,973
Many women like that in a man.
391
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,927
Just not me.
392
00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:41,779
Okay.
393
00:14:41,776 --> 00:14:44,312
We can do it your way.
394
00:14:47,242 --> 00:14:49,410
Well, thank you for
that ringing endorsement,
395
00:14:49,385 --> 00:14:50,952
but my penis is feeling
396
00:14:50,951 --> 00:14:52,652
a little emasculated right now.
397
00:14:52,645 --> 00:14:55,247
Would it help if I choked you?
398
00:14:55,202 --> 00:14:56,436
Would you look at that?
399
00:14:56,449 --> 00:14:58,316
It climbed right up inside my body.
400
00:15:03,897 --> 00:15:05,097
Please tell me
401
00:15:05,111 --> 00:15:07,847
you're not starting your own airline again.
402
00:15:07,796 --> 00:15:10,298
They're for the mini-bar, Danny.
403
00:15:10,259 --> 00:15:11,426
What mini-bar?
404
00:15:11,442 --> 00:15:14,209
Okay. You made me lose my concentration.
405
00:15:14,158 --> 00:15:16,660
Look. I've been taking
Emma back to the hotel
406
00:15:16,619 --> 00:15:18,554
and the mini-bar prices are killing me.
407
00:15:18,537 --> 00:15:21,706
So you're making your own, using my Scotch?
408
00:15:21,638 --> 00:15:23,305
Pretty clever, huh?
409
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,367
You could just
410
00:15:24,388 --> 00:15:25,687
take your own regular-sized bottle.
411
00:15:25,697 --> 00:15:26,831
No, no, no, no, no.
412
00:15:26,848 --> 00:15:28,816
Having a mini-bar adds to the excitement
413
00:15:28,799 --> 00:15:30,032
of staying at a hotel.
414
00:15:30,044 --> 00:15:32,246
And besides, these, uh, little bottles
415
00:15:32,219 --> 00:15:34,520
make me look like a giant.
416
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:38,637
So you had another fight with Emma?
417
00:15:38,579 --> 00:15:40,881
Yeah, you know, "vacation Emma" was like
418
00:15:40,850 --> 00:15:42,450
a glass of sparkling Champagne.
419
00:15:42,448 --> 00:15:44,949
"Regular Emma," a bitch.
420
00:15:45,964 --> 00:15:49,100
Sheldon, you have to end this.
421
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:50,499
Oh, no, Danny, huh?
422
00:15:50,503 --> 00:15:52,837
The sex is far too good.
423
00:15:52,805 --> 00:15:55,173
Can we please not talk about sex?
424
00:15:55,138 --> 00:15:56,672
Oh...
425
00:15:56,673 --> 00:16:00,342
a little trouble down
in the, uh, country club?
426
00:16:04,471 --> 00:16:05,505
You were right.
427
00:16:05,526 --> 00:16:07,261
Kim and I have hit a slump.
428
00:16:07,253 --> 00:16:09,655
I've got an idea.
429
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,608
Now, if this place can't
help spice things up,
430
00:16:16,587 --> 00:16:18,554
nothing will.
431
00:16:18,536 --> 00:16:20,938
Oh! How about that?
432
00:16:20,903 --> 00:16:23,237
You could be the naughty maid
433
00:16:23,204 --> 00:16:24,671
cleaning my apartment.
434
00:16:24,675 --> 00:16:26,142
Excuse me?
435
00:16:26,144 --> 00:16:28,346
You don't have to be thorough.
436
00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:30,253
Danny, I don't know about this place.
437
00:16:30,237 --> 00:16:31,337
Don't worry! It's not like
438
00:16:31,356 --> 00:16:33,222
we're gonna run into anyone we know.
439
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,176
Hey, guys.
440
00:16:35,543 --> 00:16:37,511
Ryan? W-What are you doing here?
441
00:16:37,493 --> 00:16:38,793
Don't ask him that!
442
00:16:38,804 --> 00:16:40,638
We don't want to know.
443
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:41,959
I'm searching for some literature
444
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,802
on proper choking techniques.
445
00:16:43,789 --> 00:16:44,689
What?
446
00:16:44,717 --> 00:16:47,086
Well, it's a long story.
447
00:16:47,051 --> 00:16:48,651
What are you guys doing here?
448
00:16:48,649 --> 00:16:50,550
Uh, getting change. For the meter.
449
00:16:50,535 --> 00:16:51,868
Let's get outta here.
450
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,043
Whoa!
451
00:16:53,059 --> 00:16:54,360
You kids, uh, here
452
00:16:54,371 --> 00:16:56,705
looking for something
to prime the old pump?
453
00:16:56,672 --> 00:16:58,973
Please, don't talk about Danny's pump.
454
00:16:58,942 --> 00:17:00,443
Well, actually, in this scenario, Kim,
455
00:17:00,444 --> 00:17:01,978
you're the pump.
456
00:17:03,513 --> 00:17:04,980
Never mind!
457
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,551
Look, I thought you were
taking Emma back to the hotel.
458
00:17:07,509 --> 00:17:10,077
I am, but I'm gonna rent
some adult movies first.
459
00:17:10,034 --> 00:17:11,034
The pay-per-view
at the hotel
460
00:17:11,057 --> 00:17:13,058
is costing me a fortune.
461
00:17:13,039 --> 00:17:14,907
Huh. Look at that.
462
00:17:14,893 --> 00:17:16,794
"Bicurious George."
463
00:17:16,779 --> 00:17:18,346
Danny, I want to get out of here.
464
00:17:18,345 --> 00:17:19,645
Kim?
465
00:17:19,655 --> 00:17:20,922
Nikki!
466
00:17:20,934 --> 00:17:22,635
I didn't know you came here.
467
00:17:22,628 --> 00:17:23,929
Do you wanna watch a movie with me?
468
00:17:23,939 --> 00:17:26,807
No! No, I don't even want to be here.
469
00:17:26,752 --> 00:17:28,386
I love this place.
470
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:29,449
The selection is awesome
471
00:17:29,469 --> 00:17:31,671
and it's a good place to pick up guys.
472
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,135
Okay. You guys are out of your minds.
473
00:17:37,077 --> 00:17:38,978
Okay, Danny, I'll be in the car... Ah!
474
00:17:44,173 --> 00:17:45,774
S-S-Sorry,
everyone.
475
00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:47,105
I... I'll just pick up,
uh... a few of these.
476
00:17:47,114 --> 00:17:47,980
Wait-wait-wait!
477
00:17:49,321 --> 00:17:50,621
Can I have this one?
478
00:17:50,631 --> 00:17:53,531
Gross! Those are the rentals.
479
00:17:57,406 --> 00:17:59,541
That was amazing!
480
00:17:59,517 --> 00:18:01,518
How do you feel?
481
00:18:01,499 --> 00:18:03,966
Uh, like a guy who should be
arrested for attempted murder.
482
00:18:05,111 --> 00:18:07,145
Oh, I'm just relieved it's over.
483
00:18:07,124 --> 00:18:09,960
Over? Oh, we're just getting started.
484
00:18:09,906 --> 00:18:11,907
There's more?
485
00:18:11,887 --> 00:18:15,022
After that, I feel like I can be myself
486
00:18:14,956 --> 00:18:17,725
and really tell you what
I want to do sexually.
487
00:18:18,696 --> 00:18:20,230
Okay. I have an idea.
488
00:18:20,231 --> 00:18:21,131
What is it?
489
00:18:21,158 --> 00:18:22,591
Let's role-play.
490
00:18:22,596 --> 00:18:24,864
Yeah. No. You came by to fix my cable...
491
00:18:24,833 --> 00:18:26,033
- Uh-huh?
- and now you're leaving...
492
00:18:26,048 --> 00:18:28,049
and never coming back!
493
00:18:29,373 --> 00:18:31,074
Whoo-hoo! I like it!
494
00:18:38,419 --> 00:18:39,952
So what do we do now?
495
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,355
Here's a thought. We do nothing.
496
00:18:42,319 --> 00:18:44,687
I think we got that covered.
497
00:18:44,652 --> 00:18:45,885
Hear me out, okay?
498
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,467
Before everyone was giving us a hard time
499
00:18:48,424 --> 00:18:50,325
about not doing it every night,
500
00:18:50,311 --> 00:18:52,378
we were happy just hanging
out in front of the TV.
501
00:18:52,356 --> 00:18:53,523
That's true.
502
00:18:53,539 --> 00:18:54,905
I was having fun.
503
00:18:54,913 --> 00:18:57,215
Well, maybe sex in a
long-term relationship
504
00:18:57,183 --> 00:18:58,918
is like a gourmet meal...
505
00:18:58,909 --> 00:19:02,312
You're not talking about
shepherd's pie again, are you?
506
00:19:02,233 --> 00:19:04,334
Not anymore, I'm not.
507
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,312
Look, Danny. I get it.
508
00:19:06,293 --> 00:19:07,394
And I love you.
509
00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:09,013
Mm. Mwah.
510
00:19:09,011 --> 00:19:10,144
So...
511
00:19:10,161 --> 00:19:11,527
Kitchen Death Match?
512
00:19:11,535 --> 00:19:13,870
Yes! Tonight there's a dessert challenge.
513
00:19:13,837 --> 00:19:14,970
Ooh!
514
00:19:16,170 --> 00:19:18,973
Oh! She's making a cake?
515
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:19,854
Wow...
516
00:19:19,879 --> 00:19:22,147
look at that cake-piper.
517
00:19:22,116 --> 00:19:24,752
She really knows how to work that thing.
518
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:26,773
Yeah! It's huge.
519
00:19:29,372 --> 00:19:31,574
I don't know how she
gets her hands around it.
520
00:19:31,547 --> 00:19:34,482
It's so... thick.
521
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,825
Look at her go.
522
00:19:36,788 --> 00:19:38,089
Yeah.
523
00:19:38,099 --> 00:19:41,169
Oh, yeah! You work that
piper! You work it, baby!
524
00:19:41,104 --> 00:19:42,004
She's almost done!
525
00:19:42,031 --> 00:19:43,532
J-J-J-Just a
little more...
526
00:19:45,483 --> 00:19:46,650
Yes. Yes! Oh!
527
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:47,966
Wow!
528
00:19:47,976 --> 00:19:50,878
That's a lot of icing
that came out of there.
529
00:20:00,693 --> 00:20:01,693
Aw.
530
00:20:01,715 --> 00:20:02,815
So you broke up with Emma?
531
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,301
No. That woman's crazy.
532
00:20:04,305 --> 00:20:05,438
I left her in the hotel room,
533
00:20:05,456 --> 00:20:06,623
told her I was going to get ice,
534
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:09,340
never went back.
535
00:20:09,292 --> 00:20:12,527
You're gonna make a
really good father someday.
536
00:20:12,456 --> 00:20:14,157
Aren't you afraid she's gonna find you?
537
00:20:14,151 --> 00:20:16,118
No. Ryan gave me a fake passport,
538
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:18,202
in case anything went sideways.
539
00:20:20,032 --> 00:20:21,632
Ryan!
540
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:22,830
How about you?
541
00:20:22,845 --> 00:20:24,512
Are you over your split with Julie?
542
00:20:24,507 --> 00:20:26,308
Yeah. I'm just glad I got out of it
543
00:20:26,297 --> 00:20:28,099
before the sex got too weird.
544
00:20:38,444 --> 00:20:40,778
No. I'm gonna go stand at the bar.
545
00:20:40,828 --> 00:20:45,378
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